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Archive through February 17, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 17, 2006 users admin

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Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 6:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Sounds good to me too. Wish I had said that.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 7:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Wasn't me. I saw it on a plaque in a catalog once. Liked it so much, I painted it on a mug for a good friend at one of those ceramics places. :-)

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 8:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
For some of us, this works: "Friends are the gift God gives you to make up for your family." :-)

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 8:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Kar, I totally agree. Without my friends life wouldn't be worth living, for me. Oh, and I consider my dh to be my BEST friend, so that goes double for him.

Scout, what I meant about the grey side. Is that nobody is all good or all bad, others have said that and its certainly not news. BUT some people stand for good and some for well, not so good. For instance many of us believe that the Bushes rigged/stole the vote somehow by pulling strings, most likely with his brother Jebbie. So he is President because of something underhanded and probably illegal. Just one of many illegal things he's done since he's been president IMHO. Anyhow, I'm not suggesting that Gore should have done something wrong too, but that they should have been on top of the situation immediately and pulling whatever strings THEY had to sort it out legally and honestly. Sometimes all turning the other cheek gets you is your face slapped twice - and the slapper will be twice as satisfied.

Which is why sometimes I retreat when I get really overwhelmed and discouraged about people in general. I tend to cocoon for a while, nursing my wounds, and then slowly come out of it, ready to face another day. I doubt I'm unusual in that. But if I am, it doesn't matter, cuz that's what works for me. Besides, what you are hearing from me is simply impotent rage for injustice. I have been told a few times in my life I can be a bit too intense in my feelings and expressions. So I apologize if I have in any way upset, offended or put off anyone with my ramblings.

I'm in a really intensely negative mood these days, so don't mind me. I'll probably wake up tomorrow and chirp along with the birds outside my window, like in a Disney movie, and all will be well with the world. Or maybe not. (shrug)

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 9:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Jeep,

Nice guys finish last. I think Leo Durouscher said that in the l940s, referring to baseball. I think it referred to playing hard, sliding hard, throwing a little chin music to back the hitter off the plate. That sort of thing.

Unfortunately it is also a metaphor for real life.

But let's step back. You can be assertive and nice. They are not mutually exclusive traits. Someone previously said don't be a doormat. I agree. Again, you can be nice AND not a doormat too.

I don't know about your personal life, Jeep. Isn't it easier for everyone to find the right job than it is to find the right mate? Maybe not. They're both challenges. I can't say I've succeeded in either venue myself.

How hard have you tried, Jeep? For me I regret not trying harder to find the "right" job. I think I tried harder to find love. Put more effort into that. Wanted it more. Found glimpses of it, but nothing that ever lasted...


Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 9:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Newman, I don't know either about what is harder to find, the right job or the right mate. I've really only had one job all my life and one hubby. I never had to "search" for either. They both just happened by chance.

How hard have I tried? Damn hard, if I can say that here. In my job, I started at the lowest level with no experience. With much hard work, education and determination (and frequently called bit--, not because I was mean, but because I wouldn't give up) I am now the top female in the corporation and have surpassed several of the men. Very rare for this place and I am proud of it (especially when the men come to me now for advice LOL).

Personal life is a bit different. I never saw that as a challenge like progressing in my job. I took it to be a life long partnership where one didn't top the other, rather both were equals. For 20 years, I supported the ex in his endeavors (he wanted to be self employed) so I worked my job, came home and helped him. But when the table turned and he wasn't the center of attention because I now needed his help with coping with elderly, sick and dying parents, all went very sour. I am extremely bitter at supporting a person all those years and not getting the same in return. What happened to equals? How was I to predict he would let me down like that? How would I have known in the beginning that he wasn't the "right" mate? I guess there's no way to know those things in advance unless it's very obvious.

I feel I've worked very hard on both levels, keeping my morals and integrity, but I excelled in one and failed in the other.

So, "nice guys finish last" doesn't happen all the time, but for me it happened 50% of the time.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 12:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Just have to throw in my two cents.

