The Elderly---America's forgotten ones?

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Arreal

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 03:25 pm Click here to edit this post
I am so upset right now. Coming home from my visit with Alice, my friend in the nursing home, I actually missed my turn home because I was so upset.

I just hate going into nursing homes; a resident sitting in the dining room for an hour wanting a care giver to take him to his room to lay down.
One day I went to visit Alice and she was in the recreation room. She reeked of urine. As I wheeled her away to go visit, I noticed a puddle of urine under her chair.

Last time I went to visit Alice she reeked again.
This time it was waste. Alice looked very uncomfortable and I asked her what was up. She whispered to me that she had gotten a laxative that morning and her pants were full. I went and told Alice's care giver, and they said they would get to it. (It was 1:45 and shift change is at 2:00) Sure she will get to it.

I get so pissed at how these people are treated.
I know CNA's are under staffed and under paid. But these people are human beings. They look all nice on the outside when family comes to visit, if they do at all. The look good when State comes and does their inspections. It's a different picture entirely on a day to day basis though.

I worked in this particular nursing home for 2 years, supposedly one of the best in the city. I know that they doubled the staff on state inspection days. I know that they payed particular attention to a specific resident if they knew family was coming. On other days, they call the same residents annoying because they were on their "call nurse" light too often, to turn over or to be changed, or for a simple drink of water or snack. I just get infuriated thinking about it.

Another thing, my heart breaks when I hear that some of these people have no family to come visit, even when they live in the same town.
Alice's daughter-in-law works 3 miles from the nursing home, yet the only time she comes and visits is on Christmas, Alice's birthday or on the annual family BBQ day. Alice's son visits less often.

I recall a man that was there also, Albert. he was a gruff man and yelled a great deal. he was pretty much bed-ridden. He hurt every time someone changed his bed position. (Rolled him from side to side to avoid bed sores) He yelled and cussed. I admit, I was afraid to have to be his care giver because he really intimidated me.
Other aides ignored him letting him sit in urine all shift. Other time Albert hollered and asked when his wife was going to come visit him. I never once saw her in the two years I worked there.

It's strange how I learned to get along with Albert, cranky old man that he was. I would walk into his room and say, "How's the grumpy old man?"
and his response was always "Yep, that's me...grumpy old man."

When it came time to clean him up he frequently yelled " goddammit, your're hurting me. What you gonna do, look at my ass?" My response was pretty much the same, "Of course, you have a nice looking ass." Albert would smile broadly, shake his head and roll his eyes." some times he even laughed. Once I got over my fear of him, I learned to joke with him. Our times together always left both of us smiling. Albert died about 4 months ago.

I mad at the nursing homes for neglecting the residents. I'm mad at the families for not visiting their loved ones. I just get so mad every time I go there to visit. I want to give the admin. a piece of my mind. I want to wake up the families and tell them to go visit.

I wish I could tell everyone to adopt a grand parent and visit often. They are worth the love and the time.

Breath ArReal.

Luke

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 03:44 pm Click here to edit this post
Hang in there ArReal. Your reaction is probably the most human reaction there could be. How can you not be moved to tears/anger/rage when another person is living under those kind of conditions? I used to regularly visit nursing homes and SNF's back in college... a classmate of mine put it perfectly: "I loved the fact that I experienced this. I'm forever changed because of it... Just don't ever send me back."
Sometimes when I get so angered by things like this, I let myself flow with the anger... It's serves as a good wake-up call for me and reminds me of a reality that I otherwise might tend to overlook...}}}}big hug to you!{{{{

Moondance

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 03:45 pm Click here to edit this post
I laughed because at first I thought you starting a thread for our Samnastic!

I experience a big loss this summer. One of my clients, Jack passed away... I am an exercise trainrer/physical therapist/ glamorized baby-sitter but in this case he was just my friend.

He was fortunate to have the financial means to be able to live his elderly years at home ... equipped with home nursing and therapy. I visited Jack twice a week ... there were sometimes in the good health days he would meet me at the door with nothing on .... He enjoyed flashing people. It made for some funny 'Jack' stories. Between Jack and my wonderful Grandmother who I lost over a year ago motivated me to volunteer at a few Nursing homes in my area. I teach fitness and nutrition or just sit and talk.

