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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 7:16 am
I'm generalizing here but tell me if you don't agree. Or tell me which category should go and be replaced by what. Or if the category title would be better expressed differently: 1. Open vs. Closed. I don't know if I've ever said "that's none of your business". Some people share. Others are suspicious. Some participate while others lurk and watch. If asked what your opinion is do you say "that's a personal question" or do you give your opinion. 2. Confront problems or not. I tend to confront things head on. If something or someone offends me or irritates me I tend to try to get it out in the open rather than let it fester. Pro-active. 3. Taker vs. Giver. Doesn't it seem that some people give more to life and others take more? High maintenance people require so much more attention. A lot of the time I think I'm more of a taker which saddens me. I think it's better to be a giver, but not be a doormat or foolish about it, like giving money to a beggar who will just buy booze with that (is even THAT so bad?). 4. Curious about life or NOT. Just recently on another thread someone likened me to a toddler who was always asking "why". That's my nature. I want to know. I realize that quality drives some people (usually closed people) crazy. Do you still want to learn? Do you only care about yourself, and not the world you live in or others. 5. Energy. Some people have it and others don't. I used to generalize people as who was smarter, who was happier, who was more self confident, but now I think the best quality to have is energy. You know the people. They add to the situation. They throw parties. They are life affirming? Maybe this is too much like Giver vs. Taker. I just threw this together myself a couple nights ago. It needs editing and reworking. I can see where there is overlap or repetition. I may have missed some obvious stereotype or category. Self confidence? Intelligence? Arrogance? Fearfulness or timidity? Leaders vs. Followers? People with imagination vs. none. Is it wrong to generalize...or is it fun/interesting? Comments?
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Hukdonreality
Member
09-29-2003
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 8:01 am
What is the question here? Sorry, a little Sunday morning dense...
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Babyruth
Member
07-19-2001
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 8:41 am
I've never found it useful or smart to catagorize/stereotype people. Except to discuss celebs and politicians who yearn to be discussed. 
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 9:18 am
I think I missed the question.
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Jimmer
Member
08-30-2000
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 9:25 am
It’s a difficult question. I think to a certain extent that we sub-consciously categorize people whether we realize it or not. Categorization can be a good thing because it simplifies and makes things easier to understand (for example, categorizing automotive parts). For the same reason it is also a bad thing when you are thinking about people. It’s certainly not the PC thing to admit to doing. As Newman suggested, you would probably have to add a lot more categories before you could even begin to adequately describe a complex individual.
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Max
Moderator
08-12-2000
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 9:38 am
The first box we all tend to try and put people in is around gender. Don't think that's true? Hang out with a transgender person sometime and watch how confused people get trying to figure out if they're male or female. It's an almost unconscious thing and even if you try NOT to do it, you're hard-pressed to stop. I'd add a "cup half empty or cup half full" categorization. Some people always look for the positive in situations and others have a hard time ever seeing anything positive. Of course, there are plenty of us in the middle, but I've seen lots of folks on one or the other end of the spectrum. We may think we don't make generalizations, but we all do. 
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 11:03 am
I only have 2 categories. I like um I don't like um
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Knightpatti
Member
12-06-2001
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 11:21 am
Lol PAMY!
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 11:22 am
Max, I think I see the negative, or the cup as being half empty, because I EXPECT things to go smoothly. I think this was a factor in my marriage breaking up. I didn't want to talk about what was going right. I expected things to go right. I wanted to work on our problems, the things that were failing, that were driving me nuts. Why would I want to fix the things that were working, that made me happy? You do need that balance. I think I generalize about people because then I don't have to think so much. People usually do fit into certain categories. As I get to know certain people on this site I expect certain responses and I usually get them. Hey, I don't mind being happily surprised...but it doesn't happen often...
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Seamonkey
Moderator
09-07-2000
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 12:00 pm
I'm pretty open to learning about anyone and find I learn most from those least like me, sometimes. Not saying that I don't enjoy the comfort of familiarity. I think I EXPECT to be happily surprised and that probably makes it a bit more likely that I WILL be happily surprised. On my way, right NOW, to meeting a couple of TVCHers, one who was a delightful surprise and one who I bet will fall into the same category once we say hi today.
