Survivor Insider: Episode 13

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Joan

Monday, January 21, 2002 - 01:03 pm Click here to edit this post
It's been fun! 59 pages later, here is the last Insider review for Survivor: Africa. :)

Brandon: no sex for 6-8 weeks is not pleasant—Today is day 39 and tonight is the final TC. He learned that “Brandon without sex for 6-8 weeks is not pleasant to be around,” that he is not ready to quit smoking and that he has “alcoholic tendencies because I would sit around and fantasise about liquor all the time.” He was also surprised to learn that his body can withstand anything. He had expected it to give out but it didn’t and he could even have lasted those last 12 days. He didn’t get sick and he was only weak the last day until he got the protein. He feels a lot stronger than he ever thought he was and learning this about his body is the biggest thing he will take out of the experience. He thinks that people now will never take him for granted or think he is incapable or helpless. One can give an impression to people that leads them to think that but he won’t be giving that impression anymore. The experience was different than he expected. The game brings out different things in different people. It can bring out the very worst and the very best. He has heard people talk about how they are sure they got on other people’s nerves but spending a week with someone would do that anyway. Spending 24 hours a day with someone for four weeks is sure to do that too but that doesn’t make anyone a bad person.

Brandon’s audition tape—Brandon is sitting at a table. He speaks very fast and leans on the table kind of the way Kim P. always did when voting. He asks them to excuse the tape right off the bat because they are recording over someone else so once 2 mins is up, they need to shut it off right away of they’ll get “some gay porn fest.” “Can you see me Brad?” he says and gives a cutesy wave. “I can see you” Brad says from behind the camera. Brandon says he would be a great Survivor because he is “little and cute” and no one would expect him to be “intimidating or…you know, a physical threat.” He plays with a box on the table as he speaks. He runs 5 miles a day and plays tennis 3 times a week so “I could totally do it.” Brandon ponders what else to add. He works at a bar so he deals with drugs…He interjects to tell Brad not to turn the camera over or the people will get “sea sick.” He wonders again what to say as he almost climbs onto the table fidgeting. There are a lot of gay people in America and he watched the first Survivor and “there was this fat guy with a hairy chest”—he lights a smoke—and he didn’t think Rich “or whatever his name was” was very “indicative or whatever of gay people.” He asks Brad if they’ve gone 3 mins yet and Brad says they are no where near it yet. Brandon is happy because he can talk about himself endlessly. He repeats the bit about his exercise routine and points out again that he is small, 110 lbs. He smokes a lot but that won’t be a problem because he can find something to smoke “out in the jungle like grapevines.” The tape is turning into a “fiasco” but that is ok because he just wants to say he tried. He sees all these “beefy guys and super dykes” trying out and he is none of those things so he would be a great contestant. Nobody would suspect him, he would “totally win the million dollars” and, he gestures around him, he could totally use it. He tells Brad to move the camera around so they can see the house. Brad mutters “Oh Lord” and gives a panoramic view. The apartment is very sparse. Brandon cries out that they need a maid and that million dollars would sure do it for them. He asks Brad what else he can say about himself and Brad says he doesn’t know but Brandon has 20 seconds to say it. Brandon talks very fast and reminds them to shut the tape off immediately after this part.

Carl’s audition tape—Carl is in his dentist outfit standing in his office. He introduces himself and says he has survived the profession with the highest suicide rate and the highest divorce rate. That’s in the bank and also in the bank are the 6 marathons he has run. He lifts up his shirt and slaps his somewhat flabby belly asking if this looks like the body of a marathon runner. He moves over to the wall where a series of framed newspaper clippings hang. He points to the “80 year old man” who beat him and says even though that happened, he was still able to complete the marathon. He says his assistants are sick of him because he needs a 3 min video to say why he should be on Survivor. He asks them why he should and then answers his own question saying he is not your typical denist, “most of them are fat and bald headed and divorced! Not me!” He mentions the suicide rate again but “I haven’t done that yet.” “Competed 6 marathons, Survivor’s easy!” He invites the viewers to take a walk around the office and steps through a door followed by the camera. This is not your typical dental office because they have fun there and enjoy what they do. Carl is also a photographer he notes as he slides a door aside and leads the camera to his “Wall of Fame.” When you come to his office, you don’t just come to get your teeth drilled and hurt, you will laugh and hear different music. “I play the Sopranos tunes, what more could you ask?” He can’t do 50 pushups, he is lucky he can do 15 but he has it “up here.” He can handle the mental challenge to “outwit, out play and outsmart all those other people” because he is a Survivor. He asks them to think about what they are asking people to do. Carl feels America wants to see a non-typical dentist, not this person who “just drills and fills” and runs around like a “little nerd” all day. He mentions his marathons and his body again saying he is “not even close to being physically fit.” If they pick him, they’ll have a great time and a great show. He isn’t going to do the full three minutes because they’ll read his application, watch the tape to see his face and if they like him, they’ll pick him and “forgeddaboudit!” “Pick me! That’s it!” he says authoritatively as he walks off.

