Archive through April 14, 2002
The ClubHouse: Archives: Jeff Varner's Article:
Archive through April 14, 2002
Car54 | Thursday, March 14, 2002 - 04:38 pm     SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode Three By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online March 14, 2002 This was a great episode -- packed with prime time drama! HUNTER's leadership crumbled, shocking most when he became castoff number #3. I saw it coming. I don't think you can take that kind of control and not be willing to switch strategies when it begins to fail. GINA's relationships with other contestants have been focused primarily on Hunter and a little rift with SARAH. It's not clear where she really stands in the eyes of the others, so it's tough to call whether she'll be able to change things to save herself. ROB, in total control, is beginning to unveil that conniving side. He's good TV and still one of my favorites. Thelma and Louise "hung in there" yet another week. They're good TV too! JOHN and ROBERT are tough. John cracked me up with his pee-pee dance. Watching them fight through their pain took me back to that awful day at Kucha when MIKE fell into the fire and taught all of us what it meant to be strong and to endure. Though I think it'll be difficult to match the guts and ability to sustain that Mike had, both John and Robert earned strong points among their group. As long as the injuries don't turn into weaknesses and obstacles to carry on, they should be around for a while. The light bulb finally went off for KATHY. You can't continue in this game without being flexible and able to shift on a dime. I hope it's not too late for her. But the fact that she stepped up when the injured John needed a "shower," so to speak, was smart -- and one of the funniest moments I've seen in this game so far. When I meet John, I'm sure my thoughts will drift back to this episode when I reach to shake his hand. And speaking of entertaining moments, I must insert a highlight from my favorite Survivor, ALICIA CALLAWAY. We spoke after last night's episode. I had forgotten how funny she is. She focused on something that never crossed my mind -- VECEPIA's weave. "What's she gonna do in 30 days when that stuff starts growing out?" Alicia said. And those nasty no-no's? Oh no, forget it. According to an unusually entertaining Alicia, "get a bug in a weave, honey, and it's all over!" When I got up off the floor, I told her that I had to go write this column. So there you go-funny moment, courtesy of Alicia! Overall I thought last night's episode was terrific and the best so far for this series. Thanks for all the emails. I'm glad you guys enjoy it. And for the record, I have no information on the casting process for "Survivor 5"; nor am I aware of an all-star version bringing former members back. Watching these tribes struggle, I'm not sure I'd want to go through that again. "What Everyone Thinks of You is None of Your Business." To the contestants at home watching their un-showered public persona look like "a public toilet on a hot summer day," this is an exciting time. Be positive and stay focused on who you really are. There are some who leave this experience bitter. If they're not centered and mature by nature, that bitterness can make situations difficult. The media is not fair, and the things that will be said about you can be challenging to endure. Only a select few truly know who you are. Those not part of that circle can judge, point, ridicule, and hurt based only on their own head, hearsay or conjecture. No matter how strong you are, there will be times you may be sucked into it; other times allow it to hurt you. Keep in mind that what everyone else thinks of you is none of your business -- including me. This is a fun column that discusses a TV show and its "edited and packaged" contestants, not the real people themselves. I have been through it, and of all people, know the difference. |
Car54 | Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 04:12 pm     From ET Online: SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode Four By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online March 20, 2002 There they go!!!! "Thelma," "Louise" and SARAH have all piled in their lime green convertible and headed off into the sunset. Good riddance agreed probably by everyone -- except ROB. Sarah had played nasty several times and clearly was not interested in developing relationships with anyone other than Rob. Catching his reaction next week should be fun. But other than that, there's not much the show will miss except, of course, … well … you know! From what I understand, the last thing these contestants learned before they boarded the plane was that the African cast had just undergone a tribal switch of players. Going into their game, I'm sure they expected some sort of shuffle. Maybe that is why Maraamu felt comfortable kicking off their strongest member last week. Regardless, the twist was unexpected and seemed to shock everybody, AND the new tribes are very interesting. Estrogen-heavy Maraamu is a gift from God for poor GINA. She was a