Archive through May 13, 2002
The ClubHouse: Archives: Lex's Articles:
Archive through May 13, 2002
Car54 | Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 10:32 am     March 16, 2002 Lex’s ‘Survivor’ column Trapped on an island with knuckleheads? ‘‘I was camping with a bunch of knuckleheads.’’ No need for words of deep wisdom to sum up this week’s "Survivor: Marquesas." This no-nonsense observation by the latest island reject said it all. In a move that left 20 million of us fans scratching our heads, Maraamu walked away from its third consecutive visit to tribal council short one guy — ex-Navy-gone-FedEx-pilot Hunter Ellis. What a shocker. The decision to vote off Hunter seemed so brash and bizarre that I second-guessed my usually reliable gut. How could they do this? Maraamu was committing collective suicide by eliminating their strongest member. But maybe this odd move belied a super-genius strategy so devious in its sophistication that not even a "Survivor" veteran like myself could see it coming. Naw, I don’t buy it. I’ll go with Hunter on this one: definitely knuckleheads. The lunatics are now running the asylum in Maraamu. One thing that came as no surprise this week: each tribe’s standing in the game. Maraamu is still a dysfunctional family of crybabies who can’t win a challenge to save their lives. These bozos are living in paradise, yet all they do is complain, complain, complain. Maraamu had better shape up or throw in the towel. Five-time losers in the challenge arena, their morale has hit an all-time low. We Boran lost our first three challenges in Africa — and believe me, nothing was more devastating than being beaten over and over, knowing that 20 million armchair critics were going to be watching. The Rotu tribe held strong to its position as "Survivor’s" undefeated band of good guys. Neither rain storms, freezing nights nor hundreds of No-No bites could upset the harmony and positive vibrations in this feel-good tribe o’ love. Gabriel, Rotu’s goldilocked sweetheart, sounded like a Hallmark card when he summarized the secret to his tribe’s success: ‘‘We get a lot of strength from the good cheer and the kindness and the spirit we have here.’’ OK, let’s talk about Episode 3’s highlight. Scenes like this could only happen in "Survivor," and it’s what keeps us coming back for more. John, Rotu’s resident male nurse who seems to injure himself every time he attempts a simple task, fell onto a sea urchin and got a dozen spines stuck in his hand. What does the "Survivor" manual recommend you do for urchin stings? Pee on them, of course. The dramedy hit full-swing when Kathy stepped up to the plate, dropped her pants and gave John’s hand a medicinal golden shower. Was Kathy marking her territory, claiming John as her own? Do I smell an alliance? Or was she just ensuring her security in the tribe by putting her bladder to good use? I loved this week’s challenges. They were clever, entertaining and tested the tribes’ most essential ingredient: teamwork. It’s no mystery why Rotu once again swept it all. The reward challenge required each tribe to construct rafts and negotiate a watercourse, while picking up heavy cargo in a race to the finish line. When Jeff Probst delivered building materials to Maraamu, they just stared slack-jawed at the pile of bamboo like a bunch of dummies. Then they talked and talked. Not unlike their insufferable morning ‘‘radio show,’’ these guys were all talk, no action. When they finally constructed their raft, it looked pathetic — like the end of a pick-up-sticks game. Rotu, exhibited their ingenuity and collaborative energy, building a beautiful, seaworthy craft. They reminded me of Snow White’s seven dwarves, whistling happily as they worked. The immunity challenge seemed custom-made for Rotu. In a giant variation on the wooden maze with a marble game, four tribe mates blindly operated rope pulleys, guiding a coconut through a 3-D maze, while another person called out directions. This challenge was a test of communication and teamwork, not coordination or motor skills. We didn’t need Gabriel’s confident prediction (he mumbled ‘‘See you soon’’ to the immunity idol as he returned it to Jeff Probst before the challenge) to figure out how this would end: Rotu again shellacked Maraamu. Which brings us to tribal council and why Hunter took the walk of shame this week. It came as a big surprise to everyone; but if you analyze his performance, you’ll find he made a couple of critical mistakes that cost him the game. In assuming the position of tribal leader, Hunter should’ve realized the importance of humility and subtlety. In "Survivor" leaders are easy targets for the vote. A leader who shows too much confidence, even cockiness, is begging for a ticket home. His biggest mistake was not making strong alliances that could ensure his voting power and personal safety in tribal council. I spoke with Hunter this week and asked him why he didn’t make his alliances early. He responded, "I wanted to take my time and get to know everyone better." Well, Hunter, in "Survivor" you can’t afford this luxury. I knew in Africa that if I didn’t make a solid alliance with two strong, trustworthy players before the first tribal council, I was toast. If you wait a few days, other players will hook up and you’ll find yourself alone. A little-known fact from "Survivor: Africa" is that when I first approached Ethan and asked him if he wanted to form an alliance (on day 2), he hesitated because he also wanted to get to know people better. I told him it was a one-time offer and I needed to know his decision that day. He hopped on-board, and we all know how far he got in the game. We got a peek at our friend Rob’s potential this week when he made the switch from tribe dullard to two-faced schemer. Although he credited his sudden rise to power to shrewd, stealthy tactics, Rob probably rose in rank because he held the swing vote in this episode’s tribal council. Rob took a short break from self-congratulations to tell us he gets his strategic wisdom from "The Godfather." He proclaimed himself "Survivor’s" puppetmaster. ‘‘It doesn’t matter if my team is stronger," he said, "but just that they obey.’’ Puh-lease. I suppose next week we’ll find out who gets the boot early when someone wakes to find a horse head in bed. Will Gina kiss Rob Corleone’s ring, or find herself sleeping with Nuku Hiva’s fishes? Previews for next week’s episode (titled ‘‘The Winds Twist’’ — Maraamu means ‘‘wind,’’ get it?) indicate that Mark Burnett will pitch one of his game-changing curveballs. Whatever happens, I’m hoping the Polynesian gods deliver Sean a karmic eviction notice. That cocky, lazy loudmouth has got to go. |
