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Archive through April 07, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 07, 2006 users admin

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Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 10:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I guess I just happen to choose women who want to be "adored". (Actually I'm really thinking of my last girlfriend, hmmm...).

Yesitsme, someone told me that very same advice. She said "the man has to love the woman a little bit more than she loves him." I think it gets into the chasing concept. In my opinion... Women want to be hunted down, chased, pursued (there, finally I found the word I was looking for, lol).

Dogdoc, do you mean we won't be holding hands while we're walking Racer down the Highline Canal bike path??

I do feel incomplete without a partner. (Why am I thinking of a Rene Zelweigger movie with tom cruise <MG>)?

Can anyone tell me the title of this country and western song, running around my head, sung by a woman (telling the woman point of view <generalizing>)..."Tell me lies, tell me sweet talkin lies..."

Tell me if you think THIS is true. Deep down within, we all think we can find our true love here on the internet, maybe even at this site!? Isn't that in the back of almost every poster's mind? It is for me.

I'll read someone's post and think, wow, that was so well written. She feels the same way I do and said it so much better than I could. I wonder if she's available? I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she's a Republican <chuckling, had to throw that one in there>.


(c)

Penguingirl
Member

01-26-2006

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 10:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Penguingirl a private message Print Post    
I heard an older, married woman say this somewhere along the way....when it comes to long term relationships, it's important that one of you is in love with the other at all times. What I take this to mean is that our love for our partner and our earnest commitment to the relationship will ebb and flow thru time, and one person will need to carry the relationship while the other can not.

I think there's room for adoration, or "the chase"...some form of playfulness, but when it comes down to the nuts and bolts, there has to be respect, sincerity, acceptance and forgiveness. At least that's what I've found works for me.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 10:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    

quote:

Tell me if you think THIS is true. Deep down within, we all think we can find our true love here on the internet, maybe even at this site!? Isn't that in the back of almost every poster's mind?



Ick! NO!

And, these are totally unrelated thoughts, I swear, but, Lance, it is okay that you are sending me fewer e-mails.:-)



Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 11:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I agree JuJu.

Ick No.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 11:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Newman,
First, the song you want isn't country at all. It's Fleetwood Mac's "Little Lies":

If I could turn the page
In time then I’d rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes

But I couldn’t find a way
So I’ll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies

Although I’m not making plans
I hope that you understand there’s a reason why
Close your, close your, close your eyes

No more broken hearts
We’re better off apart let’s give it a try
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies

If I could turn the page
In time then I’d rearrange just a day or two
Close my, close my, close my eyes

But I couldn’t find a way
So I’ll settle for one day to believe in you
Tell me, tell me, tell me lies

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)

Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies)
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
(you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise)
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
(tell me, tell me lies)


I could be wrong, but I think it's a break-up song where things are bad but the singer would really love to believe they were better, so s/he wants his/her lover to tell lies about their behavior that would give him/her just one day of believing in the relationship again.

Anyway. . .

As to the whole adoring thing, I don't want to be adored. It puts too much pressure on me! Being adored, to me, would mean I'm on a pedestal and it can be a long fall off that thing. I want a partner, not a worshiper. Sure I want someone who finds my quirks endearing, but I want to find his quirks equally as endearing. I want someone who thinks I'm creative and funny and smart and I want to think that about him, too.

As for women liking to be chased, I think there's some of that in us, sure -- at least in this culture. But by the same token, I think many men in our culture also like to be the pursuer. They're turned off by a woman who takes that role. The truth of the matter is probably somewhere in the middle -- sometimes both men and women like to be pursued and sometimes they like to chase.

Ah, the whole thing really is a mating dance, isn't it? We're just a little more subtle about it all than birds and animals are. :-)

And yeah, the fantasy of one day meeting a "Mr. Right," whether it's on the Internet or at a car club meet and greet or in the waiting room at the dentist exists. I like to think of the line in "Romancing the Stone" where she says she's a hopeful romantic rather than a hopeless one. :-)

Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Thursday, April 06, 2006 - 11:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
"I think it gets into the chasing concept. Women want to be hunted down, chased, pursued (there, finally I found the word I was looking for, lol)."

I disagree with this generalization.

"Tell me if you think THIS is true. Deep down within, we all think we can find our true love here on the internet, maybe even at this site!? Isn't that in the back of almost every poster's mind? It is for me."

Must concur with Juju and Kearie; NO.