Cheating spouses don't win...everybody loses. But the person who was cheated on...keeps their integrity.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 4:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I have to agree Kerie. I had a boyfriend who thought he was aplolgizing for seeing someone else at the same time as me by saying "I didn't think you would find out." I think a lot of men don't see that it can hurt a relationship if they cheat.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 8:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I think men might say it won't hurt, unless I'm caught.

Why do men or women cheat? Boredom? The grass looks greener on the other side? Flirting in the workplace.

Either a man or a woman will cheat if he/she (this language is getting awkward) is not getting what he wants from his relationship. Or what he used to get.

People don't get married and then think, ok, this is good for now but I'll have an affair in two years. Five years.

Relationships are difficult to sustain. I think the ones that have the most hope of success are the ones who marry young, maybe marry their high school or college sweetheart, and then grow together, raise a family while they're young, meet challenges while they're young and have energy and are idealistic...


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 8:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Nah marrying young is no guarantee. Been there done that, got the postcard.

Mamapors
Member

07-29-2004

Thursday, February 16, 2006 - 10:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamapors a private message Print Post    
Cheating can be for other reasons. Sometimes it is not because one is bored, or looking for greener grass, but happens because they have this feeling that they deserve more.
Because they give more?, or don't get what they should at home?, or for some other reason.
But I see a lot of people who justify cheating because "you just didn't give me what I needed". Almost a feeling on entitlement

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 6:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mocha, I didn't mean to imply marrying young always works. Just that it might. Frankly I don't see many marriages that DO work. For any length of time, anyway. And none right now that I'm envious of.

There was a time in my 20s, when I had my eye on friends I dubbed "the perfect couple". They split up. That shook me. If they couldn't make it, who could? They seemed perfect for each other. And I liked them both individually too, still do. She wanted kids. He didn't.

Mamapors, you hit on a theme for me. Wanting MORE. "There has got to be more to life than this." I find me thinking that way occasionally.

That's why, over on Grey's Anatomy, if I were Derek, I would jump at the chance for true love, with Meredith. He already has been hurt by Addison, his wife, with an affair. Those things are so hard to overcome. Trust issues. If she did it once, wouldn't she cheat again??

Why not move on? Especially if you find someone you love and who loves you back? Those kind of people are hard to find! (or when it's mutual).


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 6:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Well Newman I don't let what happend with other people or couples deter me because it has no impact on me or my life or my thought processes. So if a couple I like divorces I'm sad for them but I don't think well hell guess mine won't turn out well either. Pfftt wrong.

Wanting more out of life is good. But not if all you're gonna do is talk about it and whine about it. Be like Nike and just do it.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 7:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mocha, we really don't think alike at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Viva la difference.

I was just making a generalizing observation about marriage in general. Maybe it's an impossible institution.

Just because I think this doesn't mean I wouldn't dive in again, give it another try, if I found the right woman. It seems to me that you need to get everything to be just about PERFECT for the thing to work. And I don't know any perfect people...especially ME.

It does grate on me - my pet peeve - when people say I'm whining. I've heard that charge before. Nothing new, so there must be some truth to it.

When you're young, like I'm assuming YOU are, Mocha, your motto can be "just do it." After you've been burned, like me, several times, you tend to be more cautious.

I don't think marriage is for everyone. I doubt that it's for me. Why do we want it so? To stave off loneliness I'm guessing...or that it looks so attractive on others, when it's working...


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 7:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Good thing lol cause I'd have to shoot myself. But Newman darlin, I'm 36yrs old and trust me I've lived and been thru alot of shit so I'm not just talking out the side of my neck. I speak from the wisdom of my experiences. And I so agree that marriage isn't for everyone but that doesn't mean that you can't love and be loved. Cuz that's all I'm looking for, to love and be loved unconditionally.

As for the whining and I'm sure the mods will remove this but sometimes I just want to shake you cuz you do that. Maybe you need to move to Baltimore so I can school you. :-)

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 7:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
I am not one for self help books but I am going to recommend one:

Life without Limits - Lucinda Bassett. Go to a bookstore and read the first chapter, and say does that sound like me? What the heck, it cant hurt to try to change things. You just do it one step at a time.

