Author |
Message |
Julieboo
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:26 pm
Anyone have any advice/experience? Some of you might have read in various threads that my ds had/has delayed speech. He will be 5 at the end of May. On one hand he is very bright (i am pretty certain he could pass any requirements for kindergarten such as knowing the alphabet and counting, simple math, simple spelling, etc.) and he is also very busy. VERY BUSY! On the other hand he is rather immature and is "behind" in certain areas like some motor skills (drawing/writing) has poor pincer grisp and still needs help with speech (things like saying otay and take for okay and cake and some really odd ways of saying very long words like alligator-sounds more like agagagor and some longer words are not distinguishable at all. Actually many shorter words I can't even understand til he explains them.) He currently does very well in preschool surprisingly is not too disruptive (he is very hyper at home). Since his b-day is so late in the year, (did I mention it is the tail end of May?) he really won't be "older" than the rest of the kids til the last week of school. In other words, he'd be 7 from the start of first grade, and then the other kids would all be turning 7 as the school year went on. So he wouldn't be the only 7 year old among 6 year olds. I guess I can't think of any reasons to not hold him back. What do you guys have to say?
|
Julieboo
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:31 pm
I also wonder if he will ever feel weird cuz he has cousins he is close to that would make his age noticeable. He has one born 4 months before him (Feb/99), one born 3 mos after him (Aug/99-who is a girl and way advanced and I don't think her mom will hold her back) and then another girl born in Aug 2000. Again, I don't think her mom will hold her back either-but maybe. But do you think he will feel weird that one cousin who is actually 3 mos younger than him will be one year ahead of him? And one cousin who is over a year younger than he is, will be in his same grade? (Man, if they were both only born 2 weeks later!!!)
|
Maris
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:32 pm
My son is a late in the year baby and when he was in nursery school I wanted to hold him back because I thought he needed to mature emotionally. His teacher told me that she thought he would be too bored so I moved him to kindergarten. I should have gone with my gut because I think he probably would have had an easier time of it in first and second grade having that extra year to mature. Intellectually he could handle the material, he is a bright child but emotionally he was immature. I personally think it is better to be older than younger, but I say go with your gut.
|
Goddessatlaw
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:37 pm
Julie, I don't have any children but I'm surrounded by them in my family. I've seen plenty of kids who got thrown in regardless of their respective readiness for the experience, and most of them have spent the rest of their schoolyears struggling to keep up with their peers. You should trust your own instincts if you feel he's not ready on some level for kindergarten and hold him back.
|
Mamie316
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:42 pm
Julie, go with your gut feelings. My son turned 5 the August before he started Kindergarten and he did have a few struggles with maturity and fine motor skills. He did fine eventually and is now in college but I sometimes wish I would have waited a year. My other worry was that he was so tall even at that young age, (he is 6'8" now) that he would be teased as he got older and the other kids were shorter than he, if I held him back. My daughter , on the other hand, was 4 when school started and turned 5 in November, and she never had a problem and was always ahead. Her teacher told me that in most cases, the girls were more mature than boys were and it was easier for them.
|
Kady
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:43 pm
Julie...I held my son back on the recommendation of my Day Care director. Like Maris's son, he was smart enough to do the work, just lacked social skills and maturity. Right now, he thinks its cool being the oldest in the class. He will probably be the first to get a driver's license, to vote and do many other things before his classmates. Since he is my only child, I will have him home an extra year too. I think you should do what you think is best for your son. You can always put a positive spin on the being oldest thing.
|
Tabbyking
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 5:46 pm
if you feel you should keep him out another year, you should do so. in general, boys do mature more slowly than girls, even if he didn't have delayed speech, etc. and, on the plus side, if the cousins are all 'advanced' or ahead of him at all, he will feel he is competing all his school life and maybe not measuring up to them... and being in his own grade, one year behind them, might really be to his advantage. he can learn from them but not feel he has to be on a par with them...if you understand what i mean! don't let anyone pressure you. i will tell you as a preschool teacher, i have heard virtually every parent who pushed for their child to go ahead (when advised to consider holding them back for a year) say later they wish they had held them back after all. i have never heard a parent who did hold a child back for a year say 'i really wish i had pushed for him/her to go earlier.'
|
Zachsmom
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 6:04 pm
I kept Zachary out until next year. He turned 5 last Aug. and he was not mature enough. He's incredibly bright, but just not mature enough. I don't want to start his education off on the wrong foot. Foundation starts in early years, and I think we'll have enough struggles not to add to them. Check with his ped. he might give you some advice. My ped said "keep him out!" LOL!
|
Reiki
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 6:14 pm
Julie, check with your school district regarding their policies re: 1) Special Education Services. In my district children who are kindergarten eligible are covered by the Committee on Special Education whether the parents send him/her to kindergarten or not. The major difference for us is that preschool special education services go to where the child is - home, daycare, preschool, etc. Once a child is school-age my district opts to only provide services in our district buildings, so children who stay in preschool or attend private/parochial schools need to arrange for services. Your district may be different, but it's better to ask so that you can plan. 2) Mandates regarding the age at which a child must attend school. We had twins with birthdays in April and the parent didn't send them to school but when they turned 6 in April they had to start going to school or she could be sited for educational neglect. Different states/district have different laws regarding this. Your district should be able to guide you through some of this. Contact them before your annual IEP review, so that they will be able to plan accordingly.
