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Archive through July 15, 2008

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions ARCHIVES: July 2008 - Sept 2008: Community Corner: A Caring Place: CAREGIVERS RESPITE ROOM - Parenting Our Aging Parents...: Archive through July 15, 2008 users admin

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Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 7:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
Good one Mames!

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 8:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Babyruth a private message Print Post    
Attagirl, MameB! Great letter!

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 9:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Posted in my folder:

Thanks again everyone for your staunch support. Vin and I appreciate the phonecalls, and emails, and posts, etc., more than you know. We are grateful for your friendship. I've been showing dh your posts and he's taken it to heart and thanks you all, too.

I've read the letter to Lucia, the Family Council prez, and she is 100% behind what she calls my 'amazing' letter.

Vin and I are also busy luving up Scooty, Bandy's daughter, who is morphing into a cuddle-puss much to our surprise! She hasn't nipped at my fingers in a couple of days, miracle of miracles.

In an effort to cheer myself up, I had my hair cut and coloured this week. And may I say, I am a little hottie? Okay, a tubby little hottie, but a hottie nonetheless. I'll be posting pix in the hair thread shortly. DH is delighted to see me happy about SOMETHING (anything!) this week.

I am so grateful that I Have my new part-time job. It really takes my mind off things for the few hours I'm there. Thanks again to Chappy for nagging me relentlessly to join her at that company! She saw my hair tonight... and she can vouch that I am hotness incarnate... or she'd better since it's my turn to buy lunch next time. LOL

It feels somewhat inapropriate to try to be jolly, but being Ms. Doom and Gloom is draining and unhealthy. It can't be so wrong to try to find pleasure in silly little things like a new hairdo? Frankly I highly recommend it as a terrific stressbuster. (That, and 300mg Motrin. LOL)

Other gratitudes include having made SEVERAL new friends these past 3 weeks. One in jury selection, one on the jury with me, and a nice couple who run a mom & pop restaurant nearby. Plus there are some neat folks at the place where Chappy and I work.

Biloxibelle
Member

12-21-2001

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 6:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biloxibelle a private message Print Post    
(((MameB))) it does my heart good to see you being cheery. I just love you to pieces and have for years anything that brings you joy, brings me joy. Going to head off to see the hottie pictures.

I guess this is the week for NH's and rehab's to be off their games. I will be going to see M the admin of dad's this morning.

Dad has been having very loose bowels for a while now. Something he did not go in with. Yes, every once in a while it happened here, but now it is at least two maybe three times a day and uncontrollable . The hospital thought it was the antibiotic, but he is long off of them now.

For the past 4 days I have been up to the nurses station about it. My first concern is, why? My second concern is, he will end up falling in the bathroom getting in a hurry. Third is what are we going to do about it.

I will preface this by saying I do not like the nurse I have been dealing with. With that in mind I have been very careful on how I talk to her. Well, everyday I have been up there she turns it around on dad, saying "well he doesn't say anything about it, only you do". Ok fine, I am telling you now, do something. I also pointed out that his call button is never in reach of him when he is up, it is always on the wall side of the bed railing. Her answer to that was, "If he can get in the bathroom himself he can reach that button".

Yesterday it all came to a head. I stopped at that station on my way in and asked if she had talked to the Dr. or PA about the bowels. Her answer was, "no I have asked him all day if he has had problems and he is telling me, no". I asked her to come into his room with me and we would get to the bottom of it now. She said, "when I have time". So I went to his room and he was agitated as all get out (he was just coming out of the bathroom then with a bout). I asked him about her asking and he said he she was in there around 8am with his pills and she asked him if he had any diarrhea and he said, not yet.

So in the next breath he asked me if I had brought his diapers. I told him, no. Why? He said cause I am out. I looked in his closet and yup there was only an empty bag. He told me he went out to the nurses station and asked her "call my daughter". She told him, "No!". So he told her, "hey I need some diapers". She told him, "your daughter said yesterday she was bringing some today". I never said that to her yesterday, it wasn't even discussed.

I flew out of there like a bat out of hell. I stopped at the desk where they were sitting and she actually turned her back on me. I just said, fine I will take this to the front office. The other nurse or ward clerk, not sure which tried to stop me, but I didn't turn back around as I was heading down the hall. Of course the front office was closed. So I went to the drug store and came back with the diapers.

