Author |
Message |
Marysafan
Member
08-07-2000
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 8:22 am
My husband is a very private person. I would consider any discussion of his personal issues a betrayal of his confidence. He wouldn't like it...so I wouldn't do it. I respect his wishes. It's that simple.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 8:45 am
Cnd, the man I'm dating is much the same, however, he didn't have any health care for years. He finally got through to the VA and they admitted they owed him health care. So now he's going. He did go there specifically to deal with his high blood pressure and sleep apnea. However, he had at least three other medical problems he didn't bring up to the doctor. When I asked him why, he said he was just too embarrassed to admit he was only in his late 40s and "so many things were broken". While I don't understand it completely, I will say that I almost worse than he is. I won't go to the doctor until I'm practically dying. My excuse is that I've had such bad experiences with doctors I don't have any faith in them anyway.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 8:56 am
so, what i am hearing (and, please feel free to correct me if i'm wrong) is that while there may be health issues that some of the men in your lives have, they are very private about it and it is taboo to talk here in this forum about them. <sigh>
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 9:02 am
I didn't want to make you feel bad, Cnd. Bigdog is almost the opposite. If he has a hangnail (okay, I exaggerate), he wants to go to the doctor. Oh, good Lord, he almost died from the ingrown toenail. It is very hard for me to tell if he is really sick or carrying on over some minor thing. We finally figured out he had a minor bout of allergies this fall (at the same time I had been taking antihistamines for a couple weeks without mentioning it) and was not dying of terminal mild nasal congestion. A 24 hour Claritin fixed him right up, but we had several days where it was touch and go if he was going to live through the day with one nostril clogged. On the other hand, I have an in-law who is exactly as you describe. His balls swelled up to the size of basketballs (I am told, did not personally verify it) before he would go to the doctor. He had to have a couple toes amputated because he would not go to the doctor in time when his foot was rotting off. All in all, I guess I would take Bigdog's exaggerated sensitivity to the denial many people have. All I can figure out is that they must think if they don't acknowledge it or don't get it diagnosed, it is not really happening.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 9:18 am
thanks, juju. i appreciate your response. i was hoping that others knew *someone* (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) in their life they could talk about that has the same health issues as my dh and how they handled it, what the doctor prescribed for them, what treatments worked, etc. i was also hoping to gain some insight into what other health issues commonly plagued men over 40 so i could be on the look out for them and help my dh get treated before he left me a widow. anyone???????
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 9:57 am
i guess i am finding it very discouraging to know that we talk about all kinds of issues all over the board, including some very personal health issues of our own, but that mens' health issues are not something i can get information on. sure, i can look up stuff using Dogpile or go to Webmd.com. but, real life experiences from folks that i know here mean so much more to me and provide me with many more options to think about than a narrow search engine does.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 10:31 am
Just because some of us talk in depth about our own personal issues (some of which probably shouldn't be talked about lol) doesn't mean we should about someone elses own personal issues because they are that, personal. Maybe it should be talked about offboard??
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Spygirl
Board Administrator
04-23-2001
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 10:36 am
Cndeariso, the struggle is that you are asking people to tell other people's stories, and that is just not something that I am (or many are) very comfortable with. My husband's privacy is his and has little to nothing to do with being uncomfortable discussing health issues. It has to do with respecting his right to tell his own stories. I am even cautious at times in telling some of my own stories because they offer information about my DH. It is one thing to discuss our own personal struggles and issues, but it is altogether different when someone else tells our own struggles. Even as empathetic as my husband is, I would still be reticent to have him tell my issues because...well, they are mine and I would want to tell them to be sure I was understood correctly. Unfortunately, there are just not a lot of men who post at TVCH, so it is unlikely that you will glean a lot of information about men's health here. You will probably need to seek out a different, more male-dominated forum to obtain that information. I wanted to offer this perspective to you as an alternative to the notion that the issues are taboo by content. I think they are taboo by the process of how the information would be shared (by proxy). 
