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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:04 pm
I think the point here is that women CAN lead fulfilling lives without men and a close relationship with a man. Women get and receive love from friends ... girlfriends in a way most men don't understand. We become emotionally close to other women, share our lives and feelings with our girlfriends. Most men, on the other hand, don't form these close, emotional bonds with their male friends. Most don't talk about feelings, so to speak. They don't form bonds that "crying on each others' shoulders" brings. Women can lead very emotionally fulfilling lives with out a male SO. It's not about who needs love. It's about finding fulfillment!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:10 pm
How can you be fulfilled without romantic, man/woman love?
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:17 pm
Newman, that today's woman does not need a man in her life does not mean she doesn't want one in her life or that she necessarily prefers to be alone. That's YOUR interpretation of what you're reading, as seen through YOUR filters of women having rejected and hurt you int he past. While some women (particularly those of us who are older) may prefer to be alone than in a relationship, certainly not all do. Not needing a man in your life to 'complete you' in some way does not mean you do not want or desire the companionship, love, and physical intimacy of a man. Women today are able to be self-sufficient. It's not like in the '50s when most women did not work and those who did had a hard time making a decent living. Then, women needed men in a much different way than today. Today's woman isn't sitting around waiting for a man to make her feel whole; she's out there experiencing life, learning new things, and simply LIVING FULLY. Would she like a man to add to that picture? Many time, yes, but she's certainly not going to sit at home worrying about when one will come along before she goes out and LIVES LIFE. It seems that men need to be needed. That's fine; it is what it is. Knowing that, then perhaps we, as women, need to change our language in how we phrase what we desire in our lives. Somehow, we need to find a linguistic compromise that allows men to hear "I need you" when we are saying, "I could enjoy having you around because it would add a new dimension to my already full life." Somehow, it seems some men only hear the negative "I don't need you. . ." and stop listening before we can express the rest of the feeling, which is ". . . but it would be really nice to have you share my life." I continue to think that being a man in today's world is probably one of the most difficult things around. If you make comments about how nice a woman looks, you can be accused of sexually harrassing her. If you are too friendly with children who are not your own, you can be suspected of being a pedophile. If you are a gentleman in the traditional sense of the word, a woman may get angry and say she can open that door for herself. Sometimes women expect you to be a take-charge guy, sometimes they we resent that. It's all very confusing! In any case, Newman, there's just no way to lump us all into one neat package anymore. Just as we cannot assume that all men think with thier "second head," you cannot assume that all of us neither need nor want men in our lives. Many of us do want men in our lives; we simply aren't waiting to live until that happens. Abandon all assumptions, ye who enter here! 
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:18 pm
How are you going to find romantic, man/women love?
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:27 pm
Newman, I think I already said Women get their emotional needs made thru other relationships ... close friendships. I think you would benefit by reading some scientific data about how men and women's brains are different which also relates to how we function in the world. Women and men are VERY different biologically and emotionally.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:31 pm
I've taught the boys to open doors.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:34 pm
Viva la difference!

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Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:46 pm
I have been reading the last few pages here. For me personally I'm glad I want my husband instead of needing him. I think by wanting not needing it cleared the way for us to be best friends. As a 47 year old woman there are so many things I need (yearly check ups come to mind) that I wish I didn't need. It is nice to have a want. Newman, like I said I have only red a few pages but you keep bringing up control. Is control important to you? To set the record straight on only myself. I do not "control" my children. I never have and I never will. I "guide" them on what I hope is the right path. Sometimes they follow, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I have been there to pick up the pieces, sometimes I choose not to. I am always there to celebrate the triumphs or a hug for the tears. If I tried to "controlled" them how would they ever learn to fly? Sometime I might not like the flight path they pick, but I'm always proud of their flight.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 12:49 pm
Amen Biloxi, loved what you wrote about guiding your children.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 1:06 pm
Newman, I certainly don't need a romantic man/woman love to be fulfilled. I lead a full life and enjoy each day because I choose to look at what I have and not miss what I don't. I don't have a mother to celebrate Mother's Day with, she died 1O ten years ago, but I am enjoying the day and am happy for those who have their mothers with them today.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 1:25 pm
Ive received 3 phone calls this morning...2 from x boyfriends wishing me a Happy Mothers Day.. (we remain close) and one from my Daughter who is on her way here now... I still love men... If it wernt for men, who would I bake goodies for...Feeding men brings me great joy...Most of the women I know are on diets...hmmm
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 1:27 pm
Biloxi, That is a great post. I love your last sentence, "Sometime I might not like the flight path they pick, but I am always proud of their flight". You should come on over here more often! And Dogdoc, loved your post as well! Loved the sentence, "I lead a full life and enjoy each day because I choose to look at what I have and not miss what I don't". That is also my philosophy. And most of the time, it works pretty darn well! And Kearie, you know I always love what you have to say. You always have lots of thought provoking posts, lots of really good stuff!
