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Archive through February 10, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 10, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 7:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Max,

So...meaning to life...most people seem to couch it around whether you affected someone. Enjoyed? your role model story. It was uplifting. I often hope other good adults are around my adult children, helping them out, in my place, since they are so far away.

Life has the meaning that YOU give to it.

Hmmmm...I did like that part in your post where you point out that you would like to have a man in your life, just didn't want to have to wait around...

I feel the same way...about waiting for a woman to "complete me" as Rene Zelweigger would say to Tom Cruise (not Dwight Yokum...no Kenny Chesney, lol).

That is the romantic dream...my dream anyway, and a lot of people...that you would find Ms Right, find romantic love, true love, and companionship, and live would be worth living...late for MEANINGLESS work...


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 8:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Yeah it all goes back to that volunteering, Newman. You should know that by now!!!! That's where you find the secret to the meaning of life. Just give in to it! LOL...one day we are going to find out that Newman is going to be voted Volunteer of the Year. His acceptance speech will begin "As my TVCH friends know, I have always been a big believer in the power of volunteering...."

I think you are doing a good job of exploring options Newman. Don't discount that book club too quickly. Our first instinct when trying something new is generally flight. Because you were the only man one time doesn't mean that you will be the only man there forever. Can you come up with a way to get other men involved? As a female, I would almost always prefer a mixed group and I would be thrilled you were there. While I have a great group of girlfriends that I spend a lot of time with, I tend to hate "female only" meetings. Not because I am looking for a date, but because I have always had both male and female friends and don't really understand the need for lots of separation between sexes. You could be of great value to that group.

Do you want to be closer to your family? Distance doesn't really matter if you do. My guess is that even if you don't have a close relationship with your kids, on some level they crave it. Why don't you start writing each one a letter or mailing them a card once a month? No great words of wisdom necessary, but maybe just a "Dad loves you" reminder with no expectations of anything in return.

Or you may not want to have closer relationships with your family members....I am not one who thinks that you owe people anything because you share bloodline. Personally I have a great family who understand me and are very supportive of me and who are people I really like. I know that is rare and I cherish it. But I also accept them as imperfect people, who don't share the same values or opinions as me all of the time. Sometimes they are pains in the rear, quite frankly. Relationships are hard work, and you have to decide what you are willing to invest. And some days you just have to laugh at the absurdity of us all.

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 8:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rupertbear a private message Print Post    
I think just trying to be kind to others on a daily basis makes a big difference.

Think of all the times we may have been down ourselves and a person's kindness, be they friend or stranger...even if it was something as small as a warm smile for us, with real eye contact, often makes a big difference when one is down...

"Do unto others..."

It ALL helps...really! :-)

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 9:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Newman, I'll just offer you this to ponder when you return from work.

The one person I look forward to seeing each day is the mailman. (Actually, I hardly ever actually see him because the mail comes to one of those locked "condo" boxes out on the street, but. . . ) Without someone delivering the mail, I wouldn't get letters from my friend who is in prison at the moment. I wouldn't get rebate checks. I wouldn't get my paycheck. My NetFlix movies would never arrive.

In short, Newman, the work you do IS meaningful. I realize that it may not seem so from your perspective, but from my perspective, I'm very thankful for the work that you and your fellow postal workers do every day. :-)

Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 9:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rupertbear a private message Print Post    
Another tip is to 'get outside ourselves'...don't keep dwelling on id or ego...I honestly believe it can be the first step to depression.

Focus on those around you and forget about yourself...it is one of the paths to happiness.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 10:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Newman, right before Christmas my daughter wrote a letter to Santa. In previous years, she's brought the envelope to me to address and I will address to my sis then mail it and she'll write a letter back and send it to Kota "from Santa." Anyways this year she stuck it in the mailbox and I had meant to grab it out since it was only addressed, "To Santa From Dakota" but forget it til after the mailman had picked it up. The next day we were both surprised when there was a letter to Kota from Santa. She was so proud of that letter that she took it to school to show her friends and took it to the family get together to share with her cousins, and eventually stuck it in her scrapbook with some Christmas cards she'd recieved. It totally made her day. She still hasn't figured it out, not even after the day our mailman, who the kids usually don't see, responded to her "Hi," with "Hi Dakota, how are you?"

Like Max said, your work is meaningful. You may not see it because you're not there to see how grateful someone is when their paycheck finally comes or a child smile because they got something just for themselves in the mail, but for them, us, it is meaningful.

