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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 7:38 pm
I don't know. I find religion and politics to be the two most interesting topics out there. Why is there this rule that you should not talk about the most interesting stuff? Is there life after death? What did you think of the DaVinci Code? Why isn't James Dobson and his Focus on the Family TAXED? Who will the Dems come up with in 2008? Did you hear that Tim Robbins, the actor, told Hillary Clinton to kiss his ass, grow a spine, stand for something! I could go on. I think if I focused on the center of what's bugging me it's that my old friends aren't "doing it for me" anymore. My family has always been distant; so that really hasn't changed. You all have given me ideas on how to make new friends and stuff which I appreciate. I'll keep at the church thing and maybe a few other things. I guess I'm just an impatient American. I want instant gratification and life doesn't work that way. It takes time...
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 8:43 pm
Newman, why not get that guitar and lessons? At least go find a local place where you could get lessons and just walk in. Every time I walk into the Fountain Valley Music Center (which actually is in Huntington Beach, go figure) I just absorb the atmosphere.. I can hear pianos playing, drums drumming, etc. Kids and adults walking around looking at music, holding instruments or music.. and just being with our class each week, different ages, races, etc., but all playing the same tune. I really like it! But that is just an example..
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Shadoe
Member
11-04-2004
| Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 9:04 pm
Newman, I don't really think there is a rule about religion and politics; I think it's more like one should know that those two topics stir up quite a bit of passion in most people. If you're going to talk about either, you have to keep in mind that you can piss someone off real quick. I find both areas fascinating. While I can get pretty heated over politics, with religion I am more like a child in the wonder of it all. I think you should get a guitar, learn Blowin in the Wind, and play it at your church at some meeting!
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 11:48 am
Hey Newman... I wouldn't call myself a baby boomer, but an empty nest person. My only child has been gone almost two years and I've been single for about three. Normally it was just me and ArReal while she was growing up and since she's been gone... I struggle with so many things. I find it very difficult to be so alone. I haven't seen my daughter since last January. To be honest, I spend most of my free time on this goofy thing. I love the TVCH posters, but as of yet...I haven't opened up and told people too much about me. I also started a new hobby in the last two years. Scrapbooking and card making. I also make other crafts and sell them at a local Hallmark store. For the most part, I can relate...being alone sucks, but you get used to it after a while.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 11:54 am
I also don't do much for the holidays. I used to decorate a lot. Christmas tree, Christmas village, knick-knacks. A few times I even made candy. Now that I'm alone, I don't do anything. All that stuff is stored in my mom's garage. Seeing it up in my home makes me feel more lonely. No one to share it with.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:02 pm
Having a pet can also help I think. Angel always keeps me company when I'm alone and he's great to talk to. Lol I even talk to him when I take him outside. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm weird.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:20 pm
Totally agree Kearie. If you have no one special to share XMas with, what's the point? Sometimes, if I have energy, I'll put a string of lights outside my townhouse, or inside too, and maybe a red lightbulb for the porch light. There is so much pressure from this society to spend money and share gifts and commercialize the birth of Christ. You feel like something is wrong with you if you don't. Peer group pressure. Seamonkey and Shadoe, I don't have a musical bone in my body. I play the radio. CD's and tapes. I think it would just frustrate me more to buy a guitar and try to learn. That's what you two should do . People tend to give advice for themselves. I do that too. I miss the human touch. I miss effortless, fun conversation. Chemistry. Playfulness. Hmmmmm...
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:29 pm
Yep you need a dog.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:34 pm
I agree. I hate the commercialization of Christmas. A few years ago I asked my mom to make sure the family read the Christmas Story...the birth of Christ...before any gifts were exchanged. We do that every year now. For gifts for my family, I normally make things. Last year I made scrapbook pages for my mom and daughter. The year before I made them cloth bound scrapbooks. This year I am making Christmas, birthday, get-well and sympathy cards for my family. (My family loves to send cards) Mocha...very true. My mother gave me my chihuahua a year and a half ago and he sure is my buddy. A huge blessing for me as he does take away some of the loneliness. NEWMAN---I sent you mail
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:48 pm
I agree about pets.. and you do feel less strange talking to a cat than to a wall Kearie, I'm back to not decorating but when I did the most decorating I WAS living alone (with my old labrador) but did have more people in and out, not many but some. Don't do that now. Part of that is cat vs tree and this condo doesn't give me a place where they can be separated easily. Cat vs tree = Cat wins. Same with Cat vs houseplants. This can be a mixed time of year for me, but I do enjoy hearing about little kids and their celebrations.
