Archive through June 26, 2002
TV ClubHouse: archives: Parents of toddlers...any advice for us:
Archive through June 26, 2002
Riviere | Monday, April 29, 2002 - 06:10 am     My grandson is getting to the toddler age, I've forgotten lots of my exp with my sons when they were toddlers, but one thing stands out.. READ to them! Write stories and have them help, it will stir creative juices and spur them to read on their own.. Forget that phonics crap, my eldest son could read a bit by age 4 since I always read books to him and wrote stories with him. But my youngest son was a bit slower. They were doing a phonics program in his 1st grade class and when I learned that I was livid! I immediately started to 'reteach' him properly about vocabulary and reading, spelling, and even gave him Spanish lessons, within 3 months he was enthusiastic and was acing his spelling assignments while the kids still saddled with phonics struggled.. Never underestimate childrens' intelligence, they're little sponges needing material to soak up, and what they learn early stays with them! I know I was a 'time-out' parent years before it became popular, and I'd discuss problems at their level so they understood the whys of being punished but I was always MOM, not their PAL, until they were adults themselves.. I never forced my kids to eat anything they didn't want, they were good eaters because I made everything seem good and never had them thinking junk food was special. It's funny, they were so well behaved, I never child-proofed a thing because I taught them from the getgo not to touch certain items. My friends' kids, what a difference, but my kids would visit someone or go to a party and the parents would call me saying they never saw such respectful young boys! It's all what you teach them early.. When my eldest son was 17 he was 8 inches taller than me and he weighed 200 lbs to my 115, but I remember looking up at him and saying "You're grounded!" and he went to his room for the weekend. Now this same son is the father of my grandson, and has no prob at all with parenting. He reads to his boy all the time and they play with alphabet blocks and do kiddy artworks, though I worry a bit, the 'other' grandparents are bent on buying everything a toddler could possibly want but doesn't really need. I hope my son remains in charge because he is the kind of parent I was, and while his own grandparents doted on him I never let them spoil my kids. Grandparents often forget these things and I do think it contributes to problems. You should be able to delight in your kids or grandkids and communicate with them at their level without the bribery of toys & candy to encourage them to behave.. People seem to worry too much about parenting these days. I was lucky being a full time at home Mom for both my sons' early years birth to age 5, so they never went to day care or preschools, they were home taught before they ever went to school and I was there after school, so they were better than average students until the daydream teenage years. But what they learned early stays with them and today I feel relieved my grandson has one great daddy, and a mommy who doesn't plan to work again until he is in kindergarten. I wish it was possible for all moms to not need to work, but some daycare plans are really very nice.. I was a latchkey kid from age 5 myself, but my mom and grandmothers always read to me, from age 2 my favorite toys were books since I could never keep my brain busy enough otherwise.. |
Hippyt | Monday, April 29, 2002 - 10:02 am     Ugh,I am sooo steamed right now,my hands are shaking! I just took my 4 yr old to the bus stop for pre-k. There's another Mother who picks her son up at the same time,so we're standing there and her friend walks up and starts complaining about trying to get a job.She goes on to talk about serving beer to drunken men all night long,and before you know if she starts cussing!!!Actually said God **** right there in front of my son! I lost it,and said "please tone your languge down in front of my son." She was like"what?" I said "please don't cuss in front of my son." She shut up and walked away. I swear,some people!!!! You know it isn't like we were somwhere where we could just walk away,we were at the kid's bus stop!!! I hate confrontations,but sometimes.... |
Hippyt | Monday, April 29, 2002 - 07:35 pm     Sorry about my above post,it was not about a toddler,nor did it offer any advise. I was just so mad when I came in,I needed to vent.I was also kinda shaky,because when the woman said "what?" it occured to me she might take off on me right there!!! |
Squaredsc | Monday, April 29, 2002 - 08:24 pm     hippyt, you were right for standing up for what you believe in, back in the day neighbors would step in when someone's child was doing wrong, and the parent was grateful that somoeone else was lookin out for their child. nowadays no one cares about other people and they don't say anything if something is not right. but you are right that she could have gone off on you, because these days parent's can be just as crazy as their kids. i hate confrontations too, but maybe she didn't even realize that others might not want adults cursing around their kids, especially a 4 yr old. and goodness knows that toddlers will pick up on any wrong thing to say and will repeat it over and over. |
