Archive through April 27, 2002
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TV ClubHouse: archives: Parents of toddlers...any advice for us: Archive through April 27, 2002

Julieboo

Wednesday, February 27, 2002 - 10:06 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Since the new parent's thread is getting lots of good advice, I was hoping that I could get some good advice from parents of toddlers. Either current toddler parents or from any parents that went thru toddlerhood already.

Yuhuru

Friday, March 01, 2002 - 06:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I have a toddler. What's up?

Julieboo

Saturday, March 02, 2002 - 07:48 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I have no specific questions. I just thought some parents out there might have tips or whatever. Like toys, videos, books, that they foud helpful or even just fun. Maybe ideas of activities or games. Whatever... Even ideas on ideas of how to get them to eat healthy food...

Awareinva

Tuesday, March 05, 2002 - 11:33 am EditMoveDeleteIP
As a parent of an 8 and 10 year old, who must be the pickiest eaters on the face of the planet :), my one piece of advice is feed your toddler exactly what you are eating - the earlier the better!

My other piece of advice to any of my nieces who have had children is usually- don't feel the need to take other people's advice- you are going to be the one who knows what is best for your individual child

Rissa

Tuesday, March 05, 2002 - 02:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Awareinva. My husband and I learned this lesson early thanks to watching my nephew before our own girls were born. Every meal was a screaming match to get him to eat meat. Now he is 14 and his entire diet consists of peanut butter and noodles (with butter, he wont eat any type of sauce). So what we did with our daughter before we hit that finicky eating stage was put her plate in front of her with nothing but the meat, after she ate that we put on the veggies and then last the potatoes (or rice, etc.). She was hungry enough at the beginning of the meal that she ate no problem. And since the potatoes are typically a favorite she ate that too. We found this worked better then giving her the whole meal which she might have broken down into what she liked the most, leaving the *undesirable* to last when she wasn't hungry anymore and more willing to fight us about eating it.

I cook ONE meal and those who won't eat it, just don't eat until the next meal. I know so many couples who cook special meals for each child's picky eating habits. Now that my eldest is 13, she is allowed to make herself dinner if she doesn't like what I cook but the rule is that she has to wash her own pots, etc. immediately afterwards.

Another thing that worked GREAT with three girls was that when we had dessert, I would get it ready and dished out BEFORE we ate. I put the dessert plates on the table, with one of the portions bigger then the others. First one done with dinner got first pick at the dessert plates. Mind you, once that first one is done.. the other two lose their incentive. RFLOL

Julieboo

Wednesday, March 06, 2002 - 07:59 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks. My son is very picky and we don't make separate meals for him, but he is a hard kid to get to eat anything that isn't a starch...

Karuuna

Wednesday, March 06, 2002 - 09:31 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I have a different take on this whole thing. I think forcing kids to "clean their plates" is one of the things that leads to obesity later in life. It teaches you to ignore your own body cues to stop eating when you're full, and instead to stuff yourself to being uncomfortable. And then when you've already eaten more than you needed, you get rewarded with dessert. That all seems a little backward to me.

My son is also a "picky" eater, but to a certain extent I let him be. He gets to pick what we have for dinner every other day. And he doesn't have to clean his plate, just eat till he's full. However, if he gets hungry between meals, I have a "snack" basket full of healthy things that he can choose from.

Consequently, even tho he's a picky eater, we don't have any battles over eating. He's willing to try a bite or two of anything if he knows he doesn't have to eat all of it if he doesn't like it. He doesn't stuff himself full at dinner, just so he can get dessert. He freely eats fruits and veggies, since they weren't really forced on him.

One of the hints my pediatrician gave when he first started eating solids - don't sweeten his cereal, and introduce all the veggies before you start on the naturally sweeter pureed fruits. I don't know whether this made the difference, but my son is quite happy eating most any vegetable.

He doesn't really care for most meats (except hot dogs and burgers), so I rarely make him any. But I'm a vegetarian, so that's really not a problem either. It's no problem for me to find other ways to ensure he gets plenty of protein.