Wink | Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 11:21 am     >>>In assuming the position of tribal leader, Hunter should’ve realized the importance of humility and subtlety<<< Yup subtlety and humility certainly describe Lexs' demeanour. |
Car54 | Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 11:27 am     them that can do, them that can't, write columns |
Grooch | Saturday, March 16, 2002 - 12:00 pm     Ah, But if MB hadn't screwed up the immunity with the piercings, Lex might have been the winner. <<Rob probably rose in rank because he held the swing vote in this episode’s tribal council>> Yes! Rob's huge ego is going to go splat!!!!  |
Car54 | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 04:17 pm     Lex sez: The alpha males become village idiots FADE IN MARAAMU BEACH — DAY Gina and Rob walk along a beach as ominous music plays in background and spooky tribal drums build to a crescendo GINA: We have mail! CLOSE-UP ON TREE-MAIL MESSAGE Challenges of brain and brawn Are nothing compared to this Your world will turn Your head will spin As you stand upon the disk This short scene from Wednesday’s "Survivor: Marquesas" was a biggie. It foreshadowed the infamous "switcheroo," a game-changing curveball first used in my own "Survivor: Africa." And let me tell you, in the game’s big picture, the switcheroo is a huge deal. It can topple tribal empires and raise the dead. The switcheroo came in the form of a little "activity," as Jeff Probst called it, where each person was told to stand on one of 13 wooden disks. You could see in the players’ faces that they had a good idea of what was about to happen. As soon as they’d chosen their disks, Jeff instructed them to turn over their disks to reveal the color of their new tribe. It was over that fast. God knows after only nine days in, this game of "Survivor" was due for a good shake up. The gross imbalance of power between Maraamu and Rotu was getting tough to watch. We were ready to see Maraamu mercifully put out of its misery. The sickly-sweet love-fest over at Rotu was really getting on my nerves. Witness a sample of tribal sound bites from camp-Rotu: Pappy: "I don’t know that the mood could be any better — it’s just a real calm, peaceful feeling." Gabriel: "We keep winning because of the unity and love that is in this tribe." Tammy: "We’ve become a family." And a few of our Maraamu friends were overdue for a -slap of humility. Within the first minutes of this week’s episode, Rob delivered one of the cockiest statements in "Survivor" history: "Without a doubt, this is my game. I’m the one who’s controlling it." Whoops, looks like Rob just gave himself his own Mafia kiss of death. Thank god for the hard, swift hand of God ... I mean Mark Burnett. Showing up for what they thought was a reward challenge, our 13 friends were surprised to find their worlds turned upside-down in the time it normally takes Probst to utter, "The tribe has spoken." After the dust settled, three people from each tribe had been switched around (an odd coincidence, considering we had the same number switched in Africa). Control-freak Kathy, Sweet-Pea Neleh and Ole’ Judge Pappy found themselves downgraded to the loser tribe. Bigmouth Sean, the Robfather and Vee were all sent to the Rotu labor camp. Aaahhh, sweet indiscriminate justice. "Survivor" can be so delicious. There couldn’t have been a better reshuffling even if Mark and Jeff had hand-picked the new tribes. Maraamu became ol’ Judge Pappy’s personal harem of girlies. And Rotu now has more testosterone-fueled alpha-male energy than a sports bar on Super Bowl Sunday. One nice bonus resulting from this week’s switcheroo: We got to know some of the Rotu folks a lot better. Let’s take a closer look at each new tribe. Maraamu, "Survivor’s" dysfunctional broken home, came out of the switch in much better shape than they went in. Kathy, Neleh and Paschal brought renewed vitality and optimism to the tribe. It was as if somebody had pulled back the dark clouds to let the sun shine in. Rotu, a tribe we never really became familiar with because they consistently avoid tribal council, gave us the real drama this week. The happy love commune got an ugly dose of reality when Rob, Sean and Vecepia were welcomed to the family. Like serpents slithering into the garden of Eden, they made short work of destroying Rotu’s harmony. It reminded me of those movies we saw in high school biology class, where bacteria attack healthy cells under a microscope. A few more tribal sound bites will illustrate the vibe around camp. Rob (commenting on his new tribe): "These people are workaholics. Life here is two degrees shy of hell." Sean (regarding his dissatisfaction with the harder work-ethic at Rotu): "We’re gonna rest when we wanna rest. Let’s sit our butts down and freakin’ relax. I’m comin’ outta my shell and tellin’ you right now, the bottom line is if you’re gonna vote us off, then vote us off." Rob (evaluating his new tribe mates): "The biggest thing now is going to be seeing how I can bond with these other people. Gabriel is definitely a brainiac, probably thinks he’s a lot smarter than he really is. When I first saw John I thought he was a big-time queer. I won’t be sleeping next to him tonight. The General’s big and tough and wants everybody to know that." These two guys are going down. Big-mouth Sean’s ridiculous tirade was the equivalent of committing "Survivor" suicide. And that dim-bulb Rob is going to have trouble with the most basic "Survivor" strategy: getting along with others. The switcheroo turned these two alpha-males into the undisputed village idiots. Did anyone notice that every time we turned around, Tammy was serving our two