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Autism-Aspergers

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Sep. ~ Nov.: Parenting Place: Autism-Aspergers users admin

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Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 8:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Anyone have an autistic child? specifically Aspergers?

Anything personal information would be greatful.(personal, meaning you have dealt with a child with Aspergers, I do not need links as I have read them all),I just would like to know what has helped, not helped, schooling, helping with social interactions etc.

Thanks

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 8:44 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Zmom, my cousin has aspergers. The doctors consider him an extreme case for many reasons.
He needs a lot of structure
He can't control the octive level of his voice
He has no sense of "personal space"
He is easily embarrassed
He doesn't understand boundries

It's intersting to me that he has trouble "learning" in school becuse of his disorder, but has no problem memorizing bible verses, playing video games for umpteen hours a day, playing games, etc.

My aunt is the reason his case is so severe.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 8:55 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Learning in school might be a problem because of the distraction.

My son is incredibly bright and does higher level learning when it's one on one, but cannot sit in a classroom with other students (they have to remove him to do lessons..his class is 5 kids 2 teachers).

Your cousin sounds like my son, yet he isn't defined at an extreme case..weird.

Is he hypersentive? What about noises? Facial expressions etc.

what type of school is he in?

why is your aunt the reason he is so severe? It's not a learning/environmental disorder, but a neurobiological disorder.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 9:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I apologize in advance for length.

Hypersensitive, oh yes, noises, he overcompensates.

He says he's afraid of my gramma's dog, who is terrified of him (a tiny chihuahua that he tries to scare no matter what, "he can't help it" and if she barks, he flips out and screams) He has two dogs at home, one that bites and one that is scared to death of him and his brother.

He cannot function in a social situation, at all, unless he wants to. He can go to day camp and get along swimmingly, but if he's trying to play a game with you, he wants to play his way, and if you don't accomodate (because that's not how life works) he gets mad and all of the sudden can't function.

He acts like a retarded seven year old when it's convenient for him. It's almost manipulative.

My aunt has him in a private school.

They have switched schools about 5 times because none of the schools were "doing right by him" now he is in a bigger class, but seems to be doing alright. He is 15 now.

Ok, I'll lay out the scenario for you:

When he was first diagnosed at 8, by the school because they couldn't control him, they told my aunt he had ADD and put him on ritalin. I guess ritalin is the worst thing for Aspergers. My aunt said that he needed tutors, special help, etc. and the school should pay for it, etc. Folks, his dad is a teacher, but chose not to work with his child at home to help him because "he wasn't that kind of teacher" He teaches PE, but we remember that he used to be an elementary teacher. But, he doesn't want to be bothered with it.

Fast forward 5 years, where he is diagnosed with Aspergers, and my aunt sues the school for their misdiagnosis and can afford to put him in private school.

The doctor tells my cousin and aunt that this disorder is highly controlable with behavioral reinforcment. Aunt doesn't think so, and feels he doesn't need to be corrected, and chalks all his nutsy behavior up to his "problems".

Well now it's kind of a lost cause. The doctor told my aunt, had she used behavioral reinforcment all along, which is even effective with ADD patients as she was told when they diagnosed him with that, that this problem wouldn't be as severe, and he'd be "growing out of it" more or less, or at least controlable.

Here is what he meant:

Actual Situation:
My cousin will go into an elevator, get right in someones face, and introduce himself as loudly as possible, people get mad at my aunt expecting her to do something and she says "he has problems" my aunt says nothing to my cousin for fear it would embarrass him:
The behavioral reinforcement to this would be to anticipate what my cousin will do, tell him ahead of time to not do this, and when he attempts to, to grab his hand and pull him back toward her.

Actual Situation:
Last Thanksgiving, cousin tried many times to grope my mother and sister, and then repeatedly tried to lock himself in a room with two young girls, ages at the time were 5 & 6. My sister confronted my aunt, who got offended, and said that he wouldn't do something like that, and how dare we accuse him. Then she admitted that she has caught him watching her in the shower. Hence, cousin is not welcome in my home, my sisters home, or anywhere near the little girls. Everyone knows it and it goes without saying.

