| Author |
Message |
Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 12:20 pm 
And Sandra, too.
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Tresbien
Member
08-26-2002
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 12:32 pm
Meggie, my sincere condolences on your loss of Zach. I also remember when he posted here as it's fun when a family member joins in. A friend lost her husband to Covid in December and my ex-sister-in-law's husband took his life in March due to depression. When I was looking for comforting words about loss, I found a video that mentioned grief is the price we pay for love. It helped me focus as much on the life and love as the loss. My prayer is that you will find words that bring you comfort as you mourn. You never get over it, but you will get through it. (((Meggie)))
And sympathies to everyone who mourns.
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Maineiac
Member
08-24-2009
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 4:58 pm
I am so very sorry Maggie!
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Wicked
Member
06-28-2007
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 5:40 pm
So sorry Meggie.
May you find comfort in the words and memories from your tvch friends.
Prayers and peace to all of you.
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Strategist
Member
07-01-2014
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 5:51 pm
Sandra, so sorry for your loss as well.
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Egbok
Member
07-13-2000
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 7:47 pm
Meggie, my sincere condolences at the loss of your only child, your beautiful son Zach. I'm so glad you reached out to your BB friends to let us know. We care about you as much as we care about each other even if we haven't met in person. I'm glad you found a FB group that can truly relate to your loss of a child. As others have mentioned, I can't even begin to imagine the deep pain placed upon you. It's my hope that you will move forward with your grief as it keeps the love you have for Zach centered and present.
Take care my BB friend. 
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 8:06 pm
((((Meggie)))) There is no grief as great as to lose a child and you have to live on without them.
I remember when you and Zachyd first came to the clubhouse. Or maybe it was when you let him post. He was 12 or 13, and we had another member Neko around the same age. And you used to let Zachyd come to chat with you. He was such a good and wise kid and you two were so close, and you were both so damn lucky to have that relationship. Good times, good times.
((((Hugs)))) for your irreparable loss and may you learn to go forward each day with a bit less crippling grief until you reach the edge of the sunlight again.
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Bamagirl
Member
08-26-2012
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 10:06 pm
That's a name I remember. I'm so very sorry to hear of Zachary's passing. I have no words to ease your loss, but reaching out to old friends can be such support. Know I will keep you in my thoughts.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 11:05 pm
♡(((((Meggie, Emmalee, Sandra)))))♡ So terribly sorry for your tragic losses. Meggie I am shredded to hear of Zachy's passing. I remember fondly how both of you were bright lights sharing love and adventures with us here at the Clubhouse. It is good that you have found solace within that FB group, and hopefully here. The very gentlest of hugs...
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Gbcole
Member
09-20-2011
| Friday, July 23, 2021 - 11:22 pm
I remember hearing an interview with Mary Tyler Moore during which she was asked, how can you go on after the loss of your son?
Her answer couldn't have been more seemingly accurate and it was, "We breathe instinctively, don't we?"
This is unimaginable loss and I couldn't be more sorry. My cousin just lost her son a month ago. He was 25 years old and was one year on as a police officer when he died on duty during a car stop. I was one of her first calls and hearing her pain is something I will never forget. I plan to share this Facebook page suggestion with her. It's so hard to imagine anything would help.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 9:43 am
Emmalee, and Sandra, my heartfelt condolences... to be honest, I never know what to say to someone who has lost a child... the loss is so enormous and so heart wrenching...
Just know that I hear you and I care.
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Maris
Member
03-27-2002
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 9:53 am
Meggie, I am so sorry for your loss. I too remember Zachy from those fun years. I hope you draw comfort from your friends here at TVCH as I remember drawing comfort when m husband passed away 15 years ago. This is a great community to draw strength from. Lots of hugs.
Emalee and Sandra I also offer up my condolences to you as well.
Best,
E
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Pamy
Member
01-01-2002
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 1:34 pm
Sending love and prayers to Emalee and Sandra. There are just no words that can express my sadness for you
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Smokey
Member
07-07-2003
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 3:08 pm
Dear Meggie, I am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Zach. I read about it on Facebook and was so shocked and thought for sure, that I had mis-read what you posted. My heart breaks for you. Please know how much you are loved, and obviously how much Zach is loved. He is with you always. Love and Light.  xo Renie
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Firebird05
Member
08-24-2001
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 8:22 pm
I can’t even fine the words to say how much my heart is breaking for you. There is simply no words that could even come close to understanding that enormous depth of pain.
