Author |
Message |
Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:04 pm
Glenn, when you get to live as long as I do...no, starting over, have you ever noticed how women...ooops, caught myself there...sometimes people just write, journal write, to try to explain something, if only to themselves. Not looking for a solution! Just trying to set the problem down in concrete can sometimes be helpful. Yes Pamy, some of this stuff has been discussed months ago, years ago. Repetition is learning. Some things never get resolved. And sometimes a new person can say the same damn thing that was said 6 months ago, and for some reason, it clicks today! Back to Glenn...I think if I'm feeling lonely, maybe others are too. That's all. I did not break down and call up my married friend on her self. At least I'm proud of that. But I went shopping at Target for some pajamas and long underwear and a replacement Mr. Coffee Jr. decanter. Did not meet with much success. Made me more depressed... The sun is going down in Colorado. I don't know how Chili deals with life in Alaska. Two hours of sunshine would have me testing the shower rod!
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:05 pm
Yes it was. It was a sunlamp for her depression. I was petrified of meeting her, but I really wanted to help her out if I could. It was a very fast and quick hello and exchange and good bye.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:06 pm
I think I'm just trying to be in touch with my feelings here, is all. Like a communal journal. I could write to myself, and have done so in the past. I'm just sharing thoughts and feelings here. I know it's risky because everyone is not my friend or on my side, but it's worth the risk. We have moderators afterall. Nothing too damning will be allowed to be said. I have FAITH in that...
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:06 pm
Kearie, I have a friend that I meet for lunch every couple weeks. She just turned 80. It was only recently that she told me the times she didn't want to go to lunch were because she was depressed or just didn't want to leave her apartment. (She said her son says to her, mom just go). She asked me to stop by her apartment a couple weeks ago. This was unusual for her. She wanted my opinion about her church membership.She said that she felt useless. She just wanted to lay down in her bed and never get up again. She wanted to call our minister and tell her she wanted to resign from the church because she felt worthless. There was not a lot I could say to her but I think she enjoyed having my company for awhile. I got an e-mail from her. She said she felt better after talking to me because I say and do such odd things that she feels normal. Hey, what are odd friends for.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:09 pm
I just now spotted this discussion on loneliness and don't have time right now to read what has been posted so far. But, I would like to throw my two cents in and hopefully it will give someone something to think about. If not, that's o.k. too! For me, only speaking for myself here, loneliness is a choice. Although I have been confined to this apartment for probably 10 years or so, I don't think I can honestly say I have ever been truly lonely, at least not very often. I have been out a few times over the years to go to my son's wedding, the hospital a few times, and for walks with my ex and that has pretty much been it. I guess I don't consider myself lonely because I try to keep busy with positive things. I always have friends I can talk with on the phone or email back and forth with. I have friends that come over and Ms. Peaches is great company. And for me, most importantly, I have my faith. As I said, I do believe loneliness is a choice and comes from within. And I believe choices are just that, choices and can be changed. Sometimes, changes may require lots of hard work but often, hard work pays off. I believe if a person is lonely, they can choose to work on loneliness. And sometimes, for some folks, that may require outside help whether it be medications or some sort of therapy like counseling.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:21 pm
And yes, I wish I had met Lance. I sort of had this love/hate thing for Lance going on. I loved talking to him. I loved listening to him. I admired him. But I found I was fiercely competitve with him. I hate it when he wins above me. LOL I liked and respected Lance too much to want to let him know "Me". I didn't want him to look into my eyes and see me. He might see how "pathetic" I really was. Just my thots in the past and why I didn't meet him. I've always felt fake. Not knowing "who" I am. I don't want people to see that. I'm afraid others will see me the way I see myself. YIKES! Better to be lonely then risk the chance, especially with people I admire and respect. To know me is to see weakness, low self-esteem, depression and fragility. That's too hard to share with real people.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:30 pm
Kearie, you just did
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:33 pm
I know...now I'm going to go hide. (and wipe my eyes)
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:46 pm
((((((((((((((KEARIE!))))))))))))))) I'm only a phonecall away hon! And so is --- and --- and ---. And we love you, truly we do. You are an important and very special friend of mine. And if I was there, I'd either come on over and we'd jawbone for a while, or I'd drag you out to a movie or something that you would consider fun. Or you could come on over here and hang out with Vinblanche, Deansie, Chaplin and me! 
