Author |
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 6:01 am
Dogdoc, I disagree with you. Looking at yesterday's 5:18am post. I don't think it's good to be "closed". How does it help you? It seems to me that it just pushes people away. What are you afraid of? Don't you regret being "closed" now? I know I would. I would think of all the potential loves that I kept out of my life by being too guarded. Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe "closed" is the way to go. Maybe I should stop writing, become closed, and just read? Sigh... OK, of course I'm saying this tongue in cheek. Or introspectively. We learn our personality strategies when young and stick to them. That doesn't change. I know I pout when I don't get my own way. I find that quite amusing when I catch myself doing that. You'd think I'd find a better way by now... When someone brings in a sick dog that you're trying to fix, you must "interview" them, ask questions, try to get to the heart of the matter. Then you set out a course of treatment to fix the problem. Why are you so guarded in real life? What is wrong with saying that you're a Vet? That astounds me. I'd be proud to say I was a Veterinarian. I'd get more chicks that way. I'm embarassed to say that I'm just a mailman. It carries little cache at college educated parties. I'm white collar trained, college degreed, but have a blue collar job. I'm looking for a white collar, college educated woman. I'm afraid, once they hear that I'm only a letter carrier, they will judge me poorly. I know I would In my baseball site we are having a huge discussion over this closed vs. open issue. The topic: Todd Helton of the Colorado Rockies. He's on the DL with a mystery disease. The team won't say what it is. I want to know. Other writers say "it's none of your business!" I thought of YOU, Dogdoc, during that discussion. I won't think the less of Todd if he has Crohn's Disease! I actually care about him. And so on...
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 6:12 am
there's nothing wrong with someone having a closed personality if one must be labeled. if we were all alike that would be so boring in my opinion. some of us are just more open than others. it doesn't make ones life any less than another's to have a closed personality. it is just different. some people just don't understand different and they don't have to. i personally just accept people as they are and let them be who they are. i don't think that being closed makes one afraid of anything. in fact, i feel it makes them much more thoughtful and thorough. nothing that they should be regretful about.
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Ginger1218
Member
08-31-2001
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 7:06 am
My biggest regret in life is not having children. I would have been a great mom. If I hit the lottery tomorrow, I would adopt children who need love.}
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 7:34 am
"If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven played music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 8:03 am
Hi Everybody! Finally getting back here and trying to catch up. Newman, I think you should just tell people "I'm employed by the US Government. Now don't ask questions I can't answer!" Say it with a smile and they'll wonder what you're up to. Or tell them you're an undercover mailman, searching house to house for Bin Laden. Make it sound secretive or exciting. Now you have to come up with something for me!! How would you like to say you're an insurance agent? I usually duck before they throw something at me! LOL As for kids, I have none, never wanted any. Since I was a young teenager doing the babysitting jobs I knew that wasn't for me. I have no (or very little) maternal instincts. Does that make me a bad or selfish person? I don't think so. I think it's a good thing that I recognized this and didn't fall to pressure from others to have a child. Family and friends always asked me about it when I was younger. It's as if I didn't know what I wanted just because I was only in my 20s. It would not have been fair to the child or myself. I know many women that have said they had kids because that's what everyone expected of them and they wouldn't do it over again. It wasn't because they loved kids or really wanted them with their spouse. Many kids were just accidents. I feel as if I saved people like Yesitsme from raising another kid that's not their own. On the other hand, I am very good at taking care of the elderly and pets. Go figure! Also, If you're living and breathing, you are learning and changing. It's almost impossible to get thru a whole day without hearing something new. Nothing on this earth stays the same forever, including people. And we change all the time even if we don't recognize it. It may be small changes for some, big for others, but it's change none the less. Although I am the same person, I have made big changes over the past five years, mostly because I had no choice. But it's change. Open or Closed. I think I'm a pretty open person, but I do hold back some in real life (not usually here LOL). Giving all details can be dangerous now, so I don't disclose that I live alone, how I feel about certain things or people and so on. I keep safety in mind first and I don't want to open myself up for more hurt either. At least right now. Back to work!
