Author |
Message |
Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 12:36 pm
The laws in this country prevent discrimination against sexual orientation. If you were reprimanded for using the "L" word, then your boss needs to be reminded about what the laws are. Do you have an HR person you can talk to? Explain the problem and have them intercede? If not, it might be worth it to begin to look for another job. It sounds like you are working in a hostile environment. If there isn't an HR person who can handle this, it might be easier to just find something better and leave. I've been in a hostile work environment before, filed a complaint with our HR dept, and the guy (the VP of Eng) was fired. I wouldn't always recommend going that way as it can make the work situation uncomfortable (he actually came in to my office to complain that someone complained about him). But the company realized they had a potential lawsuit on their hands and took immediate action. As for me, I told HR that they could fix the problem or I would be gone. By the time they got around to firing him, I'd already gotten another job (within 2 weeks).
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 6:43 pm
Ktbb, you have a discrimination case. Sexual orientation is a protected class. You can not be fired for complaining about it and if they start treating you poorly (or more poorly!) then you have an even bigger case. Say lesbian all day tomorrow, if they even try to fire you for it, sue their ass
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:48 pm
quote:Now I know that not everyone agrees with my beliefs
Ktbb, those are not your "beliefs." That is who you ARE. And who you ARE should not be denigrated by any old <epithet of choice>. You do not in any way, shape, or form deserve to be unable to say certain words, like the L-word or gay. And, on the other hand, we all know the hypocrites can cause you major grief on any given day in the workplace. I have been there, merely as a woman in a "man's" job, and that day is close to being past. People of color are fighting it right this minute. And I am afraid you might be close to the bottom of this totem pole, and it is a crying shame. You know you have to be careful until the day when you can say F*** the f****** f*****s!!!. (I think that might be from a Jimmy Buffet interview, or a paraphrase thereof)
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Wednesday, May 12, 2010 - 4:18 am
While I agree with Pamy in principle, you need to pick your battles carefully. If you instigate something and then sue, and word gets out in your field in your city, you may become "unhireable." Follow the appropriate channels, decide if you want to make a case of it, but don't make a big deal about it. What your boss is doing is wrong and illegal but there are other ways of solving the problem besides instigating friction.
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Ktbb
Member
08-10-2003
| Wednesday, May 12, 2010 - 8:42 pm
Thank you everyone for all your great information and support. I'm still just shocked and mad over the whole situation. I was not written up, but supposedly my boss had to call HR about the complaint to see how to handle it. I did not talk to HR directly, so quite frankly I don't trust even my boss. Luckily I am not entirely invested in this job,but it was the only one I could find at the time. I am starting to look elsewhere.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Wednesday, May 12, 2010 - 8:57 pm
If you are looking for another job, then go ahead and make a stink about this, I would.
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Wednesday, May 12, 2010 - 9:19 pm
KTBB want me to come and Sucker Punch them for ya?
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Sia
Member
03-10-2002
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 3:23 am
Ktbb, I'm sending up prayers that your situation can be resolved peacefully and with no repercussions for your future employment. I think if you can get another job it would be a relief not to have that tension in the workplace. I remember being unhappy at my job and how it negatively affected every aspect of my life. Hang in there.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 5:32 am
With all the trouble in the world it's a terrible shame that some people just won't let other people be happy and enjoy their life. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, Ktbb.
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Pippin04
Member
10-26-2007
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 10:38 am
It cannot only be the "L" word that has to be banned in the office. You should ask for a complete list of all banned words and where you were advised about them when you were hired. I mean did you get a banned word list. Once you have the list you need to report everyone who is using banned words. If that is the only word on the list you should come up with a very common word and complain that it bothers you. Make up some sob story about being afraid of coffee or something and then freak out every time someone says coffee. If you are looking for a new job, based on your bosses reaction to the "L" word s/he may not give you a good reference. So go out with a bang. What can you do. Hell I will hire you. I am always looking for good people.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 10:54 am
Ktbb, since you are looking for another job, I would NOT make a stink about it now (sorry Escapee). Get that other job offer in hand and accepted. Then make sure you get an exit interview with whomever your HR people are and let them know exactly WHY you are leaving, that you felt you were working in a hostile environment. You could also confirm at that time if they made the recommendations to your boss, because if they didn't they may want to ensure this doesn't happen again. Then decide what you want to do after you're out of there. Until then, though, I'd be careful. I don't know about Colorado but California is an "at will" state. That means that an employer can basically let an employee go at any time without any real reason or cause. Of course, the employee can file a lawsuit if he/she thinks the termination was unlawful (as a result of sexual discrimination or whatever). It's a very fine line between doing what you feel is right and what you feel you need to do, and ensuring that you don't become a target or (worse) fired. It's a decision that each person must make for him/herself. For me, that time, I had a lot of people who witnessed the hostile activities of that VP and who backed me up so I went to HR and requested that my complaint remain anonymous. (And LOL... it was. Until months later one of our eejit devs mentioned in passing to the ex-VP that he, the dev, was sorry that he confirmed what had happened in the complaint that *I* filed with HR!)