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 10:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Max, your post about the mailman hit home with me. After taking care of my mother for the past five years, watching her deterioriate from Parkinson's disease, I saw just how important little things become. She lived for the mail. On her 80th birthday, I bought a ton of cards and passed them out to my co-workers and asked them to put a little note in it and mail it to mom. When the day came, and I brought the mail in, she said "I've been waiting all day for this" as she dove into all the cards. She received over 50 from friends, realitives and my co-workers. I doubt that the people who stuck a simple birthday card in the mail or the mailman who delivered them knew how much they meant to an old, sick woman. But they did mean a lot. Those people made a good difference in someone's life. Now that mom is gone and I am divorced, I have plenty of time to do the simple things that can make a big difference. I haven't forgotten those who always sent mom a card.....I make sure they get one at every holiday or birthday. I also include many other elderly persons I know, even my 95 year old former mother-in-law. I hope she remembers me.

Yesterday, I went to the florist and ordered a bud vase for every female in my office for Valentine's Day next week.....that'll be 16 if the new receptionist stays. The card will just say "Cupid". I'll never tell. For years now, many of them never received a thing for that day, so I hope this will be a pleasant suprise. I even ordered one for myself....hell, I won't be getting anything else this year either! LOL

I can't remember the whole thing, but years ago in a social group I belonged to, we had a prayer that included the words "and the only right we have is the right to be useful". I remember that all the time.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 7:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
For heavens sake everybody knows that one of the most important people in everybody's life is the mailman.

Buttercup
Member

09-10-2000

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 7:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Buttercup a private message Print Post    
I agree

Justavice
Member

11-22-2005

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 8:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Justavice a private message Print Post    
One of my favorite books, the one I read when I am in a deep depression and questioning why I bother continuing life, is Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I can't do it justice in a brief summary. The book does not give answers or beliefs to cling on to, but really gives the reader a lot to think about.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 10:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Lance,

Good paragraph on the meaning of life, how people see it differently.

And then you go off on some fantasy about burning the US Mail?! THAT would be so wrong on so many levels. I'm shocked Lance shocked that you would come up with that paragraph.

Maybe you've been sniffing too much of that toxic waste you deal with daily??

I can't think of any teacher who truly made a difference in my life.

The thing about family, my family, is that they are distant. I think there's a reason for that. Honestly...it feels like I care about them a lot more than they care about me. I'm thinking that my brothers are married with families and I am divorced with grown children. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I count as much.

Life has the meaning that YOU give to it. I think that's the way to look at the question.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 10:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
It's late for me. I'll try to read everything on this page tomorrow.

I just wanted to respond to one thing that Rupertbear wrote up there. Be kind. Somewhere I read that being kind is more important than anything. More important than being effective, being smart, being punctual, being funny or witty. Etc.

I definitely need to work on my kindness quotient.


Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 10:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
For me, life is all about endurance and enjoyment. Enduring the hard times and surviving as unscathed as possible. And on the other end of the spectrum, enjoying the ride (of life), to the best of my ability, since I'm on it anyways. And of course, not hurting people along the way, if at all possible.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 - 11:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Newman, I agree burning the mail would be very wrong--just wanted to point out that doing so would affect many lives---so not burning it would also affect lives. :-)

As far as a teacher not making a difference in your life--was there ever a teach that connected with you on a subject or a problem no one else could relate to with you? Did a teacher ever interest you in something that has meant something to you? (such as politics) Did a teacher ever affect how you looked at school, or the process of learning?

I think this may be the difference between a trumpet and a clarinet. A difference can be very small at the time it happens, although have bearing on the rest of your life.

It is said that people will forget what you give them, what you did for therm, and maybe even what you did to them--but they will never forget how you made them feel.

That in itself is having an affect on someone. Maybe your brother really appreciates you writing him. He may not say anything, but it's at least possible you help make his life better. Maybe clarinet better, or flute better. But better none the less.

Every world religion has a version of the golden rule--basically treat others the way you want to be treated. I think that is a solid rule for those who don't believe in god. If everyone treated each other the way we'd like to be treated, would things be a a lot better as far as how we are as the human race??

I think we would be. The questions you ponder Newman--they show you care about people--about yourself. You care so much it hurts sometimes. A cynic for sure. (I don't think it's bad to care that much)

Newman, it seems we are a lot alike. I agree that sometimes (often times) it doesn't feel like we count too much. There are a lot of people who don't communicate when we do something that counts. Without seeing it or being told we can never know for sure.

