Xenia

The ClubHouse: The Game - Discussion Room: The Red Room: Xenia

Moderator

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 08:04 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia enters the Red Room confessional and sits down facing the screen.


The Interrogator says:

Good evening. Feel free to say anything you wish. Maybe something you didn't give voice to while talking with the other players, or some opinion you want to state.


Xenia smiles and says:

I hope everyone is doing well.


Xenia seems to hesitate, and then says:

This whole Game thing feels weird to me.

I'm used to being quite antisocial and I thrive on having privacy. Having to interact with ten people is proving to be difficult for me. I just can't seem to get into the group bonding thing except for when we are having serious discussions about various topics.

I don't do idle chit-chat well.


Xenia apepars to be deep in thought, then states:

As far as the other bgs, there are a few I feel like I haven't connected with--people who don't stick out in my mind for a specific reason and I find myself having to go back to early posts to find out who they are and what they're about.

A few of them have made an impression on me. When I saw Moondance's photo, I was stunned by the way she looked. Maybe it's just me being jealous, but I initially felt threatened by her incredible beauty.

But now that some time has gone by, I can say there's other stuff that annoys me about her too. She is always sweet and nice and seems to stay away from anything intense. I can't stand people like that. She always has something nice to say. That's not a bad thing, but I can only handle so much fluff.

And I am so sick (already) of Arreal and Roger CLINGING to Moondance.

And all this sticky-sweet behavior is getting on my nerves. How many times have I seen this:

bg #1: (Comes into a room) Hi everyone.
bg #2: Hi bg #1 (((hugs)))
bg #1 Hi bg #2 (((hugs)))
bg #2 Where have you been? Hugs and kisses to you!
and on and on...


Xenia makes gagging noises.

Xenia yawns and then continues:

And I'd have to honestly say, I feel like I'm confined with way too many immature, weak people who are here for one big love-fest rather than to challenge themselves or even learn anything.

I feel very out of place here. But that could change. Who knows?


Xenia enters into a period of silence.


The Interrogator says:

If you are finished, we will talk more tomorrow.

Xenia heads for the exit and says:

Later...

Moderator

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 09:00 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia storms into the Red Room and sits down in the chair. She casts a furtive glance at the screen and says:

Hey...


The Interrogator says:

Yes?


Xenia blinks and says:

I just came here to vent...

The Interrogator replies evenly:

Then vent.

Xenia smiles and says:

Let me pull out MY BIBLE--also known as the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

The definition of "game" is: "activity engaged in for diversion or amusement".


The sound of pages being gently turned emenates from behind the screen. Xenia seems disconcerted for a moment, then she continues:

One more time...

"activity engaged in for diversion or amusement"

So, I am participating in "The Game" or the "The Hand-Holding, Hugging, Appeasing, Let's-Share-Everything-In-Our-Hearts Lovefest"?

About the whole gay issue and Himay situation: I'll admit it. I'm just f*ck*ng with her to get a rise out of her. And the fact that she admits to going back to look at my reaction proves that I got under skin. HA! That is "game" playing to me.

You notice a smug, satisfied smile appear on her face. She smirks and then says:

I really do get irritated by the whole "homosexuality is wrong because the Bible said so" argument.

But under normal circumstances, I would never bash anyone for living by the words in the Bible even if I don't agree with them. I have a very deep relationship with God, but I also believe that is something extremely personal and should not come out in the form of Bible quoting.


Xenia sighs contentedly, gets up, and leaves the Red Room.

Moderator

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 05:48 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia walks into the Red Room and sits downand says:

Hi!


The Interrogator says:

You have gotten to meet and know each other for a couple of days. Sometimes first impressions last the longest. Select two houseguests, preferably one you like and one you don't (or one you like the least) and tell me YOUR impression.


Xenia nods her heads and says:

Impressions of two houseguests, hmmmmmm.

