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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 9:21 am
Changing the world one favor at a time From the Web site of the Pay It Forward Movement Baby and I have been chatting and she suggested that I start a thread on "paying it forward". I think it's a great idea, too! I know we have the holiday gift exchange (where most of us "gift" good and charitable activities), and that many of us do many of these things throughout the year. This thread is to keep the "doing good" aspect throughout the year. It is NOT intended to be a place to come in and pat ourselves on our collective backs. But please come in and tell us what you've done, and what "pay it forward" was done (if you know). So... do something good for someone. When asked what he or she can do for you, say to "pay it forward" and do something good for someone else. We really CAN change the world, one favor at a time!!!
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 10:41 am
I certainly believe in this concept and in the practice of same. I love doing things for people "just because" and not having it have to be an exchange. An old example is that I was able to give to Pamy and Bill some items I had from my days of showing and breeding labradors. They were just sitting in my garage, and really I was just grateful that Bill had a van and a reason to be in my area to pick up Dylan and that they could actually use the equipment, pens, bowls, etc., And of course I know that Pamy and Bill have paid that backward and forward many times with the beautiful work they do when they take a mama dog or cat and a whole litter of little ones and feed, love and socialize them all. And also I see how Dylan is involved with those little kittens and puppies and know how much he's learning about life and death, loss and love and how this will help make him a good man.. so they are starting a chain of paying forward, right?
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 11:33 am
yes, and we use that stuff daily!! Today it is being used to keep our new foster mom and 9 pups on one side of the yard. Sea is an angel!! The other day we found a dog and instead of taking it to the pound we put up signs and the owners came and got it...we saved them about 75.00 in fees....we will never know if they payed it forward though...but the smile on the little girls face when she saw her dog was good enough for me
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 11:36 am
Isn't a smile the best payment ever?
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Shadoe
Member
11-04-2004
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 2:09 pm
I like to do things for people when they least expect it, or who least expect it of me. I like to give things to people just because and sort of feel let down if they attempt to 'pay me back'. What I get out of the giving - the knowledge that I have helped someone, made them happy - is payment enough. It's the normal things like holding doors open or giving up your seat that go a far distance these days. It's important to keep the saying 'give the shirt off his back' alive even if it's just a kind word.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 2:15 pm
yep it is, Sea!
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Slinkydog
Member
11-30-2005
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 3:17 pm
I had an experience last year that has stuck with me, and perhaps this is a good place to share it. Up until a few months ago there was a homeless shelter about a block from where I work. Where I park is right across the street from it. One morning, as I was walking from the lot to my office building, I was approaching a man heading in the other direction, toward the shelter. If one can tell by appearances, it appeared that he was probably one of the homeless. I wasn't trying to do anything special, but as we came close to each other, I looked at him, smiled and said, "Hi," as I usually do (being from the south). The man looked at me with the most beautiful blue eyes and said, simply, "Thank you!" That experience really touched me, and it also taught me that sometimes just little things that don't mean much to you might mean a great deal to someone else.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 3:53 pm
"Paying it forward" means doing something for someone else. <79> An example of paying it forward: 1. Someone needs something. 2. You offer to do it or get it. 3. The person offers to pay for it. 4. Instead of accepting payment, ask the person to "pay it forward." Do something for someone else. 5. Presumably, that person will continue the chain, and pay it forward to someone else. I think it's great that we are all such great people, but I wanted to be sure you all understood what "paying it forward" means.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 4:24 pm
Hi all, I didn't want you all, especially Costa, to feel like I didn't want to be a part of this terrific thread because I do! It's very important to me! And I didn't want Costa to think I didn't appreciate her efforts because I totally do! I have some days where it is almost impossible for me to get on the internet because of physical problems and today is one of those days! I felt like I needed to post this so people would'nt feel like I didn't care. So, just as soon as possible, I shall be back and post my thoughts on this wonderful idea of "Pay It Forward" and how it has helped me, personally! Thanks and Costa, I shall return!
