| Author |
Message |
Sugar
Member
08-15-2000
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 5:04 pm 
The ex in laws should be ashamed that their house is in such a state as it sounds like they still own it.
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Sadiesmom
Member
03-13-2002
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 6:48 pm
Sorry to say it could have been my house you are talking about. When I was sick and my niece lived with me she waned to mow the lawn and I let her, who knew she knows nothing about lawns, not only did she mow over my rock edges or wood edges dividing grass from garden areas, but she would not bother to clean the limbs first, and just walk around run over any any branches on the ground. When I took over the yard was so bad. first took me over a month to clear all the branches and send them off to recycle land, but there were weeds that grew into trees and I could not take all them down. When I turned on my lawn mower if fell apart, I had to buy a new one, I had an electric one made of plastic, light and easy to push. so my lawn was unmowed for months.
and I had weed trees every where, heck with all this rain I have not mowed in a month and the trees popped up again. I cleared the ones in the front, so I can mow tomorrow there, But many more in the back. And with all this bad air I can only work for 15 minutes at a time, I guess I will mow in 2 sections in from, just sit on the porch for 10 minutes. I could hire someone to do it for me. but they have always bugged me because when I had dogs they would promise no chemicals and I would walk out and see little signs saying chemicals on the lawn. so I do it myself. always pissed me off. They would whine but you have too. So I bought a lawn mower and started to do it myself.
Have to sell my house too much work. Now if only one of the mold people would return my calls, I got estimates, I need to sign a contract. neither company answered their pone for 2 weeks now. ugh.
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Tntitanfan
Member
08-02-2001
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 6:48 pm
Depending on age, that grandchild is a mighty weapon for keep her inlaws quiet!!!!! Don't you just hate it when a child is a weapon????
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Tntitanfan
Member
08-02-2001
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 7:02 pm
Back to say - what difference does it make if she knows you turned her in to the city? If she called two cents about being your friend she would have responded when you talked w/her!!
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Kookliebird
Member
08-04-2005
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 7:13 pm
At this point, it may be that she’s overwhelmed by how much yard maintenance is required for a house. Now, that it’s been left unattended, it’s even more work than if she had taken care of it regularly. Moving a table is much different than doing yard work on a regular basis.
Me, I specifically purchased a residence that did not require any yard work because it’s okay once in awhile, but too much on a regular basis.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, July 22, 2023 - 10:19 pm
If that was here, the yards would be smaller and now your neighbor might be building another structure to rent out on the property, with no rule for adequate parking.
I just have a patio that is only visible from a couple of over garage studios and I'm grateful that all the landscaping in our complex is maintained by gardeners paid by our dues..
Naja what are the city rules you'd be reporting under? Some areas out here do have rules about weed abatement in areas with fire danger and my association has all sorts of rules if any plants or trees go over a fence. And they can fine people..
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 12:08 am
And my guess is along the lines of Sadiesmom and Kooklie. Perhaps she has no idea how to do ANY home or yard maintenance. Probably her husband just handled it. I would tend to feel sorry for her, and if I wanted to sell my house, I would pay for her property to be cleaned up.
When I was just young but nevertheless a property owner, the people in the house next to us VERY badly needed to paint their house, and I knew it was going to cause me a loss of thousands (in 1975 on a $30,000 house that would now sell for $600,000) if they didn't. And when it began to look likely that we were going to be selling our house because I might be going off on a career move, we offered to help the neighbors paint their house. They declined our offer but quickly painted their house.
And by a similar token, when we retired to the Pacific Northwest, we ended up buying the house next door to a house that looked SO awful we didn't even SEE that the house next door was for sale, and had indeed been on the market for over a year. We bought our house for about $35,000 under market for a view home (in 2000) because the house next door looked so bad.
That house eventually went into foreclosure, and the bank renovated the property in order to sell it, and we had two wonderful sets of neighbors after that. The first neighbors even told their buyers that they had to look after our house next door when we went to Texas for the winter, and the buyers said, "Oh, okay" and boy did they ever!
Just tossing these stories out in case anything clicks for your situation, Naja. Sometimes life works out okay.
Is the child next door old enough for you to "hire" him to walk your dogs (that don't need walking) and you could teach him how to walk them? This falls under the category of sneakily becoming friends with the neighbors so they will then feel guilty about ruining your life later on if you need them to come through for you. AND it would give the child a life skill AND teach/cause him to be kind to your dogs and all other dogs for the rest of his life (because you have wonderful dogs who can teach humans lessons).
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 8:41 am
The kid is only 3 or 4.
I have been contacting those youtube channels that do those yard transformations for free for making those before and after videos.
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 10:59 am
Well, the in-laws are both there cutting the prickly bush by my gate. I found out they still own the house. I asked them why she never does yard work. Their answer "Good question". Then they added "It's complicated".
