Archive through September 16, 2003
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TV ClubHouse: Archive: Chatters Thread: Archive through September 16, 2003

Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
*************** TVC NEWS WATCH **************
"A TVC NEWS ALERT" (And that boom-boom-boom music they use to get your attention.)

Anchor: "Today investigators found a metal box in a hidden land fill. The box had a worn inscription and only the letters "PLE" were identifiable.

The contents of the box contained what was thought to be the long-lost, hand-written final installment of Tobor's Adventures of Late Night
Chatters Bar and Grill. A partial transcript of that installment can be found at our web site.

The missing sections were due to the poor condition the manuscript was found in, and all efforts are being made to restore the document to its original condition.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:38 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(The following is reproduced here with permission from the investigators.)

(Page -1-)

Tobor slowly walks up to Room 237 on the second floor of the UCLA Medical Hospital. He is dressed in an ill-fitting orderly's uniform and is pushing a rusted metal service cart filled with bed pans and linen. The two black-suited agents are slouched in chairs on either side of the door. Seemingly asleep at the wheel, their legs outstretched into the hallway. As he approaches he can feel the temperature drop slightly and the closer he gets... the colder
it gets. The flickering ceiling lights cast a sickly green pall over the hallway.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:39 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -2-)

Tobor reaches the door and guides the cart carefully between the two agents.

One of them looks up from his sleepy daze and Tobor mumbles something about stinkin' bed pan duty and they simply let him pass without question.

Once inside the room, Tobor isn't sure he is safe anymore.

(illegible) ...wishes he... (illegible) ...Bellini.

The room is cold. Meat freezer kind of cold. And Tobor looks at what appears to be two curtained areas. He can hear the faint sound of FOTH music, but the source is unknown. There are small remote cameras mounted to the ceiling all around the room, and he can hear the servos buzz as they follow his every move.

He parts one of the curtains and enters the brighter area. "I'm such a coward." He thinks as he peers around the edge, his heart pounding to
the dreaded FOTH music.

(illegible) ...and off to the side. (illegible)

The large jar contains what clearly was or still is... a human brain. Various attachments, wires, tubes and other support paraphernalia flow to and from the jar and (illegible) constantly moving fluids.

Behind the jar, and to the shock and awe of Tobor is a handwritten note scribbled in red lipstick on the wall.

It is from Bonzacat!

"Tobor? Where have you been? I've been waiting for you. This is out of control. I can wait no longer. I am going to get help. Wait till I get
back. -Bonza
P.S. This is not his brain... but it will be soon!"

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:41 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -3-)

So I waited... well... not really. I waited like around 5 seconds then I went right over to the other curtain. Can you blame me?

(illegible) ...last thing I do.

Tobor peeks into the other curtained-off area of the room.

And there he is. Lying in the bed. (illegible) The inventor of Launcher Nanotechnology himself.

Tobor could feel every thimble of his pounding
Blood take pause.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:44 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -4-)

The broken man is in full traction, sheathed in a white, full body cast. His arms extend straight out to either side as if he were waiting for a ((hug)).

The labyrinth of support wires and tubes make it hard to see if he is even conscious. The only illumination comes from units placed around the bed, the various body function monitors, computers and four large plasma TV's... each displaying one of the live-feed cameras from Big Brother. The now obvious source of the dreaded FOTH music and the other sounds of an assisted breathing pump and heart rate monitor fill the room.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:45 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:49 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -5-)

(illegible)

Tobor slowly comes to the side of the bed and looks down.

"I swear on everything. (expletive deleted) You can trust me..." Ali says as the live feeds kick back on. The irritating voice from the monitors cause Tobor to jump and the man in the bed to open his eyes and look upon Tobor.

"Can you speak?" Tobor asks.

The inventor of Launcher Nanotechnology motions, with the few fingers he has sticking out of the cast, for Tobor to come closer.

And Tobor does. Putting his ear to the man's mouth.

"Help me." The broken man says with the air through his teeth.

"I've done so much already." Tobor says. "Bonza went for help, but I don't know if I can do anymore by myself."

"You did a great job." The man says. "You have been a loyal friend."

"If I ever see Dauw-nie again I will so make it up to him." Ali says on the feed.

The two men look at the monitor and roll their eyes.

"You really want to keep this on?" Tobor asks. "How much more can you take?"

"The new season hasn't started yet. Plus, what's it going to do? Kill Me?" The man coughs.

"So, can I ask you... " Tobor says.

"Shoot." (illegible)

"Man to man?" Tobor says.

"The New York guys only worry about their careers. They get married after like 35 or 40." Jun says on the feeds.

"Shoot." The man in the bed says again.

"Where are the English directions to the Super Ball Launcher?" Tobor asks. "I'm having a hell of a time getting the settings right!"

The man in the bed efforts a smile and starts to speak when the door to the room bangs open and Mulder and Scully burst in.

"Mulder? What are YOU doing here?" Tobor says.

"This is an X-File, Tobor. Takes your hands off the keyboard and step away from the bed." Mulder says.

"No Mulder, we don't really know this is an X-File. You got a panic call from the cat people, Bonza and Costa and here we are." Scully says.

"...and I am the best player to ever play the game..." Rob says on the feeds.

"Don't Scully me Scully. I know an X-File when I see it." Mulder says.

"There's the Erlenmeyer Flask... right there. Right there on the table!"