I really like Luke. It's more of a vibe thing than because of something he said. He hasn't been around much, but from the posts I've read, he seems like an intelligent and non-ass-kissing kind of guy.


Xenia ponders something for a moment and then says:

Someone I dislike? I've already ragged on Moondance enough. To say anything else during this visit would be redundant. I guess the only other person getting on my nerves is Zeb. Yeah, drinking is fun and lightens things up, but taking the drinking thing to extremes is totally childish and continually mentioning it is even worse.

And man, if I read the word "hug" one more f*ck*ng time, I am going slit my wrists.

I guess that is all for now.


The Interrogator says:

We will talk again tomorrow.


Xenia gets up and smiles. As she is leaving she says:

Later...

Moderator

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 06:39 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia was in the Red Room talking about the airplane challenge.


Xenia grimaces and says:

It's 11:46AM...almost time for us to give our final answer for the first challenge.

I have to say, I feel crappy about this challenge. I feel I didn't contribute enough. Usually with puzzles like that I need some time to mull it over on my own and visualize it all.

I hope we get a challenge where I can be more productive.


Xenia shakes her head and chuckles. She continues:

And did you read how Moondance was whining about how she thought of the landmine theory first? Ok, so she did and none of us noticed, but now we all know. Did she have to mention it twice?

She's like, "I'm just sticking up for myself."


Xenia rolls her eyes and says:

Obviously, she doesn't do it often.

Moderator

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 11:47 am Click here to edit this post
While in the Red Room discussing life in The Game she looks at the screen and says:

I have to admit, I am getting bored here. The discussion have been stimulating, but as I have said before, I just can't get into the whole "grab a beer and sit and talk about nothing" mode that seems to prevail around here.

Thanks to this game, I've given a lot of thought to time management. I devoted so much time to BB and now this. Here I am typing e-mails and posts and giving a lot of thought and energy to something I deem as unproductive, yet it seems important to me. And that makes me question what is important to me.

And I guess I'll be getting back to freelance journalism next week. :) I know I'll be booted out of here.

Who else are the other bgs going to nominate? Who else is there to vote out? Everyone else has been so passive and friendly and behaved as they should. that warm and fuzzy shit really leaves an impression on people.


The Interrogator says:

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Xenia nods her head and says:

One more thing:

The reward for our first challenge still bothers me. To me, it was a reward that was only "rewarding" to Moondance. It didn't seem fair to the rest of us.


The Interrogator says:

If that is all, we will talk again later.


Xenia gets up and says:

Later...

Then heads out the door.

Moderator

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 11:59 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia rushes into the Red Room and shouts:

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!

Look, I know I will nominated for banishment this week. PLEASE vote for me so I can get out of this!!!

These people are driving me crazy!!!!

None of them have proven to have a whole lot of depth. I'm sick of the meaningless conversation that takes place most of the time. They all want things to be light and humorous and frivolous. Christ, I'm surprised no one has started a pillow fight yet.

Most of the things they say just infuriates me.


The Interrogator says:

Could you give us an example?


Xenia nods and gruffly says:

Like Mantastic for example. Mantastic pops in for five seconds to leave long messages about surfing and surfing being the excuse for not participating in the game. And I'm thinking, one, why should I give a shit about your passion for surfing when you don't care about playing a game you committed to play? And two, could you be any more selfish? You come here and talk about yourself in a few posts then split. What's up with that?


The Interrogator says:

How exactly is this impacting on you?


Xenia gives an exasperated sigh and says:

This game is bringing out the worst in me. I'm starting to think I have more in common with Will Mega than I do with Jordan. :)

I just know that some point the bgs are going to turn this game into one big group therapy session. I don't want to be here for that.

I guess this reaffirms what I've always known about myself: I don't do well in large groups and I thrive within one-on-one situations. I just didn't know being part of group would make me so nuts.

This isn't fun, and almost right from the beginning, I've been in a bad mood.


The Interrogator says:

What would you want to say to the viewers, in case you are nominated for banishment?


