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Archive through February 07, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through February 07, 2007 users admin

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Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
You bet. If you can't have big ones, then don't bother. LOL

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
I concur Chili! Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be seeing any for Valentine's day. I'll be lucky if I see a card, but oh well, such is life!

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Okay … you can all laugh at us but we have an extra bottle of champagne and we had such a good time on New Year's Eve we're going to do something similar for Valentines. Have a fancy dinner, let the girls stay up late and have fancy snacks (except we get the champagne).

Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Marysafan a private message Print Post    
We know that Valentine's Day is a marketing deal, and we don't do marketing deals. So Valentine's Day is just another ordinary day at our house, but an ordinary day at our house is pretty awesome.

I don't need diamonds or roses or a card written by someone else. I need someone to reach out and hold my hand when we walk, rub my feet when we're sitting on the couch, tease me about how I messed up my fantasy hockey team, help me with my evil Sudoku, remind me to take my medicine, buy me raspberries every once in a while just because he knows how much I love raspberries, and make me laugh....a lot. And I get all that and so much more.

Valentine's Day...Schmalentine's Day. You can have it.

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
I agree!

Dipo
Member

04-23-2002

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dipo a private message Print Post    
LOL, I guess I will get stock for my valentines -- my investment club meets that night!

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 4:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Ummmm Jimmer...isn't it a school night?

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 5:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
If you give the kids some champagne don't they go to sleep earlier?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Well soon as I decided which one I'm spending V-day with I'll let yall know what we do lol.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 7:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Well, maybe you could send one my way for the day Mocha.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 7:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i have sent dh flower & balloons to him at work before on Valentine's Day. but, he isn't real big on that. it has taken him until this past year to get into the concept of exchanging cards on birthdays and Valentine's Day. he'd rather i give him a DVD or computer part of some kind.

he wants so much to give me jewelry, but i don't care for it much. i have the few pieces that i really wanted so i don't need any more.

we usually try to go out to a really expensive restaurant that we haven't tried yet. Savannah is full of good places to eat that are not chain brands.

but, really, i have no idea what we will do this year. especially since we have plans for the weekend immediately following.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 9:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
LOL - I forgot to mention that we are moving Valentine's Day to the weekend. We move our holidays around to suit our needs.

Thanks for the tip on the champagne.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 11:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I picked up a great gift for dh today, a lovely box of chocolates with a DENIM covered heart shaped box. It comes with a BELT AND POCKETS. Once the goodies are gone, he can use it for storing stuff. I got the idea, cuz he gave me a satin covered box of chocolates last year and I've been using it for my earings!

I also hinted which cd and dvd I wanted, and he IMMEDIATELY went out and got 'em. Not sure if he'll wait til my b'day tho.

I like to go out on Vday... somewhere romantic, but depends if we are both feeling up to it, being sick and all this year.

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Friday, February 02, 2007 - 11:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, if you don't want to waste the champagne on the kids, Nyquil works too. LOL

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 - 6:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yesitsme, I just now noticed your reply to my 1/22 post on 1/27. Kind of ruins the flow when I didn't see it til 2/6. Remember when this thread was happening and vigorous and the first place you'd go to in the morning? I do.

I am not a doormat. When the yelling first started I think I was in shock. I just took it. I listened. I didn't yell back.

But after awhile, when it just continued, well I stood up for myself. I fought back. I yelled back to make my points. I'm competitive. But I never could yell as loud as she could. I never won an argument.

I remember saying or thinking, "Just because you can yell louder doesn't mean you're right."

Marital battles.

Remember that old quote, "I'd rather be right than be president?"

Off on a tangent there. In marriage, if you know you are right, you want to win the battle, you want the other person to concede. That would never happen in our marriage. Pride? Game playing competition? I don't know what you chalk it up to.

It does occur to me now that my failed marriage destroyed me. That's a harsh sentence but she went on to other relationships and is flourishing materially. I had one relationship that lasted 9 months and sort of another ...hmmm...and now I'm too old...

