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Archive through February 24, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through February 24, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 6:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Quite the first post, Chewpito.

45 is so young. Was he extremely overweight? History of heart attack in immediate family?? Any warning signs? I would feel ripped off too, after I got over the shock.

I'm lucky in that I don't hate exercising. I like to walk. I like the exercise bike. Books on tape and walking. Still jog occasionally. Belong to a health club. Don't have a weight problem.

However, I realize I'm in the minority. My two closest friends are very overweight. They talk about diets. Their struggle vs. diabetes. And so forth. When I mention the obvious, exercise, they simply won't do it. They always stayed in shape, their whole lives, by playing sports, playing basketball, golf, softball, raquetteball, whatever. That was fun. Exercise is boring.

So is dying. So is being grossly overweight. Easy for me to say. I've always been a jogger. Still, nowadays its so easy to join a health club, read the news captions while you walk on the treadmill or exercise bike. Exercise doesn't have to be as boring as it used to be.
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Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 7:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Chewpito, I am sorry for your sister's loss. Is she in counselling? How are the children managing? Counselling may help her. I agree about how you don't know what life holds for you and there are things you just cannot control. One thing that made it easier for me and my son was that we knew that my husband didnt suffer.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 8:45 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Chew, we do sound a lot alike....down to the never eating at the table. However I will fight him for the remote (I will share but not surrender!) and while they don't have to look manly (reconsidering...that's a lie....they do), I want them to prove to me they are somewhat handy. I am from a family of handy guys and I have been somewhat spoiled. One of my male good friends can't do anything around the house and it drives me nuts. I am way handier than he is and while I accept it in a friend, I couldn't handle years of helplessness in a mate. (My friend's attitude is basically "I don't know how to do that." Well....of course not if you don't ever try!)

I haven't had a date in forever and part of it is because I just hate the whole experience. I'm relatively outgoing in life, though not by nature. I force myself to be. I'm an introvert at heart. When I date I regress to that shy side and just become so awkward. And the more I like the guy, the worse I am. I cringe when I think of some of my dates! I guess in a way some of us never leave that junior high persona.

Some friends and I were talking about arranged marriages one day and I decided I could possibly trust my dad to pick someone for me. But my mom would probably take over and it would be disastrous. Oh, the single men she has suggested for me. However did she end up with my dad?

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 12:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Maris,my sister is doing a little better,but he was her best friend and they were together from such a young age, she just feels totally lost. She was a stay at home mom,He was the bread winner, just one day life was one way,and then it was another. My brother in law was not over overwieght, He was very active,we (the whole family) had just been all camping togeather just 5 days befor he died. He took his 2 boys to a giants game in S.F.the night befor, It was the most unexpected thing ever. Her niebors have been amazing though. I read all these posts and I often wanted to say somthing to you maris, but I just didnt know how. I was thinking about you,I even told my sister about you, but my family dosent understand the whole computer friends thing...lol. She did get some counselling for herself and the kids, but I think it really is just a matter of time. Any way, thankyou.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 12:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
wish her my best. Hard to believe six months can go so fast huh.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 5:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
OH, yesitsme, Dont get me wrong, I do like a handy guy.. . The tv, Id be willing to share, I listen to the radio mostly, record the shows I like, so I can follow them thru. Now, the computer is a differant story, get close to my keyboard and I start to get real shakey.. years ago I would have never thought id be so into this computer, but here I am. I dont do well with dates eather, I dont know how to act and thats the problem,I spazz out trying to be perfect when I know that thats not me..Im so not perfect. My biggest problem is probley fear, Im so afraid to even try,cause I just couldnt stand to get hurt again or go thru another breakup. It keeps me from alot of great guys, and its my loss. Im pritty sure of that.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - 6:47 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Would somebody please let me know when Nichoas Cage gets a divorce.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 6:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I'm not handy either. I blame my father for that <humor>. Never was inclined to learn how to fix things, except for other people's relationships. My twin, on the other hand, is very handy and has been married for 34 years.

My attitude is to have a friend who is handy. Handy people like to help others, like to fix things, and they feel appreciated too, especially when you buy them dinner or a case of beer or whatever.

What can you do if you're not handy? Some things I've tried to fix I've just made worse. Others? I wouldn't even attempt. I see guys, working in their driveways, changing their brake pads, and I scratch my head. I'd rather take it to the shop and pay for it to be done right and go jogging. Isn't that what money is for?


Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 7:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I say if you are not handy, you have to know how to get things done. Like know what mechanic is both good and doesn't overcharge. Or what friends have certain skills (like, who can put the new lawnmower together and who can tear out a wall.) I'm not overly handy myself, though I can tear apart a vacuum and put it back together. I may be the other bad extreme...the one who thinks she can fix things she absolutely has no idea about. Like tv remotes. I always try to fix them myself. I always ruin them. My very handy father always said you should never try to fix electronics yourself. One day I will learn. I guess I need someone who is not only handy, but will remind me of my limitations!

LOL Dogdoc. I am sure it will be soon. Very soon.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 4:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Hey Newman...got a challenge for you.

How about you try going over to the positivity thread and list ten things your positive and thankful for.

Consider it a challenge.

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 4:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
You know what, Kearie? I think you are on to something there. I think that is a great idea!

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Wednesday, February 22, 2006 - 11:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Oh Newman, Your not handy?? Tell me its not true. I so had you peged for handy. (smile) There are a lot of things that you can do that dont have to involve tools or mechanics. Somethings that I like a guy to do, and not ask them to do, are..maybe wash my car(cause its dirty) ..plan a day trip, put some goodies in the ice chest and gas in the car, and say hey..lets go for a drive. I dont like to think about stuff like that. But, I love it when someone else thinks for me.. My brain is tierd right now and I cant think, but there are alot of things that are just nice..and make up for handy. Let me sleep on it.

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 5:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
For me, I think of this as a dropping off of some baggage and then feeling better thread.I feel more positive since I have done that here but I really don't feel like going to a positivity thread and talking about it.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 10:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
agree Docdoc, Its helped me to share and also know, im not alone. That, right there has been well worth it. Its also nice to get a male and female point of view.

Baby
Member

01-08-2006

Thursday, February 23, 2006 - 10:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Baby a private message Print Post    
Newman, Just in case you don't go back to the "Positivity Thread" (I sincerely hope you do, though), I want you to know I think you did a good job..a very good job. You have me smiling from ear to ear! So, thank you, Newman, thank you!

I bet you have to admit that posting there felt pretty good, didn't it?

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 5:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
Yeah, Newman. You got a lot of us worked up enough to "spill the beans" about ourselves. I am "positive" I couldn't have done it without you. (so do I still have to go over to that thread Baby) Ok, I will go to see what Newman wrote.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 7:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Baby, it really didn't make me feel better. I just did it because of my cyber friendship with Kearie. Didn't want to disappoint her.

I'm a natural unloader. Spilling the beans takes no great effort for me. I'm an open person. Although I do hide a few secrets even still.

I do think, and am sure I've written before, that the open vs. closed personality is one worth analyzing. When I write to my twin I find that he is very closed. Doesn't share thoughts and especially feelings easily, even with his wife. I tend to be the opposite.

I prefer to be open. That comes easily to me, naturally. But it's not a cure all. And my best friend once burned me at a restaurant (he's open too) by blurting out something to the server, which obviously should have been kept in the vault. That still bothers me today.


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 7:32 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Some good you know what will cure all your ills Newman.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 7:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I'm still reeling from what's going on at my work. Breaking up with an ex-girlfriend, still breaking up. This colors my whole world.

It's such a "vicious" circle. Who can you go out with in life? People you come in contact with. People you work with. Well, what happens when you go out with co-workers and it doesn't work out? You get to see them every single day. It reminds you of the pain and failure.

Glass half empty?

I really just feel like crawling into a shell, never trying again. What's the point?

This is a baby boomer topic. In my current sad mindset I'm reviewing my job choice. I feel I don't fit in here. I've only made one close friendship here and that guy quit years ago and we don't talk anymore.

There are many reasons for the lack of friendships. Hmmmm...I'm rambling here...focus.

Who said "the unexamined life is not worth living?" What makes the examined life worth living?

I think it's natural for baby boomers to look back on their lives and choices. What is the most important thing? Did I find love? Did i choose the right career? Family? Friends? Other choices I made?? The future??????????????

Late for work to my meaningless robotic job where I don't want to talk to anybody. Hey, but i get to listen to a book on tape while I case mail. Listening to Bee Season by Myla Goldberg right now. It's pretty good. And I get to hear Air America radio all day long out on the postal route. It's not all bad. Don't mean to bring everyone down.

