TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . DONATE . CONTACT . CHAT  
                  Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through November 03, 2008

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Oct. 2008 - Dec. 2008: Free Expressions: Advice please....: Archive through November 03, 2008 users admin

Author Message
Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I would send regrets now, so that if she has a limited amount of guest space, she might be able to move someone else up. I think you are right to respond now.

Bob2112
Member

06-12-2002

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 4:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Bob2112 a private message Print Post    
Tell her you can't make number four, but you'll be happy to attend number five if you can pick the date and vacation location.

Mictay
Member

09-29-2006

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 5:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mictay a private message Print Post    


Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 5:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
LOL @ Bob!!! Wouldn't I so LOOOOOVE to do that! (I actually had to call my mom and ask if this was #4 or #5 for my sis. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so not!)

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
I always thought that something might be wrong with me cause I dont like weddings...1st,2nd,3rd or on and on..... I never dreamt of white dresses or tons of people to come see me make a commitment.... Ive married twice, once on the river and once in my living room...both mistakes...I like, not being married....but thats just me... I can think of far better things to do with my money than plan a wedding...
Costa, I just dont know what you should do.... but I probably wouldnt go....send best wishes and a gift I guess.... I dont like funeral's eather and thank goodness my family dosent have them.....
Good luck!

Oldtex
Member

03-06-2006

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Oldtex a private message Print Post    
As a general rule, I don't give presents except for #1 wedding. Unless, I really feel like give a present.

Given lots of nice presents, marriage lasts less than a year, hey I want my present back. Oh, not really, it's just that when I married, it was one of those that no one expected to last...43 yrs later, hey I need new presents!

Just send a nice note, small gift and your best wishes.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 11:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
If you make it 43yrs Oldtex...you deserve many presents....congratulations....your a rarity...LOL and special indeed!

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 1:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
Ummm, I read not too long ago in an advice column that a person felt badly screwed. Close friends getting married in a 'Destination Wedding'. The Individual told them it was too much for their budget, couldn't afford to go. Heavy, heavy pressure, finally he/she succumbed. Cost plenty.

Individual later discovered that - if the bride & groom could secure a defined number of guests to accommodate and stay at the hotel - the bride & groom got their OWN lodgings for free. In this case, the B&G were short one sucker, hence the heavy pressure. The individual was feeling burned for spending money they didn't have, to supply the bride & groom the 'Wedding of their Dreams'.

Given all the facts required by the hotel computer, not merely telling what the costs are, I just have to wonder if this might possibly be a similar situation?

I would not plan to attend, you've shown up at enough of her previous weddings. Who knows how many more weddings are in her future anyways?

Christy358
Member

07-10-2007

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 1:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Christy358 a private message Print Post    
First Weddings can be lavish. 2nd can be 'important' if the first was not lavish.
After that... a small intimate gathering of family is the most anyone should expect.

Maybe the real rule is you get ONE big wedding that costs others money...after that, they are off the hook.

Christy358
Member

07-10-2007

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 1:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Christy358 a private message Print Post    
Oldtex, maybe you could tell us the secret to a long marriage? I would be interested.

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 2:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
BTW, 43yrs Oldtex, that's mighty impressive!

Landileigh
Member

07-29-2002

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 10:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landileigh a private message Print Post    
i've been married 20 years, and the secret is... it's not all about me... it's not all about him... a marriage IS NOT 50/50. sometimes it is 80/20 or 90/10 either way. i don't have to do everything he does to make me happy. he doesn't have to do everything i do to make him happy. and the most important thing... TALK! TALK! TALK! and LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

Watching2
Member

07-07-2001

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 11:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Watching2 a private message Print Post    
Been married 30 yrs and sometimes it's also just tolerating each other for the time when things are not so great during the lull, and then wait for the next wave to come by and you catch it and ride it. :-) I've always compared marriage to the waves on the lake/ocean. Ups and downs and just not having the willingness to leave and look for a beach with more frequent higher waves is how I see it. Just sayin'!