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 8:16 am
I think I'm a pretty open person, but I do hold back some in real life (not usually here LOL). Jeep, I feel the same way. There are things I've told ya'll that I've not told to the people around me. I think we feel safer here when it comes to expressing our feelings. I know when I was going through my divorce/custody battle, TVCH was my safe place. And many times I felt I got way more honest responses here. Has anyone ever wondered how many millions of dollars in therapy has been saved here?
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 8:34 am
Yeah it feels easier to bare your soul to faceless individuals sometimes. Of course then when you meet them they are't faceless anymore and you can actually hear their posts when you read them. Though there are times when I've wished I didn't open my big mouth lol.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 9:13 am
Though there are times when I've wished I didn't open my big mouth lol. Honey, that's the story of my life in a Nutshell!!! LOL
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 9:31 am
Mocha, actually because I have met you (and many other wonderful TVCHers), I think I appreciate it even more when you "open your big mouth." I met ya'll here in Texas 2 weeks after the ex took my son. After lunch, I was going pick him up for the first time. Mocha, you told me if you hadn't already had plans, you would go with me to kick his butt. I was not feeling well because of the pain meds I had not taken for my toe surgery so while I was quite anxious to see my son, I wasn't really in prime shape for having to see the ex. I don't think I ever told you guys how your words of encouragement helped get me through that afternoon and the ensuing months.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 9:49 am
(((Nt))) And I would've gone too and dragged Granny with me.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 10:12 am
Newman, why do you have such a huge need to lable people? Are you interested in getting to know people ... or trying to fit people into your neat little stereotypes? Calling people open or closed, I'm not sure what is meant there. If you're talking about open-minded, DogDoc is very open minded and you are probably much more close minded. DogDoc is open to new ideas, she's open to listening to others and responding carefully. She's open to hearing other's opinions without judging. If you mean open as in extroverted, and closed as introverted...aren't those more genetic traits? Neither being better ... or ... right! I think having the need to always ask "WHY" shows insecurity. My brother is like that and it drives everyone bonkers. He wants to analyze and focus on everyone else...but never himself. He wants to know why I got blue contacts instead of green. He wants to know why that dude walking down the street is wearing dress shoes and shorts. He wants to know why the grass is green. Now mind you, he doesn't want scientific explainations and he really doesn't want to hear your answer...he just wants to ask so his theory as to WHY is right. ACK!!!! At one holiday dinner he spent half an hour arguing with ArReal ... she was in 7th grade, about whether or not people use algebra in daily life. He could have spent that time trying to figure out why he, as an adult, needed to argue with a little girl ... and why he needed to be right. (For the record, he said people never use algebra unless it's for work) Sure, my brother is open ... but it's probably because he avoids looking at himself and growing.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 10:30 am
Kearie, my ex does the same thing (debating an issue - usually with no opponent - until he's repeating himself over and over) and then wonders why people, including his kids, tune him out and avoid him like plague.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 10:34 am
Exactly. He'll argue with me about WHY I drink Skim milk and not 2%. "It's obvious 2% is better" <Rolling eyes> And he'll go on and on and on. SIGHHHH
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 11:12 am
Newman, Why are you the way you are? Why is anyone the way they are? We are all different. So what! Does being one way make someone better or right more of the time? I think not! As far as Dogdoc goes, yes, she is different than you. From what I know of her, she is a pretty amazing person just the way she is! Why the need to label others? What would my label be?
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 11:23 am
The harshest judge of our own behavior and value is ourselves. How often and how harshly you judge yourself is reflected in how you judge others. If you constantly think "I'm just a mailman," then you expect that others think that way, too, which may or may not be true. The fact is, some folks might think that being a mailman is a very cool job. Not only do you have the responsibility of delivering important (okay not always) letters to the folks on your route, but you get to be outside instead of cooped up in an office. You have a job that lets you leave it behind when you go home, thereby making your free time truly free and truly yours (as opposed to the folks who are stuck walking around with cell phones and pagers tied to their hip whenever they're away from the office). You have fairly good job security and fairly good benefits, things that many people in the private sector no longer have. It's all in how you frame it. The thing is, if you frame it negatively, then you expect that others do, too, and you will probably notice the people who do that simply because that's what you're watching for. 
