Archive through April 08, 2001

The ClubHouse: Archive: Can you fall in love on the net?: Archive through April 08, 2001

Merlin

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 05:00 pm Click here to edit this post

soeur,
does this mean we should exaggerate the motion?
And what do you crank up?

Soeur

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 05:09 pm Click here to edit this post

<uh> Merlin, if you have to ask...I really can't help you

Noslonna

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 05:13 pm Click here to edit this post

I need help... what do you crank up?

Soeur

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 05:23 pm Click here to edit this post

supermom, you be de expert! You guys are starting to scare me! (I had some great clipart for this post -but it ain't working!!! drat)

Juju2bigdog

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 05:45 pm Click here to edit this post

Um, Guru is pretty cranky. would that help?

Misslibra

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 06:06 pm Click here to edit this post

Juju, I knew about Guru's up coming marriage, he never fails to let us know when he gets himself in a pickle. Thats the first thing he throws out ... I'm getting married ! I must say she has him pretty well trained already. You GO GIRL !! who ever she is ... hehehe

Guruchaz

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 08:24 pm Click here to edit this post

Arf Arf!!!! uh huh huh

Misslibra

Thursday, January 04, 2001 - 09:26 pm Click here to edit this post

Arf Arf ?? Guru, LOL that sounds more like a whipped puppy dog. What happen to Woof Woof who let the dogs out ?? Say it aint so Guru ... say it aint so !

Juju2bigdog

Friday, January 05, 2001 - 06:13 am Click here to edit this post

Gugu2littledog?

Enbwife

Sunday, February 18, 2001 - 10:57 am Click here to edit this post

I was cleaning up this area, archiving, etc. and came across this thread. I thought I'd leave it here in case there is more to say on the subject. It's certainly a very interesting one indeed!

Lafatme

Saturday, March 24, 2001 - 02:02 am Click here to edit this post

yes

Fruitbat

Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 11:23 am Click here to edit this post

Laf...Just saw that you and Kearie were getting married. I never knew you were an item. Did you meet here or on another site?

Gail

Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 11:41 am Click here to edit this post

Yes, you can fall in love on the net - you just have to meet the right person.

Fruitbat

Sunday, March 25, 2001 - 12:24 pm Click here to edit this post

You too Gail?

Flint

Thursday, April 05, 2001 - 09:10 am Click here to edit this post
I think you can meet a person on the net, and love can start there, but to truly fall on love, you do need to meet IRL. You can't really know a person until you meet IRL. They could simply be playing a role, or anything else. The net can be a tool for meeting people, much like a dating service, the classifieds, or even the telephone. But until you get that person to person contact, you really can't say for sure what you are in for. And even then it is sometimes hazy. :)

Of course, that is just me. I am not you, or anyone else.

Love is a term that gets bandied about too easily by people, especially on the net. (Actually seeing this thread is kind of like a deja vu, because a friend and I had a conversation similar to this just a couple of days ago.)

I have seen a lot of people, especially during my tenure as an Admin on an LPMud, who jump into the whole online love thing. A lot of guys see a girl on the net and start going on about how much they love her after the first sentence has passed between them. Why? Just as there are different degrees of love, they have different reasons.

To some people saying "love you" is like saying hello or good bye. They tend to be pretty harmless. Sort of like the way you love your parents, you love your siblings, you love your pet, you love your car, you love your favourite show or food. It has different degrees. To them, it is just a word.

Others are into it for cyber sex, and tend to find that women who respond in what THEY see as a positive manner to this type of advance would be willing to stroke their keyboard. ;) Sometimes they don't know when to take no for an answer. Sometimes they will leave you alone as soon as you give a negative reaction. Not thinking about how it might bother, scare, or whatever you.

Still others are best described as emotionally vulnerable, or crippled, depending on how good or bad your opinion of them is. They quickly seek out someone to pour their affection out to.

Then you have the dregs of internet society, those who stalk. People, I will use that term to avoid having the word I would use censored out, who seek out the aforementioned emotionally vulnerable to take advantage of them.

A friend of mine in Singapore and I have had a more than a laughs at some of these types. She put up a webpage, which exhibited some of her artwork. She made the mistake of putting up an email link on it. She had umpteen emails from guys she didn't know who were telling her how much they loved her, wanted to meet her, etc.