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 5:23 pm
Ktbb, Pippin's idea about asking for a list of all banned words is a great idea. Have them show you in writing. They would be a great list to have if you decide to go after them for discrimination. If they truly dont allow that word to be used they may in violation of the law (not sure about CO law details) Honestly, if it's company policy to not say Lesbian then it needs to be in writing. Rules can't be legally enforced unless they are in writing.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Thursday, May 13, 2010 - 5:25 pm
ps, I would have a bunch of framed pics of you and your partner on your desk. Let's see if those are against the rules
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Stormie
Member
03-01-2007
| Saturday, May 15, 2010 - 5:48 pm
I have a gripe about the children performing Beyonce's "Single Ladies." The song itself is provocative and the dance moves go along with it, it's not for children. I can't believe some of those parents said the moves are just dance moves, most routines have a story behind it, this one is about a woman telling her man if he wants her, including her body, he needs to marry her, or something like that. In any event, who in the world would allow those little girls to dance such provocative moves? They don't know any better, they are children, they likely have no idea what they are doing, but want to do what Beyonce does. Where are the parents and dance instructors? They are the ones who should be teaching these girls about what is age appropriate, tell them what the song is actually about in a content that children will understand, not allow them to be used and exploited. These are children, those are in fact provocative moves not for children to perform. And who in the world posted it on youtube? It should be removed, there are still pedophiles on the internet--what were these people thinking. And then the brainless people who went to interview the children, they don't know any better, why, bc they are children. It all reminds me of Miley Cirus' little sister being allowed to pose for lingerie for children, can you imagine, that's another gripe of mine. What is wrong with these people!
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Ktbb
Member
08-10-2003
| Saturday, May 15, 2010 - 7:22 pm
Thanks everyone! Great info and I really appreciate the support. I thought I was going crazy.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Thursday, May 20, 2010 - 11:26 am
Bank of America customer support is useless. That is all.
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Maplsyrp
Member
02-10-2009
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 10:54 am
Not really a gripe but I am curious what you all think about this. It is that time of year again and I have been swamped with graduation invitations. Most of them are from relatives so I always send them some cash cause they did the same for my kids. I am curious what you think about people that you work with leaving them on your desk. These are people that I am not close with, I just work with them and in some cases I have never even met their kids. Over the years I have made a point not to give them a gift yet they keep showing up on my desk along with the baby shower, wedding invites and the school fundraisers. Is anyone like me or am I just a scrooge ????
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 11:02 am
They might be taking the path of least resistance - ask everyone then no one gets offended for being left out, and at the same time most of them won't want to come so they don't have to cater for many more. If they are not people you're close with, I'd go up to them next time I see them and say, congratulations about so-and-so, I look forward to seeing the photos. I really don't think they expect much from you if you're not actually friends. But I'm a scrooge too, not to mention a little socially impaired.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 1:24 pm
I think I would just congratulate them on their child's achievement and leave it at that.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 1:30 pm
An invite or announcement does not mean you have to produce something in return.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 1:42 pm
Having just been through this recently when my son graduated; we did try to keep the number of announcements down, but really did look at it as a way of doing exactly that 'announcing he was graduating' with no expectation at all for a gift. he received many cards of good wishes and that was fine.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 1:45 pm
If you are not close with them, congratulations is just fine. In my company, we have almost raised our kids together, knowing every illness and heartbreak and achievement and obstacle. So I would probably do a little something for each; as they would do for mine.
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Texasdeb
Member
05-23-2003
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 4:41 pm
My oldest GS is graduating high school. His graduation announcement is awesome - I have MY copy of this and am showing it off around the office. I do not expect anyone to gift him - - - & they know this because I "show off" pix all the time and share experiences. To me, this is ok. However, in the past - we've actually had folks post announcements like this on the information board in the "common" area. If I actually am close to a co-worker and have met their child, I will acknowledge their graduation with a fast food gift card for $10 or so. If I have no idea who the kid is - they get nothing from me.
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Northstar
Member
09-29-2008
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 6:02 pm
Update - a few weeks ago I posted about my job and that I had an up and coming interview. I'm writing to say I signed the new contract yesterday and turned in my resignation letter today. I think I'm still in shock. Just wanted to say thanks for the support .
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Friday, May 21, 2010 - 8:39 pm
my son is graduating 8th grade in a couple of weeks. Iwould never think of putting announcements on ppl's desks, unless I knew they would want to see it.
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