Archive through May 07, 2001
The ClubHouse: Archives: Thought For The Day:
Archive Through June 1, 2001:
Archive through May 07, 2001
Zeb | Monday, April 30, 2001 - 10:42 am     Not I--not anyone else, can travel that road for you, You must travel it for yourself. -Walt Whitman |
Max | Monday, April 30, 2001 - 11:32 am     "Moderation may be the key to success, but it's not fun." --Enders Groff, a decidedly bubbly bartender |
Tess | Monday, April 30, 2001 - 11:46 am     The Cost of a Child The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite. What do your get for your $160,140? Naming rights. First, middle, and last! Glimpses of God every day. Giggles under the covers every night. More love than your heart can hold. Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. A hand to hold, usually covered with jam. A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain. Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day. For $160,140, you never have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars. You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day. For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren. You get education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. |
Lancecrossfire | Monday, April 30, 2001 - 12:53 pm     Tess, lots of great thoughts all rolled into one post!! Thanks Zeb, that sure is true!!! Max, how true--hopefully the fun of success itself can help make up for that. LOL |
Nancy | Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 05:37 am     "An idea is never given to you without you being given the power to make it reality. You must, nevertheless, suffer for it." Richard Bach "Get your ideas on paper and study them. Do not let them go to waste!" Les Brown "Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good you'll have to ram them down people's throats." Howard Aiken "If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas." George Bernard Shaw |
Flint | Tuesday, May 01, 2001 - 06:59 am     There is no here, no there. Infinity is before our eyes. - Seng-T'san |
Nancy | Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 04:52 am     I WISH FOR YOU... Comfort on difficult days, Smiles when sadness intrudes, Rainbows to follow the clouds, Laughter to kiss your lips, Sunsets to warm your heart, Gentle hugs when spirits sag, Friendships to brighten your being, Beauty for your eyes to see, Confidence for when you doubt, Faith so that you can believe, Courage to know yourself, Patience to accept the truth, And love to complete your life." |
Max | Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 09:42 am     The Invitation It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with the wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the moon, "Yes!" It doesn't interst me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer |
Lancecrossfire | Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 10:01 am     Thanks Max, that is great! <<It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.>> In recent times this is something I had to answer a few times---from some on the board and some who have left. Flint, does that sound familiar???? |
Willi | Wednesday, May 02, 2001 - 01:26 pm     Love that. |
Nancy | Thursday, May 03, 2001 - 05:03 am     "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved." Victor Hugo "Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see Beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see Beauty never grows old." Frank Kafka "Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." Storm Jameson "One must never look for happiness: one meets it by the way." Isabelle Eberhardt |
Max | Thursday, May 03, 2001 - 08:54 am     Truisms I Can Relate To 1. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make's the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. 2. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. 3. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 4. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. 5. A penny saved is a government oversight. 6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 7. He who hesitates is probably right. 8. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 9. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 10. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 11. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. 12. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth! 13. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 14. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 15. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad, he'll be a mile away and barefoot. 16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. 17. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 18. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 19. A closed mouth gathers no feet. 20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 21. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 22. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 23. If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip. 24. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 25. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. |
Nancy | Friday, May 04, 2001 - 08:36 am     If Only You Could See You've lost sight of yourself, but I can still see you.... Behind your mask of bitterness, I see a gentle soul, fighting to regain its composure. Under the weight of your burdens, I see strong shoulders, bearing life's burdens with incredible fortitude. In the midst of your swirling confusion, I see a calm center of faith, waiting to be remembered. Below the surface of your sadness, I see a spark of joy, aching to dance with delight. Beneath your tears, I see a smile, longing to crease your face and crinkle your eyes. I see hope, where you see none. When these dark days have passed and you're ready to walk in the sunshine once more, I will be waiting with open arms - to welcome you back. © 2001 Terri McPherson |
