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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 11:13 am
I need advise from observent jews. A dear old neighbor friend died yesterday, he was 94. They are sittig shiva from 4-7 today. I know flowers are inappropriate so I was planning to go to a Glatt Kosher place in my neighborhood, is there anything in particular that would be appropriate. Is wearing black appropriate. Also, they have an empty container outside the door and a pitcher of water, is a religious thing? and what is the significance? Any advice today would be appreciated.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 11:20 am
Found this Maris: PAYING A SHIVA CALL When one pays a shiva call, the focus is on comforting the mourners in their time of greatest grief. Traditionally, one enters the shiva house quietly with a small knock so as not to startle those inside. No one should greet visitors; they simply enter on their own. Food or drinks are not laid out for the visitors, because the mourners are not hosts. They do not greet the visitors, rise for them, or see them out. One who has come to comfort a mourner should not greet the mourners. In fact, it is best to come in silently and sit down close to them. Take your cue from the mourners. If they feel like speaking, let them indicate it to you by speaking first. Then you can talk to them, but what about? Let them lead and talk about what they want to talk about. It is best to speak about the one who has passed away, and if you have any stories or memories to share with the mourner, this is the time to do so. If you have any stories or memories to share with the mourner, this is the time to do so. This is not a time to distract them from mourning. Out of nervousness, we often babble on about nonsense because we do not know what to say. Often, the best thing to say is nothing. A shiva call can sometimes be completely silent. If the mourners do not feel like talking at that time, so be it. Your goal is not to get them to talk; it is to comfort them. Your presence alone is doing that. By sitting there silently, you are saying more than words can. You are saying: "I am here for you. I feel your pain. There are no words." And sometimes there aren't. Here are examples of things not to say: "How are you?" (They're not so good.) "I know how you feel." (No you don't. Each person feels a unique loss.) "At least she lived a long life." (Longer would have been better.) "It's good that you have other children," or, "Don't worry, you'll have more." (The loss of a child, no matter what age, is completely devastating.) "Cheer up -- in a few months you'll meet someone new." (He/she has just lost the other half of their soul!) "Let's talk about happy things." (Maybe later.) Comforting a mourner does not mean distracting a mourner. Don't fill in the time talking about happy subjects or inconsequential topics like politics or business. Remember that speaking about the loved one they lost is comforting. It's alright if they cry; they are in mourning. It is all part of the important process of coming to grips with such a loss. When Michael Dan lost his mother, he composed this notice and posted it outside their front door: "In a Jewish House of Mourning" -- Each culture approaches death and the mourning period in its own unique fashion. As a family, we only request that an effort be made to create an atmosphere that is congruous with our Jewish values. Conversations should focus on the life and legacy of Judy Dan. No effort should be made to portray her in an artificial light, since this would offend her memory. Painful as it may seem, attempts at distracting family members from thinking or speaking about their loss are not considered appropriate at this time. Thank you, The Dan Family Perhaps those in a similar situation could use these words as a guide for composing their own notice. Visitors, upon reading such a message, will walk into the shiva home knowing what is proper to say and do. Such a message will help them and, by creating the proper atmosphere in the shiva home, will also help the mourners themselves. * * *
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 11:21 am
Jewish Traditions Jewish tradition believes in burying the body as soon after the death as possible, as a mark of respect. After the funeral, a seven-day period of mourning, known as sitting Shiva, is held at the home of the mourners. Friends and community members bring prayers, condolences and support. All normal activities are suspended in order for the mourners to fully concentrate on their grief, so that they will be better prepared to re-enter life at the end of this period. The first meal upon returning from the cemetery is called the seudat havrach, which is prepared by friends and neighbors for the mourners. Traditionally, the foods include eggs and other round objects, symbolic of life, hope and the full circle of life to death. Throughout the period of Shiva, friends and relatives bring food to the mourners to eliminate the need for them to think about preparing meals. Those closest to the family will organize dinner preparations for the mourners. Friends and acquaintances will often bring cookies, cakes, fruit and other food. You don't need an invitation to visit at a Shiva. All visitors offering condolences are welcome to attend. However, keep in mind that it is not Jewish custom to bring or send flowers as one might at a Christian funeral. Jewish tradition encourages mourning, and discourages efforts to cheer-up the mourners. Donations to selected charities in memory of the deceased are appropriate.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 11:23 am
Thank you Mocha, I would have done everything wrong otherwise. Much appreciated.
