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Archive through February 12, 2004

The TVClubHouse: Archives: 2004 January - Arpil: Help my daughter wants her "Blankie" back: Archive through February 12, 2004 users admin

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Skootz
Member

07-23-2003

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 7:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
The other night I was checking my daughter in bed and found one of many old blankies in her bed under her covers. I suspect she found it that night as I would of know if she had it earlier. I removed it and the others that I had stashed in the upstairs so she couldn't find it anymore. This morning she found one in stashed in the downstairs bathroom....and I took it from her...now she seems to think she needs it again.
We had made the decision late last year that we were going to give her "blankies" to Santa Claus...well on Dec 5 - she decided that she didn't need it anymore and has not mentioned it or wanted one until this week. She has also stopped sucking her thumb too when she rid herself from the blanket. I was very proud of her and told her as me and dh were quite worried that it was going to be very hard to give it to Santa.

I am not so sure why she wants it back. She turned 5 in January.

Right now, I have removed the blanket and she says that she wants it because it is soft...but I have closed the subject and am not saying any more. Nothing major has happened that she should all of a sudden needs the extra comfort.

Just curious if anyone has any ideas if she still wants it what to do..I don't and won't give in.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 7:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well honestly I don't see why you wouldn't let her have it. What harm does it do? I think it's mean not to let her have it if she is seeking it out so much. Hope you don't take offense, but why not let her have it?

Halfunit
Member

09-02-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 7:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Can't advise as I'm childless, but wanted to throw in that I was a thumb sucker until the age of 10 - with a security blanket. ( My sister carried a pillow case. )

I attached a rubberband on my blanky when I'd go to sleep-overs so that I could keep it around my wrist.

After I outgrew this, my grandma kept a piece of the blanket and gave it to me when I got married. We had a great laugh.

I don't think there is any harm in having something that makes you feel safer when you are a child. Good luck with your daughter.


Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I don't disagree with your decision to wean her from the "blankie" and thumb sucking. I would like to state however that age 5 is what is known as as transition age. She's no longer a baby but she's not really a big kid either. There are stresses that we parents may not pick up on that can be eased by allowing them a piece of their babyhood.

As for me, I when I'm sick I put my old comforter on the bed, even though I don't think of it as my blankie.

Suitsmefine
Member

07-29-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I don't see any harm in letting her have it either....Heck, I could use one myself at times!

Azriel
Member

08-01-2000

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Ummm...my 21 year old daughter still sleeps with her blankie. I'm not kidding! It's the actual blankie she has had since she was born, too. She takes it everywhere she goes. It went to college with her. If she goes out of town she takes it with her.

Ain't no way I'm ever trying to take that thing away from her!

Herckleperckle
Member

11-20-2003

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
If it gives her a sense of security, that's a good thing. She should give it up in her time, IMO. (My dd took a tiny square (the satin edging)with her to kindergarten, and eventually gave it up when she warmed up to the whole new scene.)

Tess
Member

04-13-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My daughter is 7-1/2 and sleeps with her blankie. When I'm sick (which is often) she sometimes carries it with her around the house. I can always tell if she's getting a little stressed by the fact that she needs to clutch it or at least know where it is. I would never take that comfort away from her, especially given our situation with my health, or lack of.

She's a very well-adjusted and well-behaved child. She doesn't have fits about "Pinky", it's just a fact that when she goes to bed, Pinky goes with her. Eventually, she'll need Pinky less and less. She's never been a thumb-sucker and never used a pacifier as they didn't give her one in Korea.

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, regardless of whether we think you should let her have the blankie or not, the issue now is you've made your decision and you can't possibly give it back after taking it away from her. You say you won't give in, so if she realizes that, then if you DO give in, she'll realize that she just won a power struggle, which of course is not good.

So...rather than completely taking the blankie away from her, maybe you could wrap the blankie around one of her dolls and explain that the doll is getting cold at night and that's the only blankie that the doll would be able to use? Then, when springtime comes, tell her the doll doesn't need it anymore.

But chances are, by the end of the day, she'll probably forget about it anyway.

