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Archive through April 18, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Parenting Place: New Parents to be........Tips and advice for us: ARCHIVES: Archive through April 18, 2006 users admin

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Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, March 13, 2006 - 12:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
My son tells me a lot lately that I am the meanest mom ever.

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Monday, March 13, 2006 - 12:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
Thanks everyone. I know that we are a not a lenient as some parents but I figure in the end I will better be able to control my children when they know everything is not a guessing game. I will continue to try to be as consistent as possible and not feel one bit bad about it. I was just making sure I wasn't being to harsh.

As for the treat thing....Sam gets treats like ice cream, cookies, popsicles.....it's just not a daily occurrence. I'm not much one for hard candy either and have never given him a sucker. The funny is that he found one in the pantry (it must have been there for a year) and he knew it by name and what to do with it. I know where he learned this new found treasure but that's a whole other in-law story.

Lumbele
Member

07-12-2002

Monday, March 13, 2006 - 12:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lumbele a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, I am with Jimmer on this one. Snacks should be healthy, treats not.
No means no, no matter how much you whine.
You're doing well, don't let anyone, aka in-laws, tell you otherwise.

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Monday, March 13, 2006 - 12:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
Bless you Lumbele!

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Monday, March 13, 2006 - 12:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, my sons are almost all grown now (22, 20 and 16), and I raised them like you are, and I also couldn't believe how lenient some parents are! The two oldest have already thanked me, because they see how their friends turned out, and they know that they are better adjusted as young adults! I always thought that it was more important to be their parent than to be their friend; the benefit is, that now we are truly friends!

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - 2:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kimmo a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, you are very normal to me! Rowan's treats have always been stuff like yogurt, crackers, cheese, banana bread. I knew he got treats at daycare and it seemed like if he didn't get them at home, he wouldn't miss them. Of course, he got cake on his birthday and got candy on Halloween, and we bake cookies or banana bread every week.

When Rowan was Sam's age and younger I definitely intervened when things got rough. I wonder if your in-laws permitting themselves to slack off with the snacks and excessive roughhousing because "Hey, we have 2 kids, you don't know how hard it is," or, "You will understand that this is normal once you have 2 kids." I am often worried about slacking off because of having 2 instead of 1 now, but I hope it doesn't get to that!

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Thursday, March 16, 2006 - 7:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
I always wonder the same thing about having two and have voiced that to DH. I think as parents we all have more patients some days, then others. To me, sometimes that makes all the difference in the world. When I'm having a good day and Sam's out of control it's no problem. Then on the days when I'm out of sorts I have a hard time handleing it.

My in-laws always like to tell us how much we will not be able to handle two kids. Heck they told us we would not be able to handle one. I find that stuff very frustrating because I love being a mom and love my 1 and 1/2 kids. To me Sam is not a hinderance in my daily life. Not to say I don't need me time. We all do right.

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Friday, March 17, 2006 - 11:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
Spit - I would say you are definitely not an oddball. We give Nate & Starr healthy snacks (fruit, crackers, cheese, etc.) and treats once in a while (popsicle after dinner, ice-cream if we're out). I would never even consider giving Nate jellybeans and marshmallows as a snack!!

As far as discipline goes, unfortunately I find myself with an almost 4 yr old boy who is not listening to a word I say which I find very frustrating! I know it's my own fault for not being consistent, and I'm scared of how the future will be if we don't get a hold of it now. His personality is really out now and he is SO strong willed! He wants to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it and doesn't listen to a word I say. Having 2 is a challenge because I may be busy with Starr and Nate will be into something and I'll call across the room for him to stop, and he won't, and then I can't get over there to talk to him at his level, or redirect him, and then I start yelling...and now we're in a rutt situation. He listens to Neil better because he's not with him as much as me and Neil is more consistent. I need Supernanny!!! (I'm not joking).

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Friday, March 17, 2006 - 1:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kimmo a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, I actually did not think I was ready to have 2 kids (even though I had always planned to have #2 when #1 was 3 years old, etc), but in the long run I don't think it is harder than 1, except for the feeling of neglecting one or the other most of the time. I do get virtually no "me time" anymore, but it makes me appreciate what time I do have.

