Archive through August 03, 2002
TV ClubHouse: Archives: Archive One:
Is Chiara Co-Dependent?:
Archive through August 03, 2002
Ocean_Islands | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 04:42 pm     Is Chiara one of the women who love too much? Why doesn't she get away? She doesn't appear to have any boundaries. |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 04:47 pm     Ya think? |
Ocean_Islands | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 05:09 pm     Well why doesn't she do something about it? |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 05:20 pm     Cuz she doesn't know she is..lol and if someone tries to tell her she doesn't listen. |
Rain | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 05:55 pm     Chiara is a spoiled rich girl. She may come from a "good" background, and date Roger Silverstein, an extremely rich man, but she, by her <MOD> behavior, has belittled herself. Saying such things as wanting to "eat Danny's box" is Jerry Springer stuff, and although she may think its funny, the joke is on her. The so-called "beautiful" people in this house are not pretty at all. I would much rather have Gerry and Marcellus and Danielle as my friend or neighbor. Of course then there is Jason, who is drop-dead gorgeous and nice, too. |
Moderator | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:04 pm     Do not take this thread as an opportunity to bash Chiara or any other houseguests. If it strays into that, the thread will be removed. 14 |
Ginger | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:06 pm     Right on, Rain! I agree! Hopefully, however, Chiara will learn and grow over time and in a decade or so will be a wiser version of herself. She is still young enough that at least some of her behavior can be blamed on age. I don't recall how old she is precisely, but I do know I am very thankful to have not been on display 24/7 for weeks on end when I was her age (or this age, for that matter!). |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:10 pm     She has said that she has been played by men all her life and yet here she is doing what? Why don't some women learn from their mistakes? She has put herself in an unrealistic situation, in an unrealistic setting and looking for a realistic relationship. If she gets played then once again everyone will want to blame that mean guy who played her. She needs to listen when people try to tell her and stop thinking she knows everything about men because she has slept with enough of them. Sleeping with guys does not educate you and until she sees that she will remain a co-dependent woman.. She says she independent so why does everything she says or does revolve around a man? Men should enhance a woman's life not be a woman's life. |
Ocean_Islands | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:11 pm     This thread is designed to explore co-dependency, so let's not overreact. |
Crossfire | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:13 pm     Yes, Next. |
Wcv63 | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:13 pm     Who doesn't want unconditional love in exchange for unconditional love? But the reality is that love needs to be balanced by self-respect and boundaries. IMO, she has neither. |
Ocean_Islands | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:23 pm     She's sorely lacking in boundaries and I feel sorry for her. |
Keiffer | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:24 pm     HEY... Alright, it had gone almost two days since a new thread to talk bad about Chiara was made. I was wondering how the board members who dislike her were getting their fix. Aside of course from the ever popular crass remarks thread. |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:31 pm     I know plenty of women like her. Do they anger me? yes..Do I respect them? no. If you don't respect yourself enough to think for yourself, live for yourself and make decisions based on what is best for you for the sake of some guy you wear on my nerves. You can do all of the things I just mentioned and still have a healthy relationship with a man and guess what, he just might respect you. Yes I agree she lacks respect for herself and has no boundaries because somehow these traits have gained her attention from men. Do you think women would make money at jobs like stripping or worse if not for men giving them attention? If men ignored that behavior the sex industry would not exist. IMO Until she learns how to get positive attention I'm afraid she will just keep taking the path to nowhere and her relationships will remain superficial. I do feel sorry for her, my heart breaks when I hear her talking about her wedding and children. I just hope it's immaturity and after this show people who love her can convince her to take a good hard look at herself, but forgive me if I'm doubtful. |
Kapow | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 06:34 pm     I am NOT trying to bash Chiara, so please moderate me if I cross a line. That being said... I feel sorry for Chiara. Even though I would love to see her out of the house - I still feel sorry for her. She has a wealth of mental health issues - from codependency to inferiority complex to self worth issues. She obviously gets a lot of her self worth from the man she is with. She tends to overact her sexuality to emphasize her availability. It seems to make her feel good to know men want her. That is a shame. For her sake, I hope she learns from this experience and is able to develop some self confidence. My 2 cents. |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:09 pm     I don't think she gets self worth from men, because she doesn't pick men who give that to her, as she said they keep playing her. That's the problem, you can't get self-respect or self-worth from another person...The operative part of each of these words is SELF!!! You get it for yourself from yourself, and when you do you respect yourself and others will then and only then respect you too. |
Kapow | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:20 pm     Earth, I think SHE (Chiara) gets her version of self worth from men. If a man thinks she is something special - well then she must be (in her eyes). I am not trying to say that she has a healthy self-perspective. Faulty self-worth. Healthy happy people are as you say - that they get respect for yourself from yourself and can then share with others - but this is not Chiara. Chiara's self worth (skewed as it may be) comes from men. If men appear to appreciate her, she is happy. |
Cinder | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:23 pm     She said ehr daddy called her "ugly" as a joke- but meant the opposite. |
