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Archive through April 14, 2009

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan ~ Apr 2009: Free Expression: Advice please.... (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 14, 2009 users admin

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Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, March 27, 2009 - 8:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I can't speak for your friend's intelligence or education but I think we have to be careful not to assume that someone is uneducated because they have a certain view that is different than our own. There are many educated intelligent people who have strong views about certain social, moral or religious issues.

Anyway, going back to your question, I think you have to continue to examine what you like about her that makes you want her as a friend. If you two can focus on the aspects of personality and outlook that you both find appealing and diminish the negatives maybe you can make the friendship work.

However, if you can't find enough of that then maybe it is time to move on.

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Friday, March 27, 2009 - 8:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
jimmer, as to your first part...i know i know. and i'm usually pretty tolerant of people who have views different (not everyone, i'll admit that), but she just seems to...idk...be very educated. she seems to get most of her information from other friends who are republicans...and many of these "facts" have been disproved. i just...i shouldn't jump to conclusions...but...sometimes, it is just too hard not to.

guess i need to be more tolerant...

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Friday, March 27, 2009 - 8:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
I don't know Beckie. Sounds to me like it is your friend who needs to be more tolerant.

I wouldn't just agree with this person, I would politely say you're not interested in talking religion and change the subject yourself.

Beekindpleez
Member

07-18-2006

Friday, March 27, 2009 - 9:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beekindpleez a private message Print Post    
If she is truly a friend, perhaps you should accept her for who she is. That, of course, would mean listening to ideas she has that may be contrary to yours, but finding common ground between you which out-weighs your differences.

If she is not truly a friend, then perhaps you should just find a polite way to avoid having discussions with her.

I'm an old broad now, but have found over the years that some of my dearest and most meaningful friends are those with whom I did not see eye to eye. When we found a common place of respect and acceptance, there were no longer boundries dividing us in petty ways. There was a truer understanding of the difference and similarities all of us share.

Biscottiii
Member

05-30-2004

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 6:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
Beckie, very strange looking back over so many years. My best friend and I started out as File Clerks back in 1971. We changed over the years. I became a staunch Democrat and she stayed a staunch Republican.

Once, when I couldn't breathe and didn't want 911 Medic firefighters in my messy house (unbelievable I know, I was dating a firefighter) my friend took off work, came to take me to the ER (she UNDERSTOOD being another single gal). I'm an Agnostic and she's a staunch Baptist. As time went by, I could get down and scrub her floors when she couldn't.

We seriously disagreed on Katrina ("Why didn't they help themselves?"), McCain/Sarah Palin, you name it. But we've both learned to avoid Hot Topics and focus on other common interests. She got us Stuck in snow in the middle of the street with her car last snowstorm Christmas, just making sure I didn't have to spend Christmas alone.

Hey, she's my primary Executor of my Estate plus primary medical POA. After close to 40 yrs of being Best Friends, I don't feel like she would ever mess me over financially (frankly, a LOT of friends can/do mess one over).

So, I would suggest that you take the friendship as it comes and see where/how it goes. Never know what may happen. You're not getting into a lifetime commitment necessarily, the way I figure. But, even with differences, good things can result.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 7:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Beckie, I'm going to tailgate Bisc's comments with my own... I'm pretty much a bleeding-heart liberal. And at least 2 of my closest buddies are right-wing conservatives, one even is into campaigning heavily for another pal of his who is a Conservative politician. My other pal idolizes Rush Limbaugh and his ideals (gak!) and he practically breaks out in a rash when I mention Obama in glowing terms. LOL. But these friends have been there for me and vice versa over the years, and we tolerate and don't usually discuss our differences, unless it's to tweak the other person in a friendly, teasing way.

As others have pointed out, if there is something of genuine value in your friendship, it should make everything else take a backseat. But if the negatives are at the forefront, and you are really uncomfortable in the relationship, well then, it may not be the actual relationship you'd like it to be. But hopefully, it is. :-)

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 7:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Beckie, you are at a turning point in your life. Some friends are put into our life for a season/reason and are not meant to be there forever. Other friends are forever friends. Some friends you outgrow as your beliefs become stronger. Hope that made sense.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 8:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Beckie, like some others, I have a very dear and close friend who does not share my faith or political views. But she is truly a wonderful person, and breaking off our friendship for that reason would leave a very big hole in my heart.

I've found that rather than becoming more tolerant, I had to learn to be more compassionate. The truth is that her faith served a very important role in her life, one that meant her life didn't fall apart at a crucial time. How can I fault her for that?

I think it's important not only to tolerate different views, but also to have understanding for why someone we love might see things differently.

And she doesn't call me and cry 'cause we won't be together in heaven any more. I think she's come to some kind of peace about the situation also, since I refused to fight her about it.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 9:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
... Perhaps I should have used the word 'accept' instead of 'tolerate' in my post above. :-)

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 9:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
When I think about it, the one thing that all of my best friends have in common is that they are people of opinion! None of those opinions are the same and they are all over the political and religious spectrum....which could be difficult, but I like it. I don't understand people who walk through life passionless and never taking a stand.

What I require for friendship is a certain amount of kindness and respect. There are some issues where I understand their passion for converting others to their way of thinking, whether I agree with it or not. But when all is said and done, they have to respect the right of others not to agree.