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Ginger1218
Member
08-31-2001
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 12:45 pm
Maris, the jar of water is for the mourners who have come from the cemetary to wash the death off their hands symbolically. It is only used after the funeral. Is today the only day they are sitting shiva? It is usually 3-7 days depending on various things. Usually 5 to 7 is more common. But perhaps his family is sitting in more than one place. You can bring cookies, cake that is usually the proper thing. Neighbors and close friends will put it out for people coming and the family to nibble on with coffee, etc. You can wear black, it is not necessary. The windows will probably be covered, the door should not be locked, so you can just turn the knob and walk in. any other questions, ask me, unfortunately, I have lots of experience.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 1:03 pm
Thanks Ginger, they are sitting shiva until Wednesday. We were connected for many years because he was wheelchair bound for aobut seven years and they would often come and ask my husband to help them pick him up if he fell out of bed. They are a great family, very devoted children.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Wednesday, January 03, 2007 - 9:39 pm
If you haven't checked out Pres. Carter's eulogy from Pres. Ford's funeral today or Tom Brokaw's eulogy from the funeral earlier this week, I'd highly recommend both of them. Pres. Carter's Speech: http://video.woodtv.com/index.php?video_id=5175 Tom Brokaw's Speech: http://tinyurl.com/ydxam6
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Wednesday, January 03, 2007 - 10:17 pm
They were both good, but Rumsfeld and the, uh.. third guy today had the family in smiles and tears.. Carter's too .. all three today were amazing.
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 3:35 am
Did you hear Kissinger's yesterday? I thought I would pass out from boredom.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 8:04 am
He's not what one would think of as a bundle of enthusiasm, is he?
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 11:36 am
His was the only eulogy that nearly put me to sleep. LOL
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 1:38 pm
LOL, yeah it was sleep inducing.. perhaps they could sell it as a cure for insomnia..
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 3:22 pm
Yeah, just have a tape of Kissinger talking and it puts you right to sleep! LOL
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 6:14 pm
The historian guy -- is that who you're referring to Sea?? Actually - which funeral are you referring to? The Carter link was from the Grand Rapids funeral but the Brokaw one was from the Washington memorial.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 8:14 pm
Yes.. I'm referring to Grand Rapids. Carter, historian and Rumsfeld... and I thought all three were more personal/personable/meaningful to the family. And later the pundit on whatever station it was said the same thing. Brokaw, Kissenger and Bush and Bush were the day before in DC.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Thursday, January 04, 2007 - 8:53 pm
It was Richard Norton! Here's the video clip: http://video.woodtv.com/index.php?video_id=5176 (It was driving me nuts -- I kept thinking Horton, and then (obviously) couldn't find a darn thing when I googled it. Fortunately, our local news station still has "complete video coverage" still posted.
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Tera
Member
08-10-2000
| Friday, January 05, 2007 - 8:51 pm
Bacharach-Dickinson Daughter in Suicide Jan 5, 7:42 PM (ET) BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) - Nikki Bacharach, daughter of Burt Bacharach and Angie Dickinson, committed suicide, the songwriter and actress said in a statement Friday. Nikki Bacharach, 40, suffered from Asperger's Disorder, a form of autism. She killed herself Thursday night at her condo, said Linda Dozoretz, a spokeswoman for the family. "She quietly and peacefully committed suicide to escape the ravages to her brain brought on by Asperger's," the statement said. The statement gave no details of the manner of death. Born prematurely in 1966, Nikki Bacharach studied geology at Cal Lutheran University, but could not pursue a career in the field because of poor eyesight. "She loved kitties, and earthquakes, glacial calving, meteor showers, science, blue skies and sunsets, and Tahiti," the statement said. Even though I have never heard of Nikki, I found this very sad.