Scorpiomoon | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:32 pm     As much as I want to agree, I don't think Chiara is co-dependent. If we really want to get analytical, I'd say she was an angry control freak who has convinced herself to hurt before she gets hurt--to put up a harden shell to protect herself from pain. If anyone is a co-dependent it is Lisa. (And I'm not saying that because I dislike her.) To me, Lisa seems more the type who constantly needs to be reassured that she, and everything, is OK. While other people might see Lisa's behavior as being genuine and kind, I often have thought of Lisa as going a bit overboard when it comes to apologizing and taking the blame for things to ensure no one will ever be angry with her or stop loving/liking her. Isn't that more classic co-dependent beahvior? |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:36 pm     Rain, perhaps it's since the mods asked that we discuss the topic of this thread instead of doing any bashing. There are plenty of other threads like "Chiara's crude, comments" where people are tearing up the things that she does, but it's important that you know these boards are not like others. Bashing is moderated when it gets personal. |
Earthmother | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:40 pm     Kapow I agree she has a skewed idea of self worth and she gets that by depending on men. Perhaps she will get educated and be able to be an independent woman one day..who knows..good luck to her. I just don't want her to marry my son I have enough co-dependents in my family and do my best to stay away from them. |
Bohawkins | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:53 pm     It would be interesting to consider what we know about Chiara in light of the following definitions: According to Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, a social worker who provides treatment to co-dependent people, co-dependency is: "a specific condition that is characterized by a preoccupation and extreme dependence (emotionally, socially and sometimes physically) on a person or object. Eventually, this dependence on another person becomes a pathological condition that affects the co-dependent in all relationships. . . and is characterized by delusions/denial, compulsions, frozen feelings, low self-esteem and stress-related medical complications." People with co-dependency traits live their lives passively rather than actively. They are people-pleasers who become so engrossed in the needs of others, they lose their own identities. Helping others gives them a false sense of security and self-worth. The following is from The Center for Behavioral Health: Characteristics of the Co-Dependent Person 1. Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility. Co-dependent people find it easier to be concerned with others, rather than themselves. This enables co-dependents not to look too closely at their own faults. 2. "Stuffing" Feelings. Co-dependent people hide their feelings about their traumatic childhoods from others and from themselves. They have lost the ability to see or express their feelings, because it hurts too much. 3. Isolation. Co-dependent people tend to isolate themselves from others. They are usually afraid of people and of authority figures. 4. Approval-Seeking. Co-dependent people will go to great lengths to win the approval of others, to the point where they lose their own identities. 5. Fear of Angry People and Personal Criticism. 6. Victim Mentality. Co-dependent people view themselves as victims and are attracted by that weakness in love and friendship relationships. 7. Low Self-Esteem. 8. Fear of Abandonment. Co-dependent people are terrified of being abandoned. They will do anything to hold onto a relationship in order not to re-experience the painful abandonment feelings they first had during childhood, when parents or others were never emotionally there for them. 9. Guilt. Co-dependent people feel guilty when they stand up for themselves instead of giving in to others. ======= I wonder if her behavior fits these definitions |
Sunni | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:55 pm     Chiara has not been my favorite player, but I felt embarrassed for her that Roddy did not take the time to ask her about her last name. Then to have Josh manipulate her and make her feel bad about getting upset. I do think Lisa may have become co-dependent on Eric because she felt bad about him being nominated and he could care less if she is booted. I think both girls were just caught off guard by having two guys who are good looking (in their eyes) hook up with them in the house. |
Wcv63 | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 07:56 pm     I see a few Bo. But less than I would have thought. |
Emo1979 | Saturday, August 03, 2002 - 10:18 pm     I seem to recall the live feeds reporting Chiara as saying that: a) The longest she's been without a man since she was 14 is 3 months (I'm not sure what "without a man" means exactly) and b) She hasn't felt the "real feelings" for a guy (feelings that she supposedly feels for Roddy) in about 5 years. Personally when I compare these statements I feel really sorry for her... she seems to be "with men" quite a lot w/o having "real feelings" for them. I also have a big problem with someone not being "alone" for more than 3 months at a time for basically their entire sexual life - how does someone develop a personality of of their own when they're constantly having to consider someone else in the equation? (not saying she's necessarily doing this, but I still wonder) It also intrigues me that she's only orally pleasured a guy "like 7 times" in her words... I think I've been with far fewer guys than she has but I've done it a lot more times than that. And I enjoyed doing it. Mostly because I had real feelings for the 2 guys I've been with... I would never do that to someone I didn't have feelings for. However, I also lost my virginity MUCH later than Chiara did - and it's my view (and I've talked to others, male and female, who have had the same view) that often women are sexually/emotionally better off and more empowered if they wait until they're a bit more mature... certainly more mature than 14, but this is another story altogether. Understand I'm not saying everyone should necessarily behave like I did/do, but I compare my pretty much opposite experiences and current situation to hers (and I'm younger than she is) and I think I'm better off in that area than she is... anyway. Feel free to disagree.  |
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