goner without it. I like her a great deal. She's a real person who graciously speaks her mind. She's respectable and a new favorite. I'm thinking she has staying power. I'm overwhelmed at the number of you reading this column and the great comments you send. This past week I got a particularly large number of e-mails pertaining to Sean and the issue of laziness. I've had people write in saying SEAN is "worthless." Others scream that the producers are using yet another black man to make some statement. Sean's references to slavery and the historic miniseries, "Roots," makes me wonder what Sean's true strategy is. Having played this game, I know you get tired quickly each day out there. We took naps all the time. We weren't being lazy. Our bodies needed the rest. All it takes is one contestant to say in a confessional that someone is lazy. There will be footage to support it, whoever is the target. On that topic, Sean has the benefit of the doubt with me. It's his attitude that's more the issue. He's defiant -- unwilling to lead or follow, refusing to succumb to anyone's instruction. I view his laziness more as a rebellion. He almost seems to purposefully create the issue by refusing to be treated "as a slave." Who's treating him like a slave? Having lived it, I know there is a lot of work to be done. What motivates his need to personalize tribal chores into slavery? Now, I'm a very open-minded person, but if Sean is going to blatantly point out to GABRIEL how he will not "tip-toe around a mother out here" when no one has even asked him to -- tells me he's creating the issue. I see it more as, "this is what we do here and if you're going to participate, here's something you can do." It's called teamwork -- everyone contributes an equal share. I've been saying all along how much I enjoy Rob. He's been funny, light-hearted and strategically in control by employing his own style. Now he's offered us a sneak peek into his narrow mind. Making JOHN's sexuality an issue by belching "big time queeah" and making jokes about it surprised me a bit. I thought Rob was more evolved. While he still makes me laugh, I hate that he took that turn. RUDY got away with it because of his background and the fact he's 200 years old. I keep thinking of the kids I've met on my press tours that love this show and the message slurs like this send to them. Crystal Balls This column is about the show, not me. But I have to take a moment and say, I'm cracking up. For a moment I was officially a "poll!" SurvivorNews.net and a ton of message board communities have fueled online banter regarding my first column, "Confessions of a Former Survivor." Here I am thinking it's my youthful charm and savage wit (ya'll can keep believin' that!), but apparently these people think I've had crystal balls over here passing on the scoop. I've hit the mark a few times and "Survivor" fans assume that means I know something. My source is my experience, intuition and instinct, and that source is telling me the next to go will be Sean and/or Gabriel. Like this week, I could be wrong. I've hit three out of four thus far. |
Car54 | Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 04:56 am     From ET online: SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode Five By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online March 29, 2002 GABRIEL blew his horn and NELEH caught crabs! What a show! Gabriel's trumpet was not music to Rotu's ears. Shaw once said, "To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it." Gabriel is brilliant -- one of the most accomplished and well-rounded 21-year-olds I've ever seen. He went into the game with a desire to seriously form a society and live peacefully within it. Though a gallant, respectful and a beautiful thought, such a Utopia will never exist in the land of "Survivor." While his approach was endearing and probably the most healthy of all the viewpoints that plunged into this game 15 days ago, this is, in fact, a game and I'm puzzled why one would sign up for it, then refuse to play it. Though he's admittedly confused, I admire this guy tremendously. His depiction on the show sets healthy positive examples for young viewers. In this game, that is significant. Gabe's ouster was the total mastermind of the Rotu four: TAMMY, ROBERT, ZOE and JOHN. We're not seeing it, but I'm leaning toward the assumption that control rests with someone other than "His Highness" John. It could be Zoe. Every time I see her on the screen, her expression (particularly her eyes), says, "I've got a secret!" She's certainly being edited to lead the skeptical eye in the direction of a strong Zoe finish. It also might be Tammy -- or she and Robert could just be dull, with little to say, therefore not getting much camera time. But I'm not convinced of that yet. I think the fact that we don't see much of them in the episodes thus far is significant. I believe those three, at least for now, will most likely form the final trio. No matter how much MARK BURNETT's editors want us to think they are serious contenders here, ROB and SEAN are mere comedic relief. I mean, Come