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Is six years old too old to go in opp...

The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Sep. ~ Nov.: Parenting Place: Is six years old too old to go in opposite sex bathrooms? users admin

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Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 4:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
In a suburb here, a six year old boy was sexually assaulted in a YMCA bathroom. (might have been a locker room as the kid was going swimming).

One question posed was where was the mom? She was waiting outside of the bathroom for him. Apparently there is a rule that kids age 6 and up are not allowed in opposite sex bathrooms.

I personally think that is ridiculous. And rule or not, I would insist that he come in the ladies room with me, as opposed to go in a mens room himself.

What do you all think?

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 5:30 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
I think that is up to the mothers own comfort level. I cant remember now how hold my son was when he went into the mens room by himself but I think it was around six or seven. It stopped when he complained about having to go into the ladies room with me but I gave him big warnings about if anyone even said hello, he was to zip it up and run out to me.

Texannie
Member

07-16-2001

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 5:36 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
Yep, same as Maris.

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 8:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Same here, almost word for word about zipping up and running out if he was talked to or approached. And silly as it sounds, I set a time limit. When you tell you're boy he has X amount of time to go in and come out, you'd be amazed how quickly they do their business and leave.

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 8:38 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
I have to confess - -my DS is 10 (and almost as big as I am), but when we were in Dallas last week and going through airports, that boy was IN the ladies' room. We'd use side by side stalls but there was NO WAY in Hell I was allowing him into any restroom alone. He doesn't complain, and I didn't get any weird looks from the other ladies. I think they all understand how much we have to protect our kids. It's a bit different when we're at "home" (rural area, know almost everyone, etc.), but in a town of any size, I just won't allow it.

Serenity
Member

06-28-2005

Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 6:15 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Serenity a private message Print Post    
I'm glad this question was raised as well. I have DS6 and DS3. If they both have to go, everyone comes into the ladies room with me. If it is DS6, then I wait outside the door for him (if I know that it is a bathroom that is not that busy). If I were in an airport - he would come into the ladies...for his own safety and my piece of mind. I suppose that a less busy washroom could still have predators, but I like to think I could at least hear him if he called for me. Similarly, if we are out and I have to go, he has to come into the ladies washroom and wait by the sinks.

Wargod - I like the idea of giving him a time limit. I'll be instituting that one!

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 12:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
Ok, how bout a twist on the question since I have a 6 year old daughter. When I let the kids go to the bathroom alone, it's like Serenity, smaller places it's ok, larger place, like the movies, mall, large department store where they have large bathrooms it's not ok.

It's not unusal for hubby to take the kids out alone. With our son I don't worry (and have to admit at 9 years old, if I felt I needed to I wouldn't have a problem dragging him into a womens bathroom if dad wasn't there to take him into the mens.) But I'm a little uncomfortable with him, when I'm not there, taking her into the mens bathroom. How old is too old for girls to go into mens bathrooms?

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 8:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Wow -- that's a totally different situation isn't it, War? Much easier to see "stuff" in a men's room. Don't have any idea how to answer that query (and thanking the good Lord I don't have any girls!)

Graceunderfyre
Member

01-22-2004

Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 9:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Graceunderfyre a private message Print Post    
I would make kids come in the same bathroom with me in an airport situation - that's a scary place - I mean I take my luggage in with me, why not the kids?

Having been under a rock for a little bit, I don't know the circumstances with the YMCA incident. In that situation, I think I'd let me kid go to the bathroom on their own while I waited with a zip up rule like the rest. However, if it's the lockerroom - I'm pretty sure that most Y's I've been in have a family changing area where you can take your kids with you no matter the age. Not all, but most do - and I wouldn't go to one that didn't have one. That goes for any type of gym/pool where changing rooms are involved.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 6:56 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
I think it was the Y in the Evanston area (tho I think it was one of the suburbs that starts with a W.) The Y director said they were going to look into making a family changing area.

Personally, boy or girl, looks or no looks, I would take my child with me or my dh until I felt comfortable enough that the kid could handle him/herself in a scary situation. (Maybe age 8.) Maybe sooner. But for now, I will always escort my son. Unless I know for sure-no doubt about it that there is no one at all in the mens room...

So many people say the airport bathroom is a scary place, but (sad to say) preditors hang out in more places than just airports.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:12 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
Wow interesting scenario War. I have to say that when I was a kid I had never ever been in the mens room. My dad always sent me to the ladies room and waited outside and I knew to yell or something if something was wrong.

