A change in topic

The ClubHouse: General Discussions - Jan -Apr. 2001: April: A change in topic

Twiggyish

Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 07:01 pm Click here to edit this post
A woman goes to a witch dr. and asks him how to make her boobs (for lack of a better word) bigger.
The witch dr tells her to go to three men and ask them to marry her and they (boobs) would grow an inch.

The first man tells her no. They grow an inch.
The second man tells her no. They grow another inch.
The third man tells her no, no, no, a thousand times NO!!
and..he never knew what hit him.

Norwican

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 06:56 am Click here to edit this post
cute joke Twiggy :)

Willi

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 09:31 am Click here to edit this post
lol

:)

Norwican

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 02:16 pm Click here to edit this post
Some ways to ease stress:

When someone tells you "have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Make a list of things you have already done.

Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to preschool as if nothing is wrong.

Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in them, then return them the next day.

Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.

Bill your doctor for the time spent in their waiting room.

Get a box of condoms, wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.

Moondance

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 02:47 pm Click here to edit this post
>Dance naked in front of your pets<...LOL I think they would disown me!

Maire

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 03:25 pm Click here to edit this post
Was at the mall today, and was ordering lunch at DQ, when the guy next to me asked the two gals behind the counter what the special for the day was. The reply of the gal who was helping me, responded to him by saying, "we are". Hahaha!!

Mishamisha

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:03 pm Click here to edit this post
Maire, I know you followed Game I. You should know better than to bring up the DQ again. But I did see her post somewhere recently...Dilli! Where are ye? We coulda used Sexy Voice in chat the last 2 nights!

Moondance

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 04:12 pm Click here to edit this post
At The Nursing Home

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she is going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again.

Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over.

As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!

The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,"Oh no! Not the Breathalyzer again!"

Twiggyish

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:10 pm Click here to edit this post
hahahahahaha. That's a good one.

Maire

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 07:57 pm Click here to edit this post
Whoa! Moon, that's hilarious!

Misha, you *know* I followed Game I? Uh,I didn't even know I followed Game I. I'm way out of the loop on the DQ thing, although, I can pretty much figure it out now. :)

Moondance

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:18 pm Click here to edit this post
http://www.fun-town.com/kungfu/kungfu.cfm

Moondance

Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:35 pm Click here to edit this post
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

--Ask your mom.


How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?

--Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.


How do you know you're leading a sad life?

--When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."


Do you know why ghosts don't make noise when they make love?

--Because they have hollow weenies!


What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?

--A c0ck that stays up all night.


Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

--Palm Sunday


What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?

--Her navel.


What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

--A bingo machine.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

--"Are you sure it's mine?"


What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

--Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.


What three two-letter words denote "small"?

--"Is it in?"


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

--Mace will do that to you.


If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?

--Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Norwican

Friday, April 13, 2001 - 09:31 am Click here to edit this post
ROFLMAO Moon

Digilady

Friday, April 13, 2001 - 10:01 am Click here to edit this post
Dammit Moonie I told ya it only hurts when I laugh... now I'm croaking. LMAO!

Moondance

Friday, April 13, 2001 - 10:08 am Click here to edit this post
Sorry Digi... take those good drugs!!!

Grooch

Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 09:14 am Click here to edit this post
The Horse and the Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't
need a BMW to pick up chicks!

Max

Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 09:27 am Click here to edit this post
ROFLMAO Grooch!!!!

Grooch

Friday, April 27, 2001 - 11:42 am Click here to edit this post
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."