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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 2:50 pm
Last year my husband had surgery, I was a basketcase before, during, and for a time after while he was recuperating. The outpouring of advice, hugs, gifs, caring, handholding, and shared experiences well it was overwhelming in a wonderful way and it was a huge help in getting me through a very difficult time, especially as I also had to deal effectively with a mother who has dementia at the same time. Many folks I didn't know came pouring out of the woodwork on a daily basis out of care and concern. When Vince came home from the hospital he was completely blown away. I'd been telling him all about it, but for him to see all these extended hands of friendhip from caring strangers, wow! Prior to this experience he teased me and wasn't really interested when I tried to talk about something clubhouse related. After the experience, he joined up, AND has been to a couple of meets! So yep, this place is magical and miraculous. BUT you do have to put yourself out there, in a positive way, so that on the negative days, folks don't run screaming in the other direction. (Although I tend to think that no matter how positive I am on my good days, I still lose some points and put some folks off on my bad days. As a people pleaser, metaphorically speaking, it pains me deeply when some apples fall from the tree, but I'm learning that new ones grow and they taste even juicier and sweeter, and are much better, and probably healthier for me anyways.)
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 3:07 pm
you have never lost points with me Mame, your one of the ones that keeps my folder alive...when you sent me the Carpenter song, I sat listening to the whole thing with happy tears...cause It had been yrs since I had heard it,.... some songs just remind you or take you to a differant place in time....but your not aware of it till someone reminds you....thanks for that...
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 3:09 pm
Dearie, expect a phone call soon! Chewy, you are a dearheart. Now, what I MEANT to say, and forgot my point there for a bit...LOL, is this: Newman, I have no doubt that if you were in a dire situation that required compassion and care, you would get it. Of this I am certain. Folks who you know and some you don't will rally. And some you expect and some you don't won't. C'est la vie. BUT I do not for one second believe that you'd be hung out to dry. Not for one second. For although there are some um, tuff luv comments here directed at you, there are also quite a few warm, fuzzy ones here directed to you! (No I am not going to look them up and add them to this post. I am behind schedule today - I MUST get off the computer and wash my hair! Dang it!) BUT I just hope you are not like me, in that you validate the negative stuff more so than the postive ones. AND YES there are positive ones here for you. I'm sure you know that. I can also see that you do enjoy chatting/discussing/sparring with certain folks here. Why curry the ones that are less joyful for you? (Not pointing fingers, I do that myself - internally - all the time.)
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Bearware
Member
07-12-2002
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 3:20 pm
I try very hard not to get involved in discussions such as this one, but a few statements have rung true with me, and I am going to break my own guidelines of staying out of personal issues. Newman - I know you do write and respond to others who write, but it's very seldom that I get a sense of concern and wanting their wellbeing from your writing. That doesn't mean you don't want those things, it might mean that you aren't expressing your feelings so that the rest of us can 'get' them. I also have felt in the past that when you disagree with people that you somehow have judged them as intellectually 'less'. I have NOT personally felt that way, but you have made statements that lead me in that direction. I think you may feel attacked because you write in very specific "I" statements, so when people respond, we respond to "you" - and I know very often when I try to write, I prefer to keep my statements more general just SO no one can think I'm addressing only them. I did ask you right after you said you were going a question in that thread. I was truly concerned, and felt I possibly had overstepped my bounds with the question, as I don't know you well. I certainly was NOT going to write you an email, somehow going from a public forum to a personal mailbox seemed a bit too intimate to me. I am still concerned, and many people did care here that you were gone. As for staying on 'track' with the boomer thread, I feel this really is on track! Just because we've aged doesn't mean we've left behind the insecure adolescents we once were! All this helps me sort through life! Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and comments!
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 3:39 pm
I have had lunch with Who!!!!!!! and she is wonderful!!!!! Kearie, you dont suck!! but that made me LOL
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 4:18 pm
Heck, I've had breakfast, lunch and dinner with Who!!
