Archive through July 18, 2003
TV ClubHouse: Archives: Interracial Dating:
Archive through July 18, 2003
Sweetbabygirl | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 12:46 pm     I am a African-American woman and my boyfriend of three years is Caucasian. It amazes me that in this day and age, people still stare whenever we walk down the street....as long as you are treated well, skin color shouldn't matter. That said, what are your views on interracial dating and if the opportunity arose, would you date outside of your race? |
Chai | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 12:55 pm     I totally agree with you that race should not even be a factor! I've been married for over 20 years, but if I were dating, I definitely wouldn't consider race as a factor in who I would choose to date. Intelligence would be a priority for me, and intelligence comes wrapped in packages of every skin tone. I'm sorry that anyone would have to deal with bigotry, racism or stereotyping in this day and age; but sadly, I do know that it still occurs. |
Mpls | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 12:55 pm     Sweetbabygirl, you need to live in Minneapolis, the "jungle fever" vibe has been here for so long and is so prominent that it is like the air we breath, taken for granted. As an Af-Am male, I have never personally dated nor married out of my race. No prejudice, just that my dealings have been with Af-Am women. In fact from a sexual attraction side of things, I've always found a dark skinned sister breathtakingly beautiful. I've never been that attracted to white girls. I have a strong attraction to Asian girls, but I find that girls of Asian descent do not prefer Af-Am men, in fact many don't seem to prefer their own men, they go for the white guys. My philosophy is love whomever loves you, there should not be any boundaries on it. |
Hippyt | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 01:37 pm     Before I was married,I dated several men of different races. I'm sorry you live in a place where it's still looked at in a strange way. I'm proud of my city for being a very cultural and ethnically(sp?) diverse community,it's one of the main reasons I love living here.Blow those people kisses,Sweetbabygirl! They need more love in their lives. |
Sweetbabygirl | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 01:41 pm     The thing is, Hipp....I live in PHILAFRICKINDELPHIA! In the Center City/South Street area, mixed couples are a-plenty, but still there are stares. Makes you go hmmmmmmmmm sometimes. |
Whoami | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 02:04 pm     I don't know if you remember the old Kate And Allie show (with Susan Saint James and Jane Curtin). It was about two single mothers, each with a teenage daughter, who decide to share an apartment. Anyway, I remember one episode where one of the mothers was dating an Af-Am man. At the end of the show, the mothers are sitting in their easy chairs talking about how times were changing (slowly yes, but changing). That their own generation thought it was horrible to date/marry outside your race. One of the mothers said, "the girls think it was cool I was dating a black man." They both nod, and are grateful the kids' generation is thinking its not only ok, but even cool. Then they both get a thoughtful look on their face, and one of then says, "yea, maybe their kids won't even notice the difference." I just remember it was a good thought provoking end to the episode. Anyway, I do think it's sad people still get the stares. I think if I am guility of staring, it's because I am usually thinking something along the lines of how these two people are already advancing society just by being seen in public together. I know I'm not saying that clearly, and maybe even coming off offensive. Anyway, I'm usually thinking along the lines of "good for you," rather than, "how can you dare to." Does that make sense? A slightly humorous side note. My mom once read a sci fi book where the premise was that each citizen was forbidden by law to marry within their own race. I think it centered around a couple who fell for each other, and had to sneak around and hide their relationship because they were both the same race. |
Chai | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 02:34 pm     >>I remember one episode where one of the mothers was dating an Af-Am man. At the end of the show, the mothers are sitting in their easy chairs talking about how times were changing (slowly yes, but changing). That their own generation thought it was horrible to date/marry outside your race. One of the mothers said, "the girls think it was cool I was dating a black man." They both nod, and are grateful the kids' generation is thinking its not only ok, but even cool. Then they both get a thoughtful look on their face, and one of then says, "yea, maybe their kids won't even notice the difference."<< I look forward to that day and hope it comes soon! |
Adven | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 03:11 pm     Over the years, I 've dated interracially twice - once with an oriental woman and once with a black woman. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. One was a gem and one was an idiot and it had nothing to do with race. Either two people relate to each other or they don't. My view is that if you meet someone who you feel might be a soulmate, hold onto him/her like grim death, no matter the race. Finding someone you truly love is hard enough without freaking about race. |
Monkeyboy | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 03:16 pm     The last time I checked my calendar, it was 2003. Race should never be an issue when it comes to dating. It is all about a connection IMO. One of my bros is married to a black woman and another is married to a white woman. I think they are both b*tches, but it has nothing to do with their races. . But I love them because they produced such lovely nephews and nieces. Sorry to hear that you live in such a judgemental place, SBG. Edited to add: To answer your question, I would date outside my race, obviously. Ive done it before. |
