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The TVClubHouse: General Discussions ARCHIVES: 2005 Jun. ~ Aug.: BREAKING TVCH NEWS users admin

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Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Friday, August 19, 2005 - 2:06 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Animals in Revolt


August 19, 2005 1:45PM

By Wolf Blitzkrieg

Clubville, WWW (TNB) - The TVCH board administrator has just confirmed that a group of militant animals have staged a coup d'claw and captured a section of the TVCH board.

The radical animals are reportedly led by “Major” Rabbit, an until now board moderator, who used his administrative security access to grab control of a section of the TVCH board located just south of the TVCH General Discussion threads.

Board Administrator Karuuna has vowed to retake control of the full board and was quoted as saying “When I get my hands on that fluffy furball, it will be time out for a week, and he gets no whipped cream on his carrot split sundaes for a month. These extremists act just like animals I tell you. They must be stopped!”

Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Saturday, August 20, 2005 - 1:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
War Against Animal Extremists Begins Badly


August 20, 2005

By R. Novak Jr.

Clubville, WWW (TBN) - The battle to retake the “liberated” section of the TVCH board back from the rebellious animals has met one set back after another.

In an emergency briefing a visibly shaken, TVCH Board Administrator Karuuna detailed the latest setbacks. Several attempts by board moderators were made to reenter the lost territory but each attempt was repulsed when Rabbit would roll over on his back exposing his cuddly furry belly. When the moderator would bend to rub said belly the attack dog Killer would jump out and bite them in the tush.

Unable to devise any method of overcoming this devious defensive tactic on their own the TVCH has hired a world famous mercenary army, E Fudd and Associates and granted a logistical support contract to Halliburton Inc. Administrator Karuuna was quoted as stating, “I am extremely confident that we have hired the right team of professionals to rid ourselves of this four legged scourge once and for all.”

Meanwhile, Karuuna denied rumors that the animals had acquired WMDs stating that her BIA (Board Intelligence Agency) secret undercover operative “Spygirl”, address Members Room O-S, assures her that it is a slam dunk that the Animals don’t have WMDs and wouldn’t know how to use them even if they did.

Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Sunday, August 21, 2005 - 3:34 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
TVCH News Investigative Report


Who are the four legged Insurgents and what do they want?


August 21, 2005

Clubville, WWW (TBN) - TVCH Investigative reporter Harealdo Guevara has compiled this information on the rebel animals that have seized and to this point successfully held a major section of the TVCH board.

The animals have declared their space to be a sovereign board within TVCH and have named it Animal Farm. They have sworn to keep and defend their new homeland at any cost up to the maximum limit of Lancecrossfires confiscated credit card. The animals say they are politically animalists, practice the religion of Rabballism, but despite their insistence of sovereign independence they still acknowledge Neil as the founder, and HRH Fruitbat (Major Rabbit’s mum) as the symbolic head of state. The Animal’s Minister of Information Snowball provided us with the foundations of Animalism

1. Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
3. No animal shall wear clothes.
4. No animal shall sleep in a bed.
5. No animal shall drink alcohol.
6. No animal shall kill any other animal.
7. All animals are equal.

The leaders of the Farm call themselves Animoderators. We have identified several of the Animoderators.

Major Rabbit, The charismatic leader of the rabbilution. Rabbit is described as strong, handsome, virile, noble, witty, intelligent, mysterious, sensual, robust, fair, kind, determined, decisive, gentle, gallant, powerful, cuddly, modest and humble.

The other known animoderators are the attack dogs Killer and Maximus, The reportedly ambitious pig Napoleon, Napolean’s pig friend Squealer who is the assistant minister of information, Boxer a strong faithful horse and a currently unidentified grumpy old goat.

Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Monday, August 22, 2005 - 3:07 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Oh The Humanity !
Animals Rout TVCH’s Hired Army


August 22, 2005

By Herb Morrison

Clubville, WWW (TBN) - TVCH News has learned that TVCH’s hired mercenaries were thoroughly routed by Major Rabbit and his Animoderators.

