Coping with divorce
TV ClubHouse: archives: Coping with divorce
Bobbie_552001 | Monday, October 06, 2003 - 06:00 pm     I've been a member of tvch for a few months now...and have never seen a topic regarding divorce. I'm sure that there are a few divorcees out there, and I thought it would be nice to have a support group. Where we could share concerns, fears, ideas, ect....but I really don't want it to turn in to a bash the ex spouse thread, deal? I've been divorced for over three years and living on my own now for four. I feel as if I have adapted well to the single life, and actually have enjoyed rediscovering just who Bobbie is. But although its been four years I still struggle. I have three children, two are grown and live on their own and my ex husband and I have shared parenting of our 16 year old son. The children have adapted well, although I'm sure will always have their own issues regarding the divorce. One of the hardest things that I have had trouble "coming to grips" with is sharing our children. When I was married I didn't have to worry about whose week it is for birthdays, holidays, and family functions. Its hard for me to see my daughter shopping with her new step mom or knowing that my son spends as much time with her as he does with me. To know that on his birthday she was the one that woke him up...and sang to him. Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed...she is wonderful to our kids and I'm very thankful for that...but I still struggle, every single day with that. Will it get better...am I alone in the way I feel?? |
Zachsmom | Monday, October 06, 2003 - 06:23 pm     After my divorce I found out who I was and what I really wanted out of life. Once you can overcome the disappointment of the dream that never will come true, it's not so bad. I have noticed that I have a hard time cultivating intimate friendships. I figure it will take time. I have been divorced for 3 years and left my husband 6 years ago..best thing I ever did. Luckily I don't have to 'share' Zachary..lol..Zachary's father was the transitional--make me feel better about myself after leaving my husband--man so I have no advice how to deal with divorce and children. But it does sound as if you maintained a respectful relationship with your ex or at least your exes wife that is a BIG kudos!!! and a very good example for your children. |
Bobbie_552001 | Monday, October 06, 2003 - 06:57 pm     Zachsmom....I think when you are post divorce you go through the same process of grieving as if that person had died. Whether you are grieving the loss of the relationship or even the family unit. I've worked very hard to get where I am today. I too have had a difficult time with intimate relationships. I know in my heart that I will never settle again, and I am at a point in my life that I simply don't have to. |
Max | Monday, October 06, 2003 - 07:55 pm     I don't have kids and I was the one who left the marriage, so I don't have a lot to offer, really. I knew I was suffocating in the marriage about three months after the wedding; it just took me seven years to finally realize that I couldn't fix things by myself and get past the guilt of wanting to leave so that I could actually do it. The next week at work, people were asking me why I looked so different, so happy. It was definitely the right thing to do! That was just over 10 years ago and, since then, I've managed to get out of debt (we were on the verge of bankruptcy together), purchase a home (well, two really, since I'm in my second now), and just generally lead a very full and happy life. There are occasions when I miss having someone special to share with, but for the most part, I'm too busy enjoying life to worry about it. We had tried to have kids, but it never worked out. Now, I'm glad because I don't know how it would have been to have to "share" them. I like your comment, Bobbie, "I know in my heart that I will never settle again, and I am at a point in my life that I simply don't have to." I resemble that remark! |
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