Laying In All On The Line

The ClubHouse: The Game II - Mysterious Puzzler: Discussions/Challenges: Laying In All On The Line

Guruchaz

Saturday, January 27, 2001 - 05:35 pm Click here to edit this post

Everyone seems to be wondering what my problem is?

I want to make it clear that despite what certain individuals want everyone to believe, I am not just here to win a prize. I have a burner. I have a printer. Well, I don't have gourmet coffee (but that's beside the point). Yes, Digi, the prizes rock but this means more than prizes. I didn't realize that as much in the beginning as I did a week ago. I know there are those that don't believe me and I've dug that grave for myself. I don't deny it. I'm glad everyone seems to think I'm doing so well in here, but the animosity from others isn't worth the cost. I sense it. The only time I've disliked being in here is times like this when I can't type my heart out without it being taken as some sort of strategy.

On Thursday evening, I was on the computer here for 7 hours and time seemed to pass quickly. We were all collaberating on something. We were all talking to each other and getting to know each other more, whether we realized it or not. Yes, there was an impass and then an outburst that seemed to add to the excitement of the evening but in the aftermath, everyone felt terrible to some extent.

Yesterday, everyone was still buzzing about it and didn't want to let the issue die which seemed to cause more people who were finally calming down to stay upset. Then, we have a spontaneous debate with all kinds of data and comments flying and then everyone is left to wonder why people are upset again.

Today, nobody seems to want to be here anymore and have left and it feels like a total disaster to me.

I never in a million years thought I would feel some sort of personal/emotional connection to anyone I talked to on the internet. I've done the communications thing in mirc and all that before but you talk to the person one evening and they're on their merry way never to be seen again.

Here, we have individuals who are here day after day. In here, we've all had some sort of a chance to get to know each other better and it seems more real, more personal. If you can't tell, I'm a bit upset and sad right now because there are people in here that I truly like and I feel like a total jackass. I'm not even sure why I'm typing all this out at the moment but I want people to understand that despite some of the terrible things that fly out of my mouth in certain situations, it's not because I'm some evil being.

I was upset for my team and myself the other day and I said things I shouldn't have. There's no excuse for that and I'm trying to personally deal with that. I would like to ask everyone to take a step backward and try to see all the good things here in the people and the challenges and the things we try to do here and maybe we can start over to some extent. Some people may only be here for the goods. I don't know. My instincts tell me that the people here I want to get to know aren't solely focused on that.

Maybe through all this we can learn something more about each other with some sort of shred of hope of becoming friends. That is truly something I've never experienced through an online messageboard, and never thought would happen...until now.

Maybe we can begin to have more fun here without feeling so terrible in the process.

Merlin

Saturday, January 27, 2001 - 06:29 pm Click here to edit this post

Just for the record Guru.
I don’t see you as having a problem. I never saw your being the person that you have revealed since entering the game, as being a strategy. For me, the person outside the game was a strategy. I am not sure you saw the outside Guru as a strategy, or even was aware it could have been one.

The reason you have not found me in the normal places on the board that you have seen me previously is that I have spent the last two days in the discussions threads trying to respond to various topics that I have passed up. At the time, I was focusing more on interacting with the other players in the house and not taking the time to reply to some of the topics.

The last two days has also been spent considering the events that have occurred in here. I have the tendency when there is conflict to step back and try to look at things in different perspectives. In real life when this occurs, I have found that I curtail my outside contact with others so I can focus my thoughts. I see the same thing happening here.

As far as the personal/emotional connection goes, I have experienced the same thing. I expect this was what the game 1 players were trying to tell us about in their experience of the game. It is amazing how real it can get.

To tell you the truth, I had considered nominating you for banishment. In my eyes, you have already become a winner in this game and may be needed on the outside more than in here. But then I changed my mind, about the banishment that is.

Juju2bigdog

Saturday, January 27, 2001 - 06:54 pm Click here to edit this post

Well, and I never thought I would be saying this either, but Gu, you gotta quit beating up on yourself so bad. Yes, the experience in here is very REAL, more real than any of us thought it would be. I think Merlin hit the nail exactly on the head when he said that is what the Game I players, notably Moon and Lance and Tuk, were trying to tell us.

