Author |
Message |
Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 5:06 pm
You also said said something like that to Chessy about having fun! And, dagnabit, look what happened!!
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 5:07 pm
She didn't listen, I gave her a migraine instead. 
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 5:14 pm
No, no, she listened, you both had fun and then just a whole lot of problems! When is the big day? O.k. I am outta here! Sorry, this is so not a "Boomer" post!
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 5:26 pm
hold on here, i don't listen to anybody. i mean chessy doesn't listen to anybody. just ask her human's husband. LOL
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 8:25 pm
Crzndeb, I have let go of my Ex. And the past. Oh, thanks for reminding me, I wanted to send her an email <chuckling, but true>. You can't pretend the past didn't happen. How can you learn from your MISTAKES if you don't recognize them, acknowledge them, study them, put them in a balloon and let them go. I would talk more about my new girlfriend, more than I talk about my Ex, if I had a new gf.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 9:26 pm
Actually that balloon idea works, Newman. I did some pretty powerful work in therapy that involved letting go of some people. I happened to use soap bubbles in the work, instead of balloons (cheaper and more environmentally friendly). Of course I had to be ready to do the letting go. My ex had much trouble letting go. For a time, he would call now and then and tell me about his life, his new girlfriend, then fiancee and I was happy for him. Later I found out from my brother that the ex actually was still convinced I would come back to him. (wisely my brother didn't share that until years later). Finally he did get married and then only held onto resentments. When you get to the letting-go point it really is freeing.
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Native_texan
Member
08-24-2004
| Friday, May 05, 2006 - 9:32 pm
Oh, Crzndeb, those were the days. Get off work, go home and change clothes, go dancing, get home in time to sleep maybe an hour before getting up to go to work. The only night we didn't go out was Monday because the clubs were usually closed on that night. Also, concert tickets were only something like $10. One of my bosses has been going to a lot of concerts lately (Paul McCartney, Elton John, etc.) He said he couldn't afford them when he was younger. The irony is now he's paying at least $100 a ticket. And the hot flashes - I was the laughingstock of my section a few years ago. I was the one wearing sleeveless tops in the dead of winter under a sweater that I could shed in 0.5 seconds while keeping a glass of iced tea and a cup of hot coffee on my desk at the same time. I reminded the women their time was coming and warned the men that I could make the insanity plea work.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 1:12 am
Sea, I really like your post! I have a question for you, though. How do you let go of a person who is not ready to let go of you? What if you try to let go but they just keep coming back in one way or another? How do you let go then?
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 1:23 am
Mentally letting go differs from the physical. If they physically keep coming back, there's a restraining order, changing of locks, moving, blocking of phone calls, etc. Mentally, you get to a point where you disengage. With my ex, I actually came to a place I knew it was over for me, but didn't leave him for almost three years. When I did leave it was clean-cut (for me), no going back, physically or mentally. The work I did in therapy was a different sort of letting go, letting go of internalized perpetrators, victims, parts of self, kept within by a complex, entrenched and determined "system" all within the mind. Wasn't an overnight process, for sure.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 5:15 am
Ladies, I wear a wonderful little patch that takes away all those hot flashes!!
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Crzndeb
Member
07-26-2004
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 2:00 pm
But Newman, you need to stop talking about the ex to get a new GF. You know, I can honestly say, I can't think of any mistakes I made. Everything I did was a choice. I chose to never get married, I chose to have 2 beautiful children, I chose to not date while I was raising my kids, I chose celibacy, I chose to retire from the phone company job at 50 (and almost 30 yrs) and do contract work now. I love being alone, I love cruising (on ships), I love making jewelry, I love playing my Gameboy (LOL!), I love watching reality TV (OK, TV in general) and I love my friends. I love to just veg. I am happy, healthy, hot, and humorous.That's my life in a nutshell. Not for everyone, but it works for me...AMEN!
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 2:10 pm
Letting go of the past is not just a matter of saying we are going to do it. It's saying it and then actually following through with the "letting go" process. Only then can we truly move on.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 3:50 pm
"Saying it and following thru", allways so much easyer said--then done...If only it were that easy....
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 6:02 pm
Right.. you cannot just say I'm letting go, but have to be at the place where that is possible and then stick with it.