He is extremely obsessive compulsive, which is also controllable, but my aunt encourages it by not helping him to correct it.

There are things he is allowed to do and to say that have no disciplinary reinforcments because of his "problems" She is quick to jump to his defense when he kicks the dog or does something mean to his brother, or basically acts superior to all things, when if she called him on it or made him face the consequences of his actions, it would help his disorder.

He will never be able to function in society.

This child has been able to do and say as he pleases, he comes first, what he wants goes, because the repercussions of telling him no now, would be extreme, and my aunt would rather not deal with it.
Even if he was reprimanded in front of the others, embarrassment is part of life, and it teaches you not to do it again.

With a child with Aspergers, you can't be a "lazy parent" You can't chalk it all up to the school to do the "hard part"
You can't be afraid to discipline, you have to learn how to teach them to function.

She says the real problem is the lack of acceptance of his problems by everyone else.

He has a brother, btw, who is the most violent and rude child you have ever met. Although, and extremely intelligent child, who, since he was 5, has been doing his brothers homework. Very articulate. But, if you do something and he doesn't like it, watch out. We were playing a nintendo game one day, and he lost to me, and proceeded to punch me in the arm and throw things. I called him on it, and my aunt rushed in and said "why didn't you just let him win" I threw my hands up and walked out of the room.

My aunt thinks he has aspergers too (she thinks it's genetic and that they got it from my grandfather who is the opposite of aspergers disease) But in reality, the other child is angry because he has been put on the backburner because of his brothers "problems" and never disciplined for his actions in regards to it.

If they are deciding where to go to dinner, the brother with the problems gets to decide. If younger brother wants to go to a friends house, older brother will say he doesn't want him to go because he'll be lonely,(older bro has no friends) so younger brother doesn't get to go. Younger brother wanted his own room, but older brother wanted to share a room, so guess what, they do. It's sad, but my aunt is the kind of woman you can't tell anything to because she gets offended.


And this may sound horrible, but because of my aunt and uncle's and their parental laziness, I predict one in prison for rape/molestation and one in prison because of murder. Sociopaths, both of them.

So this is the experience I have with aspergers, and it's sad that it has gotten to this point when it was something that could have been controled with a little bit of effort and work.

I feel really sorry for these two boys, and I realize that it isn't their fault, but you have to draw the line somewhere. You can't blame others, as my aunt does.

But, Z, if this is what you are dealing with, my heart goes out to you, but I am not worried, you are a good mom, who, from what I read, does what's best for your child regardless. You are strong and compassionate. Good luck, and I will offer all the support I can. Good parents are hard to come by, your son is lucky that he has you.

Vee
Member

02-23-2004

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:04 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Vee a private message Print Post    
I worked with a four-year-old girl with Asperger's a few years ago. My experience was that she was absolutely brilliant...knew all the answers to all the questions (nursery school situation) and all the words to all the songs. Her verbal acuity was amazing. She had to be coaxed to join the group and often "flipped out." She had many issues with food and noises and was easily startled. One of her peers described her most fittingly when she said, "I want to be her friend, but she is too hard to catch."

Hope that you receive all the help that you need with your son, Zmom. I do know an adult with Asperger's who does amazingly well and most people would never know unless he enlightened them. This young man refers to everyone by their license plate number, though, which is about the only thing that might give it away. LOL

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:05 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Thank you Escapee, you had me worried for a minute (and I admit a bit defensive) when you said it was your aunts fault for the severity. I think it's more or less that she is not being a good parent, as the severity of his autism will not go away, just how he (and the family) is able to live with it.

The things your cousin is/was allowed to get away with would NEVER EVER be allowed in my household. Sometimes I think I am a little too strict..:-)

It concerns me that you state that Ritalin is bad for ADD/ADHD children, as my son has been on concerta for at least 6 months, it has made a major improvement on his ablility to focus, it's just his social skills are extremely immature. He is incredibly smart, too smart for me..lol..but is being held back because of his social skills.

