Archive through October 18, 2003
TV ClubHouse: archives: Adven's Great Reality Adventure (and what not) (ARCHIVE):
Immunity Challenge #5 (Last Comic Standing).:
Archive through October 18, 2003
Adven | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 08:52 am     Hi, how's it going? I'm fine, thanks - or, at least I will be once I get the malignant tumor removed. I wasn't going to post a challenge today, but we should probably keep things moving so the game can end sometime before Christmas, 3006. This challenge will try to accomodate everyone's weekend schedule, so the players will have until Monday morning to complete their task. Just so there is no confusion, here are the remaining players: RA: Reader, Square, Bobbi, Lance and Granny KG: Twig, Lori, Zachsmom, Mak and Tish After this challenge and eviction there will be a merge. Okay, each player must post two jokes before Monday morning my time (roughly, 7 a.m. Eastern, 4 a.m Pacific). Post the two you think are the funniest. Once everyone has posted or we reach Monday morning, I will ask all non players (this includes evictees) to rate each joke on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being high, 1 being low) and to e-mail me with their scores. I will give anyone who wants to do this 24 hours to get their scores to me. The team with the most total points, wins. Ladies and Lance, bang that funnybone! |
Ddr1135 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 09:32 am     Adven, that last sentence sounds like one of Zmom's movies.... |
Squaredsc | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 09:33 am     good one adven. too bad im not that funny and don't know any jokes. |
Pamy | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 09:39 am     LOL Ddr!! |
Squaredsc | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 11:56 am     ok here we go. im trying to get out of cleaning out the fridge so i thought i would work on my jokes. the first one is a lil risque... Joke #1 For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." he next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming, too. I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike." |
Adven | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 11:56 am     This is a problem, Square. How about, "Take my wife...Please!" or "I just flew in from New York and, boy, are my arms tired." Those are two classics that I'm betting will get you big points. |
Squaredsc | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 11:57 am     and for the next one, it's also a lil risque. and as we all know i'm not innocent so it's to be expected. Joke #2 Heaven’s New Policy It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, “Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.” “No problem,” the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn’t you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die. This pissed me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I though of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.” The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, “Ok, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, “Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.” “No problem,” said the second man. “But you’re not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. Having been under a lot of pressure I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn’t die right away. As I’m laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.” The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. “I could get used to this new policy,” he thinks to himself. “Very well,” the Angel announces. “Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The Angel says, “Please tell me how you died.” The third man says, “Ok, picture this. I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator…..” |
Adven | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:01 pm     Oh, I see you ignored my sage advice and went with your own. Well, anyone who wants to is free to use those two gems I just gave Square. I thought your joke was great, but I can't say more for fear of being accused of favoritism. Now I'm going to have to call everyone's jokes great. |
Squaredsc | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:10 pm     sorry darlin i didn't see your msg in time. |
Grannyg | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:26 pm     Mine are worse than Square's but Adven wanted something about a kid.................. Balloons A kid was taking a shower with his mom and asks, "what are those things on your chest?" Not wanting to answer she changed the subject. The next day the boy went up to his dad and asked "What are those things on Mommy's chest?" he replied "They are balloons so when Mommy dies they will inflate and she will float to heaven. A couple weeks later the father comes home early and his son runs out and says "Daddy, Daddy, Mom is dying" the father ask "what are you talking about?" "Well, Uncle Harry is blowing up her balloons and she's yelling 'Oh God I'm coming'" And for my second one.............. Heart Attack A blonde man comes home from work and hears moaning and screaming from the bedroom. So he goes upstairs and finds his wife lying on the bed naked, sweaty, and panting. He asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm having a heartattack" so he runs downstairs to call 911 when one of his little kids comes to him and says, "daddy,daddy Uncle Bob's hiding in the closet naked." The furious blond man goes back upstairs and sure enough he finds his naked brother in the closet and says to him, "You son-of-a-gun, my wife's having a heartattack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!" |
Pamy | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:27 pm     I love those!! Where/when do we send our ratings? |