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Baby
Member
01-08-2006
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 6:32 pm
Letting go can be mighty hard work to truly do. But once you do, it can be such a "freeing" experience. And when you are free, you can move on in a new direction!
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 7:04 pm
I was gonna be a smartie pants and see if Sea could put a link up for the directions to that "place"...Im having a hard time finding it..LOL
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 7:17 pm
Sometimes the hardest thing of all is deciding when to let go.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 7:55 pm
click here smartie pants 
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 8:13 pm
Ohhh good link Seamonkey! 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 8:44 pm
Crzndeb, I don't talk about my Ex to my new gf! I just talk about my Ex here, or when I'm out with old friends, or if something or someone reminds me of the Ex, or if I hear an old song on the radio that reminds me of the Ex <ok, I'm joking here,of course>... Crzndeb, you might not think you made any mistakes (George Bush can't think of any mistakes either), but that's why we are here, at the Baby Boomers site, to help point out your errors, ... An unexamined life is not worth living. If you don't learn from history you are doomed to repeat it. What's that Don Henley song, Max, "don't hang on to all that anger, it will just eat you up inside, but I think it's about Forgiveness..." Something like that..."even if, even if, you don't love me anymore..." I think it's ok to hang on to your memories as long as it isn't eating you up inside. As long as you're not dwelling on them. We should be living in the present...
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 8:54 pm
Newman, I'm with you about the past. It's something to learn from, and forgetting all about it will inhibit that ability to learn. Humanity is filled with us repeating mistakes over and over that we could correct if we just paid attention to history and made some kind of effort. Although I agree too that you can't let it take you over--you can't dwell on it in a no n-learning way. On the issue of this thread, I think it's one of the more unique threads on the board. It's usually fairly deep in thought and insight, and at the same time goes from a topic to another and in some cases a number of them all at once--yet we always bring it back to a central theme and keep working from that theme. No one approach will work for everyone. I think of it like dieting. What works best for one person to lose weight may not work as well or at all for another. But we keep trying different things till we figure out what works best for each of us. I see nothing wrong with that. I enjoy hearing the various experiences we've gone through and what approaches we've taken--and the success or lack or success we have experienced.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, May 06, 2006 - 9:00 pm
Letting go does not mean forgetting about or not learning from the past! However it is almost always a turnoff if a person talks to a new significant other (or potential SO) ABOUT the past, especially past SO. Talking about and processing things here, seems to be a good idea (unless it is seen as a hookup or dating thread ) And of course people will have all different styles, timeframes and desired results.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 7:01 am
I think in the dating realm, as a Baby Boomer, it is only natural to ask the other person if they've been married before, or how many times for that matter, if they have any kids, and so forth. I would certainly be asking and if she didn't ask me the same I would think she wasn't curious about me and that's a RED FLAG right there.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 7:06 am
Had an interesting experience yesterday. Hooked up with old friends, people I used to hang out with 20 years ago. They were having a yard sale. We sat and talked for hours. I left feeling sad. Sad because I had missed out on their lives for all those years and they had missed out on mine. I'm trying to hook up with new people thru my Unitarian church and it's been a tough slog as Don Rumsfeld would say. Slow going. Why not just put the effort into hooking up with these old friends instead? Sigh. I guess the reluctance is the hope that I would meet a woman at church. All my old friends are either coupled up or ...well, then there was this woman lurking in the corner...I'm so confused... <chuckling>
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Sunday, May 07, 2006 - 9:30 am
Regarding past relationships and talking about them, I think it's inevitable that you do. The tipping point is how you talk about them. When I meet someone new, what I want to know about their past relationships is this: What did you learn from them? If all you can talk about is what a ***** your ex is and how badly he or she treated you, then that's a red flag for me. If, on the other hand, you realize that you actually learned something and grew from the situation, then okay. I think you're "stuck" if all you can talk about is how terrible the other person was and how hurt you were. Certainly that may be true, but if you stay in that anger and resentment, it's not a good thing. Somehow, you've got to process it and move on. Newman, instead of focusing on how sad it is you lost touch with your friends for 20 years, why not be happy that after all that time you can reconnect and have relationship with them again? Another glass half empty or full moment. And why can't you foster relationships with BOTH groups -- the folks at church and the long-lost friends? You never know where you might meet someone. Maybe your friends will end up introducing you to someone new. 
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