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Archive through August 16, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through August 16, 2006 users admin

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Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 4:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Oh Newman, I say go for the free consultation with the dating service. You know how to say no, and there could be some entertainment for the rest of us there. Though it shouldn't stop you from volunteering since I know that is where your heart really is....

I've never done speed dating (you know me...I tend to avoid singles things as much as possible), but have known some friends who did it and they said it was a lot of fun. I've never been good with first impressions, so I am not sure that it is the thing for me. LOL...then there is all those first dates. Would make me have nightmares. The same reason I wouldn't sign up for something online. I'd way rather meet someone volunteering! And I am still waiting for my eyes to meet my future husband's across the crowded library. Can't believe it hasn't happened yet.

With regard to the house, I think my opinion is the one that matters most. This particular brother tends to cater to me anyway...I can't see him pushing too hard against me. Still, I would want him to be honest with his opinions, as I would the rest of my family. My dad and both my brothers are licensed contractors, so they have a ton of knowledge. While I don't feel compelled to take everyone's advice, I do trust their judgment. Of course, I always trust my own judgment the most! And no, I doubt the kids get a vote...though they're pretty easygoing types. It should be near their friends and not embarrassing....that will make it perfect in their eyes. Plus I will be there....who could want more?

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 9:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    

quote:

go for the free consultation with the dating service. You know how to say no,




Ex-timeshares people don't know the meaning of the word no. I would never subject myself to an interview with them.


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 6:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Love is by Nikki Giovanni

Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you
"Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that
love is
listening and laughing and asking
questions
no matter what your age


Few recognize that love is
commitment, responsibility
no fun at all
unless


Love is
You and me


Written by Nikki Giovanni


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 7:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Oh, I can say no to timeshare people. A friend and I had a lovely weekend in one at the beach because we listened to the 2-hour spiel and then laughed and said "nope!" They were tough, but we were much tougher. They realized it and gave up.

But you know I wouldn't meet with the dating people either. They'd probably be perky and think dating is fun.. Now I am not negative about dating....it is fun to me after a couple of dates. I just don't tend to like enthusiasts!

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Saturday, August 12, 2006 - 5:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Maybe I'll just flip a coin.

Yes, are you saying you don't like "playuhs", and those are the people you tend to meet, from dating sites, the ones who "enjoy" dating?

It's fun to be "chosen" I bet, but not fun being rejected, especially if you don't want to be rejected.

I hate the time share thought, being trapped in an interview on my day off, them taking my keys and not letting me go until I buy the new car, that sort of feeling.

Love poem. Hmmmm... makes me think back to my college days, and this Quaker peace activist...and his favorite quote "Give, with no thought of receiving anything in return."

That's probably love.

I couldn't embrace that sentiment in my youth. Didn't want to be a doormat. When she started yelling at me, I yelled back.

I wanted love back...not just the giving part...

I guess I still do.

Just being honest...


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Saturday, August 12, 2006 - 7:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
When it gets down to it, I don't want a bunch of relationships. I'd be happy with one great one!
I am not afraid of "playuhs", I just am not really interested in a relationship with them. While I am bad with first impressions, the good thing about knowing that about myself is that I move slowly, watch and listen and I am a very good judge of character as I get to know someone. I notice the subtleties. As long as you don't get taken in by a playuh type, generally they can be a very good date. They have a lot of experience at it. I can enjoy them for short periods of time, but then my sarcastic side gets the best of me. Even so, when I see this, I have tended to end it with them instead of them ending it with me. Funny.

I'd worry if you would just want to give love and not care about getting anything back. That's not healthy! It needs to be a mutual thing to be good. And I think maturity changes that "not wanting to be a doormat" thing. First of all, you learn to look for the signs that someone is going to make you a constant doormat much earlier and avoid relationships with those types. Then you learn that some things just aren't worth fighting over. And you also learn that one of the greatest gifts you can give a relationship is to have a very short memory over the petty stuff.

