Author |
Message |
Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 7:05 am
I would have loved to go to Social Services and start the ball rolling. I had set up the Face to face for Sunday and unless something miraculous had occurred, her dad wanted to go have her processed on Monday. This youngster has threatened to tell that her dad beat her up. At least that is what it is after being with this lady for two weeks. I'd like to say Dad is a Big tall man who can lift my lawnmower with one hand effortlessly. I assure you, She'd have bruises all over her if he ever did anything. But this youngster was raised in a No Spanking/ practically no disciple house. She goes nutz if every demand isnt met. For instance, right before she ran away she got to go to an Ozzy Osbourne/ Rob Zombie concert AT 14 yrs old. I am really more concerned with whether I should back off from emailing etc. She does have an altered state of reality and thought processes. It can be scary and it was tearing apart the dad's family. But many times she is like a small child emotionally- it is like she stopped mentally maturing when her world turned upside down during the divorce. She was part of the reason and was told so by the mom. In this case, I am not particularly worried about the woman. She is going to have a taste of reality the first time she tries to stop the Girl from doing 'what she wants'. I only hope that one of the toddlers doesnt get kicked down the stairs or something. Oh and this stranger who has the girl has NO idea that she has a long long file full of stuff showing her violence and abuse of other students. This poor woman doesnt even know that the girl is possibly going to be expelled for wacking another girl across the back of the head with a cookie sheet in class. Yep, this poor woman is really going to be horrified. Girl's mom was a cutter and tried suicide. I will feel sick if girl ends up distraught thinking no one cares if she live or dies...especially when her 'chosen new family' possibly get rid of her. Geesh, i gotta sleep. I was driving until 2am and it always takes me a long time to get sleepy. HA HA, I used to get up half an hour ago to get ready for 7am shifts. How things change. Now I'm up all night.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 7:15 am
Isn't it time to get professional help?
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Rissa
Member
03-20-2006
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 7:33 am
Sunshyne, you (and the parents) are worried that the girl will try to engage the system into an abuse investigation against the father? (Trying to make sure I am understanding, I tend to get wrapped up reading btn the lines to the point I miss the forest for the trees LOL). If that's the concern then I would still move ahead with bringing in social services. Unless there is evidence of abuse all it would do is temporarily muddy the waters but in the meantime the child would be getting the pysch evaluation she needs and would be at the attention of the proper organizations. Also if the girl can be violent then there is a responsibility to the woman's own children. She may be misguided but she absolutely has the right to be informed that the girl could pose a danger to her family. Enjoy your snooze!
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 9:15 am
Sun, I'm wondering how you could be involved with Social Services if you don't have any guardianship. It's very admirable that you want to help her...but... Any child who lies like you say she has, may put you in jeopardy. The last thing you would want after helping her out and mediating, is to be accused of animal cruelty, child abuse, or worse...sexual abuse. You haven't said that this has occurred, but omg, if it did! While helping out and being interested enough to care for this child is something you hope in the future will be seen as positive, there is potential for destroying your life. Personally, as cold as it sounds, I would cut that cord right now. She is wiser than she should be for that age. To convince an adult to pick her up from her house, and for that parent to have the audacity (or is it that she's a complete idiot?) to "keep" a child who is not hers, is evidence enough that the child is a master manipulator. RUN from this situation and thank your lucky stars that you have not had to deal with false accusations.
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Beekindpleez
Member
07-18-2006
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 9:30 am
Your neighbors must love you. Sunsh...just so you know...our closest neighbor is an acre away. Isn't it time to get professional help? Yes.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 11:04 am
I agree that this child needs professional help - bigtime! Also I agree that you might want to to what you can, but from a distance if at all possible. This kid may be salvageable, but hopefully not at your expense! She sounds like Big Trouble. The type that belongs in a firm group home, or institution where they don't put up with that nonsense. I think it says a lot about you, that you care so much for this child, who frankly, going by your description, is a nightmare. Having been a 'throwaway kid myself, who was dumped into the system', I rarely if ever suggest putting kids in Foster Care or institutionalizing them, so for me to come to this conclusion from your assessment, is painful. This kid needs to be taught discipline and values quickly, before she becomes unsalvageable!