on! Sean wears knee-high blue socks with white sneakers! Very AL BUNDY! Both of these guys do keep the game interesting and are great TV, but my Goodness! What bozos. Rob's quote next week, "Do I have stupid written on my forehead?" will be a Survivor classic. YES! YOU DO!!! And so does John! And speaking of ... I do not see how he'll win this game. How could someone who is such a big fan of this show (meaning he has a "Survivor" tattoo on his shoulder, he's probably seen every episode of every "Survivor," and probably has them all on tape color-coded in a cabinet somewhere for easy access) do something as stupid as take visible control by rallying Sean's vote? Not to mention intentionally campaigning for dictator, while everyone is about to eliminate someone? He also crossed me as annoying when he immediately shut Tammy down at the start of the SOS challenge, "Did you help yesterday? You're not involved at all," he spat! I'm noticing a self-righteous tone that a strong "Survivor" player would never use publicly. I also caught Tammy noticing it. He might as well tattoo, "ME, ME, Vote for ME!" across his face. Are we witnessing the emergence of a powerful new villain? Or will he be the idiot the message boards will have for breakfast? As "Malcolm Farrakhan Sean" said, "Stay tuned!" Bravo to GINA! I like her more every episode. She finally won something. The energy at Maraamu is interesting -- a new unity. The tribal swap was much more effective here than in Africa. I hope they keep winning immunities. Seeing how the other four will fit into a unified tribe without Gabriel will be fascinating to watch. An early or late merge would most definitely intensify the drama. Don't you agree? Fifteen days without real food certainly gives new meaning to the phrase "catching crabs." Since I'm dealing with a judge and his pixie, both with hearts of gold, I'll just leave it at that. But the little devil on my shoulder is dying to go there! Maraamu's seafood buffet was, I'm certain, quite the treat -- having had no real food for two weeks. I would have killed for Australian crabs that were that easy to snare. Scoring all the Rotu belongings was an excellent coup -- a creative reward that certainly spiced things up. While I prefer the "hair-pulling, face-scratching, savage" approach to playing this game, seeing good things happen to the nice people does make for warm and memorable moments….boring TV, but nice moments nonetheless. |
Awareinva | Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 08:35 am     Thanks Car!!  |
Lancecrossfire | Saturday, March 30, 2002 - 11:55 am     Thanks Car! Jeff's comment about the reward of getting all the belongings--an interesting reward for sure! For the rest of the game, how can MB top that reward?? Had Rotu won, there wasn't really any "nail in the coffin" as Probst said. There was nothing for them to take, had they won. |
Moondance | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:27 pm     Latest Article SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode Six By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online April 5, 2002 Last night's show offered a variety of events, but I have to start by saying it was difficult to concentrate on it all with PASCHAL running around in those shorts. Lilly white and yellow don't mix, Pappy! Somebody give that judge a robe! GINA's exit makes my prediction record five out of six and I hate it. I really liked her. Gina reminds me of the girl we all went to high school with that everybody knew and loved. Her logical perspective has been a much-needed asset at dysfunctional Maraamu. Once she got her new tribe mates and they started winning, I thought there would be hope for her. I'm puzzled why she wasn't able to convince one of those three people to shift their vote. Just one shift and there would have been a tie. But then again I gave away a million bucks for a handful of peanut butter, so what the hell do I know!? Gina will be missed. JOHN will not. I'm not getting his whole need, to not only lead, but to insist everyone know he's the man with the plan. "Thou doth protest too much." Shakespeare, right? In episode six, John references his power eight times. Yes, I'm a geek É I counted! That's eight toots too many on that horn buddy! Shoving his faux-authority down everyone's throats tells me he has none. Success occurs in private É failure in front of everyone! Now watch him go and win this thing -- LOL!! I believe the real leader is not yet visible. But as John spoke to TAMMY, ZOE and ROBERT privately about throwing a challenge to stay in control, the expressions they returned to him spoke volumes. Tammy's face said, "I'm getting a little sick of this," while Robert's said, "My back itches, I want a beer." Zoe is a little harder to call, but she certainly looked as if she was more interested in the progress of her website back home than what's coming out of John's mouth. The future should be very interesting. I'm back on the "I like ROB" train. He made some narrow comments before that had me rethinking my early-season connection to him. He's always been funny