Is Chiara Co-Dependent?
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Is Chiara Co-Dependent?
Trini | Sunday, August 04, 2002 - 07:06 pm     Is Chiara Co-Dependent? It is sad if that is true. For she may never realize that maybe Roddy may not really be in love with her. Very early in the game Roddy said to Eric that he (Rodd) hopes that Kiki does not take this sleeping in the same bed as boy friend and girl friend thing. Sad. |
Sia | Sunday, August 04, 2002 - 07:48 pm     I'm not an analyst and don't know anything about Chiara except what I've heard her say and posts quoting her statements, so I'm not willing to peg her with a co-dependent label; her shrink should be responsible for diagnosing her. I pray she gets back into therapy immediately. I do feel that Chiara is not playing the game on her own or in her own best interests. She is allowing Roddy to guide her, and that is no way to win the BB game. She incorrectly assumes that Roddy cares about her as much as she cares about him and that he will protect her in the game. Roddy has stated several times that he'll have no problem cutting her loose after she's served her purpose. I think she'll be emotionally crushed when this happens. |
Kapow | Sunday, August 04, 2002 - 07:51 pm     It IS sad, but Chiara is being stupid. This show is a game on reality TV. Eric and Lisa seem to have gona gaa gaa over each other - wonderful for them. But Roddy is not planning on a life future with Kiki. Chiara has lost sight of the game - I play you - you play me. She has been bitten by the love roddy bug and can't seem dissuaded. I think at this point she looks like a pathetic sniveling fool, trying to ride Roddy's coattails to winning. Very co-dependant <>. |
Cyn | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 08:35 pm     what was she just saying about her uncle and being 11 or 12? i was in the other room with the sound blasting for me and the neighbor's walking by in the hall. |
Cricket | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 08:52 pm     She does seem a bit insecure and is always wanting people to tell her she is prettier than Lisa. I think she is really being torn this week between her secret longing for Lisa (whom she may see as competition in the female department) out of the house and the fact that she knows Danielle is upset with her. Also, she constantly wants to please Roddy! I think that might fall into the description of co-dependency posted by Bohawkins. |
Jane_Bond | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 09:08 pm     I can identify with Chiara (tho I can't stand her): I acted a lot like her when I was younger - continually being provocative by telling stories and talking constantly about sex. I was sort of "famous" for it. I partner-hopped all the time and when I did start dating someone, I got really intense really fast. I anyone would've talked to me about it, I would have never have seen it and would've got really defensive about it. What motivated me to do it? (and could very well be motivating Chiara's behaviour) -lack of self-esteem -lack of a sense of self-worth -lack of self contol -lack of as sense of control over the outside world These led me to: -over-focus on the men I was dating and overlook any faults or outright abusive behaviour in order to perpetuate the fantasy that I was being loved by the person. -have sex with far too many partners, some of whom I didn't know so well, in order to feel adored, powerful (through sexuality and the ability to get the man into bed), accomplished -talk about sex alllllll the time, whether by "pretending" to come on to everyone in sight, telling stories about "funny" encounters, or exploring human nature. -believe that my sexuality could get me wherever I wanted to go I don't think Chiara is Co-Dependant. I think that is a symptom of her problem: no self-esteem. And, in case everyone is concerned, I found some self-esteem along the way and am now happily planning a family with my wonderful partner. |
Sqeamtvfan | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:14 pm     Would someone explain to me the term "has no boundaries" used so much here? Is it a term used in the co-dependency circles? I am not familiar with it. |
Wcv63 | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:22 pm     Squeam it basically means there is no "line" she will not cross because she no "lines" drawn. Therefore she has no boundaries. Nothing is off-limits in her personal behavior. Except maybe murder. |
Curlyq | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:29 pm     Ah, I was thinking it was the other way around. Like there's nothing she won't let others do to her in exchange for attention. She doesn't seem to set boundaries that others can't cross, because if she starts to object she'll end up apologizing. |
Wcv63 | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:31 pm     Evidently she has some lines drawn in that area Curly! She sure did get angry when she thought Amy was trying to move-in on her man! |
Bbrules4ever | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:33 pm     NO! Chiara is not "Co-Dependant" she is just "Dependant". Very dependant at that. I actually feel sorry for her and feel this game will have a deleterious effect on her present/future self-esteem |
Curlyq | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:33 pm     True. When I said "others" I was thinking "men" but was afraid it might be taken as bashing. |
Oregonfire | Monday, August 05, 2002 - 10:34 pm     I think she has boundaries, but doesn't accept/respect that others have them too. |
Auntie | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 12:42 am     Bbrules4ever, I agree with you. I always thought co-dependency took two (the alcoholic & the spouse unconsciously supportive of the alcoholism). Chiara seems dependent on male attention but it doesn't seem to matter really who the male is. Roddy's her favorite but she wants attention from Jason, Josh, and even Marcellas, whom she told she could be a better playmate for, almost the minute Amy walked out the door! Early on, when she babbled about her rich boyfriend, didn't she mention she was certain he had another girl on the side & thought her absence would make him go for the other girl? Chiara seems focused on her individual relationships with males in competition with other females. She doesn't seem interested in playing one guy against another, making them vie for her attention. Yet, she doesn't seem interested in manipulating the other females into submission as her handmaidens, her foils (the way Roddy is determined to make the males kowtow to him). Chiara could be dependent on her own eternal triangle--herself, the male, and the other, distant female. Is it possible to be co-dependent on a 'script'? |
