Archive through February 21, 2003
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TV ClubHouse: Archives: 2003 February: Canada: The World's Military Savior?: Archive through February 21, 2003

Adven

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 06:43 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I'm going to put into words what I know we've all been thinking: is the use of Canada's impressive military machine against our neighbor to the south the only way to avoid the madness of a steady decline into global armageddeon and hurt feelings? Probably not, but I think we should turn on the USA like cowardly and rabid curs (I'm going for melodrama here)while most of their military is in the Persian Gulf.
I say we start with Delaware. How hard can that be? Then, if nobody gets upset(Canadians don't like upsetting people), maybe give New Hampshire or Vermont a go. Our frigates are in disrepair and we don't have real battleships, but we have plenty of liquored up fishermen with trawlers and illegal shotguns.
By the time the US military gets back from the Persian Gulf, we'll have institutionalized Medicare and the ability to not take a strong stand on any issue and the American people will demand that we stay.

Goddessatlaw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 06:47 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Why not invade Alaska first? Hell, they might even like it if you bring wine, women, song and something resembling excitement like a few well-targeted flying squirrel attacks on downtown Juneau. Just a polite suggestion.

Kaili

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 07:36 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Go ahead and take the Upper Peninsula of Michigan too. I always thought that Wisconsin should have it, but go ahead. They have a lot of guns up there though, but it could be and easy invasion. We'll hold them off on the Wisconsin border and you can move in across the lake.

Rissa

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 08:01 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL Good morning!!!! What a thread-heading to wake up to. :) Reminds me of that movie: Canadian Bacon.... anyone here seen it?

>>In Michael Moore's political satire, the U.S. President (Alan Alda) decides to wage a Cold War against Canada ......Alda is the first president in years not to lead his country into war, which naturally means that his approval rating is dangerously low. The sure-fire way to boost his popularity is to start a war and demonstrate American superiority. Unfortunately, as his advisors point out, the U.S. has run out of enemies. That is, until Alda's National Security Advisor Stuart Smiley (Kevin Pollak) happens to catch a segment on the news about a brawl at a Canadian hockey game that began when local American sheriff Bud Boomer (John Candy) made a remark about Canadian beer. This incident give Smiley the notion to make the public believe that Canada is their new enemy. ...... Boomer gets a group of equally angry fellow Americans together to cross the border and perform the most serious of all Canadian crimes -- littering. However, the invasion is foiled and Boomer's numerous blunders threaten to turn a fabricated war into a real one. Written, directed, and produced by Michael Moore, ........Canadian Bacon takes lighthearted jabs at the differences between the U.S. and Canada, while also satirizing America's obsession with its military strength. The film features John Candy in his last complete screen performance. >>>

Isn't Michigan where Toronto has been bringing it's garbage? A couple more loads and the US just might lob that piece of land at us for their own benefit. LOL If we get to chose, I say that if we could pretty please have Wisconsin then our yearly driving trip down east could be done without having to cross borders. :)

Dahli

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 09:54 am EditMoveDeleteIP
That movie was truly funny, my best friend is the 'yank' ;-)) (she calls me the canuck) and we watched this movie one night with our husbands and almost lost consciousness we laughed so hard!especially at the mountie parts!!
It really was fun to do with the two of us together cuz we got to raz each other LOLOLOL

Goddessatlaw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 10:20 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I fear that Dahli and Rissa are failing to attach the appropriate level of gravis to the impending threat that singing Mounties and drunken codcatchers might soon invade Kentucky. I feel terrorized and helpless. I have duct taped my liquor cabinet with camouflage plastic sheeting so as to render it invisible to the marauding huns (that includes the Kentucky militia). I have also arranged to import a case of screech to bribe the troops into taking Tennessee instead of Indiana (although they can have most of the southern half - it's mostly transplanted Kentuckians down there anyway). I am practicing my drop and roll tactics to put out the flames caused by their hooch-stoked panther breath, and running low to the ground in a serpentine fashion so as best to avoid being pinched on the *ss by a frisky canuck in a Dudley Do-Right suit. I could never explain that to MM. I trust my neutered and declawed cat should be able to defend me otherwise. I hope that others are taking note and instituting similar defensive preparations.

Bob2112

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 10:28 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I have my duct tape and I'm not afraid to use it!

