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I Don't Know How She Does It - Chapte...

The TVClubHouse: Archives: Movies & Library 2003 -2004: Library: June 2003 - April 2004: TVCH Book Club (ARCHIVES): I Don't Know How She Does It - Chapter Three users admin

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Twiggyish

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 9:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Setting it up for discussion. Go ahead and start. I'm not quite through with this one, yet.

Twiggyish

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 5:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The chapter opens with the holidays and Kate has to travel to meet a client in Stockholm. Kate has a fight with her husband. She over pays the terrible Nanny, because she is afraid to lose her. Her description of the cab driver is funny. I find her disdain for him funny, because she later (in another chapter) finds he has more depth.
We find out in emails to her friend, that she takes time during the meetings to call pet shops for her daughter's Christmas present. The fact that she is obsessed to find the creature shows her need to overcompensate.
Kate finds out when she returns to work that her boss is not giving her bonus, but he has decided to assign her a new client.. Jake Abelhammer (ohhhh)
At home, the family packs for a holiday with her in-laws. There is a funny section of Rich looking for a lost item just before they leave. (My hubby does that one..LOL)
Her mother-in-law thanks Rich (Kate's husband) for a gift, but Kate is the one who shopped.

Basically, this chapter shows the selfishness of her boss. However, Kate doesn't stand up to him.

Seamonkey

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 10:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I like the cab driver showing up in later chapters as a recurring character..

And the MIL is always ready to take a dig as the book progressed.

THe Nanny seems to be a combo of arrogant but also it seems that the kids are more adjusted to her than mom, and Kate is definitely jealous.. more later.

Also the recurring themes of the Nanny and how she will only wash the kids' laundry, but now and then washes and shrinks Kate's stuff..

And the housekeeper.. too funny.. we learn first that she cannot be expected to get cobwebs because of some injury that doesn't allow her to reach high places.. later we find that we cannot expect her to pay attention to low places, or in between. LOL

Twiggyish

Monday, January 20, 2003 - 6:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
It's all about Kate not wanting to upset anyone.. these are all people who keep her world going (at home) I wonder what she is afraid of at home? Is she afraid of being too close to her family? This could be due to her problems with her own parents early in life. Her father was a constant disappointment.

Marysafan

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 1:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
NEVER in a MILLION years!!!!! I would never ever allow myself to be treated this way.

First of all, Rich needs to grow up and be a man instead of his mother's little boy. He needs to stand up to his mother and not allow her to treat his wife this way. My husband would never have let his mother get away with that.

Secondly, they both need to realize that they are parents. They need to put their priorties in order and that means taking care of your immediate family first. They have a whole week of Christmas...why not take the time to have a meaningful Christmas with your children and then go and visit the parents for a shorter time.

This is Kate's holiday too. Spending the holdiay like this is no holiday at all. Time to stop the merry-go-round and get off for awhile. As Rick Nelson said, "You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself".

When my girls were little, we used to do exactly what Kate and Rich do. Bundle up the kids...load up the presents and head "home" to spend the holdays with our families. One year, I was so exhausted from opening a new store and working such long hours...I informed the families that we would not be making the trip that year. Instead, we would stay in home and have Christmas with just the four of us.

Yes...I caught a lot of grief. I got a call from my brother demanding to know why I wasn't coming coming "home" for Chirstmas...I finally just told him that I just needed to stay "home" for Christmas. My mother-in-law understood...my mother who never worked a day in her life outside the home had a fit. She got over it.

Hubby and the girls were disappointed at first...but we had such a great time enjoying each other and being able to relax and not have rush around trying to please every one...that we never went back for another one of those Christmases. I honestly feel that we became our own family unit that way and grew closer...and in the long run it was best for our girls. They didn't need all that commotion, they needed some quiet time with their parents, and after reading this...I am grateful that we were smart enough to realize it.

Marysafan

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ooops....I think my post above is more applicable to chapter Chapter four ...but it would have been nice for hubby to say..."You know what...you have been so darn busy lately...how about if we just stay home and take a couple of days to spend with just us and kids."

It wouldn't have killed him...or his mother...and all things considered might have done them both a world of good.

Twiggyish

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 2:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree about Rich being his Mother's little boy. He wants attention, and he doesn't want to help.
As to Christmas, I agree. They do need to spend time alone. Kate needs to complaining, too. Why not allow herself to relax and have fun??
Again, I think it stems back to her fears from childhood. Once again, Kate is giving into everyone with the holidays. Her in-laws expect her them to be there. I like your idea of them spending time at home during the holidays. They can always have the in-laws travel to see them.