I don't know any different, he's my only child so I do not know what is 'normal' for a kid his age (7) and what is not. He does great in a one on one situation (which is how he is at home) but terrible in social settings with other children. His immaturity and being very naive is difficult with other children, and his obsessiveness is getting out of control. He is very concrete (everything is black and white) so his communication skills are lacking. He does not get 'jokes'. I will tell him a joke and he will ask 'is that funny'? or he will tell a joke that makes no sense at all and ask if it is funny, in his mind it is, but in my mind he did not even form a coherant sentence.

I feel bad for you cousins :-(

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I am sorry if anything I said offended you. I didn't mean to at all.

It's very stressful to me to see a child like my cousin.
What has helped however, was my aunt put both her boys in karate, (to babysit more or less)well good for the older, Oy, for the younger. I think this may be what has helped him in his new school, as they began both about the same time.
It has taught them to follow directions, respect an authority figure and develope skills at the same level as other kids.
While I don't reccomend karate for all kids, a team sport might be the medicine some aspergers kids need to develope the social skills they need and gain some acceptance, understanding, while learning vital skills to function in society.
Other activities that might do this are dance classes (not just for girls) after school art classes, performing arts, volunteer activities, etc. Just some thoughts.

Also
Since ADD/ADHD and Aspergers are different disorders, the doctors told my aunt that the ritalin was the worst thing you could give and Aspergers child, as it just "masked" the severity of the problems of aspergers, but helped them focus if they had ADD.

My aunt would give it to my cousin, and he would turn into a very intraverted child, almost zombie like. While it made him easier to deal with, it didn't help him with his behavioral problems.

While some cases are genetic, it is rare. It really ticks my gramma off that my aunt says he inherited it from my grampa. Grampa is a genious, his IQ is very high, he is very social, a very reserved man, easy to get along with, not obnoxious, but since he is a perfectionist my aunt says he is obsessive. He's an engineer, that's how they are folks.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:37 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
After you explained, I understood what you meant..:-) it's all good.

Thanks for all your information. It's been very difficult lately.

and Thank you Vee! I like the discription..these kids are 'hard' to catch!

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:43 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
My cousin's son has Aspbergers. He is 16 and just this year started at boarding school in Illinois specializing in teaching these kids to work through their disability. He also has dygraphia. He is a GENIUS!! but definitley has quirks..boundary issues, very black/white, somewhat immature for his age, food quirks. He is the sweetest kid but he can be a handfull when dealing with this issues. He also talks a little like Forrest Gump. He is on some medication for ADHD, not sure which but it definitely helps him.
Escapee, there is some thought that it is genetic and interestingly, my cousin's nephew has a form of autism but not asperger's. And that boy's father has a form of OCD and some social issues as well.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 10:59 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
there is also a theory that autism/aspbergers come from vaccinations.

i don't think anyone can really 'know'.

i just want the correct treatment for my son.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 11:06 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Zmom, would you like me to see if my cousin would email you? She's had alot of years dealing with this and schools ect.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 12:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
I would love it Texannie..thank you so much!

I see his Pediatrician today. We are going over the results from his Psychologist findings and his speech/language therapist.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 1:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Great, I will email her. Do you know for sure it's aspergers?

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 1:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
99% sure :-(

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 2:22 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
just sent you a pm.

Eeyoreslament
Member

07-20-2003

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 3:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Eeyoreslament a private message Print Post    
Zachsmom - it may not give you REAL answers, but there is a great fiction book, called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Tim Haddon. It is written in the voice of a boy with autism. AMAZING book. Just another perspective I thought you might enjoy, if you like reading at night or in the bath or whatever....

AMAZON LINK

Some of the reviews are worth the read.

Reiki
Member

08-12-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 4:45 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Reiki a private message Print Post    
In our school district, a teacher cannot make a diagnosis of Asperger's. It has to be done by a Developmental Pediatrician. Asperger's is just one of the many types in the Spectrum of Autistic Disorders which can look very different in each individual child. There is a wide range of severity. Many children with Asperger's are very smart, especially in a specific area of interest.

