Archive through August 04, 2003
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TV ClubHouse: Archives: Interracial Dating: Archive through August 04, 2003

Monkeyboy

Saturday, July 19, 2003 - 01:37 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL Hi Pamy!

Bastable

Sunday, July 20, 2003 - 03:16 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I can't believe you're getting that in Philadelphia, Sweetbabygirl! Totally shocks me. I would think that that's one of our most enlightened American cities. I half-expected you to be from Branson, MO, or something, given the stares you're getting. Shocking! BTW, Sweetbabygirl, you said that "people" stare at you--do you mean people of all colors or just a certain color? And of those, are they all of a certain class level or of all different apparent class levels? Just curious--I'm one of those people who thinks that issues race and class are all mixed up like salad in contemporary America. I wonder where the disapproval is coming from.

Twiggyish

Monday, July 21, 2003 - 12:14 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Emily Dickinson once wrote:

THAT Love is all there is,
Is all we know of Love.

Just know you have each other.

Rabernet

Monday, July 21, 2003 - 05:04 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Teddybear, my boyfriend and I have been together 7 1/2 years as an interracial couple, and we, like you, forget that we are an interracial couple. I too am White and he is Black. I don't see a Black man, I see the man I love.

We live in the metro Atlanta area, and quite honestly, we are so into our own conversations, that we don't really look around to see if anyone is staring. Plus, he's so outgoing and charismatic, that everyone he meets automatically fall in love with his personality that I really don't think they think about the color difference after they get to know him.

Heck, he came to my new job today because we had to share a car today (he had flat tire yesterday, nothing open before he had to be at work today) and I had him come in and sit in our breakroom until I finished work, introduced him to co-workers who only knew his name, not his color. Didn't think twice about it.

I agree with the rest of the thread poster, color shouldn't matter, it should matter what's in that person's heart.

Whoami

Monday, July 21, 2003 - 05:15 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Its funny. I'll get to know someone (friend/coworkder/etc), and maybe months or a couple of years down the way, someone else will ask what nationality that person is. I'll end up thinking, "well, by golly, that person does have a different skin tone than I do!" I'll then be interested, but not because I want to think of them as a different race. I'm very much interested in people's cultural background. I love to learn about the traditions and such behind any culture.

I taped that movie on Lifetime, and watched it a couple of days ago. It made me angry many times through the movie, that people can be so ignorant. It was made in 1986, so I suppose the "fact" it was "loosly based on" was set for much earlier times. The worse part of the movie though was it was left completly unresolved. It ended with the husband getting custody, and the mother's attorny saying they'd appeal. The husband left the state (with child) unannounced, and the show ended with the mother (against attorney's advice) taking a bus and cab to where the child was playing. She drove by in the cab, watched the girl for a while, then ordered the cab to drive away. The credits started rolling with her breaking down into tears as they drove away. Talk about a frustrating ending!

Zeno39

Saturday, August 02, 2003 - 08:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I don't understand why people say that the prejudiced ones all live in the South. I was raised in the South, and never had a prejudiced bone in my body, and neither did my parents. We weren't raised to be that way. I saw more prejudiced people in New Jersey than any place I have been, and being in the military with my husband, we had been all over. They called them the "n" word, which I have always hated. I cringed when I would hear it. One of my dearest male friends is black, and we have discussed this very subject, and he agrees with me that there are good blacks and bad blacks, just as there are good whites and bad whites. I would not have been upset if one of my daughters had fallen in love with a man of a different race. The way I look at it is you can't help who you fall in love with. I loved the movie "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner". Spencer Tracy's little speech near the end of the movie made more sense than you could read in a book. And my dear friend whom I referred to above just happens to be the first cousin of the actor, Sidney Poitier who played in that movie. So, all you nice "Yankees", don't lay all the blame for being prejudiced on the entire Southern population. I've seen it in Yankeeland too!!

Redhalo

Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 09:08 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
A zillion years ago in high school I dated an African American guy. It was back in the hippie days and yes I got talked about but I didn't care. My family wasn't happy at all but that still didn't sway me. We didn't work out. He wasn't the nice guy that I thought he was and it had absolutely nothing to do with his race.

