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Archive through October 18, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Oct. 2007 ~ Dec. 2007: Health Center: Pregnant...: ARCHIVES: Archive through October 18, 2007 users admin

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Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I'm terribly sorry that you are having such a hard time Missy. If it is at all helpful, the fact that you care so much tells me what a wonderful person you are.

Is there anyone else that you can talk to about this? A close friend or relative? If not, then keep talking to us. We're here and we aren't going anywhere and we want to help as much as we can!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Counseling is a great idea. There are many places you can go to for free counseling. Does your employer offer any type of counseling? Many companies have free phone counseling for any number of reasons...

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
(((( Missy ))))

Please don't worry about starting a difficult subject. Just don't let the difficulty add to the weight of your own decision making. Understand that people come with their own experiences, and sometimes hearing those can strike a chord with you, that says "yes, that's what I think", or "no, that's not right for me". Your reactions to what you read can help point you to the right decision for you.

Sometimes the hardest thing is accepting that it can't be the way you want it - the guy, the baby, the happy life. You have to first accept that's not the way it is going to be before you can choose among the remaining alternatives. The problem is, if you are considering abortion, and as others have mentioned, you don't want to wait very long. It is far more difficult the longer you wait.

It may be that you can't walk away because at some level you keep thinking you can make it work out.

One thing I found particularly poignant. You said your mother is not someone you can turn to when you need help. It turns out you have chosen a man who is exactly the same way. I do think therapy will help you understand that connection, and that will make it easier for you to walk away - once you realize you deserve better, much much better!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
If you were happy and you want this baby, nothing else matters. Your happiness and your wants do not need to include him.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
Glad to see you posting, Missy. I'm sorry that your bf is not being supportive, but I guess it is helpful that at least he is being honest. It puts more on your plate, but probably better now than later.

Counseling is a great idea, I hope you can find someone local to talk to. Do you have any Aunts or cousins? Is there any relationship with your bf's mother or his sisters? Do you have a pastor you might talk to? There is always Planned Parenthood. I know that whoever you talk to, it may be difficult for you to break that ice. I've never been in the position you're in, but I would think that a phone call to whoever you decide could start out with a simple "I need help."

Continued best wishes and peace to you.

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 7:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Eeyoreslament a private message Print Post    
If I may ask, Missy, what state do you live in? There are a ton of great detectives on TVCH, and perhaps if we knew a vicinity around which you lived, we could find some links for help for you to make this decision. There are a few counselors on here too, that may have some "leads" to give you, to investigate your options from the privacy and solitude of your computer.

We are all your friends here, and I wish you all kinds of happiness, no matter what. Big hugs to you!!

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 8:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Missy, please find a counselor or Planned Parenthood -- anyone that you can talk to. It pains me to hear you sounding so alone and feeling like you have no one supporting you.

I'm glad you came here for help and I hope you will read our advice and toss out what doesn't fit and use what does.

Of course your BF wants you to stay and do what he wants. Why wouldn't he? If you are loving and supportive of him, he's getting what he needs. But what are you getting in return? He doesn't want you to leave? Well, tough! He may not get what he wants out of this.

As for being tied to him. That is difficult. If you have this child he may want some involvement and it could be messy. But he may just walk away and let you raise it alone, and that's not a bad thing in my mind. I'm raising my child alone and she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Good luck to you!

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 8:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Missy, I forgot to add: I think you are in a mourning period. Us Single Mom's by Choice call it "mourning plan A". That is, mourning the loss of that dream of finding the right guy and him wanting to have a child with us. Did you hope he'd be happy about the pregnancy? I think we all would want that. And when that didn't happen it is a HUGE loss and something that has to be mourned, no matter what road you go down now.

Ginger1218
Member

08-31-2001

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 9:09 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ginger1218 a private message Print Post    
Brenda that is a very wise thought about mourning the loss of the dream of a "perfect life" with a loving guy who wants children and live happily ever after. I think I am still in mourning and I am 54 LOL

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 9:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
(((Brenda))) I love your posts, they are so wise... definitely food for thought. :-)

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 11:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
*blush* Thanks you guys.

As someone who has parented a child on my own, I know I drew from the strength and the wisdom of the women who came before me who did the same. So for any woman who has that desire, I want to be able to provide some strength to them, because I understand that desire, and also that fear.

Mine was a choice that I made, with a lot of time to think about it and to mourn the loss of "plan A". So, it is different from Missy's position of suddenly being forced to make a lot of hard choices. But if she chooses to head down that single mom path, I think there are many here who can help her along the way.

Actually, it appears there are many here who will help her no matter what path she goes down. That's what I love about this place!

Crzndeb
Member

07-26-2004

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 2:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Crzndeb a private message Print Post    
I have been reading for several days now, not sure if I wanted to share my story. But I see there are a lot of single moms by choice, as am I. So, here goes.

