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Archive through December 03, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through December 03, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Well Mama, I doubt that you will be lonely.

I envision you reaching out to help others - the elderly, school mentoring, or some other activity. Shopping is always fun too!

Aww, Kearie, you would have enjoyed meeting Lance. He is a sweetheart disguised as a mod.

I live alone (except for one cat) but I don't think I actually get lonely. I rather enjoy coming and going as my mood dictates. There are many activities available to become involved in too. Of course, my family is not very far away so I can see them pretty much whenever I want.

We just need to find activities that we enjoy and go for it. Helping someone else is a great way to make you feel better and get you thinking about someone other than ourselves.

(Mama, would you mind fixing that last sentence for me? It is a mess.)


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Good discussion. Newman approves. :-)

Something Retired said up there...meds. I have several friends who are on anti-depressants now. They say it helps. I don't think I need them, not yet anyway.

What did Cnd say? Oh yeah, this time of year. I have to admit, I am one of those. I "hate" the holidays, xmas in particular. It's such a family event and if you aren't a part of a family, then you feel left out, or that something is wrong with you or something. And there's less sun and it's cold and on and on.

Easy to get into a lonely self pity mood around the Christmas holiday season, which seems to start after Halloween nowadays!


Yankee_in_ca
Member

08-01-2000

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yankee_in_ca a private message Print Post    
I have a great relationship with my husband, but the "others" in our life can be a challenge. Despite my occupation, I am at nature an introvert. Sometimes I wish my husband and I could be "alone." But I know that's not realistic. At least we're both similar. We're going away for the holidays this year, to NZ, which makes our families unhappy, but they usually make us unhappy this time of year so we're being selfish.

Mamapors
Member

07-29-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamapors a private message Print Post    
Rosie I am the math teacher not the English teacher. LOL

I don't think that sentence needs fixing. I get it. I do not do enough of the "helping others" yet in my life. I find I think about it more and more. It may be time to give back. I read about others on here who do it so easily and I wish I were them.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Well, thanks for thinking about fixing it, Mama.

Helping others, in any way that we can, takes our minds off ourselves. It also makes you feel good all over.

Get involved, do something for someone else and see if you don't feel better.


Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Fix something for an elderly neighbor, or mow their lawn, run an errand. Anything that you do will be appreciated.

Deliver some kind of a treat or warm socks to nursing homes.

Collect and deliver books to a library, after school program.

Volunteer to help feed the homeless.

Just a few ideas.


Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I've mentioned this before... but I used to be almost phobic about the WORD 'lonely'. It seemed that once I learned the difference between being alone and feeling lonely, the sun essentially came up in my life. There was a time when I'd probably have eaten live worms before I would have admitted to being um, the L word. For those that watch that show the L-Word, I'm talking about the other 'L' word. I felt that only misfits felt lonely, and that I was a big one. But then I discovered that EVERYONE feels that way now and again, AND that I could be alone, and enjoy it, either reading, or watching tv, or writing, whatever. It was a difficult learning curve, as after a childhood of abandonment and rejection being alone was a punishment and the end result was loneliness. It was always pointed out to me that I was alone when other kids were playing outside or that my friends were misfits too so they had no value, according to my mother. That's what I knew, and it took a long time for me to turn that stinkin' thinkin' around. I have to admit that being married, and having 'permanent company' has been quite helpful in that regard. But when we spend most of our time 'together' in different rooms, each on our own computers, it can still be a bit lonely for me, and I can still feel somewhat alone. But its not the same. If it gets to me, I usually just get annoyed, not depressed. LOL. Besides in between his online chess and play-poker, he's quite good company. :-)
Sometimes we get lonely together, if that makes any sense. And then we cure that by throwing a party and inviting our friends. It important to reach out when one feels blue. It's even better to go looking for something constructive to do, like volunteering, or joining a group of some sort that is of interest, and not isolating. Sometimes, its just a matter of picking up the phone and saying, hi so and so ya wanna go to a movie, or come over for dinner or whatever. I've always had a knack for befriending my neighbours. So a lot of my friends are from the different places I've lived over the years.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Mama, you could help balance someone's checkbook - like mine, for instance. lol

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i remember when i was single being out to dinner by myself and someone from work seeing me. that person about killed themselves demanding that i come sit with them. they even went on to tell me how pitiful it looked for me to be out there all by myself.

i personally thought she was dingy as all get out. LOL i had no problem being out there all by myself. in fact, i enjoy eating out by myself even now that i am married.

the problem is that i run into a lot more people like her then i care to admit. it is folks like her that make single people out there alone feel left out or that there is something wrong with them.

i hope this makes sense.

Mamapors
Member

07-29-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamapors a private message Print Post    
Now that I could do Rosie!! Balance mine to the penny every month.

Thanks for the suggestions!!!!

Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
yeah Newman, I really do like to spar with you. Consider it tvch male bonding since we can't go out and smash golf balls and have some beers.

Go back and reread your post at 3:05 pm today in this thread and see where you said you have faith and you may be able to understand what my comment was all about. If I were to give you a shot across the bow it would be in a question. I would ask you how many times the women in your life have told you that you that you are not listening or hearing what they are saying.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
glenn, i tell my dh that everyday. i thought that was part of normal married life. LOL

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Cnd, this is just for you:

I was out having dinner by myself and noticed a woman that I used to work with come in with her husband. I let them get seated and then walked over to say hello, while waiting for my main course.

You ready for this, Cnd?

When I turned around to return to my table, I discoverd a man sitting there. All of my dishes were gone - taken away.

