Author |
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 5:15 pm
Make her get a job cleaning toilets or something else gross.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 5:21 pm
I think you might have to hire a sitter or is there a nursing home that she could do 'community service' type hours during the day while you are gone. How is she getting out at night? Maybe change the locks to deadbolts and you hold the key?
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Shashakaye
Member
05-19-2003
| Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 5:39 pm
The nursing home is a great idea, one of my older daughters is a CNA at one. I'll ask her about it tonight. She's just walking right out the back door, unlocking it, and just walking out. I think she'll be sleeping on the floor in my room for awhile.
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Halfunit
Moderator
09-02-2001
| Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 6:03 pm
I hate to admit this and tarnish my angelic reputation - ya'll can stop laughing now - but that was me when I was 14. The bad news is there wasn't a dang thing my mom could have done, short of chaining me in my room, that would have made me stop. I had to outgrow it and realize on my own that I was making bad decisions. The good news, in your case, is that you care! I think my mom had either given up or was just too tired to deal with me. It gave the appearance, to me, that she could care less what I did. In hindsight, I wish she would have used her ass kicking boots. If it helps any, I did stop this rebellious behavior and I am just as normal as they come. Again - stop laughing! You know... those louder 'n chit door alarms that they sell at Radio Shack when the door is opened just a fraction of an inch might not be a bad idea.... Good luck!
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 1:15 am
Half, great idea about the alarm! Just make sure she can't dismantle it! LOL
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 5:23 am
<snicker>
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Urgrace
Member
08-19-2000
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 6:53 am
When my 15yo daughter was doing the same thing, only sneaking through her window instead of the door, she didn't realize the danger of the situation. "Mom, I'm just hanging out with my friends and walking around the neighborhood," she'd say. My words about the danger didn't phase her. Then, not two blocks from the house, a store clerk was abducted when she went out to her car after her shift and was taken out in the county where she was assaulted and raped. The shock that it happened so very close to home and at night helped. The door alarm may be a good idea, if her windows are too small to crawl out of.
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Shashakaye
Member
05-19-2003
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 7:30 am
I talked to the nursing home today and she will be going there m-f from 12-5 helping with activities. I'll be going to home depot tonight and check out the alarms. Last night I made her sleep on the floor in my room. She wasn't too happy about it, but oh well.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 7:46 am
Ahhhh, fourteen. What a rough age for me. It was 11 years ago and it seems like yesterday. I had so much frustration so much stress. It is a time when girls are starting to blossom into women. They need to establish their individuatlity, and yet try to be as cool as others before they get to high school in order to stand out and be a someone there. When I got into high school the next year, and got into sports, it changed for me. I still did a couple of bad things, like saying I was at the football game, but I was at a kegger. Typical stuff. My mom was smart, she'd say "I don't care if you are going to cut school/sneak out/go to a party/drink, as long as you call me and let me know the situation. I swear I won't be mad, and I will always be your designated driver." Well, if she was going to make it easy, I wasn't going to do it, it made it less fun. HOwever, and this is important, several times after I got my license, I called her for a ride home from a party because I had had a beer, or so. She and the neighbor (my best friends mom) would come and pick me up, and neighbor would follow behind us in my jeep. I always called my mom, and I never got in trouble for it. That was important. PS: After I would go to bed at night, my mom would hang a wind chime on my bedroom door nob and it would jinlge if I opened to door. She caught me several nights going from my room to the bathroom. I would get those alarms for her bedroom windows too. Don't tell her that you are doing it. Just tell her next time she wants to sneak out in the middle of the night to inform you first so you won't worry. Maybe she won't want to do it then.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Friday, June 09, 2006 - 8:11 am
I believe you can install those door alarms on windows as well. When we got our alarm system for the house we got the door alarms and at the time were told they could be put on windows also. We opted just for the doors at the time cuz one of our concerns was the kids who were just toddlers at the time might be able to get out the door while we were in another part of the house (we never underestimated Kota cuz back then she could get into trouble if you closed your eyes longer than it took to blink!)
