Author |
Message |
Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 5:37 pm
I've been a bridesmaid 5 times and paid for every single one of my bridesmaid dresses. It was always my gripe how much it cost to be a bridesmaid because in addition to the dresses and shoes, I was also expected to come bearing gifts at 2 - 3 bridal showers. It was expensive! They were all people I loved a lot, though, so I sucked it up and dealt. I've never heard of a bride paying for the bridesmaid dresses, but since you did that for yours, Escapee, I can see how you assumed she would do the same. Maybe it is a regional thing? Good luck working it out with her.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 5:40 pm
I have always paid for my bridesmaid dress. The bride gives each bridesmaid a small gift. That is how we are paid back.
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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 5:42 pm
I had to recount and change my numbers. I can't believe I have been a bridesmaid 5 times! Frances, Karen, Angie, Kelly and Robin. Wow. Anyway, if I ever marry again, I will do the same as Yesitsme is planning to do - pick a color and tell the gals to wear whatever they want in that color! In fact, that is what Robin did. She said to get a yellow dress of our choosing. The bridesmaids all looked so different, but it was a very pretty wedding. Unfortunately the marriage went kaput when her husband left her for an old flame he found online .... I don't think the bridesmaids gowns had anything to do with that, though!
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 6:03 pm
Yeah, usually the "payback" is a necklace and earrings that match the dresses. No quite an even steve deal, but that is at least something that you CAN wear again!! Let's see, I think my all time "worst" bm dress was this little bo peep looking thing in emerald green with white. The green was scalloped over the white. All satin. And a ton of crenilins(sp) under it. All we needed was some sheep and a staff!!
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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 6:10 pm
Ohmyheck, Julie, that sounds terrible! ROFL!!! I haven't had too bad of a deal of it. Of my 5 dresses ... oh crap! I forgot my sister-in-law! Geez Louise, I have been a bridesmaid SIX times!!!! It would have been seven but a very dear friend confessed to me that after hearing me whine about how many times I had been a bridesmaid, she thought she better not ask me even though she wanted to! I felt bad about that because I would have gladly been her bridesmaid too! Anyway .... of my 6 dresses, about 4 of them were wearable again after being altered. My favorite was a simple black one. Loved that dress and wore it several more times after having it shortened into a little black dress. This would be a good question for Heyitslori's Daily Poll. Not counting your own, how many weddings have you been in? Lori!!!! LOL.
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Msbullwnkl
Member
08-16-2005
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 7:12 pm
Since someone else brought this up, I will fess up now. (I think I went overboard when it came to my bridesmaid's gifts.) My three bridesmaids got a Vera Bradley bag, jewelry (small diamond necklace for the bridesmaids, sapphires for my MOH and matching earrings), pashminas, small perfumes and key finders. I pretty much paid what they paid for their dresses, and personalized the choices. Before I asked my bridesmaids, I wanted to make sure they could afford it and asked them. The last thing I wanted was to hurt them financially. Not to mention the stress I had to make sure the dresses were flattering for all three. I know two of my bridesmaids have already worn the dress a second time.
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 7:31 pm
I've had a couple of nice looking dresses that I could wear again. But the worst was this pink lacy frilly fru fru dress. Now y'all know me and know I don't do fru fru, I don't do frilly, and I don't do lacy. Ugh ...
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Karen
Member
09-06-2004
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 8:21 pm
Sorry, Escapee, but it's common here too for the BMs to pay for their dresses. I think GAL has the best solution - pay for the rest of your dress but see if you can work around your DH and daughters somehow. Hermi and Yesitsme, we did the same "wear what you want". We were married in Belize and took seven people with us, so each person was assigned one of the seven colours of the rainbow. Girls were only asked to wear an off-white skirt and a top of their assigned colour; boys were khaki shorts and their colour shirt. We ended up looking alright, if I do say so myself. Link goes to Facebook.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 8:30 pm
Awwww, I love your wedding photos, Karen.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 8:59 pm
Great idea, Karen, and perfect for a beach wedding. I've never heard of bridesmaids paying for their own dresses. It's just "not done" where I come from, the bride and groom pay for all the clothes of any of the bridal party who don't have a choice in what they wear. It seems like it could add a lot of tension with the people you treasure most, just at a time when there's already a lot of stress.
