Create Your Mate

The ClubHouse: The Game - Play Room: General Discussions: Discussion - Archives: Create Your Mate

Arreal

Thursday, October 12, 2000 - 12:56 pm Click here to edit this post
If you could give attributes to your mate or create the perfect mate, what would these attributes be?
Pick 3 for each one...

physical attributes?

moral values?

good habbits?

lifestyle?

life goals?

politcal views?

ethical views?

family background?

Xenia

Thursday, October 12, 2000 - 07:18 pm Click here to edit this post
Hey Arreal...

This is a creative topic. I like it. :)

My perfect mate would be older than me and have long blonde hair. The other physical stuff doesn't matter to me (within reason, of course).

I'd want to him to be very educated and committed to lifelong learning. He would have to take his spiritual growth very seriously.

Ideally, I love for him to have a fascinating job (like he was a photojournalist or something) or have had a colorful and eccentric past. But if he didn't, he definitely have to be creative in a big way and use his creativity within everything he did in his day to day life.

I'd want him to be very open-minded, compassionate, empathic and someone who could understand me.

I wouldn't want us to have too many similarities. For example, I want him to be outgoing, whereas I'm not, so that we could learn from each other and balance each other out.

And also for me, my ideal mate was never been married or has had children with another woman.

I think that sums it up. :)

Zebulon

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 11:47 am Click here to edit this post
I mix a little bit of cream with a little bit of spice and condense it into a succulent fine powder.

Oops...that's not the mate we're talking about is it?

Arreal

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 11:52 am Click here to edit this post
goof ball Zeb...lol :)

Zebulon

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 12:15 pm Click here to edit this post
Since we're fantasizing:

My ideal mate is a woman who is between the ages of 26 and 35, toned, tall, blonde hair, blue or green eyes, and smiles most of the time. She should be kind, be able to initiate and carry a conversation, takes very good care of herself and her health, isn't materialistic, isn't overprotective or jealous, is honest, enjoys closeness and, yes, she must love to snuggle with me. Most importantly, she must also love children and want to have children.

Oh, and she must enjoy computers.

A perfect relationship for me would be with someone who understands and respects who I am and how I feel. She must be faithful, strong, sensitive and kind and never abusive or selfish. She should love kids and be a good mother. I ask nothing more or less of her than I ask of myself.

(oh, except I would be a good father instead of a mother)

Luke

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 12:21 pm Click here to edit this post
Actually, I have so much to say about this one, that I'm probably going to ramble on some and not enough on others--so my apologies in advance if I don't get the 3 for each one thing... Actually, I'm going to put them in order of importance from greatest (1st) to least (last).

LIFESTYLE
First and foremost of all, the guy has to be OUT. What do I mean by this? Well, I've already experienced a relationship with a guy who wasn't out... Even worse, he had a lot of built-up internalized-homophobia. He couldn't bear the thought of introducing me to his family as his partner or boyfriend, and he couldn't even introduce me to his fellow co-workers. His company offered health benefits for domestic partners, yet he was so closeted he opted for us to pay for my doctor's visits rather than tell the HR person in his company that he was gay. Pretty pathetic.
Being out, proud, and comfortable with the fact that you're gay is sooo important to me... I guess because I'm out, proud, and comfortable with being gay... and guys who aren't often have trouble with the fact that I am. This is definitely the main lifestyle characteristic that is a requirement in my future partner.

MORAL VALUES / ETHICAL VIEWS (I put the two together)
After the relationships I've had in the past (one in particular, actually), I've learned that it's important for my partner and I to share at least the majority of our moral values. When I think of potential partners, I think of raising a family together, and I also think that in order to pass on good values to our kids, we need to be in agreement with a lot of moral and ethical values.
For example... mutual respect has to be key... In same sex couples, where the gender disparity doesn't exist, I've seen a lot of times that long term relationships can develop a sort of "competitive" nature--who has the better job... who earns more money... That's bullshit. There's gotta be a high value on mutual respect that both of us hold together. Sometimes you'll see somewhat of male and female roles begin to develop in same-sex couples. That's a phenomena that happens, and DOESN'T mean that there should be any disparity in the way one partner respects / disrespects the other.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES
Well, MALE first of all. I tend to usually go for guys who are a little bit older than me, from anywhere 2 to 10 years older than I am. In the gay community, I've found out that men who are younger than I am (early to mid 20's) are not the type who would like to settle down. It's been my experience that the "settle down" age for gay men starts around the late 20's (but this is definitely not universal).
I'd like the guy to be around my height or taller. It's actually the masculinity of a man that attracts me, so I'd be a sucker for a tall, strong man with a goatee and a hairy chest! I've known many straight people who believed that gay guys are attracted to effeminate qualities in other men--although some may be, I sure am not.
I also can appreciate that a man can sometimes get grungy and dirty (God knows I can be messy sometimes), but I do like people (both men and women) to at least practice good hygiene. Really bad hygiene is the first thing that turns me off--and what I mean by really bad is someone who simply doesn't care for his or her own body. That doesn't mean a ton of daily cosmetics and perfumes, but it does mean taking care of your body--not because you need to show it off, but because you care about yourself.

FAMILY BACKGROUND
I really don't have many specifications on what type of family my I would like my partner to come from. The only thing would be that they would be okay with their son's sexuality--which ties into the "lifestyle" paragraph above. I think relationships are hard enough to maintain just through everyday challenges. It would be just too difficult if my partner's family were to keep trying to make him straight, or if they were to cause him--and likewise me--so much pain because they can't accept the fact that he's gay. But, I think uncooperative in-laws are something that neither straight nor gay couples really want.

LIFE GOALS
Just one thing on this one that I'd like to see in my partner--JUST HAVE A LIFE GOAL! Knowing what you would like to do in your life, whether or not you attain that goal, and even regardless of what you use to measure your amount of success in attaining that goal, really is non-important. However, having a set goal in life, even just one, and setting your energies and passions into it, is a very attractive--and even sexy--quality in my opinion.

Vykin

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 12:50 pm Click here to edit this post
Luke, what an interesting post! So much I could say, but been busy in other parts of the house with long messages, so I'll try keep this short.
Your last comments about Having a Life Goal. That for me is key. I have no interest in a mate who would not have goals or dreams. That is what keeps the mind going.

I like an individual who can discuss a world of topics. They don't have to be fully versed on an issue, but just knowing a bit is enough for a conversation. I also like someone who is clean, with themselves and with their "dirty laundry".

I like someone who is straightforward, If they disagree with me, they tell me to my face. I don't have any issue with people of other race, so if I was looking for a mate at this time, color, age etc. would not be a deciding factor.

I like someone who is kind and considerate. Someone who enjoys the outdoors, enjoys travelling and discovering new cultures, new friends.

I like people who "feed my mind", with things I've never known before. Who teach me, for I believe, one never stops learning in life.

I like a person who is sure of themselves, and doesn't need continous compliments about themselves in order to feel good. Good self-esteem is important.

Vykin

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 12:51 pm Click here to edit this post
Oh I forgot:
I don't tolerate substance abuse - alcohol or drugs.

Moondance

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:29 pm Click here to edit this post
Damn Zeb... I am a brunette and don't fall into that age group! And here I thought ......:)

Zebulon

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 06:29 pm Click here to edit this post
Moondance, the hair thing and the age thing are always susceptible to exceptions.