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 11:09 am
Call Social Services now. That is their job and what they're trained to handle.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 11:42 am
ITA with Mocha and Mame. Also, before getting re-involved, ask yourself what exactly you can do to protect/help this girl without endangering your situation or making things worse? You can notify social services and keep yourself anonymous.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 3:07 pm
yeah, IF I could truly stay anonymous I'd love to make that call. As for the girl getting some help, since her mom had issues with depression and Moodiness this youngster has seen counsellors and 'intake' worker type people from 6 yrs old onwards....lessened as she got older. Like her mother, she has the ability to keep her mouth shut and pretend everything is hunkydory when under observation by professionals. However, I KNOW for a fact that she has never had a Full Psychiatric review. Her mom evidently finally had a serious breakdown and ended up hospitalized/ diagnosed a few months ago. She promptly abandoned the two young children and disappeared. Yep, the 6 and 10 yr old came home from school to find the door locked and no one home. Dad has them now. This girl has seen TONS of counsellors and she snows them. I've been with her when she was 9. You know, I'm glad I posted something here. I think you guys are right. I might end up in big big trouble if I keep even communicating with her. I have a draft of an email all done. I will chuck it as I dont think that I should say what I did. It was therapeutic for me, but truthfully she could get very distraught if faced with the truth....especially if her emails are being screened by the lady who has her. I only hope this isnt a pedophile situation. Occ'ly they are a husband/wife team. I feel sick that the place hasnt been approved by SS. OH and Sorry I wasnt clear. yes, the girl has told these Parents that her dad 'beats her up'. They have never met him nor seen him. All is based solely on her 'stories'. She is so 'creative' that teachers had been trying to coax her into concentrating that energy into writing stories and keeping a journal.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 3:16 pm
Your neighbors must love you. Sunsh...just so you know...our closest neighbor is an acre away. awww Beek, you ruined my funny thought. I was imagining Living in the suburbs, looking out the window to see the neighbors regularly 'deerproofing' their gardens. LOL Around here a neighbor could be whizzing but the lots are so big you couldn't see 'detail'. LOL I oughta know. years ago }The guys would whiz in my gardens during Hockey Nights(which incidently involved large quantities of beer)
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 3:21 pm
Mame says - firm group home, or institution where they don't put up with that nonsense. Dad wanted to put her specifically in something like this. Yes, she desperately needs discipline. SHe has been raised with values. My mom was next door for years and was a grandmother figure. She knows the diff between right and wrong, but doesnt care. it is like she analyzes it and asks Whats in it for ME!? Her mom was in fostercare since 12yrs old and used to use Fostercare as a threat since Girl was in Grade one. "if you dont listen I'll put you in fostercare " I personally dont understand why the people who took her havent started the ball rolling. I think the Girl might be trying to convince them not to start it since 'she is fine with them'. Wait til they see the size of her file. Anyways, thanks for EVERYONE's opinion and a special thx for Mamebl. since she must understand the system better than I due to being part of it as a youngster.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 3:35 pm
Glad if I was any help Sun! I personally feel those situations are a last resort, when all else fails. And since she's already 14, it would just be til she's 16. At least that's how old I was when it became OPTIONAL for me. It was in Montreal, through the Jewish Family Service. I don't know how things work in Vancouver or through the regular system.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 4:07 pm
it was definitely a last resort for the dad to even consider letting her go. The only thing that maybe could have fixed this situation is...if she got what she wanted...which was Dad would leave his girlfriend of five years/ her kids and move out with the girl and his own kids. the terrible thing is, I kinda had him half convinced to try this as the very very last resort, just for six months while I get her some real help. When that lady wouldnt let me pick up the girl a few hours later, my whole discussion mediating with Dad was ruined. I feel I did my part. Thx for understanding.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 4:37 pm
BTW, the lady has no rights with the daughter, if you feel you must do something, you must work with dad, he's the only one with rights to the girl. Dad can get a cop over there, inform him of the situation, with you as a back up, and then the police will remove the child from the lady's home.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Monday, November 19, 2007 - 11:29 pm
and he doesnt want her back now. not after talking to that woman who has her. The scatheing snarky tone she gave to me had me shaking for hours. I can imagine she was Horrible to the dad that she feels 'verbally abused and beat' the girl. This dad is so easygoing that he rarely gets angry. he has spoiled this girl terribly and I understand that he does not want to start up a big legal fight. the girl is an extremely convincing liar, her mom used to be as well. She would teach the kids what to say when Social Services would come investigate her. Years before she finally lost it and abandoned the kids. SIGH, I'm leaving it all for now. Will pop back in if something changes that is good news.
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Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 1:46 am
Wow Sun! What a can of worms, and I can see your warm heart wanting to make everything better. But, when I was reading, the fur stood up on the back of my neck, my radar button was binging from all the red flags flashing!!!! My own young relative, probably about 16 years ago, was around age 14 and in a similar situation in Colorado where her parents stayed a couple of years. Her previous stepdad, it eventually came out had in fact been abusing her when she was a child. Really, the only thing that made things FINALLY start to work was when the state took over, also when finally the ugly details started coming out. At first her Mom and her later husband (who had even adopted the kid) refused to relinquish guardianship feeling strongly that as parents they need to take care of their own. But when they finally were backed into the corner that the things THEY were trying to do to help couldn't work, they had to relinquish and let the professionals take over. Kid is now a lovely, devoted & hardworking (non-Welfare) mother of two. She's a single Mom, due to having commitment issues, doubt she will ever be able to marry. But her kids' daddies stay involved and active in her children's lives. Still, if the state hadn't stepped in back then, with the professional controls, group home, and therapy, clearly my young relative would have been living on the streets or more likely dead a long time ago. Many people here gave you fantastic input. But, what Huk was saying was especially right on the dime: "Any child who lies like you say she has, may put you in jeopardy. The last thing you would want after helping her out and mediating, is to be accused of animal cruelty, child abuse, or worse...sexual abuse. You haven't said that this has occurred, but omg, if it did! " These days, with Jesuit priests, teachers, and coaches being accused almost weekly of sexual misconduct, this little girl you're trying to help could RUIN your life in no time. For just a smirk that you gave her a temporary 'giggle' for the simple drama factor, and she wouldn't even know WHY she did it! Run SUN Run!!! I wish you well in a truly heartbreaking situation! Even the Child's Father has probably come to the realization that he has to protect the siblings as well as his girlfriend's kids, just trying to survive. This little girl is a matchbook, just looking for a flame.