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Secretsmile a private message Print Post    
While recently traveling by car on a PA Turnpike, I was surprised and thrilled to see a special place for Parents with small children. This rest stop had two large portions set aside, not for "ladies" or "men" but for parents. I being a snoop, peaked in. They were two large stalls with a regular height toilet, a close to the floor and smaller seat toilet, a fold down seat with seat belt, (I'm assuming to hold a toddler from crawling under the door while mom is busy.) and a permanent infant changing table with straps, it also had it's own sink.

To be honest, my first thought was jealousy, since having 3 children within 3 years I would have paid money to have that available to me so many years ago. My second thought was, how wonderful that this area isn't attached to a ladies room or men's room so that it could be utilized by either parent. I was so impressed with this set up that I called my husband to peak in also. LOL!

Now, here's a question, how can we encourage this set up in ALL public restroom areas?

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:35 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Give the public restrooms lots of extra money!

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Actually there are more and more of those popping up. Just about all the malls I go to have them. The tiny toilets are so cute!

Secretsmile
Member

08-19-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:41 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Secretsmile a private message Print Post    
We shouldn't have to give anyone extra money, these venues make money by appealing to certain demographics. I know that when my children were young I'd have gone to a store that had that option vs one that didn't.

Kaili
Member

08-31-2000

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 7:48 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Kaili a private message Print Post    
Lots of stores have a mens, womens, and a single "family" restroom. The YMCA (the new one anyway) also has a family room in addition to the mens and women's locker rooms. It's a small double room with a bathroom in the back and even a shower and bathing suit rinser thing to the side.

Julieboo
Member

02-05-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 9:26 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Julieboo a private message Print Post    
Here is a theory I came up with. Tell me if you agree or not...
Maybe a kid is old enough to go to a bathroom by him/herself when you do not insist on holding his/her hand in a busy parking lot or street.

What age did you guys stop holding your kids' hands when in a busy parking lot/street?

Maris
Member

03-28-2002

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 9:36 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Maris a private message Print Post    
are you kidding, he is 13 now and I still grab his arm crossing streets in the city.

Mocha
Member

08-12-2001

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 9:40 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Mocha a private message Print Post    
My youngest is 12 and allows me to hold his hand, my oldest is 14 and wouldn't be caught dead holding my hand in public.

Jimmer
Member

08-30-2000

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 11:39 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I agree that it's a difficult situation as a Dad with two little girls. We haven't discussed one of the key differences between guys and girls and I doubt that they are aware of it. That's where having a little brother or cousin would come in handy.

Men's washrooms are a lot less private than women's are and I'd rather not get into an explanation of how urinals work at this point.

It's no problem when their Mom is with them, but if I happen to go out with them by myself it can be difficult. Suggestions?

Teachmichigan
Member

07-22-2001

Friday, July 01, 2005 - 6:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Teachmichigan a private message Print Post    
Could you "peek in" first, Jimmer, to see if anyone else was in there? Aren't there always stalls available -- once they're in there, they can't see anything, and you could keep an 'eye' out for when it was safe to step up to the sinks. Of course, if this is in a very busy place (like a stadium, mall, etc.), this idea may not work at all -- but most malls have family restrooms now.

Let us know how you resolve this -- I'm interested to see what you come up with.

Deesandy
Member

08-12-2003

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 - 7:31 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Deesandy a private message Print Post    
If I thought it would keep him safe I would be having him with me at any age!

Zachsmom
Moderator

07-13-2000

Friday, July 08, 2005 - 1:11 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Zachsmom a private message Print Post    
My son is going on 7 and he is not at the maturity level for me to leave him alone in the bathroom.

I have a problem with him asking if it's 'me' in the next stall.

One time my son asked "Mommy, is that you next to me doing the stinky poop?" , "No honey, I am holding your door" I was so embarrassed.

My son will come with me until I feel it safe for him and I feel it's safe for the restroom.

I have no problem with girl going in the mens with their father, or even a man coming into the womens with their small daughters (women have more privacy, we do not use urinals or toliets openly), I think it depends on how you believe the girls would react. Are they aware of the differences in men and women? If not, it's probably not a good idea to teach them in the mens room. If they are aware I do not see a problem with bringing them in, but I do think it is polite to call into the mens room to make sure it's okay with the men using the facilities to bring your daughters in. Some men might have a problem with your daughters seeing them urinate.

I do not think that we should be more afraid of mens rooms than womens rooms. Children on molested by both sexes.