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 11:57 am
Newman, I am acquainted with several people who are currently working for the post office or are retired from it. In all cases they are really cool people. One is fairly introverted, and extremely well read. His home-library is impressive. His common-law wife has MS and is home-bound, which essentially makes him her caregiver as well as a full-time mailman. I truly admire him. Another mailman I know is very lively and outgoing, and my dh considers him a cousin,(Their families are VERY close) and this fun guy was at my wedding. I don't know him very well, but he's always been supportive of dh and my relationship, when others weren't as charitable, shall we say. As well there is a darling east-asian elderly couple I have met at mom's nursing home. They are both retired from the post office. He comes in daily to visit her and feed her her meals with the patience of G-d. It is hard to understand what she is saying, as she is severely handicapped but her eyes just glow with friendliness and joyfullness, and he is just simply the sweetest fellow on the planet. You can see their mutual adoration in their eyes. And they BOTH worked together in the post office. So MY impression, when you said you were a postie, was 'Oh. Cool!' So much for 'bleeping' assumptions on your part of what 'others' might think. Me being the 'other' in this case. I admit that I take a lot of my self-esteem from my label as a journalist. But remember, many people see journalists as paparazzi... so although I personally feel better when I remind myself of all my bylines and perks that my 'career' has engendered over the years, many 'others' may just think journalists are right there on the bottom of the rank with politicians and other bottom feeders. But that's not my problem, that's theirs! At the end of the day, we're all just folks.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 12:12 pm
Just wanted to post this here since I thought it kind of fit the topics here. It's from Reader's Digest...March 2006 Q. My brother's wife just had triplets. This is such a joy! Yet every time I share the news with friends or co-workers, they ask me if she was on fertility pills. I think it's nosey and rude - or has society become so talk-show numbed that you can ask anyone anything? ~~~ No Show Host A. Dear Host, Yes, it's inappropriate. And yes our society has become increasingly intrusive and disrespectful of privacy. But don't blame it all on the talk shows---if we weren't so interested in other people's business, those crude shows wouldn't be so popular. Continue to celebrate and spread news of your brother and SIL's happiness. And greet unwelcome and impolite questions with stony silence and a shrug. Their fertility history is nobody's business but their own. ~~~Laskas
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 12:20 pm
YES to Laskas!
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 12:28 pm
And we wonder why many of today's youth are rude and lack respect.
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 1:46 pm
"Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You're a perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that. Unconditional self-acceptance it the core of a peaceful mind." ~ Author Unknown
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Jimmer
Moderator
08-30-2000
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 1:59 pm
It's great that everyone who posted has had good experiences with their mailmen but I'm sure that everyone here is familiar with some of the negative and unfair connotations that seem to have developed around postal workers over the years. I suspect that is what Newman is referring to. As far as asking questions goes, isn't asking questions the way to learn and grow? Labeling may be okay if it is used as a start to better understanding. However, it can also be used in a way that limits ones views. I think that everyone here understands that we are all individuals.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 2:01 pm
Folks, a reminder. Do NOT make your posts personal about other posters. This is a great thread, and I'd hate to have to close it because it got too personal. You should post about the SUBJECT matter, and not each other. Offer YOUR opinion, rather than critiquing other people personally. Posts negatively describing or analyzing other posters are NOT within the rules of this board, and further posts in that manner will need to be removed.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 2:41 pm
Jimmer wrote . . . "As far as asking questions goes, isn't asking questions the way to learn and grow?" Many questions are for that purpose, but other questions are simply intrusive. (Like in the Reader's Digest above) A person can also ask questions with tact ... rather than bluntness. Some questions are so rude and intrusive that there is nothing wrong with saying it's none of your business. Especially if it's just morbid curiousity and your not in a relationship with the person you're asking about. Asking too many questions about personal issues leads to gossip. Some questions are good. Some are intrusive and some are down right rude. Not all questions are means to growth and learning.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 3:24 pm
I don't know... the right answer to a rude question might invoke some learning. 
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - 3:27 pm
We could hope . . . but don't hold your breath.
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