Parents of toddlers...any advice for us
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TV ClubHouse: archives: Parents of toddlers...any advice for us
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Archive through April 27, 2002 25   04/27 07:58pm
Archive through June 26, 2002 25   06/26 08:58am

Wargod

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 07:27 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Gracie, one of my first thoughts on this was the girl who was killed in a Vegas casino bathroom when she was alone.

I like the walkie talkie idea, Kar. That helps not only if theres trouble when you're not right there, but also in case of them getting lost. I can just imagine you lurking outside the mens room. I have a feeling I'll be lurking outside of plenty of mens roms real soon.

Whoami

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:16 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
War, wasn't able to call sis tonight after all. But, it looks like Karuuna had some great advice and tips!

I'll still ask her as soon as I can (will probably see her this weekend).

Maris

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
we cant arm all our little ones with walkie talkies. When my "big boy" at the age of six announced that he was not going into the girls room anymore I had to go along with it. I just told him, if anyone talks to you in the mens room zip it up and come out immediately.

The problem is you have to first let your kid understand there are dangers out there and none of us want to let our babies know there is evil in the world. That is what it comes down to... we dont want our kids to know there is evil in the world, but we cant protect them forever from that information.

Wcv63

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I started allowing my son to go into the men's restroom unaccompanied at age 9. But like Karuuna I hover outside the door. Still. And he's 11 now. If it is late and the women's restroom is empty, I still bring him in with me, especially at places like reststops.

It's not that my son isn't responsible or capable. He's a bright child in gifted classes, has plenty of friends, and is extremely observant and thoughtful. It's the rest of the world that frightens me.

My daughter has yet to go into a public restroom unaccompanied and she is 9. It's a scary world out there and I will do everything in my power to protect my children as long as humanly possible. You have to walk a fine line between making them aware of the dangers and making them afraid of their shadow. It's a tightrope walk.

However, everytime I hear of another child that was molested or abducted (some out of their beds! Talk about making a parent crazy) I know that I am right.

In other news, for the first two years of both of childrens' lives I slept with one hand on their chest so I could feel them breathing. I was deathly afraid of SIDS. Two was the magic age for me. I got my first full night's sleep since they were born on my daughter's 2nd birthday.

Ryn

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:39 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Advice.....

PATIENCE!!!!!!! :)

Ryn

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wargod - just read your message - I guess where you let him go by himself depends on the situation.

My wife went on a road trip with my 3 boys (9,5,3) today and made the 9 year old come in the ladies room with her - he was NOT happy, but it was not a very nice location, I didn't blame her one bit.

I still walk with my oldest to the boys room if it is not within sight of where ever we are when eating out.

He'll get over it :)

Wargod

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 08:50 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
It's not my son's judgement I don't trust, its the rest of the world...sigh. He's been taught about strangers, and hes an intelligent kid, but how do I know the rest of the people in the restroom are ok? I actually do like the walkie talkie idea. I've seen some that are fairly small...might be worth looking into.

As for SIDS...my son slept in his own bedroom exactly one night, lol. After getting up 15 times to check on him, I figured my husband and I would both get a little more sleep if he was in our room. I'd then crawl to the end of the bed (15 times,) reach into the crib and feel his chest. My daughter slept in her own room about 3 nights. I thought I'd be better with her...I wasn't. I was just more comfortable wih them in my room. Of course I'm paying for that now...my daughter is now 3 nd still wanders into my room every night.

Wcv63

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 09:05 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I'm afraid I may be overprotective but try to balance my fears with life's realities. Sometimes I succeed. Other times I fail. I'd rather err on the side of caution though.

Meme9

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 09:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
War, as mom's of sons we all go there this. Loved Kar's idea of the walkie talkie! And Ryn is right, the boy will get over it and probably not think of it as he gets older. I took my son in the ladies room with me whenever I felt it was that right thing to do. Explain to him the other moms there understand and have done the same thing. Remember it only takes a moment for someone to take or hurt them...Go with your gut.

Wargod

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 09:20 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL, I think the "I'm the mommy, just deal with it," approach may be needed about now. Sometimes it seems both kids are growing up so fast. One day my son followed me everywhere, held my hand, and didn't beg to go on his own. The next day he was running into his class at school and forgot to give me a hug. This is one thing though he's not going to grow out of for awhile.

