Archive through March 23, 2002
The ClubHouse: Archives: Dear Abbey...:
Archive through March 23, 2002
Whoami | Friday, January 04, 2002 - 04:09 pm     MsSil, you said it a lot better than I could! My reply came off sounding kinda harsh and bi*chy. |
Sunshinemiss | Friday, January 04, 2002 - 04:24 pm     Potluck Police is no joke, at our office when there is a potluck they issue a nametag AFTER they inspect your contribution, and you have to wear the nametag to get into the conference room where they hold the potluck.There are several managers that spend the whole day doing nothing but hanging around the potluck checking nametags and gossiping. I don't really care for the atmosphere but I usually participate. Presents/gift giving is another issue entirely; after years of the type of problems mentioned by previous posts I choose to try to opt out of any gift giving that is group-oriented, it NEVER seems to work out. I do give small gifts to a few co-workers and the 2 managers I feel close to, and I will bake some cookies or fudge for the office as a whole. This year at Thanksgiving I was able to persuade our group to sponsor a needy family instead of a party, better feelings all around. |
Juju2bigdog | Friday, January 04, 2002 - 05:31 pm     Grooch, hahahahahahahhaaahaha!! Thanks for finally telling the story. It is even more gruesome than I had imagined. Golf calendar here we come. It is indeed amazing how petty people can get over stuff that is supposed to be fun. I always had fun at our office potlucks, but I never got in on the organizing stuff. I did hear the organizers complaining. And yes, buying presents for sponsored families seemed to work out best of all. |
Pcakes2 | Friday, January 04, 2002 - 10:28 pm     It's not that we don't appreciate what our boss does. He spends a day or two prior (outside the office) preparing for these shindigs. I should also say that a couple of months ago, the company laid off about 10 people (there's only about 50 in the company). Also, like I said, it's a 3 hour thing. We're in Sales...time is money to all of us. We are paid an industry high base salary in addition to a very generous commission. The big drawback is lack of vacation time, holidays and sick days. We all work very hard. Only 3 of us (out of 10) work normal hours...many of you know that I get up for work at 3am..I start at 5am. So, time off would be soooo much more appreciated than a lunch. I don't mean to seem ungrateful for what my boss does, I know he means well. |
Urgrace | Friday, January 04, 2002 - 11:09 pm     Here's one for you... 1967, Credit reporting agency, the boss is not well known by any of the phone operators, file clerks, or credit investigators which make up 95% of the work force. The boss walks through the building threatening all that if anyone is absent or late one time during the month of November or December that they not only won't get a bonus (some ridiculous small amount of cash for all the money coming in!) or a turkey (no more than 10 pounder) but that they will get a pink slip in their last paycheck at the Christmas party! For one, I had no problem with the absent or late threat as most of us were rarely out, but we were all working within strict time guidelines and never even left the premises for lunch in order to get back to work at the precise time. My coworkers and I were all hard workers, and we didn't deserve to be treated like we were working in a sweatshop! I thought this man was extremely rude and harsh, and cheap besides, and didn't have a good feeling towards him or the company after his 'speech'. The so called party was way too tense for anyone to enjoy, wondering if the boss would pink slip us for some other trumped up reason, and yet we all chipped in for a present for the boss, a brand new recliner, which turned out to be way too much in my estimation! I don't like working in a company where the employees are not appreciated in the least, so I put in my notice right after Christmas! |
Jewels | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 04:48 pm     Okay...I need help... There is a family living across the street from me, mom, dad, twin girls (age 12), another daughter (age 9). To put it bluntly the mom is a drunk. I know she drives the girls around when she is drunk...I just witnessed it. I was outside with my son talking with the girls and she came out yelling at them, I could smell the alcohol from across the street. She got the girls and put them in the car to take them to a slumber party. I asked her if she wanted me to take the girls for her and she said she was fine. About 2 minutes after she got home she called me (she only calls me when she is drunk) and told me she isn't drunk, but that she had a really shi**y day and continued to ramble on for 20 minutes about nothing (which she only does when she is drunk). I don't know what to do. I want to protect the girls, who I love to death. There is more to the story, but this is the jest of it...what would you guys do? I'm going to be off the computer for the rest of the night, but would appreciate any help you guys could give me and I'll check back in in the morning. Thanks.  |
Whoami | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 07:12 pm     Maybe you can call the police for advice. It's doubtful they would patrol the area waiting for her to get in the car. But, if you keep her licence plate number, car description handy, and maybe even have some knowledge of her schedule. Then, when you see her take off in the car with the girls, call the police, let them know where she can probably be found, and get her pulled over. If she is in denile (likely so), probably the only thing that will wake her up is to get caught by the cops, or get in an accident. With your help, and the cooperation of your local police department, hopefully she will only get caught! Of course, cooperation of the local police is a biggie. I had a newspaper carrier driving the wrong way down a one way street to deliver papers. She drove fast, and one day blocked my mom from backing out of the driveway, telling her to move cause she had a paper to deliver (at our house)! I had already called the paper several times complaining about her to no avail. So I took care of the carrier's problem by cancelling my subscription! The police refused to come out to the area to catch her in the act, despite my giving a description of the car, and the time she came by every morning. They said the only way they could/would do anything was for me to get a license number (the woman drove by so fast, and it was in the dark, that was impossible to get a plate numer-unless I were to stand out in the street and have her hit me, and hope I got the license number before I died/passed out!). |
