Author |
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Friday, August 17, 2007 - 9:28 pm
I like 3 and 6 Kaili. Personally, I think the fact that you are attending is far more important than what you are wearing! I ususally don't buy gifts. I make wedding/baby shower albums. I think it's the thought behind the gift, not the price tag, that really counts. And speaking personally, I have to say I prefer gift cards and for people to spend what they are comfortable with spending, rather than some pre-determined amount that might be more than they can afford.
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Friday, August 17, 2007 - 10:05 pm
I like dress #6 and I think $50 is enough to spend for a gift card.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Friday, August 17, 2007 - 10:18 pm
DAMN! juju has legs and boobs!
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Friday, August 17, 2007 - 10:18 pm
and darn good looking ones too! <running>
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Konamouse
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 5:01 am
Unless you NEED a new dress, you can be comfortable in anything you posted. Are you trying to impress someone? Find a date? Then be comfortable!!! Why spend MORE money? $50 gift card is very appropriate. Keep it generic (a well known chain that has a location where they are moving). Include a nice congratulatory note. And stop stressing over it. This isn't your best friend or very close relative, right? So why make a mountain out of a mole hill? Just enjoy the party.
<-- is not into fashion, and only worries about dressing up when she is trying to flirt.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 5:51 am
The etiquette is as others have said, to spend about what it's costing them for the reception dinner any bride who has that attitude doesn't deserve a gift. the bride and groom are hosting a celebration and inviting the people they would like to be with as they celebrate their weddding NOT trying to host a party to get good gifts! should i spend more on a birthday present if the party is at Chuckee Cheese rather than at the birthday child's home? Kaili, i vote with the others that you need to wear a dress with a shape but out of the choices, I like 3. Damn JuJu! Love the dress!!!
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 6:35 am
Wow very swanky Zuzu!
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 7:08 am
I vote for 3. It shows off your figure well and I think will work well for a 4:00 wedding. I agree with those that say don't buy a new outfit if the budget doesn't allow. Borrowing is fine, though, if your friend has something else that you love. Definitely a cool way to stretch your wardrobe! As for the amount to spend on the gift, keep in mind that the amount sometimes tends to be regional, so some of the varied opinions may reflect that. I like the gift card idea (personally I love to get them), but another possibility is to see if where they are registered you can buy online and they can pick it up back home at the store or even have the store ship it to them. That also works. When I am having budget problems and actually want to buy a gift, I look for fun options like champagne glasses that are with their crytstal. Sometimes you can get them for a great price and I like the idea of giving them something they would never buy themselves, but can use for special occasions. My parents had a very small wedding (only my dad's parents and the pastor and his wife were in attendance), and only got a few wedding gifts, so "That was a wedding gift" was synonymous with "That is one of the things most special to us." I got a letter the other day from from friends who got married several years ago, and at the end of the letter they had written "We use that pitcher you got us for a wedding gift all of the time, so think of you often." These are people I seldom get to see, so I loved hearing it! I didn't spend a ton on the pitcher, but it was a piece of pottery from one of my favorite potters in this area so it was unique but still practical and functional.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 7:37 am
At the risk of stating the obvious, the problem of giving a gift with a straight monetary value is that it emphasizes the money, whereas giving a non-monetary gift tends to de-emphasize the monetary nature of the gift. Being a photographer I have to know what makes people look good. Just a suggestion for anyone looking at the pictures. I know that they do not do the dresses or you justice and I hope that people keep that in mind when offering advice. If only I had taken the pictures .... I was about to say that I would consider borrowing a dress from a friend, but then I realized how silly that sounds when I say it. Regardless of what you wear and what gift you decide to give, I hope you go and fully enjoy the experience. Weddings should be enjoyed (a point frequently missed by the Wedding Party, family and guests ).
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 8:03 am
As I said, the etiquette currently is to give a gift about the same amount as the dinner. However, NO ONE should ever give more than they can afford. Don't forget that part of my post. I don't think anyone should feel guilty about simply doing what they can. It is a gift in itself to attend, to be there for someone's very special day. And if it is a great cost for you to attend (travel, hotel, meals, etc), then that is really part of the gift too.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 8:05 am
BTW, what a tremendous amount of wonderful advice you've amassed here. I'm sure you'll be able to sort what works for you, and end up with a fabulous outfit - whether from your own closet, borrowed from a pal, purchased retail or not. And as for the gift... seems to me there's tons of great advice here too. Hope it makes your decision easier. And I agree with those who say, don't stress... just enjoy the day. And whooooowheeeee our Jooj is a HOTTIE - great gams, lady!!!