Diane’s audition tape—Diane is sitting at a table in her brightly painted home smoking a cigarette and talking to the camera as if she is just venting to a friend. She actually isn’t even looking at the camera. She has decided not to do what she had originally planned for her tape. She was talking to the “man upstairs” asking Him what to do because her original idea was to go outside in the 30’ weather and laying by the pool in her bikini. She turned blue though and it was “not a good look.” Her other idea was to take a knife, go outside and talk about what it would take for her to get on Survivor and then stick a paper mache pig she had made to the fence with her knife. Then she would serve hotdogs on white plates in an evening gown. That didn’t fly so then she had another idea. She would have herself and Cleo (I assume a pet) sitting together amidst a pile of human bones. She would say to Cleo that they are down to the final two Survivors, who’s it gonna be? Because she is a postal worker, she didn’t think people would find that funny though. Another thought was to have her kids in the video talking about what a great mom she is, and how she never gives up and teaches them respect and love of life. Then she thought why not just show them how she really is? She isn’t a quitter and she can do anything—hunt, fish, “make stuff.” She gestures around saying she painted her kitchen which shows her creativity. “Who would paint their kitchen this colour but me?” “You know I can win! I’ve told of all you guys that!” she says laughing like this is the most obvious thing. From off camera, a female says “Definitely.” She asks her friend what she thinks of the idea of just letting them see who she really is. “I think it’s perfect” her friend says. “Diane Ogden, what you see is what you get and you won’t be disappointed” Diane says. “And you’ll be the next Survivor” her friend adds. “And I’ll be the next Survivor.”

Ethan frees the corn—There is enough maize for maybe half of one more meal. Ethan opens the canister and shakes the powder around showing the camera that the “ration master” rationed it pretty well. No one ever missed a meal, no one starved, everyone was fed every single day and there is some left over. There is another day and a half’s worth of water left and a week’s worth of corn. They were still hungry all the time but they had enough food to get them by. He reaches down and takes some of the maize, tossing it into the air dramatically saying “Be free! Feed the earth!” He repeats this a few more times.

Jesse’s audition tape—Jesse introduces herself and says she is originally from Puerto Rico but has been living in FL for about 12 years. She is a student at the University of Central Florida. “Go Knights!” She is a junior studying pre-law and works full time as a deputy sheriff for the Orange County Sherriff’s Office. Cuts to Jesse doing pushups in another part of her house wearing sunglasses oddly enough. “Why do I think I’ll make the ultimate Survivor?” Cuts to her doing situps, as she comes up from each one she adds something—I’m a team player, I’m the leader, I’m competitive, I’m a female. She stressed that she is a “Puerto Rican female” so the heat and the rice are no problem for her. Cuts to her with boxing gloves on. She approaches the camera slowly saying she is determined to be the first female Survivor to “outwit, outplay and outlast.” She punctuates that last bit with jabs at the camera. (I guess Jesse hasn’t heard about Tina, eh?) Cuts to some static then to her alarm clock which reads 7:19am. Jesse pulls the covers from over her head and goes into the bathroom, shutting the camera out. Cuts to her pointing to her fish and then showing a photo of her dog and her boss. She sits on a day bed with her uniform and explains that she has been in law enforcement for four years. She went to the police academy and loves her job. Her grandfather was in law enforcement. Cuts to her in uniform putting on her vest. She likes not having to worry about what to wear in the morning. Cuts to her with her hair up in a gigantic bun and those same sunglasses on. Cuts to her getting into her car and driving away.