Zules
Member

08-21-2000

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Awww, Skootz - a Mother's job is never done. One of the things you have to do most often is to pick your battles. I just don't think this is one worth fighting. Since there is no adverse effect to your daughter wanting her blankie at night, I would let her keep it. It provides a sense of security and comfort and it's not harmful to her health or development. Heck, few things are this good for ya!

Your daughter will outgrow her need for a blankie sooner than you think.

Sillycalimomma
Member

11-13-2003

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 8:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, I guess I am the "mean" mommy of the bunch! My daughter had a "blankie" as well. It was so torn and tattered (probably because it went on many camping trips and festivals in the early years) I also noticed as she got older that she would only suck her thumb when she had that darn blankie. I tell you it got very old. I took her into the dentist when she was almost five and they assured me that as of that time she had not caused much damage although they could see it coming.That mixed with the fact that she would be starting kindergarten soon and I wanted to wean her from "blankie" before that time is why I decided blankie had to go. I kept picturing her having a bad day at school and just breaking down because blankie wasn't there. I wanted her to learn how to comfort herself somehow when lifes little situations came up.

I suppose I got a bit lucky with it all. I talked to her about it first and told her that blankie was getting old and if we wanted to make sure we had blankie for years to come we would have to put it in a safe place where it wouldn't get ruined. I then did a bit of a trade with her. I showed her a few of her older blankies that had been shoved away over the years and gave her a little story with each one (where they came from,when etc....) and told her she could pick out one of them to sleep with. She picked her old Ariel blankie that used to be on her toddler bed. At first she treated it very similar to dear old "blankie" but within a few days the new one just wasn't the same and it soon became just a night time blankie.

Then when we moved I was able to chuck it all together when I put her new "big girl" room up. Also, within about 2 months of doing this she stopped sucking her thumb (which I never bothered her about...just hoped she would outgrow and she did!)

Now, don't get me wrong here. She still asked about blankie when she was younger. I just remind her that it is so special it needs to stay in its special box for the future. I thought about turning it into a pillowcase or a dress for one of her dolls, but then I was affraid she would just carry that new thing around for comfort. So, in a box it sits. She hasn't asked about it in well....about a year I guess. Something about hitting first grade has turned her into a mini teenager I swear! "Blankie, blankie who?"

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
There are going to be lots of other battles ahead. Five is such a transitional age. I just don't see the harm in having a blankie.

Eliz87
Member

07-30-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Well, before I replied, I was kinda leaning toward letting him have the blankie (although I realized that that's not even the issue anymore, hence my post). But Silly Momma brings up a good point. Five years is also the average age a child enters school -- they really should know how to deal with frustrations without a crutch. In the long run, it's better for the child to take it away I would think.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
my holly has always had something with her. from her blankie to mr. fuzzums. they have always gone everywhere with her. her swim team knows she doesn't go to a meet without mr.fuzzums. she goes to camp with him. noone teases her. i never saw any harm. and she has no psychological traumas because of it.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Wow, I can't imagine taking a security blanket away from a 5 year old. I think a child needs all the love and security they can get, and if holding on to a familiar blanket gives them a little bit, that is great. Like others have said, pick your battles, because in few years you just may be wishing she was the little girl holding on to her blankie. I think as parents we sometimes feel pressured to make our kids grow up faster than they need to, they all make their way at their own pace and if she still wants her blankie then she still needs her blankie. She may act to you like it is ok, just to make mommy happy but unless she puts it down on her own she still wants it. I guess no one can tell you how your own child feels and no one knows what is best for your child but you but I would examine why I wanted her to lose the blanket and make sure it is way more important than her having it and the comfort it brings her. I am sure you will do what you think is best, that is all we can all do.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
quote:

"I would examine why I wanted her to lose the blanket and make sure it is way more important than her having it and the comfort it brings her."

Very true! Good thing to think about. Why is it important to you that she not have the blankie anyways?