in a "can't chew gum and fart at the same time" kind of way. He's a rich character. From the Godfather references, to his accent, to that shifty, spooky way his eyes glass over as he delivers his "observations," this guy is quite intriguing. He will not give up. Last week I called him stupid. This week he made a centerpiece out of the Rotu 4 and put it right in the middle of the table. Episode seven's previews portray him continuing his new strategy of lifting the alliance's curtain in an "in your face" manner. I can't wait. Maybe it's that little devil on my shoulder whispering to me again, but I'm hoping this post-merge period differs from Australia and Africa in that there's a hair-pulling, eye scratching fight to the end. I want to sit on the edge of my seat every time I watch, and seeing everybody hugging each other and braiding each other's hair makes me want to turn the TV off BEFORE I clean up my vomit. I think Rob's packing my kind of game! SEAN reeled me back in a bit this week too. I started to stray away from him after the whole "slavery" thing. Moments after saying he wouldn't be treated like a slave, he accepted Tammy's offering of food, then declared her "voted-off" the second she stopped serving him. It's a contradiction that has me interested to meet him and to see what he's really like during his press tour. I've always found him interesting and very funny. The facial expressions he was making during the "we didn't get any chicken" segment broke down the wall I had begun to build. When he's on a roll, he's hysterical -- probably one of the funniest of all Survivor contestants. His greatest moment, at least for me, was when he floated in the water singing about the girl that brought him "so much valyah and purpuhse!" Next week is near and dear to my voted-off heart -- Day 21, the day I got COLBY's footprint tattooed across my ass. GRETCHEN CORDY, the Survivor everyone loves and respects, called me that day and welcomed me to the Lucky Number Seven club. I'm honored to share it with her. If you don't win, it's a good place to be. Welcome to the club, Sean! ;-) |
Moondance | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:37 pm     I like his thinking  |
Car54 | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:43 pm     You just like it because he is picking Sean to go. |
Moondance | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:51 pm     Oh YEAH, I feel a party comin' on! |
Car54 | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:53 pm     but not this week....he is here for 3 more weeks, I think. |
Moondance | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 01:54 pm     NO... step away from the keyboard... I will be partying til sunup next thursday, Missy! |
Car54 | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 02:00 pm     OK, but plan some refreshments you can put in the freezer! I might change my mind, but we are merging at 10, Sean is not supposed to go til 7...not week 7 I think Jeff got his spoilers mixed up. But someone else bad might go! And we will be one more week closer to the party. Hang in there, I might change my mind by Monday! |
Moondance | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 02:03 pm     Promises Promises |
Car54 | Friday, April 05, 2002 - 02:18 pm     I am willing to keep a Rob boot under consideration....just too many people ahead of Sean in the boot line... unless maybe they have a big baptism scene and he snaps and tries to drown Paschel or something.... just can't see it comin yet. Rob is much likelier if he does not win immunity. |
Fruitbat | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 10:06 am     I am leaning toward Rob....heavily. |
Seamonkey | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 11:31 am     Rob is the thinking survivor's vote.. but they may not be thinking so clearly. |
Seamonkey | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 11:36 am     MsBat.. don't lean so heavily that you fall over! BAT CHEER Bat to the LEFT! Bat to the RIGHT! Bat UP! Bat DOWN! BITE! BITE! BITE!!! |
Llkoolaid | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 03:01 pm     I am voting John off but something has me a little worried. Everyone seems to think Kathy and Rob go off on a trek possibly to check out a new camp. They could be the unlikely pair to form an alliance. The part about Kathy learning some kind of truth or news that she doesn't like could be that she aligned with Rob and then Paschal and Neleh tell her they are siding with John to vote Rob off. I was so sure it was John going but now I am wondering. It doesn't pay me to think, my brain hurts from not being used to all this exercise. |
Pamy | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 01:37 pm     is there a varner article for last weeks episode??? if so can one of you awesome people post the link here for the lazy/time challenged people like me! thanks
 |
Moondance | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 01:51 pm     Haven't seen his latest for this coming week... I will keep an eye out for it. |