lazy idiots food? I couldn’t help but think of "Hansel and Gretel." OK, I don’t think we need to spend too much time on the immunity challenge or tribal council this week. Maraamu lost — again (surprise, surprise), and predictably Sara’s torch was snuffed out. With a noticeable drop in the testosterone level at Maraamu, poor Sarah didn’t stand a chance. At this point the game is looking good for Pappy and Sweet-Pea. They have the power of the voting majority in Maraamu and are safe until the merge. Once a merge occurs, they will have bonded with virtually everyone who’s going far in this game. Gina’s stock definitely went up this week, and Kathy’s still getting on people’s nerves and needs to chill out if she wants to stick around. Rob and Sean have screwed themselves out of any opportunity for success. If Rotu knows what’s good for them, they’ll throw the next few challenges so they can get rid of these two chuckleheads. You don’t want a couple of physically fit, desperate guys around after the merge, when individual immunity is up for grabs. Gabriel impresses me more each week. This guy has it all going on. He’s strong, whip smart, level-headed, and well-liked — sounds like the recipe for the Final Four. |
Moondance | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 04:23 pm     I think I watched the same show as Lex! Good article...Thanks Car! |
Urgrace | Sunday, March 24, 2002 - 05:19 pm     Well Lex played the game, but he didn't say anything that we haven't said here in our tvch threads! Thanks Car. |
Car54 | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 01:55 pm     April 6, 2002 Lez sez: Beauty and the beast: Gina’s gone, Rob grows dangerous Well folks, it’s with a heavy heart that I’m announcing this installment of my weekly Survivor Insider column will be my last. With my favorite castaway Gina now banished, I can’t bear to watch "Survivor: Marquesas" anymore. OK, just kidding. But with Gina off the show, I have to say I’m heartbroken. Like my wife did last week, I will be expressing my grief by wearing only black. Two candles now burn in our living room, in homage to our "Survivor" crushes — one for Gabe and one for Gina. Before I get into this week’s episode, bear with me while I gush over Gina just a bit more. Until she gave up at the end, I thought she played a great game of "Survivor." She worked hard, always had a positive spirit and got along well with everyone. She kept an even temper and proved she could adapt to nearly any situation. She had the stuff to go all the way. But I guess I should be honest with you. My initial attraction for Gina was purely carnal — that girl’s a smokin’ little fox. All right, I’ve gotten it out of my system (for now). Let’s talk about this week’s episode. From an entertainment standpoint, I thought the show was the weakest this season. The challenges made a great 10 minutes of television, but the rest of the action was lackluster at best. We were treated to a rehash of old plot lines. John and Rob, Rotu’s alpha-male dullards, were at it again, marking their territories and beating their chests like a couple of power-hungry goons. If you ask me, they BOTH have "stupid" written across their foreheads. The spirit of Season One’s Richard Hatch visited the Marquesas, when our now-outed gay friend John decided to strip buck naked and go skinny-dipping in Rotu’s Blue Lagoon-style waterfall. John waxed philosophic and called it his "tribal baptism." Back at Maraamu, more island feasting, featuring (surprise!) fresh crab and assorted fruits. Half the cast this week — Tammy, Robert, Zoe, Vecepia and Sean — provided about as much action as department store mannequins. They received so little airtime, I’ll declare them missing in action. Let’s talk challenges. First, I want to know why Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst decided a challenge with a food reward was a good idea. All I’ve seen these people do, day in and day out, is stuff their gobs with food. Seems kind of like rewarding the guys who work at Taqueria Vallarta with a burrito lunch. Be that as it may, our pals in Maraamu and Rotu seemed to froth at the mouth when Jeff walked by, teasing them with a platter of roasted chicken, quiche, bean salad, dessert and our first gratuitous product placement of the season, icy cold bottles of "shockingly refreshing" Sierra Mist soda pop. The reward challenge this week, a jungle relay race, was doggoned entertaining, as players ran through the jungle to a pair of oars tied in a gazillion knots that needed to be detangled. The oars were passed off to two team mates, who paddled an outrigger canoe through the surf to retrieve a tribal flag and return it to the beach. First tribe to park their canoe in the designated parking space and plant their flag on the tiki statue won the grub. Maraamu and Rotu gave us a great race. Maraamu, with their three girls and Ole Judge Pappy, seemed so outgunned it looked like it was going to be a slaughter. Rotu took an early lead, with Rob whomping poor Pappy in the footrace. Decisive victory seemed in the bag for Rotu when Rob and Zoe passed the oars to John and Robert long before Pappy and Sweet-Pea even made it to the beach. But in a hilarious scene that could’ve been straight out of a Laurel and Hardy flick, John and Robert furiously paddled their canoe in a tight little circle, going nowhere in the process. By the time they’d figured out how to drive, Maraamu had closed the gap, and the two tribes ran the watercourse neck and neck. Rotu planted their flag a split second before Maraamu, and Jeff announced them the winners. As Rotu group-hugged and hopped up and down ecstatically, Maraamu pointed out to Jeff that Rotu’s canoe had not been parked in the right place. The decision was reversed due to a technicality, and Maraamu got to stuff themselves silly. Immunity this week went to Rotu, who creamed Maraamu in a challenge that had the tribes racing through a giant maze. The twist was that the tribe mates were tied together in a daisy chain. The person selected to be at the front of the chain led everyone else through the maze and made most of the decisions. This proved to be the key to Rotu’s victory, as they were