Author |
Message |
Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Friday, March 03, 2006 - 11:25 pm
Oh dear!

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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 5:32 am
A couple of years after I graduated from college I got recruited by a phone sex company. I never did it, or even seriously considered it, but I did enjoy that they asked and got a laugh out of it (I did radio in college and figure somehow that had some link to why I was recruited.) I can't remember what the pay was, but it was incredible (especially for a woman in a starter job!) What was really funny was how it intrigued my roommate at the time, who was a campus minister. I told her about it after they called the first time and she was shocked at the prospect. Then the guy called again one day when I wasn't there and she plyed him for details. While she was way too nice a girl to ever say it, I think on some level it disappoined her that I didn't give it a try. But for weeks afterwards I amused myself by walking around the house role playing for the job. You can never be too prepared. I figured one syllable words and sounds were all that was needed.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 6:39 am
Hey, who's bogarting those peyote buttons? How come I didn't get one? Is it because I'm not in the popular clique? Sigh... I took the night off to watch "To Kill a Mockingbird". Great film. <77> Have you ever seen that one, Mocha? It would make your head spin how times have changed. Somewhere in the movie, Scout says, "What in the Sam Hill..." Who was Sam Hill? Some previous poster on archive Mar 3 (the first one) that I sped read, said that cliche... I would think being a phone sex operator at 8 hours a day would be pure drudgery and take all the fun out of sex when you got to your real life, if anyone here actually has sex anymore in their real lives. But...I've never tried phone sex myself...and have never had peyote either...
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 6:54 am
Native, Trying to respond from a few archives back...from my experiences... I recall dating this one woman. I must have been in my late twenties or late thirties...thinking...hard to remember. Anyway, we had our 3 dates. I was into her. I wasn't getting any kind of return sign. I recall laying on her lap, with my head on her lap! Nothing happened. I stopped seeing her. What's the lesson here? People don't change. I was waiting for her to seduce me, like I always did. Maybe she was waiting for the same thing? People don't change. I'm people too. I'm not suddenly going to become aggressive or assertive (don't see much of a semantic difference there). I don't like to be where I'm not wanted. She obviously didn't want me...or didn't want me in that way. Communication. There's verbal and non-verbal. They both count. She could have leaned over and kissed me. She could have stroked my hair. Something. She could have said something. I could have said something. How's this: Newman: "Ummmm...what's wrong. Don't you like me?" Joni: "Ummm...<startled> yes, sure ...why do you ask?" Newman: "OK, this is awkward...we seem to be having a good time... OK, stopping here. Couldn't get into the pretend dialog. Don't you want to kiss me? Have sex with me? I'm not ready yet. Or what if she would just be honest and say NO. She is saying no by physical communication, isn't she? What am I saying? I don't want to constantly repeat myself. Communication. Feelings. Forest for the trees. It's hard to analyze your own relationship, especially in the beginning, while you're in the midst of it, doing it, living it. Why don't you like me? I do like you. I'm just not ready yet. Oh...well, when will you be ready? I don't know. Oh...will you ever be ready? I'm not sure. Oh... Shouldn't it just happen, naturally? Life is hard enough. If it's a struggle from the start, what chances are there that it would work later on when the dew is off the rose?
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 8:34 am
Newman, I completely understand what you are saying. You are the way you are and so am I. For me, it was always the men with problems. The more problems they had, the more I liked them. There were several men along the way that I want to kick myself in the butt for not giving them a chance, but they were too good to me and treated me wonderfully. Why the hell would I want someone like that. The one that I think about the most? Mike - a beautiful tall Italian with dark curly hair. He was crazy about me, but I gave him up for the alcoholic. Several times over the years I have tried to see if I could just find out where he was but his name is more common that I would have thought. And I won't even talk about what the sex was like! Let's just say this man had the tool for the trade. Oh, sorry, I'm back now. What I'm getting at here is how many missed opportunities have you and I both let slip through our hands.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 8:36 am
Certainly people change. At least most of us do. You see something is not working in your life, you try something different. I'm an introvert by nature....often I act like an extrovert. It serves me well professionally. Internally I am not in my comfort zone, but because I do that I have had opportunities that I would have never had if I had succumbed to my nature. I'd imagine the answer to "Do you like me?" is always going to be "yes" "no" or "I haven't decided yet." I would never think that the subtext would be "Are you ready for sex?" People don't know your needs, or wants, or desires, if you don't tell them what they are. You don't have to force yourself on somebody, but don't beat around the bush about it. The passive aggressive questions very, very often miss the target. I was just talking with my aunt the other night about her job. She was complaining because she was feeling overwhelmed. I asked her "Did you tell them that you are feeling that way?" and her response was "no." It's the same kind of thing...in our busy world people are not mind readers. When it comes to relationships of any kind, we have to clearly express ourselves. It's amazing to me how often people are in relationships and each one has absolutely no clue as to how the other one thinks. And when you didn't call back, I am almost certain that woman thought "he doesn't like me" instead of "he didn't know I liked him." Communication is important....and you can't control the conversation from the other end but you can direct it from yours.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 8:55 am
