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Archive through January 17, 2007

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through January 17, 2007 users admin

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Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 3:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
How can you be "thrilled" to go to a movie alone?


Good lord, what is doing something alone like?
I don't even get to pee alone anymore.

Haven't you ever heard of "me time" ?

I would love to go to a move by myself. I wouldn't have to look for but one seat, I wouldn't have to share my popcorn/soda/candy. I wouldn't wonder if anyone else enjoyed it. I wouldn't have to make conversation before the previews....ah yes, I think I will go by myself next time.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 3:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I think it also says that women today don't have to put up with any bs because they can make their own way. It doesn't say that I'm not still looking for a King to my Queen.

Yankee_in_ca
Member

08-01-2000

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 3:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yankee_in_ca a private message Print Post    
I adore my partner. I love doing things with him.

I also love doing things on my own. I WANT to be with him, I don't NEED to be.

I don't think it those numbers say that "women would rather live alone than in a committed relationship." I think they say in part, perhaps, that many women would rather live alone than in a relationship that wasn't right for them. I know I would.

We've all had this conversation here before, though, haven't we?

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 3:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Many, many times Yankee ... lol! :o))

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Mocha, I hope you find your king.

I love to hear that women aren't being submissive as they have been in the days of our parents and grandparents.

Women can do anything just as well as a man (except the peeing standing up thing) and yet, we are secure, confident and smart enough to know our limitations when it comes to certain things.
Some people need, other just want.

Marrying for security is never a good idea, that's what used to happen I believe and a large part of why I think the divorce rate is/has been high, but I think times are changing.

BTW: You know June Cleaver was the reason why Ward was successful and her boys weren't sociopaths, and you know that Donna Reed was the reason her husband didn't run his dental practice into the ground, but the tricky part was not letting their husbands know that. LOL.

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamie316 a private message Print Post    
I, myself, don't like to go to the movies alone but that doesn't mean that someone else can't be thrilled by the prospect. Going without children is thrilling.

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 4:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
That being married isn't what it's all cracked up to be?

Amen to that. I never go to the movies or out to eat alone but I do go fishing and camping alone.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 5:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I've gone to many a movie by myself...usually because I decide on a whim I want to go and calling someone to go with me seems like an added bother. It's different than going with someone else, but not in a bad way. I like either. I haven't gotten over feeling awkward if someone I know sees me there by myself, though....which annoys me with myself! But that awkward feeling doesn't stop me doing it.

The truth is that it is difficult to find a mate once you are a single woman of a certain age. My life as a single person is good. Not perfect and it does get lonely sometimes (but I hear you can be lonely in marriage sometimes too!) But still I would term it good and term me happy. I know there are a lot of men that wouldn't be right for me...even some incredibly wonderful men. At my age now, the subset of eligible men I would consider marrying is very small. My odds of marriage are low, I think. But I only need one right guy, so I definitely am hopeful it will happen. But until it does, I can't see that my choice is anything but have the best life I can. I enjoy spending time with both male and female friends, married and unmarried. I have a job I enjoy, attend a church I like. My family is close by, with lots of nieces and nephews and another generation already appearing!

If I marry, the guy will know it is because I dearly want to marry him for the man he is and not because I have to marry him to meet my needs. He can know he is not responsible for my happiness...I can be happy on my own. I'd love to have a great love affair with someone....and a great relationship where we care for each other. I don't want a guy that sees me as incapable or unable to get through life without him... I'm not that woman. But if a guy wants a partner, to share a good and happy life with, then I am very interested. I know tons of absolutely amazing single women who feel the same way. So single men, don't rule out the strong and capable women and think that because we can make a good life without you that we don't want a life with you in it. But you probably should rule out the needy women who can't get along without a man. In the long run they really aren't going to be that interesting to partner with...and they just may sap the life out of you!

