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Archive through April 13, 2010

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: January 2010 ~ April 2010: Free Expressions: The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread: Archive through April 13, 2010 users admin

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Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 9:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
Naja, I wonder if she is in her 60s or older. Some women that age tend to think about some things as gender specific. It seems to me even moreso if they were raised in the East or Midwest. Not that there is anything wrong with that...just an observation on my part.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 10:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Happymom, she's an even 40 just this year. A couple years younger than me.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Naja: Is she single?

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 10:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
No, she is married. She is the nutty one I talk about sometimes.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 10:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Then I believe she was just doing that to piss you off.

Hermione69
Member

07-23-2002

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 10:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
She was probably just stereotyping and didn't think. I might have done the same thing, as the men in my family are far more into electronics than the women are. It's probably a fairly common assumption, however wrong and/or irritating it may be. :-)

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 11:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
I guess I just really think it's inappropriate for a woman to ask to speak to the husband without mentioning why if the wife answers. For example, if I had to call her house and ask for her husband, I would not call and just ask to speak to him, as if our conversation is none of her business. I would say something like "Hi, I was wondering if I could speak to your husband to ask him blah blah whatever". Or, I would ask for her to ask him for me.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 11:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
FWIW, when I say "I don't mean to offend anyone," I really mean it. I say it not because I think what I am about to say is offensive (at least not to me), but because I am concerned that people will take it the wrong way.

So, if I am in a crowd of Sarah Palin lovers, and they are on and on about how wonderful she is, and they say "what do you think", I might say, "well please don't be offended, but I'm not impressed by her at all."

So, while I understand some people may mean that insincerely, some people may be sincere.

And uh, please don't be offended by that!

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 11:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Southern_grits, I just saw your post, and thank you!!!

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 11:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
For me it doesn't matter who calls, male or female, for my husband. If I don't know the voice, or they don't say when asking, I do ask who is calling so I can let him know [my years of being an office manager I guess] but other than that the phone call is for my husband not me so I don't ask what it's about. 999 out of 1000 he tells me as soon as he hangs up if he hasn't already let me know during phone conversation, even if it's work related. And I guess I've never bothered telling the wife why I am calling her husband, nor have I been asked. I do identify myself no matter who I'm calling and who answers the phone. "Hey Angie this is serate is Scott there?" or "Hey Scott this is serate blah blah blah blah blah"

Which is SO unlike my hubby's family who calls and after I say hello says "WHO IS THIS?" and gets pissed when I nicely ask "Who's calling please?" even when I know who it is. Then they ignore my asking, forget they asked, and say "is ****** there?" and get totally pissed when I again ask "Who's calling please?" One brother always hangs up. At first my hubby would call him back but after a couple of times letting brother know I ask because he likes me to ask, and they continue to do it [including starting off with WHO IS THIS] he refused to call them back. The brother that always hangs up still does that. I've trained the rest quite nicely. lol

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
It would never occur to me that a friend or neighbor should tell me why they want to speak to my DH. However, if I don't know who it is I do ask who is calling (in case it's some sort of telemarketing thing).

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, you would call to ask to talk to your neighbor's wife and just ignore mentioning why you are calling if the husband answers?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
I usually identify myself "Hi, Naja, this is Annie, may I speak to Bob?" but I am with Jimmer, I would never think to tell the person answering the phone what I was calling for.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
Naja why is it "ignoring" when person A calls to talk to person B, and person C answers the phone so person A just asks to talk to person B?

In the particular instance you listed, I would agree with you and wonder why it had to be your husband she talked to. It's a TV in a garage that is the home to both of you. But in any other instance, why does a wife need to know what a woman wants to talk to her husband about, esp when the wife knows the woman? [And the same if a man called a woman and got her husband.] Do you require the same info if a man calls and asks to talk to your husband and not tell you what he is calling about, or is it just when a woman calls to talk to your husband?

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
Naja, I can totally see your point. I never really think about it here though, I regularly speak with both wife and husband neighbors and so does my husband. It doesn't matter which of the 4 of us is calling each other. I never say why when I call and ask for the other and they don't either and I don't think anything about if I answer and they ask for my husband (either one of them) etc etc. I think it is because we are all good friends together.

