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Archive through April 15, 2009

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan ~ Apr 2009: Free Expression: The return of The Return of the Gripe Thread (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 15, 2009 users admin

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Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 11:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
You're right Denecee and I think that is why it still haunts me--about three years or more later. It just makes my stomach turn.

At least I did what I could. The only I might have done differently was talk to the mom in a nicer way... Like "Oh I know kids can make you crazy, but take a deep breath, yada/yada/yada..." But I just wanted to strangle her.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 12:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Julie, how do you know nothing was done?

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 1:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
But I just wanted to strangle her.

ooops, be careful cause you never know who will hear those words and take them out of context...
I almost think it is better to aproach the mother or father and see what is going on..befor you make the call.. she may be having a really bad day and snapped...and maybe just needs to know that she needs to get a grip... by the reaction you get you will know a little better what you are dealing with...
then, you can make a better decision on how you respond...

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 1:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
If and when my children act up in a store, I will say "let's step into the bathroom" and they know what that means, and if that doesn't straighten them up, I do follow through to be consistent and we do take a trip into the restroom, WHY go and be in private for that sort of thing? If I have to discipline, I'd prefer to not discipline my children in front of others/public, because there are those out there who will take any sort of discipline that is done in public and blow it way out of porportion. If someone was to follow me in a store then into the restroom regarding the way I parent my child.....there'd be another issue right there. Plus it embarrasses the child to have it done in public. Also, other parents often consider any punishment that is physical or above what THEY deem necessary, wrong and feel it is up to them to say something about it.
The thing is, we don't know how much that child had been acting up, or how many times the woman had to intervene before she followed through, we don't know if it was just the toy issue or if there had been other issues leading up to that, unless we'd been watching and following them the entire time. Could the child have been older than 2? Maybe in diapers so the swats sounded worse than they actually were? .

While safety of children is #1 important thing, if another parent does something that someone else doesn't agree with or sees as out of the ordinary for their own experiences in regards to a child, it is sometimes blown out of porportion because it's not exactly what WE as parents would do. And so often, anything different is viewed as wrong. Just look at all the child rearing discussion and differing of opinions we have here.

I think if she'd done the disciplining right out there in the isle in front of you, that'd be more a reason to have concern. You said you noticed no bruises or anything, that's a good sign. However, most kids at 2 and 3 are covered in bruises because they are rough and tumble kids. My kids are bruised up from being cowgirls, bike riders, trampoline, KIDS.

It's probably good you didn't say anything to that mom, I sometimes really feel it's better to keep your mouth and opinions quiet and be a silent advocate if you are REALLY sure there is some sort of abuse. I don't think you can tell abuse from one trip through a store.

Beckie, my 2 little brothers and my litte sister had their teeth rotted from bottle deficiency as children. Doc said it was genetic deficiencies in their baby teeth. They were never abused, never mistreated, and they got sick, and my dad and step mom didn't always get them to the doc for every little thing, it just happens as a parent. You think it's one thing and could be something else. Maybe the little girl DOES complain a lot for attention, some kids to that. My oldest is always saying she's got a belly ache, headache, etc. until there is something that she wants to do, then suddenly she's fine. It happens, no parents are perfect. My youngest brother got his arm busted 2 times from being just a rough and tumble boy. My youngest bros and sis looked like raggamuffin kids, with their silver teeth, casts, playing outside, dirty faces, but they were happy, healthy, very loved children. Not abused nor neglected. So again, unless you've seen actual abuse, I'd monitor it a bit longer until you have more proof.

I know you always have a child's best interest at heart and I am not trying to offend you, I am just playing devil's advocate for a second and trying to relate to the above instances.

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 2:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
Julieboo said the child was maybe 18 months, even if the child was 2 or 3, I don't think a little swat would embarrass them. I'm 100% for the child and will go with my gut, if I'm wrong then no harm done. Don't get me wrong, I know a spanking from a beating and would never interfere with a parent getting on to a child unless I felt it necessary.

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 3:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
escapee, i understand completely. it could be like you said and i am not always around the girls, so i don't know how they usually act. i will say, none of the kids she doesn't have custody of have the same problems with their teeth - and the two girls she does have don't have the same dads...but again, idk.

i did call. i rather be safe then sorry, knowing these girls' history and the mom's history and present condition. maybe nothing will happen, but i at least got it out there.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
If she's lost custody of other children, there is a reason. Good call on your part, with the having the facts and all.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I think people should either swat the kid in front of people or don't swat the kid at all.