Lisa, you sound like me a few months ago! Well, Rowan was never really into everything, but he is very strong-willed and questions authority-- Jim and I are both very strong-willed so I don't know why it was so surprising that Rowan turned out the same!

I don't know if we have/had the same problem, but Rowan seemed to realize that he got my attention more if he was being naughty than if he was being good. If he listened and did what I asked, I would just say, "Thank you, great job!" and go about my business with Ada, but if he didn't listen to me I would stop everything, get down to his level, etc, have to repeat stuff, so I became totally engaged in telling him what to do (even though I knew he knew how to do it, etc). It was hard to get out of the rut! I didn't want to take stuff away for not listening when I knew it was to get attention, but I was starting to resent it.

So I just started taking privileges away when he didn't listen, and saying things like, "Good listeners get to play on the computer or watch TV," "I had to take computer time away because you wouldn't listen. If you keep being a good listener, you can play tomorrow." And putting on the naughty spot right away for the naughty tricks, after counting to 5, and totally ignoring him.

Of course, the naughty spot we once spent 3 hours getting Rowan to sit there for 3 minutes, but actually you can get a lot of things done during naughty spot time! That is how I stay calm and totally ignore it, I am enjoying the time to get little stuff done. I found that I can put in a load of laundry, do minor picking up around the house, plus polish most of the living room furniture in 4 minutes (Rowan's current naughty spot duration)! And it only lasts 4 minutes now, what a relief.

My current peeves are Rowan talking when I am talking and him telling me what to do instead of asking-- But that's so minor compared to what has happened before!

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Sunday, March 19, 2006 - 12:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
Wow... I hope to post something like your post Kimmo in a couple of months. Something has to change around here because we're losing our minds! We tried the time out spot with Nate but I didn't have the patience to keep putting him back so we ended up putting him in his room for time out. Everything just seems like a joke to him which makes me even more frustrated. I will try taking away privileges and see if that helps. I'll try to be more consistent with time outs, etc. also and see. He is just one of those super strong willed kids that needs major consistent approaches to unacceptable behaviour. This is what needs to change around here.

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 8:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
I forgot to tell everyone on Friday that Sam has started to use the potty. It's not really something that I am consistently trying to get him to do but rather something that is offered daily for the purpose of getting used to the idea. It must be working. He has been going pee off and on when sat on the toilet for about 2 months. Everytime I see him pooping I always offer the toilet and he says no. On Friday morning he said yes and sure enough he did it. Then again this morning...the same thing. "Momma....I go poopoo." Of course I'm telling him to wait till we get to the toilet and he did. YEA!!!!

Now...does anyone have any suggestions on how to make him realize when he need to pee? I don't think he knows yet.

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 10:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
Good luck Spit. We had a hard time with Nate because we started it too young and he wasn't ready. It became a control issue all the way around so we put him back in pull ups. We started again right before he turned 3 and it was so good. We just put him in underwear (cool ones he picked out), and told him to tell us when he needs to go. After 3 full days of accidents all over the place, he blurted out "gotta go pee" and ran to the washroom... it was all good from then on. :-)

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 11:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
Enbwife I agree that Sam is still a bit to young. At this point it's more that it just a daily offer to get used to. At least that's the approach I'm taking and he seems to be rolling with it.

Skootz
Member

07-23-2003

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 1:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Skootz a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, I would just put it in part of your routine. Get up in the morning, have him try and go to the toilet, after a drink, before you go somewhere, before a bath, before and after nap etc. See what happens then. That is awesome that he will go poopoo for you on the toilet..that is one thing that is not so fun to clean up in undies lol

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 9:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
Skootz that's exactly what I plan on doing but right now I could not be consistent with it on a daily basis because I work and he goes to the sitters. She is really good though and tries him on the potty as well. So far this week I have not changed a dirty diaper. Thank god for small miracles.

Spitfire
Member

07-18-2002

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 9:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Spitfire a private message Print Post    
I have a secret....

I'm not supposed to blab, I promised......

What he will never know won't hurt him right???.....

And I have to tell somebody......

The Ultra sound tech told me.....


It's a Girl!!!!!


