Archive through November 24, 2003
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: Ask Adven (ARCHIVE): Archive through November 24, 2003

Squaredsc

Friday, November 21, 2003 - 02:02 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
yo adven,

do you think i will be able to finish this bottle of tequila tonite and still be able to get up early tomorrow for work?

sincerely,
bout to get to'e up

Tater

Friday, November 21, 2003 - 04:03 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

How does one prevent a nightmare from reoccurring and will I ever be able to sleep again?

Regards,

Afraid of the Dark

Grannyg

Friday, November 21, 2003 - 04:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

How does one friend convince another friend to stay off other pirate ships? I have this friend who is fixing to get bodily harm done to her if she keeps jumping on their ship. And there are real wenches on that ship that have real weapons and are threating bodily harm to her. Every time I drag her back, she just goes right back over there. Please advise me on what to do?

Sincerely yours,

Adven

Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 12:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Bout:
I have no doubt at all that you can drink an entire bottle of tequila and get up in the morning to go to work. You're my kind of woman and I would be sorely disappointed to hear you couldn't. In fact, I'm laying 5:3 odds that once you finish that tequila, you'll go searching the cupboards for vanilla extract or after shave.
Have some Aqua Velva on me,
Adven

Dear Afraid of the Dark:
Recurring nightmares, sometimes referred to as "recurring nightmares", can be troubling. Sometimes, however, a dream about a specific person, although frightening on the surface, is really your subconscious telling you to get naked and bear his children. I'd suggest you contact this person and tell him about your deep-seated desires. I think it's the only way to put these nightmares behind you.
Good luck with it.
Adven

Dear Angel Thingie:
Jumping onto another pirate ship is just asking for trouble. Unfortunately, you can't protect your friend and she will just have to learn on her own that the Jolly Roger always looks more sinister on the other side. If I were you, I'd just let these wenches you speak of throw the fear of God into her. Then, maybe she'll be willing to listen to the voice of reason.
Good luck with it, matey.
Adven

Jan

Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 01:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven

Who will win the President's cup?

just wondering
a Weir fan

Adven

Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 02:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Weir Fan:
I am a notorious front-runner and was quite prepared to ridicule the International team and root the Americans on to victory. Today, however, the Internationals white-washed the Americans and have taken a substantial lead. Therefore, I've decided to take an "I told you so" attitude and will now be ridiculing the Americans for assuming they could beat the best of the rest of the world. Of course, should they do so tomorrow, I will switch sides and dismiss the international team as a bunch of second rate alcoholics.
Front-running is not the fun it might appear to be.
Go, Weir/Tiger, Go!
Adven

Jan

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 09:30 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven

Could there have been a better ending to the President's cup?

happy fan

Sasman

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 10:12 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Why is the President's cup so small?

regards,
bush lover

Squaredsc

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 10:31 am EditMoveDeleteIP
yo adven,

if the ravens ever played the patriots, who would win? would they just trade field goals or would they actually be able to score touchdowns?

sincerely,
sq

Heyltslori

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 10:43 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

What's the deal with donut holes?

Wonderin',
me

Whoami

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 02:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Would you please come shovel my driveway?

Signed,
Backbreaker

Jan

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven

How come all these poor 'Mericans's have snow and we have NONE up here in Northern Ontario? Isn't this supposed to be the cold snowy north?

just Chillin' in my igloo

Grannyg

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:40 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

I just keep popping in this thread, looking to see if you have returned yet. Much to my dismay, you are still not around.

Waiting longingly,
Princess

Pamy

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:50 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Granny..you have to offer sex to make him appear

Squaredsc

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:51 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
or just get naked or offer to bear his child.

Grannyg

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
well too old to get nekkid and to old to bear children so i guess i'm just "sool".

Squaredsc

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:59 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
lol. i guess ya just got to wait for him. he likes that too.

Whoami

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 04:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Or maybe I should promise not to get naked if he'll make an appearance!

Pamy

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 04:26 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
He never put an age limit on getting naked

Grannyg

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 04:34 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
well, if he can wait until after my extreme makeover, then we'll talk.

Squaredsc

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 05:16 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
just tell him the patriots suck. he likes to hear that and you're sure to get a quick reply.

Grannyg

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 05:21 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
why do i think you are setting me up?

Squaredsc

Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 05:22 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
now you know i wouldn't do that.

Luvmyjrt

Monday, November 24, 2003 - 07:24 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Adven,

Can you come set up my new DVR-W? I tried TiVo and no dice. That way I can record the worst season in Pittsburgh Steeler history.

Signed,

Been Bettis (oops, Better)

Adven

Monday, November 24, 2003 - 12:40 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Happy Fan:
Although I usually prefer cut-throat competition where the loser is left devastated and open to ridicule, I must admit that the President's Cup was one of golf's finest hours. I've played golf all my life, and how Tiger Woods and Ernie Els held their nerves together during those three playoff holes is beyond me. If even one of my playing partners watches me while I swing, I usually shank it into an entirely different golf course.
Sincerely,
Adven Furyk

Dear Bush Lover:
I'm sorry, I can't discuss the size of the President's cup. I'm Canadian and it would probably be inappropriate for me to do so. I would suggest, however, that he better have a winning personality if he hopes to impress the ladies.
Sincerely,
Long John Adven

Dear Sq:
From an entirely objective viewpoint, the Patriots would kick the Ravens derriere if they were ever to meet. Since this is a distinct possibility in the playoffs, though, I'll try to avoid being obnoxious. Should the Patriots beat them, however, I will hunt you down like a mangy dog and gloat to the point where you might consider shooting me worth the jail time.
Sincerely,
New England Adven

Dear Me:
I'm not sure what the deal is with donut holes, but I'm sure it's psycho-sexual. Then again, I think everything is psycho-sexual. For instance, what's up with eclairs?
Dreaming of cream fillings,
Adven

Dear Backbreaker:
There's nothing I'd enjoy more than shovelling your driveway, particularly if it had some snow in it. Unfortunately, I am mind-numbingly lazy and have to decline. My suggestion is to hire a 12 year old who appreciates the value of a dollar for five hour's work.
Make sure he doesn't slack off!
Adven

Dear Just Chillin'
I'm not sure why Americans have had snow and we haven't. My guess is it is the result of the invasion of Iraq and the work of terrorists. Thank God we didn't follow the American lead or we'd be up to our nipples in snow.
Merry Christmas!
Adven

Dear Princess:
You no longer need to pop into this thread, hoping for my arrival. I've arrived. Just get naked and bear my children and I'd say we're even.
Yours in nudity,
Adven

Dear Been Bettis:
I used to be a big Steelers fan back when they had Mean Joe, Jack Lambert, Terry Bradshaw and Franco. Then I saw the light and started hoping for the Patriots. My advice is to save yourself the pain of recording this season and jump on the Patriot bandwagon - unless, of course, they start losing. Then, I'd go with the Chiefs, Titans or Colts.
Sincerely,
Adven the Front-Runner