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Archive through November 01, 2008

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Oct. 2008 - Dec. 2008: Free Expressions: Advice please....: Archive through November 01, 2008 users admin

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Dahli
Member

11-27-2000

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 2:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dahli a private message Print Post    
Fantastic story Escapee, and I agree about the formula. That is definitely my dream job - a nutritionist specializing in behavior and emotional issues in children...wow

You are right about docs not being trained in nutrition, it's because they don't actually learn about health, only illness.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 2:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
It's worth thinking about. our bodies are such an intricate combination of chemicals and formulas, adding foreign ones is bound to throw a wrench in the works, especially if we have an imbalance to begin with.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 4:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Escapee, my 19 year old nephew has Aspbergers. Understanding social boundaries is one of the symptoms. He just doesn't understand that getting too close to someone might be uncomfortable or that you can't always say everything you think. He is good about backing off or apologizing when you tell him 'hey, that wasn't nice' or 'you are too close'. But he doesn't really understand. It's like knowing how to say good morning in another language but not really knowing how to speak it.
Yes, it's frustrating sometimes to be around him, but it's not truly his fault.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 4:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I am not blaming my cousin at all, i know that they are true issues, but I can't see a mother standing by and ignoring it or chalking it up to his "issues" without trying to help in any way. Laziness or overwhelmed, I do not know.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 4:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
FWIW, my son ate a reasonably healthy diet - he still doesn't eat hardly any sugar. It just never caught on with him.

His sensory problems were evident in the first few months of his birth, when the slightest noise would disturb his sleep. And without any prodding from us, he would cover his eyes when he drank a bottle to block out the light. Cutest little thing.

We could never go for walks with him in a stroller, since every little bump in the sidewalk would make him scream in frustration.

I guess I'm just reminding that not all things are diet, altho diet can certainly exacerbate some conditions - and that's true for all of us, even if we don't have some underlying condition.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 4:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I think DH has sensory problems. Slightest thing wakes him up, has an issue where no one can touch his feet, among other things that drive me nuts.

my point was that it's worth a try, and it's not something experimental that is going to scar a child for life, right?

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 4:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Healthier choices are always a good thing. Really, limiting sugar is good for all of us at any age. And being cautious about other things that have been shown to have adverse effects (like wheat, gluten, corn) is also a good thing. And milk, with all its additives, and beef for the same reason can also be concerns.

But true SI is usually biological, altho the brain can be trained to more adaptable.

Light sleeping can have a number of etiologies, and frankly that's one that's very difficult to retrain. Melatonin can help induce deeper sleep, however.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 - 6:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Escapee, how would she be able to help him learn something he is incapable of learning?

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Ryan's case must be much different that your cousin's Escapee. He does not veer that far outside the "rules" (ie rummaging in other people's room or shouting in people's faces).

He may hug a kid a little to much when he gets excited. He has always had bad eye contact with people, but that has seemed to have changed a lot in the past year. He is very immature with some things. I am not so sure he is as immature as much as he is naive.

The ped said he has aspergers. And even though i see some asperger tendencies, I am not convinced he is a classic case. I am fine with the label though, if it helps get him more services at school. THe ped wanted to put him on some drug. I forgot the name now--but it is usually used for adults with schizophrenia.

We decided against that and also took him off of his ADHD meds for the summer. Turns out he did much better without the vyvanse (newest form of ridalin). He was having some OCD like tendencies (counting things) with the meds. Gone without. Go figure...

Anyways, I have asked my ped (and actually because of insurance stuff/new jobs, we're on out third ped with Ryan. And every single one of them--and since some practices have more than one ped on staff, it's more like 5 peds) have said the same thing about his eating. That as long as he is on the same line on the growth chart that we should not worry.

Well I still worry. And try to coerce him into eating. Something I swore I would NEVER EVER EVER DO!! WHen I was a kid, I was a stick and hated to eat. And was picky. Very picky. (But I did not know what picky was until I met Ryan!!) Anyways, I figured out all sorts of tricks from putting food in my mouth, running of to the bathroom and spitting in the toilet. Sneaking food to the dog without getting caught. Putting my food on other people's plates, etc...

So when Ryan was little i never forced him to eat. But now I do try to force a bit---like one pea. I swear. And to get him to eat one pea can be a half hour project. Or half a banana or one slice of apple, one grape, etc..

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:12 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Ryan was a typical baby--except he never napped. Luckily he made up a little by sleeping thru the night since he was 6 weeks old.

At his 18 mon checkup the ped said something about him not talking. Said I could wait til the 2 year check (cuz boys are slower) or get his hearing tested now. His hearing was fine.

