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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 9:29 pm
Woooo Saiiii Newman. Actually with regards to your lap story I think the next move should've been hers with either doing the hair thing or putting a pillow over your face, but something instead of just sitting there. But that's just me.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 9:30 pm
There is a time when sex can be had with friend and that friendship is maintained. Then we grow up. It can still happen, but more than likely not. I have a male friend from high school. We managed to get in touch with each other for the first time since we graduated just before the ex and I separated. He lives in Oregon and after the separation, we began weekly phone calls that would last for 4 hours just talking about our lives. He knows the ex so he understood and he became my rock. I could scream, rant, cry, cuss or whatever and he would just listen. I could tell him things that I couldn't tell anyone else. And our long-lost friendship was still strong enough that he could tell me if I was not being very smart in my decisions and/or actions. He was the first person I called when ex got temporary custody and he was the first person I called when ex gave up custody. We never dated but there was always a lot of sexual teasing. When we started talking again, the teasing was still there but we both know it ain't going to happen. He knows and respects that I'm a one-man woman. As for him, let's just say 3 is not a crowd for him. Or 4. Or 5. Lucky for him he has a girlfriend who thinks the same way he does. One weekend he told me he had posted some pics of himself on a website and I should take a look so I could what he looks like now. Now, I like to consider myself a modern woman, but OMG! I had to look around to make sure no one saw what I was looking at and I was by myself at home. I don't know if he had changed or not because I had never seen that part of him before. What I'm trying to say is if we did have sex (and sadly, even after seeing his most impressive pics, I'm not even tempted), we would still be friends.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 10:04 pm
Native, he sounds kinda weird to me, if you want my unsolicited advice. Stay away. It's that double standard thing, though. If a woman has explicit photos of her, well, that's somehow sexy and ok?, but if a man does the same thing... Pamy, that was a great Seinfeld memory post. Seinfeld hit on so many good observations and generalizations. That's gotta be my all time favorite show, well, I'm biased, because I'm in it! Mocha! The Pillow?! Maybe she was used to being seduced. A clash of styles. But she didn't seem very shy to me. Back then I always went by the rule that, hey, I'm shy. The person who is less shy should make the first move. Native, awhile back you mentioned something about missed opportunities. I do think about that from time to time. Women definitely will tend to give out signals (I'm generalizing here), sometimes subtle ones, that when you're young and self absorbed maybe you don't pick up. But that's part of the dating game. You can't just walk up to someone and say, "I like you. Do you like me?" You can in first grade, but that's about where that ends.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Saturday, March 04, 2006 - 10:22 pm
Newman, he is weird and if I was just now meeting him, I would have nothing to do with him. I think you hit the nail on the head with "dating game." We all say we are adults who are too old to be playing games, but it is what it is. Every species has its mating ritual. Unfortunately, while it every other species has one specific ritual that has been used since the beginning of time, we have developed more than the mind can comprehend.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 8:36 am
Darn Newman, if only I had known that alcohol could have prevented me from ruining my chance with my own McDreamy! Where were you when I needed you? Alas, though, I learned long ago that I am not a cheap drunk and it takes the fun out of it. I've gotta find different ways to relax besides alcohol. (Plus, my tongue tends to be a bit faster than my judgment quite often and it doesn't need to be let any looser than it is!) As for the "less shy makes the move" rule....as I have told you before I give the perception that I am very outgoing, but internally I am not. Any guy who bought that rule would probably get nowhere with me, because he would assume I am the outgoing one, while I am a pile of mush on dates. When it gets down to it, I think we all need to take control of what we want and go for it. If you are ready for the relationship to progress, don't namby pamby around...be direct, with no room open for interpretation. If you are rejected, count it a loss for her and see you yourself are no worse off. Your ego will recover...it always does. (And when you do it, I will vow now to be incredibly sensitive towards you for 24 hours. Maybe 48. No more than that or you might get used to it.)
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 6:30 pm
well, this ole livin alone gal is cooking a kinda better then average dinner and my daughter is hanging with me and we are about to watch the Oscars...so catch ya all later, Happy Sunday.. So far Jon Stewart is off to a great start.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 8:57 pm
actually as time went by,Ole jon wasnt doing as well as I thought.. darn.
