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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 9:30 am
Somewhere on some board (radioclubhouse?) that woman is telling her fellow posters.. "well, then there was this one guy lurking in the corner..." I'd of course want to know past history of a potential date, but first I'd just want to get to know them, I think. Or, I'd already have my eye on them and have been listening and observing.
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 10:33 am
I agree with what Max said about how to discuss past relationships when you meet someone new. It reminds me of a job interview that I did with a prospective employee. As part of the general interview I asked him why he wanted to move on from his previous job. His response: "My boss was a total idiot! Nothing good about him!" I said: "Um okay. How about the job before that?" His response: "Oh my boss in that job was a total idiot too! There was nothing good about her either!" Do you think I offered him the position?!?!? I suspect the same thing would apply when discussing past relationships with a prospective future partner.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 11:49 am
If one is always looking at the glass as half empty, it will never be half full. And that can make a huge difference in one's life!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 2:43 pm
Who wants the glass half full? I want it awful, errrrrrr all full (was that a planned Freudian slip?)? Max, someone gave me the same advice at church today. Don't feel sad. Be happy. I'm just not Bobby McPheron. Just reporting on my feelings. I could lie about my feelings in the future. I'm smart you know. I do know the correct things to say. I know how to be upbeat and cheerful and phony...
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 2:47 pm
I think the point is that happiness is a choice. You can choose to look on the bright side of things (and there usually is one), or you can choose to focus on the negative side of things. It's not just about emotions. Do you run your emotions, or do your emotions run you, that's the question I ask myself! As for the glass half full or half empty, what I always think is "either way there's room for improvement". I used to think that meant I was kind of negative. But now I realize that it's my natural desire to always strive to make things better, in any way I can. That's a good thing (unless it becomes obsessive!)
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 3:30 pm
Karuuna, I agree totally 100% with your post! It does not matter who you are, there is always room for improvement in your life and in the world around you. You can look on the positive side of things or you can spend your time going over and over the negative things instead of taking that energy and doing something positive for yourself or someone else! Negativity in = negativity out. Positive in = positive out!
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 3:31 pm
I tend to be a "half full" kind of girl most of the time...but also know I couldn't tolerate a world of pure optimism. Sometimes we need to whine and cry and talk about the injustice in the world and surrender to the self pity for a few minutes. As long as we don't wallow in those thoughts for long periods of time....and one thing you can be sure of....there will be someone here to tell you if you do! I love that we have both viewpoints on here. Sometimes I will come on and be in a bluesy mood and someone else will either be in a worse one or coming out of one and making me laugh with their self-depreciating humor. Other days the sweet optimism of someone will touch me and make we want to come right through their computer screen and give them a hug. I love knowing that on any given day there are some of you who will encourage me and some of you who will kick me in the rear. I need both! Just got back from a fabulous weekend....I drove 7 hours to go to a party that a friend of mine was giving. It was such fun! Won't go into all the details, but wanted to tell you about someone I met. It was a woman who is about to turn 91. She is incredible!!!! The kind of person I plan to be if I get to live that long....it was fun meeting such a great role model. She is spry and alert and fun and living life to the fullest. At one point of our conversation I started telling her about parasailing...she decided she wanted to try it. I encouraged her, of course. Told her there was absolutely no reason she couldn't do it. I fully believe she will at her first opportunity. It's so great to meet people like her... it energized me to see a 90-year old example of how I think we should approach life every day.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 3:49 pm
I know life is full of ups and downs. I do truly know that. I live with many downs much of the time. But, if you can look at life generally in a positive way, your life will be different! Deal with the negatives in a positive way. Take care of them the best you can keeping a positive attitude as much as possible and then move on. Life will be more rewarding, sweeter and richer!
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 6:56 pm
Yesitsme, Great post-- and that 91yr old woman reminded me of my grannie who past away at 96, she and her twin sister past away about 6 months apart. They were both so cute and traveled all over,camped,hiked,enjoyed life to the fullest. You made me think about how great they both were.....and Seamonkey...too funny..(radioclubhouse) made me laugh out loud.... I had a great day today--beautiful weather,good conversation,lots of smiles.....and now im home-catching up here and making my daughter a birthday cake. 21yrs today.. Shes in mexico,but I pick her up at the airport tomorrow.. I cant wait to go get a dakari with her..to fun!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 9:48 pm
This is what I do. Tell me if any of you do this too. I'll be walking along and then suddenly it hits me, I'm feeling sad. Or anxious. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. Then I step back and ask myself why I'm feeling that way? Usually I come up with it right away. Maybe there's school tomorrow and a big test. Maybe it's work tomorrow and Monday is always a bear. Or I plan on confronting someone tomorrow and that's got me filled with anxiety. Usually if I become detached, think about why I'm feeling low, it's pretty easy to come up with the answer. Then it's easy to put it in a bubble and let it drift away. It's only a test. No big deal. Have taken many. Am prepared. Exhale... So, when I walk away from my friend's house, where I used to live 20 years ago, I feel sad. I know it's because I've missed a lot, not being around my old friends. I also know I can try to reconnect now. I don't try to dictate the feeling. I try to understand it, figure out what caused it, and then move on... Does this sound like my emotions run me? Perhaps. I would phrase it that something happens, life happens, then I have an emotional response, then I try to understand my emotion. Then I move on...