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Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:09 am
Hugs Sun! You deserve them for caring so much! 
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Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:17 am
Regarding the deer avoidance techniques. I remember, a LONG time back, that coworkers had tried hanging those shimmering CDs (remember getting constant 'try our software FREE cd's from every vendor on the planet especially from AOL)? They hung them with clear fishing line, dangling from their trees and bushes like Christmas ornaments. As I recall, it was supposed to be pretty effective, since the sun shimmering was irritating to the deer, spooking them away. Don't need to use new ones, the deer can't tell if it's a 'defective disc'.
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Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 3:23 am
One last piece of advice re: deer deterents, from LONG before cd's were invented. Soap may not be the answer. One of the former gardeners with the landscaping crews, filling in at a supervisory level & doing the ordering at the company I worked for, got irked and quit. Months later, springtime arrived and so did the petunias. Hundreds and hundreds of planting boxes of petunias. Delivered at one of our dams up near the Canadian border. No place to put them, they used as much landscape space as they could planting them, both at the dams as well as down here in the city. Trying to rent cooler storage (which they couldn't find) to keep them from wilting/dying, paying overtime for the gardeners to keep watering over the warm weekends. Well, of course, those posies attracted quite a following. Seems the deer acquired quite an appetite for petunias. The place started getting overrun with deer! Worries about the tourists (paying customers) bumping up against the increasingly aggressive deer & potential liabilities. Soooo, after some quick research (we didn't yet have access to the Internet) the gardeners started chopping up bars of Irish Spring to spread around. Thinking the strong smell of the soap would really give them discouragement. HECK NO, the deer discovered a serious L-O-V-E fest for Irish Spring soap!!! And those bars were costing more than the dang petunias, but fast. So they had to quickly dispatch some of the company truckers (I think about a 3-4 hr drive each way) to haul the petunias back down to Seattle. Quick flyers sent out to all departments, for a quick buy of petunias for pennies on the dollar. I'm not a plant person myself, but it was pretty funny how many people took vacation or scheduled their company appointments at the service center so they could run to buy posies for the 4 hour sale. So, every time I smell the scent of Irish Spring soap in the grocery, I always get a mental picture of Deer - happily foaming at the mouth.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 4:40 am
Thx bisc. It is nice to know that there is hope for this girl. IF the system finally gets a chance to work for her. I am a little afraid of her actually. Not just the anxiety and Mood disorder that she portrays, but the hysteria she can flip into sometimes. Her eyes almost glaze over. In the Medival times they probably would have tried an Exorcism! as for sexual abuse, the neighbor beside my mom's house and across the street from The girl's family was really an 'off' man. He supposedly worked at home and had multiple computers. He also had a misbehaving hyperactive child who was a real monster. When I was given the girl during the divorce, that Neighbor girl got caught molesting the girl's younger brother. I personally believe that the dad and Daughter were doing stuff AND this girl was part of it. When she first came to me she pleaded and pleaded that I should call her mom and make sure that 'brother' did NOT play with neighbor girl. She would get frantic and hysterical when talking about it. However, she never admitted to doing the oral sex with the friend (maybe with dad watching?) there was also another little friend down the road whom stepdad would leave porn out for them to see. Girl's mom would still let her stay OVERNIGHT there. Girl's dad caught that guy taking the girl to the side in a store and telling her that she was the Prettiest prettiest girl he had ever seen. It gave him the creeps but what can ya do? Nothing said, no proof. YES, I believe she was molested or at least interfered with. By her dad? No way, I just plain dont think so.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 8:53 am
Sound to me like she may suffer from bi-polar disorder.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:27 pm
I have always thought Bi-polar or Manic Depressive. Her mom had a classic symptomology but would hide it when seeing Social services reps etc.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:27 pm
NEW DILEMMA! My sil told me (about 2 weeks ago) what her two kids would like for a Christmas gift, which were 2 specific webkinz. So I ran out to a Hallmark store and purchased them. Well she calls today to ask if I bought the gifts yet. I told her I did. She tells me her mil already bought and gave the kids those exact webkinz. So now what do I do? Oh, the main thing here is that webkinz are not only non-returnable, they are non-exchangeable as well. Uggh. Looks like I'll have to eat the near $30.
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:29 pm
Give them to someone else?
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Kitt
Member
09-06-2000
| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 - 2:30 pm
Have you tried going back to the store? As the purchase was recent, I presume the boxes are unopened and you have the receipts, maybe they will make an exception and give you store credit? From what I read they are very popular so you'd have thought they'd be happy to have the stock back.
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