led by a desperate Rob, who knew that victory was his only chance at three more days in the game. On the flip side, Kathy took the point position for Maraamu, and it was a case of the blind leading the blind. Time for my gut to make a few predictions. Previews for next week revealed that both tribes will be merged into one. This is one of my favorite parts of the game. Action is guaranteed, and everyone’s world is turned topsy-turvy when it becomes a game of everyone for themselves. With Gina gone, the new Maraamu will find themselves seriously outnumbered in the merge. And I don’t think Pappy, Sweet-Pea and Kathy can count on support from the happy family they left behind after the switcheroo. Their ex- tribe mates have mutated into greedy, predatory free agents, obsessed with winning the game. Did anyone notice how upset Ole Judge Pappy got when he found out that Rotu sent Gabe packing? Next week they’ll be one tribe, and the Rotu folks better brace themselves when Pappy’s gentle demeanor turns to rage and he holds tribal court. Judgment Day is just around the corner. Rotu has shown huge irresponsibility in letting marble-mouthed Rob hang around long enough to make it to the merge. He’s proving to be more and more dangerous as time passes. Not only is he constantly scheming and breeding discontent, but he proved in this week’s challenges that he can be a formidable competitor. He’ll be a real threat after the merge, when challenges are no longer team-oriented but individual. John’s overt cockiness has become unbearable. I don’t know who’s more fed up with his arrogance — his tribe mates or us viewers. With doozy statements like, "Everyone knows I’m running the show," stay tuned to witness John hang himself with his own rope. |
Yuhuru | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 08:53 pm     Lex's articles just don't do it for me. Maybe he hasn't been away from the game long enough. There are several from TVCH that could do a much better job, and I'm not talking about me. |
Llkoolaid | Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 09:01 pm     I have read a lot of your post Yuhuru and I think you could definatly do a better job. So could Lance and Car and Neko to name a few. Love Juju and Moon's posts, they are too funny. There are lots more but I am too tired, it is now 1 a.m. here. Hardly anyone is ever on when I am, it's the time differance. I get up in the morning and read everything that has been said the night before but I don't often get a chance to be in the middle of the conversation. |
Car54 | Tuesday, April 16, 2002 - 02:47 am     Lex sez: The Robfather’s gone and the claws come out OK, I have to come clean: I’ve spent the last few weeks mercilessly slamming Boston Rob (a.k.a. the Robfather), all for our own amusement. Now he’s gone — and I’m bummed. If you read my first couple of articles about "Survivor: Marquesas," you might remember I listed Rob as one of my favorites. I saw him as a strong contender for a Final Four position. But after the first episodes, I put aside any notions he was going far, unless he miraculously won every immunity challenge. My affinity for Rob was all about entertainment value. He was a hell of a lot of fun to watch. Whether he was shooting for it or not, Rob was this season’s court jester. Now that he’s gone, "Survivor" just won’t be as amusing. I’ll miss his heavy Massachusetts brogue. When he spoke, it sounded like Kennedy after a dozen whiskeys. I’ll miss that punch-drunk look he always had, like a car with a busted headlight. My wife said she’ll miss his rock-hard abs and silly smile. Unfortunately, there’s not much eye candy left for you ladies now. I’ll miss the Rob-isms. I looked forward each week to hearing his twisted view of the game, its players and his strategies. So Boston Rob, rest in peace. You will be missed my friend. Let’s talk about the episode. The much-anticipated tribal merge happened this week. Harking back to Season One (something the producers have done a lot in Marquesas), tree mail instructed each tribe to send one person to a location specified on a map for a challenge. It was no coincidence that the two people who volunteered to go were the ones who felt most vulnerable: Rob and Kathy. The map took them to a Tahua (Tahitian for "public meeting place"), where, instead of a challenge, Rob and Kathy found themselves in the roles of ambassadors, responsible for a smooth merging of the tribes (duties included naming the new tribe and designing a flag). This job came with its perks: an extravagant getting-to-know-you pizza dinner, a cooler full of beer, and a good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed under a mosquito net. Rob and Kathy lived it up, gorging themselves and splitting more than a case of beer between them. The scene at the end of their evening reminded me of my backyard after one of my weekend barbecues. Empty cans everywhere you look. With bellies full of pizza and heads full of beer, pants eventually came off, and Rob and Kathy ended the night with a frisky little pillow fight. The next day, Rob and Kathy delivered news of the merge to the remaining Maraamu (Old Judge Pappy and Sweet Pea), and announced they had only five minutes to load everything they could on their raft and move to the Rotu camp. The atmosphere was tense as they arrived at Camp Rotu to proclaim that their new tribe was named Soliantu (Tahitian for "sacred allegiance to the sun"). No sooner had they unloaded the raft, than tempers flared. This is what’s beautiful about the merge from a viewer’s perspective. The drama gets bumped up a notch or two. Now that the game is truly every man for himself, strategies become ruthless, competition gets fierce and paranoia is standard-issue. The theme of this week’s episode was lying. The topic of honesty and lying seemed to creep into every conversation Even Boston Rob, who in an interview early in the episode said, "I’ve been lying this whole game," confronted the tribe over the issue. Unaware of the obvious hypocrisy, he tore into everybody, saying, "I don’t like to be lied to again and again and again." We were treated to front-row seats at several major tribal squabbles, and every