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I Don't Know How She Does It - Chapte...

The TVClubHouse: Archives: Movies & Library 2003 -2004: Library: June 2003 - April 2004: TVCH Book Club (ARCHIVES): I Don't Know How She Does It - Chapter Two users admin

Author Message
Twiggyish

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 9:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Setting it up. I'll write my thoughts tonight. This is a funny chapter..love the emails.

Twiggyish

Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 8:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The chapter opens with Kate heading into work (after getting herself and the kids ready in a hurry)
I love how her daughter names her Barbie, Jesus. (A recurring theme)..goes along with Nativity.
Kate is late for work, and offers a "man excuse".
She doesn't want her boss to realize her REAL reason was her child.
The best (IMO) part of this chapter has to do with her emails with Candy and Debra. I thought this description of Candy was funny.."Candy says she's not going to worry about her fertility, though, until Cartier starts making a biological clock."

Kate finds out she is expected to make another trip before Christmas. She can't do her shopping..etc. Her husband expects her to do everything. She also finds out she has to give a speech to new trainees. While there, she finds one recruit I think is a reminder of herself.
Her resentment towards this woman might stem from the fact she doesn't have children. For Kate, it's a constant battle to be a good mother and employee.

She also finds one more thing the babysitter has done against her wishes.

Marysafan

Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 10:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Again...the most amazing descriptions. "She shoots me her best Hillary Clinton look, full of noble this-pains-me-more-than you condescension." Can't you just see that look! lol!

There is the underlying theme of the gifts she brings her children to cover up her guilt. There could be a whole debate on ...is she guilty of something or is she just feeling guilty?...and if she is guilty...should she be trying to atone for her actions by giving material possessions to her children and what lessons is this teaching them and how will it skew their perceptions in the future? Although she does a terrific job of making us laugh about it...there is indeed a serious undertone. I imagine that for some women...it could make you laugh...until you cried.

The whole dealing with the nanny thing I find fascinating. I was very fortunate when it came to child care...I had close friends or relatives and they knew me well enough to know what I would want. To entrust my children to strangers who did not know me well...or who had far different standards than mine...is just too scary! There is a whole level of trust here that is far beyond my comfort zone. This woman (girl) is raising her children...and she doesn't even like her!

Also, I see a total lack of control in the way she deals with her children. She gives them way to much leeway and is constantly responding to their demands...which makes them even more demanding...a vicious neverending cycle. She isn't a mother even when she is there...she acts like the favorite aunt who only wants to please...and have peace.

She is FAR more comfortable and in control in her work environment. As chaotic as it is...it is much less chaotic than her home. I am glad that she recognizes that there are differnt rules for women and has come up with practically ways of dealing with them.

I am finding that I am not as sympathetic to this woman as I would like to be...and that suprises me coming from someone who has been there and done that. (Maybe I'm pissed at her for caring so much about those stupid pies.)

Twiggyish

Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 3:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree totally with your points. She does act more as a favorite aunt. She is overcompensating to her children. Plus, she is ignoring her husband. The Nanny undermines her authority, which is furthering the gap building there.
She has some control in work area. However, there are problems there, as well. While busily trying to please everyone, she is letting her boss run over her life. He happily adds to her work load, and then expects her to be perfect.

Mary, do you think it was really about the pies?

Marysafan

Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 3:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
No I don't think it was about the pies.

I think it was about caving into pressure and trying to live up to other people's expectations. She cared way too much about what other people thought and let that take priority over more important things. Those pies fall into the category of ...in 5 years will this matter. They were not worth losing sleep over.

Time is one of the most precious things we have. It galls me when people try to steal your time. How you spend your time should be up to you.

It bothers me when women don't stand up for themselves. They run themselves ragged trying to please everybody and their brother. They need to learn to just say "no"...it won't kill anyone...they won't die from it.

So far...I just want to shake her...and tell her to quit wasting her precious time and tend to the things that matter most...her husband first...her children second...every thing else third.

