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The Great Santa Claus (and friends) Q...

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Dec. ~ 2006 Feb.: Parenting Place: The Great Santa Claus (and friends) Question users admin

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Archive through November 18, 2005Texannie25 11-18-05  2:03 pm
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Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 2:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
My kid knows there is a huge difference between Santa and God.

LOL Serenity!!!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 2:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
But what do you do when your child asks you if Santa Claus is real or is it just Mom and Dad leaving the presents? Do you tell them the truth and ruin their enjoyment or do you fib about it? Or is there some way of getting around the subject without spoiling their fun but not lying either?

I was answering the question that was presented, I wasn't trying to disrespect anyone.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 2:37 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
There is a wonderful place in Colorado Springs called the North Pole. It's a darling little amusmement park. And, I swear the real Santa lives there! LOL

Escapee, glad to hear it. Glad to know you just have a different perspective.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 2:43 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I send my kid to sit on Santa's lap. While I am sure that will be outlawed someday, I don't see the harm in them believing, but if they asked me "mommy is santa real"
I'd say no, he is not, then, thanks to the perspective I got here, I'd explain why the concept of santa is real.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 3:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Escapee, I hope I didn't sound condescending. I didn't mean it to be at all.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 4:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
No not at all, I think I will use the "spirit of the season" (rather than the spirit of Christmas) to get kids excited about it, but I won't lie to her.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 5:12 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    


I also like to stress that Christmas is Jesus's birthday, and that is the reason we have Christmas.

Cndeariso
Member

06-28-2004

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 5:19 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Cndeariso a private message Print Post    
when i discovered there was no Easter bunny or no Santa Claus. i never questioned or considered that God wasn't real. i could see the Easter bunny and Santa Claus and prove they weren't real. i couldn't see God so i can't prove that God doesn't exist. but, the main thing is that i never ever thought to do so. i have never questioned it. never had a reason to do so. i also never considered the idea that i had been lied to.

Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-31-2000

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 5:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
Hmmm.. I wouldn't tell my kid the "whole truth" about anything just 'cause he asked, unless I could confirm that he was at a level to comprehend it, and I really knew what he was asking.

It's very important to understand where your child is. My son thought the idea of a stranger coming down the chimney while we were sleeping was horrifying. Then one year when he was little and being little his dad told him Santa would come and take all the presents back! Poor child didn't sleep for a week. Santa thoughtfully left the toys outside the door after that. Kiddo never questioned how they got from outside the door into the house. :-)

When he asked me if the tooth fairy was real, I said to him (as others have suggested) "What do you think". He cocked his little head and said "I think the tooth fairy probably has some help fro parents." I merely said "could be" and winked at him. He smiled and was more than satisfied with the answer.

It's kind of amusing to me when I"m told I should not lie to my child. Omission isn't the same as lying, is it? I frame things to his age level. When he asked about 9/11, I didn't tell him the "whole truth". I didn't lie either, I framed it to an appropriate level, to not terrify him. As for Santa, I've always said "some people believe" and left it at that, or asked what he thought. I love getting glimpses into his mind and how differently he sees the world. I'm sure he no longer believes, but he loves to play like he does; and that works for us.

When he asked me for the "sex talk" I didn't start spilling forth either. I asked him why he wanted to know. Turns out he thought if I gave him the sex talk he would be allowed to play video games that were rated M. That's the danger of assuming you really understand the question without getting all the facts!

Kids are all different and wonderfully unique. There is no one size fits all, other than developing the best possible open and trusting relationship you possibly can. If that's the case, they'll understand the Santa thing.

Tess
Member

04-13-2001

Friday, November 18, 2005 - 6:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Tess a private message Print Post    
Miss Sarah still believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and all sorts of magical things. She's never questioned their existence and she's 9. I assume that she will question at some point but I think I'll let her decide what's real for her. She's fully cognizant of the true reason for Christmas and Easter and actively participates in giving to others and knows that our religious beliefs are more important than any presents. We've never had to threaten her with no presents to get her to behave appropriately. She behaves because it's the right thing to do and when she makes a mistake, she deals with the results.

In other words, I like Karuuna's approach to this issue. Don't answer more than they're asking and treat each child as the unique human being they are.

