Any helpful hints about forgiveness much appreciated
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: Any helpful hints about forgiveness much appreciated
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Archive through August 19, 2002 25   08/19 11:30am

Wapland

Monday, August 19, 2002 - 03:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I hadn't read this thread for a while. It lightened my heart again as I reread it from start to finish. I think just being willing to think about forgiveness on a regular basis
is a really good place to start for me...what a surprise.

You're welcome Geo, glad it helped! These folks are wise.

Egbok

Monday, August 19, 2002 - 03:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
{{{{Wappy}}}}

I'm glad you're willing to start thinking about forgiveness....you're so absolutely right, it's a great place to start!!

Amac

Monday, August 19, 2002 - 07:31 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Anger Quotes
The High Cost Of Getting Even

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.
-- William Shakespeare

Everything that is in agreement with our personal desires seems true. Everything that is not puts us in a rage.
-- Andre Maurois

An angry man is full of poison.
-- Confucius

I am too busy with my cause to hate--too absorbed in something bigger than myself. I have no time to quarrel, no time for regrets and no man can force me to stoop low enough to hate him.
-- Lawrence James

Never waste a minute of your precious life by squandering it thinking about people you don't like.
-- Anonymous

To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to let it.
-- Confucius

No man can humiliate me or disturb me. I won't let him.
-- Bernard Baruch

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

To know all is to understand all, and this leaves no room for judgement and condemnation.
-- Clarence Darrow

Men are not moved by things but by the views which they take of them.
-- Epictetus

How often the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.
-- Frank Hubert (Dune)

In the long run, every man will pay the penalty for this own misdeeds.
-- Epictetus

By taking revenge, a man is even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior.
-- Francis Bacon

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?
-- Buddy Hackett

With malice towards none; with charity for all....
-- Abraham Lincoln

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?
-- Kahlil Gibran

If you've ever contemplated revenge, beware of where your thoughts might lead.... Understand how passion makes you strong, but know also when it renders you weak. What act of wickedness would you inflict on someone merely because you did not get your way? Before you embrace vengeance, remove yourself from your selfish interior life. Go outside and walk and observe and learn from the world. There is artistry and solace in everything and everyone. Let them feed you. Learn to harness your passions, your appetites. ...consider how you might perfect the art of living.
-- Jacqueline Deval (Reckless Appetites)

Kitty54

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 08:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Well, I'm kind of late I would like to say that forgiveness is not a feeling. It has nothing to do with forgetting. Or saying what the other person did is OK. Forgiveness is a choice we make that we won't bring it up again to ourself, the other person or even to God. It has to do with letting go of it. You may never get an apology or even an acknowledgement that a wrong was done. But, you can choose not to allow it to affect you any further. In other words, let it go and set yourself free.

Gentoo

Friday, September 20, 2002 - 09:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I like the quotes above. Personally, I never get insulted. I just get disappointed. People can only hurt me by hurtful words if I care about them and my relationship with them.

When they say nasty things, that shows me that they are nasty people, and moreso that my friendship with them isn't as strong as I'd thought. So, my image of them devalues, and that is dissapointing.

As for forgiveness, I must ask the obvious question, why do you want to forgive? If they've shown themselves to be not who you thought they were, then you can't change that. If your so-called dedicated spouse sleeps around on you, they ain't so dedicated.

They may change and become somebody you respect again, but it'll take time for your image of them to change. Nothing wrong with that.

Just flat out forgiving somebody is rather silly, and is probably just a lie to oneself. Trust is to be earned, not to be handed out blindly and abused.

Hillbilly

Saturday, September 21, 2002 - 03:34 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Gentoo...i think your above post is the saddest thing I've heard in a long time. I feel very bad for you. You must be a very lonely person. This is not a bash...I'm being sincere.

If you expect people to be perfect or to always measure up to your standards, then you are always going to be disappointed. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.

Everybody makes mistakes and without the ability to forgive or the desire to forgive, eventually you will be left with NOONE!

Jo_5329

Saturday, September 21, 2002 - 04:52 am EditMoveDeleteIP
The hardest person to forgive is yourself. I believe when you can learn to forgive yourself for whatever, then you can start to forgive others. Sometimes forgiving takes years -- sometimes may never happen.

My step-father was a violent alcoholic - abuse was a daily event in our lives.

I never forgave him for that - still don't, but I don't dwell on it either. And after he killed himself, it became easier to not dwell on the problem.

Forgivness is an individual thing - knowing you want to forgive could be the step toward forgiveness, but don't think it will happen over night.

Jo

Gentoo

Saturday, September 21, 2002 - 10:17 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Hillbilly, I don't expect people to be perfect. Actually my standards aren't terribly high. I just form my image of people by their attitudes and actions towards me. Seems like the thing to do.

Hillbilly

Saturday, September 21, 2002 - 10:39 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Why do you have 'standards' for other people? Why can't you just accept them for who they are?

Kitty54

Monday, September 23, 2002 - 01:29 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I've always used this analogy on forgiveness: If I go to your house and reach down to pet your dog and your dog bites me, I'll forgive you and your dog. I won't put myself in a position for your dog to bite me, again.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It doesn't have anything to do with condoning the action of another.

Gentoo

Monday, September 23, 2002 - 05:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hillbilly, I accept people for who they are. Doesn't mean I have to like them or respect them. I'm honest enough to admit there exist people I dislike and some I don't respect. I don't particularly respect or like Osama Bin Laden, for example. Do you?

Cablejockey

Tuesday, September 24, 2002 - 08:05 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I agree that forgiveness can sometimes help the person who has been mistreated or hurt. I also think that there is a line of which you cross against me and you are out of my life, and I am free of you and your hurtful ways. Some people take severe advantage of folks who are kind and forgiving. Gentoo I agree that some people dont deserve to be forgiven, and you can certainly carry on with your own life. Sometimes you have to think of your children and keep certain hurtful people away from them.

Twiggyish

Tuesday, September 24, 2002 - 09:08 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Cablejockey, I agree. There are people who do cross the line. You can forgive or not forgive, but it'd be foolish to let them take advantage again and again. Life's too short to put up with people like that. *even if they are family*