Author |
Message |
Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 7:56 am
Newman, a couple of items in your 8:15 and 8:20 posts made me stop and think. The first was about the Cheney hunting accident. I never gave it a thought that he could have been impaired. So that question was not obvious to me and I would not have asked it either. I took it for an unfortunate accident. Maybe it's because I've been around guns all my life (hunting and otherwise) and I know real accidents happen. In my area, alcohol tests are not done for every gun accident, neither are they done for every car accident. Other than you, I have not heard anyone suspect Cheney was impaired. Maybe I'm not listening in the right places. The other item that made me stop was your post that perception needs to change, i.e. if everyone else is doing it I might as well, too. You could have taken those words right out of my ex's mouth. When I asked why he cheated after 26 years when we both promised many times never to do that under any circumstances, his reply was "it's not a big deal, happens all the time, everybody does it". And I'll tell you he said it with a very arrogant attitude, as if he was proud of it as well. Like "now I'm a man, I cheated on my wife". Geesh. Every day now, I wake up an think about the phrase: good guys finish last. That's me. Regardless, I am determined not to let one person spoil my outlook on life. But it's hard. Like Lance said he hopes we can do something good in our own little corner. I can't change the world, but maybe I can influence a person or two. My random act of kindness today was to send Valentine flowers to all the ladies in the office.....anonymously. It's small, it's trivial, but it's my little corner and the smiles are worth it. Maybe it's my own attitude that I'm trying to change.
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Maris
Member
03-28-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 8:08 am
Yep that is all you can do is some good in your own little corner. It makes a difference. I volunteered in Philadelphia in the 2004 elections, did my guy win? no but I do know that I helped a lot of people get to polls who had no way of getting there. Aggressive people may seem to win all the time but I really believe that every dog has its day and take a look at Washington these days, the bad guys dont seem to be winning as much or at least have the carte blanche they had a few years back. It even looks like a lot of the rats are leaving the sinking ship.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 9:25 am
I try to think about good things I have heard. Families are so important.A little girl I know when asked what she wanted for her 7th birthday said she wanted her dad to take off work and spend the day with her. He of course did. How honored he must have felt.My cousin has been keeping the family informed about her daughter. At age 29 she was diagnosed with a very agressive form of breast cancer. She is a newlywed. My cousin lived close enough to be able to drive down and help out. She said what they put off was going out to shop for wigs. It was hard to even think about it. The next e-mail said they spent the whole day eating out and shopping and by the end of the day they were laughing and giggling and found a wig that made her look like Meg Ryan.The Hhuman spirit is wonderful. ( As an update, last month she threw out the wig when her hair was an inch long.) I have heroes in my life. A father whose daughter loves him. A young girl and her mother who can face a serious situation and laugh. These important peope are all around us. I don't think the world is so bad. Happy Valentine's day. Love is important.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 10:34 am
Newman wrote... "What I see with the human race is that aggressive people win. There's that Christian quote that says the meek shall inherit the earth. I think that means they shall be buried." What I see is selfishness being taken to a new level. People who have personal agendas be it money or power. The more selfish one is...the worse they are. A person can be meek and confident enough to not be a carpet.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 11:06 am
I don't want you to think that I accept the fact that good people are driven to do bad things. It infuriates me, as a matter of fact, that our society has gotten that attitude (like you were talking about Jeep) that if everyone is doing it so it is OK. What has happened to personal integrity and adults taking responsibility for their own decisions? I know that everyone doesn't lie, because I don't lie. I choose to live that way not because I am afraid to get caught, because the truth is that I realized as a teenager that I can be an excellent liar. I don't lie simply because I don't want to be a liar. It also applies to other things...I don't cheat on boyfriends because I have decided I don't want to be someone who cheats on their boyfriend. It's irrelevant in that situation how they treat me...it's not about them at all (though I do think that people deserve to be treated with respect, so that does matter.) I've made decisions about what kind of person I want to be and I try to live my life that way. Yes, we all have excuses we can make about everything (and I am the master), but when it gets down to it I am most responsible to myself and living my life in a way that makes me proud of who I am. It can't matter if everyone else joins me. I'll argue that the aggressive people may win battles, but they don't win wars. I think the meek win the wars. Now, I am not talking about the wimps winning because I don't believe meekness and wimpiness are the same thing. I think the true meaning of meek is more like "gentle" or "humble." Often the aggressive people are out on the forefront making a lot of noise, while the meek are sitting back and watching and listening. I think the meek of our world are the most strong people out there and the best to handle any crisis. They're who I want in my corner.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 1:43 pm
