Author |
Message |
Biloxibelle
Member
12-21-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:38 am
Wow Penguin, I'm sorry that happened to you. Like Julie I have never questioned a regret either. Just an oh I'm sorry you can't make it type comment. No eggs for you Hermie, actually you have me LOL with your and Tabbys comments. Thanks to you I will never look unRSVP the same way again.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:50 am
A drawing probably wouldn't help me, I'm sorry. Hermie and I are going to hell together. I guess I think either everyone has to call you, or you have to call everyone, or some mix. So in spite of how aggravating it is, aren't we just really debating who initiates the call? 
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Hermione69
Member
07-24-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:51 am
We can be roommates, Karuuna. Except I think I am already spoken for, so maybe we can all just live in the same wing of the same building!
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Zachsmom
Member
07-13-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:53 am
Julie, if they are to be mailed, then if you have their phone numbers, give them a call on or about the day after of RSVP'ing or a day or two before you have the party. Like Hermie and a few others have said, they flake on RSVP'ing so I doubt it they would be offended if you called. With prices the way they are today, no one would fault you of planning a party to meet the needs of those who are going to attend. What I say is this (when they are mailed) "Hi <so and so> I am putting the final touches on the <whatever party> and was wondering if you were going to be able to make <whatever party>. Sometimes they say "no I won't be able to attend" and sometimes they say "oh shit...sorry I forgot to RSVP but yes we are attending". I have never ever called anyone who was mad about me calling to remind. If they are offended they you really don't want them as friends in the first place 
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:58 am
i guess i'm the only one that is a really big meanie. if someone showed up that had not RSVP'd i would turn them away explaining that i hadn't counted on them coming since they didn't respond. and, if i put RSVP then i expect that person to be responsible enough to do so. i'm not chasing them down. i've already invited them once. sorry if i have offended anyone.
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 9:58 am
Penguingirl, that's exactly why I am rarely neighborly--in the old-fashioned way. (Mostly just a hi or hello relationship.) No wonder you didn't care for the woman. (I think I might have stepped all over the etiquette rules and told her how rude she was and that, in my opinion, these at-home selling parties prey on neighbors and burden them with a feeling of obligation.) Uh, back to the question--personally I don't like the idea of bribing people to do the right thing. If you offer prizes for anything, I think they should be surprises. Are most of the people neighbors? I think you could get (pay) a teenager to go house to house with a checklist to homes where you got no answer. So it wouldn't be uncomfortable for anyone, she could be carrying a little inexpensive thank you gift--a lollipop or maybe a tiny plastic elephant with the date marked on it! (I'd think either would make them laugh.) It's nice to be the model of good manners--which should always make people feel good, not bad or pressured.
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Halfunit
Moderator
09-02-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 11:50 am
lol, Cnd... if I don't RSVP, I ain't coming. That was easy.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 11:55 am
I wish it were as easy as if someone didn't RSVP, then for sure they weren't coming. Problem is tons of times people don't RSVP and they do come.
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 11:56 am
I guess I'm rude, crude, and socially unacceptable. If I get a wedding invitation with a stamped return envelope I'll usually send it back if I'm going or not going. But if I'm not going to an event I'm not going and for the most part I'm usually too busy and end up forgetting to take MY time to call, mail, or email. We get at least 10 invitations a MONTH for this event or that event or the other. 8 times out of 10 my husband would have to take time off work in order for us to attend, and usually we might get 1 or 2 weeks notice. If it has rsvp and we're planning on going I will always contact the inviter. And I have no problem if I don't rsvp and somebody calls and asks if we are coming. But why is it that I am the rude one when I don't take the time to remember to make a long distance call or even send an email to an event that somebody else deems important and I could care less about? And call me Mrs. Negative today I guess but yes the idea about donating to the local pet shelter is good but the question was how not to make people feel obligated to bring a gift and putting down that if you want to donate it's ok to me is the same as if you want to bring a gift it's ok. Personally I'd put down "no gifts requested" and if people bring gifts ok, if they don't ok. Maybe I'm different than other people but if somebody tells me they don't want something they don't get it and I don't feel bad if others do it and I don't.
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 11:59 am
I guess I should add that even if the invite doesn't say rsvp and I'm going I contact the inviter and let them know we are coming and ask if there is anything I can bring or do. So maybe there's hope for me yet?
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 12:03 pm
I don't give events or parties, but it seems to me that if I did, I'd be inviting people I actually know and people I actually want to attend.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 12:14 pm
Serate, of course there is hope for ya! As far as this goes: "But why is it that I am the rude one when I don't take the time to remember to make a long distance call or even send an email to an event that somebody else deems important and I could care less about?" I am only sending these invites to the surrounding neighbors (4 across the street, one on each side and 4 behind us) and family and friends who I know care at least a little bit! So it's not like a Tupperware party where invites get sent to people you barely know. Oh and no one is long distance (except a few inlaws.)
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Cndeariso
Member
06-28-2004
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 12:16 pm
seamonkey, a wedding and/or reception is a perfect example of how the person giving the event doesn't necessarily control the invitation list.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 12:35 pm
Just a note on the no gifts issue - I always thought it was a nice touch to say "The only gift we'd like is your presence". I'm one of the folks that Zmom identified that says "oh crap, I'm sorry I didn't get around to calling. I'd love to come." Generally, Im much better at calling and saying I can't make it. I'm just quirky I guess. And uh, Hermione, there are no wings where we are going. I'm just sayin.... 