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Friday, January 05, 2007 - 8:57 pm
wow, this IS very sad ... RIP Nikki
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Friday, January 05, 2007 - 9:15 pm
That is so sad. My heart just goes out to her parents.
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Twinkie
Member
09-24-2002
| Friday, January 05, 2007 - 10:58 pm
That is tragic. I also never knew she existed. Is she Angie or Burt's only child or do they each have more?
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Saturday, January 06, 2007 - 9:00 am
Angie had only the one child according to IMDb. Back when she was born, because of her medical issues, one never heard of her. It just wasn't made public in those days.
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Lyn
Member
08-07-2002
| Saturday, January 06, 2007 - 10:51 am
The tabloids ran pictures of her out with Angie in the mid 80s - she looked exactly like her Mom but wore glasses.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Saturday, January 06, 2007 - 11:00 am
Such a shame.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, January 06, 2007 - 9:49 pm
Nikki by Burt Bacharach: Somewhere there is sunshine. Somewhere days are warm. Somewhere there's a happy harbor far from the storm. Out where the sun shines there is someone I'm meant to adore, and I know the day I find her, I'll smile once more. Nikki, it's you. Nikki, where can you be? It's you, no one but you for me I've been so lonely since you went away. I won't spend a happy day 'til you're back in my arms. For ev'ry dream there is a dreamer, and when dreams are gone, for each wish another star shines to wish up on. Take all my dreams and all my wishes Hold them in your heart. Tell me soon we'll be together, never to part. Nikki, it's you. Nikki, where can you be? It's you, no one but you for me I've been so lonely since you went away. I won't spend a happy day 'til you're back in my arms. Don't make me wait here in the shadows till my life is done. I can't live without the sunshine, you are the sun. Oh Nikki, it's you.
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Bandit
Member
07-29-2001
| Tuesday, January 09, 2007 - 9:45 am
Cartoonist Who Created Scooby-Doo Dies LOS ANGELES -- In a career that spanned more than six decades, Iwao Takamoto assisted in the designs of some of the biggest animated features and television shows, including "Cinderella," "Peter Pan," "Lady and the Tramp" and "The Flintstones." But it was Takamoto's creation of Scooby-Doo, the cowardly dog with an adventurous heart, that captivated audiences and endured for generations. Takamoto died Monday of heart failure at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, Warner Bros. spokesman Gary Miereanu said. He was 81. Born in Los Angeles to parents who had emigrated from Japan, Takamoto graduated high school when World War II began. He and his family were sent to the Manzanar internment camp in the California desert, where he learned the art of illustration from fellow internees. Despite a lack of formal training, he landed an interview with Walt Disney Studios when he returned to Los Angeles and was hired as an apprentice. Takamoto worked under the tutelage of Disney's "nine old men," the studio's team of legendary animators responsible for its biggest full-length films before moving to Hanna-Barbera Studios in 1961. There he worked on cartoons for television, including "Josie and the Cats," "The Great Grape Ape Show," "Harlem Globe Trotters" and "The Secret Squirrel Show." Takamoto said he created Scooby-Doo after talking with a Great Dane breeder, and named him after Frank Sinatra's final phrase in "Strangers in the Night." The breeder "showed me some pictures and talked about the important points of a Great Dane, like a straight back, straight legs, small chin and such," Takamoto said in a recent talk at Cartoon Network Studios. "I decided to go the opposite and gave him a hump back, bowed legs, big chin and such. Even his color is wrong." Takamoto also created other famous cartoon dogs such as Astro from "The Jetsons" and Muttley, the mixed-breed that appeared in several Hanna-Barbera animations. He also directed the 1973 feature "Charlotte's Web." Takamoto was survived by his wife, Barbara, son Michael and stepdaughter Leslie. Funeral arrangements were pending.
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