Author |
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Tess
Member
04-13-2001
| Thursday, October 02, 2008 - 8:55 am
Beckie, I was only 14 in 1968 but I don't know a single person who supported the Vietnam war. By the time I was in high school, older brothers and boyfriends were getting drafted. I lived in San Francisco and there were protests and riots in the streets constantly. Then they introduced the draft lottery which means you were chosen randomly by birthday so just to use my brother's as an example, all men over 18 who were registered and had the birthday of Jan. 11 were drafted at the same time. My brother's birthday was one of the early ones picked so he went into the Army Reserve. Some fled to Canada, some burned their draft cards, some rioted. My boyfriend joined the Naval Reserves. In 1972 I was set to enter college and there was a huge question over whether or not school would be able to open for the fall because students had taken over the Administration building and staged a sit in as a protest. I saw things when I was 16-18 that I never thought I would see in this country. I know I'll never forget the day I got caught up in the middle of a very violent riot as I was going home after doing my work for a Civics project at school. Anyone who says that people under 30 were for the war is so dead wrong.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 2:49 pm
New gripe here. I work in a small office with less than 40 people. "A" is the part-time position to my full time, and "B" is the one I share physical office space with. As the past few years have gone on, I have noticed more and more just how two-faced "B" is and "A" absolutely defends her. A few months ago, it all broke for me. While I was out of the office "A" and "B" conspired together to take a beanie baby from my desk and hide it. Not a big deal right, well it happened to be one that I just received from my dieing grandmother. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor just before Christmas, and I brought it in to keep her with me. When I returned, I flipped out. I thought seriously, that someone stole it. When I found out what happened, I confronted both of them (by the way, they both readily denied it; if it wasn't for someone speaking up about it, I wouldn't know it was them), they proceded to tell me that I had a problem, that it was just a silly joke. And that if they couldn't touch my personal property, I needed to stay out of any conversation they have. If someone comes into the space that "B" and I share, I have to keep to myself, unless someone directly speaks to me. If it is to the room in general, they think that I would be rude to voice any opion or give any anwser I have. Also, I have found out from others in the office that "B" has taken information from any personal phone calls I may receive and spread them around the office, and bad-mouthed me. There was a time when my DH and I were having issues, and "B" didn't think that there was anything wrong with sharing this information with everyone, even though I had not discussed the situation with her, she only knew what she over heard. I wouldn't even consider doing something so thoughtless. I would never run to the others in the office and tell them about the times that "B" has cussed out her husband on the phone for spending too much money or causing their bank account to overdraft. It's none of my business or anyone elses, but she thinks that she is fully in the right to talk about me and my problems. "A" and "B" are best friends, and whine and complain about EVERY one in the office. They are constantly bad-mouthing someone. Like just two days ago we had a pot luck taco bar. Those two had nothing better to do that **tch about the food, saying that it was in the wrong order. I mean get real. I couldn't take it any longer, so last week, I finally approached my supervisor about it. Well, this morning I get called into her office and proceed to be told that the problem is all mine. That I have issues communicating and working with others. Also, she moved me out of the shared office with "B", but now I am in a community space, right next to the copy machine. But it certainly is not what I would have wanted. At least I don't have to worry about "B" overhearing anything that I wouldn't want shared. I didn't even want to go to my supervisor in the first place. She has enough on her plate, that she doesn't need to worry about a personality conflict in the office. I just didn't know if I could take much more it. I told her that I was actually considering finding new employment. I've never been really popular, always someone who was seriously picked on in school. So I learned to stay to myself. Is it so bad that I'm not the life of the party. Seriously, is there something wrong with me for being slightly introverted??? I just wanted the smiley faced "B" to leave my life alone and quit talking about me behind my back. Instead, I feel like I'm being made an example of and being punished for not being a person who is outgoing or has a really strong personality. Anyway, I just needed to let it out. I tried the best I could today to make it look like it didn't bother me. Hopefully, Monday will be better.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 2:58 pm
Sorry, Taysmom, what a horrible thing to have happen. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with minding your own business. So often people who are quiet get accused of being stand-offish or rude when really we're just doing our own thing. But I don't know what the answer is I'm afraid, except, if there's nowhere in your company to move sideways, to look for employment elsewhere. There are places out there who will appreciate you just getting on with your job without getting into others' business.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 3:11 pm
Thanks, Kitt. I will be doing some serious thinking this weekend. My boss told me that I need to change who I am or she would consider me not a "team player". I absolutely refuse to be fake for anyone and I shouldn't have to change anything about me to be accepted. Don't schools teach our children that it is OK to be "you" and unique?!?!? But it must not apply to the work site??????