I've heard some great advice, and I know that talking about it has just reinforced my feelings on the subject. He may be old enough to go into the restroom alone, but I don't trust the people who may be in there...so for a while longer, he'll be using the ladies room. He may not like it, but like so many other parents here, its worth my sanity to protect him as long as I can.

Wcv63

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 10:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wargod, the "I'm the mommy, just deal with it" approach is my mantra. :)

Best of luck!

Wargod

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 10:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wcv, I meant to say earlier, that I joke about being overprotective, but when it comes to our kids, I don't think you really can be overprotective..short of wrapping them in stryofoam and duct taping them to your leg, lol.

I think the hard part for parents is finding the middle ground...protecting them, yet not curbing their independence. Not as easy task sometimes.

Wcv63

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 10:31 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wargod: "I don't think you really can be overprotective..short of wrapping them in stryofoam and duct taping them to your leg, lol."

But see then I'd worry about them suffocating. I really do have a fear for everything. :)

Wargod

Wednesday, June 26, 2002 - 10:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL, Wcv.....when I posted that I had a picture in my mind of a kid wrapped in styrofoam with their head and arms sticking out.

Basically, though, I really think that when it comes to our kids...there is nothing wrong with "overprotective." I mean once you become a parent thats the kind of thing that becomes second nature, and it sticks with you no matter how old they get....sigh.

Julieboo

Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 05:05 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Okay, it's fairly commonplace to see a mom bring her boy in the ladies' room. But what about a dad bringing his daughter into the men's room? Especially cuz a men's room doesn't have as much privacy as a ladies' room...

thoughts?

Bob2112

Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 05:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I've seen dads bring very young daughters into the mens room. Like maybe under 5 or 6.
The urinals in the mens room are usually out in the open, so it is not necessarily as private as the ladies room. Of course, it's been over 25 years since my mom made me go into the ladies room, so maybe things have changed. :)

...Hey, what am I doing posting over here? This isn't the Riddle Me This thread...

Julieboo

Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 05:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
No open pit-type toilets in the ladies room! And certainly nothing like you'd see in Wrigley Field! (not that i'd know first-hand, of course!)

Meme9

Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 08:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Julieboo, this happen with my husband, he was on a field trip with school and his group were all girls so what he did was to buddy up with a mom who's group included boys and they switched for the bathroom trips. That worked out great.

If my husband was out with our daugther, sometimes he would wait close to the restrooms and check out some other moms with children....if he found one that he felt comfortable with, he would ask for their help in keeping an eye on our daughter in the restroom. This seem to work when the mens restroom just didn't seem right.

Men get looks when they have to take a little girl in the men restroom...and this made my husband feel really uncomfortable. So all in all the ladies room isn't quite as scary...

Wargod

Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 08:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
My husband will take our daughter to the men's room when they are alone, but she's only 3, so there's no way she's going to a ladies room by herself.

Personally, though, I would have the same qualms about sending her to the ladies room by herself is she was 6, like my son. Hehe, I'm reminded of that movie, 3 men and a little lady (I think thats what it is called.) When one of the guys carries the little girl into the bathroom while covering her eyes.

I still think though, it's not how much we trust our kids, it's about trusting the people who will be using the restroom at the same time as them.

Wcv63

Friday, June 28, 2002 - 12:42 am EditMoveDeleteIP
If my husband is alone with my daughter I fully expect him to take her into the men's room in a public facility unless he thinks the ladies room is safe enough for him to just "hover" outside.

However, I know he'd have NO TROUBLE going into the ladies room after her if he became worried that she had been in there too long. Just as I would have NO TROUBLE going into the Men's room after my son.

Straitfan

Sunday, June 30, 2002 - 09:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
When is the world going to wake up and give us all "family bathrooms"? There would be a womens bathroom door, a mens bathroom door, and a family bathroom doorWhen we were in CA we used these with our twins(boy and girl) all the time, there would be a womens bathroom door, a mens bathroom door, and a family bathroom door. There usually was a sitting area and a area to change babies and a real door to the toilet area. It was wonderful, it allowed a mom and dad to go with both of their children and feel completely safe, also excellant for modest breatfeeding moms also.

Julieboo

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 12:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Potty training. Any advice? (for a boy)

Zachsmom

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 12:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
How old is your son and what (if anything) have you tried?

