Warnings

The ClubHouse: General Discussions - Jan -Apr. 2001: April: Warnings
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Flint

Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 09:52 am Click here to edit this post
And some more...

Good Neighbor Pharmacy Ferrous Sulfate: Contains iron.

CIBA Vision Pure Eyes: Use before the expiration date

Demazin Infant Drops: This formula may cause drowsiness, if affected do not operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle.

Boot's Childrens Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or run machinery.

Phar-Mor Children's Aspirin Free Pain - Relief: In case of accidental overdose, please contact a physician.

Unknown Birth Control Pills: Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or might be pregnant.

Tylenol P.M.: CAUTION: This product will cause drowsiness. Do not drive a motor vehicle or operate machinery after use.

Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness

Unknown Christmas Lights: Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter: Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight: This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Unknown Fire Extinguisher: Caution: Non-Flamable

Unknown Earplugs: These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Energizer AAA 4 Pack: If swallowed, promptly see doctor.

Summerfield Suites - Near Door: Parents! The door handle can be opened by small children

Unknown Mattress: Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Unknown Matches: Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Norwican

Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 12:44 pm Click here to edit this post
On spool of cat5 cable: Do not wrap around neck area

Tukuul

Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 04:42 pm Click here to edit this post
INSTRUCTIONS ON REPLACING MOUSE BALLS

(I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its employees in all seriousness...This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last sentence)



"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacture of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items..."

Penpoint

Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 09:40 pm Click here to edit this post
I have to laugh every time I see a commercial for any weight-loss product. They usually show someone who has, for example, lost 45 pounds in only six weeks. In very small print somewhere on the screen is this line:

Results not typical.

Mishamisha

Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 10:31 pm Click here to edit this post
or even better "Atypical Result" knowing that many will mistake it for "A Typical Result"

Nancy091158

Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 03:20 am Click here to edit this post
* No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

* Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

* Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

* Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in
real life than it does in the TV commercial.

* Some dismemberment may occur.

* Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!!
Just walk away, timid little man.

* Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and
eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line
behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your
Sega Dreamcast -- especially when you've already got a Playstation
and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale
-- may result in bodily injury.

* Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that
out!!

* In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.

* Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

* Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.
*Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to
make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

* NOTE: The makers of "Queen Amidala's Naboo Dream Palace" assume no
responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it.

* Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

Tksoard

Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 06:26 am Click here to edit this post
Oh Moon!!!!! That alcohol one was the funniest thing I ever read! Boy, It really brings back the memories!! Some good, some bad, But I loved it!!

Moondance

Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 02:12 pm Click here to edit this post
Scary how true some of them are :)

Mishamisha

Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 04:48 pm Click here to edit this post
This probably best fits in here with "warnings".

When learning to drive, my Dad gave me some very good advice: "Look at the guy in the car next to you, and think to yourself 'What's the stupidest thing that this guy could do next?', then expect him to do it."

I've avoided many accidents keeping this in mind :)

Flint

Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 05:32 am Click here to edit this post
And yet some more, starting with road signs.

Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ: State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers

Unknown Location: Do not pass while opposing traffic present.

University of Saskatchewan, in Saskatoon: Pedestrian Tunnel. No admittance (Pedestrian tunnels planned to link all the buildings of the school, but the project ran out of funding before they could be completed)

Rim Drive, Durango, CO: Warning: Do Not Hit This Sign

Unknown Road, Clemson, SC: Caution water on road during rain.

Flint

Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 05:37 am Click here to edit this post
And some more...

McDonald's Power Rangers Toy: WARNING: This bag is not a toy.

Unknown Beach Ball: CAUTION: It is not a life saving device

Unknown Wheelbarrow: Do not use when temperature exceeds 140 Farenheit.

Unknown Swedish Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Unknown Pine Bark Mulch: This bag contains forest products.

Unknown Pudding: Caution: Will be hot after heating.

Ring Pops - Made with Real Fruit Juice: Artificially Flavored.

Carefree Gum: Use of this product may be hazardous to your health. This product contains Saccharin, which has been determined to cause cancer in laboratory animals.

Flint

Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 05:42 am Click here to edit this post
And don't forget to be careful when using hygene products!

Dial Soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

Pantene Pro-V Flexible Hold Pro Vitamin Hairspray: Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents can be harmful or fatal.

Aussie Mega Shampoo: Avoid getting in eyes.
(I ownder if Will Mega did promos for this?)

Clearasil - Medicated Antibacterial Cleanser: Warning: Do not use this products on infants under 6 months of age.

Bath & Body Works Tranquil Sleep Body Lotion: For adult external use only.

Florabella Shower Cream with Moisturizer: Avoid contact with the eyes. For adult use only.

Unknown Tampons: Final step: "Pull up underwear". (The importance of this final step can not be stressed enough, unless you are an exhibitionsit. )

Bath & Body Works Moisture - Rich Body Lotion: CAUTION: This is not a toy.

Greenhill & York Florabella Foam Bath With Moisturizer: For adult use only.

Mr. Bubbles: Not intended for human consumption. (I will leave out comment on how we made Mr. bubbles as kids. )

Mentadent Duel Action Mouthwash: WARNING: If an amount considerably larger than being used is swallowed, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control center immediately.

Fun & Fantasy Fluorescent Hair Color: WARNING: Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents can be harmful or fatal.

Bath & Body Works Instant Anti - Bacterial Hand Gel: Keep out of reach of children, except under adult supervision.

Flint

Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 05:45 am Click here to edit this post
And a last few for public consumption. Warning: Do not try to consume, if taken internally see doctor immediately.)

Zippo Lighter: Warning: Do not ignite in face.

Unknown Pepper Spray: Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes. (I hear that it can really spice up a meal though. :) )

Unknown Korean Kitchen Knife: Keep out of children.

Unknown Window Visor: Warning: Do not drive with visor in window.

Unknown Lava Lamp: Do not ingest.

Unknown Glass Cup: Do not put boiling water or more than 10% alcohol in this cup.

Unknown Block of Lead (One Ton): Do not eat or inhale, if so induce vomiting.

Unknown Diving Board: All divers must land in water!

Twiggyish

Wednesday, April 18, 2001 - 06:08 am Click here to edit this post
LOL, you know these are funny but I suppose there are reasons they feel the need to warn us.

Nancy091158

Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 05:54 am Click here to edit this post
Signs From Around the World
---------------------------

An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins
Welcomed."

Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."

Comparative customs:
In front of flat in London: "It is unlawful to allow your pets to
foul the footways by depositing excrement thereon."

In New York: "Curb your dog."

A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're
on Radar!"

On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor.
Drive through open 24 hours!"

Seen on a sign on a hamster cage at a pet store in an Austin, Texas,
Mall: "Hamsters: $6.97; Children Who Fall In: $2.88"

Flint

Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 06:25 am Click here to edit this post
Beer Warnings

Unfortunately, some of these ring all too true...

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Tksoard

Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 06:30 am Click here to edit this post
Oh! The memories!!!