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 11:49 am
i had hoped that my 8:16 post would encourage others to talk in general about what they had heard or knew of. but, i guess it is all too personal to even talk about in general. i know nowhere else to get this information. carry on.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 11:52 am
Cnd, I'm sorry that you're not getting information and discussion on your topic. I can't help you because I have no husband and don't have any insight to my father's health as he aged. I do find it interesting that elsewhere on this board, people have talked freely about their sex lives, their children (and even their husband's) ADHD, about aging parents, etc., but something as common as incontinence shuts doors. To each his own, I suppose. Maybe you'll have some private messages on this matter, Cnd. I hope you'll get someone to talk to you.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 12:41 pm
it's O.K., huk. i understand that some things are just more sensitive to talk about than others. and, maybe you are correct, maybe someone will email me.
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Gilda
Member
08-21-2006
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 1:47 pm
Cndeariso, I will send you a private msg later this evening or tomorrow. What is quite common among men as they age are prostate problems which includes incontinence, prostate enlargement and prostate cancer. Until later...
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 2:15 pm
now, that is the kind of information i need! an enlarged prostate could be the cause of the incontinence. i didn't know that. i know dh has his yearly ckup with the urologist between now and the end of the year. but, he won't go in beforehand to find out anything. i can only hope that he will ask about it when he does go in. thanks, glida and the person who sent me the email earlier too!
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Gilda
Member
08-21-2006
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 2:55 pm
BPH; Benign prostatic hypertrophy (hyperplasia); Prostate - enlarged The prostate is a male reproductive gland that produces the fluid that carries sperm during ejaculation. It surrounds the urethra, the tube through which urine passes out of the body. An enlarged prostate means the gland has grown bigger. Prostate enlargement happens to almost all men as they get older. As the gland grows, it can press on the urethra and cause urination and bladder problems. An enlarged prostate is often called benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) or benign prostatic hypertrophy. It is not cancer, and it does not raise your risk for prostate cancer. The actual cause of prostate enlargement is unknown. It is believed that factors linked to aging and the testicles themselves may play a role in the growth of the gland. If the testicles are removed after a man develops BPH, the prostate begins to shrink in size. Some facts about prostate enlargement: The likelihood of developing an enlarged prostate increases with age. BPH is so common that it has been said, "All men will have an enlarged prostate if they live long enough." A small amount of prostate enlargement is present in many men over age 40 and more than 90% of men over age 80. No risk factors have been identified other than having normally functioning testicles. Less than half of all men with BPH have symptoms of the disease, which include: Slowed or delayed start of the urinary stream Weak urine stream Dribbling after urinating Straining to urinate Strong and sudden urge to urinate Incomplete emptying of your bladder Needing to urinate two or more times per night Urinary retention (complete inability to urinate) Incontinence Pain with urination or bloody urine (these may indicate infection) After taking a complete medical history, your doctor will perform a digital rectal exam to feel the prostate gland. The following tests may also be performed: Urine flow rate Post-void residual urine test to see how much urine is left in your bladder after urination Pressure flow studies to measure the pressure in the bladder as you urinate An IVP (an x-ray study) to confirm BPH or look for blockage Urinalysis to check for blood or infection Urine culture to check for infection Voiding cystourethrogram A prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test to screen for prostate cancer Cystoscopy In addition, you may be asked to complete a form to evaluate the severity of your symptoms and their impact on your daily life. Your score may be compared to past records to determine if the condition is getting worse. The choice of a treatment is based on the severity of your symptoms, the extent to which they affect your daily life, and the presence of any other medical conditions. Treatment options include "watchful waiting," lifestyle changes, medication, or surgery. If you are over 60, you are more likely to have symptoms. But many men with an enlarged prostate have only minor symptoms. Self-care steps are often enough to make you feel better. If you have BPH, you should have a yearly exam to monitor the progression of your symptoms and determine if any changes in treatment are necessary. SELF-CARE For mild symptoms: Urinate when you first get the urge. Also, go to the bathroom when you have the chance, even if you don't feel a need to urinate. Avoid alcohol and caffeine, especially after dinner. Don't drink a lot of fluid all at once. Spread out fluids throughout the day. Avoid drinking fluids within 2 hours of bedtime. Try NOT to take over-the-counter cold and sinus medications that contain decongestants