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Archive through October 29, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through October 29, 2006 users admin

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Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 7:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Juju, I think ya should wear a red wig! LOL

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 7:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
The only birthday that I dreaded was 25, because of the Oil of Olay commercials at the time that said it helped skin over 25 look younger! Turning 30 and 40 weren't bad for me personally, but my then-husband kept making a big deal about how upset I was going to be. I was already divorced when I turned 50, and it was really nice not having someone else tell me how old I was getting, because I'm not old!

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 8:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Merrysea, did you ever see the movie Logan's Run. It was about a community where people were killed off when they turned 30 because they were old and useless. Not even Oil of Olay could save them.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 8:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Oh come on Dogdoc. They were "renewed".

I always think of this movie whenever people talk about "right to die" and wonder how many people might be encouraged to assert that right when they got old.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 8:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I turned 40 less than a year ago Lori and I celebrated it big time. I believe in counting your blessings and I am so lucky to be here with my son and my dad. My friends & bf. I don't believe it's about a number, I believe it's about where you are in your life.

Bamaroots
Member

08-30-2006

Sunday, October 15, 2006 - 11:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Bamaroots a private message Print Post    
I hope it's okay for me to join in the discussion. I am one year and three months away from being 60 and it doesn't bother me at all. I just want to be here long enought to see my grandkids through college. I never had a birthday that bothered me. My 50th was really special because my family had a surprise gathering for me. One of my daughters had made me a book of life. She had gotten pictures of me from baby years through teen years from my mama. She seperated them into decades. Each section began with pages she copied at the library telling the top news stories, top plays, movies, songs, sports events, etc. She had sections of each of my four children and their spouses and the two grandkids I had then. And a section with special friends throughout my life.My husband of 38 years and each of my children and their spouses wrote letters telling me what I meant to them. Many of my friends also wrote sweet letters to me. This book has brought me so much joy. I like to read their letters and pretend I deserve the things they said about me.
I married my high school sweetheart and still love him as I did back then. I have a life filled with love from my mama, Husband, four children and their spouses and seven grandchildren, four brothers and their families, a huge group of cousins and more friends than I can count. My high school class meets once a month and we have a great time. We are great support for each other in good times and bad. My only down side is fighting brittle diabetes which has almost taken my life twice. I'm startled when I look in the mirror and think a stranger has gotten into my house. But I have loved all the years that put wrinkles on my face and the grey in my hair. No, I never have been bothered by birthdays.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 12:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Gonna be 52 in April... My 30's and 40's were the best. My career soared to great heights in my 30's and I met my dh in my late 30's and we got married when I was 44. (I give hope to middle-aged women everywhere on that score. LOL.) But I was pretty good about being on my own, just felt emtpy sometimes. And sometimes my life felt pointless, like an constant empty rejection from the universe at large, but thankfully, like a man, I had/have a 'career' that gave me self-esteem. (Women tend to gage themselves by relationships and men by their careers...)

But ya know how you can be lonely in a crowd. Well sometimes you can be lonely even when somebody is around too, if you don't do a lot of the same things or don't have enough of the same interests. He's hunkered over his comptuer in the den playing chess or poker and I'm here interacting with you guys. A few days ago, I was thrilled to actually talk him into playing a boardgame with me. Upwords, (like scabble) he even won, but I couldn't talk him into playing again. It's been months and months since we last played it. And it probably will be again. :-( But that's life. I have to admit, its a comfort just knowing he's here, even if its in the other room. And on day's he's underfoot, I'm glad he's in the other room. LOL.

I think what I'm trying to say that you can be content or lonely in either situation at different times.

My 50's suck right now, mostly cuz of health issues and its holding me back from really living my life fully, like really pursuing a part-time job as a CSR/Receptionist/Switchboard op. But thankfully its seems my writing career has been given the breath of life again, and it will be interesting to see where that's taking me...

I might post more when I have more energy. Fatigued.

Schoolmarm
Member

02-18-2001

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Schoolmarm a private message Print Post    
I took my parents to NYC when I turned 40. It was fun, and since it was our break week at the university, most of my friends were going places and that put a kabosh on a party.

I took my parents as "thank you" for raising me. We had a great time.

Turning 30 had really sucked, as I had been served with divorce papers just a month before....I was in my hometown that day and I pretty much begged my brother to take me out. So we went to the Pizza Hut and then crashed a wedding reception (he was invited) and everyone thought that I was his date. WHAT? Did the hometown forget that he had a sister?

