Tali speaks out!

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Talisker

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 03:06 pm Click here to edit this post
Fellow houseguests: I have not read the board nor will I for a few more hours. I am submitting two posts. The first is my confession to the redroom this morning. I felt like you deserved to see what I posted in the wee hours . . . the second is .. . . the rest of my story. Please read both with an open mind. I will be back in a few hours if you want to talk to me.

Hi interrogator . . you can put your eyes back into your head, I am coming in here with a bit of a dilemna . . I should have come to see you last night, perhaps I would have slept better.

I have to say, so far, I have enjoyed playing this game. I am really getting to know my fellow game players and the past few nights have felt like we as a group are getting down to a deeper level of closeness. Last weekend, I got some outside contact regarding my mother who had complications following surgery. Most of my good friends are time zone challenged and I found myself looking for companionship in the way of some of my fellow boardguests.

I got lucky, a couple of them were up and wanting to talk. I wasn't sure if I could share the news about my mother with them but felt okay to just talk for a while to help take my mind off of my worries. In the course of talking, I felt the need to get closer to these people in order be friends. Being friends with people usually involves a certain amount of trust and giving away pieces of your heart. Sure, I told ArReal and Vykin something the other night. I felt that I needed to be able to trust someone and felt like they were worthy of my trust. I had exchanged a few emails with ArReal in the outer boardland before names were selected and thought we were friends of sorts. I felt like I could trust her.

I have to confess interrogator that I have some regrets about letting my guard down so easily. Being worried is not really excuse for me to be so careless with my heart but I just couldn't help myself. I needed friends that night. I am guessing that ArReal has not had a lot of friends or maybe people in her life have not been good to her. Last night, in the hot tub, ArReal felt the need to try to get me to confess what she thinks is a big secret . . I don't have problem with people knowing my secret. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Last night, ArReal spent considerable energy taunting me and in a way it felt like blackmailing me to get me to talk about "Tali's Big Secret" I am guessing she got some sort of pleasure trying to goad me. I didn't really feel like being goaded. To be truthful, I was having a pretty good time just hanging out with the others for a change. Everyone was in a good mood but ArREal just didn't want to let up. In the end, we all went our separate ways. I don't know if she decided to tell my secret or not. One secret - I DID not use Xenia's vibrator in the church fountain. :)

I would have fessed up but Interrogator . . . some of the key players were not there. May, Xenia, Zebulon, and Luke were all absent. Wouldn't be right to talk to some of the group and not the entire group of something that they should hear too. And, I have to confess . . . there is a part of me that does not like someone making the entire group feel bad because they feel like they have a secret and want to force someone to tell all just to make themselves look smug. I just couldn't do it. If I had confessed what she thinks is a big secret (which, it really isn't), I would have felt like I had been manipulated.

My secret? No big deal . . if the group wants to hear it, I have no problem telling it - in the right circumstances. I really like these people and because of my secret, I have gotten to know some of them on a level that I may not have been able to achieve otherwise. I just didn't want to be used to further someone else's idea of pleasure. I will clue everyone in when the time is right - when it is right for me and my fellow houseguests. . .

Interrogator? Can I go now?

Talisker

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 03:07 pm Click here to edit this post
This second message is for my fellow houseguests. We have been together for a week today and I feel like in the past couple of days we have been getting to know each other on a deeper level through conversations in the house and the challenges.

Just to clarify something, I have not read ANY part of the board since around 11 pm last night when I went to bed so I don’t know what has been said or what speculations there have been.

Just to get this out of the way – “Tali’s Big Secret” is I am a moderator – aka Gail.

I am playing the game exactly the same as any of the other board guests with one exception. I won’t be allowed to win. I knew that somewhere, somehow, I would have to piss off someone enough to get my a$$ banished out before the end. To be honest, I am here for the experience. I do not have any edge and if I get nominated, I can get banished just like everyone else.

First the bad . . .

