TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . DONATE . CONTACT . CHAT  
 Wikia  Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through July 04, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: Jan. 2007 ~ Mar. 2007: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits...: ARCHIVES: Archive through July 04, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Dolphinschild
Member

06-22-2006

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 3:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dolphinschild a private message Print Post    
I have been thinking of things I need to do now that I am older. Last week I was thinking of how I needed to get something in writing that my youngest daughter is to live with her older sister. I need to see what my Veteran's benefits to my children will be if anything happens to me, such as will my 10 year old receive money till she is 18 years old. My oldest will be 20 years old and she is quite capable of taking my youngest if it comes down to it. But yeah I have been thinking, "What If...." lately. Also been scared to do it, because then it feels like if I do it, then I will some how make it happen. I know it is dumb, being in denial, but I guess it comes with the development of this age, and the changes that we are inevitable to come.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,shouting "... DAMN.., WHAT A RIDE!... "

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 3:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Dolphinschild, I did my prepaid cremation 5 years ago. I thought the same thing as you "I hope this doesn't make it happen!" It didn't.

Dolphinschild
Member

06-22-2006

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 4:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dolphinschild a private message Print Post    
Thanks Dogdoc. I know it is an instant reaction we all have, it is superstition that has been inbedded in us for centuries I guess. Well all need to face this chapter in our lives, some face it much easier then others.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 4:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
One of my dear friends did all her stuff just recently, she did the same as you Dogdoc and had all her cremation stuff taken care of..She gave me paper work for health care directives that my daughter and myself did take care of...as far as donating body parts and stuff, that was kinda creepy as we sat at the table and decided what we would give and what we wouldnt...actually we were laughing our heads off by the time we finished because we were making jokes at our own expense.. "they can have my heart but not my eyes, Do you think they would want my lips"?? we were just laughing about it, but knew it was serious.. When my sisters husband past 11months ago of course we never saw that coming and we all sorta conveyed our wishes verbaly-but I really need to get things in writing... There is a website called LegalZoom and they will walk you thru the process if you want to do it your self...I have one daughter and she can have every thing.. but of course if she were to go as well then I would leave it all to my sister and her kids....and then there is also the question of my dogs, I want them cared for.. that is very important to me. I need to do this.... Five yrs ago how much was the creamation costs Dogdoc..? I was looking it up at one time but wonder if it varys from state to state.. My friend I think she said 700 or somthing like that, but I could be wrong..Im going to check..

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 4:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Chewpito, I think it was about $1,000.00 for the cremation and urn. The price can only go up though. I think it is best to use a lawyer for a will. They do have places that will take care of a pet if there is nobody else to do it. You have to leave money in your will to provide for it though.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 4:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
The ex and I made our wills years ago. There's nothing to leave, it was mainly for who get's custody of the kids.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 5:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
My sister and I have talked about this recently....I made her the beneficiary of my life insurance, so called to tell her about it. I said to let friends and family take a rememberance if they would like, then sell or give away everything else and divide it all up for the nieces and nephews. My siblings can all take care of themselves. I told her to dispose of my body whichever way is cheapest....but if they were to allow open casket or any sort of viewing of my dead body, I will be back and it won't be pretty. I think that is a morbid custom and can't imagine why you need to hang out with the dead body.

My parents also had asked me about it several times. I am pretty laid back about it all. I could do more....but since I don't have a lot of strong feelings I don't care to spend the time. I do believe it should be as close to what you want as you would like. My grandfather, for example, picked out his own casket and it was incredible. I'm a pine box kind of girl, so I thought it was a waste of money. But I would have never have allowed anything different since I knew that it was what he wanted (and he could afford it.) But the good things he could have done to improve people's lives with that money!

I also advise using a real lawyer for a will. And those of you who have kids....definitely get the will taken care of. Amazing how often people put it off and then their family suffers as a result. Which reminds me about life insurance... don't put your minor children as your beneficiaries, unless they won't need it until they reach adulthood. It can create a mess.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 5:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Mocha, you say there is nothing to leave, but really if you think about it, the simplest of things should be designated...Do you have special jewelry, rings, pictures, books, any thing that normal people or children...after loosing a person to death.. will freaking go crazy over... when my moms mother and father past I watched compleatly normal aunts and uncles go nuts of things as simple as furniture and apliances.. it was wierd. when my dad died- he knew he was dying from cancer and had his will all done,cremation, no service. Every thing to mom and that was that..there were no problems at all.. but I have seen some folks just go nuts over things..

