Author |
Message |
Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 2:24 pm
Julie, for the most part, I rarely come across any kind of 'obstacle'. I get the question 'what do you know about the real/natural parents' often. I usually say 'you mean the birthparents?' and then answer the question. If the person really is a jerk, I will say something like 'well, I know a ton about them' and the proceed to describe myself and dh and see how long it takes them to catch on! LOL You do get more questions when you first bring the baby/child home. We were always very upfront. We had a big party the night we brought each child home. My son took our daughter to show and tell! People will take their cues from you.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 2:35 pm
I was thinking about how much "easier" everything would be if we moved right after we brought the baby home. There'd be a lot less questions. It's not that I would be trying to hide the fact that the baby was adopted, but why does it matter so much? Why is it so seemingly intriguing?
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 3:13 pm
Julie, people ask stupid questions to pregnant ladies all the time! were you trying? how much weight did you gain? i bet you hope it's a girl (or boy) not to mention... my delivery was just awful i had the easiest delivery you are going to use drugs??? that's not natural you are going to have a c-section??? that's not natural!
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 4:06 pm
quote:i am neither unnatural or pretend
Texannie, you do understand that you are imaginary, right? Everybody here is a figment of my imagination.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 5:54 pm
LOL Pats doggy on the head.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 7:46 pm
Oh oh Annie, you left off my favorite pregnancy question! Usually comes about the time you are six or seven months..."When are you going to try for the next one?" People can be so intrusive and rude sometimes rather they're asking if you were planning to get pregnant or asking about "real" parents. Stupid questions don't just happen in cases of adoption either. I grew up with David, technically mine and my sister's step dad, but he was the only dad we knew and we were always asked about our real dad. It wasn't until we were older that the typical response to that became, "Most men can be a sperm donor, but only a real dad will hold your hair back when you puke your guts up, sob in frustration after three hours and you still aren't getting long division, or teach you how to ride a bike." LOL, ask a stupid question...get a snotty response.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 8:25 pm
Well, being a single mom and knowing fair well that one child would be plenty for myself..The question I hated the most, and even still I get asked this question..And Im 51yrs old... "Why didnt you have more children"????Why did you only have one???.... geeeze, mind your own freaking buisness.... I hate that question, like Im bad cause I didnt create siblings... uggggg.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 8:45 pm
I'm with you Chew -- I've had to ARGUE w/people that I did NOT "have" to have a second child! Sheesh! I realized early on that I'm not nearly as fond of little kids as I am of teens -- and doing the "motherly" thing requires much thinking, biting of tongue and going against all my native instincts. I do it, but I sure as heck don't want to do it AGAIN! LOL (Recognizing my limitations is one of the few things I can do well.) Telling prying people (including family members) that they'd have to come visit me in jail if we had another child (because I'd be sure to kill one of 'em!) usually shuts 'em up. My grip -- we had ONE day of sun (and only about 52 degrees) for spring break. The rest of our week: SNOW! Bleh! Easter Sunday is supposed to be colder than Thanksgiving AND Christmas Sundays! I hate the hot, hot weather, but I really do believe I've seen enough snow for the year....it hasn't changed colors, it hasn't gotten easier to shovel... so I'm pretty sure I could live without it for a few months now.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, April 02, 2007 - 9:07 pm
Teach, you crack me up...I have always loved children and most likley could have been "the ole lady who lived in the shoe"...but I realized early on - that its "MEN" that drive me crazy..and that one child with one Father was plenty...and when my X and I went our own ways, the thought of having more kids with differant Fathers or father...would be "way to much" for my "selfish" self to handle... I have all the love for my ONE daughter and many pets, and am happy happy happy with that decision.... And also, Kids are very expensive, I worked my A$$ off to give her every thing she needed...It would not have been fair on my part, to have more children than "I" could handle on my own... That brings me to my other gripe.... Why didnt you ever remarry???.. ... Cause "Men bring out the worse in me"....and there for I love living alone... Of course with my furry friends...LOL.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 3:19 am
LOL Juju! When my kids were little, I kept thinking I wasn't really a 'baby person'. Now that they are teens, I am thinking I am not a 'teen person'! LOL
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 5:04 am
If you think the "only one" child comments are bad when it is your choice and your decision to have only one, then let me tell you how hard it is when it is not your choice. We only have one child. It is not by choice. If it were up to me, I would have at least 4 by now...