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 12:34 pm
I'm probably considered the "weird/crazy lady who lives upstairs". I really am a hermit. I've lived in the same apartment for 3 and 1/2 years and don't know any of my neighbors...or their names. I've also been stereotyped as "stuck up", (I know, an old term) or hard to get to know. I'm just very quiet until I get to know people. Shy, cautious and yes, insecure. I think I'm stereotyped and I really don't like it. I'm with Pamy in how I catagorize people. People I know/like. People I know and don't like. People I want to get to know more. People I don't know.
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Karuuna
Board Administrator
08-31-2000
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 1:17 pm
I"m sure I do this in some ways. But right I'm thinking we should add another category apparently - for people that categorize people, and people that don't. 
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Sillycalimomma
Member
11-13-2003
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 1:50 pm
you made a good point Newman-about the factor in your marriage ending I am going through the same issue as we speak. Although we were never married (just together for 10 years) and still work on wether or not we are really seperated. I too never talked about or acknowledged the good. I of course never hesitate to comment on what is getting under my skin Apparently, or so I have heard, it is just as important if not more important to talk about what you find is going good. I've since started to do that, on trial-to see if it helps. I have to say that it does. I have been trying to point out when I notice a good day. I tell my ex what I appreciated he did out of that day. its kind of funny though...I bought a puppy last year and trained him with the same kind of principals-acknowledging the good behavior more than the bad. Lol
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Mocha
Member
08-12-2001
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 1:59 pm
Lol Pamy that's how I do it.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 2:31 pm
My feeling is that we all categorize whether we like it or not. I think most people are taught to categorize as children and it becomes an automatic process. As children, we may have started out by categorizing things by its shape, color, or texture. We learned to not put square pegs in round holes and sort the blue blocks from the red blocks. A maturing child would continue this early training to discover that you can put a square peg in a round hole if it meets certain criteria and if you mix the red and blue paint one can have a lovely shade of violet. I remember my first venture onto this message board and the confusion for me not knowing if the person posting was male or female. I realize I have a different “listening” based on gender. I think that would make my first category determination a gender based one. I would hope most people would not be offended if they were categorized as either male or female. For me, it is a starting place to have a general idea of how to “hear” what the other person is saying. The downfall of categorizing is when it is made with too little information that is not often re-evaluated. Newman, not only can you learn to expect certain responses from certain people but you will learn to expect who will respond.
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Lancecrossfire
Animoderator
07-13-2000
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 2:57 pm
Glenn wrote: Newman, not only can you learn to expect certain responses from certain people but you will learn to expect who will respond. I'd call that a statement based upon a combination of honesty and wisdom. I'd like to give the thread content some thought and respond a bit later. Glenn also wrote: My feeling is that we all categorize whether we like it or not. Yes, especially the last part.
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Shadoe
Member
11-04-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 3:16 pm
I fight hard not to judge or put people in slots. 1. open or closed - we are all both, depending on the area. Suspicion and caution have more to do with the history of a person - once burnt, twice shy. Most people share in some areas, but also have their own personal private spots. We need to learn to accept and respect both. 2. Confrontation - you need passion in order to confront. If the topic is not of any importance in a person's life, there is no reason to confront. Some people are pretty laid back and most issues are not a big deal to them, one way or the other. That is not to say they are not pro-active. Should a situation arise to which they can relate, every person can be pro-active. If you agree, then what's to confront? 3. Taker/Giver - there are plenty of both, but I do not judge a person based on when and under what circumstances he/she does either. Everyone has a pet cause to which they give in some manner. A smile at a stranger is giving. A silent prayer for those less fortunate is giving, but you cannot see it. 4. Curiosity - everyone has it, just not in all areas. It is important to note that nobody is aware of everything in the world so you can't very well be curious about things you don't know exist. No knowledge/interest equals no curiosity. I have little interest in mechanical workings, but plants, health, animals will always have my attention and curiosity, my thirst for more knowledge. 5. Energy - do you mean physical? That is just one form. Think of the person who is a thinker and not an extrovert or partier - is that person without energy? Health is also an issue that should be considered when looking at a person's outward, noticeable energy. There are most times reasons why a person is a certain way; one needs to try to see the cause to understand the effect or result. I take each person as an individual, giving ample opportunity to present who that person really is. By categorizing people, you in effect cut off your mind from learning, so your curiosity stops because you have judged a person, placed them in their slot and moved on. Glenn, we do all judge to a certain extent, but I find life experiences and exposure results in a changing of our judging over the years. I once was much quicker to judge and dismiss but now I am more accepting and willing to explore the why in a person.