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 1:51 pm
One thing that I find interesting is that many of the qualities that are now being promoted as good qualities for a woman to have, are the same qualities that in men are not looked on as favorable. For example, for years, people have complained that men are reluctant to commit in a relationship. Here you've got a guy (Newman) who is obviously very enthused about committing to a relationship and he seems to be receiving criticism for it. Rather the emphasis seems to be on how women don't "need" men. Well, men don't need women either (so there!!! ). Okay, so I'm not being honest when I say that. I would miss all of the women in my life if they were gone and I say that with the greatest sincerity. Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Moms here!
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 2:32 pm
You know, I think part of our frustration with Newman is the very fact that we do care about him and we want him to "get it." Some of us can't conceive of thinking you can't have a fulfilling life without romantic love. Personally I don't get that thinking at all. I have a wonderful life and there is no romantic love in it right now at all (darn it) ....but that doesn't mean in the least that I don't want it! I do and promise that when I get it I will cherish it and nurture it and enjoy every day I get of it. In the meantime, life is fun and every single moment is worth living well. If I let myself think that I may never find someone to fall head over heels with, that would be depressing. I think it will happen....but in the meantime, as I wait for him to arrive, life is good. One of the things that I find attractive about a man is how he is living his life before I meet him...what choices does he make with what to do with his time, who are his friends, how does he get along with his family, is he good at his job (whatever that job may be), is he a good friend to the people around him. You can tell a person's true character from how they live their life when they think noone is watching. I would hope that he would have a fulfilling life on his own and not spend his time pining away for me (...though I would be worth pining for...LOL!) I hope we would combine two rich lives to get an even richer one. I've always said that I will know it is time to marry when I know my life with someone would be better than my life alone. I don't plan to have a crummy life while I wait...I want some tough competition and I want to choose marriage to someone as the best of several great options. Newman, I think you sound like a great guy and I do think you have a lot to offer a woman. But don't waste precious minutes of your life waiting for it to happen. Keep plugging away. Don't put the responsibility for fulfilling your life on another person...that's too much responsibility for anyone and could be setting up the relationship for failure. Fulfill yourself and then when you find a special woman, find someone who is whole by herself. That "you complete me" crap is just movie jibberish that sounds wonderfully romantic, but in reality isn't the sign of a healthy relationship.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 2:49 pm
Some of us certainly CAN be fulfilled without romantic, man/woman love. The question keeps going back to, "how...?" The answer is within yourself/myself. It isn't going to be found in any book, in any psychiatrist's office, and certainly not on a message board. Again, the answer to that question has to be found inside yourself. I truly, truly, am happy and complete feeling without another person in my life. I have had numerous relationships over the years, and felt truly, truly, happy and complete in love as well. I am at peace with ME.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 2:57 pm
Why keep plugging away, Yesitsme, when it seems like today's woman doesn't want (I said WANT, not NEED) love from a man! She gets love online from her friends at tvch. She gets love from her child who she is raising by herself. I'm just saying how can your life be "fulfilled" if you are living alone, raising your child alone, and posting "no vacancy" signs at your door. I am plenty fulfilled by myself, Yesitsme. I'm well read. I'm not overweight. I'm in shape for my age. I'm active. I'm still curious about life. I'm a progressive. I care about others. But I'm unloved. How can I be fulfilled if I don't have a special person in my life? I can be half-filled (are you catching the humor there, glass half empty, yada yada yada, well if you half to explain a joke...) but not fullfilled. Your last paragraph puts it in a nutshell, Yes. A person can only do so much on his own. If the modern baby boomer attitude in women is to not to want a man in her life, completely in her life, well...men can't force that attitude to change. It takes two. If women aren't interested in wanting man/woman romantic fulfilled love anymore, a man certainly can't force that idea on her. It's kind of sad I think...and cold... Going back up to speed read the other posts (just kidding H)... Seamonkey, what is it with the modern woman that she can't commit to a relationship? It feels like a role reversal Bizzaro world we live in now. It used to be men who can't commit. What happened?
