In the spirit of the holidays....
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TV ClubHouse: Archives: In the spirit of the holidays....

Buttercup

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 02:55 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
DECEMBER 1st
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue.
There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols.
Feel free to sing along and don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas Tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director


DECEMBER 2nd
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis Human Resources Director


DECEMBER 3RD
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads "AA ONLY" you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gift exchange..no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director


DECEMBER 7th
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for the members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men. Each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.

HAPPY NOW?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director


DECEMBER 9th
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, People
nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus!!
Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis Human Ratraces


DECEMBER 10th
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

VEGETARIANS, I've had it with you people!!
We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death" as you put it and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes.
But, you know, tomatoes have feelings too.
They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now..
Ha!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday!!

Drive drunk and die,you hear me?
THE ••••• FROM HELL


DECEMBER 14th
To: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness.
I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. Meanwhile, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.



santa

Suitsmefine

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 03:03 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
ROTFLMAO, Buttercup!!!!Merry Christmas!!

Wargod

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 03:29 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL

Spygirl

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 03:44 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Okay -- that was HILARIOUS!!!!!

Cyn

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 03:44 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
wide smile, while forwarding Buttercups’ words to my boss.

Twinkie

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 03:51 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Now THAT'S Funny!!!! Happy Holidays!!

Pamy

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 06:47 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
That was good!

Llkoolaid

Monday, December 09, 2002 - 08:10 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
That was so funny but sadly so true. I am so sick of being politically correct about Christmas. People should embrace their traditions and enjoy them, at the same time be willing to learn and experience other peoples traditions.

Djgirl5235

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 04:44 am EditMoveDeleteIP
That was great! There's a tv commercial on right now for the Canadian Mint that has a beaver and a moose singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and inserting "Coins" for any of the gifts. They have changed the song however, from Christmas, to Giving... ex: On the First day of Giving my true love gave to me...

Now, isn't that taking politically correctness a little too far?

Weenerlobo

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 06:54 am EditMoveDeleteIP
This was just GREAT!!!!! Ok if I forward in emails?

Weenerlobo

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 06:57 am EditMoveDeleteIP
This was just GREAT!!!!! Ok if I forward in emails?

Willsfan

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 11:07 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Only A Man

At first glance she looked like any other old woman. Plodding along in the snow, alone, neglected, head bowed. People passing on the busy city sidewalk averted their eyes, lest she remind them that pain and suffering did not stop to celebrate Christmas.

A young couple, smiling, talking, laughing, arms loaded with Christmas presents, took no notice of the old woman.

A mother with two small children hurried by, on their way to grandmother's house. They took no notice.

A minister walked by proudly carrying his Bible in his right hand, like a well armed Christian soldier. But his mind was on heavenly things, and he took no notice.

If these people had noticed, they would have seen that the old woman wore no shoes. She walked barefoot in the ice and snow.

With both hands the old woman gathered her worn button-less overcoat at the collar to keep out the wind. She stopped and stood bent and bowed at the bus stop. A red and blue scarf covering her head, she waited for the downtown bus.

A gentleman carrying an important looking briefcase waited near her, not too closely. After all, she could have something contagious.

A teen-age girl also waited for the bus. She glanced repeatedly at the old woman's feet, but said nothing.

The bus arrived and the old woman slowly, painfully boarded. She sat on the side-ways seat just behind the driver.
The gentleman and the teen-age girl hurried to the rear. The man sharing the seat with the old woman shuffled uneasily and twirled his thumbs. "Senile," he thought.

The bus driver saw her bare feet and thought; "This neighborhood is sinking deeper and deeper into poverty, I hate to see it, I'll be glad when they put me on the College Park route."


A little boy pointed at the old woman.
"Look, Mother, that old lady is barefoot." The embarrassed mother slapped his hand down. "Don't point at people, Andrew. It's not polite to point." She looked out the window.

"She must have grown children," a lady in a fur coat suggested. "Her children should be ashamed of themselves." She felt morally superior, because she took good care of her mother.

A teacher seated near the middle of the bus steadied the bag of gifts on her lap."Don't we pay enough taxes to handle situations like this?" she said to a friend seated beside her.
"It's this tax-cut crazy Republican administration, her friend replied. "They rob the poor and give to the rich."

"No, its the Democrats," a gray-haired man behind them interjected. "These Democrat welfare programs just make people lazy and keep them in poverty."

"People have to learn to save their money," a well-dressed young college man added. "If that old woman had saved when she was young, she wouldn't be suffering now. It's her own fault."
And all these people beamed with satisfaction that their acumen had delivered such trenchant analysis.

But, a kind businessman felt offended by this murmuring detachment of his fellow citizens. He reached into his wallet and took out a crisp twenty-dollar bill. He strode proudly down the isle and pressed the bill into the old woman's unsteady,wrinkled hand. "Here, Madam, get yourself some shoes."

The old woman nodded her head in thanks. The businessman strode back to his seat, feeling pleased with himself, that he was a man of action.

A well-dressed Christian lady had noticed all of this. She began to pray silently. "Lord, I don't have money. There is no way I can help. But Lord, I can turn to you in every need. Lord, I know that you are a loving God. You make a way out of no way. Now Lord, let your blessing shine on this old woman. Let shoes fall like manna from heaven, so that this old woman can have shoes for Christmas." And the Christian lady felt supremely spiritual.

At the next stop, a young man boarded the bus. He wore a heavy blue jacket, a maroon scarf around his neck, and a gray woolen cap pulled down over is ears. A wire running under the cap and into his ear was connected to a Walkman.

The young man jiggled his body in time to music only he heard. He paid his fare and plopped down on the sideways seat directly across from the old woman.

As the young man's glance caught the old woman's bare feet,
His jiggling stopped.
He froze.
His eyes went from her feet to his.
He wore his expensive, new, brand name sneakers. For months he had saved from his minimum wage pay to buy these sneakers. Everybody in the gang would think he was "so cool."
The young man bent down and began to untie his sneakers.He removed his impressive new sneakers. He removed his socks.He knelt down before the old woman.
"He said, "I see you have no shoes.Well, I have shoes."
Carefully, gently, he lifted the old woman's crusty feet in his hands. He placed his socks and his fine sneakers on the old woman's feet. The old woman nodded in thanks.

Just then the bus arrived at the nest stop.The young man left the bus and walked away, barefoot in the snow.

The passengers crowded at the windows to watch him as he plodded barefoot through the snow.

"Who is he?" one asked.

"He must be a prophet," said another.

"He must be a saint," someone suggested.

"He must be an angel," said yet another.

"Look! There's a halo around his head," somebody shouted.

"He must be the Son of God," said the Christian lady.

But the little boy who had pointed, said, "No Mother, I saw him clearly,

He was only a man."

True story by Earnest Thompson

Heyltslori

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 11:22 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Ok...we're going to start needing a "tissue alert" at the beginning of some of these posts! Thanks for sharing that Willsfan... what a beautiful and inspiring story.

Justme

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 01:23 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
That is such a great story, got me teary eyed and I'm at work. Hate when that happens

Meme9

Tuesday, December 10, 2002 - 01:49 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL Butter!!!

Thanks Willsfan, this shows we can all help...if we really want to.