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 5:11 am
I have one sister and I may not like her very much but she is my sister. And she happens to be adopted. It drives me nuts when people say that she's not my "real" sister. No I don't like her but yes .. she is my sister. And yes, I only had one child as well. If I had started earlier and had been happily married .. I would have had a dozen!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 6:27 am
Oh, the best stupid comment I have ever gotten was...are you ready for this??????? "are you worried about your kids falling in love with each other since they aren't really related???"
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 8:18 am
Tex, I cant top that one...this thread is funny..LOL.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 2:22 pm
Sorry, Julie -- One of my close friends at work tried for years to have a child, but after her third miscarriage (and that one at 5 months), she couldn't handle the heartache anymore. We all know it wasn't her choice, but I'm sure through the years she's gotten those thoughtless, hurtful comments, too. Wonder when people will realize that it's really NONE of their business how many, how often, when or even IF other people decide to have children! Oh my, Tex -- I'm cracking up. That would be like asking me if I'd ever fall in love with my brother -- not likely! LOL
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 2:27 pm
heck, I just want them to get along! LOL

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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 8:55 pm
Teach, I can certainly relate to your friend. DH & I have no children. Not from the lack of trying (5 miscarriages and 1 nearly nervous breakdown). But we have between the 2 of us 17 nieces, nephews of all ages (this counts the great nieces and nephews). An ex-coworker (new gal) once asked if I had any children. Very common question. When I answered "No." She replied "not any?". I wanted to tell her that No means No. But I bit my tongue and was polite. Some people are just stupid. And that "S" word is something I don't like.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Tuesday, April 03, 2007 - 10:16 pm
"Not Any", ..Oh my!!!, .. people are daft somtimes arent they?...
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 3:35 am
should have said 'oh, your're right, i forgot the ones we keep locked up in the basement!'
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 3:13 pm
LOL! Or --whoops, forgot the two we lost K-mart yesterday. Sheesh!
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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 8:16 pm
OK, the following is really bad, so you are warned. DH & I were having a talk one day about how we answer the question "do you have any children?"...Answer: "Yes, 5, but they are all dead." Then just let their imaginations take over from there. I warned you that I'm baaaad! And NO, we have never answered in that way, and don't mind being asked if we have children, it's the dumb questions that sometimes follow. Some people want all the details and to us, this is still hurtful after all these years. Some people don't understand that even without children, there is still a marriage!
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 8:49 pm
Well, I must say, I hang my head in shame. Ive a dear friend who I was a brides maid for when she married... she's a school teacher and all she ever talked about was having children... her and her husband... they moved away for a few yrs and when her Father became ill they moved back to town to help her Mom.. Not seeing her for about 3yrs I ran into her at the store a few months ago... we huged and were so happy to see each other, she told me her father had just past away and I was so sad to hear this news, but she seemed like she was doing well with it as it was expected (still Sad)... and then I screwed up royaly!!... I said, "So is a baby in the future?".. she quickly replyed that she couldnt have children and they had even gone thrue the testing and so on and it was her... OH MY GOODNESS, Knowing how much I hate stupid questions could not believe that I had just asked this question and her answer was as it was... I think somtimes we put our feet in our mouths with the best of intentions and then relize its too late to take the words back.... This was a good friend, not a passer by, we just hadnt spoke about this and I know she would have mentioned it to me if the few yrs had not come between us.... But I sure did feel like crap.... and I never ask baby questions, even to my best of friends or family, unless they mention it first....LESSONS!!
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 8:57 pm
Geez, its not like you asked her if she dug up her dead father. How else would you know if you didn't ask?
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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 9:10 pm
Chewpito, please don't feel bad. This was your good friend and believe me, that does make a huge difference. Close friends and family, well, you know they ask because they CARE. I think one can tell the difference when such questions are asked from special people in our lives and just the casual someone who in all reality are just thinking they are being sociable. And it sounds like you friend really needed to talk to YOU since she followed with more personal information. Heck, I'll still ask baby questions. That's just normal. So, I sincerely hope my post didn't make you feel bad. I would never want to make anyone on this board feel bad about any of my posts. And to anyone who wonders, I really do love reading about all of your kiddoes. And also love the pics you post, the complaints, the accomplishments, the ups and downs. I think we need a new gripe. OK, let's start with my husband's snoaring!
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Wednesday, April 04, 2007 - 9:56 pm
No your post didnt make me feel bad.. what made me feel bad was that we were in an isle in safeway, that ive know forever how much kids meant to her and that the akward silence that followed when my heart stopped cause it wasnt the time or place to even talk about it... We have since, but this whole conversation just made me think about how somtimes we say things unknowingly and it just feels crappy... By the way, I dont snore...but I have asthma and my wheezing can be a real kill-joy...LOL...
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