Author |
Message |
Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 7:47 am
well, my kids have bio moms somewhere too and that is what they are, their bio mom. i can understand the distinction of step child, but why in the world would you need to differeniate between bio and adopted? and i know very few people who refer to their step parent as their mom or dad.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 8:06 am
Texannie I was going to pop in and make a similar point but you did it so much better. 
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Lyn
Member
08-07-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 8:17 am
I don't understand the distinction if it's a stepchild. I've had my daughters since they were 5 and 7. (Their mother was an absentee parent). I raised them and they are no different to me than our bio son. (My will says everything is divided equally amoung my three children). Your kids are your kids - period (BTW I thought I should mention that was not posted in a grumpy way. When I reread it I wasn't sure how it came across)
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 8:48 am
Lyn, 'step child' is perfect for me as I married their father when they were all aready adults. They are not my children, but I am more than happy to call them my step children.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 9:00 am
With step children, there are always so many variables and each situation is so very different. With some, the step mom may be more of a mother than the bio. Or the step may never live with the child and be very distant. And a lot of cases somewhere in between. But a child who is adopted is a very different story. It does not matter if that child was born from that mom physically. The child is the "daughter" (or son) and does not need to be differentiated by adding "ADOPTED" to the title. As if that makes the child less of an offspring than if that title was not there.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 9:06 am
also the law makes no distinction between the two. when we were finalizing our kids adoptions, the judge made a huge point of saying 'you know this means you are financially, legally and morally responsible for these children' also, the birth certificates are changed to show us as the parents and the child's last name is change. that does not occur in a step situation (unless the step parent should adopt the child and then they become the parent of the child). in the instance of the headline 'adopted child kills parent' its the implication that it somehow makes sense because there is no biological relationship. sorry to take us so off topic, as you can see this really pushes my hot buttons! LOL
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 9:28 am
Mine too!! And in most cases of adoption, the PAP (potential adoptive parents) go thru so much to adopt a child. From fingerprinting to CPR classes, to writing an autobiography to having someone come to your house to check it for safety and then interview you and your husband to make sure you are worthy of being a parent. You have to make a certain amount of money. You have to have your friends, neighbors AND relatives write a letter of reference about you and your worthiness of being a parent. You go through months of paperwork. And thousands of dollars. When you are pregnant you worry about the health of your baby. When you adopt, you worry about so much more. When you are pregnant, you control what that baby gets from day one (from nutrition to nurturing). Not a luxury you get when adopting. I am a parent of a biological child. I am also the parent of an adopted child. The love is the same and the title should be the same too.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 9:59 am
from TMZ: There's a conflict brewing between the Bahama PD and John Travolta's camp regarding the time line of Jett Travolta's death. People who are with Travolta are bristling at the suggestion Jett might have been left unattended for more than 10 hours, but this morning cops say they are sticking to their story. Meanwhile, we've learned Jett had suffered from grand mal seizures in the past and had taken anti-seizure medicine which the Travolta's say did not work, so the medication was stopped. As for the time line, we're told Jett, his family and his two nannies had been boating on January 1. They returned to their townhouse at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel at around 6 PM. Jett was tired, went into his bedroom and went to sleep. We're told nanny Jeff Kathrein watched TV in the adjoining room. The other nanny, Eli, returned to the townhouse at around 11:30 PM. Both Jeff and Eli turned in at around that time. After Jeff got up, he went into the bathroom and discovered Jett laying on the floor. As for when Jett was last seen, cops say it was the at around 11:30 the night of January 1, when he went to the bathroom. Michael McDermott, John Travolta's lawyer and close friend, says Eli or Jeff may have gone into that bathroom during the middle of the night so the time frame would have been compressed. McDermott also tells TMZ when Jeff and John Travolta administered CPR there may have been signs of life -- as in there may have been some respiratory function -- though that is not confirmed. We're told Jett's disabilities included the inability to communicate well, in addition to some physical disabilities. As a result, there was a baby monitor in his room as well as a chime on the bathroom door. It's unclear if the two nannies slept through any signs of movement. The townhouse is relatively small -- around 1,000 square feet -- and the nannies and Jett were all on the bottom floor. link I have seen reports on CNN that Kawasaki syndrome is usually found in children of about 2 years of age and is extremely rare in older children. Tie that in to reports that the child was autistic but that Scientology doesnt believe in Autism, I feel terrible for the Travoltas but I have to wonder whether their belief in scientology in the end didn't hurt the child. They stopped giving him anti seizure medication?