Ultimately tho, I agree with Aware's advice. Don't feel like you have to take anyone else's advice. That's the best advice of all! :)

Marysafan

Wednesday, March 06, 2002 - 09:39 am EditMoveDeleteIP
My advice....never ever underestimate your toddler's intelligence. Don't ever think that they couldn't possibly figure something out...because they will prove you wrong everytime. Quiet means only one thing...they are up to something...go and check it out!

My youngest daughter was diabolical... mishcievious...and smart...a deadly combination.
I put her down for a nap one summer day...and took advantage of the time to take a shower. When I came out of the shower...I peaked into her room.

I noticed that she had pulled the sheet up over her head...thinking to myself, "My goodness! This child will roast to death under there!" I pulled back the sheet to discover a small stack of toddler slacks next to the same size stack of toddler t-shirts.

I knew I was in trouble right then when my adorable little girl not only sneaked out into the back yard to play when I wasn't looking...but was coniving enough to try and cover her tracks. She was only 2 1/2! I was in for it with this one. She was a real handful from the get go...but turned out to be my best friend as an adult.

Choose your battles. Be brave enough to stand firm when you need to...but kind enough to say I am sorry I was wrong...when you are.

Urgrace

Wednesday, March 06, 2002 - 09:56 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
When my children were young, I would put the food on the table family style. If there was a new food being introduced to them I would tell them that they could try one bite, then if they liked it they could put more on their plate. They ate all the vegetables and other foods without any hassle because I never made them eat. The only thing my kids ever had a problem with was sauerkraut, and it was introduced to them by the babysitter! LOL Dessert was special because it was not served often. Another thing which has become usual in so many households is not eating together or at the same time. If there is any way you can enforce sitting down at the table together for at least one meal a day, you will have a head start on getting your children to eat healthier meals.

Also, a statistic was given on our news channel a couple days ago suggesting that children who eat with their family at the table tend to have higher grades in school. I don't know how true that is, but it seems if children have better eating habits therefore maybe they would have better study habits.

I agree with Marysafan about not underestimating your child. All the saftey equipment and locks in the world will not keep your children as safe as you keeping your eye on them, but be prepared for the unexpected. My youngest son was very athletic and agile and fast. He climbed stairs at 6 months. When he was two he could reach any item he wanted no matter how high it was placed, or he could unlock any door no matter what kind of lock it had on it or even if the lock was located 'out of reach'. He also figured out how to remove his shoes and climb over a chain link fence all in less than one minute when he was 10 months old. He hid in the middle of circular clothes racks at the department store, but when we immediately panicked and tried to find him, he would give himself away with a giggle. We considered getting him a child leash, and probably should have. It is one piece of safety equipment I believe helps keep active children from hurting themselves or being kidnapped. JMHO

Julieboo

Thursday, March 07, 2002 - 08:04 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I never thought I'd want a leash for my child. And I haven't used one yet, but I for sure would use one in certain circumstances. Like if you are in a mall or amusement park. My son will no way tolerate a stroller these days and he is too small to hold his hand. (First of all you have to bend over and second, his hand is too small and elusive-like quicksilver)

It's not like you are treating them like a dog, it's more like you are giving them a little freedom without worrying about kidnapping, getting lost or hurt, etc...

Twiggyish

Thursday, March 07, 2002 - 08:45 am EditMoveDeleteIP
My daughter is a picky eater. We have tried letting her taste each thing first and that method doesn't work with her. She simply doesn't like many foods. Over the years, she has slowly started to add more foods to her "like" list. This is a big relief to us!
Our babysitter tried making her sit until it was all eaten, but that method didn't work, either.
The best advice is patience. You have to make sure each meal is nutritious and don't allow junk foods. We also gave her milk with each meal. (Now that she is older, we do allow her to drink soda sometimes)
A good friend gave us excellent advice about getting a young child to eat.. make their food fun. For example, I make sandwich logs, which can be used to stack into things.

Sandwich logs:
Make 2 sandwiches, we usually make bologna (baloney)
Cut the crusts off and make the sandwich square.
Cut length wise into at least three long strips per sandwich.
Stack the "logs" or build something with them.

They'll easily eat the two sandwiches. The more logs, the more sandwiches (they don't realize they're eating two).. see the logic? =)

Julieboo

Thursday, March 07, 2002 - 10:41 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Actually if you have a toddler that won't eat, do not give them milk. (well, give them milk, but only after you offer food.) Because they fill up on the milk. It's like a quick fix if they are the busy type of a toddler. (like they are too busy to eat). My son would drink a gallon of milk a day if I let him. His pediatrician says no more than 24 oz. a day.