Anyway, I was pregnant, had a beautiful baby boy who is now a striking 29 year old man. Now, with all that said, growing up, a bi-racial child in a small, small town in New Jersey you would think that he would have had a rough time of it. He was surrounded by love, his family (both sides) the community. No one made him feel differently BUT.......I as his mother (a flaming red head)....saw and felt the stares. I felt protective of my son but other then that the stares didn't bother me. Who cares what other people think. Ignore it. As long as no one is physically hurting you.....let it go. It is their problem.

BUT.....I have to say this. I am a 50 y.o. very white woman. When I see an interacial couple, especially if they have a baby I glance....I might even find myself staring. That couple might think I am thinking one way......but I know that I am thinking.....what a wonderful thing to see.....what a beautiful baby. Maybe just maybe some of the people that are staring at you are not doing it in distaste. But again....so what.

Biloxibelle

Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 10:56 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Something happened to me today that hurt. My 12 yr son has been part of a Community Theatre Group and they had their play this weekend. I have been involved in this for most of the summer and the director and Assistant Director have made a point to come over and speak to me. Not to mention my son got a friend of his from school a small part in the play so I spend a lot of the time talking to her mother who I have known through school and our children for about 3 years.

Well Friday and Saturday night all was fine and during intermission they came over at one time or another and spoke. My 23yr son is dating a woman who has a 2yr old beautiful bi-racial child. This child is one of the most well behaved 2 yr olds you would ever want to meet. They come to our house every Sunday. Today when I leaving for the play she wanted to go with me. Of course I took her. And not one of these woman even spoke to me. We were sitting in the front row and she fell asleep during the first act. So during the intermission I stayed in my seat holding her and they must have walked past me 6 times and not one time said a word. I find that very sad.

I don't think my son will be joining again. He was able to study acting in New York and they really pushed because they wanted him in this group. Even spent all last week sending him out for their promos. But I think I need to rethink if I want him around these people any longer.

PS all the kids were just a sweet as they always have been.

Max

Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 11:04 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Biloxibelle, You might be right about why the women didn't say anything to you when the 2-year-old was sleeping, but then again, you might be making incorrect assumptions. Have you asked them? Are you in a position (relationship-wise) with them where you could call and ask a really honest question and get an honest answer? Maybe they just didn't want to wake the child. Maybe they were preoccupied with something completely different.

I'd hate to see you make decisions about your son's future acting endeavors based on an assumption that you might later find out to be false.

:)

Biloxibelle

Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 11:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
You know what Max you are correct. I could be sitting here making the same assumptions about them I have been thinking they were making.
I pretty sure with one of them I am on target but I am going to ask my sons friends mom tomorrow.
Thank You for being the voice reason. I just love this place.

Sia

Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 11:53 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Biloxibelle, I read your post and thought the same thing about the women not wanting to awaken the little girl. I'm sure they remember how cranky a toddler can be who didn't get to nap as long as she wanted to! Don't assume till you speak with your friends. I hope they'll be honest.

To answer the question posed by this thread, yes, I dated outside my own race quite a bit before I got married. I did marry someone of my own race. My parents always had serious issues about my dating people of other ethnic backgrounds, but I never did.

A man I dearly love still calls me from 1,000 miles away and I know in my heart that if I hadn't moved from the city and he hadn't moved out of state a year or so later that we'd still be together. One big difference between us was age, certainly not race. He is 19 year my senior. Oh, but I still love that man!!!

Sweetbabygirl

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 05:15 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Wow! Some of the posts in here were really inspiring to me.....thanks, guys!!

Redhalo

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 05:20 am EditMoveDeleteIP
That's the point I was rambling on about a few setions ago......you don't have any idea what that person is thinking when they are staring or ignoring you. Not that there aren't idiots out there with ignorant thoughts.....but like I said about myself....I am a VERY white woman with a beautiful bi-racial 29 year old.....it was one thing when he was young and with me and I glanced at a interacial couple but now when I am by myself I often think.....the couple is thinking "what the heck is she staring at? But in reality I am admiring, reminiscing and sometimes....not even thinking a darn thing. AND when there is a beautiful bi-racial baby involved.......I am definitely reminiscing.