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 4:34 pm
LOL Pamy, that was my intent. cuz I was laffing.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 5:07 pm
Just thinking, I dont want to be alone...Id love to find someone.. Something that Bearware said, "Just because we have aged dosent mean that we have left behind the insecure adolescents..we once were"...(and if I may add).. still are. This is so true and we have talked about it befor, We all have a story and it has made us what we are.. Finding that special person that will like you just the way you are...especially when you have reached 50 or more..and are allmost def settled in your ways. Will they care that the dogs must sleep in bed with you, that you dont function properly untill after your first cup of joe and bodily functions have been taken care of, that one may require more of a social life while one does not, does religion matter- is it important??.. must they get along with your family, like your children, will your family or children like them...do you want someone in your life to talk to, discuss things with (when you have that here) or are we just looking for someone to snuggle with in bed and keep each other warm... Ive been in love. Most of the people that I have loved the most in my life are eather not alive any more or have hurt me so deeply that the thought of opening up my heart to it again is really just scary as all hell... I long for a good love, and one of my biggest fears is that I will die alone and not have found it befor then.. but while some find it so easy to go out and find love, some have lost the trust that is so important and necessary to do so... when you have been crushed hard as many of us here have, trying again is a great thing to think about but a very scary adventure. Some are thrill seekers and fall and get right back on, others have great dificulty doing so. While some here will say, "suck it up-get out there"...We have not walked in each others shoes and can not understand that for some the sheer thought of putting ones self out there again is paralyzing.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 8:26 pm
There are times when I love to hole up by myself, with a good book or a stack of movies. Those are not my lonely times. I tend to get a bit more lonely when I am having to go to social functions by myself, for example. Even when I know people there, that walking in by myself can be a killer. I've done it a ton, I know I can do it, but often it's so very exhausting. I went to a party this weekend and while I had friends there, and when I walked in I was greeted with smiles and hugs, there were moments when I felt at loose ends. I hate that feeling. LOL....it's why I am aware of all exits in a room! I've noticed more lonely times lately. I think it is because I am moving into a new house and I'd prefer it to be a shared experience (though my brother and his kids will probably move in at some point, but that's not what I mean!) Plus this last few months of my life has been one of the most stressful times I remember...I guess that pulls out a bit of self pity and sometimes I feel like no one understands. Thankfully this doesn't last for long periods of time. But it has been a bit disconcerting! I'm fortunate to have good friends and coincidently I have heard from many of them lately (most don't live nearby.) Those times are great....I feel more understood when I am talking with them and just seem to relax. All seems to fall in perspective. I guess I need to cultivate more of those kinds of friends in my town. Since my family is here, I stay pretty busy with them, but still I think I need some more friends around. Especially single friends. I miss having a local "crowd." I know that will require that I take the initiative and I get so tired of being the social director! But I believe a lot of people today just sit at home and wait for someone else to notice they would like people to do something with. I guess we should just always assume people aren't aware of our needs unless we tell them!
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 10:00 pm
Oh! And for those of you who live in the northern part of the United States or in Canada, do realize that SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, is a real affliction. We have a number of people on this board who suffer from it and they sometimes somehow forget that they have it. Kearie talked about it earlier, perhaps referentially, when she talked about meeting Whit4You and giving her the light. The light helps. It helps a lot. It is a light that mimics sunlight. If you are a person who gets more depressed in the winter or around the North American holidays, please realize it may not be the holidays at all. It may be SAD. Please Google Seasonal Affective Disorder.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 10:14 pm
SAD usually starts to effect me around halloween, when we change our clocks back. I've always had to increase my antidrepressents during the winter months because of SAD. I also take mega doses of Vit. D to help combat SAD.
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Yankee_in_ca
Member
08-01-2000
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 10:15 pm
I'm not being cheeky, but serious. I'm wondering if I have a little bit of SAD this year. I'm trying to fight it with exercise.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 10:17 pm
Thanks for the feedback, y'all...
