Author |
Message |
Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 4:39 pm
Mine is, 'I see, said the blind man to the deaf mute.'
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 5:14 pm
"a hard man is good to find" and "time wounds all heels" "don't make me stop the car" "on account of cuz" "slicker than snot on a glass doorknob", my dad's favorite expression, usually voiced when my 5-times married sister introduced yet another scumbag to the family "if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride", my mom anytime we wanted anything at all "if so-and-so jumped off the golden gate bridge, would you do it, too?" when i said, this person got pierced ears or an allowance or capezio shoes or some benefit i didn't get. "you've made your bed, missy, now lie in it!" "ass-over-teakettle" "don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out" and stolen from the bellamy brothers and used on more than one cute guy: "if i said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
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Grannyg
Member
05-28-2002
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 5:18 pm
Peewaddle is a nice southern way of saying shit, damn or any other curse word young ladies in the south were forbidden to say. Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.
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Marysafan
Member
08-07-2000
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 5:44 pm
Oh, and everytime I forgot something and had to go back for it, my mother would say, "Weak mind...body must suffer." EVERY freaking time! *grumble grumble grumble*
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Sue
Member
06-02-2005
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 5:58 pm
Very amusing thread, I have heard or used quite a few of the above. Couple more to add are... He/She's a few fries short of a full meal deal He/She fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
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Nickovtyme
Member
07-29-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 6:05 pm
I always tell my wife when she asks me, "Where is my (blank)?" .... I tell her, "If it was up your butt eating a ham sandwich...you'd know."
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 6:26 pm
Funniest twist on an old saying I heard was when a co-worker came into the lab area I was working, looking for the microscope. I pointed it out to him, and he said, "if it was a snake I would have seen it." I asked him, "don't you mean it would have bit you?" His reply, "nope, I'm scared to death of snakes. You can bet if it was a snake I would have seen it!" A friend I was driving with took a half millisecond too long to step on the gas when the light turned green, so of course the person behind him blew his horn. My friend said, "oh blow your nose, you'll get more!" 
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Nancy
Member
08-01-2000
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 6:50 pm
LOL we always say when someone is beeping there horn at you cause 'your too slow' reacting to the change to green "what else did you get for christmas"..
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 6:56 pm
She looks like she was beat with an ugly stick.
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:16 pm
He can't help his looks but he could stay at home.
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:28 pm
A phrase we say here is "It's cold enough outside to freeze your Winnebago." It was on a Muppet Christmas special and we've said it ever since.
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Nancy
Member
08-01-2000
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:30 pm
"don't give me those fake tears, or I'll give you something to cry about" "short steps!" (this in reference to my brother when he'd leave the dinner table mad and stomp down the hallway...
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:43 pm
it's colder than a witch's t1tty. there's frost on the pumpkin vine this morning. uglier than a raccoon's a$$. if you lie in the bed with dogs you're going to end up with fleas.
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Ophiliasgrandma
Member
09-04-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:43 pm
'If you can't say something nice, at least have the decency to be vague.'
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Marysafan
Member
08-07-2000
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 7:43 pm
I just remembered another one of my father's gems. "Hoof hearted. Ice melted."
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Sunrvrose
Member
08-13-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 8:25 pm
When the kids got rowdy, they were, "Wound up like a 3 dollar watch." My mom would say, "My God and little fish-hooks" Colder than a well-diggers a$$. Your face is going to freeze that way. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Wing-nut and lamp-wick were terms of endearment for children who did stupid stuff. Christ on a Crutch. That'll happen right before the Second Coming. You'll Sh*t and fall back in it, too. (that was said on a daily basis, it seems, in my family, anytime us kids said we were going to do anything the family disapproved of.) Phrases my mom had about some unattractive people: She's so ugly her face must hurt. She looks like she could eat nails. (meaning cheap looking) The red headed step child was also a biggie in my family, but they added their own touch, "so and so looks like a red headed prostitute." I'll slap you into the middle of next week. That and 10 cents will buy you a phone call. (Like when you just won an Oscar, Pulitzer, and got first place in the spelling-Bee) And the one that really warped me for life, courtesy of good old mom...who I actually loved tons..."All boys want to do is get you behind the barn, and when they do, they're gonna tell everyone." I have not even touched the "tip of the iceburg" I could probably go on for pages. My family was very colorful. And cussed "Like Sailors." Oh, just thought of another, "she was shakin' like a wh*re in church.
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Nickovtyme
Member
07-29-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 8:59 pm
I don't give a flying rat's ass or if I really don't care: I don't give a backwards flying rat's ass!
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 9:12 pm
Be-jeebers here, but haven't heard it used in a loooong time. Cnd, high school boys in my town said, 'built like a brick sh_t house.' I know that '3 sheets to the wind' means drunk. I thought the expression had something to do with bed sheets hanging on a line to dry. Dunno, though. Sh_t on a shingle A bun in the oven Come hell or high water Hells Bells (my mom always said that) Sharper than a serpent's tooth . . . (to have a thankless child) Kit and caboodle Left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing Life of Riley Don't get your nose out of joint Dog and pony show
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Karen
Member
09-07-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 9:15 pm
"I see," said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw. "No you don't," said the dumb (mute) man. "Quit arguing," said the deaf man. Does anyone know this one -- the first to say the rhyme on the 1st of every month gets good luck for that month? Rabbits, rabbits, rabbits lucky white rabbits A pinch and a punch for the first of the month rabbits, rabbits, rabbits. The glory of it is that the person who calls Rabbits actually gets to pinch and punch every person they call it infront of -- it can only be called once. I scared the bejeezus out of my BF the first time he woke up to me pinching and punching him, ranting wildly about bunnies. I used the term, "It's six of one, really," at work the other day and was met with blank stares. "Six of one, half dozen of the other"... (Doesn't make a difference either way...)
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 9:18 pm
Don't you dare say another word! Do you hear me? You better answer me! This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. I'm doing fair to middlin. One I heard a lot: Freda Ann, do you know what time it is? When I was a teenager and came in after curfew (which was quite often), just as I would reach my bedroom door (which was right across from my parent's room), my dad would say "Freda Ann, do you know what time it is?" A few years ago, I told him that he had no idea how many times I wanted to say "Daddy, why are you asking me when there's a clock right beside you?" I don't think he would have grinned like that back then.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 3:09 pm
Great googly mooglies! My dogs are tired. If it ain't one thing, it's another. He/she is too dumb to get out of the rain.
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Mamie316
Member
07-08-2003
| Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 3:13 pm
You're preaching to the choir.
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Kaykay
Member
01-21-2004
| Thursday, March 09, 2006 - 3:27 pm
funny thread!! " if it was up your a** picking peaches you would know where it was" "stop banging around in there or i'll bang your butt" " oh, so the man on the moon did it??" "sorry, do i look like i care?" gotta love being the baby of 4 girls oh my - the kids found me puke breath and all 
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Friday, March 10, 2006 - 7:42 am
the apple doesnt' fall too far from the tree. he/she doesn't think his/her sheeit stinks just because he/she takes it to the laundry.
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Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Saturday, March 11, 2006 - 7:17 am
After someone gives you their laundry list of complaints: So, other then that. How was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? My FIL favorite for if you are keeping something bottled up inside, or the occasionalsl "slipped" body noise: There is more room out then in.
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