Adven

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 10:29 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Goddess, I too noted Dahli's and Rissa's cavalier attitude toward the impending threat from the north. Now, help from within the good, old US of A was not something I had considered, but there seems to be somewhat of an indifferent attitude toward the odd state or two getting annexed. We're firing up the WWII surplus tank, sobering up our four soldiers(three who only signed up to avoid jail) and are on our way.

Dahli

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 10:46 am EditMoveDeleteIP
oooh I am feeling thoroughly chagrined....not to mention thoroughly grinning... GAL you're a heck of a wordswoman!!

Sbw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 11:28 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Hey, wait a second here. Aren't there some states that will surrender without the use of violence or *ss pinching.

Goddessatlaw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 11:42 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Umm - you're going to need to look to the West Coast for that, SBW, since they didn't earn their bare-knuckled brawl-loving creds in the Civil War. Rest of us are tried and true. Utah, maybe?

Sbw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 11:52 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Utah, Arizona, California.... buy 1 get 1 free maybe!

Ginger1218

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 12:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Yeah, but the mounties need to avoid NY, they will have trouble there. You know how unhelpful and unfriendly those New Yorkers can be. Besides, what can you get from New York anyway? Better to stick to Wisconsin, lots of cheese.

Loppes

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Advent,
I think your idea is great. To really piss them off, let's give them Quebec, seeing as they hate the French right now. I think with good planning we can succeed in taking all states except Florida. (We don't want Florida).

On Michael Moore, I had the chance to view his Bowling For Columbine. This is a fascinating almost 3 hour long documentary. Its a must. Us Canadians shine in it!

The best part is when Moore asked Canadians why we don't kill each other. The answer was, "Well, in America you people get mad you shoot each other with a gun, up here in Canada, when we get mad, we just tease the other guy".
Lon

Grooch

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hey! What's wrong with Florida?

Twiggyish

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:14 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Yeah, they could winter down here while invading and then work their way up.

Bryan

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:16 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Loppes, it all has to do with Optics

Ginger1218

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Grooch, I was gonna ask the same thing. Hey, it would be the first place I would invade. LOL

Rissa

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:29 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
>>>I have duct taped my liquor cabinet >>>

Tsk, tsk GAL.. there is that arrogant American side coming out again. As if any self respecting Cdn would drink American booze, we would just as soon smoke your cigarettes. {running as fast as these stubby little legs will let me}.

Loppes

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Bryan,
I don't think it has anything to do with optics at all. I believe Moore did a fair and realistic job pointing out the differences between the reality of state of mind among Americans, as compared to Canadians. His points were researched, and well thought out. He didn't whitewash the issue.
Lon

Goddessatlaw

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 01:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Unfortunately, my visualization of the likely ramifications and denouement of a successful Canadian invasion of the United States demands the conclusion that the peace-loving French would then once again seize the opportunity to invade our continent, drink all our wine and engage in their special brand of le ridicule against our philistene deportments and war-mongering ways. Quelle horreur!! And then, of course, those peace-adoring Germans would roll through to show them how it's really done. Schnell!! Schroeder having his picture taken in front of the Lincoln Memorial? I don't think so. Can't we all just get together and have a hoe-down instead?

Twiggyish

Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 06:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I'm glad we can keep Florida =) (reading way up on the threads..LOL)

Excellent point Goddess Touché!

Adven

Friday, February 21, 2003 - 05:04 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Not so fast, Twiggy. A lot of blue-haired Canadian snowbirds winter in Florida and I think we should poll them - assuming they aren't senile - before any final decision is reached.

Marysafan

Friday, February 21, 2003 - 06:46 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Well, if Canada did take the Upper Pennisula of Michigan no one would notice! There would be very little change except the money would be prettier and we would have to buy gas in liters, but they already buy pop that way so I don't see a problem.

They already love hockey, wear plaid flannel shirts, have personal snowmobiles, go ice fishing, and put "eh" at the end of all of their sentences. Molson and Labatz are readily availble in stores and they already refer to themselves as the great white north.

Okay, we may have a problem with that whole "zed" thing, but "out and about" have already been mastered.

Kaili

Friday, February 21, 2003 - 06:50 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL I used to get harassed all the time by my friends when I lived down in Arizona. I can quite clearly hear the difference between how I say "a boat" and "about". For some reason they couldn't...