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Archive through January 05, 2006

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Dec. ~ 2006 Feb.: Parenting Place: Tips and Advice for Not So New Parents (ARCHIVES): Archive through January 05, 2006 users admin

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Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
When he's at school don't worry bout it. #2 this season doesn't want to wear his coat. I told him fine, if he gets sick he's still going to school.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 3:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
I would say in a very sad and disappointed tone, "I found out that you are not wearing your coat at school. You know what the arrangement was, now here is your punishment" then follow through with whatever the punishment is. Don't get into a word battle of how did you find out/who told, just tell him that you know he didn't keep his end of the bargain and now he will pay the consequences.

Urgrace
Member

08-19-2000

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 4:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Urgrace a private message Print Post    
Good luck on this one War! I had a son who would wear his coat to school and then not wear it home. After ending up buying him a new coat, because he swore it was lost, he did it again with the new one. Asking the teachers about lost and found was not something he wanted to do, and I refused to do it for him, so he went without a coat for a while. <sigh>

We also had the trouble of him taking brand new shirts and cutting off the sleeves. Hope Caleb doesn't start that trick.

Kady
Member

07-30-2000

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 4:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kady a private message Print Post    
what is it with all these TVCH boys not wanting to wear coats?

matthew hated to wear his coat too. after begging, pleading, threatening, and anything else i could think of, i gave up. after many battles, i lost the war. a few years ago he wanted a hoodie. he now wears those instead of a jacket. since we don't get too much really cold weather, this has been a good compromise for us.

PS...i hate wearing coats too. if you see me in one, look around cause there is probably snow on the ground.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 4:58 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Kyle prefers hoodies also, a coupla sizes too large. The coat thing was a big issue for us too. I just don't think you can force this one. Make him wear it in the morning, but you'll just make yourself crazy by worrying about whether he does it when you are not around.

By the way, Escapee is correct. It's never been proven that it's the cold temp that makes you sick. It's being around sick kids in enclosed places - so he's more at risk inside where it's nice and warm than he is outside without a coat.

Lumbele
Member

07-12-2002

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 5:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lumbele a private message Print Post    
War, since Caleb is the nurturing type, you could lay a guilt trip on him about him making Kota sick, and how much worse getting sick is for her than for him.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 5:21 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Not wearing a coat will not get a person sick. Germs will but not a lack of a coat.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 5:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vee a private message Print Post    
I like Texannie's advice the best.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 7:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
Pacifiers lower risk of SIDS, study says


BY JAMIE TALAN
STAFF WRITER

December 8, 2005, 9:04 PM EST


Long discouraged by some, the pacifier actually lowers risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, new research has shown.

The findings reinforce recommendations made recently by the American Academy of Pediatrics that pacifiers be used at nap and bedtimes in the first year of life.


The newly published pacifier research "is a very strong finding," said Dr. Fern R. Hauck, associate professor of family medicine at the University of Virginia Health System. "The body of evidence kept growing," added the pediatrician, who reviewed the studies in the journal Pediatrics last month.

In the latest study, published today in the British Medical Journal, Dr. De-Kun Li and his colleagues at Kaiser Permanente in Northern California, in collaboration with researchers at the National Institutes of Health, interviewed 185 mothers who had just lost their infants to SIDS and 312 mothers whose babies were developing normally. All the mothers were from California.

Use of a pacifier, the scientists reported, reduced the risk of SIDS by 90 percent.

0,7073167.story?coll=ny-health-big-pix,link

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 8:00 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I agree that you need germs to be present to get sick, but doesn’t being cold lower your resistance to germs if they are present?

Also, I hope that no one would seriously send a sick kid to school as “punishment” for not dressing properly?

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 9:23 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Nah Jimmer, if ya do that the school will just send them right back home.

All I know is during the winter with my kids its one illness after another. And while I don't want Caleb to get sick, he's at least an easy sick child...a day or two of missed school and then he's back up and normal. Dakota on the other hand, is sick twice as long, twice as bad, we end up in the doctors office and then messing with her meds. She hasn't been sick since we had to take her to the ER back in October and I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible.

He also isn't fond of hoodies. He doesn't like anything around his neck (even button up shirts the top two buttons have to be undone.) When we went to Disneyland back in July we didn't bring the jackets from the car cuz we didn't really expect it to get cold enough for them. When it did we bought him a hoodie there, which he will wear occassionally since its a little looser around his neck but he still doesn't really like it.