All I can say is I love you and wish I could give you a hug.
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Sassyza
Member
09-03-2009
| Saturday, July 24, 2021 - 8:39 pm
Meggie, Emalee, and Sandra, my heartfelt condolences to you.
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Strategist
Member
07-01-2014
| Sunday, July 25, 2021 - 4:02 am
Emmalee, my condolences for your loss as well.
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Chippy
Member
08-16-2007
| Sunday, July 25, 2021 - 4:54 pm
Deepest sympathy from someone who’s been a member of the dreadful lost a child club for nearly 28 years. There’s always someone missing. Learning to live with it is a lifetime work in progress. There’s such a fine line between trying to forget and trying to remember. My only advice is to do your best to heal your broken heart and let people who care help you.
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Strategist
Member
07-01-2014
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 4:26 am
So sad to hear that so many of our friends have lost a child.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 8:08 pm
(((Chippy))) I am so sorry for your loss.
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Meggieprice
Member
07-09-2001
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 8:41 pm
Thank you everyone.
Grief is not linear...there are some good days, some bad...some devastating.
It resonated with me when someone said that the grieving is as deep and as long as the love was.
I am looking for someone inside the shell of what was once Meggie and I know I will get there someday.
I know he is still with me- I Have had signs, and some readings. But I miss his physical presence- his huge hugs, his laugh, singing with him, traveling for music with him.
I have found a wonderful comfort in doing Zooomba with a teacher from Mexico who I believe God sent to me in early December knowing what was to be. Edgar has been with me every step of the way since Zach left us... and I believe he saved my life.
Writing has also been therapy and I want to share with you a couple of things I wrote- one is about traveling for music with Zach, and the other is an ode to Edgar my zoomba teacher.
I Love you all.
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Meggieprice
Member
07-09-2001
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 8:43 pm
To the Best Tour Buddy Ever
I have to write this- even though thinking about it makes me sob...thinking about tour, and me and Zach- is so exquisitely painful and joyful at the same time it has me wanting out of my skin at times.
This is how it was for us...we had our show routine honed to perfection. Our toiletry bag had exactly what we needed in it- down to the little screwdriver for changing the batteries in the light up rainbow star necklaces we wore. We kept it packed and ready. We knew who would pack what in their bag- he took the glowsticks- I had the blanket we would spread. He started taking care of me from the moment we walked through the door of SFO, after papa Michael took the ritual photo of us, arms around each other smiling back at Papa with love, setting off on our adventure. He carried the heavy stuff, protecting my back and my fibromyalgia. He navigated us through everything, leading the way or having me in front of him as needed. He drove the rental car- he was a good driver. He always took the bed by the window and we had our charging stations down too...getting phones and computers charging as soon as we arrived. Our show bag- over time we knew exactly what we would need- a wet washcloth in a ziplock, Voltaren gel for mama's pain if needed, a spray bottle fan for the hot shows, always some mentos (fruit variety- he loved the orange ones and i separated them out and we had a thing that when they played an amazing song or one we had been hoping for I would give him one) and then of course the sativa gummies and vape pen for Mama... Zach was sober. There was a practiced rhythm to our getting ready …always done to music. A visit to Shakedown was always in order if there was one and time permitted. As soon as we arrived on field or floor - yeah even with my physical issues floor is where I want to be- he would tell everyone around us that his Mama had some physical maladies and please do not jostle her when dancing. No matter how caught up in the music- and he was so caught up- if someone danced too close to me he saw it and immediately had his arms circled around me as a force field protecting me. He would be talking Phish minutiae with anyone around us before the show and I loved listening. He reminded me to take my first gummy at 7 for an 8 o’clock show- they are intrinsic to my pain relief at shows. We took turns taking a bathroom break around 7:30 and would not leave the floor again. We danced- oh how we danced- and sang with our hearts and souls. As the first bars of the songs started he would look at me with a certain look...that piercing Zach look - waiting for me to identify the song before the words began - as that was my task-always. He was pretty gentle about my failures though. At some point during the show- you could never know when- I would turn to Zach and excitedly say "Zach! Fish is wearing a dress!" and he always laughed- it never got old. When an unusual song, or one he had always been chasing, was played it was such a delight for me to see his joy- it was everything. We had our favorite places to eat or visit in every out of our home area place and enjoyed the time between shows too… we had our special ways. He was simply the best show (and life) buddy ever- my joy, my boy, the light of my life. I will dance again at Phish, I must!- and he would find it unacceptable for me not to do so- but it will never be the same though I know he will be dancing too. Here’s to you my sweet Zachary – thank you for our many magical joyful adventures. I will never forget.
