Author |
Message |
Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 11:56 am
this is a question for the men on TVCH. you don't participate a lot and you need to now. girls can put in their input...but i really want guys...and not just jimmer :D so our would be 4 year anniversary is coming up in april. i know it will be hard an extremely hard day for me. i will be non-stop moving so to occupy my time to not think about him...even though i know i will be thinking about him. so guys...do you think he will be thinking about it to?? have you broken up with a girl after many years and the first anniversary that came around...you thought about her? i know he's keeping himself extremely busy and has another woman to keep himself busy...but i know there is times where he thinks back...well at least i hope. i know i shouldn't care about this...but i do. i want to know that i meant something to him.
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 3:48 pm
How long since you split? And was he good at remembering anniversaries when you were together?
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 6:13 pm
end of january is when we spilt...we officially stopped talking just a week ago tho (i know, i know). and he always remembered our anniversaries when we were together...he remembered more than me.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 6:19 pm
Beckie, let him go... it's over. It's sad and a huge part of your life, but time to stop spending your valuable time wondering what he is thinking. You really shouldn't give a sh!t if he thinks of you or not.
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Skootz
Member
07-23-2003
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 7:10 pm
Yes, Beckie, on to bigger and better things.
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Dahli
Member
11-27-2000
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 7:14 pm
Beckie, it's more important that you mean something to you. Until that happens, ain't nobody gonna be able to fill up that empty space. Spend more time in the now and enjoy it, that's all we got really.... sigh... youth really is wasted on the young LOL!
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Neko
Member
08-03-2001
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 8:43 pm
You're wasting your time hoping that he's thinking about you. I went through that phase early last year after me and my bf broke up too, and now I wish I had just moved on. It was such a waste of time, because I was hoping he was thinking of me, and hoping that maybe he'd change his mind, which was just keeping me thinking about him, when chances are, he wasn't wasting the time on me like I was on him. Break ups suck, but as the book says, they're called break ups because they're broken. Pay more attention to what you think about yourself, not what he might be thinking about you.
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Sharinia
Member
09-07-2002
| Thursday, March 13, 2008 - 11:01 pm
well, I'm not a guy ... and I don't know you two ... but my guess would be that he will be thinking of you. four years is a long time and i'm sure that you meant a lot to him, becky. most guys i've known are pretty sentimental (more than they like to let on) and they do think about old flames (unless/until they are happily married). i think its natural for you to still think of him and wonder. i don't know your whole situation.. the other advice here is prolly good...gl.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 5:29 am
truly, ask yourself... will it make our break up easier knowing he is thinking of me on our anniversary? will it make me feel better knowing he is thinking of me on our anniversary? will it change anything knowing he is thinking of me on our anniversary? will it make it easier for me to finally move on with my life knowing he is thinking of me on our anniversary?
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 6:09 am
Good questions Annie.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 6:54 am
Beckie, as a technical matter, when you broke up, anniverseries stopped. And, honey, you are still a baby. Just think of all the wonderful possible mates for you that you haven't even met yet. Slam the door on this chapter of your life and expect wonderful things in the next one.
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Brenda1966
Member
07-03-2002
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 11:19 am
Beckie, tell yourself whatever it is you need to think in order to help you move on.
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Cinnamongirl
Member
01-10-2001
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 11:55 am
Beckie03. If he remebered them in the past, chances are he will remember them now, but either way, it doesn't change the fact that he has moved on. I'm so sorry Beckie, its such a tough road but one day you'll look back and wish you hadn't bothered worrying about these things.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:02 pm
((( Beckie ))) I'm so sorry you're having such a rough go of it emotionally. Like the others, I don't think it serves YOU well to obsess about what he is or isn't thinking. It might be best for you when those thoughts come up, to forcefully (and depending on where you are) say NO to such thoughts. Then refocus your energy on what you are doing at that moment to be happy. Good luck!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:10 pm
((Beckie)) I just hope you do something nice for yourself today...take a walk, buy yourself some flowers, buy a good juicy book, treat yourself to something totally selfish. I think you're still grieving the loss of your relationship. It takes time to emotionally heal. Doing something positive can really lift your spirit.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:28 pm
i'm tired of grieving. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of making this guy important. i'm tired of thinking about him. i honestly wish i had amensia so i wouldn't have to remember any of this. this was the first guy i gave my total heart to. the first guy who has truly broken my heart. i hate this feeling. i haven't hardly eaten anything...everything that i was able to finish before, i can't. i can't even finish a 6' sub from subway when i used to be able to finish a footlong. i want to stop grieving...but, everywhere i turn...i remember something that we did together. my mom asked me if i wanted to go to chipotle last night...i broke down crying...we always went there together. i want to move on, but i want to know that i was important to him...and i hate that. i hate that i care and that i can't stop caring. twiggyish...i am going and watching some baseball today...hot guys...hopefully get my mind off of him...except the fact that that was his sport...ugh. i hate this. i hate breaking up.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:32 pm
Beckie, you can either keep crying or you can pull yourself up and do stuff to distract yourself. I know it hurts, but like Kar said, force yourself to stop thinking about the sad stuff. (For example, force yourself to go to Chipotle and focus on how good the food is. Don't go there and cry the whole time.) It is up to you to force yourself to let go of the pain instead of hold onto it.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:34 pm
I agree Julie. Beckie, I think there will be many things you do that will remind you of him. You have to remember that there will be memories, but you can make new ones at those places. Otherwise, you may try to hide from those things you used to like to do. Go enjoy the hot guys. Do you have a friend who makes you laugh? I'd try to go with someone like that.
