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Babyjaxmom
Member
10-20-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 10:29 am
My son is 8 1/2. He is an only child, and he's tall for his age. He's very sensitive, so the other kids in the neighborhood like to pick on him. They can always count on him for a reaction. We have neighbors down the street who have six children. The two oldest are twins, the same age as my son. They are the worst. They constantly surround him, provoke him and tell the other kids not to play with him. I've told DS to stay away from them, but they won't leave him alone. This morning I had a screaming match with their mother over the phone. I asked her to tell her kids to stay away from Jack. I've told him to stay away from them, but they just won't leave him alone. Just a little while ago I watched as he was rolling down the street on his heelies going to another kid's house, and one of the twins purposely tried to roll over his foot with a scooter. I'm at the end of my rope and my heart is breaking for my sweet little boy. It hurts him and it hurts me. Anybody else have experience with this? I need a support group.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 11:00 am
My son just turned 10 and I have all sorts of experience. Number one thing--DO NOT IGNORE it. That is the worst thing to do. What you need to try to do is try to get other kids to aid your son. Way way way easier said than done. But the only thing that will stop the twins (And twins can be the worst to try to stop as they always have the support and backup of each other. I know as we have twins in our 'hood...) is peer pressure. Screaming to the other mom is not gonna get you anywhere but in deeper doo-doo. What I would do is see if you can get another friend or two over at your house. THen be somewhat of a helicopter mom for a bit (but better to be as unseen as possible.) Your son just needs a friend or two who will back him up when the twins give him a hard time. When the twins start bullying, he should NOT ignore, but come up with a standard comeback, something like "Whatever." Or "Stop it." All you can do is try to keep your eye (as hidden as you can) on him and other kids. I have a ton of boys here almost all day in the summer, ages about 5-11. It is a headache, but the bullying is way down. The other kids have come to find that my son is a nice kid and the bully is a bully. You can PM for more specifics if you'd like. Are the twins in the same grade as your son? Any trouble at school? The social worker there s/b able to work with your ds as well as the twins...
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 11:29 am
We had one incident, Babyjaxmom, when the kids were pretty young. Dakota must have been around 4 or 5. Group of kids mine already weren't allowed to play with tried to take Dakota's brand new bike, claiming she'd stolen it from one of the girls. They brought the mom down and we offered to call the cops. Problem solved, guess she didn't steal the bike. I was rather worried about the kids after that. This group, about 15 or 20 kids at times ranging in age from 4 or 5 to 15 or thereabouts, had been terrorizing neighborhood kids for a year or so at that point and we'd just ticked them off. I did pretty much what Julie's talking about. Started inviting the kids cousins, a few neighborhood kids, and school friends over more often so they had "good" kids to play with and weren't scared to go out front. Some of the other neighborhood parents took up the same tactic and we alternated which houses the kids could play at and when there was problems with the bully group, they learned pretty quickly these kids had friends and they stuck up for each other. My kids benefited from this a great deal, at the time they were some of the youngest in the neighborhood who weren't involved with the bully group so they not only had bigger kids to back them up but had some pretty good role models! I still spend a lot of time running to pick up the kids school friends to come play, but it's much better than them either hanging out with or being the victims of the bully group (some of whom were just busted recently for vandalizing a neighborhood house!) Talking to the mom probably won't do much, at least that was our expeirience. The mom in the one incident we had had no intention of stopping the kids from trying to take Kota's bike and was encouraging them, right up til we offered to call the cops and only then did she get those kids under control and make them leave. The added benefit has been that I discovered I like having the kids and their friends hang out here. I know what they're doing (and it's not out vandalizing houses and terrorizing other children) and we've had the opportunity to get to know the kids friends really well.
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Babyjaxmom
Member
10-20-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 11:31 am
Yep, trouble at school. I actually have an appointment this week for behavioral screening. DH has two older kids and never went through this with the older ones (to this extent anyway). The twins are homeschooled. Also DS goes to a school outside of the neighborhood (charter school), so none of these kids go to his school. It's just so hard! 
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Beekindpleez
Member
07-18-2006
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 12:53 pm
While raising my sons, I found that the very best way to handle things like this was to invite ALL the children over for an afternoon of play and fun time. Sometime kids make fun of other kids simply because they don't know them. Once they spend a little time together and realize they have some things in common, it can really help to squash the bullying stuff. Especially if Mom remains calm and creates a fun atmosphere. Of course, this may not always work. But, seriously, it can break the ice. It can be hard, though. Not "liking" the other kids can make it pretty hard to be kind to them.
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Babyjaxmom
Member
10-20-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 1:25 pm
Unfortunately, we've all lived in the same neighborhood for over 2 years. They used to get along. He used to go to their house, until he stopped not wanting to go there. They've all been to our house to play. I don't think the twins' parents would let them come now anyway. I may just have to plan more playdates and activities with his school friends this summer. It's going to be a long summer.