I've decided that when I turn 50, I will plan my own festivities. If I don't do it, no one will!

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twiggyish a private message Print Post    
Hey Bama, that book of life sounds like a great idea. What a sweet gesture by your daughter!

I think 30 was the hardest age for me. These days at my young age of 46 I feel great!

Marm, have a big party!! =)

Lumbele
Member

07-12-2002

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 6:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lumbele a private message Print Post    
When I was in my teens, I couldn't wait to turn 20. That sounded so much more grown up.
Looking at 30, I thought it might bother me a little, but it came and went and never fazed me. Same with 40. Looking at 50 only bothered me, because my health had deteriorated and at 49 I took that bull by the horn. Didn't want to turn into a frail old woman too early. But the numbers themselves turned into just another day in the life of lum.
Sure, I joked sometimes that I was 29, for several years, upping it to 39 eventually. Teasing friends about being older (by 1 year or 2) and being teased the same was just that, teasing, fooling around.
Actually, for some strange reason, approaching 50 became quite liberating. Those many extra pounds now became mainly health, no longer just a cosmetic issue. I am looking for healthy and fit, slimmer will be considered a bonus.
It doesn't matter so much any more what other people think. Age has brought a certain inner security that I didn't have in younger days, and I like it.
Lori, I doubt there is anyone whose life turned out *exactly* like they had planned or dreamt of. Some of those involuntary "adjustments" worked out very well, others had to be adjusted to. Life's like that. You have a good head on your shoulders. If there are things you still want to accomplish, go for it. Maybe it will work out, maybe not. No harm in trying though. Count the positives in your life and flush the rest.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 7:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Lori, gosh, what a topic.

The only birthday that really wigged me was 29. I had a really rough time with 29. I know it was because I wasn't where I was "supposed to be," at least in my mind. I was divorced and childless and seemed to keep making the same mistakes in my romantic life. I was in recovery and still going through periods of resenting that I couldn't drink.

My idea of what my life was going to be like at 29 and what it really was like were polar opposite. Leaving my 20s was fazing me and turning 30 scared me. I felt like time was running out. I was in a "this needs to hurry up and happen" mindset.

Although no one birthday has bothered me as much as 29 did, I continued to struggle with getting older and not being where I wanted to be. The older I got, the more centered my fears became on never having children. I really wanted children. I thought about going it alone, but there were several factors that made me feel that may not work for me. I still haven't quite decided about that yet, but now, as I am closer to 40 than to 30, my feelings have shifted. There are still moments when it hurts to think I probably will never have kids. I remember one night I was babysitting and my nephew Sam was curled up in my arms and my niece Natalie was curled up by my side, and at that moment in time, my desire to have a child was so strong that it was like a physical ache. I remember my throat got tight and I thought I was going to cry. Mostly, though I have come to accept it and enjoy my life as it is. I have incredible bonds with my sister's children and that has been very fulfilling for me. Plus, as I get older, I get more selfish of my time. I like the space and freedom I have in my life without having kids in it. A couple of years ago I would have traded my space and freedom in a heartbeat. Now I am not so sure!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 7:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Hermi, not sure if you are interested or not, but single women can adopt babies from China and Taiwan (plus some other countries). It is expensive (somewhere between $15,000 - $30,000), but I thought I'd throw that in as food for thought.

Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 7:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Marysafan a private message Print Post    
Turning 40 is a significant of one's life, only because it marks the estimated half way point. This can be a good thing. It was for me. I took stock.

First thing on the list was health. It's time to start looking after it seriously. I got a complete physical. If for no other reason that peace of mind. I also had my first mammogram. This is important because it is the "baseline". I also visited the dentist.

If you haven't started a fitness routine. Now's the time. Walking is good, but also throw some fun things in there. If you ever wanted to take up biking...now's the time. If you ever wanted to take dance lessons...now's the time. If you have access to a pool, swimming is a great work out.

Okay next, career choices. Am I happy with mine? If not, how difficult would it be to change? I decided to go back to school to pursue that illusive nursing degree. I didn't complete it, once more life got in the way...but at least I made the attempt and now have no regrets. I know now that it just wasn't meant to be, and it worked out for the best. But I did end up making a career change that gave me a great deal of happiness, and ended the high stress albeit well paid treadmill I was on. Had I stayed in that job, I probably wouldn't be here today.

