Anyone know of any chat rooms for Parents of PreTeens?
TV ClubHouse: Archives: Anyone know of any chat rooms for Parents of PreTeens?
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:51 am     Do I come across as on the defense? Sorry if I do. I do not mean to do that here. I just feel defensive of my actions right now because of the conflict it has caused with the other moms in the neighborhood. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:00 am     Funny squared! 7th Heaven is a hit in our house. I will share this funny with ya... This was a convo. I had with my son this morning. Mom can I stay home from school today? NO Thats stupid...grumple grumple gurggle moan Why is that stupid? Well, we are all gonna die one day so why do we need all this knowledge? OMG..... Me getting up to enjoy my day and he feels the need to remind me that myelf and everyone that I love is just going to die. So I replied Well then I guess you will not need that new stereo for Christmas since you are just going to die one day. WE laughed. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:19 am     Let me bring up another thing here that I have experienced within the past year with my son. He argues about taking his lunch to school vs buying. Does not want to take anything other than bills (no change) to school for drinks and etc..and does not want to wear a jacket unless it is below zero. Some things I can bend on. Some battle just should not be battles. I tell him take what I have, bills or change, or take nothing. Want to buy your lunch vs.taking...bendable. But, I pay the health bills and being outside without a jacket in the cold not gonna work. Oh and if Mom comes to school for something do not be seen with her. Although all of his friends love me and shower him with compliments about me. But the whole thing that bothers me with this is his "too cool" attitude. Is this common? |
Squaredsc | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:59 am     well #1 stopped kissing me goodbye or waving to me when i dropped him on at school in 4th or 5th grade. when he started middle school i wasn't allowed to get out of the car but he did wave. he's 12 and too cool, lol. but this doesn't bother me too much cause i was the same at that age. now #2 who is 10 still kisses and waves and wanted me to come with him for the first day of school where i usually bring a camera and take pics and meet his teacher. but being in this training class i was unable to go. so i guess #1 is too cool and #2 is a momma's boy, lol. so to answer you justbored, yes i think it is very common. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 09:11 am     I just so thought I knew what to expect and then...Oh no...everything you thought you knew about parenting changes. Times are so much different from when I was younger. When I look back at my childhood I do not have anything to compare to. It was always do the opposite of what your parents did and you will do fine. I mean there was nothing to be to cool about. Lunch money or even packed lunch was absent. Mom was absent always tring to fix Dad. Although she gives great advice now. I sooo wish sometimes I had my own experiences to compare his ways to. But, I do not so I resort to this. And am really glad to have it. |
Lucy | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 10:06 am     Hey Justbored-Glad to see you found your way to this folder. I have a soon to be 13 year old boy, who tests my patience daily with his 'tude'. On our block, my son 'hangs out' with 3 boys that are his age. One of the boys is always pushing the limits, due to lack of parental supervision. I have to remind my son that the freedom this boy has is not the norm for a 13 year old. This past summer I made a point of keeping my son busy with sports and friends that were away from our street. Otherwise, the kids on the block get bored hanging out together all the time, and that's when they seem to argue and get into trouble. I am so not looking forward to the whole cars and driving thing ...I'll probably look back on these years and think this age was a piece of cake!! Justbored, I think you're doing all the right things with your son's situation. Your number one priority is to protect your son. If that means helping your son decide who to hang out with, good for you!! |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 11:17 am     Good to hear Lucy. Thanks. I have tried to get his school yard friends over here alot.....As much as possible. Of course he plays lots of baseball. He pitches for his team and plays third base. He so good at it. I love watching him. He played spring league and is now playing fall. Hopefully this spring he will make it on the School Team. First year for tryouts. I just know he will make it. This Fall league he is on was by invite only. Does anyone here know the city of Columbus? Like lived in it know it. |
Azriel | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 05:59 pm     Justbored, I meddled with my daughters' choice of friends. Like Lucy said it's your job to protect your child. You can try and be a positive influence in another child's life, but you are taking a big gamble, that instead, that child will be a negative influence in your child's life. People will tell you that you need to let your children make mistakes because they will learn from them. Well, I think some lessons will make them pay too dear a price. There are mistakes they can make at that age that will ruin the rest of their lives. |
Justboredwbb4 | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:04 pm     AZRIEL REALLY GOOD POINT I think you just said exactly how I feel. Letting my son hang with someone who talks about drugs, knows kids that do drugs, is getting beat up for racial name calling is someone whom can lead your child down roads where there may be situations that they are not mature enough to handle. When the other Mothers do not agree, you know screw them! I will not let them get to me and now I don't even think I will like even let them talk to me about it. You know what I was looking for support. I found it here and thank you so much. Everyone. I knew I had to stick by my decision and did but have been really hard on myself about it. |
Lucy | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 10:08 pm     You go, girl!!! |
