Author |
Message |
Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 3:47 am
ahhhhhh you still live at home. That explains everything. She feels she still has a say and she does-- due to your choice to be at home. I wonder how many of the people here who said that you should tell your mom you are an adult and to deal, I wonder how many of them will now change their tune since you are under HER roof, living as her daughter. I'm presuming you are not paying rent like an Apt. my cousin did that, she was renting one of the Basement Suites (my aunt had two) I hope you dont find my post too crass, but I'm kinda Old School when it comes to some things. However, I am really pleased that you arent shacking up. That always makes everything so messy. anyways, Cheers. Sounds like he must have some good points or you wouldnt be with him all these years. Sounds like he could use a really good Job counsellor? guidance so he can figure out Aptitudes etc. he might be banging head against the wall due to a learning disability for instance. Maybe your family "sees" his frustration and doesnt understand it?? anyways, Hope things work out and you make it to the wedding with the family.
|
Sharinia
Member
09-07-2002
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 5:10 am
Kitt, my sister has not cut off mr married yet - I am hoping she will very soon. I know that she intends to. I passed along people's suggestions here - that she try to make as clean, clear and swift of a break as possible. I want to thank everyone again, because I think she needs to hear this. She does agree that it would be wise not to prolong their connection. He has called and emailed her and keeps revealing more & more things. Maybe he is intentionally keeping her engaged this way - and her curiosity keeps her open to it. He just told her for example that his poor new wife got pregnant while he was dating my sis - delivered a baby girl on Thanksgiving. Nice, huh? He left his first wife when their son was a year old. Now he's got a month old girl, and he is already talking about leaving wife #2. btw Karuuna, I mentioned getting checked out for STDs and my sis said yup she knows (but it is stressful to think about atm, on top of everything else) thanks again everyone
|
Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 6:05 am
Oh man Sharina, he's a real "catch" isn't he? Run Little Sister, Run Like the Wind! Click in with this dude, little Sister and you will be stuck with child support towards other women's babies for eternity.
|
Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 6:16 am
BTW I've seen that happen with friends in my younger years. They ended up childless all these years later - because the man's income needed to go to pay support for all the children he had already begun. Or else his wages would be garnished. Plenty more men out there! Run Little Sister!
|
Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 9:02 am
Also remind her that if he cheats WITH her, he'll cheat ON her.
|
Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 9:10 am
Sharinia, it's not unusual for a woman to drag out the ending, as your sis is. It's not the best solution, but it's likely that she is just trying to make sense of it for herself. The problem is, there is no sense to be made. He lied, he is not the person she believed him to be, and no amount of additional information will change that. I'm sure she will come to that realization eventually. I wish all of you well.
|
Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 9:31 am
Uh Beckie you certainly do not need a promise ring or engagement ring at this time. Doesn't mean squat. Only is actions do.
|
Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 10:14 am
He had a baby THIS Thanksgiving with his wife and now wants to leave her?? Seriously, the man is scum. I'm sure she knows that, and it takes time, but make sure she starts the fresh new year without her rotten old flame.
|
Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 11:25 am
Sunshyne, I don't find them to crass. I think he does need to go to a counselor, good idea, I never thought of that. And yes, that is my mom's biggest problem with him, is indecisiveness, she says he has ADD with how he is all over the place. I only hope it gets better...if not...don't even want to think about it. Yeah, Mocha...I'm not just ready. I don't want to be engage and live with my mom LOL...that's weird. Eventually it will happen (unless we break up) and I'm content with that...we are pratically married...well except for living together, paying bills together...yeah okay, so maybe not LOL
|
Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Friday, December 21, 2007 - 1:30 pm
Mocha I didnt mean that it lessened their relationship from Beckie's point of view....but that the Mother may not view it as 'serious' enough. sorry if I wasnt clear. I do indeed know engagements and Promise rings mean nothing...once again FROM personal experience 
|
Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 10:38 am
Beckie, what Mocha said. You are both young, and sometimes it takes a few years to figure out your life's course. It sounds like he's trying, it sounds like he's trying to figure out what he wants to do. Not everyone knows his or her place in life as soon as he or she turns 18. Heck, I totally switched careers at 30, finding by total accident something that I'm very good at and truly enjoy doing. (And no, it's not remotely related to my degree, either.) Have you thought about moving? Away from mom? Another roommate or two, or a very small place you can afford on your own? Or even a dorm, with aid, if you're going to college?
