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Archive through June 28, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through June 28, 2006 users admin

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Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
I agree with Prisoner.

I see nothing wrong with wanting someone who looks nice on your arm. Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they are not intelligent.

And sometimes you don't care whether they can speak or not. But for the long haul I want someone that I find attractive and with equal intelligence.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
What about money Cnd? Do you find it shallow for women (or men) to only date those who have money?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I think that's called a gold digger.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
no, i don't consider that being shallow. i only equate shallow with appearances. but, that is my understanding of the definition. it may mean that to you or someone else.

when it comes to dating someone who has money, do you mean someone who is very rich in comparison or do you mean someone that has a job? those are two separate issues to me and have different terms in my mind's dictionary.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 8:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Anyone who has read about my ex will understand that the first thing I want to see is a document certified by at least 3 doctors attesting to sound mental health. And then I want proof of some type of job stability. And then I want proof that he is self-supporting. After that, we'll see.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
LOL that's true, but I also think it's shallow.

I see nothing wrong with someone wanting to date a dumb attractive person. I don't live their life. If that's what they're into, so be it.

It's like saying attractive not so intelligent people are not worthy of dating

but

not so attractive yet intelligent are worthy.

Isn't everyone (short of sociopaths) worthy of dating?

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:09 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
I don't think married people should date!

That's one thing that would really tick me off....if someone deceived me about their marital status, regardless of how good it "clicked".

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Attraction is definitely subjective. Two of the men I work with who I find most attractive are actually both quite overweight. I am attracted to their personalities and their intellect and that makes me drawn to them despite their "physical shortcomings." One of the men is 18 years older than me, balding, and has quite the paunch, but he is just a sexy man to me because of his personality.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a spark, but I am happy that I don't only get it from physical characteristics. One of the cutest men I have gone out with lately was kind of a dud in person. He had this fabulous body and completely got on my nerves with his personality. I don't care to see him again. I definitely take intelligence and personality over looks. And if a man can make me laugh, ohhhhh, love that! Especially if he can laugh at himself, too.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
I'm not sure I should share this, but I'm going to throw it out there because it reminds me so much of this conversation.

Two days ago my mom and I happened to start talking about The Phantom of the Opera and she was waxing poetic about how the woman looked past his shortcomings. And I said, very cynically, (yes, I admit and expect to be blasted for it by some men on this board), "Why do we always have stories about gorgeous women falling in love with ugly men? Why is it never about a gorgeous man falling in love with an ugly woman?" And my mom, even more cynically than me, said, "Because women are able to fall in love with ugly men, but men are not able to fall in love with ugly women." I was like, "MOM!" and she shrugged.

Now don't go blasting my mom, LOL. She is one of the best people I know and has been married to my dad for 42 years and they are very happy. I'm not sure where her comment came from. Maybe it just slipped out in a moment of cynicism like my own comment did.

So I know this is an extreme stereotype, but I am kind of curious to see how people respond, especially the guys.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Waiting ... guys where are you??

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Because men are visual when it comes to sexuality.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 9:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
and i do not say that in a bad way.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I dated a guy for a short time that wasn't the best looking, but he had the personality and charm I was looking for. However, I wasn't attracted to him physically and I couldn't get past that. I was attracted to his personality, but it has to be a whole package if you ask me. Also, I believe that a person's personality makes up about 80% of their image. But, you can't love someone 80%, you either love them or you don't. There is no percentage. You can't kind of fall for someone.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
I have known some absolutely gorgeous people, male and female alike, who turned quite ugly once I got to know them.

Adven
Member

02-06-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:23 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Adven a private message Print Post    
I have been asked to come here and enlighten you all with my wisdom in that winning way I have.

In very general biological terms, women are looking for a mate to provide and protect. This means physical attractiveness, although important, is only one factor in selecting a mate. Men, on the other hand, tend to want to spread their seed to keep the gene pool varied. As a result, physical attractiveness likely has a predominating influence on the selection of a mate for most men.

Having said that, we aren't slaves to our biology. Most people are neither stunningly beautiful or breath-takingly handsome and many of both sexes are ... oh, what's that word I'm looking for ... oh, yeah ... ugly. This doesn't seem to keep most people from finding a mate and being quite happy with them.

So, yes, men are often preoccupied with the physical, but not to the exclusion of all else and not in all cases.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
:-) TY

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Well put Adven ... I agree. TY

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Is that a professional opinion?

