TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . ABOUT US . CONTACT . CHAT  
Bomis   Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through May 18, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Free Expressions: Manners/etiquteet/what would ya do/etc (ARCHIVES): Archive through May 18, 2006 users admin

Author Message
Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
If an invitation says "RSVP" I try to do it right away. I am usually the first one to respond. Having said that, I hate to make phone calls. I love filling out an RSVP card and putting it in the mail. If the invitation says "gifts optional" I do get the vague feeling that that means "don't forget to bring a gift, other people will." I like to read "please do not bring a gift" because then when I don't bring one I am just following orders. If I really like the kid I will give him a gift, but not at the party.

Racsan
Member

04-09-2004

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Racsan a private message Print Post    
It's not just about the caterer or the seating. No kids under 10 mean no kids under 10. They know you have an infant and shouldn't be put out if you decide not to leave such a young child. Some people do not want to chance any disruption during the ceremony. You can't be certain she will sleep though the ceremony, and if you get up if she gets fussy then not only is she disrupting the ceremony, but so are you. My sister in law wanted no children at the ceremony or reception under the age of 12 and would have rather the parents stayed at home than bring their children. Caused alot of problems when the groom told people they had to leave when they showed up at the church with kids. Kinda extreme, yes but it's the bride & groom's day and they should get what they want. IF you feel strongly about wanting to go and take her, call the bride and ask her to choose, but be prepared not to be upset if she says she'd prefer no kids whatsoever.

That's why I eloped.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
You are totally right Racsan on all accounts. Except I wouldn't even bother/impose on the bride with a phone call asking for an exception.

The no kids thing ALWAYS gets someone ticked off! But it is the bride and grooms' day and they should get it their way.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I love my kids and I think they are wonderful and precious. But there is absolutely positively no way that I would ever remotely consider bringing them to an event (or asking if I could bring them to an event) where the invitation states no children under a certain age.

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 7:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twiggyish a private message Print Post    
Me, either Jimmer!
As a mom, I know it's a bit hard to find a sitter, but it sure is fun to have a day without kids, too!! Is there anyone near the wedding who could watch the baby? That way you aren't too far. You could go check on her.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 8:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Julie, what do you think of my suggestion? You have totally bypassed and not said a thing at all.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 8:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Zmom, I didn't bypass your suggestions at all. I totally plan to use them! I just didn't reply to your reply, sorry about that!! But I do plan to call those who have not RSVPed by the date. Dang, I didn't put a date to RSVP by on them yet! Thanks for making me think about this now before I send them out without that date!!

Again, thanks to everyone who has posted in this thread. I have read all the posts and truly appreciate all the input!

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 8:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
I would leave the baby at home or send regrets that she's so young you're not ready to leave her with a sitter yet.

When Mil got married last year, she requested young children not come. Since we were the only ones with little kidlets she could have saved the money on the invitations and just told us, lol. I was a little peeved at first because not only were the other grandchildren invited they were a part of the wedding. But then I figured it was her big day and hey the kids were happier spending the night with my sis and their cousins than at a wedding where they'd have to be on their best behaviour.

Herckleperckle
Member

11-20-2003

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Herckleperckle a private message Print Post    
I'd just stay home. There will be other weddings.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
How about another alternative to the "no kids" -- take the baby AND a MIL or other responsible adult with you. Enjoy the ride, chat, visit, etc. When you get to the town of the wedding, find a mall or some other acceptable public place where MIL and baby can walk, sit at a cafe, or read in a bookstore while you and DH are at wedding. If you need to, you can "meet up" before reception for a feeding, but that way you have baby for feeding issues but NO baby is at wedding.

I was one who had a nursery for the wedding and very specifically stated that children under the age of 4 were expected to be in the nursery. The baby crying thing WAS a huge issue -- for many of the reasons that people have stated, but honestly, mainly because my DH is such a soft talker that I didn't want a squawker to drown him out!

Let us know what you choose to do. :-)

Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 3:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Abby7 a private message Print Post    
julie, sorry, but i'm late to the "party". a few days ago, i read your original question. didn't respond at that time. then i checked back a couple of days ago. i tried to read most of the posts...but i know i missed a few archives. sorry, i had dental surgery last week and not able to respond.

well, from what i've read...my opinion on this:

well, i would have just sent separate invitations to the "neighbors". i would have said something like this:

my family and i are celebrating two special occasions, Memorial day and Ryan's birthday. the only gift we'd like is your presence. (quote from *Karunna which i think is PERFECT). rsvp asap. i will also call you on (give date) to see if you can attend the party.
--------------------------------------------
quoting karunna:
*Just a note on the no gifts issue - I always thought it was a nice touch to say "The only gift we'd like is your presence".
--------------------------------------------

so, i would think your family and close friends will just bring gifts for Ryan any way (so you don't have to explain anything to them.) so, why not just open the presents when the "other guests" aren't there. of course, celebrate with birthday cake with everyone. just explain to Ryan the "big" celebration (opening the gifts will be later or before).

i know it may be a problem to call to make sure...but, how many people do you have to call? maybe 25? also, i wouldn't make it a big deal if they aren't sure if they can attend or not when you call. if they say they really want to come, but aren't 100% positive....well, i would just say, no problem. if you can, please come, we would just enjoy your company. (unless you are truly worried about too much food. hopefully, they won't eat too much!)

i only suggest the above because from your previous posts, it doesn't sound like you even know some of the people that well. the family/friends who are closer to you/Ryan will bring gifts, so that won't be a problem.