Julieboo

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 12:48 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
He recently turned 3. We've been using m&m's for rewards. (Jr. mints for poops!). He sometimes gladly uses the toilet. Most of the time he bawks.

Wargod

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 01:08 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
My sis in law told me when her boy was potty training they'd use cheerios in the toliet. He'd play a game called "shoot the ships." Only worked for peeing though.

My son was and still is very independent, so for him, once he could get on the potty by himself, he was done with us helping him.

My daughter wasn't much different either. She disappeared one day, I went looking for her, and found her sitting on the potty. (For both my kids, we left a book on the back of the toliet. They would set there and read, which seemed to keep them entertained.)

My neice on the other hand, took about 8 months to potty train. She just didn't want to do it. It took a great deal of patience and persistence with her. She didn't like to sit on the potty, she didn't like the sound it made when flushing. Finally, it took telling her repeatedly that there were things she couldn't do if she didn't use the potty like a big girl. She couldn't go for play dates, unless it was to visit my kids, she couldn't go to school. She was almost three before she figured out that if she used the potty she could do things the big kids did.

I think this is one of those things that the less its made out to be a big deal, the easier it is, if that makes sense? Encouragement and praise works great, but if he has an accident just treat it like that..an accident. I know that worked wonders with my neice. As with all things to do with parenting....patience, patience, patience, lol, even when you feel like pulling your hair out.

Zachsmom

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 01:08 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Okay..so you've got the basics down..(rewards..LOL) My son went through a period where he didn't want to use the potty at all in the begining..I would generally try one weekend to see what happened..if he didn't use it or didn't even try I'd wait another two -three weeks before trying again..after he starts showing interest and using the potty you don't ask "do you have to go pee pee?" You just take him..I would take my son first thing in the morning and then again 2 hours later..if he didn't go at the 2 hour mark I'd take him every half hour. With little boys they sometimes (at least with my son) will hold their penis when they have to go..Another tip..(which you probably know) praise like the dickens when they do it right and let them know it's okay when they have an accident..(The "It's okay that you pee peed your pants..let's try harder next time okay") When my son was potty trained for about 3 or 4 weeks a teacher totally tramatized him and he reverted back to diapers..and I had to wait another 6 months for him to even TRY again.. When it's their time it will click..at least that's the way it was with my son..don't push too hard..and don't punish or make them feel bad because they had an accident..(not saying you would..just that that teacher did this to my son and I can't stress enough that YOU DON'T DO THAT!!)

The poop is a little harder..kids seem to want to hold onto it..and it's hard for them to tell when it's going to happen..I just bought a bunch of underware and threw them out after he went in his pants..just always tell them that it's okay and the only thing you want is for them to try..and the reward for him for now going poop in the potty is he got a Thomas the Tank Engine Train Bed..LOL.. who says kids can't be bought..:)

Good luck and I hope this helps..if you have any questions specifically let me know and I'll try to help..:)

Bookworm

Monday, July 29, 2002 - 05:48 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
As a teacher of 3 and 4 year olds, we sometimes get children who are not quite potty trained. When we have those children, I try to take them to the bathroom every hour or so. Sometimes I have to set a timer so that I remember.

We do make a big deal about good behavior (pee peeing and pooping in potty). We cheer and give the child a big sticker (can't use food rewards at Head Start). But do not make a big deal about accidents. If everyone involved (parents, grandparents, any other adults) is on the same page about it, potty training goes really smoothly. As others said above don't push him, it will be easier if he is ready.

Good luck and let us know how things are going for you and your little Boo.

Julieboo

Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 09:00 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Well yesterday my dh was shaving or brushing his teeth and Boo Boo was playing with a toy in the bedroom. Then my dh thought it was awfully quiet, so he went in the bedroom and Boo Boo was not there. He found him on the toilet and he had pooped in the toilet all by himself! (And my dh has little interest in potty training him, which I suspect is part of the reason it's taking so long..)
He was very proud and got lots of M&Ms and several Junior Mints. Of course by the time I got home, he had no interest in the toilet and even fought me when I wanted to change his "super poopy" diaper....

Bookworm

Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 07:58 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Wow! On the toilet, on his own, and pooping. Sounds like he is ready. And hopefully it won't be long now.