Author |
Message |
Beachcomber
Member
08-26-2003
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 11:08 am
We had to put my MIL in a nursing home today due to a sudden severe onset of dementia that they think is due to ministrokes. She literally went out of her right mind in a matter of days. I am looking for advice about what and how many clothes should we have there for her, do we write her name in the backs of the clothes so they don't go missing, and any other helpful hints would greatly be appreciated. This is all so sudden and shocking that we have not had time to think clearly. TIA
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 11:33 am
((((((((((Beachcomber & Mom))))))))))))) First of all, BC, I am so very sorry that your mom became so ill so suddenly. How heartbreaking for all of you! But you are doing the right thing, since now your mom will need to be in a facility where they are trained in this regard. Just remember to visit often and/or have others drop by too. Make sure the staff knows she has folks who care about her and do NOT advertise when you are coming in unless you have to, just drop in. (I phone at least once a day and sometimes up to 3x a day if she's having a bad day.) Also I have a friend who visits her once or twice a week around dinnertime... and I visit once or twice a week too, on different days. Try to find out if the nursing home (NH) will put her name on ALL her items for you. That includes things like her toothbrush and her hair brush etc. I think they should, but that's because mom's NH does it. As for how many clothes... I don't know how to say this except straight out... bring a few of her favourite clothes but not all as some may get damaged over time or actually disappear. Since mom became pretty much incapacitated her nighties have gone missing, she has 4, on a good day maybe there's 2. I've resorted to bringing her long old tee shirts of mine as there's no point buying her stuff that goes poof in a matter of days. Also if if they do her laundry, be prepared for stuff to go missing more often. I hate to be the one to tell you this... but it's the very reason I do mom's laundry. (And stuff still goes poof... sigh) Since there is another Lily on her floor, sometimes her stuff ends up in mom's closet. I always return it to the nurses station and let them know.
|
Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 11:47 am
Beach, write her name in the clothes. As to what to send for her to wear I hope someone else has some ideas, I don't have a lot of experience with nursing homes. I would think slippers, pj's and a robe but I'm not sure about clothes. Oh, at least one sweater, I do remember when I went to the nursing home on occassions the patients were always cold. Biloxi, I agree with the others. You're not only a caregiver to your dad but also to you daughter. Even with help, you have a lot on you plate. Besides helping out financially, a job gives you a little break and will most likely make you happier which will make you a better caregiver! It's not quite the same thing, but, I love my children and spending time with them. Sometimes though, I need a break from them and when I get it, it helps me to be rebalanced, calmer, and ready to tackle kid problems. I think it's much the same with those we care for and us having some kind of outlet to do what we want once in a while. Nothing selfish about it.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 11:47 am
ETA BC, actually I am thinking of writing mom's name in HUGE letters on the outside-back of any new nighties/sleepshirts I will give her from now on, regardless of the fact that they will put a label with her name inside it anyways. And I mean HUGE letters in indelible ink marker... so that will be UNMISTAKEABLE that the item is hers. And yes, War is right, mom loves her sweaters and has several and wears them almost constantly except to sleep. Belle, ITA with War, last week was absolutely hellacious for me, and the only thing that kept my sanity was my job where I get to park my emotions outside the door for a few hours.
|
Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 12:23 pm
Wardog, I thought you used to work in a nursing home. Did I just make that up?