I feel like I need to get the worst part of this message out of the way first and then move on to the rest of this post. You have seen my RedRoom confession – everything there is completely true. My mother had back surgery 2 weeks ago that was supposed to not too serious and ended up have very serious complications that resulted in her staying in the hospital for 5 extra days and then, being re-admitted a day after she was released for heart problems. I got that news late Sunday night and was very worried. Okay . . . so there I was talking to Vykin – not about the game but about Canadian Thanksgiving and general chit chat. He said that ArReal was IM’ing him (AOL equiv to ICQ) and wanted to know if she could join in. I said sure, I knew her from the main boards. We had teased each other (so I thought) and exchanged a couple of emails. I thought we were friends. (I am not trying to rehash what has been said in my RR confession – just trying to get my thinking on track)

In the chat, I found myself just wanting to be one of the group. As Ryder/Tali – I didn’t feel comfortable being in that roll in a chat session with people I was just getting to know. I had to be on my guard and that is not who I am – for example, I asked Vyk what time zone he was in and he told me. I told him I was in Mountain time but could not say where I lived. When ArReal came in the room, I was not actually positive it was Kearie – I did not know any more then the others who was who except that Jana sent a message to my Gail email address letting me know who she thought everyone was. I saw it and closed it back up and never looked at it again.

I asked ArReal if she was Kearie and she told me yes. I said okay – I know you from the main boards - <exhale> I felt that in order to talk to her about things familiar, I needed to say who I was. So, I did – I gave a few hints but she didn’t get it. I figured saying “Kearie Dearie” would have been a big clue. I finally came out and said I was Gail. Vyd said he remembered me (I did not remember him because he rarely posted – password challenged) and Kearie basically called me a Brat. She asked me if I was a mole and I said in a way I was . . I was the host’s eye’s and ears as to how the game was going. I would be able to evaluate from a player’s point of view how things just incase we needed to make some modifications along the way ( I will address that much later)

I told ArReal over and over and over, I was a game player just like her and that I was not out on the game discussion boards. I had no special advantages over anyone else. My user name is the same as the others. In the entire game area, neither of my usernames work. I told ArReal this over and over. After about 30 minutes, she seemed to be okay with this. At first, she told me she wanted me to email Neil and let him know that I had told her and Vyk who I was to make sure it was okay. I said I didn’t feel like I should have to do that. I had only told who I was to be better friends . . closer.

ArReal finally said that she was okay and that she believed me. She even gave me a little :-o-) or something like that to let me know everything was cool. Exhausted from worrying about my mom and now this, I went to bed. I woke up fully expecting to see something from Big H letting me know I was out of the game and off the board. There was nothing in my mail so I figured everything was fine like Kearie said. Again, I take people at their work – no question. My own worst fault is I trust to quickly. I get hurt a lot but it saves having to knock down walls to get to me.

Imagine my surprise when around 7 pm Monday night, I got an email from Big H asking what was going on. They got an email from ArReal saying I had told her and another BG who I was. I can say this . . I felt sick to my stomach – so much for ArReal saying everything was cool. She told Big H that she didn’t think she wanted to play anymore because she thought I had lied. Hmmm – what lie?? I told her my real name.

Big H said she told ArReal that I was not there to cause trouble, I was just a player like everyone else except that I couldn’t win. Told her she had a lot of fans who were rooting for her and she shouldn’t walk.

I think that Big H and I both though all wa great. Maybe until last night. It kind of started in the hot tub. I saw her there and should have left but decided not to hide out – I felt like the conversations in the living room and the hot tub earlier had been great! Xenia’s appearance kind of emptied things out but when I say Roger come back, I decided to go back for a while. Vyk joined us also as did ArReal. That’s when she started with that bit about holding my head underwater.

As most of you have seen, ArReal spent pretty much an hour and half saying “Tali’s got a secret” (make that musical). As I said in my RR confession, I did not feel like giving her the satisfaction of answering to what I felt was almost like blackmail on her part. If her intent was to make other’s feel uncomfortable and make me feel bad for not answering taunts, then I guess she succeeded. This information would have all come out in the course of the game. It was just a matter of feel like I was an accepted part of the group.

I never attack people! I never will attack anyone on a message board. I can understand how people disagree on topics and I like to listen to intelligent arguments. But, I have to say this. I feel like ArReal did this to get a weird sense of pleasure out of trying to hurt me – maybe hurt Big H, the other board guests and also I am very sorry to say Vykin because he didn’t cave into her crap last night and today. (He said she has giving him a hard time in IM’s) I am not hurt, I am disappointed in her. As I said in the RedRoom, I think maybe she does not know how to be a friend or doesn’t have many friends if she thinks that this is entertaining. I see this like the haggis thing she did the other day – a malicious prank. Hopefully somebody besides her is laughing?? I am not.

