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Archive through April 06, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 06, 2006 users admin

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Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 7:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Kearie, so glad your daughter came through her surgery well. I know that was a weight off your mind. Hope she enjoys dressing them up!

I like living by myself, but also like living with other people. Brings out different sides to me. I enjoy just getting in my own little world and reading or watching tv in bed no matter the hour. Then again, some of my best times were living in the dorm in college. Loved having people to have deep philosophical conversations with no matter the hour...sort of like we have here! And my past roomies...I have great fun memories with them all. Still keep up with most. My last one put me off roommates forever, but I still consider her a good friend. Made me crazy to live with her towards the end, though...she was the overly emotional type and I just couldn't deal with the drama. I like peace and calm at home.

Jeep, I say just follow the ex around at the auction giggling and saying "You still have a thing for me, don't ya? I am impossible to get over. But go ahead, buy a few trinkets to keep around you. You definitely can't have the real thing."

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 9:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Baby, right now I don't think I'll ever live with anyone again. Comfort zone. Good choice of words. I'm looking for a comfort zone where I have a LOT in common with another person. Maybe that's the wrong strategy?

Yesitsme and I both tried these singles groups recently. I felt trapped in mine. She had a better experience. Someone I know actually hooked up with someone and went to an art show and had a good time.

Me? I'm very fussy now. I think someone almost has to be "perfect" for it to work with me. Remember the title of this thread? Baby Boomers...living alone...

Obviously there are many wonderful people in wheelchairs. I was just answering your direct question. Frankly I don't think I'll find what I'm looking for either in or out of a wheelchair. Maybe that's for the best.

I'm not very good at dating. The only "comfort zone" I've ever had was playing softball, which I don't do anymore.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 9:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Do I really need to live with someone if I have YOU PEOPLE here, reading my posts and giving me feedback? Like Yesitsme said above, I can have deep philosophical conversations right here AND watch all the baseball I want...have my cake and eat it too!

I was thinking that if I was married I wouldn't write here at all. I would talk to my dw about Grey's Anatomy. I would be talking to her about all the issues we kick around. There would be no point in coming here. Besides, it would make her jealous!


Jmm
Moderator

08-16-2002

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 9:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jmm a private message Print Post    
Or you'd be like Dra and get her to join you here. LOL

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 10:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Newman...I agree with you on your first post.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Tuesday, April 04, 2006 - 11:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Newman no matter if I agree with you or don't agree, I really respect and applaud how open and honest you are to us about yourself. You have told us about what cold be called your areas to improve as well as areas where you have strengths.

You accept who you are at the same time being able to say there is room for improvement. Not everyone can do that.

You ask a lot of tough questions and you give the answers that you have for yourself.

I know I am on the board less since getting married. More things to take care of--ahouse when I used to have an apartment. Things to take care of related to the lives of 2 step daughters and 1 wife--before it was what i wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

I end up making choices and with each one comes a price of some type. Do less concerning what I consider the right things to do for my relationship, or do more?

With each choice something else is affected.

As my one of my ex bosses said, if you want to know what you are committed to, check your results.

Yes, I've said it before on the board. I tell myself that whenever I try to blame someone else for the choices I make. I do things based on my priorities--the less of a priority it is compared to others, the less likely I am to take an action.

I write emails to TVCH friends less often. It isn't that they are no longer important--it's that going to softball practice and games and plays and concerts they give is something I feel I need to make sure I do since I took on marriage.

Yet I still care about those friends. As I write this, it causes me to feel I'm letting my TVCH friends down I used to write to. I'm the kind of person who expects myself to do it all--even when it's not reasonable to do so. Good or bad, that is a part of who I am. I consider those kinds of things my own set of limitations.

Then I get upset at myself for being upset...well, you see where that kind of thing can lead--lol. Your posts and the posts of others here help to keep me grounded just a bit better.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 - 12:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I really like this Lance. "As my one of my ex bosses said, if you want to know what you are committed to, check your results." So very true and I don't think people realize how obvious their priorities show in a relationship. Your partner needs to always know that you are ultimately #1.

Who's the priority in your relationship? Me? You? or Us? Check your actions, choices and results.

<kd>

<kd>. I like to feel like I'm being heard and understood. I like to laugh and giggle rather than criticise life, TV, other people. I don't want to feel like I'm controlled by my partner. How I look? What I wear? I want to be comfortable at home. I don't want someone to tell me "take off your glasses when you meet my friends" or "you need to drop a few pounds" or "areobics is better than sit-ups". Accept me and MY interests also. Listen to me and try to understand my side. Learn about me and try some of my interests. And give me space!!!

Just my 2 cents

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 - 6:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I hear you Lance. Priorities. There is just so much time in the day. You can't do EVERYTHING, can't be everywhere at once, can't attend to every person in your life.

Priorities. You damn well better take care of your wife and kids before coming here. I would too. It's hard to even imagine, with my job, ever coming here if I had a wife and kids.

I use this as an open journal writing exercise. I can be and try to be as open and honest as possible. Why not? What have I to hide? Who am I trying to impress?

I don't plan on meeting any of you. Maybe it's actually better if we don't meet. That way we can be as honest as possible.

