Author |
Message |
Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:02 pm
Newman, I am sure we are saying different things. I will answer you honestly. The person I got to know and be attracted to, could have had the same body size as Rosey O’Donnell and it would not have been a deal breaker for me. I will not be able to convince you I am sincere that it would have made no difference to me, because you live in your world where it would have made a difference. Yes, there has to be a spark. The spark originated and continues based on who this other person is. No, you shouldn’t try online dating or dating in general. You will be disappointed with the results and will more than likely reinforce some woman’s fear that she weighs too much. It is your choice that you put the physical first as you filter who is a potential mate for yourself and that is okay. My opinion is simply that you will miss out on a lot of great people by using this as the primary filter. Moms are great with their advice aren’t they? My Mom used to say that if you don’t have your mental health, you don’t have anything. I wonder whose mom was right.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:24 pm
Ouch Sounded harsh to me, Glenn. I wonder why. I guess I'm an oddball. Physical appearance matters somewhat. I think a 7 should pair up with a 7. It's good for both when they look like they fit as a couple. I do believe you, Glenn. And thanks for the advice. My dating days are over. (But where did I ever say to put the physical first? I just think it has to be part of the mix.) Both Moms could be right. They both meant well anyway. "Be healthy" is good advice.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:29 pm
Newman, if you were to read your posts..........everytime you start listing off the things you are looking for in a woman.......you have listed physical before any other trait. Check the archives.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:39 pm
And, regardless of the order of listing, you seem pretty clear that if she's not up to par physically, it's a deal breaker for you. That's fine, it's your preference. Not everyone makes the same choice, though. 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:46 pm
Let's say you're at a party. You have a few drinks. You talk to some people. Do you try to connect with the ugliest woman there? The prettiest? In all honesty I think you try for the one you had the most fun talking to and who is a similar number on the 1-10 chart as you are. Am I really saying something THAT radical or shallow? I'm talking common sense. Remember rule #1. It's ok to agree with Newman.
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Yellek
Member
08-22-2001
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 7:55 pm
Why not just stop at: "try for the one you had the most fun talking to" ? That could be the pretty one, the ugly one, or anything in between, but what should stand out is that you enjoy their company.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 8:07 pm
newman, i am now confused about what you want. just wondering, (i'm sorry if you have already explained this, but i don't think you have)....why do you think you haven't found this woman that would be a good match for you? from your posts, PHYSICALLY, you admit you are a 7. good for you. so, what do YOU think is the problem? eta: when you approach a woman who is a "7" too, what happens? also, it is obvious newman from your posts you don't really want support/help/suggestions...whatever you want to call it. you did, however, create a very interesting thread. thanks for that newman.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 8:44 pm
You're welcome. I don't want anything. I'm generally too shy to approach anyway.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 8:50 pm
Hi Newman, the consistant thing about life is that it's always a surprise. I find that the guys I am attracted to (and used to date) are the John Goodman types (he played the husband on Roseanne). I find that type endearing. They are tall with large builds, and usually WASPY. I don't think they are most people's typical 10. But I find these fellows are cuddly and protective and friendly and full of fun, and gentle giants, and I prefer that they have sandy hair, cuz I have dark hair and I like the contrast. Well surprise. I found a fellow who is exactly my height (I'm SHORT!) with dark hair, who is mostly bald, and when I met him he was so skinny that I could put my hands UNDER his RIBS as a parlour trick. Flash forward 12 years, and now we are both rollypolly. Plus he's a slightly swarthy Italian, moody, with a lightning temper and with a slight accent. Not my 'type' at all. But he's soooooo sexy and smart, and goofy, and gentle and loves the hell out of me, even though I am probably the world's kookiest person. LOL. So while you are busy looking for what you want, you may miss out on what you need. And the neat thing is that if you get what you need, you'll find out its what you really wanted all along.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:03 pm
oh, i'm shy. (a shy some might call me). again, thanks for the interesting thread. honestly, (and i'm not being sarcastic, i swear)....there are archived posts to you with GREAT ADVICE. (i did not contribute to that great advice). newman, if you read previous posts (not from me)...but from others..i really think you will get some great advice. damn, there are people who pay thousands of dollars a year to sit in an office and come out still feeling the "same". you are getting "free advice" here, IMO.there have been numerous posts here from people truly trying to support you and give you helpful suggestions. newman, just listen to those who care about you, follow their advice. you are truly an interesting guy....imo, i think you just have some sort of resistance that won't let you "listen" to advice. newman, i suggest you go back and RE-READ EVERY SINGLE POST HERE ON THIS THREAD YOU STARTED. I THINK YOU WILL GET AND UNDERSTAND that you might try a different approach to life. try to look at how you approach life in a different way since it's not working in the way you want at this moment (meaning realtionship-wise)