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, June 12, 2006 - 2:56 pm
How do I deal with the favortism shown toward my nephew by my grandparents? My grandmother used to watch my DD while I worked two days per week and my mom the other three. What a blessing. As soon as my sister was ready to go to work, my grandmother decided that she could no longer watch my DD so she could watch nephew. My sister won't let her son go to our mothers, which is beyond me. I thought they would switch off between kids, but no. Gramma only watches nephew and will not watch either one of my kids. That really doesn't bother me, because my grandpa is extremely short tempered with my DD. This only started once nephew came along. He is constantly saying "Well, (nephew) doesn't do that, he always minds." Which is false, because he is in his terrible twos and his favorite word is, can you guess, NO. I love that little bugger, and I can recognize the terrible twos. I don't overlook his actions, nor do I call them cute as my grandparents do. But, if DD does that, they are on her like stink on....well, you know. It breaks my heart when my DD asks me why her papa is so mean to her and asks why she can't go to her GiGi's. I love having them with my mom, she teaches them stuff, plays with them, etc. But, I realize that she would like to keep nephew once in a while and sis won't let her. I think it's because Gramma doesn't want him down at my moms house and they influence sister. (my gramma and my mom have some issues). My mom is upset about it and would keep all three if she could. Grandparents just bought sis a trailer to live in. It cost them $8000. Ok, so I am wondering if I am entitled to the same treatment as we get ready to purchase our first home. Isn't it only fair to give each grandchild the same treatment? They can't help me they say, nor do I really want them to. It would just be nice to be treated equally. They do more for my two sisters than for my brother and me. Why, because the two sisters make bad decisions for themselves, and grandparents feel they "need" them more. So bro and I get crapped on for being the stable ones. Can you tell bro and I are the middle children? Which sucks because Sis 1 is the oldest, bro is the only boy and sis 2 is the youngest, putting me in the middle yet ranking at the bottom. Please god, please let me always love and treat my children and grandchildren the samae.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 6:37 pm
Dakota came home from school (on time) yesterday with a headache. Wasn't long before she was on the couch running a fever and vomiting and feeling pretty crappy. Throughout the night her fever ranged from 101.9 to 103.6 and I held out hope that within time and with tylenol/motrin the fever would break itself. By 1 this afternoon it had gone from 101.6 to 102.3 after taking motrin and she started vomiting again so off we went to the doctors. She was a pretty pathetic sight when the dr came in. Even though it was an hour after her last dose of medicine and temperture check at home, the fever hadn't changed at all. She was laying on the exam table whimpering and crying and pretty mad at me for making her go out when she felt so lousy. Dr first looked at her throat since she was complaining of that, then her ear cuz I mentioned that sometimes when she'd been having bad sinus probs sore throats masked ear infections from fluid draining. He said both were red and infected and she needs an antibiotic. Mostly though he seemed pretty concerned with her abdomen. He kept questioning how often she'd vomited, if she'd had diahrrea, and then pushed around on her stomach and listened with the stethoscope checking out her appendics. He cautioned me that if the vomiting got worse, diahrrea started or if her fever went up higher or didn't go down at all to bring her right back in. Ok, all that to get to this. As he was leaving the room he told her she would have to miss tomorrow at school. Looking at her on the table in tears there was no doubt in my mind he was right. However, I got her home and ran to get her meds, got the first dose down her plus some tylenol and she fell asleep and slept for a couple hours. When she woke up she looked much better. The rosy red cheeks she's sported since yesterday and red eyes were gone, her fever is down, and she's far more animated than she had been. She sat down on the couch and started playing, then she read to me from her book for awhile. That was about an hour ago. Now she's up wandering around the house, asked for dinner, and other than the fact that she's in desperate need of a bath and a good hair brushing doesn't even look like she spent the better part of the last 24 hours sick as a dog. If tomorrow was any other day I'd keep her home for good measure if nothing else cuz the doctor said she should stay home. But, tomorrow they're having their end of the year party and she doesn't want to miss it. She's worked hard this school year and I really don't want her to miss it either if it can be helped. If she's feeling better (and really feeling well, not just pretending so she can go to her party) tomorrow, should I send her to school? The dr (who I've been trying to get ahold of and hasn't returned my calls yet) didn't mention her being contagious and seemed more concerned with the fact that at the appt she was very obviously sick.