|
Reader234
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 7:56 pm
Julie, I regret I didnt hold back my oldest. He is an August bday, and therefore "young". I planned on holding him back, (hard of hearing, joined the hearing impaired at 3 1/2 yrs) however, the school decided what with the "least restrictive environment" that he had a "high IQ" and was "cognitively" able to do the work of all the other kindergarteners that they saw no reason to hold him back because he was "sensitive" and "immature". Yes, he preformed very well academically. He NEVER caught up socially (in my opinion) I read many articles saying those that held back their boys would see great growth spurts,a nd differences beginning in 6th grade (my son was small, and didnt get a growth spurt till 9th... so everyone is different!!). He was always called on his "overly sensitive" issues. I love him dearly, and I'm glad this world has one more sensitive male in it... but I really feel I should have been able to hold him back. However, in our situation, if I held him back, he wouldnt have had a peer group... (complicated issues but he believes he was very lucky I had no choice to hold him back! *grin!) OK< so in high school we did talk about it, he thinks he skipped a grade (he skipped prekindergarten "technically") and he wanted to know why I wished I held him back. He agrees he could've had an easier time if I held him back, but he kinda brags about his age... yet, I think a part of him wishes he was the oldest, and not the youngest... So there are no easy answers, I say, go with your gut, if you have the choice, do what is best for your son!! Now that ds is in college, he is still battling the maturity issues, and it is driving me crazy. I hate it!
|
Not1worry
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 8:38 pm
Julie, I don't know what state you are in, but definitely check for the minimum age on school attendance. In Louisiana it was 7. You could keep him out of school for a year and "homeschool" him. He could do a lot of maturing and learning and you can start him with the 1st graders next year. Or, you might decide that beginning with Kindergarten would be best. This depends also on your school system, but they have laws they have to follow as well. Don't let the word homeschool scare you, I use that term because it's legally viable. You've taught him almost everything thus far. I was very concerned about my son being ready for Kindergarten and that was on reason why we began homeschooling. I didn't know if we'd continue, but I knew it wasn't going to be a good idea to put him on that school bus. When we did Kindergarten we worked for maybe an hour a day and did letters, numbers, a little writing, etc. I used workbooks from Walmart and Books A Million. Reader is right, there are no easy answers. But at least there are options. Best of luck in working this out!
|
Tabbyking
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 8:55 pm
reader, what date is your son's bd? my son's bd is 8-26-85. in california, a child has to be in kindergarten by age 7.
|
Hermione69
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 8:58 pm
Julie, my sister held my nephew (her son) back until he was six. It has been the best decision. I'll tell you about that tomorrow. I'm East Coast and have GOT to get to bed! (Hi Tabby!)
|
Tabbyking
| Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 9:02 pm
hi, sweetie!
|
Ddr1135
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 3:50 am
Julie, go with your gut instinct. You know what's best for your child. My son had language delay and speech problems from excessive fluid in his ear canals. I decided to enroll him in kindergarten but by October I knew I was holding him back the next year. Best thing I ever did. He's in 9th grade honor roll now and I haven't helped him with homework since the second week in 4th grade.
|
Schoolmarm
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 5:09 am
Julie, as an educator, I believe that you have valid reasons for holding your son back for another year of preschool. Boys typically mature 6 months behind the girls, especially in fine motor skills. This holds until about 3rd grade when they typically catch up. When I lived in Indiana, many parents would hold their kids back so that they would be "good for sports" in High school. You are in Illinois, right? Do they still have the December cut off date for Kindergarten? When I went to school in Illinois, kids with August-November birthdays could go to Kindergarten at age 4. Kindergarten was also optional, but this was in the late 60s, early 70s. You need to find out what the current laws are regarding ages for kids to be in school. If he goes to the school run pre-school, often that will count so you are in compliance with the law. If he is exceedingly bored in school, there are gifted programs and also the option to skip a grade later. It is often devastating for kids to repeat a grade, so this is your chance to give your son the gift of time. If you send him to Kindergarten, you have the option to have him repeat Kindergarten or your district might have a K-1 transitional room for students who need extra time. If retaining a child, I would do it early rather than later. If doing it later, it is a good idea to do it when you are moving to a different school. Go with your gut, but DO listen to his preschool teacher, your pediatrician, the kindergarten screening people, etc. You know your son better than anyone....what you DON'T know is the level of functioning at your school district's Kindergarten. If I remember correctly, you are in a Chicago suburb. Many of these suburban kindergartens are quite academic, often expecting that the kids can read prior to Kindergarten, and most kids read upon finishing Kindergarten. Check out the school!