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Wendo
Member
08-07-2000
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 9:03 pm
I think people in this thread have been quite sensitive to the topics that have been brought up in this thread. Kudos to all those who've provided comments, advice, and more. Look forward to reading more. re: Alcohol use As posters who've commented prior, not everyone gets "relaxed" by drinking alcohol on a date. Some people are allergic to alcohol, don't enjoy alcohol, or feel uncomfortable when they're under the influence of alcohol. Drinking alcohol on a date doens't necessarily mean that a date would turn out better either. If anything, one could argue that, for women, drinking excessively on a date could put them in a dangerous position; a position where they could be taken advantage of. Alcohol use when dating is ultimately a personal decision.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 9:47 pm
My skin is not so thick,and I havent been sensitive or offended to most topics at hand..I soppose I think most topics open a door, and you can throw out your imput, or not. Its what I enjoy about this thread, its slightly geared twards a group of folks that have come to a time in there life, where we are older, but still have needs, we are alone, due to circumstances that vary,children grow and leave,divorse,death,and many more- but I love the input from the happily together couples as well and the youngen's cause they add hope and spice to what life is all about, I enjoy all types of people, dont allways agree, but find joy in conversation and have found that no matter what the age or sex, we all have alot to say...and coment on...so for me....I have never took any thing to seriously or been offended. Carry On... Im not a huge drinker, not a smoker eather, but I do find in social cituations that a drink or two, calms me down and I admit, thats good for me, If someone dosent drink or cant, they shouldnt..its simple, say no. I dont smoke, but have friends that do, I dont like them less because of that, but at my house, they go out on the patio, I dont even have to ask, they just do... If I go somewhere where smoking and drinking is happening, and its not my domain...than I dont feel a need to tell someone to stop...If im uncomfortable, I will leave. We have a choice, we dont have to do any thing we dont want to...or be any where we dont want to.. Ive never been any where where someone looked down on me cause I refuzed a drink, I dont know... I guess one of the good things about aging is that I dont feel pressure to do somthing im not comfortable with... I know how to say NO. and if I need to, I will... I love this thread and hope it dosent get so serious that people cant just laugh at our selves and our traveled road... I look forward to many more experiances...to explore, and laugh out loud at sometimes....thanks once again for the tears of laughter glen, cause it felt good to crack up.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 10:13 pm
I have never been made to feel like a party pooper because I don't drink. If nothing else, people know that there is at least one person who can be the DD (designated driver). On New Year's Eve of 2003 and 2004, I even took my neighbor and his date to the party they were attending and then picked them up after midnight. It wasn't that far and I'd have rather done that than get a jail call in the middle of the night. Even in my teenage years in the 70's, I was the last one among my friends to try pot. There was never any peer pressure about it and just like with alcohol, everyone accepted it.
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:19 am
I'm just catching up on this thread and it sure has been frisky! And Glenn made me spit my tea all over the computer this morning! It's great to start Monday with a laugh. Well, I haven't seen that youngin at the diner for a few days now. Guess I scared him away, but I'm not sure how. And I was going to take Mocha's suggestion to "slip him my phone number". I had it all worked out. Dang! I'm just not used to these guys expecting me to jump all over them at the first sighting. Guess I'll have to wait a little longer if I want to "change my habits". LOL Another bit about the alcohol. I don't have any thing against people who drink, I just don't by choice. It doesn't just relax me, it puts me right to sleep. And that can be embarrassing and a real drag. No one has ever harassed me about it. So, ginger ale or iced tea for me! Might I add that I happened to see the ex and TOW this weekend. I was driving by a fast food place they were going into. Geesh, they both look like they've gained 50 lbs. They weren't talking or smiling or anything, no emotions at all. She grabbed his hand and he looked as miserable as a man being led to the electric chair. LOL I may have been forced into living alone and changing habits (as the tread is titled) but I sure got the best end of the deal.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:23 am
I agree Native, I find it very rare if never, that someone has made me feel not welcome or cool cause I didnt want to drink, and as you said, You can be the one that drives the ones that drink home or where ever..a win win cituation.. And like I said, I do on occasion like to have a drink or more, but usually its a family gathering, or if it is with a guy(in my dreams) I find it fun and a icebreaker..It is what it is...and that is fine for me.. People just need to know thier limitations, and if they dont want to drink, dont...