I wouldn't mind so much if he wasn't obviously freezing! He stood there one morning shaking and shivering and telling me how he wasn't cold. Then tonight we went to buy Darren some leather work gloves for cutting firewood and Caleb mentions the next time I go shopping could I pick him up gloves and one of those knitted hats. Told him I'd go tomorrow and do that.

He'll be raking leaves this weekend. It's not that he doesn't want to wear it, but that'd we'd already talked about it and he knew he'd be getting in trouble if he kept fighting about it. After this weekend though, I don't know what I'm gonna do with him. If I could get him to wear a regular zip up sweatshirt or a flannel, I'll be happy. He might still be cold with the temps we've been having but it's better than nothing but a tshirt. (Oh Gracie, I don't have to worry about him cutting sleeves off. He also hates anything that leaves part of his shoulders bare! Has no problem running around with no shirt at all, but can't stand shirts with no sleeves.)

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 9:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Dang Maris, I went to your link and it says the page wasn't found. Did the article say why they though pacifier use lowered the risk of SIDS? As a new, young parent SIDS scared me half to death. A year or so before Caleb was born we'd had friends who lost their baby to SIDS. Maybe it was knowing someone personally who'd gone through it but the first 3 or 4 months with each of the kids I hardly slept. If they weren't awake to eat, have a diaper change, or general grumpiness it was me hopping out of bed to check on them because they hadn't yet woken up!

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, December 09, 2005 - 3:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
here is the whole article. I tried to keep it short, due to board rules about long articles.


BY JAMIE TALAN
STAFF WRITER

December 9, 2005


Long discouraged by some, the pacifier actually lowers risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, new research has shown.

The findings reinforce recommendations made recently by the American Academy of Pediatrics that pacifiers be used at nap and bedtimes in the first year of life.

A decade ago, a successful public health campaign to get infants off their stomachs when sleeping - and on their backs - cut the SIDS rate in half. In 2002, 2,295 babies were diagnosed at death with SIDS. Before that, it was estimated that 5,000 babies a year were lost to SIDS.

The newly published pacifier research "is a very strong finding," said Dr. Fern R. Hauck, associate professor of family medicine at the University of Virginia Health System. "The body of evidence kept growing," added the pediatrician, who reviewed the studies in the journal Pediatrics last month.

In the latest study, published today in the British Medical Journal, Dr. De-Kun Li and his colleagues at Kaiser Permanente in Northern California, in collaboration with researchers at the National Institutes of Health, interviewed 185 mothers who had just lost their infants to SIDS and 312 mothers whose babies were developing normally. All the mothers were from California.

Use of a pacifier, the scientists reported, reduced the risk of SIDS by 90 percent.

Li said there are several possible explanations. One is that sucking enhances alertness, which is regulated by a brain center that some scientists have shown is not working properly in children at risk for SIDS, in which otherwise healthy infants suddenly stop breathing. If this were the sole explanation, then thumb-sucking would offer the same protection, and it doesn't, Li said.

His favorite hypothesis, which he is now setting out to prove, is that the pacifier serves as a mechanical barrier between the infant's mouth and any potential for blocked airways, such as soft bedding.

"The pacifier stops suffocation," Li said. "It is more mechanical and physical, rather than biological."

Whatever the reason, Hauck and others say that a new push to promote pacifier use during sleep throughout the first year could lower the SIDS rates even more. The last decade's "Back to Sleep" campaign, based on the link between SIDS and babies suffocating on blankets or soft bedding, has been the first intervention to dramatically save lives. Add a pacifier and the risk is even lower, Li said.

Doctors say that breast-feeding mothers should establish good nursing habits before providing their infant with a pacifier during sleep - and only during sleep, Hauck said.

She said that the new recommendation is being hotly debated among some parent groups. There have been a few studies that suggest pacifier use could cut down on an infant's wish to breast-feed, although Hauck says there are just as many studies that find no such effect. Others are afraid that pacifiers will lead to dental problems, but Hauck said that a year of pacifier use, well before permanent teeth emerge, has no effect on the way the teeth grow in.

(The dental community has always preferred pacifiers to thumb-sucking because it is much easier to take away the pacifier, Hauck said.)

"Consider using a pacifier," the pediatrician advises. "These decisions are ultimately up to parents. But if you are going to use a pacifier during sleep, be consistent."