Kelly’s audition tape—Kelly is standing outside her house in what looks like a cheerleader outfit. She introduces herself and says she is a senior at Duke. She figures that a good way to get to know “how wonderful I am” is to see the “interesting” places she lives in. She lives in a “shanty house” in NC with high crime and the neighbours really hate them. Other than that, it’s a “blast,” she loves the girls she lives with and they are always having fun. She grabs a group picture of her sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma from off camera and announces that she really hates a lot of them but since she has held several offices in the sorority, everyone kisses up to her and thinks she is wonderful which is the effect she has on people but they will never really know what a “devious, evil person I can be.” Cuts to her bedroom. She sits on a couch surrounded by pillows and talks about how important athletics and crocheting are to her. More importantly though, she likes “manipulating boys” because they are “so easily fooled.” She brandishes a framed photograph of a guy and says “this one in particular.” The girl behind the camera asks what her shirt says and Kelly throws her head back as the girl zooms in way too close. The shirt reads “I make boys cry.” Cuts to her in one of their favourite bars. She says one of her favourite things about herself, and there are a lot she admits, is that she can maintain a 3.7 GPA “while drinking every night like an alcoholic.” She gestures around commenting on the emptiness of the bar since it is a Sunday. She feels that wearing this “asinine outfit” to a bar on a Sunday night shows her love of Survivor. What we are seeing is the real Kelly but what everyone else sees is the fake Kelly who is nice, conciliatory and “couldn’t have more friends.”

Kelly’s excited about the final vote—This is an exciting adventure for everyone. They all are going to file back into TC and talk for the first time, for her, in 15 days. She didn’t like sitting there like a “mute.” She doesn’t know quite how it will “shake down” but they all get to say something or ask a question of Kim and Ethan, “the remaining little Indians.” She is excited because while they got to “prance around” and give all their “pithy little answers” she, as first member of the jury, didn’t get to say anything and now she gets to “make them shut up for once” and get her voice heard “’cause I have a lot to say.” Kim and Ethan are there because they are “incredibly lucky” stress on the incredibly. Kim is lucky she won immunity because she was going to be gone way before that. Tom, Lex and Ethan all wanted to get rid of her before the merge because “she was old and she was making us lose a bunch of challenges.” The “mini-merge” was luck and now look at where Kim is. Ethan is lucky he got into an alliance at all because, at the beginning, he was unwilling to commit to any alliance, was “incredibly cagey” and refused to show his feelings, discuss how he felt about others or show himself at all. He is lucky Lex ever trusted him enough to pull him into an alliance. Kelly thinks Lex pulled Ethan through the whole game. His being a good athlete was not luck though. Luck is the only reason they are there but she is happy for them. The interviewer has obviously asked if she really is because she says in a very high pitched incredulous voice “No I am! I am happy for them!” She thinks it is cool to have a tough choice because she has had to watch four “landslide” votes in TC and she is sick of them. She wants controversy and excitement so she is happy. Her “nightmare” was Kim and Lex. She thought for sure that that would be the case when they made the final three but then, when she saw Lex, she couldn’t have been happier because it made things a little more interesting. The whole experience was very different than she had expected—the challenges, the food, everything. Having had 15 days to “be objective about it” she now thinks it was exactly what she should have expected. She should have known but she had a great time. If someone said to her tonight that she could go home or have another 39 days playing she would “run, not walk to the next boma because it was really fun.” She would do it again for no money or for 50 cents. If she has learned anything it is how little she knows. The experience for her has been very “humbling” which is good. When you graduate college you think you’re a “big deal” and it is nice to know you’re not. At a young age, she has been put in her place and shown how much she still has to learn.

