Archive through July 03, 2003
TV ClubHouse: GD Archives: Parent of a new teenager:
Archive through July 03, 2003
Jkm | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:07 am     As of today, I'm the parent of a teenage daughter..... yikes!!! Any advice? |
Faerygdds | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:12 am     Good Luck! And my condolences. <snicker>
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Squaredsc | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:15 am     run. |
Azriel | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:16 am     Be afraid...be very afraid!  |
Squaredsc | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:22 am     darn i just realized that first i used the wrong color above and second my son will be a teenager next year, so i better start running now. |
Azriel | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:24 am     Seriously, as the mother of two daughters, now age 21 and 22, my advice is to realize that while your daughter is a teenager you are suddenly in the role of the bad guy most of the time and you need to hang tough. There is plenty of time to be her buddy and best friend later, right now you have to be her mother at all times and watch over her and protect her till her common sense catches up with her raging hormones! |
Bobbie_552001 | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:25 am     This too shall pass... |
Draheid | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:28 am     Jkm: You might find some excellent information in a thread that was recently archived. Advise for parents of preteens I'm not sure how much longer it will be available online so if you're interested, please check it out soon. There was a lot of good information there that may still be helpful. (If it goes 'offline' you can still download the files and view them on your computer later.) Hope this helps. Edit to add: Oops, looks like you probably have already seen that thread! lol, sorry. |
Texannie | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:31 am     Run was my first thought too! LOL My son is almost 14 and it's like living with Cybil...or maybe the child from the Exorcist! The one thing I keep reminding myself is to not get into word battles, that it's alot like having a 2 year old again. Their first reaction with be to say "NO" to every request you make, you just have to wait it out, not respond (or respond calmly) and they will usually do what is asked. |
Ladytex | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:47 am     I have a 13 year old daughter, and 14, 18 year old boys. This year is going to be a big year of changes for your daughter, be there for her to scold her, hug her and love her. Set your rules and stick to them. You will have to be the bad guy sometimes, but be sure to keep the lines of communication open, ensure she knows that she can come to you with anything. When she screws up, and she will, make sure that she knows that you still love her and will be there for her, but that there are consequences that must be paid, too. It's not all bad, I have a lot of fun with my teens, and there is a sense of mutual respect between us. Good luck and try to enjoy her! |
Twiggyish | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:47 am     I can't give too much advice, but I can offer some information. There are studies which prove the human brain undergoes major changes starting around 10 and so on. There are developments which occur around ages 12 to 14. It might help understand and explain why there are personality changes at those ages. I know this information is controversial, but it doesn't hurt to at least be informed. Help with Adolescent at PBS.org Whitworth College Link UCLA.edu Link <fixed links> (22) |
Squaredsc | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:50 am     hey we went wide. |
Jkm | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:50 am     I may not have to run -- I'm not allowed near her in public now! I'm going to have a hard time cutting that rope loose -- but will have to do it one strand at a time....... The kids have been at my brother's a couple hrs away for the last week -- my dh and I have been bored silly -- last night as we took a drive I asked him -- so is this how it will be when they're gone -- Yep - is what I got out of him.... |
Faerygdds | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:54 am     I have advice... get tranquilizers! I'm not sure if they are best used on you or her.. but hey -- either one works. I'm just kidding. There will come a point when she will view you as the enemy. Just remember that she will come around again. It may not be until she is 17 or even out of the house, but she will come around again! Until then... you still have about a year before the full hormonal onslaught begins! |
Mygetaway | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 07:56 am     Written instructions! If they have chores etc. that they have to do before they can enjoy their privileges/free time, it sometimes helps to have your expectations all laid out in a nice, clear, hard to dispute chore list.. LOL Teenagers seem to have a lot of CRS (can't remember ****) when it comes to what they are supposed to do, compared to what they get done. (Or at least in my house..lol) I keep swearing that I am going to set up the voice activated recorder, so I can play back what they say when they argue with me later that that wasn't what they said, etc. Remember what your Mother told you about someday "this" (your behavior) will come back to haunt you. That it will be 10 times worse. Then try to relax and know that in another 20+ years it will be your teens turn.. LOL Get a second and third job, because they are expensive..LOL Just kidding on some, but I really do the chore list, and post it on the fridge. That way it's right in front of their faces, cuz you know they are going to be eating. |
Twiggyish | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 08:15 am     Thanks Mod 22 =) |
Wink | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 09:00 am     Jkm I have raised three teenagers, one of them a beautiful daughter. I've actually lived to tell the tale. The only advice I would give is, don't sweat the small stuff and remember that sometimes a simple hug and a kiss truly can mend a broken heart. |
