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Archive through February 19, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 19, 2006 users admin

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Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 11:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

" Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 12:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Newman, I know you're not taking my ex's side, but I do want to clarify. I had stopped talking to him about it long before he made that comment, because his way of fixing things just made it worse. When I need to talk about what had happened, I went to my friends. He overheard me on the phone with a friend one day making jokes about it (because I feel it is better to laugh than to cry), and that's when he started taking the victim role, telling me I shouldn't be laughing or joking about it. I was supposed to sink to his level and be miserable all the time, and I just couldn't do it.

At one of our many visits to a marriage counselor, I said that I couldn't take his whining, and he said "I don't whine" in such a whiny voice that the marriage counselor looked at me and said he understood. Then ex said that I should deal with him the way I did when our sons were little to stop them from whining. My response was that I didn't want to be his mother, and the rest is history!

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 12:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Oh, and Karuuna, I want one of those brothers, too!

Mamapors
Member

07-29-2004

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 12:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamapors a private message Print Post    
Looks like there is one brother left for me.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 12:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
LOL, you are all cracking me up. Juju, you'd approve. He's a horse whisperer, I've never met a kinder, more intuitive man. Just can't go wrong. I hope.

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 1:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Kearie,

Loved your last post up above. Great "food for thought." Made a lot of sense to me. Thanks for posting it!

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 1:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I thought it kind of fit the topic of the thread.
It hit home with me and honestly, made me think about Newman.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 1:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Juju..I was thinking the same thing!! pffft!! she gets a guy and doesn't even tell us! The big question is does he know about US!

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 2:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Pamy, he knows and if he wasn't so sure about me, he told me, he'd be very very afraid!

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 2:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
LOL!

Babyruth
Member

07-19-2001

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 2:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Babyruth a private message Print Post    
Horse whisperer beats grass and wind whisperer anyday.

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 3:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
Kar... You definately have a KEEPER! :-) My DH is moody and I'm emotional, which can make for a somewhat volatile relationship, but the flip side is passion and we are nuts about each other. But being moody, and a guy, he may not want to listen when things are going yucky, but if he's in an open mood, he's very insightful.

I'm having a case of 'the shoe fits too tight' in terms of Newman talking about some folks whining. I HOPE you weren't refering to me... but if you were, c'est la vie. Cuz I am emotionally up and down like a yoyo, some days are better than others and some moments are better than others. So while I aim to be a happy-go-lucky cheerleader, sometimes I am just a big, fat, downer. And for that I am sorry.

Springer
Member

03-12-2004

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 4:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Springer a private message Print Post    
Newman wrote this:
50/50. I remember stressing the division of labor with my ex. She wanted to do things together, romantically. Let's shop together. Let's cook together. Let's walk the dog together.

Unfortunately there is only so much time in the day. I could be walking the dog while she was cooking, or fixing the fence, or helping one kid with her spelling homework, etc. She wanted unrealistic romance and I wanted to get the chores done, so I could kick back at 9pm and relax and watch Grey's Anatomy or whatever before I got up at 6am to do it all over again.

Newman: I can really understand what your wife meant by wanting to do these things together with you. It wasn't the romance of it......it was the togetherness she wanted......and you just wanted to get things done so you could watch TV. I think that by that statement alone, I can understand why many marriages fall apart.

When my husband and I first married, we did everything together because I didn't know how to drive. We went grocery shopping together, church, birthday shopping, banking, visits to the doctor and dentist, Christmas tree shopping......everything together. Eight years later I learned how to drive and sad to say, eventually started doing most of these things by myself. My husband had started his own business by then and I just thought it would be easier on him if I got these things done myself. I now realise that was a big mistake for both of us. It seemed like we no longer did anything together and we no longer felt needed or close. I began to resent Christmas because I did everything.......from shopping, cleaning, tree picking, decorating, cooking, wrapping......everything......and believe me, it was very lonely. All he did was pick up his mother-in-law.....and grumbled about that.

I would give anything to have those early years back. We were close then.....much happier.....and made all our decisions together. Believe it or not, we are still together and both are retired now. Guess what? We are starting to do many things together again.....and it feels great.

That's what your wife meant, Newman. She was lonely for you.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 4:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Congratulations on a good relationship Karuuna.Mame, I think that whining is a tone of voice, not words. Therefore,nobody here is a true whiner. Wasn't there a show on a long time ago with "The Whiners" on it.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 6:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
And it beats that wind guy too.

Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 6:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mak1 a private message Print Post    
Dogdoc, they were on an SNL sketch.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 6:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Springer....great post and you're right.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 7:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
LOL, Babyruth and Mocha. Let's hope wind and grass guy never returns! For anyone here!

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 8:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Newman, when you wrote "she wanted to walk the dog together" it brought back a memory for me that I hoped I had buried. When you read what Springer said,she speaks for a lot of women. I was dating a guy and he was over at my house. I asked him to walk the dog with me. I was anxious to "show him off" to neighbors who always see me walking alone with my dog. I wanted to show him my neighborhood and to share a special time the dog and I have together each day. He said "no" and stretched out on the couch. I guess I have self image issues because I took it to mean he didn't want to be seen with me. Little things are important to women. I bet, Newman, some of your wife's yelling was to get attention from you. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope more men post in response to back you up. Springer, thank you for your post which is what I think too. I actually cried about the dog walking incident at the time (not in front of the guy, Dee Dee and I still took our walk) and I did again tonight.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 8:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
I know, Pamy, I know, I know. It is just shocking. How can she possibly take this step without consulting us? Without even letting us know? At least he knows her dirty little secret. And that we will all be at the wedding ... :-)

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 8:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Wedding???? ack!!!

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 10:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    


Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Saturday, February 18, 2006 - 11:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 8:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
This thread is really heating up. I tend to go to the tv thread first and here later, if time. I'm changing that. This is getting better and <55> and <57> never seem to show up here to clip my comments.

Springer, just skimmed your post. Will get back and read it thoroughly. I was telling a friend, that if my kids ever asked for advice about marriage, that I would tell them "Never relax." If you are tired, take a nap. Otherwise, you have to always be on. There is no rest in marriage.

Why was it wrong to want to unwind at 9pm and watch TV together?

Maybe that's why I wasn't cut out for marriage. I wanted to exhale at least once a day.

Sure, we could have cooked together, do housework together, rake the leaves together, and so forth. Why can't we relax together too?

I viewed it as high maintenance. I wanted to watch law and order (or whatever). I wanted to watch the nightly news. She wanted it to be all about her. She wanted to be adored.

I wanted to understand my world, my culture (the news) but she wanted our lives to be all about her. Who's the selfish one?

I don't mind being judged by you, Springer. Obviously you are only working off a snippet of imperfect communication from me and not hearing anything from her. We all know that.

Maybe marriages only can work if both partners don't care about the world. Are only narcissistic. Only care about themselves.

I thought maybe ours would have worked if we didn't have kids. Those little people are so time consuming and demanding. Then maybe I would have had the energy to devote all my attention to my bride.

I could go on and on and on. Too long already. A lot of it is mindset. Expectations. I once asked a female friend if she wanted her man to treat her as an equal or as special. She chose special. 50/50 is not even a goal of women, I think. (Stopping here to inhale)...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Sunday, February 19, 2006 - 8:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Merrysea,

Loved your post about marriage counseling. It never worked for me either and we went thru maybe 4 or 5 different ones.

Marriage. I shake my head. You don't want to be his Mother. I don't want to be my wife's therapist either. Sounds like your husband didn't want that role either.

Marriage. So difficult. I realize you can't get everything you want from one person (why is that anyway) but of course you want the important things from her, don't you? It's not like you get most things from her and then go to Suzie to get sex from!

One of my counselors started taking my side in a discussion. That was that for him! On to the next counselor. One time I saw a counselor first, without my ex being present. Well, NEXT!

When I look back (which I rarely do) my marriage failure may simply have been due to the fact that she came from a large Catholic family, raised by young parents, with a lot of yelling and screaming and commotion no doubt. My Dad was 50 when I was born. ONly 3 kids. Didn't like a lot of noise. And neither do I.

The ex and I were very stubborn and competitive. I remember that I didn't follow the therapists instruction EXACTLY on one exercise. My ex never failed to remind me of that failing.

We actually saw another counselor, from the Church, before we got married. He shook his head and said he didn't think it would work between us. (Therapists don't usually take a stand like that, they want YOU to make the decisions). Of course, we being stubborn said what does he know, he doesn't know us, and we went on and stupidly got married...