Author |
Message |
Missy2
Member
07-31-2001
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 4:02 am
I'm starting a new job tomorrow. Working a field that I've only worked in thru freelance - and I'm self taught. I want to return to college to earn my degree in this field and I plan to in JANUARY. Anyway, I suffer from social anxiety, anticipatory anxiety, and adjustment anxiety. My work track record has been poor so far. I usually freak out on the job and just LEAVE. Quiting always seems better than failing. I know, its not because at the end of the day I don't feel good about being unreliable! I'm nervous about starting this job. I'm filled with a lot of self doubt. Questioning, etc. I'm not going to go list my worries because I will NOT GIVE them more time than they deserve. They mentioned in my welcome letter to take PLENTY of notes - UGH - that gives me anxiety right there. I'm horrible at figuring out what to right and how to take good & effective notes. Please list anything you think would be helpful to me as a new employee. How do you handle the stress? What did you do that made it a little easier for you? Any advice would be APPRECIATED - thank you!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:08 am
Missy, congratulations!! Just go in there and realize that everyone is nervous their first day. You aren't alone! You worked hard to be there and go there with that idea! * As to note taking, just try to write the important information. (key words) I think it's also more important to try and listen. The notes you take are more for memory later. I sometimes find that note taking can distract me from something more important being said. So, I just jot a few things for my information later. * Find someone with a friendly face and sit by them. It helps! * Try to put a smile on your face (not fake). It makes you more friendly, too. Good luck with your new job!
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:35 am
Congratulations Missy. Keep in mind that most people are very nice to the "new guy", so you will have that going for you for at least the first few weeks. Deep breaths and one hour at a time... Don't overthink the note taking. Just keep focused on what is being said and write down what you can. Stay close to the people who are smiling at you or who are friendly (if you can). They may turn out to be your best support system. When you doubt yourself, just think about how far you've come and about how you don't want your success to end. Also, if you haven't already been to a doctor, see if you can see one soon. Maybe a little lexapro or something will soothe your nerves just enough for you to settle down and concentrate on the work instead of the nerves. Good luck and please keep us updated!!!
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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:43 am
Missy, good luck with your new job. I'm sorry about your anxiety. Anxiety can be pretty debilitating. We need to get Adven or Spygirl in here with some hardcore advice on how to handle such a situation. I'm sure they both have tons of experience with such situations. I've had anxiety attacks before. I hate to give advice because I don't think what works for one person may work for the other. And I don't know if you actually have attacks or if you just have the general feelings of anxiety. One thing I have had to work on in the past is breaking things down into manageable increments. I am a school librarian and when I started back to work in August for the new school year, I had some bad anxiety. I was looking at the year ahead as a whole and feeling like I was overwhelmed with all I have to do. I had to remind myself that everything doesn't come at once and to get through things day by day and do the best job I can for that day. As far as note-taking, don't put any pressure on yourself to take "perfect" notes. You can always ask questions later. People are usually more than happy to share their knowledge and experience and you will probably get a sense of which ones are better to approach. You will be fine! Breathe!
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:47 am
Good luck Missy and just take things slow and easy. I'm sure Adven and Spy can give you some good advice or at least a place to start.
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Justavice
Member
11-22-2005
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 6:51 am
Some things that I have found to be helpful are: 1. Finding at least one person (usually someone who was hired right before you) who is also learning the ropes and can give you practical advice that is current. 2. Use feedback from your supervisor to dictate how anxious you feel. Often, I have felt I was doing the worst job and soon would be found out. Only to check in with my boss and find that they were pleased with my performance. Hopefully the position allows you regular meeting times with your boss to ask questions like, "Am I meeting your expectations as I am learning my new position?" or, "What areas do feel I am doing particularly well in and what areas do think I might try to focus on a little more?". The response you get will often ease a lot of the anxiety of the unknown and guessing. 3. Most important- If you find yourself dreading going in to work and obsessing about it after you leave, often into the night, pick a point on your commute home from work to stop thinking about work. Allow a little time to process the day, but then force yourself to stop and think about the other parts of your life knowing you can pick up the worry again at a later time. Then find a time in the morning where you are allowed to think about work again, maybe it's the shower, maybe it's once you walk out the door, etc. This technique obviously is difficult to do all the time, but sometimes giving yourself this permission alleviates a little bit of the anxiety so it is not so overwhelming.
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Adven
Member
02-06-2001
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 9:00 am
Picture everyone naked. It's what I do and I don't even have anxiety problems. I have no idea how problematic your anxieties are, so I can't comment specifically. The fact you have taken the job would indicate you feel you can manage them. Anxiety disorders are also obsessive disorders and, as such, tend to become overwhelming because our mind races, we can't turn the problem "off" and we wear ourselves into a frazzle thinking about them. Try to remember that your fears and anxiety make the imagined possibilites much worse than the reality. You are focused on you and acutely aware of every little thing you do, but nobody else is. They have their own issues. Remember that like it's a mantra. Your insecurities are only an issue to you. Anticipate that the anxieties will be there, but don't give them more life than they deserve. You can cope with them - you've been doing it your entire life - and each day will become easier and more comfortable. The first day on the job is always the worst. 8 measily hours and then it gets progressively easier. Relax, get tough and tell yourself you are not going to get beaten by your own imagination.
