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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 7:32 pm
well, before i met any of dh's friends he told them all that i was one brassy biotch. so, i guess i will have to keep the brass polish handy. hehehe
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 7:39 pm
I define myself by what I am doing at any given time. When I am at work I am a veterinarian. When I walk the dog I am a dog walker. When I teach the Sunday School class I am a Sunday School teacher. Right now I am a TVCH groupie.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 7:39 pm
when i was home with holly when she was an infant, and people would ask me the question "what do you do?" i'd say, "i'm a 1-900-sex operator. What's your phone number, so i can see if i get any calls from it?"
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 8:02 pm
I should try that Landi. Back in the day...well, way before my day, I would have been labeled an Old Maid. Signifying I wasn't married and had no children at home. Before ArReal moved out, I was a single mom. I had something to classify myself as, that other people could understand...or know what I meant. Single mom comes with a list of duties and responsibilites, like a job. It's just weird for me feeling like I can't define or describe myself as a single mom anymore because it leads people to believe you are caring for and still raising a child.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 8:04 pm
LOL Landi! Doc I love it... tvch groupie! I call myself a tvch addict. I'm going to be a groupie from now on. Sounds alot, um, healthier. GRIN.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 8:21 pm
Hey Mame, we participate in the goings on here, we are groupies. Kearie you are still a mother. You are a friend to a lot of people on this board. You are a compasionate, intelligent, considerate person. You live on your own and take care of yourself. I would say you can define yourself as irreplaceable.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 8:22 pm
i don't have any children. i wonder why some folks have considered me to be a mother? hmmmm
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:29 pm
Ahhh, you're so sweet DogDoc. Thanks. Yeah!!! I'm a TVCH Groupie!!!
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 9:37 pm
Kearie, I think "I am an artist who works at home" has a rather exciting ring to it. I get very annoyed with Americans who seem to me to be SO rude. They think they can ask just ANY question and expect to get an answer. And if they get put off with a vague answer, they think they are entitled to keep going until they get the answer that is none of their business in the first place.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 10:01 pm
I agree, Juju!
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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 11:06 pm
I was once asked by a new co-worker if I had any children (not an unusual question by any means) and I answered "No", she replied "No any?". I was kind of taken aback by that reply/question and told her as nicely as I could that "No" meant Not any! She acted insulted, but think she was just embarassed. Guess I could have told her "No, unless you count the 3 locked up in the basement". I'm kidding, really! I don't have a basement. But this question comes up nearly every time I meet someone new. Then they look for your explanation as to why no children! I just don't want to go there with "some" people. Yes, it hurts after all these years. FYI, for those naturally wondering, 1 still born and 4 miscarriages. God must have his reasons. But have many wonderful nieces and nephews that I love dearly! I find myself not asking personal questions very often. I'll let them volunteer telling my about themselves. But we are only human and naturally inquisitive. Too many people make poor judgments of others because of their particular situation. Sorry, it's been a rough day, and I'm rambling. Now back to our regular programming.
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Penguingirl
Member
01-26-2006
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 1:56 am
"I write porn" is always a snappy answer. 
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Springer
Member
03-12-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 4:53 am
Well, you have to start a conversation somehow. How are you going to find out if you have anything in common to talk about otherwise? Any of these questions could offend someone: "Hi, what's your name?", "Where do you work?", "Are you married?", "Do you have children?", "Do you have grandchildren?", "Do you have any hobbies?", "Where do you live?", "Do you travel?", "What church do you go to?", How do you feel about immigration?", How about that President Bush?", Maybe we should all just wear a big sign around our neck that says: My name is Mary, I'm a banker, divorced, with 3 children, no grandkids yet, play tennis and love the Yankees, live uptown, don't have time to travel, don't care much for church, immigration....don't get me started, and Bush sucks. If you don't like any of these answers....move on. When we are on the computer, we can pick and choose what threads we are interested in reading about and responding to. That really zooms right into our own interests. No messing around with small talk........but out in the real world, you do have to start somewhere. The good old fashioned way. I guess that's why many people choose on-line dating. It cuts out all that small talk and get's right to the common interests. The message boards and chat rooms let us pick and choose right away. Hardly wastes any time at all, but that is also very isolating. In face to face meetings it is hard to find that perfect question that couldn't possibly offend someone: "How about that weather?". Okay where do you go from there? Personally, I love to get out and meet new people and find out that common bond between us. There has to be something. It's interesting and a challenge. I also like to see who I'm talking to. You can tell a lot sometimes just by that alone. We are in this together. It shouldn't be that hard to find a common ground after all.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 5:39 am