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Karen
Member
09-07-2004
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 4:53 pm
My mother is the best example I can think of of "paying it forward". When I was in my teens, Mom was diagnosed with a mental illness. Four about four years, she spent more nights in the hospital than she did at home. Save for us kids, she lost everything -- her job, her house, her husband, her dignity. Everything. The lawyers and doctors all treated her like a child. Without asking or explaining they would put her on different medication, send her to different therapists, you name it. She was like putty in their hands, and none of it was helping her. Finally, the Ministry assigned her a Community Support Worker. She was nothing special -- she didn't talk to Mom too much about her problems, she didn't dispense pills, didn't tell Mom who to blame or how to cope. She was just a friend. She'd come by two or three times a week, and take Mom our for coffee. Take her shopping. They'd go see a movie. And woulnd't you know it? Mom's condition started to improve. She stopped having 'episodes' as often. She'd be cohesive more often than not. No doctor's degree, no drugs, just good old fashioned human interaction. My mother's illness stemmed from a lifetime of abuse at the hands of those she was supposed to be able to trust, and this woman, Marg, completely restored my Mom's faith in people. Even more so, however, Marg completely changed Mom's life. Once Mom had been "episode-free" for about two or three years, she made the biggest decision of her life -- she went back to school. At 51, after ten years of being told she was nothing more than a person with a mental illness, she returned to university and is now, you guessed it, a Community Support Worker. She now helps people handle the same situations she found herself in all those years ago. I often think about Marg and wonder if she knows how truly inspirational she was, and how influential she was in Mom's transition.
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Karen
Member
09-07-2004
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 6:59 pm
It's the normal things like holding doors open or giving up your seat that go a far distance these days. The truth in this sentence saddened me when I read that, Shadoe. When did we stop caring? I just realized, further to my post above, that I have a pic of Mom and I at her graduation in my profile, that's how proud of her I am, to include that moment in my profile. I actually told Mom I couldn't get the time off work to come, then took the midnight bus the night before and had my sister sneak me in the backdoor at 6:00am. The look on Mom's face when she came downstairs on the morning of her graduation day to find me with a cuppa Joe for her was priceless. Ok, totally off topic, I know... sorry!
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 7:09 pm
wow, karen!! that is a wonderful story and kudos to both marg and your mother. wow... if i'm in a store and people are short of money and are going to choose an item to put back, i will tell the clerk i will pay the shortage. i was in a restaurant and a lady came in to pick up a large order for herself and her co-workers. she was 5 dollars short. she realized she had left some money on her desk at work. she was going to put her order back or go back to her jobsite and get more money. the restaurant took cash only. i told her not to worry about it and i would pay it. maybe a month later, i went into the bank where it turned out that lady worked. i had to deposit a check for my dd. all of a sudden all these people come up and tell me how the lady came back from the restaurant and told them about a gal who had picked up the cost difference. i guess she described me and people knew who she meant! anyway, they all started telling me how they had done things for others after i had done that for them. i was amazed because it was nothing i did but allow that woman to have her lunch or not lose time by having to use her lunch hour to go find more money, etc. well, it turns out that all 5 or 6 gals had done something for someone else. and maybe all of those people did something for someone else... i never thought of pay if forward when i offered to pay the money. it's just me. another time, a lady had locked herself out of her truck. it was an old truck and her husband had told her where to find the spare in a magnetic keybox when she called him. he was home sick and had 3 sick kids under the age of 5 home with him. well, i came out to my car and this poor gal had a cart full of stuff and she was crawling around under this old, old truck looking for the magnetic keyholder. she told me what had happened and i loaded her and the groceries into my car drove her home, and took her back to get the truck with a spare key her dh had on his keychain. i have been to garage sales where people bought things bigger than their vehicles would hold and i always offer to put the items in my vehicle, if i had the big one. i drove a dresser to one couple's house and they lived 12 miles each way from here. they were amazed when i wouldn't take gas money. i love doing for others. actually, i get embarrassed if people do for me, and i'd much rather be the 'giver'. getting something unexpected is almost like a surprise birthday party for me! i'd rather be hosting than starring 
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Ginger1218
Member
08-31-2001
| Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 7:49 pm
Well, I have had some very wonderful people (many of whom I have never met) do some pretty wonderful things for me. Two years ago after the fire in my apartment building, Costa and many many other people from TVCH went above and beyond for me. Knowing that I lost pretty much everything, I received donations, and Costa and Zmom went shopping in San Diego for me. I still continue to be touched by how incredible the people here are. I have tried to do what I can to pay it forward. I have been working and having fundraisers for the Red Cross. I also have friends who have Multiple Sclerosis, I also work very closely with the MS Society, I also collect winter coats for the poor from my office, and work with an organization that gives Christmas presents to children who write to the Post Office to Santa Claus. I was never overly charitable throughout my life - but after seeing what other people do, I felt I have to contribute. So, I pay it forward.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 6:35 am
Goodness, has it been two years, Ginger? Yikes! I remember that fire, and how devastated you were. And how much fun Zmom and I had shopping for stuff for you -- using donations from people here -- so that you would start to feel like you had a home again! (Even sneaking in a trinket from San Diego, to make you smile! Hehehe!)
