Lex's Survivor Column
TV ClubHouse: Archive: Lex's Survivor Column
Hermione69 | Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 09:47 am     http://www.santa-cruz.com/archive/2003/February/22/style/stories/02style.htm February 22, 2003 Lex: The Skinny Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls on ‘Survivor.’ It seems I can’t put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard actually) without stirring up some kind of controversy. This week, my in-box was overflowing with e-mails asking why in the hell I wasn’t doing a "Survivor" commentary this season. Some letters were downright hostile. To be honest, it made me laugh. It seems ironic considering that back when I was writing my weekly "Survivor" commentary, I got letters asking me to write about something else. It just goes to show, you can’t please everyone. Even my wife Kelly’s been pressuring me to dish about "Survivor Amazon," and the truth is, she’s in charge ‘round here, so I’m going to cave in. I already know this is going to bite me in the ass one way or another, but what the hey. I’ll tell you straight up, though I won’t be doing a "Survivor" piece every week. I still watch it religiously, but frankly, I was looking forward to taking a season off from writing about it. With "Survivor Thailand," I found that I was beginning to repeat myself (some elements of "Survivor" are the same season after season), and I wanted my column to stay fresh. Not to mention that watching "Sur-vivor" was beginning to feel like homework, and the next-morning deadline sucked. I also knew I’d be doing a lot of travel these next few months (and missing episodes) and figured y’all would go postal on me if I delivered anything less than a consistent weekly fix. That said, I’ll be devoting this week’s column space to "Survivor Amazon." Now don’t go all crazy on me if you’re jonesing for more of the same next week. I warned you. But I’ll try to do the "Survivor" thing every couple of weeks. OK, first things first, "Survivor Amazon" finally broke some real new ground with the ultimate tribal switch up: boys versus girls. It is devilishly delicious. I love it. I do have one major gripe about it, though. CBS is making such a huge deal about it, that it almost feels forced. I get the impression that every time one of our castaways is being interviewed, either one-on-one by a producer, or by Jeff Probst at tribal council, they’re being baited for more dirt on the other gender. And most of these 16 chuckleheads are biting hook, line and sinker. Alright, let’s begin with episode one — game score: girls one, guys zippo. Not only did the girls shame the boys in the immunity challenge by coming from way behind and then creaming them, but the boys then dug themselves a deeper grave by shaming themselves at a tribal council that seemed more like a boys high school locker room conversation. Honestly, I had a hard time watching. All I could do was shake my head and wonder if I was imagining all this? One after another, the guys carried on about which girl was hottest or who they’d love to hook up with. What? At tribal council? This is WAR gentlemen! And already, on day three, you folded like cheap pup tents. It was like watching that old cartoon where Elmer Fudd has built a robot decoy of a hot girl rabbit, and Bugs Bunny instantly loses all his common sense and brains. If any of these girls in the Amazon want to come home a million dollars richer, all they’ll have to do is pull up their shirts at these sad little horndogs. The girls did their fair share of embarrassing themselves as well. At one point, the girls tossed all sanity and common sense aside and decided that boiling their underwear should be a top priority, despite the fact that they’d not yet built a shelter of any kind. Since when has clean underwear meant diddly to any self-respecting "Survivor"? Maybe they were preparing for the first ever "Survivor" dating challenge, a Burnett version of Elimi- date. In the end, it was pretty-boy Ryan’s head that rolled at the first tribal council after venomous "Survivor" henchman Probst snuffed out his freshly lit torch. On to episode two: Holy cow, the teeth and claws came out this week, and devil horns can already be seen growing on a few heads. On the flip side, a few characters seem to be sprouting halos. Now, all of this may be thanks to some manipulative editing and CBS trickery, but this group is definitely fleshing out as a love ‘em or hate ‘em cast. The first real fight on "Survivor Amazon" was between ex-Marine Roger and separated-from-Probst-at-birth Alex Bell. Roger thought it might be a good idea, only days into the game, to let