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 10:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
yay adven!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
well alot to catch up with since last night..lol. Hermione, I never want to blast any one for thier thoughts cause they always provoke more thoughts.. Ive seen women that look for less attractive men,(because they want it to be all about them) and Ive seen men that look for less attractive women (because they want every thing to be all about them)..its a vain thing probably and some just want all the attention."not all people,let me be clear on that".. Ive been with un-attractive men that (when the lights go out)have sent me thru the roof-so to speak... Ive been with really hot guys that were more intrested in catching thier reflection in the mirror then "trying to send me anywhere".. my daughters dad was 7yrs younger and spoke not a drop "nadda" of english...(we worked on that- but we had a "eye thing going on and he could rock my world like no other") as far as intelligence, I think most people look or find what they are are most likly to have commen intrests...If you work for a law firm and dress in Hi-heels all day Im assuming you wont be falling hard for the local dairy farmer.. and if you like to sit on the couch all day holding the remote then you might not be attracted to a bungee jumper....those are just stupid examples im sure...But usually like minded folks find each other...and on the occasion that total opposites attract, well then there will usualy be tension down the road.. As in my relationship with my daughters dad, He wanted to be in his home country 3/4months of the yr...it worked for about 7yrs but we just started drifting apart... Im a little like Mocha in that im probably closer to him now(apart) Id almost say he is my dearest friend and I know him inside and out so I find comfort in my frendship with him. I also understand what Native is saying about not wanting to subject herself to another walk down (a negative) memory lane.. Ive been in her shoes as well and once you've been in a abusive relationship (weather physical or mental) you put some gaurds up and the gates dont open like they might have at one time....You need to rebuild and it takes alot of work..... Im done.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 11:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gidget a private message Print Post    
unfortunately Adven what you describe is mate selection based on biology based on survival of the species. once the baby years are over those things may be less important... at least to someone who has evolved personally over the years of their life.

i dont need a man to support me. and most of the men i meet are done planting their seeds... those seeds turn out to be huge money suckers.

i think prisoner nailed it. focusing on one element is shallow. not only is it shallow it is not even sane. being with someone... a mate... a companion... is so much more complex. for those focused on just one aspect the odds of a successful union enduring are very small.


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I miss one night and you guys go crazy! It was fun to catch up.

I say to each his own. We all basically look for the person who meets our needs at the time... if those needs are shallow, so be it. I know I am opinionated about what I want and I don't think that is bad. On one hand I don't think I'm too narrow in what I want, but then again the subset is rather small. I want someone who is attractive to me...I don't care if he's a bit overweight or a bit out of shape, though I know from experience I have limits in that area, too. My former roomie dated a guy that was very, very large (several hundred pounds overweight) and I don't know that I could.

I don't like pretty boys, and actually like big noses. Smart, able to hold a job, a hard worker. Financially responsible. A Christian who doesn't try to be the Holy Spirit in people's lives. Someone who cares about others and is kind and generous, but not an enabler of bad behavior. Someone who is adventurous. Someone who thinks the world is funny, as are we. Someone who I can talk to for hours on end. Someone who is the same person in public as he is in private.

As for me, I enjoy myself as I am aging. My body may carry an extra few pounds, but I am strong and very active. I am one of the healthiest people I know. I'm also more adventurous at this age, I understand people better, I am a bit less selfish (or a bit more aware of my selfishness, which helps me control it.) I laugh every day and take great delight in the world around me.

When it gets right down to it, I am most looking for someone who appreciates who I am. It's taken me a while to realize it is not arrogant to like yourself. I've worked hard in my life to be the person I currently am and while I am nowhere near perfect (nor do I aspire to be), I'm OK. The one thing I would demand in a relationship is that the guy would really like and appreciate who I am, and not just love but also cherish me. That's hard to find....but possible, I think. Who wants common? I'll wait for the gem.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 6:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Hmmmmm, Big noses..very intresting!! .. I agree Yesitme, I am more comfy with my self at this stage of life as well...weather im alone or with someone...I dont dwell on it, and I think deep down we all have our likes and dislikes...its just part of who we are...

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 6:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I think that everyone has their own criteria of conscious and sub-conscious likes and dislikes. We may not even be aware of some of them. As I said before, I sometimes have a hard time understanding what specifically attracts me to certain people. I feel that I do not fit into the mainstream of what the media and Hollywood thinks most guys find attractive.

One characteristic that I find very appealing is if someone is genuine. I do not like fake and part of the business of Hollywood involves faking things (mostly appearance).

I'll probably embarrass myself here but one of my favorite songs is "Happy Baby" sung by a female group called Shaye (I don't think they are very well known). Here are the lyrics and I think they apply to a lot of what we have been discussing in this thread.

Standing in line at the grocery store
Reading magazines that say i should want more
There's an old boyfriend, he looks my way
I can't help but smile, I feel great today
Last night's clothes, no make-up, drinking my coffee from a paper cup

If this is it for me baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
For what will make me happy baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
Anymore

So many places I'll never see
But here and now is where I'd rather be
Too many people searching so hard
But they never look right in their backyard
I've made mistakes, that's for sure, ain't that what your life is for?

If this is it for me baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
For what will make me happy baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore

(More clothes, more cash, more things, more rings)
These lines upon my face, I'd be a fool to erase cause they show my place in this world

If this is it for me baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
For what will make me happy baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
If this is it for me baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore
For what will make me happy baby, that's just fine, I'm not looking anymore


Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 7:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Abby7 a private message Print Post    
chewpito, i haven't yet checked back on all the posts since i last posted to you.

however, i want to apologize to you about my reply to your post last night. my reply to your post was rude and inconsiderate. i am truly sorry for how i worded my post to you...it was rude.

i do respect your posts here at tvch. i was disrespectful in how i responded to your post. for me to ask you, if you were kidding was idiotic.

your post did make sense and i do understand your opinion about it. i'm sorry for being such a <bleep> because i disagreed with your opinion.

thank you chew for your opinions here at TVCH and i promise i will treat you with the respect you deserve in the future. you are one amazing woman, from what i've read from your posts. you deserve respect and i was just being a <bleep>. sorry, again.