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Goddessatlaw
Member
07-19-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 10:33 am
Well, I'm pretty sure their Scientology beliefs didn't help them deal with what seems to be an accepted case of mid-to-severe autism in what would be considered a medically appropriate fashion. However, both parents seemed to be very loving and devoted, and they provided him with around-the-clock care and appropriate safeguards to warn of dangers. In that regard it certainly doesn't appear that Jett suffered from a lack of love or concern. The seizure medicine - not surprising that maybe it didn't work I've seen that happen and sometimes it's just a matter of sticking with it until the dosage/prescription is correct for that patient, although maybe they weren't inclined to pursue medication after the first forays into anti-seizure medication didn't work. Kelly appears to have been the primary caregiver here, in that she rarely works and John is continually working. In that case I wouldn't be surprised if John allowed her to make the major decisions regarding Jett's care - we have a special needs kitten and Colossus and I can have some unbelievable blow-outs about her care. I can't imagine the level of disagreements that can take place over the care of a disabled child, particularly when religious beliefs get thrown into the mix. Kelly was raised in Scientology and I think her father is a big wig in the organization, so I would suspect her adherence to dogmatic anti-psychiatric treatment restrictions might be overzealous (I believe autism is considered a psychiatric issue in Scientology). Anyway, I feel sorry for them both. I may not have made the same choices they made in providing medical treatment for their son, but they have to be suffering beyond anything I could possibly imagine. And probably going through difficult stages of second-guessing themselves, which would only add to the pain.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 10:41 am
My dad refers to my step mother as my mother and my mother (biological) is still very much alive. That's how he was raised where a step parent is considered a parent. My brother is my brother even though technically he's my half brother, different mothers. But I make no distinction. My heart still goes out to the Travolta family especially where the media is involved. <93>
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 11:03 am
I think it is possible that medication may have been changed or altered due to their religious beliefs. Also, the fact that there were two nannies makes me think Jett may have needed a lot of care. In any case, my heart goes out to them. I do think he looked a lot like his daddy.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 11:19 am
I'm sure at some point along the chain his body core temp was taken. That will pin down a probably time of death within a hour or so.
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Sharinia
Member
09-07-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 11:44 am
I agree, the media attention is unfortunate, and feels like adding insult to injury. It sounds to me like Jett's condition was complex and that J/K did a wonderful job trying to help him. I don't know whether he had autism or not, but even if he did, while psychological treatments may have helped with socialization issues, I don't think it would have helped with the seizures. Given his extreme sensitivities (not widely known or understood), I am guessing that he may not have been able to handle the anti-seizure medication --- or what would be an effective dose --- it may have caused more harm than good. From what I've heard, I really admire the way that J/K explored treatment options for their son, which actually are right in line with bio approaches for autism -- they had him on gluten, casein and chemical free diet...they also switched to non-toxic cleaning products and filtered all of the water in their home...gave him targeted nutrients...and put him on a detox regimen (which they say helped reduce some of his allergies, and I know all have the potential for reducing seizures). I get the impression that they were much more proactive and attentive than the average parent.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 11:51 am
Shari, that's impressive and very informative! You've really done your homework.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 12:31 pm
I get the impression that they were much more proactive and attentive than the average parent. What does that mean? I think most "average" parents would rise to any situation where their kid may need extra attention, help or whatever.