Hippyt | Monday, April 29, 2002 - 08:50 pm     Thank You so much,I needed a little validation that I did the right thing,for some reason! There were only the four of us there,and she was mad ,and talking very loudly. I tried to keep my son busy,but when she started cursing I just had had enough! Just like you said,I could imagine hearing this coming out of my son's mouth. She did apologize before she walked away. So,maybe she wasn't really thinking at the time,still,she's an adult. |
Julieboo | Tuesday, April 30, 2002 - 07:58 am     Hippy, Your concern did pertain to a toddler (or at least a 4 year old is close enough), so feel free to vent in here. I think you were right. I agree with what square said. I bet she just wasn't thinking (the swearer, not square!). And at least she did apologize. |
Hippyt | Tuesday, April 30, 2002 - 05:32 pm     Thanks Julieboo! I also have a 2 year old,so I'm sure you'll see me here again! |
Julieboo | Wednesday, May 01, 2002 - 07:17 am     My two year old is making me craaaaaazy! He seems like he is so hyper all the time. He has started this bad habit of hitting. At first it was more like, hey, here I am, look at me. But now he does it when he gets mad at us. (like if we tell him no). Timeouts don't seem to affect him much. |
Twiggyish | Wednesday, May 01, 2002 - 07:40 am     Julie, have you been here: http://www.drspock.com/topic/0,1504,429+AgeY1_2+cbx_behavior,00.html |
Sia | Wednesday, May 01, 2002 - 11:18 am     Hippyt, you offered the best advice in the world just by letting everyone know how strongly you feel about the issue of cursing. You put the idea out there so that each of us can see how cursing honestly affects people and we can each make a decision about how to communicate with other people. This issue affects me, too; my sister and I didn't speak from last November until about two weeks ago because her son (age 6) taught my son (age 5) a swear word. I let her know I was displeased, and she decided to have no further contact with me. I do understand how you feel. I agree with you and wish I could censor what my children hear. I realize that many people don't think it's important to shelter children from violence, strong language, etc., but children learn from what they see and hear. When profanity creeps into our spoken language, it erodes our society, in my opinion. Cursing conveys a person's lack of respect for others. Swearing like sailors is for people who have a limited vocabulary, in my opinion. Filthy talk has crept into movies and television, and I want it to stop, but I haven't found an effective way to make my voice heard, but I am trying. I post my opinions about children's movies on the Internet and indicate which movies/feature-length cartoons include swear words in order to warn other parents who are considering buying these films. Music and music videos are full of violence and sexual innuendo, strong language, and partial nudity. Enough is enough. We have, as a society, allowed dirty language and inappropriate subject matter to creep into our music, television programs, into advertising--into every possible area of our lives. Turn on the television at any hour of the day or night and you won't have to wait long to hear the word "b*tch," "a@@" or even "sl*t!!" These are not words I want my kids to use at preschol--or at the next family reunion. That would reflect poorly on me. I can imagine that my grandmother would assume the children had learned the words from ME--except that she knows me and she has a TV of her own and knows the low level of television programming currently available. "They" (whichever group you want to blame for this; there is no single group, though) are disintegrating our society by polluting our minds, tempting us into poisoning our bodies and encouraging us to hurt ourselves and one another. Guess I should step off my soap-box now. Thanks for letting me express my feelings. |
Hippyt | Wednesday, May 01, 2002 - 08:35 pm     You know,Sia. I am totally with you on this. I think people who curse in public show ignorance.I can't even have my Tv on a network channel most of the time. My kids see a lot of Bob Villa! (lol) and PBS,and Nick Jr. Oh,and Wheel of Fortune! As for kid movies,I always go to kids-in-mind.com,and read their reviews. They do a Great job on every on rating kid and "teen" films. My wonderful Father-in-law goes out and buys my kids videos,doesn't watch them and sends them home. Some of these have disapeared! I don't think you can entirely shield your children from this ,though. You can certainly teach them what is right and what is wrong(and ignorant),but they will hear it!Your sister's son may have heard that word at school,blaming her may have been the wrong approach. You shouldn't cut family ties,Sia! Sometimes the stupidest argument can lead to a lot of sorrow,believe me,I didn't talk to my Mother for 11 years over something like that! I wish I could take it all back. |