Then I called early intervention and he got tested at age 19 months and he was getting 2 hours of speech therapy a week before he was 2. Also found out he needed some OT. Which was news to me and my ped!! Honestly I don't even remember what they worked on with him back then. Sensory stuff mainly. They did the deep tissue massaging. At some point he wore a weighted vest due to some vestibular thing. His eye contact was poor then and I guess I never knew how important eye contact is when it comes to child development.

They said he had Apraxia--as his receptive speech was fine, but not his expressive.In other words, he could understand everything, but the wires in his brain were crossed so he knew what he wanted to say but the signals from brain to mouth were not working...

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Julie, thank you so much for sharing that. So interesting. Texannie, I don't think it's an incapability of learning so much as it's a constant task to reinforce positive behavior actions and thwart negative ones. Constant. which as we ALL know as parents, consistency is not an easy task. I am not talking about scholastic learning abilities. For example, when cousin was about 7 he had a habit of hanging on someone's neck when he hugged them. He would grab them around the neck, and his feet would go out from under him and he'd hang. Well one time, he did this to me and I fell on him by accident as I was not prepared for him to hang. His mom got pretty upset with me and said I should have known better that he has problems (I was 17 at the time)I told him that she should remind him every time he goes to give a hug not to hang on people. A fight errupted, and so on. She said if she'd be reminding him all the time then. I said "So"

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:23 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Until age three, he received much therapy via Early Intervention. At age three, they release you and you have to get help via the school district. Oh. My. Goodness. The amounts dropped drastically. He went from about 5 hours combined therapy per week to about less than an hour. But when I saw the other kids they were helping I felt guilty for even that much. (Massively disabled kids. Tiny wheelchairs. Tiny walkers. Kids who could not even hold their heads up..._

And he did quality for earlybird preschool. Which was awesome. They had the speech therapy and OT there.

Several years later, he still needs a lot of ST. Even his speech therapist says he is not progressing as quickly as she'd like. So they are adding more minutes of ST.

Socially he is actually very "popular" in the neighborhood. He can get annoying to other kids at times, but he is a very kind kid and will never turn a kid away who wants to play. He also is kind of oblivious so if a kid says go away, Ryan will and he won't get upset about it and the next day will be playing with that same kid... It's kind of like he has built in insulation of sorts.

At school he tends to play by himself on the playground and eat by himself at the lunchtable (Though they sit all together at one table so he is always just an inch or so away from the next kid, but he doesn't engage in a lot of lunchtime conversation.)

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Well guess that is probably more than what ya asked for Escapee!! Ryan is a work in process so to speak. And yes, I do have to remind him daily of certain kinds of things. (Ie the hanging-not that he did that, but other things that might not be well tolerated by peers.)

By the way your aunt sounds "charming!!"

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 8:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
No that's wonderful.

See the thing was her doctor specifically told her that Aspergers is a controllable condition that he may "grow out of" for lack of a better word, but it takes work, and that he could absolutely be taught to control his impulses. But that it takes time, and consistency. She got mad and said there was no way to control impulses. Ack, I hope she doesn't have road rage! Instead of working to make her son "world" ready, she fully expects the world to conform to him. It doesn't work that way.

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 11:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
Julie, I feel so bad for my lol yesterday about the sensory issues....I am sorry. When you typed Mr. Sensory Issues, I was reminded of my kids who at times had such a problem with tags, especially one particular kid. I thought it was just one of those things that drives us moms crazy. I didn't realize there were other things going on.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 30, 2008 - 1:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Oh Happymom, please do NOT feel bad at all. I laugh at that too!!! Please, don't feel one bit bad!! Really, I was even making light of it just by calling him MR. SENSORY ISSUES...

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Friday, October 31, 2008 - 11:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
Ok Julie thanks!

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 9:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
I'm pretty sure I know what I'm gonna do, but thought I'd see what y'all said. My sister (who is going to be 50 next year) is getting married in June. She's having a "destination wedding" in Puerto Vallarta. This is her FOURTH wedding.

While the expense isn't an issue, the entire thing just rubs me the wrong way. I've already supported her, stood by her, and bought fricking wedding presents for three weddings of hers. (Not to mention that I've not had ONE!!) She's having it at one of those "all inclusive" resorts in Puerto Vallarta... while I absolutely LOVE PV, I hate resorts. When I go to Mexico, I rent a condo or something and stay off the tourist path. I don't enjoy staying at a resort in a foreign country (where there is a 24 hour buffet). I want to mingle with the locals, and eat THEIR food.

