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Archive through June 12, 2010

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: May 2010 ~ August 2010: The only Dumb question is the one not asked (Q&A): Archive through June 12, 2010 users admin

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Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 2:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
We always passed the envelope along with the card, too. Sometimes people were able to give more than others, and sometimes people can't afford even a dollar. This way, nobody would feel guilted into putting in money they don't really have, and those who could afford to be very generous weren't any more special than anyone else.

I used to put in a minimal amount if it was our "big boss". Geesh, she made 10 times what I did and I was living hand to mouth. Oh, and I didn't like her, lol

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 5:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
What Dipo said:

The people who donate sign the card that goes with the gift card. There is usually another card circulating for everyone and anyone to sign.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 6:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
I agree with Huk on this one....

Y2krazy
Member

09-17-2002

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 6:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Y2krazy a private message Print Post    
I'm with Hermione69. Let everyone who wants to sign the card, sign the card. Not everyone can contribute to a gift, but everyone (or anyone) may want to wish her well in retirement.

When I was getting married (and that's almost 28 years ago), one other girl was getting married and another was having a baby..all of us in the same month! Some of the co-workers were grumbling how expensive all of this was and there were hurt feelings. (after 28 years I still remember) 'cause some of them were grumbling to me, when it was my party that was being planned. (I told her if it was too expensive, not to give me anything, but I'd love for her to be at the festivities) That wasn't all that was said to me, but I digress....

try to be as inclusive as you possibly can, and don't let the retiree hear of any discontent, if at all possible, that is my opinion.

Sia
Member

03-10-2002

Thursday, June 10, 2010 - 7:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sia a private message Print Post    
My husband's coworkers pass the hat whenever a coal miner dies or a member of one of the miner's immediately family dies. Sometimes there is a card; sometimes it's just an envelope stuffed with cash.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 4:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
I'm curious as to why so many people feel it is important to "give/get credit" in a situation like this, such as with the 2nd card signed only by people who donate? Isn't it supposed to be about celebrating the person and not about who did or didn't give what?

If I got a card signed only by people who donated, it might make me feel bad to figure out who hadn't donated. Yes, that might be petty of me, but it's kind of human nature to feel slighted by people who didn't donate, especially if you felt you had done a lot for them.

That's part of why I feel it should be more about celebrating the person than assigning credit.

It's not supposed to be about the people who give, but about the person being given to.

Or maybe the dynamics are just different in a smaller workplace. This situation doesn't come along often for us here, with having an individual the whole faculty works with. It's usually more of an departmental celebration. I can see how resentment might sprout up in smaller workplaces if the same people give every time and the same people don't give, yet get credit.

But I still think it should be about making the person who is being celebrated feel wonderful and appreciated by all.

Anyway, that is just my opinion. YMMV. :-)

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 5:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
ITA Hermi, that's why we always just had everyone sign and donate if they wanted to.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 6:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Thanks, Hukdonreality, and thanks again to everyone who weighed in on the subject. I really appreciate the responses. :-)

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 7:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
<--- signs a "You're Welcome" card for Hermi but doesn't put any cash in the envelope...

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 7:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
ROFLMAO!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 8:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Herm, how many gifts do you give in secret? Don't we sign our names to the Christmas/birthday presents we give? I don't see how this is different.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 8:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Texannie, I've explained my view repeatedly. I think it is very different. For one thing, it's not just from one or two people, it's from an "entity." A lot of people are coming together for this and this should be a celebration of the person retiring. We're all sending her off, but not everyone donated money. Out of respect to the person retiring, I don't think she needs to know specifics of who donated money and who didn't. That has the potential to hurt her feelings. She has helped every person in this school at one time or another, it could make her feel bad if Mr. Jones, who she helped weekly, didn't contribute to her gift. Does she really need to know that? Why? Why is it so important for her to know which specific 57 members of the staff contributed, but which specific 43 didn't? What point does that serve in this case?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 8:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Herm, I was just answering your question; not challenging your answer.
I'm curious as to why so many people feel it is important to "give/get credit" in a situation like this, such as with the 2nd card signed only by people who donate? Isn't it supposed to be about celebrating the person and not about who did or didn't give what?

To me it's the same with any gift.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 8:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Understood. :-)

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 9:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
I'm trying not to sound judgemental, and probably failing miserably, but I'm shocked by this. Highlighting who gave and who didn't is just such a no-no, manners-wise. And all it's going to do is make the person who receives the gift feel awkward.

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 9:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
I agree with you Kitt. I though have people here at work that are the same way. If someone does not or should I say can not contribute they should not sign the card. I believe that if they can not contribute financially does not mean that they do not want to wish the person good luck

Heyltslori
Moderator

09-15-2001

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 9:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Heyltslori a private message Print Post    
If I got a card signed only by people who donated, it might make me feel bad to figure out who hadn't donated. Yes, that might be petty of me, but it's kind of human nature to feel slighted by people who didn't donate, especially if you felt you had done a lot for them.

It's too bad that the world is like that, you know? Truth is that it's impossible to know everybody's situation... what they may be able to afford, if anything... or maybe even if they've "given" in other ways (non monetary). My best friend lives in a neighborhood where people get it right. Neighbor helps neighbor as they are able to, and very rarely does it involve money. People exchange flowers, labor, food, etc. I really like that kind of thing.

Anyway... back on topic, I would be on the side of one card, from everyone.


Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 9:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Yeesh, Lori, way to pick out something I said and make me feel like a little person!

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 10:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
(P.S. I'm just funning with you in my post above. Really!)

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 10:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
It's funny, I have never looked at it as highlighting who didn't give, but acknowledging those who did.

Dipo
Member

04-23-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 10:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dipo a private message Print Post    
Ok, maybe I should clarify. When we are having a party for a person the invitation says, if you are interested in donating to the group gift card, see Jane. No one is required to donate and when they give their money they sign the card. No one is left out, they can give a gift on their own or they can do the group or they can do nothing but attend.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 5:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Dipo, we do it the same way. Its been done that way for years and it works well. I guess since its been the norm for so long no one feels bad if they cant give and no one cares if everyone didnt give.

Christy358
Member

07-10-2007

Friday, June 11, 2010 - 9:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Christy358 a private message Print Post    
As a person who receives a "group gift" each year, I have to tell you I would Much rather everyone signs the card, not just those who chip in.

In my rose colored glasses world EVERYONE wants to give me a gift. :-)

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Saturday, June 12, 2010 - 9:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
This conversation reminds me of something. My 16 year old daughter has had a friend at her birthday party every year since they were 7 or 8. I think once or twice in the early years, this girl gave my daughter a present, but not since then. I always feel bad for this girl when it comes time to open the presents because I worry that it is awkward for her or that she might feel bad. She and her parents cannot afford anything extra. She always seems fine and I'm so glad she still comes to the party every year because the kids are all really good friends.

This situation comes up in the kids classrooms often. I can see that people who donate may want credit and may not feel that it is fair to them if the gift recipient thinks part of the gift came from some who didn't donate. However, I think it is more important in this type of situation that the focus is on the recipient of the gift. So what I am saying is that I think the card should be signed by anyone who wants to sign it whether they donate or not. I am not in favor of two cards either...just the one card given to the recipient with the gift card.

If the gift giver wants the recipient to know that something is coming from them individually, that giver can always get the recipient their own gift and give it to them on their own time outside the office or in private at the office...and they can donate or not to the group gift and sign the group card.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Saturday, June 12, 2010 - 9:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
It's funny, I have never looked at it as highlighting who didn't give, but acknowledging those who did.

Exactly. The bottom line is that I like to know who to thank for the giftcard when I get one.