| Author |
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 10:40 am 
I'm trying to get a trailer made for my book "Call Me Tuesday," to post on Youtube, my website etc., and recently, the company doing it sent me the first draft. Well, I hate it! But maybe I'm being too critical...
Here's the deal: I get to make two rounds of changes before it's sent out to the public. You guys will be the only ones getting a sneak preview! I need help--opinions, ideas, anything!
It doesn't matter if you haven't read the book, just tell me if it draws you in, making you WANT to read it, and if not, what would. If you have read the book then you might have some really insightful suggestions.
Please guys! It will only take a minute to hit the link below and take a look(it's short), and it would mean so much!
Book Trailer-first Draft
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 10:58 am
Disclaimer: I haven't read the book.
One problem with it is that the photos and music are terribly dated. I don't know if two rounds of changes will do.
The language is compelling until the 'monster' part. Frankly, you feel some sympathy for the woman because of her accident, and that's how this trailer starts by making you care about HER tragedy.
The sympathy should be for the child, that would make a more compelling read. So it seems to me the focus is in the wrong place?
The trailer should start with a child with a happy relationship with mom (assuming that's true). Then the horror of the accident, and then the survival. That puts the emphasis (and your sympathy) on the little girl. Not on the confusion a viewer has between feeling sympathy for the accident victim, then turned monster.
Currently the viewer is drawn thru like this:
Horror - mom plunges headfirst down the stairs (and empathy/identification with the mom)
Grateful - for the miracle of survival
More grateful and relief - for recovery
Confused - the eye simply doesn't convey the text "raging, abusive monster" that we have been made to feel sorry for. And now we're supposed to suddenly and abruptly switch our allegiance to the child that's just now introduced. It's a disconnected transition.
And why plain background on the poor little girl's struggle? We need a compelling photo here - perhaps a sad little girl (versus the happy girl with mom in a new intro), teddy bear, black & white
I like the book cover image, it's very compelling.
Anyway, from a marketing person, hope you find this helpful!
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Oliviamimi
Member
05-30-2009
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 11:23 am
I wish you great success with this book. The trailer seemed very unprofessional as if homemade. It was slow and frame to frame with very unartistic photos. I am sorry if this sounded too critical.
I agree with Karuuna on the book cover. It was really good. I would buy the book on just the bookcover. I would not be inclined to buy the book by viewing the trailer.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 11:30 am
I liked the music.
I think the sentences are run on.
We don't know what caused her plunge down the stairs.
I think BUT following the miracle she turned into a monster would be better than AND she turned into a monster.
I think the term 'monster' is a bit strong. I got the image of her appearance actually being changed.
Maybe starting out with "Nothing was the same since (Elanor) tripped at the top of the stairs and plunged head long down them.
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Merrysea
Moderator
08-13-2004
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 11:56 am
I've read the book, and I agree with what Karuuna said. Everything about the trailer focuses on the mother, and it looks like she's the center of the story, rather than the child (especially the line, "By some miracle she survives the accident."). I'd start out with Tuesday's birthday party showing how happy she was, then a quick plunge (down the stairs, not up), then show pictures of a little girl standing facing the wall with a towel on her face, then maybe show her sitting in her barren room and pan out to show the door with the lock on the outside. Things that show the change in Tuesday's life, rather than her poor beautiful mother who miraculously survived a fall down the stairs.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 12:02 pm
I have read the book.
The music made me really tense. I'd almost rather hear words than that music.
I didn't like that it was basically worded from the viewpoint of the mother, then switched to the daughter and it is the daughter's voice we hear in the book.
(OK, reading above now.. yes.. the sympathy should be for Tuesday and when you read the book it definitely is (even though I eventually felt some for the mom and was angry that SHE wasn't put in treatment for brain injury and prevented from abusing Tuesday)
Agree that the book cover is the best part.
The stairs seemed all wrong for basement stairs and wasn't that where mom fell? (and I'm aware that while this was a big change in mom, she had been quite intense in protecting her daughter from a former marriage who suffered from aftereffects of polio and putting that child way ahead of Tuesday, so something in her brain was already prone to expecting Tuesday to put others ahead of her own life and the fall (along with the older daughter's death seemed to focus the blame for surviving onto Tuesday)
Actually, Monster works for me..