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Sunday, November 20, 2005 - 10:57 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
Thank you all for your thoughtful answers. I am concerned about the idea of lying to my little girls. On the other hand, I didn’t personally feel any grand betrayal that my parents “deceived” me about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I enjoyed Santa when I was little and I still do today.

So far I think that Karuuna has best summed up the approach that we will take.

On a less serious note, we were staying at a hotel recently and we left a tip for the cleaning service. My little girl promptly decided to refer to the person cleaning our room as “The cleaning fairy”!

Mamie316
Member

07-08-2003

Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 11:51 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mamie316 a private message Print Post    
I've found that when my children asked me about things, using "what do you think" like Karuuna does, really got us to discuss things at the level they were ready to discuss it. I've always been open with my kids about everything but I found that if you let them lead the questioning, you will know what it is they want to know. You don't need to tell them more than what they are ready for. My kids always believed in Santa, and all those other things. It's a wonderful, fun, mystical time, being a child. But it's really up to each parent to do what they feel best for their child. I too, wasn't traumatized by finding out about Santa. I still love the magic of Christmas and if you ask my kids, they'll tell you the same thing.

Pamy
Member

01-02-2002

Thursday, November 24, 2005 - 1:44 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
A few days ago I asked Dylan if remember how upset he was when he found out about Santa...he didn't. I was surprised because he was so upset when he found out. I told him how he cried and he looked at me like...'yeah, right' LOL

It had always bothered me how upset he was when I told him and he doesn't even remember! LOL

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, November 25, 2005 - 1:53 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
I bet that made you feel better, Pamy.

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, November 25, 2005 - 4:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
I used to read the book the polar express to my son when he was very little, we still read it on christmas eve. The first year we bought the book, I also bought a antique bell so after we left the presents under the tree for him and we went to wake him up we rang the sleigh bell. He woke up so fast and he still has the bell because for years he believed that it was one of the bells on santa's sleigh that fell off.

I think having the fantasy of Santa is great for kids. My son believed in Santa till he was 11 and that was with everyone around him telling him there was no such thing as santa. He just wasnt ready to give up that innocense and magic. It was no major thing when he decided to give up the fairy tale but he still has his santa bell and he still says it was the best present he ever got.
Santa can also be a parents best friend too, when my son was two we gave all our pacifiers to Santa so he could give them to other babies that needed them and in gratitude santa gave him a few extra trucks. Of course, we wouldn't give the baby bottles to the Easter Bunny, that trick only worked once.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, November 28, 2005 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Oh, I like that. I don't know if my daughter would grasp that concept though, as she doesn't really know anything about Santa, not that we haven't told her, she just isn't interested.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 10:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
This conversation happened with my 11 year old daughter yesterday.
Daughter: mom, everyone is calling me a baby at school.
Me: why is that?
Daughter: cause I still believe in Santa.
Me: oh
Daughter: you gotta tell me the truth..is there a Santa? Am I a baby to believe in Santa?
Me: well, what do you want to believe?
Daughter: I want to believe in Santa.
Me: well, I think you should believe in the things you want to believe in. you will meet many people all throughout your life who might laugh at you because of your beliefs, but if they are in important to you, then you hold firm.
Daughter: well, I want to still believe!

sometimes kids just need to believe......

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 11:14 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
It's sweet that your daughter still wants to believe.

You might like to have a look at this thread where someone else started a similar discussion.

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Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 3:08 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
nah..don't go there! LOL
i was kind of surprised that she still wanted to at 11, but my 16 year old has never come right out and said he didn't either. i think it's fun to believe too.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Friday, December 16, 2005 - 3:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
I think it's great she wants to still to believe. Even more important it was a good chance for you to impart some mommy wisdom about how sometimes people react to your beliefs and if you truly believe then you need to stand strong. At that age it's not always easy to do your own thing. (this has been an ongoing conversation with Caleb for a few weeks, does it really matter what anyone else thinks? Do you follow everyone else or do your own thing?)

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, December 17, 2005 - 5:03 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Thanks War. How old is Caleb? It's funny on so many things she walks to her own drummer, but yet on other things she is so easily swayed that it worries me. We are constantly reinforcing that making your own choices are always the best.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Saturday, December 17, 2005 - 8:54 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
He's 9 and a half (that half is very important, ya know, lol.) We're starting to see conversations like this pop up more and more often now. Follow the crowd or do your own thing? How to handle peer pressure and teasing? And the biggest for him at least, the difference between teasing by friends and teasing thats mean spirited by non friends.