I still do not know what was said after I left the board last night. And, I actually won’t for a few more hours – I only got about 2 hours sleep last night (not from worrying about the board – just because I stayed up to late in the hottub with Vykin) and I have to get some sleep.

Now, for the good . . . (I am trying for the record for the longest post on the board)

Playing this game has been fun for me. As a moderator, I was typically too busy to get to read a lot of the messages – I didn’t see any of the live feeds news during the last couple of weeks of the show. Getting to be a board guest was kind of like getting a vacation as a reward for working 50+ hours a week on the board for the past 2 months. The ONLY moderating I have done this past week is to okay the user accounts and delete the unused ones. I spent 8 hours last Monday doing that little chore. I typically get about 20 new accounts to approve each day and about 4 or 5 passwords to fix.

I guess there are some who are wondering why didn’t I just enter the game as Gail. Well, why didn’t Xenia enter as Wendy, why didn’t Zelda go in as Moon, etc. Neil told me that most of the contestants did not want to be themselves because of prejudices on the board. They wanted to just be themselves under a different name. Neil and I discussed if I should be just Gail or not. There were many pros and cons to this. The pros – maybe I had enough of a reputation as a moderator to have some positive influence. The cons, maybe I had enough reputation as a moderator to get negative influence.

I couldn’t go in as Gail and stand my ground if the arguments get heated. Moderators have to a little professional. But, to be honest, I did not want that intimidation factor there. I didn’t want someone to not like me right off the bad because I was an evil moderator nor did I want anyone treating my extra special because of it either. I just wanted to be me. I did get a little carried away with my profile. I didn’t want to be found out right away. Plus, I confess, I did try to do a little roll playing. I am not quite the flirt that my profile makes me out to be.

I am starting to lose my train of thought but I want to finish this.

I have had a blast this week playing this game as I am sure many of you guys have had too. I played to have fun. I hope all of have been too. There are still a few things I have not been able to do . . . in outer board land, Wendy and I never really talked and I tried to connect with her here but was not able to. Not sure if it was different schedules or just too many damn rooms.

I did want to talk to Snave – was pretty happy to see that he was going to be here – that meant we would get to see another side then just the funny guy doing the live feeds. For whatever reason he felt like he had to go, I am sorry. His time with us ended way too soon.

Probably the most gratifying time I have had playing this game (I don’t mean to exclude anyone) has been getting to know Zebulon. In outer board land, we would have been mortal enemies. Many is the night were I had my finger set to banish his a$$ because he stepped over the line. If I have been Gail, and he had been Tukuul, we may not have been able to talk in the house. But at Zeb and Tali, things were much more relaxed. I feel like I know him much better then I could have otherwise. But, more importantly, not only do I know him better, I respect him, I admire him and (I can’t believe I am going to say this) I really like him (not in a homosexual way) <sorry couldn’t resist that>

I just wanted to play as me – not as a moderator. Hope you all can understand that. I didn’t want special privileges or fake politeness. When Big H sent out the message last Friday night that said we could have no further contact with him/her except to resign, I nearly shit! It actually scared me!

I am not here to sabotage the game. I love this board too much plus I spend way to many hours a week preserving the integrity of it. I don’t get paid for this except for Neil’s undying gratitude (and hopefully a t shirt one of these days) I work here because I believe in what I am doing – making this board a fun place for the people who visit here and hopefully stick around. For the game, as I said I have no special advantages. I have made a few requests to Big H behind the scenes to help with things that are problem areas. Like, get rid of all those stupid rooms! Or, how’s this one . . since Mantastic left, please do not banish two people. We are starting to bond and getting rid of two more people would hurt that bonding. I think there is another positive thing coming but not sure if Big H posted it. Will see it tomorrow possibly. I have a little bit of an inside track but not all of my requests have been granted either.

I don’t know how the viewers will see all this. If they are upset, they can probably vote me out since the polls are opened all night.

