Alone (no SO, no kids, no family nearby) for the holidays?
TV ClubHouse: Archive: Alone (no SO, no kids, no family nearby) for the holidays?
Max | Friday, December 19, 2003 - 09:58 pm     Some of us don't have significant others, kids, or family nearby. That might be just ducky most of the time, but during the holidays, it can be a royal drag. Being constantly pelted by Norman Rockwell versions of what the holidays should be like doesn't help. So, my question is, if you are in this situation, what are you doing for the holidays? Do you get deperessed or rise above the stereotypes? Do you form new kinds of family units to celebrate with? Here's my situation. I'm very happily divorced and have been living alone for the past ten years. Although I've dated a few times since the divorce, I haven't had a serious relationship and, for the most part, that's just fine and dandy with me. I do sometimes get a bit blue during the holidays, though. The advent of TIVO (or in my case a Dish Network DVR) has really helped because I don't SEE all those syrupy commercials anymore since I rarely watch "live" TV and zoom through every commercial break when I view recordings. I have a great network of friends whom I consider family, it's just not your Norman Rockwell portrait. I'll be spending Christmas eve at church and a friend's home for dinner (we have a 5:00 family service and an 11:00 candelight service and the friend is hosting dinner in between). Christmas day will be quiet in the morning with a few phone calls to family and out of town friends, then dinner at another friend's home (where several of us are gathering). My holiday season has been filled with buying toys for the toy drive I organized for my local PT Cruiser Club, rehearsing with the church choir for a Christmas Oratorio we performed last weekend and other music for the rest of the Christmas season, a couple of parties, and special lunches with still more friends. Usually, I participate with food drives at work as well, but this year I got laid off from my job, so that went away. I have been spending a lot of time supporting a friend who is going through a difficult bankruptcy right now, too. He's in a pretty dark place and I've been talking to him daily to help him find positive things to focus on. He comes over to watch movies and just hang out and I've fed him a couple of meals, too. I cannot imagine going through what he's facing, it truly is overwhelming. Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. What's yours? |
Tabbyking | Friday, December 19, 2003 - 10:13 pm     my husband brought home a list of people in the military who have no family. everyone at work adopted someone to send a package to. his company is paying the postage to the APO's. there was also one lieutenant colonel who said there were 9000 people under him who needed 'books and playing cards and sweets'. so i sent a lot of paperbacks to go into the big boxes for that group. and i slipped little notes into the books that they might not find until they hit page 112 or 237, just telling them i am thinking about them and how proud i am to have offered even a little bit of home in the sharing of book... _____________________________________________ when i was 20, i lived in the bronx. i had only been there a few weeks. i was to go back to california with a friend to visit her family and mine. (i had worked for her mother, an OB/gyn while in college.) the family was going to pay for my ticket as a christmas gift. i barely made enough to live on, let alone fly home for a vacation. i would spend a few days with them and then a week with my father. less than 2 weeks before christmas, my friend's mother was killed in an auto accident. my friend had to rush home. she didn't remember that her family was going to pay for me to go home, too...and how was i supposed to remind her at a time like that?! so i spent 2 weeks all alone and i think i had shells and pasta sauce for dinner. it was terribly lonely, after all the years of being one of 7 kids at christmas time. so, i don't want anyone to feel lonely or left out. i had to just keep telling myself, "it's one special day. tomorrow it will be just another day for everyone. you can get through it." i had to pretend it was just any old day. my bosses were amazed when i showed up for work. they had given me the time off to go home to california, when i thought i was still going. at least work helped the days to pass. and every general dentist in the whole city went on vacation and left our oral surgeon's office as their emergency back up...so we WERE busy! |
Colordeagua | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 07:02 am     I have no family. I'm 57. Only child, never married, no children, no SO. Yes, cousins, but they're not close physically or otherwise. (Of 20 on my father's side, I'm the youngest. Of 5 on my mother's side, I'm the oldest.) I'm estranged from cousins and remaining aunt and uncle on mother's side of the family. I just never new cousins on my father's side very much. They're mostly strangers to me. I'm something of a loner. (Kinda typical of an only child?) I'm alone on holidays. That's been OK so far. Don't really get depressed. (I tried spending Easter Sunday with a female friend and her boyfriend a few years ago. That was a mistake.) I am glad when the holiday(s)is/are over and life goes back to normal. |
Colordeagua | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 08:33 am     Last night, this subject was discussed on a talk radio station here. Guy called in. He was an only child. BOTH his parents were only children. Growing up, his holidays were very quiet. Caller is married now. His wife has a couple siblings. Caller and his wife are planning to have at least two children. Wish I had a sibling. |