Otherwise I think the parent is the one embarassed. (Not the kid.) After all if the parent is trying to teach the child, then maybe the kid SHOULD be embarassed. But when a parent takes a kid to a private place--I think the parent is hiding or knows he/she would be embarassed. My opinion.

Texasdeb
Member

05-23-2003

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 7:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texasdeb a private message Print Post    
If you haven't swatted your kid enough at home to make them aware of proper behavier in public places, swat them a little more at home before you go out with them in public.

Holly
Member

07-22-2001

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 8:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Holly a private message Print Post    
Seriously! Enough of the temper tantrums and ear-splitting screams in stores. Most times it happens, I WISH the mother would take them into the bathroom, so I don't have to listen as the tantrum goes on and on while mother shops away seemingly oblivious. I'm so tired of people laying their offspring's uncivilized behavour on the public at large.

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 9:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
I am a bit ticked at my cable company. When I got my first HD box about a year ago, the HD channels I got matched the ones I should be getting when you go to the comcast site and enter your address.

Well, I hadn't checked the comcast site in months until the other day, and now when I enter my address, there are twice as many HD stations listed now for my area, but I don't actually get them!

SO now I don't know if it's false advert or a problem with my cable.

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Monday, April 13, 2009 - 9:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
Naja, have you rescanned your box? We keep getting adverts to rescan/retune/whatever it's called to pick up the new stations and the ones that move.

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
Holly, I hear you! It irks me to no end when I see a kid throwing a fit and the parent just ignoring it. If they are shopping for essentials, then I can understand but if they are just leisurly shopping, rrrrhhh!
My nephew who is 5, still throws tantrums and my sister takes him home when he does this.

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twinkie a private message Print Post    
Holly, ITA. But there is one place that is worse than a store. A restaurant. When we go out to eat we want to relax and talk with each other. That's really hard to do when you've got a kid screaming at the next table and the parents could care less. ACK!!!! It makes me crazy! Control your kid or take them out of there! I'd like a peaceful dinner. It was very easy to teach my daughter how to act in public so other parents can do it, too.

Taysmomcj
Member

03-24-2008

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Taysmomcj a private message Print Post    
My 6 year old threw a fit in the Library of all places a few weeks ago. Talk about embarassing!!! I simply told her that was not how you act in the library and that we were going home without new books. All the while, she was screaming "NEVER...I'm never going home with you!!!" and swinging an umbrella. I very calmly stated that when she decided to act appropriately in the Library we would go back and get books, but we were not going to stay.

We drew the attention of everyone in the room, but the next time we went, she was completely respectful and acted appropriately.

I would rather walk out of a store leaving my cart full in the isle, than let my daughter think that that kind of behavior is acceptable.

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
I don't think it matters whether or not a parent's method is to ignore a tantrum and keep on shopping or just leave and go home. What matters IMO is that the parents have SOME sort of plan in place and are consistent so the child can learn which they do and quickly in my experience. The problem I have seen is the wishy-washy parents who let their kids freak for awhile then give in anyway or start to leave then return as soon as there is a lull in the hoopla. All that does is reinforce the negative behavior. I am never bothered by a screaming kid as long as it looks like the parent is handling it (in whatever manner), it's the parents reaction that usually sets me off.

Restaurants are different though, unless a parent wants to reimburse other diners for a ruined meal.... take the kid outside until calm or just go home and order take-out.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Sometimes a parent ignoring a child is about not letting the child have control over the situation. Sometimes. Like a child throwing a tantrum because they DO NOT want to be at the grocery store. However a restaurant is different and if their behavior hinders other's enjoyment, ignoring the kid is not an option.

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
I usually can ignore a parent ignoring their tantrum throwing child, I just leave the area and come back when they leave.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to Target in search of a book and a movie, well there was this couple who's small child was crying, I kept thinking they would leave the book and movie area. I noticed they were ignoring the child, didn't help and I started to feel sorry for the little one. I started giving them looks of concern and they left.

Merrysea
Moderator

08-13-2004

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 9:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
I was in a grocery store once when someone's baby was screaming. Another woman walking by looked over at me and said, "I'm just glad it's not mine!" I had to laugh and agree.

Texasdeb
Member

05-23-2003

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 5:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texasdeb a private message Print Post    
there are some restaurants that children (especially pre-school aged) should not be included. When my children were young & I wanted to eat out at one of these finer restaurants, I got a sitter or let them have some quality time with the grandparents. I have actually filled out comment cards negatively because someone else's child ruined my expensive night out. I have requested being seated around adults only too even if it means I may have to wait an extra 15 min. or so to be seated.