So, my fellow board guests – now you know everything. Well, almost everything. Here is the rest – just in case you wanted it. My name is Gail, I live in Peyton, Colorado out in the middle of nowhere (almost). I live alone with my three little cairn terriers. I make my living helping people out on their computers. I like reading, playing guitar (when my hands don’t hurt) watching movies, cooking, Big Brother, The X files and ICQ’ing.

Okay, I need to take a nap! I hope you understand. I want to be back later to discuss this. Please don’t attack me – I will not respond to meanness since what I did was not mean. I just had one extra name then you guys did. This is all information that would have come out in the coming weeks. I just picked the wrong person to trust when I trusted ArReal. Not her fault – was mine – totally!! I just never learn. (reminder to self – if not banished for this , make a post in painful lessons folder). I probably won’t respond to ArReal – she has said more then enough and caused enough trouble. I responded to her last week and thought all was fine. Didn’t feel like she needed to be this way. I don’t hate her, just feel sorry for her.

Would like to tell all the other of my fellow board guests that I like all of you a lot. Will be interested in seeing future discussions togethers. A special thanks to Moon for coming out and saying good night to Roger and me that first night. That was sooo nice! I really appreciated the gesture! I felt like I was an unknown but you made me feel welcome. Also, a special thanks to Vykin – he stayed by my side last night when I was getting a lot of pressure. Never wavered – he is a good man!!

Okay I am going for a nap and will be back in a few hours after I am rested and have eaten. Would like to ask for one small consideration: I have got very painful tendonitis in my right hand – caused mostly from typing (space bar). When I come back – my posts might see choppy like I am leaving words out. If I have typos, I will not be able to correct all of them so please learn to speak typo-ese. Okay?

Himay10ns

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 03:20 pm Click here to edit this post
<stepping over the guts on the floor>

My decision still stands. As long as Tali/Ryder/Gail is playing by the same rules as the rest of us, let's make this a fresh start. On with the game....

Xenia

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:01 pm Click here to edit this post
I think this is all a bunch of shit.

"I've enjoyed playing the game"?

"...we as a group are getting down to a deeper level of closeness"?

How could you have been having fun or know if we were getting closer or not? You're rarely here!!

And I don't care if you were reaching out for friendship or not. You should have kept your mouth shut and NOT revealed who you were. Look what you've done and chaos you created because of your lack of common sense.

You said: "I am guessing that ArReal has not had a lot of friends or maybe people in her life have not been good to her."

And I would guess the same of you. The only place you could find support was within a game with people you have barely had exchanges with over a week? How sad is that? Where are all of your friends?

Neil should have kept this game fair and not chosen you.

Roger_Ramjet

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:16 pm Click here to edit this post
Tali--Roger here. First, I believe you that you really don't flirt as much as tali--I don't see how you could!! LOL!

Second--VERY sorry to hear about your mom!!

You said from your RR "I have gotten to know some of them on a level that I may not have been able to achieve otherwise"

Yours to belive, although, speaking for myself (and for the rest of these when I speak for someone, it will be only me!)you also could have gotten to know us on the same level--you didn't give that a chance.

Also in message #2 you said ". I had to be on my guard and that is not who I am – for example, I asked Vyk what time zone he was in and he told me."

You have to be on your guard and that is not who I am--that statement says a lot! The reason it seems you said it was beacuse you were not being yourself--the point of contention for some people. (that was not a judgement--merely a data point)

Also "She asked me if I was a mole and I said in a way I was . . I was the host’s eye’s and ears as to how the game was going. I would be able to evaluate from a player’s point of view how things just incase we needed to make some modifications along the way ( I will address that much later)"

So, you communicated that at least in part, you were a mole. I can see where she was looking at you in that light--you said that it's true--in part. Notice I included all the quote so people can re-see waht your role as a mole was (hey, a funny--role as a mole)

Also you said "I guess there are some who are wondering why didn’t I just enter the game as Gail. Well, why didn’t Xenia enter as Wendy, why didn’t Zelda go in as Moon, etc."

There is a difference--It was easy to tell that Zelda is Moon--she posted a picture of herself, as well as having plictures of Zelda in the Angel scrap book. Now, if she posted a picture of, say Xenia, then I would say that would be closer to waht you did.