fight revolved around the lying issue. One brawl between Rob, John and Sean was probably the worst I’ve seen on any "Survivor." The gloves were off, and these guys were going for the jugular. You don’t see this kind of argument often in a game where even the slightest offense to someone can get you voted off in a New York second. I don’t need to spend much time on the immunity challenge, as it was uneventful. The challenge was a merge-episode classic, a "stand as long as you can" test of endurance, this time on platforms floating in rough waters. It could’ve been interesting, but it was over almost as soon as it began. No one had the balance or stamina to make it a true test of tenaciousness. Kathy, who knew nothing less than a victory could ensure her surviving another three days, was the last player standing and the first to wear the coveted immunity necklace. Speaking of which, I would’ve much rather worn the necklace our friends have in the Marquesas than the immunity necklace we had in Africa. Nothing against the Masai necklace we had; it was beautiful. But it was huge and awkward — like wearing a toilet seat around your neck. The new rule relating to immunity is huge. At tribal council, Jeff Probst announced that immunity now comes with a bonus. The person with immunity has the option of granting immunity to someone else and relinquishing their own immunity. He said it could be used to save someone else if the person with immunity feels particularly confident, or to gain someone’s favor. I can’t imagine any situation where it would be worth taking the risk of being voted out when you already have immunity. At this point the game is every man for himself, and no-one can be trusted. Even if you feel 99 percent confident that you’ll make it through tribal council, that 1 percent ends up eating you alive while you wait for Jeff to tally the votes. How about a few predictions: The game gets more interesting now that the merge has occurred. From this point on, everyone voted off the island will be sitting on the jury to select the million-dollar winner when it’s down to two people. Anyone who wants to stick around now needs to have their head in the game 24/7 and always think at least 10 moves ahead. John and Sean seem to have screwed themselves out of any chance at the Final Four. Their hothead tempers and the stink of desperation that hovers over them has snuffed all but the most remote chance of them going far. If I had to pick my Final Four today, I’d put my money on Tammy, Zoe, Robert and Neleh. They have harmony and cohesion, and none of them has committed game-killing blunders. Tune in next week when our "Survivor" friends fly kites. I’m not kidding. I saw it in the previews. No, really — I’m serious. Lex van den Berghe is a Santa Cruz local who spent last summer playing "Survivor: Africa." When he’s not out looking for work, chances are you’ll find him hanging with his family, catching a surf, or playing with his band Luckydog |
Twiggyish | Tuesday, April 16, 2002 - 06:00 am     I like his humor. |
Squaredsc | Tuesday, April 16, 2002 - 06:09 am     "unaware of the obvious hypocricy..." is he watching the same show? of course rob was aware of the hypocricy(sp). i also didn't think the sean/john/rob thing was that major, it was obviously for the other tribemembers benefit. did lex forget his fight with tom? now that i enjoyed. i am not sure about his final four pics, it goes from boring to very boring. i wonder of big tom has any articles about this season. does anyone know??  |
Car54 | Sunday, April 21, 2002 - 02:36 pm     Lex van den Berghe: Lex Sez Firecracker and John’s checkmate This week’s episode was what it’s all about: quintessential "Survivor" at its best — deliciously unpredictable, abounding with drama, and crescendoing with a plot twist and power shift so extreme they may have changed the entire game. In a fantastic swerve straight out of left field, the tiny, unassuming Neleh and Ole Judge Pappy provided the swing votes to evict the machiavellian puppet master John off the island and straight into the Survivor jury box. These two tricky players became a force to be reckoned with and proved they’re not afraid to play hardball. Let’s back up and start at the beginning. As episode 8 got under way, we watched the cocksure Tammy, John, Robert and Zoe strut through the game and congratulate each other on being so darned clever. Hell, their confidence was almost contagious. But the reek of arrogance they exuded made me wish nothing but the worst for our four musketeers. I should’ve seen the perfect setup for riveting drama a mile away. The reward challenge this week was pure Marquesas fare: light-hearted, playful and vacuous. Each player was to design and construct a kite out of materials delivered by tree mail. At the challenge site, Jeff Probst announced that the first player to fly a kite to 300 feet would win a (insert yet another gratuitous product placement) king-size Snickers candy bar and a deep-sea dive trip-of-a-lifetime. Kathy kicked everyone’s ass so definitively it was embarrassing to watch. Her kite quickly soared to the 300-foot level, while everyone else ran across the beach with their kites thrashing about 18 inches behind them. I guess you could call Neleh a winner of sorts in this challenge. She had the most grounded perspective on the whole scene when she announced before the fly-off began, "I got a kite and a new outfit out of this challenge." Sure enough, she had fashioned a cute little sarong and top out of her leftover fabric. The reward challenge was the episode’s last light moment. After watching Kathy blissfully swim with jellyfish, rays and thousands of schooling fish, we got a reality-slap perspective of Soliantu’s power-struggle and brewing tribal discontent. Kathy, Sean and Vecepia were feeling like odd-men-out, watching John and Tammy flit about, whispering to Paschal or Neleh, scheming in plain view. In a rare moment Sean understated the obvious: "Everything ain’t hunky- dory around here." This is when Kathy decided she wasn’t going down without a fight, and she planted a tiny seed of doubt in Paschal’s mind. Kathy told Pappy that they could assume control of the game