A Guide for the Older Houseguest
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TV ClubHouse: ARCHIVES: Big Brother USA 2003 General Discussions Part 1: A Guide for the Older Houseguest

Vskatefan

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 10:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Well, since the houseguest over 40 can't stay in this game for beans, I figured it was time to write our own little guide for the older houseguest-that guy/gal 40 and over who finds themselves in the Big Brother house among folks mostly under 30. Guidelines can be funny or serious. Let's start off with:

1. Never mention that any other houseguest is "sexy" or anything close to it. You'll just be labeled a perv. You will have to overlook the fact that the other houseguests that are younger can do this.

2. Don't play parent. These folks already have parents(who more than likely have spoiled them rotten) and who needs another parent, especially one not giving them anything?

3. Wash your hands!

Cangaroo

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 10:33 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
4. Don't win any competitions because they will see you as being old and wise (therefore a threat), but don't lose any either because they will see you as old and decrepit (therefore not worthy as being in their alliance). Either way, they see you as old, the only thing that changes is the wise/decrepit. I think either way, you're screwed.

Ketchuplover

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 10:37 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
5.Don't get old.

Jazzzy

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 10:55 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
6) Talk about your wild sex life, even if you have to make stuff up. Kids can relate this.

7) Never look at females in swimming suits.

8) Don't offer to be the "nipple police"

9) Don't get old. (just repeating this, cuz old folks can't remember stuff)

Juju2bigdog

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 11:21 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
10. Okay, and let's add don't get old in the first place. That could be important.

Cangaroo

Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 11:28 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
11. And if you forget, pretend that you didn't forget, or they will think that you are old....wait, did someone mention that already? I forget.

Beruthiel

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 03:22 am EditMoveDeleteIP
12. After determining that you're the oldest houseguest, run to the door, bang on it furiously, and scream for help.
13. When a BB lackey succumbs to your plaintive calls and opens the door, run for your life, and ask to be put into a witness protection programme.
14. If anyone from BB ever finds you and demands why you made such a fuss, tell them,
"I forgot my fizzy false teeth cleaner, AND my hulk-size box of Depends."
15. If anyone else ever asks the same question, tell them,
"I grew older and wiser, and learned that discretion is the better part of valour. Plus, I forgot my fizzy false teeth cleaner and my hulk-size box of Depends."

Dan

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 07:06 am EditMoveDeleteIP

Quote:

"Well, since the houseguest over 40 can't stay in this game for beans, I figured it was time to write our own little guide for the older houseguest-that guy/gal 40 and over who finds themselves in the Big Brother house among folks mostly under 30. Guidelines can be funny or serious."


Any advice for the over 30 but under 40 candidates?

Bearware

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 08:01 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Lie about your age, and pretend to be under thirty - especially if you can pass for it! And if you must, then lie about your kids' ages too, as a 28 year old should NEVER have an 18 year old kid. This would look suspicious. This is a form of never getting old.

Maris

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 08:06 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Stay Home

Jpgramma

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 08:21 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Decide to "do it for the team", the Internet viewers team. Think of the fun they'll have commenting on :
1. How you look with your teeth out.
2. the way you tweeze your chin hairs.
3. The corns and callouses on your less than perfect feet.
4. The way you look in your old ladies "skirt" bathing suit.
5. the fact that you think all the other house guests are talking about small chocolate colored candies that melt in your mouth (not in your hand) and how they laugh at you when you try to tell they don't come with wrappers. Never did.
6. all your wrinkles in the pore cam
7. those strange wirey white eyebrow hairs that appear over night and stick straight out at the world.
8. how you can't refrain from telling the other houseguests to watch their mouths.

Ask yourself how you can deny them all that, then tell yourself, f$#k the kids and run for the door quick.

Csnog

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 08:53 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Observe, observe, observe.

Spend time getting to know each HG.

Ask questions about themselves, their family, bf/gf, dreams, hopes and desires but not to nosey.

Respond with a lot of Mmmmmmmmmm's Ahhhhhhhhh's.

Don't talk about your lifestyle or what you own.

Don't give advice unless asked and then keep it short.

Align with the outcasts if there is a small group of elete but make a one on one with someone and then stay away from them.

Nap when they do so you can be up at night during most of the conspiring.

Gidget

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 09:07 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Subtly tell all the Hollywood wannabies that you live in Malibu and they can crash at your house as long as they need to launch their careers. Of course this is void if they nominate or vote against you. (Of course, you don't have to live anywhere near California. Bone up before hand and lie).

Tell them you play golf with Martin Scorses <sp>, the only Hollywood biggie I could think of. Substitute any big names you can come up with.

Tell them Martin bet you you could not win BB and promised a screen test and guaranteed small part for any HG evicted before you.

Tell them your son/daughter is a high powered entertainment lawyer.

You have nothing to do with entertainment yourself but living in Malibu, you KNOW a lot of people.

