TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . ABOUT US . CONTACT . CHAT  
Bomis   Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through February 13, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 13, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 12:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Newman, I find in refreshing to hear you say you want more from other people, and you are not so concerned with what you give. Without judging if that is good or bad, I respect your honesty in saying what you need.

I have a feeling it will affect your definition of when life has meaning or something makes a difference to you.

In the mean time, do what you can to feel you are getting value. Of course you only have control of so much. But what the heck, do what you can.

Newman, you play softball--have you ever considered coaching girl's softball?? Most areas have leagues that are both recreational and competitive. While you have to put in effort, I find that the players on the team are almost always appreciative of what their coaches give to them.

And the ages that girls play are usually from 8 on up. That way you can match what you have to share in skills with the level of ability/need and the age of the girls.

I agree that one point in your life hearing something doesn't have the same affect as another point in life. Another thing that can affect that is HOW it's said. :-)

And yes, I think we are all in this together. Everyone who joins in this thread is giving and getting something. After all, it isn't the destination we are talking about every day--it's the journey.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 2:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Jeep, I just now noticed your plans--I think that is a fantastic thing to do! What a wonderful gesture.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 3:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Aw, dang, Mocha, I just read somewhere about the DNA testing for African Americans, and the article gave several sources of testing, and it was actually fairly reasonable, like I dunno, maybe $130 to $250 depending on which lab you chose. Can't remember where I read it now. Betcha you could find it in Google news. It was very interesting and something I would definitely do if I were African American. I will try to remember where I saw the article. I just read it within about the last week.

Goddessatlaw
Member

07-19-2002

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 5:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Goddessatlaw a private message Print Post    
Mocha, I saw that show on PBS also and was just fascinated. I have a couple of books on researching African American heritage also that I could direct you to if you're interested.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 10, 2006 - 7:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Ahh kool. Gal I'm like Newman, would rather have someone do it for me lol. But I'll look into the dna thing though.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 12:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Rupertbear, up there you said something about forgetting about yourself and focus on others. This is the way to happiness. Something like that. (Feb 8, 8:46 am).

I used to think like that, back in college. But then I thought people were just taking advantage of me or that I was being a doormat.

In college I ran into this Quaker activist who said: "Give with no thought of receiving anything in return." Powerful thought, because I still remember it to this day.

This fits in well with what you're saying. And with my Buddhist studies, with concepts that I'm struggling with such as suffering, duality, craving, etc.

And yet I fight it. My western selfish mind fights it...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 1:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Everyone, I may not respond to each and every post, but I do try to read them. Eventually. I'm trying to cut back on certain threads on this really good tvch websites, and concentrate more here. I can't be everywhere. Can't stretch myself so thin that I forget where I wrote and miss responses back. I do love the feedback...

It's quality. Not quantity anymore with me. Right now I'm looking for balance. I'm consumed with news, current events. I want to balance that out with exercise, books on tape, fiction, spirituality, writing and reading here and to my twin.

The thing I'm missing in life most right now is a sense of community. I get some of that here, for which I'm greatful. Last night I went to a movie group outing. Saw an average movie, one I could not recommend, 3 Burials of Mel Estrada, but the discussion afterwards at Bennigans was interesting and fun.

Lance, I particularly liked your last line. Life is a journey. (not the destination). It's such a good thought. The book "Lonesome Dove" really drove home that concept for me. Sometimes I forget it...

Also thanks to whoever suggested the Viktor Frankl? book about the meaning of life. I jotted it down in my book suggestion notebook. Have read something by him before and liked him. Justavice, thanks.


Rupertbear
Member

09-19-2003

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 1:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rupertbear a private message Print Post    
Cast your bread upon the waters...

If you give without regard for what you will receive in return....you will find it flowing back to you, sweetie...I really do believe it is one of the laws of the universe.

