Author |
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Graceunderfyre
Member
01-21-2004
| Wednesday, January 12, 2005 - 7:58 pm
A WARNING TO ALL WOMEN! THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU..... IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER ... OR TO YOUR SISTER .< /I> The strangest thing happened to me at lunch today. I was sitting at a Wendy's having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at my table..... I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table and wouldn't leave me alone. Staring all the while at me. I shined up my ring on my married finger, then placed my hand on the table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was not interested in them. Luckily for me they finally got the hint and left, but thankfully the whole thing was captured on Wendy's security camera. I'm sending you this picture as a warning............. just in case they try and pick you up too you'll be on the lookout. Honestly, some men think they are God's gift. Scroll down * * * * *
T hen I fell out of bed and woke up!!!!!!
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Rslover
Member
11-19-2002
| Saturday, January 15, 2005 - 6:20 pm
LETTER TO MY LOVING WIFE - THE INTERNET JUNKIE!: Letter to my wife: SUBJECT: Update! DATE: 03/13/00 FROM: hubby@homealone.com TO: wife@youarelost.com Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family. I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that means. So, I decided to send you this email. John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing. Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound? Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off. Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car. She put the keys back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them. Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do? In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper. Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school now that he has a sport to play. He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we bought you a laptop to bring along? Do you remember him? He's the one who empties your porta potty for you. Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator had to be replaced, the dog died from old age, your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the color), the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job. Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself honey. We all "miss" you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off! Love, Your Husband
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:16 pm
DEER TICK WARNING I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list: If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and ask you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Wednesday, January 19, 2005 - 6:17 pm
THE CHURCH AND LAS VEGAS There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since there are so many Casinos, the Catholic churches send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted for the respective casino the chips belong to, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he is known as The CHIP-MONK
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Friday, January 21, 2005 - 9:58 am
Top 8 Morons of 2004 The voting is not over but these 8 have stolen the cake so far. You be the judge and feel safe to nominate any that you feel are of this character. 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!". 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun... Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)! 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer
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Ladytex
Member
09-27-2001
| Friday, January 21, 2005 - 10:09 am
ROFL!!!! Oh dang, Zmom! Your post was so funny! Thanks, I needed that!
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Friday, January 21, 2005 - 3:45 pm
Here is another one for you Lady The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed , I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them , after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 4:45 pm
WHY GOD MADE MOMS Enjoy the answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and a dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms and dads? 1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work. 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. What does your mom do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mom perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Sunday, January 23, 2005 - 4:49 pm
The Amazing Human Mind I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt !.!.!
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Rosie
Member
11-12-2003
| Saturday, January 29, 2005 - 3:51 pm
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "Seniors' Special" was > two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my > wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." > > "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because > you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. > > "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked > incredulously. "I'll take the special." > > "How do you want your eggs?" > > "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. > > She took the two eggs home. > > DON'T MESS WITH US SENIORS
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Friday, February 04, 2005 - 9:52 pm
Why beer is bad
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Monday, February 07, 2005 - 5:37 pm
Jack Schit
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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 8:24 am
Oh, Zmom, those two were a riot!

