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Archive through September 12, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jul. 2007 ~ Sept. 2007: Free Expressions (ARCHIVES): Advice Please... (ARCHIVES): Archive through September 12, 2007 users admin

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Yankee_in_ca
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 - 4:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yankee_in_ca a private message Print Post    
Honestly, I hate all the etiquette stuff.

I wear black all the time and I decided when I got married I wanted to be "myself." So I wore black to my wedding, which still to this day mortifies my mother-in-law. (and I wonder why she doesn't like me hahaha)

If you look and feel good, what could be better!?


P.S. -- Juju, that's hilarious. What wasted energy. The way I see it, if you are a bride and are radiating positive, happy and upbeat energy (as you SHOULD), people will be drawn to you as the "star of the show." If you obsess about things like what your guests are wearing, well...

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 3:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Juju, that bride was mean and I don't like her and I am not inviting her to my wedding! (That shows her!) I have a feeling that if the bride was telling off a wedding guest for wearing white at the wedding, that the poor groom had a long, hard life in front of him!!!! I think if I ever do get married (I can't seem to get a date lately, so it is doubtful), I would tell everyone to wear white with me so I would fade into the background.

Kailee, I love the outfit. Your legs look wonderful in those heels! You are going to look great. And this has been fun! I like going shopping with my girlfriends without having to leave my house.

Escapee....I like both the shoes and the boots. I say get them both.

And Mameblanche....I say wear sleeveless whenever you want to. I do and I defy anyone to ridicule my arms! I figure I am at that "old woman who wears purple" stage a bit before my time. Actually my missing shoulders is the bad thing... how come some people got so much shoulder and I was given so much rear end?

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 3:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
LOL Yessie, I truly wuvs you... you always bring a smile to this old face. Poor me - I have both, big arms AND big tush! But I THINK my waistline has begun to make an appearance after a bit of dieting and excercising! BTW, I love the old woman who can wear purple poem! :-)

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 - 5:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Mameb...you know I luv you too! I've always loved that poem...in fact, I think my mom's favorite gift I ever gave her was this great little doll of that little old lady. The lady that made it just seemed to capture her. I think it is the only thing that I have given my mom that she has held onto (she is definitely not a packrat like I am.)

I've probably gained 20 lbs in the past year. It needs to come off! I have a trip to Hawaii planned for Thanksgiving and my goal is to get it gone. But I was PMS'ing tonight and made brownies. That probably isn't going to get me there quickly, is it?

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 1:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
I have an acquaintance who I am pretty sure makes up stories to get attention. Every time I turn around, something traumatic has happened to her. There are a lot of us in my circle of friends who feel this way... that her stories are being invented for sympathy or attention. Should someone call her on it, or just say as little as possible? If she is really making these things up, is that a cry for help in itself that should be treated with compassion, or just deplorable behavior that should be ignored?

Of course, if the stories really are true, than my friends and I are bad, evil people who will rot in hell for being so suspicious and cynical...

What would you do?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
How close is this person? Seems like you and your friends think she's running an emotional con. Is there a way to prove the stories? For me if this is someone I'm close with I'd call them on it. If I'm not close to them it would go in one ear and out the other and I'd keep it moving.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I know someone like this too, they've even pilfered money from sympathetic friends.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
We cross paths regularly, but don't interact that much. It's just pissing me off, you know? I don't know how to prove or disprove any of it. I feel terrible for even doubting her, but her stories are not adding up.

Oh well. Just wondered what other people would do.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I would trust your intuition Hermione. But I would be very careful not to publicly humiliate someone like this, because I think that would be just cruel, and maybe send her over an edge. You have no idea where she might be emotionally.

Honestly, sometimes people are just scamming; but others are just in very bad places psychologically, and they really do need help. If you do decide to call this woman on her behavior, I would hope that you could do it both lovingly and firmly. Otherwise, I would just ignore her.

I imagine the outcome will simply be that you may not hear much from her any more.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
If her stories are not true, it makes me angry on behalf of everyone really going through trauma, like my friend's mom who is battling ovarian cancer and the parents of one of my students who just killed himself two weeks ago.

At the same time, it makes me think she needs serious help and I wish I had the courage to say so to her. I've fought mental illness myself. Hello, bipolar!

I just feel torn. It's bothering me and I wish it wasn't. I guess it is not really my business, and the cliche is true - people have to want help.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Oh, and thanks for letting me share! (That's a nod to AA meeting formats, ROFL!)

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Hermione, I don't blame you for being angry. But again, I just worry that someone like that could be very fragile. And I do have compassion, you just never know what their personal stories might be.