You have begun a very wonderful discussion in this thread Newman...you have given to all of us who've enjoyed and joined in and I know you will find the balance you need in your life.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 2:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Newman, the older I get (in my 60's) the more liberal I get. I had a great experience taking an Earth Medicine Vision Quest 5 day spiritual retreat in Sedona,AZ. I had wanted to have a sweat lodge experience for years, ever since I saw it on Walker Texas Ranger, and we did the sweat lodge there. We also experienced separating from each other and staying up all night meditating and enjoying the serenity and power of the place. As far as being single, I used to feel better about myself when I had a boyfriend. I liked the idea that someone of the "opposite sex" could find me attractive. At this point, with no suitors, I am fine. I have no family living near by so my work, neighbors, church and TVCH are my main source of companionship. THank you for sharing your experience, it has given me the courage to share mine.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 3:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
newman, you can always do a selective search on your login and find you last posts. if you need help doing that let me know.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 3:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I do appreciate the people on this thread. Very caring and loving people. It's a pleasure to know you and share with you and learn from you all.

I'd like to thank Karuuna for getting me on to this site. Never would have happened without her, a person I've never met (well, in the physical sense anyway).

It's important to remember there is a human being behind each one of these posts. I think we are really quite a special group of people here. Sometimes I talk to my "real friends in the real world" and try to explain my friends on the internet here and it feels like they just don't get it. As if just because you never meet these people they aren't real or important. That is so not true.

Happy Valentines Day early. You people have spread love and kindness and I for one appreciate you all.


Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 4:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Newman, it is said that a person's life--the quality and character of it is 5% what you have or are given and 9% percent what you do with it.

I think you gave a great example of it when you talked about the movie you saw and the talk afterwards. You said the movie was average, although it seems like you really liked the experience after the movie. It's what you did with it that made the experience more enjoyable than just sitting through an average movie.

Way to go! Glad you enjoyed the total package of the evening.

To your comment about people "not getting it" for TVCH. I think that is VERY common. Some things a person just won't be able to "get" until they experience it.

Things that involve feelings, growing, sharing--those are the kinds of things most anyone has ot experience to really get it. I think if any of them gave TVCH a try, they'd get it.

What a great reminder Newman about each of us being a person that is behind each post. For the most part we treat each other that way, and once in awhile we stray from that and get a bit out of line--LOL.

You are 100% correct though, we are all people and from my perspective, some very special people. And you too Newman have spread a form of love and kindness just with this thread.

You question, you share, you challenge and you listen and you are respectful. I think everyone who has contributed to this thread you started has gotten something from your efforts. As well they have given something.

Form one cynic to another, thank you for that.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 4:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Lance if there is one thing I never pegged you for it is a cynic, you always struck me as the eternal optimist -- always finding the good.

I dont think you can necessarily focus on others but you would be surprised at how many inconsequential deeds you do that make an impact on others. What to you may be nothing, to someone else is a good deed. I know that when my husband passed away, I was amazed at how many people I had done minor favors for, not even favors, and they were all there for me. You would be surprised at what gestures make a lasting impression.

I also look around and I see how many people are so much worse off than me. Hurricane Katrina happened a week after my husband passed away and my son and I looked at people stranded on roofs, a man who lost his wife, his house, children and I said to myself -- I don't have it so bad. Basically, my view is life is what you make of it and there is always someone worse off than you.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 6:10 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Maris, I consider myself a cynic because I think the human race is over all pretty bad. We do things to each other that just shouldn't take place. There are god people out there--I do try ot look for that.

Everyday I see people who feel that only the count. Whatever they are doing is more important than whatever anyone else is doing. I see it in the way people drive.

I see people doing so little for others. I see so many people make choices that are for them and no one else. That is why I look for the good. I know i's there in many. It's just that for me, it's not there in enough people.

Our political system is a great example of why I'm a cynic. Yet at the same time, we as a society have voted them in. Let me rephrase that--it isn't the sysytem--it's the people.

Just like religion. More people have been killed in wars in the name of god than for all other reasons combined. Yet I am not aware any religion that says to wipe out the other religion. It's what people do with it.