It's a totally new and unique and often puzzling, sometimes bizarre experience we are going through here (well, for us, anyways; Game I players know different). Go a little easier on yourself (and some of us sometimes). The welfare of the house does not rest solely on you, and sometimes you cannot affect what happens. Nobody is perfect (except Spam - JUST kidding, can't keep the bad dog in all the time).

Azriel

Saturday, January 27, 2001 - 06:59 pm Click here to edit this post

Guru, I think you have a fan club, outside AND inside the game :)

Guruchaz

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 02:45 pm Click here to edit this post

I've been thinking. I'm sure there are individuals inside and out that will rub this whole situation in to the max. I know I probably would if I was trying to teach someone a lesson.

Funny how that would make me a bad person though.


I know what I need to fix, but everyone's definition of how I should act is probably different. If I do what I feel is right and people still don't see that then they can be on their merry way as they aren't the types of people I would want in my life anyway.

How's that for perspective?

Guruchaz

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 04:08 pm Click here to edit this post

Pretty skewed I suppose. This place is thought provoking.

Ocean_Islands

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 04:12 pm Click here to edit this post

I'm not sure how you should act, but I'm not sure I know how you yourself want to act, since you seem to end up posting a lot of apologies for what you have done in the recent past.

I would pose that question to you!

How do you want to be? And if you are not that, why not?

Guruchaz

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 04:37 pm Click here to edit this post

Well, first of all, I don't think I've posted a LOT of apologies. It's just the one's I DO post are fuel for payback ridicule.


I think it's inescapable to not have some part of one's self in their posts no matter what they are perceived as. It's just easier to speculate than to sift it all out. My self-defined role here was to keep up the controversy by whatever means while still keeping some of my best qualities intact. It's the "good to be bad" syndrome.

How do I want to be? The same with a touch more respect for other people and their views. Why? So I don't alienate future online (or possibly offline) friendships with good people.

Guruchaz

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 06:21 pm Click here to edit this post

In other words, don't expect Howard Stern but don't expect Beaver Cleaver either.

Ocean_Islands

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 06:25 pm Click here to edit this post

Gee, I'm glad that's cleared up!

Guruchaz

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 06:30 pm Click here to edit this post

Me too.

Ocean_Islands

Monday, January 29, 2001 - 06:48 pm Click here to edit this post

Ok, Beaver Stern.

O no Frankenstein rises again

Guruchaz

Wednesday, January 31, 2001 - 10:50 pm Click here to edit this post

Back on a serious note...

There are a few individuals that I would like to request a conversation with after we are all outside of the game as this isn't the appropriate atmosphere to be taken seriously by those I wish to speak to.

Who would have guessed I would say something like that?

Ocean_Islands

Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 04:16 am Click here to edit this post

Hey Gu

I'm not sure if you are referring to me but I disagree that this isn't an appropriate atmosphere in which to be take seriously.

On the other hand, maybe you just want a private conversation.

Guruchaz

Thursday, February 01, 2001 - 09:22 am Click here to edit this post

The correct answer is B.

Guruchaz

Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 12:50 pm Click here to edit this post

<George mode temporarily off>

I wanted to tell a story that may define more of who I am while I am thinking about it. It's certainly an odd tale. Please don't take this as bragging as it is a tale of highs and lows. Most of the extraneous life details have been left out for brevity. Getting to know me and talking to my family is the only way to fill those blanks in.

I'm going to take a trip back and start in my Kindergarden years. I remember getting along very well with most of the kids and having fun. I can remember the time when we all had to learn the alphabet and I already knew it by heart having been previously taught by my sisters at home. As I hear it, there are a lot of interesting tales about the pre-Kindergarden years that only my family remembers. Anyway, I think that's where everything started.

In my grade school years starting with 1st grade on up to 5th grade, I never really had a problem with my schoolwork, but could eventually sense some animosity with some of my friends. I guess there were a few of us that stood out but I never thought it would be a bad thing. I remember turning to humor at a young age. I could always turn most situations into something humorous and as a result I became sort of the class clown. Whether it was for talking or acting up (not in a mean way), it seems I would always get into trouble on a daily basis.

I remember being pulled out of the classroom a few times to take some special tests. I never really thought much about it since I really thought they were fun to do. Only now do I realize what they were for. In second grade, my teacher wanted to boost me to 3rd. In 3rd, they wanted to boost me to 4th but my mom did not allow that for reasons only she can explain. Since my best friend today has been a friend of mine since 1st grade, I'm also glad that didn't happen. Apparrantly, they thought I was getting bored and finishing my work too soon and began to disrupt the class with humor. It all makes perfect sense now.