Ophiliasgrandma | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 03:51 pm     When I was younger and fertile I would not have dated outside my race. It can be so very hard on the children. But, now that my baby producing days are over I would probaby date the nicest men no matter what their color. Of course, first I'm going to have to get rid of the present hubby. He might take exception to my playing around behind his back. |
Hippyt | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 04:57 pm     LOL,ok,if Mr. Ophiliasgrandma goes missing,we know who to talk to! |
Tabbyking | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 05:30 pm     i lived in the oakland (ca) area for years and it is almost equally cauc/af-am, so it was just normal to see interracial couples as a matter of course. i never thought of it. my landlord was black (used to play with frankie beverly and maze) and his wife was as blonde as i am. then i dated a man who had just moved to the area from boston. and one of the first things out of his mouth was something about 'a lot of salt and peppers here'. i swear to God, i looked around the dining room to see who had extra shakers on their tables. i ended up moving to boston with him several months later. in the area where we lived, people were very prejudiced and i was shocked. i am now back in california, minus the guy, and taking all good relationships in stride, regardless of skin color. |
Not1worry | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 05:48 pm     I am white as Wonder Bread and am married to a 100% Mexican. I didn't even realize it was inter-racial until other people made an issue of it. We are military and there are many, many interracial relationships in the military. Maybe because the military has a way of equalizing us. A person of a certain rank earns the same amount no matter their color. I am pleased that my children know lots of mixed-race families and they would be totally confused if you told them some people have a problem with that. I think I told them that family trees can have as many colored leaves as all the trees in the fall. They went "uh-huh" and went back to Legos or whatever. |
Whit4you | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 06:48 pm     Well I've always figured the only way to know if someone is staring at you - is if you are staring at them. And usually they are staring at you for the same reason you are staring at them, wondering why you are staring. (There is a song about this) So if you're intent on making long points of eye contact with others, which is the only way to know they are staring - then it's likely they are doing the same. I remmber when I dated a guy in cali, he called himself a black man (He was 1/2 white, 1/4th indian and 1/4th black) He went out of his way to convince me that people would be looking at us *because he was black* - and he'd be watching others to prove the point that others were watching us. Well - I don't know what girls he'd dated before but I'd always gotten tons of looks with any guy and especially when I was with a guy who wasn't really attractive. And they were all white. But he was determined to believe the reason they were staring was because he was black... although I didn't notice any more staring and 'checking me out' then I'd ever noticed in the past - he was convineced anytime anyone looked our way it was because he was black. And quite frankly I didn't even KNOW he was a 'black man' till he told me he was, but apparently all those 'staring' at us knew, and were staring not because HE was looking at THEM to see if they were looking at us, but they were staring at us because he was 'a black man' Anyhow the way I see it there's no way to tell someone is staring at you unless YOU are staring at their eyes long enough to know they are not just doing the normal causual glance. And if you are staring at them that long, most likely they are wondering what you are staring at. Black and White couples are so common in most areas, I can't imagine many people would stare at them like it's an oddity. People tend to NOT look at oddities, just ask anyone with a lazy eye, or missing an arm etc... they tend to not get much eyecontact. (I hear this from some obese folks too) So if folks are making long eyecontact with you it's probably because they don't think you're out of place or abnormal etc.. but because it's natural and ok Just my 2 cents |
Urgrace | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 07:06 pm     In college we had to write a paper about prejudice. I've lived in the north, deep south, east and west and we picked a diverse neighborhood to live in over the all white. The paper I turned in was about snobs not color. {A+} And oh yeah, we are caucasian, but my dh is part Blackfoot Indian. We are also used to stares, but not because of color. My son has cerebral palsy. The snobs consider it 'cooties'. |
Eliz87 | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 08:32 pm     Love is love. It transcends race, religion and ethnicity. I wouldn't waste one more thought on the little stares, Sweet. The people who do this are thoughtless and rude. You are above that. :-) |
Fabnsab | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 08:52 pm     My best friend is married to a black man and they get stares all the time. They're in Europe now and it is actually better over there. As some of you know, my husband and I have been taking care of their two sons all summer(2 and 3). We are both very obviously white, the boys are light skinned, one with light curly hair, the other with dark hair(looks hispanic). I actually had someone in a store ask me if they were mine or not. Can you believe the nerve of people? I was at a football game once and the white couple in front of us had a beautiful asian girl about 4 yrs old. She was playing with the people behind her and they asked " how long have you HAD her?" They were nice but they still treated them like an oddity. I don't think all stares are malicious but I do long for the day when noone even notices a difference. |