I see at work where sucking up is done to an extreme--yet it continues only because it works. If management didn't reward it, then it would stop.

All too many times I see people not doing the right thing. Many do--just not enough do it. That is why I feel I'm a cynic.

Maris, I respect that after a big loss in your life, you could still feel in your heart others have it worse. That is what I look for in humanity--I'm not an optimist--I see myself as more of a realist. LOL

Sorry, back to out local station. :-)

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 6:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Lance, yep all those people you described are out there. I just dont believe they are in the majority and I am a firm believer in every dog has its day. I dont worry too much about the people that are all for themselves or even the people that make choices only for them, because ultimately they dont win. Their sins come back to them. Even politics, sooner or later I do believe the good will out as they say. There is always a lone voice out there standing up for what is right and I do believe in the mouse that roared. Lance, I think you do too.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 6:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Lance, I don't think the human race is bad. We do bad things but we are not bad. I teach a children's Sunday school class.After one of the lessons, a little girl came up to me and said, "God loves my uncle even though he killed his daughter, doesn't he." (Her own father has been in jail and is an abusive alcoholic and she loves him). I told her yes, God loves him. When we lose our childhood innocence we become judgmental. I wish I could be like this girl. When I think of Scott Peterson I can only wish him ill will. I think this world is good. When you get discouraged Lance talk to some kids. The book Everything I need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden makes a lot of sense.

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 8:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
One of the difficulties is that the bad often seems to standout more than the good. You go through your day and it is fairly easy to notice people that are doing bad things, whether it is when driving your car or watching the news. Unfortunately, these people standout.

So you’re driving along and you don’t notice the people who are driving well, staying in their lanes or signaling and carefully changing lanes. What you do notice is the couple of bad drivers that are recklessly cutting in and out of traffic and endangering lives just because they are in a rush for their own purposes. It’s the same thing with the news. A Dad putting his kids to bed and kissing them goodnight is not going to be on CNN. Instead we hear about the Scot Peterson’s. They rarely report things that are going well – it’s just not news.

There’s no doubt in my mind that there are too many bad people out there who are only looking out for themselves. But there are also a lot of good people out there – we just don’t hear about them or notice them as easily.

I understand how discouraging it can seem at times.

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 9:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Maris, I've been that lone voice more than once--LOL.

Dogdoc, I agree completely about the innocence of children and how wonderful it is. Sadly, not many times do we keep that innocence when we grow up. If we could somehow keep it as part of us when we "grow up", I think we'd treat each other better.

I also agree with you that we don't have to have any type of "significant other" to have a good life. It may make the journey better--or maybe worse. LOL

One of the draws of TVCH is that based on my 50 years of living, there is a much higher percentage of people who show care and concern than what we experience in RL. As Newman said, you have to experience it to "get it".

We've had people come and go. We've had people stay since the beginning. We'd had people who dodn't like it here but returned. We've had people how love it here and go to other places as well.

It is at times the little things that become important--someone saying hi. Someone saying they care, even though they can't fix a problem. Someone calling if the other person gives a number. A place to just vent without, for the most part, a big dose of judgement.

I hope everyone is having a decent weekend!

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 7:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Lance, you bring up a lot of fodder for conversation. Your comment up there, Feb 11, 4:58pm, about religion struck a chord with me. No religion says to war on another, to wipe them out, and yet, sigh, doesn' look like here we go again, Christians vs. Muslims, another Crusade. Can't we as a people, as humanity, ever learn?

And yet if you advise respect for another religion (I'm thinking of the cartoon controversy), don't publish those cartoons, don't stir it up, discuss the issues sure, but no disrespectful cartoons, well, then you are compared to Neville Chamberlain. You are an appeaser. Weak. A loser...

All religions preach love, and yet, our world is so violent in places. Isn't that because man chooses (and isn' all because of testosterone laden MEN) to ignore the main precepts of a religion, LOVE, and instead it gets into power, greed, revenge, anger, and all of the baser emotions that take over.

