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Archive through June 28, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through June 28, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Glenn, I'm not sure we're saying different things.

Thanks for that input. You met her online. No photo. Wow. Just pure luck that she turned out not to be 40 pounds overweight. Well, you know, luck has a lot to do with life. It's better to be lucky than good.

But, honestly now Glenn, what if she had turned out to look like Rosey O'Donnell? Can you HONESTLY tell me that you two would be together now? Remember, it's wrong to lie on the internet.

I have many male friends who I've grown old with, and are now 40 pounds overweight. I don't even notice it. But we're talking boyfriend/gf thing here. That's different. Like Jimmer said. There has to be a spark. I don't get a spark from Roseanne Barr?

It goes back to online dating or dating in general. Should I or shouldn't I? Should I take Mocha's advice or should I try to find love?

Another topic I wanted to start was "first love." Is there anything better? And why doesn't it last?? I'm still getting over my last gf, and how much she loved me, and how smitten I was by her, and how good it felt :-)


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Hmm Glen never said what this person's size was Newman but you seem to keep wanting to harp on it. And you also seem to be doing that speed thing again cuz Glen said that size isn't an issue for him at least I think that's what he's saying. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

First love sucks to me. It's also kinda fake to me cuz it really does take more than love to sustain a relationship. The ex and I have a much better relationship since seperating than we had while married. In my mind it was like a competition and a oh you can't tell me what to do kinda thing. He was my first love and father to my children so we'll always have that.

The emotional rollercoaster though of first love is what I'm trying to avoid right now. don't seem to have any luck with that though lol.

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ladytex a private message Print Post    
Glenn is not shallow ...

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Nope and he has gorgeous blue eyes.

Oh and another thing, women like a man who can listen. Really listen. Of course I babble so much that most just tune me out lol.

Legalboxer
Member

11-17-2003

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 4:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Legalboxer a private message Print Post    
you babble mocha? never would think that :-)

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Chewpito, I had to respond about the men/weight gain thing to say I understand what you are saying so you don't feel all alone, LOL. A couple of months ago, I started dating after a pretty long hiatus and I almost immediately started eating more and exercising less. I lost a lot of ground in a short time period that I am now struggling to regain. I just last week decided that I'm going to back off on the whirlwind of dating I had gotten myself into and refocus on me and when I do venture back out, move much more slowly than I did this time.

I think that my behaviors are self-sabotage. It is interesting to me that you mentioned women who are abused making these comments to you because I was in an abusive marriage and I continued to make poor choices even after I got out of it. This past spring was the healthiest I had been in years, physically, mentally and emotionally and I almost threw it all away with my destructive behaviors. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I have a lot of fear when it comes to relationships and it is almost like I am trying to be unattractive so I don't have to worry about it.

So I understand what you are saying, and I also agree with other people that it is not the fault of anyone but me. I'm not blaming the dating or the men, but there is definitely a cause and effect going on that I need to work on. That's my garbage coming up that I need to deal with. Maybe it was my psyche's way of telling me I wasn't as ready as I thought I was or maybe it is just telling me to slow down. I have a lot of trouble with moderation, whether it comes to dating, food, drink, sex, housework, etc. I'm too much an all or nothing person and that is something I need to work on-- finding more balance in my life.

Boy, I didn't mean to ramble, but Chewpito's posts hit home for me.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
lol legal.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Hermi ... you are just as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. I know it, I see it ... I wish you'd believe that!!

Mocha & Hermi, babbler and rambler ... what are we going to do?! LOL!!

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Nic, I am a giant dork! But I love ya!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:23 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i've been thinking about the 'spark'. if a man treats me appropriately, says the right things to me and is willing to learn what it takes to ignite that spark, then he can look like quasimodo for all i care. what is on the inside and the sincerity of the actions will ignite that spark.

Slinkydog
Member

11-30-2005

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Slinkydog a private message Print Post    
I also understand Chewpito's post, but for me it has been being happy and in a settled relationship when I have gained weight. When I'm stressed, or when I have been heartbroken, I don't eat. I lost probably 40 to 50 pounds after a break up, then put back on 30 to 40 in the first year of a new relationship (now going into 5th year). Luckily, we both realized we needed to take off the weight, quit eating all of that fried chicken, mashed potatos and gravy, etc. So, we started eating more healthy and working out. I still feel like I could stand to lose another 10, but that is the hardest to lose, though I'm constantly trying.

