Friends: how do (or do) you categorize them?

The ClubHouse: General Discussions - Jan -Apr. 2001: February: Friends: how do (or do) you categorize them?

Digilady

Tuesday, February 20, 2001 - 10:28 pm Click here to edit this post

This came up in chat tonight, and was so interesting I thought I'd see if any of you had different ideas.

Or, are all friends the same to you?

Me, I have "Friends". Folks who I communicate with on a certain level only, and see from time to time.

Then, "Good Friends". These I communicate with on a deeper level, we share more of our lives, we're more 'intimate' if you will.

Finally, "brothers and sisters". No, not familial. These are people who I trust to take me to the ER when I need to go, and for whom I give up a week to nurse them after an operation. These are also the ones who know all my warts and love me anyway, and vice versa.

Admittedly, I don't actually have any "sisters", only "brothers". And I've known them for 7 and 22 years, respectively.

So, how do you look at friendships?

Glass

Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 12:05 am Click here to edit this post

I totally agree with you Digilady. True friendship requires time and energy to form close bonds and maintain a connection. I deeply cherish the few close friendships that I have. Your close friends truly know you and still want to be with you. I can rely on my friends and they know they can call on me to be there for them no matter what.

I have many more acquaintances that I am friendly with and do stuff with, but we don't delve very deep. I find that if I come on too strong, too soon, it can turn some people off. Also not everyone is going to like me no matter how nice a person I am.

I seem to do best one on one regarding friends. I was never in a close knit group of friends. I like groups, parties, etc. I just tend to gravitate to those individuals I find more interesting, intelligent, stimulating. I don't think I'm a snob or elitist, I just don't suffer fools gladly. Time is precious and I want to make the most of it.

Your family your born with and hopefully you like them. Your friends you choose to be with.

Misslibra

Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 01:28 am Click here to edit this post

Well I have friends who I talk to when I see them. I might run into them at the store or somewhere like that.

Then I have friends who I went to school with. Who tend to gossip just a little to much for me. Which can lead to a lot of he said ... she said ... stuff. Which I hate with a passion, so I kind of keep my distant from them, but will socialize with them from time to time.

I have a couple of really close friends, who I talk to daily or every other day. I share almost everything with, and we are also there for each other. As they say I have their backs, and they have mine.

Twiggyish

Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 06:37 am Click here to edit this post

I have all types of friends, too.

There are friends who are like family and I care very much for them.
There are friends I associate with socially and yet, they are not close friends. I seem to have a lot of these.
There are coworkers who I think of as friends, but yet, I still keep a bit of distance.
I have old friends and they are like family, too. These are the ones who knew me "way back when" and I share memories with them. My oldest friends know me very well.

I choose my close friends carefully, as I am a private person.

By the way, my best friend is my husband. =)

Norwican

Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 09:14 am Click here to edit this post

I have "acquaintances" who I recognize and say hello to on the street.

I have "friends" who I go grab a bite to eat or a cocktail with.

I have "good friends" that I have shared both good and bad experiences with... we have some history.

I have "true-blue friends" these are the people that would drop whatever they were doing if I needed them and vice versa. These are also the only group that can tell me that I'm full of it without it sounding offensive.

Guruchaz

Wednesday, February 21, 2001 - 09:52 am Click here to edit this post

One of my best friends is someone I have known ever since first grade. We have a lot of memories that go back a long way. Even though that's the case and as comfortable as I am talking to him about most things, there are still some areas where the openness wanes and I think it's just because I know he doesn't have anymore experience in certain areas of life than I do.

Then, not too long ago, something great happened. Everyone knows now that my dad and I had difficulty having an open conversation. One of the most extraordinary friendships I ever had was with someone I also eventually considered one of my best friends and like part of the family. He was an older and wiser man, living alone at the time, and we really hit it off. It's unexplainable. It was a gift. My life somehow felt balanced as it was the perfect friendship. We took an interest in each other's lives and I was continously learning something from him whether he realized it or not. It was like we filled a much needed void in both our lives in a short period of time. I even saw him remarry and was part of the wedding ceremony. The unusual part about this was that our special bond only lasted 3 years before God took him away. I fell apart and was sad and upset for the longest time because something I considered so wonderful ended so abruptly. I think a few others have had similar tales here and I sympathize with them greatly.

I'm not embarrassed to say that I felt the same type of emotions as I got to know Merlin. I never want to embarrass him, but maybe this will explain something to the folks out here that don't quite understand the connection or some of the reasons I was upset with myself for previous actions.


My other closest friend is actually a friend of my best friend's brother (make sure you understand that right). He is 3 years younger. We grew up as acquaintances and we'd go over to his house from time to time when we were younger but he didn't truly become a close friend until about 6 years ago after he graduated from college. We had the same interests and liked much of the same things, but still two different types of people. Over the last 6 years, our friendship has strengthened tremendously.

One of my other friends is my best friend's brother. He just passed the Bar exam and is a Copyright/Patent Attorney in Utah. The sad part is that he always seems so busy to keep in touch. I'm usually the one who initiates a call or contact but he hasn't reciprocated much since he moved to the Utah area 4 years ago. I believe that reciprocation is part of a strong friendship and that's why I feel our friendship may have dropped a notch. However, our background goes back a long way too and we have some very good talks. He's very smart and in some ways, wise for his age.

There are a few people I know through associations with the people above but I wouldn't call them really close but we also have some history together. I also have two individuals I work with that I will talk to on the phone every once in a while or we'll go fishing or something on their boat. Still, it's not what I would call really close.

Then I have client acquaintances, plain acquaintances, and clients that I see from time to time.

______________


What does all this mean?

I find that my best friendships have formed with individuals I feel I can talk openly to (the more, the closer the bond) and those that share a general interest in my life as I do theirs and those that take the time to know me and view me for who I am, accepting imperfections and all, just like I accept them for who they are. It's mutual enlightenment, understanding, and acceptance that seems to be the basis.

In all reality, there are more factors involved than the ones listed above but those are the main ones that seem to be a pattern for my personal friendships.