TVCH FORUMS HOME . JOIN . FAN CLUBS . ABOUT US . CONTACT . CHAT  
Bomis   Quick Links   TOPICS . TREE-VIEW . SEARCH . HELP! . NEWS . PROFILE
Archive through December 16, 2005

The TVClubHouse: General Discussion ARCHIVES: 2006 Mar. ~ 2006 May: Baby Boomers, Living Alone, Changing Habits (ARCHIVES): Archive through December 16, 2005 users admin

Author Message
Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 9:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
I rarely date, mostly because I hate it and tend to run in the other direction if someone appears interested. Some of the most miserable evenings of my life have been spent on a date and I guess that accounts for it. But I don't like having this negative attitude about it....I just haven't quite figured out how to get me out of it!

What's weird is that I pick friends very well, both male and female, and never have a difficult time with new friendships. I have loads of long term friendships, some dating back to elementary school. I'd be better if I let a relationship progress from a friendship, but I think from conversations with some of my male friends, that somehow I must put up barriers to that (they've said...after they are married..."I didn't ask you out because I never thought that you would date me." Which in my mind wasn't true.) And when I think about it, I do tend to box "friends" and "boyfriends" separately in my mind.

My college roommate met her husband through online dating, but before she met him she was dating 3-4 different guys a week for a long time. Yes, it improved her odds for meeting someone, but all those dates with new people! I think it is easier to be sitting at home. But while I hate dating, I do like to be in a relationship and feel I am good at that. It's just the dating obstacles to get there!

Newman, I'll give people points for not littering. In fact, I would send people to hell for throwing cigarette butts all over creation!

Max
Moderator

08-12-2000

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 9:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Max a private message Print Post    
I've never been able to do the "dating juggle" thing. When I have dated, it's been one person at a time. My sister is six years older than me and I remember many times when she was in high school when I would watch her getting ready for dates. She juggled three different guys at one point and I never understood how she kept them all straight. I used to bug her asking questions like, "What if you go to a movie with X and then something reminds you of it when you're with Y and you say something about it before remembering that it wasn't Y you went to the movie with?" Used to drive her nuts, but that's how my mind works. :-)

I'm great at flirting, but I'm so out of practice with anything else that I never know how to move it past that point and I doubt that I'd recognize any hints that someone wanted to go past the flirt, either.

Costacat
Member

07-15-2000

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Costacat a private message Print Post    
I used to juggle dates. Usually with three men, and all three fulfilled a different need. With one I'd do "culture" (plays, museums). Another was just a royal kick to be with, and we always had fun no matter what. The third usually was more of a homebody. I never got confused.

I tried Internet dating ages ago. The thing about men is, well, they don't pay attention. And they lie. I'm 5'10" barefoot. In my profile I'd say I was looking for tall and that I was 5'10". At one point I even modified my profile to say that "tall was over 6' and if you are not over 6' I'm not interested". Yet I still had idiots who were 5'4" contacting me. Um, hello? You really think this is a good way to start meeting someone, by totally ignoring their request? Tall is TALL!!!!! Dammit! :-)

I do know folks who've met their mate-for-life online. However, these folks are a smaller percentage.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:10 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
ATTENTION NEWMAN!!! <grin>

I think there are different levels of spirituality. I think the more one studies God, the more one knows and understands.

As a Christian, I struggle a great deal. I'd be considered a baby Christian because I don't put my faith in God to be in the "drivers seat of my life". I get impatient and like to feel like I'm in control of everything...but I'm not.

I get frustrated at God and tell Him. Like you, sometimes I wish He could reach out and hug me when I need one, but He doesn't...the way I want Him to. I have faith in what I believe God did for me...but I don't always let Him guide me. I don't make God the main focus of my life.

My mother, on the other hand, is a mature Christian. She depends on God for guidance in just about everything. She even prays before talking to difficult people...asking God to give her the right words to say. She prays about major purchases. Her focus in life is God and charity. She also studies the bible every morning when she first wakes up.

Spirituality is different for everyone. This is just my understanding of it.

When you say spiritual...what do you mean Newman?

Jeep
Member

10-17-2001

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jeep a private message Print Post    
Max, I feel just like you do about dating. The thought of it stresses me out. After being married for 26 years, I'm now divorced from a cheating hubby. That sure gave me confidence in men! In fact, I just haven't even seriously thought about dating. At 50, it's almost too much of a hassle.

And I can tell I am going to be very picky now. That won't help either. Sex on a first date.....not me (Even Dr. Phil agrees on this one) And when the time is right, I'll want those medical reports, too. LOL. I'm heathly with no STDs or anything else and I want to stay that way.

The things I miss most is just having someone around to share life with. Hugs, kisses, smiles and just general conversations.

