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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 11:20 am
LOL, Newman.. It was indeed The Supremes! But the lyric is different in an interesting way.. Your lyrics You can't hurry love, you just have to wait, love don't come easy, it's a game of love and take, you can't hurry love..." The actual lyrics You can't hurry love, you just have to wait, love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take, you can't hurry love..." Which actually is a key difference.. I guess for many people, they want the warmth and feeling, before the love and sex.. I'm not saying all people, for sure, but many. That may take longer than three dates. And then there is the delicious waiting part for many people.. Another song.. ANTICIPATION.. or the saying "getting there is half the fun". Foreplay, which can take place long before a couple jumps into bed...
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 11:52 am
Seamonkey, I like the real lyrics better than Newmans.Give and take yes. Love and take no. Talk about mixed up lyrics, in the song Angel of the Morning, the lyrics are "just touch my cheek before you leave me baby." A friend was telling me she heard someone singing "just brush my teeth before you leave me baby" and they thought they had it right.Newman, it is no reflexion you if a woman wants take time to get intimate. If she doesn't rush into it with you, she probably wont with another man. If she does rush into it with you then she probably will with another man. The second woman probably doesn't want a relationship, she wants fun. This is the kind you should look for.She has your standards. You won't have to waste your time with a woman who thinks you asked her out because she is a person and doesn't realize the goal is sex.
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Jimmer
Member
08-30-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 12:14 pm
It’s interested that you mentioned the song “Anticipation” as it contains some of my favorite lyrics. "... So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now And stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days." I find those lyrics particularly significant because so many people fondly refer back to "the good old days" but didn’t recognize them as such when they were actually living in the moment. Sometimes we get so busy with our lives or distracted by problems (big and little) that we fail to recognize when we are actually living what will become "the good old days"! 
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 12:38 pm
Very good point, Jimmer. I have a teacher for an exercise class who is a very active 72 year old and she tells us each day is the good old days (not her phrase).. but she says she wakes up each day thinking "I'm alive!" This is a woman who fled Vietnam in '75 as a widow with four daughters and a niece and was sponsored as a refugee by a church in Minnesota. In Vietnam she was very educated (especially for a woman born when she was born) and was a professor with degrees in chemistry and here she had to start over, learn English, go to the University but even after she got a job, she said they couldn't understand her so she went to an elementary school for 18 months.. to her this was an excellent opportunity.. Anyway she's the most joyous woman and lives each moment, in the moment and finds things to be thankful for === I agree it is so easy to get bogged down in daily details and worries and miss what is good, now.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 12:52 pm
<57> We all have differant thoughts on things and I actually love that. Its great to hear what others are feeling on certain topics, and sex..thats an intresting topic......My daughter comes over every night practily, and I read her thease posts, Im trying to prepare her for her "golden yrs" ..LOL. She enjoys the posts, and she cracks me up when she call you all out by your "board name", kinda funny, she'll ask me about jujubigdog,newman,dogdoc,jeep,seamonkey...on it goes on...Geeeze, my friends have such off names... but seriously, I love this thread and would hate for people to get upset over any of the writings. Im 50 next month, and sex to me, well- if I find someone who makes me laugh, makes my heart go pitter patter and feel like a young pup, then for goodness sake, im going for it. The way I see it, ive been really good for the last 16 yrs, and suddenly, im at the half way mark,(and thats kinda a joke-cause Im pritty sure im not gonna live till im 100) but if I found someone that would love to pal around with me and we carried on good banter (im a talker) If he made me laugh till tears came rolling down, (somthing I also miss) If he was half way frisky and fun, and wanted to love me in all ways, Id waist no time, "Time is not on my side".Im not looking for someone to move in, like my dogs, like my daughter(allthough shes a pritty great gal) but a male buddie with benefits....Gosh, that would be great, Wonderfull!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 1:35 pm
Achh...gotta catch up on reading this site, but I want to say something first...you know...talk before more listening...hmmm, that might be the crux of my problem (problem?, who says I have a problem?). I like the concept of 5 minute dating. Have never tried it but it makes sense to me. You sign up. Then you talk to a new person every 5 minutes. When the hour is done you have talked to 12 "dates" and maybe from that group there are one or two you would like to follow up on. The gist is that first impressions count. You know very soon after seeing someone, talking briefly with them, whether there's a chance in hell of it going any further or not. I heard this same philosophy when I watched The Big Chill, movie, recently. One of the women characters said the same thing. You don't need to drag out a dating relationship long to know if there's any hope or not for a future. Trust your instincts. Of course there are exceptions. I'm speaking in <gulp> generalities here. I hope that's not a wrong thing to do. I don't mean it to be.
