Tell Us Your Classic Bloopers....
MoveCloseDeleteAdmin

TV ClubHouse: Archive: Tell Us Your Classic Bloopers....

Whoami

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 12:38 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Ok. The "injuries" thread is so great, I just had to start a thread for that other thing that goes off unexpected....the mouth. What have you said that didn't quite come out the way you intended?

Here's a few of mine (and Mom's)....

1. I was instructing a competitive youth group, and was wondering what minimum age I should allow kids in. I was wondering about the maturity level of kids as compared to my day. Since I was thinking of age 10 as being the cut-off age, I turned to my then teen-aged sister and her friends and asked, "how old are ten-year-olds these days?"

2. One morning, my work mates and I were all grumbling about being at work, and wishing we were somewhere else. One young man (half my age, but still kinda cute), said, "I really don't want to be here today." I replied, "me too." He then said, "I wish I was at home in my bed." And I said, "me too!"

3. Mom was driving home one day, and noticed the city had finally filled in the chuckholes that had plagued the street. She said, "Oh, I see they're chilling the....." You can fill in the blank, I'm sure! It was especially horrific to her, cause that was back when the word wasn't as widely used as it is in today's slang (a little desensitized to it now). And it was such an offensive and horrific word to her. She was so aghast, she had to pull over to the side of the road and collect herself.

4. Mom again. She was a telephone operator a long time ago. The client apparently could transfer a call by jiggling/pressing a button on their phone. But, when one male client called on her to transfer the call for him. She told him, "but sir, all you have to do is jiggle your thing."

Aus10

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 05:25 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Why do I feel like I should start my story with..."This one time..at band camp." :)

A little background. I was working at the funeral home. It had been a pretty dead day..(sorry for the pun). And I was working with 4 great guys, but whom all we're practical jokers. I can take it, and also dish it out, but this day whether PMS was there or what I don't know. All day long had been pick on Aus day. On days when we had no services like this one, I usually spend 99% of my time catching up on paperwork and bookkeeping, (no way I was letting the guys get their hands on the puter) so I was fairly busy but they weren't. Anyway after having spent the better part of the day on the phone dealing with insurance companies who were not being helpful, stone cutters who weren't being helpful, etc., I was on my last nerve. Now I had instigated every last one of these calls...the phone hadn't rang itself once! So all four guys are standing around my desks, just being general pains in the butt and getting me all riled up, just to see me get mad. I have a long fuse, but when I finally blow my top I blow it big. Well just as I was about to blow my top..the phone rings...in my hurried state and without thinking, I answered "Yea whatta ya want!". Have you ever had that moment of instant panic?? What the heck have I done? It was one of the bosses! LUCY....you've got some splaining to do! Thank heavens the boss had a good sense of humor!

Lumbele

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 10:30 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Some chatters have already heard this one.

Now remember, this was about 25 years ago. I was still comparatively new to Canada and unaware of local vernacular, esp not that kind.

DH had bought me several of those little wind-up toys for the water as a lark because I loved long baths.
One hot summer evening we were sitting outside with our neighbours chatting, when I excused myself wanting to go for one of those soaks. However, my choice of words sent 7 people into fits of roaring laughter and I had no idea what was so funny until DH, finally back in possession of his breath explained it to me. To this day I get teased about it.
"Well, folks, you have fun. I am going to play with my beaver."

Djgirl

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 11:25 am EditMoveDeleteIP
ROFLMAO!!! That is too funny Lumbele!

Sweetbabygirl

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 11:48 am EditMoveDeleteIP
My family used to go to a nightclub in Cherry Hill, New Jersey called the Latin Casino....for a small price, you'd get a helluva show by the day's top performers (we're talkin' Gladys Knight and the Pips, Sammy Davis, Jr., Al Green, etc.) plus a hot meal.