everyone know he doesn’t back homo-sexuality. Smart way to blend in and build some alliances, buddy. Nice-guy Alex Bell shut Roger down as he calmly explained what all of us certainly must’ve been thinking. Back at the girlies’ camp, school guidance counselor Joanna kept her tribe awake through an all-night freak-out about the immunity idol. Seems she believes it’s pure evil, because the Old Testament told her so. At one point, this Madame Insane-o even started speaking in tongues. This all led to "Amazon’s" second knock-down drag-out, this time between holy-roller Joanna and "Survivor’s" first-ever deaf contestant, Christy. Christy didn’t have to hear Joanna’s psycho- babble to know she was a fruitcake and call her on it. Joanna’s head practically spun "Exorcist"-style, as she spat venom at Christy. Christy’s response really said it all. "If you’re a vessel of Christ, don’t you think you should be a little kinder?" The challenge rundown this week went like this: The chicks kicked the boys’ asses in the reward challenge and won a huge jar of bait. But this prize proved to be as useful as pearls to a swine. When one of the girls finally had a fish on, she dropped her pole, screamed and flailed her hands and lost the fish. The men-folk finally won a challenge, breaking their early losing streak by clinching immunity and sending the girlies to see Jeff, where they ousted tribal elder Janet. As cliched as the men’s testosterone-fueled meeting with Jeff was last week, this week’s tribal council was pure girl fare. It was all about cat fights and cliques. I wouldn’t be surprised if the women’s constant bickering and inability to form a functional team may end up taking care of the men’s business. How will they win challenges after they’ve clawed each other’s eyes out? |
Squaredsc | Monday, April 14, 2003 - 11:14 am     here is lex's latest column. enjoy. he also has a final 4 prediction. lex's column |
Kaili | Monday, April 14, 2003 - 11:19 am     Thanks- I was wondering if he was still doing this! |
Kaili | Monday, April 14, 2003 - 11:25 am     Now that I've read it...very interesting. He almost sounds as though he has been here reading our posts (regarding F4 and their personalities). Very interesting indeed. And he knows Alex. I cringe everytime I read about one of these show people knowing someone from another show. They need to look into this and stop it when they are casting the shows. It's just making the show seem illegitimate to me when they all know each other somehow or another. There's no way that, with the number of people who apply, there are this many coincidences. Maybe if I go to Belly and schmooze a bit I'll be on the next season of one of these shows. |
Tabbyking | Monday, April 14, 2003 - 12:06 pm     yeah, i don't like the fact that lex knew alex from before survivor, either! i thought the bellys connection was bad enough! and to wait this long for his predictions...yeah, lex could have just read our posts, LOL i picked matt on week 2. i do not want jenna to even make it to the final 4, but i am afraid she does. i just hope she doesn't win the money. i also see butch and christy near the very end, but i had thought deena would make it closer to the end. i would only want heidi to make it to final 4 to show us we were all way off and the spoilers were, too! you know, that this game could still surprise us! |
Csnog | Sunday, May 11, 2003 - 11:01 am     May 11, 2003 Lex van den Berghe: The Skinny Summing up the season’s ‘Survivor’ First things first ... to all you mommies out there, happy Mother’s Day. Granted, today may be a Hallmark holiday designed to boost greeting card sales, but at my house it’s a bona fide holy day. Good moms and good pops should be celebrated, exalted and cherished. So to my mom and my magnificent wife Kelly, mommy to my two boys ... I love you. OK, let’s get ready to rumble! Today’s the day — the "Super Bowl Sunday" of "Survivor," with the two-hour season finale airing tonight at 8. More than twice as many viewers tune in for the finale than for any other episode, and this season closer looks like it’s going to be juicy. Before I start speculating on tonight’s show, let’s do a brief recap of this sixth season, go through a few of Thursday night highlights, and do a breakdown of the Final Four. If you want my honest opinion, I think "Survivor Amazon" sputtered and misfired like an old jalopy for the first two-thirds of the season. Maybe the show’s tired formula, still nearly unchanged since season one, was to blame. Sure, they introduced the new battle-of-the-sexes twist this season, but in retrospect I’d say that brainstorm fell flat. Social dynamics are so