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Glenn
Member
07-05-2003
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 4:05 pm
Shadoe, exactly. Everyone is a product of their life experiences and if you really want to understand someone you should try to be aware of what those things were. I would go one step further and say that you can never understand other people until you can understand yourself and why you are the way that you are. I find the use of the word “judge” not applicable in my conversation because it implies I will determine what is right and what is wrong. I choose to not judge. I do make assessments and look for validation or something to invalidate the assessment. My curiosity about people never stops regardless of how much I know about them. I do move on. It was a coping mechanism I developed as a survival tool as a young teen having to change schools often. What is funny is that I only realized this bit of information about myself a couple of weeks ago. My brother, who is only one year younger, handled the same situation in a much different manner. Just further proof that you can’t categorize people by one set of criteria.
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Shadoe
Member
11-04-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 4:35 pm
Glenn, maybe we can replace the word 'judge' with 'decide'. I had thought about that 'walk a mile in my shoes' but even then, you may not get the same feel because you have different 'feet'. I think we 'move on' because we see no point in remaining. If you can see no purpose to remain, then why bother. What's that other saying "God grant me the serenity... " - sometimes you have to just move on. The Desiderata is another good writing I have kept in me wherever I have gone and through whatever I have done and experienced.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 5:59 pm
But Karuuna, don't we all categorize people? You might only have two categories - the ones you like and the ones you don't. I bet I could help you analyze it to death and figure out why you like some and why you don't like others. Seamonkey, I'm the exact opposite (I think). I seek out kindred spirits. I prefer to be with people like me, you know, smart, good looking, witty, good conversationalists, good listeners, caring <you can stop me any time now>, humble ... I was at a Buddhist intro meeting today at the Unitarian Universalist Church and this one man, so unlike me, was loud and obnoxious and kept forcing his opinions on everyone else. I didn't learn anything from him. Silly, I hear you. Maybe you learn things too late, after too much scar tissue has formed from a relationship. I seriously don't think anything could have helped my marriage. There's one piece of info that I haven't told any of you about it because it's none of your business! Ahhh, that feels so good to say! <chuckling> My new boss at the Post Office exaggerates that problem. He only talks about what's wrong. He never says you did a good job. This is no way to manage and no way to parent and <gulp> no way to have a marriage.
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 6:51 pm
If I wasted time analyzing why I liked/disliked someone I wouldn't have any time to enjoy life.
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Newman
Member
09-25-2004
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 7:36 pm
It's not a waste of time. It's fun. Or some people think it's fun. Maybe it's all about coping. I'm different than you, Glenn. I know that I judge. I am an ISTJ if you're familiar with the Briggs Myers type talk, personality profile system. I think the word "judge" has a negative connotation and maybe it doesn't deserve that. I was struck by what you said about your younger brother having a different coping mechanism. I just found out about a week ago that my fraternal twin considers himself a "closed" person. He doesn't talk about his feelings to anyone, not even his wife, so he emails. I'm an "open" person. How can twins have such different coping mechanisms? And, of course, I judge being open to be a much better style than being closed, recognizing of course that you can be hurt by it, and I agree with someone who wrote above that you can't always be open, have to have some caution and discretion. Shadoe, thanks for that lengthy and detailed response. I'm trying to think of when I tend to confront someone and when I don't. I know I don't at work because nothing I say matters. That's the feeling I get, working at the post office for 20 years. I think I would confront my ex wife mostly around parenting issues. The difference? Passion? Well, I care about my job and do have suggestions for improvement but I don't matter there. In a marriage, in a family, I had the expectation that I mattered. Or maybe this is about control. She wanted to control the parenting arena. Some men would just back off. "If Mama ain't happy ain't no one happy." I have a friend who lives by that rule and is still married. That wasn't my style and I live alone. I'm not sure I agree with you about Curiosity either. Don't a lot of people not want to think about anything but rather just sit in front of the tube? I think they're called "couch potatoes". It doesn't matter what they're watching, as long as something's on?
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 7:56 pm
Do blondes really have more fun? Are redheads the wildest? Do Italians have bad tempers? Can first impressions change? Are first impressions based entirely on how we categorize people based almost entirely on nonverbals?
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Pamy
Member
01-02-2002
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 8:00 pm
I'm just sayin
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Kearie
Member
07-21-2005
| Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 8:14 pm
Yes, PussyG...yer a tad bit wild.
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