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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 8:55 pm
((((Kearie)))) I love you, sweet Kearie!
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 9:07 pm
Ah Baby ... your post is so sweet! My mom had a stroke at age 49 and lived 17 years after that. She was very disabled and ill for all those years but I still saw my parents hold hands and kiss. I wouldn't know if they were or could be truly intimate but I saw their love every day. I'm with you Karuuna ... my interest has increased as I've got older. I don't know if it's because I'm more comfortable with myself or what. But I'm a happy gal! 
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 9:09 pm
"I like to think I know what qualities I'm looking for in a woman. Maybe I was always too concerned about if they fit my menu, rather than did I fit theirs." Newman, I think you spoke VOLUMES with this one. Many of us are stuck right in that very spot. Rather than being open to people and possibilities, we evaluate everything against our mental (or maybe physical) checklists. It limits us, I think. I'm guilty of this, too, even though I try not to do it. Yes, touch is very important. What I miss the most, though, is kissing. I have friends who could care less if they ever have another physical relationship. I find that hard to fathom, myself, but everyone's experience is different. I think if you were a very physical/sexual person in your younger years, then that carries over as you get older. It's like Dr. Phil (oh, no, not HIM again!) asks when people talk to him about libido issues. Do you want to want to have sex more often? Sometimes the answer is no. Nothing wrong with that if it's the truth for you (unless, of course, you're married to someone who is at the other end of the spectrum -- then you can have some problems). 
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 9:10 pm
The most important thing to me in any relationship is honesty. The one and only time I asked a guy I was in love with if he loved me he said "no." We were just about to "make love" and I knew that he was being honest with me and I loved him all the more for that. I pulled him closer and he said " I thought you were going to hit me." I said "Why would I hit you?" We never discussed love again but continued for awhile in the relationship. Are men afraid to be honest because the woman might react badly? I don't know where the "hit" thing came from because I don't do stuff like that. Not wanting to talk (do you hear that Newman lol) is my method of reacting to an uncomfortable sitation. I like to work things out internally and then move on. I think it is interesting to read other peoples opinions and stories here. Thank you Baby for your perspective. As I have mentioned, I don't like to hold hands with anyone. I feel restrained and want to get away. I can hug people but not tightly. My favorite thing was playing cards with my boy friend. The winner got to pick what we did afterwards. Just being with him, sitting on the floor intent on a game of King's Corners, was intimacy to me.I miss that.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 9:36 pm
Thanks Vacanick and Dogdoc, Sounds like your mom and dad shared a true and powerful love, Vacanick! I bet a lot of us wish we could find a love like that while still on this earth. Dogdoc, I agree with honesty being so important in a relationship. I think if there isn't honesty, trust and effective communication, then no matter how hard both people try, the relationship just will not be a good one. For me, my last relationship ended because of compulsive lying. I got lots of good stuff from him but I also got lots of lying, too. Once I found out he just couldn't be straight with me, that was it and I was out of there!
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Saturday, April 08, 2006 - 11:44 pm
Newman, I will answer you regardless of feeling like we are interrupting the current conversation in this thread. You and I are the same age. I have never taken viagra because I am afraid I might hurt myself or someone else at the present time. However, if it becomes useful in the future, I have no hesitation in making use of its benefits. Most of my mates have chosen me because they saw a father when they looked at me. I began my parenting training about the age of ten when I began taking care of my youngest (infant) sister basically full time. I was the oldest of five children and my mom needed help in the most intense way. By the time I was thirteen, I could cook complete meals for the family, take care of all household tasks, get dad off to work with his lunch, and everyone to school. I took great pride in accomplishing all this. I am not married and I do have a girlfriend that will become my last wife. What is kind of humorous at the moment is earlier this evening we were talking about how our relationship started. She was interested in me before I was interested in her. When I asked her why, her reply was I seemed smart and I had a great wit. Now if you had asked me what her attraction was to me at the very beginning, my reply is her voice. I heard her voice over a friends speaker phone about two years ago. What I heard in that voice was a tenderness and sweetness that I wanted to know more about. What I have learned in the last two years has only reinforced my first impression.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, April 09, 2006 - 12:13 am
Thats intresting Glen, about being the father figure. I think I was sorta like you growing up and being the oldest fell into that same role- being the caretaker to the siblings and to alot of freinds along the way...only im a gal..and in most of my relationships I became the mother figure...allways trying to fix broken men... I dont want to be that again, I would like to have a man take care of me for once.. feel like that person was my rock, Im tierd of being the rock... and he would have to make me laugh... I miss the laughter in my life... for me I think laughter is the biggest turn on..