Max | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 08:31 pm     Another option is to call your state's child services division and ask them to investigate. The police department might direct you to them. Definitely, she's a hazard to her kids all the time and to others when she drives drunk. It's such a drag to see this kind of crap and feel helpless. Good luck and let us know what happens. |
Bookworm | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 08:45 pm     You can call 'Child services' and tell them you believe the children are in danger. They will do an investigation (hopefully) and you can remain anonymous. It's DHS (Dept of Human Services) here but different in every state. |
Juju2bigdog | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 09:48 pm     Agreed. Call Child Protective Services. Child Protective Services |
Max | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 09:55 pm     Jewels, I didn't realize you're right here in Portland, too! Definitely call the child protective services people. They are pretty good here and take these things seriously. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, even if it's just meeting you for coffee so you can vent. I'm in Hillsboro (email in my profile). |
Spygirl | Friday, March 22, 2002 - 10:07 pm     Chiming in here with some rare out-right "orders" -- you need to call CPS. In fact, in many states, you can be legally liable for NOT calling when you know the children are in danger. Please don't fail those children -- call for them. And if you have any questions about that process, I can walk you through it. I've done it too many times, unfortunately. |
Jewels | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 07:18 am     About 5 minutes after I posted that message the 9 year old knocked on my door asking if she could cut some flowers in my yard because she was making her mom an early Easter bouquet, in her had she had this huge bouquet of all sorts of plants and flowers she had found and wanted more. She worked on that thing for 2 hours, I swear. It breaks my heart. I will call CPS, I know it is the right thing to do, chances are they have been there before. The girls have gone to a small school just right down the road from us since kindergarten, I know the mom would be "known" there and would have thought maybe the school would do something. Boy, this is going to be hard. Thanks everyone, I really aprreciate it.  |
Weinermr | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 07:24 am     Jewels - I don't know if this would help, but my mother lives in Portland, and is a retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and she worked for several years (some time ago) in child placement. If you think she could help, or you would like someone to talk to, let me know. I'm sure she would be glad to help. Good luck. |
Fruitbat | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 09:27 am     Often Child Protective Services hands are tied by red tape and protocol. It would not hurt to call the police. I would do that, too. A DUI would take her off the road for awhile and give authorities some time to invisigate. |
Grooch | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 09:38 am     Weiner, I think that is so sweet of you to offer to help in that way. Having an inside track can often do wonders. |
Logan | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 12:32 pm     Jewel, you said there is a dad. It seems its his responsibility to do something about her drinking if such is the case. IMHO that is whom you should be talking to first! To contact CPS, at this time is taking a potential risk of breaking up a family. I would tread carefully. You need to have pretty clear facts. Obviously the little girl seems to love her mom even though there may be a problem. Once CPS gets involved, things get really ugly. |
Spygirl | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 03:51 pm     CPS does not immediately take children out of a family unless there is a severe risk of danger or unless something has already happened in the past that was reported and investigated. They first listen to what has been observed and how much information is presented in the initial phone call to determine whether an investigation needs to be conducted given the circumstances. This initial phone call is very important because other people may have already called about this family and the agency did not have enough compiled information to conduct an investigation. Your info may be combined with other reports that push the agency into action. If the information is "significant" (determined by the agency's standards), they then assign a caseworker to determine what action is warranted. This is a process. In the end, sometimes they do remove children from the home. Contrary to popular belief, though, that is not the goal of every investigation. In fact, they want to make the children's house safe so that they can continue to live in that house. The VAST majority of removals are done on a timed basis so that the parent(s) can learn necessary skills to care for their children once they are safely returned to the home (depending on the situation). It is not the job of the public to do the investigation and gather clear facts before calling. If you have seen what you've described, that is enough to warrant that initial phone call, and it is time to let the professionals determine what is going on. It does not even guarantee an investigation -- much less the removal of the children! It isn't always pretty when CPS gets involved, but if they deem that an investigation is warranted, the situation is already beyond or getting to the point of not being pretty anyway. Even if these children are not removed, that mother needs to be put on notice that her irresponsibility is not going unnoticed. Contacting the dad first could be helpful if he is responsive, I agree. But if he is not, then you've revealed your identity to the family system so when you do contact CPS, you are no longer anonymous. And depending on how violent or threatening these parents are (and they can be very), they could make life very uncomfortable for a "meddling" neighbor. And not only that, but they then know who they need to "hide" things from, preventing you from being able to help monitor the safety of those children. |
Buttercup | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 04:16 pm     Spy, I tend to agree with you--I do so now too |
