Author |
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Springer
Member
03-12-2004
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 2:47 pm
It is really important to be a good listener. Sometimes it is the most helpful you can be to someone who needs to say how they feel out loud. Just by speaking freely is enough to clear their mind and solve their own problem. Some people, instead of really listening, are just waiting for the chance to jump in and bring the subject back to themselves.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 5:45 pm
You know, it's funny reading some of the posts written earlier....I was hiking with a friend today and was bringing up some of the opinions of the people here. And I think I did refer to you as simply "friends," but I do believe I often call you my "online friends." And some of you have joined my "best friends I have never met" list. Newman, I believe the modeling behavior stuff I was talking about whether he wanted you to model his behavior....and I agree that often it doesn't work when someone else does it. But I also think that sometimes people have no clue about how their behavior translates. For example, some of the most selfish people I know will refer to themselves as always giving to others. Or someone will think of themselves as incredibily sensitive to those around them, but they are poor at reading nonverbal cues. And in converse, someone will say that they are in a bad mood actually seem more easygoing than the average person. I sometimes wonder how off base I am with myself! Karuuna, I agree that there are still a lot of young people that are respectful....and a lot of older people that in their own way are very disrespectful. I like that young woman's way of handling it. If I had a daughter, that would be just the way I would hope she would be. And how old is that "old" James Bond?
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 7:05 pm
Newman, just want to send a shout-out, to thank you for starting this thread. Even if I am not living alone, or single. The ONLY thing that bugs me about this thread is the title, which makes me feel like an intruder when I post here. I know... my problem. But it would be nice if the title was less exclusive, since I KNOW I'm not the only old married broad who posts here. <G> How's that for unsolicited advice. Bending over to get my ass kicked, right about.... NOW! (wink)
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 7:29 pm
Rofl Mame!! I'm nowhere near being a boomer etc but still I like to jump right in.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 7:51 pm
MB, i'm married & i still post in here. so, don't let that stop you. some folks can still benefit from our pasts. LOL
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 9:31 pm
ROFL DEARIE!
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 9:32 pm
I think this thread should be called Philosophy 101. Or... Hanging my briefs, er, beliefs - out to dry. (Wink)
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Oldtex
Member
03-06-2006
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 10:46 pm
Mame, good title for this thread! I've been reading this thread since the beginning and find it very insightful, thoughtful, and helpful. I'm also married, not living alone, but need to change a lot of habits. I consider myself a good listener, but am sometimes or most times too timid to give advice or opinions. I'm a ventor though, especially with those close to me and most times just need to get something off my chest. I don't look for sympathy and have been called a whinner by my close friends. They also ways ask if I want some cheese with that whine, and my answer is yes I do. It's all in fun, but my friends can be brutely honest. By the way, if any of you notice that I need help with spelling or grammer...I will not be offended and do appreciate the help. Been out of the workforce a couples of years and can't believe how I forget to communicate in cyberworld. Any help is very much welcome. Would you believe I was once a proof reader for legal documents and did a very good job. I think I have lost some brain cells along the way!
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Wendo
Member
08-07-2000
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 10:52 pm
I think that's an excellent idea Mame, changing the title of the thread to be more inclusive to others. Hanging my briefs, er, beliefs - out to dry. Hahahaha! Love it!
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 11:47 pm
Aww, I like the thread title.. and it hasn't stopped anyone from jumping in anyway...
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, March 12, 2006 - 11:50 pm
ROFL.. I guess I'm glad I don't live in England..
quote: So What's a Boomer, Anyhow? Glad you asked. Stated very simply, the demographers, sociologists and the media define baby boomers as those born between (and including) 1946 and 1964. (There is no law or constitutional amendment so stating; and other boundaries have been suggested. But this is the time frame most commonly used.) In 2006, that would make us between 42 and 60 years old. There are about 75 million boomers in the U.S.; we currently represent about 29% of the U.S. population. (In Canada, we are sometimes known as "Boomies"; there are 6 million of us there. In Britain, our generation is known as "the bulge.")
more at ... this site
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Springer
Member
03-12-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 1:24 am
This is the most interesting thread on the board and it has been doing just fine the way it is. Don't need to change a thing....IMO.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:01 am
Real quickly, just wanted to reply to Yesitsme and Karuuna about being a friend. Being your friend's therapist. Being yourself. Being a good listener. Trying to help. It's really hard to change who I am, the way I naturally am, and why would I want to anyway. But, I want to be a good friend. I want to learn from my mistakes. I think I talk too quickly with this friend. That was my mistake. Should have listened more and better at the start. One lesson I've learned...and sometimes forget...is that when you put someone on the defensive, or if he feels he has to defend his behavior or actions, well, communication shuts down. If it feels to him, that I'm taking his gf's side of an argument, he gets upset, and shuts down. He wants me on his side. I'm supposed to support him. I'm his best friend! Of course, then he says he doesn't want a yes man as a friend. He wants the truth, true feedback and opinion and perception. Sigh...you can't have it both ways! Hey, if life were easy we would all be happy and laughing and rich and not trying to struggle thru our problems, because there would be no problems!
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:36 am
Hey folks, for the record, I don't expect anyone to actually change the title of this thread on my account. It was just something that was niggling at me a bit, and now that I've aired it and gotten some responses that haven't led to a lynching, I'm quite happy. LOL. This is NOT my thread, I am just a visitor here. <G> This thread is Newman's baby, and I don't really want to mess with it. 
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 8:54 am
Newman, in my post when I helped my friend see her husband's side of things, that, I think, is a bit different that pointing out how an ex felt. I say that because she is in a loving marriage that she wants to stay in, so in seeing the other side, it will only strengthen that. Now, if she tried to make me see my ex's side of something, I would not take as kindly to it - because, of course, the ex is ALWAYS wrong, no matter what the circumstances! 
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Roxip
Member
01-29-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 2:49 pm
I just found out that a woman that I had met years ago in another forum passed away recently (there was an article about her family in The Dallas Morning News - she was quite a remarkable woman who when I met her was pregnant with her 8th child - she was pregnant with her 9th when she got sick with what was her final illness). I am just as upset about her passing as I would be about anyone else that I have met in person...and my regret is that I never took the time to go and actually meet her instead of just discussing things with her on a forum and e-mailing from time to time. Sometimes I think we tend to be more open and honest because of the anonymity of the internet...we share thoughts, opinions and ideas online that we might be too shy or too hesitant to speak out about in the "real" world.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 3:05 pm
Exactly Roxi.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 5:46 pm
I admit it....I want my friends to tell em the truth and I want them to always take my side. And what is wrong with that? My wants don't have to be rational! But the truth is that if I got that, I wouldn't have the kind of friends that are good for me. One of my friends has a lot of friends who tell her what she wants to hear and do anything that she wants them to do, so she is used to that. It got so I finally had to say to her "If you want someone to just agree with you about everything, remember that I am not that kind of friend." Now she will be in the middle of going on about something, and I will raise my eyebrows at her and she will just sigh and say "I know, I know...you're not that kind of friend." We laugh about it a lot. She knows from me that she gets my opinions, but she also knows that I believe she has complete freedom to live her life whichever way she sees fit. All of my friends know that about me and accept me for who I am. There comes a point where if they don't or can't, then I am not the friend for them. And that is OK...you're not meant to be the close friend of all for all times.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:31 pm
I thought the cut off for a boomer was 1960...I thought I was part of the X generation 1962 and now I find out I am a boomer!
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:40 pm
welcome to boomerville, pamy.
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Mamapors
Member
07-29-2004
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:49 pm
It has taken me four years to be comfortable with my "online friends". I started reading here about 4 years ago and didn't join until two years ago. I had in the back of my head all of the horrible things you hear about online chat rooms and sometimes relationships. I am just now recently telling my "daily life" friends about this place I come and how I feel here. There are so many of you that I wish I knew away from the computer. I am sure my life would be better with you in it. But I do come here daily, and consider you all friends. I now talk about you like friends. I don't feel silly bringing you all up in conversation. I find myself saying things like, "Seamonkey, or Maris, or landi, or someone said such and such about that. They ask me, "Who is ________, and I tell them my online friend. I no longer care what they think. I am now ready for one those meet and greets that TVCH is famous for. I almost got to meet a few of you. I want to make that long list of TVCHers who have met each other. Then I look forward to calling you just friend.
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Landi
Member
07-29-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 7:52 pm
they are wrong pamy, you're not a boomer, i'm a 62 too and i'm an X. i was told that it went to whenever korea started. and the next boom was after it ended. and that was our generation.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 8:00 pm
LOL Abby...yah Landi!!! yah X! Mama...you will have more fun than you can imagine at a tvch meet!!!! We always have a blast, it is like getting together with friends you have known for years! I was hoping for another Vegas one this year but think it will have to be next year. We can have CA meets anytime though!
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Abby7
Member
07-17-2002
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 8:04 pm
oops, pamy. please just send back the "welcome mat" i sent you.
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Costacat
Member
07-15-2000
| Monday, March 13, 2006 - 8:05 pm
Mama, don't you know that we are friends anyways? Whether we've met or not in person, we're still all friends. And we're still all here for each other! So just call us "friend" without need to clarify! (Heck, I do it all the time. No qualifiers required! You should hear how I tell my dad and his wife about all my friends who are giving me advise on Rosie kitty!)
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