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Archive through April 03, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 03, 2006 users admin

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Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 7:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Kearie, I am so sorry about your daughter. It's so tough for young women today...and unfortunately it is not only the men who perpetuate it. We women do it, too. In fact, I think in a lot of ways we have shaped the minds that try to force unhealthily skinny bodies as the ideal. That obsession causes a lot of the obesity in our world, I think. People eat because they are rebelling about feeling like they have to maintain the perfect body and realizing how impossible it can be. I hope we can change that imaging in our lifetime.

I admit that looks do matter to me when dating, but what is attractive to me is not necessarily what is attractive to other women. For the most part I am not attracted to pretty boys or skinny runner types. I like clean men, but don't tend to like metrosexuals. I like broad shoulders and muscles, though not overly developed ones. I like eyes with sparkles of humor and intelligence. I tend to like brunettes over blondes, have a special spot in my heart for redheads, but think I like gray best! I don't mind overweight and slightly out of shape, though I doubt I would be interested in someone grossly overweight because I enjoy walking and hiking and things that could be difficult for them. I tend to be lazy by nature and need someone who encourages me to get off my rear! That all being said, you can never discount chemistry. I'm sure I could surprise myself as to who I could fall in love with, even knowing myself quite well! There have been many guys I haven't been attracted to at first, but being around them they suddenly become very good looking (and the opposite has happened also!)

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 7:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Yesitsme, I agree. An alarming trend that I see is that men are also increasingly obsessed with their appearance. All you have to do is watch Big Brother to see the amount of primping that some guys do. For example, the current trend in America is an obsession with the removal of natural body hair on both men and women. No one seems to care that body hair is natural. They want the smooth plastic look.

So rather than trying to encourage women to appreciate their natural beauty (and men to appreciate a woman’s natural beauty) men and women are instead both becoming more obsessed with appearance. Fifty years ago if you suggested to a guy that he shave his chest he would have thought that you were crazy.

The other thing that troubles me is society’s obsession with youth. I would have hoped that would change now that the Baby Boomers are getting a little older. It doesn’t seem to be.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 8:52 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Hmm I didn't have a problem with Newman being candid. I had a problem with Newman saying all men blah blah blah. He should not try to speak for all men. If he doesn't like women who are overweight fine, but do not say all men.

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Well, I'm not stick thin and I'm not 40lbs overweight, but I'm still not Playboy material. I hope that doesn't throw me out of the dating game. I'm just starting, LOL! I do still get noticed by good looking guys, so I guess it's not all hopeless.

I think the overall perception of good looking has been distorted by the media. Look at the pin-up-girls from WWII. They were voluptuous. Today, they might even be called overweight in the stick-thin era we're in now. Quite a change in 50 years.

Another question re: coping with an obnoxious ex: The ex has let me know that he plans to come to my mother's estate auction this weekend. I told him he was not welcome. He said I couldn't stop him. I said *&!%$#@#. Now just how am I supposed to handle this? My mom was as hurt by what he did as I was and he abandoned both of us just when we needed help the most. If he shows up, I'm afraid I'm gonna loose it and if he buys one trinket of mom's I'm gonna loose it again. I'm not looking forward to Saturday.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Given the history of this thread, Newman established awhile back that when he talks about what men like or don't like, he is generalizing and not speaking for the 3 billion men world wide--just as women in the ex-files thread often speak of negative things men do it's understood those are generalizations.

We need to be able to cut everyone the same slack over the entire board.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Oy Jeep, not good form on his part. Hopefully he's just talkin and won't actually show up.

Yellek
Member

08-22-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yellek a private message Print Post    
Jeep, what are the rules in an estate auction? Can you ask the auctioneer to ignore all bids from him?

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Heck, I look at what our own folks have said about Mariah Carey in the Hollywood gossip thread. She's been raked over the coals there and she's not 40 pounds over weight.

We've been none too kind to a couple of other folks too. There also seems to be some sort of double standard that women can say negative things about men, and women can say negative things about women--but men aren't supposed to say anything negative about women.

As a moderator that is not acceptable.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I realize Newman generalizes a great deal. His generalizations particularily bother me because they seem to be chauvanistic, in my opinion. The fact that he states, and seems to believe his generalizations makes me want to scream.

I don't want to believe most men have views similar to Newman's because I feel berated by his views.

I realize it's a message board and we're all entitled to our opinions and our differences. We need to respect each others views and be able to say our opinion without fear of personal attack.
that makes this board special.

When I read the this thread I notice most posters are women. (Same with the whole board) Newman is one of the few men who speaks very openly. Some things he says makes people's jaws hit the floor...LOL

It's uncomfortable when he generalizes and their are so few men to refute what he says. Even though it's a generalization it can still hurt and I want to be able to express that hurt and anger.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I say slash his tires Jeep then he won't be able to leave with any trinkets. :-)

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mocha, where did I say "all men blah blah blah?"

Let's step back and review the recent flury of posts.

Apparently we are unable to talk about weight without resorting to emotion and judging and name calling.

That seems such a shame to me. Baby Boomers, in general, are all fighting weight issues. Most of my friends are overweight. Being overweight can lead to diabetes and other health problems. My two best male friends are overweight and hate exercising. It's a big issue for baby boomers.

And yet, we all saw how this thread deteriorated, trying to talk about the weight issue in regards to dating. I find that to be sad.

I thought this thread was going to be able to deal with topics that are central to being a baby boomer. Weight would be in the top five I would think.