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 3:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Whoami a private message Print Post    
I can still remember as a child when, if we tried to pitch a fit while in the store, Mom would grab us and look us in the eye and say, "you stop that crying or I'm going to give you something to cry about right here in the store in front of everybody." Apparently the threat of getting disciplined in front of strangers was enough to make us shut up, cause I don't remember it never working.

I agree with being consistent so the kid knows what to expect. But also important is follow through. I remember being in a pizza parlor where a kid at the next table just hauled off and let out an ear-splitting screech. The mother said (in a very calm and baby-talk like voice), "now Johnny, if you do that again I'm going to take that pizza away from you." So, the kid let out another ear splitter (there was no tantrum or anger in the screech, it was clearly a "I'm gonna test you" for the pure heck of it screech). The mom says, "now Johnny, what did I just tell you. Remember if you do that again I'm going to take away your pizza." So of course the kid lets out another screech. I was this close to getting up and going over there to take the pizza away from both of them!

Good point too about the kid throwing a tantrum cause they don't want to be in the store. If you leave, the kid learns what to do if they want to leave the store (damn, I wish I'd thought of that when I was a kid and had to spend what felt like hours bored out of my mind while mom shopped for patterns and fabric at the local fabric store. LOL). Anyway, that reminds me of when I worked at a convenience store, and the kids wanted candy. I swear they must have had a telepathic network to tell each other the best way to get candy at our store. Half of the parent/kid combos that went in the store, as soon as they hit the threshold of the store, the kid would let out a shriek, the parent would go over to the candy counter and get them a candy bar and shove it in the kids's mouth to stop the screaming. I'm sure the parent was quite please with their tactic of stopping the screaming by filing the kid's mouth with candy. But I'm sure we can all agree it wasn't the kid that was getting manipulated!

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 5:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
..also important is follow through....

That's what I meant about being consistant. LOL We have a nightmare of an in-law who used to punish her son (he was about 3 at the time) for the dumbest things, behavior I would consider normal for that age (like asking questions when she wanted him to play 'quietly'. She would stick him in a time-out and then argue with him from another room until he would start crying then SHE would start crying and then go sit with him in time-out and console him while both were crying. She would just repeat over and over how sorry she was that he had made her punish him. Was the most dysfunctional thing I have ever seen and I am not kidding you, would happen a dozen times in a day. LOL As an aside... the kid barely got through high school without a FORMAL arrest record. He is a complete bully with a real cruel streak and the world-revolves-around-him mentality. At 18 his parents told him to join the military or they would allow him to be arrested so he in in Iraq now. Last yr he was involved in an attack that killed two of his friends. He came home and drank himself through the grieving process and then his parents insisted he sign back up for another tour. They just don't want him around, frankly I think they are afraid of him. Very sad to see just how badly parents can mess up a child's life out of stupidity not classical abuse.

I had a rule with my girls while shopping... if you ask for something more than once, the answer changes from 'not right now' to 'not ever'. I also told them I had a hearing problem and couldn't hear whining. LOL I would repeat "pardon me, I can't hear you" until they spoke in a normal voice. Never had a problem with begging. Of course part of the issue is trying to anticipate as well. You know if you take a small child into a grocery store that their appetite's will be whetted so take a little bag of cheerios (for example) and let them help you shop so they do have a direction for their attention.

Merrysea
Moderator

08-13-2004

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 8:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
I also told them I had a hearing problem and couldn't hear whining.

This made me laugh out loud! When I was going through marriage counseling, one of the things I told our counselor was about my (now ex-)husband's whining. My husband looked at me and said, "Why don't you do what you did with the boys, and just tell me you can't hear me when I whine?" I told him I had already raised three kids and didn't want to raise another one!

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 12:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
RN, I am FUMING!!! I have one of those ugly stickers on our very expensive front door saying no salesmen, solicitors, etc. Looks like hell but what are your options, right? I have just had the THIRD salesman this week ring my bell. They all start out saying the same thing... "I see your sticker but I think you'll agree I am different." Ya different all right, unlike those who DIDN't ring my bell....you are too stupid to read!!!!!!!! I am just going back to never answering my door, let the neighbors think I am a hermit. LOLOL

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 - 12:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twinkie a private message Print Post    
Rissa, I never answer my door. My friends don't come over without calling so unless you called me you have no business knocking on my door.