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Jmm
Moderator
08-16-2002
| Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 7:03 pm
War, Since you've got her on antibiotics and she will have been taking them for close to 24 hours, I'd say if she feels up to it let her go to school. Even with strep throat I was always told that after 24 hours it was safe for them to resume activities as they feel better. Even if she's not feeling 100%, maybe you could find out what time the party will be and take her in for that. Assuming, of course, that she's not running more than a very low grade fever.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 7:55 pm
Oh, good point on the antibiotics, Jmm. I've been told the same thing about them being ok after 24 hours. When I tucked her into bed a while ago, there was no hint she'd even been sick. Her temp is normal and she's feeling fine. The only sign, and this could be chalked up to it just being summer, is that she has chapped lips. But, when he said she shouldn't go to school it never dawned on me to question him about it because it was quite obvious at that point she wouldn't be going. I certainly didn't expect her to bounce back quite this quickly or completely cuz thats completely out of character for her. Usually she feels better overnight, not over a couple hours! Assuming she's the same in the morning I'll drop her off and have a little chat with her teacher. She knows Kota well enough at this point to pick up on the signs she's not feeling well. If she's feeling anywhere near as crappy as today there's no question, she wouldn't be able to last long enough for even the party. If it's somewhere in between the two, where she isn't feeling well enough to last the whole day but good enough for a couple hours, maybe I will take her just long enough for the party.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 1:11 pm
I need the Supernanny to come and help with an attitude adjustment. Or maybe just some advice from parents who have been there, lol. My normally pleasant little boy has turned into a sullen, snotty child. It started in ernest right before his 10th birthday last month and has been going full steam ahead since then. He's picking on Kota and calling her names, talking back to us and just generally not caring about much of anything. Yesterday we went out to breakfast for Father's Day and his little bad attitude started almost immediately. Darren and I looked at each other across the table and I turned to face Caleb and told him if not only his behaviour but attitude didn't improve immediately, he'd find himself sitting on the couch all day at niece's birthday party. It was amazing how fast he turned into a pleasant child! His thing right now is walking through the house saying in sing song voice, "I don't have to go to summer school." This is a very touchy subject for both Darren and I right now. We're furious over this! Caleb messed around the whole last trimester failing math test after math test, brought home an F on his midterm progress report, but because he managed to raise it to a D he gets to skip summer school. When notices came out last week for summer school, I asked where his was and he informed me then he didn't get one. I called his teacher and asked about it and she said two reasons why he doesn't have to go, 1: he brought up his grade from an F and 2: because she knows he's not struggling and that his bad math grades are the result of sloppiness, being in a rush, and laziness. I argued with her over it, to our minds if he was screwing up in math class he should be sitting in summer school every day til he gets a decent grade. Parents have until Wednesday to return the slips so she's supposed to let me know by then if they'll have room for him or not. But its the whole attitude that's just driving us nuts. He doesn't care if he gets grounded or misses out on special plans. We've taken away his computer and tv time, no biggie. Grounded him to the house, he doesn't give a damn. Cancelled plans he had with a friend, well we'll do that some other time. The thing that's really getting to us is that he's always been such a pleasant kid and the only time he ever got in trouble was for not listening. He rarely talked back or picked fights with Kota. And it's not just with us he's acting like this, he's doing it with other adults as well. Sis busted him a couple weeks ago for picking on Dakota. He went and sat on her bed for 10 minutes, then came out and started right back up with her until sis grounded him from playing outside. I just don't know what to do with him. LOL, I want my pleasant child back!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 1:18 pm
Oh, the preteen pubescent era, I feel for ya wargod. This is a very crucial time in his life. Set the guidelines, don't falter on the rules and don't go easy on him, he'll respect you more for it later and be a better person in the long run. Some parents give up at this point (it starts at around 10 and goes until about 14 or so)and that's when you get the kids that are juevenile delinquents. Don't give up on him, and don't let up. Good luck Wargod!
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Lumbele
Member
07-12-2002
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 3:12 pm
Just think, War, you'll get to do this all over again around 7th grade.LOL You've been doing exactly what I would do. Not much more you *can* do really. Taking away privileges is what worked for me - eventually. Missing too much fun can evoke attitude adjustments, just not always soon enough for the suffering parent. Hang in there!
