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Archive through April 07, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through April 07, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 2:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Interesting perspectives. See, the word "adored" has a lot of different interpretations, as do many things. Our individual life experiences create "filters" that we see the world through and they're all different. That's why it's so important to define what a word like "adored" looks like for you to a partner or prospective partner, because what it looks like for him/her could be vastly different. :-)

NT, on my wedding night, my ex passed out cold. I couldn't even get him moved to get him undressed and in bed! I just pushed him to the side of the bed, crawled under the covers, and read a book! That didn't really bug me too much, though. I always told it as a funny story. I figured worse things could have happened! :-) Besides, he was pretty embarrassed about it the next morning. I don't think it's uncommon for wedding nights to end in sleep and little else. It can be a very exhausting day.

I'm very happy for those of you who have met your Prince Charming (like Pamy did). I haven't completely given up hope, but I learned long ago that I was complete "as is" and having a guy around would enhance that, but was not integral to it. That perspective makes me a lot happier. Otherwise, I'd be pretty darned depressed! :-)

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 2:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
My wedding night ended with me on my hands and knees puking my guts up, and no it wasn't alcohol related, lol. The only thing other than a sip of champaigne I had to drink was 2 bottles of pepto. Cut the honeymoon short by two days when I finally accepted what Darren had known a couple days before me, it was time to go home and go to the doctor. Food poisoning sucks.

I like to be chased. Also like chasing. I'm big on saying what I want or need and listening when he tells me what he wants and needs. Sometimes we're on completely different pages with those wants and needs and have to compromise or one of us puts on hold what we need cuz the other one needs whatever they need more. I'm also the type who never asks a question or for advice unless I want the truth so there's no guessing on Darrens part what to say or how to answer. If I ask if my butt looks big in certain jeans, I expect him to tell me the truth or I wouldn't be asking, lol.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 3:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
LOL! I suspect that many couples Wedding night performance may not quite measure up to expectations or what you might read in a romance novel. Weddings can be pretty exhausting. My wife and I often joke that we wish that we could have been guests at our own Wedding.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 3:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Max, at least yours was drunk. I found out 11 years later that mine was mad because we ran into a male friend of mine that night. All we did was say hi, I introduced him to my new husband and we went on our merry (well appparently not very merry) way. From that he deduced that we must have slept together. We had - 20 years before. But, then again, to his way of thinking any man that I talked to was a man I must have slept with.

Right now I am perfectly content to concentrate on raising my son and not having to answer to anyone. I'm sure that will change someday, but for now I'm not looking.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 3:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Actually I do have a date on Sunday for "Phantom of the Opera." He's a little short for my taste - 5'2" - but the only thing I will probably be required to provide is a Sonic cheeseburger before the show and a $20 coke during intermission. Oh, and he'll probably have to come home with me, too.

Hopefully we won't be out too late because he does have school on Monday.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 3:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
hahaha

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 5:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Sounds like a great date NT! Has he seen Phantom before?

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 6:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Hi Baby, thanks for the welcome. I don't know if I have had a lot of experiences but I have had a lot of TIME for experiences. Newman, we can walk Racer, but NO HANDS.(lol) And just becuase I am a Republican doesn't mean I like what Bush is doing.(put that tomato down Kearie!). No, I am not on the board to get a partner. The good thing about this place is that we are speaking at a distance from each other.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
<setting tomatoe down>

Okay, so long as your note a Bush fan I'll drop the tamater.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Just to make things clear ... I found my man on another board. And I am a democrat, as is he.

Love your date NT!

Tabbyking
Member

03-11-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tabbyking a private message Print Post    
well, until/unless i find out one of you is matthew mccounaughey, i don't think i would ever consider finding someone online and specifically not this site! this is MY place to go to vent, to laugh to commiserate and i don't want my SO on here. i let him peruse the home depot sales online LOL

remember, my niece went through a horrible marriage with a guy she met online. then, being an idiot, she didn't get her act together and just be alone for a while and see what happened, she went to another .com love place and filled out a questionnaire. and then she got a match. yep, it was her ex-husband! they got matched up again by a different site.
after they "MF'd" each other a few times onsite, they both got kicked off. LOL

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Yep Native, go out with the young uns and they always seem to make you pay! But they are a mite easier to please. Hope you have fun. Phantom is my all-time favorite.

Dating online means lots of first dates...yuck. My college roommate did it and had the time of her life, ending in her marriage to a guy she met. They've been married five years now and are happy... never lived in the same town before that (and actually even for a time after their wedding when she closed down her law practice.) I think if you want to date a lot, it is as good a way as any to meet people. You just have to be cautious... though in my mind being cautious is smart however you meet someone. And there are some toads, but I also know some great guys who would be wonderful husbands/boyfriends who have gone online to meet people. But my guess is that I will be meeting them some other way. Sigh... unfortunately, I don't think my problem is meeting men. My problem is running into the other direction if I like them. One day I will either stop it or find a marathoner who can run after me for as long as it takes. One thing about this thread....it does cause me to think about it pretty often. I can't say I am not aware!