"I wonder if she's a Republican <chuckling, had to throw that one in there>."

I know lots of Republicans that I would consider dating even though our politics would differ. Heck, look at that political couple (their names escape me); the wife worked for Dick Cheney (she now works as a consultant) and the husband is a democrat; I believe he's bald. Anyone remember their names???!!!

<edited for multiple spelling errors. ack!>

(Some content removed - c)

Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 1:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
In my opinion, it seems at though most men are clueless when it comes to relationships. Once they're in the relationship and done with the wooing etc., they feel their part is over.

They want to sit back and do no work to keep the relationship healthy; they'd rather watch sports on Sunday with their buddies and play fantasy football than spend time with their significant other. They want to have their boys night out even though the kids have a school play. They want to have that girl on the side despite the relationship they're in.

In my opinion, most men seem to care less about the relationship once they're in said relationship.

Of course, I'm open to hearing differing opinions.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 1:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Certainly there are men who behave that way. I know that my ex's behavior changed pretty much as soon as the honeymoon ended (well, actually it change in the middle of the honeymoon, but I try to give him the benefit of the doubt). To be fair, my behavior probably changed some, too.

But I also know many men in good relationships who don't do that and I've known many women who slack off after the "I do's" in their own way.

Relationships take work. Hate to quote him, but. . .Dr. Phil says it's not a 50/50 arrangement -- it's 100/100. That seems right to me. If both people in the relationship are constantly doing their best to remain open, communicate, show affection and appreciation for the other, then it should work. Certainly there will be times (lots of them) when for one reason or another one person isn't pulling their 100 percent, but that's the give-and-take part of a relationship. As long as it's not a habitual slacking off, then it should work out.

Communication is SO important. I've listened to WAY too many women in my lifetime complain about things their husband does or doesn't do, yet when asked if they've talked to him about it, they respond, "I shouldn't have to! He should KNOW this is unacceptable/bothers me/whatever." Well, he doesn't.

Men can't read women's minds any better than we can read theirs. Yet for some reason all of us seem to expect that our partners have that magical ability.

Go figure.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 5:00 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
James Carville and Mary Matalin are the couple.

Max you are so right. I get so tired of people complaining that people are not meeting their needs and yet they have never told them what their needs are. On occasion I see myself doing it, too, and I almost scream in horror!

Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 6:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
A close female friend of mine was stalked and raped a couple of years ago. The man hunted her down as a predator would hunt prey. In my opinion, no woman wants to be hunted down in such a manner by a man, or anyone else for that matter.

=====

Yesitsme, James Carville and Mary Matalin. Yes. Thank you. I could not think of their names and it's been driving me nuts since last night.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 6:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Max, I'm moving you up the list of my top tvch peeps. Awesome. That is exactly how I am with music. It rolls around my head. Don't have the lyrics right or anything, but there is a feeling about it that matters. Thanks for all the effort, Max. Appreciate it.

Of course I'm running out of time. I could so easily deal with retirement. Then I'd have time to stay current here and at the other sites on the internet. What did I do before I had a computer??

Wendo, just glanced above at your last post. Reminds me of my Ex. She loved the sparring. I think she had that kind of relationship with her first husband, the philanderer. I hated it.

I think some people like to argue just for the sake of argument. For Carville and Matalin, it's their hobby AND their life. It's like exercising their mind muscles, winning debates, having fun.

For me, arguing with my Ex, MATTERED. I cared about what I argued about. I was right! Why couldn't she see that? For her, stepping back and looking at it now, it didn't matter who was right. She had to WIN THE FREAKIN ARGUMENT. Period. Very competitive. Like Cristina.

We were such a bad fit that way. She just loved to argue. Me? Not so much...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Penguin, good points. I think you have to chop up a relationship into parts. There's the dating phase. That's where there's the chase, the pursuit. That's when the man is chasing the woman (traditionally, Biblically).

After you're married...the chase is over. Then the other factors come into play, like mutual respect. That's where my marriage fell apart. I didn't respect her so much, after I got to know her better. Didn't respect the way she treated me or the boys.

And she, in turn, may have felt the same way about me, in different areas.

She crossed the line. There is a line of respect, during arguments. She crossed it. did not apologize for it...and we should have ended the marriage right then and there, maybe two years after it began, instead of enduring the horror for 9.