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Jmm
Moderator
08-16-2002
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 3:41 pm
Am there, doing that, War. We do the same things you're doing and unfortunately it's not having much of an effect. Escapee does give me some hope "(it starts at around 10 and goes until about 14 or so)" since he's 13 now.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 3:50 pm
Sounds familiar War. #2 managed to squeek by with his grades too. I was hoping he'd repeat the 7th grade but no.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 8:49 pm
LOL, ya'll aren't giving me much hope here! What you're telling me is I've got to deal with this another 3 years and 11 months at least, ack! Mocha, I'm glad to hear you say that. I've been feeling a bit guilty pushing the summer school thing, but then I remember Caleb's bad grade isn't because he was struggling or not understanding the work. I've been saying since his grade started to tank that if he was legitametly having a problem, we'd do what we could to help him and congratulate his hard work. Dakota struggles in spelling, but she studies hard, does her homework, and has us quiz her daily on her words and when she comes home with a test grade of 70% and lower, we tell her great job for working so hard and start over the next week. I feel like 90% of the discipline we're doing with him is punishment these days. I don't like it either, but I know if we let it slide it'll just get worse. I'd love to find something for him that would encourage good behaviour rather than waiting for the snottiness to hit and having to punish him.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 9:33 pm
Next time he sings "I don't have to go to summer school" Tell him he might not be going to the SCHOOL but he will be studying at home. There are some really great books at Sams club and Costco that are geared toward specific age/grade in school. They are about 10.00. Tell him from 8am until lunch he will be doing summer school at home. (or however long you want to do it for) If his attitude does not improve, take away his favorite toy or activity. Make him earn it back. (instead of taking it away for a specified period of time) With Zachary, I make charts, if he does not receive a certain amount of stickers, the activity/priveledge is taken away. The chart include no yelling, hitting, talking back etc.
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 9:52 pm
Ohh! If they can't fit him into summer school I will pick up one of the math books for him! He'll have to work with Darren in the afternoons because one of us really does struggle with math and it isn't Caleb, lol! I use chore charts, and oddly enough that's one area we have no problems with him. He keeps his room fairly tidy, he picks up after himself, and and does his turns setting/clearing off the table after dinner, or doing dishes and wiping the counters without being told and without a single complaint. I haven't figured out yet if it's cuz we keep a chart or just cuz he's neat kid who likes everything in it's place.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 9:58 pm
Do a behavior chart. I have in the car an of what we do for Zachary. It's for both school and home. I will type it out in the morning or when I get home from the school. I would do it tonight but I am too lazy to go out to the car LOL
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Wargod
Moderator
07-16-2001
| Monday, June 19, 2006 - 10:19 pm
Hehe, you've given me a great idea. I'll use the behaviour chart for earning his new, later bedtime. We've been telling them for awhile that once summer started we'd raise bedtime and if it works out they can keep it when school starts again. They've already been warned that the new bedtime hinges on how they behave, mostly because Darren has to go to bed early and we can't have them being rowdy and waking him up when he's got to get up at 3:30am for work. At least that way he'll be working for a privelage he really wants.
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Teachmichigan
Member
07-22-2001
| Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 6:15 am
We're doing the same thing, War. DS wants a Nintendo DS, but like all 11-year olds, his attitude leaves a bit to be desired. So-- having used a chore chart for years, we said, here's your "new and improved" chart. He has 4 or 5 things to do each day WITHOUT WHINING or ATTITUDE. If he does them, he gets the checkmark. If he feels the need to have a 'tude, he can go to his room, get it out in there, and come back out and we don't "dock" him his check since he is still polite in "public." It seems to be working after 2 weeks -- he has 5 more to go before we'll pay half the cost of the Nin. DS. (It's also been amazing how having foot surgery has turned him into a little helper. I'm totally off my foot for 2 weeks, and he's making lunch while DH is at work, doing laundry, and being a real trooper. Just proves the attitude is "only" an attitude -- and that underneath those pre-teen angsts, they're still nice kids who will outgrow it!) 
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