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:32 am
Hey Jeep, what kinda car does he drive, you can allways leave a note on the wiperblades saying "for a good time call" (kidden). Hey, loved hearing about your X, I had someone break my heart many moons ago...and was pritty broken up about it...I saw him about a yr ago, he didnt see me, and he must have gained a zillion pounds, and I have to admit, (im not a mean person) but I took delite in it....cause I was still looken good.....yuk yuk yuk....(or pritty good) LOL..
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 12:01 pm
Oh no, Chewpito! No notes! I know you're kidding, but I wouldn't even want him to think for a second that I want him back....NOT. I'm like you, taking delight in his miserable situation. Is that bad? Who cares? LOL On top of that, I get into the office this morning and there's a voice mail on my phone from him at 5:30am. He says he's at the airport and going to their plant's other location in MS and if I need him he won't be back until Friday. Why would he even think I would need him? The only time I talk to him is when I have to about that one financial issue he's supposed to take care of and he doesn't want to hear about that! I hope he doesn't think he can edge his way back in. That ain't gonna happen! Now, I just want my youngin. All this sex talk around here has me thinking .............. yeah, time for Jeep to get her groove back.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 12:27 pm
Lol go for it Jeep! Cuz it's hard out here for a pimp...
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:08 pm
Jeep Jeep Jeep...dear girl, I was thinking the note (in jest) for the youngin....NOT for the X..heavens no!!!
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:15 pm
LOL Chewpito! Now you're talking! (I'm a little slow today, it's Monday LOL)
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 2:23 pm
Frankly I don't enjoy drinking as much as I did in my 30s and 40s. I prefer the effects of coffee. Gets me up. Energized. Alert. I think both ways are fine. If you like to drink, fine. If not, then fine too. No one should force you to do anything you don't want to do. That's pretty common sense. I am very much against drinking to excess. That makes no sense to me whatsoever, at any age, and seems especially unattractive at a baby boomer age. I like to think of drinking as social. You might say, "Let's go out and get a cup of coffee or a beer and talk." It seems funny (to me) to say "Let's go out and get a glass of water, and talk." I'm not sure restaurants are too thrilled with that either. I'm always ordering water with my beer or coffee anyway. Water is a good thing. Coffee and alcohol dehydrate you.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 2:34 pm
I was struck by the death of Dana Reeve (44) and by the death at age 45 of baseball star Kirby Puckett. This is just way too early to die. Dana Reeve's death seems especially tragic. To die of lung cancer, when you are a non-smoker, just should be a wakeup call to the whole country! That is so unfair. Our country is slowly reforming, but the emphasis is on slowly. When I started as a mailman in l984 they let you smoke at your case while you were sorting the mail. I'm proud to say that I helped get rid of that practice. With Kirby, he was a squat 5'8 210 pounds as a player. Great enthusiasm and joy when he played. Great player who had difficulty in his personal life. A womanizer and a woman abuser. Not good. Can't ignore the good with the bad about a person when they die. You want to say they were all good or just focus on the positives, but... He ballooned to well over 300 pounds! He had a stroke and died. I'm wondering where were his friends? It is such a delicate situation. You're not supposed to tell your friend that he's fat. You're not supposed to tell your friend to get counseling about the wife beating. But ... what are friends for? If you don't say something are you really being a friend? This is not a simple thing. Just came back from breakfast a few hours ago and MY friend was upset with me about giving him unsolicited advice (I meant well) among other complaints. I think we talked it out well. I hope so...(I didn't put my head in his lap, Glenn, if you were wondering).
