Author |
Message |
Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:13 am
Biloxi: I do the same thing!
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Spygirl
Board Administrator
04-23-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:13 am
I'm sensing you all are making this a bigger deal that it may be The point is, if you are invited - and choose to attend - a big, high end wedding and you offer a $20 gift to the couple, it could be perceived an insult. I'm just saying. You are getting a free meal, likely free drinks (open bar), and free entertainment. <shrug> It just is what it is. Biloxibelle, no, the couple doesn't give the parents the gifts or cash. The wedding is the gift from the parents. In other words, the bigger the wedding the parents give, the bigger the gifts to the couple to start their lives together. Texannie, when I go to a party at anyone's house, I always bring a hostess gift.
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:16 am
And hostess gifts are in order when you spend a weekend with someone, too.
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:19 am
Spy, your post above reminded me of the Corning Ware we received as gifts. My mom clearly loved the stuff so we handed her some too. That memory made me smile. ETA: Heck, I didn't even know how to cook soup at the time, anyway.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:21 am
Nah Spy not really, just trying to understand something that sounds totally bizarre and tacky to me and it's something that I've never heard of until today when Jb mentioned it.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:24 am
I am truly stunned. I have never given a gift based on how much was spent by the hosts of any party I have attended. Based on the hostess gift concept, do you bring a nicer gift if I am cooking beef tenderloin rather than hamburgers? What if I am having 100 people to my house, but am not having open bar but serving margaritas instead? thinking back on my wedding. it was a huge lavish affair, open bar, beef tenderloin, shrimp, lobster for 400 but as a buffet and at my parents' home. my mother organized the whole thing and was a master at finding deals and saving money. should I have gotten gifts based on what she spent or what it would have cost if she had paid for someone else to do the work? I am truly having trouble understanding this concept. Maybe because down here most of our receptions are buffets and not seated dinners????
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:25 am
Ok so I did a google search on wedding gift etiquette: Gift registries are useful, but by no means mandatory. It is considered presumptuous to list wedding registries in your invitations. Guests who wish to find out where the couple might be registered should ask someone in the wedding party, a family member, or other people who are helping out with the planning. In other words, you rely on word of mouth rather than telling your guests directly where they might find a gift for you. Completing a registry can be helpful, but guests should not feel they must purchase something from your registry. Some people may still prefer the element of surprise when giving a gift, or might have something personal in mind to give to the couple. Contrary to popular belief, there is no calculable amount of money each person attending a wedding should spend on a wedding gift. It is not the amount of money spent on the reception divided by the number of guests. A gift should be a token of affection, and is not intended to pay for the wedding. However, to not send a gift altogether is in poor taste. A wedding invitation carries with it an obligation to send a gift, even if you cannot attend the actual wedding. Depending on your relationship with the couple, the gift can be small, or something more substantial. When sending out invitations, keep in mind that guests who are invited may feel the need to send a gift whether or not they can attend. So it might be a good idea to send just wedding announcements to those who live far away and may not be able to make it. If for some reason the wedding is cancelled, it is absolutely necessary to return the gifts.
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Spygirl
Board Administrator
04-23-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:27 am
We can all agree that no gift is rude, and I realize not everyone would agree about the amount one should spend and the shades of rudeness interpreted beyond that! LOL Texannie, you are assuming that I agree with the information I presented. I've just given you the culture as I have been aware of it, not my feelings on it. As for the hostess gift/party thing...if I am going to a BBQ with hotdogs and hamburgers, I bring a certain type of hostess gift. If I am invited to a dinner party, where I'll be dressing up and be served something that my hostess has likely spent a lot of money and time on, I bring a different type of gift. That's just me, though.
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Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:31 am
LOL yes it was Herck. Of course since I am no longer bride material but a parent I had to ask . Funny this topic just came up. Yesterday I received an announcement in the mail. My sons best friend was to be married Nov 11, 2005. The hurricane took care of that for them. They ended up flying to St. Lucia and were married Nov 14, 2005. It came with the original invitation, along with the announcememnt, and a lovely picture of them. I had alredy decided to send them a check. Oh I also always bring a hostess gift. Along with all the other manners my mom instilled in me. Such as hand written thank you notes, dressing for travel, meetings, interviews, church, RSVPing, being on time and so on.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:34 am
I think a hostess gift depends on the friend, too. We have good friends who just have us bring a dish (usually dessert). We do the same with them, too. They can bring whatever they want with the meal when it's at our house.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:46 am
Geesh, I feel badly that I told you what I was always taught. I hardly think my mother would suggest something "tacky," but I'll let her know. She needs to be put in her place once in awhile anyways. 
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:48 am
lol
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:50 am
I was told that wedding registry info should be placed in the shower invitation, not the wedding invitation.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:52 am
Sorry Mom...

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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 8:57 am
Since the bridal shower is given by someone other than the bride, I think it is fine to include registry info with that invitation (not the wedding, of course--an etiquette no-no). It sure makes it easier for the attendees--saves them from phonecalls, etc.
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Meme9
Member
07-30-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:00 am
Wedding guest should never be invited based on dollar amounts of gift or money. Invitations should go to close family and friends that you really want to share the day with. Well, yes you still have to invite old crazy Uncle or Aunt so so. Sometimes that just adds to the celebration. I was told point blank from DD's future MIL they wouldn't be paying anything on the wedding. I thought that was rude seeing as I hadn't asked her to. I said that's fine. She then told me it's her son's wedding too, and that he wanted to make choices in all the decisions. I said that's fine. Later that same day, I hear something about a fountain wedding cake, and cumberbum. (ewwwwww)I ignored it. Sometime later, the wedding was brought up again(by her), at this point I said, as far as I'm concerned they could get married at a justice of the peace. They would be just as married and the wedding thingy isn't that important to me. I was willing to give the couple what we would spend on the wedding(she could use it to pay college loans). At this point she finally stop when she saw I really didn't care. We are the brides parent and we will pay for what our DD wants(just not for tacky) because we love our daughter and want her to have a celebration in honor of her marriage. The gifts go to the couple, we get the bills...lol.
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:01 am
HUK!!! 
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:04 am
What? I can't get her to listen to me otherwise!
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:04 am
i have never until today heard about basing a gift on the cost of the reception. never. and, i had plenty of folks come to my wedding reception that did NOT bring a gift. so, what? they were invited to share a special time in my life not feel forced to pay for the party thrown in my honor. it's just my opinion.
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:14 am
C'mere, Huk.

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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:23 am
How would you know what the wedding/reception cost before the actual reception? How would you know what kind of affair it was ahead of time. IMO, while gifts are customary, they are not mandatory, and lack of a gift should not be insulting. It is the honour of your presence to share in the joy of the union that is the gift, and as a thank you, the reception of the bride and groom as one where they give back for you making their special day even more special. something given or purchased is just that much more of a bonus.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:31 am
Meme, glad I have boys lol. Just tell me when and where to show up and what color to wear.
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:41 am
Oy....I have two girls.
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Meme9
Member
07-30-2001
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:48 am
lol Mocha. I've got a son too, but for some reason I don't think I'll get by with the 'just tell me when and where to show up'. Although, I've been shown a way to handle it. hehe Escapee... my thoughts are with you. ;)
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Friday, June 23, 2006 - 9:51 am
Meme, the nerve of that mil! I hope she isn't a problem for your daughter. There's nothing worse than a pita mil. (trust me)
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