Archive through September 16, 2003
TV ClubHouse: Archives: Anyone know of any chat rooms for Parents of PreTeens?:
Archive through September 16, 2003
Justboredwbb4 | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:38 pm     My friends are all asleep. My husband as well. I am a mess with my thoughts of my preteens social life. Any leads of running parental preteen chat rooms would be much appreciated. Thanks |
Zachsmom | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:45 pm     I don't know any "chat" room, but I might be able to direct you to some parenting forums. |
Whoami | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:47 pm     I just Googled "chat rooms for parents of pre teens" and came up with several hits you may want to explore (sorry, I don't have time to check out the hits myself right now). |
Justboredwbb4 | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:52 pm     I found several that I have to sign up for and wait for a password to be emailed. Those are not helpful at this time. But signed up for them for future possible need. Other ones did not have any discussions going at this time of need. What are forums. I guess I was hoping to find something like this bored. Y'know up and running with lots of people to chat with. This is like the only chat thing I know of other than the ones I mentioned above |
Weinermr | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:08 pm     Justbored, There seem to be several Parenting chatrooms on Yahoo chat that have participants in them. Perhaps you can check into those. Do you have a Yahoo ID? It's easy to get one if you don't. Hope this helps. |
Justboredwbb4 | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:18 pm     Y'know I searched yahoo but did not even know they had a chat thing. Thanks alot. I will go check it out. I already have an ID....I think. |
Zachsmom | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:24 pm     TVCH is a forum, are you looking for something like this where people write on a message board? Or are you looking more for real time chat room? |
Lucy | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:44 pm     Justbored, If you want to talk about pre-teen issues let us know...I'm sure there are a few of us who are going through the same issues with our kids. |
Juju2bigdog | Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:48 pm     Justbored, you can start a thread if you like. People read and post here all night, and there is always somebody around who knows something about everything. I always say if you want to know anything in the world, just ask the question at TVCH, and somebody will know something about it. |
Kellirippa | Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 02:06 pm     Justbored: My kids are 8(boy), 11 (boy) and 13 (girl)....maybe we could bounce a few things off of each other? |
Jkm | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 09:39 am     Throw me in there also!! Girls - newly 13 & 11!! 13 year old has finally discovered boys -- (Gee, they've been there all along --according to her - their cuter and taller this year!!!) Last year was first year in middle school and she struggled with many, many things - -this year - her self confidence is back - she's doing much better -- Now - younger one heading into the doom of looming womanhood, jealousy of older sister's activities, and attitude!!! Ah -- isn't life just a big rollercoaster ride - |
Tabbyking | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 11:38 am     let me reiterate here for those of you who have not heard it my first 100 times: the year my son was 14 was the l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ngest year of my life. at least 5 or 6 years! he never got in any trouble--no drugs, drinking, traffic violations, staying out past curfew, etc., but his mouth to his father and me was deplorable. we were 'stupid', 'didn't know anything', 'retarded'...and if i asked him a question, he would flip me off! yesterday, we left him at college. a much different boy this 4 years later, but i still cringe when i think of age 14! we have been right on top of our kids since the minute they were born. they have always called if they are going to stop for fast food before coming home after the movie, etc, or if there is any change to their plans. (for example, if ds said he was going to so-and-so's house and together they decided to go play basketball at someone else's house, ds had to ask us if that was okay.) both of my kids had excellent grades all the way back...thank God my son grew out of the mouthing off; it wouldn't get him very far outside the house, let me tell you! one thing my husband and i both stuck to was any reasonable punishment. if my son was grounded for 5 days, he was grounded for 5 days. it didn't matter if it was his best friend's birthday or it was homecoming game. school and job and that was it. obviously, grounding someone for life would not be considered 'reasonable'...lol (we have friends who always punished their son, but it was always negotiable--so and so had an extra ticket to the raiders, or everyone else was going to the dance, etc...that does no one any good, as far as we could tell! their son now spends his hours drinking on the canals and working part-time, maybe 12 hours a week. he is taking one college class. he thinks life is a party, with only 3 months post high school graduation under his belt...but i think he will regret some of the choices he made when he is still at the same place in 5 years and my son is out making 50k a year as an engineer... or whatever he ends up getting his degree in. right now, he is going for engineering. anyway, because there were no 'set rules' in this friend's life and everything could be negotiated, he is not mature at all. we have never let our kids drink, even in the home. if it isn't