Biloxibelle, you accepting and loving that child of your son's girlfriend says a lot of good things about you. Just remember something that I learned from raising my own bi-racial child. If you acknowledge the stares or glances when you are with that child, that child will pick up on that negativity and think it is her fault and start believing she is different. Just love her. The hell with everyone else. It is their loss.

Biloxibelle

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 08:26 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Update: I called the one mother and I was right to a certain extent. The one woman did make such a big fuss about it backstage that the other 2 thought it best to keep their distance "so they wouldn't have to hear about it." I was apologized to over and over to told "you know I'm not really like that" and "you know how loud and obnoxious she can get." Said she went on about how "wrong' it was and that she can't believe she spent all week with me (on promos) and "had no idea I was like that." Like what?is what I would like to know. If she means I am the opposite of her then "yes I am proud to be like that!"
Well thought I'd update you on the phone call. And I will be having a talk with the director (she was not the one saying things) before the next production. It hurts that 2 people I know decided to keep quiet, But now that I know the truth (about all of them) I can stand for myself.
Thanks all

Squaredsc

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 08:32 am EditMoveDeleteIP
im so sorry you went thru that biloxi. i had a feeling that was going to be the case which is sad that it would be my first thought. and im sorry your other friends weren't strong enough to stand up to the other person for what was right.

Sweetbabygirl

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 08:53 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I forgot to mention that most of the stares seem to come from African-American men. Once, I was walking down the street with a friend of mine who is Caucasian....we were buzzed and we had our arms wrapped around each other. We passed these two black men and as we walked past, one of them hissed "Jungle Fever!" in my ear. One even had the nerve to ask in a supermarket "What's the matter? Can't be with your own kind?" as I was shopping with the same friend....needless to say, he was reamed a new one by me.

Like I said when I started this thread, the ignorance gets to me sometimes, but I choose to ignore it....all that matters to me is that I am treated with kindness, color be damned.

Max

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 08:53 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Biloxi, I'm glad you found out what was really happening. I'm sad that the other women didn't have the guts to stand up and say something to the one who was being loud and obnoxious. By not speaking up, they condone her behavior and that's just not good. It would be lovely if, when confronted with bigots, all of us had the backbone to speak up. Who cares if she never spoke to them again -- no one needs that kind of person in their lives anyway, IMHO.

Max

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:19 am EditMoveDeleteIP
SBG, what did you say to that "your own kind" comment? I think I would have been tempted to say something like, "Oh, I ALWAYS stay with my own kind -- humans! What do YOU stay with?" or seomthing similarly snide. :)

Sweetbabygirl

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:33 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Max, I could tell you what I said but I would then be moderated....let's just say that one word rhymed with sucker.

Max

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:34 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL!!! A much more succinct reply than mine!

Squaredsc

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:37 am EditMoveDeleteIP
im curious sbg, how old did they look? nice reply.

Sweetbabygirl

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:42 am EditMoveDeleteIP
That's the thing, Square....these weren't teens or little boys, these were GROWN FRICKIN' MEN!!

The one that made the "Jungle Fever" comment looked too scary for me to have retorted a reply. As for the moron in the supermarket, he looked at least in his mid thirties.

Squaredsc

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:55 am EditMoveDeleteIP
ok i was wondering if they were in an older generation for them to comment like that.

ok in a lighter note now ive got that song in my head.... "ive got jungle fever, she's got jungle fever, he's got jungle fever, we're in love....

Sweetbabygirl

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:57 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Goofball, lol!

Kstme

Monday, August 04, 2003 - 10:00 am EditMoveDeleteIP
My step-son has been dating/living with an African/French lady for over a year. He is caucasion. He was terrified to tell his mother but told his father and I about her when they met. His mother still isn't thrilled with the situation and would not let them stay at her home when they intended to visit. They chose not to visit.

The ONLY thing I want for my ss is his happiness. I wouldn't care if the girl was pink/purple/poka dota with a green nose. They have some major issues to work out, but NONE are because of race. More cultural differences and what they both want from life. By cultural differences, I mean her French background. She's lived all her life in France until a few years ago. She's 33 now.

Whatever these two decide, my dh and I will support them both completely and without question.