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Archive through March 27, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through March 27, 2006 users admin

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Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 4:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Chew, I love the prom dress idea. I think that would be fun. I had lunch at my sister's house today and we made my niece try on her prom dress for us. It is absolutely gorgeous. This year I hope I am around prom night....there is a doctor in town who has gorgeous gardens and lets the kids go to his house and take pictures. There are hundreds of kids in his yard, and parents around busily taking pictures. I hope to go this year. My niece is a senior and I love her and all of her friends, so would like to see them dressed up. I had to enjoy it through pictures last year. While watching the potential brides try on the wedding dresses yesterday I decided I needed to work in a clothing store. I loved it. And I hate shopping and trying on clothes myself.

I don't have children, but I think that what I would want most would be for them to be happy, kind and respectful of the people around them. And I would want them to enjoy life. I think it is hard to keep ideals like that in the day to day, but it also is important.

I'm with Merrysea....I think you should talk to kids and help them discover their passion. And if it doesn't work out, help them discover another one. It's not what they are love that's important...it's important that they live passionate lives. A lukewarm life seems like such a sad life to me. And I don't meant that it has to be a crazy, boldly passionate life. Subtly so is fine. Just a life where you work out your senses and notice the world around you.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 5:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Marysea, you sound like a good mom and that you seem to handle the tension the best you could..I think probably the hardest thing and probably what devides a relationship the most, is siding with the kids or the partner,.. Its hard to come between two people that you love, one always gets hurt and then there is tension. I think taking your son aside alone was the best way to handle it..to reasure him with out making a rukus with the dad in front of him...Im a single mom but I saw it in my own family. My mom never stood up for us and I think it would have really made a difference. Long time ago-moving on...Yesitsme, My daughter does retail, she loves it, but I hear some funny stories too... People can be brutal,but I think that can be true in any type of sales.. Ive learned to be very patient after yrs of wholesale.... Thats nice that the guy opens his yard for the kids - for pictures and stuff.. I went to H.S. in a tiny mountain town and we didnt do fancy stuff, only once that I remember and it was funny, I was homecoming princess and was all freaked out cause I had to wear a fancy dress and nylons..I was the hippy princess and went with the captain of the football team..we had allot of fun, but when it was over we both went in our respectful directions.. Gosh, what a memory ...It makes me smile... any way I had a nice day, the sun came out and me and a friend went for a nice walk in the park(I cant believe she went)the creek is flooded to the brim and I saw some huge salmon. They are still trying to make that trip upstream. Amazing. We stopped at starbucks for coffee and for some reason the gal told us no charge.. she was real busy and I just think she handed out free coffee to the whole line because she was swamped..That was nice.. Maybe if we have one more dry day I can mow the lawn...It needs it bad.

Hukdonreality
Member

09-29-2003

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 7:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Hukdonreality a private message Print Post    
Hey Newman, here is a special toilet glowing thingy so you can find your way to the toilet in the middle of the night!

http://www.jonnyglow.com/about/

Mamapors
Member

07-29-2004

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 7:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamapors a private message Print Post    
http://www.jonnyglow.com/peedude/

Huk, the funniest part of the website is the video of Peedude. LOL

Mods--If you think is distasteful, please remove. I thought it was hysterical.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Sunday, March 26, 2006 - 8:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Ahem!

Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 2:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
Ha!

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 5:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I couldn't download the video, but what a dissappointent the glowing toilet was.I thought the whole porcelain throne would be aglow. Darn it. I will pass on the stupid tape.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 6:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
oh, my! that was awful. thanks for posting the link mamapors.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 2:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
I think one thing I want to work on now is to get to know my distant, adult children. That's not an easy task. It would be easier if they were email writers, like me, but of course they're not.

Any advice on this subject? They're all in their twenties, all live in different states than mine, and we have nothing in common except for a rocky childhood (theirs, ok a bumpy ride for them, from my perspective). Hey- maybe they thought they had a great childhood. That would floor me if they did.

(peaked up on a few posts...haven't been reading religiously like I should...) I did go pee last night, in the dark. Found my way. No stubbing of toe. But still had a hard time getting back to sleep. Read for awhile. It's become a bad habit now. Maybe I just need someone to sleep with, who loves me. Any takers?