I tend to be somewhat blunt and am not known as a "yes-friend." I generally tell them when I think their views are wacky. But our conversations are always sprinkled with love for each other and humor.

When the respect and kindness leave the relationship, I say it is time to move on. Beyond that, grade on the curve.

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 10:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
thanks for everyone's input. it definitely helps and makes this situation even harder. lol.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 11:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
That's what we are here for! There are always plenty of people around to make things easier.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, March 28, 2009 - 12:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
When the respect and kindness leave the relationship, I say it is time to move on. Beyond that, grade on the curve.

Yessie, that is wonderful, profound, and true. I'm going to quote you in my bio page here. :-)

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Sunday, March 29, 2009 - 9:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Wow....can't say the last time anyone said something I said was profound...yeah, I can. Never! Thanks for the compliment. And I went and looked and saw I was in the company of Rosalynn Carter and Anonymous. Like I said...wow!

Dahli
Member

11-27-2000

Sunday, March 29, 2009 - 10:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dahli a private message Print Post    
Beckie, I too work with a woman (long distance cyber job) who I know only through long intense phone conversations during our 'coffee breaks' we talked about everything and anything and she held me up during some of my most difficult days. She lives in the US and I live in Canada. For years we moaned about Bush and the mess even though she was a Republican she could see it very clearly and desperately wanted a change, but when it came down to it she voted Mccain because of the abortion issue. She admitted relief that Obama won but couldn't 'bring' herself to vote forhim. That utterly shocked me and changed how I feel about her. Of course I don't believe any woman should have an abortion against her will, but forcing a woman to have a child is just as bad.

I am unable to feel as close to her anymore because to me even though she is a smart caring person, <77> I've lost some respect etc for her. I don't know if this makes sense but I do believe I understand what you are going through....

Yesitsme I also made a note of your statement, it is very very true.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Sunday, March 29, 2009 - 4:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
If I couldn't feel close to someone because they were a Democrat I couldn't feel close to my sister.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Monday, March 30, 2009 - 8:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
Dogdoc, lol! <SMOOCHES!> no time to figure out the correct picture/whatever.

You are the best!

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 10:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
update on my situation:

she has deleted from her life.

doesn't take my phone calls, return texts, deleted from myspace/facebook.

wrote her and told her that she lost a good friend over petty differences and i refuse to care about a friendship that is completely one sided and if she had issues, she should have come to me and not just let them fester. (and frankly, if she was that willing to lose a friendship over that...what kind of friend was she in the first place)

she then proceeded to write my mom and let my mom know that the reason she didn't want to talk to me anymore is because i made her feel stupid for not going to college and becoming a mother instead. first off, i have never once told her that. in fact, she tried school, couldn't do it (too young ones at home, been out of school for 3 years, it would be hard on anyone). then SHE mentioned wanting to be a special ed teacher. I told her that she'd have to go to college and get a credential too. told her, maybe once the kids got into school, it would be easier for her and wished her luck. the only thing, and i haven't mentioned it to her, was that she is a sahm, hasn't worked in over 5 years - she has put her life into her husband's hands. to me, that is scary...because he may be wonderful now and everything, but maybe he'll get sick of always providing for her and the kids and he'll want to leave. maybe he won't. i understand that is her life choice, for me, it is just hard to see someone do that. not that it is wrong.

personally, i think she was coming up with some baloney on why she couldn't talk to me anymore besides the fact that i'm democrat. why she felt the need to write my mom, idk. kinda irks me but whatever.

frankly, if that is how she was going to act, i'm glad she's out of my life. i don't want an immature person who can't act like an adult in my life.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 10:12 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
It's probably better that ya'll do stop being friends. Please don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you don't really respect her opinions or choices on how she is living her life. I imagine it would be very hard to have a friendship without some commonality.
That's weird that she felt the need to involve your mom.

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 10:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
See, Tex, that's the same thing I thought...but I have other more conservative friends that I talk to all the time and get along with just fine, even if I don't agree with their views. I don't know why it was so different with her. I just don't know.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 10:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
Beckie, in your March 27th post, you said, "...i'm to the point of where i don't want to be friends with someone who is so uneducated."

No offense meant, but what she told your mother is probably true. You called her "uneducated" to us...so you likely did make her feel that way.

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 10:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
well maybe i did. idk. i didn't think i had ever said anything like that. i have plenty of friends who skipped school and just partied or became moms.

but whatever. apparently, i said something to offend her. i just wish she was more mature about it and talked to me about it. again, that just shows me that she didn't care for a friendship...because if someone was making me feel like crap and i really cared about that friendship, i would tell them. and i can certainly say, she never came to me and told me anything like that. ever.

oh well, i'm not perfect...i am judgmental.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 11:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    

quote:

because if someone was making me feel like crap and i really cared about that friendship, i would tell them.




Have you told her that she is making you feel like crap?

Beckie03
Member

07-05-2007

Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 3:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beckie03 a private message Print Post    
grooch, i have before. i haven't recently tho.

Beekindpleez
Member

07-18-2006

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 - 10:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Beekindpleez a private message Print Post    
I greatly admire stay-at-home moms. It is, without a doubt, the hardest job with the very least accolades out there. Any woman willing to give her own aspirations up to raise her own children deserves much respect, in my opinion.