Can you tell I had to learn this lesson the hard way?

Knightpatti

Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 6:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Has anyone ever have mince pie? I never have and they sound terrible.

Twiggyish

Thursday, January 16, 2003 - 8:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
No, never had it, either.

Mary, that's the problem. She hasn't learned to prioritize. I agree about her caring about what other people think.

Seamonkey

Friday, January 17, 2003 - 7:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I have to think I tried mince pie at least once, but wasn't impressed at all..

Azriel

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 2:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I like mince pies. To give you an idea, they taste like a raisin pie.

I think I'm just in the wrong mood to read this book. I've read chapter two and I haven't found the book funny at all. It's just made me feel sad.
It's a picture of our society and what we have labeled as important and the position where we place our children and family life in our priorities.

Is anyone else out there feeling like I am while they are reading the book?

Marysafan

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 2:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Azriel, keep reading. As you can tell, I was very much in that place and I thought it was going to be the entire story of this book...and I couldn't wait to be done with it and wash my hands of her. But...it isn't the whole story...stuff happens. I am not watching her to see how she is going to handle this stuff.

It's get better...lots better. But I am only about 2/3s of the way through...so I don't know the whole story.

Twiggyish

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 3:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I see her as someone on a downward spiral. In one since, she sees this spiral, but she doesn't want to stop. I think her guilt stems from this fact. It does get better Az.

Twiggyish

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 11:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Make that word, sense..LOL (checking spelling)

Seamonkey

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 10:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I do see the point .. feeling frustrated with her, but think of her writing this after the fact and painting herself in not the best light.. I'm not finished with the book yet, but enjoying it and yes, it makes me sad.. it makes her sad.

Now if you want an ANGRY sad read.. which can also be funny, The Nanny Diaries is it..

Sia

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 11:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Seamonkey, I have read The Nanny Diaries! It was a good read!! I can't imagine living that lifestyle and having a nanny! No way. That's very far removed from the way I live.

Mak1

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 5:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I loved this description of one of the trainees: he "has an Adam's apple so overactive it's practically making cider." LOL I feel very frustrated with Kate so far.

Karuuna

Wednesday, January 22, 2003 - 1:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I found it interesting that while she seems to think poorly of her husband for not doing more, near the beginning of chapter there's something about Kate watching as hubby deftly swoops up toddler and wipes off snot in one practiced movement. Sounds like Dad is pretty good at taking care of the kids... maybe more than Kate gives him credit for?

And from a semi-working mom who does not bake - the pressure to be like other moms IS there. When your child says to you something like "how come you didn't make cupcakes to take to school for my birthday like ALL the other kids' moms do?"... it really hurts. I could give numerous other examples.

I am fortunate that I don't need to travel much, so I can be at all my son's activities, and am never late. Okay, almost never. But sometimes it does feel like you are the only one doing all that juggling, and you are failing miserably compared to all the other moms. In that much, I can identify.

As I said before, I've made my peace with it, and realize that there are many other gifts I offer my son. And by making my own peace with it, I'm teaching him that it's okay to be who you are, and not like everyone else.

The truth is, you really can't have it ALL, you do have to prioritize in a way that you feel good about, in order to preserve your own sanity (and everyone else's around you. )

Kady

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 7:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I don't understand why she has a nanny she doesn't like. That really bugs me. She is trusting this woman to help raise her children. Seems she is forgetting this woman works for her and not the other way around. I can't really relate to her workplace since I have always worked for myself and of course my parents. So I don't know the pressures of as some would call it 'a real job'.

Hermione69

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 7:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm only halfway through Chapter 2, but found myself enjoying it more. The pace picked up and I found myself laughing. The beginning of the chapter when she was talking about buying guilt presents and then she went into all the Barbies she had bought made me laugh. I've never met a parent that didn't use bribes of one sort or another!

