Most Funniest Joke??? YOU DECIDE
TV ClubHouse: Archives: Most Funniest Joke??? YOU DECIDE
Calgaryperson | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 06:03 pm     A year long experiment called "LaughLab" has crowned this joke the most funniest joke in a online poll. "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?'" |
Zachsmom | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 06:04 pm     Uh No..not funniest joke..I've heard better.. but this was cute.. |
Calgaryperson | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 06:21 pm     And here is the finalist. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions an millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tommorow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!" Is this better than the last one? YOU DECIDE! |
Silksmoke | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 07:01 pm     I like the second one the best!! |
Sia | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 08:11 pm     An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. The cowboy then moved slowly to the rear end of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked. "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em." |
Suitsmefine | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 08:15 pm     I've heard funnier....just take a look at the ones posted on the joke thread here....We have some comedians among us!!!! |
Sia | Friday, October 04, 2002 - 09:31 pm     It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh- squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea." |
Whowhere | Monday, October 07, 2002 - 06:56 am     OLE AND SVEN: Vun day, Sven vas valking down da street ven who did he see driving a brand new Chevrolet? It vas Ole. Ole pulled up to him vit a vide smile. "Ole, vere did you get dat car?" Sven asked "Lena gave it to me" "She gave it to you? I knew she vas sveet on you, but dis?" "Vell, let me tell you vat happened. Ve vere driving out on county road 6, in da middle of novere. Lena pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got out of da car, trew off all of her clothes and said "Ole take vatever you vant."...So I took da car" "Ole, your a smart man, dem clothes never voulda fit ya." |
Ketchuplover | Monday, October 07, 2002 - 02:58 pm     hehehe |
Vixeninvegas | Monday, October 07, 2002 - 04:27 pm     One of my favorite ever jokes is: A biker is sitting on a bench in a mall waiting for his lady to finish her shopping. A young man with a multi-colored mohawk (sp??) came & sat down beside him. The biker was staring at the kid and the kid said "What are you staring at old man?" The biker replyed "Sorry I didn't mean to stare but one night I got really really drunk & screwed a peacock - I'm trying to make sure you aren't my son". heheheh |
Grannyg | Tuesday, October 08, 2002 - 01:56 pm     Didn't know where to put this on the e-bay thread or here: Ho, Ho, Ho I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and look a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and Suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror-wearing nothing but a camera. |
Alegria | Tuesday, October 08, 2002 - 04:34 pm     Granny, what a hoot! Here's a funny story- Subject: Lipstick in School According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12 year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators.. |
Grannyg | Tuesday, October 08, 2002 - 04:36 pm     Alegria, good one!! |
Whit4you | Monday, October 14, 2002 - 06:25 pm     800 Independence Avenue SW Washington DC 20591 Dear Sirs: I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet. Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers. Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have record sales. Now why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinto n |
Jed245 | Friday, November 01, 2002 - 01:25 am     Ok I got one kinda long it's more of a story, but, here we go. The hardest job I ever had was working for a railroad company... Doing what was then called Gandi Dancin.... What that was is we would take a big shovel and edge it under a railroad tie (shovels made by the Gandi company) and dance on the end a little to level the ties so the train doesn't come of the track. Well we never had a cook so, and they didn' draw straws or ask for a cook they just took the guy that moaned and complained the most about the cooking and made them cook. Well that was me, but, I knew if anyone complained about my cooking. I could say alright wise guy you think you can do better .... you get to be the cook. So I went out and in a feild I found a BIG moose turd. So I picked it up and rolled it to the cook car. And I baked up a big pie Shell and I baked that moose turd in it ... slick and clean.... it was beautiful!! I served it for dessert... Just waiting for the first HINT of a complaint. Then a giant of a man walked in ... Flumped down on the stool and pulled out his fork and took a big bite of that moose turd pie. He jumped up and yelled MY GOD THAT'S MOOOSE TURDE PIE!!!!!!!!!! .... it's good though. |
Grannyg | Monday, November 04, 2002 - 01:44 pm     A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that here's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1 you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" "OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley" He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party." |
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