Sia | Thursday, May 02, 2002 - 11:10 am     Hey, Hippyt, thanks for the support. I didn't cut ties with my sister; she cut me off. I described in another thread the misunderstanding between my sister and myself and didn't really describe it adequately here. Let me summarize it: my 6-yr-old nephew said "Get the h*ll out of here" to his older brother (9) in front of my son (5)--who then asked me what that meant. When I told hubby what my son had learned, it made him furious; I was mad, but not bent out of shape. I casually told my sis that Hubby was upset with sister's son and she went ballistic and CUT ME OFF entirely--without even letting me discuss or explain it at all. My sister is one who cusses her kids out, using all manner of foul language. (My bro-in-law is a military officer, but that shouldn't matter; sister blames this fact for the cursing, but I say that doesn't excuse it.) When she is extremely angry, every other word out of her mouth begins with the letter "f" and I just don't talk like that with anyone. Anyway, my son has total hero-worship for his cousin, and I just wanted sister to remind her boy to censor his language a bit around my son. That is what set her off. Long story short, a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue she decided to get in contact with me again, so we are on speaking terms now, but still have not seen each other since Thanksgiving. I don't know how I'll act when I do see her, since her treating me like a non-person for so long really hurt me. |
Hippyt | Thursday, May 02, 2002 - 07:50 pm     I'm sorry to hear that Sia,really sorry. That's sad. I was actually afraid I might offend you by what I said. Glad you didn't take it that way! Your sister's house sounds like a bit of a pressure cooker to me,not good. Good luck with it all,I hope she can at least respect what you ask of her for the sake of the kids,so they can spend time together. I wouldn't want my son hanging around kids who talk like that either. |
Sia | Friday, May 03, 2002 - 02:02 am     It might get a bit awkward soon for me, HippyT, since my sis and her family plan to move to my county this month (they've been out-of-state for over 12 years), but I can handle it. I will do my best to be diplomatic and tactful with her and will hope for the best. Our kids do love being together, and during the four months that sister wouldn't acknowledge that I was alive, my son cried whenever he knew her family was visiting at our Mom's and I couldn't take him over there. You know, the whole thing doesn't bother me now, but it did right up until she got back in touch with me. I know I gained some weight and was depressed over it. I just truly felt wronged and that I had nothing to apologize to her for; I'm stickin' to my guns on that one.  |
Hippyt | Friday, May 03, 2002 - 05:56 pm     Good for You!!! Good luck! |
Julieboo | Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 01:37 pm     bump. Cuz I still want any toddler tips you have to offer... |
Soeur | Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 04:38 pm      |
Wargod | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 01:16 am     I have a question for parents with kids a little older than todlers, but not yet quite old enough! My son has just turned 6, and while he thinks hes grown up, I still don't. There are things I still won't let him do...cross the street by himself (we live in a neighborhood where traffic from two busy streets cut through to avoid a stop light, speed right on through like theres no reason to slow down.) I also walk him to his class at school. He's going into the first grade and while I know hes capable of finding the classroom himself, I also know he gets distracted easily. Anyways, I'm comfortable with these choices. My question is this......he's 6, and when he is with me and has to go to the bathroom, I make him go to the ladies so I can go with him. I stand outside his locked stall to give him privacy, but he is getting to the point of being embarrassed. I don't really care, lol. This is one of my children and I don't feel comfortable with him going into a public bathroom by himself. My husband thinks I'm being silly. Tonight, we went to the movies, and when it was over, I took our daughter to the bathoom. When I came out my husband was standing against the wall, but son was not there. He had had to go to the bathroom and my husband sent him in by himself. Am I being silly about this? What age do you let a child go to a public restroom alone? And when do you stop taking a boy into a womens bathroom when you're the only adult present? |