Xenia grins and says:

Vote me out! Then you can read about the beloved Moondance and all of her subjects as they frolic in the early morning sunshine while holding hands and talking excitedly about which is more lovable, a soft, furry kitten or a cute puppy.


Xenia makes gagging noises. Teh she says:

And one other confession:

I am DYING to know what people are saying about this game. I want to get out and see!!

((((((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))))))

Zenia starts snickering.


The Interrogator says:

If that is all, we will talk again later.


Xenia gets up and stalks out of the room.

Moderator

Wednesday, October 11, 2000 - 02:19 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia strolls into the Red Room and sits down. She says:

Hey...

Just came in to do my RR visit, and talk about the nominations.


The Interrogator says:

Very well.


Xenia giggles and says:

This is funny. If I had been asked to do them 24 hours ago, I wouldn't have had a problem choosing people. But things have changed for me. I'm not focused on one person or another. And picking people was harder than I thought it would be.

Nominating Mantastic was easy simply because of non-participation.

Now that I know my feelings about Moondance are my own neurosis and not her fault, I don't have anything against her. I nominated her though because her presence still makes me uncomfortable. Not only that, I don't think anyone else will nominate her and God knows she won't be voted out, so my nomination won't hurt her in any way.

I nominated Himay10ns simply because I have no problems with anyone else in group and thanks to our little spat yesterday, she stands out in my mind. Let's just say, I'm pretty much neutral about Vykin, Zeb, Roger, Tali, Luke and Arreal. But with her I am less neutral.


The Interrogator says:

Is there anything else you would like to talk about?


Xenia nods her head and says:

Yes. About Himay10ns:

I have mixed feeling about our kitchen exchange this morning. She obviously gave a lot of thought to our cat fight in the gay issues thread. And it obviously bothered her. I wasn't going to antagonize her any more than I had.

Not only that, but that stuff happened yesterday. Sleeping puts space between then and now. I'm not holding on to any anger I felt about her Bible quoting post.

That is all.


The Interrogator says:

Then we will talk again later.

Xenia nods and heads out of the Red Room.

Moderator

Wednesday, October 11, 2000 - 02:27 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia steps into the Red Room and sits down. She smiles and says:

Hey...

New day. New perspective.

I just want to get some random thoughts off of my chest.

I get the feeling Himay is more vulnerable than I had realized. I regret the harsh approach I took with her. (I still can't stand Bible quoting though.)


She grimaces and then continues:

Zeb makes me sick. Could a person be any more FAKE????

Xenia pauses for a moment. After some thought she says:

I noticed that every message I posted today was negative. I kept on thinking, what the hell is wrong with me? :(

I'm not going to say, this just isn't me. Obviously it comes from somewhere. But I would never dream of being this belligerent in real life. God, it's like any sense of compassion or empathy I ever had was left behind on the "outside" when this game began.


She shrugs her shoulders and says:

And speaking of this "game"...

What is the definition of game? One more time: "activity engaged in for diversion or amusement".

Since I seem to refuse to try and get anything positive out of this and continue to feel so out of place, I am going to totally f*ck with (some) of these people for the remaining time I am here.

I will not say anything mean to: Roger, Arreal, Himay, Luke, Tri, or Moondance.

The other three, Zeb, Mantastic, and Vykin are going to get dumped on.

Just for fun I am going to totally raise the stress level around here and fuel the drama.


She throws her arms in the air in exasperation and shouts:

I'M BORED, FOR GOD SAKE!!! What else am I supposed to do???


After taking a moment to calm down she says:

Just know that from this point on, I am creating havoc strictly for amusement and not to purposely hurt anyone's feelings. I really truly, don't want to hurt anyone, so I will be careful.


The Interrogator says:

Thank you. We will talk again later.


Xenia heads out the door saying:

Later...

Moderator

Thursday, October 12, 2000 - 09:29 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia rushes into the Red Room and sits down:

OH MY GOD!!!!