They are a "lost" generation. I find this ironic because they are so enjoyable and knowledgeable ... we could learn so much ... mostly about ourselves if we would just take the time and just listen

Thank you for posting this Arreal ... you brought up some things that need to be addressed ... the over all neglect of some wonderful souls ... neglect of care in the homes itself and of care from us....

I too encourage everyone to at least make a visit to someone who is elderly ... sometimes a simple smile is enough! :)

Roger_Ramjet

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 04:00 pm Click here to edit this post
I'll say one thing about this house--we can go from laughing so hard crying to crying out of pain and anger in nothing flat. Not good or bad, just a fact that plays a factor of all of us getting along and playing the game.

I'd like to say the the whole elderly care system is screwed up. Facilities have a tough time, the folks who work in them have a tough time, families that have to decide to put someone in ine and pay for it has a tough time, and most of all, the residents have the toughest time of all. What Arreal describes is not uncommon at all.

Due to various factors, our life expectancy keeps getting older and older--yet does out quality of life in these extended years get any better??? From what I've seen, I'm going say that in most cases, the answer is no.

These places that take care of them aren't given any incentives to do a good job. (other than the incentive of individual humans treating others well). Being a business though, we don't always see that. Big companies run these, and that means a bottom line. High insurance costs, pressure to make a profit. Equipment is expensive, labor not cheap, although not as much as it should be. (I'll address that one in a bit!!) Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying these things to excuse what happens--only saying it to indicate why it does happen. The is no good excuse for such things to ever happen.

Staff--talk about underpaid!! Teachers think they have it bad--CNAs are paid dirt for the work they do and the responsibilities they have every day. Work conditins are less than perfect, as most facilities don't spend a lot to make things nice. You go to work every day feling like you've lost before you walk in. It takes a special person to consitsently give good quality and caring care in that environment. Many use CNA as a steping stone while working towards an RN degree, so committment to the job may not be as high if it was looked at as a carerr, Also, lack of family visitation doesn't make one think that anyone cares. Again, not to be said as an excuse. To indicate why it may happen.

Families don't visit enough. Agreed--I don't think you can dulpicate the visiting that goes on if everyone was under one roof. Also, your houes isn't that big business maching that a nursing home is. Yet, families who pay for care of a loved one feel a huge drain finacially. That can weigh heavy even on a household with a very decent income. Time--what a commodity it has become. Faster, faster, and faster is what many people strive for in their lives. Never enough time to do the things you feel must be done. Has it gotten out of control? It feels that way for me when people complain about their computer taking 30 seconds to bring up something when it usually happens in 10. (serious about this happening all the time at work) Again, not an excuse to say it's ok, just saying how it happens. Hey, and if we really wanted to stir things up, we could get into how our society (in general) views the importance of the elderly.

The person in the facility. Look at all that's piled up before we even get to them. These folks feel all the things we do--after all, they are the same---the only difference is that they have lived loonger than you or I. These are the people who suffer the most for all the things above and probably a lot I haven't thought of in these few minutes.

Health care---yes, that is supposed to happen in these facilities. Quality of life care??? IMHO, no, it doesn't happen at all...and until someting drastic happens, I don't see it changing...sadly.

Arreal

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 04:31 pm Click here to edit this post
I remember as a CNA getting bitched out by nurses or other staff because I didn't brush dentures when they thought I should. Instead I was taking someone to the bathroom. (The dentures were done before I left work. I worked evening shift)

I would get bitched out for sitting with a resident and listening to them express fears and anxiety, rather than leave them alone to go wipe off the supper tables.

I agree that CNA's are under paid, but that isn't an exuse for negligence? I had my priorities with the residents, other things, like stocking linens, were put on hold.

The 8th month I was there, the residents voted me best CNA for the month. I was proud of that.

I was basically told I had to quit because my depression and anxiety caused me to miss more than 10 days a year. (They were aware of my illness when I was hired) Since then, I have to be WATCHED when I got to visit so that I don't hurt a resident. Talk about F*ucked up.
I go visit Alice at least twice a month. My mom goes with me to protect the residents from me and my mental illness. GRRRRRRRRR--my mother also enjoys visiting the people. She adopted Alice also. :-)

Roger_Ramjet

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 04:44 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal--I indicated that being undrepaid isn't an ecuse--it affects the problem was my statement. I indicate, and still believe, it takes a special person to do the right things as CNA day after day with everything considered (not just the pay). I wonder sometimes if people go into CNA for te wrong reasons--at least as far I waht I've seen (and what you've seen) The lack of care has to come from somerthing--probably a lot of things. Just thought it might be one thing that contributes.

