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Archive through September 18, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jul. 2007 ~ Sept. 2007: Free Expressions (ARCHIVES): Advice Please... (ARCHIVES): Archive through September 18, 2007 users admin

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Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 4:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
No Kar we should go there because this happens way too much. It probably happens alot because yall don't want to talk about it.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 4:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Mocha, aside from warning people to be cautious, just as they are in real life, I don't care to have the board erupt into a debate about whether Avery was for real or not. And there was much disagreement about that. So, really, let's not go there. I'm not interested in modding a new flame war.

Supergranny
Member

02-03-2005

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Supergranny a private message Print Post    
But now you have the rest of us wondering who is Avery? LOL...what is that saying...enquiring minds want to know.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 5:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Whatever Kar. I'll take my own advice and keep it moving. <to the left>

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 5:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Note the *official* type size and color. :-)


SG, I"m sure someone will Email ya and let ya know. It was controversial, and we'll never know if she was real or pulling one over.

Whoever Avery was or wasn't doesn't matter. What does matter is that sometimes people come on message boards and tell stories, or make up personas just because they are sick or because they are here to scam others. Wise internet users have a healthy amount of skepticism. Be cautious!

At the same time, I would hate to say to never trust any such stories. I know some dear TVCHers who have been helped thru very difficult times by the caring and generous members here.

We have no problem with people doing walks and asking for donations, or long-time members who have legitimate businesses letting others know about it. There have been times when folks have needed a hand and TVCHers have been privately (or not so privately) generous, with both their hearts and their wallets. These are the times that can be difficult for all of us to discern. And even if it's just your heart that gets taken, that can hurt a great deal too.

So, be warned, and be careful. If your intution says something's not right, trust it. And sometimes you may still get burned, just as in real life. That's the Avery story.


Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 5:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
I have poster's regret. Seems like I opened a can of worms today. Sorry, guys.

Y2krazy
Member

09-17-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 5:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Y2krazy a private message Print Post    
Don't feel too bad, Hermione69...you had a problem and you wanted a sounding board...that's a good thing, we're here and listening.

Bottom line, you asked...What would YOU do?

Since this is an acquaintance, and not a close friend or relative, I'd just say, "I'm sorry your having such a hard time,problem...(whatever is appropriate.). I have some problems of my own, too." and leave it at that..

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 6:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I appreciate your respecting that, Mocha. Honestly, all the mods are exhausted from BB. It's bad timing, as well as not wanting to re-open old wounds for some. They deserve respect too.

By the way, is there a difference between moving left and right? Am I pathetically obtuse? Wait, don't answer that part.


No regrets necessary, Hermione. It was a good conversation.

And provided a good opportunity for that "be cautious" message!

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 7:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
A big BB is almost over hug to (((Karuuna))).

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 8:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
I work occasionally with a guy who thrives on telling stories about all the drama in his life. We deal cards for a casino party company (not real money, just for fun) and sometimes do parties that require driving quite a distance. The first time I met this guy, I carpooled with him to an event three hours away.

Oh, the stories he told! He was going through a divorce, so most revolved around his soon-to-be ex-wife. I listened, I offered some advice and perspective, and I wished him well. This, even though his stories over the course of six hours (there and back) sometimes made no sense at all. Sometimes one thing he said would be absolutely impossible if another thing had happened. When asked about these things, he just blithely explains them away with another dramatic story or says that he either misspoke or I heard him incorrectly.

Whatever.

He has now become known within the group of folks who work for this company as a great storyteller. All of us smile and are polite and nod and "Uh-huh" a lot, but we keep our distance. He's remarried, so things can't be THAT bad with the ex, I guess, although he's still got plenty of stories that involve the ex doing something that lands him in jail, preventing him from seeing his kids, and even one story wherein the police force his new wife to not live with him. (I didn't pay enough attention to remember the "logic" of this one.) I do worry about his kids, though, and I hope the dramas he describes all the time don't adversely affect them.