legal to drink under age 21, you don't drink under age 21. this same friend's dad will buy him a couple of beers at a sporting event so they can be drinking buddies.) we had less income, but after the kids were in elementary school, i quit teaching preschool and working in the e.r. as an emt. if there is any way possible, be home for the hours your kids are at home. if you have to work, see if your hours can mostly coincide with their school hours. no other kids were allowed in our house if we weren't home. day time, evening time....no time! we also set a pretty early curfew for our son. he had to be in by 10:00 on weeknights, and that was only for his job. otherwise, he was home. weekends, he could be out til 11:00, unless we knew the movie ended after that time, or he called to ask if he could go to jack-in-the-box or something. parenting is not easy, not one moment of their lives! it is hard to be consistent, but in the long-run i found it to have been a good idea--stick to your guns. you are the parent! rollercoaster, oh yeah!!! |
Tabbyking | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 11:40 am     justbored, do you mind if i ask what you mean by preteens 'social life'? do you mean extra curricular things such as dances, sports, etc? you don't mean dating do you? shudder! |
Juju2bigdog | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 05:47 pm     I am beginning to think Justbored either doesn't know how to find her way back here or was a one-time poster. Nope, just did a search. She posts a lot in BB threads. I am thinking she doesn't know how to get back here. If anybody sees her posting in BB, you might put a link for her to over here. It's a shame for all this parenting expertise to go to waste. |
Squaredsc | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 06:06 pm     uh juju, why don't you be a nice dawg and guide her back.  |
Juju2bigdog | Monday, September 15, 2003 - 09:53 pm     Squared, are you sure I am not getting a reputation for being too nice on this board? I am just an old cur dawg, you know. Okay, I did it.
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Squaredsc | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 04:29 am     uh yes juju you have been awfully nice these past few months. im very proud of you. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 06:23 am     Wow-here I am. Finally was able to just go to sleep that night I posted. I thought that I would just try to let go of my feelings and maybe try to be not sooooo concerned. Thank you so much to everyone for posting all that you did. I am on Eastern Time so my posting came at the weee early morning hours. Y'all sound like you have children my sons age so let me tell you what has gotten me so stressed out. We just bought a new house in a brand new neighborhood. SO none of the families or their kids are settled everyone is getting to know everyone. There are many kids my son's age here that he plays with. Some he does not like. Some I do not want him to hang around with. Some he likes and some I like as well. There is one boy that I have heard many rumors about that my son hangs out with in the neighborhood. I decided to call him over for nachos one night to get to know him better. Make my own evaluation of this child. As he sat in my kitchen he went on and on about all the kids he knows or has ties to that did drugs, forced themselves onto other girls while perhaps stoned, how his sister, 16yrs old, has a curfew of 12:00 but one night was out passed curfew because of some incident that involved the police, many other of the same sort of stories poured from this boy who is 14 years old and in the 7th grade. This child was just beat up by some bullies because he called them sandniggers. ( I do not like to say that word nor do I mean anything negative to anyone by putting it in my post)The day after my get to know him meeting he came to my door to tell me that his bullies were now in the neighborhood and following my son around. I asked the child why they would be following my son and he stated "because they do not want me to have any friends". Another father in the neighborhood is looking to talk with this child and his parents for inappropriate sexual comments he made to his 14 year old daughter. It was clear to me that my son whom is 12 years old should not be with this child alone or in a group. I have never had to make this decision before. I told my son this and he related that back to this other boy. Now this boy is going to school saying mean things about me. Causing my son grief. Since I have made my choice others mothers in the neighborhood have demeaned my choice. Saying it is wrong for me to isolate one child. They feel sorry for this other boy. I was firm on my choice and let them know that stating "I cannot worry about other childrens feelings over protecting my own children" One Mother kept repeating...well, we will get to know this kid, but even then my son will make the choice for himself I don't medel to much in my sons business. The other mother whom I am neighbors with knows this boy as I do and lets her son decide if he wants to hang out with him. This mother does not medel either. Knowing this as her neighbor. In my house, with my children, we do not discuss drugs so casually. We know of people that smoke pot and do not have anything to do with them socially. We discourage drugs and other than in a educational conversation discourage talking about them. We do not encourage racial name calling and basically there is nothing found positive that this other boy could add to our sons life. Only negative. SO.....this left me feeling very frustrated and not supported by my neighbors. I began to doubt my parental skills and wondered if I should not "medel". Not sure of how to spell medel.. Is your child ever old enough to make decisions