Ponderables...
TV ClubHouse: Archives: 2003 March:
Ponderables...
Aunt_Bob | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 01:33 pm     ~If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? ~If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar, do you believe him? ~Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? ~Why is it, whether you 'sit up' or 'sit down', the result is the same? . . . . . . . . . . ~How can the weather be 'hot as hell' one day and 'cold as hell' another? ~How can 'quite a lot' and 'quite a few' mean the same thing? ~What do people in China call their good plates? ~What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit's foot? ~Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor? ~Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ~ Would anyone care to add to this list...??? |
Draheid | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 01:51 pm     - Why is there never an answer to the most important questions in life?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
- Why is the word abbreviation so long?
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- What's another word for thesaurus?
- If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
- If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
- When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Rissa | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 02:03 pm     Why isn't PHONETICALLY spellt the way it sounds? |
Kaili | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 02:09 pm     If olive oil is made from olives and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? |
Heyltslori | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 02:54 pm     Why do you drive on a parkway...and park on a driveway? |
Bakerygirl | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 02:59 pm     EVER WONDER... >...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? > >...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? > >...Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? > >...Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? > >...Why doctors call what they do "practice"? > >...Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? > >...Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid >is made with real lemons? > >...Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? > >...Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? > >...Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? > >...Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? > >...Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? > >...Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the >indestructible black box? > >...Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? > >...Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? > >...If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? > >...Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? > >AND... > >In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of >stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. > >On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only >time I have to work on my hair). > >On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details >inside. (the shoplifter special)? > >On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would >be how???....) > >On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's >"just" a suggestion). > >On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." >(well...duh, a bit late, huh)! > >On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." >(...and you thought????...) > >On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but >wouldn't this save me more time)? > >On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery >after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of >construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with >head-colds off those forklifts.) > >On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this >because???....) > >On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as >opposed to...what)? > >On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, >somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) > >On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) > > >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat >nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) > >I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's >superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." > >On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or >genitals." >(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)? |
Ginger1218 | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 03:09 pm     If Leslie Gore married Elvis Presley her name would be Leslie Presley <running out of the thread> |
Aunt_Bob | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 07:14 pm     ~How do you get off a non-stop flight? ~How do you know when you're out of invisible ink? ~Is there another word for "synonym"? ~Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic" ~Why are there interstates in Hawaii? ~Why do croutons come in airtight packages when it's just stale bread to begin with? ~Why do we sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" when we are already there? ~If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter? ~If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? ~Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? |
Lancecrossfire | Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 08:07 pm     What is the speed of dark? |
Adven | Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 06:10 am     Who'd win in a fight: Superman or 7 trillion bees? |
Mybbusername | Friday, February 28, 2003 - 05:20 am     If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no one there to hear him...is he still wrong? |
Ketchuplover | Friday, February 28, 2003 - 11:46 am     Why is it called Ketchup? What is it Ketching up to? |
Rissa | Friday, February 28, 2003 - 11:55 am     Ketchup seems to be suffering from some self-doubt today, maybe this will help put his existance back into perspective: Ketchup-Land  |
Max | Friday, February 28, 2003 - 12:47 pm     It's not, it's Catsup.  |
Aunt_Bob | Friday, February 28, 2003 - 12:51 pm     ~If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up? |
Ketchuplover | Saturday, March 01, 2003 - 04:52 pm     thanks Rissa. my dreams have come true |
Essence | Monday, March 03, 2003 - 11:35 am     The World's Easiest Looking Quiz ================================= (Answers at the bottom. Hey - NO Cheating!) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) How long did the Thirty Years War last? (Scroll Down) Answers To The Quiz 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years, from 1337 to 1453. 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador. 3) From which animal do we get catgut? From sheep and horses. 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours. 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur. 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs. 7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936, he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert. 8) What color is a purple finch? Distinctively crimson. 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand. 10) How long did the Thirty Years War last? Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648. |
Bandit | Monday, March 03, 2003 - 02:28 pm     When something is transported by car, it's called a "shipment." But when something is transported by ship, it's called a "cargo." |
Aunt_Bob | Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 12:42 pm     ~If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? |
Essence | Friday, March 21, 2003 - 12:53 pm     ~If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? ~Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out?" ~Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken? ~What's the opposite of opposite? ~If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do? ~What do you call male ballerinas? ~Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? ~Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg? ~If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? ~Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? ~Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car? ~I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed? ~Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? ~And who opened that first OYSTER and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't THIS look yummy." ??? ~Who was the first person, seeing an egg come from a chicken's butt, thought "I'll bet that would be good to eat?" |
Aunt_Bob | Friday, March 21, 2003 - 06:42 pm     THANKS for the laughs, Essence!!!  |
Djgirl5235 | Saturday, March 22, 2003 - 05:16 am     Oh my Essence - Thank You! |
Maesin | Saturday, March 22, 2003 - 11:50 am     Those were some good ones!! Thanks for sharing!
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Aunt_Bob | Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 12:13 pm     ~Why is a boxing ring square? ~Why do skydivers wear helmets? ~Why do they report power outages on TV? ~How can someone "draw a blank"? ~Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them? |
Weenerlobo | Monday, March 24, 2003 - 08:22 am     I luv this thread |
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