I don't really know what to suggest as far as tweaks. It needs more.
I don't buy books based on trailers anyway but I realize that probably many people do just that. Had the book not been recommended here, the book cover would have made me look into it.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 12:07 pm
I like Merry's ideas.. (and Kar's)
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 2:26 pm
Sorry everyone. When I posted, I'd forgotten I'd promised my husband that I would help him clean out the garage today. I didn't expect everyone to respond so quickly. Thanks!!
Wow! Wow! I am so impressed with your responses. I guess it needed fresh eyes. You guys saw many things that I didn't.
Karuuna, I agree, the photos are dated (where did they get those stairs?) and the music is atrocious. I love the idea of changing to a black and white photo of the little girl at the end.
Oliviamimi, you are not being too critical--it is slow and unartistic!
Docdog you also have a good point--the image of the beautiful woman and the word "monster" do not go together.
Karuuna, Merry, and Sea, I agree with the point that the focus is too much on the mother when the book is actually Tuesday'a story.
Thanks for all your comments on the book cover; I actually had some input on that. Boy have I got my work cut out for me. I have to figure a way to put all this together in a way that the people producing the trailer will understand. It is obvious they have not read the book.
I am so very grateful for everyone taking time out of their Sunday to help me. Time is precious, and to think you all would selflessly give me a little sliver of yours even though you don't know me, warms my heart. 
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 2:58 pm
If this book is about Tuesday's struggles then I think the trailer should mention her age.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 8:45 pm
Disclaimer, I haven't read it either.
The music is way too creepy and offputting for my taste.
The larger print, all caps for effect, looks amateurish.
And it's focus should be primarily on Tuesday and not bring her in as an afterthought towards the end. And yes, it's a huge oversight not to mention her age.
Like everyone else, I really like the book cover.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 9:00 pm
I'd ramp down the music, and have the words in nicer type, with a voiceover in a young girl's voice.
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Landileigh
Member
07-28-2002
| Sunday, July 01, 2012 - 10:21 pm
the video made it seem as if the book was about the mother. most certainly it is not. you need to have sympathy for Tuesday. something such as "at the age of ___ Tuesday's world changed...." i also hate the use of the word "monster".
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 7:18 am
Okay, some more great points here. Mameblanche you're right about the font...what about a child-like font, something more like is used on the book cover?
The music is wierd. My husband and I joke about it sounding like the theme from Jaws! Sea, funny you should mention a voice over in a child's voice, because I asked for a voice over and they told me that they've "lost contact" with the individual who arranges that for them. I'm beginning to think I should have chosen another company.
Honestly, I wasn't aware that the word "monster" was so offensive to so many people. Guess it's hard to picture a mother as a monster.
Thank you, thank, you thank you to all!  I'm still open to suggestions today before I send in my first round of edits.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 8:07 am
The music reminded me of Psycho's shower scene. Ugh! (shudder)
I just didn't like that they CAPITALIZED some words for EFFECT. It looked EXTREMELY amateurish. ;) I have no issues with the actual font used.
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Goddessatlaw
Member
07-19-2002
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 8:20 am
You may want to approach this from an angle that pulls both the reader and the child into the conversation.
What if this happened to you: (some details)? How would you/could you cope/survive? This happened to me. I am Tuesday.
I don't think that monster or horror movies should be brought to mind. It's a true story and should be treated that way, even though it's presented in novel form. The music kind of encourages a creepy-movie dread type situation, I'd go more for a child's/lullaby type music or sympathetic strings. A reminder of the things this child didn't have or experience.
I wouldn't emphasize the mother's accident - the question should be left open as to how this happened. Creates curiosity, makes them want to read the book.
I haven't read your book, Ladybug, but I've read the posts in "What are You Reading" so I have an idea of what it's about.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 8:39 am
I think the problem with using 'monster' is that it is usually reserved for people who have more control over their behavior.
As I mentioned, I haven't read the book, but the trailer gives the impression that the mother's transition was something she had no control over.