Not sure about the genetics of the disorder. We have noticed that most of our "spectrum" kids are from the same neighborhood. It may be a combination of environment and biology. I do think that there are many very successful adults who have undiagnosed spectrum disorders. There have always been those quirky uber-smart people who are perfectly happy to work by themselves or who choose careers where social graces are not required.

There are more than likely Asperger/Autism support groups in your area Zmom. Your school district might be able to give you more information about that. The group we have locally has been very helpful for many of our parents.

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 8:29 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
So, Z, it seems like what they had suspected, huh?

Reiki, Z will tell you, but Zachary's school is staffed with some really qualified and experienced people. I know them by reputation and was impressed seeing how they interact with the kids (for the talent show).

That book Eeyores mentioned IS a good read, unfortunately I released it for bookcrossing long ago.

I also read a good non-fiction account that was writte by a teen who has Asperger, a sibling is ADHD and another is autistic. This kid does an excellent job of describing individual differences and gives advice to other kids with asperger, to teachers and parents.. pretty amazing, really. I sent that book off to my friend in Australia whose son has been diagnosed with Asperger.





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Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User's Guide to Adolescence

Luke Jackson, Tony Attwood


Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User's Guide to Adolescence

Luke Jackson, Tony Attwood



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Format: Textbook Paperback

Pub. Date: October 2002

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Product Details:
ISBN: 1843100983
Format: Paperback, 217pp
Pub. Date: October 2002
Publisher: Kingsley, Jessica Publishers
Edition Number: 1
Barnes & Noble Sales Rank: 10,094

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 11:14 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Reiki, my son was not diagnosed by a teacher, he was diagnosed by his Pediatrician who specializes in children with developemental disorders. Because he fullfills 2 areas of my sons health care (regular pediatrician AND his developmental disorders) his insurance will only cover 1 area and that is his regular care and I pay cash for his developemental care/services. I would have had to switch pediatricans for his regular care and have that ped. refer him to this ped. and I didn't want to do that, as he is the BEST pediatrican I have ever met. Anyway..that's not important and I don't know why I wrote it, except I am very tired and had a very long long day..heck a long long long week.

As Seamonkey mentioned, Zachary goes to a private special education school. He has therapy with both a clinical psychologist and a language/speech therapist a couple of times a week. There are approx. 100 students in the entire school from grades pre-k to 12th grade. Last year, for the 3rd grade class there were only 3 students, with 2 teachers who are certified/credentialed in special education. (all classes have 2 teachers and no more than 10-12 students). It's a wonderful school, expensive as hell, but a wonderful school. I do not trust public school system. This is nothing against the teachers, just the way public schools are ran. I do not know how, and have tremendous respect for, public school teachers can handle the shit they have to go through every day. I thank God that there are so many people who want to help and teach our youth, cuz they sure as hell are not doing it for the pay.

As you said, autism can take many forms depending on the individual child. Right now we are defining what disorders Zachary has. It could be that he is Attention Deficit with Autistic tendencies or Autistic with Attention Deficit tendencies. More intense neurological testing has to be done. If I understand correctly, they do have similiar therapies, but also many different one. I wish I could wave a magic wand and have this settled right now so I can help/teach my child how to live in this world. I just feel like a failure on so many levels at time, yet I know none of this is my fault.

As far as this being biological/enviornmental I do not know. On a side note, my mother has stated many many many times since Zachary was a toddler, that he is just like I was as a child.


I just don't know what to do sometimes. I do not know HOW I am supposed to help my son live in his world and the world society deems appropriate. I am not a perfect parent and I make mistakes every single day. I only want what is best for my son, and quite frankly, I do not know what that is. My job is to make sure my son grows up to be a safe, secure and emotionally stable individual and I feel like I am failing on so many levels.

Thank you everyone who recommended books! I will go to the book store and pick them up this weekend!