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Serate
Member
08-21-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 1:01 pm
Julie when I made the statement about why is it I am rude, I wasn't talking about your situation, just rsvp invites in general. Your situation would be the 2 out of the 10 that would be in the area, not require travel and time off work, and that'd we'd probably go to. [um, not that I'm asking to be invited cuz Chicago is a tad bit too far from Louisville *L* so here's my rsvp that I normally wouldn't give but am giving to you even tho I wasn't invited!] We got invited to the wedding reception for my husband's niece a couple years [nobody was invited to the wedding but that's another story]. The invite was something to the effect "Please come and join us in celebrating the marriage of Aaron and Abby, and the 50th wedding anniversary of Henry and Libby[Abby's grandparents on her mother's side]. Your presence is the only gift Henry and Libby request, and there will be a money basket for Aaron and Abby - no gifts please as they are living with Abby's parents and need money cash not material items." I KID YOU NOT! Oh and somewhere in the invite was the request to bring at least 2 covered dishes, dishes, silverware, and drinks for all in the party that were coming so it would be like a real family & friends reunion! [Henry & Libby have a couple million $ in the bank along with about $50,000 a year income, and Abby's parents have money - or at least pretend they do. Can we say EXTREMELY CHEAP!] I'll do my best to see if I can find the actual invite, scan it in, and post it. AFTER I get this webpage finished for my husband. Um, that is if I ever get off TVCH. *L* Oh and we are poop in their eyes because both of us were unemployed, had been for months, my mom was dying, my brother - Mom's caretaker - had just had a stroke, my dad was a basketcase and would forget to eat and bathe unless we told him, and we didn't drive 3 hours to attend this wonderful family event!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 3:19 pm
I always RSVP if I'm going, but don't bother if not unless it's a wedding invitation. Then I fill it out. What I find rude is people who bring along uninvited guests and don't RSVP they are coming. It's ok if someone forgets to RSVP, but not if they bring extra people with them. It's only polite to let the hostess or host know there are extra people coming.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 3:25 pm
Twiggy, why do you not RSVP if you are not going? I think many people think like that too. I wonder why though. Because the party givers are wondering all the way til the party if you are coming or not. I really would like to know if people are not coming. For instance, with this party, we don't want it too huge (can't afford the $$ or the space). If I knew for sure a certain number of people would not be coming, I would invite some other people.
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Texannie
Member
07-16-2001
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 4:07 pm
Julie, the more I think about this and back to your original question..here is what I would do. I would make an invitation that says something like Summer's Here Let's Celebrate date time address MoonWalk for the kids! Please reply to Julie via phone number or email by date. Send those to the neighbors and people who you don't want to bring presents for the the birthday party people do an invite that says Summer's here! Let's celebrate ds' birthday date time address MoonWalk for kids Please reply to Julie via phone or email by date I would NOT even address the birthday and/or gift problem in the invitation to your neighbors. If they say anything at the time of the party, just laugh and say 'hey, this was an easy way to have to parties in one!'}
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Tabbyking
Member
03-11-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:00 pm
for me, a party is certainly different than a 'sales pitch party', a la tupperware or home decor or candles, etc. i love going to parties; i hate going to sales parties. i just tell people i don't care for them and i can get what i want at walmart! i refuse to do chain letters and i'll break 'em, so don't waste your time and postage or emails on me!!
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Twiggyish
Member
08-14-2000
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:03 pm
Julie, you have a good point. I should respond either way! 
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:26 pm
Thanks to all of you for all your opinions and suggestions. I think you are right Annie, and I am leaning towards that very plan. I really loved the animal shelter deal, but then it's like I am asking them for something. Anywho, I really appreciate all the input all of you have given here!! THANKS!!!
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Escapee
Member
06-15-2004
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:45 pm
We were invited to a wedding that is a three and a half hour drive away. The invitations states "This is an adult event, please no children under 10" which puts me in a tough position. We would be gone from early in the morning to very late in the day, and while I can leave DD1 with mom, DD2 would have to come with us so I can feed her. I don't see how they can expect everyone to leave their children when most all guest are from all over the state. It makes no sense. Should I just bring DD2 who will just sleep through the ceremony, not be counted by the caterer or the seating? SHe is only 2 months old.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:49 pm
The invite did say no children. It is their day and I think you should respect their specific wishes. Either get a few ounces pumped and ready to go or you'll have to skip it. Do you really want to use up an entire day anyways? Or would you guys like a whole day away?? I think that would sound nice.
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Merrysea
Member
08-13-2004
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:50 pm
I wouldn't take a baby without checking with the bride first. You can't always count on her to sleep through the ceremony, and they might have specified no children for that very reason. When my children were babies, I had a pastor who told me that a baby crying was an angel singing - but a lot of people are quite that accepting of the interruption! But if you do decide to go ahead and take her, I'd also recommend sitting close to the exit so that you can leave quickly if necessary.
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Julieboo
Member
02-05-2002
| Monday, May 08, 2006 - 6:51 pm
Also--the bride may want to be the star of the show and not want to "compete" with an adorable 2 month old.
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