Archive through September 03, 2002
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: Ask Adven: Archive through September 03, 2002

Merlin

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 12:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Excellent reply Rabbit. While that may have temporarily stunned Adven, I am convinced it could never knock the wind out of him.

By the way Adven, any chance you have Annagator lurking out there somewhere? I seem to remember she could take the wind out of your sails in a heartbeat.

Urgrace

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 04:22 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,
Merlin seems to be obsessed with wind. Could that be a problem?

Phooey Diddle

Reader234

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 06:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

With all these clever posters on a message board called TVCH, I have a problem, I cant help but LOL, and end up spitting what I have in my mouth on the computer screen. I mean there is this Late NIght club, well there are posters there that talk about something called Viagra... short of not reading the message boards, is there any hope?

signed,
lacking in control

Wink

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 06:48 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven:

Why the hell did Jared ever have to find Subway anyway? And then they found him a wife!! And she can't cook!! Fidiots.

signed,
I think I watch too much tv.

Juju2bigdog

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 07:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Adven,

Is this advice column thing just a thinly disguised excuse to talk ass? And do you realize you will be up to your, er, withers, in doodoo if Weinermr ever finds the thread and he and the worthless hare decide to start double-timing you?

Big Blushing Bichon-Friese


p.s. One last question - do you really think you can afford to go on a five day vacation right after you start a new job as an advice columnist?

Adven

Wednesday, August 28, 2002 - 09:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Out Of Hope:
I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that it is, indeed, possible for one person to know everything. The bad news is that it isn't you. You sound like the sort who might get a little down on yourself, so I hope this answer helped to cheer you up a bit.

Dear Amused and Confused:
If you know everything, as you claim, you wouldn't need to ask me if you could be wrong. In actuality,it's me who knows everything. Of course, I could be wrong.

Dear Confused Cajun:
Of course you can get a second opinion: Those are ugly shoes.

Dear Cooped:
I'm sorry to hear my big, fat ass ended up in your lap. There must have been some mistake in delivery. I had ordered a much smaller animal as I had heard you were partial to a little ass. Please accept my apologies. I will get my ass off your hands as soon as possible. In the meantime, please accept another animal as a gift and token of concern over this misunderstanding: a fighting c@ck.

Dear Merlin,
I'm sorry to say that Anna and I are no longer in contact. She felt I was far too much man for her and settled for a lesser speciman. She called it dumping me, but we all know what a kidder she is.

Dear Phooey Diddle:
Yes, Merlin's obsession with wind could be a problem - particularly for those close to him and those with environmental sensitivities. I'd play it safe and just stay indoors if he's ever in town.

Dear Lacking In Control:
I'm sorry, but I know nothing about Viagara and male impotence. Okay, there was that time in the 11th Grade and that four year period when I was under stress at work and the time ... anyway, let's move on to the next letter.

Dear I Think I Watch Too Much TV:
I've studied your letter carefully and couldn't agree more. You watch too much TV.

Dear Big Blushing:
I'v never been double teamed, but could probably be talked into it after a few drinks. As for the vacation, no I can't afford it, but I'll be mooching off relatives so that should keep costs down. Thanks for the concern.

As Big Blushing said, I will be away for the next four or five days. I know this must be a crushing blow to you all, but I will be back with sage advice and uncanny insight early next week.

Karuuna

Thursday, August 29, 2002 - 02:52 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wise Adven --

Recently I received the following advise from my guru and spiritual mentor, the honorable Chunk-o Rich-a Rabbit:

"True inner peace is achieved only when you relieve yourself of the burdens of material possessions by signing over title to all unencumbered assets and real property to Rabbit."
-- Mahatma Bunny 1(I.1.1)

Tell me, is this the one true path to enlightenment? Or am I being taken for a ride down the road of unCONsciousness?

Stupified Student

Weinermr

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 07:11 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I marvel at the wisdom exhibited in this thread. The writings here have exerted their strong influence over me, and after being here only one week! Yes, a week has passed and I've been converted. I've become a Seventh Day Adventist.

