Am I justified or just a b**ch?

The ClubHouse: Archive: Am I justified or just a b**ch?
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Archive through December 28, 2001 25   12/29 12:54pm
Archive through December 29, 2001 25   12/29 07:51pm

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:15 pm Click here to edit this post
This is something that cannot be forgotten as it is in my face everyday. So for now all I can do is just not "see them" when I see them. If you know what I mean.

Soeur I wish there had been an apology or an explaination, but really their was nothing they could say that would have excused their deed, it was just mean an so thats the way it was.

Thanks to all of you, and maybe this venting will help. This all happened about 2 years ago, but as I said it's here everyday in my face. Small town so I don't say anything to others because things get twisted and some people just love to wag the tongues so I try not to give them anything to wag. This is really a release for me even though I know I left alot out (see I still have a hard time Trusting).Thank you guys for listening.

Car54

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:16 pm Click here to edit this post
{{Meme}}

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:26 pm Click here to edit this post
Yes, Thank you Car

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:26 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme when I say forget what I mean is you just minimize their importance, they become nothing more than annoying gnats. You don't let it control how you conduct your daily life. If you can minimize who they are in your mind, it makes it easier. Living in a small town has to be hard but if you minimize their importance it helps. Of course some deeds cannot be excused so you move beyond it and recognize they did the deed and they have to live with it. Put them out of your mind and realize that in the end we all meet our maker and they will have to answer for their actions. The key is to not let it eat at you, move beyond it. As far as not trusting people, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt. You cant let what someone did to you impact your future relationships. Nothing wrong with being cautious but dont let what someone did to you ruin a potential great friendship from developing. You give the evil doer more power again over your life if you allow their actions to impact your future relationships.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:34 pm Click here to edit this post
LOL Highlander, funny story bout the "gnats".
Earlier this year, an individual emailed me claiming what I knew about him could fill a "gnats ear". Then he proceeded to enter into a long tirade on assumptions about me and my life. I would have responded back, That what he knew about ME could fill even less than a gnats ear!
Except that he was good at "dishing it out", but not as good as listening to responses, his way of dealing with lies was to delete emails.

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:39 pm Click here to edit this post
Good advise, and I've had alot of people in town understand the situation (at least what they think they know and I'm not telling them any details). So here's to all the good people that are in this world, and I'm not a person to be stopped from carrying on. I'll just carry on a little more carefully. More people are getting to know them now and with time they will probably show themselves to others as they have to me.
And I say I can wait for the day for some other butt head to do unto them as they have done unto me and mine.

Ok lets hear it for the future Butt Head! hehehe
Ok really I'm done venting now.
Somehow I do feel better.

Soeur

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:41 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme, sometimes saying sorry is really too little too late. It sounds like a lot of water will have to pass under the bridge before you will be able to look back on what happened with detachment. The most important thing is to look out for yourself and try as much as possible to avoid the pitfalls that betrayal brings, like bitterness and a resistance to trust and intimacy. In your shoes I would focus on healing and looking forward to better times. One of the nice things about this site is being able to share and in doing so, perhaps, engage in the process of letting go.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:43 pm Click here to edit this post
Lol Logan, I am guessing you are talking about Vasix but I dont think there is anyone left here on this site that remembers him. That was a long time ago.

Oregonfire

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:49 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme, I admire you for being able to stay in that small town. I was raised in a small town and couldn't wait to get away. Subsequently, I am addicted to the "fresh start," kinda like Cher in that Mermaids movie. I think I finally found a place that I can settle into, but I think if I had to look at some of those same faces every day... shudder...yuck.

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:51 pm Click here to edit this post
Thank you all.

Now Logan that the knife in my back is loosened maybe we can help loosen those in yours.

If you want to vent I'll give you the time and I'll listen.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:53 pm Click here to edit this post
meme, that is a dangerous offer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:53 pm Click here to edit this post
Every family has a wolf who hides under the guise of sheeps clothing. I think its best for family to cut off those wicked evil people. They never change, and the family only hurts the more for allowing their deeds and betrayals to continue.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 07:56 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme lol..thanx for the offer...but those still in my back....I keep as a reminder to myself lol....I'm just making darn sure I don't get any more new ones. Some of them are pretty sharp..LOL

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:05 pm Click here to edit this post
There is a great idea for the game thread, a contest on who has the most stabs in their backs. We can do a "Top This .... who done me wrong" thread.

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:06 pm Click here to edit this post
Oregon, I think it is the same in every small town. I've been a good person all my life and the good people that know me understand, and it really wasn't anything against my character but was very backstabbing. I will just wait it out and time will tell, I have always wanted to leave to a bigger city, but hubby never wanted to...so.

A fresh start really isn't the answer to what I need, we have lots of good friends here (I just can't share things because even good friends can't help but talk too, God love them).

But after this my kid are planning to live in large cities.
When we go out we usually go out of town just so I don't have to see any of their face. And that is good because I like big cities so much more excitment.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:08 pm Click here to edit this post
Sorry Highlander...It would have to be more than a TopTen....

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:08 pm Click here to edit this post
LOL Highlander, I do sound so sorry for myself don't I. The Game thread will be full!!! hehehe

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:15 pm Click here to edit this post
Thank you all so much, I'm off to see if Butter made it to chat tonight.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:15 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme I feel for you. Living in a small town isnt the issue. I live in NYC and you cant believe what a small town it can be. we have neighborhoods and everyone knows everyone. It isnt your environment. When you say things like I have been a good person, it seems like you are justifying yourself. You dont need to do that. An evil person did something to you. That was not your fault. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. That is where you start. You hold your head up high and know that you are not responsible for what someone did to you. There are evil people out there in the world and you cannot let them control how you conduct your life

Buttercup

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 08:38 pm Click here to edit this post
Forgiving can be very hard. Sometimes it takes a while, but I believe that it's truly the thing to do. There is an inner peace that comes with it. Not having that peace prevents you from being truly happy :)

Highlander wrote: Sometimes things happen that are impossible to forgive, not because of the actions but more because it forces you to realize that the person was never who you thought they were... With that being said, isn't the person you are not forgiving really yourself?