I AM SUCH A TOTAL •••••!!!!

I felt better telling Roger and Arreal about what was going on with me. I wanted to leave the game knowing those two didn't think I was completely nuts.

And their kindness not only made me feel better, it also calmed me. I hate to admit this, Mantastic's comment deeply hurt me.

It angers me that I can be so affected by someone I don;t even know, who I feel probably had been emotionally and verbally abused at sometime in his life. People who that harsh don't get that way just because they are naturally creative with words.

But forget what he said about me, the things he directed at Arreal were downright repulsive.

I read Moon's response to my posts about me feeling uncomfortable here because her and I have a bit of a history. I feel like such an IDIOT for not handling things differently with her.

It's not that I thought she would spill the beans about my life that I was concerned about it, it really was just about me feeling like she had something over me--power or control--and I reacted to my fear of losing it. (Not that she ever acted like she had something over me...she didn't.)

I'll e-mail her and aplogize when this is all over.

I regret the situation that happened with Himay. I regret not dealing with my feelings about Moon in a less fear-motivated manner.

I don't regret ragging on Zeb. He's a total smart ass who deserved it. And Giblets also deserved being lambasted.

("Why is it when I post a message and refer to Xenia as a B*(&)$*,it gets censored, yet when she refers to me as a "douchebag" the word isn't censored?")

You can't seriously think that was just an honest mistake! Can someone possibly be that CLUELESS???

Would I do things differently?

Yes and no.

I could have behaved better. But my objective was to stir things up, making things interesting, and I tried.

Thanks for reading all my thoughts.

Later...

Xenia stands up and calmly leaves the room.

Host

Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 11:10 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia casually strolls into the room, and takes a seat.

Hey people...
I really don't have much to say. So, I thought I would write about my current feelings regarding the remaining bgs.

Moondance: Because I had behaved so childishly when it came to Moon, it would be redundant of me to say anything else that is negative. But I do wonder about this woman. She's always so NICE. The woman must have an opinion or something critical to say once in awhile. Is it really honest for someone to think one thing, but say something "nice" so everyone will continue to love her? Granted there has to be some balance. You can't always be positive or negative all the time. But are you really being true to yourself by forsaking your real feelings just to be "nice"?

Zeb: I don't feel connected to him at all. I still remember his reaction to Himay's most embarrassing moment story and my opinion hasn't changed.

Tali: Even though it was a kind gesture to give Gail the chance to play the game, it really was a bad decision. From what I now know about this woman, she seems like the epitome of "dazed and confused". No wonder Giblets was the one she first started talking to via IM. Two peas in a pod. For someone who just wanted to "play the game for the experience" she should have known better than to take chat away from the game and tell people who she was. Does this woman have any self-restraint or the ability to make good
judgment? Obviously not. She caused a lot of unnecessary drama because of her lack of common sense. And I swear to God, if I have to stay for another week because of her, I will be seriously pissed.

Arreal: At first I thought she was just an OK person. Then I began to become fascinated with her and her psychological problems. But then I noticed, her disorder is the main thing she talks about. Then when this stuff happened with Gail, I felt bad that she had been put in the middle and was worried about all this doom she thought would come out of it. I wanted to console her. But geez. Even a day after it all happened, she was still obsessing about it. Give it a rest already. Now when I read her posts, I just see "oh poor me...feel sorry for me...feel my pain" in everything she writes. It's irritating and draining.

Giblets: I think everyone knows about how I feel about him. I have nothing further to add.

Himay: I have mixed feeling about her. I thought we had worked things out, but in a few recent posts, I noticed her taking small, indirect, jabs at me. Maybe, I'm just being overly sensitive. At this point, I feel neutral about her.

Roger: On the one hand, I like Roger. He's said really nice things about me and to me. He's been very patient with me. But he's another one I wonder about. He's always, overbearingly, nice. I hate that. He is what I would call a pansy-ass. I guess this is the big tactic he is using to win the game--come out looking like the nicest, most deserving. It'll probably work. But is it honest? HAHAHAHA!!! I just thought of something: I bet toward the end of game, you'll get to watch Roger and Moon out-nice each other. Won't that be fun...yeah right.