Costa - There is no way, sister or not, I'd spend that kind of money, esp. for a 4th wedding. Heck, I wouldn't spend that much for a first! If that's their dream, fine, but I don't feel obliged to spend money I don't have (even if I did for that matter.)

It seems my DD and her DH are were more mature than your sis when they were 23 & 22. They knew we didn't have the $$ to give them a super big wedding and since they both had jobs, they paid for their own. We paid for a hotel for a weekend for their "honeymoon" since they weren't taking one. (They had been on a cruise pre-wedding w/his family for the parents 25th., although my DD refused to count a trip with her in-laws as her honeymoon! LOL I don't blame her.) They also didn't have vacation time left. Did I feel bad we couldn't help them more? Yes, at times, but I tried to make up for it with getting them nice gifts for showers, etc.

The point is, they made choices, just as we did when we got married. I was working full-time and while my parents did pay for a reception, I also didn't insist on anything more than they felt they could afford. Plus, we also paid for many things ourselves, such as flowers, the cake, the band, my dress.)

It just amazes me what some people expect of others these days. I guess I was raised modestly and I taught my kids the same, even if they were spoiled ...just not as much as some kids who were given everything. I jokingly remind them of that fact whenever it seems appropriate timing. LOL :-)

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 12:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
...and the most important thing... TALK! TALK! TALK! and LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

That's beautiful, Landi, and very, very true.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 12:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
mutiple marriages aside, if a bride and groom want to have a destination wedding, why not? they aren't forcing people to attend, they are inviting them. if you can't or don't want to go, you don't have to.

Dahli
Member

11-27-2000

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 7:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dahli a private message Print Post    
My youngest sister did the same thing, and it was over Christmas yet... I did just what Bob suggested, told her I couldn't make it this time, but I for sure would come for the next one. She didn't think that was as funny as I did - but come on already, enough is enough.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 7:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
There's a difference if it's a bride and groom, and if the bride is your only sister. And it's really not money the issue, it's the fact that this is the fourth time I'll have shelled out money for one of her marriages (the first one was the cheapest for me, the second one I had a hotel room for two nights plus all the extras, the third one I had to fly to Colorado... you get the picture). Sure, she's entitled to have a lavish wedding for her fourth marriage. I just want to be a part of it, and wanted to know about the etiquette of it all.

My sister has no sense of humor (it's been replaced with her me-me-me sense of the world).

Dammit, I'm having a "Staying Single and Loving It" shower next year. I want to be queen for the day and have everyone lavish gifts and money on ME!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 7:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Costa writes...Dammit, I'm having a "Staying Single and Loving It" shower next year. I want to be queen for the day and have everyone lavish gifts and money on ME!

"Now thats a party that I could enjoy....let me know when"...LOL

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 7:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
For me the issue wouldn't be putting out the money so much as the expectation that you will put out the money. I think having a smaller, more intimate destination wedding is a great alternative to a larger, more lavish local affair. The trade-off is that the bride and groom should be picking up the cost of the airfare and hotel for the invitees IMO. I know in this case its the 4th wedding but what if it was the first? Parents have to choose btn breaking the bank and seeing their own child married?

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 9:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karen a private message Print Post    
I was married four months ago and we asked seven of our immediate family to join us in Central America. Both of our families come from modest backgrounds and not one of us on that trip had ever been on vacation before. We asked that the family pay for airfare and activities. We paid 70% of the lodging - rented a 5bdrm house for ten days - and asked that they pay the other 30%. The whole trip ended up feeling like a family vacation with a wedding thrown in. (Don and I have also been together for eight years and the whole family was willing to spent whatever it took to finally see us tie the knot!)

Point is, destination weddings are great in the right situation. A 4th wedding is not the right situation. "Destination wedding + 4th marriage = ELOPEMENT."

Kookliebird
Member

08-04-2005

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 9:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kookliebird a private message Print Post    
Costa, wasn't your "Staying Single and Loving It" shower the same week as your sister is getting married in PV?