When I got to 6th grade, which was at a completely different school, it contained a mix of students from all the other area elementary schools. It wasn't just our close knit group anymore and that meant most of them wouldn't understand who I was. I still got along with the majority but as I got to Junior High, I felt a lot more animosity setting in. I found myself purposefully screwing up in class just attention wasn't drawn to me. That was probably the worst mistake I ever made. I lowered myself to "underachiever" status. That was the turning point where I didn't give it my all and it started to slowly become a habit just so I could remain well liked.

It wasn't until my Junior year in High School when I realized that I needed to step it up a notch if I'm going to get into a good college, possibly even Ivy League. At that time, I didn't really have any goals set. As a matter of fact, I wasn't a big goalsetter until just a few years recently. Anyway, I still had a problem with motivation. I was motivated to do well in the classes I was interested in and not motivated in the others. I remember wanting to spend more time with my friends than dwelling on non-motivating classes. Through all that, I still managed to graduate in the top 15% of my class and even started correspondence college courses which spanned over a year after graduation. I was motivated. I was in a new school environment...home...and I did well. The following college years is what dragged out. I completely blew my first semester away from home. Again, I was meeting new people and having a good time. My roommate was fun and a great guy. We had so many parties and went out to the hot spots with all our surrounding roommates. This didn't make for a good semester GPA. It was then explained to me that I'd better get my butt in gear or get out of school. The next semester I was able to clean up my mess. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

This is the story of my life. I am an underachiever. I have dragged my college years by switching majors, dropping uninteresting classes and aceing the rest. I'm not your typical 4 year college student. It's more like 6 years while trying to figure out what in the hell I was supposed to be doing with my life. I would work and go to school part time and I even took a break from college to go to a programming school where I managed to learn all the useless and now outdated computer languages. lol! College computer science courses change very slowly while technology changes rapidly. Most of what I do today is either from learning on my own to keep up or from taking special classes above and beyond college. Right now, I'm learning to program in C because I want to. I've been trying to figure out why I've made the choices I have and why the strangest things motivate me. I seem to be more motivated in life by having a friend I can talk to and open up to than anything. Does that sound odd? Maybe, but that's how I am. Sometimes, I feel way behind in life and like I'm playing catch-up. The good thing is that I've learned to set goals and have a vision and apply myself to my abilities. Now, the motivation still fluctuates but I'm also working on that as well.


Today, I received something in the mail that ties this irony together. I was curious and sent off for a MENSA home test and managed to pass it with 97%. That qualified me to go take the regular admissions test. I've heard both good and bad things about MENSA but I wanted to do this for myself. Today, I received notification that I have passed the exam with 98% and am now a full fledged member of MENSA.

An underachiever in MENSA. Who would have thought? It's the story of my life.

<George mode on>

Merlin

Tuesday, February 06, 2001 - 04:37 pm Click here to edit this post

<eddie mode off>

Not an odd tale at all Guru. Actually I think we all have a tale and for those who want to look, it often does start for us around the age of 5 or 6. It is common for something to happen in our lives at this age and the result is that we make up a story to explain what happened to ourselves. This story that we decide for ourselves will actually become an explanation of who we are and many times will determine what we can or cannot do. For us, it becomes, and is the truth.

Let me use myself as an example. At the age of 5 my step mom gave birth to her first child. I could see a difference in how she was with this new baby and how she was with my brother and myself. I realize now why there was this difference and can understand how much easier it is to bond with a newborn versus a child who is already a couple of years old. I never felt my mom didn’t love me but this new little guy was getting all the attention also. All of the sudden, I was put into a role of having to assist in things that my mom used to do. This is when I started doing dishes, helping clean, etc.

Add to this scene, the fact that this is shortly after my birth mother stopped coming around. So what would a 5 year old boy conclude about all these things that were occurring in his life? It made perfect sense for me at the time, that I was different, and that maybe I needed to make women like me, because it didn’t seem like they did. I can see now how all this has shown up in my life by the person you have seen in this game. Over the years, it has been an unconscious and ongoing drive to have women like me. It literally has created who I am in the same way what happened for you at that age has created who you are. Take a look and see what you come up with. For me the thing is to be aware of it, and make your choices consciously because there will be negative results tied into this story about yourself that you made up. For me, it has resulted in three divorces. I found that as my marriage progressed through the inevitable stages that they did, there was always someone who liked me better. My point is, if I had been aware of what was going on, I could have made different choices.