This particular evening, we were seeing Tony Orlando and Dawn....or was it Gladys Knight? Whatever the case, I was eight years old and thought myself to be quite the articulate young lady. When the waitress asked what I would be having, I looked her square in the eye and excitingly responded "I'll have the hot sliced turkey with GILBERT gravy." Naturally, the word is GIBLET....by this time, my mother, grandmother and aunts were rolling on the floor, leaving me confused as to what was so funny.

Next month, I'll be 39 years old....to this frickin' day, particularly on Thanksgiving, my grandfather almost always asks me if I will be having GILBERT gravy with my stuffing. I swear, that's gonna be on my tombstone, lol!!

Tabbyking

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 12:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
some of you have heard this one, too...but when i worked in a dental office in newton centre, mass, i could not speak or understand half the boston accents...and i hung up on the pervert who called and said, "i can't come because i'm stuck in puberty." turns out, he couldn't make his dental appointment because he was stuck in the town of Peabody........OOPS!

Tabbyking

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 12:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
SBG, we still call pumpkin pie "puppy pie" for my brother who thought we cooked one of our collie pups! and that was at least 39 years ago, cause my brother will be 43 two weeks before thanksgiving.

Whoami

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 12:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL. I don't know the local vernacular of Canada either. But I'm pretty sure I can guess what Lumbele accidentally said!

When I have a co-worker help me out in my area, I usually thank them by taking them out to lunch at their convenience. I owed two co-workers lunch, and they were ribbing me on who should be first to go to lunch. I said, "heck, lets go today and I'll do you both."

Tabbyking

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 12:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
when a friend had eye surgery, the surgeon was a diminutive chinese gentlemen. when he took out the sutures, he scooted his stool up between her thighs and said, "you may feel a little prick."

Denecee

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 01:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL! Once when we went to a water park in Ft.Worth, TX, my husband and I were in the wave pool and I turned around for just a sec, and decided to jump on my DH's back, as I put my hands on his shoulders(almost had my legs around him) this not-my-husband guy turns around very slowly to see who is accosting(sp) him. I got out of there fast.

Ddr1135

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 01:36 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Denecee, you just reminded me of the time I grabbed what I thought was my husband's ass at a party. Oh my! was I embarrassed.

Mack

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 02:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
My new wife and I go to my son's wedding in Seattle...we were living in the DC area at the time. DW has never met my mother or sister much less my ex and her family. It's a garden wedding and the whole extended family is sitting outside in the shade around two picnic tables. I proudly walk my DW up to my mother and introduce her. Mom looks up and says, as only a 76 year old could..."Well I'll be....she's the best looking one so far!"

Kristylovesbb

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 02:25 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Some of you have heard this story but here goes. I was a waitress and it was market week, I lived in the Furniture Capitol of the World, High Point,NC, and about 80,thousand people descended on our tiny town. Well four well dressed gentlemen sat down in my section. I walked over and they asked if we accepted credit cards, I said no they don't but I sure do! When I came back with their drinks there was a credit card in front of all four of them. I could have died. I was trying to be funny but it sure came out wrong!

Jan

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 02:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
True Story

My girlfriend had two kids and didn't want any more. She went to her ob-gyn for a diapragm (this was a few years ago).

As she was leaving, the Dr said to her "now remember, it doesn't work in the dresser drawer". She laughed and said "that's OK , I don't often do it in the dresser drawer!"

Abbynormal

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 03:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Some of you have heard this before. A new resturant had opened in town and we had gone several times and gotten the world's worst waitress each time. (The food was great) So, one day we go in and this girl I was aquainted with was working there. I proceeded to tell her all about our unfortunate luck with getting the same lousy waitress time after time. I mean I did not hold back in any way about how horrible this waitress was. Oh gawd, how I did run on! The girl asked me to point out the waitress, and when I did, she looked at me and said, "That's my mother." While I was desperately looking for that magic hole to crawl in, my mother was losing her breath from laughing so hard. She just looked at me and said, "Go ahead, I want to see how you get out of this one". I have since learned to keep my mouth shut.

