Archive through April 12, 2002
The ClubHouse: Archives: Grrrrr ... Snarl .... Hisssss!!:
Archive through April 12, 2002
Whoami | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 01:54 pm     You may have a point Labmouse. However, there is nothing wrong with you just mentioning "did you get that money from "C" yet?" That's a nice friendly reminder, without getting all hateful or accusing the other of stealing your money. I have a terrible memory, and am grateful when someone gives me a gentle prod to remind me of something. Often, people expect the same of others as they would do themselves. So "D" may have had it in her to keep someone else's money (thus assuming Grace was keeping her money), even though Grace wouldn't normally have that characteristic in her. Also, if one is so desparate for money, why did they sign up and pay for something as frivolous as bowling anyway, if they were so concerned about the rent, or food? Not to really say bowling is frivolous, but, well, you probably know what I mean. Also, I would think "D" would be grateful Grace found someone who could take up the expense for her. It sounds like the money was non-refundable, and in all likelyhood, "D" should have taken it upon herself to find a replacement if it was all that important to regain the money she would have lost. I've run into a similar problem before. There's a yearly show friends/family like to go to here. I usually have to coordinate the tickets for everyone, since of course we want to all sit together. After a couple of times with people giving me money for a ticket, then deciding they couldn't go (after I purchased the tickets), then those people wanting thier money back, and leaving me with a ticket I had to try and sell...well, I had to tell everyone, the ticket is yours. If you can sell it yourself, fine, but it's not my responsibility if you buy the ticket, then decide later you don't want to go to the show. |
Labmouse | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 02:05 pm     Whoami, you may have a terrible memory as you mentioned, and you may have needed a gentle reminder, but have you ever had a memory lapse were you forgot that someone owed you money? You may have, but I doubt it. |
Spygirl | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 04:41 pm     This really isn't related to the original post, but... I have had this situation with a friend recently. She makes a ton of money with a business she runs and because of that she is VERY busy. Several times, she calls me to run an errand for her on my way to her house and then she forgets to pay me. It is not because she is rude, but it is because money is simply not something she worries about. Just before she left on vacation, I picked up pizza ($50) and brought it over while they were packing. Well, she forgot to pay me back and that is a lot of money to me right now! I had to ask her for it in front of a bunch of people (because they were heading out the door). She was very gracious, but it is very awkward for me to ask. Then, she asked me to run by Walmart to pick up some candy before an Easter dinner. She never paid me back for that. I just couldn't bring myself to ask her for money again. It makes me feel bad because I have to worry about money and she literally does not and will not ever have to worry. I guess I feel differently because when it comes to money, I try to be very careful in paying people back. Maybe the difference is that she has a pattern of this behavior. A one-time thing is different. Even still, I can't imagine attacking HER for forgetting! I am the one choosing to run the errands and not asking for the money. I would still be respectful and ask her if I felt it was gonna affect my friendship. What I've decided to do instead is not put myself in a position to be asked to run money-involved errands. |
Whoami | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 04:43 pm     Labmouse, actually, I have! Sometimes my finances aren't all that great, and my mom (or others) give me money they swear they owe me (and I can't remember). I have to make them spell out the event where I lent them money, just to make sure they aren't just giving me money cause I'm broke!  |
Juju2bigdog | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 04:55 pm     Spygirl, your situation is very dicey. I guess that is the only thing you can do. Bigdog and Rover (Bigdog's buddy) trade money back and forth so much it is hilarious. I have suggested they never even trade money, just get a chalkboard and keep a running total. BUT, the way they do it is commendable. They are always picking up something for the other one, and they always get their accounts squared immediately. |
Angelnikki | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 05:15 pm     spygirl, i have had that happen to me also and it happened ALL the time. I finally started to resent her coming around or calling me because it always led into me doing something for her which costed money. Money that I didnt have. I had to avoid her at all costs and that cost us our friendship, but I soon realized that we never really were friends because she stopped calling me and coming over because I had stopped doing things for her. I babysat her kids when she worked and she said she would pay me and never did. When she babysat my son, she NEVER forgot to ask me for money!!! |
Whoami | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 05:31 pm     Spygirl, I don't know if you do this already, but perhaps you can make sure to get receipts, then present them to her when it looks like a good time (where she'll have "time" to dig in her wallet and reimburse you). Give her the receipt, then kinda hang around and see if she pays. If she still blows it off, then most definetly do not run any more errands for her! |
Webkitty | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 05:33 pm     I guess I would need to know: What was the reason "D" said she couldn't go on ~the state trip~ Did she say it was because of financial difficulties? Also, what is a "state trip"? It sounds like it might run into some $$$$ Was the deposit check $5 or $10 or was it more like $150.00? Grace said "D" was a bowling "buddy". How close were they? Will there be a chance that they will have to interact through the bowling league? So many questions..... Grace! You posted this dilemma and then went away and "forgot" about us! LOL! Just kidding, don't get upset... |