And "I didn’t want someone to not like me right off the bad because I was an evil moderator nor did I want anyone treating my extra special because of it either. I just wanted to be me."

Again by making the choice, you took away the chance for us to evaluate you on your merit--the one thing you seemed that you would really wish would be able to happen.

For the record---I would have treated you the same way had Gail been a applicant and made it in. As long as you have no additional accesses compared to us, you are Gail----not Gail the moderator--after all moderators are people too!!!

I would have welcomed the chance to get to know the person Gail is as Tali, just like I believe I know who Zelda is through Moon, or Kearie is through Arreal.

And hey, if Host wants to shake things up a bit, that's within the rules of the game!!! Actually any one of us could have done that--and maybe a couple have in little ways.

A point I made in another post---the label of liar is dependent upon a person's definition..for instance my dfeinition includes someone who does not say information for the pyrpose of deception or keeping it away from another.

Another person may not have that in their definition!! So, take a look at waht you did, and see where it fits for some people.

Now before I get noticed for cpying only "bad portions" of your posts, I wanted to address some of the points others may preent to you, or that I wanted to present. I think that you do a great job as a moderator, whoever in the house it souldn't mean anything. As I read the information above, I have no question about your true interest to be a part of the game. In so much you were the mole, it would make sense for us not to know. If you were init for the experience, I would bet that you would have been well recieved if gail had been one of the 5 women's names!!! Would there bea little whining?? Probably, until is was made clear that you are Gail, not Gail the moderator!!

Our bad, if we can not grasp the following:

Gail is who you are---moderator is what you do.

You are in the game for who you are---so I call you Tali.

I think you are a very decent person, and would have enjoyed getting to know you more had I known Gail was going to be I the house. Please feel free to take that as a compliment.

Personally Tali, your posts are great compared ot mine--I don't have tendenitus--it's just that I can't type, and hunt with a few fingers.

My take on Vyk is that he is a good man as well. My take on Arreal is that she is a good woman. Throw in concerns for getting booted off (not real I believe, although felt VERY real to her--and that is what she wil act to) She was trying to ease her conscience, as well as not loose being a BG and a BBFC member--I was there--it was a real concern for her. Well, as much as one can tell when you have great empathy...I'll never admit it again!!

Your latter statement says what I think you would have experinced if we had see Gail on the sheet:

"Also, a special thanks to Vykin – he stayed by my side last night when I was getting a lot of pressure."

If you had shown as Gail (well shown in as much as any of the rest of us and our fake name did)I think you would have gotten that same support when getting pressure--because we've all gotten pressure of some kind, and has support fr all.

Tali, I would love to have you back with us--Host put it to a vote... I voted that you come back in.

I think your first instinct about Arreal is corrct--you guys just had a different definition of "liar.

Besides, Host didn't have to answer those questions I posted!!!

Arreal

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:19 pm Click here to edit this post
I understand that you may not want to hear what I have to say. Don't read it. If your got a response from Neil so quickly, It was not because I told them what I knew. Here is my letter to them....

Subj: Re: mole
Date: 10/9/00
To: neil@enbcom.com

Thanks for the well wishes and good lucks, Neil, Lisa.

Something happened tonight that has really bothered me. However I promised not to say a thing to anyone. But it is driving me bananas.

I'm writing you because I want you to be the only one knowing this. I know that the information I have will now effect how I will play the rest of the game. It will effect how I feel about the entire game and the entire experience.

Do the people watching already know? Or suspect? Is this a test to see how I will handle the information? Another person in the house also knows the same thing that I do.

Now my trust has totally been shaken and I feel vulnerable. Funny how this is just a silly virtual reality game. Sad that it can effect our real lives and cause such strong emotions.

I will stick with the game and my secret for as long as I can. I may find that I will have to bow out gracefully in the future though. I hope you can understand that. I don't want to be branded a quitter, but I can't play too many head games and come out unscathed. It's a mental health issue for me, personally.

Kearie

The subject matter was no mistake.


The response that I got from Host was...


ubj: Re: mole
Date: 10/9/00 8:27:21 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: host@enbcom.com (Host)
To: Fantasia4Me@aol.com

What are you talking about?