Faerygdds | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 08:34 am     OK... I've stayed out of this thread on purpose, but since the question of what is c-dependancy... I'll jump in. Codepencey is defined by both people needing the relationship for their own personal reasons. For example... In my last marriage.. I was Co dependant... why? Because HE needed me because he saw me as someone who would take care of him no matter what... I needed him because I thought that I could somehow "save" him and it made me feel better to know that I was helping him... mothering him... Which is why it all fell to crapola! Because at some point he got "tired" of my nurturing and I realized that not only does a person have to save himself, but there was nothing else to the relationship... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... Are Roddy and Chiara co dependant... in a way yes... he needs her because for him she is a vote.. someone easily manipulated... for her Roddy's attention and "validates" her femininity. And now their relationship is faltering because Roddy is beginning to see her as a liability rather than a safe vote... and she is still dependant... needing the attention... So NOW they are no longer CO-dependant... the question is.. will their relationship last beyond it? My guess is probably not. But that's JMO |
Abigail1970 | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 09:01 am     I don't think Roddy even likes Chiara, I doubt very much that they will continue outside the house. I think he is just enjoying snuggling up to someone at night and Lisa was taken and poor Amy got booted. Chiara is a really strange girl, I feel kind of sorry for her. |
Inkydinkyspider | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 09:05 am     Me thinks she is co-pilot of her own destiny with Roddy being the Pilot and he'll decide where she is going and when (and it won't be to the winners circle either!) |
Serena | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 10:58 am     Let's deal with this in the REAL framework of co-dependency: "of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling." Any other definitions (including low self esteem and dependency on someone in a relationship for approval and self-worth) are just bastardizations of the term. Being 'dependent' is NOT being 'co-dependent.' Co-dependency requires a "Party A" who has an addiction, and a "Party B", who is too psychologically dependent on the addict and thus, in some ways may help faciliate or is "co-dependent" with respect to the core addiction of Party A. Party B may "enable" Party A. Just because 'co-dependent' SOUNDS like it fits someone who is dependent upon approval from another party for their own self worth, doesn't mean it's accurate, despite how some writers have co-opted the term to sell books about and to women who may be too passive with men, or are only validated through male approval. Is Chiara currently psychologically trapped in a relationship with someone who has an addiction or chronic self-destructive behaviour? If not, she's NOT co-dependent. Does she want her ego stroked by a guy or guys? Obviously. |
Sia | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 11:41 am     Auntie, you've looked at Chiara's comments about her other relationship and made sense of it for me. Serena, you're right about writers bastardizing the term 'co-dependency.' Thanks for the good description of the term. Roddy is addicted to the adulation of his minions, however, so perhaps they do have a co-dependent relationship.  |
Serena | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 12:02 pm     Sia, I got the exact definition from a readily available and straight-forward source: www.dictionary.com. It matched my understanding of the term back when it was first coined. What kinds of behaviour it's been applied to since that time is part and parcel of the whole mentality of trying to apply the psychology of addiction (and twelve-step psychology) to every other psychological trait. The debate about Chiara reminds me also of this idea: that people who constantly seek out compliments are suffering from 'low self-esteem'. I dunno know, I know a number of people who need their large egos stroked constantly, but view themselves as great, beautiful, exceptional people. A big sucking ego does not always denote low self esteem. Egotism is a problem definitely, but a person with low self esteem doesn't behave with arrogance and a self-important demeanour. At least not in my book. Not every person looking for ego stroking has low self esteem. |
Wink | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 01:37 pm     I agree Serena. I don't see Chiara as having low self-esteem at all. No self respect and a less than adequate "social" IQ are more descriptive of her in my mind. Her attention seeking seems to show stunted growth in both areas and a need for stroking of "multiple" areas. |
Sqeamtvfan | Tuesday, August 06, 2002 - 02:13 pm     Is Roddy a man's man? I have gotten that feeling at the back of the brain more than a few times. It's not just that he doesn't seem to like Chara much. Does anyone else remember a stray comment Roddy made to Chiara that he couldn't tell his parents she was Italian. What's with that? But back to my original thought - Chiara is being used for a marriage of convenience and she doesn't even know it. I am NOT bashing Chaira, by the way. I liked her a lot before she took up with Roddy. She would have done much better in the game by keeping her own personality intact and keeping flirtations going with more than one man, while being a girly girl with the females. Now she's just resentful and jealous and boring. Too bad. |
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