That being said, I think that in any relationship if you take a tally of who does what for whom, you can get into trouble. At any time the balance can go into any direction. If the seesaw is weighted on any one side, the one hitting the ground can hit it hard. It's nice if you can find someone who won't let you hit the ground.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, August 14, 2006 - 5:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yes, I don't get what you're saying. Why would you ever go out with a "playuh"? They're phony people. They just want to get in your pants, put another notch on their belt. They don't want a releationship. They just want sex. The hunt. The score. The conquest. The game.

I just had a "date" last night. We saw the Oliver Stone World Trade Center movie (not exactly a date movie) and then had dinner and talked and had a liter of chianti. She's from my Unitarian church and we've been to group movies before.

Naturally she's moving out of state in October!

Somewhere in our conversation I asked her how many good marriages she knows of. She said one or two and then went back to one.

That's my feeling too. Look at your friends and family. How many of those marriages do you admire? How many would you want to be in? How many do you envy? So very few, if any at all...

So why do we all crave to get married, fall in love, live happily ever after, when it just hardly ever happens? Why doesn't love grow and get better as we get older? Human nature takes over, apparently. The negative parts of human nature, the pettiness, the judging, the anger, the lack of forgiveness, the selfishness...

Giving and receiving. 50/50. Where I feel wanted, liked, and respected, and the feeling is vice versa. I'd rather be wanted than needed. A lot of times love talk is "I need you." I never understood that. I understand "I want you. I want to be around you, to be with you, what's that Dave Mathews song, "Where you are is where I want to be."


Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, August 14, 2006 - 9:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Newman, I can only speak for my own circle of family and friends, but I actually know of more good marriages than bad in my circle of family and close friends.

Prisonerno6
Member

08-31-2002

Monday, August 14, 2006 - 9:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Prisonerno6 a private message Print Post    
I remember a conversation I had with my father on after my oldest brother's second wedding. He said you don't go into a marriage expecting it to be 50/50, because that means you're only giving half of what you can. You give 100% and expect nothing in return, because that way you always do your best and always get more than you expect in return.

My parents were married for 54 years when my father died. I think maybe he knew what he was talking about.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, August 14, 2006 - 4:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I figure that sometimes you date simply to be entertained...the player types are generally quite charming, which is why it often works for them. They're usually fun to spar with, and sometimes I just need an evening of eyerolling. Now, I wouldn't go out with anyone that I didn't like, so they would have to have some redeeming qualities. No reason to waste a whole night of my life. I just wouldn't expect the date to work into a romance, because I'm not interested in a long-term relationship with that type of man. I guess that begs the question...am I wrong to go out with guys that I know I am not interested in a long term relationship with? I guess my view has always been I am agreeing to the date, but by doing so not making a statement (like "I am very interested in you") by doing so. I will say that if I agree to a number of dates, I think I need to clarify how I feel so he know my intentions.

I am in control of my own body, so frankly don't worry about what my date wants with regards to sex. In that area, the lowest common denominator wins (in other words, one no from either direction means no.) Regardless of my feelings, unless he was repulsive, I would hope he would be sexually attracted to me! Especially if he is a player type....while it wouldn't mean much if he wanted to have sex with you, wouldn't it also be a bit insulting if he didn't want you?

I'm lucky to know a lot of people with good marriages, too. I will say that those who hold themselves up to have perfect marriages usually crash and burn. The people I see with the best marriages are those who know each other well, respect each other, are realistic in their expectations and are willing to work things through together.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 1:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
You go out with them anyway, even though ...are you wrong? I wouldn't do it. I don't like wasting MY time. I suppose if I thought it was entertaining then I would. Either go on a date with Sheryl or watch Three's Company?

As for sex...I'm a little confused, Yes. What are you saying? If you wanted to have sex with a repulsive Playuh, you would? No. You're saying you would have sex with a Playuh, if you didn't find him repulsive, if you "felt" like it. Do I have it right?