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:48 pm
And Newman, you go ahead and share your feelings, I think most of us finally 'get it' that you are not really seeking advice, just kinship. And that's fine with me. HUGS TO ALL WHO ARE HURTING, today, and everyday! (((((((((((SQUISH))))))))))))
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Retired
Member
07-11-2001
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 4:57 pm
Great post, Baby. One of the reasons I admire you. And I totally agree with you on the meds/counseling. It's better to get to and understand the "why" part of a problem and if you can't, then meds may be the answer. 
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 5:08 pm
Newman,from the amount of mod marks in your posts over time I would certainly think you should know what is allowed and what isn't. Deservedly well placed FAITH I suppose. I am capable of understanding that people may write or journal but it becomes something different when they put it out in the public domain. People will respond to your thoughts or feelings and you have to take what you get or let it be known what you would like to get back. It would have been interesting to see the response you would have received if you had led off your post with... I am feeling lonely and maybe others are too.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 5:31 pm
Note that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Kearie, I would want anyone to be themselves around me. I wouldn't want to get to know a person that wasn't that person--lol. My approach is that as long as you don't like the real me, I can handle that. not everyone can like everyone. For me, I need to see the real person. I've very untrusting of people who don't show the real them. I wish you had chosen to meet up when Whit and I met. I get along with most everyone. Kearie, you wrote: "To know me is to see weakness, low self-esteem, depression and fragility." That is in your eyes--maybe a person meeting you and accepting who you are as a person would not see those things. And if they did, who is to say they wouldn't accept you for who you are. We all have things we see as negatives about ourselves. Shit, if people weren't willing to accept my "negative" points, no one would want to be around me! Newman, if I'm ever in your area, I'd be happy to meet up with you. Kearie, the same goes for you! (and anyone else!)
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 5:34 pm
I'm sorry you are so far away Kearie. I'd love to meet you in person. I'm sure that I'd meet the person that I know here, but if I didn't it wouldn't matter. You are who you are and part of you is who you are here.
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 5:50 pm
Newman, even though most of the time I love being alone, I do have times of wanting more, so I think I understand how you feel, to some extent. When I was first living on my own, I went out and bought a parakeet just so I'd have something else living in my apartment with me. I'm not alone that much anymore since two of my sons have moved in with me, but I think about what the future will be when they're out on their own. When I get lonely, I usually grab the telephone and call my mom or a friend. I watch some TV, not a lot, but I'm more apt to start looking for just anything to watch when I'm feeling lonely. On the other hand, when I'm alone but not lonely, I'm very productive! I need more of those days! 
