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Archive through October 24, 2008

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Oct. 2008 - Dec. 2008: Free Expressions: Advice please....: Archive through October 24, 2008 users admin

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Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - 1:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Nice grammar on their letter!! "Smartness of the attendant" and "...when they get tensed." (I don't think I've ever been tensed!!!)

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - 1:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Babyruth a private message Print Post    
"We also implore you to send a scanned copy of any form of Identification for the processing of your application form "

"Implore"??? LOL.

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - 1:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
I'd forward it to your email people's scam department, for them to follow up. Sometimes when you click the "spam" button you get asked whether you want to report the spam.

This page tells you what to do if you use Yahoo Mail:
http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/abuse/abuse-110239.html

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - 1:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Babyruth a private message Print Post    
Thanks Kitt-
I forwarded it to abuse@gmail.com, since that's where the sender's account is. I'll also probably send to the REAL "Customer Perspectives" company website, in case they are unaware of it.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Thursday, October 23, 2008 - 3:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
This "scam" has been going on for a couple of months now. While you can report it, and I'd also report it to the FTC, not much will happen. Your best bet is to just delete it. Anything that asks you for your identity or passwords is a guaranteed phishing scam and there are far too many to do anything about. They just change the email address and send out to another batch of folks.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I have a question that I could use some insight on:
My grandparent's were had a huge part in raising me any my sibilings. Since Grandma's heart attack, my mom has been helping out around their house. Staying a couple of nights a week, etc. My grandpa is 73 and my grandma is 72, and suprisingly in good health. Doctor has given Grandma the A O K to continue her life as she had before her heart attack, the only change being to change her diet and exercise more.

Grandparent's have always watched my 4 year old nephew for my sister. While Grandma was recovering, my mom took care of nephew (which she should get to, but Grandpa and Grandma have a touch of control issues when it comes to sister, lol) Anyway, here's my question. Grandpa has always been wonderful to all of us, except for now with the great grandkids. Grandpa shows great favortism toward nephew, to the point that he is extremely short with my DD1. They have all been at my grandparent's house more lately with my mom, and grandpa will go to the store and buy only nephew toys. Nephew is 4, he is a boy, he is whiney and moody and when he gets that way Grandpa says it's because he learned it from my DD1 and she was a whiney brat when she was 4 (she's only 5 now and a very good girl). DD1 says that Grandpa yells at her, but never yells at nephew, even if nephew does something wrong, he never gets in trouble. I guess one day he scratched my DD2 and she was crying and instead of nephew getting in trouble, Grandpa yelled at DD2 to stop acting like DD1.
My mother and my grandmother stand up for my daughter. And a big fight ensues because Grandpa thinks that he's right to reprimand DD1 and I am afraid it causes Grandma too much stress. Again, she is not a whiney, crying, bratty kid. She's a good girl. She's 5, she has her moments, she's a dramatic like most 5 year olds, but even sister admits she's nowhere near how nephew is. So my mom has decided that she won't be helping out my Grandma with my nephew anymore and she will be watching my girls at my house instead. She offerd to take nephew over there (he does not act up at my house) as well during the day, but grandpa says no, he wants to watch him.

Now a little more history, there has always been favortism in our family. I am a middle child along with my brother, and my older sister and younger sister were always treated differently than bro and I. They were more meek, sensitive, almost like they were always on the verge of stress or depression and needed more help, etc. etc. (pfft) while brother and I were independant, strong, etc. Basically they needed help and we didn't. fine, just the way it was. I would never want anyone pitying me, brother feels the same. Well, as always the squeeky wheels get the grease. They were both bought vehicles (more than one for younger sis), we had to work for ours,they were both bought horses, we got to ride someone else's (I bought my own now). It's just the way it's been. However, now with my children, it seriously bugs the living crap outta me. I don't know if I should say something to Grandpa, (The man who is never wrong) or let it go, as he is old, and crotchedy, and I fear, will not see the error of his ways. i think I will say that if mom and grandma go downtown, that they are not to have Grandpa pick up DD1 from school or babysit her for any length of time. Although, when nephew is not around, he is perfectly fine to my kids.