Much like the love of a woman, all too many times we don't realize what we had till it's gone. People don't realize the difference someone makes until that person is gone--and then it's too late to tell them.

I don't think I've been sniffing the waste I deal with. Doing so wouldn't cause me to say weird things--it would just kill me out right. LOL

I too could do better in the kindness department. I do show it at times--just not as much as I should. Hang in there Newman. Hang in there.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 6:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mame, I used to think about THAT one too, not hurting others, as part of my personal philosophy. "Do no harm" as my mechanic friend would say. However, people's feelings, people being so sensitive as they can be, sometimes it's unavoidable.

"Enjoying the ride"...enjoying life. That's another topic for me. Things that were fun before just aren't now and replacing them with new things, new enjoyments has been difficult. TV isn't as good. Sports I care less about. DRinking with the guys at a bar til closing time, not bloody likely. Don't play softball anymore due to injuries.

I don't mind dropping things off my enjoyment list. I just wish I could replace them with new things that spark my interest.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 7:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
OK, I'll have to catch up on this thread later...but working from the bottom up:

Lance,

When you expand the teacher thing... (when I was in High School everyone wanted to be a teacher growing up. I bet that has changed.)...yes, Al Franken, the Air America radio talk host, is like a teacher to me. He has taught me a lot about politics and current events. So has the host who follows him Big Ed Schultz. They are teachers and they do it in an entertaining way.

It's easy to point to the trumpet changes. Huge events in one's life, like joining the army, or like going to college (me) to avoid the Vietnam War. Or if there was a special mentor that took special interest in you (never happened to me) and took you aside and taught you the guitar or woodworking or auto mechanics or meditation.

The more subtle cello influences may go un-noticed. Maybe you should have been "changed" by THAT person, but you just weren't ready for him or her?

So true...they never will forget how they made you feel. I thought of my Mother immediately after reading that thought of yours, Lance. She made me feel loved, warm, accepted, safe, happy, good.

It's like that old quote: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and feed him for a lifetime.

About my brother, and our recent emailings back and forth, yes. I'm sure he's liking it. It's affecting him and me too. I guess I'm being typically selfish here. I'm looking for MORE from other people. Not so concerned with what I give to others. Want to receive more...

Lance, good chatting with you and the others in this support group? I'm glad you weren't offended by my sniffing the waste comment. Just trying to be amusing. Sometimes that doesn't come across on the internet. You hang in there too.

I like the feeling that we're all in this together. I like the thought that we're all helping each other. Sometimes just one word or phrase, something you've heard a thousand times before, from a different source, or when you're finally ready to hear it, a clarinet word, can make a big difference.


Goddessatlaw
Member

07-19-2002

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 7:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Goddessatlaw a private message Print Post    
Newman, you're going to think I've lost my marbles, and to that I say I never had my marbles in the first place. But if you are someone who likes puzzles or whodunnits or piecing together mysteries, I suggest that you consider investigating your family history. On the one hand, it can help get you back in contact with family and introduce you to family members you never knew you had. On the other hand, it will get you out to many different venues such as libraries, various seminars, old courthouses, cemetaries (yes, lots of those) and research facilities where if you are truly interested in genealogy, you are going to meet a wide variety of people who share your interest.

It is a time-consuming hobby, one you shouldn't start unless you're prepared to get hooked. But the first time you look into the face of an ancestor you never knew you had, or make that next connection of a name/a story/a history that you never knew, or find that person on the other side of the country who is related and investing the family too, well . . . it becomes a passion.

It's not for everyone, but I wanted to suggest it to you since you are looking for alternatives. It has provided me with years of entertainment and intellectual stimulation chasing down leads, investigating possibilities, attending seminars, interviewing relatives, etc. It's a puzzle that never ends. You would be surprised at the number of online and off-line communities that are devoted to the search for ancestors, too.

Just a thought .

Schoolmarm
Member

02-18-2001

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 7:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Schoolmarm a private message Print Post    
And then you can find your 15th cousin on the TVCH board!

LOL...GAL, thank goodness I share your passion for geneology!

Did I tell you the funny story about deciding to take back my maiden name when in the midst of the divorce, I was wading through knee-deep snow wearing garbage bags over my shoes in a small-town cemetary? I searched and searched for "my people" and couldn't find them. Then the sun came out and I turned around and it seemed like all the tombstones said "Marm" "Marm" "Marm". ALL of them were my ancestors. I had found the family that I didn't know much about. That is the family that is linked to yours.