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 7:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Just read the archive.

Glad to read the variety of opinions. Good to see you peeps opening up. Good to see so many people admit they would like to be adored. I knew I couldn't be making that up.

I agree with what Max said in her Apr 6 9:56pm post. There's too much pressure being adored. Too much to live up to. I want a partner too, not a worshipper. Liked that Romancing the Stone quote: hopeful romantic. Long time since I've seen that movie. Oh, to have hope...

Wendo, an observation. You and I don't seem to agree on anything. Would you agree with me about that? ($100 says she says no). :-)

Wendo I was hurriedly trying to compare my ex wife to the Matlin/Carville relationship. She loved arguing, debating, I think for the thrill of the competition, the mental jousting, the winning. <ka> I really have to be invested emotionally in the subject to get involved in a heated debate.



Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Max, before I stop and go up and read this whole page, I wanted to talk about communication. You mentioned how important that is. Everyone would agree with you. And I do too, except that women talk too much.

There I said it. I remember, with my Ex, how she would talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and not leave me any space to jump in and respond. It was frustrating. I was trained to be polite, but then again, I was 39 and I had lots to say too! I wanted to matter too. I wanted our relationship to be more than her talking and me saying "uh huh."

When I look back, in order to make that relationship work, I wish I had just let her talk and talk and talk. It made her feel comfortable. She needed to talk. Me...not so much.

But why do [some people] have to talk so much, really? Don't you know that it's only human nature that we will tune you out?! It's like any lecture in high school or college. The mind wanders. A 45 minute discussion on the evils of slavery could be whittled down to 15 minutes. I mean, longer isn't always better. (Ok, I'm digging myself a hole here :-) )

The mind reading thing. It works both ways. You do expect your mate to know you well and that you don't have to explain everything. She should know what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy.

If we're being honest we all want a little mind reading.

Because if you have to spell EVERYTHING out, well, it takes the romance out of the marriage.

If you're needs aren't being met, well, then you have to describe your needs in detail, say what you want that you are not getting, but not at 3 in the morning!!!


Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
Newman, I disagree, just plain disagree with most everything you said. Mind reading is not difficult at all, the only requirement is knowing the person, listening to what they say.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
Wrong Glenn ... mind reading should not be necessary. It's called communication. Yes men & women communicate differently but it's up to us to find a way so that both of us understand.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landi a private message Print Post    
newman, my husband is like that, and so is his whole family. one person talks, then they stop, then the next person.

i'm from an italian family. everyone talks at the same time. you just blurt and go on. if you wait for everyone to finish talking i'd still be on a conversation from when i was five and asking someone to explain to me why i couldn't get malibu barbie for my birthday!

if you want to talk, TALK!

learn about the person, if you don't know what their needs are, you aren't listening! to either body language or their words they do say.


Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
I never said mind reading was necessary. My statement was that it is not that difficult to do if you take the time to learn the other person. It can be quite fun if you become proficient at it.

Landi
Member

07-29-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Landi a private message Print Post    
glenn likes to play "the amazing kreskin"

Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
Landi, maybe so but I also rely on a magic wand to help out.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    


Mak1
Member

08-12-2002

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mak1 a private message Print Post    
I'm a female. I do not talk too much. A couple times people have told me they're tired of talking and that it's my turn. Other times, females and <gasp> also males I have known have talked nearly non-stop, barely pausing for breath. Once, in a Communications course, we had to take turns with a partner, each speaking for two minutes while the partner practiced active listening. Two minutes felt like a very long time to talk without a break.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yes Mak1, I was generalizing back up there. Of course not every woman likes to talk a lot...

I agree with both Glenn and Vacanick, which is funny because they are saying the opposite thing. Glenn, the magic wand comment was amusing.

When you live with someone for awhile, you can "read their mind" for the most part. And you certainly get used to certain gestures and facial expressions, which might remind you of something you forgot to do or some stupid thing you just said in front of others that maybe should have been left in the vault.

In that way I agree with Glenn. But, if some message is not getting thru, via the mind reading vibes, then I agree with Vacanick. You have to speak up, spell it out, ask for what you want or need, in a nice way of course. And make sure the other is listening.

The 4th quarter of a tied football game or during a good episode of Grey's Anatomy might not be the best time to bring up some important issue.


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 8:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I can understand "anticipating" someone's needs or wants but "reading their minds" is not something I think is possible.

As far as talking, I know many, many men who can talk my ear off. I don't believe that it is strictly a female trait.

Glenn
Member

07-05-2003

Friday, April 07, 2006 - 9:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Glenn a private message Print Post    
Yes, it was a generalization Vacanick. Penetrating the process of a human brain is not likely. Perceiving a single thought or series of simple thoughts is not impossible.