Lisa, I don't know if you remember or not but we tried your advice about "getting a girl." Don't know how much I really believe in that stuff but we tried it anyways with what seems to be the right results.

I'm still not convinced though. I just am so leary about gender prediction. The tech told me he does not say unless he is sure.
I don't know. I guess I believe him...what I saw looked like a girl to me to.

Girl on the way!

Buttercup
Member

09-10-2000

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 12:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Buttercup a private message Print Post    
CONGRATULATIONS! Time to go shopping for pink stuff

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 2:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kimmo a private message Print Post    
Congratulations, Spitfire! It's so exciting!! I was also leery of thinking Ada was a girl-- The technician also told us at Ada's first ultrasound that she wouldn't say if she wasn't sure, yet we also had to sign a disclaimer acknowledging that ultrasounds were not 100% indicators of sex! I did not rest easy until I had an ultrasound 5 days after my due date and the technician specifically checked for girl parts ("Yes, I see the vulva"). What exciting words! They were mitigated by the technician asking if I knew how much the baby weighed because she looked like she was covered in a lot of fat!

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 2:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kimmo a private message Print Post    
Lisa, it will get better....I'm really not exaggerating when I say Nate sounds like how Rowan was. I'm sure we did the naughty spot thing for more than 3 hours a couple of times. I would have to tell myself I was like a robot who did not care at all about was happening, even when Rowan was acting like it was all a big joke with a knowing/smug/etc grin on his face, laughing when I put him back on the naughty spot, running off again, etc.

I really didn't think the naughty spot would work at times, but it does. Rowan goes there when he says bad words, spits, hits, kicks, screams inappropriately, yells, throws, and other things like that. I take privileges away when he doesn't do what I ask (or deliberately does the opposite of what I ask!).

Kimmo
Member

05-02-2003

Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 3:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kimmo a private message Print Post    
Spitfire, that is great that Sam is going potty on his own! As long as it is all positive reinforcement and no pushing/on his own time, I'm sure it will keep being great. One thing to do is keep asking, "Are you dry?" and if he says yes or you see that he is, say, "What a great job! And you can go potty to stay dry," or something like that, I can't remember exactly. But it's the flipside of asking, "Do you need to go potty" if he is feeling pressured with the expectation to go potty, turn it around by asking if he's staying dry.

Also, sometimes Rowan refused to go to the bathroom all day, so at some point (an hour after a meal/drink) I'd say it's potty time. He would usually just want to pretend-sit for 1 second and then run away, but the rule was to sit and think about the pee coming out while I counted to 10. I know that sounds really controlling, but he never wanted to go to the bathroom-- He never wanted to stop playing and was afraid he'd miss something by leaving to go potty! Oh well...

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
Congrats Spitfire!! What fantastic news. Boys are fun but girls are completely different (in my experience). It's sooooo fun buying the cute little pink things and dressing them up!!! Yayyyy for you guys!!! How much longer now??

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 5:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
How is everyone? No one is posting in here lately. Things here are good. Weather is warming up so we've been spending lots of time in the sand at the park. It's fun to see everyone after a long winter. All the kids are so grown up!

I've decided to return to work in October. Seems like a long time away but know it will come fast. I need more balance in my life. More adult conversations and no constant interuptions. I'll only go 3 days a week to start and am looking forward to a fun summer with the kids, then back to the corporate world in the fall... :-)

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Friday, April 14, 2006 - 4:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vee a private message Print Post    
Hope that you moms are going to be posting photos of your little ones enjoying the holiday festivities...*hint* *hint*

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, April 14, 2006 - 4:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
ENB, did they hold your same job for you? If so, how nice!! Going back 3 days to start sounds like a great idea and gives you the best of both worlds!

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 - 9:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
Julie - I work for the Canadian Government (Canada Customs) and they offer a 1 year maternity leave with 93% of your salary, plus up to 5 years of care and nurturing leave after (no pay) holding the level you were at when you left. Therefore, by the time I go back I'll be off almost 2 years, and will go back to where I left off, but with a new team doing slightly different work. We have it really good here I tell you!!

Vee - more pics to come when I can get Neil to download them all. :-)