Advice for Chiara for developing healthy relationships -- NO BASHING!
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Advice for Chiara for developing healthy relationships -- NO BASHING!
Hohoho | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 01:32 am     Chiara: I don't know if Dani's conversation with you about "loving yourself" first was out of kindness or strategy, but it was correct. As we've listened to you and gotten to know you, you've told us a lot about your past relationships, behavior, (lack of) goals and we have been witness to five weeks of behavior that has shown a real lack of self-respect. If you want to be loved, REALLY LOVED, and not used, you need to find joy and goodness and self-worth within yourself first. Translation: You do not need a guy to validate your worth. In fact, that's the worst place to go. You are a very pretty girl and "guy feedback" tends to be testosterone guided -- this may be why you find yourself falling into a pattern of being used over and over again. Find something that truly interests you and delve into it -- go back to school and get a graduate degree in marketing if that's what you enjoy. Work hard, really hard, at being the best you can be, and you'll derive so much satisfaction is seeing your own efforts result in something positive. Additionally, I strongly STRONGLY suggest you find a volunteer activity ... in a church, a hospital, my goodness in Manhattan there are a gazillion charities that need a hand. You'll find that the act of giving is incredibly fulfilling. You'll learn a lot about compassion, and along the way things will be put in their proper perspective. And while you're doing all this, you'll learn a lot about yourself. You won't need a Roddy type to tell you what your behavior should or shouldn't be, because you'll be able to recognize and correct the things about yourself that have gone astray. You'll empower yourself with your newfound insights and begin to love yourself because you will become a lovable, caring person, not the needy insecure exhibitionist you were on BB. When you get to that point, you will be able to find true, mature love. I hope you get there. A good therapist will help you on that journey. Good luck! |
C1mag | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 02:25 am     Advice... Learn from your mistakes and MOVE ON!!!!!!!! |
Kminfinity | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 04:06 am     Fiure out why you have a hole in your soul (we mostly all do) ~ then learn the right way to fill the hole---Hohoho's advice is very good. |
Fuzzybear | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 07:43 am     Once in awhile say no and make yourself a challenge. |
Twistedsis | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 07:52 am     Excellant advice Hohoho, I would like to add that for volunteer activity look into working with a pediatric burn unit. Working with kids as serverly scarred on the outside, as you (Kiki) are on the inside, can maybe help teach you alot about yourself and how to deal with others. |
Twiggyish | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 07:57 am     I love your advice Hoho. |
Minnyace01 | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 08:08 am     Twig - for how often we've disagreed in the past, we're agreeing again. That is some excellent advice offered by Hoho. The only regret that she may have is that there is a guy who cares about her a whole lot (as much or more than she has probably ever had), that would treat her how she deserves to be treated, that she may be losing because of this. |
Victoriafla | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 08:19 am     Very nice post..Just one question though, Why didn't you post it in her fan folder where she can see it? Just curious. |
Inkydinkyspider | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 08:55 am     Chiara needs to keep her eyes, ears and heart open and her legs closed! Her eyes to see the beauty in herself and in the world around her. Her ears to hear the sweet sound of a bird singing, a babies giggle or the leaves rustle as the wind gently touches them. Her heart to all the emotions that cause us to be caring humans. And her legs closed until a time when she can say she truely loves herself. Then she will be able to give of herself with a clear understanding of what intimacy is really all about. |
Guiltyviewer | Tuesday, August 20, 2002 - 09:09 am     Hohoho, your advice is very sound and Chiara would greatly benefit from it. I sincerely hope she takes it, too. Maybe with the loving support of her family she will finally discover who she really is and begin to live a fulfilling life based on self-worth not someone's reflection of herself. She is going to need help to do this I believe, especially when she grasps the magnitude of her choices while in the BB house---she will surely be on the receiving end of much ridicule and even scorn! She's out of a job so will have interviews ahead of her, is a brand new tenant in an apt bldg---can you imagine what her coworkers and neighbors will think of her if they're BB viewers? Hard to get a fresh start when you are surrounded by such publicly displayed errors. I feel sorry that she has not yet figured out how to be truly happy but wish her all success in starting on her journey, belatedly as it may be. Would be wonderful if during BB4's review of previous hgs we'd hear how well she was doing with the major changes she decided to make post-BB! Good luck, Chiara! |
Oregonfire | Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 02:00 pm     Just wanted to post a Chiara pic, since she is going and I am too depressed to start a new thread. Making some tie dyes |
Oregonfire | Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 02:01 pm      |
Abby | Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 02:13 pm     As a Mother, I feel badly for Kiki. She needs to learn that LADIES do not talk or act in that manner. There is something called self-repect and grace. She needs to learn, there is nothing wrong with loving and respecting yourself. In order to have a loving relationship with others you must know how to do what is stated above. |
Xenopii | Wednesday, August 21, 2002 - 02:44 pm     My best advice to Chiara would be that it's OK to be exactly who she is, regardless of who is put off by it. |
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