Archive through June 26, 2002
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TV ClubHouse: archives: Dan Landers: Archive through June 26, 2002

Ketchuplover

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 04:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I am taking over for Ann Landers :) Keep in mind that the advice is free & worth every penny :)

Goatgirl

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 05:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,
I have never written to an advice columnist before. On a message board where I frequently lurk, I recently came across some rather bizarre messages from another board member exhibiting cannibalistic tendencies. Should I just mind my own business? Or report this person to the authorities? And if so which authorities - the Butterball emergency hotline? The Pillsbury Bake-off committee? Help!
Signed,
Not on the Menu

Car54

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 05:40 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
This is going to be a VERY interesting thread

Theowl

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 05:46 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I agree, Car. I can't wait to see what Dan has to say about cannibalism. He seems to be a very down to earth, knowledgable advisor.

Weinermr

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 05:53 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Aren't you afraid of competition from Dear Crabby who I hear has been giving some snappy answers over in the Mole thread?

Signed,

JustCuriousmr

Juju2bigdog

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 07:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Do you think it is right to spy on animals when it is unconsitutional to spy on people without a court order?

Juju2birddog

Neko

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 07:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Is it healthy to pretend to like Chess and watch it when actually, you don't watch the game at all and just shot darts at people and destroy the chess board??

MissKitty

Soeur

Monday, June 24, 2002 - 07:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Do you think wearing black ankle socks and brown leather sandals with plaid shorts constitutes a sartorial handicap?

Confused Golfer

Ketchuplover

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 02:23 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Goatgirl-MYOB...JUJU-It's unconstitutional to spy on people? Learn something new every day :) In that case yes animals should have a right to privacy...and the right to vote too :)...NEKO-Chess is serious. Go stand in the corner for 24 hrs. Souer-Yes its a definite handicap,iadvise you to get a handicap parking thingamajig :)

Thanks to all for your queries :)

Urgrace

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 03:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan: I think Ketchup is being used as a coverup. It has always been used as a condiment that was either too drippy or wouldn't even leave its bottle, but now it is being used everywhere! Not only that, but it is now being disguised in different colors and flavors.

And when it is used it is sometimes squeezed together with mustard, mayo, pickles, chili, onions, lettuce, garlic and other things.

Do you think the different textures, flavors, and colors are for some underlying coverup?

Fruitbat

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 03:21 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Oh this is good. Pulling up a chair, Car, pass the popcorn please.

Go ahead, I'm all comfy now.

Oregonfire

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 03:31 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan:

I am a famous superhero disguised as a 3rd shift convenience store clerk. I solve crimes on my state-regulated 15-minute breaks every four hours and on my half-hour lunch break. I sleep during the day to counter the grogginess, an unfortunate side effect of time travel. That, and my wardrobe keeps flashing back to 1983, which I really can't help.

Lately an intriguing man with bat ears and a black cape and the COOLEST car has been coming in and giving me the eye. We struck up a conversation, and found that we have a lot in common besides confused wardrobes. The problem is this: He asked to meet me during one of my lunch breaks next week. I really like him, but am busy saving the world at that time and don't want to blow my cover. Help! What should I do?

Time Warped in Tulsa

Max

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 03:36 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan.
I have a problem with my friend. Whenever we go to baseball games, he insists on putting ketchup all over his hot dog. It drives me nuts! Every good American knows that the only thing you put on a hot dog is mustard (okay, maybe some relish and onions, too, but definitely NOT ketchup!). Seriously, I'm about to tell him to go sit in the bleachers where I can act like I don't know him. What should I do???

Rabbit

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 03:56 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Beware of "Time Warped in Tulsa". The State of Oklahoma does not require employers to give breaks or lunch periods to employees over 16, they are considered optional employee benefits. Therefore, Time Warped appears to be younger than 16. Be very cautious of how you advise this one!!

Oregonfire

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 04:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
*place names have been changed to protect the immortal and to preserve alliteration.

Soeur

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 04:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
musiclover

Neko

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 05:52 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Thank you Dan for your help.

I'm just here grabbing some popcorn to hold me over in the corner for 24 hours..
Thanks again.

*Goes into the corner*

Weinermr

Tuesday, June 25, 2002 - 08:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Why didn't you answer my question?

EvenCuriouserNowmr

Mssilhouette

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 12:49 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

What do I do about preventing the lint from gathering my belly button and aligning with the dust bunnies under the bed, there by inciting a dust/lint revolt. You have to help me! I think the cob webs are watching me and I could have sworn I saw the dust moving throug the sunbeams.

Help me dan help me...The dust bunnies are rioting!

Cordally,

Demented in Detroit

Ketchuplover

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 12:34 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Urgrace-No,however I find it disturbing. Ketchup is too good to share space with the other condiments :)

Oregonfire-Flip a coin :)

Max-You should worship the ground your friend walks on :)

Weinermr-I haven't read crabby. I have no thoughts on him/her. I didn't respond because I wasn't in the mood at the time. SO THERE :)

Msshiloutte-VACUUM :)

Neko- after you finish your popcorn I want you to stay in the corner WITHOUT FOOD & WATER for another 24 hrs!

Neko

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 01:14 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Nooooooooo!!
*Stalks off to the corner again*

Hello Corner...we met again.

Ketchuplover

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 04:58 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
((((NEKO)))) :)

Neko

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 06:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(((Ketchup..er...Dan Landers)))

Webkitty

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 07:03 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan,

Please settle a debate my friend and I have.

She says Spiderman is the best and I say Batman is!

She says that Batman has no "natural" superpowers....but he does just as many superhero deeds as Spiderman, AND, he has that toolbelt and stiff pointy ears (and a cool car!) and the last time I checked, he seemed to resemble George Clooney.......


Looking forward to your response,
Fretful Feline

PS: If Time Warped in Tulsa decides to go with another superhero, do you think it would be ok to start hanging around the convenience store?

Mssilhouette

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 10:29 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dear Dan

Demented in Detroit here...I took your advice and the dust bunnies have left the building. But I have another problem.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? And does a watch pot never boil? Also, how many licks does it take to get the the center of a tootise Roll pop..along the same lines how much would can a woodchuck really chuck, if a would chuck could chuck wood?

Thank you for your time...I'll rest easier once this questions are answered.

Listless in Los Angeles