Archive through January 20, 2003
MoveCloseDeleteAdmin

TV ClubHouse: Archives: 2003 January: Who wants to quit smoking with me? (ARCHIVE): Archive through January 20, 2003

Sia

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 08:53 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Dahli, I don't smoke, but I've been trying to encourage my husband to quit smoking. He has health "issues" that should have helped him to make this decision several years ago, but he continues to smoke. I really wish he would stop.

Please, what is the exact title of the book, and who was the author? What was the original publication date, if you know it? Thanks.

Dahli

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 09:23 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
HI Sia, I will be glad to give you everything I can remember (since the book is currently on loan)Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking is the name of it
I googled and found his site http://www.allencarrseasyway.com/
there is more detail there if you want to take a look.

I'm sure you know this but this won't help anyone who doesn't truly truly want to stop.... my mom is the fifth person of the five I gave books to. She smokes so much it's truly scary - while she eats - while she brushes her teeth... always. She will NOT read it, she says she dusts it every day but she is terrified that if she reads it she'll quit as the rest of us did when we read it and that idea is too terrifying,to her isn't that sad? Good Luck Sia!!

Dahli

Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 09:26 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
ps Sia - my mom has chest pains that keep her up nights, can hardly walk up a flight of stairs, smells coughs, suffers from all kinds of smoke related problems and still thinks she'll LOSE something if she quits. I still find that incredible and probably will till the day she drops dead. I can't bear it somedays. Shes only 68 and looks about 80. says she feels 90 and STILL won't quit.

Juju2bigdog

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 06:44 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Oh, Dahli, that is so sad. So sad.

Sia, you do know that your "encouragement" could actually act as a disincentive to your husband being able to quit for himself?

Nobody can make anybody else quit smoking, no matter how much they try or wish it. Case in point, Dahli's mom. Nobody can quit to please somebody else. You can only quit for yourself. (well, okay, maybe mothers of small children, but there you get into legacy issues)

Fruitbat

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:13 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I will add my agreement here. My husband wants me to quit but when he talks about that I feel irritated. I cant quit because he wants me to. It must come from me. Another aspect is that someone who quits needs to feel very proud of themselves and get praise and support for doing something very difficult.

*********How can someone feel the surge in self esteem, pride and satisfaction when, in theory, the person that made them quit gets the credit?***************

It is doing more harm than you realize to even approach the subject.

Dahli

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:36 am EditMoveDeleteIP
That's very true Juju and Fruit, it was that way with me, my ex would say... it doesn't suit you, you're too smart for this, etc, meant NUTHIN' and irritate is the exact word. Don't bug me! and then I'd smoke just to make sure NOBODY was gonna tell me what to do. My daughter would beg and cry cuz I was gonna die from it, I knew I wouldn't (well not right away) aaah mazing to me now, with the blinders off those days are almost comical.
There I was thinking I was a smart savvy, bright, knowledgable, sophisticated (sorta) clever, independent, self motivated, thinking woman of the new millenium and in fact I was but only to a certain degree, when in fact I was being manipulated controlled duped lied to and abused (with my permission of course) by tobacco. But at the time nobody was going to tell ME what to do cuz I'm my own woman and I liked it, right?... riiiiight

Sia

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 10:06 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Yes, Juju, I know that nagging my husband makes him react in a juvenile way; he just hardens his resolve to continue smoking if I make disparaging remarks about how smoking damages his lungs and makes his breath, hair, and skin stink, so I don't do that. I mean that I used to encourage him to quit when he had CAT-scans every three months to monitor the size of the spots in his lungs. He's quit going to the doctor for that, so I don't even talk about his lung-spots any more. The man is close to 50; he'll either quit or die. He's insured, and he mentions that to me as if that is supposed to make me feel better about him dying of cancer one day. His job is dangerous, and I know that, too, but it doesn't make me any less apprehensive when he leaves for each shift. He's tried Nicorette gum and Zyban pills(which worked, until he decided to start smoking again because something had him "stressed"), but never the patch. He says that he likes to smoke. I just wish he wouldn't.

You know what I resent about his smoking? It's not so much the money that he wastes on buying cigarettes, which are horribly expensive, or that he buys them a pack at a time pretending he's about to quit when he could get them a lot cheaper by the carton, or that he tries to hide how much he spends on them by charging them at a gas station and covering the purchase with a gasoline purchase. I resent that he tries to make ME feel that I'm being selfish to want him around to see our kids grow up.