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Wapland
Member
08-01-2000
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 9:05 am
Good luck Missy and thanks Adven. I learned some thing from your supportive post to Missy. Thanks Fondly, Wappy
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Kaykay
Member
01-21-2004
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 9:55 am
best of luck Missy I have been job hunting for a while now - so, feel good, be strong and don't forget the "Miss America smile" when things get funky!!!! rock on and i HOPE to have something soon or i will need ideas how to decorate a cardboard box.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 9:58 am
Missy similar to you, in '93 I went from freelancing and temping for agencies, to a long-term contract at a major international computer company (2 years! for me, an eternity.) I was so thrilled but I was absolutely terrified. I know I have a ton of excellent qualities, kind, bright, think outside the box and willing to share ideas, experience, etc. But all I could see were my self-defeating qualities, like being a bubbly chatterbox, not being particularly intuitive who to befriend and confide in (which ALWAYS bites me on the ass.) And health issues galore. Anyhow, although it was the hardest challenge of my career, (there were many times I wanted to quit) it was also the most rewarding, I discovered that I had a positive personality and excellent skills that over the long run, were substantial. The worst part for me was that the gal I worked side by side with was the polar oposite of me, sour as sour could be, a real complainer, and downer. And she never adapted easily to change. We used to be isolated from the rest of the dept, and I was hurt, but one night a popular gal in the dept, came to me, and told me that they avoided us only because of her negativity, but that everyone appreciated my sunny dispposition, my zest for life, and appologised if I felt hurt or left out. It just took everone a LONG time to realize that we were not one entity and that if she was sour and nobody wanted to be near her, that shouldn't reflect on me. Eventually I had lunch pals, and was invited to a coworkers wedding even after my contract was up, AND while they cut her contract short by two weeks they extended my contract by 2 MONTHS! Her sendoff party was so lame... they folded it into a meeting we had scheduled anyways, so the dept had to be there, and she only go the basic presents, a minimal gift certificate, etc. I was shocked when it was my turn, they took me out to my fave restaurant, when we got back there was a cake, tons of presents, And a nicer gift certificate! Yes, I was moved to tears... And made such a speech, that they finally said, shut up already, its time for cake. LOL. I'm in tears as I remember and write this. Don't get me wrong. It was not the easiest job in the world, and I came home day after day complaining to dh about that horrible gal, and my horrible supervisor, who ended up being quite a nice lady after a while, even though I almost quit because of how she originally treated me. I went in tears to the agency rep who had to cajole me not to quit. I ended up getting an emailed appology from my supervisor! (Again, fallout from working with the other gal.) Eventually my supervisor and I bonded in the early mornings, before ms. sourpuss arrived, we would have tea and chat, mostly comiserating about the other gal. My supervisor really wasn't quite the ogre she tried to be. Not sure of my point other than to say that I miss it and relive (the good days) over and over in my head. The dept was disolved shortly after I left... and so its not there to return to. As for the notetaking... I have comprehension and shortterm memory probs... so I can relate to your anxiety about it. Ask if you can bring a taperecorder. Probably not, but at least ask. Don't make a big deal of it, just say that way you can focus more on the overall meeting rather than the details. Otherwise, write things up in point form. If like me, you have the world's worst handwriting, then type your notes quickly before you forget what they say. LOL. And remember, they CHOSE YOU out of all the people that they interviewed. Sure, there's probably somebody waiting in the wings who came in second for the job. BUT THEY PICKED YOU! So go in knowing that you want this job, they want you, and its all going to be fine. But with ANY relationship it will have its challenges. HOW you handle them is what they will watch for, not the actual problem. (Trust me!) People who don't get all bent out of shape, and SEEM to let thinks roll off their back, who are personable, and who participate go the farthest, cuz those are the people that people want to be around. Second comes the people who are quiet, unobtrusive, nose to the grindstone, who crank out their work without bothering anyone. SO keep a low profile (I am chronically unable to do that. sigh) or be a pleasant person to be around. You can be a terrific worker, but how you fit in is actually more important. What I learned is that there are tons of people with the same experience, but there's only one you, and they are looking forward to working with YOU, keep 'em thinking that. Mistakes will happen on the job, I guarantee it. HOW you deal with it, is what counts. DO NOT be defensive like my co-worker always was, and point fingers everywhere else. A quick oops, I'm so sorry, I'll fix it and get back to you pronto, goes alot farther. As usual I've blabbed too much, but hope SOME of this is of some help. Hugs. Best of luck Missy. Keep us posted. Although I'm sure you'll be fine, it will be nice if you check in with us. Eveyone is timid on their first day/week... its normal.
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Ketchuplover
Member
08-30-2000
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 10:16 am
(((((missy2)))))
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Missy2
Member
07-31-2001
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 11:20 am
thank you so much everyone - I really appreciate your support and kind words - they mean MORE than I could ever express.\ i actually called my counselor today and she tried to talk me off the ledge of anxiety and obsessiveness, thank goodness for her. UGH. I can be so hard on myself. I'm terrified about tomorrow.