My mother was much like that, she was a life long alcoholic; and I think at some point she really started believing her stories. The alcohol really does damage your brain. At the same time, I also know she grew up in Europe, during WWII. I know the things she saw. She was mentally damaged before she had a chance to live.

So, I try to remember I don't know someone's story. At the same time, I always clearly told my mom I didn't believe her, but I still told her I loved her, and I cared for her till she died.

You have to make your own peace with it.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
But how much compassion does one have to have before they just say "enough is enough. Get help or shut up?"

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 2:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Escapee, in my experience, it's not that easy to get help. It costs money. And for someone with many issues, it costs a lot of money. Don't think for a minute that public health covers it. It does not. Trust me on that one.

It's easy to say "get help", but for someone who is already struggling with dealing with reality, navigating the maze and pitfalls and barriers of public assistance is impossible.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Karuuna.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Escapee, to answer your question, it depends on the person, where they are in your life.

For me, if I can help someone, I'm there for them and try not to judge too much (but keep my boundaries, for me) and there are people I simply cannot help much and that has to be ok. But I may still listen. I can't make anyone get help. I learned that working on a hotline. You just provided the information and hoped.

I wouldn't get to "shut up" unless someone was invading my space, affecting my life, lie a relative, I guess.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I see what you are saying.

The experience I have had with it is more of a look at me look at me situation. It seemed as though the minute this person was out of the limelight and not the topic of choice at the proverbial "water cooler" they had a new ailment, accident, incident to tell "EVERYONE" about. I found/find it very hard to swallow that people that honestly have true issues are so open and forthcoming with things that have happened to them. I mean revealing the deepest most private things to everyone who has an ear. I just wonder why someone who really has issues and wants to talk about them wouldn't talk about them to a professional, close friend, or family member.

Also it's like dumping emotional your baggage on people. People have enough baggage without an acquaintances or stranger's baggage to boot. I am not trying to sound selfish or unsympathetic, please don't think that of me.

ETA: In my state, you can go to any county mental health facility, walk in, talk to a professional, anonymously, for free 24 hours a day.

Ophiliasgrandma
Member

09-04-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ophiliasgrandma a private message Print Post    
My stepdaughter:

Hit a deer with her car.

Had a horse roll on her and drove her femur through her hip.

Husband committed suicide.

Next month 13 year old daughter had to have steel rods put down each side of spine for scoliosis.

Was t-boned, car rolled and she broke her neck.

Had to have hip replacement.

Those are just the 'high' points. Some people do have ongoing unbelievable stories. So, be careful as to what you say to the lady, Hermione, it could be true.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Esc, I hear you, but we all have different boundaries, sometimes very different, and differing levels of family support, or even may be the "rock" at home and cannot spill the problems there. So many different scenarios.

And what OG said, sometimes lighting does strike repeatedly, sad to say.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I don't know, Escapee. It's often easier for people to tell things to complete strangers than to professionals. And some people (like me) don't even have family.

Some people, like my mother I imagine, never learned to relate in any kind of healthy way. And given what she suffered as just a little girl, I'm not sure any amount of talking to a professional would have changed anything. She learned that she could get attention, compassion, whatever by making up stories. And I also imagine making up stories (for her) was much easier than facing the truth of what had happened to her.

As I said, through living through difficult places with my own family, I just found for me that the compassionate place was to speak the truth with kindness (which kind of precludes "shut up" lol). And ler her live her own life. Oh, and I never gave her money. I did pay some bills for her, because *I* couldn't bear to think of her on the streets. But I paid the money directly, and never ever to her. Sigh.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
True, OG, but this woman has contradicted herself. I didn't catch it, but a friend pointed it out later and that's what started our suspicions. It never crossed my mind that she could be making it up until my friend pointed out the various inconsistencies and contradictions in her many happenings. I guess that could be "proof," but it is still vague enough to be explained.

Hope your stepdaughter is okay and that things look up for her soon. That's terrible. Life really isn't fair.

Anyway, I think I'll just let it be. It's not worth this much energy. Thanks, all.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
But you also have the Avery's of the world...

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Avery?

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ladytex a private message Print Post    
Hermi, turn on your IM

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
oh, can we please not go there? :-)

Let's just sum it up by saying what we've said before: You should ALWAYS be cautious, on messageboards and in real life about whom you trust and what you believe. That never changes!

TVCH is a relatively unique place in that many of us have met. However, there is nowhere in the world where there are not some people that are untrustworthy. Including a messageboard.