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 5:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
The kids get whatever we have.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 5:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Intresting Yesitsme, I do feel the same way about viewing dead bodys...No Way Jose..I want to be cremated. I dont want any body looking at me dead-fussig over outfits,wierd stuff like that. My X lost his son in Iraq 2yrs ago and they had a huge millitary funeral, It was open casket and I did not want to go. I use to tuck this young man in bed for yrs when he was little, it broke my heart. At the age of 48(then) I had managed to avoid many funerals, mourning in my own way. My X was so compleatly grief striken and wanted me there for him. My head was saying not to go but when I looked at my X I felt I needed to be there to sopport him. When I saw that young man in the casket it is a memory I will never get out of my head and I kept thinking that it was like being a voyer,I felt bad for this poor young man as I watched people touching him and hugging him...I made up my mind that I will never go to another funeral again...It dosent mean that I am heartless, My heart is huge- but I need to do it my way. I carry things with me to deep and I just cant handle that. THis is alot of intresting information here and I think it will all help when making plans.

Gradstudent
Member

07-10-2005

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 7:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gradstudent a private message Print Post    
I have everything in order - and because I am single, I asked a good friend of mine to be my executor. He already knows who gets what (not that I have a lot to give), and the way I would want things to be in case there were any disrepancies about what I own at the time if my death. He's also my executor in my living will. We've talked at length about many things, and I am confident that he is the perfect person to make decisions for and about me should he ever need to.

He was fine with everything that I explained that I wanted, until I told him I wanted to be cremated and then sucked up into my vacuum cleaner to save money. I tried to explain to him how easy it would be to bury a vacuum cleaner bag, but he said he didn't think he could carry that request out for some odd reason...

Springer
Member

03-12-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 7:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Springer a private message Print Post    
Many years ago my step-mom asked me if I would be executor of her will. I agreed, never really realizing just how much this duty actually involves. Anyway, we went to her lawyers office to make it official. The lawyer gave me her card and I tucked it away for safe keeping.

Well my dear Step-mom passed away three years ago and after making the funeral arrangements (she had told me that she would leave these arrangements up to me because she had already showed me what to do after my Father passed away) and everything else involved in that, I finally made an appointment with her lawyer, who's name is Katherine, to read the will and get started on that.

Holy Cow! Was I in for a surprise. I could never have managed all that business without the lawyers help. After reading the will to me.....I was in shock. Believe me. I had no idea that my Step-mom had so much money tucked away in so many places. She had a clear and concise list of everything. Several banks, stocks and bonds, insurance companies, CD's....you name it.

Anyway, because she took the time, many years ago, to make up her will (and to keep it updated) with her lawyer, everything was fairly easy to claim. It still was a mega amount of paperwork and letters back and forth to get everything done legally and released, but, Oh my God, I thanked her and the lawyer every day for helping me so much. Everything was done in about three months. If my step-mom hadn't made out her will, the lawyer said that this could have taken years and I still might not have found everything.

That lawyer was so helpful for me that my husband and I decided right then and there to have our wills made out for our children. They know what to do, who our lawyer is (it's Katherine, by the way) and how much will be involved in the whole process.

It feels so good to have that done now....along with our living will. Some of you might not know that a will and a living will are two totally different things. Make sure that you have both of them taken care of if you want to makes everything fairly painless for your children some day. It is not an easy thing to do when you are grieving also.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 8:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
How funny Gradstudent...about the vacuam.. Thats a good story Springer... Boy, I really need to get this stuff taken care of... I certainly do not want other people having to handle all of this stuff when I go, expecially when Im the kind of person that has allways been stubborn and dosent like to ask people to do stuff for me...It would just be such a contradiction in death.

Gradstudent
Member

07-10-2005

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 8:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gradstudent a private message Print Post    
A single friend of mine died about four years ago, and that was what pushed me to get my will and living will in order. She was such a beautiful person - I would never want anyone to go through the circus that was her death.

A week after she died, I began making plans about how I wanted things to go when I died or if something were to happen to me that would render me unable to make decisions for myself...and I'm glad I did.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Sunday, July 02, 2006 - 8:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
I need to get going on this, too.

