Author |
Message |
Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 5:45 am
I want to share something that I remembered this morning. About 10 years ago I gave a self defense class to some women veterinarians who were in town for a meeting. After the class, one woman said "I would like to share why I came here today." She then related an experience about how a large man high on drugs had come into her house. He said to her "I am going to rape you and then kill you." This woman then described what he did to her before the rape. When it was over he just walked out. She said the whole time she was going through it she didn't make a sound or even move because her daughter was asleep in a room 2 doors down the hall and she didn't want her to wake up and the man discover she was there. When it was over, she checked on her daughter, who was still asleep, and then called her husband. He called the police. The man was never caught. She said "I came here for my daughter, I don't want her to ever go through what I did.I want her to know how to protect herself." Life is different for woman and men. I am proud to be a woman when I meet one as brave as this mother who suffered to protect her child.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:08 am
Newman, maybe you shouldn't get a dog.
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Gidget
Member
07-28-2002
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:35 am
perhaps the problem is this notion of romantic love. it has been around a long time. but it wasnt that long ago that our mates were chosen for us and we stayed with them for life. and it is still so in some countries. there have been many social changes in the 20th century. for example childhood did not exist before that. children were seen and not heard. and became adults pretty much at puberty. we are in new territory socially on so many levels. in some countries women have found their voice and are demanding their equality. maybe it is just gonna take some more time for all this to come together. in the meantime those of us in the transition phase simply dont know which way to turn.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:44 am
i don't always understand why a person thinks or believes the way they do. but, i don't necessarily consider it wrong for them to be that way. they just are different. i respect that difference and let it go at that.
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Penguingirl
Member
01-26-2006
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 7:18 am
lol Wendo, you just described aspects of my sister. Our culture puts great emphasis on career status, physical fitness/appearance, material wealth or the appearance of, IQ, etc. It seems emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are often secondary, if considered at all. There is much lip service tossed its way, lots of "talk the talk", but putting forth the energy to develop it and then authenticating it in our daily lives doesn't hold much precedence. The “I want it my way or the highway” mentality doesn't make for long term relationships. Finding "the" description of love would be splitting hairs. Love is multifaceted and on a continuum. There's a giddy, romantic love, a fondness and caring love, a love that comes with emotional maturity, etc. And as observers of others, we can not know the depth of, type of, feelings of love one person holds for another. Nor is it any of our business, but that's another discussion. And now we come to our boomer years where we are faced with yet another stage of development, that being menopause or andropause. Commitments can go haywire for sure. Knowing and understanding this as yet another passage of growth, allows us to accept, forgive and embrace the people in our lives. Most of us didn't give up on loving during the terrible twos, or adolescence growth spurts, why do it now. But we often do. All that said, I don’t profess to have the answers…just opinions that are likely to change by 8PM , lol. Like some wise person once told me, upon reflection all decisions are uninformed decisions because we now have more information.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 7:36 am
Newman, I adore my wanna be boyfriend. I would really like to fall in love with him, I am just scared of getting hurt. when I hear this song, I think of him Never let nobody know me Never let nobody dare Never let somebody hold me Long enough for me to care... Till I found you Till I found you. Never let my guard down easy Never let myself let go I never knew the reason why I never let my feelings show Till I felt the pain Of loving you And that's what hurts When we say goodbye And that's what hurts On those sleepless nights There's nothing I can do Cos I'm lost inside of you And that's what hurts. I never let nobody touch me Never let nobody try I never let somebody move me Deep enough to make me cry Till I found you Till I found you I was strong and independent I Never needed anyone I thought I had it all together Until you came and proved me wrong Now I'm stronger with you In my life And that's what hurts When we say goodbye And that's what hurts On those sleepless nights There's nothing I can do Cos I'm lost inside of you And that's what hurts Yeah and that's the catch But the hearts not good at holding back It's a blessing and a curse And I don't know what's worse And that's what hurts. Sometimes I wanna run Sometimes I feel just like a fool Sometimes I'm even sorry baby That I felt in love with you. Oooh that's when it hurts It hurts so bad Ooh can't sleep at night Nothing I can do Cause I'm lost inside of you Oohhh It hurts oh it hurts Cause I'm lost inside of you I can't help myself I can't help myself Hurts without you baby You're not here, you're not here
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:17 am
Who wrote that Zach, I really like it...
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:44 am
Hall & Oats, it's from Runaway Bride. I love that song! Plus there is Blue eyes Blue from Eric Clapton and Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin, it's another song that reminds me of my wanna be boyfriend Today I took a walk up the street And picked a flower and climbed the hill Above the lake And secret thoughts were said aloud We watched the faces in the clouds Until the clouds had blown away And were we ever somewhere else You know, it's hard to say And I never saw blue like that before Across the sky Around the world You've given me all you have and more And no one else has ever shown me how To see the world the way I see it now Oh, I, I never saw blue like that I can't believe a month ago I was alone, I didn't know you I hadn't seen or heard you're name And even now, I'm so amazed It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain And somethings are the way they are And words just can't explain Cause I never saw blue like that before Across the sky Around the world You've given me all you have and more And no one else has ever shown me how To see the world the way I see it now Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before And it feels like now, And it feels always, And it feels like coming home I never saw blue like that before Across the sky Around the world You've given me all you have and more And no one else has ever shown me how To see the world the way I see it now Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:22 am
Ya know, I think everyone wants to be loved, to fall in love, to find bliss. But reality does set in. We realize that much of that dream really is just fantasy; and we learn to be happy, fulfilled, satisfied with whatever we have. Ultimately, happiness is still all about your very own decision to be happy. Or not. With or without someone.