or antihistamines. These medications can increase BPH symptoms. Keep warm and exercise regularly. Cold weather and lack of physical activity may worsen symptoms. Learn and perform Kegel exercises (pelvic strengthening exercises). Reduce stress. Nervousness and tension can lead to more frequent urination. Finasteride lowers levels of hormones produced by the prostate, reduces the size of the prostate gland, increases urine flow rate, and decreases symptoms of BPH. It may take 3 to 6 months before you notice a significant improvement in your symptoms. Potential side effects related to use of finasteride include decreased sex drive and impotence. Alpha 1-Blockers (doxazosin, prazosin, tamsulosin, and terazosin) are a class of medications also used to treat high blood pressure. These medications relax the muscles of the bladder neck, allowing easier urination. Two thirds of the people treated with alpha 1-blocker medications report an improvement in symptoms. Antibiotics may be prescribed to treat chronic prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate), which may accompany BPH. Some men note relief of their BPH symptoms after a course of antibiotics. SAW PALMETTO Saw palmetto has been used by millions of men to ease BPH symptoms and is often recommended as an alternative to medication. Experts suggest a fat-soluble saw palmetto extract with 85-95% fatty acids and sterols. However, a well-conducted study published in the February 9, 2006 edition of the New England Journal of Medicine found that the popular herb was no better than a dummy pill in relieving the signs and symptoms of BPH. Further studies are needed. If you use saw palmetto and think it works, ask your doctor if you should still take it. SURGERY Prostate surgery may be recommended if you have: Incontinence Recurrent blood in the urine Urinary retention Recurrent urinary tract infections The choice of a specific surgical procedure is usually based on the severity of your symptoms and the size and shape of your prostate gland. Transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP): This is the most common surgical treatment for BPH. The TURP is performed by inserting a scope through the penis and removing the prostate piece by piece. Transurethral incision of the prostate (TUIP): This procedure is similar to TURP, but is usually performed in men who have a relatively small prostate. This procedure is usually performed as an outpatient without need for a hospital stay. Like the TURP, a scope is inserted through the penis until the prostate is reached. Then, rather than removal of the prostate, a small incision is made in the prostatic tissue to enlarge the opening of the urethra and bladder outlet. Open Prostatectomy: An open prostatectomy is usually performed using general or spinal anesthesia. An incision is made through the abdomen or perineal area (i.e., through the pelvic floor, including the region from the scrotum to the anus). Then, the prostate is removed. This is a lengthy procedure, and it usually requires a hospital stay of 5 to 10 days. The majority of men who have prostate surgery have improvement in urine flow rates and symptoms. Possible complications include impotence, urinary incontinence, retrograde ejaculation (semen flowing back into the bladder rather than out the penis), infertility, and urethral stricture (narrowing). Rates of these complications vary, depending on the surgical procedure that you and your doctor decide is best. Various other procedures are available, such as those that destroy prostate tissue with heat generated by microwaves or lasers. Photoselective vaporization of the prostate (PVP), one of the newer laser technologies, is typically done as an outpatient procedure. The patient goes home on the same day. However, there is no long-term data for this procedure. Robot-guided prostatectomy is another newer technique. However, the technology is not widely available, and surgeon experience should be taken into consideration. In addition, there are no long-term studies of this surgery. Another form of treatment is prostatic stents. Several national groups provide information on BPH. See BPH support groups. Men who have had long-standing BPH with a gradual increase in symptoms may develop: Sudden inability to urinate Urinary tract infections Urinary stones Damage to the kidneys Blood in the urine Even after surgical treatment, a recurrence of BPH may develop over time. Call your doctor right away if you have: Less urine than usual Fever or chills Back, side, or abdominal pain Blood or pus in your urine Also call your doctor if: Your bladder does not feel completely empty after you urinate You take medications that may cause urinary problems, like diuretics, antihistamines, antidepressants, or sedatives. DO NOT stop or adjust your medications on your own without talking to your doctor You have taken self-care measures for 2 months without relief
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 3:20 pm
Dearie, the only reason I haven't responded to this topic is cuz dh doesn't have those issues. Yet. They may eventually catch up to him, I have no idea. He is basically the strong silent type category too when it comes to medical issues. I only know something is bothering him medically when he asks me to make an apt for him with our family doc. Sometimes, conversely I can see he has a problem, stress gives him nosebleeds - and other symptoms. And I can't get him to go see the doc no matter how much I insist or plead. Most of the time, he's fairly sensible about needing to see the doctor, but he doesn't go running off to see him just for any random concern, as I probably would. ETA - When it comes to the flu-shot, he's the one nagging me to go. I hate it, but I go, with lots of prodding.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 3:41 pm
