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Archive through May 15, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through May 15, 2006 users admin

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Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 9:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
I'm not sure if I want a man in my life. He would have to be incredibly special and I would have to really fall madly in love for me to even consider marrying again. Now, I'm not trying to generalize here, but based on my personal experience with the men in my life, they are just too much work! I love being able to control my own life without answering to someone else, and I love not having to worry about pleasing someone else all the time. During the time I was married (for almost 23 years), I had to suppress who I was to keep my husband happy, because I didn't want to put up with him when he was unhappy (which was often enough because of work, kids and outside issues without me adding to the mix!). I don't think I ever felt complete or fulfilled until I was single again!

All of the men I've dated since my divorce (about twelve that I can remember, maybe a couple more) have been so self-centered that our dates were all about them. One guy was upset because I beat him in bowling (and I had a bad game - about 120! What was I supposed to do, through a gutter ball every time?). I think only one of them could remember how many kids I have and what their names are - and he knew them from church, so he had an advantage there! Why is it that I am supposed to be fascinated by their lives, but when I talk, they're only waiting for me to stop so they can talk about themselves again? Oh, and I do listen, and I am interested in what they have to say; but I want it to work both ways. And I'm not overly competitive or very athletic, but I'm not going to dumb-down or throw a game for anyone (at least not until I have grandchildren - maybe I'll let them win! )

I know there are men out there who are thoughtful and good listeners and will take care of a woman when she is sick, but the problem is that they all seem to be married already! I'd love to meet a man like that who is single, but so far, I haven't been that lucky.

Anyway, my advice to single men out there who want to find a relationship would be to listen when a woman talks and remember what she says! It's really not that hard!

(end of rant)

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 10:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
I think it is very important for a woman or a man to be catious when children are involved. I do not have children but I have witnessed first hand the damage that can be done when a child gets emotionally attached to their parents girlfriend and or boyfriend and it does not work out.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 10:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
I kinda think what happened here is that alot of posts were just fixated on every thing bad that ever happened to them and kept pointing out that all people were bad untill proved otherwise. Everone was focusing on the scary stuff/knife in thier back/ and forgetting the beauty that each sex has to offer... Even if I never find Mr. Right, I will allways love the diferances...and will not assume the worst but look for the positives in all... I couldnt live in a world with out men. That would be so sad.

Tater
Member

03-19-2003

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:19 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tater a private message Print Post    
I am 42 and have been in Love, Lust and everything in between. Do I want Love? Yes! Do I need Love? Yes, from myself. Will I feel unfulfilled or Die if I don't find love from a man? Nope.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I'm not sure what this debate is about anymore?

I think everyone agrees that most men and women can survive emotionally without a partner and many have enjoyable and rewarding lives. There are millions of people in the world that prove (and have proved) that point.

Hermione69
Member

07-24-2002

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hermione69 a private message Print Post    
Jimmer, I don't know what is going on either.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:46 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
well, jimmer, from what i read in one of the posts above from newman, he asked this question:

How can I be fulfilled if I don't have a special person in my life?

and further down he posted this comment:

It takes two. If women aren't interested in wanting man/woman romantic fulfilled love anymore, a man certainly can't force that idea on her. It's kind of sad I think...and cold...

everyone has their own opinion of what makes them feel fulfilled. i don't want anyone to think of me as sad or cold just because i don't happen to want or need the same things as they do to feel fulfilled. so, i guess that is the debate.

i don't know how to answer his question though - especially since i don't feel that way.

and, i totally agree with you, jimmer.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 11:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
In response to your previous post Jimmer, I don't think Newman is being critisized for wanting a commited relationship. He's being critisized for insisting that *everyone* should want that.

Some of us have been saying that our young children are our priority now and that romantic relationships are not. We are very happy in our lives as is. We are not saying that all women feel this way or should feel this way!