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 3:13 pm
I would start butt kissing the supervisor. I am not kidding. take her out to lunch sometime, talk about non work related stuff. Get on her good side first and foremost. That would really stick it to A & B. Go out to group lunches with other people int he office, but don't invite A&B. Bring cupcakes or cookies for your "community" area people and one for your boss.....(ok, this is really petty, just my mood today, lol, good luck. Sorry you are dealing with workplace drama) If nothing else, it will help them see you as friendly and happy, and then they'll wonder what is wrong with A&B to be such meanies.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 3:14 pm
My boss once told me "You don't have to like eachother, you just have to get along enough to get your job done every day"
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 3:51 pm
Your boss is a donkey. On one hand she tells you that you're not a team player and that the problem is yours, and on the other hand she separates you from those people? How does she expect to resolve this by moving you? I think that you should probably quietly look for another job. Your boss's words and actions should tell you that you will never win against A & B. Should A & B decide to do something to you, you'll still look like the troublemaker. I'd read the writing on the wall as time to get out.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 4:16 pm
Don't butt kiss! If you feel like it might be a while before you can get another job (I don't suppose the climate out there is wonderful) you might want to play a little nice with your supervisor, but don't butt kiss. Maybe if she doesn't know the situation with your grandmother you could bring that up in some casual environment, like while making coffee or something, and say that it's been stressful lately and you needed a muffin (or whatever!). Something to keep her being a bit more reasonable while you find something new. And while you're looking, try not to let it show that you have any frustration with your colleagues, just do your job, as you have been.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 4:21 pm
By the way, a friend of mind had me do, for fun, one of those tests where they say whether you're introverted/extroverted, and a couple of other pairs like that (can't remember what it was called but it was named after two people). Anyway, the test said I was an introvert and something else, and she told me something like "don't be upset, it's not as bad as it sounds, we can work on that!" I was literally shocked that she thought being introverted was a negative thing and that I should try to be more extroverted! I often think extroverted people are rude and thoughtless and get in my space, why would I want to make myself more like that?!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 4:22 pm
Of course I meant play nice, I mean, if she has to be there, might as well make it the best it can be.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 4:51 pm
Taysmomcj, at the office do you have any friends or at least friendly acquaintances? I would focus on them. Then you can relax on your coffee breaks and lunch hours, etc, with folks who enjoy your company and appreciate you. I used to work with the sourest person in the world. A real negative-nelly and everyone avoided our area, til I reached out and they realized that I was the total opposite of her and was invited to events that she wasn't. I was even invited to the wedding of a coworker, months after my (extended) contract was up. My point is that even if it's the security guard, it's nice to have a consistent friendly face. I used to work on Saturdays with Wednesdays off, and the place was pretty much deserted except for the security and she was lovely and used to pop by my desk on Saturdays and we eat our lunches together at my desk. Also, I once temped for a few months in an office that was so stressful, I made friends with the folks who worked downstairs in the bookstore, and would chat them up during my breaks and lunch-hour just to see a friendly face! Why am I telling you this? I'm hoping til you find another job, assuming you are fed up and looking, maybe you will find some friendly faces in or around the workplace to make it bearable. I hope this makes you feel better... most of the places where I've worked, it's the diligent quiet folks who were the most appreciated. It's unfortunate your supervisor doesn't have that mindset.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:00 pm
Yes, I do have a couple ladies that I am friends with. I really didn't realize just how many of the people in our office knew the "real B". I sure didn't. She was always nice to my face, I had no idea that she was going behind my back until recently. I had thought for a VERY long time that this person was my friend and to find that was not the case, really bothered me. If she hadn't been two-faced about it, I would have been fine. All she had to do is tell me that I was a work acquantance only, and I would have steared clear of her. I've spent the last couple of hours looking a employment websites. I just hope that it won't take too long for me to find another job. The job market in this area of the Great Lakes isn't very good. Hopefully the Sunday paper will have more of a selection. As far as my supervisor, she has been at the company since the 60's, almost out of highschool. She had men who were managers, treat her similarly to how she is handling this situation. She considers it a privilage to be a door mat to the "stronger sex".
