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Archive through October 12, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Oct. 2007 ~ Dec. 2007: Free Expressions: Advice please....: Archive through October 12, 2007 users admin

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Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I'm glad this is helping, Julie.

I am a huge defender of the underdog, I hate it when kids pick on someone and I hate it when anyone is mean or when someone is excluded.

Unfortunately, Joe seems to have engaged in some very bad behavior and has to learn that it is unacceptable to the other boys, including Ryan.

If you do decide to meet with Joe's parents, you might want to take it slow. Maybe the first meeting should just be something about saying hello and trying to find out a little more about what they are like without saying much about Joe. Then if you feel that there is some hope, you might want to mention Joe's actions at a second meeting. That way it won't look like you are just talking to them because of Joe's actions.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I know Joe's mom. We've worked on a few school things together and she lives on our block. I don't know her very well though. Weird thing is she seems so very prim and proper (way more than I am!!) She is very nice. I just hate to call her and give her this running list of bad things about Joe...

I did tell Ryan to tell Joe that the kids won't play with him if he keeps this behavior up.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I'd want to know if my kid was talking like that.

Rissa
Member

03-20-2006

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 10:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rissa a private message Print Post    
I agree with Escapee. Sometimes kids act differently out in the world then they do at home and a parent can't fix what they don't know about. (gut reaction is the same as Twiggy's as to the whys). I also agree with you that you don't want to give the mom a laundry list of concerns. Perhaps pick the one issue that you see as the most disturbing and mention just that one thing to the mother. "I didn't know if I should mention it, but I know that I would really want to know if it was my son." My heart goes out to you whatever you decide. Its a tough thing to have to tell another parent that their child needs reprimanding (or more).

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 10:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Whoami a private message Print Post    
Maybe approach the mom with a "I'm concerned for Joe. I've heard the other boys are saying they don't want to play with him anymore cause of some things he says/does." I wouldn't say "Ryan told me the other boys....." Cause then it points a finger directly at your son as the messenger. Best to protect him from the possible ire of a protective parent.

If Mom is concerned enough and wants to hear, she'll ask you "what things." Then she's opened the door to hear a laundry list. If she chooses the path of denial with things like her son is an angel, or boys will be boys, then you just say, "OK. I just thought you'd like to know in case he comes home sad or crying one day."

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 10:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
This is a very difficult issue. When my son was young, his very bestest friend was a very troubled young boy. He had a profane mouth (at 6!), stole from other kids, and picked fights with them. It just broke my heart.

So, I spoke to his dad one day when the fella taught my son the MF word. They were 8 at the time. His dad thought it was the funniest thing. Sigh.

I agree with speaking out, there is certainly a chance that the parents don't know how their son behaves. But it is far more likely that there is something going on at home that is the origin of this boy's behavior, and if that's the case, talking to them will not likely change anything.

And, I would certainly not insist to my son that he not exclude someone who was behaving badly! I never told my son to exclude this little boy, but I did point out, gently, the numerous times that this boy showed himself to not be such a good friend. And we would talk about what kind of friends he really wanted in his life. Eventually my son chose more wisely.

Supergranny
Member

02-03-2005

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 11:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Supergranny a private message Print Post    
I worry more about the boy's behavior. When there are big problems at home they will "Act Out". If this is happening at school you can talk to the teacher or school counselor and they will have the authority to talk to the parents.

Nyheat
Member

08-09-2006

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 4:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Nyheat a private message Print Post    
Question: How much on average to pay for getting a molar pulled? Please gawd take it out NOW. City prices may be more, but I am trying to keep from getting ripped off and need a ballpark. Thanks.

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 8:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twinkie a private message Print Post    
Nyheat, I have no idea because my insurance pays. Hopefully, someone here can help you.

Nyheat
Member

08-09-2006

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 8:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Nyheat a private message Print Post    
Thanks Twinkie! I have been poking around online and it looks like 150 dollars is around what I can expect to pay. Funnily enough the dentist I went to this summer said it wasn't as important as the (more expensive) work that needs to be done up front and that it would be extremely painful to remove. Then I read online that a molar removal can take less than a minute with novacaine.

I have been trying to save this tooth for a few years and I am done. One root canal and two acute ear infections later, I am done. It wants to die and I'm going to let it. Off to take ibuprofen. Thanks for your reply.

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
I had a wisdom tooth pulled 10 years or so ago for overcrowding, and it was very quick and very painless - I just had the normal injections you get when you have a filling. It sounds much less trouble than the problems you've been having. I can't remember the price (and insurance paid for it anyway) but I do remember it was cheaper than a crown I had. Hate to say it but the dentist might have a vested interest in you keeping the tooth - he gets a lot of money for fillings and crowns and nothing once the tooth is gone.