about whom to hang out with socially? In our neighborhood my husband and I are finding out that there are not any other Mom's and Dad's raising their children of my sons age. Just Mom's. Many of the mothers work in the medical field and are absent from their childrens lives quite a bit. My neighbor alone, mother of a 13 year old boy, has 3 jobs. ER, Prison nurse, and another Hospital somewhere. The 2 boy's 2 houses down, ages 12 and 15, Mother works in ER as a (I forget the proper Title) bone person and is never home. The list goes on and on. I have nothing against single Mom's raising kids. They have a tough job. In our neighborhood though it seems as though the Mothers have just left the kids to parent themselves. Make parental choices and raise themselves. They are too busy to, it seems, care at least the way I do more about their children than their material posessions. I have given up my career to raise my children. My job is my children. I take it seriously and when you are the monority, with a stand for your kids, it can leave you feeling as though hmmmm....maybe you are not right. It's just hard. I found support in my husband but thought that support form an outside source would be nice. Thank you all for listening and any feedback will be awesome. |
Squaredsc | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 06:34 am     wow justbored. first let me say that my views are always diff from others here, lol. i grew up in a single parent household till i was 12 but my dad was always in my life. mom worked cause she had to and i was a latch-key kid from age 7. i have 2 boys ages 10 and 12 and im married. alot of the kids in our neighborhood do not come from 2 parent households and their moms work, again cause they have to. this is not a criticism of those who are able to be home with their kids. our neighborhood isn't one of the best but nor is it the worst. my kids know what type of people they should hang around and those that they shouldn't. i also know all of my kids friends, mainly cause they always end up at my house and eating my food, lol. so i basically leave it up to them to pick and choose their friends. but if i think a friend is dangerous i would tell them and the friend and let them know if they or any of the neighbors had a problem with it they can talk to me about it. and that would be that. |
Ddr1135 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 06:58 am     Hey Justbored, glad to see you came back to this thread. Sorry to hear you are having troubles concerning your son. Only suggestion I could give is to make your home a safe haven for those kids that are home alone. That way you could be a positive influence on them. You are fortunate to be an at-home mom. I was fortunate that I was able to quit my job when my son was two, only going back to work when he started school. Fortunately now I can work at home most days, so I'm home when my 15 year son comes home from school. All of his friends love me because I'm open and honest with them, they think I'm the coolest mother alive. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:20 am     Square quote "so i basically leave it up to them to pick and choose their friends. but if i think a friend is dangerous i would tell them and the friend and let them know if they or any of the neighbors had a problem with it they can talk to me about it." I do not understand what you are saying here about the "dangerous friend". I really want to understand what other people think on this. Not that I would change my mind. But, understanding peoples take on important issues is important to me. Makes me feel educated. |
Squaredsc | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:24 am     im saying if you feel that the friend is dangerous then tell your child not to hang with him. i would also tell the kid i wouldn't want my child hanging with him. and unfortunately if the kid is giving your son grief like you say then your son may have to stand up to him. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:34 am     My home is a safe haven for the after school children. No matter if my son is the playmate of the day or not I let them know my door is always open to them. The 13 year old boy next door will call me if he is not knowing what to do about a situation and cannot get a hold of his Mother. I love to have them in my home, in my yard, in my car going somewhere etcc...Many of them even call me Mom. It is nice. This is why the decision I have made has been hard on me. I feel for this kid who I have isolated from my son. I just do not want my son thinking that I approve of that type of behavior with my actions. He has verbally heard me say what behavior is acceptable....I hold all of my sons friends under the same thumb I hold my son. Same expectations. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:38 am     Thanks square! I understand what you are saying now. |
Squaredsc | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:50 am     oh good. and i also like having the neighborhood house. just gets a lil noisy sometimes, lol. but with just the 2 of them it can get noisy also so whatcha gonna do. oh this is kinda funny, last evening #1 was watching 7th heaven and i came in his room with the clothes i ironed(they know how to iron their own clothes but i will do it to get things moving faster) and the youngest son on the show was telling his ex-gf about how he knows she doesn't want to be alone but don't go back to some other guy, yadda yadda. so i told my son, be alone? this is a kid what do they know about being alone or with someone and don't even think you will be doing this kind of stuff when you are a teenager. and you will be lucky if i let you date. he just looked at me and said aww mom i know all of that and laughed. kids. |
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