I guess I just never really thought about this before. I can see your point though Naja. If it were people we aren't close friends with, I probably would explain to the wife why I wanted to speak to her husband if that was the situation. After this thread, I definitely would :-).

Serate..."and after I say hello (the caller) says "WHO IS THIS?" ' Oh, that really bugs me when people do that...unless it is a kid (then I figure they just don't know any better).

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
serate: Why? Because there are ZERO things she needs to ask him about that I can't take of. I mean ZERO. I can't even imagine calling and asking to talk to her husband.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
My gripe....I am a receptionist for an alcohol and substance treatment center. I realize that the people calling are in a crisis situation, but I am on their side!!! The questions I ask them is to get them to the person they need to speak with. I am here to help them, but boy...so many of them take on this adversarial attitude, making me drag out any tidbit of information. I am not trying to be nosy or violate their privacy, I am trying to get them where they need to go!!!!!!

and then there are the others who tell me their entire life story, ask for my advice and then get mad at me when I try to transfer them to the person who can truly help them!!!!

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
Happymom, even if it's a kid I refuse to tell them who I am, just kindly point out that caller is the one who called, so the nicest thing possible would be to say "This is Billy, may I ask who I'm talking to?" Unless it's an adult, I don't know them, and all they say is their first name, I say "Hi Billy, it's serate." But if it's an adult and I have no idea who it is I then ask what company they are calling from.

And I have to say, even after reading this thread, I can't see myself asking why somebody is calling my husband if they have properly identified themsleves, unless it's a case that I know my hubby doesn't want to talk to that individual. But then the most I will say, "he's unavailable, may I take a message?"

And I doubt, unless it's business, that I will call and give any explanation to the one that answers why I'm calling who I'm calling.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
serate: Why? Because there are ZERO things she needs to ask him about that I can't take of. I mean ZERO. I can't even imagine calling and asking to talk to her husband

So it's just this one woman, who you seem to have good reason to question. Or is it all women?

For me, I just don't see the need to question my hubby's callers intentions, be they male or female. I guess maybe if there was a neigbor like you are describing, I might just say he's not available may I take a message or help you with something, but then again that would probably be something me and hubby had already discussed.

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
Tex, I can sympathize. I was a receptionist for a trash co. I know it can really get people mad if their trash isn't picked up or their bill is incorrect etc... but don't yell at me for it! (Also, I didn't want to hear the whole long story about it either, I really didn't have time! I had other tasks besides answering the busy phones.) One caller asked to to give him to someone he could yell at. While I don't agree with yelling at anyone (you catch more flied with honey), I was really glad he recognized that yelling at me wasn't going to help him.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, you would call to ask to talk to your neighbor's wife and just ignore mentioning why you are calling if the husband answers?

Sure. For example, I'd say, "Hi Mike! How's it going? ... blah blah blah ... Can I speak to Heather?"

Now chances are that Mike probably has a pretty good idea of what I want to ask Heather anyway (and he knows I'm not going to ask her out on a date). Maybe some portraits I'm doing for them or something about the kids. But it's not like I have to clear it with him first. LOL - If I did ask him I can see him scratching his head and thinking why on earth is Jim asking me?

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Happymom, I think you hit it on the head with how close of friends you are with ones you freely ask for the husband or wife or the other way around. Now if my husband's friend Big John's wife called and asked for him, I would have no problem. He knew them 15 years before he even met me. I guess there is a certain degree of friend I can accept that from, and these newish neighbor's just aren't there yet in my eyes.

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
So basically a woman has to get your approval or permission to speak to your husband if you are the one that answers the phone?

I guess my husband and I don't have that kind of relationship.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I don't know. I don't need Cathy's permission to talk to someone and she certainly doesn't need my permission either. And we don't audit the other person's conversations.

(Hope you're not sorry you asked.) :-)

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 1:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
<11> It has nothing to do with the relationship I have with my husband. It has to do with the etiquette I feel others should use. <11>