Tabbyking | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 09:27 am     wow, color..... i have 3 brothers and 3 sisters and all but one (he lives in virginia) will be up north when we go tuesday. my son is staying home, because he is a 'loner' by choice. give him his stocking and a tv for football and he is set for 3 or 4 days. most of the rest of us play lots of board games, cook together, go for walks or, if 21, may hit the casino for an hour or so. we are having prime rib on christmas day and each of us is contributing something to the meal. on christmas eve we will have snack foods--spinach dip, hot artichoke dip, a veggie platter, cold cuts platter, etc. and just hang out and have fun. my dad was one of 10 kids, and several of them had 7 kids like us, and one sister had 8 kids. we had holiday reunions where we took up entire floors of motels or had all 7 bedrooms of our house filled with wall-to-wall sleeping bags. this year i am going to try and introduce something i read in a magazine while at the dentist's office: each person thinks of ONE question about this next year. it might be "will john still have his job with IBM?" or "what will billy be doing in a year college-wise?" or "will there be any weddings in the family?" then each of us writes a list of answers to all the questions. we'll have the little kids decorate a shoebox to put the single questions and answer lists in. then it will be sealed shut. next year, we'll open it and see if what happened over the year was something any of us guessed correctly. then we'll do a new box for 2005. i think we are all a little used to however we celebrated growing up. either alone or with small groups or with large groups. i just didn't like being alone in the bronx, mainly because i didn't even have friends who were around. i hadn't been living there very long and knew very few people outside of my work. |
Juju2bigdog | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 09:54 am     Colordeagua, you can spend Christmas with your little imaginary tvch buddies. Most or some of us will still be here in one way or another. |
Karuuna | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 10:30 am     I've been alone more Christmases than not, I suppose. My parents were immigrants, so I have no aunts, uncles, cousins, etc in the states. They are both gone now. My only sibling was my older brother who died tragically on Christmas day several years ago, making this an especially difficult time of year for me. I do have a nephew, my brother's son, who calls me every year on Christmas, and his mom always sends me a box of cookies. I've never had the heart to tell her that they usually arrive as crumbs. But the birds and bunnies in my yard seem to get great joy out of them, and I think it's very dear of her to think of me. And I have my son, who is with me every other Christmas. A few years ago, he recognized that while Santa brought him lots of stuff, I generally only had a few gifts to open, and it troubled him. So now I shop online for myself and "Santa" sends me lots of pre-wrapped gifts to open Christmas morning too. In recent years, I've had many invites for holidays from some dear friends, so I never have to be alone. However, long ago when I didn't have so many friends I got in the habit of volunteering for the holidays - serving dinner to the homeless, or hanging out in nursing homes. I used to work in a nursing home when I lived back in Pittsburgh and if by chance I wasn't working on the holidays I'd bring a few of my 'adopted' grandparents home to my place for the day. It was a treat for them and for me to get them out for awhile. This year our church, which houses homeless families in its basement, is looking for host homes, so we'll have a few guests with us for the holidays. It is a difficult time for most, whether you're surrounded by family or not. But for me, when I feel the loneliest or get to feeling too sorry for myself, reaching out to someone else who is lonely or hurting seems to be the best remedy. In spite of what I don't have, I always end up realizing just how blessed I am. |
Herckleperckle | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 10:38 am     Color, you could also hook up with some volunteer agency for the day--at a children's hospital, old age home, homeless shelter, etc. That might cure you of the blues and introduce you to some new people whose lives might parallel yours in some way. Or, if that isn't realistic for who you are, then treat yourself--get some wonderful lounging pajamas and robe for yourself, prepare a new recipe or enjoy some of the wonderful foods you like, watch movies, read, play a CD of a wonderful symphony or some old tunes that mean something to you, try your hand at a new skill (watercolors, needlework, poetry), bundle up and take a walk at a local park or zoo . . . and just enjoy the richness of what you do have. |
Colordeagua | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 11:44 am     Thanks all. I probably will take a look-see for anyone else here on Christmas Day. I'm really not too blue on the Day (not at all?). Am glad when the Day is over though. I don't really need anything much. Feel like I'm treating myself to a low Visa bill by not charging anything extra. I gave myself a biiiiig gift last year. I "live small" because -- I retired!! (I prefer to say "quit working".) I love having all my time for myself -- not selling it any longer. And then just a year ago I was diagnosed with very early breast cancer. Now, it's all behind me except for some medical bills. |