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 12:56 pm
OH, sorry, Newman, I think in my fuzzy brain you had said you wanted to play guitar.. As for me, no guitar, stubby fingers and all. My brother used to play and got quite good with lots of practice. I AM enjoying the piano lessons. And I agree things get WAY too commercial. I'm thinking I'll try to find a place for Christmas singalong.. Actually when I was a hospice volunteer we would get a group together and go from one convalescent home to another, where we had patients, and go into rooms or gathering rooms and sing Christmas carols and that was FAR more satisfying than the commercial crap. And many of those folks are just dying for a hug or a light touch. Kearie, what sorts of crafts do you sell at Hallmark? I bet you'd find some buyers here in our Members Marketplace (but then you'd have to deal with shipping, of course). Your little LH Chihauhua is so CUTE!! And to anyone in this thread, I'd highly recommend taking a chance and meeting up with another TVCHer or two, or more.. Gives that third dimension to the board.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 1:07 pm
What sells the best is gift bags that I make. I take colored bags you can get...some have handles and some I make the handle out of ribbon. I decorate the bag with ribbon, lace and scrapbook paper. Then I add a small floral arrangement to match the colors. (Flowers, leaves etc.) I then add matching tissue paper and a matching gift tag/bookmark. I hope to post pictures when I get a digital camera. 
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 10:25 pm
Kearie, I got it. Seamonkey, your fuzzy brain was right. I did mention wanting to play guitar. Just trying to be honest. Don't think I'd practice. I have stubby fingers too. I heard the first xmas music on November 15, in a Burger King, well before Thanksgiving. There oughta be a law... Kearie, I like that Christmas tradition of reading the Christmas story before exchanging gifts. I wonder how long you'll be able to keep that going. I'd imagine it would be difficult to keep kids interested in a story of long long ago when they are staring at presents under a decorated tree.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Sunday, December 04, 2005 - 10:45 pm
Newman, I'll join in after hesitating to do so. We may be related in a number of ways. Not just the Christmas thing, but many other things you have mentioned. After my divorce in the early 90's I needed work. I was not willing to accept any potential chance for rejection. I am the type that has to accomplish something--or contribute something. So work worked for that. It helped I love my job too--I have a big passion for what I do. I refused to make "my house a home". Ok, so it was an apartment, but still it was just a lace for me to sleep once I came home from work and then get up and go to work. Christmas--I hate the commercialism--have for all my adult life. I don't believe in god, so that part of it was out for me. I do believe in helping others, but I hated that it was so focused to that week or so. I tried ot help others all year long and refused to make it a time to try any harder. So I was considered a scrooge by many. Enough on that. I don't think what you feel--what I feel, is because of being a baby boomer. It has ot do with choices. I knew that doing something was better doing it with someone I cared for, and doing by myself was just second best--at best. I wasn't willing to settle for second best, so I didn't do anything. I was ok with that too. I have no creativity, so for me hobbies were out. Ok, I make beer, and take pictures--but I had sold my good camera a lot of years ago when I was in a hurting way. I didn't want ot make beer, because I didn't want ot take the time. It sounds like you have made choices--in part because of what you feel for other people. Not the individuals, but the race in general. I wonder if you are at least in part a cynic. One of those who cares a lot about the human race but over all has little confidence in it. We see all the things we do to each other. War, torture, starvation, horrible living conditions, rampant crime, more and more people not taking responsibility. more and more people wanting instant gratification. More and more people thinking they are the only ones that matter and the heck with anyone else. Heck, just look st the way people drive! Newman, what is it you'd like in life? What do you see as any viable options for getting there?
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 7:02 am
Damn, Lance. I have one minute left when I read your post. You bring up a lot of really good discussion points. Will address them later. Just starting with the not believing in god part. I'm with you. I think it needs a separate thread like "Is there a God?" Why do some people believe and others don't? I guess I'm cynical. A number of times I've asked God to prove himself to me. All he has to do is fix my computer or turn the screen purple for 5 seconds, something concrete, and I'd be an instant believer. But, of course, he doesn't work that way... Bill O'Reilly drives me crazy (ok, I'm late now, but this is more fun than delivering mail in the freezing cold)with his attack on secularists. I think a lot of us care more about people than phony Christians! Why do you have to believe in God to be nice to someone else, to care about your fellow man, to do good (or try to)? Do Christians do that only so they will get to "heaven", so there will be life after death? Why can't you do good because it's the right thing to do? Late...
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 8:08 am
Very interesting discussion. I will throw out there that believing in God is all about faith. And it shows all around us, you just have to have the faith to see it. It's very simple really.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 8:45 am
I personally think the word "Christian" is thrown around way to much. For you non-christian folks...What is a Christian, I mean who are Christians. If you have a preconceived idea of what one is, or how they behave or should behave...I'd like to hear it. Is "Christianity" a religion in any sense of the organized way or what are "Christian rituals". Just curious to find what different people think.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 8:51 am
One more question.... What makes God, God....as opposed to other gods different religions believe in.
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 8:57 am
To me being a Christian means believing in the trinity. God is the supreme being no matter how they're referred to in other religions.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 9:05 am
Mocha---question... So the muslims, believe in the same God, just not the trinity?
