TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . DONATE . CONTACT . CHAT  
 Wikia  Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through October 10, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through October 10, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 8:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Ooh, my first red dots! (I thought about editting my post, but decided that this is a "red-letter occasion" and I should let it stand!)

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 8:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Yay for Merrysea getting a life! And loving companions. Who sleep on the bed and don't have the tv on all the time.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 8:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
newman, as much as i love my dh, i'd rather be single. i love being single for the twelve years inbetween my marriages and i wish i'd stayed that way. i just don't like living with someone else.

i liked being single for many reasons other than having all my own personal space uninvaded. i didn't have to take anyone else's feelings into consideration when i decided to do something. i didn't have to consider whether or not someone else wanted to do some of the same things i wanted to do.

i loved not having anyone else to answer to, to be responsible for or to worry about. i miss that very much.

now, i have someone making noise in the house when i want to sleep. i am a very light sleeper. i have someone making messes all over the house and not cleaning up behind themselves - and, NO, i am NOT a clean freak - it's just not MY mess. i have someone in the house that wants to know where i am going and when will i be back and if they can go along too.

i find all of this very annoying. i don't get to make a choice that doesn't effect someone else anymore.

i want to change jobs but i am the bread winner in the family. so, i can't just up and quit like i want because i have HIS bills to pay in addition to my own.

like i said, i love him very much and can't find any reason to divorce him. so, i feel trapped.


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 8:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Happiness is what you make it.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 8:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    

quote:

Now would I rather be happy and married or happy and single? Well that doesn't matter does it if either way you are happy? The question becomes irrelevant.




I love what Jimmer said. And since I am happy and single, it really is irrelevant for me right now. Mostly, I get twitchy at the thought of a serious relationship, LOL.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 9:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
I had always wanted children, but found out at age 24 that I couldn't have any. That was the only reason I would have wanted to get married. I was asked by two different men (in my 20's), and both times I went running!

Some of us are just happier living without someone else. Sure, there are times I wish I had a warm body in my house...but most of the time I let my answering machine talk for me and I screen my calls. I like to make my own decisions without having to think about what someone else wants to do.

I totally agree that happiness comes from within. Maybe I'm selfish, or maybe I'm just a chickenshit to try any other way of living. I've had roommates (females) and feel a lot like CND...my OWN messes are o.k., theirs were not! Ask me again when I'm 75 and can't push the lawn mower or vacum cleaner anymore. Maybe then I'll be saying, "dammit, I shoulda got me a man!" ummm...nah, I'll never say that!

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 11:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
What Kearie and Jimmer and Hukdon said.

I'm just happier alone. It's easier. I get to do what I want when I want. I don't get lonely and if I do, I find a friend to spend time with. I enjoy my alone time (especially now that it is so rare because I have a child).

Different people need companionship differently. I appreciate that some people are happier paired up and they seem to adjust their standards enough to continually be paired up. I, however, don't see much benefit from pairing up -- it just causes me stress and annoyance.

About the only time I wish I had a man around the house is when the lawn needs mowing or something needs repaired. Sorry, but that's the truth. I like men. I like to hang out with them. But I don't want one living in my house.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 12:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Now this is interesting dialog. I'll have to go back up and read it. I much prefer being happily married. Life seems pointless alone. It seems cold and lonely and stupid.

I can watch anything I want to on tv, but who cares? What's on besides junk? I could cook a great meal (I suppose) but what for? To impress me? To make me happy? So I can say to myself, "Gee, those mashed potatoes turned out well tonite, don't you think?" Why bother?


Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 12:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamie316 a private message Print Post    
I enjoy being married. I don't mind having someone around making messes, etc. I make messes, he makes messes. I have my alone time, he has his. I like knowing when I get into bed at night, he's there, even if he snores.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 12:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Newman, so let me get this right... You need to be in a relationship so you can receive validation on your mashed potatoes?

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 1:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
And yes, of course you should do whatever you want to make yourself happy. Your happiness is not reliant on someone else. Married or single, your personal happiness starts with yourself.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 1:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i'm much happier alone. i care that i can watch (if i watched TV that is) what i want on TV when i'm alone. and, how *i* feel about things are most important to me. i am not responsible for other people's feelings. if i cooked then i would cook a wonderful meal because i wanted something that was wonderful but not to impress anyone.

being alone never made me feel lonely or cold and especially NOT stupid. i felt very comfortable and contented and FREE. i could choose when i wanted to be around others.

if being alone doesn't make you happy then it is up to you to make the change. only you can make yourself happy. it's your choice.

i choose not to be unhappy because i am married. it is something i have to work at though whereas i didn't have to when i was single and living alone.


Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 1:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Marysafan a private message Print Post    
My daughter had just moved to San Francisco where she didn't know a soul. I was talking to her on the phone asking how she was doing. She said, "I'm a little lonely, but I can deal with it. It could be worse. I could be married."

