Author |
Message |
Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 9:10 am
I hate back-handed compliments. Of course, it also depends on the nature of the relationship and how it is said. ------------------------------- Whoami, Your story reminds me of my Aunt. She loved to swim and spent a lot of time at the beach and she used to like to chat with this older gentleman who also enjoyed swimming. So we walk into a restaurant and there he is sitting at one of the tables. He waves and says "Hi!" and she blurts out, "Oh my. I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" 
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Sia
Member
03-10-2002
| Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 9:56 am
Pippin, you must have an exciting life. It just must be amazing to do high-profile things. I'm just the opposite: I stay at home as much possible, and I couldn't dress nicely if I wanted to do so. By that I mean that I don't look nice, no matter what. In my family, we do say "you clean up nicely" to each other, but in a joking way. The guy who said that to you at a funeral may have been joking, but maybe he was uncomfortable at having said that and was trying to make "witty" conversation to cover what would have been an awkward silence. Granted, he just made things worse, but he might have been trying to dig his way out of a difficult situation. I don't blame you for being offended, and I think it was very classy of you to not pursue it further, given the fact that you were attending a funeral.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, May 09, 2010 - 12:25 pm
I tend to say that about DH, that he 'cleans up nicely', cuz getting him out of a tee shirt and jeans (or shorts) is almost impossible unless it's a 'really' important event. LOL. And Sia, that's a big bunch of hooey about you not looking nice ever. I love your FB pic - you look so pretty there!
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Maplsyrp
Member
02-10-2009
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 9:39 am
I think that some people just don't know how to give a compliment.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:05 am
I think learning to give a compliment is just as important as learning to accept one. And something that people forget that the little "niceties" really apply!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:31 am
Crazy McNutsy and her family showed up for Mother's day yesterday. OY! I though DH was going to blow his top. Older cousin smarted off to him in the kitchen. Um, don't smart mouth and disrespect the host (or a marine for that matter). People were talking and the kid kept standing in between people who were having conversations. Just standing, arms crossed. Then, he kept hovering in the kitchen trying to be in the way. Finally DH said "If you are done eating, get out of the kitchen" To which cousin replied "I'm not done. I will get out of the kitchen when I am." Dh said "WTH did you just say to me?" The kid, then repeated himself, all snotty, and then told my DH "you don't have to be so rude." My soft spoken sister lit into him. Made for an entertaining day.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 11:01 am
My gripe...Is my entire Family....They all throw back handed compliments...and I just dread being near them or even talking to them..... So for Mothers day, I of course called my Mom to wish her a Happy day... and I brought up a very special Memory of her Mother, My granny.. somthing that meant the world to me... My Mom replys with...well you were not special, she did that to everyone! After driving 4hrs to a funeral a yr ago, with my nerves in a rumble and crying the whole way...I arrive and the first words said to me are..(by my godmother) You look terrible, I hate your hair and that color! Going thru some emotional issues and really needing some kind words, I call my Mom, but she says she has to answer the door, "Goodbye"... After many yrs of struggling with my wieght in my middle 20's after a bad divorse..(not now)... My Mom sends me a picture a couple months ago...a 5x7 of me at my highest wieght...a big box of chocolates .. (by the way, I hate choc).. and a note saying "your brother and I just love this picture of you cause you had some meat on your bones".... I could go ON AND ON... I stay as far away from them as possible... And it makes me so very sad....
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 11:44 am
(((((((((((((Chewy)))))))))))))))) You are a sweet person, and you do NOT deserve this abuse. Yes, this type of emotional beat-down is abuse. And the photo and chocolates are at best ignorant and at worst are mean-spirited and it's sad that some families do this type of shite to each other. You are so much better than those folks. I applaud you for striking out on your own with your beautiful daughter and creating a new life for yourself. I wish you only sunshine and rainbows my sweet friend. Ignore the a--holes. They can ferment in their own brine. Focus on those who are genuinely fond of you... and please, put me at the top of that list. 
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 12:03 pm
People who beat down others are unhappy in their hearts. My grandmother is like that as well. I lost a ton of weight, and she said "well you could lose 10 more pounds." A gal I work with will absolutely let you know if your new hair cut or color is ugly. She has hair like a choir boy, though. I am sorry you have family issues, don't we all. Know that despite our difference of opinion, we all cherish you!
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Landileigh
Member
07-29-2002
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 2:23 pm
i've been trying to figure out what you meant by "hair like a choir boy". Can you explain please?
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 2:50 pm
Thanks for asking that Landileigh. I want to know too. Maybe a very short pageboy, very straight and straight bangs? That is what I imagined. ((((Chewpito)))) you are just fine as you are, thank you very much.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 3:04 pm
PAGEBOY! LOL, that's what I meant.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 5:31 pm
(((Chewy)))) I agree with Mame!!!! Escapee's family reminds me of an old comedy line 'they put the FUN in dysFUNctional' lol
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Christy358
Member
07-10-2007
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 9:24 pm
I have rose colored glasses. I take ALL compliments as just that. Everyone means to be nice to me, they really do think I clean up nice, they stand in my kitchen cuz they like my food, my haircut is really cute, and that 10 more lbs comment is just praise at how far I have come. Sometimes, simple is best.