From Newmans's post: Saturday, February 11, 2006 - 2:31 pm, and onward, for some reason, I've been in tears, scroll, sniffle, wipe nose, scroll sniffle, wipe eyes... This convo has made me THINK. (I just did a LOT of writing, and deleting now.) Anyhow, I'm thinking of how much I've been hurt over the years, how its a constant in my life. How perhaps I am a NICE person because, dang it, all I want is for people to be nice back. Its not difficult, well, sometimes it takes a bit of that extra something, but its ALWAYS attainable. What triggered this thought was when someone said (probably Newman, maybe Lance <G>) That people should treat people as they want to be treated. I'm not a bad person, per se. I am not a good person, per se, but I truly believe I am a nice person. For instance, when we went to the Casino, I lent Shadoe my mom's Casino Membership card, well she's obviously not my mom, but I thought it was a NICE thing to do, so she'd save a bit of money on her ticket. Now IMHO a bad person would not have even thought to do that, and if they had they wouldn't have bothered to do something thoughtful for someone else. A good person might have thought of it, but if they are REALLY good, they wouldn't do it cuz, well, its not 100% honest, even though its in the little white lie category, and nobody gets hurt. So like I say, I'm certainly not a bad person, and I am not a noble good person, but I truly try to be a NICE person, and I think this story defines it. One thing I never do, is go out of my way to hurt someone else. That's not to say I haven't hurt people, duh, but its never been deliberate. But somehow, I FREQUENTLY find myself being DELIBERATELY hurt, humiliated, torn down, or appart by other people. Some who supposedly know and love me, and some who barely do, who just INSTINCTIVELY know that that is my underlying purpose in life, to be the joe-boy. I've had my cousins wife obviously and deliberately cut me (ignore) in front of people at her daughter's wedding, when I came in from another city to be there, (that is one trauma I can't shake), I've had numerous jobs where I've been treated shabbily by my co-workers, I even had one gal who is young enough to be my daughter, consistantly for my entire 3 month assignment treat me with loud derision and like you said Newman, because this chippy was arrogantly agressive, her abuse was aloud to continue, even though I complained bitterly to H.R. In the case of my cousin's wife, I live in another city and have interacted with her less than half a dozen times in my life. Did the fact that my dh is a different religion have anything to do with it, nah, it just gave her more ammo and justification, because if there had been a history of affection and at the very least respect, she would not have treated me that way at all. I HAVE NEVER been rude or mean to her in any way at all, so no, her behaviour was totally uncalled for. As for the gal at the job, I went out of my way to be kind to her on two occasions, just because that's me. One night she was in tears on the phone after hours, I gave her a tissue and asked if she was okay. The next day she was back at it loudly making my life miserable. Do I regret being nice. You bet. Remember, I'm not bad, not good, just nice. And once a neighbour of mine said that people perceive that as a weakness. I can finally agree with her. But I'd rather be nice, because its a good way to live. I don't have the energy or the heart to be meanspirited and especially to delight in it. For the life of me, I don't understand how people live like that. And if you tell me that it comes from some deep hurt or resentment on their side, tuff luck! We all have crap in our lives to contend with, it either breaks you or makes you stronger, but it doesn't have to make you meaner. Am I a WEAK person. I think so. But its hilarious c uz lately a couple of people have chastised me for being .... I don't recall the exact words, but being over the top. What they see as assertive, I see as a go-getter. What they see as forceful I see as determination. I was once told that I am emotionally held together with spit and scotch tape. (here go the tears again...) anyhow, I agree. I truly AM a MameBlanche... today I was a Mame, but now I am really a Blanche... Both express both sides of the coin of who I am. One is like Aunty Mame, joyful and undetterred and unbowed. And the other is frail, fragile, and f-cked up, dependent on the kindness of strangers, like Blanche Dubois. Nuff said. As usual I talk too much. But here I can be myself. I don't have to try to fit in. I just like to think I do. (So sorry if I made this post all about me and my baggage, but that is what came to mind reading the last 2 pages.)