We're in a world where the art of good conversation is almost dead. One of the reasons is that so much is off limits to talk about. I try to never feel insulted by a question someone asks me....but also know I don't have to answer anything. Still, because I don't like the question or choose not to answer something doesn't meant that I should be ungracious to that person. That just breeds people who are afraid to connect, which is a sad way to live in my mind. I admit that I am not a creative conversationalist. I am an introvert by nature, so have to work at connecting. And most people see me as an extrovert, so I do OK with it. The effort I put into it is never recognized....and to be honest, if someone did recognize it I would be embarrassed. When I ask someone what they do, it's just an easy first question. If someone is disabled, retired, stays home with their children, unemployed, or just doesn't have to work outside the home so doesn't, I am really interested in their lives, and not a bit judgmental. I am interested in their life story. I'm not someone who thinks that whether you are an elected official, a CEO, someone who turns widgets on an assembly line, or are unemployed that your job defines you as a person. I do think, however, that the essence of how you live your life does define you and is what is fascinating about people. I gets lots of questions about the "never married, no children" thing. Some people may think being in that state at 45 signifies something is wrong with me. That's their issue. I try not to get defensive when people question it....lots of people I run across have lots of preconceived notions about who I am because of these things...I hope the reality of my life blows these preconceived notions to threads. While there are personal heartbreaks in all of our lives, what makes us who we are is how we live in spite or because of them. We don't have to choose to discuss those heartbreaks with just anyone, but we also don't have to cut someone to shreads because they asked a simple, though sometimes thoughtless, question. They could just be in that situation where you get nervous and can't believe what is coming out of your mouth. What I am really saying badly here is that we should be proud of the story of who we are and feel free to tell that story. I still believe that though we can be a selfish and petty people, most of us at the root want to connect positively with those around us. Sometimes our social skills are lousy, sometimes we make lame attempts, sometimes we are thoughtless and cruel. I know this describes me sometimes, but I also know I have good motives and I want to get to know people. I'd like someone to give me the "I write porn" answer if I asked them what they do. I could get all kinds of conversations going with that.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 6:51 am
I think we all have different jobs at different times, although society at large seems to place the emphasis on the job that makes money. At the hearing last year for temporary custody of my son, I answered a question in a way the ex's attorney didn't like and he said "you've been in this business long enough to know better." Later when I thought about it, I should have told him that at that moment I was not a legal secretary but a mother fighting for her child. I think questions about how much one earns or how much something cost are the ultimate in rude. However, the ex has problem with it but he would always make it an indirect question. I would cringe horror when he asked someone "how much does a job like that pay" or "how much does a _____ like that cost." And I'm not just talking little stuff, but also houses, cars, boats, etc. Writing this, it just struck me that he has not asked me how much I paid for my new vehicle, although I know he has griped about it to my son. He doesn't see why I should ask him for his half of Travis' expenses (which is court ordered) if I can afford a new truck. I told Travis that if he keeps on to just tell his dad that the payments are only $30 more a month and if he says anything to me I will tell him one has nothing to do with the other.
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Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:08 am
Kearie, I went through that alot when we first moved down here. I was meeting people from DH work. Almost always the first question was where do you work. I haven't worked anywhere since we moved here. I had no caregivers for Stephanie. After I told them I didn't work, I always thought I had to go into this big explanation as to why. I don't do that so much anymore. If I feel like explaining I do, if I don't I just stand there. Depends on who the person is. Sometimes I just say I'm a caregiver and drop it there. I realized I don't owe the whole world my life story and the world doesn't really care. It's just small talk. JuJu made a comment about how rude people can be. This is OT but I want to share something that happened to me. Right after the hurricane I had a dentist appointment. It was decided I needed to have the deep gum cleaning done before our insurance ran out (the casinos paid the workers for 90 days). I had 5 visits total 6 including the first visit. Up until the second to last visit I ran down there with no make-up or anything since we were working on our house. On the second to last visit I was dressed up for some reason. I have very long curly eyelashes. With make-up they really pop out. When I walked in the hygienist commented I looked nice that day. As I was getting the work I had my eyes closed and she was chatting away. She then askes me are your eyelashes real. I can't answer because I am having dental work done. She then grabs my eyelashes and tugs on them. WTH! I almost hit the ceiling when she did that. Why would a perfect stranger do somethng like that. Of course she apologized but sheesh. After I left I got to thinking what if they had been false she would have just jerked them off my face I would have been left with a face half done.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:54 am
Native, those kinds of rude questions should never be answered, in my opinion. If someone asks me how much money that I make, for example, I say "Why ever would you ask that?" Make it about their lack of grace! Biloxi, I think being a caregiver says volumes about you as a person and you should be proud of that. My initial impression would be what a great heart that you have and what a tough spirit and what a gift you are to Stephanie. Sometimes the question is small talk and expects an answer that doesn't require much mental agility, but I think underneath most people would care and applaud you for the valuable way you are investing your life. And we'd be a bit intimidated with your answer because the idea is a bit overwhelming to contemplate in our own lives. I'd say the eyelash person was a bit off mentally. Who would do that and for what purpose???? Whether they are real or fake, is it any less horrifying or acceptable?
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 8:08 am
To be honest, I almost never am bothered by people's questions. My philosophy is I am who I am, like me or go pound sand. Well, not really that harsh, but it's something like that. If they wanna know what I do, I tell 'em. If they wanna know how much I make, I'll tell them. It's all the same to me; and it doesn't really matter much what they think of the answers. The only question that I ever struggle with is how many children do you have. Depending on the situation, I may say just one; but the truth is I have just one living. The question pains me, so that's why it's difficult to answer; not because I think it's rude.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 10:59 am
Biloxi you should've kicked her.
