Danis age 30???? For real???
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Archive through September 17, 2002 25   09/17 09:23pm

Wcv63

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 09:56 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Kids themselves keep you young. Worrying about your kids makes you age. It's the worry that does you in. I got my first grey hairs right after my daughter was born and it was discovered she an ASD. I was just shy of my 30th birthday.

My kids call my grey hairs "sparkly hairs". So I guess you can say my kids put some spark in my life!!

Abby7

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 10:03 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
wcv, wow second great answer! i could see how worrying makes you age too.

so, so far...sounds like 2-0 kids make you age. grandkids re-engergize you. right?

wcv; there's no way you can say kids themselves keep you young but worrying about your kids makes you age. (that, obviously is a vote for kids make you age, right?) however, i won't go in to it now, but IMO parents who always talk about how much they worry about their kids (and they go on and on about this) makes me realize that....a parent who overly worries is truly not a good parent. some parents seem to think the more you worry, the better parent your are...and this is just not true. WCV, i'm not saying that's your case and I KNOW i'll get the well, wait until you are a parent. that's not my point.

Wcv63

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 10:23 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
A parent who worries is not a good parent? Do you read the news?

I don't worry about the choices my children make. I trust that they will make the right ones. I don't worry about their grades or their study habits. They both know that education is important and apply themselves. I don't worry about their friends. They are great kids that have great friends. I don't worry about how I am raising them. I question whether I am making the right decisions sometimes but that is a part of being a parent.

I do worry about the dangers of the world. I worry about how to explain the events of 9/11. I worry about the high numbers of child abductions. I worry about their health. I worry about their future. I worry about how to tell them their grandparents are very sick. I worry about how their parents separation is affecting them. I worry about having the financial wherewithall to provide the necessities my kids need.

When you have kids you worry. It's just the way it is.

What555456

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 10:43 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
I find I do not "worry" a lot as a parent -- that makes it sound like wringing hands all the time. I do find I am always "concerned" about them -- that does not go away.

Still, there are times I worry. There are times I am excited with and for them. There are times I see them go through things that I feel like crying for them -- but I know they need to handle it themselves even as I let them know I am here if they need me.

Have my kids aged me? In some ways, yes. In others they keep me younger than my peers. They age me because the require a responsibility no one has except a parent. They makes me far more thoughtful and more mature in how I handle things. They make me think deeper thoughts (Wcv's example of how to explain the 9/11 is a good one here).

They also keep me younger -- more fit, I might say, simply because of the physical activity they require, especially when they are young. The best way they keep me young, though, is mentally. A parent does not lose the wonder we had as children if we share our children's wonder. (When was the last time those of you without a child looked at a caterpillar --really looked at one -- and appreciated it? Show one to a 3 year old, and you will find them as fascinating as you did when you were three. <g>)

And as they grow older and develop lives of their own, they keep me young because they keep my mind attuned to what is going on the their level of the world. I cannot get hung up only on how I see things at my age -- but I see the world through my eyes, as well as theirs. One cannot get stodgy when you do that. .

Wcv63

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 10:49 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
What's examples of aging vs keeping you young is a good one.

I also should say that "worry" is usually reserved for the more serious issues and "concern" is a better word for the everyday issues.

P.S. What555, did you know that latest word for great, awesome and wonderful is "tight"? As in, "man that is a tight shirt!" I learn something new every day!! Plus I've really had to brush up on my math skills. Heh. I hate math.

What555456

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 11:10 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
What scares me, Wcv, is I am even beginning to like their music! Even some rap!

In fact, I have found with my teenagers, if you really want to understand where their head is at (and it changes often because they are working everything out and shift all the time) listen to the music your child listens to most. Just as it did for us when we were young, their music speaks to them and for them.

I recall when my 17 yo started to listen to punk, I was not real pleased -- but what can you do? My stereotype of punk music was it was angry, negative music, filled with a lot of trash words.

But since he seemed to focus on it, I decided to listen on my own, figure out the words. Even found a couple of web sites that give the words. Lo and behold, I found punk is music with a tremendous social conscience to it -- a very activist view.

No, I was not real pleased with the language used. But I was pleased to know that my son had a sense of the world around him, saw things in the world he did not like and was finding an expression for his social views.

Whether I agreed with his views or not was not as important to me as the simple fact he was thinking about such things and establishing a set of values. And the anger in punk? No more angry than what I related to during the Viet Nam War. Listen sometime to"American Woman" and tell me we did not have a lot of angry music back then.

The most satisfying thing I have found with teenagers? A topic comes up. You express your feelings and thoughts. They roll their eyes to heaven as if they can't believe anyone could be so stupid. Then two weeks later you overhear a conversation they are having with a friend and they are espousing the same views you had, often using the same words. They would NEVER admit to it -- but you then realize they do listen, they do take it in and maybe, just maybe, they really do not think you are stupid! <g>

What555456

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 11:10 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
But we digress from the topic at hand....

Abby7

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 11:19 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
this makes me really upset. please don't misquote me. I said "overly worries". (for example like the parent who made my friend wear a helmut on the playground). i didn't say a "parent who worried". okay? PLEASE DON'T MISQUOTE ME. then start a whole bunch of posts about that misquote. i'm really not in the mood for it.

Wcv63

Tuesday, September 17, 2002 - 11:22 pm EditMoveDeleteIP
Mine haven't reached the teen stage yet. I have one on the cusp of adolescence and a 9 year old. They both still think I'm smart. :O

I have loved getting involved with music with them. They both have very individual likes and dislikes. I figure if I give them an appreciation of music I've done my job. They can run with it from there.

My son is a worrier. He watches the news and is concerned about what is going on in the world. I don't have any answers for him but find that discussions about his worries usually calms his fears a little.

My daughter has a huge social conscience. Every month we make a donation to a veterans group. I rotate between my two favorites PVA and AMVETS. The first time I asked her to help me she nearly emptied her room of toys to give away. She also is very active with food drives.

It's great to see them growing up and becoming independent little people.

Mystari

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 12:58 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Abby...the truth is, anyone who has not experienced the ups and downs of parenthood is simply not qualified to judge what makes a good parent and what is "overly worrying". Maybe there was a valid reason for that parent wanting her child to wear a helmut, ranging from protection from possible siezures to her reading a story about a child who died after being hit in the head with a baseball.

All children are different and I worry (or in other words, am concerned) much more about my older son than I do my daughter (she has a bit more sense =p )

It would be like me telling a construction worker that the way he carried his tools was a reflection on his building skills.

Wcv63

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 05:15 am EditMoveDeleteIP
Abby7...I apologize for not including the word "overly" when responding to your post. I would say that I had somewhat of a visceral reaction when reading your post which was a reply to something I had written about worrying about my kids.

Mystari is very correct in saying that we don't know the reasons behind every parents "worries." In my case, I had a child born with a hole in her heart who less than 8 months required 4 blood transfusions to save her life.

BTW, my daughter is completely healthy and I consider her to be a bit of a daredevil now in both action and spirit.