Archive through November 05, 2002
TV ClubHouse: Archives: The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread (ARCHIVE):
Archive through November 05, 2002
Fruitbat | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:02 pm     They are not taking advantage, they are asking for money and approaching someone who has been willing to loan them money in the past. Logical when you think about it. It is not illegal or inethical to ask. Say no and move on. Since she has Alzheimers, it is certainly odd they think she would even have control over her money. You might say that your aunt would appreciate a visit but her money is no longer available to loan. |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:28 pm     Hi, The family just wants my aunt to be as happy and stress free as we can keep her. If she wants anything we will get if for her if it makes her smile. Fruit - I still want to point out that when they borrowed the money the first time she had alzheimers. To me if you own a business you do not ask your clients to loan you money, especially if those clients mental capacities are diminished. It just seems like taking candy from a baby. When the woman borrowed the large amount and family members told the tax attornery he was appalled. |
Goddessatlaw | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:31 pm     Sisalou - think "breach of fiduciary duty." It may not apply in its most technical sense in this particular relationship, depending on what that relationship is, I don't know, but from all practical standpoints it certainly does. |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:34 pm     War - My aunt still signs checks and such. Goddess - Thanks for the advice. Another thing that bothers me also is they have other clients in the same condition. I am definitely going to call and find out some info tomorrow and then I think I am calmly (I hope)going to talk to them and tell them what I found out. Hell, I don't know what I'm going to do but I need to get over it! Aaaaaaargh! |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:36 pm     THanks Goddess! I am going to go search that term right now. |
Fruitbat | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:45 pm     I get it that these people are not loaded with integrity. Sleezy, in fact. My point is to not let their behavior upset you. You have no control over what they do or how they think. Just tell them, firmly, that your aunt no longer has the power nor capacity to make business transactions. Her money is no longer available to lend and move on. You can work yourself up but it is not a healthy choice. Report them to the better business bureau if it would make you feel better and help you move past this. I assume that they have to go through someone to get to your aunt. Don't let them in or hand her the phone. If they get pushy, be firm. |
Fruitbat | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 01:48 pm     Your aunt still signs checks? I thought you said her power of attorney would not approve a loan? Are their two signatures required? Hide her check book. |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 02:14 pm     Yes, she is still able sign checks and another relative of mine (pow) can sign checks too. I do hide the checkbook for her household accout and then give her one as needed. But the business has checks for another account and they print them out for my aunt to sign. I always see what she is signing and what its for. And THanks ya'll I am actually feeing better just being able to vent about this. I don't feel like I've been kicked in the stomach anymore. |
Fruitbat | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 02:33 pm     I have another idea to add. Call these people on Monday and request that they not contact your aunt for money again. Be respectful but very very firm. If they are smart they will get the message. Are they giving her services? I assume so. If not there is more I have to say. Also start the process to get two signatures on her checks. It is time. |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 02:39 pm     Yes, they are giving her services. They take care of medical bills and pay her household bills etc. The family took alot financial stuff away from this lady last year and it really pissed her off. BUt my aunt likes her so they didn't want to sever the cord all at once. Yep, its time to do this. |
Fruitbat | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 02:45 pm     There comes a time when we piss off the old people in our lives. It is sad but must be done. No one likes to lose control but she has a disease where she cannot have say in this kind of financial stuff anymore. I would stop dealing with this organization if there is another who is willing to take on her financial obligations. Absolutely. |