|
Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 12:59 pm
I worked in a retirement home, Juju. Doesn't sound like a big difference, but it really was. Our residents were ambulatory, fairly healthy, needed no personal care (showers, feeding, etc) from us. Many of our residents had illnesses of course, but it was stuff they could manage themselves. We had a few who were in the very beginning stages of dementia or alzheimers, parkinsons, or cancer but once they became too ill they left us for the nursing home. I always described the facility as apartment style living except we took care of the cooking, serving, cleaning, and maintanence. Closest we came to a nursing home was we would pass out meds to those who didn't or wouldn't remember to take them on time and the last few years I worked there we had someone who was hired to assist with showers. The man who owned our facility also owned the nursing home next door and the alzheimers facility on the other side, when our residents got to the point they could no longer stay at the retirement home, they could easily slip into one of the other facilities. Our residents were quite active, many still had their own cars and drove. Many went out dancing or to bingo, volunteered, we even had one woman who owned several restaurants and while her son did the day to day stuff, she went to work a couple days a week to do the bookkeeping. Hehe, one of my favorites was a guy named Eddie. His son played in a band that had a weekly gig at one of the clubs in town and a couple Saturday nights a month we'd go hang out with Eddie at the club. We had some pretty strict rules like our residents had to be able to walk down the stairs by themselves in case of an emergency, had to be dressed after breakfast, had to be able to administer their own meds and take care of their own medical needs (we could do first aid, but had no nurses on staff and weren't licensed by the state for that type of stuff,) and while we would take meal trays to their rooms if they were sick, they could only recieve them for three days. After that they either had to make an effort to come to the dining room or go to the doctor to figure out what was going on. Most of what we did was mandated by state and health laws for the type of facility we were. One of the biggest reasons I was so happy to quit was that the last year or two I was there the laws loosened up some and we had more residents we weren't trained to deal with. It was one thing to have to physically dress people and walk them back and forth to the dining room but towards the end of my time there we were allowed to keep residents well into alzheimers and dementia, those who would walk out of the building and get lost, who didn't know who anyone was, etc. It was frightening, not just for us who weren't trained to help people that advanced in dementia, but I think for the residents who needed so much more care. I still keep in touch with some of my former coworkers and what I hear is even worse than I was there. They are now dressing wounds, administering meds, and having to keep the building locked so some residents don't get out and get lost and they still don't have any nurses. I have no idea how they are getting away with it or if the state/health laws have changed that much. At one point when I still worked there, the state was on the admins case about hiring a nurse to give out meds (now at that time all we did was seperate their meds into packets for breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime and then hand them the envelope at the appropriate time) and they had to show that we didn't physically administer their meds (giving shots for example, we just handed them the shot and the med.) LOL, sorry, way more info than you asked for! My only experience with the nursing home was going over to visit our residents who were there recupperating from surgery, injury or illness, and going over for physicals or for first aid/cpr training.
|
Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 9:34 pm
Oh!! Yes, quite a difference.
|
Beachcomber
Member
08-26-2003
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 7:45 am
Mame & War, thanks for the advice. It is starting to hit my DH pretty hard that his Mom is in a nursing home. My brother-in-law is not married, so it falls to me to be thinking of and coordinating all of these things that only females think to do. The NH said they would put name labels in her clothes, but I think I will put the permanent marker name on the inside hem just to be sure. She quite enjoyed her first day and it was like Norm walking into Cheers. She knew alot of people there and has one dear friend there so we are encouraged that she will have active social interaction and lots of visitors from church and extended family that have family members there too. I just dread the first time that she asks to go home, that will be the heartbreaker for my DH. We were supposed to all go to the beach in August and it is going to be sad to be down there without her being along.
|
Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 9:45 am
Beachcomber, don't discount the possibility that you can take your MIL with you on your trip! Patients can be taken for day trips or extended home visits, and if you and your dh feel you can handle taking care of her on your vacation, by all means do so! I'm sorry it's difficult for everyone. Not many of us get out of this world without some heartache like this, and at least you can take comfort that she enjoyed her first day! Hang in there!
|
Watching2
Member
07-07-2001
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 11:16 am
Amen Huk. Amen.
|
Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 1:28 pm
Aw Beach, I'm sorry it's hitting your dh hard. But, yay that mil has friends in the nursing home! Er, that sounds terrible, just mean that its good she knows people there and won't have to try adjusting to the nursing home while not knowing anyone. I'm taking my own advice. Tomorrow, Caleb's going to his buddy's house, Dakota's going to my sisters, and I'm not going to my aunts. A whole day to myself, by myself, and not doing anything for anyone else at all. Love my kids, love my aunt, but the last couple weeks...wait, the last couple months have been all about everyone else and I need a break!
