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Archive through May 16, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through May 16, 2006 users admin

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Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 5:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I want to share something that I remembered this morning. About 10 years ago I gave a self defense class to some women veterinarians who were in
town for a meeting. After the class, one woman said "I would like to share why I came here today." She then related an experience about how a large man high on drugs had come into her house. He said to her "I am going to rape you and then kill you." This woman then described what he did to her before the rape. When it was over he just walked out. She said the whole time she was going through it she didn't make a sound or even move because her daughter was asleep in a room 2 doors down the hall and she didn't want her to wake up and the man discover she was there. When it was over, she checked on her daughter, who was still asleep, and then called her husband. He called the police. The man was never caught. She said "I came here for my daughter, I don't want her to ever go through what I did.I want her to know how to protect herself." Life is different for woman and men. I am proud to be a woman when I meet one as brave as this mother who suffered to protect her child.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Newman, maybe you shouldn't get a dog.

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gidget a private message Print Post    
perhaps the problem is this notion of romantic love. it has been around a long time. but it wasnt that long ago that our mates were chosen for us and we stayed with them for life. and it is still so in some countries. there have been many social changes in the 20th century. for example childhood did not exist before that. children were seen and not heard. and became adults pretty much at puberty. we are in new territory socially on so many levels. in some countries women have found their voice and are demanding their equality.

maybe it is just gonna take some more time for all this to come together. in the meantime those of us in the transition phase simply dont know which way to turn.


Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 6:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i don't always understand why a person thinks or believes the way they do. but, i don't necessarily consider it wrong for them to be that way. they just are different. i respect that difference and let it go at that.

Penguingirl
Member

01-26-2006

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 7:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Penguingirl a private message Print Post    
lol Wendo, you just described aspects of my sister.

Our culture puts great emphasis on career status, physical fitness/appearance, material wealth or the appearance of, IQ, etc. It seems emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are often secondary, if considered at all. There is much lip service tossed its way, lots of "talk the talk", but putting forth the energy to develop it and then authenticating it in our daily lives doesn't hold much precedence. The “I want it my way or the highway” mentality doesn't make for long term relationships.

Finding "the" description of love would be splitting hairs. Love is multifaceted and on a continuum. There's a giddy, romantic love, a fondness and caring love, a love that comes with emotional maturity, etc. And as observers of others, we can not know the depth of, type of, feelings of love one person holds for another. Nor is it any of our business, but that's another discussion.

And now we come to our boomer years where we are faced with yet another stage of development, that being menopause or andropause. Commitments can go haywire for sure. Knowing and understanding this as yet another passage of growth, allows us to accept, forgive and embrace the people in our lives. Most of us didn't give up on loving during the terrible twos, or adolescence growth spurts, why do it now. But we often do.

All that said, I don’t profess to have the answers…just opinions that are likely to change by 8PM , lol. Like some wise person once told me, upon reflection all decisions are uninformed decisions because we now have more information.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 7:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Newman, I adore my wanna be boyfriend. I would really like to fall in love with him, I am just scared of getting hurt.

when I hear this song, I think of him

Never let nobody know me
Never let nobody dare
Never let somebody hold me
Long enough for me to care...
Till I found you
Till I found you.

Never let my guard down easy
Never let myself let go
I never knew the reason why
I never let my feelings show
Till I felt the pain
Of loving you

And that's what hurts
When we say goodbye
And that's what hurts
On those sleepless nights
There's nothing I can do
Cos I'm lost inside of you
And that's what hurts.

I never let nobody touch me
Never let nobody try
I never let somebody move me
Deep enough to make me cry
Till I found you
Till I found you

I was strong and independent
I Never needed anyone
I thought I had it all together
Until you came and proved me wrong
Now I'm stronger with you
In my life

And that's what hurts
When we say goodbye
And that's what hurts
On those sleepless nights
There's nothing I can do
Cos I'm lost inside of you
And that's what hurts
Yeah and that's the catch
But the hearts not good at holding back
It's a blessing and a curse
And I don't know what's worse
And that's what hurts.

Sometimes I wanna run
Sometimes I feel just like a fool
Sometimes I'm even sorry baby
That I felt in love with you.
Oooh that's when it hurts
It hurts so bad
Ooh can't sleep at night
Nothing I can do
Cause I'm lost inside of you
Oohhh
It hurts oh it hurts
Cause I'm lost inside of you
I can't help myself
I can't help myself
Hurts without you baby
You're not here, you're not here


Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Who wrote that Zach, I really like it...

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Hall & Oats, it's from Runaway Bride.

I love that song!

Plus there is Blue eyes Blue from Eric Clapton

and

Never Saw Blue Like That

by Shawn Colvin, it's another song that reminds me of my wanna be boyfriend

Today I took a walk up the street
And picked a flower and climbed the hill
Above the lake

And secret thoughts were said aloud
We watched the faces in the clouds
Until the clouds had blown away

And were we ever somewhere else
You know, it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

I can't believe a month ago
I was alone, I didn't know you
I hadn't seen or heard you're name
And even now, I'm so amazed
It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

And somethings are the way they are
And words just can't explain

Cause I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

And it feels like now,
And it feels always,
And it feels like coming home

I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before


Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Ya know, I think everyone wants to be loved, to fall in love, to find bliss. But reality does set in. We realize that much of that dream really is just fantasy; and we learn to be happy, fulfilled, satisfied with whatever we have.

Ultimately, happiness is still all about your very own decision to be happy. Or not. With or without someone.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 11:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
Newman asks: "but wouldn't you be "more fulfilled" if you were married to the filthy rich lawyer (who valued your opinion) and the 4 kids in an expensive home in Cherry Hills than you are now, solo?"

Perhaps, but maybe not. Maybe the snobby neighbors would drive me crazy. I know the home owners assoc rules would. LOL. Maybe I'd be ticked off that he worked long hours and was never home to see the kids.

Maybe I'd be happier if I had 5 million dollars, or if I had longer legs and a prettier nose. Maybe I'd be happier if I drove a purple 66 mustang or if I had a Yorshire Terrier.

Honestly, we could all list our dreams or things that we could have "more" of or "better". And as cynical as I am (and I'm very cynical -- have a Dilbert sign on my desk that says 'Cynicism with a smile' that a friend gave me) I chose to be happy for what I DO have. There's a lot I don't have and there's a lot I worry about (like my aging parents) but there is more that I do have and I spend 99% of my time being happy for what I do have.

I'm not one of those sunshine and roses people. I complain. I worry. I get disgusted with things. But for the most part I am happy and like so many others have said -- that happiness come from within. It didn't come from a man or my daughter or my job.

Just what Karuuna just said.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Wayne Dyer has a funny story he tells about losing car keys. The power goes out in your house and you drop your keys. You look all around, but you can't find them. Then you look outside and see the street light on, so you go outside and start looking for your keys under the street light.

A friend comes along and says "hey, what did you lose?" You say, "my car keys", and he offers to help you look. He looks around and around, but there are no car keys anywhere. He says to you "well, where exactly did you drop them?"

You say, "I dropped them inside." The friend looks at you oddly and says "well, why are you looking out here then!" And you say "Because this is where the light is?"

The point is, happiness is found inside yourself. Looking outside for it just won't work, because it isn't out there. If you keep looking in the wrong place, you won't ever find it.

And even if you do find happiness in another person, it's never really yours. That person has all the power - if they go away, so does your happiness. Much better to take responsibility for yourself. YOU be in control of your own happiness, rather than handing that over to someone else.

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
All this talk about happiness and fulfillment made me think of something really sweet I recently read. The little story went like this:

An elderly, widowed man was preparing to move into an assisted care home. He was frail and now blind by diabetes and couldn't live by himself any longer. A nurse met him at the door to help him to his room. Along the way she described the room and position of the furniture. The man smiled broadly and said "I love it!". The nurse asked "how can you know you love it when we haven't even gotten there yet?". The old man explained that the position of the furniture or location of his room did not determine his happiness. He said that when he got up that morning, he decided that he would love his new room, the new home and the people who would assist him. I made up my mind I would love it. My happiness is what I make it.

I thought that was so touching and it falls right in line with what Karuuna just said. Things don't always make us happy or fulfilled. Some of the poorest people have great love and joy, while some of the richest are miserable. I think about people that have had "non-traditional" lives, like Mother Teresa, who had absolutely nothing but was always full of love and joy for everyone. And then I think of Michael Jackson, who was rich beyond most people's dreams and never seemed happy at anytime.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
How are happiness and joy different?

Is contentedness a bad thing?

Is happiness the same as peace of mind?

Can you be happy without your wants met?
Can you have joy without your wants met?
Can you be content without your wants met?

What about with needs?

Is sex a want or a need? Some people honestly choose celibacy.

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 12:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Boy Kearie,

That is sure a lot to ponder on! Lots of good, thought provoking questions!

Gidget
Member

07-28-2002

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Gidget a private message Print Post    
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Boy did that take me back. For those who did not study psychology, here is a good link. Be sure to read the 3rd to the last paragraph about other opinion on needs. We arent the only ones trying to figure this out:

http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.html


Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Doesn't his heirarchy include self-actualization?
I think that is hokey.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
my wanna be boyfriend just called. He was supposed to come home on the 18th..

he said he missed me so much that he is coming home tonight!!! YAY!!!!

Okay, I have fallen...hard!!!

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Crap, just realized I have to drive to LAX!

I cannot wait... I am so excited I could just spit!!

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Can you expand on that Kearie (honest question)?

LOL Zachsmom - Have fun!!!

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
I love this giddy feeling when you first meet someone..

He bought his property, and he MISSED ME!!! I don't think anyone has ever missed me before!!!

LAX at midnight..

anyone live in LA that wants dinner?

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Now Zachsmom,

Please don't spit. That isn't ladylike and you will want to be on your best behavior with the new Mr. "Zachsmom" guy, at least for now! (just kidding..have a great time)

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Zmom, he does realize that he has to be approved by us, doesn't he?

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
I feel like I am 10, I cannot explain this feeling. He missed ME!!!

I want to contact people in LA area to see if they want to hang out until his plane comes in at midnight!

I have fallen..hard! Hate it and love it at the same time!!

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 1:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
ah shit Rosie... can I have fun for a few months before that..

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 2:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Gidget, I just went to the Maslow site you gave us. To think at one time I might have understood it. (sigh) Now I read blah blah blah.