Bottom line is that some people thrive on drama. Who knows why? Certainly it's not something that I can cure them of. All I can do when faced with someone like that is be polite, listen, and see what happens when I offer perspective or advice. If they choose to remain in drama mode and it's working for them in whatever way it works for them, then I just know that I have to be very mindful of my own boundaries while being polite and as patient as possible with them, and, of course, avoiding them whenever I can without being rude about it. :-)

I absolutely don't bring my problems to them
because it has a tendency to turn into something of a contest (MY problem is bigger than YOURS) kind of thing and that doesn't help anyone. :-)

And as OG pointed out, sometimes events do occur in clusters and life IS dramatic. Without knowing someone's circumstances well, it can be hard to tell what's real and what's not. That's why the blue caution message is needed. Unfortuantely the Internet makes it very difficult to tell truth from fiction. Of course that keeps Snopes.com in business, so. . . :-)

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 5:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
I, too, have an aquaintance... as Hermi described.

I guess what bothers me so much is that people are so caring, they become gullible, and even though I can see right thru the persons lies and stories, I've seen friends disrupt their lives to try to help someone who is just seeking attention...it's very sad

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 5:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Rofl Kar!! It's from Beyonce's song and she says to the left to the left something bout putting your bags to the left. She's putting her man out basically. Ok that's sooo ot lol.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 11:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
I tend to take people at their word but sometimes you do run into people who fabricate stories. It is hard to know the intent, whether it is due to psychological problems or in fact to gain something. I remember years ago I belonged to a Court TV group and we had someone who abused the friendship of everyone in the group by making up this terrible tragedy. Everyone rallied with financial support and it was very hard to discover that we had been hoodwinked. At the end of the day though you cant feel bad for being generous and sympathetic. It isnt a reflection on you but on the person who abused the trust.

I think that is more prevalent in the online world though and I am careful. I think there is more good than bad out there though.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 11:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Maris, nice post. I especially like the part where you say you can't fault yourself for being generous or sympathetic.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 12:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I say trust your gut. If you honestly feel you are being hosed...turn off the water works.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 2:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Maris, I agree.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Thursday, September 13, 2007 - 2:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
I agree, we are each responsible for setting our own boundaries and with experience we usually learn what we can trust, or what we can do without feeling scammed.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 7:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I'm curious did anyone watch Dr Phil the other day? He did a show on con-artists. Very interesting.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
The thing is Mocha, sometimes the con is so blatant that you think some people are just born suckers and deserve to be taken. We had a guy at the court tv chat and boards, name was Capt, his wife comes on one day and posts that he had a heart attack while typing a post. Well this guy had a history of being so full of BS, nobody believed it and we all called the wife on it. Capt miraculously rose from the dead.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
I don't watch Dr. Phil, but Fruitbat mentioned it to me in an email. Do you remember what he said?

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Well is there anything that can be done to make sure the family of someone (who may not even necessarily be a con-artist, but is in need of help) gets that help? Especially if the family members are children or elderly and may not know where or how to get that help?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I believe he called them sociopaths etc. And maybe bout enabling.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Actually, he did not call them sociopaths. He brought up the word but also said he didn't have enough information to make a diagnosis, even after meeting them face to face.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i'm not positive, but you may be able to re-watch the show from his site.(can't from work, so i'm not sure) here is the link to yesterday's Dr. Phil show on Con Artists:

http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/932

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 8:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Julie, I think it really depends on the situation, and why the con is a con.

My mother was a very good con. She lied about everything, and played the 'poor me' card constantly. As I said, I gave her a safe place to live, told her when I thought she was lying, and told her I loved her. She died an alcoholic. I could not force her to get help. But I did direct others who were in contact with her to get help for themselves, such as Al-Anon or private counseling if appropriate. Truth is, my mother was really ill, just often not in the ways she claimed. She did need help, and couldn't function. There was no point in getting angry at her. And I couldn't bare the thought of her living in the street. So I did what I could live with. Everyone needs to make their own peace with it I think.

Other cons have other kinds of issues, so it's hard for me to speak to them. There are some resources, but they can be limited.

Sometimes, awful as it sounds, rescue missions are the best place to turn. They are kind, but firm. They fill basic needs, tell the truth boldly, and help people get back on their feet. They are very in touch with what is available in the community. And they are sincerely motivated by a desire to help the lost.