TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . ABOUT US . CONTACT . CHAT  
Bomis   Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
For the Houstonians on the board

The TVClubHouse: Archives: 2004 January - Arpil: For the Houstonians on the board users admin

Author Message
Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 6:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
HOUSTON TRAFFIC RULES FOR PEOPLE VISITING DURING SUPER BOWL XXXVIII,
FEBRUARY 1, 2004

1. You must learn to pronounce the name of the city. It is "Hue-stun,"
not "Ewe-ston," & definitely not "How-ston." The street named San Felipe
is pronounced "San FIL-uh-pee," not "San Fi-LEEP" or "San Fay-LEE-pay."

2. Forget any traffic rules you learned anywhere else. Houston has its
own version of traffic rules. They are called "Hold On And Pray." There
is no such thing as a high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like
that.

3. All directions start with "Go down to Loop 610," which has no
beginning and no end.

4. You have the East, Katy, Southwest, North, South, Northwest, and
Eastex freeways, which are actually I-10 East, I-10 West, 59 North, 59
South, I-45 North, I-45 South, and 290, but not in that order. Your job
is to figure out which one you really want to get on, without any signs
to tell you. God help you if you are in the wrong lane, or you will go
around Loop 610 again, which is an endless circle.

5. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic! "a scenic
drive." It is if you love seeing wrecks and people risking their lives
changing tires, running through pot holes, slamming on your brakes to
avoid a collision, having people cut you off, seeing alot of people's
middle fingers, and exhaust fumes.

6. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. The noon-hour
rush is 11:00 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The evening rush hour is 2:00 p.m. to
8:00 p.m., sometimes 9:00 p.m. (or 3 a.m. during floods, which we call
"ponding"). The teenagers take the streets from 9:00 p.m. through 5:00
a.m., and Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you WILL be rear ended, or at
least cussed out, and/or possibly shot. When you are the first off the
starting line, count to 5 before moving when the light turns green, to
avoid being "T-boned" by crossing traffic.

8. Construction on every freeway, loop, and tollway in the city is a
permanent f! orm of entertainment as well as a source of delays.

9. Kuykendahl Road can be pronounced ONLY by a native Houstonian. (It is
pronounced "Kirk-n-doll.")

10. All unexplained smells are accompanied by the phrase "Oh, we must be
near Pasadena."

11. If someone actually has his turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect and should be ignored.

12. All Suburbans have the right-of-way, unless you are driving an
18-wheeler or perhaps a Bradley tank.

13. The minimum acceptable speed limit on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Otherwise,
you will be stopped by Houston's Finest for impeding the flow of
traffic.

14. The wrought-iron bars on windows in East Houston are NOT ornamental.

15. Never honk at the driver of a car with a bumper sticker that says,
"Keep honking. I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

16. If you are in the left lane, and going only 70 mph in a 60 mph zone,
the people who are passing you are not r! eally waving at you.

17. If it is 100 degrees outside, then January 1st must be next weekend.

18. The Sam Houston Toll Road is Houston's daily version of a NASCAR
race.

19. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to the state of
Louisiana.

20. Don't get on Main Street unless you really WANT to be on Main
Street. Left turns and right turns are not allowed between the South
Loop and Dallas (that's Dallas, Texas, not Dallas Street).

21. Don't get sick or injured. There are no parking spaces in the Texas
Medical Center for anyone but doctors.

22. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off the freeways. Just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.
This is how Houston residents notify the Texas Department of
Transportation where exits should have been built in the first place.

Azriel
Member

10-21-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 6:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I beg to differ. I was born and raised in Houston and we never pronounced the H. It was pronounced Ewe-stun.

Ddr
Member

08-19-2001

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 7:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL! That is Houston Traffic on a normal day! Whenever I HAVE to drive through Houston, I start hyperventilating in Lake Charles just thinking about it.

Spygirl
Member

04-23-2001

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 8:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ROTLMBO - That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time, Annie!!

Houston traffic is horrendous, for sure!

Meemo
Member

08-13-2003

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 9:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
lived here most of my life and never heard Ewe-stun. forget it just call it H-town. loved #10
maybe you should add
23. Just ignore the speed limit signs and go as fast as you can. if people are still passing you go faster!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
3rd generation here and never heard Ewe-stun either, now we don't say the "h" in Humble.
I always thought the yellow light meant "step on it"! LOL

Mack
Member

12-19-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Got to tell my fellow Texans it ain't hardly no better in San Antonio when it comes to driving. In fact, my observation is that folks around here pride themselves in trading in 7+ year old cars with the original turn signal bulbs....they sure as heck aren't using them on a regular basis.

Hippyt
Member

09-14-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
LOL,sad thing about the last one is it's actually true!

Urgrace
Member

09-15-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 3:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
We have plenty of visitors from Hue-stun up here and a lot of them call it Ewe-ston <shrug> I love this! Hey, no comment about the commuter lanes and blow-up dolls?

Mack, San Antonians pride themselves in being able to fly 55 mph side by side down the (almost) four lane roads from lighted intersections to the next ones. People will actually argue their right of way on the yellow light and give you a funny look if you dare to go when the light changes green, since at least three more cars will follow through on yellow and red.




Mack
Member

12-19-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 3:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
No doubt about it Urgace.....being number one care/truck approaching a yellow light is a real challenge. I'm usually not worried about whether or not I can stop, it's the person behind me that gets me nervous. Now stop signs...well...that's a whole different world where stopping has become optional. But it's a great place to live and we love it here.

Hippyt
Member

09-14-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 5:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I just saw on the news Janet Jackson,P.Diddy,Nelly and Kid Rock are all in town.
I'm expecting P. Diddy to ring my cell any minute and take me for a ride in the limo.

Azriel
Member

10-21-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 6:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Texannie, you are right about Umble. lol! I'm 3 rd generation, too. You know if you walk up and ask someone from Houston, 'How do you pronounce Houston?' They might get all self-conscious and get Yankee proper on you and pronounce it Hue-ston. But if you know any native Houstonians (they are a dying breed) then just listen to them say Houston in a conversation without asking them to pronounce it. The majority of them are going to just use the long u sound and pronounce it Ewe-stun.

Azriel
Member

10-21-2002

Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 7:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I'm getting obsessive about this I know. I just googled 'pronounce Houston'. Lol!

My brother had sent me this list a few months ago, but it was a bit different than Texannie's list. I found the version my brother sent me here - http://braden.weblogs.com/humor/houston


Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - 9:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
ROFL Az! I definitely say the long U, but have never left H, never over pronounced it, but it's there! LOL will have to pay more attention to how others say it. What side of town did you grow up in? (have I asked you this before, I am fighting brochitus and am brain dead today!) I'm from the westside.

Azriel
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - 6:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I grew up in Northwest Houston. We lived in Oak Forest. My father grew up in The Heights. My mom grew up in the boonies on the outskirts of town which is now like the center of the city. lol!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - 7:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My dad grew up in the Heights too! Which boonies for you mom?

Azriel
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - 8:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My mother lived out at the end of Little York Rd. Back then, out there, it was all pasture land and dirt roads. I can't tell you how many times I had to drag the violin out while I heard stories from her of walking 2 miles to the bus stop, barefoot in the mud and in the pouring rain.