Wargod | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 03:06 pm     Sis, I have to agree with Fruit here. If she is in the middle stages of Alzheimers, she should have to have either two people to sign her checks, or take her name completely off the accounts. Alzheimers is a horrible disease, and its frustrating and sad to watch someone you love go though it. Sooner or later it will come to the point where your aunt won't be able to do this stuff for herself. You don't want someone to take advantage of her when she can no longer make logical descions on her own. You and the rest of your family need to get together and figure out what will be best for her. She will most likely be hurt and ticked off by this, but you have to decide what is best for her. I have a 73 year old aunt. She is mentally capable of everything she did when she was younger..but is not physically capable. We fought long and hard with her over stuff like driving. She had cataracts in both eyes, had diabetes that she wasn't taking care of. One day, she hopped in her car, drove down the street, turned in front of this man without knowing he was there. She pulled into the parking lot, and he was there behind her. After asking what the hell she thought she was doing, he explained what she had just done...she called my mom to pick her up. She has not driven since, and we still had to let her dr. know she had her license. She was furious with us, but we knew it was for the best. It took her awhile to get over that, but I think now she knows we did it for her, because we love her. |
Wargod | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 03:07 pm     LOL Fruit, in two short paragraphs you said what I tried to say! |
Twinkie | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 04:06 pm     As most of you know my mother is in an advanced stage of Alzheimer's so most of the time she doesn't even know who I am or anyone else for that matter. But I sure can relate to what you are going thru now, Sis. Been there and its very hard when they still want to be independant but are just not capable of it. You have to be firm. I know its hard but you have to look out for her. My thoughts and prayers are with you. |
Sisalou | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 04:13 pm     Thanks for the support. It is hard to take more and more away from her but it must be done. Twinkie thanks for the thoughts and prayers. |
Wargod | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 04:59 pm     {{{{{Twinkie and Sis}}}}} Alzheimers takes everything away from the person by the end. There's nothing I can say to make this easier for either of you, just know you can always holler if you want to talk. I have never gone through this with a family member, but I have seen Alzheimers from begining to end and know what it can do to not only the one suffering with it, but the family. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you and your loved ones. |
Weinermr | Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 05:07 pm     Sisalou, The next time they might not ask, and will "borrow" the money, perhaps putting it all at risk (which it seems to be now anyway). It is very good advice to take the money out of their control, and probably you should find other accomodations for a bill paying service. There are many ethical people who will provide this service for a fee and nothing more. Good luck to you. |
Myjohnhenry | Monday, October 28, 2002 - 11:29 pm     I never post in this thread, but I just have to gripe about trucks that leak their cargo and close down busy highways for hours forcing traffic onto alternate routes causing drivers to be aggravated enough that they don't follow either the laws of the road like not blocking intersections or using common courtesy like taking their turn to merge and not yelling at innocent people who can't magically clear the road for them so they can get to where they want to go right that second not to mention using a medical center/hospital road for a shortcut so people who really need to get there can't . Grrrrrrr |
Sisalou | Tuesday, October 29, 2002 - 12:08 am     I know Mj! The trucks are terrible here! I hate driving during the week cause the trucks take over everything and they are big enough to do it. Thanks for the advice Weinermr! The problem is being taken care of. |
Goddessatlaw | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 07:01 am     Alright, who's hogging the sunshine? We've seen the sun peek through approximately twice in the past three weeks around here. Hell, I don't even have SADD and it's starting to drag me down. Cold, rainy, grey, nasty. I'm starting to wonder if we're ever going to see sunlight again. Is it just central Indiana, or are the rest of you getting the early winter preview, too? |
Draheid | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 07:09 am     Goddessatlaw: The sunshine in your posts is enough for me. It has been raining and drizzly here in South-Central Texas for a few days now so I just come on here and look for your posts to brighten my day. Thanks!  |
Goddessatlaw | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 07:26 am     Oh, just SWEETIE DRA!! Right back atcha. I thought the sun always shone in Texas, unless there's a hurricane coming up the Gulf. |
Marysafan | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 07:34 am     Goddess, we are experiencing the same over in here in Iowa too. A bad case of gloomy weather. We have had snow three times already! Woke up to find the ground covered again this morning. Another gray overcast day, compounded by fog. Dreary and dismal...I am ready for some sunshine! |
Goddessatlaw | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 07:36 am     Oh, that's bad Mary - I'd be stalking weather forecasters by now if we'd had snow 3x already. |
Heyltslori | Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 09:06 am     It's snowing right now here in Michigan. |
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