I am 50 years old, even optimistically that is saying my life is half over or either I have the other half of my life to actually be happy at what I do and where I am. Instead of laying on my deathbed and saying I wish I did more, I am taking steps, small steps to change what I am disatisfied with. I dont know what I want to do yet as I have other priorities I have to take care of right now but I am changing the little things that I can change.


Newman, I think you should take one step at a time, and change what you can control -- make one positive move.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 7:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Mocha training Newman on the secrets of life... how many would put that reality show on their viewing schedule??? Me! Sort of a Bachelor-Survivor hybrid. And why did images of a black whip with aubergine accents come to mind?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 8:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Hahahaha Yes!!

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 8:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
LOL Mocha! Maybe you can "school" me as well, because I feel that I whine alot here about the ex and the devastation he inflicted on me. But I can truly say that at the time it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life and I won't ever forget it......get over it, yes....but not forget.

Newman, I love that phrase "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence". It gives me a chance to respong with "yes, but that's because it's full of manure!" Takes some people a moment to get it, but they always do.

Someone above said wanting more out of life is good and why not move on. I don't always agree with that. While taking care of my mom, of course home life wasn't exactly normal. I was tired, stressed and didn't have a lot of time to do fun things. I would have liked to have had more out of life at that time and I'm sure the ex did too (obviously). But the situation was only TEMPORARY. The woman was dying for craps sake. It would be over soon (and was). Just because the ex didn't like his life at that time was it right to "just move on"? Bullhockey. Both of you can be the perfect mates for each other, but life also throws in some outside influences, sickness, death, job loss, disasters such as fire, flood, etc. It's a cop out to "just move on". Selfish.

OK, I'm starting to get into "whine mode" so I'll slow down a bit.

Mocha, I was 51 last week (and can still pass for 40 so I've been told). Just wait till you see what's on the other side of "half a century" LOL!

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 8:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
LOL Yesitsme! I'll watch that show. Black whips, huh?

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 8:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Oh honey that's when I'm really gonna party.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 8:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I say occasional whining among friends is fine. I also say the best kinds of friends are those that will allow you to do it on occasion, but let you know when to put it on a shelf. We all have good reasons to be "poor me" some days and we should be able to enjoy it and have people be sympathetic! Of course, when it becomes your mantra, your true friends will gently box your ears and tell you that there comes a point when all it does it take up valuable minutes where you could be enjoying life and making happy memories to dwarf the bad ones.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landi a private message Print Post    
there is nothing i hate worse than a pity party. yes, we all need to do an occasional whine. but the continued "oh woe is me" gets to really drag.

i've been married 18 years this april. i wasn't married until i was 25. THIS TIME. i was married once before at 16. the young ones don't always work out. i had an annulment on that one thank goodness.

my marriage isn't a bed or roses, nor is it all thorns. it's life. it ebbs, it flows. sometimes it feels lousy, and sometimes its amazing. but mostly it's a connection. i know deep in my heart that chuck would do anything for me, and i for him.

an example. i hate the outdoors. i don't like being cold/wet/bug bitten, etc. my husband loves the outdoors. he hunts/fishes/gold pans. he asked me to go fishing in the boat this weekend. i said, "sure, i'd go". it makes him happy. when he saw that this weekend's weather was going to be miserable. he defered and said "i think we'd ALL be uncomfortable going fishing this weekend. we'll try for another time"

no marriage is 50/50. no matter what anyone says. sometimes it's 90/10 MY WAY, or his way. but the ability to compromise is a big thing. no matter what a relationship must have communication. without that, someone always gets too hurt.


Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Jeep, yours is not really whining. You have been badly wronged by somebody who apparently never deserved you in the first place. Yours are righteous rants, not whining. :-)

I think of whining as somebody who just comes in and constantly complains, and other people throw up suggestions to relieve the grievous situation, but none of those suggestions are even remotely feasible to the whiner. They are quickly discounted so the whiner can continue to whine.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Friday, February 17, 2006 - 10:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
.