The Neverending Tacky Gumshoe Novel (aka The Story Thread)
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: The Neverending Tacky Gumshoe Novel (aka The Story Thread)
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Archive through September 23, 2002 25   09/23 01:22pm

Draheid

Monday, September 23, 2002 - 01:32 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
...did I expect to meet the Southern Belle, Amy Crews , in the deli department, filling her basket with all manner of cheese.

"Amy! Amy Crews!! It's really you. I'm one of your biggest fans. I'm so sorry you got evicted. I really wanted you to win!", I shouted as I made my way to her. She was as pretty as I remembered, and when she smiled, her face just lit up like a White House Christmas tree!

"Dayum, another Amy fan. There are just so many of you, darlin'. I never in mah wildest dreams thought I'd be so popular. Why it's like a the storyline in the book I read before I went into the house, 'To the only man I've ever loved', by M..dang, now I can't remember the name. Do you know this story?", she replied...

Turner97

Monday, September 23, 2002 - 02:59 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Finally, someone who could explain something about this mystery! Trying to still my pounding heart and put on my most innocent expression I calmly replied “I know I’ve seen that somewhere but I can’t for the life of me place it. Do you remember the plot?”

Amy got that far away look in her eyes and mumbled “that was sooo long ago. Let’s see….”.

But even as I was realizing that something just wasn’t quite right, Amy was saying “oh dang That wasn’t the title, it was an inscription. OH now I remember the book was…..

Draheid

Monday, September 23, 2002 - 08:51 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
...given to me by my good friend, Marcellas." Then she got a look in her eye like she was remembering the day she was given the book by this 'Marcellas'.

I had to snap my fingers and wave some cheese under her nose to get her attention again. "What were we talking about?" she asked innocently.

"The book your friend, Marcellas, gave you. Do you remember anything about it that might help me solve this mystery?" I asked again.

"I think I remember the book. Now, let me think, hmmmmm....do you have any Citrona? Maybe that would help me remember" she said.

I knew this was going nowhere fast. She got a look in her eye when she mentioned Citrona that said something like, "can you picture me hanging my head over the side of a boat and..."

Twiggyish

Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 06:01 am EditMoveDeleteIP
seeing my reflection?"...

Shrugging, I couldn't answer her. Turning to leave, my eye caught a number on Amy's phone, which was held in her right hand.
Making a quick mental note, I hastily left the store.

The crisp air hit my face, like an insulted slap. Pulling my own phone out, I hastily dialed the number on Amy's cell.

An irritated voice answered, "Hello! What do you want? I'm having my ruby red nails done and ........

Babyruth

Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 06:52 am EditMoveDeleteIP
...the dog groomer wants me to hold still. After I get the bow in my hair, I'm off to Uncle Marcellas's house. He's got a cute French poodle he wants me to meet, and..." CLICK!

Disconnected.

It was just Bucky. Another dead end.

I stuck a cigarette between my lips and rummaged though my coat pocket for my Zippo. My hand found something soft and foreign in my pocket. I pulled out a ladies' handkerchief and as I pulled, found that it was tied on the corner to another handkerchief, then another, and another. Each white handerchief had a bright red lipstick smooch mark in the center. There were twelve hankies.

Standing on the chilly street corner in my big gumshoes, hat and overcoat, my ears and nose bright red from the cold winds, I began to feel a little silly as I realized someone I knew had left this clue in my pocket...but who? What kind of clown would do something like that?

Silksmoke

Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 12:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I mulled this over in my mind, as the cold wind swept through the nearly deserted streets. Something was wrong ... something just didn't make sense. Wait! That call I made to Jason, it just didn't fit .. Jason just isn't that articulate. Jason has trouble stuttering his way through ordering dinner at Wendy's. That couldn't have been Jason on the phone earlier, he would have said "ummm err NEO um POL ya know um E er ONIC ummmmm well CCCOM um PLEX". Someone answered the phone PRETENDING to be Jason, but who, and why???? I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck like a cat that's seen it's own image in a mirror for the first time. That call had ended with a muffled sound and then the line went dead. Could Jason be the key to unlock this mystery? I needed to move, and move quickly. I flicked my cigarette into a nearby sewer, and ran to find a cabbie I had to go see ........

Twiggyish

Wednesday, September 25, 2002 - 07:47 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
the wizard! Mr. Wizard's Jokes and Gift Shop, was right down the street. His old musty shop had been in the same spot forever. Opening the rusty creaking door, I noticed the spooky masks staring down from high places. Across the room, the stooped old man, who was not wearing a mask, came limping towards me. He stopped in front of me, causing shivers down my back.
"Sal, I need a favor" I said with hesitation. His wizened, wrinkled face screwed up and he spat out "So, what you need a favor?"
Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the scarves.
He ran his fingers over the fine silk.
"I need to find someone named Jason and I'm hoping these scarves will be a clue." I mumbled.
"awww fine Corinthian silk from China, spun by the toosy silk worm...very very rare." His voice rasping each word as he spoke..
"There's only one person who would own such fine silk. She bought these scarves from my shop last week. I can only remember part of her name it started with a......