i know it's horrible to have so many leftovers. what i would do is just have plenty of ziplock bags. i would give any food (that won't last) to guests. like salads, fruit, meat..etc.

i know you can save/freeze some foods/drinks. so, just have plenty of those on hand (so, you don't run out of food). make enough "fresh" foods for the amount of people you invited. and, just ask guests if they would like to take home some leftovers if you have too much food that will spoil.

i remember a party when the host didn't realize it was SuperBowl Sunday. well, unfortunately, many people didn't attend. well, she just had those who did attend take home what she couldn't save.

i would just not worry about all the details...about too much food. i would order extra food that i can save...and enough food that i can't save and ask guests if they would like to take some home.

eta: i also love the idea about donating to an animal shelter. however, since you seem to be worried about having some guests bring gifts (or feel guilty or obligated to do so).....i would ask family/close friends who you know will bring gifts to donate to animal shelter. however, if i had a young son....i would absolutely want my family to give HIM gifts on his birthday. (but, i would just have my son involved in such donations, but not on his birthday. i remember when i was a kid...no way did i not want a present! selfish?, maybe, but i don't think so. gifts are not important to me at all at my age..but at that age..yep.)

Prisonerno6
Member

08-31-2002

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 3:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Prisonerno6 a private message Print Post    
Until I moved to NE PA I never had the experience of people going to just the reception and not the wedding. Being a heathen, I don't do church things as a rule, but the one exception I make is weddings (I don't even go to funerals). I went to a friends very Catholic wedding a couple of years ago, and was surprised at how few people were there (maybe 20). Went to the reception, and at least 200 people showed up. Is that normal?

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 - 4:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
in 1978 when i married for the first time i had the big church wedding and specified that NO children were invited. of course, 2 sets of folks didn't seem to think that applied to them, one of them my matron of honor. so, that wedding is filled with memories of an infant screaming throughout the ceremony and a 2 year old crying for her mommy that walked down the isle.

when we said no children we meant no children. we did not appreciate those who brought them anyway.

that marriage ended in divorce.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 10:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Thanks for all of the suggestions. DH is dead set on going since it is one of his marine corps buddies that he misses and wants to see him. There is no way we could leave the baby behind. This kid won't take a bottle and nurses about every hour, hour and a half. She always takes a long afternoon nap from about noon to about 3 or so. That's the only time she isn't eating every hour and a half. I told DH that he may have to go alone, but he said he wanted to show me off, how sweet huh, so I told him to call his buddy and tell him our situation. HIs buddy said not to worry about it, that he just hoped we would be able to attend.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 10:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
Hope the bride knows this in advance!

Twiggyish
Member

08-14-2000

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 10:58 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Twiggyish a private message Print Post    
I think that's nice that they don't mind the baby coming. Also, a lot of churches have "crying rooms". A lot of these rooms are right off the sanctuary, with windows for viewing the service. That might be a way to view the service if baby gets restless with all the people. Or maybe you could hire a teenager to watch the baby in the church nursery. That way you're right there if needed.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 11:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Escapee, aren't you going back to work in a couple weeks? How are you gonna manage that if she won't take a bottle? Yikes!

Seamonkey, I am with you. It's always easy for a guy to say!

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 11:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
making sure the bride to be knows is very important. and, the idea about someone watching the baby in the church nursery would be a big help.

my dh learned a long time ago not to volunteer anything like that without checking with me first. LOL

Serate
Member

08-21-2001

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 11:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serate a private message Print Post    
Is it important that you personally see the ceremony? If not, you sit with the baby in the nursery during the ceremony, then both of you attend the reception. That way there your husband can show you off, but there isn't any chance of the baby fussing during the ceremony. IF it's ok with the bride. Most bigger churches have speakers in the nursery or entryways so you might still be able to hear the ceremony.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, May 11, 2006 - 5:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
we are really trying to get her to take a bottle. She is just going to have to. No, serate, it isn't important that I personally see the ceremony. I could and would be willing to stand outside during.

If she starts taking a bottle really well in the next couple of weeks, then I might consider leaving her behind for the trip.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Friday, May 12, 2006 - 2:49 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
I wasn't joking. The groom may feel pressured by his buddy and say, sure bring along the baby, but if he doesn't clear it with his soon to be wife, that could be upsetting to her and may cause ill feelings if there are other people attending who made other arrangements for their children.

It sounds to me like you do want to accommodate the bride and your DH and of course want the best for your little one too.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 5:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Going back to the party invitations...

Okay, so I've sent out the invites to some neighbors and family. Ryan does want to invite the kids from his class. That is fine. He doesn't want to exclude anyone. But I would just like it to be the kids and not their whole families (we are already going to have a ton of people). However if a few parents stick around, that is okay too.

My question is what should I put on the envelopes and also should I make a separate invite saying anything in particular?

The ones that went out just had a start time. Should I say somethig like "you can pick your child up at 3" or ????

Thanks as usual.

Oh, and so far of the 48 invitations that were sent out, we've had exactly 9 RSVPs so far. Though they do have 4 more days...

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 8:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
It's Ryan's Birthday, Let's Celebrate!
Date
1-3 pm
address
please reply to julie at phone number

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 2:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I think that's it! It's just as simple as that... Thanks Annie. My brain is on overload or something. You know, with me being preoccupied and all.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 2:42 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
forest for the trees baby! LOL