Tips for safe sleep

Here are some ways to reduce the risk of SIDS, as recommended by the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development's "Back to Sleep" campaign:

Babies should be placed on their backs every time, even for naps. There is no increased choking risk for babies who sleep on their backs; healthy babies automatically swallow or cough up fluids.

Use a safety-approved crib mattress; do not use pillows, quilts or other soft bedding.

Keep soft objects, toys and loose bedding away from the baby's sleep area.

Don't smoke or allow smoking around your baby.

Keep your baby's sleep area close to, but separate from, where you and others sleep.

Think about using a clean, dry pacifier when putting your infant to bed.

Make sure your baby is warm, but not too warm. Use light sleep clothing.



SOURCE: NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, December 09, 2005 - 7:27 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
So basically they really don't know why it works though they have a couple ideas. Whatever cuts the risk of SIDS even lower is great though!

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, December 09, 2005 - 4:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
The argument that works for me is the pacifier prevents obstruction and lessens the risk of suffocation.

Enbwife
Member

08-14-2000

Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 7:34 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Enbwife a private message Print Post    
I can relate to the coat thing. Nathan hates coats, hats, mitts, you name it. When I pick him up from preschool he'll take off his coat as soon as he sees me and run around (at one point he was taking off all his clothes... he's 3!!). Anyway, my rule was clothes stay on in public, as do shoes and socks, but natural consequences for coats, etc. It didn't take long before he was freezing and begging for his coat, etc. to be put back on. Now I don't have the issue anymore - ha ha!! I just had to deal with a few "dirty" looks from other parents when he wasn't wearing it.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 12:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Dare I admit that I'm one of the adults who hates to wear coats? LOL Unless I'm walking a significant difference, I leave it in the car. I'm one of those "warm-blooded" people who wears short sleeves year-round at school (or else I have to open the window and stand in front of it to cool off at least three times during the day), loves the snow, and hardly ever is cold (except for my feet -- and what good would a coat do there?).

HS kids don't outgrow this aversion to coats, moms, so consider if you want to fight this battle for the next 18 years or so. Shoot, I even had a sophomore wear FLIP FLOPS this week when we had 8 inches of snow on the ground.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Saturday, December 10, 2005 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
it was 35 degrees here in NY and my son "forgot" his coat in school. You know, you can't sweat that stuff. he ended up having to get up and go to school in 35 degrees in a light blazer. he looked like an oddball but it didn't bother him.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 11:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Earlier today I was reading the right now thread when Tabby posted about a couple of young boys being left home alone for a few days while they're parents went out of town. Now thats a bit extreme but it got me to thinking about how old I was the first time I was home alone and wondering how old my kidlets would have to be for me feel comfy to leave them home truly alone.

I was 7 or so (sis would have been around 5) and there were days we'd get home from school where both mom and granny were working and moms younger sister wasn't yet home from school. We were latch key kids, come home, let ourselves in, get a snack, stay in the house for maybe an hour until someone got home. We were lucky, the next door neighbor was always home and had agreed to keep an eye on us. We knew we could go to her if there was a problem and she kept an eye on the house making sure we didn't leave and didn't let anyone in.

So now I have kidlets. Caleb's been left home alone twice, though not really alone. Both times I had to walk to the bus stop to get Kota while he was sick and I'd put him on the phone with mom or sis for the few minutes (usually less than 10) that I was gone. I look at him, all of 9 years old, and I can't imagine leaving him truly alone to look after his 7 year old sister.

They're smart kids, the know not to play with the stove, how to call 911 if there's an emergency. If I'm in the shower and Darren's gone (or vice versa) they know not to answer the phone or open the door. Hehe, one of the times I had to leave him to get Dakota from the bus stop, I had him on the phone with sis. Mom came down the street the other way, she'd been trying to get here to stay with him while I went to get Kota. She knocked on the door, he peeked out the window and saw it was her....and told her mommy said he couldn't open the door! It took both her and my sister to convince him he was ok to open the door for only grandma and no one else, but I felt kind of good cuz I knew if it'd been anyone else, he wouldn't have opened the door.