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 - 10:31 pm
Anytime Newman. Nice to see you back.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 12:44 am
This is a hard time of year for me.. I hate the shorter days but I'm not far north so don't figure it is true SAD. I just need to boot myself back into all my classes.. just one thing or another, like they moved one class half hour earlier which means stupid traffic and they cancelled my Tu th class which i liked better than mwf but all excuses. I do take multi vitamins and lots of C and calcium with D and of course if I just get outside a little we tend to have some sun most of the year (unlike Michigan which was grey for monthes). Newman, I related to what you said about your ex always arguing or countering your arguments; my dad was that way and I grew up with him constantly challenging. The result was I stopped even trying to disuss stuff or express opinions around him when I was pretty young. Later I asked him why and he said he and his brother always loved verbal sparring and seemed surprised when I pointed out that they were close in age but his kids weren't able to hold their own. And I know it is still hard sometimes for me to even enjoy arguing, because maybe I project him onto others. He was always RIGHT. Wow.. Real World Denver started and the house is pretty nice. I wonder ahat part of the city it was in? The cast, not so impressive right off the bat, yikes..
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Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 4:00 am
Kearie, my depression and sinus issues always start in October too, peaking in January and slowly getting better by fishing time, er, I mean June. I've wondered for awhile now if it is SAD and if a light would help. I would love for you to email me and tell me how it worked for you and what kind you had. Newman, are we experimenting with the SAD light together or not? I asked you earlier and you didn't respond. I bet you missed that part because of the skimming thing, huh? I would have emailed you if I'd known you better. I only recently became a member of this website and didn't know anyone much or anything about you at all. I did read what you wrote that day and I figured you'd be back as soon as you had time to chill out and miss us. I'm glad to see you didn't get lost on your way back. I do not normally post or read in anyone's folder unless I've been invited in in some way. For some reason I had the idea it was more or less personal space on the website. Since I'm still fairly new here I don't want to presume. I also screen what I post pretty well because while I love to discuss issues I do not like to be attacked or bullied because of my opinions or beliefs. It would be pretty difficult to really know me from what I say here as I feel my opinions are so opposite of the majority of the posters that I'd be afraid to express a lot. The few times I've tried to express myself honestly I felt belittled and bullied; also modded for asking questions about what stuff meant but have no idea why. The people who will know me are the few who have reached out to me in friendship and I hold those dear. Newman, if you really want to make friends here or get bigger, better responses to your posts then reach out to someone and have a one on one talk. Obviously, you've been on this site long enough to be able to pick out one or two you'd like to know better. I'm still figuring it out.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 6:21 am
Reading about all my flaws is depressing. I slept with that thought last night...
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 7:31 am
Ya Newman ... reading about all your flaws is depressing me as well. I meant that in a funny way, but I understand it must be tough. As I said before, this is not the appropriate forum for discussing and offering opinions about another Member's posting style. Can you guys take a hint please. Also, it's nothing personal Chiliwilli. We just don't allow discussion of moderation in a thread as it can totally throw things off topic. All Members are welcome to email the Moderators if they have questions. 
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 8:36 am
I don't live in the north anymore, but I do have SAD. I also go into funks during periods of rainy and/or dreary weather. I need the sun. I bought one of those natural sunlight lamps and I have found that it does seem to help some. I also purchased some natural sunlight bulbs for my other lamps. I found them in the grocery store. They cost a little bit more, but they have been worth it.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 8:41 am
I've never heard of a natural sunlight lamp. Does it imitate the sun? Do you move it from room to room? Is the light really bright and intense? How do you position it? Thanks!
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 8:44 am
try this link, jimmer: Natural Lighting 
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 8:55 am
Thanks Cnd. That link seems to talk about fluorescent "natural" lighting in an office environment. I'm also interested in hearing the experiences of people who have used the lighting at home. LOL - As a photographer I know a lot about light. I'm curious about this and what makes it different. I guess it is the color and intensity of the light?
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 9:04 am
i know when we switched to the natural lighting here at the office it has been much easier on the eyes. it is a whole different color and not as harsh. not sure if it has helped anyone with SAD though.
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 9:20 am
The floor lamp has a fluorescent type bulb, but in the lamp in my bedroom and living room, I have regular bulbs that are natural sunlight lamps. It's a different intensity, not as yellow, I guess. I don't know about lighting, but I much prefer the light and so far I have not had the funks as bad over weekends at home with bad weather.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, December 04, 2006 - 9:24 am
Jimmer, therapeutic lighting for SAD is full color spectrum light, thus it more closely mimics natural sunlight. Incandescent lighting as I recall has only the red spectrum, while flourescent has yellow-green I think. Both are missing blue light which is critical for many body functions such as melatonin production and skin health.
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