We were back in his room about 15 minutes when she came in. All cheery and friendly. Stating she talked to the head nurse and they are starting Raglin (sp) 4x's a day to see if that helps. That he is to call them when he goes to the bathroom. I asked her, "how is he to that when is button is over there" I pointed to the railing. She says, "oh that is suppose to always be in reach, I will tell the CNA about that". DOH!

I asked her, why did you tell my dad "no" this morning when he asked you to call me? Her answer was "oh no I would never tell a patient that. It is policy we always make phone calls for them". Dad pipped in, not this morning you didn't. She tried to say that maybe he was confused and it was someone else he talked to. She would get to the bottom of it. Then I asked, "Did you tell him I was bringing diapers today"? She said, "yes didn't you tell me that yesterday". "ummm no I didn't" Then she says, "Oh that's right it was Mrs. F daughter". Busted! She told on herself right there she was the one that talked to dad this morning.

I told her that my dad will never be told no again. I didn't care if he wanted to place a call at 3am to tell me it is 3am he will not be told no.

My other issue is they have him on a bland diet. He won't eat it. He tries to take a bite and gags and puts it down. The nurse said yes it is becoming a concern that he is not eating. I told her he will go back on a regular diet. She picked up the paper off his tray and said. "oh no he won't, Dr> (which is just a house Doctor BTW, that has never even seen dad) has him on bland". I told her I didn't care (actually I said "a rats ass") what the Dr. put him on he will eat regular. Heck he already has diarrhea and has had it since the hospital. I told he was 90 years old and could eat whatever he wanted. I didn't care if he wanted chocolate cake and candy (which he wouldn't, but by then I was so mad I was beyond reason) at every meal that was what he would get. Which is worse eating regular or not eating at all?

Oh yeah off to the shower, then off to rehab.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 6:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ophiliasgrandma a private message Print Post    
BB, that is awful, just awful what your poor father and you have to put up with. I pray for you both and the situation. I pray the caregivers will get on the ball and be a whole lot more compassionate. I pray more funds become available so an adequate number of staff can be hired.

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 9:09 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Babyruth a private message Print Post    
Biloxibelle, my quick two cents:

Insist on having a stool sample sent off to be tested for c.diff. It's common to pick this up in hospitals and/or after certain antibiotics. If the test is positive, the treatment is three pills a day for 10 days, with the diarrhea beginning to subside after 2-3 days usually. They should also send stool for tests of common causes of diarrhea (various parasites).

I would ask the nurse AND, and try to call the doc or a higherup yourself. In the meantime, try to make sure your Dad stays hydrated, as diarrhea is much more serious in the elderly.

((((((Biloxibelle))))))

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 1:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Excellent point, BR. Friend of some of us at another board or two got that last time she was in the hospital and had to be back in again recently and was really scared of getting it again. It is apparently fairly common to contract it after being on antibiotics and after a hospital stay. I am sort of surprised they have not tested him for it already.

Keep fighting, Biloxibelle. Sounds like your Dad needs you to do it for him.

Dahli
Member

11-27-2000

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 8:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dahli a private message Print Post    
I'd also like to suggest for your dad a good heaping tsp of a high quality probiotic powder with lunch and dinner can also be of great help...

Watching2
Member

07-07-2001

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 9:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Watching2 a private message Print Post    
Wow BB. I can't believe what your dad and you are going through. Why doesn't the rehab facility provide the diapers? In my dad's NH, which is also used as a rehab center, they provide the diapers and any other self-care things he needs. I'd be livid, too. We've been very fortunate in the care-givers my dad has. They update us every day and even if all 3 of us come in at different times, they let us all know. Some of the CNAs I don't even recall speaking with just recognize me and will ask, "Are you looking for this guy?," in a really pleasant voice. I'm never quite sure where he's going to be when I get there.

FYI - It's very typical for antibiotics to kill off "good bacteria" along with the bad. It can happen even weeks after finishing them, depending on the antibiotic. I'm very sensitive to them so I always take the least irritating one as possible and I always either eat active culture yogurt and take Lactobacillus acidophilus tablets while I'm on antibiotics and for a while after I finish. They help restore the "normal flora" or good bacteria into the intestinal tract. I've actually read it's not a bad idea for adults to take lactobacillus daily.