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Vee
Member
02-23-2004
| Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 5:37 pm

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Herckleperckle
Member
11-20-2003
| Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 6:38 pm

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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:55 am
Funny state laws Arizona In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants. In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American. In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders. Arkansas A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill ``any living creature.'' Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit their pay raises. Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. California In Los Angeles, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. In Pacific Grove, ``molesting'' butterflies can result in a $500 fine. In Pasadena, it is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. In Long Beach, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts. Colorado In Durango, it is illegal to go out in public dressed in clothing ``unbecoming'' one's sex. In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. In Pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits. Connecticut In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog. It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h., even when going to a fire. In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 10:57 am
Delaware In Lewes, it is illegal to wear pants that are ``form-fitting'' around the waist. Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment. It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink. Florida In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown. Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed. In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit. In the State of Florida, common law prohibits sexual intercourse unless it is in the missionary position - Contributed by William H. In Jacksonville, it is a Class A Misdemeanor (M.O. 462.107) to molest a squirrel. Georgia All males in the state between the ages of 16 and 50 are required to work on public roads. In Columbus, it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position. In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross a road. It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down. Hawaii It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks. It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit. Idaho In Pocatello, ``the carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view.'' Also in Pocatello, ``It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city's reputation.'' Boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds. Illinois In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or deformed to the point of being ``an unsightly or disgusting object'' are banned from going out in public. In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one's pajamas. In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera. According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is ``American.'' In Guernee, it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to ride horses in shorts. In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet. In Joliet, it is illegal to try on more than three dresses in one store Indiana Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend. In Gary, it is illegal to attend the theater within four hours of eating garlic. The Stepford Wives is banned in Warsaw.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:00 am
Iowa State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player. In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire. Kansas It is illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie a la mode on Sundays. In Wichita, a man's mistreatment of his mother-in-law may not be used as grounds for divorce. In Wichita, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper. In Lang, it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. In Natoma, it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing a striped shirt. Kentucky It is illegal for a woman to appear in a bathing suit on a highway unless she is: escorted by at least two police officers; armed with a club; or lighter than 90 pounds or heavier than 200 pounds. The ordinance also specifically exempts female horses from such restrictions. State law stipulates that a person is considered sober until he or she ``cannot hold onto the ground.'' It is illegal to remarry the same man four times. In Hardinsburg, there is an ordinance which states "No boats may be rowed down Main Street". This statute is punishable by a $10 fine, or ten days in jail. Louisiana In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights. It is considered ``simple assault'' to bite someone in New Orleans; it is ``aggravated assault'' if the biter has false teeth. It is against the law to gargle in public. Maine In Portland, it is illegal for men to tickle women under the chin with feather dusters. The most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars. In Rumford, it is illegal for a tenant to bite his/her landlord. In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:02 am
Maryland In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get. Every person who has bowled since 1833 may be fined $2 for each offense. In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second. It's illegal to mistreat oysters. It's illegal to play Randy Newman's ``Short People'' on the radio. Massachusetts In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms. It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying ``space guns.'' State legislation forbids dueling with water pistols. In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so. In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas. Michigan In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to ``sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.'' A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband. In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property. In Detroit, it is illegal to ``ogle'' a woman from a moving car. In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h. Under state law, dentists are officially classified as ``mechanics.'' In Detroit, it illegal to sit in a car in the middle of an intersection and read a newspaper Minnesota Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus. In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang. Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard. It's illegal to tease skunks. It illegal to hang men's and women's underwear side by side on the clothesline. In Minneapolis, it is illegal to: Dance in the streets, Molest vegetation, or plant a tree without a permit Mississippi It is still legal to kill one's ``servant.'' In Truro, a would-be groom must ``prove himself manly'' prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows. Missouri In Saco, women are forbidden from wearing hats that ``might frighten timid persons, children or animals.'' In St. Louis, it is illegal for an on-duty firefighter to rescue a woman wearing a nightgown; in order to be rescued, a woman must be fully dressed. While children may purchase shotguns in Kansas City, they are not allowed to buy toy cap guns. Missouri considers drunkenness an ``inalienable right.''
