Author |
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Denecee
Member
09-05-2002
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 11:01 am
I went to work when my youngest started 1st grade. I feel so lucky to have stayed home with all my babies, of course, we were poor as far as money goes but we were happy! Still happy but miss my babies!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 11:15 am
Being a mom require more education than you could ever get in any school, period. And being a mom, also gives you a leg up on any competition where you have to work with others. So she may not have the book learnin' others have, but she's got something there that you can't get anywhere except from being a parent. Also, when she told you what she wanted to do in regards to being special ed, what she probably wanted was support and for you to say "you'd be awesome at that, you should go for it, the world needs more special ed teachers", not for you to semi-crush her dreams by stating that she'd have to do this and this and this and stating how hard it would be, and inadvertantly saying it would be too hard for her. That's what she probably heard. The reason I say this is from personal experience. I call my mom and Grandma the crushers of all dreams. If I mention that I want to do something new......boy they bombard me with all the facts and negative aspects of what I will have to do to get there. As though I don't already know that! I tell them so they will support me, not so they will disregard it saying it will be too hard with kids, husband, house, jobs, dogs, life, etc. etc. I think that's terrible. I have a supportive husband, if your friend is a stay at home mom, she probably has a pretty supportive husband as well. And just because he supports her financially, DOES NOT mean he supports her 100%. She cares for his children, a mandatory job with no pay, no breaks, a job that you can't walk away from, you can't leave your work issues at work. She keeps a house, keeps kids, keeps his life in order. She could do a lot of stuff online nowdays, and no she won't have to wait until her kids go to school, she could do evening classes, too. I did it, and I have kids and a full time job. I can kinda see why she is ticked. Plus, have you mentioned the stuff you've said here to anyone else who shares your circle of friends? It may have gotten back to her, and she felt calling you was too difficult as she was very hurt, so she vented to your mom. People who don't have kids, yet try and understand the plight of moms, sahm, single moms who want to give their kids the most in life, moms who work full time and spend their extra time with kids instead of friends or at clubs, who buy their kids new shoes instead of getting manicures and highlights, are few and far between. I know that when I got married (I was one of the first of my friends who did) and then had kids, a lot of my single friends disappeared, or quit calling me, as they felt I was settling and they were above me, didn't visit, and were smarter for waiting getting their education first or starting their careers. Now that they have kids and/or are married, they see how wrong they were for feeling that my choices were wrong, when in reality, they were just different.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 11:37 am
I have often joked how many people would stay in a job that paid very little, was 24 hour/day, 365 days/year, and you wouldn't know if you were doing it well untill 20 years later???
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 2:51 pm
i would love to be a stay at home mom. unfortunately, i am not a good housewife (well i don't know about the wife part, but i hate cleaning). i applaud anyone who is a stay at home mom. i am not saying that being her choice, is wrong. because it is not wrong at all. i personally could not be a stay at home wife/mom and not have a back up plan if something happened and i had to get a job or etc. i guess my words are just not clear enough and probably won't ever be.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 5:18 pm
Being a stay at home mom is often a luxury. There are many moms out there who would LOVE to stay at home with their kids, but financially that is not possible, so hearing how wonderful stay at home moms are can really hurt. For many it is a choice, but for many it is not.
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Goddessatlaw
Member
07-19-2002
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 5:30 pm
The best thing my mom did for us was work. She wasn't cut out to stay at home, and we were happy to have babysitters. I was always curious about kids who's moms stayed home - we were always glad to have mom out of our hair for big chunks of time (she knows this, her feelings wouldn't be hurt if she saw this and she would agree it was best for all of us). I don't think any parent who can't stay at home to personally care for the children should feel bad about it, whatever the reason. There are all kinds of pluses for the kids.
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Merrysea
Moderator
08-13-2004
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 5:33 pm
Beckie, what does being a good housewife have to do with being a stay-at-home mom? LOL I'm a terrible housekeeper, but I quit work after my first son was born, then when my third was 2 years old (oldest was 8), I started a home-based business that I'm still doing 17 years later (and my house is still not clean!). My priorities were always with my kids, and now my business, not housework.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 6:31 pm
Being a stay at home mom is often a luxury. There are many moms out there who would LOVE to stay at home with their kids, but financially that is not possible, so hearing how wonderful stay at home moms are can really hurt. For many it is a choice, but for many it is not. in her case, they really can't afford her not to work, but they both decided for her to stay home and so now they are managing and dealing with the one income. but i definitely agree about it being a luxury. merry, i can't stand having a dirty house and if i was a stay at home mom, i would go nuts with how dirty the house could get. lol. kinda a freak like that.
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Beekindpleez
Member
07-18-2006
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 6:41 pm
It may be a luxury...but it's not all that luxurious. And, haven't you all heard? Cleanliness is not next to Godliness...it's next to IMPOSSIBLE.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 6:43 pm
I can ignore a dirty house.