Dahli
Member

11-27-2000

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Since my DD sucked her thumb only when she had her blankie, her teeth were becoming affected, our dentist said even tho her baby teeth were protruding her palate was fine as she had been a breast baby only. If she continued however it may be a problem for her permanent teeth. So he placed in her mouth the appliance that would have to be used should she continue which had prickles all over it and had her put her thumb in there. She didn't like it at all and decided on her own it was time to give up the blankie. Lucky for me it was her decision and really easy! When we moved years later we found it on the top shelf of the linen closet and had a great laugh.
It's a tough call for sure!

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 9:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I agree with Llkoolaid. Yanking away a child's security object seems a bit mean to me. I think there are better ways to wean: like saying you can have the blankie in bed, at nighttime. Taking them away completely may cause her to feel like she needs them even more. I don't see anything wrong with a security item.

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Eliz and Silly talked about children entering school at 5 and to me, it seems like taking away their security would be kind of harsh. It seems that they would need to know that even though they are now entering the realm of the big time, they can always snuggle in their bed at night with something that makes them feel safe. My dd is 18 and still sleeps with this little worn teddy bear I bought her when she was 5 and home sick from school. There is nothing wrong with having that "lovey" to make you feel at home.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 11:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I STILL have a favorite blankie! I don't think anything is wrong with having a fav blankie.

Thumb sucking would be a different story. Maybe you can tell her she can have the blankie but can't suck her thumb, if she does then the blankie has to go

Bandit
Member

07-29-2001

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 12:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
I still have my favorite blankie too! And it is in the bed every night with DH and me.

Karuuna
Member

08-31-2000

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 12:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
First, I don't think there is anything wrong with 'giving in' now and then, when you realize you've made a mistake. You don't want to ever give in when you know you're doing the right thing, but giving in when you've made an error is also a teaching moment for your children.

Second, I'm a bit taken back by thinking that children age 5 don't need a 'crutch' of some kind. They're still children. I don't know why we want them to be adults. Heck, many adults I know need 'crutches' of some kind. They just look more 'adult-like' then blankies.

Kids go thru all kinds of mental as well as physical growth spurts. Just because you can't see something 'major' that has changed, doesn't mean she hasn't had some new insights into the world as her brain gets more sophisticated. And the world can be a darn scary place. A little 'lovey' as Dr. Brazelton put it, can be a soothing thing, and a healthy one.

Just trying going to sleep without your favorite pillow sometime, or your favorite jammies, or whatever 'things' you find yourself attached to. We all have them. I just don't quite understand why we think our kids shouldn't.

I do understand the concerns about thumb sucking however, since there can be considerable problems caused by that continued behavior. Maybe you can find her a more acceptable transitional object to hang onto that won't be associated with the return of that behavior.

But trust me about this, if she really is stressed, and you take away her safe object, she may very well start dealing with it in other ways - biting her fingernails, pulling or twisting her hair, etc. Perhaps you might consider that a little safety cuddley is a better outlet for her anxiety than some of these other habits?

JMO




Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 12:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
My DIL transitioned her child with a much smaller, very soft item to replace the much larger blankie, a velvet hair scrunchie. It could be worn on the wrist and go anywhere without drawing any attention to the new blankie. Since she had worn the scrunchie in her hair her child also related the scrunchie to security. Good luck!

Skootz
Member

07-23-2003

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 12:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Thanks for all the great replies. I actually got rid of the blanket..and took her mind off it it by giving her some Valentine's day Candy that she got from her school yesterday. It has been a few hours now since the incident..and she has not mentioned about the blanket at all. I think if it is out of site..it is out of her mind. I have a feeling that she was just snooping this morning and found it by accident.

I would definately let her have it if she has a difficulty sleeping tonite..but I am hoping and pretty sure that she won't ask for it.

I think I was more upset about the situation because she actually "weaned" herself off the blanket back in December and then all of a sudden out of the blue she wants it back...and there has been no reason to all of a sudden need the extra security (i.e. something really bad to her had happened)

So hopefully this was a one time incident.

thanks again






Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 12:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Give her the blanket, she is still a baby. Think about it.........only on this earth for five years.