Juju2bigdog

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 10:44 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Sia, reacting in a juvenile way when nagged about smoking is not unique. We ALL did it. I guess it is the nature of the beast of addiction. And we ALL said we smoked because we liked it, not because we had to. It was true that we liked it. But we liked it because we had no choice.

Fruitbat

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 11:43 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Sia, you don't have a choice here. He will spend his money as he chooses and smoke or not. Focusing on how to change your husband will only cause you stress. No one can change anyone else, we can only make choices for ourselves.

Kitty54

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 04:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Sia, my husband quit smoking in his mid fifties. He had been a heavy smoker, since his early teens. He resented the ever increasing cost and just decided not to smoke. I was amazed that he could just lay them down. That was almost 5 yrs ago. To his credit, he never asked me to quit. I tried to hide how much I was spending on them, too. I had all of the excuses, i.e. "you're going to die from something" or "one of the few things I enjoy". He never argued. Sometimes, he would walk into a room, with several of us smoking, and leave. I knew it was the fog of smoke. When I coughed or mentioned the heaviness, in my chest, he would say: "one day you'll quit". In fact, the only thing I ever heard him say about my smoking was, "I believe that you'll quit, soon". I finally came to that decision, in October. I believe if he had said anything, positive or negative, it would have given me an excuse to continue - a reason to argue. I've gained weight, since October, but he's never mentioned that, either. All I'm trying to tell you is that you can't tell him something he doesn't know. Every smoker knows how bad they are for you and how much they cost. If he never quits, I encourage you to just accept him, in spite of the awful effects of smoking. The last thing he needs is someone trying to change him.

Fruitbat

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 04:46 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Ok, lets get this thread back on track. Everyone considering stopping smoking please come back and share your desires and experience.

I bought the book but it will not come for 3 weeks which is good timing for me. I dont want to be in the middle of withdrawal during a 2 week vacation. I will stop when the book comes but in the meantime I am going to cut down, use nicorette to help with this and concentrate on being a non smoker.

Juju2bigdog

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 05:05 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
You got me laughing here, Fruitbat. Your plan is flawless except for one thing. Non-smokers do not smoke.

And I actually did quit for good while on vacation. Different environment, different habits. BUT, I was in China in the middle of the winter, lol, and I was only smoking about seven cigarettes a day by that time, AND I got sick, so it wasn't all that hard to choose not to stand outside in the dark by myself in the freezing cold in a foreign communist country while I was sick smoking a cigarette.

I'm not sure I would recommend the nicorette gum or the patch while you are still smoking. For me, the patch worked like magic. It totally took away the nicotine cravings, but oh how I missed my old friend the cig at first. Now, this was in the days when you could not get over the counter patches, and I think the stength of the prescription ones was greater than what they now sell without prescriptions.

Grooch

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 06:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Serious question here (I hope you don't mind me asking.)

But this is for all the people who are smoking now and the ones that quit but were smoking before.

---------------------------------

"They" say that smoking is addictive. But what I am wondering is, is it a physical (body) addiction (that you need one or your body will lose it) or is the addiction a mental one. That you have a mental craving for a cigerette. That if you occupy your brain with something else when you get the craving, you can trick your body into not realizing that you are not smoking.

I don't mean to insult anyone. I am truly wondering.

Fruitbat

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 06:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
It is both Grooch.

Juju. LOL! The patch does not work for me. I have used nicorette on long airplane trips and it is great. It is ok to substitute a nicorette for a cig while cutting down. Chewing and smoking at the same time is not good.

Dahli

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:00 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Sia, Kitty's husband was very wise, it's almost indifference that smokers need in order to see clearly and not allow others to give them excuses to continue...then they actually have to 'listen' to themselves

Grooch I believe, thanks to what I've learned,it's a physical addiction (fast and quick)but really not powerful which is evidenced by many who can just decide to walk away from it or not get woken after 8 or 10 hours sleeping, or a long flight or any other time you can't smoke, it's only the fact you can't have one that gets people crazy, it won't give them DT's or debilitating withdrawal pains so in that way it's easy to get over but combined with it is the brainwashing and fear that keeps it going. People believe it's hard.
The book was so helpful in explaining how it all works and why we smoke, which made it easy to not smoke, but the most powerful thing for me was the 'nicotine monster' explanation.... he says that when you start it's like an egg gets laid inside which grows and grows as you feed it nicotine. Soon it is controlling you. This immediately brought two very vivid visuals to me... the first one a tapeworm which a friend of mine scared the bejeezus out of me when I was a kid, the idea of some ugly worm living and growing inside me -yeeeuk Plus Alien that movie where this thing comes bursting out of somebody both those instantly came to mind when picturing this nicotine monster. The simple gnawing that one feels after the nicotine leaves your blood stream, is just a slight restless feeling, I learned is merely the monster rubbing up inside needing to be fed. By denying it I was killing it! The fact that every day it got weaker and weaker was what made me realize it wasn't me that wanted the poison it was the filthy worm and I was finally killing it. The feeling was both powerful and exciting and made me smile each time I felt it instead of want to smoke. What a great feeling and sure enough it died!! It was easy to resist because I knew each puff revived it and let it gain strength again. This worked for me and I also believe just as an alcoholic can't cut back and become healthy, smoking is also an all or nothing thing.