----- Original Message -----
From: <Fantasia4Me@aol.com>
To: <neil@enbcom.com>
Sent: Monday, October 09, 2000 4:01 AM
Subject: Re: mole


I responded with 2 words. RE: MOLE

This is the response I got....

ubj: Re: mole
Date: 10/9/00 1:54:23 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: host@enbcom.com (Host)
To: Fantasia4Me@aol.com

Kearie,

The idea of you being a 'Mole' in the game was thrown out a while ago. We
emailed you about it. We don't know what you are talking about now. What
secret? Are you logging into the discussion board under another name and
reading all the stuff? If you are, that is against the rules and you could
disqualified. If you are, there was a misunderstanding, please refrain from
that activity or we'll kick you out of the game!

I thought it was clear that the 'mole' idea was not going to be pursued.
Whatever secret you have, maybe it outta stay as a secret. I don't know.
----- Original Message -----
From: <Fantasia4Me@aol.com>
To: <host@enbcom.com>
Sent: Monday, October 09, 2000 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: mole


> re: Mole


From this, It sounds like Host already talked to Gail, yet I still had not mentioned names or anything of that nature. In stead I was accused about having a second name and being on the boards outside the "Play Area" I never was.


Subj: Re: mole
Date: 10/9/00
To: host@enbcom.com

Neil---

I have not in any way posted under any alias' nor have I ventured into the Game Discussions Area. I would not cheat. My questions to you came directly from a conversation I had with another BG---straight from the horses mouth. Another Board Guest mentioned their OTHER NAME and purpose in the house.

I'm hurt that you would even think that I was cheating in any way. I have given nobody reason to assume that I am dishonest in anything.

Now that it has been indicated that I may be a cheater, I would like to drop this discussion. What I was told will stay with me in the spirit of the game.
I will remain true to myself, my openness and my complete honesty.

Ban me if you must.


That is how I responded to the previous e-mail by HOST questioning my integrity in the game.


I got this response. (NOTE: I still had note told what Gail had told me. I did not know what to do with it. Was I malicious? NO.)


This is the next letter I got from Host. They still are saying they have no idea what I was talking about...yet Gail claims they had contacter her with questions Sunday night.

Subj: Re: mole
Date: 10/9/00 2:52:55 PM Pacific Daylight Time
From: host@enbcom.com (Host)
To: Fantasia4Me@aol.com

Kearie - it's not an issue of not trusting you. We just did not understand
your first message about a secret. Neil and I both could not figure out
what you meant when you said that you know this "secret" and it will affect
the way you play the game. When asked what you were talking about, you said
"mole" but again, we don't know what you mean. Neil answered your e-mail
quickly, when he should have handed it to me (the Host). So again, what do
you mean and what is the problem? What other house guest and what other
name? We didn't mean to offend you - we thought possibly the discussion
about you being a mole, then not being a mole was miscommunicated.
I await for your response... I'd really like to clear this up.
Are you having fun in there? It's kind of strange eh?
Lisa

----- Original Message -----
From: <Fantasia4Me@aol.com>
To: <host@enbcom.com>
Sent: Monday, October 09, 2000 5:26 PM
Subject: Re: mole

The following day I did tell Lisa Tali told me she was Gail. Host also wanted to know who the other person was that knew the info Tali had given us. I told her I didn't feel right in mentioning the third party's name.

Host also suggested perhaps tali was playing a headgame with me. She also told me I could tell anyone I chose about what Gail had said....This is what she wrote.


Subj: Re: mole
Date: 10/10/00 5:05:10 AM Pacific Daylight Time
From: host@enbcom.com (Host)
To: Fantasia4Me@aol.com

Hi Kearie,
Gail wanted to play the game, but felt that she would be at a disadvantage
going in as herself since she is a moderator and unliked by some. Even
though we gave you alter-egos, she realized that her true identity would
come out eventually and she wanted to have a clean start. We decided, since
she's put so many hours into moderating the board over the summer, and has
never really had the chance to just have fun, this would be good for her.
We've checked with her and she has assured us that she is playing by the
rules just like you guys are, and has not entered into the off-limits area.
She is considered a "mole" but not in the definition you think. She was not
put in the game to sabotage anything, or play head games on you guys, it was
just to cover who she is completely....
We understand how this could bother you, and don't want you to leave the
Game. You are very popular out here on the board and people are routing for
you. What I suggest is, if you want to, you can always tell the other
Players what you know, and try to get a campaign going to nominate Talisker
out of the game :) That's what it's all about right? Disclose her secrets
and let the Players decide her fate. It could add some spice in there!
I'll leave it up to you, and hope that you decide to stay in.