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Dogdoc
Member
09-29-2001
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 1:43 pm
<57> Newman, I want to apologize for the sarcasm towards you in my last post. I really didn't mean you, I ment the "every man" that women run into. You are brave to come in here and hold your ground while we try to show you where you went wrong (lol). Sorry
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 1:46 pm
I think the 5 minute dating could be a good option, Newman. And while I think the right person is worth waiting for, as in more than three dates, possibly, before sex, the 5 minute dating could eliminate many people with whom you simply wouldn't even want to share a meal. And when one has only 5 minutes, perhaps one can learn to get down to the important questions? I know Dr Phil is flogging his new dating book and is now associated with one of the online dating services, but he has had some shows lately where he helps people evaluate their dating or conversation techniques and he told some of them that if they had a limited amount of time to evaluate and be evaluated then for heaven's sake don't chit chat about the weather.. I think you are correct that often you know if there is a potential for a future (be it short or long term) pretty quickly.. just think sometimes if you do see the potential, you might still need to slow down the process toward the ultimate intimacies, depending on the other person.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 1:54 pm
Newman, I am 56 years of age, married and divorced more than one time. I have children, some by birth and some I adopted. The last six years I have lived alone and I have loved the freedom that comes with that. The selfishness of not having to consider anyone else when I make my choices of what I want to do has been quite enjoyable. I realize I want more. I want the love, the sex, the warmth and the feeling you speak of, but my experiences tell me that it will come when I am ready and the other person is ready. I do not have the training to say when that will be. I know that my Ms. Wonderful is there and she is as patiently waiting for me as I am for her. I am not sure if I am getting your intended communication that has to do with your statements of: WE click on so many issues/categories. Why wouldn't she want to go all the way??? Why wouldn't she want to get closer? Doesn't she want more? Does she just want a friend to go to movies and dinners with? What I am hearing is that if she agrees on the views you hold that you feel a connection that makes you want to delve further, to become closer, to increase the intimacy that would include physical. There is nothing wrong with your feeling this way if that were to be the case, but if you have to ask why she doesn’t feel this way or want to get closer it suggests to me that you may have not heard the things she has wanted to share with you. Regardless of being male or female I think we give out “stuff” about ourselves. Unconsciously we are hoping that “someone” will see this, someone will notice, someone would care, someone would want to venture deeper. If you have ever had this happen to you, you know the power it gives the other person. If you have done this to other people, be responsible for the power you have wielded. One other thing to consider Newman, a woman who is 35 is at least one or two relationships shy of becoming skeptical of the thought of there being any good guys left. You have much more to prove if you are dating someone who has had their trust violated multiple times. Maybe less focus on politics and more focus on someone’s past history would serve your third date idea in a better way. One other thing Newman as your read this post, think of it as all being a question, an idea tossed in your direction and looking for feedback. Nothing I have said is a truth beyond approach, nothing more than what I see in your posts.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 4:09 pm
Full blast and all alone,..."Joan Armatrading".....Like Fire......Love and Affection....(release date 1976) ____________ Looking in the yellow pages right now, think I need my gutters cleaned..."smile"
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 4:15 pm
Is that what they call it now Chew?
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 5:20 pm
The trouble I find now is everybody wants to have sex buddy thing, but nobody wants a relationship. I see views on sex changing and it's becoming a recreational sport for many people. It's fun. I've been burned several times prior to 40, as Glenn said. I have to develop trust and that doesn't happen right away. Something I've always remembered my mom saying, "You can't know someone until you've had your first real fight." I find that to be very true. I want to trust that this person won't be mean. I want to know he isn't manipulative. I want to know what he's like under pressure. I really don't care if we agree on politics it's not a personal issue for me. I do have many strong beliefs, but it wouldn't keep me from dating someone. It's just not something that builds trust. I want and need to know I'm wanted for me, my mind, my personality...not just my body.
