A Question Of Scruples (ARCHIVES)
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TV ClubHouse: Archives: A Question Of Scruples (ARCHIVES)
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Midlifer

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 09:19 am EditMoveDeleteIP
After 29 years of marriage to my DH, and the fact that he is surrounded by women at his job, if I can't trust him now, I never will. A big, definite YES.

Jagger

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 09:47 am EditMoveDeleteIP
You need to define "intimate", to me someone being intimate is having sex. If you know it is intimate and he claims it is platonic you know he is lieing.

Kaili

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 09:53 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I say yes, I have complete trust in him, but like others I wonder about the "intimate" part. Sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy...

Crossfire

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 10:50 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I do believe my spouse, but don't like it anyway.

Joesmom

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 11:08 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I trust my spouse. But, when I was young, irresponsible and single, I had an "intimate" relationship with a married man. It ended up being intimate for real!!! Now, I take the responsibility for that, and now bear the guilt of it...(Wow...I really spilled the beans and I'm new here...)

Having said that...I think "intimate" relationships with the opposite sex are not appropriate for married people. My hubby is very kind-hearted, and yes, I believe him; but we are very careful about outside relationships.

Daydreamer

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 11:31 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Sorry to say I am not a very trusting person. I think I'd have a problem with this.

Denecee

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 11:52 am EditMoveDeleteIP
No intimate relationships allowed! Casual yes, intimate no.

Heyltslori

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 12:50 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Intimate according to Merriam-Webster.

1 a : INTRINSIC, ESSENTIAL b : belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature
2 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>
3 a : marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b : suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>
4 : of a very personal or private nature

Tess

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 03:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I trust him completely. I have no problem with anyone he wants to be friends with. So, my answer is yes, I believe him.

Whoami

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 03:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
For me, it would have to depend on who the SO is. Since I don't have one, I have no characteristics to compare to, to know if he would be that trustworthy or not.

It would also probably depend on the length of our own relationship, and if it had grown strong enough to trust that he loved me enough to not stray.

Twiggyish

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 03:22 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
It so happens we have such a friend. She's a gem of a person. She's a riot! I've kidded her that she can have him..LOL She said her husband was quite enough!!

I think a relationship is built on trust.

Denecee

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 04:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Oh, if the person is an intimate friend to the both of us it would be ok. I was thinking that only my husband would have the intimate relationship with somebody I didn't know.

Lumbele

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 04:52 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
With above definition of "intimate", by all means - no skin off my nose.

Costacat

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 05:13 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Most likely, yes, I'd trust him. That is, of course, assuming he has never given me cause to mistrust him, and that the "intimate" relationship is merely a warm, friendly kind of thing.

Llkoolaid

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 05:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Not for one bloody second, she can get intimate with someone else's husband.


Edited by myself because I would have been modded.

Twiggyish

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 05:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I think it depends on the friend. (As stated above)

Miss_Wings

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 06:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Trust him. Always have and it has worked so far.

Azriel

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 - 07:21 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
This is really strange because I just went through this exact scenario with my bf. He came home from work a few weeks ago and told me that some Chinese girl came up to him in the coffee shop and asked him to help her fill out some papers. After he helped her they talked and he thought she was really interesting. She was running her own business (that her father set her up in and of course it occurred to me that she can run her own business but can't fill out some application papers?? but I digress..)

So a couple of days later she shows up again in the coffee shop (the coffee shop that my bf goes to every working day about the same time) They have coffee together and exchange business cards.
He tells me about it and I'm thinking that I have to trust him even though alarm bells are clanging in my head! My boyfriend is a super easy person to talk to and he has lots of friends of the opposite sex. He eats lunch quite frequently with some of the women he works with. I had no reason not to trust him, soooo again I kept my mouth shut.

A week later my bf pulls me aside with a solemn scary look on his face and says we have to talk.
Since the last meeting in the coffee shop the girl has been calling him several times a day, was sending him SMS messages and emails, too. He tells me, 'I'm starting to think she's after me' (Well, DUH!) He said, 'I told her I have a girlfriend' I laughed and told him that that's like telling her you have a disposable razor.

He said that he wanted to be friends with her but this was just making him too uncomfortable. He said that he even asked her why she called so much and she told him it was a Chinese cultural thing. The Chinese call their friends frequently. ~cough~ He asked me what should he do.

His main problem was that he was afraid that he was just misunderstanding her and he didn't want to look like an egotistical fool or hurt her feelings, if he was wrong. I told him that he barely knew her and she was acting like a stalker. I told him that I trusted him, but I really was not comfortable with him trying to remain friends with someone that was so obviously after him and I thought he should just tell her that he didn't want to continue their association.

He agreed and told me that he just needed to hear that her attraction wasn't all in his head. He called her and told her and she got really angry and after he hung up, she sent him a nasty angry email, too.

Soooo, in answer to the question - Yes, I would trust him (but keep your eyes open because you don't know what her motives are)