The man in the bed is now mumbling louder, as if he has a new found energy, and the lighting in the room is starting to change as well.

(illegible)

"...Even if I don't win the dream team will still live on..." Rob says on the feeds.

"You gotta be crappin' me?" Scully says. "Rob can't win this."

Dennis Miller appears from the shadows. "Someone call a comic?"

"There's no way you can't be here now..." Mulder says. "You're doing a guest spot on Boston Public."

"Yeah? Because you took my part on Sex And The City." Miller spits back.

"What is he doing?" The man in the bed asks. "He doesn't have a speaking part here."

"What do I look like? Freakin' Queequeg?" Tobor says as he backs away from the bed.

"Everyone here but you is me!" The inventor of Thruster Nanotechnology says in the new voice and the entire tone in the room changes.

"Where is the English instruction manual to the ball Thruster?" Scully shouts.

Mulder and Scully now stand at the foot of the bed, their super-soaker squirt guns drawn and aimed.

"You must help yourself before you help anyone else." The inventor says.

"The Power of Jee compels you." They say together. (squirt-squirt)

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:49 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:50 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -6-)

"Shazbat!" (illegible)

(illegible)

The old man is now sitting up in the bed. His body cast cracked at the waist. His arms outstretched on either side in their full casts and supported by the various wires and pulleys that snake all around the bed.

"The Power of Jee compels you." They say again. (squirt-squirt)

"The people at the Centre... they have it..." The man says in a booming voice.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:51 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:52 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -7-)

And now rain is draining down the walls and the windows are fogging up. The cables around the bed are snapping under the strain while the cast is Melting into dust.

"Houseguests, please lower the protective window coverings when playing basketball." The feeds spew, now out of sync with each other and in multiple annoying echoes.

"Those who know will know, and those who don't know won't care." The man bellows.

Jee, Justin and Dana are now buck naked and running around the room trying to grab as many tennis balls as they can... quickly putting them into the bed pans.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:53 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:54 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -8-)

Dr. Carter comes rushing into the room with a crash cart. "This is my last season, I may only play a doctor on TV, but I think I can save him... stat-a-stat-stat! Heck, I thought I did a good job as Steve Jobs! But do I get an Emmy for it? Heck No!"

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:54 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:55 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -9-)

Tobor is now cowering in the corner... fetal position... (illegible) as tennis balls begin to shoot out of what appears to be the inventor's mouth... coming at such velocity that they ricochet around the room in all directions.

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:55 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -10-)

"What's he going to win?" Dr. Carter screams. "Survey says?"

"...I'm going to buy a Porsche and a Rolex and..." Rob is mumbling on the feeds.

"Everyone here but you is me!" The man in the bed screams.

The room is now shaking and for lack of a better description, (illegible) the man in the bed is becoming (for all intents and purposes) translucent.

"I know who killed Laura Palmer." Jun says. "Live feed posters told me." Then FOTH.

The bed starts knocking-knocking-knocking against the wall.

"I shall darken your door-- nevermore." The man says. "Notted Not is not a Not."

"The Power of Jee compels you." They say again. (squirt-squirt)

"500 Gs for Jee." He says with his last breath and in a brilliant flash of light the man in the bed evaporates before their very eyes, as if he
never existed. The energy itself sucked from the room as if the 500 Gs never even existed. The windows along the far wall begin to implode and explode simultaneously.

Indenial

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LOL!

Tobor, I like you...I really, really like you. :)

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:57 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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Tobor7

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 09:00 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
(Page -11-)

Mulder is drinking the fluids from the Erlenmeyer Flask while mumbling, "Bellini."

And I can't believe what I Jee.(illegible) ...see...? (ask Topaultopec.)

And the knocking-knocking-knocking at my window door.

Tap. Tap. Tap-tap.

Beruth is now at Tobor's car door, and is unheard because of the music, and taps-taps-taps against the driver's window. And then again a good deal harder. Knocking-knocking-knocking on the window of Tobor's car.

Tobor pops up with a jerk, and knocks his knee against the wheel.

"Ow, nuts!"

"Shhh, Tobor, it's only me. Hey, you fell asleep, didn't you?"

"Everyone here but you is me." He mumbles.

"What did you say" Beruth asks.

"Nothing." Tobor says. And then he looks around.

The car is no longer filled with imprinted tennis balls or a ball launcher or anything. Just the faint smell of tennis ball imprinting ink lingers in the air.

"How long have I been Out?" Tobor asks. "Who can say." Comes back at him. “You missed the finals!"

Around Tobor's car are all his friends.

"I was having an incredible dream. Or was it a nightmare? Like TV hell. And I couldn't get out of it... and it kept going from first person narrative to third person and back again and the tenses were all over the place. And there were so many people there... and you BonzaCat, you were there.

And you too Onlyhuman, and Beruthiel and Spectacle and C1Mag and Wendo and CostaCat and Cricket and Spooky and Smokey and Cliotheleo and Meggie and Jigglywigglyjun and Justareader and Bearware and Mizinvanccouver and Andysmojo and Nexell and Lostintheglades and Theo and Boberg and Laisey and Dagne and Jmm and Indenial and Stardog and Hamsterlady and Wood and Ruditoo and (illegible) and Steveh and Gina and Sheilaree and MissLibra and Lostintheglades (illegible) and all of you I can't see you all back there. You were all in my dream. You were all there."

Bonzacat

Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 09:00 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
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