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Dolphinschild
Member
06-22-2006
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:10 pm
Good Post MB!!! In 2002 I met a guy who was goofy looking, wasn't my type physically when I first met him. My sister said hey give the guy a chance and you never know, you might see him differently. I went out with him and we had such a good time, the first date lasted 8 hours. We ended up dating for 16 months, and everyone said we were perfect together. What I found out, was he turned out to be the sexiest, hottest guy I ever dated, I never saw goofy looking man anymore, I saw a greek adonis. Unfortunetly my relationship ended, because he fell in love and it scared him that he could feel something so wonderful. He was use to relationships that were always in conflict and he didn't know how to handle ours never in conflict. So he broke up with me so he could date a woman he had no respect for and he said was completely a disfunctional mess. This woman chased him for 2 years and he would have nothing to do with her, but he started to date her 3 weeks after me, because that is what he wanted. It was easier to be in a relationship he didn't have to be in love anymore. Make sense? Not really, but fear of letting someone close makes people do funny things. So maybe being picky isn't about being picky, maybe it is actually a way to protect one's self from taking a chance... Just a thought.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:15 pm
relationship (and i don't even know why i decided to correct that spelling error. grammar and spelling goes out the door when i post, sorry). darn, since i'm here...i'll say more. newman, the best advice i got way back in the 80's had nothing to do with men/relationships, luckily i have been blessed with wonderful relationships with men.... i was having problems financially and just everyday "coping"... i was asked what are you doing every day (meaning my routine-wise, spiritually, mentally). i was told to just make a "detour" w/that routine. well, it made a huge change in my life.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:23 pm
If you only want to date women who are, in your eyes, physically attractive, that's fine. What I don't get is why you insist on trying to convince everyone else that your way of thinking about it is the only correct way. And I don't get why you keep moping about it here and then saying you don't want advice. It's like you want to vent your own feelings and have everyone else either agree with you or just nod and be quiet. Bottom line, everyone has their own tastes and preferences. There is no inherent right and wrong in that, it just is what it is. If you want a pretty woman, go find one. If you don't want to put out the effort and take the risks involved in that, then don't do it. If you want to keep moping about it in here, that's fine, too. But don't expect everyone to jump on your "pretty is as pretty does" bandwagon 'cause it's not gonna happen. "There is no try, there is only do." -- Yoda
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:29 pm
Thanks Max! I thought your post was great and very well written!
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:31 pm
This thread and the advice to Newman reminds me of one of the problems I had in my marriage. There were times I just wanted to talk about problems, to vent, whatever. My ex thought he always had to fix things for me, even though I didn't want his help, didn't ask for his help, his help made things worse, or I flat-out told him not to help! He would get mad that I didn't take his advice, even though I knew that it wasn't the right thing for me to do. I think we're getting a little fixated on trying to "fix Newman" rather than just letting him express himself and accepting those feelings for what they are - his feelings. Another problem my ex had was that he didn't think I should ever feel differently about anything than he did. Two different marriage counselors tried to explain to him that feelings aren't wrong - they just are. And that's okay. Newman is not wrong to want a 7; he may or may not ever find her, but it's okay to want her.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:33 pm
Or is Newman getting fixated on trying to 'fix' us? Hmmmm. . .
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Dolphinschild
Member
06-22-2006
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:34 pm
Good Post Max and Merrysea! So true on all accounts.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:38 pm
relationship (correcting above and i don't even know why i decided to correct that spelling error. grammar and spelling goes out the door when i post, sorry). darn, since i'm here...i'll say more. newman, the best advice i got way back in the 80's had nothing to do with men/relationships, luckily i have been blessed with wonderful relationships with men. maybe? you might want to read this, probably not, but i'll try: early 1980's i was having problems financially and just every day "coping"... i was asked what are you doing every day (meaning routine-wise, spiritually, mentally). i was told to just make a "detour" w/that routine. well, it made a huge change in my life. that "detour" was, obviously, not literal. (sp?) when one is not happy w/ANY area of one's life...just take a look at how you are conducting your life. well, i'm still working on that...but, i'm happy and i know i am as unhappy or happy because of how i am conducting my life. so, newman, even if you find the woman you want, you will have to be responsible with your happiness...and if you think you will suddenly be happy because you found that woman...well, no, that's not how it works.