Forgiving is probably one of the most difficult things to learn how to do on this earth. Having experienced serious betrayal myself, I certainly can attest to that. But I keep imagining myself being old in a rocking chair thinking back on my life....not ever am I able to imagine sitting there being satisfied over not having forgiven someone....not even myself...

Usually the people who aren't capable of forgiveness are the ones missing out the most, and also the ones who lose in the end.

By the way, forgiving doesn't mean that you have to be friends and surround yourself with the person/people ever again....the forgiveness needs to be in your heart.

Sunshinemiss

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 09:02 pm Click here to edit this post
Good point Butter- there are a lot of us here who are hurting; and forgiving, to me, is the effort to let go of the people, the pain, and my problems with them (although we all know it never totally goes away) BUT we can reclaim some of the power those people try to take away, just by the time and effort it takes to hold the bitterness and anger in our hearts. Acceptance might be a better term for me- to not waste any more of my valuable emotional energy wrestling with issues that I will never be able to solve.

I also agree it is far better to just write some people off. Set your mental tolerance limits and stand by them. I have learned it is better (for me) to be lonely occasionally, than to allow people to continually hurt and disappoint me.

A big boo-hiss to all of those that "done us wrong", and here's to better days for all.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 09:11 pm Click here to edit this post
buttercup absolutely not, Are you saying I should forgive myself for being a chump???? I dont think so. I think it is marvelous that there are people out there in the world who are so noble that they can forgive anything, Unfortunately I am not one of them. I prefer to just recognize that there are somethings that cannot be forgiven, move on and forget about the evil that is out there. A saint I am not.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 09:12 pm Click here to edit this post
Buttercup i beg to differ, simply because I've gone that route many many times,,,,have forgiven individuals many many times,,,,same persons....but there are some people in life..who are just plain bad. We try to teach them good from bad, unfortunate, not all humans learn. That's why personally, I've come to realization, some people are unforgiveable, because it only helps them to continue their bad ways.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 09:47 pm Click here to edit this post
One more thing, I am incapable of forgiving Osama Bin Laden for killing my best friends cousin, for killing my sons best friends godfather or for killing so many people that I had a connection with. I will not forgive that ever. I will not forgive him for letting my son wonder for four hours if his father was coming home or for changing his life so that every time he heas a plane he looks up in the sky and says Mom do you think that plane is flying low?. Evil cannot be forgiven. The best you can do is put it out of your mind.

Meme9

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:22 pm Click here to edit this post
Couldn't sleep and thought I check the thread.

Highlander, thank you for opening my eyes. That is pure evil no doubt. My problem is small when compare to that.

I've taken what ya'll have said as helpful...so now its time to tighten my shoe strings and keep on marching along.(oh Butter, I'm trying out your new lingo...)My best reminder to myself is that God sees all and he knows what goes on.

Buttercup

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:30 pm Click here to edit this post
Highlander, I don't know that you were being a "chump," but yes, I guess I am saying that if you believe that it was your own fault for believing whatever you did, then I think you ought to forgive yourself :) Who in this world hasn't been there??

Being forgiving doesn't mean that you have to be a saint--I can forgive, but I am far from a saint!

Yes, there is evil out there--we all know that by now. Though there is a difference between true evil people, and people who make poor judgements in their lives. I highly doubt that most of the people being referred to in this thread are truly evil people!

Logan (love your name, by the way :)), in my opinion, forgiving a person doesn't mean that you "let" them, or give them permission to repeat the incident or behavior! You don't even have to tell them that they are forgiven, especially not if you have no intention of seing them again. The forgiveness is for your own peace of mind.

Holding grudges benefits no one. Forgiveness can at least benefit yourself and your own well being.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:31 pm Click here to edit this post
Meme, it isnt about problems being small or big, it is simply somethings you just cant forgive. You dont let it destroy you. You move on and put it behind you.

Highlander

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:33 pm Click here to edit this post
Buttercup I dont feel any need to forgive myself.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:36 pm Click here to edit this post
Buttercup you are correct, before in my life I would forgive them first,,,but I found people just abusive that. So now, I forgive quicker in my mind and then delete them from my life.

Not long ago I literally 'wasted' six months of my life,,,being forgiving,,,,while the person I forgive abused that privileged and just continued to verbally abuse me and my honest friendship.

Logan

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 10:40 pm Click here to edit this post
Buttercup I forgot to add: I always leave the door open,,I just don't waste my time anymore trying with people who are narrow minded, nasty, and mean. The ball goes back to their court....they can do what they wish with it, I just don't waste my time waiting.

Buttercup

Saturday, December 29, 2001 - 11:04 pm Click here to edit this post
Highlander, I am truly sorry you feel that way

Logan, sounds like you do what I do :) I have also learned to turn any thoughts of "wasted" time into thinking that it was a lesson learned, and one that I hopefully won't repeat.


Logan

Sunday, December 30, 2001 - 12:01 am Click here to edit this post
yes buttercup, xactly. Lessons learned. In the end it is those people who lose the good friends or relatives, through their actions or words. The become the "loners" of life. I almost pity them for their miserable lives, and how they attempt to destroys others lives via words or actions.

Solidsnake

Sunday, December 30, 2001 - 12:41 am Click here to edit this post
Im a wicked evil wolf.

aooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(perhaps jk?)