Let me know,
Thanks,
Lisa

----- Original Message -----


I chose to keep it quiet until last night. If my eventual bringing it up came across as malicious, it was not inteneded to. Hell, I don't even know why it came up. I was being silly when I wrote I was holding her head under water with my foot.
I had no plan to disclose anything at that point.
I was questioned...why did you do that?.....I didn't know other than I was being silly.

Finally I mentioned something about a secret tali had that Vyk also knew. The more they denied it, the more challenged I felt to pursue it.
If that is intentional viciousness, I apologize as it was not my intent. I simply felt challenged.

My whole problem with this situation was with understanding WHY? Gail chose to tell this secret to me. I also thought we were joking on the outside...but I also recalled the threats of a web page called BANISH KEARIE. I felt I was being the target of headgames by Gail and the Admin.

Didn't most of us on the outside hope that CBS would use a mole in the next BB, someone to stir up trouble? I questioned all this.

I wasn't sure what the heck was going on.

As far as a trust issue, It was a trust issue for me also Gail. I'm sorry you feel hurt and betrayed.

Admin

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:32 pm Click here to edit this post
RE: Question from Players asking if Vykin is two or more players

This question was answered YES in error. The actual answer is NO. Sorry for any confusion. This was not meant as a deliberate attempt to stir trouble, it was a legitimate error on MY part.

Please accept my apologies and don't judge the entire game based on this false answer.

This is the only time I will be posting in here.

Xenia

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 04:44 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal: I find it totally funny that they would have the nerve to question your integrity when it is obvious there wasn't much integrity behind the motive to have Gail participate in the game.

Thank you for posting all this info and pointing out the inconsistencies. What a very interesting state of affairs.

Vykin

Friday, October 13, 2000 - 05:34 pm Click here to edit this post
Tali, thank you for your forthright explanation.
Roger, when arreal asked me to "reveal the secret"
I seriously thought she was kidding about
something in the hot tub. If you thought
I was lieing because I invented a story of tali going naked in the church, you are mistaken.
Arreal, tried to pull me into a lengthy
converse she was having with you and I
honestly didn't know she was referring to
what she calls "the secret" about tali.
Eventually I caught on and left.

Obviously, Arreal was obsessed with tali's real
identity. Where as I really didn't care
I had proof from the Host to substantiate what
Tali said. Who, as someone said earlier, during DID send out the emails telling us we can't
email the host.
Unlike Arreal who obviously has sent a big load of emails regarding tali to the Host, I didn't do that.

I took the position: "For all I know Tali is just stringing us."

When the initial private chat took place,
once I saw where it was going and tali and
arreal knew each other from before, I LEFT!

Yes, perhaps I could have gone straight to the Playroom and posted what I "heard". But I was
new, I didn't know whether tali, or arreal are
fishing for something from me. Everybody was
playing games. I felt it was NOT MY PLACE, to
go and spread what tali said, because it would
serve no purpose and be meanspirited on my part. From my viewpoint, I could see i was an "outsider" here. That people never knew me prior to this game. The rest of you knew each other, and would turn on me for no reason. I decided, Let Things Unfold Naturally, if Tali was put in by Host, it was not in my better interests to question his reasons or judgements.

When Arreal tried to pull me into her "game" last night, what she hasn't acknowledged is that, I
told her from the beginning, it wasn't an issue with me. I subsequently told Arreal COUNTLESS times after right up till last nite, that I
wasn't going to betray someone based on Arreals
"investigations". I don't betray people in my
real life, I don't do that here. I have fun here, and I have seriously discussions here.

If I took the High Road in terms of Tali, then let the outside people voted me out for that, and I would gladly go, with my Integrity intact, and knowing that I chose the high road instead of the low one. But I refuse to publically humiliate and condemn a person, when I haven't heard both sides of an "alleged secret".