if he and Neleh would join the three of them. Pappy refused, saying, "I’m not aligning myself with Sean and Vee." Little did he know that this tiny seed would soon grow into the power shift that would change the game. John gave us a peek at his delusional arrogance, which in this episode bordered on total lunacy. After a powwow with Pappy, John boasted in a lone confessional, "Neleh and Paschal are really supporting my success in this game and are really rooting for me. Knowing that I can rely on that is like (getting) two free passes." What kind of crazy palm fronds have you been smoking out there on the island, John? Nobody, and I mean nobody, was rooting for you. Wake up: It’s every man for himself, and the prize is a million bucks. What kind of jackass would root for anybody but himself? The immunity challenge this week was fiendishly clever and evil even by Mark Burnett standards. The players were to answer a series of trivia questions about life and survival on the Marquesas Islands. Each player had three bunches of coconuts tied to a tree. Every question answered correctly was rewarded with the privilege of cutting down one bunch of coconuts belonging to another player. The last player with coconuts still on the tree won immunity. This challenge was absolutely brutal. It was like a truth serum, making crystal clear exactly where everyone stood in each other’s minds. After giving correct responses to trivia questions, players ran to their chosen targets and gleefully chopped down the coconuts of people not belonging to their clique. There wasn’t a poker face in the house. After all the chopping and savage ruthlessness was over, a smug Tammy was left standing with an immunity necklace round her neck. I was astonished that in this pivotal challenge, everyone played without any thought to strategy. They were so blinded by their lust for personal immunity that they thought nothing of being totally obvious. Everyone knew where everyone else stood. When Soliantu returned to camp, Tammy, John, Robert and Zoe put the last nail into their alliance’s coffin by arrogantly gloating about their control of the game. They committed a deadly sin in the always unpredictable game of Survivor: They counted their chickens before they’d hatched. This was all Neleh needed to push her past the breaking point. She took Pappy aside and explained, "We’ve worked too hard, and I’m not about to go out like that." Paschal’s change of heart about aligning with Sean and Vee began to show when he told Jeff Probst at tribal council, "I think I started playing the game maybe today." You could almost see John shift uneasily on his little stool. The most delicious moment in this episode came when Sean voted for John at tribal council. After writing John’s name on the ballot, he grinned devilishly and said, "Checkmate, bro’. You thought you had me. I’m tellin’ you, anytime you go to Vegas, bet on black." It was a statement only a man confident that he’s not going anywhere would make at tribal council. We all knew it was over for John. The big surprise this week was definitely Neleh. Wow, what a hot little firecracker. No one saw that coming — she may go far. And everyone in her voting coalition this week enjoyed a revaluation of their stock. I can’t figure Zoe out. Anyone else notice that she deviated from her alliance and voted for John? She’ll need to be very careful if she’s dancing that dangerous, thin line of playing both sides. Just a quick heads-up for y’all: I’ll be traveling next week and won’t be in your Saturday paper. No worries though, I’ll be back the following week with another Survivor report. |
Car54 | Sunday, May 05, 2002 - 03:59 pm     Lex sez: May I please have a little whine with my coconut? Our pals in the Marquesas officially hit the home stretch this week. They’ve only got nine days left in the game. I remember getting down to single-digit days in Africa, and every one of us could taste the final four (dare I say — final two). Experiencing a personal "Eureka!" moment, Sean opened this week’s episode by pointing out what’s been obvious to all of us watching for weeks. He noted, "The love tribe aspect of this game has been a fallacy." He then donned the philosopher’s hat and pondered that deep "Survivor" mystery, asking, "In the context of this game, can a love tribe truly exist?" Duh, Professor Sean. No. Gloves are off, and the game is on. With each tribal council, the jury grows while Survivors dwindle. The competition is getting hard-core. Let’s get ready to rumble! Another sure sign that our friends could see the light at the end of the tunnel was the incessant complaining. Guards are going down, and folks aren’t as worried any more about what they say and how they may be perceived by their tribemates. Even Paschal bellyached, proclaiming, "This is without a doubt the worst place I’ve ever been on earth. It’s just pure hell." Could’ve fooled me, Pappy. Looks more like paradise to me. When the topic turned to food, the whining went into overdrive. Now at the risk of sounding like a crotchety old grandpa carrying on about walking to school in the snow, barefoot, with bricks on my back: What are these cretins talking about? They’ve spent a month enjoying mango, banana, coconut, grapefruit, taro, shellfish and fresh crab. These guys have been the best-fed Survivors to date. They’ve lost some weight, it’s true, but to me they look healthier than they did coming into the game. Try eating corn mush, day in and day out, with a barbed wire spoon, washed down with a glass of elephant pee, while sitting on a bed of thorns. Excuse me a moment while I climb down off my high horse. OK, I’m better now. I was thrilled to see the return of some real challenges this week. I mean, don’t get me wrong: Watching our buddies flirt with death in the stilt-walk and risk their lives in the perilous kite flying contest were very exciting, but I was hankering for a little more challenge in the challenges. For a juicy reward, consisting of a hot shower, clean change of clothes and fine dinner aboard a luxury cruise ship, the seven Survivors competed in an island version of musical chairs. On Jeff’s "go," they dove into the ocean to retrieve