Archive through July 08, 2002
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TV ClubHouse: archives: Archive December 2001 - July 2002: Archive through July 08, 2002

Danzdol

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 06:21 am EditMoveDeleteIP
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Julieboo

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 07:51 am EditMoveDeleteIP
He's beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

Doesn't breastfeeding rock! Not cost, no mess, no warming up bottles, no running out of formula...

Isn't it amazing how it seemed like times was standing still in the weeks right before he was born, and now time is flying by. I bet he's even outgrowing some of his clothes and in an bigger size diaper! (By three months, my son had completely outgrown all his 0-3 clothes and most of his 3-6 clothes!)

Good luck, and enjoy the non-mobile months. Savor them. Believe me, once they get mobile, you're in for quite a ride!!!

Abbynormal

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 09:16 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Danzdol, Dylan is so beautiful and I mean that with all my heart. Couldn't you just sit and look at him all day long?

Enbwife

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 12:04 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Ahhhh - how sweet he is! It makes me want mine now!!!! Just kidding... I finished work last Friday and have been enjoying my first week off. Went for a manicure/pedicure on Tuesday; lunch with friends and shopping Wednesday; hair cut and highlighted yesterday. :) What a treat! Today I've spent the entire day inventoring and washing baby's clothes... I'm on the 3rd load now. Who would have known there would be so much? Next week I go for a massage - what a life!

The weather in Ottawa has been unbearable hot. 45 degrees celcius with the humidity and we have no air conditioning. For those who are or have been pregnant - you know what it's like to have spontaneous emotional breakdowns at the drop of a hat right? Well, I had a few this week. :) Poor Neil... He probably wishes I was still working.

Julieboo

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 12:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
ENBwife, my sister-in-law is pregnant and she cried twice yesterday. Once when a guy cut in front of her in traffic and then she cried when her in-laws took her two-year old for an overnight stay... those hormones do get crazy at times...

Zachsmom

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 01:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
The spontaneous emotional breakdowns are perfectly normal Enbwife, after I had my son, I would just start crying for no reason, then I'd cry harder because I didn't know why I was crying.. When is your baby due?

Fsuanni

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 08:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I've enjoyed reading this thread SO much. I'm older than you guys---one of the oldest on this site---but reading your stories bring back so many marvelous memories although a lot of painful ones too. I had 3 children, now aged 24, 27 and 35, although the oldest is deceased (killed at 18, 6 weeks before graduation, by a drunk driver--I think I've said this before on here. Sorry for being repetitive.)

My advice is to nurse your babies; hold the when they cry and know you can't spoil them in the first 6 months; listen to their cries and learn what they want/need. Know that they don't cry unless they feel they need something and it's up to you to figure out what that need is. Play with them; give them a lot of sensory stimulation--visual, vocal and physical. Begin discipline (not punishment--discipline) by 9 months or you've missed the boat. Enjoy every moment while they are little because in a blink of the eye, they'll be 16 (earlier for some, especially girls) and all hell will break loose. Well, at least in my case, from 16-21, mine were so "in another world" that I said: "What have you done with my children?" Older and wiser people kept telling me they would outgrow this stage and become human again and lo! and behold, they ultimately did. It took them a little longer than 21, but once they were totally on their own and on their own financially, they suddenly did "grow up" and began to appreciate all we had done and how much we truly love them.

BTW: my labors were (1st one) 2 1/2 hours; (2nd one) 52 minutes and (#3), 24 minutes, from start to finish. No meds, no epidural, all natural. 4 pushes with #1, no push with #2 (I just stop panting and he slipped out) and 1 push with #3. Carried #2 at plus 1 station for 6 weeks and dilated to 4cms. 6 weeks before he was due. Yes, I was induced. Otherwise, I wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time.

Those were the days (even with #2 pushing all of his furniture over in his room at age 2 1/2). At 11 months, we moved. He had begun walking at 7 months and he decided that he wanted to check out the new neighborhood, I suppose, as he took the screen out of the living room window, climbed out and was walking around outside. He was and still is a challenge, but he's also a delight.

So, enjoy them while they are little and pray while they are teens, knowing that they will outgrow it and you will survive and be stronger because of it and them. God bless our children.

