TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . DONATE . CONTACT . CHAT  
                  Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through May 11, 2010

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: May 2010 ~ August 2010: Free Expressions: The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread: Archive through May 11, 2010 users admin

Author Message
Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 9:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I hate back-handed compliments. Of course, it also depends on the nature of the relationship and how it is said.

-------------------------------

Whoami, Your story reminds me of my Aunt. She loved to swim and spent a lot of time at the beach and she used to like to chat with this older gentleman who also enjoyed swimming.

So we walk into a restaurant and there he is sitting at one of the tables. He waves and says "Hi!" and she blurts out, "Oh my. I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!"

Sia
Member

03-10-2002

Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 9:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sia a private message Print Post    
Pippin, you must have an exciting life. It just must be amazing to do high-profile things. I'm just the opposite: I stay at home as much possible, and I couldn't dress nicely if I wanted to do so. By that I mean that I don't look nice, no matter what.

In my family, we do say "you clean up nicely" to each other, but in a joking way. The guy who said that to you at a funeral may have been joking, but maybe he was uncomfortable at having said that and was trying to make "witty" conversation to cover what would have been an awkward silence. Granted, he just made things worse, but he might have been trying to dig his way out of a difficult situation.

I don't blame you for being offended, and I think it was very classy of you to not pursue it further, given the fact that you were attending a funeral.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 12:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I tend to say that about DH, that he 'cleans up nicely', cuz getting him out of a tee shirt and jeans (or shorts) is almost impossible unless it's a 'really' important event. LOL.

And Sia, that's a big bunch of hooey about you not looking nice ever. I love your FB pic - you look so pretty there! :-)

Maplsyrp
Member

02-10-2009

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 9:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maplsyrp a private message Print Post    
I think that some people just don't know how to give a compliment.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
I think learning to give a compliment is just as important as learning to accept one. And something that people forget that the little "niceties" really apply!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Crazy McNutsy and her family showed up for Mother's day yesterday. OY!

I though DH was going to blow his top. Older cousin smarted off to him in the kitchen. Um, don't smart mouth and disrespect the host (or a marine for that matter).

People were talking and the kid kept standing in between people who were having conversations. Just standing, arms crossed. Then, he kept hovering in the kitchen trying to be in the way. Finally DH said "If you are done eating, get out of the kitchen"
To which cousin replied "I'm not done. I will get out of the kitchen when I am."
Dh said "WTH did you just say to me?"
The kid, then repeated himself, all snotty, and then told my DH "you don't have to be so rude."

My soft spoken sister lit into him. Made for an entertaining day.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 11:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
My gripe...Is my entire Family....They all throw back handed compliments...and I just dread being near them or even talking to them.....
So for Mothers day, I of course called my Mom to wish her a Happy day... and I brought up a very special Memory of her Mother, My granny.. somthing that meant the world to me... My Mom replys with...well you were not special, she did that to everyone!
After driving 4hrs to a funeral a yr ago, with my nerves in a rumble and crying the whole way...I arrive and the first words said to me are..(by my godmother) You look terrible, I hate your hair and that color!
Going thru some emotional issues and really needing some kind words, I call my Mom, but she says she has to answer the door, "Goodbye"...
After many yrs of struggling with my wieght in my middle 20's after a bad divorse..(not now)... My Mom sends me a picture a couple months ago...a 5x7 of me at my highest wieght...a big box of chocolates .. (by the way, I hate choc).. and a note saying "your brother and I just love this picture of you cause you had some meat on your bones"....
I could go ON AND ON...
I stay as far away from them as possible... And it makes me so very sad....

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 11:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
(((((((((((((Chewy))))))))))))))))
You are a sweet person, and you do NOT deserve this abuse. Yes, this type of emotional beat-down is abuse. And the photo and chocolates are at best ignorant and at worst are mean-spirited and it's sad that some families do this type of shite to each other. You are so much better than those folks. I applaud you for striking out on your own with your beautiful daughter and creating a new life for yourself. I wish you only sunshine and rainbows my sweet friend. Ignore the a--holes. They can ferment in their own brine. Focus on those who are genuinely fond of you... and please, put me at the top of that list.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 12:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
People who beat down others are unhappy in their hearts. My grandmother is like that as well. I lost a ton of weight, and she said "well you could lose 10 more pounds."

A gal I work with will absolutely let you know if your new hair cut or color is ugly. She has hair like a choir boy, though.

I am sorry you have family issues, don't we all. Know that despite our difference of opinion, we all cherish you!

Landileigh
Member

07-29-2002

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 2:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landileigh a private message Print Post    
i've been trying to figure out what you meant by "hair like a choir boy". Can you explain please?

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 2:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Thanks for asking that Landileigh. I want to know too. Maybe a very short pageboy, very straight and straight bangs? That is what I imagined.

((((Chewpito)))) you are just fine as you are, thank you very much.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 3:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
PAGEBOY! LOL, that's what I meant.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 5:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
(((Chewy)))) I agree with Mame!!!!