Any perspective someone can offer on this situation, that'd be great. Maybe I am overreacting, I don't know. but as a momma bear, I want to protect my babies. Should I do something? Nothing? Ignore, fight?

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:12 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I would not fight it. If I were you I would (sadly) just limit my contact as needed.

And I am a mama bear who for sure protects her young--but never felt the need with relatives. And there is certain favoritism within our extended families, but the important thing is our immediate family.

Soon enough your girls will figure out the difference and the GP's will be the ones who ultimately lose.

You just gotta stand back and stop thinking/stewing about it so much.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Escapee, you need to do what your heart tells you to do. Odds are that grandpa ain't changing his ways, so if you feel the need to protect DD1, then do it. If you have any concerns, I would not leave your kids alone with grandpa.

Favoritism can do many things to children. In your case, it made you stronger. But that doesn't always work out, and is something that should not be encouraged or ignored.

I would definitely not say anything. Just remove your daughter from any scenarios where she could feel mistreated or abused (and yelling at someone is abuse).

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Unfortunately, the limit contact has me worried. my mom is my grandparents only child that lives closely who can help out when Grandma needs it. However, I do trust my mom and Grandma to stand up for my DD's when it comes to nephew. He's a good boy and would benefit so much more by being at my house with the girls each day after school. But at Grandma's, well that's "HIS" territory and he does as he pleases. All the toys are his toys, etc. Fights break out, etc. I just don't know that as the mother, should I say something? i hate that DD has to be stood up for, by that time the damage is done :-(

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
Favoritism is one thing but sounds like grandpa is actually mean to your daughter. I would keep her away from him unless another adult is there to correct grandpa EVERY TIME he says something. Personally I would keep nephew from him too (unsupervised) as it's not healthy for him to get a skewed favouritism either.

My grandmother was similiar. She was a miserable person who only had room in her heart for a small number of people and she picked and chose. Out of two sons, one was given free University, free car, pd honeymoon (to woman who was pregnant with another man's child) while my dad was given a 2 thousand dollar LOAN for school that he had to pay back WITH INTEREST. She loved me, hated my siblings and cousins.. love my dd1, had no use for other 11 greatgrandchildren. I always told my girls the truth (as I saw it) that she just wasn't capable for loving all her family like other people. I wanted them to know in no uncertain terms that it had nothing to do with them, that it was a failing on her part.

I think your instincts are right, your baby is only 5 and EVEN if she was on the whining side... she shouldn't have to have her own grandfather point it out to her and shouldn't listen to others being compared to her in a negative way.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
I'm so sorry, Escapee, sounds like my granny (and Rissa's after reading her post,) stopped by to give your grandpa lessons. Like Rissa, my granny seemed to have only enough love to share with one kid at a time, though instead of having a favorite, she switched between sis and I. Whenever we went to her house, we never knew which of us would be spoiled and which would be treated like crud. She did the same thing with mom and her sis and brother too.

When they're a little older, the kids will see its not them, it's just the way grandpa is, not that that makes it any better.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 9:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Grandpa was wonderful to me growing up. Never missed a game, a play, etc. While my mom and grandma were the queens of favortism growing up, Grandpa usually stayed pretty neutral.

Except he did a lot with my bro, being the only grandson that live nearby, which I understand, but not like this. Probably the reason it hurts so much to see him hurting my kids.

Now that I think about it, Bro got a lot of favortism too. LOL. He always was bought the best shoes because he did sports and it was important. And when he played football and I played volleyball, mom would only go to his games, because it was "more important because he's a boy". LOL, I can still hear her saying that. One time when he was 17, he called to say he was at a party and would not be coming home that night. Mom said, fine. I lost my cool. I said "When I was 17 you'd have driven to that party, cops in tow, and forced me home by my hair." Her reply "He's a boy, he can stay out later, it's more important that he has some independance." LOL. funny.