Cjr | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 10:15 am     As the Mother of 3 sons, ages 24, 22 and 16, my suggestions are to stay strong, and get used to not knowing anything. Really, parents of teens know nothing. Most importantly pick your battles so you aren't constantly butting heads. Then hug them when they let you! |
Faerygdds | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 10:49 am     Great advice Wink and Cjr!!! |
Mak1 | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 11:12 am     Jkm, I've survived raising 3 teenage daughters...all different personalities and experiences. A book I found that helped me understand them a little better was Reviving Ophelia by Dr. Mary Pipher. Everyone has given you great advice. I would just add that you need to keep the lines of communication open, no matter how difficult that can be at times. Adolescents' friends become a much bigger influence on each others' daily behavior than parents are, so keep your eyes and ears open and really listen whenever she feels like talking. That goes for her friends, too. Sometimes the friends would open up to me about things they couldn't say to their parents, and I think I helped a few along the way. In fact, it was one of those kids who recommended the Pipher book to me when she got a few years older. |
Whoami | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 01:09 pm     Well, not having had kids, I can't give any good advice. But I was a young adult when my sis was a teen in the house. 'nuff said on that one. I'll never forget my favorite line from Cagney and Lacey. The one with the two teenage boys was on the phone with her partner when the kids got into some sort of ruckus. As she's getting ready to hang up the phone, she says, "I tell you, if they came into the world as teenagers, there wouldn't be a population explosion." I totally agree that you need to be prepared to be the enemy, the stupid one, the clueless one, the geek, the one who "just doesn't get it." I'm sure you've seen many of those shows where the mom-of-teen is crying to a friend, saying, "we used to be best friends, and now she just hates me. I don't know what went wrong." Anyway, all I can say is good luck. Some day the two of you will look back on those years and laugh/cringe at some of the antics of the times. |
Neko | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 01:12 pm     *laughes* Being the teenager daughter right now, I can tell you easily.. You're in for a REAL bumpy ride.. |
Whoami | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 01:22 pm     Awww Neko, you may be a teenager, but you're one of us. So that makes you cool! I hope you think all us clueless adults are cool too!  |
Tabbyking | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 01:33 pm     gosh, i have not had one minute of trouble or frustration with my daughter; i think God felt sorry for me having morning sickness for all 9 months and going through 93 hours of labor before a c-section. she is truly an angel. now, my son--has never been in 'legal' trouble, other than stealing a 25-cent item from the brunch cart at school when he was a freshman and being suspended for 3 days. he got a 3.5 to 4.0 in school and ran track, was on the class council each year of high school... but his mouth and attitude at home were horrific. let's just say that the century he was 14 was the worst of my life! 15 was a pinch better, 16 was pretty bad, 17 was pretty bad...and as he nears 18 and going off to college, and is working 25-30 hours a week--he is finally maturing! i would not take another year of him being 14 years old for a million dollars. one of us would not live through it to see the money! it is so nice to see him turning into a nice young man at last. i was beginning to truly despair. so there is usually light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to get to it! (one thing with my son--although it does not excuse his behavior to his father and me--is everyone else we know would tell us how polite he was, how he talked about this or that like a grown-up, how helpful he was, etc., at their homes.) as far as raising a daughter, we have been warned about 'wait til your daughter is 10', 'is 12', 'is 13', 'is 15' and finally people just say, 'wow, she really is an angel! you lucky dogs!' a couple of my nieces could have been poster children for 'adolescent angst extremes'...some of them are in their mid-20s and are still angry, pouting, selfish young women. my sisters love to have caitlin go stay with them--i think they like to pretend she is their daughter! what a compliment ;>) she volunteers at habitat at least 2 saturdays a month, does chores without being asked, loves to cook and plan little family dinner parties, works hard at school, helps a boy with cerebral palsy in physical education and art classes (without having been asked; she just knew he was always picked last for teams in p.e. and had trouble getting to the art closet to get out his art folder, etc, so caitlin just started getting his things out with hers. she also took her tests quickly, so she could turn hers in and then read his test questions to him.) she wants to be a pediatrician and i think she will make a great one. she just won't get rich, because she will put so much of her salary back into programs to help even more. good for her! |
Llkoolaid | Thursday, July 03, 2003 - 02:34 pm     I'm on my third one. One day they are the best kids in the world and you wonder what you did to deserve them. You wake up the next day and really wonder what you did wrong to deserve them. Here are some things you will learn: Most of the time. 1. You don't know anything. 2. You are embarassing. 3. you are cruel. 4. You are old fashioned. 5. You are a dork. When they want something. 1. Your advice is wonderful. 2. You make them proud when their friends are around. 3. You are the nicest mom/dad in the world. 4. You understand them and their ideas. 5. You are so cool. 5 Minutes after you give them what they want. 1. You don't know anything. 2. You are embarassing. 3. you are cruel. 4. You are old fashioned. 5. You are a dork. Keep lots of their baby pictures around to remind you that you really do love these creatures. |
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