Venting - Limericks, poems, haikus, song parodies etc. to VENT by...

The ClubHouse: Archive: Venting - Limericks, poems, haikus, song parodies etc. to VENT by...

Weinermr

Thursday, October 11, 2001 - 09:02 am Click here to edit this post
I hate that Osama bin Laden,
Who's been very evil and rotten,
He's used planes just like bombs,
Killed kids, dads, and moms,
His presence I wouldn't be caught in.

Babyruth

Thursday, October 11, 2001 - 09:43 am Click here to edit this post
Great idea! Here's my quickie:

sung to "Ben", by Michael Jackson

Bin, the USA will win this war
We will find who we are looking for
With no home to call your own
You'll always be alone
And you, you jerk will see
The world's your enemy
(The world's your enemy)

Bin, you're always running here and there
You know you're not wanted anywhere
You will always look behind
And not like what you find
There's something you should know
It's Hell where you will go
(It's Hell where you will go)

You used to say "follow me"
Now it's "run", now it's "flee"
You've made the world your enemy
You won't win, just wait and see.

Bin, all countries will turn you away
If they don't, there will be hell to pay,
We will crush the Taliban
who stole Afganistan
I'm sure they'd think again
Before letting you lead them.

Twiggyish

Thursday, October 11, 2001 - 11:10 am Click here to edit this post
Babyruth, that is GREAT!

Weinermr

Thursday, October 11, 2001 - 04:04 pm Click here to edit this post
Babyruth, that's the spirit! Let's get those feelings out everyone. I know that I need to!

Weinermr

Friday, October 12, 2001 - 05:25 pm Click here to edit this post
<weinermr wonders where everyone else vent>

Babyruth

Friday, October 12, 2001 - 06:33 pm Click here to edit this post
THE CANDY MAN
Sammy Davis Jr.
(Leslie Bricusse / Anthony Newley)
- from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"

The Taliban:

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with death?
Cover it with sickness and a psychopath or two
The Taliban, oh the Taliban can
The Taliban can 'cause they mix it full of hate and make the world taste bad

Who can take a nation, starve it half to death?
Add some mass oppression and then suck away their breath
The Taliban, the Taliban can
The Taliban can 'cause they mix it full of hate and make the world taste bad

The Taliban hates every woman's face, she will never have salvation,
Now you talk about a child's starvation, and the lack of education

Oh, who can take tomorrow, steal away a dream
Multiply the sorrow and cause the world to scream
The Taliban, oh the Taliban can
The Taliban can 'cause they mixe it full of hate and make the world taste bad

The Taliban removes any part that moves, so many hands and feet collected,
Bleed to death -- you disrepected! They've got their rationale perfected.

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Who can take a mother, and shoot her in the street
She dared to open up her mouth and actually speak

The Taliban, the Taliban can
The Taliban can 'cause they mix it full of hate and make the world taste bad.
The Taliban can 'cause they mix it full of hate and make the world taste bad.

Littlebreeze

Saturday, October 13, 2001 - 07:15 am Click here to edit this post
Osama bin Laden, your time is short,
Here's your choice, war or court.
Why are you hiding if it's in God's name?
You're a punk and a loser, a pathetic shame.

I have a question of your theory and laws,
Why do YOU never die for the cause?
Is it because you're a coward counting on others?
Well, here, in America, we stand by our brothers.

Sorry to tell you, you failed in your mission,
If you expected pure chaos, just keep on wishin'.
Americans are focused and stronger than ever,
Your end has become our next endeavor.

What you tried to kill doesn't live in our walls,
It's not in buildings or shopping malls.
If all of our structures came crashing down,
It would still be here, safe and sound.

September 11th left a scar and a void,
But our pride and our courage cannot be destroyed.
We'll bury our dead and may God bless their souls,
They band us together with strength in our goals.

Now all of our energy we'll focus on you,
You'll feel the wrath of the red, white and blue.
So slither and hide like a snake in the grass,
Because America's coming to kick your ass!!!