You can also find that around the age of 13 or so, as we all try to find out where we fit in, that we will add to this story about ourselves. In my case, I was starting 7th grade and was in a science class. It was a brand new school for me in a town that we had just moved to. I did not know a soul. Since I wasn’t out playing with friends that I didn’t have, I found myself reading my homework assignment. In class, the teacher asked a question about how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit, and no one knew the answer. I knew the answer only because I had read my assignment. When I answered the question correctly and saw the looks of the other students, I decided that I was going to be smart. It fit in perfectly with my previous decision that I was different. The smart students were different and they were okay and I decided this is where I fit in. It was a small problem in that I wasn’t naturally gifted, but I learned how to study.

There is generally one more time that we will make a story about who we are. This usually occurs around the age of 18 to 20. I think I may save this one till later and use the Ocean technique of if you keep me playing, you can hear it. <chuckle>

<Eddie mode on>

Elitist

Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 09:27 am Click here to edit this post

Congratulations Gu on becoming a Mensa member. It is great to have that sort of validation in your life.

You and Merlin have kind of hit on a pet theory of mine. I have noticed through the years that there are two different routes for people to take to be considered successful. One route is innate talent, whether it be physical, mental, creative, etc. The natural born athlete, the guy with the high IQ, the girl with the angel's voice. Then there is the route of hard work - the people that give it their all to be successful. The musicians that practice all the time, the basketball player that stays after practice for a couple of hours each night to work on his shot, the scientist that spend long hours working on experiments.

The talented seem to walk through life without much effort, whereas the workers seem to be in a continuous struggle to get better. The talented lots of times have no purpose in life, the workers have definite goal and are elated when they achieve them. Both have there good points and bad.

Of course this is putting people in boxes - these are really the extremes, and they are easily spotted in real life. Most people fall somewhere in between. It is funny though, because Gu has put himself in the talented column as far as intelligence, and Merlin has put himself in the hard work bracket.

I guess where this is going is that I have been lucky enough to personally know people who have both the innate talent and the hard work ethic. These people aren't just successful - they soar. They know no bounds to their talent, and they have a purpose that pushes them to ever greater heights. It is an exhilerating experience to watch them, and humbles you for you know you shall never achieve what they have. All you can do is help them fly, and bask in their glory.

Guruchaz

Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 04:48 pm Click here to edit this post

Thanks E. I know where you're coming from and I appreciate it.

I never really considered following up with MENSA as validation, but I guess I had something I wanted to see if I could achieve. Anyone can take the first step and take the home test that's available from their website for $18.

It's not something I will go slinging around to people and in some ways, I feel I shouldn't have said anything about it. However, it's a part of defining me. It was just the irony of it all.

I'm not one for joining a group to talk about the significance of the terrestrial bodies and the order of the cosmos or whatever the group gatherings are about. (I guess I'll find out when I check one out.)

I'm just one of life's puzzles and my challenge is to try to figure myself out along the way.

Elitist

Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 07:03 pm Click here to edit this post

Hey Gu this was not meant as a slight to you, if that is what you think. I am really proud you went out and achieved what you did. And when I said validate - I meant that you had an idea of your talents, but this is a confirmation from an impartial source. It is something great that you should cherish, and boast about a little bit if you want. I'm all for it.

Be thankful for you talents and use them.

Elitist

Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 07:04 pm Click here to edit this post

Oh yeah and if you get a Mensa coffee cup and hat and carry them around everywhere I am not going to talk to you. :)

Guruchaz

Wednesday, February 07, 2001 - 10:10 pm Click here to edit this post

I can always order you one, you know?

Elitist

Thursday, February 08, 2001 - 07:39 am Click here to edit this post

Do they have the sweatshirts with the Mensa logo on the front and GENIUS on the back?

Guruchaz

Thursday, February 08, 2001 - 08:22 am Click here to edit this post

No, just the ones that say "I'm A GuruChaz" and "Uh Huh Huh!"

That's their best seller.

Elitist

Thursday, February 08, 2001 - 08:40 am Click here to edit this post

How about the ones with "Einstein Slept Here"?