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 6:51 am
I couldn't for the life of me figure out what "pay it forward" meant, as it was being sketched out earlier in the Baby Boomers thread. What a great concept! It reminds me of Chicken Soup for the Soul, those types of books. I've been carrying that tape from the library around with me, pop it in, listen to one positive story (during a commercial or before work or whenever), pop it out, and think about it.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 6:55 am
I think doing things for others comes easily as a child and then for some reason we lose that ability or talent or gift. I remember in elementary school?, a teacher dropped her papers, I leaped up and got them for her, and then she embarassed the heck out of me in front of the class, saying what a perfect gentleman I was and so forth. After THAT I vowed never to be helpful again! I think it's time to get over that embarassment and be an adult...and give back...
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Monday, February 27, 2006 - 11:16 pm
My opportunities to Pay It Forward have been small. A few times, people have been here on TVCH requesting tapes of a show they missed, or knew they were going to miss. So I offered to tape the show, and later sent them the video (that reminds me, I still owe someone a tape! I just haven't made it to the Post Office). Each time the person I sent the tapes to has of course asked to let them know the cost of tapes, postage, etc so they could reimburse me. Each time I told them to just Pay It Forward sometime. Really the cost of a tape, or even postage is no big deal. The worst part for me (as evidenced by the poor person I owe a tape to) is figuring out how to get over to the post office! LOL. I even sent a tape to someone on a figure skating board a year or so ago. I can't even remember now what tape it was! And it was someone I'd never interacted with on the board before, and haven't since. But I told her the same thing. Pay It Forward.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 5:10 am
At work we are collecting snacks, stationary, personal items, etc to send to a co-worker's son who is deployed to Iraq for the first time. He then will PIF by giving the stuff out to his friends and fellow soldiers...then they will PIF by serving their country
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 6:50 am
Off topic but... Whoami, have you thought of doing the USPS.com thing? Although the cheapest way to send anything using their click 'n ship method is priority mail -- meaning it's $3-4 to send a tape -- it can sometimes be worth it. You sign up, then log in and enter the shipping info. You can then print out a mailing label that includes postage. All you have to do then is tape it to the package and plop it in or near your mail box. You can also order postal supplies from USPS.com, including priority mail boxes, envelops, tape, and stickers. Just a thought... it's a bit more expensive, but I figure my time is worth it! 
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Tuesday, February 28, 2006 - 2:41 pm
Good idea Costa! My main problem this time around is I don't have a mailer to put the cassette in. I keep forgetting to pick one up at the store.
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Pamznic
Member
03-01-2006
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 4:17 am
I must admit that I pay it forward all the time. I just started journalizing recently to remember all the increadible things I've done and witnessed and so forth. My first entry goes like this. It took place while I was on one of many grocery shopping outting when I lived in Reno, Nv. I was walking up and down the Isles (SP?) at a very large grocery store called (WinCo I beleive.) when this older woman came up to me and asked if I could direct her to where the palmetos(SP?) were. I told her my guess would be by the pickles. So I drove my cart and hers over to the condiments island and shoot, shoot. There weren't any container be it bottle, can what have you, none. So we parted ways. So this things just stuck in my crawl and I was determined to find this nice older women her palmentos. I proceeded to do my shopping when out of the blue I found palmentos in three diffrent sizes. I left my shopping cart, grabbed one of each size (palmentos) then I grabbed my daughters hand and and we ran through the store. Panting at this point I found the nice women. She was so supprised she kissed both my checks and told me I was the sweetist person in the world . That happened about 4 years go. I suppose I will try and tell a payit forward story a coulpe times a month. I'm taking a nap after that HaHa Regard, Pam.