Luke: I still like Luke. I do question his avoidance of conflict. If he's the kind of person who has had a lot of chaos in his life and made the decision to avoid it at any cost because of his past, then I admire him. If he's passive and weak, then I would still like him, but I wouldn't respect him. I guess I'll never know. And deep down, I really don't care.

Interrogator: If there's nothing further Xenia, we'll talk again soon.

Later - Xenia leaves the room.

Host

Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 05:06 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia strolls into the room and sits down:

Hey...

You know that saying, "It takes more energy to be angry than it does to be happy."? I'm discovering this to be true. I need to use my energy for more productive things. So, I'll ease up...a bit.

My current thoughts about everyone:

Moondance: My feelings for Moon have gone from hostile to neutral. Zeb: Do you know who this guy reminds me of? You know the character "Angelica" from the cartoon "The Rugrats"? He is the male version of her. I don't know why he bothers to try and analyze me. He's been wrong with all his theories so far. If I have to stay, I hope he's the next one booted out. But between now and then, I have a few jabs planned for him.

Arreal: I have to give her credit for getting passed the Gail situation and forgiving her. I wouldn't have been so open to forgiving someone who played mind games with me.

Giblets: I really have transferred the feelings I had for George while watching BB to Giblets. He's a pain, but a guy with an obvious good heart. The recent direction our rapport has taken just proves how truly bizarre the dynamics of this game are.

Himay: My feelings are neutral about her as well. It was nice of her to inquire about me and my life, but truthfully, I've already shared enough of myself and I don't want to divulge any more details unless it's necessary.

Roger: I'll admit it: I was being harshly judgmental when I wrote that Roger was a pansy-ass. After our chat last night, I came to realization that he is just very level-headed. On the one hand, I admire that trait. But on the other, I find it boring. But boring doesn't mean he's a bad person or anything...just not someone who would hold my interest.

Luke: I feel bad having to nominate Luke. I feel bad about my reasoning behind it too. But I couldn't think of anyone else who I could of had as my third nomination. He seems sweet. I still don't feel as though I know him. I can usually pick up things intuitively about people. I get nothing with Luke.

I like my padded cell a lot.

Interrogator: If there's nothing further, we'll talk again soon.

Xenia nods and leaves the room.

Moderator

Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 09:58 pm Click here to edit this post
Xenia walks into the room and has a seat.

Hey...

Do I really think Zeb is an abuser? I highly doubt he is. But I am enjoying getting under his skin.

But for the record, passive/aggressive men do make me uncomfortable and I do see Zeb as being one. At least with me, you can pretty much predict how I will react in any given situation. With someone like him, you just never know. That is scary.

Later...

Xenia leaves the room.

Moderator

Friday, October 20, 2000 - 08:58 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia struts into the Red Room and sits down. She smirks and says:

Hey...

Once again, I feel as though this will be my last major RR visit.


The Interrogator says:

Is there anything in particular you would like to discuss?


Xenia nods and says:

Current thoughts about everyone.

Moondance: Seeing her photo brought me back to my flawed perception "beautiful people have perfect lives". Well, I guess even beautiful people get cancer too. I still have fairly neutral feelings for Moon. But after our q & a session the other night, I came to the conclusion that she is not a dynamic person AT ALL. Yes, it's wonderful to always be nice and have something positive to say, but I'm not seeing a lot of depth here.

Zeb: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Over the last few days, Zeb has proven to be the biggest source of entertainment for me since I've been in this game!!! Watching him have a MELTDOWN over the things I've been writing is HYSTERICAL!!! And the really funny thing is, I truly do not have an opinion about him. Nothing I have written about him is genuine. I don't even know the guy! But just watching him react cracks me up! He actually BELIEVES everything I am writing and doesn't seem to be even remotely considering it's all about me f*cking with his mind! I LOVE IT!!!