Silksmoke

Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 01:14 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
consonant, and ended with a vowel. I gotta thank some teacher for knowing that stuff someday."

"Yeah", I replied, "I keep gettin screwed up with the participles, guess I have a teachers butt to kick someday."

I couldn't shake the feeling we were not alone in that darkly shadowed place that smelled of musk and stale cigar smoke. Then I noticed a movement, behind a curtain at the back of the room. I edged my way closer to see what the curtain was hiding, while the old man caressed the silk scarves, his eyes afire with delight.

I got to the back of the room, and grabbed the curtain. Just as I was about to open it, the old man bellowed thunderously "DON'T OPEN THE CURTAIN, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CURTAIN!!"

Too late, I pulled quickly and there I saw .....

Tymber

Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 04:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
this tall slim fellow in a tattered orange and white hockey jersey. He was startled.

When I pulled back the curtain he dropped a handful of grasshoppers. He turned and shot me a sharp stare. He muttered, "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I could see what looked like a lizard in his left hand as he bent over to pick up a couple of the grasshoppers which were jumping all over the room. Jumping from the table to the shelves. From the floor to the window ledge to the sink.

He managed to catch one of the grasshoppers in mid-jump and then strangely as if he'd forgotten I was there at all, he turned his attention back to the lizard, cooing to the lizard, saying, "That's my baby... yeah, here you go."

When I heard the crunching sound of the lizard chomping down on that first grasshopper I realized I needed some fresh air. I nearly tripped over a box of masks as I hightailed it out of there. I called back to Sal, "Catch you later, Bud" then I...

Silksmoke

Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 06:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
turned back to ask Sal one more question.

"Sal, what's that guy doing with black tube socks on his chin?"

Sal hacked up a wad of phlegm, shot it into a tarnished spittoon, then wiped his mouth with a sleeve that probably hadn't seen a laundry since the introduction of the Edsel.

"Da kid don't wanna lose no more socks in da dryer, now get outta here, I'm busy."

I stepped back out into the dark streets feeling like my cerebral cortex had turned into a cerebral vortex.

I hurried down the street in the direction of ...

Twiggyish

Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 07:07 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Luigi's Pizzeria, home of the world's thickest crust. The owner Hank, was a good friend and a d*mn fine detective. Settling his large girth into the nearest chair, he listened to my sordid tale.
"Sounds like the work of 'A', a crafty dame who's got the southern belle routine down pat." His lizard eyes darted about the place. "She hangs out at a joint called, Marc's Poodle Palace. Gotta be careful though, they say those poodles can be mean," He chewed his lip.
Looking around for any suspicious characters, I hastily left. It was dark now and I could see shadows moving around me. Suddenly, out of the dark....

Tymber

Thursday, September 26, 2002 - 08:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
... must've been about 100 paces out and on the other side of the street. A shiny object. A shimmer, reflecting light from over the door at Louise's place.

I almost didn't cross the street. It was cold and my bones ached. But I looked back over in the direction of the silvery glimmer as if drawn to it, just like I'd felt drawn to that dame.

It'd been a long day, I knew I was running out of steam but I also knew I didn't feel like going back to my place to sleep tonight. So I fumbled around in my inside jacket pocket for some Spearmint and crossed the street.

Got closer and couldn't see the thing. Ah, probably just a piece of tin foil or an aluminum washer or lug nu... Then I saw it plain as day. An Indian Head nickel! Well I'll be Jack.

Stood there just turning it over and over in my hand. Wonder if I should ask Louise if she has coins or knows anything about it? Nah, that's a long shot. Wouldn't mind seeing Louise though... I slipped the nickel inside the key pocket of my trousers and

Silksmoke

Sunday, September 29, 2002 - 09:36 am EditMoveDeleteIP
headed north on South street fighting the pelting rain coming in from the west as the eastern horizon gave indication another miserable day was dawning. My hand toyed with the nickle and I started humming that zany song "My name is Michael, I got a nickle, I got a nickle shiny and new."

As I approached the intersection a tall, balding man stepped from behind a pile of garbage that would challenge the altitude of the "grassy knoll" and said ......

Twiggyish

Sunday, September 29, 2002 - 04:27 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
..."Hello, my name is Roddy and I know all the answers"
Deep in my gut, I had a feeling about this guy and it wasn't indigestion.
"You've got a rat on the loose, see" He whispered, "He's in a tight spot, see" Looking around he continued, "You need to find the one armed man with the limp. He's known around these parts as.....

Bbfreak

Monday, September 30, 2002 - 03:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Eddie....Or was that a one legged man with a speech problem? No Matter, find him and you'll find answers. Just don't make him mad, and for GOD'S SAKE don't tell him you like Super Models!"