First love? I think I agree with Mocha. Too much of an emotional roller coaster. Lust in the beginning of a new relationship? Oh, yeah!

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I love ya too Hermi!

As for the spark, I've had this conversation with my girlfriends many times. For me .. there has to be a spark ... something to draw me to this person, something that excites me. I don't believe it can be created ... it's either there or it's not. And you can't choose whom that spark happens with .. big, small, ugly or beautiful .. if that spark is there, so am I.

ETA ... unless he's married then no matter what, even with the spark, he is off limits. It's happened to me & I had to walk away.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gidget a private message Print Post    
Chewpito... i find dating is hard on my diet because so many dates involve dining out. so i would agree with the dating/weight gain connection.

in response to Newman i read somewhere that we are hardwired about what we are attracted to physically before we even get to school age. i am not sure i agree with it.

you might be interested to know that i too find it challenging to look at men my age with that old lust. my dxh was younger than i and has all his hair, etc.

so it has taken some getting used to. sometimes i wonder when did everyone get old looking. in reality my contemporaries look just fine but we have teenage models shoved down our throats day and night in the media. it is hard when beauty is labeled as under 20 and underweight.

fortunately as a woman i am not terribly handicapped by my own prejudice. and men are wonderfully persistent. i continue to find middle aged dating an interesting experience. hey we have our own places and no curfew and can go anywhere in the world we want.


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 7:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I agree Gidge bout that hardwiring.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 7:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
A number of people have suggested that it is shallow to say that you prefer to date slim women. That appearance shouldn't matter.

What if someone was to post that they find very intelligent women more attractive? Would that be shallow as well?

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 7:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Well said, Glenn. Okay, well said, as always.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 7:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Call me shallow but I want to date an attractive guy. But what I find attractive to me does not mean anyone else on earth will think so. (except perhaps his mother)

Good question Jimmer! I wouldn't find it shallow, then again I don't think it's shallow for men (or women) to want to date an slim woman (man).

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Well, Jimmer, just as "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", what exactly do you call "very intelligent"? Someone who knows everything? I don't believe that is possible.

I work with and my office is located around what most people would call very intelligent people. Lawyers, bankers, accountants, etc. All are successful in their occupations. However, some (like a few guys in my office) can't fix a battery operated clock when the battery dies. So, are they stupid because of that?

On the opposite level, my ex (despite all his bad qualities) is almost a genius when it comes to fixing machinery....any type of machinery. And that is why he's the "main man" at a local manufacturing plant. However, he barely graduated high school and has never read an entire book in his life. He couldn't keep a check book balanced either.

So, which is intelligent?

Just like beauty, everybody has their good points in that area.

My opinion is that if you find a man/woman who can converse with you and understand the majority of the things you like to talk about, then you will consider them intelligent.

Does this make any sense?

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
I do think it's important to have a spark or attraction for another person in a dating situation. Yes, sometimes the more you're around someone, the more attractive they become, and that works great if you are in a position to see them over time in a non-dating situation. However, when you choose a date based on political correctness, chances are really good that someone is going to get hurt.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Well sure to a certain degree everyone's definition of what makes someone intelligent is somewhat different, much as everyone's definition of slim or overweight is somewhat different.

But would it be shallow for me to say that I prefer to date intelligent women (obviously based on my definition of intelligence)?

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamie316 a private message Print Post    
I don't see that as being shallow. Dating someone who can hold up their end of a conversation as opposed to dating someone who will look pretty on your arm, are two different things.

Prisonerno6
Member

08-31-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Prisonerno6 a private message Print Post    
I think anyone who focusses on one characteristic to the detriment of all others, where that one characteristic is the "deal-breaker," is shallow. They aren't looking any deeper than that one characteristic.

Grannyg
Member

05-28-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grannyg a private message Print Post    
The eyes are the door to a person soul's. And that's all that matters. The outward will come and go but what's inside stays forever.

Heyltslori
Moderator

09-15-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Heyltslori a private message Print Post    
Very true Granny!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i always associated the term 'shallow' with appearances - nothing more, nothing less.