The waitress returned and realized the mistake. My friend and her husband thought it was a riot and insisted that I join them. Turned out to be a fun time.


Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Lots of folks have selective listening, especially husbands. <grin>

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i'm glad you took it so well, rosie. i would have been p'od and blessed the waitress out to no end. LOL

well, that's true too, kearie. mine seems to excel in it though.

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Ok..I will go out on a limb here...I enjoy my family...I would give my life for my dd or sd. either one or both... but I think loneliness boils down to personality ... I would love to be able to just take care of my girls and not worry about anyone else....I won't ever marry again ...I did it once....that's it...I enjoy my time too much...call me selfish ...it is ok

Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
Cndeariso, if your husband is willing to read go get him a book written by Deborah Tannen titled You just don't understand and find a way to make him want to read it.

Oldtex
Member

03-06-2006

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Oldtex a private message Print Post    
For the last 10 days I've spent 24/7 with dh. He took vacation time (which he loses if not taken). We had a really nice vacation on South Padre Island. Beautiful beachs and weather.

BUT, I'm not used to spending that much time with him...and I can't wait to be ALONE! Not lonely, but just alone, in my house, doing what I like, all by myself.

However, I do understand being lonely. I can be in a crowd of people and feel lonely. I can spend hours on end driving in a car with dh and feel lonely. Visiting with family, yep I can feel lonely. I guess it's just in the "make-up" of my brain. But, at times, it's OK. I'm OK.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
<taking notes> there are men out there who read good books

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 9:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
lol Kearie.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 10:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
A good book for someone that enjoys being alone, and dosent like to explain why they like to be alone...."Party of One, The loners's Manifesto".. by Anneli Rufus..

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 11:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
Newman, please . . . you're trying to steal my sunshine. We get about 4 1/2 hours of daylight not 2. Don't make me think it's worse than it is.

I am definitely not an introvert. I'm married and have one child left at home, three other sons with their significant others and children all living close by and I'm lonely most of the time. It's been that way for about 10 years now. A lot of the friends I had were military wives and they all were transferred within a year of each other. The ones who weren't military retired and moved away. People don't generally stay in Fairbanks forever. For some reason they like to seek out the sunny side of life.

I'm not the least bit shy and I can talk to anyone anywhere but my one good friend I have tells me I am too blunt with people. She sees it as a flaw that I need to change. I do not. I think I should be able to speak my mind and I also give you the same leeway. I like to know where I stand with people at any given time and I will let you know where you stand. If people can't handle the honesty then that's the way it is.

I do find ways to occupy myself some of the time though. For instance, my husband went to Montana last summer with the son (stuff to do with his family) and left me here alone. When he left we were not very happy with each other. I sat here for about a day and a half and he didn't call. I started thinking why should I sit here right smack dab in the middle of salmon fishing season all by myself when I could definitely hear those salmon calling me. I threw my tent, an overnight bag and my fly gear in the car and hit the road to Copper Center (250 miles south). I planned on being gone two days but, lucky for me, it was too much fun. I rafted 20 miles down a glacier river fishing for king salmon. I stayed a week, caught 3 king salmon and I have no idea how many red salmon because they were just about jumping into the net. The campground I stayed in belongs to a dear friend who does charters on that river and he took me on charters about three times because he had a spare spot. I met people from Austria, a lot of Minnesota folk were there and an absolutely wonderful four pack of young men from New Mexico who thought they'd died and gone to heaven catching those red salmon.

My point is find something you like to do and make yourself do it. I know it won't take me four hours to talk myself into going next time.

Newman, have you tried light therapy? I'm thinking of getting myself a light. Wanna do it with me?

Oh, and drugs and alcohol help a lot too sometimes. Is Kearie gonna share the drugs or do we have to get our own?

Where's the first party? Kearie's or Newman's. I'm a professional bartender so no needs to worry.



Whoami
Member

08-03-2001

Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 12:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Whoami a private message Print Post    
I don't know that loneliness is always really a choice. I would dearly dearly love to go out once in a while to lunch or something, but everyone in my life is always too busy, too broke, or would rather just spend what free time they have with their SO instead (not that I disparage that concept, but you get the idea).

Of course, I entertain the thought that maybe I'm just too abhorrent to be around. After all, during the days before e-mails existed, and pen pals were all the rage, I had several pen pals from various drum corps across the country. Each and every one of them (and I mean EACH AND EVERY ONE) stopped writing to me after they met me in person. What kind of message am I supposed to take from that?

That is what is so unique about TVCH. I've actually met several of you in person. And so far as I know, nobody has written me off as someone they'd hope to never see or have contact with again. You should have seen what a wreck I was before my first TVCH meet. I'm so thankful it didn't turn out like all those pen pal meetings!

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 1:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Who, being one of those who has met you in person, I certainly will never write you off. I hope that we meet again. I enjoy your company and like you a lot for who you are. I can only hope that people would feel the same about me once they have met me. :-)

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 2:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Lance, you are a sweet guy, you know that?

Whoami, we have never met but I guarantee you that I would'nt write you off, either! I can tell by your posts that you are a good, kind and caring lady and that is what matters to me!

Heck, I am different too! I am in a chair and have a major disability. If someone were to write me off because I am different than them, that is their choice. They would be the ones missing out!

To me what is important is what you are like inside, not outside. We are all different in our own ways, all of us! Instead of knocking each other because of those differences, I wish we could learn to celebrate what makes each of us an individual and unique! I wish we could learn to let our differences bring us closer together and not further apart.