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Archive through May 01, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through May 01, 2006 users admin

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Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 7:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Juju ... I love that he did that for you. That's love!

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 7:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
I like to think I am pretty independent. I don't "need" a man in my life, but would like to have one around (actually, I met a pretty stellar one last week that has strong potential) If a man were to do something for me, I would hope he did it because he wanted to, not because he thought I was not capable of doing it myself. I can take care of myself (and my family) just fine. There is a difference I think of needing someone in your life and being needy. Just like there is a difference of being alone and being lonely.

I need my son in my life. I never knew so much love was missing until I had him. What is wrong with in a relationship you need that man in your life because he has put love in your heart and if he was gone there would be a hole in your heart? I need my friends. I would be lost without them sometimes. It would be a pretty sad if people didn't need others. We all have needs and there is nothing wrong if that person fullfills that need. As long as that person doesn't define who you are.

Juju, BigDog is a peach..you are very lucky to have him..and he you..;0)

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 7:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I think that letting someone know that you need them is a beautiful gift to give them. Now by that I don't mean a smothering desperate need. I mean a healthy need, where the person knows that he or she makes you feel good and can give you support when you need it.

I'm sure most of you have heard the Simon & Garfunkel song, "I am a Rock". Is that what we want to be?

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 8:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ladytex a private message Print Post    
My mom raised all of us girls to be independent. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's a curse. I have a hard time accepting help and/or admitting to needing help. It's something I'm working on. I think one of the greatest gifts that I've given to my dh is the knowledge that I don't 'have' to be with him, that I could function quite well without him, but that I 'choose' to be with him.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 9:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I echo a lot of the "independent" thoughts that have been discussed here. Need? I "never" use that word. I need air, water, food. I need money to pay the mortgage, and buy food.

Do I need anything else? I can stack my own hay. Balance my own checkbook. Heat up my own can of soup. Jog my own 3 miles. Watch my own movie or playoff hockey game. And so forth.

I want to be around friends, kindred spirits, happy and upbeat people. I want to be around liberals. Sports enthusiasts. Bronco and Rockies fans. I want to be around people who I like and those who like me.

I want those things. I don't "need" them.

I want to be loved by a very special woman. I am not, not at this time. It's something I want, to be loved and to love. But it's not something I can force, nor something I "need".


Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 10:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
My dad is a huge fan of the Bronco's. My brother and I make special efforts to get him football memorabilia as gifts...

Cowboys memorabilia that is. We make an art out of teasing each other for our sports differences. It brings us together in phone calls and in visits.

Dad also makes a habit of telling us silly, juvenile jokes that make us roll our eyes. My dad's silliness is very endearing to me and my brother.

I'm glad we like different teams, we get bragging and dissing rights. One of the reasons I learned to love watching football is because it gave me something in common with my dad. Now that I know the game and the rules ... it's great to share ... especially because we like different teams.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 10:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Newman...are you happy even though you are single?

I think that's the question. Can people be happy and content without having a partner?

My interpretation of what you've been saying is that you don't seem to think a person, or you, can be happy unless you have that special mate.

Can you be happy and content being single Newman...or do you feel a need to have woman, mate, to be happy and complete.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 10:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I don't think you should have to have a partner to be happy or content. But how wonderful to be happy or content with your life and then have this additional person who can add to it.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Sunday, April 30, 2006 - 11:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
What Vacanic said.

I am happy and content being alone. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be happier and even more content if I had a loving man in my life. I don't think there's a hard line between the two states of being. :-)

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 4:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, I get sometimes get comfort from listening to the Simon and Garfunkel song "Sound of Silence". When I am upset about something the words "a rock feels no pain and an island never cries" take me to a solid place within me. Then when I feel stronger, I move back into the real world.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 5:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
No man is an island.

A rock feels no pain and an island never cries.

Two opposing cliches in popular thought. When things go wrong for me I frequently wallow in self pity. It almost feels good. I tell myself well, at least I feel sorry for ME.