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 2:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Merrysea, just read your 11:09 am post. I don't want to take your ex's side, believe me. And I'm not just being Newman argumentative. I can kind of relate to the ex.

I remember when my kids were young (well, they were 8, 10, 12 when I met them). They weren't really into sports (one of my passions). I could see that. Especially the middle son. So, I didn't push him in that direction. OK.

But the result was he didn't choose to do anything! It would be fine for him to just sit at home and play nintendo all day long and turn into a blimp. That drove both me and my ex nuts. We were both active as kids, pushed by parents, wanting to please parents, excelling in school and sports and so forth. It was hard to watch them "just sit."

My old Unity church had this phrase: expect the best and with God's help you will attain the best. My thinking was that my kids had no expectations, no ambitions, weren't curious about anything (except the oldest). Agghhh...I'm forgetting now. Being too hard on myself. We took our daughter out of soccer (which she was just doing to please us) and out of gymnastics (which she didn't like) and into dance, which she loved.

Memory. My memory is that I was always arguing with my wife which made it very hard to be a good father. Turns out I probably wasn't a good father OR a good husband, but I blame my ex for both. I do like to blame...hmmmmm....

If only you pick the right spouse, where the chemistry is great, and the conflict resolution skills are there ...hmmmmm....


Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 2:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Newman, first you'd have to move to California - I was just in Colorado last month, and it's way too cold for me! LOL!

As far as getting to know your kids, if you can, try to do something where you can see them one-on-one, without other family or significant others around. I took my middle son on a trip to London and Edinburgh for his high school graduation present (a year late), and it was amazing spending so much uninterrupted time together - we did a lot of talking! Maybe when you visit them or they visit you, you could take a day for just the two of you to do something together.

But in the meantime, how are they at talking on the phone? Ask them how they felt about their childhood. Let them know your take on things (without bashing their mother, of course!). Just let them know that you want to get to know them. They might want the same thing, but don't know how to go about reaching out.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 3:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Merrysea, I think what I was trying to say revolves around EXPECTATIONS. Could it be that your Ex expected the boys to be like him, and like the same things he did, with the same passion? I think you said that (will have to go back to your post).

That's kind of where I am now. None of my kids share my passions for baseball or being a liberal. Those are the 2 things I like to talk about (current events moreso than sports). I tried talking Grey's Anatomy with the oldest, but he stopped me in my tracks, in his own intimidating way, and said, "I don't like to talk about it THAT way."

I wanted to talk morality and feelings and what I would do if I were this character and so forth and my son just wanted to talk about medical science, cloning, surgery, dry fixing stuff like that. OK. Sewing a finger back on a hockey player is a good thing. Now what do you want to talk about???? Is there another side to that discussion?


Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 3:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Newman, I don't know if my older two would have found something they wanted to do if they had not been pushed to doing something they didn't want - I know that the youngest wasn't pushed into doing anything, and now he's the most ambitious of all of them! When I was a kid, I used to sit and read all the time, and it drove my parents crazy! I remember getting yelled at because I wanted to go to my room and read rather than sit and watch football on TV with the rest of the family!

Before I had kids, one of my friends at work was telling me how his daughter had ballet, soccer, piano and Brownies, and I just felt so sorry for that little girl! She never had time to do nothing! I find a lot of value in letting kids have time to be bored - it makes them become more creative in finding ways to entertain themselves! My kids did spend a lot of time playing with friends - in fact, I had at least two or three extra kids at my house every day! And while my oldest two spent a lot of time playing Nintendo, it did help them develop their problem-solving skills.

Merrysea
Member

08-13-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 3:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Merrysea a private message Print Post    
Newman, you're right about the expectations. My ex did want the boys to be like him, and they definitely are not! But he doesn't seem to appreciate them now for who they are - or even know who they are!

As far as talking to your son, that's a tough one! Maybe you should just let him lead the conversation (maybe not about Grey's Anatomy), and talk about things that interest him, even if they don't interest you. I know that I know more about ranks and scoring on Battlefield and about Dungeons and Dragons than I ever wanted to, but that's what interests my boys, so sometimes that's what we talk about. Then they will humor me when I talk about TVCH!