Melfie1222

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 07:02 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
not one of my bloopers, but from someone I used to work with... this was in a family-owned insurance agency, where they had only had male salespeople for years. One of their first female salespeople was on one of her first meetings with a prospective client, along with her boss who was also CEO/head of the family. She was going along great and feeling very impressive, and got to the part where she started explaining how the client's payments would be scheduled on a quarterly basis (4-pay), and said "Now, let me tell you about our foreplay plan!"

Twiggyish

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 08:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
We had something at work with a local charity..and we all wore small hearts. One of the guys at work refused to wear one. About a few days later..I saw him in a crowded room, and I saw he was wearing his heart..and I said loudly, "I see you have a heart on". Well the people next to me didn't hear it that way. They turned to stare and then started laughing. Say it fast and you'll see what they thought they heard.

Tabbyking

Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 10:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
oh my heck.....i just remembered something that happened to my dad years ago. probably 1960 or so. he worked for a huge lumber company. they had an aerial view of the business on the lobby wall. it was so heavy, it kept coming down. so my dad decided to fix it properly and got some molly bolts and other things. the phone rang and the secretary answered it. my dad said the entire office burst out laughing when the secretary said, "i'm sorry, but mr. lauer can't come to the phone right now. he's standing on a chair screwing a picture on the wall."

Cjr

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 04:57 am EditMoveDeleteIP
My Dad's name is Richard, goes by Dick. My parents have good friends, the man's name is also Richard, goes by Dick.

One day the 4 of them and our families were all together and my Mom says to her her friend, with all of us right there, "Our two Dicks are having a blast, we need to do this more often!"

All of us kids and grandkids were spitting our drinks and laughing so hard we were crying! Funniest thing I ever heard!

Pamy

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 05:48 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL!!

Denecee

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 10:29 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks for the laughs!

Luvmyjrt

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 03:03 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(The Scene) -- early in my marriage, met a woman slightly older than I with two children. This was the advent of the new electronic keyboards and I kind of fancied myself as a maestro in the making. Heck, I type 94 words a minute, should be able to learn the piano, right? (Answer = typing has nothing to do with piano) Anyhew ---
(Cut to embarrassing moment) -- Friend was going to get her own keyboard, I thought she would be home by now so......I dialed the number and said: "SO, ARE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR ORGAN?" Unknown male voice answers back "No -- but KEEP TALKING AND MAYBE I WILL" Friend greatly enjoyed this story.............I was humiliated. And no, I have no idea if he decided to play with his organ or not....I hung up to quickly!

Twiggyish

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 03:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
ROFL!!!

Denecee

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 03:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I've told this one before but what the hey, I'll tell it again. Same waterpark vacation, same day as the above story by me. Just get to the park, does anybody have to go pee? Just mom(me). Now, I'm a fast walker so before I even know it, I am about 6 ft into the men's room. Did you know that it's just one big room and a man was walking around naked(after showering). I walk even faster coming out and there is my lovely family laughing their butts off at me along with some young guys that I didn't know.

Something I will never do(again) is tell a stranger that there is an inkmark on their face. Yeah it turned out to be a birthmark. I did tell a stanger that she had her skirt hiked up in her pantyhose, she was thankful.

Tabbyking

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 05:10 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
twiggy, your 'heart on' made me think of being back in p.e. in college. we had a written final at the end of our semester of volleyball and jogging and, therefore, weren't in our gym clothes. a great-looking guy in jeans and a sweater walked in and said, 'hi' to me. at first i didn't know who he was and then it hit me when he was several steps away. "hi, jamie! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" i called out loudly.
the entire class was one of dropped mouths and big eyes!

Ddr1135

Friday, October 10, 2003 - 05:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Denecee, my old roommate did the pantyhose hike too! She usually wore pants to work but one day decided to wear a dress.

As she was exiting the ladies room, the janitor kept calling out to her, "Miss Pattie, Miss Pattie" So she yells back at him "What Billie?!?"
He yells back "Your dress is tucked into your pantyhose." She had neatly pushed her dress into her pantyhose without thinking and was showing her ass for the world to see!