|
Julieboo
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 7:12 am
Thank you all! Will write more later. Your stories are helping!!! Oh, yes, I am in Illinois. In a far west suburb of Chicago.
|
Hermione69
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 7:59 am
Julie, my nephew turned 6 in June 2003. My sister had kept him out of kindergarten until this school year so he started in September. He also had some speech problems and is extremely ADHD, both of which factored into her decision to keep him out. Even so, we were all tremendously worried for him this year, but he has done great. He loves kindergarten and while he still has ADHD issues, it is nothing like the nightmare it could have been. We have no doubt that keeping him back was the wisest course. My brother, on the other hand, started kindergarten early because of when his birthday fell. He was just about the youngest kid in his class. He struggled with school from the beginning. Elementary school was a nightmare-- he would make himself sick to his stomach because school was so stressful for him. Middle and high school were not much better. He was small and picked on, especially in gym class. His grades suffered and he fell in with a questionable crowd. I know if my parents could do it over again, they would have kept him out another year. I think it would have made all the difference in the world. He's turned out to be a wonderful adult, but his experience with school, education, college had the potential to be a completely different and much more positive had my parents waited a year. He never made it through college and that bothers him more than he likes to admit and I know part of it is a mental block because of how negative his whole educational experience was. He's a bright guy with a high IQ, but he suffered tremendously in school. My mom confided in me once that she really wanted to keep him out another year, but my dad didn't and he won the argument. I think moms know. Like everyone has said-- Trust your gut. Whatever you decide, there are resources that will help and don't be shy about using them.
|
Julieboo
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 8:46 am
Well looks like there are not any real reasons NOT to hold hm back. I really do feel better now. Especially about comparing him to his cousins, as they wouldn't be competing in the same grade. Guess the only thing is that they will notice the age and grade differences. But since none of them would be in the same school, it shouldn't be a big deal. The national "rule" or "guideline" (can't think of the right word) is a kid has to be 5 by September 1 to enter kindergarten. Not sure of the opposite (the age that he/she has to be in kindergarten by.) Though I don't want him to be a 7-year old kindergartener. To this day, I still remember a kid that had to repeat kindergarten. Everyone thought he was stupid (honestly, I do this he was.) But anyways, I really don't want him to repeat kindergarten unless we moved to a totally different school district between years. Kids can be pretty mean, even at a young age. The more I find out about school, the weirder I think it is. My cousin's first grader is doing 3 digit subtraction, with carrying! My niece who is in first grade has over an hour of homework every day. I think that is crazy. Seems to me it is too political (the standards for each grade) but that is another thread for another day... I will just leave this thread to kindergarten. What is the homeschool criteria for kindergarten? Anyone know? I mean what skills do they say a kid should have before homeschooling a kid in kindergarten? And what do they teach?
|
Goddessatlaw
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:00 am
Julie, don't get me started about how psychotic I think the curricular demands on grade school children are. And now our fabulous governor says we're going to have mandatory all-day kindergarten. My God, can't our children be children for just a little while?
|
Maris
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:08 am
The pressure comes from the parents too Goddess. I can remember my son's nursery school starting to teach the kids to read because the parents were demanding it. I was in no rush for my child to learn how to read and he didn't even focus on it till the end of kindergarten and trust me I was in the minority. Parents want their kids learning by nursery school. They run out and buy all those learning aids, computer programs, etc. and then proudly say their child can read, their child knows his letters and he is only two and a half as though it is some sort of indication of intelligence. I agree children should be children but schools will bow to the pressure put on them by parents. Maybe pediatricians and the AMA should be talking about unnecessary stress being placed on children at an early age to perform.
|
Ednpatty
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:09 am
Hello I am new here, but I had about the same question. My son has had two years of preschool and will 5 in May, he is doing well in most areas but he is not good at writing, he gets very frustrated when I have him write things. Also he is very tender hearted and gets his feeling hurt. Where I live you sign up for kindergarden in February. So I am not sure if I should sign him up. I know boys are usually slower on writing I was wondering if most kids can write before they get to kindergarden or if they learn it there.
|
Kaili
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:11 am
I don't know what they do in Kintergarten now but I loved it. I'm pretty sure I was half day- it was 1983 I think. My mom has a picture of me getting on the school bus for the first time wearing my little blue sweater. From what I remember of it, we had stations and it seemed like we just played and played all day- the sandbox, the playing house aea, story time, etc. I don't really have any advice except to do what you think is best for him in the long run. Big deal if he and the cousin are in different grades- they have diferent parents who made different decisions based on different needs.
|
Midlifer
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:12 am
Julie, my hubby is an elementary school principal AND he was a late birthday baby who went to school too soon. The best advice you could be given is not by us, but by school officials. I know that I'm prejudiced because he's my hubby, but he does know best when it comes to that issue.
|
Maris
| Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 9:12 am
Edn, my kid still cant write and he is in seventh grade. LOL. Seriously, I would sign him up in February. You can always change your mind by the summer if you think he isnt ready.
|
|
|
|