And I also want to put in here that I was really emotionally destroyed when I found out my hubby was cheating. If it hadn't been for my faith in God and taking care of my sick mother, I don't think I would have gotten thru it. I believe. And I see Him everywhere.......in the people here (even if we don't all agree) and in the people in my real life. Now don't take me as a bible thumper....far from the truth. I don't even attend church much. I'm just a good girl who has faith.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
a rule of thumb that helped me out a lot when i was dating after divorce was that if the person reminded me of my ex-husband then i wouldn't ever see them again. it wasn't until i met my wonderful dh that i have now that i still hadn't been looking for the right kind of guy.

i always wanted someone older, my height or shorter (yes, shorter) and fairly physically fit though i'm not. my dh is 6'4" & i'm 5'8", he is 2 years younger than i and there is no way anyone would call him physically fit.

weird how things work out sometime.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
When I was dating...I always looked for someone older. I had the most fun with a man 20 years older than me. He was intellectually challenging, playful and had a sense of humor very much like mine.

After a year and a half of having him as a best friend, he decided it was over because of the age difference and his health. He always said I could do better. Find someone my own age...blah blah blah.

Dating sucks!!!!

Yesitsme
Member

08-24-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Yesitsme a private message Print Post    
Conceptionally I have always been the type to believe that you should date multiple people at one time until you find someone you are serious about. In reality I have always had a difficult time with it....which is bad since every time I am dating someone, it seems like everyone else asks me out!

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Exactly Yesitsme.

Vacanick
Member

07-12-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:16 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vacanick a private message Print Post    
I'm almost 40 and currently dating a man I met online who is 10 years older. I don't think it's the age that counts. I think it may be more about timing and compatibility. I hadn't dated for years before I met this wonderful man and believe it's all about being ready to take that step.

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:18 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I’ll share a “psychic” experience I had. Let me preface it by saying that this is an absolutely true story – I did not make it up to be funny or to make a point.

Quite a few years ago, a very close Aunt passed away and I wanted to go attend her funeral and be supportive to my Uncle. He lived a considerable distance away so I had to fly. As the time approached for me to get on the plane (and I’ve flown a number of times before and since) for some reason I became more and more convinced that the plane was going to crash and everyone would be killed (and, this was before the movie “Final Destination"). I became more and more frantic to the point where I was going to go back to my car, get in and drive away from the Airport.

Well, I knew how disappointed my Uncle would be if I didn’t go so I conquered my feeling and got on the plane. At the time, I was convinced I was dead and I promised myself that if everything went well, I’d never worry about these “psychic” feelings again. Guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. In fact it was one of the nicest flights I have ever had.

My point to all of this is that I think that people are inclined to remember and recount stories of when they have had thoughts that end up coming true and they tend to forget all the “psychic” thoughts and fears that they had that never actually materialized.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Or, you may have saved every one on that plane because it was not your time to die?

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
Wow Rosie...that's thinking outside the box.
Very interesting thought. Thanks.

Mameblanche
Member

04-13-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 12:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    


Grannyg
Member

05-28-2002

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 12:57 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grannyg a private message Print Post    
Newman, Mocha knows me very very well.

Mameblanche
Member

04-13-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 1:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mameblanche a private message Print Post    
I posted a story about my dad in this thread. Its come to my attention that some people posted responses either here or in my folder, and they were (I'm sure, accidently) Mod/Zapped. Please feel free to post again, or preferably, to email me. I'd hate to think someone went to the trouble to respond and it got accidentally zapped before I saw it. Thanks! :-)

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 7:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mocha, am I baiting Granny and Karuuna? Hardly. That means to trap them into an argument? Annoy or harass? I might do that in a political thread but not on a spiritual one.

I was sincere and curious. I actually think that I can still learn something in life. Some people out there are actually smarter than I am. Or they may say something that clicks, something I hadn't thought of, or say something I've heard a thousand times but in a different way that works for me.

I don't know why people are so suspicious and attribute "evil" motives to others on the internet, especially in a thread like this. Aren't we all helping each other out here?

If I felt like some of you did, about dating, geeeze, I'd never leave the house. I suppose some of that is the male/female difference.

I get a kick out of the thought of multiple dating. If I could find ONE woman I'd like to go out with I'd consider it a miracle. Multiples?!

Kearie, you ask me good questions. You get me to thinking. I'm almost 20 years older than you and I would give you the same advice, date someone your own age.

What is spiritual to me? Well, it is NOT anything resembling Fundamentalist religion. Something that would give me that sense of connectedness to other people and to the world, to nature. Hmmmmm...

Just looked in my small print dictionary. Couldn't find a definition I liked. The word "soul" jumped out. Then the word "moral".

"The active presence of God in human life." That really doesn't say it for me because I can't define God. "The third person of the Trinity." The Trinity wasn't stressed in my religion growing up.