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:04 am
Montana It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. Nebraska It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. In Waterloo, barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7am and 7pm. In Omaha, barbers are forbidden from shaving their customers' chests. If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or her parents may be arrested. It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. Nevada In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. In Eureka, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women. Everyone walking on the streets of Elko is required to wear a mask. New Hampshire It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt. It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name. New Jersey It is against the law to ``frown'' at a police officer. In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor. It is illegal to slurp soup. In Trenton, it is illegal to throw a bad pickle in the street. New Mexico In Raton, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street with a kimono on. The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary is banned in Carlsbad. State officials ordered 400 words of ``sexually explicit material'' to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. New York In New York City, it is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing ``body hugging clothing.'' In New York City, it is illegal for a man to turn around and look ``at a woman in that way,'' and violators are forced to wear horse blinders. In Staten Island, it is illegal for a father to call his son a ``'' or ``queer'' in an effort to curb ``girlie behavior.'' In New York City, ``It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand.'' North Carolina In Charlotte, women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. In Ashville, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets. Ironically, Hornytown has banned all massage parlors. State law mandates that all couples staying in rooms for one night must be kept in room with double beds, kept a minimum of two feet apart, and making love on the floor between the beds is strictly forbidden. It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard. In North Carolina, stealing a dog, and larceny of pinestraw are felonies
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:06 am
North Dakota In Fargo, one may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place. It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. It is illegal to serve beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar, club, or restaurant. Ohio In Cleveland, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear. In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell cornflakes on Sunday. In Oxford, it is illegal for a women to disrobe in front of a man's picture. In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas. Catch 22 is banned in Strongville. Oklahoma People who make ``ugly faces'' at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. In Schulter, it is illegal for a woman to gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel. Oregon One may not bathe without wearing ``suitable clothing,'' i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee. The town of Hood River prohibits the act of juggling without a license. Salem has barred women's wrestling. In Marion, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. Pennsylvania ``Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.'' In Morrisville, women need a permit to wear cosmetics. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. Rhode Island In Providence, it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday. It is illegal to throw pickle juice on a trolley. In Newport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset. South Carolina Every citizen is obliged to carry his gun to church. No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants. In Charleston, all carriage horses must wear diapers. South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden. Tennessee It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. In Memphis restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises. Also in Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; ``a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists.'' In Tennessee, drivers with a restricted license must have parental permission to go to or from an official school or work function after 11 pm and before 6 am, but if you're going hunting at 4 am, all you need is a hunting license. No parental permission is required for that.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:08 am
Texas The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. In El Paso, churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons ``of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.'' It is illegal to milk another person's cow. In Houston, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. In LeFors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing. In San Antonio, it is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. In Mesquite, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. n Texas, it is illegal to sell alcohol by the drink on Sunday before noon unless a meal has been ordered. Beer and wine may be sold for off premise consumption by legally licensed stores on Sunday, but not before noon, one may go to a bar, however, at 11 am and have as many shots of whiskey as he likes while he eats his meal. It is illegal in Texas for a man to operate a motor vehicle without a shirt on. (It doesn't say anything about women.) Although the City of Houston has no zoning laws in place, every structure must have a hitching post before it. Utah Birds have the right of way on all highways. A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor. Vermont Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. It is illegal to deny the existence of God. It is illegal to whistle underwater.
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Zachsmom
Moderator
07-13-2000
| Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 11:09 am
Virginia In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. In Norfolk, a man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere. There is a state law prohibiting ``corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.'' In Lebanon, it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. In Suffolk Virginia it is illegal to plow a field with an elephant. Washington In Seattle, women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term. In Auburn, men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. Seattle residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet. It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich. West Virginia In Nicholas County, no clergy members may tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during church services. Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present. It is illegal to snooze on a train. Wisconsin In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public. It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. It is illegal to kiss on a train. Cheese making requires a cheese maker's license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license. It is illegal to sell an animal which fur has been colored or dyed." Wyoming It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs peoples' view in a public theater or place of amusement. It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
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Whoami
Member
08-03-2001
| Thursday, February 17, 2005 - 3:15 pm
Another Round Of Blonde Jokes.... Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon? "The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......????? CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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Jumanji
Member
09-05-2004
| Friday, February 18, 2005 - 9:52 am
Subject: My Favorite Joke this Year HAVE YOU BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?" I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. HMMM,...OR COULD HE??? AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL. "YES. YES, I DID. " HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, "IN 1951. WHY DO YOU ASK?" "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A- ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
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