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Brenda1966
Member
07-03-2002
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:43 am
Newman asks: "but wouldn't you be "more fulfilled" if you were married to the filthy rich lawyer (who valued your opinion) and the 4 kids in an expensive home in Cherry Hills than you are now, solo?" Perhaps, but maybe not. Maybe the snobby neighbors would drive me crazy. I know the home owners assoc rules would. LOL. Maybe I'd be ticked off that he worked long hours and was never home to see the kids. Maybe I'd be happier if I had 5 million dollars, or if I had longer legs and a prettier nose. Maybe I'd be happier if I drove a purple 66 mustang or if I had a Yorshire Terrier. Honestly, we could all list our dreams or things that we could have "more" of or "better". And as cynical as I am (and I'm very cynical -- have a Dilbert sign on my desk that says 'Cynicism with a smile' that a friend gave me) I chose to be happy for what I DO have. There's a lot I don't have and there's a lot I worry about (like my aging parents) but there is more that I do have and I spend 99% of my time being happy for what I do have. I'm not one of those sunshine and roses people. I complain. I worry. I get disgusted with things. But for the most part I am happy and like so many others have said -- that happiness come from within. It didn't come from a man or my daughter or my job. Just what Karuuna just said.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:09 pm
Wayne Dyer has a funny story he tells about losing car keys. The power goes out in your house and you drop your keys. You look all around, but you can't find them. Then you look outside and see the street light on, so you go outside and start looking for your keys under the street light. A friend comes along and says "hey, what did you lose?" You say, "my car keys", and he offers to help you look. He looks around and around, but there are no car keys anywhere. He says to you "well, where exactly did you drop them?" You say, "I dropped them inside." The friend looks at you oddly and says "well, why are you looking out here then!" And you say "Because this is where the light is?" The point is, happiness is found inside yourself. Looking outside for it just won't work, because it isn't out there. If you keep looking in the wrong place, you won't ever find it. And even if you do find happiness in another person, it's never really yours. That person has all the power - if they go away, so does your happiness. Much better to take responsibility for yourself. YOU be in control of your own happiness, rather than handing that over to someone else.
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:13 pm
All this talk about happiness and fulfillment made me think of something really sweet I recently read. The little story went like this: An elderly, widowed man was preparing to move into an assisted care home. He was frail and now blind by diabetes and couldn't live by himself any longer. A nurse met him at the door to help him to his room. Along the way she described the room and position of the furniture. The man smiled broadly and said "I love it!". The nurse asked "how can you know you love it when we haven't even gotten there yet?". The old man explained that the position of the furniture or location of his room did not determine his happiness. He said that when he got up that morning, he decided that he would love his new room, the new home and the people who would assist him. I made up my mind I would love it. My happiness is what I make it. I thought that was so touching and it falls right in line with what Karuuna just said. Things don't always make us happy or fulfilled. Some of the poorest people have great love and joy, while some of the richest are miserable. I think about people that have had "non-traditional" lives, like Mother Teresa, who had absolutely nothing but was always full of love and joy for everyone. And then I think of Michael Jackson, who was rich beyond most people's dreams and never seemed happy at anytime.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:23 pm
How are happiness and joy different? Is contentedness a bad thing? Is happiness the same as peace of mind? Can you be happy without your wants met? Can you have joy without your wants met? Can you be content without your wants met? What about with needs? Is sex a want or a need? Some people honestly choose celibacy.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:29 pm
Boy Kearie, That is sure a lot to ponder on! Lots of good, thought provoking questions!
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Gidget
Member
07-28-2002
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:09 pm
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Boy did that take me back. For those who did not study psychology, here is a good link. Be sure to read the 3rd to the last paragraph about other opinion on needs. We arent the only ones trying to figure this out: http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.html
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:36 pm
Doesn't his heirarchy include self-actualization? I think that is hokey.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:41 pm
my wanna be boyfriend just called. He was supposed to come home on the 18th.. he said he missed me so much that he is coming home tonight!!! YAY!!!! Okay, I have fallen...hard!!!
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:43 pm
Crap, just realized I have to drive to LAX! I cannot wait... I am so excited I could just spit!!
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:44 pm
Can you expand on that Kearie (honest question)? LOL Zachsmom - Have fun!!! 
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:50 pm
I love this giddy feeling when you first meet someone.. He bought his property, and he MISSED ME!!! I don't think anyone has ever missed me before!!! LAX at midnight.. anyone live in LA that wants dinner?
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:51 pm
Now Zachsmom, Please don't spit. That isn't ladylike and you will want to be on your best behavior with the new Mr. "Zachsmom" guy, at least for now! (just kidding..have a great time)
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:52 pm
Zmom, he does realize that he has to be approved by us, doesn't he?
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:54 pm
I feel like I am 10, I cannot explain this feeling. He missed ME!!! I want to contact people in LA area to see if they want to hang out until his plane comes in at midnight! I have fallen..hard! Hate it and love it at the same time!!
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:55 pm
ah shit Rosie... can I have fun for a few months before that..
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 2:00 pm
Gidget, I just went to the Maslow site you gave us. To think at one time I might have understood it. (sigh) Now I read blah blah blah.
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