Franny

Saturday, October 13, 2001 - 07:30 am Click here to edit this post
these are great you guys..Bravo, Bravo

Babyruth

Sunday, October 14, 2001 - 08:01 pm Click here to edit this post
OLD MAN, as sung by Dubya
[Neil Young]


Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Fifty five and I act like you
Policies on the Middle East
That make me think of you.

Lives lost, such a cost,
Bomb and leave them in the dust.
Americans, we feel so just!
I'm killing just like you.

Old man take a look at my life I'm a lot like you
I need someone to prompt me the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true.

Oil wells, terrorist cells,
Run around the same old town.
Yes it means that much to me
To be that much like you.

With our arrogance
Look at how their hatred grows.
If only we had changed our stance
Back when it was you.

Old man take a look at my life I'm a lot like you
I need someone to prompt me the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true.

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Magikearth

Tuesday, October 16, 2001 - 10:00 am Click here to edit this post
This was borrowed from a company that makes anti-bin ladin clothes,mugs and toilet paper(!)

Yo Bin Ladin
We Bin Loadin' !

Highlander

Wednesday, October 17, 2001 - 07:51 am Click here to edit this post
Afghan TV Guide
> >
> > MONDAYS:
> > 8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
> > 8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
> > 9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
> > 9:30 - "3rd Rock From the Sand"
> > 10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
> >
> > TUESDAYS:
> > 8:00 - "Wheel of Terror"
> > 8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
> > 9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
> > 9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
> > 10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Slayer"
> >
> > WEDNESDAYS:
> > 8:00 - "Who Wants to be a Koran Perverter"
> > 8:30 - "When the Northern Alliance Attacks"
> > 9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
> > 9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
> > 10:00 - "Veilwatch"
> >
> > THURSDAYS:
> > 8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
> > 8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
> > 9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and
> Veils"
> > 9:30 - "Sand Trek"
> > 10:00 - "Moammar & Mindy"
> >
> > FRIDAYS:
> > 8:00 - "Judge Laden"
> > 8:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
> > 9:00 - "Survivor...I hope"
> > 9:30 - "Achmed's Creek"
> > 10:00 - "No-witness News"
> >
> > SATURDAYS:
> >
> > 8:00 - "Let's Mecca Deal"
> > 8:30 - "Taliban Squares"
> > 9:00 - "This Old Tent"
> > 9:30 - "No Sex in the City"
> > 10:00 - "Mullah's Place"
> >
> > SUNDAYS:
> >
> > 8:00 - "Who's Goat Is it Anyway?"
> > 8:30 - "The Bedouin Bunch"
> > 9:00 - "My Three Huns"
> > 9:30 - "The Sultan of Queens"
> > 10:00 - "I Dream of Jihad
>

Norsksky

Wednesday, October 17, 2001 - 12:50 pm Click here to edit this post
I heard this on the radio, so I am not sure who wrote it but here goes....


Air Force Come and De Flatten Your Home
Tune: The Banana Boat Song - Day O


Eh - O Eh eh eh eh - O
Air Force come and de flatten your home

Run Mr. Taliban we know where your hidin
Air Force come and de flatten your home

Eh - USA - USA - USA - O
Uncle Sam come and he flatten your home

60 ft. 70 ft. 80 ft. crater
Air Force come and de flatten your home

OL’ Uncle Sam, yes, he ain’t no Quaker
Air Force come and de flatten your home

When we finish you all be cryin
Air Force come and de flatten your home

Pilot, his brother a New York fireman
Air Force come and de flatten your home

Weinermr

Wednesday, October 17, 2001 - 12:51 pm Click here to edit this post
Highlander - I love it! When do we get the TV Guide?