I'm assuming Playuhs always want to have sex with women. Period.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 1:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Well, I got back from a grueling 1.5 hours with Great Expectations, the dating service. Bottom line, she wanted $5,000 for a year. I'm still in sticker shock. I did start out the interview with what Karuuna warned me about. I said that a friend had told me this place was a scam and that they charge different prices to different people. She wanted to know where my friend got that info, like from Newsweek or the Wall Street Journal or what.

At the end I said I just wanted to think about it and it was hard getting out of there. I complained about my bad back and she let me go to the bathroom but then found me in the elevator, and I think she was going to lower the price some, but I just wanted to get the hell out of there at that point!

I left. Thanks to Yesitsme. You really did help me there, Yes, with your "you know how to say NO Newman, don't you" advice.

The program really seemed good. If it was real. My saleswoman was nice, 53, married. She brought out photos of members (apparently) with little bios on the back. I wouldn't mind going out with some. My back hurts now, from moving a rock this morning, and one of the women was a massage therapist. I wish she was here in my townhouse now, but I digress...

It was quite the program, with background checks (I never did fork over my social security number) and professional photos, and the ability to freeze your membership if you started dating someone. They want you to make videos too, answering 5 simple, casual questions. Maybe that would be fun to look at and you could so so online, from the comfort of your home PC.

My buddy Scott is going to try speed dating on Thursday. $38 for the evening. 12 dates of 5 minutes each, or was it 8 minutes. The age limit on that topped out at 50. He's 44. It'll be interesting to hear his report.


Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 2:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
<<She wanted to know where my friend got that info, like from Newsweek or the Wall Street Journal or what. >>

Yeah, those 'tabloid' rags like Newsweek or the WSJ, you can't believe the crap THEY print. Sheesh. What a maroon she was!

I'm glad you remembered how to sneak out of a bad date, Newman. Good job! :-)

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 3:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
There are so many jobs I wouldn't want. Being a salesman for Great Expectations would be one of them. Gouging people who are lonely and just want to find love. Makes me wonder who does sign up for this. Only the truly desperate, who happen to have a lot of money they don't know what to do with???

I couldn't remember who your source was K. The funny thing was, in the 7 minute video they showed me, to sell their program, they said they were written up by Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal. Used those two "rags" as references. I guess the video didn't say what the WSJ wrote about GE. By that time my mind was wandering...


Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 3:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
What's sad it that the reason high pressure tactics are used so much is because they work. If people didn't give in, everyone would stop using high pressure.

Of course the high pressure approach isn't used by those who think beyond their noses and want repeat business.

Nothing like someone being really pissed at you as you take their money.

I remember folks discussing awhile back Eharmony.com Some who filled ot the profile were told there were no matches currently.

I take that as a good sign. Someone honest enough to say there isn't a match at this time. It doesn't mean there isn't a match out there for you--it just means no one at that site currently matches up with you.

Just like real life meetings, there isn't always an instant match at your feet.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 3:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I read an article in the Atlantic magazine about internet dating, recently. The author tried eharmony first. No match!

That makes me wonder how small is their data base, their membership? I wouldn't want to be lied to, but also I wouldn't want to join something that essentially doesn't work either!!!

High pressure sales is an interesting thing. If the price wasn't so damn high, hell, I might have signed up. I liked the woman. She was nice to me and boosted my ego and called me handsome and sensitive and stuff like that. She invested 2 hours into me. I was kinda feeling sorry for her.

However, she probably just has to make ONE sale a month and that would equal my entire paycheck for a month right there, I'm guessing. So I wasn't feeling THAT sorry, plus I'm old and experienced and knew I wasn't going to sign up today no matter what (I had told myself). With that $5000 price, wow...now I wonder how many follow up calls I'll be getting...ugh...


Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 4:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Well, don't get discouraged just yet. You don't know what criteria he put in. My mom signed up, but was told no matches because she has been divorced 3 times. They toss you out for that, they figure you aren't compatible if you failed more than twice. She just can't pick em, that's all.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 6:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
No Newman, I wasn't saying I would have sex with the playuh guy. Not me at all. I'm a relationship girl and quite conservative. I don't feel obligated to have sex with anyone because they buy me dinner. I agree that type wants to have sex with almost anyone...thus why I would feel a bit annoyed if he didn't TRY to have sex with me! He wouldn't succeed, but still...it's the thought that counts! But I must reiterate here that I hate first dates, so this guy would have to be someone I knew I would enjoy hanging out with for the evening. He'd also have to be the type that doesn't get overly offended if you turn down his advances since I would know going in that is what I would be doing.