Then his eyes glazed over as he stared at something on the sidewalk, he picked it up and held it up. It was the sole of a shoe, a very worn sole, but he held it like it was worth $500,000. "When you find Danielle, give this to her...she really needs it."
He walked away mumbling something about POV, just then I heard a terrible screech, like and owl, or a raven........

Twiggyish

Monday, September 30, 2002 - 03:46 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
..a screaming woman. A young woman stood in the middle of the street. The name, Danielle, was written on her uniform pocket. Her frantic motions signaled her distress.
"I've LOST them!!" She shrieked.
"Can I be of service? What did you lose?" I politely asked.
"My Marbles!!" She cried.
This set my mind to thinking. Was this woman crazy?
"Your Marbles?" I questioned.
"Yes, my wee puppy, Marbles. He's the cutest little poodle!" She sobbed.
"Where did you last see him?" I took out my detective note pad.
"I was just picking him at the Poodle Palace, when they told me, that he was gone!" Her sobbing grew louder.
"Can you elaborate?" I asked as I scribbled her information on my pad.
"NO! That's it. They said a woman, with my name, came and picked him up" Her voice grew louder.
"Did they give you a description?" I mumbled as my flying pen made a scratching sound.
"Yes, they said she had ruby red nails and......

Babyruth

Wednesday, October 02, 2002 - 11:57 am EditMoveDeleteIP
...a large, unusual silk scarf covering her hair and face. They also said she was tall and had a very distinct voice. That was all they could remember! Waaaaaaaaaaah! I can't believe I've lost my Marbles!" Danielle sobbed hysterically.

"What are you going to do about it?!?! What the hell kind of detective are you, anyway? And when's the last time you washed your hands?" she angrily demanded.

I was going to show her my badge which said PRIVATE DICK in large letters, but I didn't. I felt like a putz. I had nothing. Nothing but a murder victim and a bunch of non-sensical clues.

I wished right then I was a better detective. I wished I had a pencil-thin moustache, the Boston Blackie kind...a two-tone Ricky Ricardo jacket, and an autographed picture of Andy Devine...If I only had a pencil-thin moustache, then I could solve some mysteries, too!*

I snapped out of my self-pity party and found "Danielle" had walked away in a huff, leaving her snake skin wallet on the ground. I cautiously opened it to find out her address so I could return it. But instead, I found.....

*Yes, I borrowed these lyrics from JB!

Marej

Thursday, October 03, 2002 - 08:49 am EditMoveDeleteIP
her marbles. But, then I heard footsteps and I turned to see a good looking dame on a lazy susan in a bright red wagon being pulled by a clown. She smiled and twirled around as they faded into the darkness. I lit another cigarette and turned around and almost...

Mssilhouette

Friday, October 04, 2002 - 11:48 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
...slipped in a puddle. My mind was spinning like a shiny top given to eager kid at christmas. In a manner of hours I had manged to bump into so many people and been given so many clues, most of which I think were just figments of my imgination since I had religiously watched my collection of Big Brother 1 2,& 3 tapes back to back.

Names and actions were swimming in my head like alphabet soup. Who was real and who got knifed at the bar. It was all a mystery, one that I intended to solve because I was a private dick, and that's just what we do.

With new found purpose I turned and headed toward the one person I knew who could help me solve the case. Sure it was risky going because of our past but I knew Zelda could do what no one else could. But the question was, would she trust me again after I...

Silksmoke

Saturday, October 05, 2002 - 04:47 am EditMoveDeleteIP
stole her credit card and maxed it out on a cruise to Casablanca. Ahh Casablanca, the little bar, Sam playin "that song" on the piano .. "here's lookin at you kid" .. and a beautiful friendship, until I stole his credit card for passage back to the states. Regrets, I've had a few, but then again.....

Marej

Wednesday, October 09, 2002 - 10:51 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I heard footsteps...I hid behind the dumpster...and while I waited to see who it was...my pager vibrated and just as I started to read what it said...the footsteps stopped...and...

Babyruth

Wednesday, October 09, 2002 - 11:30 am EditMoveDeleteIP
the hair stood up on the back of my neck as I recognized the smell of a certain rare Chinese perfume wafting to my nostrils. Could it be? No! She was supposed to be dead!

I brought the lit cigarette stub into my mouth with my tongue and closed my lips, hoping to hide the embers and smoke from view. I was motionless and soundless in the shadow of the dumpster, waiting and hoping to hear the footsteps move away....

Halfunit

Monday, October 28, 2002 - 06:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
...and they did. I'm not sure who the footsteps belonged to, but they vanished after what seemed like waiting for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks.

I glanced down at my pager and it said 505. I thought to myself, "What kind of number is five oh five?" It wasn't five, as in high five. It wasn't five oh, as in police. It was 5-0-5. "505", I kept saying it to myself when it dawned on me. "Some clever person is sending numbers that substitue letters!"

It was an SOS, a cry for help from....

Goddessatlaw

Monday, October 28, 2002 - 09:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
. . . and then a lawyer showed up . . .