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 4:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Lol bout that way. I like him already. :-)

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 5:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Most of us desperately want a connection with our parents. It's important to remember that. It's also important to remember that your words carry so much weight, that you have to be careful not to be critical. My mom and I had some rocky years, and some of it was because she didn't realize how much her opinion mattered to me and even a slight word of criticism hit me like a ton of steel. We carry parental baggage with us for years, and sometimes it takes an awful lot to realize we need to put it down. Be patient with them....they're in their 20s. That is a great and scary time. Try starting with short calls to your kids....bring up a good memory of them and just say something like "You know what I was thinking about today? There was a time that you were in your first play at school and your mom and I were so nervous for you, but you just got up there and shouted out that line and we couldn't believe how poised you were for a 6-year old. I have always loved that bold side of you." Or be open with them and say something like "You know, I hate being so far away from you. I feel so disconnected from you and I miss you. What can I do to have you in my life a bit more?" Try not to give your opinion, but listen to theirs. It may be slow in coming at first....but if you hang in there and are gentle with them, I think they will come around. It is never too late to become a good father.

I think a search for the "right" spouse is a difficult one. Sometimes I think that what matters is beyond either partner...great people have bad marriages and insane people have insanely good marriages. So much of it depends on luck, tolerance and hanging in there when things are bad. I'm not good on the searching thing....instead I try to live my life so it is fun for me, and hope that someday I will run into someone who wants to join me! One of my friends says that I expect God to throw a husband through my roof....and in a way I guess I do. Surely God can handle that.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 5:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Well said Yesitsme....I can say that was allmost perfect... Great Post!!

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 7:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
I keep trying to get away from mine...

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Merrysea, I know what you mean about over-scheduled kids, rushing them to soccer, then over to boy scouts then back to this or that. I think we parents did that because it would drive us nuts to see them just sit on the couch and watch the other kids play Nintendo! (Drove me crazy anyway. I was from the generation that went to the ballfield, organized kids with phone calls, chose teams, made them fair, figured out rules, and so forth).

Nintendo? Bah. Helps with their problem solving? Really? Well I hope it did something other than teach them to sit and wait their turn and get fat.


Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Yesitsme, I know you mean well. It's hard to bring up good memories (hard for me to) when the bad so outweighed the good. Sure the kids had some good times, but...

It's like OJ Simpson. Sure he was a great running back, won the Heisman Trophy, was in some movies, had a winning personality, but he was a double murderer! How do you get around that?

You know, Yesitsme, I just read the blurb you wrote about the school play and so forth. Can't picture myself saying that. That's what a Mom would say. That's chick thinking <chuckling>, no offense. Maybe I have to wait for the scars to heal MYSELF, before I attempt to bring up any fond memories. It's only been 9 years since I moved out. How long does it take? It still feels raw and sad and bad...

I agree about relationships. There's luck involved. Maybe you could meet someone at Church? Have you tried that?? I think I'm going to try to meet someone thru politics next. Might work on the campaign for Bill Winters. He's running against arch conservative Tom Tancredo in my district. Even if I don't meet someone, it could be worthwhile. Ooops, 24 is on. I can't believe Audrey Rains is a bad guy?!


Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:20 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
Actually, OJ was found not-guilty. So saying he is/was a "double muderer" is wrong despite thinking otherwise.

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
Actually, a jury declaring someone "not guilty" is not the same as being innocent. :-)

Wendo
Member

08-07-2000

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:25 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wendo a private message Print Post    
I didn't say he was innocent though; I said he was found not-guilty. Therefore, to call him a double murderer with no facts whatsoever to support that assertion is inaccurate. JMO.

Chewpito
Member

01-04-2004

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Chewpito a private message Print Post    
Oh my....

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Monday, March 27, 2006 - 8:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
I think as long as you aren't on the jury, it is ok to give your opinion on OJ.. and in my opinion, he was guilty.

======

Newman, Merry said something that hit a button with me. Sometimes it is worth the effort to learn more than you ever wanted to know about some subject, just to get to know someone. I remember how I watched lots of golf matches so that when I was around my parents and brother (all avid golfers) I could speak about pro golfers with some knowledge, or understand what it meant to get an eagle or hole in one, etc.

At one point as an adult I let my dad know that I made efforts to speak his language but that he and mom rarely did the same for me. Well.. he was startled but the next time I was down there, he'd clearly watched some pro tennis on TV and had some opinions about the players! I was pretty impressed that he made that effort, and the effort meant more to me than the actual tennis talk.