Twiggyish | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 07:34 pm     Spy, the only thing you can do is to mention it to her again. When she wants another favor, jokingly tell her it's time to pay. (Make it humorous) I know what you are saying about not wanting to be impolite. However, she's got your number and it isn't right. |
Urgrace | Wednesday, April 10, 2002 - 10:19 pm     This buddy of mine just turned the tables on me, maybe because she felt guilty for putting me in this situation. She used to be on my team for league and she has gone with me on other state trips. Her husband works overseas and they go on lots of trips. She is out of town a lot, which is why she no longer bowls on my team. No she does not lack for money, and the check is for $47 which was just for bowling fees, Webkitty. I was the go-between on this check that just got dropped in my lap unexpectedly, and that is probably why it slipped my mind in the first place. Her reasons for cancelling were not made clear to me and moot now because she has injured her hand. I was never even in direct contact with her regarding this whole thing. She was in communication with 'C'! (I have no idea why 'C' told 'B' to write the check to me instead of directly to 'D'.) 'D' is not friends with anyone. She became a loner when her daughter with downs died a few years ago. I have tried to be her friend, but her husband says sadly she doesn't want friends right now (kinda like your situation Butter ). Twiggs I, unfortunately, am glad _now_ that she is not going. I take these bowling trips for fun. Juju, you, Wink and Who summed up pretty much what I wrote to her later. Yes Labmouse, I am embarrassed, and I think I said so in my post. I did not blame her for my mistake. It was truly and oversight. Thank you all for listening to me vent. Rabbit you are a sly one Remind me to keep my eyes on you! {{{Spy}}} what can I say? I'm the guilty party. |
Twiggyish | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 05:45 am     I don't think you were guilty. She was crass and rude! |
Christina | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 08:07 am     I have something that I would like your opinions on. My future sister in law(my fiance brothers wife) just got caught gossiping bout me. She said something about us,(fiance and I) that happened at a very sad time in our lives . Very private as well. Not the first time either. She is one of those bad gossipers, who usually only knows have the truth, she just sent me a note saying sorry. Although my fiance and her husband bawled her out for it first. Today she sent me an email saying sorry, is ashamed to say it to my face she says...haha. Anyway...what do I owe her now. Forgive her??cant yet ,I am angry, wonder if I will forget it. What do you think. Tried to go into detail at first with this post, but thought I would end up writing a book. This woman likes lots of DRAMA!!! |
Sia | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 12:56 pm     I wouldn't put anything on paper to her, no matter what you feel towards her: no e-mails, no letters/cards to her. She seems the type to use/abuse this sort of correspondence, and might show your message around to lend further credence to her half-baked story. Since she knows only part of the story, leave her in ignorance. Don't feed her ego by making any more of it than you just have to. I would avoid her and would try to exclude her from social events at your house. I guess I am a person who holds onto bad feelings for a long time; I nurse my wounds and don't want to let someone know how deeply he/she has hurt me. Forgiveness is good advice, but I honestly have not learned how to do that when the hurt is extremely deep and painful. I am willing to accept advice, however. |
Twiggyish | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 01:03 pm     This is someone you will always know, as she is a future family member. The best thing to do is try to get along with her, but avoid her at all costs. Your life will be a lot happier without her. Her behavior will continue after you marry, unfortunately. One last thing, don't ever tell her anything you don't want repeated. Been down this road myself. |
Whoami | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 01:35 pm     Christina, definetly take the high road. Don't be afraid to be angry, she not only deserves your wrath, maybe she could be intimidated by it too (she WAS afraid to face you in person). How about a reply to her e-mail, something like this: "Dear XX, Thank you for your apology. You can imagine how shocked and hurt I was when you decided to take a personal issue and use it for your own entertainment (that's all that gossip is). Please do not be afraid to approach me in person in the future. If you ever have a question about something going on in my life, please feel free to ask me about it. If I think it is something you need to know, or more importantly, If I feel I can trust you with the information, I will gladly share. If it is nobody's business but my own, I will politely tell you so." |
Sia | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 08:39 pm     WOW, Who, that is a GREAT letter!!! Tactful, directly confronts the issue (her gossiping), but gives an indirect slap that the recipient is an untrustworthy wench and had better give ya a wide berth! I like that! That answer is one I want to keep on file for future use. |
Urgrace | Thursday, April 11, 2002 - 09:13 pm     Christina, a person who gossips about you is usually looking for some kind of recognition for themselves, is on an ego trip and is jealous of you for some reason. These people are to be pitied, because the recognition they do get is always negative. It's even worse when they decide to slam their own family, not realizing it slops over onto themselves in the process. |