Xenia

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 05:43 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal: I admire how you continue to go back to the nursing home to bring warmth and love to Alice. Not only is the lack of care horrid, but downright abuse seniors experience is heartbreaking.

Who is it that said )in an above post) that these people are the lost generation? It's true. And it's sad.

There are many layers to this problem, but one of them I believe is that we want to ignore again and punish people for the simply fact that they have aged. And it is so unrealistic because WE ALL age.

I do believe there MIGHT be light at the end of the tunnel. Now that the Baby Boomers--the spoiled generation--are aging, I have a feeling they will demand that things be different and better for themselves as they age.

Experiences like yours make me more adamant about putting away so that I can afford better care than Alice gets. I would not want to spend my final years as she is.

Arreal

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 06:28 pm Click here to edit this post
Roger---

Me bad, sorry. In my post where I said ...

I agree that CNA's are under paid, but that isn't an exuse for negligence?

...I was typing to fast and didn't mean it as a question nor did I intend to undermine anything you said. I agreed with all your statements about varying causes for the negligence.

I guess right now I don't care about the CAUSE...the effect is what pisses me off.

No offense meant to be given to you. I appreciate all your thoughts and can agree with the contributing reason that you speculated about.

sorry for the miscommunication.

(this is the second time I wrote this out...I got booted from my server last time, just as I was typing in my password) grrr

I said it all better the first time...lol

Roger_Ramjet

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 06:36 pm Click here to edit this post
Not to worry Arreal--I just didn't want you (or anyone else) thinking that I was willing to excuse what is happening for any of the reasons that exist--including the ones I don't know about.

No offense taken--lol

The affect may be what's pissing you off--although the causes are what's leading to your affects. One thing for sure--if something isn't done to address the system as a whole, I don't see many of those affects going away.

Moondance

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 06:46 pm Click here to edit this post
Awareness, first ... then action.
We can do something by starting with something small to us but makes a difference to the elderly.

Volunteer - it's a selfish gift! ... makes a difference and makes you feel good!

Arreal

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 07:05 pm Click here to edit this post
Amen Moon! {{{Moon}}} (((Roger))) Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks about this.

Roger_Ramjet

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 07:13 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal--In a way I kind of lived it for 7 years as an EMT (more than just thinking about it). Well, the issue of elderly care and other topics during those 7 years.

I went on a number of medic calls to the local elderly care facility. I was in a small town. Heck, even went to a couple of drier fires there (was a firefighter too). They had a tough time rembering to take the lint out of the driers...people!

I digress...

Moondance

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 07:20 pm Click here to edit this post
Thanks Arreal! back at cha! {{{hugs}}}

Xenia

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 07:39 pm Click here to edit this post
<looking down at my wrists>

Moondance

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 08:01 pm Click here to edit this post
Sorry Xenia... do you feel left out? ...{{{Hug}}}

Xenia

Sunday, October 08, 2000 - 08:10 pm Click here to edit this post
<cracking up>

Thanks for thinking about me, Moon. :)

Zebulon

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 12:01 am Click here to edit this post
I agree that nursing homes aren't the best environments. I have 2 of them as clients and it almost breaks my heart to walk into them. Most of the residents are just craving someone to talk to...almost to the point of desperation.

That's one of the reasons why I try to teach the importance of investing early...even if it's like $25 a month to start. The reason most people are in nursing homes is because they can't afford to stay in better facilities. Most residents count on Medicare, if that. There ARE better facilities and better programs but it takes money and special Long Term Care programs to help offset the cost.

I wish I knew all this in my teens. The problem is that people procrastinate until it's too late and then they have no choice.

Not preaching. Just FYI.

Vykin

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 01:42 am Click here to edit this post
arreal, good topic, just want to say, I'll post something in the morning, its almost 2am and I need some sleep.

Xenia

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 07:29 am Click here to edit this post
Zeb: I completely agree. People need to take responsibility for their (potential) future.

So many of us are self-absorbed and are obsessed with instant gratification. It always catches up with us.

And I know this has been said a million times...

I just wish our perspective on aging would change. Even at 31, I can feel a certain prejudice being directed at me because I am aging. And women in general are way more punished for again than men.

I just don't get it. It's a process we are ALL going to have to get through. Why have so little respect for those who are going through it right now?