Skootz

Saturday, October 11, 2003 - 05:32 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I was in Grade 9 French Class:

Background: years ago the tighter the pants the better.

The French teacher proceeded to ask questions in French class and everyone called upon has to stand up to answer...my zipper has just broken on my pants and I am sitting quietly and trying not to get called upon. The teacher calls me and tells me to stand up. I say no and finally in front of the entire class have to tell them that zipper has broken on my pants and I cannot stand up to answer the question.

So what does this teacher do...make me say my zipper is broken in en Francias.

Twiggyish

Saturday, October 11, 2003 - 07:49 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL

Whoami

Saturday, November 08, 2003 - 04:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I just remembered one (glad this thread was still here!).

My sis was out here visiting, and we were browsing the mall. She decided she wanted to look at beds, since she was in the market for one (why she wanted to look for beds in CO when she lived in CA is beyond me).

Anyway, she was checking out one of those air-filled beds. The type where the person on one side can set the firmness of the bed to a different level than the one on the other side. She had heard of some of these kinds of beds having a hard center, where the divider was between the two sides of the bed. She wanted to ask the sales clerk about that middle section. What she asked the clerk was, "ok, but what about the person in the middle?"

We all had a great laugh on that one. The sales clerk said, "well, I learn a lot of things about people when selling beds, but that one may have been just a little bit of too much information!"

Tabbyking

Saturday, November 08, 2003 - 10:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
whoami, that is very funny!
i am so claustrophobic, i couldn't stand to even have one of the kids come in at night and climb in on the side of me. i could not be in the middle or i would feel as if were suffucating.
one day my son asked if he could watch a kids' movie and have popcorn with us in our bed. we were in a grocery store. my husband said, 'yes'.
well, seems no one else in the store heard anything before my line and didn't think i was referring to a kid, some popcorn and a movie: "okay, but after the three of us are done playing around, he's getting out of the bed. you know i can only fall asleep with one person."

i remember my son and daughter watching 'the price is right' with me when they were really small. you never know what sticks with those young'ns...
we were in a crowded store one day and the second or third time my 2-year-old daughter ran into 4 year-old son with the grocery cart he turned around and yelled at the top of his lungs: "cut it out, or i'll have you sprayed and noodled!" the entire store started laughing. they all knew what he meant.:)

Miss_Wings

Sunday, November 09, 2003 - 05:34 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Well, this just happened to me last week. As a math teacher, I have to teach my poor darlings to graph polynomial equations. I do this by teaching them to graph the "parent" function and then shift according to the parameters dictated by the equation. Anyway, I was having trouble saying the word asymptote, and wound up stuttering that they should s**t their a** and totes. Class was out of control for several minutes.

Whoami

Sunday, November 09, 2003 - 06:10 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL Miss Wings!

That one reminds me of our old color guard teacher. We were warming up before rehearsal, with "marching basics." You know, mark-time, forward march, to-the-rear-march, and what not.

Anyway, the basics were to get us in better control of marching together. We did a "to-the-rear-march" and were expected to hear our footsteps all in unison as we came out of the maneuver. Unfortunately, we were not really together. Our instructor yelled, "crap coming out from the rear!" Our line completely fell apart as we all stopped marching and doubled over in laughter.

Twiggyish

Monday, November 10, 2003 - 03:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I've written about this before, but it's been a long time..LOL

My husband and I were newly dating and young. Anyway, he treated me to nice dinner at a place called, The Bodega. The waiter really catored to us. He brought out the wine list and we ordered Blue Nun. That was the only wine on the menu we recognized..LOL
The waiter brought out the bottle and showed it to us. Then he gave my boyfriend the cork to sniff. So my boyfriend (future husband) sniffed the cork with a serious face, because he didn't know what he was suppose to smell. Then the waiter puts a little in a wine glass. Boyfriend swirled it and took a sip. (AS IF HE KNEW WHAT TO TASTE)
We laugh to this day because the waiter must have been laughing his head off later at us. BLUE NUN..LOL

Texannie

Monday, November 10, 2003 - 03:51 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL