TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . ABOUT US . CONTACT . CHAT  
Bomis   Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Advice about Funerals & Such needed

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Advice about Funerals & Such needed users admin

Author Message
Deesandy
Member

08-12-2003

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 7:23 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Deesandy a private message Print Post    
What is the best type of food to take to someone who has just lost a loved one?

I am too sad to think clearly.

Thank you.

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 7:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
I would say something like a cassarole or if they are having people back to their house some deli meat.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 7:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
not knowing what storage capacity they have in their refrigerator, i'd go with something that can be left out on the counter for a long time.

they are probably going to need paper plates, plastic forks, cups and napkins.

also, bottled drinks like Coke are a good bet.

Wapland
Member

08-01-2000

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 7:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wapland a private message Print Post    
Adding to what Cnderiso said, kleenex, toilet paper, coffee/tea, cream, sugar and cases of canned pop are such a good idea. The staples that you may find yourself without and you really don't want to have to go to the store and get because it means running into people. I know the other thing I really appreciated was blank thank you notes. All of these things in a basket was something I received from a friend and it was perfect, because I had lots of food.

{{{{Deesandy}}}} I am sorry that you are sad, you will be in my prayers.

Fondly

Wappy

Wapland
Member

08-01-2000

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 7:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wapland a private message Print Post    
p.s. I am floating around if you want to chat.

Wapland on msn.

Fondly
wappy

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 8:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
{{{Dee}}}

One of the things my sis and bil appreciated when his mother died last year was people calling and telling them they were going to make dinner and drop it off. It freed them up to do all they had to do during that time without having to worry about feeding the family plus it wasn't another dish they had to find room for in the freezer.

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 8:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Secretsmile a private message Print Post    
We just lost both my FIL and MIL 10 days apart. We are blessed with many loving friends that supplied us with food and drinks. The most original was someone thought to supply us with fast and easy breakfast foods. We had early morning appointments at the funeral home, meetings with the priest, and church, and to be able to grab a bagel was a huge help. Not to mention the young ones seem to like breakfast foods all day and all night.

Tabbyking
Member

03-11-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 8:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tabbyking a private message Print Post    
i have taken sliced roast beef, pastrami, ham and cheese in quart freezer bags. also a bag of rolls.
if they don't need the deli meats right away, they can be frozen or don't take up much space in a fridge. someone can put things out as they are needed. often people are hungry but just can't eat something large. the rolls make a nice small sandwich.
when my sister's husband died, she got 16 frozen lasagnes as part of the food left off. i don't think she had to use more than 1 or 2 for months...the school where she is principal had all the parents host food in the parish hall for right after the funeral service...safeway dropped off platters of food, her neighbors all dropped of platters of food, her dentist dropped of platters of food. several neighbors also took their motorhomes out of storage and parked them in front of their homes for our family to stay in. it was incredible.

i am sorry you have a need to ask this question because it means someone special isn't here anymore.
(((deesandy)))

Penguingirl
Member

01-26-2006

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 8:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Penguingirl a private message Print Post    
((Deesandy))

One thing I found helpful was a phone call offering to do errands, or helping in any way. Pick up stuff, drop off stuff, water the plants, rake the lawn. Sometimes these things are nice for them to do, but can be a relief too.

Sweetbreads like banana bread, lemon, etc. - easy for when company drops by and can sit on the counter.

Coffee, coffee filters, tea.

Outside games for the kiddos like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, jump ropes. Or better yet, offer to take them to a playground. It helps them burn off energy and it gives the adults "adult time".

Garbage bags.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 9:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landi a private message Print Post    
sodas, bottled water (LOTS!), coffee. people might not eat, but the continue to drink!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 9:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
All of the above are great, I just wanted to add that Gift cert. to grocery stores,restuarants(pizza,etc..) are great also. They can be used later when things quiet down. Also any foods that you take should be in disposable pans or trays, or if they must be good plates or pans,tuperware- whatever, put masking tape or somthing to let people know who it belongs too..a ice chest full of cubed ice and another full of drinks, extra trash bags,maybe and extra dumpster for all the extra trash.. When my sisters husband died recently- she was in no mood to wash dishes and sorting thru all the pots and pans that were stacked up with no way of knowing who to return them too just added to her stress.. The kids loved the breakfest foods like mentioned above and were thrilled when someone droped off a couple huge pizzas cause every thing had been so fancy. They just wanted normal food. People are so kind in thease cituations...and giving. Lots of great ideas here..

Karen
Member

09-07-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 11:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karen a private message Print Post    
To be honest, when I lost my father two years ago, we had so much food from friends and family, and none of it got touched. Well, I can't say "none" of it... but a lot of it just wasn't. Food just wasn't what any of us wanted then.

For us, it was the little things that meant a lot. We came home from the funeral to find that our neighbor had cut our lawn for us -- and he did so for about two weeks, until we finally asked him to stop. The best, though, I think, was one of my dad's bridge partners, she brought over coupons for movie rentals. I know it seems kinda shallow to go and rent a video hours after burying a loved one, but it really was fantastic. My mom, brother, sister and I all rented a video that gave us some attachment to my Dad -- for me, it was E.T., the first movie I ever saw in the theatre, my Dad took me. We all just cuddled under the blankets and had a day of escape, even though he was still with us.

Deesandy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 12:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
I just think it depends, My sister had 3 young children and all of thier friends and relatives family had lots of children and they allways eat.. I think the older folks tend to not want to eat, but children.. they are just allways hungry. I do think the gift cert. were so nice though. she really liked that. Also some of the neibors came by to take the children to the movies or skate or just keep their little lifes as normal as possible.. Children are so differant and sitting around with greiving mom and so many people crying and so forth was not good for them...getting them away for breaks was really good..

Schoolmarm
Member

02-18-2001

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 1:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Schoolmarm a private message Print Post    
When my cousin lost her daughter last year she was very happy to get delivery pizza gift certificates. And someone did their yard work. Someone also brought over extra folding chairs for when the family was at their place.

There was a ton of food...soda pop was nice to bring as well.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 1:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
When my mom died, my neighbors organized meals brought the house for a month after the funeral. that was wonderful!

Deesandy
Member

08-12-2003

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 2:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Deesandy a private message Print Post    
Thank you everyone. I just came back from visiting the family. They are going to fly home to New York and have a service there. In lieu of flowers they have asked for donations to go to a family in need. The man who died was seriously the nicest man I have ever known and having that good fortune has made me a better person.

I love the breakfast idea and since they are leaving tomorrow I will go get a basket of bagels and spreads to take to them for the morning.

Thanks again everyone and hugs all around! Hug your loved ones often and be nice to grumpy people...life-is-too-short.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 2:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
One of my neighbors dropped off big barbecued chickens, cole slaw, potato salad and macaroni salad from a neighborhood deli. It was the best thing someone did for us. We didnt have to worry about cooking or even better about when to eat. We could eat the food cold and sometimes we just didnt feel like eating till all sorts of odd hours.

If they are going back to NY and it is NYC, you can go to menupages.com and order for them

Tabbyking
Member

03-11-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 3:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tabbyking a private message Print Post    
ah, maris, i think of you often. how are you and your son doing?

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 3:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Deesandy, if they are going out of town for services and such, then another great idea would be to let them know that their first meal upon return is covered, or something to that effect (could be gift certs too).

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 3:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
someone could volunteer to pick up their mail and watch their house for them while they are out of town. and, take care of their pets if they have any.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 4:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Tabby thanks, we are doing well. I am looking for a new job, and my son just completed his first year of high school. I am lucky to have such a great kid.

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 8:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twiggyish a private message Print Post    
I have brought sliced roast beef (homemade) and other things in the past to friends. The most recent item was a plate of cookies to a neighbor. I think just the thought of doing something for them is a comfort.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 - 10:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I pick up ready made trays of veggies and dip and fruit and dip, fancy crackers and cheese, so that visitors can nibble buffet style without the grieving family having to worry about cooking and feeding them.

Deesandy
Member

08-12-2003

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 8:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Deesandy a private message Print Post    
Thank you everyone. I will keep all of this advice with me for future times. Death is a part of life, but it sure is a hard part.

Thanks for all the hugs and love too...

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 8:09 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
What is a good thing to bring to neighbors who just had a baby? (Hope I can "borrow" this thread Deesandy!)

They also have her mom's parents visiting (from the Czech Republic).

Any ideas would be appreciated!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 8:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Julie, bring them dinner!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 8:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
But I can't cook! At all! Unless it is something easy and foolproof. (As I am a fool when it comes to cooking!) Ideas?

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 9:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
You don't cook?? What do you eat? LOL
here is a no brainer.
You are going to make two baskets with the makings for two meals in them.
Taco dinner
cook up 2 lbs of ground meat in a can of Rotel tomatoes, drain. Put into a ziplock bag.
In separate ziplock bags put in chopped lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheese
Buy a box of crispy taco shells, can of corn and can of pinto beans. Put all these in a basket together.

In the next basket..Spaghetti dinner
cook 2 lbs ground beef, drain. Add 1-2 jars Marinara Sauce, clove of garlic, and some basil. Simmer. Let cool and put in a ziplock bag.
Buy a large bag of spaghetti, some bag lettuce, loaf of bread and a small can of parmesean.

They will have two meals they can either freeze, refridgerate or eat right away with very minimum fuss.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 04, 2006 - 9:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
New moms are usually exhausted, especially if they have older children. I usually offer a service, to run an errand, stop by the grocery store, if it's someone I'm close to (family member or close friend) I offer to do some housework. If they have older children, you can offer to take them for an afternoon.

If you really want to do food though, check your grocery store. Mine has a full service deli where you can pick up a hot meal already cooked.