Tabbyking | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 08:57 pm     i know that i can tell if people are staring at me and not from me staring at them. i can be looking straight ahead, talking with someone directly across from me at dinner and i can tell from my peripheral vision if someone to the side is staring at me. so, i don't necessarily agree that you would only know someone was staring at you if you were staring at them. you can feel someone's eyes boring into you. at least i can. maybe they are just envious of you sweet, when they look at you and your sweetie pie! |
Heyltslori | Tuesday, July 15, 2003 - 10:32 pm     Well anyone who knows me knows of my extreme obsession with Mr. Denzel Washington! Would I date a black man? Absolutely!! I would and I have...a couple of times. I live in a very conservative town and there were stares, by both white people and black people who obviously disapproved of interracial dating. My thoughts were always...let 'em stare!! Love and happiness are not easy to come by in life. I say that if you are lucky enough to find someone to love it doesn't matter if they are black, white, green, male, female....whatever! Just count your blessings and be happy. |
Scorpiomoon | Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 12:02 am     After enduring some really intense relationships, I have learned: it doesn't matter what race the guy is, if he is willing to accept me for who I am and is willing to be honest about who he is, then I'm open to a relationship. I am so sick of people making an issue about race. And speaking as a 33 year-old woman, I am pissed off that my generation still tolerates racism. We should know better by now. |
Max | Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 10:05 am     In my younger days, I dated quite a few people of color (not just black). The biggest love of my life was a wonderful HBM (handsome black man) and I still miss him, even some 20-odd years after we broke up. For some reason, when I was in college, men who were interested in me tended to be black. Not that I'm objecting (far from it), but it just seemed to work out that way. Occasionally, I dated a white guy, but usually it was the black guys who were pursuing me. Maybe 'cause I liked funk more than disco, who knows? Although we did get stares now and then, the biggest source of prejudice I encountered in those past relationships came from black women. I cannot tell you how many times I got called out for stealing "their" men. In college, I had a group of friends who tended to be involved in inter-racial relationships. We had common interests and experiences, so we sort of navigated towards one another. It was a small school, with a fairly narrow breadth of racial diversity. Believe it or not, there was actually a group of black women who made it their mission to meet new black male students and warn them about us. From what the guys told us later, we were called all kinds of names and accused of being on the prowl to steal all the black men from the sisters. Most of the guys decided right then that they really didn't want anything to do with that particular group of sisters! It's been a long time since all that happened, and I would hope that things have changed. |
Whoami | Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 12:52 pm     Interesting, the timing of this thread and a movie set to air on Lifetime tonight: A Fight for Jenny Philip Michael Thomas and Lesley Ann Warren as a couple engaged in a child-custody battle with her ex-husband, who objects to their interracial marriage. Jennifer: Jaclyn-Rose Lester. Ben: Drew Snyder. Valerie: Jean Smart. Rosen: William Atherton. Story is based loosely on fact. Directed by Gilbert Moses. I'd be interested if some of you who have interracially dated/married watched this show, and told us later how "loosely based on fact" it really is. You know how Hollywood likes to dramatize things (or, cover things up too). |
Teddybear | Friday, July 18, 2003 - 03:12 pm     My boyfriend of 6 years is black and I am white. I also have a 11 year old son that is mixed with black. Sometimes I forget we are an "interracial" couple. I dont ever feel like we get any stares, or anything like that. Although I live in Houston and its so common I dont think people care anymore. I missed the show on Lifetime. But I do know this. I have a friend that also has a son who is mixed with white and black. Well, she is still dating now but white guys dont really want to go out with her because she has a mixed child and that she used to date black guys. They dont like it at all. They have even told her thats why. But that is just the men she has come across, not all white men!! But when she dates a black man, they could care less who she has been out with before. Just an observation. I cant comment on it personally because I have only dated black men. |
Max | Friday, July 18, 2003 - 04:48 pm     Teddybear, when I was dating my now ex-spouse, I pulled out a box of old pictures which included some of me with the my old boyfriend (aka, my biggest, lost love) who was black. He was... well, startled. He told me much later (after we were married) that it had really put him off to see that I had been in a relationship with a black man. Geez! I'm not sure his mother ever knew. It certainly was nothing that occurred to me to discuss and I'm pretty sure if she knew, she would not have been pleased. Oh, I never mentioned why that relationship ended. He was in the service. We were together about three years. When it came time for him to get out of the service, he decided he didn't want to be with a white girl. He ended up marrying a gal he met as he was leaving my apartment after breaking up with me. Go figure. I met her and thought she was a great person. SHe felt bad about how it had happened, but that's just life. I hope they are happy. I often wonder, though, if he ever regrets having let color define the course of his life. |
Pamy | Friday, July 18, 2003 - 07:09 pm     I had forgotten my DH and I were an interacial couple til I saw this thread. |
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