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 2:16 pm
I love you Mameb...both the Mame and the Blanche sides! The internet has taught me a lot about the world. Whatever opinion you have, someone is going to disagree and say you are an idiot. Whenever someone is proud of themselves, someone will try to tear them down. But conversely, there are also those people around who will tell you that your opinions are interesting and try to find out how you think. There are those who will pat you on the back when you do something good and lift you up when you do something bad. You've got people around who will tell you the truth, and there are people around who will lie to you to make you feel better. It's valuable to look and see who is who, and take them as they come. All can be very valuable and their words may be your salve, your guide, and utter nonsense at different times. I learned a long time ago that for every strength I have, someone will be out there to try to convince me it is a weakness. I have to listen to what they say, but then evaluate for myself which it is. Sometimes these other people are just plain wrong...just people with incorrect opinions. Even when they sound good and convincing!
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 2:27 pm
Yessie, You know I luv you too, babe! BTW, I do know that I am more GOOD than BAD. (Just want to make sure that's on the record. LOL) I think one of my convoluted points I was trying to make is that I don't understand why some people choose cruelty when there are so many other choices. It just doesn't compute for me. And I don't mean psychopathic or sociopathic people, I mean (somewhat) normal people who choose to be mean cuz it gets their rocks off in some way or another.
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Suz
Member
10-13-2005
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 3:31 pm
Some people choose to be mean instead of nice because for some reason it makes them feel better. For what reason........Who knows. For the record, Mameblanche is more Good than Bad. For the record, there are a LOT of nice people on this site. Have a very good day everyone.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 4:55 pm
Suz, its the folks here at the clubhouse, that gives me hope in humanity... 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 8:09 pm
Jeep I'm thinking about what you said, about your ex having an affair, and then almost bragging about it. We, as a culture, often talk about peer group pressure with our kids. We hope they don't hang out with the wrong crowd and fall into bad habits, etc. But it can happen to adults too. There's a lot of macho talk around the post office. And if you were in a "weakened state" you could interpret it as everyone has affairs, that it's ok to have an affair, or that you're not a real man unless you've had an affair! Maris, I wish what you said was true about things changing, but I tend to agree with Jeep. Good guys finish last. Did you hear what happened to Paul Hackett, Illinois, Iraqi War Vet. Apparently the Democratic political machine there forced him out of the race for Senate. I was listening to it all day long on the Big Ed Schultz radio show on Air America. It made me sad.
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 8:34 pm
crap, mameblanche i thought the 'blanche' side was blanche devereaux!!! a flirty, confident, goofy, gutsy, caring gal! i will always see you as that blanche. i mean the blanche could have been literally for 'white' and we all know betty white's character was a total ditz. God, i loved rose nyland!!! so the blanches i think of are people i enjoyed as characters and i care about the real mameblanche who posts here. yes, she's is very nice. and sometimes that's enough. the perfect amount of what a person should be. and i think i am nice. i think i am witty. i like to make people smile or laugh out loud (no, not just when i'm naked)...sometimes reading something is not the same as hearing something. it's like the kid in "my cousin vinny". he says, in a questioning voice, "i shot the sheriff?!" but in printed transcripts it looked like he said, "i shot the sheriff." sometimes i think i post something and maybe the wrong inflection is used by the reader. because if someone is hurt or upset by a post of mine, it surely wasn't read in the spirit i wrote it! anyone who justifies something by saying 'everybody does it', knows they are doing wrong. my mom used to say, "if everybody jumped off the golden gate bridge, would you do it, too?", whenever i would tell her 'everybody else' gets to have pierced ears, go to boy-girl parties, wear capezio shoes...whatever it was i wanted. seems like the 'everybody does it' is only used to explain or justify what the sayer wants to be part of. of course, jeep's husband did not want to jump off the golden gate bridge, so he didn't need to use the 'everybody does it' for that. but having an affair, because he wanted to, could be justified? ________________________________________________ i feel bad for cheney and believe it was truly an accident, but i can see the cartoons already. "what are we going to hunt today, dick?" "oh, you'll find out soon enough". actually, they probably are out there already. i don't get but a local rag (16 pages) twice a week. i also was under the impression that with his heart condition he DOESN'T drink, but not sure where i got this from...