Good luck to all the new mothers and those who are mothers-in-waiting. God bless you, Anni

Egbok

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 08:24 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Danzdol, he's gorgeous!! What a joy and sense of what pure love is all about. Enjoy every single minute of his babyhood, toddlerhood, kidlet years and so forth because it truly does go by fast. Thank you for sharing Dylans' pictures with us!!
Congratulations on your new son.

Spygirl

Friday, July 05, 2002 - 08:42 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks for sharing that, Anni...thoughtful words :)

Christina

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 06:42 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Hello Ladies and Gents, You guys are talking about your wonderful babies. Well believe it when people tell you how fast they grow up!! Yesterday I was making snackies for lunch and today he is shaving. He just turned 13.
I need some advice....he is growing up so fast.
I got married 3 weeks ago, he invited a GIRLFRIEND! Things were very romantic and it rubbed off on them!! I was beside myself with the closeness they were displaying. Nothing inappropriate, but enuf to get me going.
I have had several birds and bees discussions, many as of late. Even with the girlfriend.
The girls are so aggressive these days. I am not saying my son is innocent, but he doent know there phone numbers, they call him. He is a popular boy, so they are ALL calling him constantly.
This week he was invited to an overnite birthday party for twin girls. Where was this mothers head at? He is allowed to go to party till 10 or 11. Overnite?? This woman is asking for trouble ( imo). He is mad at me , but oh well!! He will get over it. Most parents let them go to the party. I am party pooper I guess.

Now to get to my important question, your input is important to me. You guys have a great way of explaining your views. OK here it is......Do I give him a condom ??? Just in case?? I am beside myself on this one. Please help and give me your all. It will be so appreciated. Maybe I should be writing to Dan Landers , but he is hiding I think.

Spygirl

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 10:46 am EditMoveDeleteIP
ooooohhhh...this is a personal call, Christina, directly influenced by numerous views you and only you can wade through.

It sounds to me like you have done many good things over the last several weeks, so I would definitely keep up the communication. That is the most important thing you can do. I would suggest talking to him directly about his intentions and what role he would like you to play in his life as he sorts through this stuff. It sounds like you have set the stage for that thus far. As for whether or not you equip him with a condom will reflect those views I mentioned above.

Good luck!

Wargod

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 02:36 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I'm with Spy on that,Christina......thats something that is totally up to you, though talking with your son in an open and honest way is a great start!

I won't give advice on rather or not to give him a condom, though I'll tell a little story. My sisters mother in law had three boys.......not to mention they're friends, and all the male cousins. She always kept a candy dish filled with condoms by the front door. Some of the boys grabbed one everytime they left, some only occassionally. Doesn't mean they used them, but they did have them if they needed it.

Kids really do grow up so fast these days. Sometimes its hard to know the right thing to do. The best thing really is to keep comunicatting and follow your own heart. Good luck!

Urgrace

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 03:08 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
While I was at the department store I saw a child approximately 18 months old sitting in the basket of the store cart. Her mother was busy shopping and not paying a bit of attention to the child who was whimpering, "Mamaaaa, Mamaaaaaa, please hold me" and holding her arms out.

I just wanted to shake her mother. The child was not being bad, was not figeting or trying to crawl out of the basket, but the mother just ignored her. My heart went out to the baby, because she seemed frightened.

How can a parent just ignore their child and not take a second to hold them? Arrrggggggghhh. I just had to vent.

Car54

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 03:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Grace, I work in retail and for years ran children's departments, and you would not believe the people who will go off and leave their kids for us to watch or entertain. It is scary that people ignore their kids in public places with the kinds of things that happen with kids nowadays.

One store I worked in, the owner would greet the parent when they came back and tell them never to come back in her store...it made her so mad.

Some parents are SOOO wonderful with their kids in public...they make everywhere they go an experience and they are in tune with their kids. Some parents treat their kids like luggage.

You learn a lot when you work with the public.

Wargod

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 04:11 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
When I was working at the retirement home, we had the same problem almost. People would come in to visit grandma or grandpa and bring their small kids. Then they'd just let them loose. They would run up and down the hallways, scream and yell, jump and get into things.....always had me mad. My kids knew from the time they could walk that when we went in to visit, they must walk, as the elderly can't move that fast and would be prone to fall over a little one easily, and also knew to use their little voices as this was peoples homes and they should be polite and respectful. Never made much sense to me why they would bring their young children with them, just to ignore them.

