Author |
Message |
Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 5:12 pm
Hello! I know that I start a lot of threads that are about raising children. I am a first time mom and just trying to do the right thing. I am thrilled to have found this place and y'all have helped me out so much that I wish I could hug everyone in person! My question is: Is my daughter too old at the age of three to bath or shower with her dad? My decision is yes. However, daddy has hurt feelings that he has been banished from bath time.
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Lkunkel
Member
10-29-2003
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 5:19 pm
How about having Dad make HER bathtime special--crayons, and foams, and stuff like that?
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 5:19 pm
supposedly, some experts have said before age 2 they should quit. others don't think you should ever bathe with your kids, no matter what their sex, and others don't have a problem with bathing with their kids of the opposite sex even way older than 3. my dd never bathed with her dad, so can't say when she stopped.
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Egbok
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 5:27 pm
Hi Deesandy, My dh and I have raised three kidlets who are currently ages 19, 20 & 23. The 23y/o is our only dd and when she was around 2-1/2 years old, while showering with her daddy, she pointed and asked if that was his "tail". My dh made the decision that day that she was too old to be bathing with daddy. I'll also add that dh and I had the biggest knock down giggles once we were behind closed doors!!
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 6:23 pm
Deesandy, in case you didn't know there's a thread in Community Corner called New Parents Tips and Advice where alot of new parents ask and receive advice. Here's the link: New Parents Sorry I don't have an answer for your question because I only have boys. You may also want to ask your pediatrician.
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 6:27 pm
Deesandy, I agree with you that your daughter should no longer take showers with her dad. I really like Lkunkel's idea for your DH to assist your daughter with her bath -- at least for a little while. His little girl is growing up. I remember my DS telling me that I no longer had to assist my GS with his bathing. Think he was about 3 or 4. Just stay nearby to make sure that he was safe. LOL
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Kimmo
Member
05-02-2003
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 6:49 pm
Deesandy, I also agree. I've read that when your child is aware of your body differences, that's basically the time to stop keeping them "out there". I also agree with Lkunkel-- DH doesn't have to be in the bathtub to be a part of bathtime!
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Llkoolaid
Member
08-01-2001
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 7:26 pm
I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband being naked around my three year old daughter. I gotta agree with if she is old enough to recognize the differences it is time to change the bathtime routine, and I also agree with Lkunkel, DH should be an important part of the bathtub ritual but maybe he could do the crayons or foams or just be shampoo man. I think 3 is a little young to worry about her being modest about her body but maybe seeing her dad's is a bit much for her.
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 7:38 pm
my daughter was modest when she was 18 months. she would wrap her arms around her 16-pound body or make me turn my head when i got her out of the tub! she had to go right into the towel. she would dry herself and try to put on her night diaper! she is still modest, although she has no problem walking in on me all the time when i am getting out of the shower or bare-ass naked pulling undies out of my dresser drawer. sheesh!
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 7:41 pm
There is no right or wrong answer here. Every family is different. I bet you could find 20 people here to say your dd is too old and 20 that say it is fine. It is up to what you and your dh and dd are comfortable with.
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Llkoolaid
Member
08-01-2001
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 8:36 pm
Julieboo, you are right.
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 9:20 pm
Mocha, thank you for the link! I am still learning what to do where and have posted in wrong places already! I also have not figured out what all of the abbreviation is...I assume that dh means dear husband, is that correct? I looked for a link for an explanation and found nothing!
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 9:24 pm
It's ok Deesandy, don't sweat it. Yes dh means dear husband. And the only way to find things out is to ask. 
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 9:37 pm
dang... i thought the d meant "dimwitted" i'm gonna have to come up with a new abreviation then for mine!
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 9:40 pm
0ccasionally, to me it means dumb hubby, but mostly i mean it as darling husband! when i write dd or ds, i mean it as darling daughter or darling son!
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Grooch
Member
03-15-2001
| Monday, March 01, 2004 - 10:17 pm
My personal thoughts is that if either parent is starting to question that it is time to stop, then it is time to stop. And that the other parent should respect the other parent's feelings on the subject. I think previous posters gave some good advice on how to include him with bathtime.
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 6:49 am
Thanks for filling me in on the lingo!
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Carrie92
Member
09-15-2003
| Tuesday, March 23, 2004 - 10:45 pm
I have a question that's sort of along the same lines... My DS is 6 and he is obsessed with seeing me naked. I've been trying to keep him at bay for a couple years now - he takes every opportunity he can get - I have had to run and lock the door if he knows I am changing clothes, he looks down my shirt, sometimes when I am sitting at the computer he will pretend to hug me from behind and grab my boob! I know that part of it is rebellion, but it's been going on for quite a while now. Any suggestions on how to curb this?
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 7:24 am
Rebellion? Have you had the talk with him about stranger danger and respecting his body? If so, remind him that just like he has the right to protect himself from unwanted touches, you do too.