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Penguingirl
Member
01-26-2006
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 3:01 pm
YEAH Yesitsme!! That was great. Thank you Karuuna.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 3:20 pm
I think we need a time out. Way out of line.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, May 14, 2006 - 3:21 pm
But for some reason you are interpreting what people are saying is that we women are anti-men. We're not....at least, I know I am not, and I have many incredible men in my life to support that. I do also have great girlfriends and yes, they are a special part of my life. But that doesn't mean at the exclusion of a romantic relationship. In fact, most of my girlfriends are married to incredible men that I adore (and for that matter, even most of my male friends are married.) I do want a man in my life...but not because I am not fulfilled without one. I can commit to a relationship and would love to. But I also will not settle for relationships that I have seen other people in where there is not mutual love and respect. I don't want to be treated as a child and I don't want to raise a child. I want a partnership....and am fully capable at adapting to that. I have a life full of laughter and purpose and joy. I guess I see it like love in general. You have one child, then you have another it doesn't mean you love that first child any less or don't love the second one as much. My life is great now...and if more love comes into it I will greedily accept it and enjoy it. If I died today, I would die without romantic love. But I would hope that the people around me would not mourn me because of that, but instead they will mourn because they will miss me and the world won't be the same without me. Because even if I am lucky enough to find that great love that I do seek, I hope that the sum of my life is more than that.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 6:39 am
This thread has been cleaned up and reopened. I would caution you again that ANY posts criticizing other posters in specific (by name) or in GENERAL ("women" "men") will be removed completely rather than edited. This is a very interesting conversation, but you will have to stay within board guidelines if you want to continue. We appreciate your cooperation. 
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Penguingirl
Member
01-26-2006
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 7:24 am
I apologize if I offended anyone. It wasn’t my intention. Sorry folks.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 8:21 am
My husband and I have known each other for almost 26 years and married for 22. I love him with every breath in my body, BUT, he doesn't complete me. I was complete when we met. I think what we have been trying to say is 'yes, we would love to have a man in our life, but we don't have to have one to be fulfilled, happy, complete' or whatever word it is. I know I certainly don't want my daughter OR son to think they have to have a partner to be whole human being. I also want them to understand that a partner doesn't make you whole either.
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 8:21 am
I am curious, when did any single woman every say they didn't want romantic love? I would love to have "love of my life", I am just cautious. I don't rush into relationships, I did that before and became very hurt. Since I had a child I want a healthy relationship. Those take time. I do not want my son to become attached. I want to date and see what is out there. Right now, I have found a "potential" person who I "might" want to have a serious relationship. When I figure that out, I will introduce him to those that I already love. Until then, this guy is my "private" life.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 8:27 am
I am also curious why it is a bad thing for a mother to be cautious about who she exposes her child too?
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, May 15, 2006 - 9:13 am
i'm trying to dissect the use of the word 'fulfilled' being used in this discussion. which is it that i am hearing or am i hearing both? 1. a person may not be fulfilled in their life as a whole if they haven't experienced romantic love. or 2. a person may not be fulfilled in their love life it they haven't experienced romantic love.
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