Hmmm...maybe I should volunteer somewhere


Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 7:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Dating a co-worker is hardly ever a good idea because of what you said above Newman. When you break up you still have to see them everyday. That's the 1 dating rule I have.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 8:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Newman, personally I think you are doing fine. You have a good sense of yourself and I think in a lot of ways you have discovered what you are missing right now in your life and are on a quest to fix it. I think that is darn healthy. Yeah, some of the things you try or consider turn out negatively, but that's part of the process. So what? As I always say, the bad experiences of life make for a better story. You always seem to make me giggle...especially when you are at your most negative. Not that I am necessarily laughing at you, but I guess I recognize similarities in myself and that cynical sense of humor I view the world through.

I am analytical by nature, so I tend to analyze everything I do or think. It's exhausting sometimes. Overall in my life it has been helpful, but I can also see where it could be a major problem if I were a bit more of a perfectionist. As it is, I am fine with being pretty average so don't put tremendous pressure on myself to become perfect....even when I know I could. An examined life, an unexamined life....either is good in my mind! I'm a pretty happy person overall, but I know people who don't analyze anything in their lives but just live each moment without much thought, and I think a lot of them are happy too!

Keep your eyes open around you at work and I think you will one day find a friend you can relate to. But also keep reading those audiobooks so you can give me recommendations.... the new job I am starting in a little more than a week will require a 50-mile commute. I figure books on tape are going to be a constant for me!

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 10:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Sometimes I think negative thinking can become a habit. Complaining becomes a habit.

I recall a time in my life when I was very unhappy in my marriage. At the same time, my mom was unhappy in hers. Everyday we would call each other and spend a few hours bashing and complaining about how rotten our husbands were.
This went on for a few months before we decided we had to stop doing that.

It got to be a habit to talk negatively. To whine and complain. Funny thing, as soon as we quit bashing our spouses to each other and instead focused on more positive things...we became happier in our marriages. Our husbands didn't change, but we did, in the way we thought and what we focused on.

I know this is based on one situation...Marraige, but I think it applies to all areas in life. Negative thinking and focusing on negatives can become a habit that leaves you feeling lonely and hopeless.

I guess this just reminds me to try to think of positive things because it really does make a difference. Sometimes breaking a negative view of things is as simple as reminding yourself to think about positives once in a while.

That is why I made the challenge/request to you Newman.

Thanks so much for taking me up on it.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 11:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
I dont know whether this is worth anything but when I realized that my son will be moving away to college in three years and I will be pretty much by myself for the rest of my life, it motivated me to think real hard about what I want and I realized I sure dont want to have my life as sitting in an office every day and coming home to watch American Idol (which I love by the way) but I dont want American Idol to be the highlight of my week.

At the six month anniversary of my husbands passing, I have taken baby steps to do something with the rest of my life. I have always had to consider what someone else wanted and there has always been compromise which I never minded but I can now do things for myself without worrying about leaving someone behind. My husband wasn't a great traveller, loved his summers in Southampton and loved golf so I always felt guilty when I would go away with my son.

Now I am taking my baby steps, I signed up for a course which starts in April. I joined the YMCA and I can go to aerobics classes before work and I can really think hard about what I want for me. So My only advice is not to think in terms of not having a relationship but using not being in a relationship to do things for yourself. Keep your job, a federal job with its ensuing benefits is a pretty good gig but what about transferring to another P.O.? What about changing hours?

What about seeing what the local college has to offer that you might be interested in, something that maybe long ago you said, gee I would like to try that. The advantage of this age I find is you dont have to prove anything to anyone and you can always walk away from new endeavors if they are not what you expect them to be.

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, February 24, 2006 - 12:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I'd say that is million dollar advice for us all!

Yea Maris!!!!! You are taking such great steps forward. I know it is difficult, and some things will always be, but such a testament to the kind of person you are that you are pushing yourself to do it. And you are so right....it is great to get to that stage where we don't have to prove anything to anybody, isn't it? I find I am way more adventurous now than when I was younger. Life is such fun. I can't understand why more people don't seem to put effort into enjoying it.

And what a gift you are giving to your son. He gets to see you take care of you, so he won't feel that it is all his job. He can go to college and be a normal college kid instead of feeling that your happiness depends on him. And in the meantime, the adventures you can take him on!