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 3:11 pm
Thank goodness! I thought I completely killed this thread! Even though I usually feel like the oddball, I love the exchanges. Newman, just because I don't drink now doesn't mean I never did In my 20s (before marriage) I lived in an apt complex and we would sit out in the yard drinking wine, beer, eating cheese and stuff all night. We all had a great time (good memories too) and I don't remember it making me sleepy, but now it sure does! Getting older sucks! The death of Dana Reeve really made me sad. She had been thru so much and had her life cut so short. I often thought over the past year or so that it would be my luck that after getting thru the divorce and my mom dying and all, that I would end up sick (or worse) myself. Thank goodness that hasn't happened, at least not yet! I would appreciate a few years (really a lot of years) of a little bit of peace and happiness, if I can find it that is. Good for you for helping to get rid of the smoke in your workplace. I did the same here. When I started, you could look thru the office and just see a blue haze from one end to the other. Finally, after years of complaining, smoking was sent to the outdoors. There are a few breeches but rare. LOL about not having you head in his lap! I hope you and your friend worked it out.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 3:29 pm
It is one of the hardest things to do, to be a friend and to see them being destructive, but realy, what can you do? I lost a great friend, miss him dearly, and he was very heavy, didnt make me like him less, but we did talk about it, he had a history of heart attacks in his family, and he just chose to egnore that. He was a great friend and funny as heck, had a very high stress job, and one day just keeled over in his yard and died...I was shocked and heartbroke, maybe I shouldnt have been, but somtimes you just dont see it comming. I have another gal friend now, that is very heavy, has been all her life and has diabetes and has been warned be the doctors that its serious,she did cut back on drinking, so I give her a little credit, but she sneaks out at odd hrs to buy milkshakes and burgers and what ever at the fast food places, she dosent hide that she does it, but she does it...even if I talked to her it wouldnt matter, cause she likes to eat, I cant stop her. So what can you do??..For me, and I dont know why, it is easyer to say, Hey,you shouldnt be drinking so much!! but not so easy to say, Hey,you shouldnt eat so much! Its a good question, when is a friend stepping over the line??
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 3:52 pm
The first link contains info regarding lung cancer research that corroborates what I heard on TV this morning and found very disturbing: Link This link discusses how lung cancer is not only caused by smoke, be it first- or second-hand: Link I guess what bothers me is that, being an ex-smoker, should I develop lung cancer, I know there will be people out there whispering behind my back (and knowing some, to my face) that I deserve it. I know this because I've seen it happen to other people.
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Wendo
Member
08-07-2000
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 4:08 pm
Yep, N_T, too true. There are some who will say that smokers/ex-smokers who develop lung cancer deserve it. Especially when it continues to be noted that she was a non-smoker and how awful it is that she died; it's a suggestion that were it not for those awful smokers and their second hand smoke perhaps she would still be alive. Is it more tragic for a non smoker to die from lung cancer than a smoker? In my experience, that seems to be the case and like you, I've seen it and read it.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 4:14 pm
I wouldn never whisper behind your back, most every one I know is an X smoker, my mom and dad smoked a couple packs a day(even while pregnant) till I was proubly 11, then they quit. I have chronic asthma, to this day I have terrible breathing problems, I dont know if its because of my parents or just in the family line, or from hanging out in smoke filled bars for most of my 20s and whatever.. I think the only reason I was never a smoker(as in tabacco) was because of my asthma.. but it never stoped me from partaking in the forbidden weed,(by the way my very smart daughter tells me its worse then cigs,as far as cancer-i dont know if thats true) that I grew out of, but still believe firmly in its capacity to reduce pain...and nausia.. But when I lost my friend because he had a heart attack because of the strain on his heart due to his wieght, I never once thought badly of him for being heavy, I just miss his great hugs and wonderfull laughter.. People just need to be aware of thier own body and try thier best to do right by it, but it might not prevent a bus from hitting you tomorrow...so who knows...
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 4:18 pm
After spending a few days in Colorado Springs, I was so happy to get back to smoke-free (at least in restaurants and public buildings) California! I was shocked when we went into restaurants and they asked us if we wanted smoking or non-smoking (and the non-smoking section was by the smoke-filled bar!). So good for you, Newman, to help bring about change in your workplace!
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