Tishala | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:34 pm     Joke 1. So I was sitting in my living room the other day with my girlfriend Clementine having a glass of tea when all the sudden a knock comes at the door. I get up to open it, and it's a delivery boy with two dozen roses. I quick open the card and it says "with love, from your boyfriend eddie." I turn to my girlfriend Clementine and I say, "Clementine, you know what this means? For the next two weeks I'm gonna be on my back with my legs spread wide open!" Clementine says to me, "What's the matter with you? Ain't you got a vase?" Joke 2. Oh It's just terrible! I will never forget it! I was laying in bed the other night with my boyfriend Eddie and he says to me, "Tisha. How come you never tell me when you're having an orgasm?" I said to him "Eddie, you're never around." Joke 3. It's just miserable, you know. Take my boyfriend Eddie. Please....He's so broke I had to fly him in from New York. And boy are my arms tired! |
Tishala | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:39 pm     My boyfriend Eddie sure is a strange one. One day when he was just a wee thing, he came home from school and his mother Sadie said to him, "Eddie, what did you do in school today." Eddie says to Sadie, "well, I got laid." Sadie was furious and she says to Eddie, "Eddie, I am appalled! You go to your room and wait til your father gets home!" Eddie's father gets home and he goes up to see Eddie and he says to him, "Eddie, you know your mother Sadie is really upset with you. But just between you and me, way to go." Next day Eddie comes home from school and runs up to his room. When his father gets home, he goes up to see Eddie and he says to him, "So Eddie....did you get laid again today?" "Are you kidding?" Eddie asks. "My @ss still hurts from yesterday!" |
Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:40 pm     OK, seriously I know one off-color joke, and I'm not sure I'll remember it right, and it is an oldie... Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were before a judge wanting to get their divorce finalized. The judge read over the papers and felt everything was in order, and commented.. "hmmmmm ok, here it is, I see you list the reason for divorce as "temporary insanity" Mickey replies, "What?" I didnt say she was crazy I said she was f-ing goofy" (I hope I dont lose becuase I used the Osborne word in a non osborne thread - Does Jan get banned if we do?? Just asking!) |
Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 12:52 pm     Criminility (cant spell my utterances) I just went looking for my bad Cub jokes, and realized THEY ARE AT WORK!! ugggg.... Going to ask dd for joke...bbl |
Heyltslori | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 01:32 pm     Here are my jokes. Adven, please take note that joke #1 is keeping with the theme of reality tv (Survivor) and joke #2 invokes thoughts of your viagra supplier!!!! lol (((((Granny )))))) 1. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender says, “Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie?” The pirate replies, “Aye! It’s driving me nuts!” 2. A flasher walks by two old ladies sitting on a park bench and exposes himself. One of the old ladies has a stroke…the other one can’t reach it. Bahahahahahhahahahaha!!! I'll be here all week! |
Grannyg | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 01:47 pm     Lori |
Adven | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 01:54 pm     These jokes are amazing! Not a lame-o among them. I'm biting back a desire to comment on a couple of them, but won't until all are in and the voting is complete. I will say, though, that you are all coming up with beauts. |
Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 02:02 pm     I'm really nervous, mine is a real oldie (but I always think of it as a goodie!!) so I am encouraged by your statement adven (and will refrain from negative thoughts!!) and will search some cobwebs for another... Since I only have one more chance, I need a to go out with a bang!! (*g) again, amazed at the clever way Adven's mind works to come up with yet another reality game!! WTG Adven!! Much appreciated from this quadrant of the world!! |
Jan | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 02:43 pm     These jokes are all so good that they all made me laugh. I guess I will have to vote based on how hard I chortled but it will be hard to pick out the best. I will wait till they are all in and cast my votes tomorrow. Maybe I'll have a few zombies first
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Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 03:07 pm     Here goes nothin... There was a Preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The Preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After five or six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's pay. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the preacher's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd and said... "HAVING CHILDREN IS AN ACT OF GOD!" In the back of the room, a little old man stood up!! In his frail voice said... "SNOW AND RAIN ARE ALSO ACTS OF GOD, BUT WHEN WE GET TOO MUCH, WE WEAR RUBBERS." |
Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 03:08 pm     and lori thanks for reminding me... Adven (and mods) note that by referencing the Osbornes, I too referenced a 'reality' show!! bahhhhhahahhhaahahahhahhahahahahhaaahhhahaaaaaaaaa |
Grannyg | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 03:10 pm     Reader, that joke was hysterical!! |
Squaredsc | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 03:10 pm     rofl, these are hysterical.  |
Reader234 | Saturday, October 18, 2003 - 03:13 pm     Thanks Granny, I do like to get a preacher involved every now and then!! Thought this thread could use one too... bahhahahaaaaahhaaaaaaaaaahhhaah (is it coctail hour yet???!! ) Gotta run, THanks for all the GREAT laughs gang! Chauffeur time!! (ds homecoming!) |
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