I completely appreciated all the pre-planning and organization by my parents (trust, will, paid burial at sea, excellent records), but still I hold off. Partly due to having no one but my brother and he's only 27 months younger. His situation is completely different since he has his wife and lots of her family around.

I also have things, collections and I'd rather have them go specifically.. like all of my labrador art to go to benefit the labrador rescue but I need to make that happen, or plan for it.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 2:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Gradstudent, I was laughting about your vacuum cleaner and your ashes. When I signed up at the funeral home for my cremation I told the guy I don't need the ashes saved. My only 2 close relatives live out of the country, no need for them to come home. (although I know they would anyhow). He looked at me and said "We will put you in an urn they may want to come see you." I also wanted to mention that I have a list of property,stocks etc that I own in the refrigerator along with my will so nothing is missed.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 3:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
Wow, I'm surprised to hear that people have important papers in their refrigerators! This may save them in case of a fire (but I never heard of such a thing), but what stops someone from taking them if they rob your house!

After my father's death in 1988, my mother re-did her will and listed us 4 children as beneficiaries, equally. Remember that times and circumstances can really change things! My loser brother began taking financial advantage of my mother shortly after my father's death. I took over my mother's financial affairs last October after my brother got heavily into drugs and witnessing him asking my mother for money on a consistent basis. She was unable to say no to him, and as it turns out...he was into her for well over $100,000.00 (and that's the amount I could DOCUMENT!!).

After my brother's incarceration and forced mental heath evaluation and treatments, we now have orders of protection for my Mom, myself, and my oldest sister. My mother had transferred her house and another property into my name alone and has subsequently transferred all of her stocks, mutual funds, and bank accounts into my name alone as well. Under our lawyer's advice, it is almost always wiser to name only one person, and trust that person to be fair with your estate. He explained that in times of stress, when multiple people are named in a will, it opens up the family to arguments and misunderstandings.

The process is soooo necessary! I know that in New York State, the government LOVES it if people don't have a will, because they'll get it all. It is also true that in New York State, any safe deposit boxes in banks, whether in the deceased's name alone or in two names, is FROZEN at the time of death. I couldn't believe that, and found out that it is true, right from the bank. Please don't keep anything important in a safe deposit box that you may need quickly upon the death of your parent (or whoever).

Along with that, please name a health care proxy, and inform your family where all of your important papers are. I have a safe in my house and have everything and anything of importance regarding both my mother and myself locked away. The process is very involved to get another person's affairs in order, but I know that I will not be stressed out by that component of things when my mother passes.

Oh, I actually did my own will and power of attorney with my oldest sister named as executrix. If something happens to me before my mother, all of this wonderful planning would have been for nothing. It's quite the domino affect and takes time. Now I can sit back and know that things are in order.

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 4:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Secretsmile a private message Print Post    
Just a word of caution to those who wish to be cremated and their ashes disposed of in a particular manner. Check state and local laws. As we just learned when my MIL died, many states now have laws that restrict what you can do. The remains are classified as "bio-hazard" and must be in an approved sealed container or vault. I don't know for sure but I'd think a vacuum cleaner bag might not pass the muster as one of those .

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 5:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Hukd, I can tell you have been there and have the best of advice.

Good point about the fridge.. cops and firemen know to look in there, but so would crooks.. I guess it would be good to have some info in the fridge that would point them to the person to contact or your doctor but certainly not other documents with key info. Of course I have chaos with mine and need to pull it all together.

My parents chose a company (in their case, the Omega Society, we also have the Neptune Soc here) so that they handled all the permissions for the ashes. I remember mom saying that the choices were out to sea, the moutains or the desert. But the guy said "No one has ever chosen the desert". They chose the ocean, since they had a view of same from their home and my dad walked down there every day. They didn't want any services either. My dad kept after the Omega people so that we knew date/time of the boat going out and he and I went down to Big Corona and sat on a bench that they'd sat on so many times and just talked about mom and watched the boats go out to sea between the jetties.

AS for an urn, I figure no one really wants me sitting around in an urn and eventually, where does it go anyway? I have three dog's remains and inherited the remains of my dad's two dogs and wish I'd sent THEM out with my dad..