Thx Twig, I will try those logs!

Sia

Tuesday, March 12, 2002 - 04:54 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
No matter who objects, always insist that your child be placed safely and correctly in a car seat. My husband has "offered" to take my son and/or daughter to my mother-in-law's house (a quarter-mile away from ours) several times in his pick-up truck or in his compact car, but I will simply not allow it. My son is now 5 1/2 and has never ridden without a car seat and currently uses a booster seat--which he will CONTINUE to do until he is eight years old and 57 inches tall, per the safety guidelines. My 3 1/2-year-old daughter rides in a toddler car seat and will get a new booster when she is heavy enough for one and/or when she turns four. My children don't argue about buckling up because I have never given them any other option. My children are precious to me and I won't risk their safety by transporting them unrestrained or using seatbelts intended for adults. When I leave preschool each day, I am amazed to see how many parents simply let their kids pile into the car--even into the front seat!!--and don't make any effort to buckle up their most important passengers. Adults are old enough to choose for themselves whether or not to buckle up (where I live, they risk a fine for not using a seatbelt), but kids aren't mature enough to make that decision for themselves. We parents must always insist that everyone who transports our kids use an approved, safe, up-to-date car seat appropriate for the age and weight/height of each child in the car. I mention this because I saw a woman driving an INFANT around in the FRONT seat of her car in a FRONT-FACING car seat that was duct-taped together and in sad repair and obviously very old. This made me extremely sad because it seemed to be the best that she could afford, yet there are programs in our county for free car seats for low-income families. I approached the father of the infant, but he was not receptive to the information that I offered. Any suggestions as to help such a family?

Fruitbat

Tuesday, March 12, 2002 - 07:02 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Sia, there is nothing you can do beyond calling the danger to his attention. Frustrating, to be sure, but the choice is his.

Julieboo

Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 07:21 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Hi
Has anyone read or tried MAGIC 1-2-3?

Spygirl

Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 07:41 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I recommend the system for parents a lot. It is helpful for motivated parents, but it is hard to be consistent (as with anything). If consistent, it is a really good system of discipline. Most helpful starting at a young age.

Julieboo

Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 07:51 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Yes, it does seem great. We have only begun to use it with our son. Any success stories with it out there?

Urgrace

Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 12:05 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Julieboo, what is Magic 1-2-3 ?

Julieboo

Thursday, March 28, 2002 - 12:18 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
It is a book that details a discipline plan. I can't think of the right words, but it is really good. There are 2 types of behaviors in kids; start (the ones you want them to do) and stop (the ones you don't want them to do). It just gives very simple advice and it works like magic (but only if you are consistent.) Anyone else care to explain better for me?

Julieboo

Friday, April 12, 2002 - 12:48 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hi
Another toddler question: what difference is there (in learning) between a preschool and a daycare? Does a daycare (institutional type, not home) have the same type of a curriculum as a preschool. I'm sure it depends on the individual daycare and preschool, but just in general, I wonder if it is about the same. Or is it different? Anyone know or have any input? The reason I ask is that my son will be going to daycare 2 days a week. I was going to enroll him in preschool (he's almost 3) but then I wondered if it would be necessary. I mean won't they be teaching him the same stuff in daycare?

Ryn

Friday, April 12, 2002 - 02:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Julie, my oldest (nine this month) went to pre-school for a couple of years, now my 5 year old is just being schooled by his babysitter, it just depends on what the people that help you with your child do.

I would find out what the Kindergarden your child will be attending requirre of your child before they can go (like know their ABCs etc).

I would think that, in general, preschool is just that- SCHOOL, and day care is the fun stuff without as uch learning ;)

When my oldest when to preschool they learned stuff, then i would pick him up and take him back to his sitter (aka daycare) but she still did stuff with them.

At 3 I would not worry too much ;) my 3 yr old won't be going to any formal school until Kindergarden, I think the biggest thing about pre-school and daycare is they learn social interaction.