So while her behavior toward her daughter may have been monstrous and horrible, in the trailer she is too sympathetic to call her a monster.
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 9:03 am
This advice is REALLY (all caps for you, Mameblanche, ;)) helpful. It makes me want to rethink the book description on Amazon, B&N, etc.
Karuuna, actually, in the book, there is a question as to whether or not the accident caused the mother's behavior. While frontal lobe brain injuries have been known to cause long term personality changes and aggression in some people, as Sea mentioned earlier, there were some indications that the mother was prone to put others before Tuesday, and there is always a question in the reader's mind as to whether or not the abuse would have happened if there had been no accident. Nevertheless, "monster" may be a distasteful word for some people when you're talking mothers.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 9:15 am
It's more likely that the frontal lobe injury exacerbated an underlying emotional issue. Without the injury, she may have had more ability to control negative impulses. So rather than 'either/or', more likely 'both/and'. Of course you can never know for sure, although MRI testing can show the severity of frontal lobe injuries and can be fairly predictive of impulse control or anger issues.
However, the trailer makes it look as if the injury is the sole cause of a *change* in behavior. So if that's not what you are trying to convey, the trailer shouldn't either? Or maybe that's too complex to convey in a trailer?
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Tntitanfan
Member
08-03-2001
| Monday, July 02, 2012 - 9:37 am
I have not read the book, and, had I not read the information in this thread, I would have thought the book was about the mother, her recovery, and HER subsequent story! Where is Tuesday hiding in all this? Totally wrong emphasis IMO!
I like all the suggestions made above about showing a happy little girl and then the mess that her life comes to be BECAUSE of her mother's injury!
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Tuesday, July 03, 2012 - 3:45 am
Just wanted to let everyone know that I turned in the first round of edits for the book trailer for Call Me Tuesday. I took all your suggestions, which were amazingly pretty much in agreement, added a few of my own, and asked them to start again from scratch. Thanks so much for all your valuable input! I'll be sure to let you all know as soon as the second draft is finished so you can take a look at it and see how our suggestions were applied.
Best to everyone, and again, my sincere gratitude!
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Mak1
Member
08-11-2002
| Tuesday, July 03, 2012 - 7:52 am
Good for you! I'm glad they will be starting from scratch. I was late to the party but do agree with all the comments. I hope the second draft will be much improved.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Tuesday, July 03, 2012 - 8:24 am
And we'll be glad to help you tweak the second draft, if necessary..
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Roxip
Member
01-29-2004
| Friday, July 06, 2012 - 6:50 am
Ladybug, I'm so glad you said what you said about the mother's personality before the accident...she was already "using" Tuesday way too much at Tuesday's age to care for the other daughter. I think she resented the fact that Tuesday was born beautiful and normal...it seemed that she felt that the first daughter (whose name I can't recall right at this moment) was somewhat threatened by Tuesday being a normal, beautiful little girl.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Friday, July 06, 2012 - 9:29 am
OK, I am late to the party but will give my thoughts in case they help later. I thought there were too many words. While I read quickly, most people don't and I think they would loose interest. Narration would actually be better, or if words there needs to be fewer with lots of punch.
For some reason putting her her full name early distracted me, too. (Got me thinking things like "Her name is Tuesday Storm?" instead of moving along with what the book is about.) Storyline is more important than the specifics when you are trying to get the attention of the reader.
I actually liked the music/sound! It could be modernized a bit, but with the other stuff corrected I think it could be good.
Very cool about your book! Congratulations!
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Ladybug
Member
06-10-2012
| Friday, July 06, 2012 - 4:40 pm
Roxip, I cannot believe how perceptive you are! The fact that you picked up on the mother being resentful that Tuesday (I) was born normal, is scary...it actually gave me goose bumps when I read it. Let me tell you why: One of the few things I fictionalized in the book is that my mother had an accident that made her abuse me...the truth is, there was no accident. She just abused me from very early on, earlier than 8-years-old, according to my dad. I created a reason, because I think I needed one. Thank you for posting your thoughts!
Yesitsme you are not too late...I have another round of edits, and I think you are right about mentioning the last name of Tuesday...it is unnecessary info so early on. Thank you!
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