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Retired
Member
07-11-2001
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 6:14 pm
Yes, Lance, I certainly agree there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be lonely with people. You can be lonely being alone. Speaking for myself, I live alone and used to be lonely. I had a full life and was busy but was still lonely. The loneliness didn't go away by getting involved in more activities. It wasn't until I got some counseling and went on meds that I felt better. I found out I have a chemical imbalance and didn't know it and needed meds. I now have a totally different outlook and am glad I sought help. I'm sorry it took me so long to do so.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 7:24 pm
Lance, Lance, Lance...I'm sure you know me as we've been on the board for so long. You made a good point. Yes, that is in my eyes that I'm pathetic and weak and blah blah. Poor self image and insecurity. Very much so. To be honest, this med change has helped me a great deal. A month and a half ago I talked about my life being "endless days of nothingness",. Now, with the new meds, I feel better, happier, less lonely...but nothing except the meds has changed. Yes, loneliness is a choice and sometimes my fear wins out. Other times I feel stronger and I want to try and be sociable. I want to meet people. I just can't handle much. I like being alone now that I'm used to it. Thanks Jimmer. Give me a call next time you're up my way Lance, I might be ready to meet you and Monkey for coffee. And for those who may be concerned...(Mamers) I feel better than I have in weeks. It was one tear in response to being so open...and Glenn's comment.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 7:32 pm
one of the things i have noticed with a number of folks i know is that they are very lonely too this particular time of year even though they go to parties and seem to have a lot of fun. i'm not sure why this seems to come out more now than say, 4th of July. but, it does. it may have something to do with the shorter days and the need for sun. and, i know that even married folks can be lonely with a houseful of family. folks have told me about it. so, loneliness is confined to single people living alone as some might think. from what i have read recently it seems that men tend to suffer from it more so than women. i don't remember why though. i'll try to find the article again to see what else it had to say. and, even though we may offer to be there for folks that are feeling lonely, i have found that it seems helps more to just go ahead and do something for them instead of waiting for them to ask.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 7:42 pm
Kearie, I couldn't be more delighted that you are experiencing this newfound sense of wellbeing. I could tell by the sound of your voice, when we chatted that you are doing great. And I'm so glad. If its due to meds or whatever, I am just happy for you that you are 'feeling better than you have in weeks'. You are truly a lovely person. 
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 7:44 pm
In the church I go to there are always several people who invite me to their homes for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I appreciate their kindness but I would rather be alone than be with somebody else's family on those days. I will be alone this Christmas because I would have to travel too far to be with family. Still, I feel good knowing that so many others are sharing that day with those they love. So if you want me to feel good, have a great Christmas day with your families.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:37 pm
Merrysea, you sound a lot like me. I do enjoy my time alone, usually. Just sometimes it gets to me. That's when I feel lonely or sorry for myself.
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Mamapors
Member
07-29-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:43 pm
I like the distinction between being alone and being lonely. I too am going to be 57 on my next birthday and have been living alone for a number of years now. So I am alone a lot. But not very often lonely. But as I get older, I find myself thinking about being alone, and sometimes I am sad that I have no one to share my life with. But I don't think I am lonely. I am making any sense?
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:47 pm
Dogdoc, I believe I understand your feelings. I was single for about 10 years and would get invited for xmas and thanksgiving. My dad taught me that the holidays were family time, so im part I always said no because of that--and im part I wasn't lonely. I was merely by myself. That didn't bother me. Kearie, yes, I think I know you. I can never ne sure though until a face to face meeting. I don't agree it's only the meds. If a person has a chemical imbalance that affects how they can show their true self, then the meds help with it. I'm glad you are feeling better. Oh, and I have ALWAYS respected you in competition. Win or lose, I respect anyone willing to compete. You don't give yourself enough credit. Being willing to compete is a show of STRENGTH. 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:48 pm
Glenn, I don't have faith. Was that another shot across the bow? You do like to spar with me. What is that all about? Are you involved in the religion discussion over on News & Views? Check it out. I'm not lonely right now. I didn't choose to be lonely back then. It just happened. Glenn, for some reason a lot of people, including you, go all the way back to the first post I made on this site, way back when, when I asked for advice. Long time ago. Mame sees that and I thank her for that post. I'm not asking for solutions or possible fixes anymore. I kind of view what we all do here, on this site, as open journal writing or open letter writing. Some people are just more open than others. Most everyone gets a response, feedback. That's what makes this place interesting and fun.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Saturday, December 02, 2006 - 8:51 pm
Newman, I agree that getting open honest responses are fun--and insightful. And a learning experience. I think a number of folks put themselves out there for all too see. I know you do. I believe I do. Others as well. If we all just talk to ourselves and others take the time to listen, we will all learn about each other. 
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