Heh, Newman, did it ever occur to you that the woman might have been thinking the same thing? Why doesn't he kiss me? Doesn't he like me??..... It's usually not helpful, in my opinion, to assume you know what someone else is thinking. She may have been waiting for you to make the first move. Who knows? The problem in many relationships is that we expect people to know what we want, and/or we expect them to be the way we are, or the way we think they should be. But people don't really work that way. Just like you, they are who they are, strengths and weaknesses. As long as you put constraints on others, and expectations of how you think they should be, you never have the opportunity to get to know them. The man I'm dating now is a great example. He said early on, he didn't think he was "polished" enough for me. But that was his own insecurity talking. If he hadn't been willing to push past that, we might never be where we are today. I'm glad he was brave enough to take the chance and I admire him tremendously for not just making his assumptions "real", when an issue like being "polished" is something that would never even cross my mind.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 9:06 am
Yes, you explained it perfectly. Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone. I have always been an outgoing person, but I have always internalized my deepest feelings. My mother is the only person who has ever recognized this in me and known when I was doing it. I was always afraid of hurting someone's feelings and being hurt myself. Over the years I have gotten tired of washing the footprints off my back (some people have really dirty feet) and starting standing up for myself. And I found out it feels great, not only mentally but physically as well. I was rather promiscuous in my younger years. It wasn't because I loved sex (although I did) but it was because I thought that was what I had to do to get a boy to like me. And, of course, it was what those bad boys expected. I had absolutely no self-esteem which I have never understood. I came from a good home with wonderful loving parents and was a good student. As I'm sitting here typing, for the first time in my life I think I have figured out what it was. I wore glasses from the time I was 7 until I was 14. I remember all my girlfriends had boyfriends and my first absolutely huge crush told me he would be my boyfriend if I didn't wear glasses. We moved just before I started high school and that summer my parents got contacts for me and let me get my ears pierced. Suddenly, I wasn't four-eyes anymore and boys started noticing me. The outside was fixed but I think the inside always stayed the same. Maybe that's why I still won't wear my glasses away from home. I have had instances where for whatever reason I couldn't wear one contact, but I would suffer through using one eye to see and not wear my glasses. Who needs to spend thousands of dollars on therapy when there is TVCH. I am simply overwhelmed and am going to stop now to have a good cathartic cry. Newman, thank you for starting this thread. 
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 9:25 am
Karuuna and Native....I almost cringed when I read your posts. It made me think of a guy that called me for a date one time. I really, really liked him but felt like he was way too cute and all-around wonderful to go out with me (plus I think I have told you guys before that I have a tendancy to get nervous if I like someone.) I thought he mixed my last name up with another girl with the same first name and didn't realize who he was calling. Instead of saying yes to the date, I hemmed and hawed and the poor guy thought I didn't like him. He never asked me out again. I realized later he did indeed know who he was talking to and I was flat out wrong. Of course then he started avoiding me. There were lots of lessons in that for me....not only that there isn't any sort of dating hierarchy and a person needs to have confidence in themself because different things attract different people, but also why didn't I go to him afterwards and tell him why I acted that way? By time I figured that out as an option, he was dating another friend of mine who he subsequently married. Hopefully I am a bit more confident in myself these days and that wouldn't happen again, but who knows? I still have those days! And Native, LOL on the no need for therapy! You are right....this does cause us to figure that stuff out! And there is a part of us that never gets beyond junior high, isn't there? Hey, maybe we should go back to writing notes..."I like you, do you like me? Check yes or no."
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 9:57 am
Newman, I don't think I could make the first move if my life depended on it! I would be sitting there thinking that if he liked me, he would make a move, and all my insecurities would kick in, not considering that he might be insecure, too! So don't take it personally if she doesn't make a move - it's probably not a rejection of you - many of our generation were taught that a girl doesn't call a boy, a girl never makes the first move, and although that may have changed while we were young, some of us can't get past that early training.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 12:27 pm
Im just trying to insert my self in the cituation, so im sitting on a couch, with a guy that Im sopposed to be liking..and his head is on my lap, Im assuming music is playing or maybe a movie? But If this was someone I liked, than Im sure id be rubbing my hands thru his hair(or lack of hair)making curly stokes across his forhead and face with my fingers, stroking his arm... Signals... than im assuming that if he was feeling that- he may take my face in his hands and pull me to his level and we would kiss... who know where it would go from there... But if I was sitting there, doing all of those things, and he layed there like a wet noodle and didnt budge...Id be feeling a little like,...hmmm, time to go now.. So Newman...I dont think it allways has to be a conversation about where we go from here, I think body language speeks voulums, and if there is none....then somthing isnt there.. maybe better friends..