The Barbie bit reminded me of an email forward I received several years ago about more realistic Barbies. I'm pasting parts of it below for any of you who may never have received this forward because it is really funny:

•Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
•Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
•Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
•Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
•Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
•Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
•Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
•Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Is this a premonition of Kate's life to come?

Hermione69

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 7:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I had to bring this up into two because it got too long. I also enjoyed her emails with her friends. I know I sometimes feel guilty for doing personal email at work, but the way she explained how uplifting it was made me feel better! :)

I think it is easy to look at her and think, well, I would be handling this better and I would be doing this differently, but if I were to write a book about my own life, I'm sure 99% of the people reading it would think I was pathetic. She is very realistic to me, and I am going to bring up comparisons to my sister a lot because the things that Kate says, does or thinks remind a lot of the things my sister struggles with.

In psychology they teach us that happiness is relative. We get involved in our lives and our yardstick for measuring happiness changes all the time. I remember a line from Ally McBeal when her roommate asked her, "Why are your problems so much bigger than everyone else's?" Ally said, "Because they're mine." I think that is very true to most of us. A husband who leaves dirty clothes on the floor and never helps with the dishes is just as real of a problem to some women as a husband who drinks and doesn't come home at night is to others. It sounds stupid to think so, but that's the reality. As a general rule, we don't measure our own happiness by the lives of others, although we probably would be a lot happier if we were more able to do so.

Am I making sense at all?

Marysafan

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 7:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Yes..Hermoine, you are making a lot of sense.

Hermione69

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 8:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
:) Wheeeee!

Kady

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 12:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Hermione, I loved the Barbies!!!

Yes, you do make sense. As I said earlier, I am gonna have a hard time relating to Kate in the workplace because I have never had the experience of having a boss, deadlines, or co-workers. I have always been the boss or the bosses daughter. I am very fortunate in that, but in many ways feel left out because I never had those experiences.

Seamonkey

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 12:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Kady.. being left out of office politics and toxic policies is pretty good actually..

Dilbert struck such a chord with so many people because it is so close to real. What I hated about politics in the office was not the work or even the deadlines, but the undercutting, obstacles, jealousies, lack of support and all that sh!t..

Marysafan

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 1:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Amen to what Seamokey said. I was absolutely miserable in that environment. I tried really hard not to play their games, mind my own business, and let my results speak for themselves...but it just got to be too much. Every kindness had an underlying motive from wanting to get information out of me....to wanting to get into bed with me. I HATED it. I finally, chucked the job for the sake of my health and well-being.

Be grateful you never had to experience it.

Kady

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Sea and Mary...ya'll are making me feel very lucky.

I never understood why working mothers couldn't come to more school functions. I've always wondered if they were scared to ask their boss for a few hours off or if their bosses were a$$holes and not let them off. I noticed Kate snuck to her childs play and just didn't ask permission.

Wargod

Thursday, January 23, 2003 - 11:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Two weeks after I returned to work from having Caleb we had a projectile vomiting episode. I was a new mother, just back to work and completely worn out with an infant who was still waking up every two hours at night. I had one clean outfit for me that I was wearing, sitting on the couch eating breakfast, and getting ready to run out to drop him off with my mom. I can remember dreading picking up the phone and telling my boss I'd be late cuz I was standing there covered in baby puke and had to throw something in the laundry, LOL. I know for a fact that I really wanted to say something like the car broke down, the house burned down...anything to let them not know I was having problems with my baby!

I understand Kate telling her boss that traffic was horrible. It's easier than saying, "my nanny was late, and I'm afraid to talk to her about it because she may quit and then what will I do?"

Schoolmarm

Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 6:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm getting into this book more, but I find that her email abbreviations are annoying. NO ONE in business that I know of does those teenager abbreviations.

In the first chapter I found Kate very annoying, as well. But the book is growing on me.

PS It's a quick read....I've finished it, but I'll post my thoughts in each chapter!