Arreal: Right now, I am thinking something unflattering about Arreal. I won't write it though. That would be too cruel. But I will say this, reading her posts has reinforced my choice to stay away from unbalanced and highly emotional people. They're too high-maintenance even though they are fascinating to observe. She is incredibly draining.

Giblets: I have the same opinion about him, but it's toned down a bit. He's still a down-home simpleton, but he's a nice enough guy.

Himay: I wish she was around more. I would like to get to know her a bit more before I leave.

Roger: I still think he's a nice enough guy, but he's not the most well-rounded person nor does he stimulate me. But I am so grateful for every single kind word he has said to me and the time he has taken to show an interest in me.

Luke: I have a feeling every time I'm around Luke makes a conscious decision to leave. :) If this is the case, I feel horrible about that.


The Interrogator says:

Do you have any regrets about The Game?


Xenia sighs and says:

The one big thing I regret is my lack of participation in the group challenges. It's obvious I'm not a "team player" so that hindered my efforts. I feel so stupid for not coming up with the solutions to the puzzles myself.

My lack of contribution to the song doesn't make me feel too guilty. I'm just not in the mindset to create a parody. And for me, having to weigh the input of a bunch of other people is a hindrance not a benefit. :(


The Interrogator says:

Is there anything else you would like to say?


Xenia gives an exassperated look, shakes her head and says:

Yeah, there's Arreal at the Internet Cam: "I don't even know what a CD burner is"..."What is an ISP?" It drives me CRAZY when people know so little about technology and the Web. Couldn't she take a break from all her problems and LEARN about this stuff rather than continue to be uninformed?


The Interrogator says:

If that is all, we will talk again later.


Xenia nods and stalks out of the room.

Moderator

Friday, October 20, 2000 - 09:02 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia rushes into the Red Room and blurts out:

Hey...

I just came from the board and saw that, even though he said "I'm so over you", Zeb is still foaming at the mouth. LOL!!!


The Interrogator says:

And?


Xenia blinks and says:

It got me to thinking...

Here I am posting the most outrageous, most insulting, most unnecessarily dramatic comments about Zeb and NOT ONE PERSON is defending him!!!

This is what I DESPISE about these kinds of situations. I can't blame this particular group of people because I think in most situations the average person would also sit back and say nothing.


The Interrogator says:

You feel that you would react differently?


Xenia nods and says:

Christ, if someone else was speculating about Zeb the way I am, I would be all over their ass, telling them to shut the hell up because they cannot prove their assumptions, telling them to seek therapy, pointing out that their assumptions are wrong based on the info Zeb has offered. Is anyone challenging me? NO!!!

They all just ignore the whole issue. How truly pathetic. Especially when they must have an opinion and want to say something. I really can't understand not wanting to "get caught in the middle". I think if you believe in something, believe someone is wrong and being unjust then you should say something!!!


The Interrogator says:

Is there anything else you would like to say?


Xenia grins and shouts:

One more f*cking day left...

Later...


Xenia rushes out of the room.

Moderator

Friday, October 20, 2000 - 09:58 am Click here to edit this post
Xenia saunters into the Red Room laughing gleefully. She says: Hey... The Interrogator says: Would you like to share the laughter with everyone else? Xenia nods and says: I just came from looking around the board some more. I'm sitting here almost pissing myself from laughing so hard. Zeb really went off on a wild rampage with his posts about me!!! HAHAHA!!! I got to him. What a weak human being he is. \clipart{sgrin} Witnessing him "blow a gasket" has undoubtedly been THE BEST part of this experience for me. A few days ago, I would have said this whole thing was not fun in the least. This thing with Zeb changed that. So, I must admit, when I get banished tonight, I will be leaving in a good mood. The Interrogator says: Is there anything else you would like to say? Xenia chortles and says: See you on the outside. She leaves the room laughing.