Whoami | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 01:30 am     Maybe when he's tall enough to reach the sink to wash his hands? I was in the restroom when a small girl was in there by herself. She valiantly tried to wash her hands, but couldn't reach the controls to turn on the faucet. So I asked her if she'd like me to hold her up to the sink so she could wash up. Turns out all she needed was for me to turn the water on for her, and she took care of the rest. She was very grateful. Though I certainly didn't mind helping the girl out, I was the only other one it the restroom. Without my help, she would have had to leave without washing up. I woulnd't want to count on the kindness/presence of strangers to help my child (if I had any) to wash up. And in today's society, I don't know that I'd want to trust very many strangers either! Think of it. You train your child to be wary of strangers approaching them. Yet, by sending them into a room where they may not be able to take care of all their business without a little help, you may be putting them in a situation where they have to ask for/accept help. To a six-year-old, that could be confusing. I've never had kids, so I don't proclaim myself to be an expert. By watching my nephew and two neices grow up, I know how insistant they can be about their emerging indepencence. But, I've never "been there/done that," so I may have no room to speak! |
Wargod | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 01:58 am     Any response are welcome, Who. Different views and opinions could help alot. His height really isn't a problem (he's a little on the tall side, lol.) Most of this is him wanting his own independence, and me thinking he's just too young for it. We've already had battles over some of the friends he would like to have that I feel are too old and too, uhm, not nice, to play with. I can say so and so is not allowed to play here, but can't really keep them from playing at school. I've taught him not to talk to strangers. And about not going with anyone he doesn't know or acceping things from strangers. I do know at some point it would be inappropriate to bring a boy into a women's bathroom, I'm just not sure when that is. |
Whoami | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 02:02 am     I'll ask my sister what she did tomorrow. Her boy is 10. |
Wargod | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 02:16 am     Thank you, Who. I don't want to interfere with his budding independence, but I know you have to be careful with your kids. I just can't figure out when you're supposed to let them grow up! Up until now this hasn't been a big deal, but it's becoming one now. Sometimes I see parents do things I just go "hmmmm" about. My daughter is 3 and in dance class. Every Saturday she goes to class and I sit in the waiting room, peeking in the window ever so often, for an hour and a half. Yet there are some parents who will drop their girls off (3 &4 years old) and come back for them when class is over. Now, my son does little league (5,6, %7 years old) and parents will do the same thing. Drop their kids off, though we never do. I try not to judge the parents...maybe they trust the dance school enough, or think their boys are old enough..but, I would have a problem dropping my kids off. Am I wrong? Nope, thats just the way I feel. Are the other parents wrong? Nope, they're doing what they think is best with their kids. Like I said, makes me go hmmmmmm though. |
Whoami | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 02:24 am     Yea, I know what you mean. I used to work at a convenience store. And kids about 8 years old would be coming in alone at midnight packing 20$ bills. That was 20 years ago, when 20$ was quite a bit (probably still is, for an 8-year-old). And who would those parents think is responsible if their child disappeared? |
Urgrace | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:30 am     If you know there is not anyone else in the restroom, you're safe in letting the 6 year old go by himself into the men's room, but how do you know for certain? If your husband cannot go into the room with him, and you obviously cannot escort him into the men's room, then don't worry about it. Take him in the women's room. We had an incident involving a 6 year old boy here in the bowling alley once, where he was molested while being alone in the men's room. Never take the chance until your son is completely aware of his surroundings and even then check on him. |
Karuuna | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:58 am     War - i really empathize with you! My son turns 8 tomorrow, and he now uses the men's room exclusively, but I HOVER outside the door, trying to listen for any trouble. I still struggle when we go to a swimming pool, and he has to go in and change in the men's locker room. Some places now have family restrooms, I find that really helpful. There's no great answer to your question, except to make the shift when your son is ready. That is, when you think he can take care of himself in a bad situation. The other thing I've done is carry walkie talkies (the little wristwatch kind are great for short distances). Some of them have call features that ring your walkie talkie at the push of a button, and some have monitor settings, so you can hear everything that's going on. When we do go to a large public swimming pool, event (like sports) or amusement park, etc, I insist we both wear one of these. Hope that helps! |
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