Kim J.’s audition tape—Kim is walking around in her house saying she wants to “kick that young butt” and “win the friggen million dollars and I can do it!” but she can’t do it sitting in her living room. She hops up onto a counter saying maybe they thought she was old and from a “cushy lifestyle” and that she would get scared, hungry, cold, tired, whatever and want to catch the first first class flight home but that’s not her. They don’t know her. She is the most stubborn person she knows and has never quit anything in her entire life. She loves to play games and to get inside other people’s heads and she’s really good at it. Besides, she has the “strength, stamina and guts” to do it. Anyone can live in the dirt and eat bugs and go without water but what it takes out there is the people skills. She likes to keep people guessing and she can hide what is in her head and heart. What you see is not necessarily what you get. “Who is the real Kim Johnson? Does anybody really know?”

Linda’s audition tape—Linda is sitting in her yard in the snow in front of a tent. In the background she has the Survivor theme playing. She introduces herself and saying she is an African-American woman who has been married for 15 years and has two amazing children. They live in the best city in the world and she works as the Director of Career Services at Harvard. She helps people answer the age old question, “What do I want to do when I grow up?” Mountain climbing is her favourite activity. She goes on to list all the risks involved like the temperatures, winds, and ice. Wind blows at her tend and show flies in her face as thunder cracks (obviously all staged). Her motto is “Life, the ultimate adventure.” It is a “state of emergency” in Cambridge but she is getting warm. She takes her clothes off and is in her bra top. Why would she make the ultimate Survivor? She was born in the “ghetto” in the inner city but has made it to the Ivy League now. She got a four year scholarship to college and now has two Masters degrees. As she flexes, she tells the camera that she is also in excellent physical condition and works out on a regular basis. She takes off her pants. She has a lot of accomplishments including climing Mt. Rainier this summer and completing a five day climbing school. Linda continues to list her mountain climbing accomplishments which include winning a trip to Hawaii to test backpacks. She used to be an inline competitive skate racer which, she admits, is a “very amateur sport.” Her best race as 85 miles from Athens to Atlanta Georgia. She is mentally focused, competitive and strategic. Linda stresses again her “amazing” physical and mental endurance. She understands the social politicas, the “social Darwinism” as Mark Burnett calls it. Her biggest challenge came in 1999 when she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She had surgery and is now cancer free and, again, is in excellent physical condition. Once she found out, she made the decision to climb Mt. Rainier. “I had cancer but I was not cancer.” She is flexible and adaptive. She’s been to 27 countries and 4 continents. She lists off her travels and stresses one trip to Africa where they were “dropped” in a remote village with no electricity. “Rat soup, chicken, been there done that.” “Are you convinced that I’m the ultimate Survivor? I am!” she says as the Survivor theme cues up again. She lists off some more of her qualities and then strikes a match which immediately goes out. She holds up the extinguished match saying “As Jeff Probst says, fire is life.” (Talk about the foreshadowing at the end, eh?)

Lex’s audition tape—Lex is sitting in what appears to be his den. He introduces himself saying he is married with two boys, aged 7 and 8. Cuts to his sons wrestling. Cuts to Ethan coming down the steps welcoming us to “the man room,” his “sanctuary” and “home away from home.” If he is not with his family or surfing, he is there playing music with his band Lucky Dog. (It looks like a really small basement but it could actually be a club?) Goes to extreme shaky close up as Lex guarantees that he’ll make “great television.” Being a Survivor is “doing whatever it takes.” He would dig in the dirt with his bare hands to find a worm if he needed food. This is not a game for “sissies or crybabies” or the squeamish and that is not at all what he’s about. Looks are not everything and he knows this well. He keeps talking in a voiceover while the camera shows all his tattoos. If you were to meet him in the street, you’d probably think he’s “an angry guy, a scary guy, or maybe he’s a little dim.” Goes back to Lex in the man room. He can “play that game” and be pretty much whomever he wants but, in reality, he is a very complex person. The others on the show will probably have that same first impression of him but they cannot take just that one look and size him up to figure out their strategy and make their attack. He will constantly be screwing up their strategies and using everything he has. “So, get off yourass. Give me a call, I’m going to pack my bags.”