|
Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 2:46 pm
Oh Beach I am so sorry to hear about all this. I am glad your MIL is adapting and knows so many people. That is a big help. You might want to think about adding her room number along with her name, inside her clothing. It might help the laundry personal when it comes to delivering it back to her, until they learn her name.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Wednesday, July 16, 2008 - 4:34 pm
BC, How wonderful that your mom has friends there! It's a built in social network for her and should make the move that much easier for her. I hope she participates in as many activities as possible to keep her mind and body working as long as possible.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, July 18, 2008 - 8:23 pm
I'm baaaack! Well the meeting with the NH Head Honchos went okay. No heads rolled, but evidently both culprits were taken to task,individually, twice, this week and given a laundry list of their transgressions, where they dropped the ball, so to speak and it was apparently made clear what is expected of them, etc. And it's now officially on their records. (3 strikes and yer out!) During the meeting with the honchos I praised the other PCA to the skies, and the honchos called her a treasure. I also said repeatedly that the place is one of the best in the city and my volunteering on the family council is to ensure that it stays that way. (The Head Honcho called me the President of the council, and I had to correct him that I'm only the Veep.) When I went onto mom's floor after the meeting the PCA was glaring at me... and I am frankly relieved that he ISN'T usually in charge of mom. But it was GREAT to see his ever-present smirk wiped off his face for once! The nurse must have been told to lose the 'tude she was giving me on the weekend, cuz she was relatively civil. But she tried to manipulate me into feeling bad for her, to no avail. She told me that she is taking a week off due to 'stress'. (Cry me a river. LOL) I told her that I am also stressed out due to worrying about mom and her care, when things like her glasses go mysteriously missing, on her shift, and then reappear mysteriously when mom's room was checked twice, once by me and once by dh. And she didn't bother to call me and inform me they were found. And that I was so stressed that I had to leave work early yesterday. She also told me that there would be no stress if there were 'communication and trust'. I told her that there would be less stress - for both of us, and more trust, if mom's meal hadn't been neglected and forgotten! (Don't mess with me when it comes to my loved ones!) BUT I also told her that I am pleased with how cheery mom looks this week AND how well she's eating the past few days - as always, I am nothing, if not fair. (Even though it took shaking the rafters with my letter to accomplish this. I just truly wish it hadn't had to come to that.) All in all, mom is doing great this week and that's the main thing. Secondary is that it's gone on their record and they HAVE to pull up their socks now. I must say that I am not usually this assertive, (I'm very much a Rodney King kind of 'can't we all get along?' kind of person,) so it's been quite a harrowing week for me. But this had to be done and followed through, it helped knowing that I was doing the right thing. And no, I don't think it was a waste of time, or that it will have negative results, but time will tell...
|
Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Saturday, July 19, 2008 - 6:53 am
Congrats, Mame! You sure put on your big girl panties and delt with that problem.
|
Babyruth
Member
07-19-2001
| Saturday, July 19, 2008 - 10:15 am
Kudos to a great patient advocate!!!!!!!!!!! Just think of how the lives of their other patients (present and future) will be improved thanks to your persistence.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, July 19, 2008 - 8:28 pm
Thx OG & BR!!! As I said in my folder BR, that is HIGH PRAISE coming from a nurse... you made my day, thanks again! LOL about the big girl panties, OG!
|
Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 7:28 am
Not original with me, but it helps to think of that saying when things get difficult and I don't want to do it.

|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 8:30 am
Hey OG... lookie-lookie what I found! LOL

|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 8:55 am
Apparently mom has been eating like a starving lumberjack for the past few days! I guess miracles DO happen - if you stick your neck out, and DEMAND them. (Hope this turn of the tides lasts for a bit.)
|
Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 11:00 am
That sounds so promising, Mame; gives you a little breathing room.
|
Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 9:13 pm
Wow, that is great, MB. Unless they are just telling you that ...
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, July 21, 2008 - 9:36 am
THanks, and trust me Jooj, it's crossed my mind... but I am trying to be optimistic and think positive. And the bottom line is that the last 3x I've seen mom, she's looked terrific, (Translation: perky and lucid) all things considered. And I saw her eating somewhat better the last few times I was there, myself. Although it's still hit and miss. She only ate one bowl of soup for lunch today. So the nurse gave her the meal supplement drink.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, July 21, 2008 - 1:46 pm
Here's the letter I sent to the Head Honchos at mom's NH this afternoon: Monday July 21, 2008 Dear B & D, I want to thank you both for meeting with me last Friday to discuss the concerns I raised in my letter. I came away from that meeting feeling confident that this matter, and the individuals involved, have been dealt with swiftly and professionally. It is very much appreciated, because as you know this has been a tremendously worrisome situation for my family. I look forward to seeing immediate, positive results between the individuals involved and their ongoing care, when it comes to timely meals for my mother Lily --- (and the others in their charge), prior to staff taking their breaks. As requested, I will certainly let you know immediately if anything of concern occurs again. But let's hope it won't come to that... as things already are looking up somewhat. At this point, it seems that I won't have to engage a private care-giver. As I said to you at our meeting, I am delighted that mom seems to be faring better the past few days, with a bit more pep and appetite. Not quite sure how this miracle is being accomplished, but please keep up the good work! I would very much appreciate it, if you would continue to keep me apprised, if anything more comes to light in this regard. Special thanks to K for kindly listening to me vent on the telephone... Sincerely, Mrs. Joyce --- ---
|
Babyruth
Member
07-19-2001
| Monday, July 21, 2008 - 1:49 pm
Very nice 
|
|