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:24 am
Since you asked Newman, that doesn't sound to me at all like the kind of thing that someone who lets their emotions run them would do. Oddly enough, I think someone who lets their emotions run them doesn't analyze their emotions. Their emotions are so much a part of them that there is no way that they can consider an alternative approach or a different way of thinking. On the other hand, you seem to be acutely aware of your emotions and the affect that they have on you. You are able to step back and attempt to analyze them almost from a third party perspective. I guess the second key part to this whole thing is the idea of being able to compartmentalize them – putting them in the bubble and letting them go and moving on. Someone whose emotions run them would not be able to do that. Of course, there may be a bit of a loop here, in that over analyzing may take the person back to where they started in the first place.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:23 am
I think maybe you're overanalyzing your feelings.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:47 am
As long as you are truly letting them go, it's not a bad thing at all. In fact, it is psychologically healthier to take the step to stop and reflect on what underlies the emotion. Many folks get themselves in trouble by feeling then reacting, without pausing for that middle stop. That analytical step is one of the hardest things to teach, and often a necessary foundation for successful personal growth in therapy. It's difficult for people to change from emotion = reaction to emotion = analysis = choose best course of action. Think Jerry Springer - it's a whole show about people stuck in emotion - reaction behavior.
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:17 pm
I don't know if this question has anything to with being a baby boomer, which I am, but here goes ... why are men so concerned with how many times you hit the big O???
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:38 pm
Maybe because they want to make sure we're satisfied? It's not easy for them to tell since they are told that women 'fake it' a lot. Doesn't help that oftentimes we aren't very comfortable in telling them exactly what is and isn't working for us and what we do and don't like. 
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:04 pm
I don't count, so if they ask...they get an "I don't know, do you?"
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:41 pm
Well, as people here are fond of saying, you can look at things in a positive or negative way. Looking at it in a positive way (as so many here have been encouraging us to do), maybe it's because they care about making their partner feel good.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 8:03 pm
Well, that is a lovely thought, Jimmer! And I agree with you that some of the time that is true. Some men are genuinely concerned about their partner. But, I also believe for some men, it's their egos that they are concerned with a tad bit more than with their partner's well-being.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:14 pm
I could use some advice. About 3 months ago I met someone and we had a relationship. Not sexual, it was going to become that when I was ready. We were more than friends but not lovers. Anyway, he had a heart attack and died. Two weeks ago I went down to the beach to mourn (his ashes were put to Sea). I wanted to be alone and just cry and get it all out of my system. While sitting there crying this guy comes up to me. Not in a rude way or intrusive. He was concerned. He sat down and just let me cry and we talked and he let me cry. Then he said "Okay, that's enough let's go" I said "Where?" He said "Play golf" those of you who know me know I cannot do that.. but he insisted that I stop crying and being sad. So....I played golf (did quite well I might add). Me and this guy spent the whole day together..he made me laugh harder than I have ever laughed in my life. Think belly laughs.. I have never in my life "clicked" so much with someone. Laughing, talking and eating (he took me to dinner) I told him that I do not want a "traditional" relationship. That if he wanted to see me, I have my life, he has his and then we would have "our" relationship together. He was okay with that. I was very happy with that. With my son and Mom I like having my own life with taking care of them and then having my "escape from reality" with this guy. So, we have been seeing each other, calling every night etc. The other night he says "I am getting freaked out because you have a son" HUH????? Remember I have my life which entails my son and my mom...nothing to do with this guy. I do not want him part of that. The only thing I would like is dating..going to dinner ....seeing a movie...hanging out...getting out of the house and forgetting everything. No heavy committment, nothing major. Why does it have to change? Is he thinking I want something more (no) Is he thinking something more? Why rush?
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 10:03 pm
I guess before attempting to comment on this it might help to know what you said when he made the comment about your son and how the conversation went after that? Did he give any more clues to why he made the comment?
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 10:53 pm
Well, I told him that was "my private" life. That he would not have anything to do with my son. My belief is this It's one thing to have my heart broken in a relationship, it's one thing to have the guy have his heart broken, I WILL NOT let my son know any of the men I date. I WILL NOT let my son fall in love and get attached to any man that I date unless there is a heavy commitment (meaning marriage) I told this guy I only want casual dating right now. Is he thinking longer down the road then I am?
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 12:12 am
It sounds like it. Some people can compartmentalize quite easily and some have difficulty being kept in a separate part of someone's life. He may have thought he could deal with that at first, or was willing to agree to whatever you offered because he didn't want to walk away. Perhaps now that isn't enough? I completely understand where you are coming from, Z.. I would think at some point you'd perhaps be thinking of that heavy committment and then you'd have to be able to share the rest of your life, to see if it all fit together, or you all fit together.. and while it is hard to tell when that might be, I'm guessing he's wanting to move quite a bit faster than you at this point? Or.. you don't see ever moving to that point with him? And he said that was fine but now he's finding out it isn't fine with him?
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 5:06 am
Actually Sea, I cannot see me in the future having a heavy duty relationship. I have my son and Mom to take care of. I want that part of my life private. I just want a casual, go to the movies, have dinner and possibly in the far off horizon, hot sex that sizzles..nothing more then that. No long term commitment.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 5:36 am
I agree with Max and Jimmer on the Orgasm question. It's pretty easy to know when men come. Not so easy with women. You have to ask or they have to speak. We want you to be happy too. Does that sound so odd? As for guys who don't care if you had an orgasm, and just care about their own ego, well, why are you with them?}
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 5:39 am
Whoa Newman, I think you made a wrong turn somewhere! 
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