We talked a little further, and you were right. The grandson is being used as a weapon. She lives there rent free, and she won't move far away with her son.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 2:02 pm
She may be using them but as long as they have access to the grandbaby, that is probably good for the little guy to have them in his life.
Glad they took on that spiky bush, Naja.
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Tntitanfan
Member
08-02-2001
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 5:34 pm
I was definitely not suggesting that the grands should not continue seeking access to the little fellow - just that I hate to see kids used as bartering tools!
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, July 23, 2023 - 9:51 pm
Oh, it is definitely good that the child has loving grandparents just across the street, AND good for you that they own the house. I can see life improving on your street, Naja.
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 2:48 pm
I honestly can't believe what has happened.
My mom and and my step dad (not my fav person in the world) live in a retirement village in Florida. The kind where you live in your own little Duplex.
Well, Lately my stepdad's mind has been slipping.
Now remember my mom is laid up after breaking her leg and can't walk.
My stepdad's daughter showed up unannounced yesterday, hired a Uhaul and movers, and took my stepdad to a memory facility in Georgia where she lives.
Never told my mom, never asked her, nothing. Just showed up and took him. He's 91 so I don't think he'll be leaving the place. My mom is 78 and now her husband will be living in another state.
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Grooch
Member
06-16-2006
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 3:22 pm
Omg! How is your mother handling it?
And I wonder what the step daughter took in that uhaul.
Is there a neighbor you can call and talk to?
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 3:30 pm
Mom said she doesn't know how to feel yet. She's still stunned. Mom was there to see what she took. She only packed up things for him to live in the memory facility.
Mom has people there to take care of her. Meals are delivered, her village has doctors and nurses, cleaning staff, she has a home rehab session every day, etc. Plus all her friends. Physically and monetarily she'll be fine.
But good God, her husband was stolen.
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Dipo
Member
04-23-2002
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 3:47 pm
I don't understand how this is possible, does the step daughter have power of attorney for her DAD? I know here not just anyone can put there elders into assisted care you have to have authority.
So odd that this would occur.
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 4:15 pm
I have no answers.
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Grooch
Member
06-16-2006
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 4:34 pm
Florida is a strange and scary state. When I lived there in the 90s, there was a law that ANYONE can deem an elderly person incapable of taking care of themselves. I'm not even sure they had to file paperwork. They could just kidnap elderly people and put them in some kind of so called care place and collect money from the government. They didn't have to inform that persons family. I remember reading stories in the papers of family members trying to find their loved ones. And once they found them, they couldn't get them back. I'm not joking!
The daughter probably heard of this law.
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Grooch
Member
06-16-2006
| Thursday, July 27, 2023 - 4:36 pm
I was thinking that if you called one of her friends, they could keep her company and talk with her as she processes this. It is such a shock for her.
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Naja
Member
06-28-2003
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 9:08 am
Mom has decided this isn't bad for her husband. She is only upset no one discussed this with her and she was pretty much ambushed.
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Dipo
Member
04-23-2002
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 11:19 am
Yeah, I was thinking that it might be a good thing, especially since your Mom is recuperating, but it was pretty shitty to just swoop in and not discuss it with her.
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Mack
Member
07-22-2002
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 12:56 pm
The Florida law is kind of scary. It actually was a good basic idea that got written and implemented wrong. The idea was to help basically senior citizens with no close or living relatives. Florida has always been a big draw for retirees and the state had issues with seniors who were literally dying all allow, some from there being nobody to look after them. The state social work system was not big enough nor did it have the authority to step in except in extreme cases. Of course like many laws it may have gone too far or had unintended consequences. I almost had to invoke it with my disabled father after my stepmother passed who had been his caretaker for all practical purposes.
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Heckagirl631
Member
09-08-2010
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 4:32 pm
That's terrible, Naja! You know my husband died from Alzheimer's in 2020. No way would I have wanted any of his family to come take him away from me!
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Sugar
Member
08-15-2000
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 6:55 pm
Good grief! What a bizarre thing to have happen.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Friday, July 28, 2023 - 9:46 pm
I live in a lovely duplex house myself. With Bigdog, whose mother lived to 111.
I think it could be a blessing in disguise that your Mom's step-daughter has assumed responsibility for her father in his diminished state. Living in an over-55 community as I now do, there are a number of elderly people here valiantly trying to take care of a spouse in dementia, when the spouse in the caretaker role probably could use care themselves. And Georgia is not so far from Florida, so maybe she can hire somebody to take her for conjugal visits when she is able to travel. I think your Mom may have just reached a very wise decision in how to think about it. Granted, the execution of the maneuver was executed with a chain saw when a scalpel would have been the preferred tool.
And I don't know if you are even remotely considering this, and it is absolutely none of my business, and perhaps way too soon, but it does give you unexpected options if you are thinking maybe you and Mom should live together.
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