Whit4you

Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 01:14 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Video tape them.. video tape them..video tape them. If you don't have one and can't buy one rent one - find someone with one who you can swap baby sittin for video camera sitting for them. Video cam's were not invented till my baby was 5ish.. I'd pay anything to see videos of my baby when he was 1 or 2...you have that opportunity now. Keep in mind though most others will get bored watching 20 or 40 hours of videoes of your baby so - make a few tapes that have some great music as the background so they can just enjoy the tunes as they watch yer baby .. grow.

Have all sorts of tapes like one that is a "birthday' tape that you bring out once a year and do the cake blowing out - part.. so someday you'll have 10 or 15 yrs worth of him aging on one tape. And of course a full length tape of each birthday - day - that you can show yer grandbaby someday of his mom or his dad on HIS 5th birthday..6th birthday and so on.

Another 'first day of school' tape that you use each year for that.

Gawd I so can't get into this parenting topic I could go on for 5,000,000 hours on it LOL.

Lemme just tell my Helen Keller speach - Helen Keller was one of the most successful people ever - why? Stop for about 30 seconds and imagining someone trying to convince you - if you were blind and deaf - that you can not do something - that you can not achieve something - that you can not succeed. Seriously stop and imagine HOW someone could possibly tell you - or show you or convince you that you CAN'T "anything". It's not possible is it? She never learned the concept - but we as people teach our children from oh about 4 months old that they 'can't" - it's our nature - not something bad that we do - just our nature.

Helen Keller achieved exponentially more then most of us could ever hope to achieve because their was simply no words or concept of 'failure' - or 'limitations' to her. Everything in life - every single thing was an obstacle to her - and as she one by one overcame them she learned that obstacles were nothing more then something to overcome - NOT something to stop her in her tracks.

Imagine society today if nobody was able to undestand or learn the concept of "you can't" or 'you have limitiations" or "you have to many obstacles to do X" - etc?

Hopefully you undestand a bit of what I'm trying to say here - it's in our nature as partents to nurture and protect our children from hurt and failure - it's how we were raised to believe in social / economical / structural limitiations etc.

I suppose you might be thinking - HELLO WHIT? They are talking about TODDLERS here! But that's where it starts - instill a "can do" confidence in your toddler - if you make the areas your child can access as saftey proof as possible and instead of them learing all day long all the things they CANT do - they can learn all the things they CAN do - learn and feel a sense of accomplishment and so on ... they will be off to a very good start.

Sucess is how you define success... and your child can become as successful as the most successful person ever the only thing standing in his way are his obstacles, he can overcome them. Teaching your child to overcome obstacles even as a toddler - is a big step in this process.

k - I know this mighta been a lil 'deep' or 'out there' - but it's important for me to share. I'll drop back in and give alot of light hearted fun games and ideas fer toddlers sometime soon :)

Kittee3

Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 02:53 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I wish I had first hand advice to offer but so far my life hasn't been "together" enough to start a family.... :( My brother and his wife however had a baby girl 10 months ago (time flies!!!) and as I was surfing the web I came upon a great site that I would like to recommend:
http://www.positivediscipline.com/

Hippyt

Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 07:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
OKay,I know I could go look at Babys R Us,but wanted to ask here first. Do they make a lock of some type for refrigerator doors??? My 2 year old is constantly rummaging through the fridge! She eats what she wants,or throws those ugly,fall down,screaming fits. And now,I can't get her to even sit down for dinner! Her brother did this too,and I put duct tape on the door,which worked. But we have a new fridge,and tape leaves those ugly marks!
This just has to stop!
Sia,I just wanted to comment on the car seat thing. I don't know if you know these people (so that you could talk to them again.)But maybe you could get the phone number and some info for them on the program,and go to the Mother! (I'm sure she's be a lot more interested in getting a new,no duct tape carseat!)Good luck,I hate seeing any child in something like that!

Twiggyish

Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 07:58 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I truly believe in Positive Reinforcement.

1. Reward the child for their good behavior.
2. Give them lots of attention.


After a while, the child realizes that good behavior gets more attention and they will soon become a better behaved child. A woman who screams and yells, will have a child who knows mom will focus on them when they misbehave.

Positive reinforcement isn't about discipline. There are times when it is necessary to discipline. (I use time-out) It is about building self esteem and raising a well adjusted child.

It takes a lot of patience, but it works.