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Sugar
Member
08-15-2000
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 9:53 pm
I paid for my Maid of Honors dress, my only attendant, and both flower girls dresses. They all got their own shoes. We had the men just wear black suits and we got the ties for them. I also got all the jewelry for my maid of honor, the flower girls and the 2 evil nieces (hubby side)who were supposed to attend to the guest book and gifts. They came scantily dressed and didn't even wear the saphirre necklaces I bought them for the wedding. And they didn't bother to man the guest book or take care of the gifts. Thank goodness a friend of mine noticed and got some of the nephews to take them from the wedding site to the reception. I am still waiting for hubby to get them back from those ungrateful girls. The jewelry wasn't cheap. They said they didn't match the dresses. I should have demanded they got get them right then and give them back to me. My husbands grandmother died a couple days before our wedding so the funeral was a few days after. It was cold and rainy and these nieces wore jeans and silver sandles to the funeral. They also bitched about going home the entire time.
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Watching2
Member
07-07-2001
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 10:01 pm
We've always paid for our own dresses around here. Although my daughter bought the dress for someone who was tight in the finance dept. DD picked the color and the girls picked the style they liked best. For my wedding in the dark ages (lol) we all went together and I told them to look around and see if there was something they all liked. I didn't want them to be stuck with something they hated. At the wedding itself, they all wore these see-through "capes" which could be ditched at the reception and when they wore them again. I actually saw my friend wear hers to another wedding, so I was pleased. We gave gifts to all of our attendants as did my DD & SIL. Karen, I love the beach wedding! What a great idea and what a beautiful place. 
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, March 10, 2009 - 11:11 pm
I love how great your wedding looked, Karen! Casual, but not. Our wedding was a fairly cheap affair, we had a baby, the whole big, fancy shindig wasn't our style anyways. I had my sister as maid of honor, a flower girl, and Darren's mom as best man. Darren had asked my bil to be his best man and he agreed, however a few months before our wedding, bil had an accident at work and tried to cut off his hand. He came pretty darn close to it and when it was realized how much time it'd take him to heal not to mention more surgery and therapy he apologized and backed out of the wedding. Darren asked his mom. But, because bil was off on unemployment and going through the surgeries and and therapy, we knew they were hurting so paid for sis' dress. We also paid for the flower girls dress, her moms cousin is a baker and made our wedding cake at cost, which saved us a ton of money, the dress was the least I could do, lol. Darren's mom had a great black dress that she'd never worn so no money there either. I was maid of honor for sis' wedding. Darren and I had announced our pregnancy (Kota) about two weeks before sis and bil set their wedding date. It was a few months before any of us realized her wedding day was only days away from my due date. We decided to wait until right before the wedding to buy an outfit (bils step mom and half sis were coming to town the 17th and were going to buy their dresses then so I could wait) since we weren't sure if I'd still be pregnant or not. Dakota was born on the 14th, we left the hospital the 17th, and got home somewhere around 5pm. Sis, bils step mom, and half sis picked me up less than an hour later and we went shopping. After trying on several dresses, I was wiped out and went to sit down, told them to pick something out and I'd try it but it was all up to them what they got. They came back about half an hour later and sis told me step mom had told her my breast would probably not be swollen by the wedding (they were huge) and my stomach might shrink some so it could be tricky buying clothes. They decided on a...huh, not sure how to explain it, lol, balloony? type of slacks, if there was any shrinking I could wear a pretty belt (I did) and if not, they'd fit, and a pretty flowing blouse that matched the brides maid dresses and would fit huge boobs or not. I didn't look all that out of place...the brides maid dresses were these teeny, tiny Kelly Bundy type dresses and besides me in my slacks and blouse, the step mom had put her foot down on her 12 year old daughter wearing one so she had an ankle legnth dress that matched as well. Oh my point, lol, sis also told me she was paying for the dress since we had a brand new baby and she knew money was tight. Other than that though every wedding I've been in I bought my own dress. I did turn one down cuz we just couldn't afford it (oddly enough at that one I was 8 and a half months pregnant with Caleb) but also cuz the dresses she chose weren't really made for really, really pregnant women.