Llkoolaid | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 05:52 pm     I find it hard to believe that the father would not be aware of his wife's drinking. Call CPS today, you have a responsibility to those children to protect them, something their parents are not doing. Think how horrible you would feel if something happens to those kids that your phone call might have prevented. I would call in a heartbeat, I have called the Children's Aid Society (that's what we call it in Canada) and I will do it again if I feel I have to. It seems to me that these children trust you, so keep your door open to them, they may need you in the future. I choose to look at it as you might be saving a family not breaking one up. |
Logan | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 06:18 pm     Okay,, go ahead call CPS, call the police. I just would have my ducks in a row first. If the woman has a problem, I would assume the husband is aware, and you don't know what attempts he has made. I also imagine there is an extended family structure. Meaning, grandparents, etc. (assuming this is a decent neighborhood). I have no problem with people doing the "right thing" and reporting someone. However, there are far too many situations where simply curiosity of the neighbors and mis-assumptions, has destroyed families. It would be pretty difficult to convince even CPS that one can smell alcohol on a woman from as far as "across the street". I'm just saying, I would thread very cautiously and ensure, I could back up my statements. I would rather do it that way, than have on my conscious that I have broken up a family structure, which may have problems within their household that they themselves are trying to resolve. |
Merlin | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 06:37 pm     Logan, you have some valid points. There are some things you say that bring questions to my mind, such as....... why does it need to be a decent neighborhood to merit an extended family structure? I assume that extended family structures also exist in not so decent neighborhoods. Maybe your viewpoint could be understood better about hesitating to call the authorities when someone is concerned about the health and welfare of children if you explained where you are coming from. Your responses make me think you have been in a similar situation at some time in your life. You seem to imply that any and all investigations result in a family structure breaking up. |
Buttercup | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 06:41 pm     Regardless of what attempts the husband has made, they seemingly have not worked. Bottom line is that there are children who potentially are in danger. The CPS cannot break up a family based on one phone call unless there is a need to keep the children safe. If the family gets broken up, it certainly won't be Jewels fault. Better safe than sorry! |
Spygirl | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 06:48 pm     Logan, you bring up a very valid point -- some people abuse the CPS reporting process quite often. It is sad, but true. They are mostly ex-spouses trying to get custody of their children away from the other and they find that abuse allegations are the quickest way to get into court and get some attention. There is also the occasional nosey neighbor, and spiteful acquaintance. Unfortunately, it does happen. And for that reason, it isn't wise to call and report every little thing without some context**. I think that is a good point and I'm glad you mentioned it. I would say, though, that if someone is unfairly reported to CPS for something they are innocent of, that will come out in the investigation. If this woman has nothing to hide, then CPS will figure that out. Sure, some terrible things slip through the cracks, but those cases are not worth passing up on reporting when you have serious concerns. I do believe in the CPS process -- and depending on what state in the US you live, you really really can be held legally responsible for not reporting. I don't know that I personally would call the police, either, but I would certainly phone CPS. If nothing else, you can pose a "hypothetical" scenario to the person at the 800 number if you aren't certain whether you are overreacting. In this case, you are not required to give your name or the name of the family in question. Maybe that is where you can start, Jewels. ** The advice I gave in this thread is based directly on Jewel's request for advice. Her experience with this family indicates that she has some history and knowledge beyond just the one witnessed incident she described for us here -- the woman even has her phone number, so I believe Jewels has the necessary context. Good Luck Jewels!!!
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Logan | Saturday, March 23, 2002 - 07:05 pm     Merlin, no i have never experienced that situation directly within my family structure. However, I have been in a situation of mediation between families who's children have been removed based on someone's accusations, which were false misinterpetations. It's destroyed families. I don't disagree with the fact that someone causing abuse, or putting lives in danger, especially to children, should be investigated. I wholeheartedly support that. However, in some situations,,,,things aren't always what they may seem to us on the outside. Spygirls suggesting of a "hypothetical" is a good one. That's what I call...."getting one's ducks in a row". If Jewel knows in full detail, the circumstances within that neighbors household, then perhaps she should say something to someone. However, its a very dangerous line to cross, in situations such as these. Jewel could also open herself up to suits of "defamation of character". Merlin, in terms of a neighborhood. Many poverty stricken neighborhoods, have people living in them who have no communication with other family members. Jewel didn't say anything, in terms of the husband of this woman. Unless one, clearly knows what attempts have been made within the family, if in fact the woman has a drinking "disease" (stress: disease)....... Jewel could find herself in a situation where its an invasion of privacy. One just can't and shouldn't pick up a phone and tell others that "I think my neighbor has a drinking problem". Just because I may think my neighbor has a drinking problem, does not mean I have a right to invade the privacy of their home, based on my thoughts, without any concrete evidence to back up my statements. That's just my opinion, based on any experiences I've had in that area. |
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