Seamonkey, have you heard anything about For OC Kids?

Just noticed how much I wrote, sorry to all for my ramblings..that's if you made it this far

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Thursday, November 10, 2005 - 11:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Oh, forgot, Escapee, your cousin has been on my mind all day today. My heart just breaks for him and I wish there was someway I could take him out of that home and bring him into mine.

Maybe it is just me, but when you have a child who has special needs, and you do not do everything you can for them, then I consider that child abuse. I just burns me up that these 2 children live in that environment.

Seamonkey knows me and has seen me with my son. She has also spent one on one time with Zachary when she has taken me to doctors appointment, she watched him while I was in with the doctor. I do believe she can confirm that I would NEVER EVER allow my son to behave in the manner that your Aunt allows her kids to behave. It's just awful awful awful!!!!!

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Friday, November 11, 2005 - 1:38 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
THis is true.. Zachary is lucky to have both his mom and his grandmother, both on his side and another impression of that school, or really of the staff.. they really LIKE the students and they also seem to know how to keep them in line with love and humor but also with anticipation. I saw love and respect but not coddling as the kids did their talent routines.. many of them were bursting at the seams with excitement or performance anxiety.. and I loved how the principal knew each and every one of them and sort of headed off potential problems. I'm not saying the kids weren't fidgity, or did't interrupt.. they are at that school for various reasons, of course, but I was certainly impressed. That school has been around; a teacher friend of mine sent her daughter there in the mid-eighties, so I knew of its reputation back then.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Friday, November 11, 2005 - 9:29 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
Oh Z, you'd never know by looking at them, that's for sure.

My aunt has a mental disability also, caused by an injury. She pretty much acts the same way only not as severe.

Last night my sister called me to tell me about something she had seen on the news.
It really got to me, especially after what we had been discussing. Scary, to say the least. Could it be a sign?

Rampage

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Friday, November 11, 2005 - 5:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Zmom -- I've been "lurking" a lot here, and I just want to say you're doing a GREAT job! I wish so much you were one of the parents I was working with as a teacher. We're dealing with a sudden "influx" of asperger students, and it has sent numerous classes into absolute chaos. Most of the problems are a direct result of parents who, like some described above, refuse to do anything that might approximate discipline or forcing the child to take any kind of responsibility.

As "regular" teachers, we have gone through inservices, read books, followed IEPS step by step, and yet when the high school kids crawl under desks, repeatedly hit others or refuse to do a single thing asked of them, we have PARENTS who threaten to SUE us! Just yesterday, one of my special ed. kids' moms, ranted at me for 20 minutes on the phone, threatened to sue, and then HUNG UP on me! I had called to let her know her student had missed the last 2 assignments (first 2 student had missed in 4 weeks -- so this was a precautionary call only to help get student caught up), and that was the result. Today, we had a parent tell the principal, the special ed. teacher, the regular ed teachers AND the disctrict psychologist that her son should be allowed to sleep in class, do nothing (including class activities or homework) and still get a PASSING GRADE for the class! As our principal said, Students will not receive a grade for merely breathing!

As frustrating as it is for you right now, please know that you are doing the best you can, and that is a heck of a lot more than many parents!! I'd work with you in a heartbeat and be thrilled to do so if Zach were in my class! (and that school sounds fantastic, by the way! Part of out problem is that we have no "alternative" education available other than special ed classes because of our very rural location.)

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Friday, November 11, 2005 - 5:13 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Oh yes, and the Freaks and Geeks book is absolutely fabulous! It was one that we read to help prepare for out new students, and it has been extremely helpful in understanding and being able to work with asperger kids.

Adven
Member

02-06-2001

Friday, November 11, 2005 - 6:35 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Adven a private message Print Post    
ZM, my oldest son has Asperger's and I've counselled children and adolescents with it. If you'd like to compare notes, feel free to e-mail me. My address is in my folder.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Saturday, November 12, 2005 - 6:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Teach! You're very sweet to say that. I would love it if you were my sons teacher.