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Kc103
Member
07-13-2004
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 12:36 pm
John Travolta and Kelly Preston have released this statement on the passing of their son Jett: "We would like to extend our deepest and most heartfelt thanks to everyone who has sent their love and condolences. Jett was the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for and lit up the lives of everyone he encountered. We are heartbroken that our time with him was so brief. We will cherish the time we had with him for the rest of our lives. We have received many messages of condolence from around the world and we want to thank everyone for their prayers and support. It has meant so much to us. It is a beautiful reminder of the inherent goodness in the human spirit that gives us a hope for a brighter future." With love, John, Kelly and Ella http://www.tmz.com/
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 12:42 pm
Julieboo, Do you think there isn't such a thing as exceptionally caring (or proactive and attentive) parents? Some parents are better than others and some are better than average.
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Sharinia
Member
09-07-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 1:29 pm
Joycie, when I had sensitivities some years ago, I called around to water filtration companies and actually talked to a guy who said that he sold JT a whole house water filter for his son. Since then, I've learned that Kelly has been a vocal advocate for chemical free products. Julie, I know from experience that it takes a ton of effort to do everything that they did. I think that your average parents will take their child to healthcare professional, but many don't make an effort beyond that, and are reluctant to undertake such drastic dietary and environmental changes at home to see if it helps. I am not trying to define or judge 'average parents' - just find any implied suggestion that J/T were negligent ironic, given the lengths it appears they have gone to, to try to help and care for their son. jmho
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 1:59 pm
I didn't mean to imply that they were negligent but I have a problem with scientology's dismissal of of illnesses such as depression and autism. if he was autistic I think it is sad that the parents would deny it and if he would have benefitted from anti seizure medication,I think it is also sad that he died from a seizure (pending ruling of coroner). I am not saying they didnt love their child, I just find it sad that people allow religion to dictate what medication you give a child or even in the case of some religions whether you give a transfusion or not. If it were an "average" parent who made these same decisions based on scientology, or if it were Tom Cruise who made the same decision about his daughter, I don't think people would be as accepting.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 2:20 pm
Julie, I know from experience that it takes a ton of effort to do everything that they did. I think that your average parents will take their child to healthcare professional, but many don't make an effort beyond that, and are reluctant to undertake such drastic dietary and environmental changes at home to see if it helps. it could also be money. j/k being actors have lots of money and are able to give to a kid above and beyond. an average parent, probably doesn't have the type of money to go above and beyond and does the best they could with what they are given and still hospital bills would pile up. to say that parent is reluctant is almost unfair, it could just be the fact that money plays the biggest issue...and there is no money to do that. maybe they have other kids and it's not fair to those other kids to put one kid above the other, and because of medical issues the kid would probably be put above others.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 2:30 pm
That is true Beckie, not many people can afford TWO nannies, living in, not to mention one parent able to stay home and household staff who can prepare those special meals, clean to their exact specifications. It doesnt change the fact that those are two parents in unimaginable pain, but you have to wonder if their choices didnt contribute.
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Rissa
Member
03-20-2006
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 3:26 pm
My sentiments are pretty close to what Maris has posted. I have no doubt the Travolta's loved thier son and my heart breaks at the thought of the pain they are in right in. At the same time I just can't understand parents who wouldn't do everything in their power to help their child's quality of life. If any organization tried to tell me my child was a degenerate who brought this upon himself? I would steam-roller over them on my way out the door. If these seizure were related to the Autism that was never treated then hopefully the light in this tragic situation will be a spot-light on the dangerous organization of Scientology.
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Goddessatlaw
Member
07-19-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 3:39 pm
Maris, I do pretty much agree with you also and my last post notwithstanding I will be the first in here screaming if the autopsy and final reports show medical negligence by the parents.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 3:48 pm
a bahamian autopsy of high profile and well respected residents, I wouldnt expect too much except a very simple determination, blow to head as a result of seisure.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Sunday, January 04, 2009 - 5:11 pm
They will certainly do a toxicology. Those results probably will take a couple of weeks, but will be public information and we'll know if he did have any meds in him for his seizures.
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