Fsuanni

Saturday, July 06, 2002 - 09:04 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Christina,
All the above advice is probably better than anything I might say; however, as you'll find out I do love to give my opinion and was officially tagged Ms Wordy on another site last year.....so, bear with me, or just ignore what I say. smile

In addition to my own 3 children, I had a nanny for the kids, who was young and still a virgin and a friend of my deceased son, who moved in with us after he passed away. Not to mention friends of each of the above mentioned.

Here's what I said to each of them:
"I won't tell you what to do as far as sex is involved. I WILL tell you that I prefer you wait until you are married. I realize that in this day and time (and that was years ago) kids move faster than we did in my day." (After describing what we did 'back then,' what our family believes and what they have been taught, I ended the discussion with 2 things.)
1. I told them that I didn't have to look in the mirror the next morning and see you. But you have to look in that mirror and look at yourself. You have to live with that image. You have to be ready to face the natural consequences of any actions you may take. (I discussed contraception, STDs; etc)
2. I told them to discuss the decision with the person with whom they were considering having sex. I reminded them that when they slept with one person, they were sleeping with every person that person had slept with. I suggested they suggest a test for HIV and other STDs before they actually "went all the way." And I suggested that they come to me to talk about it after they had discussed it with the partner.

It's amazing how thinking ahead and planning takes all the excitement out of the thought of the act itself and how it makes the kids think before they just act.

I did keep the lines open and we discussed everything. I do know when each of the kids had their first sexual experience, smoked their first joint, had their first drink;etc. Yes, sometimes they told me more than I wanted to know, but they told me. AND although they didn't wait and get married before they had sex, they did wait until they were 17, 18 and 19. The Nanny and the other girl were 19 also.

Hope this is helpful and that you managed to get through the whole post.

Whatever you do, don't be critical, accusatory nor threatening. That only creates rebellion.

The key is Listening. (She says after she, herself, told them.) I guess Listen, talk and Listen.

Much luck---and yes, girls are becoming much more aggressive, thanks to Woman's Lib and earlier raging hormones.

Christina

Sunday, July 07, 2002 - 04:17 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks for your input. Looks like Ive been doing ok so far. I want him to be safe in everything he does. He says I am a worry wart. Its just that when the time comes will he buy or ask for a condom? I dont think so. I could be wrong. The other things is if I gave him a condom some may say that it would be promoting it.
I have discussed with her mom as well my concerns. Not the condom part!! Just the closeness between them. She lets the kids watch movies alone together(Another room) Me, I took them berry picking to keep the hands busy, then I figured I would be able to see any evidence of touching (red fingerprints). haha. They were horrible berry pickers. Quality time eh?

I have been friendly with the girlfriend as well, making her a friend, joking etc. I feel that if I was her friend, maybe she will be more careful, nice and more willing to please. I dont know, this whole puberty things seems to be as hard as it was before cept that it is someone else. Someone I LOVE. Gosh, I want the best things to happen to him. Talk to your kids, and LISTEN. It is so important.

Fsuanni

Sunday, July 07, 2002 - 09:40 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Christina,
You know: you reminded me that I developed friendships with the "other" person, too. I'd even discuss the situation with her/him and get a feel from where they were on the issue.

And yes, I did tell the girls that if they decided to become sexually active, to come to me and we would go to Planned Parenthood to get them on BC Pills knowing that they would also be provided with condoms. They were 19, but two of them asked me to go with them and I did.

As to the boys, I told them basically the same thing and did offer condoms if they even considered becoming sexually active. Many people would disagree with the approach, but it worked for us because in addition, I reminded the boys that if they felt they were "in love" with the girl, to think what affect such a giant step could have on her and reminded them that what they might physically want at the moment, might not be the best thing in the whole scheme of things. Now this may offend a lot of people, but I did suggest masturbation as a way of relieving the sexual energy they were experiencing.

Adolescence was a difficult time, and keeping the lines of communication open, being a friend, yet remaining a parent is a difficult thing to do. But....as you said: it is SO important.