How any parent NOT work with a teacher is beyond me. I do not care if your child has special needs or not, you do not make excuses for your child or try to make it so he/she does not have to do home work. Do these parents not realize that some day these kids are going to be expected to support themselves? It scares me to death that my son would not be able function in society in 15 years. I will do everything within my power to make sure he can.

One thing I love about this school is journalizing. Every child has a journal that they bring home every night. The teacher writes how their day went, good or bad we find out about their day. The parents are also responsible for writing everyday in this journal to talk about what went on during the evening/morning. There is a lot of communication between teacher and parent.

I am able to discuss with Zachary the issues he's had during the day. I do not discipline him for things he has done at school, as the school has already taken care of that. We do discuss what has happened and how situations could be handled differently. If he does very well during the day, then he is praised. If he does very well for a week then we do something special on the weekend or he earns a treat. I am big on positive re-inforcement.

While it is very hard to hear that my son has misbehaved, I would never make excuses. I do want to know what was done, did it work and if not, how they can do something different..for instance..if the same situation happened for the first time at school that I have seen at home, and the way the school handled it didn't work, I would give them suggestions on what has worked at home. Same with the school, if I have a situation at home, and I handled it incorrectly, they give me suggestions for the next time. Like I have said, I am not perfect and I make mistakes. I do not believe the teachers are perfect and I know that they make mistakes. We're human and we are working with children who are different, who see and communicate differently. I do believe we both have a common goal, to ensure these kids learn the tools they need to function in society. It's not an easy task. All adults who are involved in these childrens life HAVE TO communicate with each other and work together. It's just cruel not to. (At least that is my opinion, I could be wrong.)Imagine if someone told you to communicate in a way that is so foreign to you. You would not get it the first time around. These children are being asked to communicate in a way that they are not wired to do so.

For instance...on Tuesday at the school is "share day". Children can bring something they want to share with the other students. Easy concept for us 'normal' people. Well, one Thursday he was picked up from school and it was noted that Zachary didn't share and argued that he did not have to share. As we talked about sharing he said "I know what sharing is, I know it's nice, but today I do not have to. It's Thursday, I only have to share on Tuesdays." It took us a while to help him understand the difference between what "share day" is (bring your own stuff from home) and "sharing". This may sound very easy to you and me, but for Zachary this is very hard concept to understand. He has a lot of problems with words that mean different things. He's very concrete and sees in black and white. He will go with the first meaning of the word that he learned, and dismiss the second meaning.

Adven...sent you an email!

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 8:47 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
My aunt did sue the school district, and won. It's abhorable to me, but since there isn't much info out there regarding this, she won.

She got a financial gain out of her bad parenting.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 1:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
That's amazing Escapee...what grounds did she have?

Did she not go through is normal pediatrician for diagnosis?

If the school tells me anything, I go directly to his pediatrician.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 1:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I don't know all of the specifics, but the school psychologist evaluated him and said ADD, then they took him to the doctor with the note or whatever from the school and they said it was ADD and put him on ritalin (which was the only way I could be in the same room as the kid).

The doctor at the time told my aunt that she could help him in many ways to control his outbursts and frustrations while helping him concentrate. He is severely compulsive also, but the doctor said that it was controllable, well with that my aunt got mad and said that it was impossible to control "compulsions". Which, we all know isn't true.

So she put him on Ritalin, and he turns into a ZOMBIE. Although, he was ok to be in the same room with without being right in your face, yelling, slapping things, getting into stuff, freaking out over the slightest interuption, trying to overwhelm the dogs, climbing across the backs of the couches, throwing cushions, turning up the TV full blast then freaking out over the noise.

Now, before the Ritalin, when he'd do these kinds of things, she would say "oh that's just the way he is." and that's it, no corrective parenting, nothing.

When he was having trouble in school, she insisted that the school provide a special tutor, or one on one time with a teacher to help him, AHEM his dad is a teacher and didn't life a page to help his son cope in school.
Although, he could go to Sunday school, sit in a classroom and have no problem with verses, etc.

