Author |
Message |
Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Sunday, November 19, 2006 - 5:04 am
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: 1. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. 2. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea. 3. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. 4. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. 5. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. 6. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table ... in a separate room ... next door. 7. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. 8. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. 9. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains. 10. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, November 19, 2006 - 12:51 pm
ROFL HUK, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!
|
Dlmmo
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, November 19, 2006 - 1:10 pm
That was very funny! I just sent it out to my email list.
|
Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Monday, November 20, 2006 - 12:50 am
Sounds like we're eating at the same house, Hukd.
|
Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, November 20, 2006 - 5:12 am
that was so funny! thanks for sharing it, huk.
|
Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, November 20, 2006 - 9:59 am
What a great start to my day,..with a smile. Thanks.
|
Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 2:41 pm

|
Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 2:42 pm

|
Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 3:16 pm

|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 8:49 pm

|
Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 8:50 pm

|
Needmylifeback
Member
08-14-2000
| Thursday, November 23, 2006 - 5:56 pm
Did you all watch the Macy's Parade???? My son was in the Catalina Foothills Marching Band from Tucson Arizona! .... I am just sorry that it rained! I bet their feet were freezing! (And he is planning on wearing his marching shoes tomorrow because they can't wear tennis shoes to the NY Phil... Hope they dry overnight!)
|
Dlmmo
Member
11-20-2003
| Friday, November 24, 2006 - 10:42 am
I missed the parade, darn! I am a band geek from high school, actually I was in the Color Guard. I have many great memories of the travel and wet feet. One time we did the Portland Rose festival Parade and I carried the banner with 2" high shoes that didn't fit well. After 7 miles I peeled the nylons off my bloody blisters. I couldn't were shoes with backs for a week after. Did I quit, NO WAY, lol.
|
Chiliwilli
Member
09-04-2006
| Friday, November 24, 2006 - 11:56 am

|
|