Author |
Message |
Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 11:37 am
Also, from my limited experience, it seems like calling child protection is harder than you think. I saw what I felt was abuse about a year ago. I called 1-800-4-ACHILD and then the local police dept. I saw a mom take a kid into a bathroom stall and heard her hit the kid a lot. I said something, but the mom ignored me. THen when I saw her get into her car, i took down the license plate and made some calls. Well, because there was no blood or bruising they said they could not do anything.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 3:45 pm
I am on the do not call list but I keep getting these text messages and it costs to read them or reply to them so I don't. I don't even have a plan that lets me text message and haven't even found a good way to delete them. I'm not talking about voice messages, I do get some wrong numbers now and then.. like some dentist office who called "Jo Ann" about her appt and then said they were giving it away. And I called them back and left a message that clearly Jo Ann didn't get either message at my number. Scoot, I've never seen you even get a call during lunch and if you are, you are hiding it very well Zmom, I'm certainly not telling anyone what to say to anyone, including the woman in the church. And if the woman was being mean, I see nothing wrong with someone quietly pointing it out to her. I agree, Jimmer that it isn't great to embarrass someone (even though she was embarrassing more than one person, I'd guess) but if Julie's description is correct, what was said was said very quietly with only a couple of people hearing it so that was pretty well handled, and as Julie said didn't leave it open to the interpretation that people wanted her to throttle the child. Yeah CPS can be a mixed bag and pretty frustrating. Sometimes they are less likely to listen to a regular person but may listen to a mandated reporter, like a therapist or a teacher
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:09 pm
Julie, again, does your church have a place for 2yr olds? (why is this so hard to answer? I think I have asked a couple of times)
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:13 pm
Zmom, why does it matter? Even if they did have a place for young children, the family should be free to elect not to take their children there if they choose. They certainly are in our church. Some people don't go often enough, and a two year old is clingy enough that they may not want to be left with strangers. Or it may be their first time visiting. At any rate, it should be up to the parents if they want to keep their children with or not. It sure sounds to me like the real problem is the mom didn't want to be bothered by her child. Well, that's the price of parenting. You're there for them, whether you want to be or not.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:24 pm
Zmom, what is the difference? We've only been going to this church a few months, and since I don't need a nursery, I don't even know if they have one. I know they do not have a crying room. What difference would it make anyways? If there were no nursery, does that make it "okay" for her to keep her "mean" behavior up? If she were that worried, then she could make alternatives in the absence of a nursery, such as sitting in the back pew or standing in the vestibule. So to answer your question, I do not know. But I do not think so. And there have been many churches that I go to, where the parents choose not to bring their kids there. Even when I worked the nursery in junior high, there were only a few kids that were dropped off...
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Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:33 pm
What is a crying room? A lot of churches don't have nurseries any more because they depend on volunteers from their congregation to run them and no one wants to volunteer.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:39 pm
Chilli, in one of my old churches, a crying room was a sound insulated room where mothers could take their crying babies during the service if need be. It had a viewing window unto the sanctuary; and had the sound from the service piped in, but you couldn't hear anything coming out. I'm not sure the point of having the sound piped in, since theoretically if there were a bunch of crying babies in there, you couldn't hear it anyway. We do have a nursery, but how many babies it can take is highly dependent on the number of volunteers. Babies do cry and need attention, so you need lots of them!
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 5:13 pm
Theatres used to have crying rooms too.. at the back with a glass window and I assume the sound was piped in (sound not being what it is today, and I'm betting they allowed smoking in there too, ack!) but then parents with infants at the theatre (again, no cable, no videos at home then) could watch and not disturb other moviegoers. I guess my parents waited to take us to church until we were old enough to go to Sunday School. I do remember also going with them to church itself, sometimes just part of the service and then to sunday school but some years just preferred to stay with parents. I remember filling in all the 0s, 8s, etc, to pass the time during the sermon. I saw something on tv that showed a big church that had wifi in the sanctuary and people on laptops.. not sure what the point was other than it got more people to attend? I'm guessing these days people are texting away on the blackberries too 
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 10:28 pm
Zmom, what is the difference? Because even if you child is very cute, I am not there to be distracted by your little pumpkin wiggling around and giving you kisses. I am at church to hear a sermon. Not everyone wants to see a wiggly little cutie pie and a mother trying to make sure he/she is quiet.
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Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 1:45 am
So you're saying it's okay for children to misbehave at the grocery store but not in church or at least as long as they're not bothering you?
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 7:34 am
when did I say it was okay to misbehave in a grocery store?