one of six shells at the bottom. Whoever came up without a shell was out. Each round eliminated one competitor, until only four were left. The remaining four then had to dive down, pick up a 40-pound rock and sprint underwater to shore. First one to arrive at the finish line with their boulder won the comfort cruise package, along with carte blanche usage of Jeff Probst’s personal Visa credit card. Well, that’s what they’d have you believe. I won Jeff’s Visa card in Africa, and I can tell you first-hand, it was anything but carte blanche. Other than the obligatory presenting of the card at the resort (zoom camera in on Visa logo), that shiny new card saw no action. If the spending spree had been legit, you know I would’ve ordered everything on Amazon.com, purchased a small African nation, and taken a cash advance on that million bucks. What a shocker it was to see Jeff’s Visa card go to Ole Judge Pappy. The old timer whupped everyone’s ass in the challenge. When Jeff picked Pappy up in a speedboat, he gave him the green light to choose a friend for the trip. Of course, it took Pappy half a millisecond to choose Neleh. I love it when "Survivor" shows the contrast between the folks who won a luxury getaway vacation and all the unfortunate souls left behind at camp. In one scene Neleh comes out of a hot shower wrapped in fluffy white towels; background music is a happy island tune. Cut to Soliantu, everybody stewing in their own filth; music is a grim funeral dirge. While Paschal and Neleh were eating escargot on the poop deck, the other poor suckers were eating their hearts out. Neither of our two teetotaling friends had a drop of alcohol with dinner, but I would’ve sworn Neleh was plum liquored, judging by some of the blunders she pulled when she returned to camp that night. She went on and on, in painful detail, about how nice it was to feel so clean. This had the same effect on her tribemates as rubbing the family dog’s nose in his own dookie. Not only did she forget to bring some food back to share, but she offered to let everyone share what was left of a piece of candy in her mouth that she’d already been sucking on. That’ll win you points with your peeps. Immunity this week was awarded to the winner of the always-popular fire-building challenge. The General took the necklace, proving once again that desperation is powerful incentive to win immunity. Unfortunately, this left Tammy with little more than a prayer to make it through the vote that night. Tammy had confidence, grit and fire in her belly right up to her regrettable dismissal. Just hours before tribal council, she optimistically announced, "I’m not giving up on this game until I hear my name read at tribal council." It was hard to see Tammy go. I saw in her a kindred spirit. She played a hard-core game, wasn’t afraid to stick her neck out, assumed a leadership role by default and never flew under the radar. Good for you Tammy. You kicked ass and made good TV. I’m hoping for another twist next week or at least for the General to win immunity again. If he doesn’t, then he’ll predictably be the next to go. Previews for next week — of our friends crying like babies — indicate they’ll be viewing videos from home. Oh God, I remember crying in front of 25 million people. Lex van den Berghe is a Santa Cruz local who spent last summer playing "Survivor: Africa." When he’s not out looking for work, chances are you’ll find him hanging with his family, catching a surf, or playing with his band Luckydog. |
Knightpatti | Sunday, May 05, 2002 - 07:01 pm     Good article! Thanks Car. He writes well. |
Micknrc | Monday, May 06, 2002 - 06:27 am     <<When the topic turned to food, the whining went into overdrive. Now at the risk of sounding like a crotchety old grandpa carrying on about walking to school in the snow, barefoot, with bricks on my back: What are these cretins talking about? They’ve spent a month enjoying mango, banana, coconut, grapefruit, taro, shellfish and fresh crab. These guys have been the best-fed Survivors to date. They’ve lost some weight, it’s true, but to me they look healthier than they did coming into the game. Try eating corn mush, day in and day out, with a barbed wire spoon, washed down with a glass of elephant pee, while sitting on a bed of thorns.>> ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!! I love that man! |
Car54 | Sunday, May 12, 2002 - 04:43 pm     May 11, 2002 Lex Sez: It’s all a game, but nobody’s playing for the ultimate prize "I will not change my fate by pleading or begging or talking to anybody. If they have a mindset that I’m the next one to vote out, then so be it. "I came here with four things: pride, dignity, integrity and a knapsack. And the only thing that’s tattered right now is that knapsack. Everything else is intact." Oh, General, General, General. If only you’d remembered to pack a little tactical sense and ambition along with that integrity when you left for the Marquesas. You’d still be around, my friend. And it was painfully obvious in the final 5-1 vote spread that, true to your own word, you hadn’t talked to anybody before tribal council. What is it with you guys this season, that you won’t even attempt to save your skins when you smell your own imminent defeat in the air? More often than not, I’ve seen you folks just lie down and die like dogs when you felt your time was up. Whatever happened to "they’ll have to pry my cold, dead fingers off my weapon?" I certainly didn’t expect to see you kissing anyone’s butt, Robert, but c’mon — Kathy practically spoon-fed you a master plan to save your butt and probably take you to the final three. Why didn’t you bite? You can strategize about how to survive tribal council without sacrificing your dignity. It’s just good ol’ fashioned, military-style defense and retaliation. (They call you the General, right?) And it’s what you need to stick around in the game of "Survivor." Unfortunately, the insatiable drive to win has been one ingredient sadly lacking in this season’s survivors. One ingredient not lacking in this week’s episode was emotion. We were treated to heaping helpings of the stuff, pure and undiluted. I think the producers were so pleased with the