I'm not sure I want an American Dream sweet wife so I have someone to feel sorry for ME, when things go bad.

I disagree with Max, partially. Well. LOL. I would write it this way. I am content being alone. It's ok. I'm not "happy" about it. (In fact she says that in her next sentence, maybe I should read first, type second, .

It's ok being single. I've been single since '97. I'm certainly used to it. But it feels "wrong". There's something missing. It feels "stupid". Life would be so much better if I had Ms Wonderful to live with, to have somebody to love and be loved back.

I don't see how I can be "happy" living alone. Not finding true love is my biggest regret in life. I'm ok with it. I don't think many people find it. I don't think it's easy to find. Still, it's my biggest regret...


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 5:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Newman, how can not finding true love be your biggest regret in life when your still living?? Have you given up?? Where is your hope that Ms. Right could still come along??

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 6:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
What's YOUR biggest regret, Vacanick?

I don't regret still living. My biggest regret is not that I didn't find the best job for my personality (although that is probably my second biggest regret).

I'm a realist, V. I'm 56. I've lived with 3 different women in my life, back when I was young, (oh, at different times I might add), and I never found the right one, or love didn't last all that long...

Who finds love in their mid fifties? Sure it "could" happen, but let's get real. I'm not driven by sex so much now. <ka>. Those are two huge factors which put men and women together in the first place, and make them want to try, and I'm late for work...


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 6:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
My biggest regret .. maybe that I only had one child. I would have liked to have a house full. Does that change the way I feel about my son ... heck no! I love that I can concentrate all my attention on him. He is a very loved child.

I believe life is all about ups and down. I am not the type of person who dwells on the disappointment's or regrets. Somehow I am able to move on. I prefer to concentrate my energy on what is right, on what does make me happy.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 6:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Nic, I love your attitude! You are so amazing! :-)

Newman, I don't know that I believe in "true love" in the soulmate sense of the word that so many people seem to be looking for. I don't believe in soulmates. Actually, the closest I have to a soulmate is a female friend of mine who I met in AA. LOL.

I don't think love is always easy. I've been single for over 10 years now and most of the time I am okay with that. One of the things I appreciate about being single is the relationship it has given me with my nieces and nephews. I have incredible bonds with them, especially my oldest nephew Brendan and my youngest niece Natalie. I would not have those bonds if I had my own children and I love being this close to them.

I have been dating lately and just having fun. I do believe that people can find love as they get older. I think love comes in many forms. The love I have for my family and friends is a love that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, not even for true love with Viggo Mortensen.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 8:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Well, I must be different because I "need" my friends. They have been with me through my triumphs, my failures, my happiness and my sorrows. I cannot tell you how many times I have called friends and said "I need you". Needing people is not a bad thing. Being needy is different.

If you are in a relationship, isn't that person supposed to be your "best" friend? Why can you not "need" your best friend and yet not be "needy"?

I cannot see my life being alone, without friends.They do not do define my life, they give my life enrichment. My happiness does not depend on them, but what they give me is so much of my life. They are my support and encouragment.

I know several people on this board, and one in particular was one to stand beside me in a very great time of need. I think she will tell you that I was not "needy", but her love and support helped me in ways that I can not explain.

Why is it that only "friends" can be in that category, but not the loves of our lives?

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 9:01 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I "need" human relationship; but I do not "need" any particular person. I think that might be the difference. I don't think anyone is an island, at least not very well. :-)

But to say I need a particular person is to put too much on that person. I have a variety of friends, and they enrich my life in many different ways. If I lost one of them, I would be heartbroken, but that's not the same as being devastated by the loss of a particular person.

I think that's the difference between a relationship and friendships. A relationship (at least in most cases) is about one other person. It's good to want that person, to have your life enriched and joy-filled by that kind of relationship; but not such a good thing to 'need' to have a relationship or a particular person to feel complete.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 10:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
There seem to be different views on this subject of "needing". That may be because we are defining the word "need" in different ways.