The "wedding annoucement" was a "save the date" postcard that almost got tossed out with all of the other half-dozen politcal postcards I got in the mail yesterday (yeah, good timing huh?).

The tipper? I decided to check out the "desination." So I log on to the wedding planner slash travel agent's site, using the bride's last name and password, and... I have to ENTER MY EMAIL ADDRESS to get any further. OK, fine, I use 123@donotcontactme.com. So I get past that, and oh, yeah, NOW I have to give them my name and phone number. So my name is DONOT EVER CONTACTME and my phone number is 555-1234. And then? I have to give them EVEN MORE INFORMATION!! Hello? I just want to find out what accomodations may be available and maybe the price. I do NOT want to give you any information about me. Grr...

So anyways. I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm not gonna go. While I wish her the best, I've been there for three weddings (two of 'em in the most butt ugly maid of honor dresses you could imagine). I've spent plenty of money buying wedding gifts for her. This is her fourth wedding and she's gonna be 50 years old. Oh, and did I mention that we really don't get along? We have nothing in common. Except maybe a love of our animals (which we obviously can't bring with us).

Am I being a bad sister? Should I suck it up and go to PV, where I know I'll be miserable? Spend the money for a "vacation" at some place where I don't want to vacation, just to attend yet another one of her weddings? Or should I just send regrets, and another wedding present, and leave it alone?

What do you think?

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Send her a lovely card telling her how happy you are for her, and perhaps a little gift or gift certificate. Include a note that you're truly sorry you won't be able to attend, but you just can't get away right now.

In other words, honor yourself, but be kind and respectful. But you knew that.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
LOL Kar. Yeah, I knew. Except I'll need to just avoid the "can't get away right now" bit since the "save the date" is in June of next year. (Right before MY birthday, no less, which means that I can't do my normal birthday going-away thing.)

Just curious... is there some sort of etiquette for a fourth wedding? Is it just me that thinks a fourth wedding that's a major and lavish destination wedding is a bit gauche?


It's just so frustrating. My sister is probably the single most self-centered person I know. And oh so involved in the "keeping up with the Joneses status quo b-s".

ETA: Oh wait! I've got a major deliverable scheduled for the end of Q2 next year. I can't make any plans for then! Whoo hoo!! :-)

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
I have a real issue with people who plan these weddings that require their guests to prove love/loyalty by spending thousands of dollars. I would be tempted to write her a nice letter saying that you are amazed that SHE is willing to spend all that money to bring how many people to PV, put them up in a resort, etc. She must really think this one is a keeper. But at the end of the game I think Karuuna has the right idea.... just say you won't be able to make it but you certainly wish her the best. No need to justify or excuse, she should just leave it at that.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I have no idea what etiquette is, since I'm not very good at that stuff anyway.

If it were me, I'd have something more quiet, with a few close friends. But I do think everyone is entitled to live their lives in a way that makes 'em happy, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

It it makes her happy to be lavish the fourth time, then good on her. That doesn't mean it obligates anyone else to agree, or attend or anything.

Sounds like you have a great excuse, tho, so I'd certainly use it. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone who seems rather self-centered is to remind her that your 'self' has its own life to live.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
I'm LMAO. I called my manager, who is also a good friend (actually, I called to see how she was feeling cuz she left work early yesterday). Then I told her about this saga. She said I should plan a trip now for that time and then send regrets that I'd already booked something. When I reminded her that we had a deadline about then, she cracked up... Oh yeah, you can't go to your sister's wedding cuz you booked a trip for your own birthday celebration which also means you'll not be available that week before the release? Um, yeah, no! LOL!

So next question... when you get a "save the date" postcard, are you supposed to respond to that with regrets? Or wait till you get the actual invite? Assuming there is one, of course.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
"Save the date" is not an obligation to attend. It's simply letting you know of the plans so if you want to attend you can make arrangements. If they waited to let people know that the wedding was going to be out of town the month before (when wedding invitations normally are sent), it would probably be too late for many people to come.
It's not any different than me sending out emails in January of what my son's graduation date was going to be. It wasn't obligating them to come, but allowing them to make arrangments if they wanted to.
If you know that you can not make it for whatever reason you certainly can send a note saying 'the wedding sounds lovely, i am so sorry that i will not be able to come'

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Saturday, November 01, 2008 - 10:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Thanks Annie. I know the card isn't an obligation to attend (just like the actual invitation wouldn't be). More I was wondering if I'm supposed to respond. So I'll go buy a lovely congrats on your engagement card and send regrets.