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Carrie92
Member
09-15-2003
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 9:47 am
Well, I say rebellion because sometimes it seems like he only wants to do it because he's not supposed to. Good idea to tie it in with what we teach him about his own body. Maybe then he will understand how serious I am. Right now he thinks it's funny.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 10:17 am
Good luck!
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Sia
Member
03-11-2002
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 3:57 pm
Carrie, you'll be quite unhappy if your son learns to "goose" you when you're taking laundry out of the dryer. I remember a time during my childhood when my brother, sister and I all thought it was just hilarious to do that to our Mom; she didn't find it funny, as it would make her jump. We're very casual about nudity at our house, so my kids don't have any great curiosity about seeing anyone naked. They aren't overly modest when their grandmothers look after them, but they're not exhibitionists, either. In all seriousness, I can identify with your situation to a degree. There are times when my son will touch my bust (only when I'm clothed, though). I don't make a big deal of it, but I do remind him that "those are mine, they're personal, and I don't let anyone touch me there but Daddy." (And that's darned infrequently, at that, LOL!) We've had talks about appropriate vs. inappropriate touching, and those are the terms I use with my 5- and 7-year-olds. If one of the kids does something that I deem inappropriate, that's how I label it. The other day after we'd spent some time visiting someone with a breastfed infant, my daughter asked me at home if she could "try that," and she asked if my breasts still had milk. Of course, I explained that my days for breastfeeding are long past (I weaned her at 15 months) and that it would be inappropriate. She asked a time or two more, but I gently dissuaded her. She was just curious. She asked what it would be like and said she wished she could still be a baby. I held her on my lap and reminded her that she'll always be my baby. I think she just needed some extra cuddling and closeness; she hasn't mentioned it again since. My kids (son is 7 1/2 and daughter is 5 1/2) still bathe together sometimes. My daughter will occasionally shower with me, and my son would still like to take a bath with me--if my bad knee would allow me to get down into the tub with him instead of having to use a shower chair--but not because of nudity. My son's reason for liking to take a bath with me is because of water displacement. When I asked him a couple of years ago why he liked taking a bath with me he said it was because "the water's so much deeper when you get in the tub with us!" ROTFL! My kids don't shower with their Dad; they tried it once or twice when they were a good bit younger, but they just prefer baths to showers.
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Carrie92
Member
09-15-2003
| Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 8:30 pm
Thanks, Sia. We use "appropriate and inappropriate" as well. And I suppose we are pretty casual here too. It just seems like he goes a little overboard at times, like when he knows I'm headed for the shower or to change clothes I have to race him to lock the door before he can get there and then he will stand outside the door going, "I wanna see!"
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Friday, March 26, 2004 - 12:05 pm
Maybe if you walked around naked for a while he would ask for you to put on clothes. Sensing that you are uncomfortable with his actions has become a game it seems. Today, as I am dropping off my daughter at pre-school, she patted my chest area a couple of times. No one saw her do it, but suddenly it dawned on me that she might try to repeat that to her teachers. I instantly told her that she can only touch mommy there and not anyone else. I hope she listened! Having non-parent adults yell at children for inappropriate touching can be very damaging to them.
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Karuuna
Member
08-31-2000
| Friday, March 26, 2004 - 1:59 pm
Carrie - If I were you, I'd impress upon him that it's not a game any more. The next time he tries to 'see', I would stop him, get down on his level, look him directly in the eyes, and say *kindly* but firmly, "honey, you are being VERY disrespectful to me, and I won't allow that any more. I have a right to my privacy, just as you have a right to keep your body private." I think that kind of serious, but caring tactic will both model for him the way to say no *clearly* should someone approach him inappropriately, as well as teaching him to respect other people's "no's". Both are very valuable lessons, and must be taught with great love and great seriousness. It seems to me that by "playing the game", running to lock the door, etc, you are just encouraging the behavior. If he won't desist when you tell him "no", then it's time for whatever consequences you normally use for teaching him - time out, or loss of privileges. In my mind, this is not a 'curiousity' issue, as much as it is a 'respect' issue. And it's a great opportunity for teaching him about respecting other people's boundaries. Good luck!
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Friday, March 26, 2004 - 5:47 pm
Karuuna has said it best, in my opinion.
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Carrie92
Member
09-15-2003
| Saturday, March 27, 2004 - 3:34 pm
Thank you Karuuna and Dee. It has become a game, and Karuuna I think you are right - I am playing it. He gets quite a kick out of pushing my buttons - that's a constant struggle around here - and he's an only child, so that makes me the entertainment so to speak.
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Deesandy
Member
08-12-2003
| Saturday, March 27, 2004 - 6:21 pm
Carrie, I have an only child also. She plays me too, in different ways. It makes me nervous for the future, and I have started to change some things. For instance, I ignore her "pretend cry" which of course drives me crazy. I don't give in to her as much either. I guess I am feeling that if I don't get a grip on things now it will be worse later...
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