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 12:47 pm
Cjewpito, that could very well be true or he could be trying to guess that since you are showing indications of being interested, just how interested are you.
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 12:55 pm
Anyway, we had our 3 dates. I was into her. I wasn't getting any kind of return sign. I recall laying on her lap, with my head on her lap! Nothing happened. I stopped seeing her. What's the lesson here? People don't change. I was waiting for her to seduce me, like I always did. Maybe she was waiting for the same thing? I'm seeing a bit of "desperation" for lack of a better term here. If you were into her, but weren't getting signals in return, why oh why, did you put your head on her lap? Seems to me you would have sent more clear signals if you had asked her if she would like to put her head on YOUR lap. For all you know, she may have received a signal that said, "great, another lazy sloth..." I don't want to come across as mean by saying that, it's just an observation. Git yer groove on Newman, and start seducing!
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:28 pm
i think that's where i've excelled. i have no problems in the self esteem department towards people. maybe too much. if a guy i was dating wanted to put his head in my lap, if i LET him do it, honey, that was a HUGE signal! the guy was in the position to make the next move! newman, it was up to you to make the next move, and you didn't! she isn't going to seduce you. very few women (from my experience) either have the hutzpah to go there, or just from society's teachings won't do it. sorry to say it. now me on the other hand, after letting the man lay his head in my lap would have leaned over and kissed him then and there. now that i think about it, i think that's how i got the boyfriend i had before i met chuck. and that lasted 2 1/2 years!
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:29 pm
well native, Im not sure how intrested I am yet, cause I got no signals...I was giving signals.. I need signals...and if im going to let him put his head on my lap,then ive slightly opened that door....must I do everything?? .... allright, I had a great guy friend, we were budies, go to coffie, go for walks, go to movies...BUT, he allways would take my hand in the show and start to play with my fingers and such, I would pull back and say..Come on now, we are friends, I dont want to be your "more than that".. the friendship got weaker and weaker, and then was nothing...It bumed me out, cause WHY could we not just be friends? But I guess he wanted more, I didnt and layed it out there and that was that... Its hard to find a good guy "friend",... and a great romance......Id like to have both, but whatcha gonna do..
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:37 pm
Newman, you ask who Sam Hill is. Frankly, I don't know. I remember growing up hearing my maternal grandparents say "What in Sam Hill..." or "Who in Sam Hill..." all the time. I guess it would be akin to people saying "What the F---." I also mentioned Cooter Brown. Don't know who he is either but I always figured he was a pretty bad alcoholic, hence the term "drunker than Cooter Brown." Myself, I've always wondered about "three sheets to the wind," but I guess this would be a discussion for another thread.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:45 pm
Native_Texan, I agree with you. Contact lenses were the start of a whole new way of life for me.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:51 pm
who was Sam Hill????? http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-sam1.htm and Cooter Brown???? http://www.word-detective.com/011098.html
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 1:53 pm
I met the Italian guy I mentioned above when a friend of mine moved in with me while her husband was on the road. Mike and my friend's husband were OTR driving partners. They came into town one night, Mike and I met and we all went out and had a great time. When we got back home, the married folk went straight to bed (it had been while since they had seen each other) leaving Mike and I on our own. We sat down and just starting talking like we had known each other forever but the conversation was, of course, about getting to know each other. Eventually, he mentioned that he knew I had to go to work the next day and should probably go to bed. He had a hotel but asked if he could sleep on the couch so I wouldn't have to get out. No problem. Somehow we ended up still fully clothed lying on my bed and talking until I had to get ready for work. There wasn't only light physical contact (touching hands, sitting and laying close together). He didn't kiss me until he left. It was probably the most romantic evening I have ever had - just talking. However, the next time we say each other, maybe a week later...... Oh, my!!!!
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:10 pm
I'm only 49...I'm not sure I should be hearing these things at my tender age!

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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:12 pm
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh, those memorys...
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Jimmer
Member
08-30-2000
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:20 pm
LOL Hukd. I'm not sure either! It's great if a man and woman can be friends, provided that they both want to be friends. If one or the other starts falling in love or wants to take the relationship to more than friends, then if the feeling is not mutual, it makes it difficult to remain friends. Why? Well the person who just wants to be friends now feels uncomfortable and the person who wants more, feels hurt. So the easiest thing to do is to drift apart.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:24 pm
Hmmmmm... seduction and who does it. I've been on both sides of the fence on this one. Sometimes I have taken the lead, sometimes not. One thing for sure, when I take the lead, there's no wondering what my intentions are. Sometimes it's fun to ge the pursuer and sometimes it's fun to be pursued. But if there's something or someone I'm REALLY desiring and nothing is happening, I'm gonna make a move. Nothin' to lose there! 
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:44 pm
I read Newman's post about putting his head in this girl's lap and not getting a response he envisioned. My first thought was.....face up or face down? It makes a big difference.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 2:48 pm

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