Nyheat
Member

08-09-2006

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Nyheat a private message Print Post    
You are right about that Kitt. I was hesitant to go back to this dentist because we (my mother and I) couldn't get an estimate out of him and I really wanted the infected tooth done first. Glad I've decided to find another dentist but not glad I waited.

P.S. When getting fillings done in the front, is this considered cosmetic? I ask because some dental insurance won't cover if it's cosmetic. But if it's just white fillings in the front, what's the difference?

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twinkie a private message Print Post    
I don't think fillings of any kind are considered cosmetic. They are neccessary.

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
I don't think fillings anywhere are considered cosmetic. Your insurance might only pay for the dark fillings but you should be able to get the dentist to do white ones and bill the insurance company so that they get as much discount from your insurance as they can, with you paying the difference.

eta: snap, twinkie :-)

Nyheat
Member

08-09-2006

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 9:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Nyheat a private message Print Post    
Thank you both again! Now I am armed with some info and won't be such a sitting duck.
The endorphins have kicked in so I'm outtie. Thanks again ladies.

Sunshyne4u
Member

06-17-2003

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 10:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sunshyne4u a private message Print Post    
my dental plan considers white fillings in the front (visible when smiling) teeth as neccessity. It is only considered cosmetic By my plan if a person has white fillings in their back teeth.

I react to mercury amalgam so had all mine removed. each back tooth was around a 175 extra just for the White filling....everything else was covered by insurance.

*********

about the Foulmouthed young boy. I really liked what Whoami said. However, I knew many kids from rough households where the mom didnt dare try to correct the boys in the house.

Some households are rather violent when the parents disagree about raising kids. There is always a chance of making things really bad if you choose to talk to the Mom or Dad.

I like the idea of doing a Headsup at the school. Let the professionals take care of it.

Even If the parents were close family friends, not just aquaintances, it would still be a delicate situation.

no one likes to hear their child has been bullying others

Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Thursday, October 11, 2007 - 11:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Whoami a private message Print Post    
"no one likes to hear their child has been bullying others."

That reminds me of a neighbor boy who was constantly hitting my little sister. When Mom and I confronted his mother about it, we were brushed off with the typical, "kids play rough. My boy wouldn't hit a girl. ETC."

So, we told sis the next time he hit her, she had permission to haul off and hit him back. Naturally, the first time Darling Son got smacked, we got a phone call. I answered the phone and was immediately assaulted with an irate, "your sister just hit my son." I calmly told her, "that's because we told her to. And every time he hits her, she'll hit him back."

Problem solved.

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karen a private message Print Post    
Sorry, Nyheat, I'm having a hard time with your comment that your dentist won't even give you a quote for what it could cost?? Even WITH my 80% coverage, I ask my doc before hand what it's going to cost. Id be looking for a new dentist if he won't even provide an estimate.

Nyheat
Member

08-09-2006

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 9:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Nyheat a private message Print Post    
Yes that's what I thought too Karen, wasn't a fan of the evasiveness. Luckily I was a new patient and got a low-cost cleaning, but I don't have to stick with the guy for sure. Plus his office is the one that told my mother that white fillings are considered cosmetic.

I am feeling better today but yes the sucker has to come out soon.

Thanks again everyone for the comments.

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 10:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
As bad as it sounds, when one of my daughters were being harrassed by the neighborhood bullies(they stole her bike right out from under her), I chased those girls down and threatened them with calling the police. They never bothered my daughter again. I know, not very helpful to the discussion.

Twinkie
Member

09-24-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 10:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twinkie a private message Print Post    
I need some advice. I'm dreading the next time I talk to my daughter. She sent me pics the other day and included were pics of her and her new boyfriend. Well, she has dyed that beautiful blond hair red. So, I know when I talk to her she is going to ask me what I thought of her hair and her new BF. Well, I don't like either one! But, I can't really tell her that. How do I lie gracefully to her? Oh, for those that may not know, a little background: she is 37 and has a 3 year old and is in the process of getting a divorce. She lives in Orlando, FL and I live in Buffalo, NY so we mostly talk on the phone every week and I go down about twice a year.

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 10:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karen a private message Print Post    
LOL, Twinks. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I can always tell that Mum isn't telling me her honest opinion when she says, "Well, as long as it makes you happy..."

Kitt
Member

09-06-2000

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 11:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kitt a private message Print Post    
For her hair, I would say just lie. It's no biggie in the grand scheme of things. If you can't say you like it just say something like "everyone needs a change now and again" or something that expresses the fact that it's not bad, even if not your favourite! She's 37, she can cope with her mother not being 100% behind her hair colour!

For the boyfriend I'd say that you'd like to meet him or get to know him better but you're happy she's found someone who seems to treat her well (assuming he does).

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 11:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
tell her that her new BF matches her hair perfectly :-)

I like Kitts response

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Friday, October 12, 2007 - 11:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
If she asks, I would just tell her you liked her natural hair color and to take it slow on the bf.