Do we have a soul? There's that famous story I'm sure everyone here as heard. They weighed this person just before he died and then immediately after. There was a measureable difference in weight. Was that the soul returning to the universe??

Jimmer - excellent little story about the fear of flying. I was worried about you there for a moment...thought you were a goner...and a good summary and conclusion.


Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 7:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I like to think of the soul as one's self awareness. Without self awareness...can we say we exist? A physical body may exist, but I think the soul is elsewhere.

I also think that the soul is the way we were created in the image of God...an existence that goes beyond the physical realm to the spiritual.

I think when we seek that spiritual connectedness, we start find more physical connectedness.

Newman
Member

09-25-2004

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 8:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Newman a private message Print Post    
Mind, Body, and Soul.

Or is it really just mind and body? Again, is the soul just something man invented, doesn't really exist, just part of the fairy tale of religion to keep people in line, and to give them hope that there's something after you die?

Buddhism talks a lot about awareness. Who wrote that book, "Be Here Now." Ram Dass? Being self aware doesn't prove you have a soul.

It's so elusive for me.

The best time that I felt a oneness with God and nature and my fellow man was when I dropped acid with some friends on Moose Mountain. It was a good feeling. Don't know if I'd do that again but I'm glad I did it several times in my 20s and 30s. If you could get to that "altered state" of consciousness, without taking drugs, say by meditating...that would be sweet! <trying to sound young and hip>


Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 8:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Abby7 a private message Print Post    
newman, regarding the mind, body, soul. great topic. i've always though of myself as a soul/spirit. so, i don't have a soul. i am a soul. i am a spirit. a soul with a body and mind.

sorry, i wish i had more time tonight. i was especially interested in a post a few days back? i will re-check and then post again on it later.

it has to do with the "saying": God won't give you more than you can handle....and a reply to that.

i was so happy to read that post. i have always felt this: well, i do think people are given more than they can handle. let's look at suicide for one example. i've always wondered about that. i don't know who gave them more than they can handle (the devil, life, God, etc.?)...but if they went so low as to kill their body, well, it was too much to handle.

i'll be back later. i probably should have waited on my post...but decided to post anyway...since i waited so long.

again, i will go back to archived threads an re-read later. but i was so happy that someone mentioned that. (there is so much i have to say about that).

sorry for the run-on sentences...i'm in a hurry...will be back in a couple of hours.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 8:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I'm going to get in trouble here...

The Terri Shiavo case. I think her soul/self awareness left her body several years before her body died. Her spirit left...and is in the spiritual, while her body was left an empty shell until it passed away.

Just my thoughts on it and trying to explain it better.

Brenda1966
Member

07-03-2002

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 8:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Brenda1966 a private message Print Post    
For me the soul is the essence of who you are, not something spiritual that lives on after your body is dead. so I would agree Kearie, that Terri's soul was long gone even though her body was alive. The essence of who she was, her personality, her sense of humor, her spark of life was long gone.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 9:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Newman, I missed it if you asked me something I didn't answer. Sorry. I looked back and didn't see anything.

It is true that scientists have found that humans have a genetic predisposition to be spiritual. They've even located a specific portion of the brain that is more developed in people who are more spiritual. Make of that what you will.

Yet I don't find that diminishes my spirituality at all. It seems to make perfect sense in my view that ultimately religion and science lead to each other.

As for dating, phooey. I'll never do that again.

Kearie
Member

07-21-2005

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 9:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kearie a private message Print Post    
I agree with that too Brenda.

I just think self awareness has to be in there also.

I used to work with severely developmentally disabled people(IQ's lower than 20). Some never develop personalities, a sense of humor, but they live to be middle age.

Things like that really make me question what they soul/spirit is?....Does it develop as we grow from infancy to adulthood? This is why it makes logical sense to me that self awareness is part of it. (I must admit...this is just my own theory. I don't think I read it anywhere)

I understand that children will be judged by God based on their "age of accountability"...so how does that play into the question of what a soul is?

Seems like every answer leads to more question.
Perhaps some things we aren't meant to understand....ever.

Abby7
Member

07-17-2002

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 9:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Abby7 a private message Print Post    
hi, i'm back w/dinner for dh and i. (he'll be home between 8:30 and 9:30, fri. night pub night...i don't care to go).

i agree with Kearie and Brenda about Terri. (well parts of your posts, in regards to her body...not necessarily with her spirit. "her spirit" meaning her being a spirit)

i think the soul/spirit leaves the body during/after death. what happens then, is another story....i'm not sure.

too tired, right now, to comment about "God never gives you more than you can handle" (not sure if that is an exact quote, sorry if it is not).

anyway, this has become a very interesting thread...thanks, Newman, for starting it.