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Essence
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 2:26 pm
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a-salted. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant. 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 8. Patient: "Doc, I can't stop singing "The green, green grass of home." Doctor: "That sounds like a Tom Jones syndrome." Patient: "Is it common?" Doctor: "It's not unusual." 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. 10. An invisible man married an invisible woman. Nobody could figure out what they saw in each other. The kids were nothing to look at either. 11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 12. A man takes his Rotweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross- eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy." 13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad ... or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin. 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 16. I went to a seafood buffet at the gymnasium last week ... and pulled a mussel. 17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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Ladytex
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 2:34 pm
ROFLMAO!!!! Oh heck, that was tooooooo funny, thanks!
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Hippyt
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 2:39 pm
Hahahahahaha!!! Those are hilarious!
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Egbok
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 3:03 pm
LOL Essence!! Thanks for the giggles, I really needed those right now!!
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Sillycalimomma
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 3:15 pm
I got this one today-kids are too funny! KIDS TELL ALL------- HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You Got to be a fool to get married. --Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on Whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. --Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. --Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. --Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. --Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8 "And the #1 Favorite is........" HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. --Ricky, age 10
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Wargod
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 3:26 pm
Ha, I wonder if little Alan is the one who talked to Caleb about the roles of husbands and wives, LOL.
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Llkoolaid
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 3:43 pm
Could someone please help me, I want to know where to find the American Idol thread. There is a link in a thread I started but it keeps slipping to the bottom and I am afraid it will disappear if I am not here much. When I got there I see that many people are playing the game and discussing but I can't find it without that link. Why is it not on my screen. Ok, I know I am a computer idiot but if it has a place of it's own why isn't it up at the top. Thanks in advance for any help I might get
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Llkoolaid
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 3:45 pm
Nevermind, my treeview is working. I found it.
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Ladytex
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 8:40 am
Mornin' y'all! Kinda chilly out this morning, but not as cold as a lot of places, so I guess I shouldn't complain. It's one day closer to Friday, so it's good. Saw this and had to laugh: Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us. - Jerry Garcia
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Goddessatlaw
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 8:54 am
So last night Colossus dropped a penny on the kitchen floor, heads up, and he picked it up. I told him it was good luck, but he should have left it for me to find, because it's not good luck unless you find it. It's one of those geeky things about me, I get excited about finding heads-up pennies. Anyway, Colossus said it was too late and put it on the bar with the rest of his change. This morning, Colossus asks me by chat to go look for our travel itinerary, he can't find it. As I head to the bar, I kick a penny across the floor. It is heads-up. While he was up sleepless last night, he purposely put one on the floor for me to find, heads-up. Man, I love this guy.
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Essence
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:56 am
Oh nevermind the file was too big, it wouldn't upload... So I hope everyone is having a good day today.
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Llkoolaid
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 11:11 am
stupid me, double post.
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Llkoolaid
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 11:11 am
Wow Gal, a man who listens, and remembers but best of all, hears you, you have a good one. It really is the little things that make them special, isn't it.
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Grannyg
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 12:06 pm
I knew my man was a fine man!!
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Zules
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 12:58 pm
~A Few Random Thoughts from Steven Wright~ Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time. What's another word for Thesaurus?
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Llkoolaid
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 3:36 pm
Does anyone know where the Adven's Survivor game thread is? I can't find it.
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Essence
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 4:08 pm
I just spent 3+ hours at the doctor's office. That just kills me, especially when I was on time.
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Denecee
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 4:32 pm
I love Steven Wright! Thanks Zules!
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Ladytex
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 7:28 am
Mornin' y'all! One day closer to Friday, woohoo!! I actually get a break tonite. After I pick my kids up from practice, I get to stay home! What a concept!
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Texannie
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 8:14 am
I learned something today. Evidentally "black bean salsa recipes" is some kind of gay sex toy! Did a google search and that's what came up with the reicpe sites. LOL
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Zules
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 9:15 am
Essence, that is one of my biggest pet peeves! I can't stand it that I'm always on time and they are always late. I now warn them that I will get downright pissy if they keep me waiting. You have alot more patience than I do for it, I could never wait 3 1/2 hours. Did you hear about the guy that sued a doctor for making him wait? I wish more people would do that, those darn docs sure deserve it.
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Halfunit
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 9:18 am
I need to cut my toe nails.
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Midlifer
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 9:39 am
TMI, Half. 
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Llkoolaid
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 9:40 am
Information overload, Half, lol.
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Halfunit
| Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 9:56 am
What can I say? It was my random thought!
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