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 9:24 pm
Dogdoc, I agree about love. It's important. Does it exist without family? Your examples are a Father and a Mother. I don't think the world is so bad either. I have a 27 inch TV on mute, watching Dr. House, with a full stomach, sipping tea, and writing on the internet. It's not bad. It's not like I'm "suffering" as Buddhists would say. It's just that it could be better. Kearie, I don't know. The selfish/aggressive people are winning. I think it's up to the meek/nice people to stand up and oppose them. The problem is that it's against our nature to be aggressive/assertive. }
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 10:21 pm
Newman...I don't understand what they are winning. I doubt they have more joy or peace of mind.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 11:20 pm
To say the selfish/aggressive people are winning implies that there is a battle or competition, doesn't it? I'm not really trying to win anything. I'm just trying to be the best person I can be, to do the right thing as often as I can figure out what the hell it is. For me, the greatest times of joy in my life have been those moments when I have in some way aided someone else in achieving something. Maybe it's just a small accomplishment, maybe it's just seeing the world a little differently, or maybe it's a lifechanging moment - but however big or small, that's what makes my heart sing. So, not about winning for me really. Just about doing those kind of things again and again....
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Tuesday, February 14, 2006 - 11:25 pm
Tabby, I have a friend that really is exactly like Blanche Devereax! Or she was til she had a stroke a few years ago, which slowed her down. I'm more a cross between the ditzy Rose (Betty White) and the sardonic Dorothy (Bea Arthur). Thanks for caring. HUGS! (Sucks to be borderline manic-depressive like me. I've had more mood swings today than a roller-coaster.) Oh and for the record, I DON'T see myself as weak, I'm too much of a Donna Quixote, tilting at windmills, real, or imaginary. But when I'm down everything about me feels so negative. Anyhow, I'd like to say that I'm overly emotional, and oversensitive, but not weak. That would be more accurate. If I was weak, I wouldn't do half the stuff that eventually gets me into trouble, <G> or has lead me to my personal successes. 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 6:47 am
Kearie, I guess when I say that the aggressive/selfish people are winning I'm thinking of the world, of politics, of Bush and Cheney, and also the militant Muslims that are rioting in Pakistan and elsewhere over the cartoons printed in Norway way back in September. Karuuna, I do see it as a competition, in a focused way, regarding politics. People, like Cheney, who are in control of America now, are aggressive, arrogant, imperial, above the law, and not responsive to us "little people." They are taking our country in directions I am not in favor of, not proud of. Look at torture. Who would believe America would be in favor of torture. That's a stunning statement. And yet Bush fought McCain all the way on his anti-torture bill, and when he signed it eventually, he added that he would still torture anyway, regardless of the law, if he felt it was necessary. You can control your personal life to some degree. Maybe that is what we should be discussing here. You can choose to be nice. To help others. To be kind. To fight for social justice. To write letters to the editor. To call up talk shows. To speak out against negative peer group pressuring or bullying.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 9:09 am
I think that one thing that the media has done to us is that it has made us look at people as "bad" or "good" when most of us are a mixture of both. (Sometimes I am just too comfortable with that personally!) My guess is that most politicians (nope, I don't believe all) have the best intentions. And my guess is that those with good intentions cross party lines. I've never met this president or any other, but have met from senators to governors down to local politians. Maybe I am a bit cynical, but I think it is difficult to get to know the reality of who a president really is enought to blame them for much of anything. The infrastructure is way too complicated and the media is way too magical. It's funny....after I said that I don't lie so dogmatically, it made me look at certain things in my life as to whether I would consider them lying in a way. "Lie" is a real broad definitition, isn't it? Sometimes it is not just the things you say but the things you don't say. Tabbyking, personally I think you pegged Mameblanche well with the Blanche Devereaux.... that's the way I think of her, too. Yep, I can see some of those other Golden Girls, too, but yeah....there's a lot of Blanche. (And in good ways!) Jeep....I'm waiting for a valentine's report from your office. What was the reaction of everyone when they got those flowers? I'll bet you put lots and lots of smiles on people's faces. It was such a wonderful thing to do.