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Yesitsme
Member
08-24-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 5:25 pm
Great posts all! Newman, if you are ready to have sex with a woman, don't you discuss it first? You may learn that her not wanting to have sex with you at that moment has absolutely nothing to do with her attraction to you. With conversation you may "get" her reasons, and her timeframe, or you may decide she is not the one for you. But at least you are giving it a chance. You just may be missing out on some quality women if you bolt too soon. Then again, like some have mentioned, if you want sex more than you want a long term relationship (and it's fine if that is what you decide is really most lacking), do the five minute dating and ask them quickly when they believe sex is appropriate. Those that say "I'm available now" are clearly good contenders for the Newman crown. If I thought I was dating someone who I figured out early on would only feel validated by me if I had sex with him, I am certain I would clam up and/or run in the other direction. If sex is the only way that a man knows I am attracted to him, he probably is not the man for me. I have found in my life I am not good with first impressions. The guy may appear wonderful at first, then I get to know him and find out that it is just a facade. And then the opposite...he may be a gem, but is nervous or not good at expressing himself, and I never get to see that side of him. I've had too many 5 minute dates in real life.... not really, but in my mind. I make up my mind quickly as to whether I like a person and then don't give them a chance to convince me otherwise. Because of that I want to do a better job in the future of taking my time, enjoying the whole dating process, and really feeling confident in the decisions I make. I tend to be a bit negative about dating and I don't like that about myself. I need to have some great, fun dates...and analyzing it all (as this thread tends to make me do!) I have a feeling I have been a lot of the problem. But I also need I need to go out with patient guys who hold my hand. I can't take a lot of pressure or I will do my normal bolting. Sex ups the ante in my mind. I don't like a lot of emotional drama in my life, and while I can slip out of a friendship quickly, dating relationships are messier. I have great confidence in my abilities as a friend, and as a committed girlfriend, not so much in initial dating. Hopefully there is a great guy out there that can put up with me through that process.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 5:44 pm
Oh, I agree with alot of what you say kearie, You make a lot of sence, and your mother was smart. If your going in for a full blown relationship, than for goodness sake, you had better see all sides, because getting blind sided is not fun. I am by no means some hop about, thats the problem, im practicly saintly. I just dont know where or how to meet thease great guys, where are they. I long for love. Im pritty sure after many yrs of being independent, Id have a hard time letting someone in and taking the reins.. So for me, a companion that is also very independent would be good for me. I dont need or want constent caretaking, but many do and for many- its a wonderfull and beautifull thing, thats why when I hear about the good ones, Like when wargod shared her relationship, I thought, wow thats great. Im sure if I was fortunate to meet someone that had the same intrests as me, then id want to be only with that person,sexually. But I wouldnt want to be attached at the hip to him eather. Most of the guys I meet drive me nuts, they call all hours of the day,night..never want to be out of my sight, I dont like clingyness...urg. My life has been no PicNic..and I have Huge trust issues, but id be willing to let my walls down enoph for a try.... .. Hey mocha, no need for gutters cleaned...just having a moment..let the music carry me to another place and was feeling flustered......Im fine now.
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Juju2bigdog
Member
10-27-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 8:02 pm
Mocha, I think she meant she might like to get her leaves raked.

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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 8:04 pm
Ahhhh
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 8:47 pm
Your killing me here..lol, I raked them yesterday, Now the rain is pouring down, but the car needs washing...hmmm
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Wendo
Member
08-07-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 8:54 pm
Newman wrote on Saturday, February 25, 2006 - 6:15 am, "Men like sex more than women (can I generalize that point?). A friend of mine said (in his 20s) "if women liked sex as much as men, well, people would be doing it in the streets!"" Exactly what do you mean by this comment, that men enjoy sex more than women? And, further, I think many women would disagree with this notion. Additionally, I disagree with the suggestion that that there would somehow be more sex if women did like it more. One could argue that such notions would turn a woman off to a man's advances. "I realize that women want to be pursued (wooed)." I challenge this comment. Women want to be pursued? And, if that's the case, they can't initiate a relationship (or so this type of comment seems to sugges)? Perhaps notions such as these need to be changed and, once changed, will enable one to have a better relationship.
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Vacanick
Member
07-12-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 9:04 pm
I agree completely with your objection to Newman's statement. And absolutely disagree with Newman's point of view about women and sex.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 9:06 pm
Well, that's what makes this an interesting place. People of all kinds of opinions are welcome here! 
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 9:23 pm
I completely disagree also, otherwise my DH would be having sex daily..dammnit! lol
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 9:32 pm
That is what makes it an intresting place, People do have all kinds of differant opinions. People also dont have the exact same life experiances, so that makes for good discussion..
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Mamapors
Member
07-29-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 9:39 pm
I do not post in this thread often, but it is my favorite to read. I don't always agree with everything being written, but I respect everyone who posts in this thread. Different ideas, different life experiences, different perspectives. I have learned something from everyone who has posted in here. Please don't stop.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 10:43 pm
so your views about sex don't match what Newman said? How does that make him wrong based on what he has experienced? I've found that I agree with Newman-but I also have to say it's because of my choices. I also see the opposite happening based on what other people say. Both can be true exclusively of the other. It's funny how quickly we are to tell each other our perspectives are wrong just because of our own belief. It reminds me of why Galileo was put in prison because he believed the earth revolved around the sun when someone else was sure it was the other way around. If you condemn someone for the way they believe, aren't you guilty of the very thing you say isn't ok ot do? Glenn, I know you to be someone looking for answers. What I have respected about you for a long time is that you first seek the right questions to ask.
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Chewpito
Member
01-04-2004
| Sunday, February 26, 2006 - 10:57 pm
well said Lance.
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