Personal life. Am I happy with where I am in my relationships? If not, what can I do to change them? I started to put my priorities in order and starting cutting out all the extraneous relationships that were wearing me down, and taking me away from the people and the things I enjoy. Learn to say no. You can't please everybody all the time. (<-- Huge lesson for Mary)

Time. Value it. It is your most important possession. Guard it against those who want to steal it from you. Use it wisely.

If there are things you have always wanted to do, but have put them off for later...you know, the "Some day I'm going to _________". Now's the time to make a list and get started. Read the books you have always wanted to read. Take up the hobbies you have always wanted to do. Learn a craft that you have always wanted to learn. Go see the places you've always wanted to see. Rent the movies you've always wanted to see.

I have these dishes that I had wanted since I had seen them in the window of Jackson's Hardware store in 1966. Hubby started buying them for me in 1984. I had used them only for special holidays. When I turned 40, I took them out and started using them every day! What the heck was I saving them for! I can't tell you how much happiness they give me every day!

Okay, I've rattled on enough...but just one more thing. You remember the Family Circus cartoon from the Sunday Paper? Often there will be one where the little boy is supposed to do something...like go from the back door to the bus stop in front of the house. Instead of going directly...he takes this route, where he stops to pet the dog, and then goes over to jump in a pile of leaves, and then goes over to the playground and slides down the slide, and then waves to his little brother in the window, and then when he sees the school bus coming, he walks over to the bus stop. That's life.

We start at one point, have our sights set on the destination, we map out our route, but usually it looks more like the path made by those black dashes in the cartoon. And that's a good thing. Because if we lived life according our plans, we would miss out on a lot of the good stuff...because they were beyond our wildest dreams.

So I leave you with some wise words that were said to me when I turned 40. Whether you like it or not, there you are. To like it or not...is your choice.

I hope you choose to enjoy it. There's much to enjoy and I never met a women in her 40's who wanted to go back and be 20 again. Enjoy the wisdom you've acquired, the friends you've acquired, and enjoy all the fruits of your labors thus far.

And as for the rest of your days...love much and laugh as often as possible.

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 10:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Such great stories! Life seldom turnes out like we plan. Mine sure hasn't.

My 20th and 30th birthdays came and went without a second thought. I was married, planning a long future together, advancing in my job and life was just very comfortable. All the old folks were still around and doing well, too.

On my 35th birthday, my hubby organized a surprise party for me. And I mean it was a complete surprise. I didn't know he had it in him. It was just our families and a few neighbors, but it was such a delight. It's one of the nicer memories I have of our marriage.

My 40th birthday was the one that bothered me. I equated that number with getting older and I didn't like that. Not to mention the fact that my hubby and family didn't even remember it. Not even a card or phone call. I did get flowers from the office. It was a very hard day for me, but it passed.

Then came 50. I guess that number didn't bother me because of the great turmoil in my life at that time. Three days after I turned 50, I was officially divorced from my 26 year marriage and I was a basket case. My co-workers still decorated my office with the "Over the Hill" stuff and had cake. I just couldn't believe that at this age I was alone again. I had planned (we had planned actually) a long life together and to travel and have fun after the old folks were gone and their care didn't take up so much time. Before that could happen, I found myself completely devastated by a cheating hubby and a divorce. Several months after I turned 50, my mother died. So, the 50th birthday sucked and the 50th year sucked, too. We never had any children and I have only one brother living, so for the most part I am completely alone.

I will be 52 in February. I am pretty much sane right now. I thank God for every day I'm given and healthy and able to make it on my own. I haven't gotten out much (hard for me to get motivated), but I have signed up to take a 10 day cruise with a girl friend next June. Hopefully, I won't puke or fall overboard and will enjoy it and will want to continue traveling. Time will tell.

Hopefully, future birthdays (and lots of them) will be happier and enjoyable.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 11:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Like Hermi, turning 29 was quite painful for me. I can't even put my finger on it. I wasn't any closer to finding the husband or having children. I was now clearly entering the adult world and couldn't fall back on the "she's young" excuses any more. I just felt I was getting "old".

Now I'm facing 40 and I could care less. If people ask how old I am I have to think about it. It's just a number to me now. I have never been happier in my life and can't beleive I'm now getting "old" because I still feel so young. LOL.