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Chaplin
Member
01-08-2006
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:03 pm
My Stepmother is like that also. Can be rude and mean as hell and not just to me. She was rude to her own grand daughter who is only 7 one Christmas 2 years ago. She put a plate of cookies down in front of the Grandkids and then whipped it away and said too bad Kate can't have these cookies as they have walnuts in them. Kate is allergic to walnuts. Her grand daughter luckily either heard and ignored her when she was rude to her or was so busy colouring and in her own world it went over her head. She was not like that nearly as much when Dad was alive.
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Ktbb
Member
08-10-2003
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:18 pm
I'm so sorry Chewy. Sometimes I wonder where all the negativity in this world comes from We love you here though My gripe for the day is about my job. I have only been at this job for about 6 months, but I just don't feel comfortable there. About 3 weeks ago my boss called me in his office and reprimanded me for saying the "L" word. I am the only one at my job that is not allowed to say the words "lesbian" or "gay" at my job. I have been with my partner for over 11 years and felt like he just socked me in the gut. For the last 3 weeks I have felt like I can trust no one and feel very discriminated against. Now I know that not everyone agrees with my beliefs but there is a little thing in this country called freedom of speech. For everyone but me. Supposedly this person was offended not by my lifestyle, but by the word itself. Whatever that means. For the last 3 weeks it has been eating me up inside. Is this normal HR response to conflict?? I've never really been in an office setting before so this is a new experience to me. It is ok for the men to talk about women, and for them to play their Christian music stations, but I feel like I can't say anything.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, May 10, 2010 - 10:27 pm
I'm so sorry, Ktbb. Your boss is just so so wrong. And I'm very sorry you've been hurt like that.
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Sia
Member
03-10-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 4:01 am
Mame, my FB picture is a scan of a photo that my sister took--after she MADE me sit still so she could put make-up on my face. I NEVER wear make-up, never really did very often, even as a young woman. It seems too time-consuming to me. I guess, more than anything else, I hate taking it off before going to bed, so I figure if I don't put any ON I don't have to take it off, LOL! Oh, and Sis curled my hair for me that day, too. Also a big time-chewer. I am a wash-and-go gal!
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Sia
Member
03-10-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 4:17 am
Escapee, when I read "choir boy" in your post, mentally what came to me was a picture of the little Dutch boy on the paint can label. Can you all picture him? I was seeing that in my head, LOL. Kttb, office politics is what makes working in an office so difficult. It's hard to remember to be "politically correct" all the time, too. I personally always use humor to lighten the mood, but I don't know the atmosphere at your office; it sounds a little tense. Here's what I'm wondering: did the boss really say that you shouldn't use the term gay or lesbian? Did he seem upset or angry, or could he just be covering himself because the other employee complained in some way? I'm not suggesting that you paint a rainbow on the coworker's chair or anything, but can you broach the topic in a nonconfrontational manner in order to establish some ground rules? (See what I mean about humor? I try and crack a joke to make people smile so they forget they're mad at me!)
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 5:25 am
There is nothing funny when someone insults or attacks your relationship. I can only imagine how much that must hurt. The boss, company and other employees are way out of line. Their behavior is disgusting. Sadly you're just going to have to decide if it is worth working there anymore.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:02 am
Ktbb, I'd quietly contact the GLAAD folks and find out your legal rights. I'm fairly sure they are familiar with this type of OVERT discrimination in the workplace and can guide you through the legal and emotional hurdles.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:05 am
http://www.glaad.org/offices Los Angeles, California 5455 Wilshire Blvd, #1500 Los Angeles, CA 90036 W: (323) 933-2240 F: (323) 933-2241
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Sia
Member
03-10-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:18 am
If you ramp it up to that level (consulting an attorney or GLAAD, etc.), I would evaluate the pros and cons. I would consider if you're making a really great salary there or not and whether or not the company you're with now could possibly black-ball you in any way to make it harder for you to get another job. I had grounds for a discrimination suit back in the 1980s against a major corporation where I worked, but did not pursue it because of the future ramifications--and mostly because it would have been expensive, exhausting, and nerve-wracking to pursue a lawsuit. Two years ago I didn't pursue a medical malpractice suit because I'm too old and tired to fight a fight that intense. People here are giving you good advice, Ktbb.
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Dipo
Member
04-23-2002
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:34 am
Ktbb, that sounds illegal to me. Does your company have an ethics hotline? I would ask GLLAD what is correct for your state, then decide if you want to do somthing about it, but it sounds like a hostile workplace to me.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Tuesday, May 11, 2010 - 10:36 am
Does your company have a handbook or policy strictly against this? I wouldn't change who you are or stop saying anything that you don't deem inappropriate. If he lets you go over it, you'd own the place.
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