Anyways, here's my question for those with older kids. How old were your kids the first time they were left alone? How do you know they're ready? LOL, I have no intention of leaving them home alone anytime soon. I know for some parents they really don't have a lot of options. By the time I was 12 we were staying home alone about six hours every afternoon/evening alone while mom and step dad worked. We'd get home from school and call her at work to let her know we were there, we'd do homework, take our baths, heat up dinner she'd made in the microwave and be ready for bed by the time step dad got home from work. She has said more than once if she had a choice that'd never have happened.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 2:33 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
The law here is 10 so I used that as a baseline. I think I started leaving each one for short bits, like going to the grocery store and such. Since my kids are 4.5 years apart in age, I didn't leave the 10 year old in charge of the 6...usually she would come with me. When my oldest was 12 and started babysitting for others, I let him stay with dd but not if we were going to be gone too late at night.
DD is now 11 and babysits for other people so obviously she stays home alone if we go out.
I am still sort of weird about my kids coming home from school to an empty house. I do try to avoid that if possible.
As to how do you know they are ready. I think it's just how you know your kids. My son was very responsible and very much a rule follower. I knew I could trust him to do the right thing so I was comfortable leaving him alone. My daughter first off didn't like being left alone and would rather go to the grocery store or run errands with me and also she didn't always use the most common sense, so she was a little older.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 5:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
when he was 11, he came home from school alone and was home alone for an hour till my husband got home. He is 14 now and he still hasn't been left home alone at night. Now though, I will go out shopping during the day on the weekend but I try not to be out for more than an hour or two during the day. I never leave him alone with friends in the house for more than half an hour and only if the other parent is aware that I will be out.

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 7:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Secretsmile a private message Print Post    
I don't remember the exact ages my children were when I first started letting them stay alone. I remember vividly the first time I left one in the car while I ran in the drug store, he was 11 and had chicken pox, I needed more benadryl, but didn't want to expose anyone shopping that day to him. I was traumatized, ran in, ran out, sure he was besieged by someone trying to break in the car and abduct him or that he'd be such a nervous wreck being alone that he was crying hysterically.

ROFL... he was sound asleep curled up on the back seat and woke slightly when I got in to ask if I was going to go get the medicine.

We didn't really leave them alone often or for long even as teenagers, maybe especially as teenagers. They all three babysat for other people and we got good reports back.

The first and only time we left anyone over night was when my youngest was a freshman in college. Life now reverses. When we leave, our youngest especially wants to be called when we arrive safely, what our plans are and when we expect to be back. He actually gets angry if we don't think to call if we are going to be late.
As those who attended the Mystic Gathering can attest to, he checked up on us several times a day.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 12:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Home alone overnight????? ACK! Now there's a frightening thought.

I don't want my kids coming home to an empty house. Mostly though because that'd mean they had to walk home from school across several very busy intersections and theres no way thats happening! When I was maybe 11 or 12 I went home from school with a friend. We were met at the door by her mother and I remember being totally shocked to find out she was a stay at home parent. At the time I didn't know anyone who had a parent home. Most of my friends had parents who were divorced or like us when we were younger lived in a home with extended family.

LOL, I don't see Dakota staying home alone for quite a long time. First off she doesn't like it when the two of us are home alone and I hop in the shower. She'll come open the bathroom door, sit down in the hall, and chat with me til I'm out! But, also she doesn't have any fear for something that could be dangerous. Right now the nutty child is hanging off the top bar of the swing set by a hooked knee! And it never crosses her mind that that might not be the safest thing to do.

I often wonder if it's just that I'm over protective. They weren't even aloud out front alone to play til they were around 5 and only then if we could see them from the house. Caleb was probably 8 the first time I let him go down the cul de sac alone to play with his friend. Dakota still gets walked to and from little neighbor friends houses.

It looks like 10 or 11 seems to be the usual age for leaving them alone for short periods of time. I am kinda looking forward to the day I can say I have a quick errand to run I'll be back in a few minutes, lol. It's a pain sometimes when they don't want to go or worse, if someones sick and has to go with me to take the other one to school and pick them up or out for meds or whatever.

Next question, how do you prepare them for staying home alone? Besides the obvious stuff (stay away from the stove, don't open the door or answer the phone, stay inside.)

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 12:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Keep a list of emergency phone numbers by the phone.

I'd let them answer the phone but tell them if its for you or Darren that yall are not available, don't say not home right now.

Don't answer the door at all. Don't touch the stove, only the microwave for things you know they're able to prepare on their own.

Test them. Say you're going to the store but actually be next door or across the street and see how it goes. If they even notice if you're gone lol.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Thursday, January 05, 2006 - 12:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Oh I'd let them answer the phone cause it could be you calling cause something happened and you couldn't get home right away or something.