Strictly speaking, I don't need anyone specific to survive. Does having special people in my life help and do I benefit from their friendship, love and support – certainly. Are there times in my life when I need them? Yes there are. Could I have survived those times without them? Yes I could have but it would have been much harder.

I get the feeling that some people think that "needing" implies weakness or lack of strength. I don't think that is true. Even the strongest people may benefit from help and support on occasion. Can you think of times when you were able to help someone that you cared about and how good that made you feel? Why deny that feeling to others?

So I think we may be talking about two different things. One is a healthy need for people to occasionally help during difficult times. It's healthy in that it helps both the person who is in need and the person that is able to help out. Both feel better as a result.

The second type of needing that I think is not constructive is when someone feels that they need another person to make their lives complete. This isn't a temporary need during a tough time but an ongoing all encompassing need that never goes away. That is probably not good.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 10:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Perfectly put Jimmer!

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 11:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Wow lots of good insight here.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 11:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, I love your comments. You (and Lancecrossfire), always seem so centred, honest, and upbeat. Unlike me - who is off the wall, left of centre, and emotionally up and down like a yo-yo! I guess we all admire what we lack. Or at least I do. LOL. I have decided to try not to bleed all over the board anymore. I may not be successful, but I will try. People are drawn to upbeat folks, and put off by downers, so I will try to be more upbeat and less of a wallower. Doesn't mean I won't be upfront if I am blue, but I will try to offer it up in a lighter or at least briefer way. I think its healthier for me, and perhaps less repellent to the reader.

Back on topic: Intellectually I know I do not NEED to be part of a couple. I managed on my own wits and resources from about 23 when I moved to Toronto, til 44, when I married Vin. But that doesn't mean we abdicated our individuality or our abilities. Does it mean that I refuse to scoop the poop etc in the litter-box since he's the brawn in the family. Yup! Sure, and I'm the one who is the arranger and makes all the calls, from ordering in dinner to calling the plumber whatever. Its a trade-off. We just pool our strengths. I hate doing the litter (and have a bad back) and he hates making those 'annoying' calls. Being a micro-managing personality, <GRIN> I enjoy the phone, and arranging things, so its a pleasure for me. Anyhow my point is that Of course I could survive on my own, as I did for all those years.

But emotionally a little piece of me would die. I'd go on, but I'd be changed. I tell him often he's my life. And to an extent that is true. I need my dh for the cuddles, and those 'shmoopy' kisses in private - and public. I like having company at dinner, and being part of a couple. But for someone who always felt excluded and abandoned, etc etc having unconditional love from this man is awesome. And having someone who appreciates my love and feels at home in it, is something I never allowed myself to envision. So its a delicious gift at this point in our lives.
He's my rock and conversely, he's my soft place to fall. And I try on a daily basis to be that for him. I have never in my entire life known anyone who I could be so comfortable with, and who would accept me and love me warts and all. So do I NEED him, emotionally - oh yes! As I believe he NEEDS me.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 11:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
But... that's not to imply that he's not moody or I'm not emotional, and that we don't fight like two cats in a wet paper-bag. Cuz we do! I have a friend who dubbed us Vesuvius and Mt. Etna... and those are two Volcanoes. LOL! Anyhow didn't want to leave the impression that everything is Disney-wonderful... cuz that ain't real life.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 11:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Zmom, I greatly admire your friend from this board who was always there to stand by you. I felt like I could worry less because I knew you had that friend standing by.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 12:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Mameb ... you are so cute! Your second post is priceless. Nobody says that it's perfect all the time, that's life and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love your post about you and Vin .. I think you've got it figured out pretty darn good!!

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 01, 2006 - 12:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Thank you Mame! I appreciate the positive thoughts. And, I agree that your second post is very cute!

People here are so willing to come to someone else's aid when they are in need but resist the idea that they may need others themselves.

I wonder sometimes why we demand things of ourselves (for example, strength and independence) that we don't expect from others?