| Author |
Message |
Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 6:29 pm 
Firebird, you and I aren't the only ones discussing this. Others have said it was assault.
AGain, what happened to your friend is so important and it gets diminished when we compare something like this to something like that. That's exactly what I don't want to happen. So it doesn't cheapen the very awful thing that happened to her.
And the touching you described is sexual assault. That's not what happened here either. I am very very sorry that you were violated in that way.
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Pamy
Member
01-01-2002
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 6:50 pm
Kar, ty for the explanation on the BR incident.
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Carlpsmom
Member
01-03-2004
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:00 pm
So, since Tyler "relented" to letting JC stay, it was OK? It sounds so much like "well, if it was so bad, she should have left", "if she hadn't worn that top, he wouldn't have even tried anything" and "well, if he hadn't been in that part of town, he wouldn't have been robbed". To me, that is all victim blaming.
I am confused. I respect your points about sexual assault, I do. But, boundaries need to be adhered to.
I don't care if I let you sleep next to me; that doesn't give you the right to touch me.
Yes, my husband and I cuddle but we have an understanding.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:01 pm
Carlpsmom - what about the behavior was "inappropriate" and BB should talk to JC and tell him to stop isn't making sense to you?
I never ever ever said it was okay.
I also think you should lock your doors, be careful walking in bad parts of town, and leave abusive relationships.
That doesn't make it your fault if you get robbed, mugged or beaten, even if you don't take those precautions. And it doesn't make it "okay" if any of those things happen to you if you don't.
But you SHOULD take those precautions.
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Carlpsmom
Member
01-03-2004
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:08 pm
I was referencing this post.
"LOL, he did in fact anticipate JC's actions which is why he told him not to sleep with him in the first place! He ended up relenting. He should have stood his ground. We all need to speak up for ourselves. That's not victim blaming."
I do consider that victim blaming. Yes, he could have fought harder but it doesn't justify JC doing what he did.
I think my question would be: Would JC do this to Tyler if he was awake? Or, would Tyler welcome it if he was awake? If not, then, he shouldn't do it while he is asleep.
We view it differently and that is OK. 
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:15 pm
No, it's not victim blaming to tell someone to stand up for themselves. Not at all. Not in any way.
And you are correct, none of that justifies JC being inappropriate.
As I said, you should lock your doors. It's just wise and taking care of yourself. That doesn't mean that if you don't, and someone robs you, it's your fault.
It's dumb, but it's not your *fault*.
I would never ever ever blame a victim. I do think people should set boundaries however. All. The. Time.
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Dipo
Member
04-23-2002
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:17 pm
I wonder if it would have mattered if it was Angela instead of JC, would people care?
I was more offended by Kaitlyn manhandling Brett while he slept, and nothing was done about that.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:19 pm
Dipo, I agree. Although we can't be sure, it certainly appeared to be more sexual, even if it was for just a very short time.
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Bbpeach
Member
07-07-2005
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:20 pm
So when Tyler kissed a sleeping Angela on the forehead, most seemed to think it was cute. At the base of it, how is that different?
At the end of the day, Tyler was made aware of it. He seems to be okay with it, whether for game reasons or not. If he is, the rest of us should be too. MHO
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:30 pm
Well said Bbpeach.
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Firebird05
Member
08-24-2001
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:34 pm
Thanks Karunna. I now see your position much better.
I’m super sensitive when it comes to touching. Not concentual and concentully touch is a very sensitive issue with me..
My husband of 40 years and my children know how hyper sensitive I am on this issue.
None of them will touch me when I’m sleeping because of that.
I do have vivid dreams and nightmares so hubby will just turn on the light in the room and call my name until I wake up.
He waits till I’m fully awake and aware of my surroundings until he comforts me or touches me.
I guess that’s why we have been together so long. He understands my quirks and does his best to respect that.
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Carlpsmom
Member
01-03-2004
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 7:38 pm
Kaitlyn's actions bothered me too. And, I am not sure as far as Angela. I am being honest.
This is a sensitive issue to me and I probably should not have posted.
Back to reading!
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:13 pm
I think we all see this through our own lenses. Firebird, I'm glad you have people in your life that love you for who you are, because I think you're pretty amazing, and you deserve that.
I do think we *should* try to see things through other people's lenses too. JC's. Tyler's.
Tyler probably (my guess) would not approve.
JC probably (my best guess) didn't mean it sexually but in a comforting caring way.