The first wave of assault troops deployed by E Fudd and Associates all came back with their faces blackened by what appeared to be wounds from improvised exploding cigars.

A commando unit came back walking like human accordions and were all diagnosed as suffering from ADGP syndrome (acute dropping on by grand piano).

Company founder E Fudd who led the last charge was found dazed and incoherent, it has not been disclosed what wound he suffered but he walks very upright and gingerly and makes the sound of a bagpipe with each step he takes.

Before any future offensive could be planned the Animals made a small symbolic demonstration that they have indeed acquired WMDs and know how to use them.

The excruciating discomforting WMD (Worms, Mange and Distemper) was deployed on TVCH Technical Board Administrator Drahied who was last seen dragging his butt across the carpet.

Faced with the prospect of having to see countless itching butt dragging board members Board Administrator Karuuna says, “We have no choice but to sue for peace.”


Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 - 7:24 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
Peace At Last
Animals and TVCH sign Coexistence Treaty


August 24, 2005

By Julie Chenn

Clubville, WWW (TBN) - Animals open Animal Farm border to tourism.

At a joint press conference, TVCH Board Administrator Karuuna and Animal Farm First Party Secretary Rabbit announced the signing of a mutual coexistence treaty and the opening of borders for cross linking and tourism.

In a separate news conference newly promoted Animal Farm Minister of Information Squealer reiterated that despite their newly achieved status, that they have remained humble and still hold true to the founding principals of Animalism:


1. Whatever goes upon two legs is a potential customer.
2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
3. No animal shall wear outdated or shabby clothes.
4. No animal shall sleep in a short sheeted bed.
5. No animal shall drink cheap whiskey.
6. No animal shall kill any other animal.
7. All animals are equal though some animals are more equal than others.

Tvch_reporter
Member

08-19-2005

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 - 9:08 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post    
TVCH Department of State Issues Travel Advisory


August 24, 2005

By G. Orwell

Clubville, WWW - The TVCH State Department has issued an advisory warning to all TVCH members who wish to visit the Animals Communal Republic Of Animal Farm as follows:

Though by treaty no additional "visa" is required for a TVCH member to visit Animal Farm, tourists should be prepared for many strange customs and be aware that Animal Farm will not be to everyone’s liking.

Don’t go to Animal Farm unless you have a bit of thick skin. The Animoderators there are very lenient towards playful name calling and nicknames towards TV show contestants (but never say anything bad about Ophelia the pig or you’ll get mauled.) If comments critical to your favorite show contestant bother you, Animal Farm is not for you, stay in TVCH proper.

The Animals are off put by “True Haters” or someone who is “Too Glenn Close” as they call them. People who get into a TV show too seriously, and develop a raging hate for one name TV reality show contestants. They are perceived as having bad karma and will be asked to take it to the main board where they will be better assisted in controlling their emotions.

The Animoderators have very low tolerance towards member to member bickering, nonplayful snipping at moderators or animoderators, a general party pooper demeanor or other petty foolishness that they feel interferes with their intentional foolishness. Animoderators tend to playfully warn when you start to cross a line. Despite their playful nature you should heed their warnings because if you resist their directions they’ll just send you back to the main board as they won’t bother trying to deal with people who won’t cooperate. Animal farm is not for everyone and requires greater self control as the animoderators won’t spend the time the TVCH moderators will with members who seem to consistently not “get it”.

Animoderators are playful and involved. If frequent direct interaction with authority figures is unsettling to you Animal Farm is not for you.

Animal Farm may at first appear to be cliquish because there are many members that have known each other for years, thus many ongoing jokes, but Party Secretary Rabbit is very adamant that new people be welcomed in, to make it a huge inclusive ever growing clique.

Animal Farm may seem a bit more culturally male than TVCH proper. That is the nature of the beast and the dynamics of who the first secretary is. If you see members trash talking each other with no reprimand issued, bet the farm that they are probably known friends interacting in banter.

Don’t believe Rabbit if he tries to tell you he has been fixed.

Enjoy your visit to Animal Farm but don’t get any bad habits ingrained. What flies in Animal Farm may not fly here.