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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 12:00 pm
Every so often, usually about once a year, I write a long post that looks at some aspect of life, and I put it in terms of what I’ve gone through or watched others go through. These aren’t for everyone, as many folks here don’t care for long and detailed posts. I’m ok with that, as any given post and/or topic isn’t for everyone. Some folks like looking at the philosophy of issues though, so I’ll throw this out there for those who do enjoy it to give consideration to their own situation and post about it if they wish to. Sharing something about ourselves helps make this a great place to be, and I look forward to hearing anyone else’s experiences and thoughts. For me, you don’t have to be any certain age to give input. You just need to have gone through some type of change in most any manner between now and any time previous. I think we all have experienced that; even those who are 20 years old. Point A is an age much younger than I am now. Point B is where I’m at today. Any number of years back, I was pretty tough to impress. I didn’t say “wow” very often to what I saw from others and their actions—well, not in a good way at least. Today I’m still fairly hard to impress by I say my wows to those who are trying to make a difference for others. Other people, animals or situations in life. I’m a huge animal lover and have a special place in my heart for those who help the helpless and innocents to can’t speak or ask help for themselves. I’ve come to realize that pretty much in most cases it really is true that people will remember over anything else how you made them feel. I used to think what you did or didn’t do was what people remembered the most. Now I think it’s not the case so much. If you show respect to someone, even if you can’t help them out, they will remember that. If you help someone but treat them like shit, they will remember the latter longer than they will remember what you did for them. Over the years I’ve come to see the human race as a group who are pretty horrible. We treat (as a race) each other pretty badly. We kill or hurt for reasons that are emotionally based. We torture each other and torture animals. We show greed and egotistical behaviors to an extreme. We are self centered to the point of wiping out other species simply for profit or power. We kill in the name of religion, yet there isn’t a single religion that says to wipe out everyone who doesn’t think exactly like you do. We treat other life like possessions instead of life. Please note I said as a race. There are many good individuals who do amazing things. But those good things still can’t overcome what happens. 5 million unwanted cats and dogs put to death each year in the US. It used to be 11 million every year not too long ago and 20 million a year when I was growing up. I didn’t know that then. I’m ashamed that I didn’t have better wisdom so that I’d think to consider such things. When I was younger I had more of an all-or-nothing approach to thinking. If I couldn’t make a problem go away myself I wouldn’t deal with it. I’d like to say it was because I figured only being part of a solution didn’t feel like being a solution at all, but I’m betting it was because I wanted to be the one to do something—to make a difference so I was noticed, and if I couldn’t I wouldn’t bother. I’ve come to realize that for most problems, any one of us won’t make it go away. We will do a little part and many others will do little parts. And for the really big issues, we may not see the final fix in our lifetime. But it doesn’t mean we haven’t made a difference and contributed to a final solution. I’ve come to believe that following through means so much to others that even if they don’t like you, they will ask you to get something done. Why is that? Well, it’s because people want results. They want results that are on time and they want someone who will do what they say they will do. I’ve also found out that the more you follow through, the more you are asked to do, because well, people learn to count on you and trust you. Trust is huge! Following through is one of the best ways a young adult can establish themselves and be in demand. I’ve come to realize that most anyone can capture an image of a pet, a person, a scene or most anything else with a camera, but it takes a very special talent to capture within an 2 dimensional work the feelings, the personality, the quirks of those. These people are called artists and folks will pay a chunk of money to get that. So we do have feelings and hold them of value. But those are times we do something for ourselves. The thing to watch for is someone who will give others that. I’ve learned that at a young age the things that we feel are really important—those things that bring us to our knees or make us feel on top of the world are much different than what we hold most important as we grow older. I2 year old may feel devastated by a first crush being interested in someone else. At 25 we realize devastation is losing everything in a divorce. Or at 18 we think being in a big game in high school is the best feeling in the world, yet later it’s nothing compared to feeling good that you can put a roof over your family’s head and feed them every day. That game doesn’t seem to be quite as important as it was 10 years ago. At 16 you may feel like hiding in a room because your steady has decided to date someone else, even though you are 16 and fickle as all get out. At 30 you feel like crap because you lost your job because of something you had no control over. Yes, as we get older those things that happened when were younger don’t seen quite a big. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to believe that you are either part of the solution or you are part of the problem. Doing nothing doesn’t get you in the “part of the solution" group, so that only leaves one choice. Along the same line, it’s the issues that need to be dealt with. No matter what people say, name calling or bring up other things is making it personal. Once it’s personal, it’s really tough to deal with the issues. I look forward to hearing anything people have figured out over the course of their life, be it something that took 20 years or 20 minutes to change. Everyday folks come to TVCH and share who they are—some in little tiny bits at a time, some in big chucks. It’s what makes us a community.