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:51 pm
sorry, i was too late to edit my first post.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 10:11 pm
There is allways that escourt service...could be perfect for you Newman.. You can be like House, Make your own schedule and take care of your needs.... I must admit that I think I may have the same problem that Dolphin mentioned, only in reverse..(and it sucks for me) I too think Im used to relationships that are filled with conflict..Ive had wonderfull men try there damdest(sp) to get me to love them..but because (no violins please) in childhood and adulthood I was put in cituations that broke me and put a huge glob of "super glue" on my ability to let people into my life and settle down and loose my self in them...I have missed out on being truly comfortable with love.. Im not loosing sleep over it though..I fine with my life, of course there is always things that could be better...But I am happy with what I have. I have more than most and can say that I have been in love and been loved and if that was all that was meant to be than I have no regrets.. of course I am "ONLY" 50 and any thing could happen. LOL. I belong to the "I like Newman club"..dont want to fix him,change him, somtimes want to knock him upside the head!!...but I look in some ways at this website like a small globe.. in this world we come in contact with all kinds of people and I can truly say--I love to talk to every and any one...I could chat up a homeless guy for hours or talk to the local buisness man on the street and find somthing intresting and new to walk away with...I love to know how people got to where they are now....(my daughter says I scare her to death with my inpromtue conversations) But I love it.. Here at TVCH its like a mini world...we all kinda reside here and share our day, some of us are mismatched and some were meant for each other...In a percentage way, we have a little bit of every thing here.. thank god we are all differant. I really think it would be kinda boring if we didnt spark a fuze from time to time... We must keep the embers burning in order to fan the flames.... I continue to learn from you all and plan on learning more...
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 10:45 pm
darn, chewpito! you always give better advice and in a "nicer" and more beneficial way. well, to continue from your post, i learn for you, as usual, thanks for the post. (i won't discuss dinner lol). love you, chew! got to get up very early, so sweet dreams and good night. (please know my post is partially just kidding....meaning the "darn, chewpito" part. i do mean, though, that you "say it better")
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Ronjon
Member
07-08-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 10:47 pm
<100> Let me try to do this in a tactful manner. Newman just stated that he is not interested in dating anymore. If that is the case, what was the intent and expected result of this 7 month discussion? Was the desired outcome reached? Why or why not?
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 11:46 pm
Would you want to put an end to this thread.? This thread, in my opinion belongs to everyone that shares here and for that reason serves a purpose... We have a thread called "whats for lunch" and I get a kick out of reading what every one had...what if every day they all had the same darn thing...I dont think Id really be intrested any more...This thread has evolved into so many directions and delt with so many issues I just dont see why it would ever have an expected result or outcome... and really why should it..
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, June 30, 2006 - 3:37 am
I graduated from high school 32 years ago this June. When I run into one of the football players or cheerleaders from my class, it is always such a great thing for me to see that they are now quite "regular folks." A tiny bit of me (well, maybe a big part of me) loves the metamorphasis into fat, balding men and wrinkly "plain" ex-prom kings and queens. I considered myself a "7" compared to them while in school, and interesting enough consider myself a "5" right now. My ego was deflated by the "beautiful people" yet I know in reality, I have aged sooooo much better than they did. I wasn't judged by them at the time, but my ego and self-esteem craved being "like them." Those hurts about looks, whether or not they were self-inflicted, run deep. Those poor "10s" who would only hook up with other "10's" now are stuck with "5's" who they would NEVER have dated if they had known what aging would do to them. Time changes all of us, whether beautiful to start with or not. So...now here I am approaching 50, and I place my "grade" at 5, no higher or lower than some of the "beautiful people" from high school. Seems to me that fall from grace is much more difficult for those who start out with a higher number. Make sense?
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Friday, June 30, 2006 - 3:54 am
the quote of the day on my calendar from yesterday is so appropriate here that i feel i must share: Happiness is an inside job!
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