I know of a lot of people who have thought they found love on the net. Only to find out a lot of pain and anguish instead. The woman they thought they loved turned out to be a guy. (One "woman" on the LPMud sent pictures of herself out to guys she had cyber-flings with. It turns out she was a he, the pics were of an ex-gf. He also used this female character to get to know women, so he could then approach them as a male with foreknowledge of what they like. Heh, quite a few people wanted his ass tossed off the mud for that.) Or everything they said about themselves, their life, was a lie.

Mind you, I have also seen quite a few net romances work. Of course, they worked because the people weren't playing games on the net with the other person. they were honest about who and what they are. They also took the time to get to know each other in "real life", and face to face.

Of course, I have digressed, the question was can YOU fall in love on the net. You can do and find just about anything on the net if you really want too. Me, I don't think you can really fall in love without face to face contact. You? That depends on what you are looking for, and what you believe love is. Only you can answer that question for yourself.

As always, this diatribe was just ...

My 2 cents.

Rollerboy

Thursday, April 05, 2001 - 09:56 am Click here to edit this post
What's an LPMud, Flint? The 2 cents clip art is great:)

Flint

Thursday, April 05, 2001 - 11:05 am Click here to edit this post
An LPMud is a multi-player dungeon. Think of it as a text based version of dungeon in dragons, over the internet, with 100+ people playing at the same time. You can go killing monsters in groups and getting your level up. Or just sit around and talk. Or head off into the woods for a bout of cyber sex. Whatever turns your crank. ;)

It can be fun, it can be addictive, it can be annoying.

The LP stand for Lars Penjak, a Swede who developed a version of C to run the game. MUD stand for Multi-User Dungeon.

Lalavoom

Saturday, April 07, 2001 - 02:26 am Click here to edit this post
But then, it isn't always guaranteed that you will really know the person you meet in real life either Mr. Flint. They could also be playing a role in real life. A real life role. They could think they're a star. A super star. Or maybe a really bright moonbeam. You can never say for sure what you are in for in real life or in online life. We are mere human beings at the mercy of other flawed Homo sapiens. And maybe the elements......sun, wind, rain, snow, earthquakes.... and really bright moonbeams. Everybody has a problem or two. Even one million and two. That is a whole lot of problems!

Now....this person to person contact thing.... this interests me What kind of contact do you mean exactly? And why do you think it might be hazy? Maybe this person to person contact you speak of will be more crazy than hazy. Crazy with unbrideled passion perhaps? Oh the possibilities!

Of course that is just me and I'm not something........ or anything else.

Flint

Saturday, April 07, 2001 - 06:59 am Click here to edit this post
Mr. Flint? Jeeze, I feel like an old fogey now. Or someone being disciplined.

Nothing in life is guaranteed Ms. Lalavoom. Meeting someone IRL (In Real Life) is no guarantee they won't turn out to be some sort of psycho hosebeast. However, physically meeting a person does have more advantages than just talking on the net. You can read their body language, see their eyes when they talk (or not see them when they talk, which is not a good sign), and hear the intonation in their voice while observing the above.

Of course there are times when we meet someone IRL and ignore the above factors. It could be because we aren't adept at reading them. Or, and I unfortunately have to lump myself in this category at least once, we put blinders on and ignore those things, as well as any other behavioural signs that they aren't really who they portray themself to be. It is much easier for someone to play a role on the net than IRL, with less chance of being caught.

Then there are times when we meet someone IRL and it works. That crazy unbridled passion you mentioned maybe?

By contact, I mean actually talking to them in person. That way you can see the aforementioned signs. Or choose to ignore them. Who knows what other forms of contact it could lead to.

As I said, it is possible to fall in love over the net. It is possible to do just about anything over the net, if you believe it. Sometimes we mistake infatuation with love, or we are so driven by loneliness, or a need to be with someone, that we mistake it for love, and they settle for whatever they can find. I have had too many friends who fell prey to that.

One of the hardest questions to answer is what is love. Everyone has their own interpretation and definition of it. Which makes it hard to quantify. I believe that when you find true love, you know it. While I may have been infatuated many times, I can say I did find love once. And that saying 'tis better to have loved and lost, it is SOOOO much bullsh!t.

But I digress. As always, this diatribe is just ...

My 2 cents.