It's hard not to be cynical in the 21st Century.

(Don't understand the 4 red dots, I didn't swear, I swear....


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 8:50 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I have come to the personal conclusion that we are in a world where good people are being driven to do bad things....but I haven't figured out why yet. (You know me and my over-analytical side!) I live in a relatively small city and look around me and see people who have always seemed to have great character cheating on their spouse, embezzling money from their employer, becoming drug addicted, giving up on their family. It does make us generally optimistic people a bit pessimistic.

I have come to believe part of the problem is a misplaced view of self esteem. I think in some ways we have worked on raising the self esteem of the nation, but forgot to tell people there has to be some balance there and it is not all about them! There seems to be an inordinate amount of people around today that thinks the world revolves around the center of their lives.

To increase my contradictory beliefs, I also don't think you can just give without getting. I see people that do two things....both give saying they expect nothing in return (but passive-aggressively demanding it) and people who give themselves to the point of martyrdom and then break. I tend to believe in the biblical concept of loving others as yourself (not instead of yourself.) Not forgetting to care for yourself so that you are able to give to other people. You've seen it.... it appears someone wakes up and becomes a raving lunatic, but when you analyze it, it has been brewing for a long time below the surface. They have neglected taking basic care of themselves and they find themselves surrounded by people emotionally crippled because they have never had the need to exercise basic care for others because it was all done for them. It's like parents who do everything for their kids, then the kids grow up and the parent is in shock because they are selfish, unappreciative creatures who expect their parents to support them.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 10:22 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Newman, I finally figured it out. When you type in the words isn't or doesn't and they are followed by the word it. The board thinks you have written a slang word for mammary glands

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 11:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
(that little glitch has been fixed. Sorry for the errant red dots!) :-)

Lancecrossfire
Animoderator

07-13-2000

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 8:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lancecrossfire a private message Print Post    
Newman you wrote:
Can't we as a people, as humanity, ever learn?

It seem the answer so far is no. We keep making the same mistakes--we keep doing horrible things to each other. We keep going ot war for what seems to be bad reasons.

Reasons such as the ones you mentioned in terms of what takes over for humans (you wrote):
instead it gets into power, greed, revenge, anger, and all of the baser emotions that take over.

These things get in the way for a lot of people. That said, I hope that we have the ability to do something good in our own little corner we call our life. And I hope we can all experience someone doing something good for each of us.

Random acts of kindness, so ot speak.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 9:28 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
What I see with the human race is that aggressive people win. There's that Christian quote that says the meek shall inherit the earth. I think that means they shall be buried.

The aggresive right wing of the Conservative party has control over America right now. They've hijacked the Republican party. They've hijacked Christianity too.

The aggressive militant Muslims have hijacked that religion too and are a huge threat to world peace.

I watch the press conference regarding Cheney and his hunting accident. No one has the guts to ask the obvious question. Was he drunk? Was there a blood alcohol test? Why not? Is Cheney above the law or just more aggressive than most?

Why don't moderate Muslims take back their religion from the aggressive radicals that control it? Why don't moderate Republicans take back their party?

I'm not optimistic. It's hard to keep fighting everyday, fighting for truth, fighting for justice, for fairness. The aggressive right wing owns talk radio here in America. It wasn't always that way. Again, aggressive people are winning because nice people get tired of contantly fighting. The pitbulls never tire of the fight. They live for it. And for the power, the money, the greed, the control...


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, February 13, 2006 - 9:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yesitsme, I want to comment on your opener, that good people are driven to do bad things. House is one of my favorite tv shows. The theme there is that everybody lies (to their doctor). I just don't buy the premise.

Not everybody lies. Not everyone has affairs. Not everyone steals and not everyone in major league baseball takes steroids.

That perception needs to change. "Well, if everyone else is doing it I might as well too. It's a competitive world. If everyone else is _____________ then I have to too, to stay even, to compete. Or if everyone else is cheating then I should too.

It's that attitude that needs to change. Easier said than done...