| Author |
Message |
Misspoufy
Member
09-30-2004
| Wednesday, August 27, 2014 - 6:42 am 
I don't find courtship and a pure pre-marital relationship bizarre at all. It's the way God intended it to be. If we're all honest, we all grow in a relationship as it goes along, whether we go in old hats or virgins. Sex has very little to do with a stable marriage.
I don't feel sorry for the Duggar children at all. They've grown up with a great example in their parents, they have respect for one another and themselves, they see their virginity as a gift, a treasure, to be given to one person only...their spouse, to be unwrapped on their wedding night.
If someone gave you a gift, wouldn't you want it to be brand new over used up and well worn?
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Happymom
Member
01-20-2003
| Wednesday, August 27, 2014 - 1:06 pm
When two people in a romantic relationship do not know each other well, they may grow together or they may grow apart. I think growing apart is much more common, otherwise you'd see most people marrying their first date partner. That rarely happens.
Without any time alone at all ever before marriage, they do not know each other well. They have a chaperone 100% of the time until they are married. Because they do not believe in birth control, they don't have much time to really cement their relationship as a couple before the first baby arrives. I hope they end up living happily ever after, I just don't see that as likely for any of the Duggar kids, not just specifically Jill, most especially for the girls because they are taught to keep sweet and put on a happy face. I think there is a great possibility for them to be stuck in relationships that do not make them happy. I think a lot of unhappiness and heartache in the future could be avoided if they were allowed to really know the person before marriage.
I am not talking about premarital sex at all.
Speaking of that, I find it strange that they put so much emphasis on how bad it is to even hug normally or kiss before marriage and in that one moment it is all supposed to change. They must repress all their desires (but yet they are not trusted to do so, that is why they always have a chaperone) and after the wedding Michelle's advice to married women is to give it up whenever he asks even if you are very tired or extremely far along in your pregnancy. Never tell him no.
I think in trying to keep absolutely chaste and pure, they have put a huge emphasis on sex. It seems so contradictory to me.
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Misspoufy
Member
09-30-2004
| Thursday, August 28, 2014 - 5:53 am
I think you're making a lot of assumptions based upon what little is shown on television. Yes, they have a chaperone but they still have ample time to get to know one another before they marry. Ben and Jessa had an 11 month courtship before they got engaged. (I knew my husband three months before we got engaged, my grandmother knew my grandfather for 2 weeks and they were married over 50 years!) Having a chaperone insures that things stay at the level to which you committed. When hormones are involved, and at that age they are, it helps to be accountable, that's all. It's their CHOICE. No one forces them to choose that. I find it admirable that they ask to keep things on a chaste level so sex and hormones don't interfere while they get to know a prospective spouse.
I don't think they see hugging or kissing before marriage as "bad" they see it as interfering with an informed decision. It's more important to click with your spouse on important issues like the number of children, religion, money, etc., rather than know if you're going to like the way he hugs you or if he likes deep passionate kisses.
They spend their time talking and getting to know one another instead of kissing and other things. I don't see what's wrong in that.
I think the difference lies in the direction they look...spiritual versus worldly. A godly spouse will treat their wives as precious beyond gold. He loves his wife as Christ loved the church, and He gave his life for them. A godly husband puts his wife's needs ahead of his own, as does a godly wife.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Thursday, August 28, 2014 - 8:19 am
WELL SAID
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Oxies_luv
Member
05-13-2005
| Thursday, August 28, 2014 - 5:27 pm
Thank you Misspoufy!!
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Puzzled
Member
08-27-2001
| Saturday, August 30, 2014 - 7:47 pm
So, women's only choice in life is to breed? Who knows, one of those girls might have found a cure for ALS, or been a Supreme Court justice, or even president--no chance.
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Texannie
Member
07-15-2001
| Sunday, August 31, 2014 - 7:28 am
not sure where anyone said that.
but on the flip side, i was raised to believe i could accomplish anything, the world was my oyster and when i didn't accomplish anything but becoming 'just a mom', i felt like i was a failure, 2nd class citizen for a long time. and the fact that i didn't even 'breed' my children, but adopted compounded that since of failure. i finally realized that raising my kids to be healthy. happy adults is a pretty darn great accomplishment.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, August 31, 2014 - 7:40 am
OMG, Texannie, I am SOOO glad you realized what an amazing accomplishment that is, which YOU did. You gave love and stability and a home to two orphaned children. That is HUGE! Blessings on you.
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Texannie
Member
07-15-2001
| Sunday, August 31, 2014 - 9:58 am
aw...shucks! thanks. i firmly believe that God gives you the kids you are supposed to have.
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Chieko
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, August 31, 2014 - 10:18 am
i firmly believe that God gives you the kids you are supposed to have.
Yes, in one way or the other and raising children to be good people is one of the most important jobs in the world.
Mothers have also been known to cure diseases, serve on the Supreme Court ect. The Duggers have never said their daughters can't have careers.
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Texasdeb
Member
05-23-2003
| Tuesday, September 02, 2014 - 5:11 pm
Children are gifts from God. God needs us humans biologically to provide the shell that this gift will exist in. The true gift is the soul of the child, not the shell. Everything happens for a reason. A child needs nurturing, guidance, & love to develop.