Max | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 01:17 pm     The joy of the holidays for me is in giving. I get such a kick out of buying toys for toy drives and doing stuff like that. Since I don't have an income right now, I've discovered a new way to give. Have you heard of Freecycle? It's an online forum where people post offers for things they want to get rid of. Everything has to be free, no strings attached. I have a LOT of stuff around this house and some of it is still usable, but has very little monetary value. Garage sales for me are more hassle than help, so I've been posting stuff on my local Freecycle site (they have sites all over the place -- do a Google search to find one in your area). This morning, I gave an old, but working color monitor to a gal whose own monitor blew up the other day. Later today, I've got folks coming to get some old VHS tapes that I've replaced with DVDs, a scanner, keyboards, mice, car stereo speakers, and more. For the folks who are receiving this stuff, it's great because they might not otherwise be able to afford purchasing new items at the moment. For me, it's great 'cause I'm cleaning out stuff that's just been sitting around. For the environment, it's great 'cause this stuff keeps getting USED instead of thrown into a dumpster somewhere. I LOVE Freecycle!!! Color, sounds like you handle things quite well. I sure wish I could retire, but my portfolio isn't quite there yet. I sure have been enjoying having time to myself without the need to go to a job every day. After the first of the year, though, I've got to get serious about getting some income. Here's an alternative: Celebrate the winter solstice instead of Christmas. Then, you are in celebration and thankfulness for nature and the lengthening of the days (something living in the Northwest makes me appreciate) more than the commercialism the season pushes at us. |
Juju2bigdog | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 01:42 pm     Max, I never in my life paid any attention to the winter solstice, but the two winters I have spent in the northwest, I LIVE for the solstice. I count the days, AND it is very soon. Heh, listen to me. I have only been back two weeks and only spent one other winter here. I will go look right now for FreeCycle. I give LOTS of stuff away, can't stand to put still useful stuff in the landfills, yet don't want to packrat away things I no longer use. My closets are ridiculously bulging right now. I still have work clothes I haven't worn in four years, some more than that. |
Colordeagua | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 01:45 pm     Max, I'd never heard of Freecycle before. There's a group in my area. I joined. Thanks. |
Egbok | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 02:27 pm     I've been reading your posts with interest because I truly can't relate to being alone for the holidays times and what I've gotten from all of you is your strength and perseverance in handling the holidays. You should be proud of your ability to be of a giving spirit and to go forth with creating your own individual happiness. I'll be one of the TVCHer's who will be thinking of you on Christmas Day and sending my warm wishes your way.
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Scorpiomoon | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 05:50 pm     I'm 34, an only child, never married, no children and no family nearby. I've spent almost every Christmas alone since I was 16. I don't get sad or depressed. I love that everything slows down around Christmas and on Christmas Day. For me, it's a time to take a break. I enjoy just hanging out. I have wonderful, picturesque Christmas memories from my childhood. If I spent every Christmas alone for the rest of my life, I'd be cool with that because I got to experience all that warm and fuzziness of Christmas within this lifetime. I can't see myself ever going to someone else's home as a guest for Christmas. That wouldn't feel right to me. I also never thought to create any symbolic rituals. After reading this thread, I am considering thinking of something special to do next year. When I was in my early 20's, I spent Christmas with my family and hated it. Even though I feel like a bit of freak for being alone during the holidays, a part of me is glad I get to escape it--escape the stress of buying the right, most trendy gifts, escape the stress of cooking, cleaning and hosting and escape the stress of having to be around people you'd rather not be around. |
Jagger | Saturday, December 20, 2003 - 06:27 pm     I also spend Christmas day by myself, my roommates go to their familys for both days. Our family has it's party the Saturday before Christmas, which would be today, but with having bad eye sight I can't drive at night so I usally end up either leaving before most people get there or skipping it all togther like today, I chose not to drive the 50 miles each way for just a couple of hours of seeing people I haven't seen for a year. I actually enjoy being by myself during the holidays. I use to buy all kinds of kids for toys for tots or food for the local shelters, but the past few years it has been just to hard on the pocket book. |
Tabbyking | Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 10:41 am     i can sure understand about the pocket book this year. we just found out dh's job will probably continue another year, when we had been afraid the contract would end in a month or so. even a year isn't much, but it's better than 8 weeks and hopefully, something else will open up for him to go into. we scaled totally down on christmas this year. one gift for each child, plus a few stocking stuffers... and for family we have made english toffee and cookies and will share in the meal costs when we go up north. at least the kids realize things like health insurance, food a roof over their heads are 'continual gifts' and should never be taken for granted. i hope i have access to a computer while we are out of town. i want to come here and wish each of you a wonderful day, however you celebrate or don't celebrate it. but, i want to say that i like each of you all the time, not just one or two days a year!! |
Colordeagua | Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 11:20 am     Tabby and all TVCHers, Happy Holidays and have a happy, healthy, and safe 2004. |
Max | Monday, December 22, 2003 - 01:19 pm     Please see the new thread created over in the Community Corner for this. Thanks!  |
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