But...it is a hot button issue for some. It's too bad that we can't talk about weight here. Some aggressive people ruin it for everybody else. Aggressive people win. That is a sad but true lesson of real life and internet community life as well.

I don't see any way to fix it. I guess we should move on to other topics.

Here's another weighty issue <trying to maintain a sense of humor>. Is anyone living the American Dream? I know I'm not. Why? Because I'm not in love with anyone, not living with my sweetheart. That was central to my "dream".

What is "the American dream?" Work, love, family, friends, health, fun, economic security. Am I missing anything?


Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Yes, you and I have the same tastes. I will add that I like men who don't mind getting their hands dirty, but know they should wash those hands before sitting down to the dinner table.

Just some random thoughts:

For women who happen to be well endowed in the top and bottom measurements, it is no big secret that the fashion industry thinks "thin." I saw on TV the other day where the A-line skirt is a fashion trend this season.

I was thin at one time. When I started gaining weight, my husband just had more ammunition to belittle me with. The more he belittled, the more I ate because it was the only thing in my life I had any control over. Or did I? When I tried to lose weight, I was accused of having a boyfriend.

I know that Newman is not the only man out there that wants a thinner person than I am. That's his prerogative and I have no problem with that. When I was thin, I had no trouble getting a date.
Now that I'm not so thin, I can count on one hand and have four fingers and a thumb left over for the number of times I have been asked out since my separation and divorce. I don't think I'm a dog, I dress nicely, I shower every day and I think I'm a nice person with a fairly good sense of humor. So maybe it it because of my size. Or because I'm a Republican.

But, at the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, there was one man at church who seemed to possibly have an interest. He is clean and well dressed, but I couldn't get past the fact that the few teeth he had looked like they needed to be pulled.

I have known men and women who were absolutely beautiful until I got to know them and then they became very ugly people. I don't know him personally, but Tom Cruise is a perfect example. I used to think he had the most gorgeous smile and just oozed sex appeal. After seeing and hearing his remarks, especially on mental illness, he has become one the least attractive people ever.

I have also known people who were not the most beautiful who became more attractive as I got to know them.

Yellek
Member

08-22-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yellek a private message Print Post    
I agree with Kearie's post above. And I don't think that anyone here is telling Newman not to post, it's that we're reacting, expressing our feelings on what he says. Is that not allowed? Are we not allowed to be hurt or angry?

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Newman, I really think it's more an issue of the genralizing rather then the weight...It is for me anyway.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I consider you, Newman, as one of the aggressive people. And just go back and re-read your post that started all of this discussion.

Justavice
Member

11-22-2005

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Justavice a private message Print Post    
Jeep-
I say let the ex come to the auction. If he even dares to bid on something, just have a family member who is acting as a representative of your mother's estate outbid him. This way any precious items can be kept out of his hands and any not so precious items that he may try and bid on will be sold to him for a small fortune if he is determined to have it. Your mother's estate will benefit financially from his imposition.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Another thought is that I don't think weight is as much of an issue in the black community as it is in others. Good thing for me lol. Most men like thick legs and a ghetto booty and yes I'm generalizing here cuz it's in all the rap songs. I love Bubba Sparx's new song called Miss New Booty. Kinda says it all right there.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I agree with what Lance said in the two posts above.

I find it stunning. This whole argument. Stepping back from it...I realize it is difficult for perfect typing communication.

It seems so obvious to me to say that most men, ooops change that to most people prefer good looking people to date. Is that really an outrageous statement?!


<55>

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mocha, that's an interesting observation. I don't think of me as an aggressive person. I do think I will defend myself if I feel attacked. I'm not a doormat nor a wimp. I will fight back. Is that being "aggressive?"

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
That's not an outrageous statement at all .. but I think that once you get beyond the looks there needs to be so much more. And everyone finds different things attractive.

Mocha .. love the ghetto booty!! LOL!

Yellek
Member

08-22-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yellek a private message Print Post    
It seems so obvious to me to say that most men, ooops change that to most people prefer good looking people to date. Is that really an outrageous statement?!

It's an outrageous statement to assume your version of good looking is the same as everyone elses.

I also believe you are one of the 'aggressive' posters, why else would you be getting such strong reactions out of people?

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 9:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
To be honest, most of the men I have dated were friends first. No physical attraction really. In the beginning there was no consideration of dating them. But as we got to know each other, they touched my soul and that's what counts for me.

I've dated guys 6'3" and 5'3" both of who weighed 160 lbs. I swore I would never date bald men or men with crooked teeth...yet I did because they touched my soul.

I've dated guys whom I've had incredible chemistry with...yet they were zero in the personality department.

I don't think good looking and nice go hand in hand. Sometimes the opposite is true.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 10:02 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Because I'm honest, Yellek. Not politically correct. And for some people, weight is a hot button issue. They are very defensive about it and they lash out at me because of it.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Don't we want the whole package, Kearie. Ideally we want it all. That's all I'm saying. Is that really so outrageous? Isn't that common sense? We want good looking people who have good souls.

Yellek
Member

08-22-2001

Monday, April 03, 2006 - 10:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yellek a private message Print Post    
I understand that Newman, we've had the same discussion before over at Grey's Anatamy. I'm just trying to let you know why people "lash out" at you. They feel you are lashing out at them, and rise to defend themselves. You may feel they are the aggressive ones, but your tone and demeanor comes across as aggressive whether you mean it to or not.

Again, we (or I should just say I) am not trying to make you stop posting, but I reserve the right for myself and others to react to your posts just as you have the right to react to ours.

Isn't that fair??