Tom’s audition tape—Tom rides toward the camera on a little tractor followed by his goats. He is down here “where men are men and sheep re nervous” but “I’m a goat man.” He gets off of the tractor as several goats climb onto it. A lot of people don’t know about goats but Tom is like a veterinarian who will bring “new life to Survivor.” He gestures to his herd saying he has a couple hundred goats. He looks at the goats on his tractor and says “They’re riding that car!” Cuts to two white dogs laying down amongst the goats. The goats are now swarming the tractor so you can barely see it. Tom sits down on the ground saying out here, he fights the elements all the time. When a goat is pregnant, he has to be out there like a “baby doctor” waiting. A dog is barking through this whole bit making it hard to hear. He also wants to show them how good life is out there in his remote area but he doesn’t want to show very many people because those “goddammed fools living up there in the city” don’t know how good it is. He says he is just kidding. Coyotes come eat these goats for supper and breakfast and everything else but, since he got his dogs, a wild animal won’t come near these goats. Enough about his goats and his dogs though, he just wanted to let them know how everything was going. He walks back to the vehicle and shoos the goats off of it. He drives it along calling the goats saying “Come on girl! Let’s go to Survivor!” “We’s gonna be a star! That’s what I are! Come on!” He rings a bell and they all chase him as he yells about going to Survivor with all the women. “I don’t know where we’re going but we’re going to have some fun!”

Big Tom’s thoughts on Ethan—Tonight is the last TC. He is not bothered really because he made his decision early. He hasn’t had to put any thought into it. Tonight will be a good night, the grand finale and then they “hit the road jack.” Ethan made sure that he got to know everyone from the merge on which is his disposition. He is not loud like Tom, “out front” like Lex or “standing back” like Kim. Ethan made it a point to talk to and spent “time, quality time” with each person. “Mr. Nice Guy.” He offered to help people with things. He played the nice guy to the utmost. One example is the time that they had to vote “little Kim Powers” off. He and Lex thought “well, let’s chop her head off like the chickens.” Ethan came to Tom and asked that they wait because he had not spent any time with Kim P. For the next three days, he spent every night with Kim in the tent and most of the day as well “babysitting her.” In three days, she went from a girl he didn’t really know to “ a girl he would like, date.” After three days, he voted her off and Tom is sure she will vote for Ethan now. For three days he “courted her.” Tom laughs and shakes his head saying “you dirty…!” Tom sat and watched Ethan “literally court, date a girl for three days” then he didn’t dump her, he just “set her back down and cut her throat” and went to the next one. Ethan never made anybody mad.

Tribal Council Voting—MamaKim votes for Tom saying he was “great fun” but he started playing that manipulating game setting one person up against the other and that doesn’t cut it with her. Ethan votes for Tom saying this is exactly what he did not want to happen but Tom knows it is nothing personal and, at this point, it is every man for himself. Ethan has “no prayer” of winning against Tom in front of the jury. He respects Tom and thinks he is so funny that without him, Ethan would have crumbled out there. Tom carried Ethan but Ethan cannot beat him. Lex votes for “Big Tom” saying Tom has been like a brother to him but it is “bones to bones” now. Tom would win the “popularity contest” with the jury over Lex though so it is nothing personal. Tom votes for Lex saying they have been kicking ass until now and they would have kept going but the “wrong one” got immunity and now it looks like Tom is going home. He wishes Lex luck.

Meme9

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 07:36 am Click here to edit this post
Joan, you have been a real trooper doing all of these for us. A "Thank You" seems like so little in comparion to all the hard work you have put in!

So....here is a big THANK YOU
Joan you really are great!!!

Floridagirl

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 01:39 pm Click here to edit this post
Yowza!!! That's alot of typing!! Thank you so much for posting this:)

Neko

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 01:42 pm Click here to edit this post
Thankies Joan! You're the best!

Knightpatti

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 03:34 pm Click here to edit this post
You are the best of best!

Urgrace

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 09:09 pm Click here to edit this post
This is really appreciated, Joan!

Pamy

Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 07:51 pm Click here to edit this post
Thanks Joan!!! We all sure got a kick out of your summaries, sure hope you will be around for #4!!!! We should all send you a dollar to pay for your sub. to the insider!!!!!!!!

Joan

Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 08:41 pm Click here to edit this post
Oh yes, please all send me a dollar! Good idea!

*whispers to camera* What they don't know is that there are more of them than there are dollars in the price of Insider. Let's watch and see what happens...