I'm curious. If Kaycee had done this to Angela, would it still be sexual assault? They've said I love you to each other. I'm guessing they don't mean it sexually.
I can look at it and see it as comforting. It doesn't trigger anything in me. I have fully healed from the assaults I have suffered and am not easily triggered.
I am more concerned about the super highway rage that goes on these days. The incessant piling on when someone might have gone a little askew. THAT is frightening to me.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:32 pm
Besides the fact that NOT everything is sexual, as some people seem to think, another thing was seriously overlooked.
1. There is a claim that Tyler was asleep and having nightmares. IF he was, you should not wake the person up. It's actually best to just let them be and sleep through it (unless it appears to be a violent nightmare).
2. There is also some thought that Tyler was NOT asleep, as it appears he talked about it afterwards. If that is the case, then he didn't respond positively or negatively. He may have just pretended to continue to be asleep and hoped that JC would resume sleeping as well. Which is exactly what happed.
I had asked before if it was a big deal if this had happened with anyone else, and I was ignored. But because it was JC, it was blown out of proportion.
*I'm* more concerned with the hot weather we're gonna have next week. Again!
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Roxip
Member
01-29-2004
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:35 pm
I don't know if it was because it was JC or it was because it was Big Brother. I have always thought the gossip shows love to find something on Big Brother to sensationalize.
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Keldogg
Member
08-12-2005
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:49 pm
I am not a toucher. I am not a hugger. I don't fit in with the rest of my family, who make a normal meet up on the street appear to seem that we have not seen each other in 10 years, instead of just a week ago.
I think that people are looking at this situation through their own lenses of what is their boundary and what is their mindset.
I can only go by what I witnessed. I didn't see it as sexual. Doesn't mean that I think it was cool for somebody to touch somebody else without their permission, but that is my view.
I can understand if Tyler would think it crossed the line. But I can also understand if Tyler didn't think it crossed the line.
The thing is, it's not my call to decide for Tyler if it was acceptable or not, because it wasn't a clear cut situation. It's up to Tyler.
I saw Hayleigh laying in the HOH bed yesterday, caressing Angela, as she had her back turned to Hayleigh. With the conversation about JC, it made me wonder what was the difference between the two situations, and why no one was claiming that Hayleigh was sexually abusing Angela.
JMO
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Tresbien
Member
08-26-2002
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:52 pm
Keldogg, did you hear Angela tell Kaycee about how uncomfortable she was with Haleigh stroking her hair?
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Firebird05
Member
08-24-2001
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:52 pm
It’s a good thing that we see things differently. Opens your mind to other perspectives. I really like considering others point of views. Many times it makes me feel differently to see and consider things from someone else’s point of view.
That’s why I love it here. We can speak our opinions and say how we feel. But in the end we can come together and respect the fact that we see some things differently at times even though we are seeing the same thing.
Isn’t life funny when you have a open mind ?
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Keldogg
Member
08-12-2005
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 8:58 pm
Ditto to what Firebird said.
Even though I may have once or twice (or more) ended up in moderation jail
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:01 pm
It amazes me how much they put up with stuff they don't like.
I'd never survive the BB House. I'd be quite comfortable telling people not to touch my hair or sleep in my bed. Call me "first one out".... LOL.
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Keldogg
Member
08-12-2005
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:02 pm
oh, hell, Karuuna, with my mouth, I would be out way before you
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:07 pm
LOL
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:11 pm
The thing with Haleigh is also different. Angela is, like Keldoggg, not a touchie feelie person. And Angela is not a big fan of Haleigh. I think Angela sees thru Haleigh and her games. I don't know if there was anyone else in the HOHR with the two of them; if there was that may be why Angela didn't stop Haleigh. Otherwise, I think she would have.
Angela has been pretty clear about how she feels about Haleigh. They are friendly but I don't think they are close friends. I doubt they will be friends after this.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:13 pm
And yes, I would draw the line if someone makes me uncomfortable. But I also have been a victim of sexual assault as well as domestic abuse. I'm part of the #metoo movement. I don't stand for assault or abuse of any kind. But I also don't jump to conclusions. Nor do I victim blame.
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Firebird05
Member
08-24-2001
| Thursday, August 30, 2018 - 9:32 pm
If I had to go along to get along I would be in real trouble. But then I’ve never played for half a million dollars and I’m not as dumb as I was in my twenties, so no telling what I would have done then. If this stuff had excisited. I just thank my lucky stars that video on phones did not excist when I was young and totally stupid.
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