Author |
Message |
Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 4:29 pm
Missy, so much info, huh? Seems like if you have the baby and keep the baby, you have to be prepared for the father to not be involved at all, but also to be involved, whether you want that or not, or even to possibly be with both of you long term, or not. Any scneario can work out well, but can also be a challenge, but life is always a challenge anyway and having a child (or even choosing not to, whether by termination or adoption) is always life changing. So, you have already reached the point of life changing, no matter what you decide. Hope we can continue to be of support here.
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Eeyoreslament
Member
07-20-2003
| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 5:37 pm
Missy, just as much as you shouldn't let HIM alter your heart's decision, you shouldn't take US too seriously either. Remember, this decision should be made when you're able to tune EVERYONE ELSE out, and you are able to just listen to yourself.
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Brenda1966
Member
07-03-2002
| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 7:33 pm
Missy, Eeyore is so right. This is the moment where you have to be very selfish and do what YOU want to do. You have to be comfortable with your decision and where you want your life to head now.
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Saxywildcat
Member
05-30-2005
| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 7:37 pm
I have to ditto Eeyore as well! Best of luck in figuring this out for YOU!
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 8:16 pm
I was 17 when I got pregnant, 18 when my daughter was born. The father married me but only stuck around until I was 8 months pregnant so I was a single mom for most of her life. It was very hard. There were times I had to work 2 and 3 jobs, but I had a lot of help from my parents and my Dad was a wonderful father figure for my daughter. But, even though it was very hard I wouldn't have missed being her mother for anything. Of course, there were some years when we weren't very close and couldn't seem to get along but now we have a loving, caring relationship. I'm not trying to tell you what to decide. Just what my experience was. I love my daughter more than I love my own life and I'm so glad I didn't miss that kind of love. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do, Missy.
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Christina
Member
08-07-2005
| Wednesday, October 03, 2007 - 5:20 am
Missy, Do you have access to some counselling? That could be helpful too. My heart goes out to you. Tough decision. PS..I think you are more confused as to what to do with your relationship that your pregnancy.(maybe) Just a thought.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Wednesday, October 03, 2007 - 9:36 am
Eeyore is spot on!
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, October 03, 2007 - 9:46 am
Missy, i know what you are going through. believe me I do. PM me and i will tell you what type of resources are available to you. i am home today so i can find out what your options are. i read your profile and its say NH. i will look up medical insurance etc. i think i know what your decision is going to be. i am here and i KNOW what it is like. i will help anyway i can. 
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Wednesday, October 03, 2007 - 10:50 pm
I agree with Eeyore.. clearly it is your life and your decision and only you can truly know what is in your heart and what you can deal with. Twinkie touched upon your support system, which can be family as in your parents or siblings, but also can be friends and coworkers as well.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 7:16 am
I agree as well that it is your life and your decision and it should be a decision that you can accept as being best for you. My main suggestion is to try to think about your decision using a long-term rather than a short-term perspective.
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Dfennessey
Member
07-25-2004
| Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 7:19 am
Well put Jimmer it should be a long term decision
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 3:42 pm
it is impossible to predict the future. It is a difficult thing to see anything in a 'long term' way. for instance, if a person has never had children there is no real way to gauge 'long term commitment' since it is an unknown. even Financially it is an unknown. Abortion puts things back into the status quo (IMHO only) and a person can be back to normal life quickly. For some, it is a great choice.
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 3:44 pm
All I am hoping for is that Missy has an opportunity to be away from the stressor/s and be able to take a few days alone to clearly think things thru. None of us can predict our future and making decisions based on what 'might' happen is scary and means to me that only one conclusion will be easily come to. The trick is, like someone earlier suggested, make a list/ or write a letter to yourself so that when the decision is made, if everything changes in the future there will be NO second guessing and beating yourself up. I keep my notes when I'm figuring out stuff. Later, especially when I think I've made a Horrible mistake and How could I be so stupid, I look back and see Exactly why I did what I did and in that, I find complete acceptance and relax Knowing that I made the decision based on What I was feeling 'at that time' and the research i based my conclusion on. I think everyone here has looked back on something that happened in their life and thinks "What was I thinking!?" Whatever decision is made by Missy, I feel strongly confident that she has been given great suggestions and points of view here on all sides. like Eeyore said, her decision should not be based what other people think, it should be her own clear decision. Geesh, I sound like I'm lecturing and I dont mean to.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 4:15 pm
Sun, I know what you mean about abortion, but in reality, there is almost never a status quo after abortion (even when it may seem that way at first) and the effects are long term. (and I do support and have marched in support of safe and legal abortion (heck I was once almost bowled over by a much younger, darker haired, red0suited Gloria Allred, as I was evidently between her and the media!). Let's just say I understand what Ginger is saying about regrets..