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Kaykay
Member
01-21-2004
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 11:24 am
you are in my thoughts and prayers...... {{{{{{missy2}}}}}}}}
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 11:54 am
Missy2, you said in your initial posting that you have already done this job on a freelance, self-taught basis. As far as taking notes go, try to concern yourself with only taking notes if they are different, procedurally, from what you have done while you were freelancing. Hang in there. Take a half hour at a time, or whatever works for you. You can do it!!!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 3:27 pm
I used to be horrible at taking notes. Then I tried a different approach: Tape recorder, ask tons of questions. TONS, even if they are stupid. Then from there, go home, replay the tape and write a procedure list of each task, then take it with you to work. This will serve as your notes.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, October 16, 2006 - 5:06 pm
Congratulations Missy! You have much to be proud of. Self taught means that you saw something that interested you and you pursued it. That's much the same thing you do when you get a degree, except then someone else directs your studies. Let that be something that you take great pride in and hang on to the knowledge that that sort of willpower will take you through anything. I think a lot, if not most, people have social anxiety to some degree. One thing that helps is to look out for a kindred spirit.... sometimes you reaching out to someone else will give you a boost of confidence. And that reaching out doesn't have to be anything major....lots of friendships and supportive relationships start with a smile and the word "Hi." Sometimes if you look at the worst thing that you can imagine happening, you realize it's not worth being anxious over. You mentioned the possibility of being fired, but so what? Will that matter in the long term? Generally if you go in there and give it your best shot, it is not going to happen. But if it does....and you have hung in there and not quit first....wouldn't that be an accomplishment for you? Give yourself small goals and celebrate when you meet them. It's normal to be nervous going into a new environment and anxious about doing a good job. When you have to go through training, sometimes it is excruciating. I just started a new job in March, and there were times when I said to myself "What have I done?" Emotionally it can be a roller coaster. But now I feel very much at home and like part of the team. I enjoy the people I work with and consider them friends. I wouldn't have found that if I would have let myself quit on those days I hated it and just wanted to go home! So hang in there and know that a lot of us will be cheering you on. You're going to be fine!
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 1:07 pm
Your first day is OVER! You can now exhale. 
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Gilda
Member
08-21-2006
| Tuesday, October 17, 2006 - 2:07 pm
Mameblanche, I am so impressed by what you wrote...you were so right on!!!! I also have comprehension problems and have anxiety when it comes to work.... I really believe its not so much us but how the work environment affects us and our past experiences on the work front. Supervisors, managers and other employees already working at the job site are ready to quickly judge us newcomers....they want us to learn and comprehend at their level and pace...and usually show you several things at once..not realizing that you are new and even the little things on the job seem foreign..also at the same time while you are learning you require time to adjust to your new surroundings. I dont feel that employers etc are that understanding in general and don't realize that people learn differently and at a different pace...employers are not afraid to tell you how slow they think you are working....as recently told to me by my friend who just got a part-time job.... A slower worker at the beginning could turn out to be a wonderful, dedicated employee who performs the job duties extremely well.
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Jasper
Member
09-14-2000
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 7:06 am
Hi Missy and congratulations. Hope all went well for you yesterday. I must say that considering your anxiety, applying for and interviewing for a position outside your comfort zone is huge and I applaud you. Any venture into a new area is both anxiety inducing and exhilarating and I hope you do well.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 8:52 am
Thanks Gilda! 
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Missy2
Member
07-31-2001
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 11:07 am
Everybody was so positive & supportive I really do appreciate it. And I hate to come here and say this...it's embarrassing. But I bailed. I was so stricken with fear and had myself so in a tizzy about it...it just seemed wrong The interview went so bad - I was afraid what the first day would bring... now I will NEVER know. So I backed out of the GREAT job offer at the last minute. I contacted my counselor. I'm considering going on medication. I feel like I'm trapped in my fear I'm so embarrassed.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 11:31 am
(((Missy)))
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Jasper
Member
09-14-2000
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 11:36 am
Please don't be embarassed. Big hugs to you.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 11:40 am
Awwww, Missy! You say that you're embarrassed, but please, please, please, don't beat yourself up with concern for what anyone here would think! Only YOU live with what you feel, and if you were afraid, and now you're going to find a way to talk it through with a professional, how could we feel anything but compassion? It's o.k. what you did, and you will survive this. Hang in there, and keep coming back here whenever you want to talk with us! I wish I could help you somehow, I really do. Take care of yourself and let's look towards tomorrow!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 12:29 pm
((Missy)) We're on your side!
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Wednesday, October 18, 2006 - 4:25 pm
I agree Missy, we are on your side and cheering you on regardless! And you know, you may not have been able to go through with the job at this moment, but you wasted no time in trying to do something about it. That's positive action and all you can ask for yourself. Pat yourself on the back for that! Hang in there. There will be other jobs and when they come around we will again be wishing you well!
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