results of last season’s family videos from home challenge (remember me weeping like a crybaby), that they decided to turn it up a notch this time around. Instead of videos, our six remaining players were treated to the real deal: As the survivors waited for the reward challenge to begin, they were each surprised by one of their loved ones, in the flesh. Spouses, a sister, a close friend, a mother and a son all filed out, one by one. I could almost see Mark Burnett crouching in the background, excitedly wringing his hands as he anticipated the results: "Oh, this is going to be spectacular. There’ll be crying like you’ve never seen." And cry they did. A lot. The scene took me straight back to Africa, and I could barely keep myself from breaking down, as I could feel all those emotions flooding back into me: the longing, the loneliness, the love for my family. Jeff Probst threw a new twist into the reward challenge and announced that this time around the survivors were sitting out while their loved ones competed. I won’t go into detail about the challenge itself because it clearly wasn’t the focus on the show either. This challenge was all about seeing survivors cry like babies when reunited with friends and family. I was dreading the inevitable moment when Jeff would hastily send the loser loved ones away without so much as a hug for their survivors. But stepping away from their typically sadistic patterns, the producers allowed friends and family who were eliminated from the game to embrace their Survivor kin before being dismissed. Kathy’s son Patrick was the last loved one standing in the challenge; but if he’d had any idea what the reward was, he may not have played to win. Probst handed Pat a Soliantu buff and proclaimed that Pat would be a member of the tribe until the next morning, and would enjoy all the privileges that came with tribal membership. Privileges included cracking coconuts and shellfish, harvesting taro and gathering firewood. His membership also covered a Marquesas meal pass, meaning he could enjoy the same exotic diet his mom had for a month. Lodging was provided at camp Soliantu, complete with bamboo bed and plenty of wildlife — Nonos (which immediately proceeded to devour poor ol’ Pitter Pat). Kathy was stoked to have her boy around, but city-bred Pat was out of his depth. The chores didn’t sit well (he didn’t like getting his hands dirty), and he couldn’t choke down any food without grimacing. He also sleep well, poor baby. During Pat’s visit, Kathy tried to take advantage of his clear mind to glean advice about game play. After explaining what had transpired and what she thought she might have to do in order to stay in the game, Pat told her, "I don’t like this game. And I don’t like this side of you." Oh, if I had a dollar for every time my wife Kelly said the same to me. As I mentioned, none of Kathy’s shrewd plotting would ever see the light of day. Maybe we can blame her son Pitter Pat for putting the kibosh on another potentially entertaining power-switch before he was whisked away from the island. It amazes me how little interest these players have in scheming or taking control of the game. Most seem happy casting their fates to the winds, or just figuring things out as they go. While this may be a terrible strategy if winning the game is your goal, it makes for compelling TV. Without players planning strategies, we never know what’s going to happen next, and the result is guaranteed suspense every week. It’s as if nobody’s in the driver’s seat, everyone’s in the way-back, while the family station wagon careens out of control down a mountain. Next week is the last episode of "Survivor" before the big Central Park Finale on the May 19. Can you believe it’s almost over already? Our five friends better grab the steering wheel or they may fly right by that million bucks and not even notice. |
Grooch | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 07:33 am     Lex is sounder more and more bitter every week. |
Car54 | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 08:00 am     He has probably spent most of the $100,000 he settled for, and seeing Ethan getting modeling gigs and dating movie stars is probably making him think about what he barely missed. |
Louloubell | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 08:31 am     Thanks for posting all of Lex's articles car! I really appreciate reading them! |
Twiggyish | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 08:33 am     He does have a point, though. Robert should have gone with Kathy's plan. |
Lancecrossfire | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 09:09 am     In the interviews, Robert has said tha it was pride that got in his way of going for Kathy's proposal. I think that in the heat of being in the middle of the game, you don't awlays make the choice taht works to your advantage. Lex of all people should be aware of that. Maybe his memory has failed him on that one, or maybe it's something else. Robert might have been willing to take the same chance that was working for Kathy. There is clear history that chancing approaches in mid-stream has gotten people vted out for not being able to be trusted. At best it's a crap shoot when you are in side, and not able to look in from a further away perspective. I also think it's been shown time and time again that any last minute words don't affect how people are going to vote--unless it's in a bad way. Not saying it's right or wrong--just saying that's the way they have played the game so far. |
Wink | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 09:52 am     It irks me to agree with Lex but why didn't Robert take the opportunity Kathy afforded him? I thought way back when John became the visible leader of their alliance, Robert said he would stay in the background and that he was there to win. The integrity rap is getting old. John and Tammy would surely respect someone doing what they had to do to stay in the game. You can still like and respect another player and vote them out for your own salvation. These people are nuts. |
Fruitbat | Monday, May 13, 2002 - 10:35 am     agreed |
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