And on top of that, so many people want to live longer. Why? Unless one is extremely financially comfortable, those latter years would be hell.

Something has got to change.

Himay10ns

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 07:38 am Click here to edit this post
I work at a hospital based clinic and so many of our patients that come in from nursing homes arrive covered in urine or feces. One last week had a trach tube that was so clogged she could hardly breathe. We had to open up the crash cart and give her an immediate breathing treatment! It was horrendous. I called the nursing home to explain what happened and asked that in the future they clean out her trach tube prior to her being transported to the clinic. Most of them get here without an attendant or family member and they barely even know where they are. I work in Orthopaedics and we see so many of the patients with broken bones from falling out of the bed. And bed sores...oh my. It's very, very sad. I truly hope that I won't spend my final days in a home and I am going to do all that I can to take care of my own parents, as well. Arreal, thanks for bringing up this topic and I admire you for your love for Alice. Jewels in your crown!

Vykin

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 09:33 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal you said: "I was basically told I had to quit because my depression and anxiety caused me to miss more than 10 days a year. (They were aware of my illness when I was hired) Since then, I have to be WATCHED when I got to visit so that I don't hurt a resident."
lol, maybe I should be watching you too so you don't hurt me!!!!! LOL just kidding, (I have my uzi close at hand).

But seriously: so what happened that you quit/got fired and then couldn't go back and visit without being supervised? (if its private you don't have to say)

Arreal

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 09:53 am Click here to edit this post
Vyk, not a problem at all. I left this part out because of the lenght of explaining it. For no other reason. I can see where my previous post could leave some strange impressions. thanks

I was missing too many days of work. One day on my day off the human resource person called me and spoke with me. She told me I was not reliable and need to make a choice. She told me I either had to make a commitment to be to work every day or to quit. She gave me ONE HOUR to decide.

They knew about my illness, and my multiple personality fugues. My shrink also told them that they could expect my illness to keep me away about 2 times a month. (I had 14 in the year)

When the lady called me back an hour later I had apparently switched personalities and talked to her. When the phone call was over I guess I called my mother immediately afterwards.

Mom told me she had talked to Lucy (me) and Lucy told her the story about the phone call with the human resource person.

Now to explain who Lucy is. Lucy is a 6 year old. A very happy lovable little girl. She likes animals, coloring and jabbering to everyone.
On the flip side, she is fearful of being 'bad'. She carries a great deal of guilt and always worries she is going to get into trouble or make someone mad.

This sounds reasonable to me that she would come out in this situation, scared and afraid of being told she was bad. (having to quit work)

She is not a mean nor a violent person. The worst thing she ever did was cut some hair off our cat. She was frustrated because the cat wouldn't sit still so she could pet it long, fluffy hair. Lucy took the cat hair and put it in a baggie explaining that way she could always pet kitty.

I personally like Lucy. she is totally harmless and often gives me a reason to look back and laugh. This is the person that the human resource gal talked to. This is why I am watched at work.

Never in my two years of employment did I switch at work. I was always ME in control there. Always.

I find it totally unfair that they would try to prevent me from visiting the residents due to one conversation with a harmless little girl.....while I was at home, under pressure.

The woman even had the nerve to call my doctor and ask him if I was safe. My doctor assured her that I would never harm anyone.

And now you know the rest of the story. Good day!
hehe

Mantastic

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 11:45 am Click here to edit this post
Hi Arreal. I just wanted to say I respect you for dealing with your illness the way you have.

It's evident that you've done a lot of work on yourself, and that you aren't a victim to your affliction.

I think that's pretty cool. I can't begin to imagine what you have faced.

(at the risk of engaging in the warm&fuzziness i have avoided thus far!)

Vykin

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 12:00 pm Click here to edit this post
Hmm Arreal, why didn't you just request a leave of absence for two months? Perhaps the issue of split personality should be discussed in a separate folder from this one. Would you mind creating one arreal? I have a bunch of questions I wouldn't mind asking about it? I'll trust your judgement on creating it.

Arreal

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 03:19 pm Click here to edit this post
Wow....you really want to hear more about it. I'm willing to talk about it as always. but don't you get bored with it?

Vykin

Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 05:52 pm Click here to edit this post
Arreal, I would be interested , of course I couldn't speak for the likes of Xenia! But who gives a rats A&$%&, I'm interested