Chippy

Friday, October 19, 2001 - 10:57 am Click here to edit this post
Subject: Poem to Osama
>
> Osama Bin Laden, your time is short;
> We'd rather you die, than come to court.
> Why are you hiding if it was in God's name?
> Your just a punk with a turban; a pathetic shame.
>
> I have a question, about your theory and laws;
> "How come you never die for the cause?"
> Is it because you're a coward who counts on others?
> Well here in America, we stand by our brothers.
>
> As is usual, you failed in your mission;
> If you expected pure chaos, you can keep on wishin'
> Americans are now focused and stronger than ever;
> Your death has become our next endeavor.
>
> What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls;
> It's not in buildings or shopping malls.
> If all of our structures came crashing down;
> It would still be there, safe and sound.
>
> Because pride and courage can't be destroyed;
> Even if the towers leave a deep void.
> We'll band together and fill the holes
> We'll bury our dead and bless their souls.
>
> But then our energy will focus on you;
> And you'll feel the wrath of the Red, White and Blue.
> So slither and hide like a snake in the grass;
> Because America's coming to kick your ass!!!

Littlebreeze

Thursday, October 25, 2001 - 02:10 pm Click here to edit this post
Dear Mr. bin Laden,  

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time. 

While we will admit that you got off to an impressive start, it is now our turn at the plate. Since this game is winner-take-all, we will be unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration, but rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.

By the way, we will be playing on your court now, so.... batter up! 

Sincerely, 

The 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America

Honey51

Friday, October 26, 2001 - 05:05 am Click here to edit this post
This was posted on a radio DJ web site.

Mr. Laden,

Perhaps you are too young or simply too ignorant to recall an incident in American history. This event took place on December 7th 1941. America was
minding it's own business (much as it was on September 11th 2001), when Pearl Harbor came under an unprovoked attack by the Japanese military.

There are many similarities and I could go on and on but I'm sure it's above any intelligence you may possess. One big difference is the fact Japan had some guts and attacked a military installation with it's own military. You sir attacked innocent civilians. But then again, how could America expect anything less of a coward such as you? One important thing to remember Mr. Laden, when America's military was
nearly crippled it came back to defeat Nazi Germany and Japan. One Japanese leader had a prophetic comment after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. That comment was, "I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant." This could not have
been truer as history speaks for itself. America overcame adversity and the evil that threatened the free world. America continues to protect and defend freedom around the world.

You maybe wondering what will happen to you and any country that attempts to hide and protect you. Simply consult Japan. They can fill you in on what happens to a country that attacks America. Cower, tremble and hide Mr. Laden. America is coming for you and hell is coming with her. May God have mercy on your soul for America shall not.

Sincerely,

Uncle Sam

Littlebreeze

Friday, October 26, 2001 - 05:32 am Click here to edit this post
Don't know if this will work. Never tried to post an address for a pic before. Also don't know if it's just me or if this is just too funny.

http://64.29.16.175/bladin/army.htm

Pcakes2

Friday, October 26, 2001 - 06:08 am Click here to edit this post
WOMAN Power!

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a
pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no
problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended
families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the
government's help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

Honey51

Friday, October 26, 2001 - 09:57 am Click here to edit this post
We shouldn't kill bin Laden, it will just make a martyr of him. We shouldn't jail him, it will just cost us money.

We should capture him, send him to Sweeden, perfrom a sex change on him and then send HER back to the Taliban.

Kep421

Sunday, December 02, 2001 - 03:57 pm Click here to edit this post
I got this in an email, and just had to share. It goes to the tune of "Twas the night before...."


'Twas the night before payback and all through the land,
They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama's been praying, he's down on his knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.

He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us madder.
We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt with one heavy boot.

And yes, we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You'll soon get the answer--if you live to hear.

And we ain't forgotten your buddy, Saddam,
And he ain't forgotten the sound of our bomb.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They'll go down in history as the place where you died.

Remember Khadafi and his Line of Death?
He came very close to his final breath.
So come out and prove it, that you are a man,
Cause OUR boys are coming...and they have a plan.

They are fathers and they are our sons
And they sure do carry some mighty big guns.
They would have stayed home with children and wives
Till you bastards came here and took all these lives.

Osama, I wrote this especially for you,
For air mail delivery by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming....attached to a missile.

I will not be sorry to see your butt go.....
It's Red, White, and Blue....that is running THIS show!