Made it REALLY easy to change my name back.

It was also healing in the midst of divorce trauma.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I do like to go for walks, listen to books on tape or baseball games, but not thru cemetaries. No thanks.

I like the geneology thought, but I'm not inclined that way. It's like the boat thing. I'd rather know a person who owns a boat and let him take care of it and so forth. Just go out once a year or so.

I've tracked my Italian roots to Naples Italy. I do have an old cousin on my German side. I should send her an email now, while I'm thinking of it, to track that side. She's very into that sort of thing, GAL. I'm not, but good idea ...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, February 09, 2006 - 5:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yesitsme, I'm kicking myself for not stepping into that bookclub meeting. I've had a lifelong fight with shyness and sometimes I just can't overcome it. Been to that group before and there is usually one man who shows up with his wife. I'm gonna try the next book and just do it (what I'm saying today, anyway).

That day I went home and watched 24, one of my favorite shows, but it's not as much fun for me this year. Really kicking myself...

AS for family, my kids, bloodline...well, they are all three adopted, all grown and moved to different states. One does call frequently. It is so much easier to have a relationship when you get interest on the other side. That's what I'm craving, I guess. My twin is really into our newfound email relationship, which is why I've neglected my writings here so much. He writes as much as I like to, or more! It's almost becoming a "job" to keep up with the correspondence!

"Beware of what you want for you might get it!"

I am off to my Buddhist group tonite. Need to read 10 more pages before I take off. I'm interested. I like the people in the group, more than I like Buddhism at this point. I've only been to one meeting.

So I am trying new things. Not always succeeding (like with the bookclub) but trying. It just is that it was so much easier in my 20s. I would play co-ed softball, be on my turf where I was good at it (where I'm not, with Buddhist meditation or book discussions)...on my own turf playing softball, so I could relax, have fun, have some beers, and things just happened naturally, friendships happened easily, love happened too...

Goddessatlaw
Member

07-19-2002

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 7:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Goddessatlaw a private message Print Post    
Marm, I didn't know that story but I had exactly the same experience with the same line of our family. Old cemetary in LeRoy, I knew they were there and I simply couldn't find them. I got fascinated with another set of gravestones that meant nothing to me, turned around and there were all the stones I'd been looking for. I found out later the gravestones I'd fixated on were actually multiple great-grandparents whom I hadn't yet identified. Weird crap like that always happens in genealogy. My father went with me once to an old courthouse to help me look for some records on my mother's side of the family. He stood in the doorway of the clerk's office while I asked for records that had nothing to do with him. The clerk who was helping me glanced at my father and said, "oh I'm related to that guy that's my nth cousin Billy I do genealogy too and his grandmother was a Jones from Wales." Wha? I already knew this about dad's grandmother, I was just dumbfounded at my luck and the woo-ee-oo factor. Same as meeting you, Marm. What are the chances my first TVCH meet would result in finding a long-lost relative? And what are the chances we both would have been familiar enough with our families to link back 6 grandfathers ago?
Love the touch with the garbage bags on your shoes LOLOL!!

Newman, even if you don't want to investigate yourself, your interest in knowing is frankly part of the reason genealogists do what they do. I love being able to share what I've found with members of the family who are interested in knowing but for whatever reason don't research. I think getting in contact with your relative who researches would be more than welcome.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 7:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
They were doing geneology on the African American something something show on PBS where they did DNA testing to try and pinpoint which tribe people came from and how much Native American blood they have as well as European. They did this for TD Jakes, Oprah, Chris Tucker and Quincy Jones.

I'd love to have this test done. I could be a decendent of Queen Taie(sp) or something lol.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 7:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Newman, I can definitely identify with your feelings about not wanting to walk into that book club meeting.... I think those feelings are almost universal (though there are some true extroverts out there who look at it all a bit differently.) I've been like that my whole life. It hasn't gotten any easier to take that step, even after I've done it a thousand times and had great experiences most of the times I have. But I also look at my life and think of how lonely it would be if I didn't force myself to take that step from time to time.

You know we will harass you if you don't do it, so you may as well. Just think, if it is a horrible experience you will have a better story to tell us in full detail! I have a feeling it won't be that bad, though.

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 8:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ladytex a private message Print Post    
Mocha, yes, that was the second part of African American Lives on PBS ... very fascinating show.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 8:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Yep