Pashine362
Member

08-20-2005

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pashine362 a private message Print Post    
You know, it's funny. . . I wonder if they surveyed how many men are without a spouse? Why is it okay for a man to be a "bachelor" but a woman needs a spouse or she is "alone?" I don't know. Man or woman, loneliness knows no gender division. To me, it's about being comfortable with yourself. If you are, then you don't mind when/if you have to do things alone whether you are a man or a woman. Just my humble opinion, for what its worth.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 5:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
wow, i love to do things alone and i am thrilled to death to do some things alone. going to a movie by myself without having to sit where someone else wants to sit, without having to listen to their interpretation of what the movie is about, being able to cry without being ridiculed for it, etc. i can think of many reasons to be thrilled about going to a movie or doing most anything by myself. i loved it when i was single and i cherish it when my dh is out of town. AND i love doing things with him too.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 8:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I'm going to say something here that may upset some people, though I'm not sure why.

Women can not do everything as well as men do any more than men can do everything as well as women do.

There are some things that men are better at than women are and there are some things that women are better at than men are.

Men and women are different.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 8:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
"Men and women are different."

And Vive la difference! :-)

I have several good friends who are men and when I need something done that I'm not able to do alone, they help me. And then there are folks I pay to do some things (like cleaning gutters and such).

I hear single people gripe about being single and I hear married people gripe about being married. No matter what, we'll always have something to gripe about. I suppose it's human nature to some extent. :-)

I've been married and I've been single. Had I done a better job of choosing a mate, I'd still be married. Unfortunately, that's not how it worked out. Am I happy alone? Sure. Would I be happy with someone? Sure, if it was the right someone. Either way, I'll have things I do alone. I need my alone time -- something I've learned about myself over the years -- and any together time will be the better for me having had that alone time. (Hope that makes sense.) Not everyone needs the same amount of alone time. My ex prefered for us to always be together. That just doesn't work for me, but it doesn't make him wrong, either. :-)

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 9:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Yes, we have had this same conversation many, many times before, but it probably doesn't hurt to repeat topics when we have people joining in who have not been here before. If the topic keeps being reintroduced by the same person, and I don't know for sure that it has, well, I guess it is just something s/he has a keen interest in.

I am a bonafide baby boomer, married, have a wonderful husband that many people here have met. I have no qualms whatsoever about going to a movie or out to dinner by myself. All it means is he doesn't want to see the movie I want to see or is unavailable. Period. Dinner, he is out or town. Or I am.


Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 - 10:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I am PMSing this week, (That's what happens with a Partial Hysterectomy...no physical pain, but the emotional crap remains) so I refuse to take responsibility for any discussion posts today. LOL

BUT... (Here's where I am sooooo going to get into trubble. sigh.)

I felt like I was supposed to feel like a failure being single for as long as I was, (got married at 44) cuz it was drummed into me that that was the case (by dear old mom. AND Society.) So even though I LOVE to dine alone reading a magazine or a book, and will take myself to a film alone occassionaly, I feel more confident just knowing that I have my husband at home waiting for me. I am very independant. I have traveled alone, and am chatty and friendly so there's almost always someone to talk too, even if its the concierge at the hotel.
Here's where I'm weird I guess, my big dream is to go on a cruise... anyone who isn't aware of this please stand up. LOL. Anyhow, if I was STILL single and could afford it, I think I'd have no problem finally just going on my own, for the adventure, the experience, and because in Aunty Mame fashion, I believe in living ones dreams as much as possible. BUT because I am married, and to someone I love very much, I ache to go on a cruise with him, and since he hates the idea, I haven't gone. Even though he says he wouldn't mind if I went alone or with friends if I want to go so badly. BUT that's not the point. Alone its an adventure, together its romantic.

Well I've babbled enough. And yes, eventually if he doesn't go with me on a cruise, I KNOW I will go anyways. I don't want to resent him or be mad at myself for a lost opportunity.

ETA - And being married doesn't mean that I'm never lonesome. Far from it. We have few interests in common, so its not as optimal a situation as I would like, but in life, sometimes you just have to compromise. But we love and accept each other differences and all, and that is worth more than anything else in the world.

Chiliwilli
Member

09-04-2006

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 1:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chiliwilli a private message Print Post    
Mameblanche, being an adventure junkie myself, I would be thrilled to go on a cruise with you. I have also always wanted to take one and my husband could care less.