IMO, and it's not a professional one, just an observance, he did and learned the things HE wanted to and if he found it mundane or not to his interest, he had one of his "fits"

So, when she took him to a new doctor, a couple of years later, the new doc said no it's not ADD it's aspergers, and that Ritalin would only mask the symptoms and not help a thing. The doc then told my aunt that she could help him cope and function normally with behavioral reinforcement and immediate response correctiveness, and doing that, would help his problems, and if she had been doing that all along, that she wouldn't be facing the problems that she was facing with him now.

Well, she got mad at that too, and even madder at the school because they didn't "do right by her son",
So they sued, and got a big ass bunch of money which pays for his private schooling.

If you ask me, I do believe that aspergers is a real disorder and that many kids suffer from it, but I DO NOT think this is the issue with my cousin.

She also thinks her other son who is outta control has it too, but they cannot diagnose him with it because he has great grades, functions normally in social situations, among other things, but, he has a short temper and what she feels is a lack of attention is a lack of caring on his part. He gets in fights, gets sent home from school, and is very moody.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 3:52 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
That poor child :-( I cannot put into words how sad that makes me. I can only imagine how miserable that poor kid is. These children need boundaries and structure in order to cope and it doesn't sound like he is getting any. Not only are his needs not being met, but it sounds like he is spoiled on top of it all.

You said he is in private school, is it special ed for children with his needs? Or is it just a private school? Are they at least working with him even though it's not being reinforced at home? It's imperative for these kids to have consistency...we work with the school to ensure that what they do there is also followed at home.

Are there any adults willing to help him? He is not going to get it from home, obviously, but is there anyone willing to take the time to be a role model and set some structure in these childrens lives? It just makes me so mad.

It may sound weird Escapee, but I have been thinking of your cousins a lot over the weekend. I have been praying for them. (hope that doesn't offend you) These children are probably very smart and can do so much with their intelligence, but it's going to be wasted.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 4:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Zmom, my cousin is just back from out of town. She got my email and said she will be contacting you. I hope she can help! Feel free to ask her anything, she has probably btdt. And like I said, he is a great kid. My kids didn't even realize that there was anything 'wrong' with him till he started this boarding school. Just thought he was a little quirky.

Zachsmom
Member

07-13-2000

Monday, November 14, 2005 - 4:48 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
Thanks Texannie! Yes these kids a "quirky" but that's what makes them so damn cute and special :-)

Unless you spend time with Zachary you really can't tell either, at least I don't think you can..lol.

I do get the 'you're a bad parent' look from people in the market when Zachary decides to pitch a fit and kick down a display or runs off in the store when he doesn't get his way...but those people can just bite me.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 2:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Hell, I got those looks when my 'normal' kids would try to throw tantrums.

Escapee
Member

06-15-2004

Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 7:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Escapee a private message Print Post    
I think it's just a private school. We pray for those boys too. It's a strange family. The parents whole world revolves around their boys and what their boys are doing and what vacations they are all taking, but yet, the boys are completely ignored.
My great aunt is very wealthy, very classy, has very very nice things, everything in her home is top of the line. Must be nice, right? She has two grandsons the same age as these cousins of mine. Her grandsons are the most well behaved, mature, and polite boys you could ever hope to meet. So she wasn't really aware of what boys can be like. My aunt went to visit great aunt with her boys at my great aunts home. The boys had never been there before and great aunt hadn't seen them since they were tiny. My aunt and uncle ignored the boys who preceeded to get into every drawer, every cupboard, climb on her sofas, put their feet on her table, wander from room to room, and their parents, who couldn't stop talking about what their boys were doing in school, what they were doing in karate, their problems with the older, never said a word to the boys who were all the while rummaging through my great aunts home. To say the least, great aunt was in shock.

Part of the problem is the church my aunt and uncle attend. I wont say which, I don't want to offend anyone. A lot of the children there are allowed to act out as they please, and it isn't deemed unacceptable. Of course, none as severe as my cousins.