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Jeep
Member
10-17-2001
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 9:29 am
Newman, that phrase "good guys finish last" really bothers me. Do I have to give up my morals, my self respect, my good reputation to get ahead in life or be seen as a "winner"? I just hate the thought of that, but being good (as in morals) has gotten me nothing but misery. On the other hand, I am very good at my occupation without giving up all those things. In fact, over the years I have excelled to the point that I am very respected in my field and considered an "equal" to the men here (which is unheard of in my office). So why the difference? If I do my job so well and excell, why can't I be a good person in my personal life and excell there, too? It just didn't happen. Yesitsme, the flowers were a hit. Everyone thought "Cupid" was the boss. When he came in Tuesday they were thanking him and gushing about how nice it was the boss thought of them...yada yada yada. He flat out told them he was not "Cupid". So the speculating began. In fact, it bothered the boss as much as the ladies LOL. The florist couldn't tell them anything because I paid cash and didn't leave my name on the order. It remains a mystery. But everyone was pleased and that was the point.
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Mameblanche
Member
08-24-2002
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 11:54 am
Tabby and Yessie, okay, I admit it... there's a lot of Ms. B. Devereaux in me too if this is how you define her: "a flirty, (confident), goofy, gutsy, caring gal! The confidence comes and goes, so I've put it in brackets. Anyhow, I just always saw her as the slutty one... and that's definately NOT me. LOL. Jeep, I think that what YOU did was 'gutsy and caring!' I do think that (political) good guys do finish first sometimes, but I think its when they grey the lines, and get a little dirty to deal with the real baddies on their own turf. I mean they have to even the playing field, to give themselves a fighting chance against the dark side. Since what are the chances that the dark side is going to see the light and raise themselves up? Too risky to give them the benefit of the doubt - IMHO. Or am I being too much of a cynical pessimist again? I say if you can change for the good - prove it, don't ask me to believe it til I see you make an effort, then I'll be your cheerleader all the way.
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Scout
Member
01-20-2005
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 12:38 pm
Mame - If "political good guys" have to get dirty to deal with the baddies, how does that make them any different? Doing something wrong to justify something that is right, seems just as wrong to me. Who decides who's light and dark if both sides are corrupt? I agree with Yesitsme - I don't think there can be such a thing as an all good or bad person. You might strive towards one or the other. But if you truly want to put yourself in the good light, then I don't agree that dirty dealing or sinking to the other person's level is the way to win.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 4:12 pm
I'm of the "good guys eventually finish first" school of thought. Cream rises eventually. Jeep, you are like the office guardian angel. Personally I think that there are greater rewards for doing things like that and not requiring acknowledgment from the recipients. I have a sneaking suspicion that while they don't know who sent the flowers, they see what a kind and generous spirit you have. And my guess that as you get more and more successful in your career, those people you work with celebrate. I know I delight in the success of people around me who are both good at what they do, and also fully apppreciative and thoughtful of those around them. People like you are my heroes!
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 5:33 pm
Newman, you asked me (after my post) if I thought love could exist without family. I was visiting my niece and sister who live in Honduras in the capital city. There happened to be a big fair going on in the center of town. The place was wall to wall people. There were many vendors in their stalls. As we walked through the crowd , we lost my niece who was 5 years old at the time. What could have been a horrible situation was prevented because 3 women left their stalls unattented (which is never done because of all the stealing) and surrounded her ( a gringa), talked to her and protected her till we got there. A family is not necessarily relatives. A family is a caring group. That is what we have right here on this board. When we show concern for others we become a part of their life. The biblical question "Who is my neighbor?" could well be "Who is my family?" I would say, just about everyone.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 6:23 pm
"Friends are the family you choose." 
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 6:27 pm
ain't that the truth!
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