Loyolamom
Member

05-10-2005

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 3:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Loyolamom a private message Print Post    
Mame, my husband and I have been on several cruises and loved them. We hope to take many more in the future:-) However, the very best cruise I took was with both of my sisters and three of my nieces! We had an absolute blast. No one had to worry if their hubby was bored or impatient. No kids to worry about either. We started laughing about five minutes after we got into the first cabin and laughed the entire time. We told stories about our spouses, our kids, and the best ones were about ourselves! Get your girlfriends or family together and go have a ball! You won't regret it:-)

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 8:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
I was always taught by my parents 'if you don't enjoy your own company, why should anyone else?'

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 9:31 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
TVCH cruise!!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 9:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
YES!!!!! karunna, that's a great idea. i would love that!

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 10:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Will it be a very very big boat?

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 12:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Escapee, you are so able to say exactly the opposite of how I feel! It's amusing. I feel like we are in a bizarro world. Up/Down.

Going to the archive you started off with the word NEED. Women don't NEED a spouse. OK, who is arguing that? Not me. Not the story in the NY Times either.

Mocha can go to the movies alone on her birthday. So can I. Is that desireable? I say no, it is not.

Aren't we all social beings. Why else do we come here to write and share thoughts? If we don't NEED or WANT other people around, then why wouldn't we just journal write instead?

I think this is the sad part of today's culture. The loneliness. I'm not saying that it was better in the l950s. I'm just saying it's not so great now, either.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 1:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Of course we've discussed all this before. Repetition is learning. New news stories come up. New people enter this thread. It's ok to re-hash everything. Maybe you learn a new way to state your views or get in touch with your thougths and feelings.

I think I simply object to the word: THRILLED. I guess I would be thrilled to go to a movie alone if I lived in a house with 6 kids and never had time to myself. I could relate to that.

But this is a Baby Boomer thread. I'm thinking most of us don't have little kids underfoot. I'm thinking that many of us live alone (like the title of the thread) and the desire for a sense of community, if not a special person to interact with, is something to discuss.

I don't think God meant for us to be alone. I think we are social beings. I know I miss the sense of touching someone who I love and who loves me. I miss sharing the popcorn. I miss talking about the movie or the news.

Hey, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's a male thing. Maybe today's strong modern independent woman wants solitude, prefers selfishness, desires her own popcorn. I can only speak for me.


Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 1:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
I'm going on a cruise in May. Y'all are welcome to tag along. :-)

There's a big difference between 'lonely' and 'alone.' One can be alone and not lonely at all. Likewise, one can be in a relationship and be very lonely. Been there done that in both situations. :-)

What one person defines for themselves as a lonely situation can also be very different from another's assigned meaning to that same situation. I know many people who think the way I live would be lonely. For me, it's not at all. When I want social interaction, I get it; the rest of the time, I enjoy my space.

Had I been an adult woman in the '50s, I probably would have been quite the rebel. Either that or I would have felt very smothered and limited by societal roles assigned to me. Glad I don't have to find out! :-)

Marysafan
Member

08-07-2000

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 - 1:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Marysafan a private message Print Post    
I think there's a trade off, and it's not cut and dried. Which is better? Is better to go the movies alone or with someone? That depends.

If you want to see a romance and he wants to see an action pic...one of you is going to have to compromise. So is it better to see the romance movie by yourself, or sit through the action pic with someone you care about? Or sit through the romance knowing that he's not enjoying it. Another option, is to try and find neutral ground, but then neither of you gets your choice. None of those options are especially appealing...and I think that's what people are figuring out.

It only works when two people who care about each other want to see the same movie. How often does that happen?

This is part where I confess that the last movie hubby and I saw together was over ten years ago and was "A League of their own." Hey! It had baseball!

The more people get comfortable with themselves and are able to care for their own needs, the less likely they are to be willing to compromise their "needs" for someone else's.

There is price to pay for all that companionship, and more and more people are thinking the price is too high. Which is why that 51% number is significant.

You see in the old days, it was much simpler. He decided. She went along grateful for the chance to be getting out of the house. I don't see those days coming back anytime soon.