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Dolphinschild
Member
06-22-2006
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:07 pm
Oh Karen I loved your Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 4:55 pm . Your story is so true in many ways. People don't realise that it just takes one smile to change a person's whole life. I myself who is PTSD (mental health) can totally understand the whole thing. I went 18 years untreated and was told I was seeking attention, or a hypocondriac. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't find anyone who would listen and if they did,they didn't know what to do for me or give me a name what was wrong with me. I went back to college myself at 36 yrs old a single mother of two daughters and it was there that I was blessed. I have always payed it forward, but hardly ever saw any return of my efforts. It never bothered me though, because I knew when I needed it the most it would come. My family and friends get mad at me because they say I give more then I recieve, but I tell them that it is ok, maybe it was saving up for when I was old lol. Well one day a woman came up to me in class and asked to talk to me. She said I have noticed your in two of my classes, would you like to have lunch. So we did. She took the time to get to know me and she said I had a purpose to get you to have lunch with me that day. I asked her why. She said the first day of class I spotted you instanty and I felt I needed to help you. I asked her what she meant. She said, have your heard of PTSD? I told her no and she explained it to me. She said that day I walked into the first class we had together, she said that girl is PTSD. She said she spotted it instanty and she knew I had to be a Veteran too. She saved my life that day and changed my whole life. I suffered from severe insomnia (20 hours of sleep a week if I was lucky), depression etc. Her and her husband helped me understand it all, and who to go too to get the help I needed. Her husband was a Veteran too, so they helped me with all my VA stuff and helped me meet the right people in the VA. It was then that I started to do the same by doing outreach with Veteran's and their families and non vets. I have helped a lot people file their claims, I have gone to appointments for support with them etc. Even though I am not able to work anymore because I am 100% disabled, I did continue to go to college and I graduated 3 years ago from the university and I got my Bachelors degree. I do use my education and my mental health work and all the stuff I have read for my ourteach. Your mother's story is an insperation! Thank you again for sharing it.
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Karen
Member
09-07-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:57 pm
Thanks for the kind words, Dolphin, and for sharing your story. If there's anything my past taught me, it's that anyone, from any walk of life and past experience, can be suffering the most horrible internal battles while showing no signs of suffering on the outside, and that it will eventually break you. I applaud you for surviving the battles you have faced. Before she got sick, Mom worked at my high school as a one-on-one assistant with mentally challenged kids (mostly fetal alcohol, autism, Down's, and severe ADD + ADHD). The irony is not lost on any of us that it was the school district that shunned her when they learned of her MPD (mulitple personality disorder). As I mentioned in my earlier post, losing her job was only the beginning. Details don't really matter -- it's really just a four-year blur of lawyers and doctors and social workers and court cases; my bro and I would mark the levels on the brandy bottle, police would find her in the park in the middle of the night, sleeping pills in hand; my nine year old sister was sent to foster care and then to the psych ward at BC Children's hospital... nothing too out of the ordinary, LOL. None of that really matters now. My mother just bought a five bedroom house, where she has two wards of the government living with her as she guides them into independent living. One is 20, the other is 50+. It's no surprise that my baby sister, now 21, is a week away from graduating from the same Community Support program that Mom went through. I remember so many nights of promising Mom that there was so much more, that things would get better, and assuring her that it was OK to accept the help she was being offered; someday she'd have the resources to pay it forward. And lookit her now. Thanks, Dolphin. And welcome to the Clubhouse. You'll get along mighty fine here.
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Dolphinschild
Member
06-22-2006
| Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 9:04 pm
Hi Karen, I just noticed your post, sorry it took me so long to respond. Thank you also for the warm welcome. Yes the demons we face and internal battles that we can go through and people have no clue is amazing. Some of us are more introverts, whereas others are extroverts. I am so glad you all got through it and your Mom has been able to "find life after the darkness" too. I have been working on how I want to write my book and what I want to say in my book for the last 12 years and I think I might have it together, to be able to at least start it now. I believe it took so long, because my job of what I needed to go through wasn't done yet, I had much I needed to do, to be able to write about it. I know I will always have stuff to learn, but right now I think I am able to go into a new chapter of my life, and writing this book is the beginning of that chapter. If nothing else, at least I will be able to leave it for my children and grandchildren. My mother is bi-polar and I remembering surviving her suicide attemp episodes, but my mother would never get help. She said I am her insperation, and I help her see life differently now. Maybe me surviving her episodes, helped me survive the Navy. Thank you for sharing your story too. It isn't easy living with someone who has mental health issues. I applaude your strength too. (((HUGS)))
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Azriel
Member
08-01-2000
| Friday, June 30, 2006 - 4:43 am
Isn't a smile the best payment ever? I had read an article about a woman in a wheelchair and she said that when she was in a public place in her wheelchair that people just walked by her without giving eye-contact like she wasn't even there. She said that it made her feel like she was nothing. A few days later I was in the mall shopping with my husband and I saw a man in a wheelchair. He just had a blank expression on his face and I saw that people were just passing him by without even looking down at him. As we got close to him I looked him full in the face, smiled and just mouthed the word, 'Hi'. Even now, I can't help but get a little emotional thinking about the way his face just lit up as he smiled back at me. After we passed by him my husband said, "Uh, did you see that guy in the wheelchair back there looking and smiling at you?" I explained to him what happened and my husband shook his head and said, "Who would have thought a simple smile could mean so much to a person?" I'll never forget it because I don't want to pass by anyone and make them feel like they are nothing.
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