Christina | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 03:53 am     Thanks for the posts. I am a lot like you Sia. I love your reply too Whoami. You are right bout the jealous part. Thing is this woman already knows that I wont let her in cuz I havent trusted her since last year. The thing is , she is this really religious lady...we live in a small town, they all see her bible first, she talks in this sweet quiet voice, like she cares then spews all this stuff bout others and they are her intrepertations only. The things she will say are so damaging.and hurtful.The last thing was the straw for me. She makes me want to tell the town that she just doesnt speak truths, and then it makes me feel that I have to tell my part of the story, and that was the private part. (I was so sad on my cancelled wedding day....and my nanny died that day ,Sept 25,2001...that I burnt my wedding dress.) The wedding day was cancelled cuz my fiance had a serious reaction to Zyban) Sick for 10 mths. I was afraid that he was never going to be that same. She told everyone just that things were so bad btwn fiance and myself that I did this. I will be married on June 15 2002.All is fine. This woman is so jealous that she is bringing these neg. vibes. Think I will send that note that whoami wrote. Need to vent. Gosh I could go on and on bout this lady and the things I have heard her say. One day I will ask her if God likes her to hurt people the way she does. I feel she wants to tarnish our wonderful, normal, family to be, cuz she has a dysfunctional one. I am not going to her level by saying that. If I repeated to her some of the things I can...I could make her hurt for a long time. I wouldnt do that though. Many times I wonder what people are thinking when thet say something that they know will hurt someone. Sometimes I would like too ,just dont. Although I do harbor resentment feelings for a long time. Thanks more input will be gladly read. |
Whoami | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 11:47 am     Wow Christina, First, I'd like to say you weren't obligated to tell the story behind that sad day, though I for one am always honored and flattered when someone trusts me with personal information. In that light, I want to thank you for sharing. This poor woman obviously has so much sadness in her own life, she has some sort of need to bring others down. Maybe somehow you can find a way to pity her (though still not trust her!). In a small town, it is very likely that everyone sees right through that sweet demeanor, and knows her for the gossip she is. Do you attend the same church? I wonder if you could have a private conversation with the pastor (the type where confidentiality is trusted). You could talk about this person's habits (her overall gossiping, how it affects you, her pretense of being religious), and ask for advice on how to handle it from your end. I'm betting you could do it without mentioning a name. That way, if he views her as holy, he won't be shocked into denial about your view. If he knows who you are talking about, it will be because he knew she was that way anyway! |
Christina | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 04:08 pm     No, I dont know her church....But I do know her. My best bet I think will be is to just be cordial when I see her. Hello, fine, yes and no!! She will figure it out when she doesnt have anyone to giggle with at the family Xmas table. what do you think?? I know to say anything to her bout how upet I was , would just make me cry. I am such a baby when I hurt. That,I definitely dont want. Silence is golden!! |
Rabbit | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 05:09 pm     Christina, I cant believe you have not yet received the proper advice from a veteran of the TVCH Married Women's Club on this subject. A transgression by a future-in-law is something to mourn on the outside but treasure on the inside. This is a bargaining chip that you can use against your future husband for the next 20 years. He wants to have Christmas dinner with his family, you want to have it with yours ... ha.. pull out the sister-in-law card. This is the second time a Men's Club member has had to council a newly-wed or to-be-wed women on the marital arts, no more freebies ladies. |
Grooch | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 05:22 pm     I'm lucky. All my inlaws are in another country and don't speak english. |
Grooch | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 05:32 pm     Here is my funny story of the day. (god, they have been getting far and few between.) I don't know if anybody realizes this (I am having a hard time finding it in the news.) But the Venezulan Army had a coup today and overthrew the president Chavez. (& I don't blame them one little bit. I liken him to Castro.) Anyway, we have an employee on business there right now and there are no airplanes flying in or out of the country right now. So of course, this leads to everyone discussing what happened to this employee. All anyone knows is that he checked out of his hotel. Anyway, the head of purchasing (who is a jokester) told the head of A/P (who is the biggest gossip in the company) that this employee was on the airplane w/ Chavez heading to Cuba for exile. The head of a/p believed it and was telling everyone. She came up to me and told me this story and I was dumbfounded that she believed it. I asked her who her source was. She told me and I said, and you believe him? I could not convince her that the guy was joking. This woman always has the most outlandish stories or somehow twists them around. So my moral is, is that I am sure that everyone else in this small town has been gossiped by her too, and know to take her stories with a grain of salt. I like Whoami's letter. You can send it when you are ready to. |
Twiggyish | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 06:27 pm     Sheesh, that poor guy. Let us know when you hear something. |
Juju2bigdog | Friday, April 12, 2002 - 08:20 pm     And, Grooch, you are right. You have not posted nearly enough fall off the chair laughing stories lately. You are definitely getting behind. |
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