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Sunday, April 09, 2006 - 12:27 am
Glenn, I just read your post and I think what you said about what first attracted you to your girlfriend, is lovely! When you said you heard a tenderness and sweetness in her voice that made you want to know more about her, well, that is totally beautiful! And then to say what you have learned about her in the last two years has only reinforced your first impression of her, is great! I hope you two have a wonderful life together!
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Schoolmarm
Member
02-18-2001
| Sunday, April 09, 2006 - 7:38 am
Wow, Glenn...congrats! And her VOICE was what attracted you...not a physical attribute. Your post just makes me grin! I hope you have lots of happiness in life. Will you be adding more daughters as well--LOL? I would love to meet her someday. Actually, Glenn is pretty good at mind reading minds....he listens well and is very perceptive with non-verbal cues and has a memory for detail like a steel-trap. I think what makes a good "mind reader" is attention to detail and just paying attention. This said, my mother seems to assume that everyone is already reading her mind and she just starts her conversations in the middle of whatever is going on in her head. She assumes that Dad reads her mind....HaHaHaHa! I have gotten used to living by myself. It is better to be alone then to be with the wrong person. I think that lots of people get into inappropriate relationships because they are afraid to be alone. I am quite ready to live the rest of my life alone, but I'm still hopeful that I can find a nice guy out there....
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 5:35 am
Glenn, I wrote a brilliant response yesterday. Lost in the tvch technical crap out. Nertz, as my Father would say. Dr. Newman says don't worry about taking Viagra. It's all good with no bad side effects that I ever noticed. Also it is not some miracle drug where 15 minutes after taking it your "magic wand" goes "doiiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg" out to it's teenage hard rock 9 inches. It gives me confidence and that's what I want. I'm in real good shape for my age. I jog, I go to the healthclub often, I look good on the outside. But my insides, my veins and arteries might be all clogged and not so good. That's what Viagra does. It helps the blood get to the right spot for nature to take it's course. Hey, I didn't need it in my 40's either. If you have a good circulatory system, thank your parents, and your genetic structure, and be happy. What attracted me to my last girlfriend was her physical energy, her upbeat spirit, her friendly personality, and to be honest, she flirted with me. That one didn't work out though. After we got to know each other we found we didn't have much in common other than being lonely. I agree with Schoolmarm. I'd rather live alone than be in the wrong relationship again. Chewpito and Glenn, both care givers, nurturers. I was the baby of the family. Everyone took care of me. I wish as an adult I had more of a nurturing nature. I don't. When relationships work, don't they often have a nurturer hooked up with a "needy" person? Hate to use that word, needy. I certainly don't think of myself that way. Nurturer with non? Can it work with two nurturers? I love my independence (like Karuuna). I recall one of my issues with my last gf was over my feeling of being "smothered". This post is getting too long...
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 5:56 am
I love reading your posts Newman, there's no need to worry about them getting too long. Thank you for your frankness about Viagra. I also love that Glenn says it was her voice that first attracted him to his girlfriend. It really is very sweet. My BF has a lot of wonderful qualities but if asked, I would have to say what attracted me to him was that he was cocky. His confidence is incredibly attractive to me and a major turn on. Is that wrong?? I don't know.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 6:03 am
Vacanick, I think self confidence is a major turn on, for both sexes. WE love self confident, self assured people. Wimpy, worried, scared people aren't turn ons for sure. Chewpito was talking about wanting to find a "rock" to lean on for once. Well, isn't that what a self confident person offers? You don't have to prop him up. He's strong. It's natural to admire strength, I think.
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 8:41 am
Self confidence is great as long as it doesn't cross that fine line into arrogance. I've seen that happen first hand. But I must say that I would take my chances with a self-confident guy rather than a wimpy guy even if they were equal in all other respects. I can't imagine having to deal day after day with a guy with low self esteem. That would get old fast. I haven't caught up with everything in the past four days I've been away from the board, but I'll try later today. Mom's estate auction went well, but it poured rain all day. Thank goodness for big tents! We looked like a circus was in town (in more ways than one). And the ex did not show up. Yeah!