I am at the opposite end. I wasn't invited to either of my sister's weddings. My oldest sister has been married twice. Both times, we were told after the fact. She now says that because she got married twice, she used up my turn at marriage.... uh.. thanks?...My other sister only invited my parents to the actual wedding, but I was invited to the party afterwards.... funny, I found that I had to work and couldn't make it.. (ahh to be 21 again and really mad at her.) About a year ago, she was talking about her wedding like I was there. My comment, "I wasn't invited." Both her and her husband started arguing about it with me. I told them to look at the pictures and walked away. (hurt feelings die hard)

I do kind of wish that I could have attended at least one of them though. We were close at the times of their weddings, so I never understood why I was left out.

Oldtex
Member

03-06-2006

Sunday, November 02, 2008 - 11:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Oldtex a private message Print Post    
Christy, Landi, Watching and Mame - they just about summed up my "secrets" to a long marriage.

Our usual answer to that question is..."we are both too stubborn to leave!"

But seriously it kind of comes down to NOT GIVING UP! You work through things and before long, those "things" either work themselves out or were not really that important. Plus a lot of give and take. A lot of Love and Laughs!

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Monday, November 03, 2008 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Koolie... Oh yeah! That's right! My party is the same weekend! Goshdarnit! :-)

Chewpito, I'll send you a "save the date" card! Hehehe!

Karen, IF my family was close, that might have been a fun family vacation. But we're not. I'm very close with my mom/husband and dad/wife, but not my sister. She is also not that close with my mom (although they live in the same area code) and not at all with my dad (she's embarrassed that he drives a big old used SDG&E clunker van).

And Rissa, as I said, it's not the money. It's the expectation that I will spend $$ to go to THEIR destination and spend $$ on THEIR wedding.

At any rate, I've decided I'll send a regrets card. And then once I know for sure the date is gonna happen, I'll buy a marriage poem keepsake thingie from Kar's business (since I figure it's good to help the economy and businesses of peeps here) and send that as a wedding gift. A modest gift but a thoughtful one, and one that will include another "regrets I can't be there" note.

Problem solved. (Just still pissed at dear old sis that she did this.)

The evil part of me thinks I ought to toss the save the date card and pretend I never got it. I mean, it was lumped in with a dozen other politcal postcards I received that day! <snicker> Dang, OK, no, bad karma, Sue, bad karma!!! <sigh>

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, November 03, 2008 - 10:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I have no idea what the question is here, scrolled back but got lazy lol. But from the gist there's a 4th wedding something something maybe about it being lavish or not something something. My take is that it's the couple's decision to have whateverdahell type of ceremony they want, be it lavish or be it the courthouse. It's up to them.

Now my 1st was at the courthouse. If I have a second then I want all the bells and whistles I didn't get the first time. Semi pouffy dress, flowers and big cake, music, catered food, probably destination and Stewart Weitzman shoes and me walking down the aisle be it in Vegas or a platform on the beach(will not wear Stewart Weitzman's in the sand) to Etta James' At Last lol.

Um I really can't remember my point right now but I think I said it in the first paragraph lol. Carry on...

Roxip
Member

01-29-2004

Monday, November 03, 2008 - 10:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Roxip a private message Print Post    
Perhaps you should just send your regrets and tell your sister that you would love to take her and husband 4.0 out to dinner when you next get the opportunity.

Let's face it...the likelihood of them making it to the altar in June is slim...given her track record!

Why is it some women manage to hook these guys time after time and others (ME and Costa and Koolie) are still single? I know I'm a nice person, and I'm sure they are too...is it that we just aren't willing to settle for mediocre? (That's my story and I'm sticking to it...LOL.) If I ever find a "forever" guy I'm willing to swoop him up, but until then I'm going to stick to my personal mantra from years ago "The only difference between me and these women is that I didn't marry my mistakes." (Of course I do have a beautiful daughter so although her father is a loser her certainly gave me the best gift ever!)