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 8:49 am
I don't think you specified what sort of store where you said Zachary had run in the aisles and knocked down displays but you did say we should consider the issue and not just assume a kid was misbehaving.. but the kid in church could have other issues as well and you don't seem to be cutting that family the same slack you are demanding in your prior post.. ?
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Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 9:04 am
Chili, my son is autistic and has been known to run up and down the isle at a store and has kicked down displays. Hopefully in the future instead of thinking that they are misbehaving you might consider there are other issues. I think that pretty much says it and it sounds like it's happened more than once. While I absolutely understand some kids have more issues than others, I don't think it's okay for them to misbehave in public and for strangers to have to deal with it. I will be the first to admit I know little about autism and, being ignorant, I would not know how to recognize it nor how to handle it.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 7:46 am
Chili, in that statement I never said it was okay. I was responding to your statement that you wanted to trip them. I never ever feel it's okay. I also during those times have had to physically restrain my child. <57> Some children act wild because they have no control, not because they are misbehaving. I always remove my child from the store when he is behaving that way as it is disturbing to others trying to shop. I just think that people should give this women in church a break and not label her an abusive parent when you know absolutely nothing about her. Sea, I have always given the mother in church some slack. I have stated that the other woman should have minded her own business. How is that not consistent?
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Cindori
Member
07-25-2003
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 7:59 am
Too many abusive situations continue because people mind their own business. This situation itself, perhaps, may not have been abusive, but I, for one, believe it's better to err on the side of caution when a child may be at risk.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 8:09 am
I totally agree Cindori. Like I said way back somewhere, I would much rather have someone get in my business (even if I were just being a good parent) when they did not really need to intervene as long as more parents (who are NOT being good parents, ie abusive) had other people get in their business.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 8:14 am
I just think that people should give this woman in church a break and not label her an abusive parent when you know absolutely nothing about her. Zack, I did not actually label her. What I saw her do was abusive. There was absolutely no need for her to hurt him when he went to kiss her. That was probably what got me most; a few times he went up to kiss/hug her. Then she roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him down. He tried again a bit later and she smacked his butt. Keep in mind this little boy was about 2 years old. Why should this mom get a break? Her little boy sure was not given a break. (Except in his spirit maybe!) If I saw someone restrain a kid, that is a whole different story. That, I would not see as abusive.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 8:24 am
It sounds like the mother didn't get a break did she? She had another adult chastise her in front of her child. IF this woman was being abusive as you say, what were you planning on doing before the other lady said something?
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 8:25 am
And none of this would have happened had her child been in a daycare setting. Everyone who witnessed this event would not have been distracted and would have been able to listen to the sermon.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 8:33 am
I was probably four seconds behind her in saying something to her. (I'll tell you what, that boy was crying when the lady said something and did not realize his mom was even being "chastised." Not to mention the lady whispered it.) I don't think it makes a difference what I was going to do. If you don't think what the mom did (as I described it. I am telling you I am not lying or exaggerating what I saw.) was abusive, then just say that.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 1:55 pm
Zmom, I considered this statement not giving a mother/kid any slack. It sort of smacks of a sarcastic and negative attitude toward such people, that was my read.. one of those "Whoa!" reactions.
quote: Zachsmom Member 07-13-2000 Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 9:27 pm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zmom, what is the difference? Because even if you child is very cute, I am not there to be distracted by your little pumpkin wiggling around and giving you kisses. I am at church to hear a sermon. Not everyone wants to see a wiggly little cutie pie and a mother trying to make sure he/she is quiet.
Then you say people should give the woman who is smacking her kid a break, but you are mentally not giving a break to someone who just has a wiggling kid giving her kisses!
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 2:04 pm
Cindori, that is certainly my thought. And as a recent tv hidden camera show proved, once one person steps in, others are likely to also step forward. (They had scenarios where people were clearly drunk and getting in a car, then the same but where children were also going to be in the car, couples fighting, one with the male getting loud and physical with the woman, one with the woman getting loud and physical with the man and it was interesting to see who walked by and who would intervene and when they would strongly intervene or even restrain a person, or start to call 911. More women went to the defense of the guy being berated by the woman, more people stepped in when children were involved in potential dangerous drunk driving)
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Denecee
Member
09-05-2002
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 2:22 pm
I am one of those people who would step in.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 3:08 pm
I would have said something too.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Thursday, January 18, 2007 - 3:15 pm
I would have said "What you do to your child in your own home, I can do nothing about, but if you continue to treat him like this in my presence, I will do something about it."
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