Moondance | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 01:53 pm     SURVIVAL INSTINCT: Episode Seven By Jeff Varner, Special to ET Online April 12, 2002 I'm not in a good mood. I was very excited to catch this episode. My favorite, ROB, appeared destined to turn the tables on that evil, wicked nurse -- at least to me. JOHN was somewhat despicable last week, pounding his chest and blowing his own horn because nobody wanted to blow it for him -- and Rob was taking him out! The merge promised to scoot me down my Australian memory lane (which it did), bring the new phase of the game, and Robbie promised to cause a little tribal disruption. Now he's gone? His strategy was a good one, but he wasn't charming or slick enough to pull it off. His implementation reeked of desperation. Now he's out and it sucks! He was the instigator, the manipulator, the Godfather, for heaven's sake. He had his own commercial! I was convinced that the "angry black man that can't swim" was doomed. Instead, I'm pouting. Rob's been the star of the show so far. In my peripheral vision, I see shades of that same vibe we all got when JERRI was voted off. Most were glad she was gone (ok, all of you were), but the show did slow down a tad after she left. Last week I said I'd turn the TV off when they started braiding each other's hair, and damn if 10 minutes into this merge VECEPIA didn't sling some braids up on TAMMY's head! NELEH giving topless Tammy the massage wasn't lost on me either. Let's face it. SARAH and the girls, Jerri, COLLEEN, JENNA, LINDSAY, AMBER all got gratuitous boob shots -- MAD DOG, DEBB -- this show is edited for a male audience, so I'm hoping the aggressive activity continues despite the great instigator's demise. I can see RODGER and ELISABETH sneaking in via Neleh and PASCHAL. Heartwarming is cute and all, but that's been done. The stuff that came out of Rob made good TV and he will definitely be missed, at least by this troublemaker. In honor of my Australian ouster, "Good on ya, my bludger buddy! What a rip snorter of a Drongo you made." (Look it up) This was, by far, the best episode of "Survivor" in a long time. The merges are always fascinating and this one was truly something special -- "The Brady Bunch" meets "The Osbournes." The drama, the confrontations, the immunity necklace -- thank God that oversized, sequined, red toilet seat was burned in Africa. Actually, I think someone bought it for charity. But nonetheless, it's gone. I'm honestly happy KATHY's sitting in the catbird seat. I've said from the beginning she was engaging. She may have annoyed you, but how could you not love a divorced mother who pulls her pants down and pees on a man on national television, admit it -- ya'll cheered when she won immunity. You know you did. She still, though, is somewhat of the tribe's lost soul. Even after 21 days out there, Kathy's still struggling to fit in and find someone to trust. It may be tough for her, or she could find herself in a valuable swing position as the game progresses. I'm hoping she stays. I know it was quick, but did you guys hear ROBERT? He speaks! The General has a voice AND a face made for radio. I'm thinking there's a personality behind that voice that might be coming out to play. I hope so anyway. I can't imagine he's simply John's . And speaking of the Great and Powerful Oz, he retreated a bit. That is, until Rob outed him again. Tammy stayed low and Vee managed to sneak herself into the jury. ZOE's taking a beating, thanks to Rob. That could affect her down the road. She has lied and her subtleties are interesting. Am I the only one who saw that loving motherly hug she gave Neleh at tribal council? What is this woman doing? So now, the real game is on. It's time to see if those 21 days of initial groundwork will pay off. The first half of this game is dedicated to building strong relationships to keep yourself safe. Now, those relationships will be tested. Know there is stuff going on we do not see -- there are agreements and bonds we've not yet been introduced to. This game has gotten too unpredictable and that's a good thing. Having said that, it could be Kathy, but I still think SEAN's not long for this game. It'll be one of the two. |
Moondance | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 01:54 pm     Varner's Link This is the same link as posted above... you can always go to the site and check whenever you need to. |
Nanya | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 06:40 pm     Thanx Moonie! You guys are so helpful...sharing information & instruction for the computerly(?) challenged. I sure do appreciate it. |
Moondance | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 06:47 pm     BTW Nanya, if you want to start a thread ... go to the bottom of the list of threads in the disscusion area (example 'Survivor IV General Discussion Area') Click on the "Create New Conversation" button and go from there |
Pamy | Sunday, April 14, 2002 - 08:26 pm     Thanks Moon! You're the best! One day I will start a thread and I will feel so proud of myself! As you can tell I am still a TVCH virgin, but maybe before S4 is over I might go all the way!
 |
|