Babyruth

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 10:28 am EditMoveDeleteIP
He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!! :)

Moondance

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 10:50 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Oh I so want the Weinermr-Adven smack down!

I will pay $$$

:)

Twiggyish

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 12:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
hahahahahha!!! ((Weiner!!))

Quite an ADVENture!

Juju2bigdog

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
<sets up a ticket booth, starts popping popcorn, ices down the beer and soft drinks>

Step right up, folks! Coming soon! Watch this Space! Reserve your Ringside Seat Now! Take Home a Charming Souvenir Jujugoat Doll for the Little Ones! (well, I can try) Bigger than BB3! Better than Survivor! Coming Right Here in the Near Future! Round #1 of the
Great Weinermr-Adven Smack-Down!!!

Moondance

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:23 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
OMG LOL

I'll take 3 Jujugoat dolls please!

*Flashes of Goatboy from SNL*

Weinermr

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Bring it on baby, bring it on!!!!

1

Twiggyish

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL! I can't wait to see what Adven comes up with.

Ketchuplover

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 04:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hi Adven :)

Tess

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 06:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Oh! I want a Jujugoat doll please---well, 2 really. One for me and one for Shorty. May I have a diet coke, too, please?

Ummm, Weiner? Babyruth said all your adorable babyfat was gone. Who's that imposter?

Car54

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 07:05 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Is that guy from Iron Chef?

Wink

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 07:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Car using the word "chef" in relation to that picture could be considered blasphemy.

Moondance

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 07:36 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Juju do you have any stuff squirrels for sale... I have a friend....

Juju2bigdog

Monday, September 02, 2002 - 11:00 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
<hands over the jujugoat dolls and the Coke, makes change, tapes a big fuzzy tail on the jujugoat doll>

Why yes, Moon, I happen to have some lovely squirrels right here. You will notice how nicely they go with the jujugoats.



Get your Jujugoat dolls right here!!!

Twiggyish

Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 05:42 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I'll take one, too. Do you have change for a dollar?

Reader234

Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 08:00 am EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL!! OH I need a better seat for this match!!

looking for change One jujugoat doll here pretty please???!!! :) :)

Happy Dance Time

Adven

Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 08:26 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Well, I have returned after five days at a spiritual retreat for us advice columnists. Five days of meditating, chanting, sleeping on a bed of nails, subsisting on nuts and berries (okay, I ordered in pizza a couple of times)and beating my bare back with a branch. To tell you the truth, I didn't quite get the "back whacking with a tree limb" part, but I didn't want to come across as a spiritual neophyte, so I gave it a go between slices of pizza. My travel agent, Big Earl of "Big Earl's Travel Agency and Bait Shop" had assured me it was a Club Med kind of deal, so you can imagine my disappointment. Anyway, I return refreshed, invigorated and with oozing sores running across my back. In fact, I feel like a 20 year old. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find one.

Now, I must say that the carnival atmosphere that seems to have developed here at "Ask Adven" in my absence is disconcerting. I try to run a dignified, highly professional advice column (the New York Times called it "...riveting ... Adven's best work, although there isn't much to choose from...." The Daily News said "...although he is completely uninformed and his insights incomprehensible, he did go away for a few days...." The Boston Cream Pie suggested "... he dispenses dangerous advice as though he were handing out candy and, worse, seems proud of himself.") and I return to find a large, naked Oriental in my office, someone selling "Jujugoat dolls" like this is a circus side show and others calling for a "smackdown". I'm not sure what that is, but I've just got this feeling it isn't overly dignified and professional.
I shall try to carry on and rise above this shameful breech of decorum - we visionary types (Joan of Arc, Mahatma Gandhi, Richard Simmons) have always been misunderstood....Oh, and put me down for 5 of those Jujugoat dolls.

Wink

Tuesday, September 03, 2002 - 09:45 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I'll take a few of those dolls if they eat squirrels Juju.

Adven too bad you're not in the BB house. They love pickin at sores oozin or not, and they'd fit your 20 something needs.