I'm glad you went for the appointment. I find it interesting and like hearing about what happens there. I can't believe people would pay that much money....I'd fix up people for free. LOL...well, then again maybe not. I have a few friends that have tried to fix me up with guys that made me wonder if they knew me at all. And I wish they hadn't in retrospect, since most have been disasters. I finally figured out it was nothing personal and they just went "He's single, she's single, they should be together." I am all in favor of being fixed up if someone does it in a subtle fashion...invite a bunch of friends over for a barbecue and invite the two of us. I think it is best not to tell us. If we like each other, then we can make a date and you are our dear friends. If we don't like each other, we go on our merry ways and don't resent you.

I hate the hard sell for anything and will never buy anything under pressure just on principle. I can't believe people don't learn to say no a bit more often. It's quite easy to say once you get the hang of it. Just rolls off your tongue!

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 7:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
The thing on the hard sell is that they just don't take NO for an answer. I must have said no 5 times. I almost had to be rude to get out of there, and I'm not a rude person, except on the internet, apparently.

Escapee, are you referring to eharmony? Why don't they say up front that if you've been divorced 3X they won't take you?

My ex is getting divorced now, for the third time. It's not so easy picking the right one. I think after awhile people give up, stop trying. It's just too painful. Maybe the answer is simply not to get married. Then you're simply breaking up, rather than getting divorced again.


Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 7:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
from what i've heard from folks that have used e-Harmony is that it is pretty much a silent Christian organization that is biased against anything that goes against their beliefs. i know that is a pretty broad and general statement. but, it is not my view as i have never used that sight.

so, being divorced 3 times would certainly go against their beliefs.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 - 7:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Hasn't NYC Mayor Gulliani been divorced 3X? Something like that which is why I don't see him as a serious Republican candidate for President. Divorce signifies "loser" to people here in America. We don't like losers. Well, we don't want to put losers in the Presidency ??? Do we???

It's the same in dating. If I hear someone's been divorced once, well, in my mind "who hasn't been?" But, if it's twice or 3X, well, I'm thinking this person will marry anyone, doesn't learn from mistakes, is too quick to marry, seems unstable. I know I'm generalizing, but how couldn't you at least think those thoughts?

Thanks for the feedback on eharmony. I think it would be a waste of my time. Finding "the one" is not an easy adventure, especially in my 50s. If only I knew in my 20s what I know now...there should be a song about that...


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 - 8:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
My BF is 50 and I found him at eharmony. We are both very happy with each other and our investment into our eharmony adventure.

Just thought I'd add my 2 cents.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 - 10:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Is he a Christian? Are you? Does it only work for Christians? I'm not a Christian. Thanks for muddying up the works, Vac <chuckling>.

But reveal a little more. Did you go out on a lot of dates, have a lot of matches to sort thru, or did you find your BF right off the bat? Did it take a long time to find him? Or did he jump out at you, the prince amidst all the frogs? Did you try match.com first? How expensive was it?

I reserve the right to ask future questions in follow up, your honor, he said, giving V time to breathe and answer a few Q's, or all of them if she chooses.


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 - 10:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Oh Newman ... what can I say ... so many questions.

No, neither of us are Christians. I enjoyed how "selective" eharmony was with their matches and I had lot's. But I was lucky to find BF within one month.

I did try match.com. Didn't like it. The quality of people just wasn't what I wanted.

Good luck to you!!!

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 - 11:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Thanks for the feedback, V. I like quality of people too. Maybe more so than you. But Dr. Phil is on match.com. He wouldn't steer me wrong, would he?

Well, I really should try this yoga class tomorrow night. There's always many more women than men in yoga.

Online dating. Could it work for me? That is the question...