Ms Bat - you should know that he encourages anyone who is smoking while reading the book to keep it up,nor use any other aids... it's all about the brain.

Juju2bigdog

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:01 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Grooch, I would say it is more physical. It is a very real physical addiction. Your body HAS to have that fix. That is why it is so hard to quit.

Llkoolaid

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:16 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Fruitbat, don't cut back and don't change anything about the way you smoke until you finish the book. Believe me, it will make perfect sense to you when you read the book. Cutting back makes you think you are sacrificing something and makes you want it more. Cutting back is one of the worst things to do if you want to quit. You will understand when you read the book. I wish so much that you had the book now. I wish I had the book when I quit but I didn't but it did take away the fear that I had that I would start back up again. I quit one time for 6 years and even though I have quit for over a year now it was still not a sure thing to me that I was quit forever. I read the book with an open mind. I will never let that poison in my body again. Imagine the stupidity of paying through the nose to poison yourself, getting panicky because you are out of cigarettes and you can't make yourself stinky and socially unacceptable, getting irritable because when you get up in the morning you are not going to be coughing up disgusting crap. I can't imagine I felt that way, thank God I don't have to live like that ever again.

Halfunit

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Grooch,

For me, it is a chemical, physical, and psychological addiction.

Chemical for the nicotine.
Physical from the hand to mouth standpoint.
Psychological because I think that I have to have it. And that a cigarette make me feel better, when in reality, it's the opposite.

It's always good to ask questions! :)

Llkoolaid

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:26 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Mental 99%
Physical 1%

Kaili

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:39 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
A huge part of smoking for me is not the hand to mouth action but the feeling of the suck and inhale. That and the actual feel of it between my fingers. I have no problem not smoking for a long time if I am in a situation where I really can't smoke. It doesn't bother me. Or even when I'm with people who don't smoke, it isn't a problem to not smoke. But once I get home and am by myself, it's just so easy to pick one up.

As for excuses, I actually have tried to tell people that I am exercising my lungs by making them work harder! How silly is that?!

Sia

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:06 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I want to buy Allen Carr's book. Does anyone know why it is shown on Amazon's UK site and NOT on the U.S. site? Thanks in advance. (I think it's a conspiracy by the big tobacco manufacturers to keep the book out of the hands of the American people, who are huge consumers of cigarettes!!)

Juju2bigdog

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:09 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Huh! This is interesting. I have not read the book. I would say the opposite of what Llkoolaid says, 99% physical and 1% mental. I would say the mental part comes in as an attempt to justify the physical addiction, because we do not want to see ourselves as junkies, when that is all we are.





(Hahahahaha, oops, do people still say junkie?)

Dahli

Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:35 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Koolaid, you've got it!! By george you've got it! I remember when I first found this thread wishing everyone could have the darn book! LOL Sia I really think you have something there, I've often wondered why it's not talked about and more available as an option in the states. It's not beyond reason though because surely they know that once we 'get'it and understand the hoax - they're done for

I completely agree with LL, 1% physical 99% mental

Fruitbat

Monday, January 20, 2003 - 05:45 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Thanks Kool. I will wait until my book arrives.

I am excited about this.

Dahli said.....>>>>Ms Bat - you should know that he encourages anyone who is smoking while reading the book to keep it up,nor use any other aids... it's all about the brain. <<<<

Is there a typo here? I cant make sense out of this.

Dahli

Monday, January 20, 2003 - 06:01 am EditMoveDeleteIP
HAHAHA - not really but kinda - what I was trying to say is don't cut back, don't use gum(he calls it filthy nicotine gum) or change anything that you are doing, just continue to smoke yourself sick, just as LL said. The quitting easily comes about because your head (brain) gets it when you're done the book - not because of anything else...
Hope that helps