So many of the Children in the world were accidents & are not cherished by parents that kept them because "they thought it was the right thing to do". These children do not stand the same chance at happiness that kidos have that were adopted by parents who wanted, NO - Prayed for them!
I had a good childhood with my bio family. I've known a lot of folks that didn't. I also, know folks that were adopted as children that are so well rounded & happy. Actually, everyone that I have ever known that was adopted as a child is well rounded & happy. Just saying.......
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Puzzled
Member
08-27-2001
| Tuesday, September 02, 2014 - 6:52 pm
My statement was that the Duggar girls only had one choice. It's a whole different thing when a woman has a real choice and chooses to be a SAHM.
While maybe the Duggar girls haven't been told they can't have a career--how do they do that when they're married off so young and have baby after baby? How do you go back to school if you have 19 children and don't have a housekeeper and nannies? No woman on the supreme court has a dozen children.
It was fine for Michelle, since it was her choice, but I don't see that the girls have the same options.
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Reader234
Member
08-13-2000
| Tuesday, September 02, 2014 - 6:55 pm
Ben and Jessa storyline. He moves in to the guest house. The girls clean a room, one saying " with all the other rooms taken, we'd better get a room ready upstairs for him". wth does that mean!
Earlier Anna at the house the are reading for Derrik and (Jill, I get names confused) says to Josh that even though this house is huge, we will still stay at the guest house, newly weds and all... ( paraphrasing). Guest house ? First I've heard of this guest house wonder what it looks like. They showed us that they have a HUGE storage 'barn' (my word). But that didn't seem on property.
These people confuse me!
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Reader234
Member
08-13-2000
| Tuesday, September 02, 2014 - 8:09 pm
Ps. " Jill will you marry me?"
" yes, totally"
Lol. At " totally, that was cute!
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Kep421
Member
08-10-2001
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 4:49 am
Isn't one of the Duggar girls training to become a midwife?
I don't find it unusual that the girls don't discuss future professions on the shows. The boys don't discuss theirs either.
The family lives God's plan...so I don't think taking a stand on what they will be professionally is something the kids think about. I believe all of them feel their adult lives will be what God intends for them...be it stay at home moms, doctors, teachers or midwives.
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Misspoufy
Member
09-30-2004
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 7:21 am
Puzzled said, "My statement was that the Duggar girls only had one choice. While maybe the Duggar girls haven't been told they can't have a career--how do they do that when they're married off so young and have baby after baby?"
The girls have their choice of career just as the boys have the same choice. I don't consider marrying in the 20's to be "marrying young." Derrick is 25, Jill 23. That's not particularly young. Jill is preparing to be a Midwife, that's her chosen career. As for having baby after baby...they believe in taking what children God gives them as He gives them, whether it's one child or twenty.
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Misspoufy
Member
09-30-2004
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 7:25 am
Reader, lots of folks have what they call a "prophet's chamber". It's a room/guest house, they keep prepared for visitors, traveling evangelists, singers, etc. (It comes from II Kings 4)
I imagine, with Josh and his bunch there, and Grandma Duggar lives there as well, their guest house is probably full up most of the time!
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Granjan
Member
05-10-2011
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 11:49 am
So does Grandma live in that barn-looking guest house? It looks like it's not very close to the house, but it's hard to tell.
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Puzzled
Member
08-27-2001
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 2:55 pm
The girls are not preparing to be midwives. They are training to be doulas. Midwives are registered nurses with college degrees and extra training.
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Oxies_luv
Member
05-13-2005
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 8:46 pm
Grandma Duggar has a room on the first floor in the main house. There's a floor plan (of sorts) in one of their books.
Jill is training to be a midwife, and Jana is training to be a doula. They've talked about it quite a bit in several shows. I also believe Jill mentioned taking college courses, along with training with a registered/certified midwife.
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Granjan
Member
05-10-2011
| Wednesday, September 03, 2014 - 11:13 pm
Okay, that makes me feel better about Grandma.
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Lilfair
Member
07-09-2003
| Wednesday, September 10, 2014 - 6:17 am
Hopefully none of the girls give birth to a gay human being....we will be seeing pray the gay away prayer circles. This family is not good when they have evil in their hearts towards an entire segment of the human race. Don't be fooled by them.
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Mamabatsy
Member
08-05-2005
| Wednesday, September 10, 2014 - 8:22 am
With a group of 19 siblings, it's likely that one or two are gay. Whether they will out to the family or to themselves, we may never know. They are growing up in a closed, repressive society with no room to examine themselves or explore possibilities.
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Texannie
Member
07-15-2001
| Wednesday, September 10, 2014 - 4:36 pm
If it should happen (and I think statistically will), and if their response is not supportive, it definitely wouldn't be a reaction exclusive to the Duggars. I watched it happen to my cousin, and we didn't live in a closed repressive society. Unfortunately, it's hard for many people to understand/accept.
I got very tickled at the dry sense of humor the boy chaperones have. They all really do seem to have a dry wit.
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Erniesgirl
Member
06-26-2006
| Wednesday, September 17, 2014 - 6:30 pm
Hubby and I saw a video of Josh preaching on You Tube. He's very effective.
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