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Archive through April 13, 2010

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: January 2010 ~ April 2010: Free Expressions: The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread: Archive through April 13, 2010 users admin

Author Message
Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, my husband does not need my permission to talk to anybody. I don't know how you got that from any of my posts. It doesn't even sound like you posting.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
It wasn't made sarcastic and mean but if you took it that way there is nothing I can do about that. I basically said what Jimmer said. I don't need my husband's permission to talk to people, and he doesn't need mine. I don't need to know what they are talking to me about, and he doesn't need to know what they are talking to me about. Not that we don't tell each other, but that's just how we are. If that means I have not sense of etiquette then so be it.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
But I would like to ask. WHY is it different for a woman than a man? That is why it appears in my opinion that the woman is needing permission to talk to your husband. Emphasis on appears.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
OH brother. No one needs my permission to talk to my husband. Why are you guys saying that? It's nothing like that. A woman neighbor called to ask to speak to my husband. She has ZERO reason to speak to him instead of me about anything. Instead of just asking to speak to him and bypass me completely, she should have explained to me why she is calling. That's it. And like I also said...If DH had answered the phone instead of me, I would have been fine with their talking about whatever she called about and not being any part of it.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I didn't mean to imply that Naja. I was just speaking for myself and responding to another post.

It's an interesting subject. As you mentioned earlier for some people it possibly has more to do with the relationship that someone has with the person who is calling and whether they are at an in between stage in their relationship with the person (they know them so they aren't an impersonal stranger but they don't know them very well).

But speaking for myself, I just don't care. Though I might ask her later out of curiosity.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
That's just how it appears to me. When you first posted the question, and I responded, I had NO idea that the woman in question had no reason to talk to your husband. I was taking it as any woman that called in general.

ETA: I see now you didn't ask a question. I just responded to your post.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Naja, I still think she was just guilty of stereotyping that the big television would belong to your husband more than to you. As I mentioned, I tend to think that way because the men in my family love electronics and gadgets and stuff more than the women. Maybe that is all it was. In any case, this is the gripe thread, so rant away!

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Naja, your question sure has stirred up a bunch of answers.

I am in my 60's. I might have asked your husband instead of you in the hope that he might say "Sure, I will help you move it."

Women don't usually offer to help you move something large.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Hermoine, Yeah, I did sort of feel "dismissed" as the person who would be of any authority to make the decision whether or not we could give away the TV.

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
I can see that some may have the viewpoint that it is maybe somewhat rude &/or maybe somewhat disrespectful for a woman w/o a close personal relationship to call a man and when she gets the wife on the phone to just ask for the husband w/o identifying herself or what she wants. And vice versa.

It could seem somewhat disrespectful to the relationship and in the case of the tv situation somewhat disrespectful to a wife...as in - why can't the wife make the decision about her own property.

In some situations, I could see myself feeling either or both.

I can also see it as no big deal. I think there is room for all opinions.

Who knew this one gripe would turn into such an interesting conversation. :-)

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Naja, I totally understand what you are saying. I would never call someone I know casually and ask the wife to talk to the husband about something unless I clarified what it was "can I talk to Joe about lawn mowers", etc. I wouldn't do it because I would not want the wife to think there was something suspicious going on. So, I see it as ettiquette as you've described.

Now, if the guy was someone I'd know for 20 years and she for only a few years I might just say "let me talk to Joe".

Maybe I would feel different if I were married. I don't think so, but maybe. As a single person the last thing I want married women to think is that I'm after their husbands, so would never call to talk directly to them and I have to say I'd be shocked beyond belief if they ever called me directly! I'd expect the wife to. Sounds so old fashioned, which I'm not at all.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Thanks for that post, Happymom. It truly has nothing to do with giving permission for my husband to speak to anybody. It has to do with the caller giving even the slightest amount of respect or courtesy to the spouse. Even if I KNEW inside the wife couldn't do a certain something without asking her husband first, I would still ask her first, or least tell her what I was going to ask, if she was the one who answered the phone. I wouldn't just ask her to put her husband on the phone with no explanation.

eta: You see my perspective perfectly, Brenda! I was thinking I was out of line for awhile there.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Does it have to do with them being the opposite sex? If her husband had called and asked to speak to your husband, would you expect him to tell you what he wants to talk to your husband about?

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
Naja, I would have asked the lady why she thought she needed to ask your husband for the tv when she already had you on the phone. I think she probably did that to flirt with your hubs. Yeah, I am suspicious about her and I don't even know her, lol.
When Buddy's sister calls, she never ask me how I am or how the kids, grandkids are doing, just "can I speak to my brother?" I don't mind.

I am with you, Naja, there are certain women that I would ask them why they need to talk to my husband. Maybe I don't want to go find my husband, if he wanted to talk on the phone he could answer the phone himself!
I am nosey so I would probably ask a man the same question. luckily, hubs has his own cell phone and i don't have to answer most of his calls.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Yes, it's about gender to me. The wives talk to the wives and the husbands talk to the husbands. Just sent me back to the 1950's already. LOL.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Yes, Jimmer, that's the whole point...LOL I think a casual friend woman does not call another casual friend woman's husband. Just as I think a casual man friend should not call for another casual man friend's wife (without explanation I mean).




Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
So you don't want her to call and talk to him at all or is it just that you happened to answer the phone? So if she had called and he had answered and she just talked to him that would be okay?

As people have mentioned this is a very interesting topic.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, I think most women would wonder why a woman wants to talk to her husband more than why another man does.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, like I already said, if DH had answered the phone and she asked him about the TV, fine, no problem.

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
But Jimmer why couldn't the neighbor just ask Naja the question? Even if she had to ask her husband she could have called the neighbor back.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
Listen. I don't need or want any crazy women coming after me.

If the wife answers the phone, I will explain. No big deal.

And I'm sure it goes vice versa.

On the other hand, said husband better let me know what is going on before he starts moving out the tv set to some other "lady's" house. :-)

Geesh. I feel like I am in the Housewives of NYC thread.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
She probably (wrongly) assumed that Naja didn't know the answer and didn't want to waste her time asking her. At the risk of stereotyping my friends "Mike" and "Heather" if I have a car question I'll ask Mike. However, if I have a question about cooking marlin (and I do like to cook so there goes that stereotype), I'll be more likely to just not waste Mike's time and ask Heather.

ETA: Um ... Actually the opposite happened. Heather called me to ask me about the marlin.

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
I guess when i call the house of a married couple I will ask whoever answers the phone and if they do not know the answer I do not mind if they ask their significant other.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
It probably also depends on how well you know them. Mike would think I was crazy to ask him that sort of question.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 2:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
BINGO!!!!!!