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 8:14 am
any bride who has that attitude doesn't deserve a gift. the bride and groom are hosting a celebration and inviting the people they would like to be with as they celebrate their weddding NOT trying to host a party to get good gifts! I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be a little hurt if someone had showed up at our wedding with a $5 gift certificate (unless I knew it was all they could afford). However, if one of our guests made us a special craft or painted us a picture or bought us some sweet little item that they knew would be meaningful to us, I would be absolutely thrilled and delighted. It is the caring that matters and knowing that people are sharing in your excitement and wishing you well.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 8:58 am
Again, where is this etiquette written? I have truly never heard of that 'etiquette'.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:08 am
ok..i did some googling “How does the wedding guest come to the knowledge of how much is being spent per person for the reception? It certainly isn’t by grokking the amount from the invitation by some psychic osmosis. Did you hear it from the bride or her mother? How crass and tacky to be discussing the financial particulars of what the wedding budget actually is! It’s clearly done with an agenda to sway cash giving to its greatest greedy potential. Did you ask how much was spent? If so, mucho tacky since it’s an indiscreet and nosey question to be asking. Bottom line, there is no etiquettely correct way to convey how much is being spent per person on the wedding, so this whole belief system that cash gifts must equal or exceed the cost per person being spent on the wedding is based solely on either rude declarations by the hosts of how much cash has been expended on the wedding or rude speculations by guests on what has been spent. http://www.etiquettehell.com/blog/?cat=8 Contrary to popular belief, there is no calculable amount of money each person attending a wedding should spend on a wedding gift. It is not the amount of money spent on the reception divided by the number of guests. A gift should be a token of affection, and is not intended to pay for the wedding. http://www.beau-coup.com/gift_giving_etiquette.htm There’s a rumor floating around that the cost of a wedding gift should equal the cost of the guest’s meal. This is not true. The gift giver can give whatever she chooses, no matter how much the hosts spent on dinner. Whether ten or one thousand dollars is spent on a gift, the bride and groom should accept it graciously and appreciate the thought. http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Gift_Etiquette I'm often asked if there is a formula for calculating how much a guest should spend on a gift. Yes -- the amount spent on the gift should be based on your affection for and relationship with the couple -- or their families -- as well as your budget. People sometimes say that a wedding gift should cost at least as much as the bride and groom are spending on entertaining each person at the reception, but that is simply a myth. LINK HERE it appears that it is NOT etiquette <fixed last link >
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:17 am
Ah ... so what you are telling Kaili is that you have no advice for her? She should just do what she wants, which leaves her back where she was in the first place. Of course, the gift giver can and should give whatever she or he chooses to give. It's not like there is some threat against them. Kaili did ask for our opinions.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:22 am
That is not true, Jimmer. I was simply stunned by the assumption that it was good etiquette to spend as much on a gift as supposedly the dinner cost. It's one thing to advice Kaili that is what you do, but I do not agree that it is necessary because it is 'good etiquette'. And if I read her reply to the suggestion correctly, that was making her feel cheap to not spend that much. And yes, she should give what she wants.
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Yankee_in_ca
Member
08-01-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:29 am
well, as someone who wore a black dress to her OWN wedding, I have little to contribute LOL. but kaili, you will look smashing in whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and pretty. P.S. -- I'd like to add that this question of etiquette is, in my opinion, probably regional. There are different regional customs around North America. So it is possible that something is considered proper or standard etiquette in one area is not in another, etc.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:30 am
Sigh. Thanks for your googling, Annie. Of course, there were also several sites that supported my etiquette comment that you did not post. I'll refrain from posting them myself. I should know better than to ever give my opinion. From now on, I'll keep my counsel to myself, lest someone come in and tell me what an idiot I am. However, when someone asks for opinions, it is wise to expect that's exactly what they will do. Personally, I try not to disparage other people's opinions, just give my own, and assume the one who asked is wise enough to do their own discernment among the widely varying responses. I'm quite sure that Kaili is that wise, and will do what is best for her.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 9:34 am
I find these etiquette arbiters rather amusing. Most of them, including the ones that you quoted, say things to the effect ... Contrary to popular belief ... There’s a rumor floating around ... People sometimes say and then they go on to deny that it is correct. Plus there are other sites that say something different. How is etiquette determined other than by what people believe to be appropriate? Etiquette is not fixed in stone but is changed by people's current beliefs. Anyway, no one here is suggesting that Kaili spend more than she can afford or feels is appropriate.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 10:45 am
Again I say Pier One has lovely stuff and innexpensive. Kaili muscular arms are perfect for the types of dresses I showed you. And an ankle tatt should be shown off not hidden.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 11:07 am
One of the gifts I got the most compliments on (and was a ton of fun to put together) was the wedding gift I made for my brother. I bought a smaller picnic basket at Pier One (had wine glasses and silverware as part of package), then got a couple of specialty hot fudge toppings at local stores(grand marnier/ kahlua), a bottle of local wine and wrote a little note about how they could do an indoor picnic and decide how best to use the hot fudge. All told, I don't think I spent more than $40-50, but the basket was something they could continue to use.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 11:24 am
PS. Kaili - you can find a unique and inexpensive weddiing gift at https://www.bkeepsakes.com/designs3.cfm It can be sent directly to the recipients' home. Disclaimer: this is MY company, but wanted to throw it out there in case you thought it was a fun and unusual gift. Don't feel obligated! Heck, I wouldn't even know if you did buy one.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 12:13 pm
Juju, you look very pretty! I like to give silver picture frames as wedding gifts. People always need something for their wedding photos. I love to find beautiful wrapping paper and put a lovely bow on the package with a special card for them.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 12:16 pm
Kaili, from the perspective of a guy, you look great in dress #3. I know nothing about etiquette.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 12:38 pm
wow JUJU is one hot woman! so that's what is underneath those sweats (quite a change from THAT photo at your computer lol) damn, i think your legs are longer than my whole body. those etiquette rules use no common sense imo. wish i had realized that earlier. i won't have Tom/Katie's wedding gift paid off until January 2026!
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