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:04 pm
Yes, I do have a couple ladies that I am friends with. I'm so glad to hear that. Maybe the ladies you are friends with know of a position coming up in their area. Anyways, good luck with the job hunt. ETA, sounds like your supervisor is about ready for retirement... maybe a new broom will sweep clean and get rid of the B*.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:05 pm
Taysmom, it sounds like you are working in a hostile work environment. I know this is the gripe thread (and not the fix it thread) but... 1. Have you ever received bad or negative performance reviews? Is this the first time you were told there were issues? 2. Did you receive a formal "write up"? 3. Did your supervisor give you feedback as to how you can improve your relationships with others. Did she offer any training for you on how to communicate with coworkers? If she didn't, can you go in and ask for help in this area? 4. Is there an open door policy with your supervisor's manager? 5. Document everything. If you can't remember everything that happened in the past, write down as much as you can, including the conversation you had with you supervisor. Going forward, if "A" and "B" continue to harass you, be sure to document everything. If necessary, you'll be able to prove to Human Resources or your Personnel Dept that you were subjected to a hostile work environment. 6. Finally, do you have an HR or Personnel rep that you can talk to? I would seriously look for another job. You shouldn't have to work in that kind of an environment, even if you are an introvert. If your supervisor can't mediate between the three of you and the solution is to locate you elsewhere, you have a lousy supervisor. And, as such, things will never improve where you are. It's really true that you don't have to like everyone you work with but you have to be able to work with them. One of the people who works for me is, well, I won't go into it. But the way I approach issues with her is straight up "we have a problem and this is it, and I want to know how I can help". BTW, never tell anyone (a boss) that you are thinking of looking for a job unless you potentially want to walk out the door that day. In California, we're an "at will" employment state. Meaning, anyone can be let go for no reason at any time. And yes, I did work in a hostile work environment. My manager, a VP, used to yell and cuss at me. I did tell them everything and showed them everything I'd documented (they even found their own witnesses to his so lovely behavior). I did tell HR that either they did something with him or I would be looking for another job. They did have a talk with him, but by that time I'd decided enough was enough. I went out, and within two weeks got another job and gave notice on a Friday. The following Monday the VP was let go. (While this company countered my new job offer, I took the new job.) The HR department was required to address my issue, particularly as a hostile work environment lawsuit doesn't look good to the BOD. (No, I wouldn't have and never threatened to file a lawsuit, but any HR dept worth their salt will think about that.) And do what Mame suggested. Also do what you can to keep to yourself, to avoid any further confrontation, and to avoid any further reprimands from your supervisor.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:15 pm
ITA with Costa, that you should document everything! Especially since the supervisor is taking the easy way out and pinning this all on you, rather than trying to get to the bottom of it, and/or attempting mediation. The irony is that you may actually find your new location better for your peace of mind. AND if it's by the fax/copier/whatever, you may find it a more social place...and you may very well make some new friends.
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Nyheat
Member
08-09-2006
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:25 pm
I would lay low for a while while quietly looking for another job. I'm of the mind that you don't have to be friends with the people you work with, just surface civil and casually friendly. I've tried too hard to fit in at jobs before, and it's just not worth the effort really in the end, unless there is a natural connection. People at work are bored and will do petty stuff just to amuse themselves. Brush it off and move on, either mentally if you stay working there, or physically if you find another job. I hope you enjoy your weekend on your time!
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:28 pm
ITA NYH. When I say 'friends' I honestly do mean 'friendly acquaintances'. Anyhow, I wish Taysmom all the best, and hope things settle down amicably.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:34 pm
Well, Costa, my supervisor is the HR manager, office manager, controller, treasurer, etc. Her supervisors are the three owners of the company who don't want to deal directly with anyone under her. Part of the reason I said that I was considering leaving is, I am the only full-time accountant at the company and it took her well over a year to train me for my position. It will take her a long time to find a replacement. She told me once that if I ever felt like finding another job, I would need to give her several months to find someone. As far as performance reviews, we complete a "self-review" every year, and submit it to her, then she completes her sections. I only saw her responses at my 3 month review at the end of my probationary period. I have never been formally "written up", just thouroughly chastized. She mentioned to me several years ago, that the fact that I kept to myself was a problem. She was getting complaints from others in the office, that I didn't seem approachable. So I did try to eat lunch in the kitchen, go on breaks with others, etc. I ended up just sitting there listening to the conversations around me. I probably should have listened to my gut after the initial job interview, when she pointedly asked me if I planned to have any more children. She made it clear, that if it might have been a possibility, that I wouldn't have been considered for the job. I had taken enough business classes to know that comment was not ethical at all. Hopefully, even though I am next to the copy machine, I will be able to keep to myself without upsetting a bunch of people. But I'm afraid that it just might make things worse.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:38 pm
(((((((Taysmom))))))) Frankly your supervisor sounds unreasonable. Prioritizing socializing over due diligence? Geez.