The thing with a bad marriage, is that it isn't always bad. There are somedays when things go well. You think to yourself, she's changing. This can work. It's good again. We can work it out. But that only lasts a day or two. It's a tease...sigh...


Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
"Wendo, just glanced above at your last post. Reminds me of my Ex. She loved the sparring. I think she had that kind of relationship with her first husband, the philanderer. I hated it."

Uh, I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are you saying that I'm like your ex-wife with this comment? Seriously, I don't understand what you mean, could you explain? Thanks.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 9:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Wendo, of course no one wants to be hunted down in the manner you spoke of.

And of course it's common language use to say someone is "chasing" or "pursuing" another in the dating world. Those things are not at all equal, and I didn't see anyone here talking about the kind of thing you mentioned.

Personally, I've found more often that it's men that want to do the chasing. A woman who is more easily wooed is less interesting. It may be a generational thing, or just my experience.

I'm the same way in some ways. A guy who is too clingy, who professes undying love for me before he really knows me is not very attractive to me. While the man who knows who he is, who takes his time in relationship is far more impressive. I guess I like to do the "chasing" :-)

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 10:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Wendo you did alot of generalizing up above bout most men...

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 11:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Do I go on the internet to find true love..no! Do I go on the internet for enjoyment and to learn and grow..yes! Have I made some good friends (both male and female)..yes and I hope to make more!

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 12:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
I found my true love on the internet

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 12:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I did too!

Rabbit
Animoderator

08-12-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 12:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rabbit a private message Print Post    
I found several of them.


<Okay that was a joke, but what a set-up! I have never met anyone in person that I know on the internet.>

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 1:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Max, at least you got half of your honeymoon. My ex, the most romantic, attentive gentleman I had ever met left his alter at the church. A group of us went dancing after the wedding. I asked the DJ to play a specific song for us to dance to and when the time came, he suddenly had to go to the bathroom. I won't even discuss what happened when we got home and went to bed. On second thought, yes, I will. We went to sleep.

On the other hand, I know many couples who are very devoted to each other equally. Just give me a couple of days and I'll think of who they are.

I would like to be adored but not smothered. I wouldn't mind being pursued, but, being a bit gun-shy, not too strongly. I want someone who is not always looking for something to pick a fight over just for the sake of arguing. I want to be able to express my opinion without being told I'm crazy or stupid. I want to be told that it's okay to cry and that everything will be okay and not "there's no need to get upset - crap happens."

I want to compromise without having to totally give in just because it's his way or no way. I don't want to say "yes, dear" and then figure out how to do what I want anyway behind his back. No matter how you try to justify it, there's no way you can have a truly honest relationship that way.

I'll quit rambling now.

Heyltslori
Moderator

09-15-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 1:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Heyltslori a private message Print Post    
I'd love to be adored. My dad adored my mom for 40 years and it was a beautiful and inspiring thing to behold. She adored him as well. I'd love to know that feeling. I guess I don't look at it so much as worshipping someone, but more about both people realizing the treasure that they've been lucky enough to find.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 1:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I told McLee upfront that I require alot of attention and communication and I would provide the same in turn. And I've also always been of the mind that my s/o shouldn't place anyone above me except for kids and vice versa. And frankly I'd love to be adored.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 2:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
One day I was cleaning house while ex was doing what he does best - sitting on the couch watching TV (people will tell you that is one of the things they remember the most about him). I forgot the vacuum was behind me and when I turned around I tripped and fell. I screamed and made quite a racket going down. This all happened in the hall which from my vantage point on the floor could be seen from the opposite end of the couch he was on. In other words, the least he could have done was lean over to see if I was still alive. Or one would think! Even after I realized I wasn't bleeding or broken, I quietly laid there for a couple of minutes just to see if he would at least be curious. Nope. Looking back, he was probably sitting there praying for my death so he could collect the insurance money.

My ideal man would have come running at the sound of my screams. I really don't think that would be too much to ask.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 2:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Nope not at all Nt.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 2:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
LOri, that's the how my mom and dad were, my friends were always in awe of their relationship, called them MR and MRs C (cuz they were like the CUnninghams)

They also adored me and I never EVER thought I would meet a man that would love me the way they did......until I met Bill.

I have been in love before but in my heart didn't feel the love was unconditional, until I met Bill. I met Bill about 8 months after my mom died and I thank God for him everyday

If you would have told me I would met a man like that online I woulda said you are crazy!! lol so I truly believe it was a combo of fate and my parents looking out for me up above.