One thing I didn't address, because I never thought it would be an issue was drugs. I now regret this. I didn't see anything wrong with smoking pot, but when my husband was emptying the wastebasket of our #1 when he was 17 and a broken bong fell out, he went beeserck, literally. Drug testing every 2 weeks. What it did was the reverse of what my DH had wanted. And all three of my own kids went through the drug experience to different extremes. This became the most difficult problem for our family than the sexual or any other issue. So, please, don't ignore this issue and keep the lines open in discussing this with your son. Let him be himself, but be himself in a responsible way and with some boundaries. And make sure he knows HE will have to pay the natural consequences of any repercussion from his actions.

Sorry for writing so much, but I HAVE been there and I do know what you are undergoing.

We all want only the best for our kids, but we can't blame ourselves when things go wrong if we have done the best we could. Love them and talk, but more important listen. AND listen between the lines, because sometimes what isn't said is more important than what they are saying.

Christina

Sunday, July 07, 2002 - 11:36 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks Fsuanni, I hear you. As for the drugs part well unfortunately my son had to learn way too young the effects of them.
His father died of cocaine overdose when he was 9. I let my son know the truth. I will bring up drugs now and then. You can see the hurt in his eyes. I am hoping it at least has made him wiser.
I truly feel you have to always be there for them, and be involved in there life.
At first he kept me out of the relationship with his girl, till I was her friend. Until I cant anymore I will be the nosey mother who asks lots of questions and offers too much advice. But always in a good way. ( I will try)

Urgrace

Sunday, July 07, 2002 - 12:40 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Open lines of communication and trust along with a teaching of morals has always been the best way to a good relationship with your children. It still works. My children learned that their discipline would be much greater if they lied to me than if they were up front and told the truth. <it actually kept my daughter from going to jail once for vandalism...another story> As they grew older it was easier and easier to talk to them and their friends, friends who still stop by for a visit to check up on their 'other mom and dad'.

Danzdol

Monday, July 08, 2002 - 08:22 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks everyone you are all so sweet!

ENB I am still having hormonal outbursts and breakdowns!Not as much as before but occassionaly.

It is all getting a little easier the more I get to know him. He is starting to smile, it' sooo cool.

By the way, the laundry does not ease up. It's all washcloths, burp cloths, outfits etc... all dirty. I have my hubby as designated laundry doer!

Wargod

Monday, July 08, 2002 - 09:28 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Danzdol..........the laundry doesn't change as they get older....sigh...I do at least one load a night and my kids are 3 and 6.

Abbynormal

Monday, July 08, 2002 - 12:22 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Hehe, Wargod. Just wait til Kota hits 13 and changes clothes about 5 times before she goes anywhere. She will also then throw the discarded ones in the laundry because it's easier than hanging them back up! :)

Micknrc

Monday, July 08, 2002 - 12:36 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Amen, Abby! I was just about to say that the teens make more laundry than the babies or kids. My 12 yr-old daughter just kicks the folded piles of clothes (that I spend all weekend sorting, washing, drying folding and sorting again) off her bed onto the floor and whatever hasn't been worn by the next weekend she just throws back in the laundry as a method of cleaning her room.

Coz, ya know, I like nothing better than doing 20 loads of laundry every weekend after a 50 hour workweek and in between shopping for and cooking massive quantities of food for her and her 14 yr-old brother. That's how I LIKE to spend my weekends. Ooops, didn't mean to get off on a rant there.....hee hee

Danzdol: Dylan is GORGEOUS!

Wargod

Monday, July 08, 2002 - 01:04 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL, you guys got me rolling over here.

Kota already changes clothes at least three times a day! She has no problem being the "walking human mud ball," but seems to think if there is one speck of dirt, or lord forbid water {gasp} on her clothes she has to immidiately change, right now! ALso, you know how toddler clothes come in sets...like a pair of shorts have a specific shirt to go with them? Well, when she's in finding something to put on, she never goes for the sets! It's always a shirt from this outfit, and short from that one...sigh!

New moms take this advice! Before baby starts to move on its own, buy a lock for the closet! Hide the keys! wargod makes note to self to go to Walmart and buy a lock!