Cndeariso, I would help you if I could but I can't say I have had any problems to speak of yet. 57 is just around the corner for me but beyond not having the physical stamina I had ten years ago, I have nothing serious to complain about. I made the decision 25 years ago to leave a cushy office job and make my living by being outside all the time. It was for my mental health at first but I realize now, it also had a positive effect on my physical health. I rarely experience symptons of a cold or congestion. If I do, I push myself to a point where I perspire and make sure I increase my fluid intake. The symptons never develop into a full blown cold. I can't remember if I have ever had the flu but you have to remember I am not in an enclosed environment with a lot of people sharing the same air. I haven't experienced incontinence at this point but you might take note that I sleep through the night without having to get up and relieve myself prior to waking up in the morning. Whereas a few years back I could have been standing five feet from a urinal and never got a drop on the floor, I know better than to try that now. The flow and the shutoff valve must tend to wear out with use is all I am saying. Earlier this year I did experience a few weeks where I found myself waking up during the night and unable to go back to sleep right away. I would also wake up with a pillow wet from perspiration. My previous routine was to go to bed and be asleep within five minutes of putting my head on the pillow. I would sleep uninterrupted until minutes prior to the alarm going off. I started taking melatonin prior to going to bed and within a week or so I was back at my normal sleep pattern. I took the melatonin until the bottle was empty but I have yet to go pick up another bottle. I haven't had to visit a doctor in quite a few years but I have no problem in going if something is not working properly. I think a person can be in tune with the things that are going on in their body in the same way that you can tell something is not right with your auto. I am pretty sure that my testosterone level has been declining in the last few years but that may have been a blessing. When it gets to the point I want to go shopping for lace curtains, I will be looking into hormone replacement therapy.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 3:46 pm
thank you for your insight, glenn. i really do appreciate it. dh has hot flashes in the early evenings that just started a few months ago. i looked that up and it could be a sign that his testosterone levels have dropped - again. he will just be sitting there and break out into a sweat and claim he is very, very hot. it goes away after an hour or so. yet, i can't get him to go to the doctor about it. sounds to me with what has been posted and what i have found out on my own that dh may need to see his urologist sooner than december.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, October 29, 2006 - 10:34 pm
Glenn, I don't have a hot lead on lace curtains right now, but I did post somewhere earlier about a hot special on cute shower curtains if you are interested. Always willing to help out a fellow codger.
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Biscottiii
Member
05-29-2004
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 1:28 am
Was planning to go to bed but just popped in to see whazzup with fellow Boomers. So I'm just logging in to point out that THIS thread is totally open to the public, free for anyone on the internet to lurk. Much of what people say and are more open about their health or personal issues is posted in the Caring Place where one has to log in in order to read or contribute. Perhaps that leads to a misconception about whether posters are willing to discuss the details. Some threads require membership and others do not. Just wanted to say Kuddos to those who value their loved one's privacy and are careful about it!!!! Bisc
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 5:38 am
I didn't know there were open threads and membership only threads. I thought they were all open, but to post you had to be a member. How many are "members only"?
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 5:52 am
I thought that only the Member's Folders were not accessible unless you signed up here.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 5:58 am
i don't have any idea which folders can be 'seen' or not by outsiders. and, i don't really care. but, i also don't have a privacy issue. i didn't grow up in my mom's era where you didn't talk about sex, bodily functions or anything else that we do so freely today. so, i guess that is why i get so frustrated when that wall is suddenly thrown up in an open forum.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 6:22 am
Can we talk about farting in this thread? 
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 6:24 am
The Members area and the Community Corner are members only areas. Woa Cnd I think you're misconstruing what's been said about privacy. It has nothing to do with wanting to keep sexual or bodily function topics hush hush. It's about keeping your partner's privacy. No more no less.
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Monday, October 30, 2006 - 6:34 am
Oh Huk .. I think farting is absolutely "off limits". We may need to check with a moderator. LOL! Perfectly said Mocha .. it's about keeping our partner's privacy.
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