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 8:44 am
I just had to let ya'll know that my date last night for Phantom was wonderful. I was so proud of my son. He loved the show and already wants to see it again. There were a few times I found myself watching him instead of the show. We had second row seats, which really is a tad bit too close to see the back of the stage - fifth row would have been better - so Travis was completely drawn in from the beginning. Kar, I read your post yesterday morning before it went off into cyper space, but I don't know if you saw my response. If not, I will ask again. Does your HW have a brother? He sounds like the perfect guy - not too close but not too far and knows when to be there and when to keep a distance. I'm glad he was there for you on such a sad day.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 8:47 am
Yay Jeep! Glenn that is so sweet. (((Kar)))
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 8:53 am
Jeep, I'm glad it went well for you and that the creep stayed away.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 9:00 am
Thank you Mocha. NT, he has four brothers, but they are all in relationships currently. I'd have to say that some of them are not quite so sweet as he is. . I'll work on cloning him for ya. He has his faults as well. He's the kind of person who will help anyone who needs it; and while I find that endearing most of the time, there are times when he ends up an hour late for a date since he's being helpful. I guess as problems go, that's a fairly mild one. I'd rather he not give up that compassionate side!
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 4:44 pm
Vacanick, I like the cocky type too. But there has to be an underlying sweetness and sense of humor with it for him to be a true gem. I can't stand guys without self confidence....for that matter, I don't really like women who don't have self confidence either. I think we all should have a healthy respect and appreciation for ourselves and life is too short to focus on all the ways we fall short. Those things are way too boring to spend too much time on, unless we are spending that time turning them into something great. And Glenn, I can tell from your posts that your girfriend was right about your wit and brains... but isn't that a cool thing for someone to say they first found attractive in you? You have to love it. And while we women would love to know the man in our live thinks we are beautiful, knowing that he hears our heart in our voice....well, that's much sweeter. You are lucky to have found each other....enjoy!
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 6:32 pm
I agree Yesitsme, it's the cockiness that initially attracts me but there has to be more to keep me interested. This may sound like a silly question but I'm curious ... what do men want from women?
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 6:51 pm
Oh Vacanick, don't be silly. You know what we want. And besides that, it helps if you can cook. I could make a list for you. It would include sex, love, affection, warmth, fun, spontaneity, positive attitude, willing to try new things, likes me!, likes my friends and family, intelligent, a liberal, good looking, etc. I could go on and on with a list like that. No one ever gets everything he is looking for in a woman. That's why you have to mold them <chuckling quietly to myself>!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 6:53 pm
I mean "that's why you have to accept her as wonderful as she is"! (trying to learn...)
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 7:09 pm
Very, very good answer Newman! 
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 7:27 pm
well I am so out of touch, had a whole day to catch up yesterday, and well...that didnt work out, thanks to all those who let me know what was going on,Seamonkey/maris...I thought I was going bonkers..really missed this place.. when I said I needed a rock for once, I guess what I was trying to say is that I somehow always seem to wind up with men that I need to fix/take care of, its exhausting..I have always been a strong/independent person and for the first time(well probably not the first time) Im at a place in my life where I would just love someone to take the reins..carry the load... I dont want to think so much, I would love someone to drive the car/truck, whatever- pump the gas, change the oil...just little stupid stuff that would just make me feel a little pampered.. "dont tell me for a week that my car needs washing and then a week later when he sees me doing it,he says-I was going to do that" aaahhh then do it!! Im not about material things but just actions speak so much.. little things that remind me that im a woman and the guy is the guy...Not another kid to take care of... any way, I dont even know what im talking about any more... earler befor the site crashed newman mentioned that a person that is used to or has always been the nurturer or caretaker would probably always have those qualities...I think that is true.. I love my Independence.. I dont see me ever signing a marriage contract again, unless it had a financial benifit..Id rather live in sin, LOL- with someone that I could count on- im not into changing someone, they would have to have thier own interests and stuff that they like to do, as would I...and we would come togeather and share our days, because we were not attached at the hip, than we would have conversation..discuss our day..I want someone to play frizzbee with me,go to shows, keep me laughing......I want I want I want....Heck Im not sure what I want...
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, April 10, 2006 - 7:53 pm
<flounces in and flounces out> 
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 6:50 am
Yea Newman! "good looking" is way down on your list! You are getting more sensitive. (lol).Yes, I saw that sex is number one. At this point, I think number one on my list is that he is alive and kicking. (but kicking can cover a lot of things).
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