Knightpatti

Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 6:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
there is another holiday coming up and they have to go somewhere. Do the British not ever stay home? I enjoy being in my home. You can have a great time in your own town.

Wargod

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 11:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I started to gain alot of sympathy for Kate here. She's got the mother in law telling her to put on makeup, the kids are spoiled, her hubby's to thin, and the sister in law who seems perfect. Most of the time, I think people need to quit caring about what others think about them, or how they measure up....but it is hard to not think about that, but when you're faced with the criticism and the perfection...it's hard not to feel guilty about the things you do, don't do, can't do.

I do think Kate needs to tell a few people off....mother in law, boss, clients, nanny, LOL. They walk over her and take advantage of her, but she lets them.

Spygirl

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 7:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
You've got my vote with your post War. This chapter (even though it is really the next two chapters -- lol) drove me nuts! I would have already lost my cool with these people, but I have to remember that I have not yet had to deal with in-laws in my lifetime. I do realize it is all about the boundaries and rules set up at the beginning of the relationship, and clearly how to handle snotty, perfectionistic in-laws were not negotiated. It was in this chapter of the book that I found myself wanting to yell FOR Kate. She is letting them take over her life and run it for her and the more I read on, the more out of control her life appears.

Tess

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 7:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I told my mother in law off once but had to be prodded into it by DH and his sister in law. What a nightmare. She's a miserable creature and it wasn't worth it, believe me. I only see them once every year or two so I try to remind myself she's not relevant and move along. I can see how Kate would have trouble standing up to overbearing inlaws. The sister in law I mention is the most overbearing person I've ever met. She makes me so angry that I just shake but you can't do anything. She just steamrolls over everyone no matter what you do or say. The superior, condescending attitude is all there also. Once again, I just put her away in her little box and remind myself she's an idiot-- when I can.

With Kate actually listening to all these people I can understand why she's a wreck. They are validating her own feelings of inadequacy instead of supporting her in her decisions. Instead of Kate, Richard and Paula being a team in the home, all sharing in the upbringing of 2 children, I believe Kate sees the others more as the enemy for underscoring her belief that, despite her own shortcomings, there is no one who can replace a mother. And yet, she sees Richard and Paula coping day in and day out. One minute they've done something brilliant and I believe that wounds her deeply because she feels she should be able to do things as well. The next minute, she would as soon chuck them out the door because they are replacing her in the eyes of her children.

Wargod

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 10:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Tess, I definitely agree with that. I think sher really feels guilty that she has to rely on others to help her, and then to see them doing it with less stress would make that even worse.

Spy, I can loan you my in laws anytime you want to practice, LOL.

Twiggyish

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 3:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I totally agree Tess. I can also relate to the in-laws.

Knightpatti

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 5:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Kate should not give out her number when she is away with her family. I can not believe that she gets a call on Christmas and she answers it. Cell phones are great because you can turn them off.

I agree with everything that you said Tess.

Seamonkey

Friday, January 24, 2003 - 7:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Jobs like Kate's would often require her to be on call.. or she'd need to be on call so that someone else didn't have to step in and make decisions on her funds.

Even on a lower level, most of my jobs required that I be on beeper at certain times (most of the time actually). Now, I didn't have children, so the job worked for me...

and now everyone is expected to not only be on call but to have instant access to info while out of the office.

Hermione69

Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 6:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
What keeps this book from being one long downward spiral into self-destruction is the little nuggets of humor that show up unexpectedly and make me laugh. Like Kate identifying with the mother hamster being very mean and eating her young.

Kate is very poor at setting boundaries. I feel a lot of sympathy with her for that. I've had to work on that a lot and I'm still not very good at it, especially in the work place (although I'm much better at it with friends and family, thank heavens).

I wanted to ask you guys what you think of the ending of chapter three when they go to midnight mass and she starts crying at that line in "O Little Town of Bethlehem" -- "Above the deep and dreamless sleep, the silent stars go by." I felt that was very significant. What is it about that line that finally brought the tears? I wondered if she felt her own life was a deep and dreamless sleep, and all these wonderful things (the stars) are passing her by because she can't wake up?

Twiggyish

Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
It's possible she realizes what is missing. (Also seeing the nativity theme again)

Schoolmarm

Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 6:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
For such a successful business woman, Kate rarely stands up for herself. She's very good at being a doormat and letting other people/work intrude on her life. She gets major sympathy points from me, though, for having the holiday at the in-laws.

Kate needs more sleep!