He's always had the attitude that everyone's a friend and for the most part that works well for him. But then sometimes he gets his feelings hurt because someone he thought was a friend says or does something mean. The most recent was one boy calling him stupid. And Caleb came home mad and upset about it because the boys a "friend." So then we have a talk about how real friends don't say things or tease to make you hurt which leads to, "does it really matter what anyone else thinks about you?" And of course that leads to do your own thing. I feel like we keep having the same conversation, but I know sometimes he needs to hear it over and over before it really makes an impact.

It's such a hard time, those years between being a little kid and a preteen. They still want to please us, they want to please their friends, but at the same time they're getting more independent everyday and wanting to do their own thing, and at the same time they're trying to figure out how to do stuff that makes everyone (including them) happy!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Saturday, December 17, 2005 - 3:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
wow! sounds like my dd! most definitely an interesting time.
my ds never go into all these friend issues/games/conflicts/peer issues.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Saturday, December 17, 2005 - 9:46 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
We haven't had issues like that with Kota either, but she is a bit younger. She's such a different child though. She comes up with these ideas and thoughts and she really doesn't care what anyone else says or thinks, she knows she's right, lol. Maybe we never will have the same types of issues with her because she never really has followed what anyone else does. Hehe, there are times I'd love to climb inside her head to figure out what the heck she's thinking!

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Saturday, December 17, 2005 - 11:39 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
My almost 11 yr. old is going through some pre-teen friend stuff this year for the first time. His two best friends were upset with each other, and it really threw him for a loop. He wasn't mad at either of them, but if he sat w/one at lunch, the other wouldn't sit with them....

Long story short, we talked about what HE does to be a good friend, and after about a week he finally came to the conclusion on his own that he was going to continue to be friends with both of them. He told me he was just telling friend #1 that he was still going to talk to friend #2, and he was NOT going to be in the middle of it.

We were very proud of his decision, but boy did it create some stress for him -- a few minor meltdowns at home over not wanting to go to school (even though in his mind, he never connected the two -- he said he just didn't want to go because he didn't have enought free time! LOL). His pricnipal is an ex-counselor, so I mentioned some of this to him, and they had a nice long chat about doing what's right for YOU.

I'm sure these issues will get worse before they get better, but at least he's willing to talk about them with us.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 12:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
And doesn't it just tear you up to watch him struggle with something like that? A situation like that can be tough for adults, let alone children.

The begining of this year was difficult for Caleb. His best friend was put into a mixed 4/5 class. 4th graders who are more advanced than their peers, 5th graders who are a little behind theirs For the first time he and Caleb weren't in the same class and they also don't share recess and lunch times anymore. He was so upset for a few weeks, sure that it meant they couldn't be friends anymore and that his buddy had made new friends. It took a lot of talking to get him to see that just because they couldn't play together at school didn't mean they'd have to stop being friends. They're still great friends, but an added bonus of their forced class seperation is that both boys have made other good friends, and now when they all get together they all get along and have fun. But for awhile we went through the not wanting to go to school and him coming home to tell us how miserable he was.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 5:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Teach, that is great that he can talk to you. Bless his heart.
War, isn't it funny how they can't see the forest for the trees sometimes?
DD is a 'rescuer'. Any child that is the outsider, doesn't have a friend, dd will pick to be hers. This is a wonderful trait but also a curse cause sometimes these children are outsider for a good reason..they just aren't nice kids! We have seen her be manipulated and it scares us for her when it comes to dating in the future. We constantly talk about how friends make us feel good about ourselves not bad. And friendships shouldn't be 'work'.
It's funny, I have seen her agonize over someone treating her badly, and she just takes it to heart. My ds will tell her 'hey, if they are mean to you tell them to knock if off or just quit being friends with them'. To him it is so simple.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Sunday, December 18, 2005 - 9:18 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Oh yes -- it is just horrible to watch. This growing up stuff isn't all it's cracked up to be!

Ketchuplover
Member

08-30-2000

Sunday, January 01, 2006 - 9:17 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Ketchuplover a private message Print Post    
Santa isn't real? NOx1000000000000000000