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 9:13 am
Hmmm I think so. I know they believe in Allah which is interchangeable with God I think.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 9:48 am
NEWMAN--- I don't believe Christians think being nice to others will 'get them to heaven'. Every human struggles with being nice to others. I believe we are all born with a "sinful" nature. To me that means we are all born being SELFISH. We have to be taught early on to think about others. Share. Share. Don't hit, don't pull hair. Be nice. Be polite. Me! Me! Me!. I believe this is a struggle everyone has all their lives, Christian or not. For me, the definition of the word sin is... anything that causes harm to yourself or others, selfishness, and most of all rejection of God's gift. I think many people have asked God to prove himself. I'm not sure He works that way. The movie Where the Red Fern Grows always illustrated to me, how God works. When the boy wanted his dogs, his grandpa told him God will give you the courage and strength...but you have to do the work. I think that is true much of the time. I've experienced a life change miracle that could have only come from God...yet I still struggle with faith because God doesn't always seem there for me. He doesn't do those little things like "make the computer work" or "flicker the lights". He didn't stop the ex-husband from divorcing me. Why can't God answer me when I ask Him questions? Why can't He hug me when I cry? Grrrr...all so confusing. Bottom line is, I do consider myself a Christian. A baby Christian however. I believe I will go to heaven...not because of how I behave...but because of what I believe.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 11:40 am
I have lived alone for a while now and generally I love it, though there are times when I miss having people around. I think that as you get older, the hardest part of it is everyone is burned out scheduling stuff and wants someone else to do it. I get tired of being the planner sometimes. I've realized that there are people out there that have never planned anything in their lives....they will stay home forever rather than ask someone to do something. If you are the type who will plan things, you will find that other singles will flock to you. I am an introvert by nature, so don't mind staying home and reading or watching tv (or both at one time....I am a woman!) But most people would probably see me as an extrovert because I do get out and get involved in things. I attend a few functions held by my church singles group and they have tried to get me involved in leadership with it, but I just haven't found a lot of people there that I enjoy hanging out with. It's a large group, so they are probably there, but they only meet once a month and unless I can get a friend to go with me I just don't feel comfortable. Our local wine store has wine tastings and we like to go to those. I hate bars unless I go with a fun group of people, but like that atmosphere. I like to hike and have another friend that likes to do that, too. I crew hot air balloons... I enjoy this because the sport tends to attract an interesting group of people. I did some freelance reporting for local city council and commissioner meetings...not that I think you necessarily need to report, but the meetings are interesting to go to, are free, and you can go by yourself comfortably. I love talking to our local politicians about issues and have found them not to be the argumentative types in person, but people who are interested in hearing all sides of things (even if they feel compelled to vote a certain way.) I guess since I have this introvert/shy side that I try to hide, one thing that works for me is just volunteering and getting a job to do at events. It makes it easier for me. Right now I am not dating anyone and don't even have any guy friend that is a ready escort and I hate that sometimes. But there are ways to cope without holing up at home! And yes, I do consider several people here at TVCH friends and it can be great social interaction. I think it would be considered a problem if that is your only social interaction, though.
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Brenda1966
Member
07-03-2002
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 12:51 pm
Newman, I've been trying to think of something insightful to say and I'm drawing a blank. I think others have said everything I've been thinking: Get yourself a pet -- they add so much to your home life. Try those hobbies you never had time or money to do when you were younger. Try them even if you think you'll stink at it (ie. the guitar). Join clubs and give yourself some time to fit in. I know ages ago when I joined the dance world, it took some time to be accepted. First you had to learn to dance and prove that you were really there to dance (and not just to meet singles). You also had to prove that you were going to hang around for a while as no one wanted to spend time getting to know someone who wasn't really interested in being a part of the dance community. I suspect other communities are similar. LAstly, I think you're entitled to be sad/blue about your relationship breakup. Give yourself time to mourn it. It you're used to having someone and now you're suddenly alone, that really, really stinks! One more lastly... I think it's great you're reaching out to the online community. They can be a great ear and sounding board.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Monday, December 05, 2005 - 4:38 pm
Newman, one of the best lessons I've learned is that you can't get something for nothing. Everything comes with some kind of "price". For a long time I didn't want the potentials of what come with a relationship more than I wanted a relationship. So I decided to be ok with that and not complain--because it was my choice what I wanted most. I picked it, so I should shut up about it--haha. That is just one example of what I went through. We have so little control over our lives--we actually only have control over the choices we make and our words and actions. There is so much more that affects our lives everyday. Yet we can't control it. The best we can hope for is some level of influence at times. As to your question in your first post about writing to people on line being people contact, I guess that depends on how you define that term. Some folks I see only on TVCH. Others email, or email and phone. Still others I've met in person. I can say that for myself, in every situation I just listed, I feel I've connected with people. Not all of them, but a lot. It doesn't happen immediately. I've been here since the beginning, and feel I know a number of folks really well, even though I haven't seen them in person. Those relationships take energy too, as well as it being an investment--and you need to be ok with that. I enjoy the philosophy of life. There are answers for everyone, and every answer is different, just like every person is different. Most of the time I've found that words others have created are words I can relate to. As long as you can relate to what you see, hear, feel, etc, then it will have meaning and most likely you can get something from it. Newman, I'll go out on a limb and offer this in the event you can relate. "We are fascinated by the growth of freedom from powers outside of ourselves and are blinded to the fact of inner restraints, compulsion, and fears, which tend to undermine the meaning of the victories freedom has won against its traditional enemies…We have to gain a new kind of freedom, one which enables us to realize our own individual self, to have faith in this self and in life.” Erich Fromm “Escape from Freedom”
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