And HErmi, I am a Single Mother by Choice. My daughter is 4. I never married but decided that I really wanted a child. I had to ask myself "20 or 30 years from now will I regret not having a child" and the answer was a resounding yes. I have friends who adopted as single mothers. It's a wonderful thing.

Heyltslori
Moderator

09-15-2001

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 6:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Heyltslori a private message Print Post    
Urgrace...I love that pink heart!! :-)

I am really enjoying reading everyone's posts! Thank you all for sharing such great thoughts and stories.

Mary, I am really going to take to heart your message that you can't please everybody all of the time. I've been a people pleaser all of my life and oftentimes by putting everyone else first, I end up last. I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay if I'm first sometimes too!

Oh, and I LOVE that you are using your "special" dishes every day!!
:-)

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Monday, October 16, 2006 - 10:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Here's to using the special dishes, NOW!

Or as Oprah said the other day, someone gave her the idea.. that nice container of bath salts you keep hoarding.. USE IT! Use the whole thing! Oprah says she did and loved it!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 5:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
one of the issues that i am coming across as we (dh & I) get older is men's health. no one ever discusses men being incontinent. yet, my father was and now dh is having problems in that area. he says the next time he has a checkup he will talk to the doctor about it. why won't he call and go see him now?

we had the same problem when he had low testosterone, a common problem with men as they age and particularly after 40. it took forever to get him to the doctor to find out what was wrong and be properly treated.

he waited until i threatened to throw him out of our bed due to his complaining about numbness and pain in his right arm before he finally went to the doctor and found out he has carpal tunnel syndrome. now, W/C has picked up the claims and we will be reimbursed for our out of pocket expenses. and, dh is in a wrist brace that has made all the difference in the world.

when we first got married i told him he had sleep apnea. all of his friends told me that they knew that too but hadn't told him. yet, it took 2 years to get him to the doctor and another year of arguing to get him surgery and on a CPAP. he would fall asleep driving! not only was he a danger to himself but to others as well. and, sleep apnea can kill you. he has a one in five chances of dying every night when he went to sleep. now, he says the surgery was the best thing since sliced bread and he loves how he feels after wearing the CPAP each night.

what is it with the men in my life and their health? why won't they go to the doctor? dh is always very happy afterwards when he has been treated and feels better. yet, he waits months being miserable before he will go.

and, what other health issues should i be expecting or should look out for?

if it weren't for us having a very good primary health care doctor who knows how long it would have been before dh's diabetis would have been diagnosed?

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 5:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
oh, and, my father was incontinent for years according to my mom. but, he refused to discuss it with his doctor so she had to keep special padding on his side of the bed.

dad's reasoning was if he didn't go to the doctor then he wouldn't have anything wrong with him. huh? how is that logical?

my brother's reasoning (he is 43) is that he doesn't want to know. i think that is selfish because if it is something that can be cured you are cutting your life short.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, October 27, 2006 - 4:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Cnd, I hope a male wanders by and gives us an answer as to why men don't want to know if something is wrong with them. On the age topic, I got one of those recorded political messages over the phone today.It wasn't supposed to be funny but I thought it was. (even though I am close to 65). The message said something to the effect that our governor said we need slot machines in our state because senior citizens lead grey lives and slot machines would cheer them up. The caller wants to vote him out. I agree it was a stupid statement but it is also funny.

Suz
Member

10-13-2005

Friday, October 27, 2006 - 6:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Suz a private message Print Post    
LOL... senior citizens lead grey lives and slot machines would cheer them up. The only way I would be cheered up, would be if I hit a jackpot. Now, that would be nice.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, October 27, 2006 - 6:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I am too busy doing active things to sit around playing the slots.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Friday, October 27, 2006 - 6:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
does that mean that he/she plans to give all senior citizens their very own slot machine to play with free of charge?

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, October 27, 2006 - 7:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Cnd, it means that if we get slots certain political campaigns can get donations from the gambling groups involved.( They may have to take that "oversight" to the slots bill out though because consumer groups found out about it and alerted the public).

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 7:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i find it hard to believe that i am the ONLY person on this board that has a husband or knows a male over 40 with health problems. is it a taboo topic? do folks not want to talk about it? does no one want to admit that a man in their life has the same issues? do the men on the board find it too embarrassing to talk about? did everybody leave the board and not tell me? LOL