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Tess
Member
04-13-2001
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 12:33 am
When my sister got married she told me to pick out any fabric and pattern I wanted and make my dress. I'd been sewing all of my own clothes since I was 12 so there was no difficulty in that. She made her own wedding dress. It was a nice outdoor afternoon wedding in northern California. Flash forward 14 years to my Friday evening church wedding. I made my own dress and let my maid of honor pick fabric and pattern for her dress which I made. She wore many times after the wedding. I also made my little flower girl's dress. We paid for the best man's tux and I gave my maid of honor a string of pearls. Little Miss Margaret got a single pearl necklace. We even returned the tuxes and crinolines the next day to save our friends the trip. The only thing we didn't pay for was the string quartet. My mom paid them. Our best friends at the time were the organist/choir director at our church and some fantastic singers. Their music was their wedding gift to us which was wonderful. One odd fact was that I was married on June 18, 1993 (the church ceremony -- civil one was 9/11/92). My sister was married June 18, 1978. Our most beloved uncle died June 18, 1969. His wife, my adored Aunt Julie died June 18, 1994. I wonder what's next.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 5:06 am
Remember when Rhoda and Mary got trapped into being brides maids for some girl they barely knew and had to wear Po Beep dresses! Classic comedy!
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 5:17 am
Po Beep? Ha ha Dogdoc!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 5:20 am
I didn't pay for my bridesmaids dresses and always paid for my own when I was in a wedding. I wonder if this is a regional thing?
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Rissa
Member
03-20-2006
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 6:04 am
I think it's more of a personal decision than regional because I realize around here most have to pay for their own dress. When I got married I was 24 yrs old. My friends were just getting out of school, just barely out on their own or still at home saving up, paying off student loans with their newly aquired entry jobs. I would have been mortified to ask them to prove their affection by doling out money they were trying to scrape together for other reasons. And what? If they can't afford it then I go to the B team? The people who are not my close circle, the people I want by me on my wedding day but the ones with money to spare? Not for me. I ask you out for dinner then I pay. I invite you to go to a movie I don't ask you to pay for the gas. I ask you to be a bridesmaid in a dress I pick out then I pay. To me it wasn't even an option. Another cheese-me-off is these big elaborate weddings. We just went to one a few mnths back. Three hundred of their closest friends (ah ya, right), multi-course dinner, video presentation, the whole bit. Which is fine if they pay for it but the expectation is that if you attend then you pay. Enough to cover your dinner plus the gift amount (Italian/Portuguese). DH, myself, three dds and one boyfriend... we put in 1,500 plus the new dresses, etc to get ourselves there. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford that but it really #$*#$&% me off that these couples have the nerve to plan their DREAM weddings on the backs of everyone around them. When did getting married go from just making a promise of commitment in front of loved ones to a money-making venture? Going to go have breakfast and coffe now, promise to be less testy when I return. LOLOL
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 6:23 am
prove their affection??!! i don't think in a million years i would have ever thought they had to prove their affection. Attendants in weddings just paid for their dresses/tuxes. that's how it was done.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 7:34 am
My wife has been a Bridesmaid or Maid of Honor in several weddings and she always paid for her dress. However, in some situations, the Bride may offer to pay. Regardless of who pays though, I would hope that the Bride and her attendants would be close enough friends to be more or less in sync with their expectations. Otherwise, why bother?
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 7:53 am
I spoke to her yesterday and she said that if we couldn't do it, she totally understood. I said that I would still be a part, but the kids and DH may have to opt out or we have to purchase one thing at a time. She said that was fine and to let her know before too long, I said I would and she said she'd try to help. She said that she would have her fiance pick cheap tuxes, lol, and that she would see if she could pick up the girl's dresses. I decided I am going to buy the shoes anyway, because I love them. They are only 16.99 and super cute/flashy me. This is them. Yes, her wedding colors are black and fuschia, and I think it's great. Thanks for all your input, it made me feel a ton better. I want to be in this wedding and look fabulous as an ex will be there, and who doesn't like to rub it in an ex's face that you look hot, your husband is hot and your kids are too cute for words! LOL I hope they offer to pay for the tuxes. I really want to see DH in a tux. Here are our dresses:
And our shoes:
and the flower girl dresses:

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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 8:13 am
That's a beautiful bridesmaid dress! Just gorgeous. I bet you could get it shortened after the wedding and wear it several more times. I'm not down with the fuschia, but that is just me. It's not a color I am particularly fond of. With your dark hair, I know it will look great on you.
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Rissa
Member
03-20-2006
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 8:15 am
Great dress!! I would have to carry those shoes, couldn't make it more than a single step without breaking my neck but they are cute.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 8:24 am
We are actually getting them in Tea Length so they will be wearable again. I have no issue with shoes, and I just hope I can drop this ten pounds before July. Did I mention the wedding is in July, outside at like NOON?!?! LOL...gotta love her. Her fiance is the one who introduced my DH and I, so we owe them I guess. I forgot that yesterday when I began my gripe. LOL
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - 10:45 am
Great that she was so understanding, but those dresses are definitely wearable again. Especially the little girls'.
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