Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:01 am  Moon--in a mood to hang out?? Arreal, you still looking to stay up?? Vykin, how you holding up?? |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:03 am  Yes, Dennis has met all of them except one...a male named The Confused One. His name says what he was all about. There were 4 males and 4 females. |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:04 am  I'm fine for a while...I just finished my last espresso...but I know others have to get up for work and what not. |
Moondance | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:06 am  I am still on a high! This is so cool ... I set up my laptop next to my other computer so I can jump around the house faster ... My main computer has been in a mood and is sooo slow! |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:07 am  Did you teach him how to approah each one, or did he just start from groud zero on his own?? I know, seems like a goofy question--it wasn't to me though. Moon, where'd ya go?? Are you down for the night?? |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:08 am  My cousin majored in all those also. chemistry, physics and that BORING stuff...lol he went on to get a doctorate in physic...how totally boring. I can't imagine. I never did like him as a kid. He was 5 years younger and annoying as hell...lol |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:13 am  I forewarned him about me early on in the relationship. He knew alot about each one before the first month was over. I was trying my damndest to push him away. He wouldn't budge. (I wanted to push him away before I got too close and then I would feel abandoned...again) The man couldn't be moved. The nerve of him to just stick around for over a year. Now that we're married, he's stuck with me..lol I'm so glad. |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:15 am  Well, I hope that we share an ability to grasp thoes types of things. I might have been annoying though as a kid? And many consider me boring. hey, am I'm your brother??????? Sleep afterwards?? You must expend a tremendous amount of energy when those things happen. So, is Steffi your protector and Lucy your reasoning?? Moon, your back!! Glad you see it's such a great night for you!! |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:19 am  Shit--cousin, not brother. I'm such a dick sometimes!! damn |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:21 am  So, the ones you push away the hardest are the ones you want really want to stay, yet are the ones you least want to be rejected by--and if they aren't with you, they can't reject you?? |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:25 am  Steffi is my anger and self abuser. Lucy is my shame and guilt...and little girl My protect is Tiffany...my self portrait. My brother is the definition of slacker. Just happy to float through life. He has a heart of gold, but no passions, nothing drives him and no ambition. It is sad kind of...growing up with me, he obviously went through similar things, just dealt with it totally different. You can't be my brother or cousin...but if you were....hey cool man. |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:27 am  Exactly Roger. Thanks for understanding that and putting it so plainly. |
Moondance | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:27 am  I am fascinated by this Arreal ... Roger has great questions so I am just sitting back and listening ... but I do care. I hope you know how incredible & special you are ... by sharing like you do ... it helps others. It allows some people to come forward to talk to someone because they do not feel alone (no pun intended). It's so refreshing to know someone as candid as you are. |
Moondance | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:35 am  After every great high you kind of crash ... I need to since I get up at 5:30 again ... see ya'll back here tomorrow! Sweet dreams! |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:36 am  Thanks Moon....It's nice to hear that. Funny and I worry people will compare me to Eddie and say I am trying to get 'pity support' I have come through and learned to deal with it. I have almost fully integrated. I'm proud of that. And I can't help adoring Lucy. She will be the last to go. It's certainly not a pity thing. Like yours isn't a Jamie thing, but I can't help wonder how those on the outside will take it. |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:38 am  Nite Moon sweet dreams  |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:39 am  By no means can I claim to understand a lot of things!! Lots for me to learn yet. Lots for me to figure out with the things I learn. Moon, jump in any time you want!! Hey, remember, I'm the listener around here! It's funny (not funny haha) about being in here. All this space around me in real life, and when I'm doing this, I don't even notice it. Time juts goes by--or goes away as far as relating it to anything real. Sorry kind fo just jumped a thought there. Arreal, have you ever wanted to keep all of this inside, or has it been easy to let them out?? Do you feel ot of control, or more in control? It's hard tor explain why asked that last question. Just something went flying through my mind, so I asked. Way out in left field I realize. |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:41 am  Good night Moon!! have a great sleep |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:51 am  I was very embarrassed and ashamed about it at first. I didn't want anyone to know. I mean the horror to find out I was mentally ill. I didn't tell my father for over a year into it. I think it was harder to deal with when I had no diagnosis or it changed every 4-6 months. It was only three years ago when I admitted to my doctor about the voices...when he heard, he dumped me like a hot potatoe. It's really only been since I been with my husband that I have been more open about it. (It was about 4 1/2 years ago with that doctor) I think learning to trust...like with Dennis, I learned to trust others more. And there is also more self confidence. I'm no longer ashamed...I can look back and say I am proud of where I am now, well most of the time anyway. |
Xenia | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:54 am  I'm just going to sit back and listen... |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:55 am  It's that way with me too. I was talking about that to the camera earlier today...about how consuming this is and how real it feels...I mean the feelings of being isolated and what not. It is just weird because the whole world is out there. All we have to do is turn off the puter and walk away. I feel kind of weird about that. It just weird situation that 'reality' slips away. Before coming in here I didn't think nor imagine it wouldfeel like this. Too weird. |
Arreal | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 01:56 am  Hi Xenia...chime in whenever, we're just babbling. |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 02:01 am  We all seemed to be ashamed of a lot that we'd be better of for if we weren't ashamed (hey, great grammar--it's late, ya, that's the ticket) You know, IHMO, I think that when it comes to human interaction and relationships, the greatest rewards require the greatest risks. Is there much greater risk than placing your total trust in someone's hands? Or placing your total love toward them? Any one of those actions can be taken and given back to in such a way to rip out hearts out. For those that don't take those risks though....they will never have those great rewards. A man like your hubby. I bet he has laid all those things of his on the line to you as well?? It's a kind of apssion that Moon wa so excited about...except it's a passion of inner nature. A passion for yourself and another??? Do you have a different discription of it Arreal?? |
Xenia | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 02:01 am  Hey Roger? Are you still around? I want to interupt you guys for a sec and ask for your and Arreal's opinion about something. |
Roger_Ramjet | Tuesday, October 10, 2000 - 02:04 am  Xenia--still here. Fire away! |