Lancecrossfire | Saturday, May 05, 2001 - 09:38 pm     I have always thought humor in the work place was important. For me, laughing helps me get through things. I thought getting trapped in that damn freezer had a humorous component to it. I have seen this guy on TV a couple of times, although it's been a few years. Time for me to get reacquainted with him. Humor, Risk, and Change C.W. Metcalf CW. Metcalf is a motivational humorist. His Colorado training company, Metcalf & Associates (http://www.litenup.org), helps people and organizations thrive in environments of rapid change. His work with cancer patients and hospice groups prepared him for the field of motivational humor. In 1978, while writing a TV special about children with cancer, he quit his job to pursue the lessons these patients taught him. He and his wife, Roma Felible, coauthored the best seller Lighten Up: Survival Skills for People Under Pressure. I'm here to talk to you today about humor — not jokes. According to my wife, the difference between a comedian and a humorist is that comedians tell jokes — and a humorist is a joke. I've been a testing ground for the things I'm going to talk about. Most of what I have to share came to me through life experiences. You cannot spend as many years as I have in palliative care without being incredibly grateful for every breath you draw and without learning a lot. Humor is a survival skill: a way to see, be, act, imagine, and adapt — "grace under pressure." It is one of the common denominators of people who have seen, survived, and thrived in serious situations. Most of my interviews have been with POWs, hostages, and survivors of burns, rapes, and crashes. I have dealt with people who have seen the worst life has to offer, and who have been unbroken and unembittered by it. Humor comes from the Latin umor. See? This is a real presentation! Latin! I use a lot of Latin when I talk to doctors so they know I'm hip and groovy. Umor means "fluid like water." Humor and fluidity are one and the same. Four years ago, I was about to do a presentation in Ithaca, N.Y., and I got the Mother of All Headaches. I went to the ER, they saw I had a history of migraines, and they told me, "You need to rest." I said, "Well, no, I'm a guy — I have testosterone poisoning. I've got a presentation to do." And I went on and did it. Afterward, I got on a plane, passed out, and drooled all the way to Portland, Ore. They couldn't wake me up when we got there. The carotid artery in my brain had torn. Usually, when it tears, it shreds and you bleed and die. Mine tore at the exact angle to coagulate partially, allowing 10 percent of normal blood flow to my brain. So I'm lying in the ER, and I heard that sound. I watch ER, and I knew that sound didn't bode well. And then I heard the words, "He's flat. Get the paddles." I thought, "Flat? Paddles? I'm dead?" And then, as I was ready to fade away, I heard someone say, "We have three heart emergencies in the ER, and all the defibrillators are in use!" Then a nurse walked by with that norepinephrine pump that almost never works. It's a last-ditch effort. It's like sewing on a decapitated head. She walked in and hit me in the heart with that needle. I bolted upright and went "Aaaahhhh!!" She yelled, "It worked!" Oh, that's just what you want to hear! Very supportive. Well, I knew I was going to make it because the first words out of my mouth represented the first lesson I had learned from all of those trauma and crisis survivors: You have to be able to access absurdity in adversity. If you can't look at difficulty, pain, and trauma and see the absurdity in them, you will be enslaved by them. I remember looking at the woman and saying, "If I live, I'll buy you guys another damn defibrillator." And I did. That capacity is a learned ability. A lot of us grow up in environments that teach us that humor, fun, joy, and play are unintelligent forms of behavior. We hear things like, "Wipe that stupid smile off your face." What a terrible thing to tell a kid! I was taught early on that life is a dangerous place and you have to outwork, outthink, and outsmart the next person to eke out a miserable existence in an unfriendly universe. "Grow up." "Get serious." We get a lot of negative input over the course of our lives. No wonder kids tattoo dragons on their necks and put bones in their ears. When they move into a difficult work environment, their capacity for joy, which is essential to the creative problem-solving mind, has been repressed and put aside. The only way you can redevelop that fluidity of mind, body, and spirit is to overcome your fear of embarrassment, foolishness, and failure. You've got to get past that fear, or you will fall prey to terminal professionalism. Does this sound familiar? Indicators of terminal professionalism include Center of the Universe Syndrome — very common in this particular room. Another is fear disguised as anger and blame. It's easy to get angry about the health care system, but remember that when you get angry, it's because you're afraid of something. Diminished creativity, fluidity, sanity, and health are also indicators. Terminal professionalism is not abstract. To overcome it, we have to overcome our fear of foolishness and failure. Misery, pain, and change come for free. They are gifts that allow us to find what we're made of. Let me give you the best example I've got. I got a phone call a couple of years ago from the Shriners Burn Hospital in San Francisco: "Mr. Metcalf? My name is Keith. I'm 12 years old. I've had 11 operations in 18 months. Tomorrow is Socialization Day. I read your book, I really liked it, and I want you to be with me when I have to go out for Socialization Day." I asked what Socialization Day was. "I have to get used to how people are going to look at me." Keith had been set on fire by a drunken parent. His face, throat, mouth, tongue, ears, nose, and eyes, had been burned so severely that all he had left was one eye with a wire running under his skin to a button on his hip he had to press once in a while to keep the tear ducts moving. He had a Velcro nose and ears because there was no tissue left to work with. His skull had been warped — that's how hot it had been. Before I walked in, I'd seen pictures of Keith but they didn't prepare me. The kid was hideous. I said, "Look, I've never worked with a burn victim as young as you, so if I make any mistakes, you let me know," because I was on the verge of tears. The kid said, "Well, you've already made a mistake. I'm not a burn victim. Victims are dead people, Mr. Metcalf. I'm a burn survivor." We went to Union Square. He bought popcorn and covered himself with it so the pigeons would sit on him and eat. He was having a great