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Sunshyne4u
Member
06-17-2003
| Friday, October 05, 2007 - 2:55 am
I wasnt referring to 'Mentally' a status quo. GGuess I wasnt clear. (as usual) I meant everything around a person who chooses abortion will seem basically the same. I've argued proChoice in the past (in real life). Although I have my own perspectives I completely understand that an unwanted pregnancy can lead to an unwanted child. Frankly, in my opinion, I think in the long run, that is worse.
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Brenda1966
Member
07-03-2002
| Friday, October 05, 2007 - 9:07 pm
I think what Jimmer is saying when he says you have to think "long term" is that those baby years, while tiring and difficult (and joyous), are very short lived. So the question is not just "how do you feel about having a baby?" It's "how do you feel about having a baby and parenting a toddler and parenting a school age child, a pre-teen and a teenager?!" Are you really ready for that 20 year commitment?
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Friday, October 05, 2007 - 9:45 pm
ITA with Brenda 100%.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, October 06, 2007 - 6:41 am
Absolutely. The long-term decision also involves how you will feel years in the future if you decide not to have the baby. Will there be regrets. It is not an easy decision.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, October 06, 2007 - 7:11 pm
Yes, Jimmer.. long term no matter what the decision. Also the relationship with the dad will change with either decision. I do know couples who mutually decided to terminate a pregnancy and were solidly in agreement, but in general, down the line, it usually won't turn out to be THAT mutual and the relationship isn't ever the same. And naturally having a child means so much will change, but hopefully in quite a joyful way.
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Missy2
Member
07-31-2001
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 12:35 pm
as I mentioned our relationship is crappy. And he just continues to confirm that its crappy. What baffles me is WHY DO I STAY WITH him? Gawd we get along but that's about it. I feel like we are wasting time and I just need to move on. We discussed the situation in further detail to end off with how I wanted this to be a happy thing and he just doesn't share my feelings or want this. And that he wants me to be happy with what we have minus this. I decided to not include him in the decision any more. And guess what that was about 5 days ago...he hasn't brought it up since. I feel really disgusted with him. I had an appointment on the day we discussed it, and I left work crying and could not go to my appointment because of how miserable I felt for the of the day. We had a trip planned with family that I had to go on with him and be friendly towards him when all I wanted to do was yell at him Punch him in the face So what is wrong with me. In heart I know I don't want to be here, but when it comes time he tells me he loves me. And I feel like I can't break it off. I don't feel ready. Obviously he has very different priorities than I do. The proof is right now among other situations I'm starting to lean towards not having a baby. Please don't judge. I hate the thought of not being capable and alone. But I hate the thought of going thru with it and regretting 
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 12:51 pm
No judging here Missy, only you can decide whats right for you. {{{Missy}}}
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 12:51 pm
Missy, you need to make the decision that is right for you, and please don't worry about how people on a message board feel about it! There will be those on both sides of the issue, but none of us have to live with the consequences of the decision. I know you don't know me, but you have my support, whatever you decide! {{{Missy}}}
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 12:56 pm
((( Missy ))) It's always hard to know when to leave, especially if there is some good in the relationship too. And leaving and starting over is some huge unknown, it's not unusual to gravitate toward the crappy you know. I wish you well in whatever you decide. My heart really goes out to you.
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 1:04 pm
Missy, nobody is going to judge you. We just want what you think is the best thing for you. I know I will support you in whatever you do.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, October 08, 2007 - 1:34 pm
Definately no judging. You have to do what is best for you.
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