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Beekindpleez
Member
07-18-2006
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 1:35 pm
BabyJ...do you think you could find something inside yourself to suck it up and call the mom, maybe apologize for the screaming stuff and ask her if she thinks there is some way to work together to help the kids learn a life lesson type-thing? I mean, I do know that this would be hard to do, since you are not in the wrong. But sometimes it can help to put differences aside and work something out on a higher level, even though YOU should NOT have to be the one who does it. I hope I'm making sense. Sometimes it is just impossible to reach another person, though. Maybe the life lesson for your son in this one is learning to overcome those who might want to hurt us out of ignorance and cruelty. Unfortunately, there are cruel people out there and learning to deal with them can be a hard lesson. I feel for you. I wish you luck.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 1:35 pm
kids also tease when they are jealous. You said he is tall, they are also making a name for themselves by bullying the big guy. Times have changed used to be the little skinny ones that got picked on and now its the big gentle giant ones.
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Babyjaxmom
Member
10-20-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 2:22 pm
Actually, Beekind, the mom and dad came over earlier today to make peace. I still don't like her, but I did say that we all want the same thing: for our kids to be safe and happy. I know my kid's got some issues with his temper, but I think maybe now they're aware that their kids aren't perfect either. One of the twins had told them I said I hated them! He admitted in front of me that I didn't say that. My husband said he was always tall for his age, too, and he went all the way through school having to fight everyone who wanted to challenge the "big guy." We're hoping that he'll grow up some this summer and be able to manage his temper better. He does have a little friend in the house now, but right now that little boy is his "only friend." Breaks my heart. Thanks for all the support and kind words. I really appreciate you guys!
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Saturday, June 13, 2009 - 2:41 pm
BJM, a kid really does not need a whole lot of friends. Often one or two really good ones are all they need. If he is happy with one BF, that is great. Remember, what makes him happy may not be what you think, and vice-versa.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Sunday, June 14, 2009 - 4:46 am
BJM, that's awesome that both parents came to make peace! Seems like the time is ripe for a trip to putt-putt, or something similar. Invite the twins, and maybe a couple of other kids, too. I think once they see that you are a cool Mom, they'll be more likely to be nice to your son. Best of luck!
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Dfennessey
Member
07-25-2004
| Monday, June 15, 2009 - 7:35 am
I do not have kids but I do have a neighbor who is around my age that thinks he can bully everyone in the building. He does not own the building he is just a tenant like the rest of us. It has gotten so bad with me (verbal abuse) that I have told my landlord that the next time it happens I wil look into getting a restraining order against him and getting the police involved. As I told my landlord I am a single woman and I need to protect myself against him. I told him that it is only verbal abuse for now but what will happen next physical abuse. This was a week ago and all as been quiet. My landlord also has 2 adult daughters so I think this might have hit a nerve with him. I guess this tenant has also been verbally abusive to my landlord and his daughter.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 2:39 pm
I dated a guy in highschool who was 6'2 at 11 years old and 6'4 at 18. People expect a kid who looks like he's 20 to act and be as smart as a 20 year old. If he's not, then people automatically think he's slow. A kid will live up to those expectation. All through his adolescense the smallest guy (napolean syndrome kids) would pick on him relentlessly. Calling him ogre and big foot, stepping on his book, hiding his back pack to make them feel as big as him. Kids probably feel inferior to your son and this is how they try to level the playing field. The worst thing his mom did was coddle him about it. Don't worry, you dont' want to play with them anyways mommy will play with you, when in reality he did want to play with them, but even more he wanted to be accepted by them. She should have invited them over, or better yet, invited some kids over that were on the same wavelength as he was. There were a couple of other kids in school that were big for their ages. Nothing like safety and size in numbers to knock ya down a peg. It's like fighting for dominance of the neighborhood. These kids feel because there are two of them, it equals at least one of your son, and who's gonna be the alpha? Well, I'd add to the pack with some other kids who are friends of your sons and not theirs. Let them see your son and his friends playing together and having a blast and they aren't included because they treat your son so badly. Maybe it will make them rethink their attitudes. If it were me, I'd be tempted to invite only one twin over. Is there one good one and one bad one? Dfennessey....sounds like a bag of burning dog doo is in order.....jk.
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Wednesday, June 17, 2009 - 6:32 pm
Though I'm not suggesting this to you for your situation, I'm reminded of when my sister was little, and the neighbor boy would constantly hit her. Mom and I both mentioned it to his mother, and of course she laughed it off as a "boys will be boys" thing. Never mind her darling brat was hitting a girl, and apparently had his mother's permission to do so! Mom told sis if the kid hit her again, she had permission to hit him back. So just as expected, a few days later the phone rings, and an infuriated KidsMom screamed at me, "your sister just hit my son!" I very calmly told her, "that's probably because we told her to. And every time your son hits my sister, she has permission to hit him back." Strangely enough, the kid stopped hitting my sister! 
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