I have several friends who are a bit older than me, they are truely boomers and are single, divorced, the kids are grown and gone. They have been out on the dating scene and very open to meeting men, but I have to tell you the pickings are slim! Many of these men have come out of marriages where the woman took care of them so they expect to be waited on hand and foot. They expect to sit on the couch while the woman cooks and does laundry.

The other problem they frequently encounter is the guy who wants to hop right into bed. Moving too fast is a turn off. A lot of what they find is a guy who wants to monopolize their time. These are vibrant women with hobbies, friends, interests and very busy lives that they want to share with a man, not give up to find a man.

I wish it were easier to find a mate -- we'd all be happily paired off and discussing something else if it were so easy.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
One of the things that I try to avoid is personalizing what other people are saying (thinking that their comments are directed specifically at me). Now that can be very difficult in a thread like this one when the issues that we are discussing are so personal.

So someone feels that he can't be fulfilled without a special woman in his life. That is his perspective. The fact that he personally finds it sad and cold that some women don't want romance in their lives is his perspective as well. That is his opinion.

However, a poster's opinion is just that – his or her opinion. It doesn't change who you are and what other people think of you. I could say that you are seven feet tall but that wouldn't make you seven feet tall!

Mameblanche
Member

08-24-2002

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
No... but I'm seven feet wide. Heh heh.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
I would love to find a man to share my life with someday. Just not now. As Merry stated, I spent so many years trying to be what the ex wanted me to be and walking on eggshells trying to keep the peace that I lost a part of myself. Maybe once I find that part, I'll be ready. For now, even without taking my son into consideration, it just feels way too scary out there.

Ladytex
Member

09-27-2001

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ladytex a private message Print Post    
When I was growing up, whenever we would ask for something or tell my mom that we needed something, she'd ask "Is this a need or a want?" She also brought us girls up to be where a man in our lives would be a "want" and not a "need". I've been married for 21+ years to a wonderful man, yes, I know I've been blessed. Could I live without him? Yes. Do I want to? No.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
"Maybe once I find that part, I'll be ready." Perfect statement NT. Everyone is on a different timetable with different life experiences and expectations. Ultimately, I believe most of us want love and acceptance from a partner but it is all about finding the right timing. And for each one of us it is different.

Crzndeb
Member

07-26-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Crzndeb a private message Print Post    
Then why use words like sad, cold, and unfulfilled? I think we got the point 43 pages ago!
I am usually attracted to men 15-20 yrs younger, only because I find that most men in their 50's have a stereotypical view of what a woman in her 50's should want and need. Whatever!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 12:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
I dont think he was insisting that everyone should want one, I think he wants to find someone and was expressing that a life with out a partner(whatever your prefrence) felt incompleat. I think the conversation drifted and became about somthing all together different. As a boomer, and any people that I know that are true boomers, I truly dont see little children a issue..well maybe if you gave birth in your mid 40s (alot of women are having children later for sure) I think its more about fear for some.(we have become used to the ease of our independence) .alot of us(men and women) have been thru divorse,bad relationships,and have now found a simpler life on our own. There is somthing to be said about not having someone bitching at you all the time or telling you what to do....But then again, a good relationship would probably not be like that. Every one has bad days and if you partner up-- you have to except that. I think when you get to a certain age--you are pritty much set in your ways. Any one that He or She may want to include in your life (that little risk free bubble you (and me) have settled into)One must be willing to except that they do things that may bug the crud outa you, and visa versa... I like to stay up all night,sleep late, I hate breakfest,am driven by routine...and on and on.. none of us come in a neat little package. So a boomer looking for love needs to find someone that is similar to them..but how?? You need not pass a test for the offspring,the inlaws..."if you do,thats just wierd" we are all big enough to decide for our self...when my mom remarried after my dad died she never asked any of her children--Why would she? would we deny her a partner. Some people need to be with someone and some are fine on thier own....I think the question here is more about--would we be willing to change our lives around to invite someone into it.. Its a leap for eather gender, after all- that dizzy/heart pounding first love feeling only last so long...then its "crackers in bed and arnt you done with that yet"(what have I done?)..yadda yadda yadda..