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 6:44 pm
in her case, they really can't afford her not to work, but they both decided for her to stay home and so now they are managing and dealing with the one income. You intimated above that she has no skills and she has more than one child. So unless a family member could babysit or she works opposite shifts from her husband, they probably can't afford her to work either. Child care is not cheap. Added to the child care is the extra expenses that can occur by not putting your child into daycare. Sometimes in the long run it's cheaper to readjust your priorities and what you deem necessary to stay at home with your kids. Especially come tax time.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 7:28 pm
She has two kids, wants six...they are trying for another one now...on top of trying to buy a house right now too and trying to sell their trailer that they are living in, which doesn't have to do anything with them trying except for the added cost of another baby. Her family and his family both live here and are more than willing to take care of the kids - i have heard this from the husband's mom, saying that if she decided to get a part time job to help out, the mil would be more than willing to help out. I did not come here to debate whether it is better to be a stay at home mom or not - it is a personal choice for every family to decide. If people can afford to or want to stay a home, more power to those people, because I personally could not to do. I'm not going to explain her life story. Many TCVHers might be able to be stay at home moms; in my ex friend's case...with her and her husband's life goals...I do not believe it is possible. Maybe it will be possible, and they'll be okay in the end. Maybe they'll be able to have everything they want, with her never working, and everything will be okay for them. I'm not saying they won't...but for the life I want to give my kids, one income wouldn't work, unless the man was making over 100,000. and, no, her husband does not make that much. and, yes, i know that one income would not work, because my sister and i were living off of one income by my mom since we were 14 and it was tough and we did not get as much as we used to when my dad was still there. That's the life she chose to follow and there is no problem with that. I wish her the best of luck. I have no ill will towards her, apparently she does for me. My only problem with her ever was how she would talk about politics or something that was turned into politics (abortion). She continually brought up Obama being the anti-christ (which was talked about on here even) and I repeatedly gave her websites, etc. to disprove what she was saying. Most TVCHers research what they are talking about before they do talk about - which I immensely appreciate, because even if I don't agree, I still feel like I understand where they are coming from. I guess I was in the wrong for expecting her to do the same.
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Tishala
Member
08-01-2000
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 7:39 pm
it strikes me as progress that you now refer to her as an ex-friend, if only because it seems like the two of you were not having a relationship that I would call beneficial for either one of you. But now that you have decided she is an ex-friend, you have to behave that way, too. If she goes to your mother, don't engage in a back and forth; don't bother to respond to her claims. Just say to your mother, "Oh, she and I have come to an impasse, and I think it's time both of us move on. I hope you understand." And then just let it go. With respect--and I mean that--it seems to me that the two of you suck too much energy out of each other. And I suspect that part of what is galling here is like when you plan to break up with a guy you don't really like and HE MANAGES TO BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH! (and you know most of us have had it happen to us)...It's really insulting that he got to be the one to define the ending instead of you. It always makes me want to do something to get back together just so I can do the breaking up! Harumpf.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 7:52 pm
ha, tish. i love how you explained that. thanks for the chuckles. and my mom said the same thing that you did. maybe it is better for you to not to talk and if she contacts me again, i will have to decide then if i want to try at that friendship again.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 8:10 pm
Honestly Beckie, Your view and her view of life and the world is so totally different I don't know why either of you would want to be friends. Now that doesn't mean that I require my friends to think the same way as I do. It can be fun to have friends that think differently. However, you two just seem to grate on each other. I can't see it being good for you or for her.
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 6:41 am
I just started taking an antibiotic and one of the side affects is a metallic taste in my mouth. Its awful!!! I have to be on this med for the next 10 days. I've tried mints but I can't seem to get rid of the taste. Has anyone else had this experience? Thank you!! 
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Msbullwnkl
Member
08-16-2005
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 7:28 am
Vacanick- The medicine I take for sleep does the same thing. I have been told to drink something acidic with it. However, sometimes they tell you not to drink some particular drinks (grapefruit juice comes to mind) while on antibiotics. The other things I have tried: is sucking on lifesavers and the Listerine breath strips that melt on your tongue (in particular the citrus flavor seems to work the best for me).
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Gidget
Member
07-28-2002
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 10:52 am
Also, drink plenty of water and keep a water to sip all day.
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Sugar
Member
08-15-2000
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:36 am
Years ago I had an antibiotic with the side effects of metallic taste as well as itchy butt. Very itchy butt. Gave me a whole new perspective on what the dog used to do. The tin can taste was annoying but somewhat intermittent whereas I really wanted to scootch my fat frass across the carpet for some relief!
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:38 am
Thank you both!! I've been drinking lots of water ... preferably flavored. I've been doing mints but I think a citrus hard candy might just 'cut' the metal taste even better.
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Sugar
Member
08-15-2000
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:41 am
The hard candies do help. I think I had some of the butterscotch ones that I liked.
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 2:16 pm
"You can also drink citrus juices, lemonade and eat foods marinated in vinegar to neutralize the metallic taste." lol @ your poor itchy butt Sugar. 
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Scooterrific
Member
07-08-2005
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 2:23 pm
Did the butterscotch help the IBS?
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 2:54 pm
sugar, i can picture my dogs doing what you described and you just made me lol truly outloud and people looked at me like a freak. thank you. 
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Wednesday, April 22, 2009 - 11:32 pm
sugar, i also got a laugh from your post. can't recall hearing any commercials: "warning, may cause very itchy butt". maybe, i'll find it, one day, on a bottle. lol
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