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Meggieprice
Member
07-09-2001
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 9:26 pm
A Tribute to Edgar
Things do not always turn out the way you planned.
Starting with the cancellation of Phish tour- my happy place with my son Zach- the thing that motivated us through the stress and strain of daily life - the pandemic tore through our lives, and everyone else’s – without thought to the toll it took
We took a stand in our family- we took multi-vitamins, zinc, vitamin D, vitamin C, drank green drinks…and in searching for a way to somehow navigate this situation I made a vow that I would come out of the pandemic stronger and in better shape so that I would be ready for Phish tour when it finally came. I had already been taking either a Zumba or weightlifting class every day at the local gym but now that was not an option and I quickly found Zoomba classes to replace those…and then added Zoom yoga and Zoom weightlifting. I started walking daily with a friend from the gym and the walks not only grew a beautiful new friendship which meant so much to my health and eventual survival that it deserves a piece of writing of its own but she also joined with me doing as many classes as we could fit into a day.
By the beginning of December I had been doing 3 hours of exercise a day for almost 9 months, fortunate to be able to do my work in a schedule that fit my workouts. Zoomba was our favorite- the combination of music, dance and the kickbutt work out was impossible to resist. Around that time the teacher who was offering the most classes started cancelling all the time due to his new work schedule and we were in panic mode as we relied on these classes heavily. One Saturday that teacher did a special 90 minute class and introduced some teachers from Mexico. It turned out the plan was to add these teachers to the schedule so that we would have regular classes without the cancellations and we were so relieved- especially as one of the teachers already seemed to have a special brightness and energy that really appealed. His name was Edgar…and little did I know that meeting him would be a life changing event.
The first weeks of December I decided to add the second of the Zoomba classes being offered daily to head off any holiday weight gain. The two teachers from Mexico started doing most of the classes as our original teacher canceled even more frequently and my friends and I found ourselves really loving Edgar’s classes more and more. He had great music, great choreography, and a special joy and love for the dance that just beamed out of him. I was working out a ton, loving it all, and barreled right through Christmas in great shape and motivated to keep going.
On December 28th my life was completely shattered when my only child Zachary, the light of my life, died suddenly of an overdose at age 28. Zachary had been living with us while he completed nursing school… I will not enumerate the things that led up to this tragedy as this piece is about moving through tragedy and that will be saved for another piece. Suffice it to say that I believe the pandemic killed my child as surely as if he had gotten the virus.
My heart was completely broken. I was suddenly plunged into grief and sorrow unlike anything I had ever known- and I lost my sister and father within two months of each other in 2019 so I know the pain of loss. This one brought me to my knees struggling to know how to right myself and somehow go on living.
I suffer from chronic pain- both from fibromyalgia and degenerative disc disease. I knew instinctively that if I did the thing I wanted to do- take to my bed and never leave it again-I would likely eventually lose my own life as movement is the only thing that keeps me even halfway healthy.
The morning after Zach left us I lay in bed knowing in my soul that my life was at stake and thinking about that morning’s looming zoomba class with Edgar. There had been something about him all along that somehow made me feel that I would be safe going into his class in my vulnerable condition. My survival sense kicked in and I knew that I needed to do this - so I went into the zoom. I was a zombie robot- but I was there. Edgar has told me since that when he had heard that morning that I had lost my son he thought he would never see me again. I at first did not show myself on video but I somehow knew I would be supported so I did start my video. When Edgar saw me he had tears in his eyes when he told me how sorry he was to hear about Zach.