time. I thought, "He doesn't need me." Then, as we walked down the street, up came the typical businessman. The guy had on a bandoleer of beepers. A Palm Pilot in every pocket. He had an 80-pound briefcase and he was on a cell phone. He looked at Keith and went, "Argh!" and just stared and couldn't move. Keith was getting uncomfortable. He turned to me and said, "What do I do?" I said, "Well, Keith, you've got to face this situation." And before I could say anything else, he went, "Oh, okay." To him, it was simple. He looked at the guy and said "It's okay! I lost my spaceship." Well, I was on the ground! And the guy's response was, "Argh!" and he fled. After that, whenever anybody stared at Keith, he'd just look at them and go, "Mee meep, mee meep." A sense of humor, in part, is the ability to take yourself lightly and your problem seriously. Survival tools I want to give you a couple of tools to develop skills to access absurdity in adversity. Photo funnies. I developed this working for the Strategic Air Command. You want a high stress job? Work in a missile silo. Three days a week you go down there and wait to end the world. Anyway, we brought in photo booths. I told them to take four pictures of themselves looking as ridiculous and childish as possible. Carry them with you — you don't have to show them to people — but the next time you're feeling three inches shorter because your gut's so tight, take those photos out. Just access absurdity in adversity. It's an incredibly effective behavioral modification tool. Draw the line. Come up with an exercise that says, "End of the work day, beginning of the rest of my life." One woman had to cross the Tappan Zee Bridge every day to go to work and back. She imagined a "crap net" hung across the bridge. As she drove home from work, all the crap from her work day got dropped into the net. It was gone! The next day when she came back, it was waiting for her, but this was something that said, "End of the workday, beginning of the rest of my life." Joy list. I once worked with a kid who was dying of a basal-stem brain tumor. "Here," he said. "Give this to my parents after I die. It's a list of all the fun I've had. I think my parents forgot." If I asked most of you to make a list of things in the last six weeks that nourished and sustained your sense of joy, made you laugh, gave you hope, or allowed you to move ahead imaginatively, I'd guess most of you couldn't write down three things. If you're only going to pick one of these tools, do this. Please, ladies and gentlemen, pick one of these things. Pay attention to the fact that humor is not about jokes and joke telling. I want you to think about humor as a skill that you can develop if you choose to overcome your fear of foolishness and failure; if you choose to avoid becoming terminally professional; if you choose to do some of the things that I've invited you to do. |
Wink | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 07:10 am     Lance thank you. You just made my day. |
Willi | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 07:15 am     Mine too.
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Gail | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 07:26 am     That was really good!! |
Moondance | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 09:43 am     Oh Rabbit that was GREAT! Thank you so much! |
Tess | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 10:13 am     Very nice, Lance, Very nice. |
Lancecrossfire | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 02:58 pm     Btw, I think this Keith kid is beyond words. Can you imagine having your parents set your head and face on fire--and in doing so they had to put something on him to increase the burning, most likely. The fire was hot enough to warp his skull! I am aware of what those who suffer burns go through to some extent (in terms of treatment). Many are driven to insanity, or suicide. Many have their lives affected for the worst. In Keith's case, I don't have any idea what all he went through in terms of surgery and therapy. I believe it probably went well beyond what most server burn folks go through. Did he have to learn to talk all over?? What did it take to get any sight back? What about his hearing--what was involved to salvage that?? These are all rhetorical thoughts in my mind. Kind of puts things in perspective when problems of our own crop up. Keith's situation is a great example of what humans are capable of. For the extreme negative aspects of humanity to be able to do this to another human, we see someone do something at least as extremely positive. |
Willi | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 04:00 pm     |
Moondance | Sunday, May 06, 2001 - 07:12 pm     FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real Now just GO FOR IT! |
Nancy | Monday, May 07, 2001 - 04:24 am     JUST FOR TODAY --Smile at a stranger. --Listen to someone's heart. --Drop a coin where a child can find it. --Learn something new, then teach it to someone else. --Tell someone you're thinking of them. --Hug a loved one. --Don't hold a grudge. --Don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry." --Look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are. --Don't kill that spider in your house, he's just lost, so show him the way out. --Look beyond the face of a person into their heart. --Make a promise, and keep it. --Call someone, for no other reason than to just say "Hi." --Show kindness to an animal. --Stand up for what you believe in. --Smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind, enjoy the sun. --Use all your senses to their fullest. --Cherish all your TODAYS! |
Lancecrossfire | Monday, May 07, 2001 - 08:09 am     That is a very good list Nancy---thank you!! |
Nancy | Monday, May 07, 2001 - 09:29 am     "Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not." Vaclav Havel "People who laugh actually live longer than those who don't laugh. Few persons realize that health actually varies according to the amount of laughter." Dr. James Walsh "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it." Erma Bombeck "If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think." Clarence Darrow "The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed." Sebastien Roch Nicholas Chamfort |
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