|
Beckie03
Member
07-05-2007
| Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 11:29 am
yeah, I am planning on moving, costa. I have to get another job though and as soon as I do that...I think things will get better. It is just trying to get a second job when the economy is down and nobody hires in Fresno...but other than that I'm doing fairly well LOL
|
Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 3:14 pm
Good for you, Becks! Good luck finding that second job, and good luck with all the rest. I think if your man makes you happy, that's all that you need to worry about!!
|
Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Sunday, December 23, 2007 - 2:51 pm
and that is where I differ again. If the guy is the cause of family conflicts to the point where Beckie doesnt want to go to a family wedding, then it is obvious that the relationship and resulting side-issues are not making her happy. The companionship, friendship and sex are just part of a healthy relationship. How that other person blends with the family also is very important for a LIFElong happiness. (unless a person wants to cause permenant discord with their family). with age comes experience All I hope for is being able to look at all sides and pass on things that I know from previous self experience and Experience of friends in their 40s who made the same kind of decisions that led to years of misery. ((this post is not directed at anyone in particular, just using a framework of Beckie's original comments to vocalize my thoughts))
|
Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Sunday, December 23, 2007 - 5:47 pm
How that other person blends with the family also is very important for a LIFElong happiness. Maybe the boyfriend has really, really tried to blend with the family and the family has decided to be unaccepting if he doesn't fit into their mold of what they want for the girl. In that case, it wouldn't matter if he was her personal best fit; they will not care cuz it's not what they want. I feel bad for the guy; not the mom.
|
Dahli
Member
11-27-2000
| Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 9:02 am
Well, looks like my sister decided to keep at it with my niece who went back there after about 3 days here at Christmas. So far things seem to be working ok, and the schedule is pretty packed. She's doing pretty well in school LIKES IT!! and has made some friends. Her schedule includes, guitar lessons, dog handling classes, yoga and two types of riding. Here's a shot of her at class this week... Fingers crossed things will continue to go well.
|
Dahli
Member
11-27-2000
| Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 9:04 am
Oh yeah, she's also got a part time 'job' at a dog groomers on the weekends which really has her stoked! She's doing a good job and they have offered her something full time over summer. Things may be moving in the right direction!
|
Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 3:58 pm
Animals are fantastic therapy! 
|
Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, January 17, 2008 - 5:34 pm
That is very good news!
|
Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Friday, January 18, 2008 - 1:33 am
great news and I hope they keep a close eye on her with the animals. She sounded like a troubled kid.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, January 18, 2008 - 9:29 am
Aw Dahli, that's great, I hope it's a permanent turnaround for her, now that her future looks brighter.
|
Dahli
Member
11-27-2000
| Friday, January 18, 2008 - 4:03 pm
Thanks Mame, we so hope that's true... SS, she was always wonderful with animals, like a mini Dr Doolittle. One of the reasons she is with my sister who is a breeder of aussies and whippets is her amazing empathy and connection with animals of any kind. Her hands are very 'soft' and she can handle almost any animal with great skill. Part of her problem was she connected more with animals than people and was easily led by the 'wrong' people. Keeping her busy and providing opportunity for her to succeed and also start on the path to finding her bliss is the goal at this time.
|
Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 10:57 pm
HELP! So today I went to an auto repair shop to get a new driver's side mirror installed. On my way there I used the windshield wipers to wipe away snow. The wipers worked fine. While my car was being worked on I was inside where I couldn't see what was being done. I paid the $40 and left. On the way home I went to turn the windshield wipers on to wipe away more snow and they didn't budge. Nothing. Dead. I even pulled over to see if maybe they were stuck to the windshield but they weren't. Now, it seems very suspicious to me that they worked fine before I got there and no longer worked after I left there. I'm supposed to go back there in the morning to get the car inspected. How should I act about this? I am very suspicious that the mechanic could have opened the hood and disconnected the wipers. I'm not sure exactly what to do.
|
Nyheat
Member
08-09-2006
| Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 11:04 pm
I'm not an expert about this but 2 things come to mind: 1. if it's cold enough and the motor was off a while, the wipers could stop dead, but start again when the car warms up. 2. The fuse needs to be replaced. When I had my Blazer I had to replace the fuse somewhat frequently. It plugged in down by my feet and cost very cheap at an automotive store.
|
Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Thursday, January 24, 2008 - 11:20 pm
Well, the car was out in the cold all night and the wipers started right up. It was at the shop less than an hour and the wipers wouldn't come on. It just seems like very suspicious timing to me.
|