My breakfast buddy Cib, the most honest person I know, tells me that dating is all about lying. That floored me when he said that. Whatever happened to "be yourself?" I'm all over the board here...

Also liked that "check your results" comment.

Kearie, I think your comments <kd> amplify the difficulty of dating and relationships in general. People don't change. You better pick the one that is a good fit for YOU, for the both of yous. <kd>. I'm probably not a good fit for anyone (well...) and I'm certainly not going to change at this point.

More to say...but...late as usual...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 - 10:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Are you saying that the woman always has to be #1 priority in a relationship, Kearie?

I think this is a fundamental difference in the sexes. I think women need to be "adored". That's their romantic ideal. Men have a lesser expectation in general. We just want to be loved <in general>.

If the woman always has to be the number one priority, then, she controls the relationship. Is that what you're talking about Kearie?

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 - 11:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I realize now that I worded my above first paragraph wrong. Let me change the one word and hopefully it will clear things up.

....retry this "I really like this Lance. "As my one of my ex bosses said, if you want to know what you are committed to, check your results." So very true and I don't think people realize how obvious their priorities show in a relationship. Your partner needs to always know that they are ultimately #1."

Now it is correct. Sorry about the mistake.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 12:13 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I come here all the time and I have a wife and kids. I don't believe that I am short-changing them at all by coming here.

LOL - It does cut into my sleep sometimes though!

People often talk about making “sacrifices” for their children. I don’t make any sacrifices for my children. That may make you think that I am a bad person but hear me out. The reason that I say that I don’t make sacrifices for my children, is doing something for someone you love and care about (your children and your wife are good examples) is not making a sacrifice!

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 12:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
GOOD STUFF, Jimmer! I wish there were more people who thought that way! Just think, if we all thought like that..WOW, what a wonderful world this would be!

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 12:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Jimmer I have to agree about not sacficining for kids and spouse. I think of sacrafice as doing something that you don't want to do. Giving up something you don't want to and usually something, whatever it is that hurts you in some way. I can't remember ever doing anything for the kids or giving anything up that caused me to be hurt. We do things for the kids, focus are life around family, and don't do some things we used to do before they came along, but no sacrafices, it's things we're happy to do.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 12:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Thank you Baby and Wargod! I find that this is a wonderful way to approach life and it takes a huge weight off of ones shoulders.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 7:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Haven't read any of the replies since my last post. But I wanted to say this. Something an old woman roommate said many years ago: women want to be treated special, not as an equal.

Her opinion...but I think it's true.

Women want to be adored. I suppose some men want that to. I never did. I just want to be loved.

But I think it's almost universal with women. They want to be adored. Treated special. Remind me to develop this thought...


Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 7:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
It is my impression that many men want to be treated as special by their partner as well. It's just done in a different way. It is an interesting subject to explore and I think it is something that men and women could learn from each other.

Making someone feel special is often very easy to do and is very rewarding for the person who is doing it as well as the person who is receiving it. That is why I find it interesting that so few people seem willing to take the time to do it.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 7:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I completely agree Jimmer. I have heard male friends say that the only thing they need from their girl friends is love & attention. Simple.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 7:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Just my opinion, but I'm thinking 98% of that love and attention "some" men want would be in the form of sex.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 9:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Could just be a difference in verbalizing the desire. A woman might say adored while a man might say loved and if you dig deeper to find what that really looks like for each of them, it could just be the same thing. :-)

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 9:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Actually, what I think women want is to be understood. Maybe it's the same for men?

Bob2112
Member

06-12-2002

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 10:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Bob2112 a private message Print Post    
 Huh?

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
LOL, Bob. Maybe not.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 8:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I had one boyfriend that treated me as very special....put me on a pedestal. I got tired of it. Sometimes I felt like shaking him and saying "see me." I do want to feel special... in fact, one of my few marriage musts is that the guy cherish me (a promise I made to an old man I knew when I was a teenager.) But I also want someone who doesn't overlook my flaws, yet also someone who doesn't dwell on them. There has to be a good balance there.

This reminds me of something my best friend from growing up said to me one time about marriage (after she had been married a few years.) She said "One word of advice about marriage...always marry someone who loves you more than you love them." I was quite taken aback when she said it, but then I looked at her marriage, which is a happy one that has lasted more than 20 years, and you know...he definitely does love her more than she loves him. Not that she doesn't love him dearly....it's a subtle thing that my guess is he is not in the least aware of. I wasn't until she brought it to my attention. I don't know....I tend to want a balance of affections! But it is an interesting concept and has caused me to think and watch the marriages around me to notice the dynamics....what do you think about it?

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 9:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I would not want to be adored. Loved or liked but not adored. I think we all have our own comfort levels as to how close we want to be with somebody and they to us. If you observe couples in the malls (I have been known to do that) you see anything from glued together couples to couples where one of the two is walking way ahead of the other. I have to have space. I don't want anybody holding my hand. I can love a guy even though he doesn't love me back.(I have). I don't feel incomplete just because I don't have a partner. Actually, I am not a Baby Boomer, I was a war baby. I am older than you kids but I hope you still want my opinion. (lol).

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 9:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
I can tell from reading some of your posts that you have lots of experience, Dogdoc. I personally love it when you share your opinions! You give lots of good "food for thought" to ponder on!