At 24, I discovered I was pregnant and my BF already had a child and really wasn't interested at that time in another. I had also found out that my mother had terminal lung cancer (she was 50). My father left before I was born and I never had siblings. She was my best friend. At that time, I decided I wasn't ready for a pregnancy and aborted. And everyday, I think about the birthday of my child that would be 32 next month and it still saddens me...my mother passed before the child would have been born and she never knew.
Move up 6 years and I am 30 now, had bought a house with my mom's life insurance and moved up the ladder in telecommunications. I was dating a guy that had been a friend for several years and after a few glasses of wine at my 30th birthday dinner, things happened and I got pregnant. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind, that I would have this baby. I didn't talk to him until a week before she was born and he called asking me to call him when I had the baby..He has been in her life ever since. 2 years later, I had another daughter (Dad not in picture), and I had alot of guilt when I was pregnant with her because of the situation, but I swore to myself that after my mom died and if I had a child, I would have more than 1, so they wouldn't be alone, like I was when my mom died. These 2 girls have been the biggest blessing in my life. Yes, there were some difficult times raising them, but you do what you need to do and you survive. I chose not to date after my girls were born and focused on raising them...In fact, I still don't date and am perfectly, gloriously happy on my own with my dog.
My oldest is almost 26, married and almost finished with her Bachelor's to become an RN. My youngest is 23, just graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Education, with a focus on Special Needs kids....you betcha, I am one proud momma. And I know my mom watches down on me everyday saying, you did good kid!!
Men can come and go, but our children are our children forever...in good times and in bad.

God Bless you Missy and remember, it's your decision only...nobody else's...this is just my story and probably a little too long.

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Sunday, October 14, 2007 - 5:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twiggyish a private message Print Post    
((Missy)) My thoughts are with you.

Sunshyne4u
Member

06-17-2003

Sunday, October 14, 2007 - 8:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sunshyne4u a private message Print Post    
Below has nothing directly due to Missy's topic. just a generals statement

An opinion doesn't inform, it tries to alter behavior.


I disagree since I dont care whether I alter anyone's behaviour or Opinion. I'd like to think my opinions are taken 'as is'. I also hope that people arent posting their opinions expecting I will change my perspective however.....anyone who knows me, knows that I can argue one position on Monday and be on the opposite side by friday LOL



brenda asked But what are you getting in return?


in my case, companionship, a lover, a pleasant person to be around(about half the time!!) someone to travel with, someone to go out with socially so you arent a third wheel.

It is scary thought to be completely Alone.

Sunshyne4u
Member

06-17-2003

Sunday, October 14, 2007 - 8:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sunshyne4u a private message Print Post    
i'd like to throw in my two cents in response to a couple of prev comments about "condoms and the Pill". i took them to be critical although it was probably not intended that way.

There is no Birthcontrol that is 100% effective. even condoms have a 2% fail rate.

so if a person has intercourse four times a week, 12 times a month, that is 144 times a year.

that means even if a person is using birthcontrol there is at least 1-2 chances of pregnancy a year.

That stat I recall is that 75% of pregnancy end 'naturally', often before a person even knows that they are pregnant.



in other words, an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone...unless you arent sexually active at all.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 7:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
Birth control pills are 99.999% effective if taken at the same time every day. Sorry, but that's close enough to 100% for me, and yup, I'm proof they work.

BTW, condoms are between 85-98% effective IF they are used correctly. (Those are not great odds if you are trying to prevent pregnancy.) And that rate goes down considerably when you first use them (for example, if you just become sexually active). There are a lot of other factors that can contribute to the prevention of pregnancy with a condom, such as type (latex or poly) and lubricant (latex condoms cam be used only with water-based lubricants).

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 8:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Missy, we haven't heard from you for a while. Are you okay?

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 12:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
While birth control pills are very, very, very effective, there are some people who just cannot take them. For some, they cause blood clots in the legs. I had a friend who had these mini-seizure type episodes on the pill and had to stop taking them.

They do work great, but unfortunately aren't for everyone.

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 1:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
one of my sil got pregnant while on the pill

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 1:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Bottom line, if you are having sex, always be prepared that it may result in a pregnancy... (Though pill plus condom is really a safe combo...)

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 - 2:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I got pregnant TWICE on the pill.

Yeah, I didn't know (or just didn't read) that certain antibiotics can decrease the pill's effectiveness by 51%. My doctor didn't tell me that. Nope. Oh and smoking can too.

Missy2
Member

07-31-2001

Thursday, October 18, 2007 - 6:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Missy2 a private message Print Post    
Yes, I'm still here. I'm trying to make a list and a decision. I have an appt tomorrow for a "termination" but I'm still feeling so unclear about it. I took today off from work to think and relax.

My bfriend has been showing support either way and has been leaning more to wanting a baby. But now it's me wondering....logically it doesn't seem right to me. I'm scared. Whatever happened to that dream? Why can't life be like a sitcom! I'm scared I'll lose my contract job, that'll be screwed with no insurance, that I'll be a bad parent, that I won't be up for the hard work needed, that I'll get hugely fat, that I'll have a sickly baby, the list goes on and on!!

Thanks for all your support. I hope I can still post here without people thinking badly of me now!

I've been really sick lately, weak and queasy, all the time.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 18, 2007 - 6:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I hope you at least call and talk to a counselor of some sort. There is a website some pages back that has a variety of contacts. Good luck as you make this hard decision.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Thursday, October 18, 2007 - 6:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
(((((Missy)))))

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Thursday, October 18, 2007 - 6:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Missy of course you can post here...no one thinks badly of you no matter what your decision, and it is a tough one...one that you're taking seriously, and that says alot for the person you are!!! ((((((((((((Missy))))))))))