My dad hasn't been too great lately. The last time he actually seemed to acknowledge and act like he recognized me was this past Sunday night. All the other visits I've been lucky if I can even him wake up. If I'm really lucky, I can get him to eat a snack since he's not eating well at all. We've also said, if the only thing we can get him to eat is icecream, and oatmeal cookie or the like, at least it's something! Today I didn't come from home and the nurse went and got an icecream cup for him. It takes forever to get anything in him and he'll yell at me that he doesn't want anymore, but then I try again in a little bit and sure enough, he'll let me feed him. Today he actually yelled at me a few times and told me to "get out" but I just stayed anyway and then he'd get over it, until he yelled at me again. LOL Oh well, at least he talked to me!

They don't like that his heel sore isn't healing properly so they're scheduling him for a bone scan next week. They want to make sure the infection hasn't gone into his bones. My brothers and I were all together today and there is at least one or two and many times all three of us are there every day and we can't complain about the care he's getting. They're all so friendly and really concerned when things aren't right. They also interact with the residents in such a nice way and even staff from different floors know their names.

It's hard for us to imagine he's going to make a lot longer, but we're all pretty much at peace with it although I know saying it now is different than when it actually happens. We just know he never wanted to live this way in this condition. So good days, bad days with how we're coping, but we're fortunate to have one another and we're all on the same page.

BB - I hope to hear some things have been shook up at that rehab facility and you see a change pronto.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 9:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Prior to emailing the letter to the NH, I phoned the 2nd in command there, and read her the letter over the phone - she was appalled and agreed with me on EVERY point. And then I emailed it to her, her boss the head honcho, and the head of the nursing department. When I called back later to confirm that they had received the email, the 2nd in command told me that the head of nursing is taking this VERY seriously, and punitive actions are very likely after a thorough investigation next week. It's come to my attention through the grapevine that the nurse who dropped the ball so to speak the other day pretty much hung herself (again) with her own report. (The mind boggles.) I found it 'interesting' that 'coincidentally' neither 'culprit' named in my letter made it in to work today... coincidence? Who knows. I had mentioned that I would be in to visit mom today...
I also received an email back from the head of the nursing dept, with the expected, basic spiel about mom's health being their priority too. etc etc. The important thing is that she said she would conduct an investigation as of Monday since neither culprit was in today, and that the nurse-manager who was involved the other day, would be on mom's floor today monitering mom's situation. And sure enough, the nurse-manager was there, and even though she was run off her feet distributing meds, etc, she was great with me, and also did check at least a couple of times with mom, so that was reassuring. Also, in a nice turn-of-events, a PCA (who'd been beyond rude to me during one of mom's medical crisis a few months ago, and who I'd reported, and who was called on the carpet at that time) was the one to get mom to eat today. With her help mom managed to consume about 1/3 of her dinner, which is as much as we can expect these days. I thanked her, and commended her to the nurse-manager, and made a point of mentioning it in my reply email to the head of nursing. I am nothing, if not fair. (And by doing so, I drove home that point.)

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 9:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Oh Belle, how awful for your dad, but thank heavens he has you there to advocate for him and to kick ass when needed! And I love your 'take no prisoners' attitude where your dad is concerned. I'm developing that attitude really quickly this week myself.

I am so grateful that we are cyberpals Belle, your posts always feel like we are longtime BFF-penpals. (Which I guess we are! LOL )

As for mom's diaper situation, I was told on the phone by the day nurse that mom had been given her shower and was fresh as a daisy this morning. When I got there around 4:30 mom's diaper was ripe. So a PCA changed her before taking her to dinner, but it's the first time she's been so stinky. I have no idea how often they are supposed to change her diaper, but ewww. Anyhow, she used to be so fastidious, and showered daily at 6 AM like clockwork, she would be so mortified if she understood the state she is in these days.

Watching, the description of your dad is almost exactly the same as my mom, except she is still lucid and always recognises me - so far. I genuinely envy your peacefulness with the situation. Deep down I believe that my anger and hyper-vigilance with my mom's situation is due to my overall feeling of doom and helplessness about her EVIDENT and RAPID decline. I can't even take a day to go out of the city to escape for a bit for fear of some horrible crisis. She's so zombie-like a lot of the time these days, to be gut-honest, it creeps me out. It's like I've already lost her in so many ways.