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Denecee
Member
09-05-2002
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 12:10 pm
I enjoyed your post Lance. Unfortuanately, I am not as elegant of a writer as you. I know you didn't write that to get kudos but I'm giving you kudos anyway!
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Dfennessey
Member
07-25-2004
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 12:23 pm
I also enjoyed your post Lance, like Denecee I am not an elegant writer. What I have learned in my life is to say no more. I used to at point A very rarely said no, because I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, even it I could not afford it, I would still do it. As I grew older and took a bounderies class, I am no longer afraid to say no to people and boy do I feel less stressed in life.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 1:37 pm
I think you wrote that quite well. By no means am I a very good writer. It is really good that you could learn to say no when you needed to. We have enough stresses already without adding to them by trying to help when it's outside what we can reasonably do. Thanks for sharing that!
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Beachcomber
Member
08-26-2003
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 3:24 pm
I really enjoyed your post Lance and it provokes alot of thought. My Point A was from birth until my mid 30s when my parents were my rock and I knew I could depend on them to give me solid advice, love, and help with anything I had going on. Over the last 10 years and especially the last 3, I have reached Point B where the tables are turning and I am now the one who is providing the advice and help to them as they age and aren't physically (and sometimes mentally) able to do certain things anymore. I know that the days of slipping back into being a little girl and looking to them for strength are gone and a small selfish part of me will miss that.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Monday, May 11, 2009 - 9:16 pm
Some of us here have been with Lance from the beginning of this board. Sometimes it seems like the beginning of time. We know Lance as a person who always writes straight from the heart. But I will answer the question - I have learned, and I learned it at a very young age, that one is capable of doing what one must do. That something that we sometimes doubt or even despair is not there, actually IS there within each of us. You don't even have to believe it is there, you just have to endure and keep hope and just plain keep on keeping on when hope gives out. We have two people on this board right now, and perhaps more, but two people who still have the faith and hope to keep coming here for support, who are in the keep on keeping on stage, and that is Texannie and MsBullwinkle. Hugs to them both, as they are inspirational. And I have total faith that both of them will make it through their current ordeals. Me - I lost both parents (who married young and had children young) to natural causes by the time I was 19, a year apart. And I was left at just turned 19 with a 17 year old brother to continue raising. Nobody, no friend or relative took us in, so I became an adult, after being a total child still at 18, and did what I had to do. I did the death certificates, the funerals, the government paperwork, the real estate, the taxes, the scholarships and college entrances for both of us, the getting the grass cut and the house painted, fixing and buying and selling the cars, the whole adult thing. I sometimes feel like I have been an adult my entire freaking life. And that's my life lesson. You are indeed capable of doing whatever you have to do. Just go do it. You will survive. Truly, you will. Try to do it with dignity, and sometimes you will fail miserably but maybe nobody else will agree that you are failing, but you will survive, and you ARE capable of doing it. Hey, where is Glenn? He is good at stuff like this, and almost nobody here remembers who Glenn is anymore.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Tuesday, May 12, 2009 - 6:00 am
I do! =)
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, May 12, 2009 - 6:20 am
Thanks Lance for creating this thread, and everyone who's sharing their stories. It's eye-opening AND heart-warming. Threads like this remind me why I love this place.
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Tmagicsaq
Member
03-26-2004
| Monday, May 25, 2009 - 5:22 am
I have always looked to my dad for advice on changes I am thinking of making... My job, my car, a trip I want to take; I don’t always agree with what he has to say, but I want to know what he thinks never the less. My dad is caring, quiet and very smart. I Look at my mother and realize, that she is the strongest person I know, she has been dealt the bad hand all her life, from losing her parents when she was 15 and then living on her own till marrying my dad, losing her first child; Being dealt with health issues that would have taken the best of us down. Surviving 9 of her siblings passing.. She is the last one here. My mother is caring, sensitive and a harda** I wasn’t the best child growing up, I did things that most kids did, and maybe some that most didn’t. I have not always thought my dad to be caring or smart. I always knew my mom was a harda** but never did I think she was strong in the ways that it counted. As I grow older, I look at my parents and realize that no one will ever love me like they do. Not my sister, my brother or my best friend. No one will love me quite the same way.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, May 25, 2009 - 8:08 am
Tmagic, I used to think that too and then I met my husband, he does love me unconditionally like they did. I had dated tons of men over the years and I would always think no one would love me like my parents. I am blessed to have Bill, he is the perfect man for me. So many days I wish my mom and dad were here so I could tell them, you were right!! I never understand some of the things you did until I had a child of my own!
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Monday, May 25, 2009 - 2:48 pm
It has taken me a long time to find out that I had something missing in my life. I was missing someone to love me. I grew up never hearing the words "I love you" from my parents. I have never had a boyfriend who loved me. I would listen to people talking on the phone and closing with "I love you." I never did that. I never felt love or gave it. God's love and a best friend have changed all that. I feel differently and act differently. A to B.
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