Happymom
Member

01-20-2003

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 - 12:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Happymom a private message Print Post    
I feel much safer having kids in the women's room by themselves than in the men's room by themselves. Most predators are men. I also don't want my daughters going into the women's room by themselves unless my husband or myself is keeping a close watch to make sure a man doesn't go into the women's room. If it is someplace like a mall, I go in with my 8 and 11 year olds. My 14 year old can go by herself to certain bathrooms in the mall if I am close by. If she is at the mall with her friends, she is not allowed to go anywhere without at least one friend. She has had her blackbelt in TaeKwonDo for 3 years. Depending on the place, I will have her take my younger two daughters into restrooms. In certain restaurants, I will allow my 11 year old to go to the restroom by herself if the door is in view and I have either checked it out first or we've been there long enough to see who's been in and out of there.

I laughed about the crossing the street! The first thing I thought was about a field trip in San Francisco with 7th and 8th graders, busy downtown traffic and the kids in groups being told sternly by their teacher that he hadn't seen anyone (in 2 or 3 small groups) look before they crossed the street. Then I saw Maris had posted about her son!

Wargod
Moderator

07-16-2001

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 - 2:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Wargod a private message Print Post    
LOL about the street crossing. We live in a fairly quiet neighborhood except for one little thing. We're right between two very busy streets, and to avoid the light at one corner, people will cut through the neighborhood. Most of them don't realize we are residential (or at least don't seem to realize it) and that we have no sidewalks so the kids will play in driveways and out in the street when riding bikes or playing ball. Because of that though, I always walk them across the street and someone from over there will walk them back when they're through playing.

This past weekend Darren took Dakota to the movies alone. Before it started she wanted to run to the bathroom and he said he was ready to call into the mens bathroom and alert them a little girl was coming in and was prepared to cover her eyes when he ran into one of his teenage nieces. So he lucked out and niece took Kota potty. But, it got me to thinking, in 6 years this has barely been a problem (him taking her into a mens bathroom) yet with Caleb at 9, I am constantly put in the situation that I either have to drag him to the womens or worry about him going to the mens room alone.

Bubbakitty
Member

01-29-2005

Friday, August 26, 2005 - 11:01 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Bubbakitty a private message Print Post    
As a woman I have no problem with any young boy being in the women's restroom with their mother or other female adult. What I do have a problem with is kids [male and female] peeking through the cracks or under the door just to do it. I also have a problem with any child just hanging around outside the stalls waiting for the adult, even if they are not peeking or causing problems. It'd be so easy for somebody to lure them away. A good idea for any child going to the restroom with you in a crowded area. Let the child go into the stall first and tell him or her they are NOT allowed to open the stall door until you are finished and come to their door.

Deesandy
Member

08-12-2003

Monday, August 29, 2005 - 8:27 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Deesandy a private message Print Post    
I would rather feel a little uncomfortable than let anything happen to my child.

My husband takes our daughter into the men's room when necessary.

The world is not safe.

Native_texan
Member

08-24-2004

Monday, September 19, 2005 - 7:30 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Native_texan a private message Print Post    
In today's world, that really is a big decision. Even standing outside is no guarantee. A while back a little boy was murdered in a restroom while the parent waited outside.

It depends a lot on the child's maturity and personality. Even as an infant, Travis never met a stranger and I was so worried about him being lured away. His dad and I had to very graphically pound into his head what can happen to kids. When he started going into the men's room by himself, I would give him sufficient time to take care of business and then I would either have an employee check on him for me or go in myself. He is 11 years old now and depending on where we are, I have made him stand just inside the women's room door to wait on me.

Metoo
Member

02-22-2005

Monday, September 19, 2005 - 8:07 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Metoo a private message Print Post    
I wanted to pop in and say that some businesses are realizing changes do need to be made for the children's safety. In the public library where I work, the children's room is on a separate floor and the bathrooms are kept locked with a sign posted to ask the librarian to unlock. I do not see this as an inconvience (stopping what I am doing to unlock and lock back when they come out) but as a safety precaution. Mothers have told me because the bathroom is locked they do let their younger boys go in by themselves. Also I must add that only parents and their children can use these bathrooms. Adults without children must use the bathrooms on another floor - no exceptions.

Llkoolaid
Member

08-01-2001

Thursday, October 27, 2005 - 8:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Llkoolaid a private message Print Post    
When my son was younger but felt to old to come into the ladies room with me, if they did not have a family bathroom I would always ask for a male staff member to take him in. Never was I refused. When he got a bit older I gave him a time limit and he always made it out in time cause he knew that mom would have absolutely no problem coming crashing through the door, and yes I have opened the door after one minute and yelled for him. So I got odd looks, who cares, and yeah I probably embarassed him a time or two, but he is 27 years old now, he forgets, if he doesn't too bad.