After he died, I did the same by myself, my brother not being in to such things.

And what Hukd said is so common, so many families seem to grow fangs when an estate is being divided up. I was SO fortunate. While my brother and SIL weren't much emotional support, they were about as fair as anyone could be when it came to "stuff" (well they did snag that one mirror without saying anything, but I hadn't said anyting either).

Anyway, this is something I need to do just so the state gets the least amount possible. I have no kids, just one brother and he is without needs since he's vastly more well off already. Finding someone to be the advocate isn't easy with no local family.

My parents had a safe but twice it was moved in burglaries at their house, so Dad just left it open and insde there was just a combination. WE knew where to go and use that combination to get at the actual paperwork. Actually I think it was just a little key.

Biloxibelle
Member

12-21-2001

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 5:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biloxibelle a private message Print Post    
Boy this subject has hit home to me. I really need to redo my affairs. The kids are older now and that changes some things. Not to mention the grandkids are here now.

My DH along with his brothers and sister have just and I mean just (it's being filed today) won a lawsuit against his uncle for mismanaging his mothers affairs. It's been going on for 3 years.

I like the idea of cremation. Last summer when Stephanie was so sick I decided that is what I would do if I lost her. I couldn't stand the thought of her being buried. With cremation I could keep her with me.

Grad, your post had me ROFL. I know if I have that done and don't have my ashes buried my kids will promptly lose me. I'm really not kidding. I now have my DIL moms ashes in my living room. They kept misplacing her. I said enough! Bring her here.

I have also thought of putting stickers on the bottom of things. Mostly my antiques and special keepsakes. Red for Kevin, blue for Trey.

Secret, they probably get away with vacuum cleaner bags in MS. I do a lot of research at the library and town hall from time to time. I also tend to get side tracked if something catches my interest. In our county it is legal to be buried in a corrugated box on your own property providing you have over 2 acres. Can we say "yuck"!

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 6:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
I have also thought of putting stickers on the bottom of things. Mostly my antiques and special keepsakes. Red for Kevin, blue for Trey.

This may work out fine in your family, Bilox, and I hope it is all you'll need. Again, under professional advice, I photographed all antiques with a digital camera and burned them onto a CD. This, along with instructions for specific distribution, must be filed with your attorney to be legal. Place any appraisals you have done of them with the lawyer as well so value is documented.

Your homeowner's insurance company will also accept the CD and appraisals for their records, and this will be helpful should there be a fire or something. There is little other way to document the value of "replacement items."

One of my friend's husband's great aunt was moved into a nursing home and subsequently passed. Her executrix cleaned her house right out before the great aunt had even passed, leaving nothing that the great aunt had wanted my friend's husband to have. No proof of anything existed. Sickening what greedy people do.

I know some of what I have done may sound like overkill, but after watching my brother take so much from my mother over the years, I will do ANYTHING to protect her and her assets. Hopefully, she has a long life ahead of her without further abuse.

Gradstudent
Member

07-10-2005

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 6:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gradstudent a private message Print Post    
Secretsmile wrote -
I don't know for sure but I'd think a vacuum cleaner bag might not pass the muster as one of those.

Even if I use one of those bags with extra allergen filtration? They are pretty sturdy, y'know!

Dolphinschild
Member

06-22-2006

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 9:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dolphinschild a private message Print Post    
I had my dog Sam cremated and I still have him with me too, he is in a plastic kind of resin container, a little ugly square one. I don't want anything fancy, just stick me in a card board box after I am cremated. Then I told my family if they have to have something to do together, then I just want them to get together and plant a tree, that is all I want.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, July 03, 2006 - 3:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I just remembered something that might help somebody. My mother once said "Sorry girls, we had insurance policies but we had to use them." Several years ago I got a notice from Hartford (I think) saying they held an active policy in my mother's and father's name and I could collect by sending the policy in along with their death certificates. I couldn't find it in my mother's old strong box but I did find two others that had been issued in the 50's. I called the company and these were still active plus I was able to collect on the one where I couldn't find the papers. My sister and I each ended up with three thousand dollars. If any of you find old policies call about them!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 - 8:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
To all my "living" pals on line ..Happy 4th.. weather you have big plans with lots of people or just stay close to home with your favorite pets or cozy home.. . have a great day...