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Ahnicka
Member
08-08-2007
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 3:08 pm
Wow, deja vu! Beckie, I've went thru the same thing before and felt exactly like how you described. It gets better, but the thing is you have to actively and consistently work at it for it to get better. Don't be passive in your healing process, take the driver seat in it, otherwise you will have given all your power to a man that either didn't know how or just didn't care how to treat the most precious and valuable thing you offered him--your heart. Intellectually you understand that I'm sure as did I, but our heart just wants to know that we were special, that we meant something to him, that despite how offended we feel or how awful we felt we were treated that he will feel some sort of remorse or that he's missing us some, so that he's at least thinking about us in some way, which gives us a very teeny tiny piece of solace. But the reality is like the others said, in this season of your life, with the way things are right now and in the grand scheme of things it means nothing; although I greatly understand the desire for it. He either doesn't know how or just didn't care about the precious gift you offered him--which is your heart and your love, or he just isn't mature enough to know how to receive and reciprocate that gift. Therefore, intellectually you know pining away for him isn't in your best interest nor is it healthy for you; now it's time to commit that current reality to heart and act on your healing even when you don't feel up to it, until the rest of you can catch up and be reconditioned. So stay busy, continue to do the things you normally did and do more if you can handle that, hang out with friends alot, keep moving and shaking even if you have to force yourself, until the rest and the best of you can catch up again. Like a couple other people mentioned, if he always remembered your anniversary before then yes he might remember what would have been your anniversary again in April. Or even if he doesn't, the odds are that he has his moments when he does think of you--my then ex had told me he thought of me--so if that is some solace to you then use it to fuel yourself to heal and move on. You will feel so empowered when you do, and it may not seem this way now, but you'll have gained so much knowledge and wisdom from it if you let this current experience teach you and you learn from it. I hope you feel better soon and wish you great empowerment, strength, healing and wholeness.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 4:19 pm
Beckie, I can remember when i went through this, at one point I was in the shower, and I just was losing it, breaking down. I was hysterical and the only reason I was in the shower at that moment was because the sound of the water drowned out my sobs so my family couldn't hear. I was just sobbing because I could not believe that it was actually and truely over. Such a big part of my life, just stopped, done, ended, definite, final, over. I just kept saying "How could this happen to me? Is this really my life?" I never dreamed or imagined I could feel so sad, desperate, depressed, devestated, low. And through my sobs I began to wonder if I was really truley grieving over the person or the dream of what I wanted that person to be.
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 5:56 pm
Oh i know, escapee. it's not him...it's everything about it. he was my best friend. i don't have nayone else like that. i know i will in time...but for now...going through this...i have friends, but no one like a best friend. i know i'm not missing him perse...i'm missing the whole relationship...that's why i don't want to rebound because i miss that relationship and i know i'm not ready for a relationship right now and if i rebound that's what i'll want. i have been keeping myself busy...extremely busy. but...there's just those times where i find myself (like right before I'm falling asleep) thinking about him...I've truly been trying my hardest to move on and keep myself busy and not think about him. the thing that is hard, is that literally...we only ever went 48 hours without seeing other...ever. in almost 4 years. it's just so flippin crazy that's it's really, truly, defintely over. so i'm trying my best...i hate taking steps back. and overall, i have taken so many steps forward. and i'll continue to... and thanks for all your wishes and heartfelt expressions. you don't know how much this all means to me...as i sit here and tear up. i know this is the right thing to do...and i do listen to what everyone says...and i have been trying my best to put everything into good use. trust me...i look at that sob list all the time...it's still tough as hell to hate him, even though that's all i want to do.
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Texasdeb
Member
05-23-2003
| Friday, March 14, 2008 - 7:43 pm
Beckie, you'll never be able to hate someone you once loved on that level. Don't even try. Let it be a lesson though. Love hurts - how many great songs are out there about it. Love is something that most people want in their life - so we put ourselves out there. Wrap yourself up in your job, family, friend, & anything else that interests you. You'll be surprised at how much healing you'll get from associating yourself with folks that really do love/like you. Hey, if nothing else works, go get a new outfit or get your hair changed or anything that helps you become the "new" improved you without him.
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Skootz
Member
07-23-2003
| Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 7:23 am
Beckie - just found this this morning, thought of you, so I figured I will post it for ya. By: Kristy Glassen We can't blame others when love dwindles away-- For we knew from the start it never promised to stay. It's just one of those things where the stakes are high-- And sometimes it's forever, and sometimes it's good-bye. When you love the right way, you will never lose-- No matter what path life may force us to choose. You may end up with tears or a broken heart-- But you knew what you signed up for from the start. You can only give what you've got to give-- And if that's not enough, then you must continue to live. Life will go on and broken hearts will heal-- You must continue your quest for that's the deal. Throw your heart into life and never stall-- For the greatest risk is to risk nothing at all. You see, love is the only thing that we know-- That can be divided and divided but continue to grow And life isn't long enough to lock away our heart-- Just because life may have forced two people apart. We will continue to love and continue to lose-- We will continue to pick and continue to choose. And then one day we will just risk it all-- Take the chains off our hearts and dismantle the wall. The last time we love will be forever-- And never again will our hearts be forced to sever. We'll never have doubts that it'll go away-- Because this time, it'll be here to stay. But until then we must endure all the pain-- For we only see sunshine if we can wait through the rain.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 9:20 am
But until then we must endure all the pain-- For we only see sunshine if we can wait through the rain. OMG, Skootzy that's awesome! And so true. 
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Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 10:11 am
i love it skootz...that's the greatest thing in the world. and so true.
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