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Nyheat
Member
08-09-2006
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:41 pm
Wow, you've been working there a long time it seems. They must really value your work. I wish being introverted wasn't such a sticking point there. I hope that things die down for a while, and that things end up sorting themselves out!
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 5:46 pm
Ny, I'm coming up to my 4 year anniversary in a couple of months. Mame, she definately keeps us guessing. Sometimes downright unpleasable (is that even a word). There are days, weeks, and months where I can't do anything right. If I go to her with every little issue that comes up, I get yelled at because I should have just handled it on my own instead of bothering her with "trivial" stuff. When I don't take EVERYTHING to her, I'm not communicating. I've learned that I will never please her for long.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 6:02 pm
Tays, if you have 4 years of experience as an accountant, you should be able to find other employment. I would not share this job search, even with people there you consider friendly. Never reveal your hand. You really dislike your boss, and most of your co-workers, so is there a reason why you have stayed in such negative conditions for 4 years? Personally, I wouldn't bend over to be nice to anyone, just do your job and get to searching for something else. If your history is that you have had similar comments from other bosses (as far as being unapproachable or whatever), are you comfortable enough in your skills to consider self-employment in some capacity? And the donkey boss can kiss YOUR donkey if she thinks you have to give so much notice before leaving your job. Poop on her, you don't have to.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 6:14 pm
This will really sound weird. But it is a nice place to work. When I was having serious abdominal pain, one of the partners called his friend who is a OB/GYN and got me in to see him right away. My last one left the state. Anyway, the GYN was able to determine what was wrong and perform surgery. Then just two months ago, I tore my MCL. One of the other partners called his friend an orthopedic surgeon and got me in a month earlier than I could myself. They also let me arrange my work schedule so that I can pick up my DD from school on Friday's (the only weekday my DH and I both work). They do these kinds of things for all of their employees. So, I've always tried to remind myself of those things when times got rough.
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 6:29 pm
She told me once that if I ever felt like finding another job, I would need to give her several months to find someone. What does your contract state? I worked in a very hostile environment. Hubby had tried for ever to get me to quit - I came home in tears every night because I refused to cry at work, I refused to stoop to their low. I had an "at-will" contract. I originally intended to give 1 week's notice. Every time I walked into my boss's office others would run in there so not to be left out of anything. I even asked him for time that just us 2 could meet. He said maybe next week. I kept trying every day. On Friday I walked into his office, shut the door, and stated "Due to my parent's health issues, and HR's unwillingness to let me have FMLA, my last day will be today." DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS! It felt so good. I had tried to talk to my boss about what was going on in the office. He just blew it off. Said things like "you girls must just be hormonal" and "your feelings are just hurt, it will get better". The person in the office who had made a comment about me "just sitting there doing nothing" BEGGED me to at least come in the next day - Saturday - so she could learn about my job. [I did alot more than just sit there and do nothing. I just didn't do as much key punch entry that showed up on reports.] All I could say was SEE YA! IF you are in an at-will contract, they might try to say they will give you a bad reference if you don't give them X amount of notice. If they do, it's lawsuit time. All they can legally say when asked if proper notice was given [when it is an at-will contract] is "Yes" or "notice was given in accordance to the contract", "notice was given in accordance to the at-will contract". The latter might tip off whoever is asking that your employer would have liked more notice. But by law they cannot say anything other than that. If they do, they can get into alot of trouble.
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Taysmomcj
Member
03-24-2008
| Friday, October 03, 2008 - 6:40 pm
I never signed any contract, it's all "at-will". I know that I'm not under any obligation to give them more than the accepted 2 weeks. I think that when she said that, she meant it to be a scare tactic, to make me feel guilty if I ever left without them having someone to fill my place. "A" who is the part time accountant, is actually who I replaced when I started. She went back to school for a time, and now refuses to work more than 20 hours a week. So they wouldn't be completely without someone, but they would be seriously hurting.
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