Juju2bigdog | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 10:50 pm     You told me so, Squared. Good work making me go over there and drag Justbored back here. LOL. |
Tess | Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 10:59 pm     may I just interject that, having met Lucy's son this past summer, she made a very wise decision in keeping him busy and away from trouble-makers. I have never in my life met a more polite, tolerant, sweet-natured, adorable 13 year old boy. Come to think of it, he may be the only 13 year old boy I know in that category and I'm around a whole lot of boys that age at my daughter's school. |
Christina | Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 04:20 am     Last week Dr Phil had a great program on regarding young children who have been influenced by drinking and drugs and defying there parents. I had my son and 2 friends who came home from school with him watch the show. There was a little eye rolling and a few sighs. I let these guys know my views. It was interesting, because I feel a little closer to them. It was a very informative show. I also sometimes cut out news paperclippings of examples of wrong choices and read them to my son as examples. My son is 14, doing well so far. |
Crossfire | Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 04:36 am     I hope you don't mind, but I've been snooping in on this quietly in the background here, and I am finding it fascinating. This is the first time for me hearing about this issue from the other side. I am one of those kids who had their parents put their foot down on a friend when I was about the same age. I don't think my parents ever really trusted any of my friend choices, perhaps that is just a parent thing, but for the most part, they let me be except for one kid. His name was Karel, and I was forbidden to spend any time with him. Unfortunately, this was a very, very long time ago now, and it is not clear to me anymore what the problem was with this kid, but just thinking about it kind of whizzes me off to this day (I'm 35 now), even if I now know it was probably the right thing at the the time. I'm trying to remember back to grade 7, as I recall it was a tough time for me, new friends, new school, new task of establishing who I was in the new order of things at the time. I was torn between being the coolest dude around, and being a goody goody two shoes for mom. Let me tell you, that is not an easy line to walk. Trying to keep up with the cool kids, but at the same time, trying not to be in trouble every second of my life at home was for a kid at that age the worst thing ever. Anyway, the reason I am writing, is that one piece of advise I can offer, is that now that you have taken a stand, one way he might react to this, is to try and hide or pre-screen his friend choices from you. Not saying he will, but I know it is something I did. I knew fairly early on that there were some friends I could bring home to mom, and some I had to keep at a distance, and those friends I was hiding...they were the fun ones, I had a great time getting into all kinds of petty trouble with. Oh the stories I could tell. Anyway, I think I have to credit my parents for keeping me from crossing over the line, which no doubt was a possibility for me at that point. While I did struggle, and push for as much freedom and individuality as I could, they are ultimately the ones who by pulling from the other side, kept me on the straight and narrow with no criminal record, an education, and a decent adulthood. Back when I was a kid, home computers were just becoming a reality, and I was torn between becoming a too cool for his own good worthless no good bully, and a geek. One of the key things my parents did around that time, was keep me occupied. They embraced my interest in computers, took an interest themselves, and did everything they could to keep me interested in the family home. Having said that, there is another story to be told as to how computers nearly destroyed the life I have now, and the legendary battles involved in the triangle between computers, parents, and school administrators, but that is another story for another day. Sorry for meddling in your thread, but I just wanted to toss in some words from having lived the other-side of this equation for what its worth. |
Lucy | Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 09:29 am     Tess, You are too sweet! Thanks for your kind words. Crossfire-I wish more people would post about the other side of this issue like you have. It really helps me understand the emotions of teenage boys when the men on the board tell about their experiences. Thanks! Christina, It sounds like you're doing a great job with your son. |
Wargod | Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 09:54 am     Christina, you remind me of my mom when I was a teenager, lol. She used to have all our friends over for informative shows and such. She also used to cut out articles she thought we'd learn something from and tape them on the bathroom wall in front of or behind (for the guys,) the toliet. Between that and her talks all the time, we learned about drugs, std's, teen pregnancy, birth control, the effects of drinking, and a ton of other stuff running to the bathroom! |
Kellirippa | Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 09:57 am     I think pre-teen is the crucial age when you can no longer be your child's friend. You have to make rules and stick to them, something I struggle with constantly... It doesn't make you popular with the kids that's for sure, and you have to walk a thin line, you can't be such a disciplinarian that the kids want to be anywhere but their own home. I also struggle with making so many rules that my kids just get better at hiding the truth.. we're on the cusp of the teen years in my home, the problems at this stage are still minor, but the storms a brewin'. |
Christina | Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 04:27 am     I just hope through all the eye rolling and big sighs, the important stuff is considered. I do the articles and shows because I realize that when I lecture,...I lecture! Sometimes when it is coming from somewhere else, it isnt tuned out as easily as he tunes me out. |
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