Oldtex
Member

03-06-2006

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 10:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Oldtex a private message Print Post    
Watching, Mame...the descriptions you have both posted just touch my heart in such a special way. I know how hard it is, how helpless you must feel and yes, angry too. I understand that these difficult days and weeks seem so cruel.

I also was very surprised how quickly my mom declined and how her appearance totally shocked me. The only thing we could do, during the final days (probably more like weeks) would just be there with her and let her know we loved her. Your parent knows your presence and feelings. I truly believe this.

I have such pain in my heart for you. This time with them will be something you will never forget. Treasure what you can. I only hope that when my body starts to fail, there will be someone like you to be there with me.

There is so much I'd like to say, but now is not the time. Please know that you are both doing the right things. You and your families are in my thoughts and prayers. All will be OK one day. Your feelings and fears are normal.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Friday, July 11, 2008 - 10:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Bless you OT! Thank you for your heartfelt words.

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 12:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
(((Watching & Mames & Biloxibelle)))

My heart goes out to ALL of you! So sorry for the stuff you're going through!

WRT the diarrhea issues. Sounds like you've been given good advice. Antibiotics can do a number so long after even. I had to miss the funeral for my Friend of 40-some years because I couldn't leave the loo, certainly not for the hour drive to get to the services. Would it be possible to ask for a commode chair next to the bed for the really rush situations? Beats slipping & falling, they're very sturdy. My Mom had one discretely placed near her bed, even though she rarely used it except emergencies (sometimes we used it as a spare chair when several visitors which kind of took the shock&awe out-just another piece of 'furniture'). ETA, even with assistance it's hard to make it so FAR to the bathroom.

One thing, though, surprising in my Mom's former nursing home. She started experiencing problems. I didn't know if it was a Jewish custom since she was in a Jewish NH. The doctors there believed in doing other remedies rather than adding more meds, when possible.

They gave her Coconut Macaroon cookies instead. And it stopped it. Now, when I google:
coconut macaroons diarrhea
There's a whole lot of info to support the benefits. Wow! Don't know if your Dad is in a position to eat them, but it's worth looking at.

WRT the shower stuff, my Dad (same NH) was refusing the showers for weeks on end. Finally, when they got down to the issues, it turned out that he was COLD. They were doing them in the mornings, part of the scheduled routine. When they agreed to shower him in the afternoons, he stopped refusing. Plus, my Sis said she wouldn't take him out unless he had a shower the day before (not that he can be taken out these days). But, figure out if the Cold issue might be the hangup.

Good Luck and Hang In There!

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 1:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Thanks Bisc, y'know those cookies ARE very popular within the Jewish community (well the folks I know anyways). But I, personally, never knew about their medicinal properties.

You learn something new everyday, eh? Thanks for the info!

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 3:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ophiliasgrandma a private message Print Post    
I've known about the cookies for a long time and they work.

Today I just met at the bank with my brother and we got the bulk of our inheritance from our mom. It was just 2 months ago that she passed away. I sure recommend a living trust for everyone. It cuts out probate and speeds things along in a wonderful manner.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 3:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
((((((OG))))))
Mom has a living trust too (if that means her Will, and me having both powers of attorney.)

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ophiliasgrandma a private message Print Post    
No, it is not a will. Mom put her savings and checking accounts into the trust and the proceeds were distributed by the terms in the trust. No muss, no fuss, no lawyers and no probate.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 3:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Oh I see. Mom's banking is in both our names, and I've got both her wellbeing power of attorney and her financial one, so I THINK we have all our ducks in a row.

Biloxibelle
Member

12-21-2001

Monday, July 14, 2008 - 1:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biloxibelle a private message Print Post    
Well, I think we got that all straightened out now. At least I hope so. The nurse got in there a head of me and filed her report. LOL didn't quite match up with my version. So of course they know the truth is somewhere in the middle. The stool sample has been sent off.

I did get him set up on regular foods.

Now for the dilemma. He walked on the walker for the first time today. So now he wants to come home. He asked the nurse when I was there, hey when am I getting out of here? She said it would be up to Dr Drake and the PT department. So he tells me, Well, Dr. Drake will let me come now, cause I walked today.