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 1:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
i don't take anything in this thread personally. i just enjoy the dialog and different views.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Wow, this thread exploded from this morning. Once again I'm playing catch up, speed reading (hi H)...

When I write, I speak for myself. I project my values on to others at times too. So, sometimes I inadvertently stir things up.

The heart of the discussion centers (as Crzndeb said 43 pages ago) on the definition of the word FULFILLED.

IMHO, I don't see how anyone could be fulfilled without being in love. That's my statement and I'm standing by it.

I know it's true for me. If I have a meal of steak and potatoes and a beer, well, that's fine, but something's missing. I could live on that, but I would miss the vegetable, the salad, the dessert, the soup.

I'm sure there's a better analogy.

I'm thinking if you've never experienced love (maybe you've never had a brownie sundae supreme or snow peas or a tasty salad) maybe you just don't know what you're missing.

Maybe then you could be completely satisfied and happy without being in love, because you never experienced love, and don't know what you are missing.

Fulfilled to me means that every phase of your life is clicking. Work, play, love, sex, romance, fun, health, etc. If one part of your life is not going well, how can you say you are fulfilled?

And I agree. Some women don't want or need a man. I can understand woman/woman love. I just think, IMHO again, that without love life is sad and cold. Again, that's just me...


Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I am in love and having him in my life is amazing! But never is it ever every phase of our life clicking. It's always about adjusting and evolving together. Sometimes it's like being on a roller coaster but it's okay because we do it together.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:32 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
OK, maybe just the major phases, that you can control, to be fulfilled? I hardly ever say "I am satisfied". Because it can always be better. Fulfilled? If I had a rewarding job, a loving wife, a happy family, just keeping it at three things, then I would feel "fulfilled" I think.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
That's not too much to ask for Newman. But it's not something you can "make" happen and while your in limbo you have to move on with your life and create your own happiness. That's just what I think!

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Indeed, without love, life would be sad and cold, in my opinion.

But, love comes in many forms, not just a man/woman thing or a woman/woman or man/man thing. All forms of love are fulfilling in their own way.

I believe love needs to begin at home with oneself. Without it starting there, without one truly loving themselves first, I don't see how it can develop and grow into something healthy and solid with others.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 2:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
Baby, Amen!

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 3:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Thanks NT! That is truly my philosophy in life!

Like Vacanick says, you create your own happiness! What if that special someone doesn't come along, or what if you have that special person and they die, what then? Are we supposed to go through life being unfullfilled or miserable? I would certainly hope not!

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 3:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
I know what being in love is like so I do know what I am missing. I know that feeling of having someone truely know you and truly love you and feeling so comfortable with them. But I'm, not going to be miserable the rest of my life because that is gone.

Do you have to have a brownie surpreme sunday with every meal to be happy, to be satisfied? I don't think I could date a man who was not satisfied with his life. That's part of the requirement -- that he be happy and satisfied in his own life and not looking to mine to fix that.

I really think if you want a relationship that badly that you need to lower your standards until you find it. We all know the people who bounce from one relationship to the next, never being alone and without a partner. I have to think they are more open to people who aren't a perfect fit and have relaxed their standards. I'm not convinced their any happier than I am however. LOL.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 15, 2006 - 3:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
LOL Newman. I think you have to come up with a less satisfying meal than steak, potatoes and a beer, because that sounded pretty good to me!

I know what you meant though and it's not a bad analogy.

Having said that, you can still have a great enjoyable meal without the brownie sundae supreme. I think that is what people are trying to say.

The other thing to remember is that if you give up on eating the steak, potato and beer, you may not be around to enjoy the brownie sundae supreme if it suddenly appears!

Now I'm hungry!!!