What was your imagery, Yes? A plug and a outlet? Sparks. Opposites attract? My ex and I were both Capricorns, goats, stubborn, and both very competitive. Maybe we were too similar in a way. But SHE was the angerholic. Not me. I was just defending myself when attacked.

But I also demanded that she be accountable for her behvior. Hmmm...maybe I just got married too late in life (39). Maybe taking on the three adopted kids and wife at that age was just too difficult. What was I thinking?


Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 - 8:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Marysafan a private message Print Post    
Newman, if this woman was really the angerholic you claim...would your age really have made any difference? I doubt it.

People in long term marriages learn to choose their battles. Would you rather be right...or do you want peace? No one should win all the battles...even though both parties think they are right. You have to learn to concede some things.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 12:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I think I was referring to adaptablility, Mary. My twin got married right out of high school, well, college, to his high school sweetheart. They're still together. I think that kind of marriage has a chance. You're young, idealistic, and have lots of energy. You can grow together, hopefully.

At age 39 I was set in my ways. I was not going to let someone yell at me all night. I was going to fight back.

Maybe a successful strategy would be to just let her yell, pretend the words don't mean anything, let her vent and get it out of her system. And then what?
}

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 1:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Why even rehash that situation Newman?

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 1:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
You know, it's really hard when a relationship ends, and you still can't quite resolve it in your head. It takes a long time, and sometimes it takes a really really long time when the other person never understood how you felt.

This woman didn't understand what it felt like to you, Newman, to be yelled at. And it's hard for you to understand and let go, when it makes no sense that she didn't understand what that felt like.

And of course, we worry about what we will do if we find ourselves back in the same place.

She yelled because she couldn't think of any other way to be heard, and get her needs met. "Fighting back" only escalates the attempts to get her point across. The best thing to do when someone is yelling is to quietly stand your ground - if you speak to me like that, I'll have to leave the room/house/whatever until you calm down. Then give her a chance. You can repeat it a few times to give a better chance. And then, if the yelling doesn't stop, do what you said you were going to do.

In many cases, people will stop yelling when they find out you don't yell back and it doesn't work for them. In some cases, you will have to insist on therapy.

I'm sorry you're still so hurt over that relationship, Newman. You must have loved her a great deal, and it's clear that you wanted it to work out. But you were right (and it had nothing to do with your age) that you shouldn't have to live like that.

You know, the hardest thing about relationships is trying to figure out how to always show up like a grown up, when other people around you are not. It sure ain't easy. Trust me, I know!

Ginger1218
Member

08-31-2001

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 3:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ginger1218 a private message Print Post    
I have made a major decision. I want to meet someone and get married. I am going to break up with Robert (since he will never be available to me). This is the first time in 14 years that I felt this. I want a partner. I am tired of being alone. (I never thought I would say that) Maybe it's because I went through the whole surgery trauma.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 4:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
You gotta do what makes you happy Ginger. Life is too short.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 4:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Ginger, puting it in writing is a good first step.

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 4:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
Newman, you said you were 39 and set in your ways. How old was she and how long had she been single? How long had she been married prior. Possibly she was set in her ways also and her prior form of communication in her previous relationships was yelling because that's what worked before. It's hard to teach us old dogs new tricks.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 4:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I think also is damaging in a relationship when an individual fights to be right.

I tend to think most fights are based on differing opinions and there are no "rights" or "wrongs" where opinions are concerned.

Thinking our opinions are RIGHT is a recipe for disaster in a relationship.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Then again, hopefully we are a bit wiser as we mature. I could have probably married an "angerholic" at 21 (I could have ascribed it to passion!)...not so sure that it could happen now. I look out for those kind of things in a person and try to keep those relationships on a limited basis. I think if I were to marry now, what I would look for most in a person is balance. Anger is a good example...I wouldn't want an angerholic, but also wouldn't want someone who never got angry about things they should get angry about or wouldn't be able to appropriately handle anger in others. Or being outgoing...I generally think I wouldn't want anyone too outgoing or overbearing, but also wouldn't want someone who couldn't carry on a nice conversation with someone or who wanted to be too isolated. At least in my life with maturity came a bit more stability, a little less drama and fewer mood swings. And I like my life that way!