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 11:20 am
I agree!
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 1:07 pm
Maybe Biloxi should have grabbed her nose and gave it a tug ... to see if it was real. LOL I like that...I'm a caregiver. I used to work with DD adults in group homes and work settings. Also worked with DD teens with severe behavior issues due to horrible abuse. Then I worked as a CNA at a nursing home and the state facility for DD people. I loved those jobs. I taught DD adults sign language so they could communicate basic needs. I was the little spot of sunshine in the elderly's day at the nursing home. Working in those areas gives me the greatest joy. But seeing anyone abused or neglected in anyway breaks my heart and stresses me out. When I get even a little stressed, my mental illness becomes more, um, active...I disassociate more. So, I can't work. Kind of sucks. Having a foreign exchange student really opened my eyes to how rude Americans are in general as opposed to people in other countries.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:28 pm
I agree with what Springer wrote at 4:43am. (Don't you ever sleep?). I pigeonhole people into two groups: open people and closed people. (Have I written about this before?). I remembe chatting up my Ex, when we first met, and I asked her some kind of personal question like "What do you do for a living?" and her response was "Who wants to know?" I think my questions really always did bother her. I prefer open people. I'm an open person. I just naturally ask a lot of questions. That's me. I want to know. Sometimes I don't remember the answer because I'm already working on the next question. A flaw... Closed people think you are writing a book about them or something, or that you are going to use the info to harm them somehow. You're a teacher?! Oh my God, I'm going to call that in to the talk show host who hates the teachers unions. Is that the fear? When I'm in a situation where I'm meeting new people, and I tell them I'm a mailman, I can sense their judgment right away. Some think it's a good job but they view me as not so bright. Others immediately dismiss, disappointed that I'm not a three piece suit CEO. Hey, we all judge. Well, mostof us do. I know for sure that I do. I have 3 kids. So if I ask if she has children and she says NO, well, I do judge that. Why not, I wonder. What's wrong with her? Is she so self absorbed... Of course that's a knee jerk judgment. And I'm drudging up the past because I dont go to many parties anymore. The thing is, if the conversation is flowing, effortless, with flecks of laughter and amusement, and where it's back and forth and fun, well, does anything else matter? That's the problem with dating sites. You may connect intellectually with someone, but when you meet there might not be any physical attraction or any spark. Some people write better than they interact...
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 7:42 pm
I agree with Karuuna's 7:58am. Why let questions bother you. They are going to find out anyway, if they get to know you. I'm not about to tell people I'm an astronaut. Why lie? What questions feel off limits? I can see if they are asking you what your password is for the ATM card, you might not want to tell them it's Bosco. But if they're asking you how much money you make, for instance, that question must be pertinent to the conversation somehow, and the asker must know that the return Q will be asked as well. The last singles event I went to I asked the woman what she did. She said she worked in a funeral home. That stopped me dead in my tracks. All I could think of was lame jokes. So I shifted to TV and she didn't watch the Idol and she didn't watch GA and I quickly lost interest because she wasn't putting any energy back into it. Talked to my sister-inlaw tonite. Birthday. She wanted to know who I was dating. We talk maybe 3 times a year. I made some joke about being a baby boomer and trying to date. It's ok to live alone. It really is. I'm not saying you should be a hermit. But I see nothing wrong with writing here, talking to people at work and in the community, and going to sleep alone at night. (I'm trying to convince myself that it's ok).
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 8:57 pm
I try to deflect nosy questions with humour. I say I have 2 cats and 1 hubby. That tells them right away that I have no kids, and am rather goofy. Which is fine. Oh and Newman, I have not had children for many reasons, and you may scoff at some of them. I tell people that my cats are I have been 'fixed'. Which means that I had my tubes tied in my late 30's due to severe degenerating discs in my back, and I was terrified of the back pain - and frankly the regular pains that go along with pregnancy and childbirth. Plus with the childhood I had, and the way I was raised, with the obvious AND the underlying messages I was treated to, I've never had the urge to rush out and procreate for the sake of procreation. I am not as self absorbed as one might think. I have often entertained the notion of adopting a child. And have longed for a little East Asian child, most likely a girl, as they are so beautiful, intelligent and well mannered. (NOTE: I am well aware that I am generalizing, but its MY fantasy, if you don't mind...) But my realities include the fact that I only married 7 years ago, and am now 51 with dh 55 and we don't want to be chasing a 10 year old in our 60's or dealing with a teenager - and all THAT entails, in our 70's... yikes! So for me, its 2 cats and 1 hubby. And lots of humour and patience with other people's bleeping assumptions.
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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Sunday, April 23, 2006 - 9:22 pm
Mame, I can so relate to "lots of humor and patience with other people's bleeping assumptions." Many times, I simply say "I'm still raising my husband". It breaks the ice and makes people laugh. Newman, when you meet a male. Do you ask if he has any children, if the answer is NO, do you also wonder what is wrong with him? Is he so self absorbed...? It's a two way street.
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