Escapee's family reminds me of an old comedy line

'they put the FUN in dysFUNctional' lol

Christy358
Member

07-10-2007

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 9:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Christy358 a private message Print Post    
I have rose colored glasses. I take ALL compliments as just that. Everyone means to be nice to me, they really do think I clean up nice, they stand in my kitchen cuz they like my food, my haircut is really cute, and that 10 more lbs comment is just praise at how far I have come.

Sometimes, simple is best.

Chaplin
Member

01-08-2006

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chaplin a private message Print Post    
My Stepmother is like that also. Can be rude and mean as hell and not just to me. She was rude to her own grand daughter who is only 7 one Christmas 2 years ago. She put a plate of cookies down in front of the Grandkids and then whipped it away and said too bad Kate can't have these cookies as they have walnuts in them. Kate is allergic to walnuts. Her grand daughter luckily either heard and ignored her when she was rude to her or was so busy colouring and in her own world it went over her head. She was not like that nearly as much when Dad was alive.

Ktbb
Member

08-10-2003

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ktbb a private message Print Post    
I'm so sorry Chewy. Sometimes I wonder where all the negativity in this world comes from :-(
We love you here though :-)

My gripe for the day is about my job. I have only been at this job for about 6 months, but I just don't feel comfortable there. About 3 weeks ago my boss called me in his office and reprimanded me for saying the "L" word. I am the only one at my job that is not allowed to say the words "lesbian" or "gay" at my job. I have been with my partner for over 11 years and felt like he just socked me in the gut. For the last 3 weeks I have felt like I can trust no one and feel very discriminated against. Now I know that not everyone agrees with my beliefs but there is a little thing in this country called freedom of speech. For everyone but me. Supposedly this person was offended not by my lifestyle, but by the word itself. Whatever that means. For the last 3 weeks it has been eating me up inside. Is this normal HR response to conflict??

I've never really been in an office setting before so this is a new experience to me. It is ok for the men to talk about women, and for them to play their Christian music stations, but I feel like I can't say anything.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
I'm so sorry, Ktbb. Your boss is just so so wrong. And I'm very sorry you've been hurt like that.

Sia
Member

03-10-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 4:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sia a private message Print Post    
Mame, my FB picture is a scan of a photo that my sister took--after she MADE me sit still so she could put make-up on my face. I NEVER wear make-up, never really did very often, even as a young woman. It seems too time-consuming to me. I guess, more than anything else, I hate taking it off before going to bed, so I figure if I don't put any ON I don't have to take it off, LOL!

Oh, and Sis curled my hair for me that day, too. Also a big time-chewer. I am a wash-and-go gal!

Sia
Member

03-10-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 4:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sia a private message Print Post    
Escapee, when I read "choir boy" in your post, mentally what came to me was a picture of the little Dutch boy on the paint can label. Can you all picture him? I was seeing that in my head, LOL.

Kttb, office politics is what makes working in an office so difficult. It's hard to remember to be "politically correct" all the time, too. I personally always use humor to lighten the mood, but I don't know the atmosphere at your office; it sounds a little tense.

Here's what I'm wondering: did the boss really say that you shouldn't use the term gay or lesbian? Did he seem upset or angry, or could he just be covering himself because the other employee complained in some way?

I'm not suggesting that you paint a rainbow on the coworker's chair or anything, but can you broach the topic in a nonconfrontational manner in order to establish some ground rules? (See what I mean about humor? I try and crack a joke to make people smile so they forget they're mad at me!)

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 5:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
There is nothing funny when someone insults or attacks your relationship. I can only imagine how much that must hurt. The boss, company and other employees are way out of line. Their behavior is disgusting. Sadly you're just going to have to decide if it is worth working there anymore.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Ktbb, I'd quietly contact the GLAAD folks and find out your legal rights. I'm fairly sure they are familiar with this type of OVERT discrimination in the workplace and can guide you through the legal and emotional hurdles.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
http://www.glaad.org/offices

Los Angeles, California

5455 Wilshire Blvd, #1500
Los Angeles, CA 90036
W: (323) 933-2240
F: (323) 933-2241

Sia
Member

03-10-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sia a private message Print Post    
If you ramp it up to that level (consulting an attorney or GLAAD, etc.), I would evaluate the pros and cons. I would consider if you're making a really great salary there or not and whether or not the company you're with now could possibly black-ball you in any way to make it harder for you to get another job.

I had grounds for a discrimination suit back in the 1980s against a major corporation where I worked, but did not pursue it because of the future ramifications--and mostly because it would have been expensive, exhausting, and nerve-wracking to pursue a lawsuit.

Two years ago I didn't pursue a medical malpractice suit because I'm too old and tired to fight a fight that intense.

People here are giving you good advice, Ktbb.

Dipo
Member

04-23-2002

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dipo a private message Print Post    
Ktbb, that sounds illegal to me. Does your company have an ethics hotline? I would ask GLLAD what is correct for your state, then decide if you want to do somthing about it, but it sounds like a hostile workplace to me.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Does your company have a handbook or policy strictly against this?

I wouldn't change who you are or stop saying anything that you don't deem inappropriate. If he lets you go over it, you'd own the place.