Archive through November 13, 2003
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: Ask Adven (ARCHIVE): Archive through November 13, 2003

Adven

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 01:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Due to popular demand (okay, one person) and my unwavering, some might say, heroic, dedication to this board, I am starting an advice column for all you desperate souls out there in need of solace, wisdom and insight. The idea is you post your completely confidential question here and I will answer it in that thoughtful and compassionate way I have.

Here's an example from all the cards and letters that have been pouring in:

Dear Adven:
I feel like no one listens to me or takes my opinions seriously. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Lost in Lubbock

Dear Lost:
Sorry, I must have drifted off there. Could you repeat that?
Sincerely,
Adven

And, believe it or not, "Lost In Lubbock" was not charged a penny for that life-altering advice.

Next!

Fruitbat

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 01:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Why are best wishes better than rum and a babe?

Sincerely,
Royally Confused

Egbok

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 01:47 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Why do I have this urge to immediately open any thread that had "Adven" attached to it?

Sincerely,
Eggie

Squaredsc

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 01:49 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
dear adven,

wtf?

sincerely,

sq

Ddr1135

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 01:56 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven

Where's my postcard?

Sincerely,

ddr

Adven

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Royally:
'Best Wishes' say so much more than any gift can possibly say. They also allow you to commemorate someone's special day without opening your wallet.
Best Wishes,
Adven

Dear Eggie:
I don't know, but you are obviously a woman of taste and discrimination. That'll be $50, please.
Sincerely,
Adven

Dear Sq:
Exactly.
Sincerely,
Adven

Dear Ddr:
I received your postcard. And, yes, you are right, I am the very essense of masculinity and I would be honored to father your children.
Thanks for asking,
Adven

Heyltslori

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Do you think it will be Ryan O. or Lillian who gets kicked off Survivor tonight?

Curious,
Lori

Hippyt

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

If Mr. Brown had three apples and Mrs. Brown gave him two eggs,what would he have?

Sincerely,
Hippy

Grooch

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Why did your mother enjoy dropping you on your head when you were a baby?

Signed,

Curious in Canada

Jan

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven

Will things be better under Martin?

Jan

Adven

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 02:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Lori:
Excellent question. On the one hand, Ryan O. has the nickname "Ryno" which gets on my nerves. Yet, Lill wears a scout uniform that is equally irritating. Add the fact that Tijuana is named after a Mexican city and you can understand why they all fill me with contempt.
My guess is they'll evict Lil because of the uniform. They did the same last week with Andrew because he inexplicably started getting others to refer to him by his last name, "Savage" and thereby got on everyone's nerves.
Hope this helps,
Adven

Adven

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Hippy,
This is a tricky question. For instance, what kind of apples are we talking about? What was the name of the hen that laid the eggs? And who is this Mrs. Brown person and why does she so cavalierly give away her eggs? Without the answers to these fundamental questions, your question is impossible to answer.
Sincerely,
Adven

Dear Curious:
My mother had issues that are far too complex to get into here. I've asked her about this dropping me on my head business a few times, since I had observed that other babies didn't seem to be enjoying the same approach to child rearing. She said it was because I was slippery. This sounds plausible to me and I'd rather not explore it further.
Sincerely,
Adven

Dear Jan:
I've never been under Martin, but I hear he's quite the Romeo.
All the best,
Adven

Grannyg

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

What should I do about someone who owes me a chunk of money for various shipments that have already been delivered and used? It is my understanding that this same creep who owes me money has since taken one of my dearest friend on a trip and didn't even ask me to go. Do you think I should sue the jerk and disown the friend, or should I just chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way?

Sincerely yours,
Granny

Weinermr

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:14 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
The "hard" way?

Lancecrossfire

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:15 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Granny, I'd very use the term "hard way" to anyone you've supplied with Viagra. LOL

Grannyg

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:25 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Ya'll are just sooooooooooooo bad!!!!! Get your minds out of the gutters!! lol

Maris

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:30 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
granny, I would suggest last shipment?

http://www.smellypoop.com/sendpoop2.html

Egbok

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:30 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Gosh, the boys jumped on that one right away!!

Weinermr

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:34 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Yes we never miss an opportunity to extend ourselves.

Squaredsc

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
making a note.

Weinermr

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hey Square, I gotta get a good look at your notes some day.

Squaredsc

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
i'll bring my binder to vegas.

Egbok

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:44 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Weinermr!!

Weinermr

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Uh oh. Busted.

Adven

Thursday, November 13, 2003 - 03:47 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Granny:
Please disregard, Weiner and Lance. Although I'm sure their intentions are honorable they lack my training (I have an MBA in Advicology from Abigail U.) and my experience (about an hour). As for Maris, I can only assume she believes me to be an avid gardener and wants you to send fertilizer. I appreciate the thought, but unfortunately, earthworms give me the creeps and I no long garden. I believe HRH likes to, though, so I'm sure she could use as much as you can send her.
As for your original question, I'd certainly disown the friend. Clearly she is at the root of this whole thing. As for the man who owes you money for these shipments, he sounds like an upstanding (no pun intended) fellow and I'd suggest you write him and tell him it was a gift and not a business transaction, as I'm sure his lawyer has already advised him to claim. I would sue the friend though. She strikes me as an unsavory character.
Hope this helps,
Adven