For her being married wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Compromising her independence was a huge deal for her. She is much happier not having to answer to someone else, or look after and clean up after someone else. Most importantly...her money is hers alone.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Cndeariso, Why did you get married in the first place? Did you think living with another person would be different than it is?

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 1:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I don't know. Why doesn't love grow? I think maybe part of it is that happily marrieds don't write here (except Jimmer maybe). I know I didn't write much anywhere when I was married, happily or not.

It occurs to me that I don't know how to be happy.

Maybe my expectations are out of whack.

Maybe I don't want to be married. It wouuld be too difficult at my age to find someone that I would be attracted to and who would be attracted to me. Maybe I just need a sense of community, more people contact than I get. Maybe it's just that small adjustment.

Perhaps I should volunteer somewhere

Maybe at the Elks Club or the Lions Club or, do they still have "The Odd Fellows?" Do these kinds of organizations still exist i wonder.

I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. That means at work, with my scattered family, with my disappearing softball friends, and even here at tvch. I hardly ever get the "I agree with Newman" validation.


Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 2:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
(wow, look at those tissues fly!)

Here here, now stop that crying! There's no crying in baseball (couldn't resist the League of Their Own thingy)!

If you need validation from people you've never met and may never meet, and that's enough...that seems really odd to me. I don't know what to tell you other than maybe you should try being less serious or something. Hey, try being silly once in awhile! Personally, I'd rather get a "LOL" or something than "hey, you're right!" any time...but that's just me.

Scooterrific
Member

07-08-2005

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 2:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Scooterrific a private message Print Post    
Hukd...LOL :-)

Denecee
Member

09-05-2002

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 2:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Denecee a private message Print Post    
Happily married person right here! Other than stupid little arguements and the 2 times we left eachother briefly, everything has been good. We aren't stuck up eachother's butts, but we enjoy time together. He's my best friend and knows me like no other.
I've never been alone since we have been together since I was in highschool and the 2 times we split, I had the kids with me.
One of my best gf's has never lived with a man and is for the most part a happy person. Every once in a while she'll get depressed about not having a man in her life, but I always tell her it's because she doesn't put her self out there.
I'm just rambling on and on, but I just wanted to tell Newman I post and I'm married and happy.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 2:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I suspect that there are a few of us that post here.

I'm a little reluctant to post too much about it because I don't want it to sound like I'm bragging.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 2:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Newman, I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting to find someone special. I think what most of us are just trying to say is that it's not the answer to everything. Correct me if I am wrong, but it does sound like you think that once you find that one person, everything in your life is going to be okay. It's not that simple.

I can only speak for myself, but I understand that loneliness and desire to just meet someone special. The thing is, though, is that I was looking for external things to fill an internal hole. That doesn't work. It may sound like a cliche, but happiness really does come from within. I had to focus on me and appreciating my life as it is and I "got happy." Oh, and therapy and finding the right combination of meds helped, too.

There have got to be some groups in your area that you can get involved in. I think your idea of volunteering is good. What about local churches? I know from your N & V posts that you are pretty liberal, so that may be a challenge. It has been for me!

I'm lucky that I really am content with my own company. I get squirrelly when I am around too many people. Maybe you are an extrovert; they need people in a different way than introverts do.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 3:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I am happily married, but I am also secure enough to know that I would be alright on my own. You can't be happy with someone else and content with someone else until you are happy and content with yourself.

If you have a void in your life that you think can be filled by another person, you are fooling only yourself. That other person will never be enough to fill a void, live up to your expectations, or make you happy until you can do that for yourself.

Yankee_in_ca
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 3:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yankee_in_ca a private message Print Post    
Agree with what Escapee said.

I am happily married. I love sharing my life with my partner.

However, I was also once unhappily married, and would take being single / alone IN A HEARTBEAT over being with someone who wasn't right for me.

Biloxibelle
Member

12-21-2001

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 3:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biloxibelle a private message Print Post    
I am happily married. I do lurk here when it gets busy. I have even posted a time or two.

Newman, sure you should cook your mashed potatoes for you. Do it because they taste good and you enjoy them.

Think about serving your mashed potatoes to someone. This person kind of pushes them to the side. They don't like them. Now you have always enjoyed them and know to you they are good. Just because the other person doesn't care for them, does that make them any less tastier to you?

Make yourself happy first. The rest kind of falls into place after that.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 3:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Life is like a bowl of potatoes ....

a

I couldn't resist! Great point Biloxibelle!!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 - 6:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
jimmer, to answer your question as to why did i get married in the first place - well, i had been divorced from a very bad marriage for over 12 years so i had not lived with anyone in a happy marriage. i have a happy marriage. i love my husband. i just don't like living with him. i didn't know that or at least i was so caught up with the fact that i was in love, real love that i didn't think about that part of marriage.