Sigh, I don't think he is ready yet. I know I'm not. I told him dad you can't even get in and out of the bathroom by yourself. He says yes I can and points to his wheelchair. Well, the bathroom at rehab is huge. Here, not so much. His wheelchair or walker will not even fit through the door. He has to be able to hold on to the wall and then the vanity to get to the toilet here.

I could get him a hospital bed and a bedside commode here. His bed he has now doesn't leave much side room in his room. So that would take care of that.

Here comes the selfish part. For the first time since we moved here, I have help with Stephanie and I got a job. I start on August 1st. I will not be here for his breakfast. He will have to be able to get it on his own or I am going to just have to forgo my job before I even start and be here to take care of him.

If he talks them into letting him leave now, there is no way I can't be with him. For one thing he is very hard headed and even I tell him not to do certain things, such as, don't go outside, don't try to shower until I am here or don't open the door to strangers, he will anyway. Not to mention he is still having "accidents" in his clothing.

I feel like such a selfish ungrateful daughter for even typing this. The thing is I worked hard to get this job. I want to do it. Not to mention we have been struggling since the hurricane. Our property taxes have gone up along with homeowners. Our mortgage alone has double just due to that. Our saving have all been spent and we are paying loans back for fixing our house. My husband has been shouldering this all by himself. Now I have a chance to work and help take some of the burden off of him. I am going to be 50 in December and sometime I think my life will never be my own.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Monday, July 14, 2008 - 2:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ophiliasgrandma a private message Print Post    
You are not selfish, just human. I will keep praying for this situation. My heart goes out to you and your father.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, July 14, 2008 - 7:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Belle I ditto what OG says! But it's great that your dad IS able to use his walker again. I'm sure if you speak with the medical staff they can assess whether he realistically will be coming home or not. I doubt they will send him home if you have your hands full and can't care for him 24/7.

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Monday, July 14, 2008 - 9:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
Biloxi, I agree with the others! You have beyond valid reasons for wanting that job - not like you're getting it to buy a new wardrobe or silly stuff. Nothing selfish about it. You too deserve a life!

Really, if you can talk to the Doctor or medical staff before more discussions can occur, and tell them the situation at home, it may circumvent false hopes on the part of your Dad. Seems like when the words "No, you're not going home." come from the
Doctor's mouth - it's more firm and usually better received, somewhat easier to accept. No 'working' or unconscious manipulation of one's children or guilt tripping. (When ALL they can focus on is getting back home and MAYBE life will return to normal, who wouldn't want that? But life isn't always that flexible, sadly.)

Good luck!

Biloxibelle
Member

12-21-2001

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 5:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biloxibelle a private message Print Post    
aww thank you so much for coming to my pity party. I threw it together so fast I didn't even have time to decorate or serve proper refreshments.

What I want him to be doing is to be actually walking on his walker. 99% of the time before release. Right now everywhere he goes in the facility he goes by wheelchair. I think when he is up and traveling by walker again I will feel much better about him being here. Plus if it is not doable I want it to be discovered there, not here. That way I will know exactly what kind of arrangement we will need to make here and not be blindsided. As of right now all he did was walk to the door in PE with the walker and that was with the therapist walking along side holding him up with a waist strap.

We have a meeting at 10 tomorrow so I hope to have it all ironed out by then.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 - 8:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Mom's glasses went missing on Sunday, but I am so relieved that mom's glasses were found yesterday. I confirmed it with Mom herself this morning. Funny how they went missing on a 'certain team's' shift, but reappeared on the next shift. Hmmm? Paranoid, probably - but who knows?

I've gotten the 2nd email followup to my letter of complaint to the NH. This is what it said:

Good afternoon Joyce,
K and I have completed the interviews today, we will review with B tomorrow and I will be able to give you a summary of the outcome, and corrective action.
Thank you for your patience.
Sincerely...

So probably later today I'll find out how it all shook out. I have decided in my heart that I don't necessarily want anyone fired. But I do want them off mom's floor, if that's at all possible. But then again, I know it's up to the NH to deal with it. I'm just concerned about repercussions... like mom's glasses disappearing, etc.