Lafatme

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 03:42 am Click here to edit this post
yes fruit, kearie and i are an "item" and yes, we met here last sept as bb was ending.

i agree you have to meet irl but i think, for me, it was easier to open up to her thru the safety of the computer.

i never believed it was possible to develop anything meaningful over the internet but then it happened. i fell in love with her before i met her irl. we spent over 100 hrs a month on the phone talking about ourselves and our desires and dreams, our wants and needs, our histories, etc.

at first we didn't expect to meet so it was safe, by the time we did meet we already knew each other better than most people do thru months of dating.

we've now spent about a week each month of this year together and it just keeps getting better and better, so yes, you can fall in love on the net!

Fruitbat

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 05:14 am Click here to edit this post
Very sweet Laf.

Tukuul

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 09:22 am Click here to edit this post
I think I touched on this in Game I but I've only known one person who got married from meeting someone on AOL. I'm not saying it couldn't happen but the percentage is extremely low.

In most cases, long distance relationships and relationships where you can't physically see, hear, and touch the person fade away rather quickly. You notice that Kearie and Laf live somewhat close and spend time together. If someone in CA met someone in Maine then that would pose a real problem for that relationship unless both parties could afford to fly across the country every week.

I don't know anyone that has truly fell in love from on screen words without knowing the person behind them to some degree. It IS a safe starting point though.

Flint

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 10:58 am Click here to edit this post
Gotta agree with ya Tukuul. It is a starting point. (Dunno if it is always safe though.) Without that face to face contact, you can never be sure just what you are getting into.

I have known many people who met on the net and the relationship worked, or they even ended up married. However, those people MET in real life, offline. Distance is definitely a factor, although the example of California to Maine, or for the Canucks among us British Columbia and Nova Scotia, it isn't as bad as being on another continent. But I have seen more that did not work.

One of my oldest and best friends met a woman from St. louis on AOL. (I still don't know why a Canadian would be using AOL, but I digress. ) They talked on the net, and phone, for about 6-8 months. Then when she came east on a vacation, they met, and found that they meshed just as well in person as online. In 11 days they will be celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary. (One of the best weddings I have been at. :))

However, more often than not, it turns out to be what happened to one of my oldest and best net (and real life) friends. He is in Australia, and had been pretty good friends with a woman from Wisconsin. When he was on this side of the ocean, touring the US on vacation, they met, and things clicked, and voila, they became a couple. He made several trips to the US to pend time with her, and many phone calls. Unfortunately, she couldn't really handle the distance involved. After about a year she was checking out other pastures, and then broke up with him when she found what she thought was a greener one. :( That sort of story does seem to be the norm.

The internet is a tool. It can be a great means to meet people, just as it can be a tool for research, entertainment, or a substitute for Hustler. But it isn't the only one people need to make use of when getting into a relationship. Without meeting the person it can also seem unreal, and not be taken seriously. Or as Tuk pointed out, it fades over time. That is just...

My 2 cents.

Merlin

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 11:55 am Click here to edit this post
It is hard for me to imagine that someone would marry a person that they have never met in real life or did not have some experience with in person. However, it has been happening for quite some time. Didn't people make arrangements for "mail order" brides in the 1800's?

It would seem to me the first qualification to consider, is a person willing to uproot their live and move to some other place that could be far away. Could be why the woman looked for greener pastures, maybe it was a pasture not so distant instead.

I agree that the internet is a tool. All the tools I am familar with come with warnings and how to use instructions. Common sense would suffice in the case of the internet.

People meet and get to know each other in all kinds of places such as church, work, business relationships, nightclubs, etc. The thing I find interesting about the internet is that it starts without the visual part.

I find for myself that this is a new twist because it takes away all the visual assessments that I typically have. I can like someone for who they are versus how good they may look. Granted that person may be playing a role but patience on your part will reveal discrepancies in their acting efforts.

And then again, I am new to the internet so this could be a naive thought.

Failures in internet "relationships" seem to have the same odds at success as real life "normal" meetings. I see as much fading in real life.

Tukuul

Sunday, April 08, 2001 - 04:19 pm Click here to edit this post
Of course, I'm not implying anything like that here at the TVCH. It's a tough thought thinking anyone here would fade out as far as the posting community is concerned, but there have been quite a few since Big Brother I.

That's on a whole new level though.