All of this must be revealed casually and subtly without bragging.

Xarph

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 10:02 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Gidget, I think you are on to something. If you can show that you are a successful wannabe enabler, you would have it in the bag.

I would study up on the movers and shakers of Hollywood. I would have all sorts of stories and experiences with those movers and shakers. These would have to be detail rich and elaborate stories, not just name droppings. Stories like how I did CPR on Les Monves when he crashed at a wild party at the Playboy mansion while we were dancing with the Olson Twins.

I would also have success stories. For example, I would describe how I introduced Harrison Ford to George Lucas and convinced George that Harrison was just the right guy to play a part in his funky new, experimental, HiTech movie "Battle of the Planets" (which was the original name of "Star Wars")

I might not be so popular with the Internet Fans since I would be creating lots of FTOH time, but who cares?

Damn! This is such a good idea I may have to reconsider the promise I made to Mark Burnett (Survivor Producer).

Mark and I were hunting with a bunch of guys in Alaska when a horrible storm blew up. We had to live off of the land for nearly two weeks. Mark was so impressed with my survival skills that he wanted me to be on his first Survivor show. When I refused based on the fact that I did not like reality shows, he made me promise that if I ever changed my mind, I would call him first. I was able to help Mark out. I gave him the number of an old SEAL buddy. A guy named Rudy. I think Rudy may have joined that cast. I am not sure since I NEVER watch reality shows.

Cangaroo

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 10:09 am EditMoveDeleteIP
XARPH!!!! ROFTL....'By George, I think he's got it'. I hope Xarph has applied for the next BB because I want to watch just to see what stories he would conjure up and to watch all the gullible just eat it up. He segued into his "story" so smoothly I nearly caught myself believing it.

Hmmmmm, makes me wonder about the believability of some of his other posts, hmmmmm.....

What555456

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 10:30 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Advice to the older HG's?

Recognize you ain't gonna win -- no way, no how.

You are just there for a few weeks to add an interesting (possibly) counterbalance to the children who are the main cast.

You have a supporting role, so play it up, know you will get the weekly stipend, but don't think you will get any more than that.

Dan

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 10:44 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Say you are there to hide from your other half and children. They are beating you and you are afraid to go back. Tell them "You guys wouldn't do that to me, would you?" "You will have my death on your conscience".

Lurknomore

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 11:35 am EditMoveDeleteIP
BLEND...listen to innane stories...remember some college stories you had and tell em without dating em...talk about how kewl (name some frighteningly bad singer/group is and how you enjoy them. Use up to date words and laugh about your age. Play cards with the other HG's, play games, drink, FIT IN, even if you quietly are dying inside. Make the age thing a NON issue and let em find a reason to hate someone else and go after them.

Tobor7

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 11:40 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Tell 'em you are 20 years older than you really are. That way they'll think you look great for your age.

Cangaroo

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 11:44 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Okay...so combine all these suggestions, but I think emphasis should be put on Tobor, Xarph and Gidget's suggestions and think you may have the solution to the first over 40 winner. Tell them you're 20 yrs old than you are (so you appear young for your age), lie about knowing all the Hollywood bigwigs (and thus have made up stories to back them up), listen, and blend blend blend.

Cangaroo

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 11:47 am EditMoveDeleteIP
I seriously think someone over 40 from TVCH should apply and use these hints just to test all the suggestions out. Whether they win or not, it would be very entertaining! We could have a thread, for example, "The Xarph BS Stories" or "Which one is the REAL story"...have a contest that whoever pegs the most BS stories or true stories wins a prize like a TVCH t-shirt or something. :)

Xarph

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 12:26 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Pssst! Cangaroo.

If you looked at my profile picture, you would know that I am really a 30 something female.

Katlady53

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 02:44 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
If you're a female over-40, I'd suggest you continue to take your HRT and Prozac cuz otherwise, there is no telling what you might end up doing. :)

Bonzacat

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 03:17 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Xarph -- I'm not sure what gave me more laughter, your Mark Burnett tale or your profile photo.

LOL, thank you!!!!

Cangaroo

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 03:50 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
LMAO!! Ok...is Xarph schizophrenic? And if so, which of the personalities am I to believe?

Beruthiel

Sunday, August 31, 2003 - 11:12 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
In preparation for my campaign to be an entrant on next year's BB, I've added a photo to my profile, and as you can see, I'm actually only a slip of a girl.
Before I actually get my interview, I'm canvassing for donations towards my plastic surgery fund.
I shall need a complete face lift, and bodily nips and tucks of every kind.
Oh, and lots and lots of hair dye and make-up.
Contributions gratefully accepted, and see my accountant for your receipts.

Crazydog

Monday, September 01, 2003 - 09:00 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Wear a shirt. Nobody needs to see your man-boobs or your grizzled gray chest hair.