much more interesting when you mix your estrogen with testosterone. It’s all about chemistry right? If you want to blow up the lab, combine those volatile chemicals. Despite its lackluster start though, "Survivor Amazon" finally found its groove these past four weeks. We watched as empires crumbled, alliances flip-flopped and heads rolled... all the stuff that got us hooked to "Survivor" in the first place. Here are snapshots of some of this week’s most memorable highlights: A firewood-obsessed Butch flips his wig and begins gathering dry wood as if his life depended on it. He looks into the camera at one point and chuckles, "I’m just a wood-crazy nut I guess!" before breaking into a jungle fever-induced boogie (I could almost hear "cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo!" in the background). This scene reeks of heavy foreshadowing. Matt definitively kicks everyone’s ass in both the reward super-challenge and the immunity challenge. A fire (most likely started by our resident firebug/arsonist Butch) burns the tribe’s camp to a crisp, destroying everything — everything — except Heidi’s bag (more foreshadowing). This otherwise tragic event becomes pure reality-TV hilarity as the scene cuts from a flaming camp to Matt and Rob barbecuing wieners after Matt’s reward challenge victory. Cut back to Camp Crispy-Fried and a closeup of Rob’s melted Magic 8-Ball and Butch’s burnt "Believe In Yourself!" banner, which now reads "Belie." Hmmm, symbolic? Heidi flips her wig at tribal council and starts babbling about how strong she is, how much she deserves to be in the final two, and how she’s been the mastermind of this game. The four others just stare at her in wide-eyed wonder, their heads cocked to the side in a collective puppy dog "huh?" Jeff Probst reads the votes, and Heidi is sent packing. An odd twist, considering she’s the only one who was left with a bag to pack. Final Four Alright, let’s break down the final four who’ll be battling each other tonight "to the death." BUTCH is the longshot as I see it. He seems to have played a solid game of under-the-radar unobtrusiveness (except if you count burning the camp along with everyone’s personal stuff). But his nearly flawless track record of not pissing anyone off makes him an unlikely choice for a final two partner. And if he makes it to the final two, he probably won’t receive many votes if the jury is voting based on who played the best game. Butch has never won a challenge, so immunity tonight seems unlikely. Odds to win 12-1. ROB may have orchestrated many of the twists and coups in this game, but this self-proclaimed "Survivor" super-genius has likely outsmarted himself. His elaborate plans and schemes have become so convoluted that the next knife will probably end up in his own back. His shelf life is up. And Rob is certainly no challenge-winning machine. But his slimy reputation for betrayal makes him an attractive partner in the final two. If he makes it that far, he could win the favor of a jury who admires how well he out-plotted, out-lied and out-schemed. Odds to win 8-1. JENNA is the (girls gone) wild card in this game. I think she may have an immunity challenge victory in her, which is what she’ll need to get to the final two. Losing her girly-pal Heidi has only put more fire in that emaciated little belly of hers. If she makes it to that final tribal council, she’d better be ready with one hell of an inspirational speech though, ‘cuz getting buck-naked won’t cut it this time around. She’s anything but beloved with this jury. Odds to win 3-1. MATTHEW has been unstoppable in the challenge department and will win at least one of the immunity challenges tonight. Someone may decide to take Matt with them to the final two because of his "odd man out" status in the tribe, but that decision could prove fatal as he’s the perfect lesser-of-two-evils vote. He’s competed fiercely, without making any real enemies, a great combination come final tribal council. From where I stand, this guy seems to be sitting in the catbird seat. Odds to win 2-1. How will the seven jury members vote when the time comes to award one player with a million bucks and the title of ultimate "Survivor"? It’s hard to say. A lot of water has flowed under the bridge, and those waters have often been troubled. I suspect many jury members are feeling betrayed and won’t know how they’ll vote until they have pen in hand. Should make for a suspenseful nail-biter right up to the very end |
Squaredsc | Sunday, May 11, 2003 - 11:12 am     thanks csnog, i was looking for his column yesterday and didn't find it. |
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