BTW, welcome to the escapee pity party. I probably got a lot too from grandma, just not the attention, but like I said, I was an independant, and I asked once why it was like that, and they told me I didn't need it like the others did. you know, that doesn't mean I didn't want it. ROFLMAO

Well, whatever they did with bro and me, it worked because we are the stable, mature, responsible ones. so no worries. He's youth minister and works at a center for troubled teens (he's 24), getting married in march and has the first dollar he ever earned in savings. LOL.

Sis', have had roller coaster lives. I wouldn't trade with them any day.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
I'm taking the other side here. I would sit down with Grandma and Grandpa (without kidlets present) and say exactly what you feel and tell them what you have personally witnessed as well as have heard from your DD1.

If Grandpa tells you that you're imagining things or whatever defensive stance he may take, I would tell him that you have SEEN it, and have had to comfort your DD1 way too many times. Since it is affecting her emotionally, and you as her mother, you will no longer subject her to his partiality.

Did you say that your sister (of the favored nephew) sees this behavior, too (of Grandpa, not the nephew)? I would talk to her and tell her that as a mother you will do whatever is within your power to keep your child(ren) happily adjusted.

It is difficult to confront people, especially when you suspect they will be defensive. But you are no longer a child and can say what you want to Grandpa. Being the parent of a small child who is being mistreated, ask yourself one question. Would you tolerate that sort of treatment of your daughter from a stranger?

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
You will probably hate my answer but I think you should just let it go. I don't think it can be fixed, short of eliminating him from your life. Saying something will just make things worse.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, that's my fear too.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Yep. I'm probably getting cynical as I get older but that is just life. There is not a chance in you know where that he will suddenly have an epiphany and say that you are right and that he will change his ways. He will just get pissed off and things will be even more miserable.

(I'm just a little ray of sunshine, huh?)

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Oh and he's as stubborn as a mule and "never" wrong.

for example: Someone left the remote from his TV in his coat pocket and it was lost for months, finally he found it and COULD NOT admit that he'd put it in his pocket all those months ago, and insisted that someoen had hidden it from him, lol.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Escapee, I agree with Jimmer, though. Older folks generally don't change. And it's even possible that he's starting to suffer from other elderly issues (loss of memory or whatever). And Jimmer's right in that it'll just make things worse if you confront him. I also guarantee you that Dear Abby would say much the same thing as I've said before... do what you need to do to protect your daughter and do not confront your grandfather.

And LOL @ the remote. So he stuffed it in there and it was lost all summer when he didn't need the jacket? Sounds like something *I'd* do. Except I'd 'fess up!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Yesterday it was 'who left the electric fence wire on the ground?'

My mom went out to feed the horses and noticed the hot wire was laying on the ground. She had her hands full so she just switch it off with her elbow and went in the house.

Now, grandpa was the only one out there, and it wasn't where the horses could get to it at that time, it was where he keeps his quad, and no one else goes out there, and he'd been out there a while before.(The horses were in their stalls)

So my mom goes in and says 'Dad you left the hotwire down, so I turned it off'
and Grandpa got mad and said quit accusing him of things he didn't do,' and a big argument broke out. He cannot be at fault for ANYTHING! That's why I don't think talking to him about DD will help either.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I agree Escapee. The most important thing you can do is protect your daughter and let her know that you think she is wonderful (as I'm sure you already do). :-)

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Costa IS Dear Abby!!!

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Well, in that case, then Escapee HAS to listen to me, yes? <snort>

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 12:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Yup it's number 3 in the rule book :-)

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 1:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Done, and done. Decided to let it go, and if there is ever an issue, DD1 will know that poppa doesn't love her any less than he does nephew, he's just old and had a very long life and usually by the end of the day when she sees him, he is tired and cranky.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Friday, October 24, 2008 - 2:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Smart choice, Escapee. And loved the last bit! :-)