What happened that day, and in every zoomba class after was a testimony to the power of love, music, and the dedication of an extraordinarily special man.
One thing that needs to be said here is that teaching something like Zumba on zoom is really difficult. You are one person alone, generally in a small space if you are teaching in your home, without real people to bounce off of, to get energy from, to inspire and motivate you. The students are little video rectangles…. which if you keep yourself as a large rectangle you see only six of at most. It is a daunting task to somehow communicate the spirit and joy that is dancing to Zumba in this way. Most people who love Zumba would say that this way of dancing is second best at most- just an adequate substitute when there is no alternative due to the pandemic. Well let me tell you…. those people have not danced with Edgar Gomez on zoom.
Edgar’s love for the dance beams right through the screen to the students- and he has mastered the art of coming to the screen and interacting in a way that makes every single student feel connected. He is not just performing- you are seeing his honest big heart and loving spirit fully on display. I was joined in class by family and friends there to support me in this worst of possible times- I call them my grief squad- and my niece Tess nailed it when she said - “Edgar is a joy bomb”. He is just so energetic and his love for dancing is infectious and irresistible. He makes a very small space look like a huge room. I cannot minimize that this is a fabulous workout- in itself a healing thing for me and for anyone looking for good exercise and the stress relief that working out brings. There is nothing “less than” about these classes- they are exceptional- and Edgar could teach others about the art of teaching on zoom.
All of that alone would make Edgar a very special person. However, what he has done for me- and the reason for the words pouring out of me, is that this man, someone half my age in Mexico I have never met, who knew little about me, and who speaks little English, saw the depth of my broken heart and has basically made it his JOB to help me heal from that very first day on. There have been many days that I have been sobbing right up to the moment I go into class…and within minutes of starting the warm-up I am smiling again. Putting his hands under his chin to show me how to smile, making hearts with his hands, jumping, spinning, putting a sexy spin on the moves, dancing his heart out- it is impossible for anyone to resist the love and joy that comes from Edgar to us in his classes.
He reached out one day on Facebook messenger to ask me “how is my heart” and, using Google translator and being the person that I am I told him…and told him. and told him. In Messenger too he has been there beside me every step of the way since my heart broke- listening to me, comforting me, caring about someone far away he has never met. I feel able to tell him about this unspeakable desperate sorrow because I know the depth of his heart and compassion, and I feel safe. I have also learned a lot about communication in using translator to express myself to this loving soul because there are lots of unique things about Spanish that can make communication “interesting”- to put it mildly. Edgar takes time every day to check in on me and has been consistently there for me as I navigate the horrific path that is losing your child.
My husband and I both feel that Edgar saved my life after we lost Zach. I can honestly say that I have remained vertical because of him, both because of the workout of his fabulous classes and also because of his friendship. He even took the time to check in on me and video call me on my first Mother’s Day after losing Zach- and that day was his birthday so the fact that he took the time to do that shows you who this man is. Over this time Edgar has gone from teacher- to friend- to family.
I cannot say I have healed from the loss of my son. I have some times of joy, especially in Edgar’s classes. I have times of sadness so deep that it threatens to swallow me. Grief is not linear and in some ways you never recover from a loss this great. This is not the right order of things to have my child gone before me. Yet here I am. No, things don’t always turn out the way you planned. My beloved tour and life companion is gone, but I am strong and ready, and in part because of the incredible artistry, love, and support of Edgar Gomez, I will dance on tour again and I will live.
Here’s to you dearest Edgar- you are part of our hearts forever.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 10:13 pm
Thanks, Meggie. I understand a bit more. I never did music with you all but you were overlapping during our times together and I remember Zach's excitement and how he would report on the playlist for Dave Mathews concert that was happening elsewhere..
I just remember your mutual glee.. "Ants Marching" .. you were such a tight duo and trio.. And I love all of you. I hate what COVID has done and is doing to so many...
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Monday, July 26, 2021 - 10:13 pm
Two wonderful and moving tributes, MeggiePrice. I am crying my eyes out. Consider that a tribute to you and Zachyd and your love and to the Amazing Edgar, and to the Amazing Michael. You are going to one day live again with a healed spirit. And that is good, even if the pain remains.
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